#There was a bisexual realization subplot

[teaboot]

I have to remind myself that my characters don't have to be tortured or dramatic to be interesting.

My first DND character was a balding, paunchy, post-middle-aged human man whose wife had just left him and whose kids had grown up and moved away.

He quit his menial job and decided to take up music, something he'd never been very good at that didn't pay the bills, and become a bard.

He was bad at it. Really, really bad. His instrument was shit and he'd never had any formal lessons. On top of that, he was pretty tone-deaf.

BUT. He could play very, very bad noises very, very loud.

On our first campaign, he was cornered by a sea dragon and had no weapons, but by making a loud, horrible noise, he was able to startle it badly enough to lose grasp of the boat.

After that, he used it to herd a small crowd of goblins into a trap by sounding far bigger and more numerous a foe.

He never got much better, but he did grow his confidence, and won the affection and respect of his companions, who grew to support him in ways nobody else had before.

I had to stop playing him for a while after that, but last I had him, he was developing an interest in color and flare and fashion that he'd never paid much attention to before.

He didn't lose weight, or grow his hair back, or magically become younger, but he felt brighter, lighter, like he had a new lease on life, like he had something to offer and maybe he deserved to have a bit of fun, now and then, with good company.

He began to wonder if that was what he was missing, before. If perhaps that was why his marriage had wasted away. A lack of drive, of hope, of pride and passion.

I don't know where he would have gone on from there. I don't know if I wanted him to reconnect with his kids, or his ex wife, or his home town. Part of me likes the idea of finding his own way- settling and becoming good friends with his ex, something platonic but warm and fond, and reaching out to his kids and being there for his grandkids and someday passing away bright and loud and loved of old age, asleep in his bed, to be celebrated after by the loudest funeral with the worst music played by the most awful musicians his community had to offer, loud and proud and full of good humor.

Maybe they'd throw a festival, after that. An annual one, with firecrackers and trumpets and clanging pots and pans to scare away the monsters like he did, the roaring hero who came into his own a little later than usual, but wondrously all the same.

A symbol to show that you don't have to bend and squish and contort yourself to fit the space you're in- you can find another space, one that's just your size, and exist there exactly as you are

[falsenote]

what is truly most joyful about this film is scenes like this. the constant gay teasing throughout the plot towards robert hossein's character hits at exactly where it should bc the source of the joke isn't the spectre of homosexuality itself but how much of a ridiculous terror he experiences each time. there are a few things to be said about this character, but it all comes down to his patriotic military persona he is trying to insist on desperately, being as much of a facade and hollow performance as his masculinity itself. it is such an absurd, hysterical dynamic when catherine spaak and tomas milian's characters spot this insecurity and annoy him about it just for the sake of it. bc spaak, to his knowledge, is supposed to be man but is really a woman all along (or is she), so when there is some sort of attraction building between them, she notices this and goes out of her way to create situations where he would have to address his attraction to her, believing himself to be gay since she is a boy, of course. these little scenes leave him so humiliated, and her, in control and amused at the situation, not bc how could he be so stupid he doesn't realize ~the truth (?), -since in this narrative we have to suspend our disbelief anyway and accept that catherine spaak is made to look in any way boyish in her appearance- but he is ridiculous bc he insists so much on a set way of seeing the world. bc her and milian's characters exist completely outside of this norm he is representing and they are the ones ridiculing *him* for clinging so much to it, it's like he's in the minority in the film's narrative. it is to be noted that when the final reveal happens and catherine spaak wears a dress instead of a uniform and tells him of being a woman and being in love w him as well, robert hossein keeps calling her as her 'boy name', theodore, even after their final kiss. it's not the person who has changed, from "man to woman" but only a dress was put on. there is also the fact to be noted here is that catherine spaak never once says, 'i will use this boy name as an alias bc circumstances demand it' she says, 'i am now theodore and i wish to be called that and be a man from now on'. it is completely insane.

