#The spouse says I'm not funny

[duskkodesh]

Morbius text posts part 2: Electric Boogaloo

And my personal fave

[rollforjackass]

kinda hoping that they resolve things between aziraphale and crowley like. halfway through season 3 so the rest of it is just them being giddily, Insufferably newylwed

[pocketramblr]

fae court but it's a legal court, changelings are fae they leave in place of human jurors during the trial because it's the best way to prevent the trial from just becoming a bunch of fairies trying to one up the best bargain for their vote with the accused

[bugghutt]

Reblogs for reach appreciated

[happyvalkyrieofdoom]

holy fuck, I've just remembered one of the most disgusting things I've ever heard??

So one day a couple of years ago I was supposed to meet my dad because he was then supposed to give me a lift to this one place, and when I went into the cafe he was in he was talking with a couple of men who were either his friends or friends of his friend who was also there. anyway.

Before we left the place my dad went to the bathroom and left me there with those men for a couple of minutes. I was doing something on my phone while they carried on with their conversation. They were talking about this one guy's wife and how she sucks at doing blowjobs because of her teeth and I shit you not, they started joking and laughing that maybe her husband should just punch all her teeth out so she would do a better job :) i clearly remember one of the guys making a punching motion in the air and how that made other guys laugh. meanwhile I was still sitting there right next to them and doing stuff on my phone like 😶

[maddy-ferguson]

every time i see the word malewife my life expectancy decreases

[liebelesbe]

why do teachers love to cheat on their spouses with other teachers. or was that just our school

[thesirencult]

How Will Your FS See You ?

1--2

*****************************************

Pile 1

I'm seeing a vision. A girl is gathering flowers and playing in the sun between trees. At the same time, a man is looking at her like she is his whole world.

What this tells me is that there is a very clear distinction between you and your future spouse's energies. Your FS is definitely more masculine (no matter their gender) and you are more feminine.

This person sees you as a ray of light. You are dainty like a flower and sweet like honey. I'm hearing the word "yellow" 💛. Whenever they are looking at you, you are draped in golden light.

Now, what makes me sad is that you don't see yourself that way. Your person knows that you are picking yourself apart and they hate it.

You are a shiny little star to them. Some words they might call you are : my little star, pooh bear, sweetheart, honey, sweetie, cutie. They believe you are the sweetest, loveliest, most sincere person on planet earth. You believe that you do not deserve love or that you are not that important but they are seeing "You are important. You are as important as the air I breathe. You are necessary to my survival."

Like the sun is the centre of our universe, you are the centre of their universe. Your FS is very affectionate with you. I'm seeing someone kissing the fingers of someone else and breathing in their scent from their neck/hair. First and foremost they find you sweet and cute. Like, to them, intimacy doesn't mean mindless physical connection but love making. They love your hands and your nose.

They adore your expressions and they find certain quirks you have cute. As an example, when you feel tired and puff air out or if you tag on their hand and look up at them.

This person might be bigger than you and they just want to protect and serve you. I believe that they want to set boundaries between you and the world. They want to hold up a mirror for you and help you see your own light.

Whenever you are sad they want to make you smile.

I believe that you and your FS are going to be really close. This is not a normal bond. To others it might not seem healthy, they way that you are attached to eachother, but for you it's perfect...

Pile 2

Your FS sees you as their dream person, not in a childish way but in a mature way. You are what they need not what they wanted.

This person has had lots of experiences when it comes to love. When they meet you they will be going through a "winter" moment, life will have lost its spark. You might be born in March, cause you are going to wash away the snow and help them see the bright side of life again.

This will not be easy. Your FS will see you as their wish fulfillment, but at moments they will be wondering whether God or the d*vil sent you. You will be triggering their old wounds and stagnant energy.

This person will be very caring towards you. They will constantly remind you to take your vitamins and drink enough water. They will tease you about your height or nose just to get to your nerves.

I'm hearing "They are so draining!". Now, this is really funny cause I heard it in a teasing way, like you are at the next room and they are telling your mom you are a pain in the butt when in reality they love your quirks.

They will be constantly worrying about your well-being lol. They will get mad when you are not taking care of yourself and they will be trying to guilt trip you into doing things that are good for yourself.

Let's say you are really shy and don't want to go to the beach but they want to go and you have a dog that loves the water. They will be telling you "See, the dog is broken hearted. You are not a really good dog mom/dad."

This person will think you are sneaky. They will love the sparkle your eyes have as you have a very "active" inner child.

I believe you don't show that side to others that often and no one will believe what they have witnessed. You could have made a crazy food combination or they found you teaching the dog muay thai, to them you can NEVER be boring. It's like, what is she up to, AGAIN?

I also get that you might give them the "puppy eyes" when you get caught doing something you're not supposed to be doing (ex. cheating on your diet) or playing all coy and sweet and they love that!

[hiraya-rawr]

Alhaitham having a fiancé/e but no one believing him until the very last minute. . .

It should have been obvious to everyone, really. It's not like he tries to hide it. He never works overtime and his weekends are always busy. He's honest about it too! The only problem is. . . everyone just assumes it's his sarcasm.

"Your excuse to call me on a weekend better be valid." Alhaitham crosses his arms, eyes throwing daggers at the committee group who begged to meet him for an urgent consultation.

"Acting Grand Sage! What could be more urgent than pursuing knowledge?"

"Spending a nice weekend with the love of my life, perhaps." He rolls his eyes.

"Oh please, now let's continue with the meeting."

~

"I never knew Alhaitham is so partial to buying trendy desserts."

"Obviously, it's for my darling spouse."

"Haha very funny."

~

"What do you mean you're leaving before we start filing these works?"

"A little birdie wants me home before dinner."

"Ugh. You could just say you didn't want to help."

~

Yes, it's his sarcasm but it's also the truth. People just seem to scoff at the idea, maybe even laugh, because who could stand to be with such a blunt and sassy guy? You, apparently.

"Acting Grand Sage. . . what is this?"

"A wedding invite."

"Yes but. . . why does it have your name on it?"

"Obviously because I'm getting married."

Someone chokes on air. Married? Him? Alhaitham the crude??

"Since when??"

"Since always? I mentioned it last week that I was planning it."

"I thought you only said that to skip overtime!"

[u3pxx]

💛🕊️ Five times Aziraphale gave Crowley a gift plus one time Crowley gave a gift in return.

DID YOU KNOW THAT @contritecactite, once again, wrote a VERY GOOD fic about my bad omens spouses??? and it's so wonderfully GOOD???!?!?!!

anywhooo, a very big special thanks again to elle for writing this! it's been just a real treat talking to them and the klapollomb gomens s2 support group about bad omens 🥺 i'm really, really thankful that y'all decided to indulge me and my freakingg swap au wheezes <33

i'm gonna cut myself off here and ramble more under keep reading :0]

like these drawings? they're prints, here! | like what i do? support me on ko-fi!

seeing this get written was an experience! one of the things keeping me alive during prelim exams LOL if i remember correctly, this kind of started bc i was curious if bomens zira would actually have, i guess, a real demon equivalent the way shax (stork), beelzebub (fly), and furfur (deer) do. so i looked up the words 'crow demon' and whaddya know!

a crow demon!! and what's that? "cause Love"?

what a perfect fit for demon!aziraphale! and really, i was only messing around the first time i had the idea of "haha lol wouldn't it be funny if demon aziraphale was a crow", and then bam! all of it started to, surprisingly, fit well together pfttt (special thanks to bepo for being the one to piece it all together wheezes <33) (also, just really thank you all for bouncing ideas with me, it really does make me happy dfgdhjd <3333)

and then elle wrote a little snippet at first (IIRC) and then he just feakign!!!!!!! WOAGH!!!!!!! just, tasty delicious words, a fic that made me kick my feet like i was a schoolgirl while reading the whole thing ASKSKS <333

i'm really happy with all the spot art i drew for this! wanted it to look very uhhh, i wouldn't say storybook, but watercolor illustrations were definitely a huge inspiration! i wanted them to feel as nice and cozy as YOU would feel while reading elle's fic <3

i do gotta thank elle again for making these two fem-presenting when they were at the dowlings' bc then i get to draw butch gardener crowley. do you know how much that means to me? do you know do you do y do you know how m how much that how m b butches butches butches .

and a little bonus, one where crowley did not want to pose for the painting PFTT

i am once again putting the link here if you've scrolled this far down without reading it yet, go! go! go!!! IT'S SO GOOD!!!! <3333

[sweet-honey-fruit]

I always find it funny when people say "Childe would cheat on y/n" as if being loyal isn't one of his major character traits. Loyal to the Tsaritsa, and even more so to his family. Imagine how loyal he would be to his spouse. I'm sure he laughs at the thought of cheating cause it's such an absurd joke to him. Like he gave you vowels, he promised to be loyal to you and loyal he forever will be. He made that promise and that promise is in physical form, wrapped snuggly around your ring finger.

No, Childe is not a cheater. He's the most loyal son of a bitch out there. Go catch yourself a Tartaglia.

[11cupid-tarot11]

How would your future spouse treat you on your moon cycle? <3

I was having such bad cramps when this question suddenly hit me and I figured we'd all love to know, right? Even though I get very cranky and like to be alone during my time of the month hehe.

1 -> 2

3 -> 4

Pile 1- Wheel of fortune, queen of wands, queen of swords.

So this person will literally try to pamper you, whatever that may look like for you. I'm hearing they'll respect all of your boundaries and will grant all of your wishes, they're very supportive. I'm hearing they don't like seeing you in pain and they understand how uncomfortable this time frame is for you.

I think this person is naturally caring and easily can read human emotions and they're giving therapists vibes tbh like they could work in that field or maybe for some I'm picking up on massage therapists, this person just seems like they know humans enough like maybe they studied it or it could just means they've studied you so well they know what you need (I said 'want' at first but was directed to switch it to 'need'. Someone's fs here likes being in charge lol) . Either way, I think they'd love to be your massage therapist around this time. I'm hearing anything to make you feel good.

THEY WILL LITERALLY TREAT YOU LIKE A QUEEN, pamper you, spoil you.

I'm hearing for some, around your moon cycle you get mood swings maybe? Your entire energy changes enough for this person to catch on and they'll know before/when you're on your period because of this. Maybe you're usually very chill and calm and around this time you're just more cranky than usual like me lol and your person will try very hard to just make sure your okay and not taking their head off? Lol, the way your person talks is very funny, they're very funny and so so sweet!

I think this person will treat you so well simply because they love you, you're their baby and they respect you so much. You're literally their queen. They love you so so much 😍 they want me to leave this rose emoji for you 🌹 (I think they're very giving, it's just in their nature 😭)

Other messages- my sweet girl, lots of chocolate and warm towels, hugs and I'm picking up on those who would rather be left alone for moments at a time they understand, they'll check up on you occasionally and will still be very affectionate (u can't refuse their hugs I'm hearing no escape lol 🤣😭 they're very cute. I think they like compliments? They might blush and smile a lot?) The type to randomly kiss ur forehead or cheek when ur literally just ✨chillin✨ just because.

Let me know how it resonates in the comments below! Leave a suggestion for the next pick a pile!

Pile 2- Ace of swords, temperance, the fool and the hermit.

So I think this person actually doesn't know much about a women's cycle, I think for a specific few they're the only child or maybe they just didn't grow up around a lot of feminine energy so this just isn't their field but I'm hearing they'd try damn hard to make sure everything's okay!

They'd follow your lead on this, like they prefer to maybe watch you from afar during this time? Like sometimes they don't know if they should bother or if they could help at all so they'll probably just straight up ask if there's anything they can do. This person isn't immature about it, but they do feel a bit awkward during those days? (I'm actually dying at ur person, they hardly know how to describe anything?)

Okay, for example, say you're having very bad stomach cramps and you've been in bed all day complaining, they would probably let you stay in bed as long as you'd like and would peek their head in the doorway to silently check up on you because they don't know if they should disturb you or not.

I think they'd love it if you just told them or ask for anything you need, I think they'd rather you rest and use them as a servant 😜 (ur person wanted me to add that, they felt very serious until now? I'm dying) until you feel better, they'll try different approaches tho, I don't think it'll always be this awkward. I think when you two have been together for awhile they'll pick up. I think then they'd mix up their own home remedies, and their own strategies by now, they're not very specific on what this could be or what it could look like because I think this person doesn't really want you to know?

They really want you to feel cared for and like they're there for you as much as possible so they're constantly thinking of new ideas for you!

This is not an 18+ reading and take it how it resonates but I think a very selective few wouldn't mind having intercourse on their moon cycle? 👀

Let me know how it resonates in the comments below! Leave a suggestion for the next pick a pile!

Pile 3- Death, Ace of coins, The tower, Page of wands

This pile feels different, I was getting the energy of your person being shy and excited to have their turn for the reading 🤣 maybe this person isn't someone who you see romantically at first, could be a roommate a friend but you do know this person or they will come into your life at some point and you guys will have some kind of friendship from the start. It's giving secret admirer tho.

With the death card I'm thinking y'all could've just made it official, it feels like this is something new to them. Maybe it makes them feel a step closer to you? They think it's very cool you're trusting them enough at a time like this. They really value it.

I think they'll be the type to really go all in, ask you probably 20x a day "What do you need?" I saw that scene from Aladdin, when the genie is explaining how tired he is of being in the lamp and he's like "What do you need?Poof! What do you need? Poof!"

This person is trying to charm you and maybe show you they really care for you by doing this, I'm hearing 365 days a year they'll be like this tho, not only when you're on your moon cycle. I think they want you to be vulnerable with them or can't wait to see more vulnerable sides of you.

Let me know how it resonates in the comments below! Leave a suggestion for the next pick a pile!

Pile 4- The moon, Kight of coins, Temperance, Kight of swords.

My pile 4's energy is different, I think this person could be older than you? This person overall isn't someone who's very cuddly or could even be very hard to read so moments like these really show that side of them in their own way?

For example, say you ran out of pads but your stomach hurts too bad to go get them yourself, your person wouldn't be thrilled to shop in the women's section but for YOU they will, they'll go get your pads and make sure they're the right size and everything (I'm hearing he'll literally call you and ask what size he should get).

They're very serious when it comes to you, they have dedication and it shows in the oddest ways possible.

So for your time of the month they'd be very chill about, the other piles felt all jittery and nervous like they were scared to mess up but your person is smart, he'll break down those walls for you, if you just want to cuddle in bed they'll hold you as long as you like. I'm hearing they're actually kind of "softer" at the right times (I'm sorry I can't think of a better word right now)

You'll love how this person will treat you and your needs and I'm hearing symptoms as well, they're very comfortable and reliable. He's like your big giant teddy bear! 🧸

Let me know how it resonates in the comments below! Leave a suggestion for the next pick a pile!

[inconveniently-discorporated]

My heart hurts so bad for Aziraphale because I can honestly just relate to him so, so, so much.

(not putting this one under a cut so warning season 2 ahead, I'll tag it at the bottom too)

Aziraphale says, "Nothing lasts forever," but I don't believe for a second he doesn't wish that it did.

He WANTS things to go back to how they used to be. He WANTS the seraphic Crowley squealing with joy as he cranks up the universal machine and sets the stars aflame. He WANTS there to be no sides, he WANTS to believe in the idea of the host united, he WANTS to go back before Crowley got himself in trouble by asking questions. He wants, I think, to be in that moment of creation and adoration forever.

Change seems to frighten him. There's an aspect of uncertainty. There's an element of chaos, the loss of control. I understand this deeply. And what the Metatron offered him was just that: certainty, control, the ability to dictate his own narrative.

I used to be in a toxic job. On top of it, I had intense anxiety and other undiagnosed neurodivergencies that made it even harder to fit in and understand the untold rules I was supposed to follow to get along. When I first got there, it wasn't so bad -- perhaps I was, like Aziraphale, also a bit idealistic. Then there were some changes that brought instability, significant more anxiety, and a lot of nights spent agonizing over my lack of control over it all.

My friends and significant other tried to convince me to leave, but I didn't want to. I didn't know what else was out there. I didn't know if it would be worse. I didn't know what kind of stability it would have.

Then my manager left, so that spot opened up. I had worked there for a long time, and honestly, I never saw myself going into management. I didn't think I could. I wasn't sure I even wanted to. All of that extra stress, on me? Not to mention, getting FURTHER into the job that was taking a massive toll on me? But then...

Then I would have control. Then I could run things the way *I* had always thought they should run. I wouldn't need to worry about who would replace my manager and whether my life would be a living hell -- I would make it what I wanted it to be. Upper management was really pushing for it, so I applied.

To make a long story short: I don't think it went very well. I didn't have the support I needed. I didn't have the emotional skills I needed. I think I did my best, but I'm not fond of those times. At the time, I was SURE that I wanted to move up even more, I was SURE this would make it all better. I thought this was what I REALLY wanted.

But that's not what I needed. What I needed was to get out, and eventually I did. Even as ready as I was to leave, it was absolutely agonizing. I could barely stand to handle the unknown. I was going to work together with my spouse, actually, and I was so excited for that, but I still... I still was upset and worried sick over the dramatic change that would befall my life, after I had made the decision to leave.

That's where I can relate to Aziraphale. I wonder what would've happened if, before I had actually left for good, the head honchos had come up to me and said, "We want to keep you -- how about we offer you (an even higher position)?" -- would I have said no, or would I have wanted to make a difference?

Funny, I said exactly that, too. That's almost why I didn't change jobs in the first place. I said, "But I feel like I'm really making a difference with what I'm doing now." But what pushed me over the edge was realizing that none of that mattered to them, it was all about THEIR control of ME, not the other way around.

I'm so intensely curious to see what happens with Aziraphale next, but I'm sure he will learn what Crowley understands: nothing lasts forever, and sometimes it's good that it doesn't -- even if sometimes we wish it did.

[googiekitsch]

new kaz song. challenged myself to make the worst hyperpop track of all time like literally horrible garbage unlistenable shit and this is whati came up with. not even the sound effects are right it got fucked up in the mixing and now they all play wrong this song is genuinely unsalvageable. enjoy. album art by @4taro

LYRICS:

My oomfs are the best oomfs ever

My oomfs are the ones I'd never sever

I got a perc and its shaped like Waluigi

Met a they/them named Tooth one time (yeah)

My oomfs are the best oomfs ever

January, Feburary, March and December

Never smoked a ciggy but I can flip it like a tech deck (2x)

Met a girl at my show, she said her name was Beast (hi Beast)

Would it be funny if I put in a lyric about feet? (I don't know.)

I think Spongebob and Patrick, Squidward too, are stalking me (I'm Spongebob!)

Got kicked out of the studio I kept fartin on beat (DAMN)

Take Ohio away from me (FUCK)

I'm like if eminem was a neet (im not white though.)

I'm like he/him Mr. Beast

I know your dni says "no South Park Fans", but can I come in, PLEASE

My oomfs are the best oomfs ever

My oomfs are with me till forever

I name all my money after women

Can't stop naming my money after women

I sell guns to ants online, like, all the time, man, giving ants machine guns

It's fine cuz the guns are small and each bullet is the size of a pebble

I got a warrior cats oc named DickAss

And if you're a hater, shut up - I didn't ask

Saw your dad yesterday wearing a fucking stupid hat

HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHERE YOU WERE AT

Don't call me, don't come by my house,

Cuz you're stupid and you're ugly and you dress like a mouse

You will never find love, you will never find a spouse,

You don't talk, you just spout

uhhhhh fuck just put in some fuckin shit from that one anime lain here fuuuck umm

(And you don't seem to) Fuck with me

(And you don't seem to) Get it

Cuz you're a fuckin' local,

YOU'RE ONLY ON REDDIT

My oomfs are cool as fuck

My oomfs all have some swords

My oomfs, My oomfs,

My-my-my-my-my-my oomfs

My-my-my-m-m-m-m-m-my

We all hung out in a coffee shop called Poopy's

[delicate-cupcake]

Love Letter From Your Future Spouse

Hello everybody 🌹

Here is another PAC for you guys enjoy it my beautiful people.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath then choose your pile intuitively:)

Pile 1 ---- Pile 2 ---- Pile 3 ----

Pile 4 ---- Pile 5 ---- Pile 6

Pile 1

Hello m'lady

I love you because you actually put effort into me I love you because nobody has ever given me the love that you have given me and you are the only one that would ever love me this way. I love you because you always make me feel that I am worth something I love you because you have a nurturing nature and you take care of me because you made me smile when I almost forgot how to. I love you because you have a huge and honest heart. I love you and every little thing about you. I love you because you are simply you.

If nothing else I hope you know that I love you with everyone ounce of my being I hope you realise your importance not only to me but to everyone who has been lucky enough to know you I hope you know that when you are feeling down I pray for your happiness I hope you remember that no matter what I am here for you and I always will be I won't leave you I am in your life forever I am not going anywhere I hope you recognise the fact that I appreciate and adore you and that this will never change I love you unconditionally

Pile 2

Mi amor,

I love you enough to fight for you, compromise for you enough to miss you deeply no matter the length of time or how far apart we are enough to believe in our relationship to stand by your side to hold your hand through the ups and downs to have faith and strength in our relationship to never give up on you I love you enough to spend forever with you each day I fall more in love with you making me realise no amount of time is ever enough and even one day forever will run out but I have decided that will be fine because getting to love you is worth it And no babes I am not going to lose feelings no I am not going to find someone better no I am not going to cheat on you and no I am not going to leave you I have already made up my mind I want you and only you No one else because to me you are my kind of perfect.

Pile 2 I think you require a lot of reassurance. Don't worry. this person will always be ready to hear you and give you reassurance

Pile 3

My Honeybee 🐝,

I am going to love you I am going to love you in our weakest moment to our strongest ones. I'm going to love you when you are happy and I am going to still love you the most when you are sad. Don't you understand?  I am here and I am not going anywhere I want to love you each and every piece of you I want you with your imperfections as much as I want you for you and I am always going to want you and always going to be here loving you with my everything. Because I see it I see getting married , moving in together , cuddling on the couch , waking up to good morning kisses , having arguments , making up after , cooking our favourite food , smiling for no reason , annoying each other , when we are bored having the cutest little babies *not them trying to be funny*, watching them grow up and never leaving each other's side.

Pile 4

Love of my life ❤️,

My dreams came true when I met and fell in love with you what is even more amazing is that we are now building dreams together I cannot thank you enough for coming into my life and making it what it is today. We are perfectly in perfect I love how we are beautiful together and that we continue to help each other become stronger and better both as individuals and as a couple I learn everyday from you you are so genuine and courageous I admire and love so much about you and I can't wait to spend the rest of life with you. And trust me when I say that I did not just fall in love with your body yet your soul I fell in love with the way you look at me with your eyes full of joy the way you smile when you talk about animals that you adore the way that your hair flies in the wind like they have mind of their own the way that you walk the way you speak so politely and calmly the way you love unconditionally and without a request I fell in love with all your flaws so hard that no one could save me

Pile 5

Babes,

I wish I could explain in words how much I love you but I can't because there  aren't any words to describe the love I feel for you I miss you also but I am not going to let the distance keep me from loving you even if it's from afar I want you to know that I will always be there for you I will be your shoulder to lean on your distraction when you want to escape and everything else in between I know we have got a long road ahead of us but I am willing to stick it through. And I hope you are as willing too no matter the bad that has happened or will happen always remember that you are so special to me and have a special place in my heart ,  in my mind I don't know how you see our future but I am going to share my vision with you

We will go out on our own little adventures going places you have always wanted to go but of course we will come back home to see our family and friends whenever you'd like.  We will get married and have our first apartment together we will have all the adorable dogs and cats that you want under a reasonable number of course I will constantly be surprising  you with gifts and love and I will promise you everyday the same thing. One word. Forever

Pile 6

Baby,

I want you to understand that love was never meant to be easy people fight people make mistakes people walk out and then run back but when it comes to love there is no limit to what you do for one another to protect to provide to profess it's a lot harder to stay together then to fall apart, but for our love for one another being unconditional will make it worth every second But I want you to know and understand that at the end of the day I want it to be you and me I want your early mornings I want your late night I want you on your good days even more on your bad it is like I am yours the way the sea belongs to the moon the way the moon belongs to the sky and even if the jealous stars break and shatter upon the Milky way I will still see heaven in your eyes. *This is a poem written by Mark Anthony*

Thank you so much for reading this PAC. Please remember that this is only for entertainment purposes.

Masterlist : here

[silvershiningtarot]

PAC: Dirty (20+) and sexual letter from your future spouse❤️‍🔥

Disclaimer: 20+ mature. This is about a sexual letter from your FS. This is what they wanna say to you sexually. Or what they wanna say to you in the bedroom.

Pil1:

“Hey, Sexy… let me clear my throat for a minute. It's so sexy how your mentality touches my spirit. I will be getting the turn-on by your mentality. Yes, I'm a sapiosexual. The way you speak. I wanna fuck the brains out. A lot of my kinks will destroy you. I wanna put my fingers in your mouth. Juice! Mouth of yours. Damn! You are so fuccin sexy. Damn! Our angels bless us together. A lot of dirty thoughts going through my mind. I wanna tie you up in leather rope. So your skin has Wales. I mean fuccin Wales. Damnnnnn! You’re such a goddess. I ain't type man/girl or unicorn isn't gonna beg for you. Come to me why don't you? Give Daddy a 😘. Wait a minute? You are on the phone while I'm talking to you. Hmmm 🤔 how rude is that? Fuccin get on your knees right now. Don't fuccin look at me? I want you to stay on your knees for 30 minutes! I don't care if your knees start to hurt. Hush you! Tell me something about yourself, I want you to slowly turn me on. (groaning) You're sweet soft voice makes my knees weak. Mmmm, let me cumshot you in your mouth 👅 while I kiss you tasting my cum. You're a freak, baby. Me too, I bite you softly, while you mean underneath your sexy breath. You fucking like it when I put my big fingers in your hair and pull it softly. I'm the best you ever had! Ooh, touch my dick. I'll choke you hard while you gasp for air 💨. Breathe baby breathe. Look into my eyes while you gasp for air 💨 I can see in your eyes 👀 what you want. But I'm gonna let you go to bed soaking wet now. Hush, not another word. Be careful now you better sleep with one eye open.”

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Pil2

“My Empress, I'm going to be very gentle with you. I'm kind of guy/girl, and unicorn 🦄 I love to make love to you. I'm a dirty talker but I'm gentle. I'll try to behave myself. Can I touch you? May I lay up next to you? Am I am supposed to be in bed with you. I'm simp. I know it's funny how simpy people get made fun of. But I wanna mommy take care of me. Okay, let me tell you what I want you to do to me. I want you fucking slap me. Keep on slapping me until my face is red. Then spit in my mouth 👄. Do I like that? Fuck yeah, I do. It turns me on. I want you to dominate me. I'll shut the fuck up. Yes, Mommy. I've been a bad boy. I touch your stuff without your permission. Now what you wanna do to me? I'm trying so hard to behave myself but you pushing it. I'm about to pick your ass up and slam you on the bed. Yeah, I can see that sexy smile on your face… Mmm, oh you fucking like it when I talked to you that way. I've tried to make sure you behave yourself. Stop, you pissing me off! Lay on the bed, it's my turn. You’ve done enough. Turn over! I bend over and let slap that ass. Rough you up and down, while you scream 🙀 my name. We can give each other a code. Oh, momma, you're bleeding. Are you okay? Let me suck the blood off your lips 💋. I promise I won't hurt you. But don't worry I'll be gentle. Come lay on my lap.”

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Pil3

“I’ve wish upon a lifetime with you in it. Okay, no love talk here. So I’ve heard that you’re a freak ain’t you? Do I make you feel special? I better fucking do. I like what you wearing right now. Mmmm… is that Chanel perfume I'm smelling 👃. Smell so sweet on you. I can't lick that off you because that's poison. Sorry, I'm bad at dirty talking. So why don't you teach me? I'm a shy person. But I'll try to make you as wet as possible. Nah, just kidding already am. I'm soaking too from working out a lot. Wanna hop in the shower together? I wanna know what's your body like when it is wet. Push me against the wall, bite my neck. I want your teeth sink into my skin. Mmm. Yes, right there is the spot. Tell me how you want to be touched, soft or rough and hard. Because I'll do it both ways. Haha 😂. I'm sorry I'm a goofy ball. I wanna role-play with you. So how about you and I start fucking in the shower 🚿 and then let's take it to the bedroom floor. You have such beautiful breasts. Special those beautiful nipples. Damnnnn! That shift fucking beautiful. I love your body. I don't if you are big, small, or wide. You are still an Empress in my eyes. I know dirty talk. Can I tell you something I fell for you the moment I saw you?”