^while on the note of clown behaviour and gay jokes, the tomas milian's subplot is practically that he also falls in love w catherine spaak (only bc she wears men's clothing which is so so funny and there really should be a fucking dissertation about clothes as a symbol in this film bc it is relatively so simple and yet says it all) and she does reveal to him that she is technically a woman which does not change his feelings (they said here's how bisexuality can still win) but when other, unaware characters question why he is in love w another man he simply does not correct them. why? because he is insane and also bc just as catherine spaak does w robert hossein, he literally just enjoys shocking ppl with the concept of homosexuality. and this is how you make a fun gay film.

[amageish]

I was clearing out my phone photo album for the new year and realized I have way too many screenshots of queer Dani stuff, so let's talk about it.

Danielle Moonstar and Rahne Sinclair are a duo who stand out to me, even among all the many "this is clearly meant to be gay" characters and pairings that populate the X-Men, because of how explicit it is? They are not the only Claremont women to call each other their "soul mate" or "soul-mate," but they are the ones still doing it into the modern day.

They have a psychic rapport with each other which is constantly used to advance the plot. The fact they specifically can find each other is important to their stories... Here, you can even see Warlock pondering the nature of their relationship, though whether he is speculating on them being gay "I know what you are"-style or still learning about the concept of love in general is up to interpretation.

They smooch! They hug! They cuddle!

They go on date-like activities together! Dani won her a teddy bear!

I feel like you could have them be a queerplatonic thing and/or a romantic gay gay homosexual gay thing - either works - but it feels kind of silly to me that we've hit 2024 and these two are still not officially life partners in some form...

... though I do feel like there's a third person worth mentioning here too.

When Kate Pryde ran out on Xuân Cao Mạnh, doing her signature move of "abandoning a Sapphic relationship right when it gets serious," Danielle Moonstar was the one who showed up to replace her... Literally. Xuân Cao Mạnh was getting her college diploma and Dani literally showed up to take her seat at her graduation.

Dani brings Xuân back to Xaiver's Academy, with her becoming one of the main teachers at the academy for that era. Rahne, at this point, was busy going through a "What if this Good Christian Girl... went BAD?!?!?" phase and the less spoken about that the better, but Xuân and Dani got to be the main duo for a bit.

Xuân was already an out lesbian by now, so there's a weird subplot where Dani meets a lesbian barista and tries to set Xuân up with her in a "I know two lesbians, therefore they should kiss" way.

It's weird, but feels relatively realistic as something for a closeted queer girl to do to her openly-gay BFF in the early 2000s... also the fact that Dani claims to be straight to Prodigy, bisexual icon who knows everyone's sexuality because of his superpowers, is very funny to me.

Xuân and Rahne don't really have much going on between each other specifically, but you can take this panel from the first issue of New Mutants out-of-context and make it look like they do... Like, this is gay werewolf culture in a way, right?

It also probably merits mentioning that, in the modern era again now, the Infinity Comic Karma in Love had a fake-out where Xuân thought that Dani was hooking up with her girlfriend, Ellie Diwa AKA Galura...

And in the latest New Mutant series, Karma, Galura, Dani, and Rahne are the leaders and have big dad energy... all four of them are the dads. I stand by this characterization.

ANYWAY. Point being. Dani and Rahne should be able to kiss on-panel on the lips by now and maybe Xuân and Elle can join from time to time too... They're cute. They're fun. They were explicitly gay in the movie. This one feels really overdue.

[aphelio-mara]

its actually so good to hear someone else out there is lying awake at night thinking. “omega earth has a valorant legion fan convention.” and “i wonder how many shitty movie productions exist in omega earth that completely ruin an agents character.”

like. imagine turning on the latest big hit movie about your life and saving the world and theres a horrible romance sideplot of you and your best friend. hilarious. mortifying. the rest of the legion doesnt let it go for months, until the next big scandal drops and focuses the attention onto the next poor soul

going absolutely insane to the point that i made a whole scenario based on this because YES YOU GET IT 🫵‼️

can you imagine phoenix getting promised a biopic in the aftermath of his heroism in aiding lisbon (pearl)

he's ecstatic; sage, omen, and jett are all supportive, save for the lighthearted teasing every once and a while by them and the others

the day of the premiere comes and he's bubbling on the red carpet, giving fist bumps and side hugs to his friends and colleagues that attended, the paparazzi going particularly crazy when he drapes his arm over yoru (he chalks it up as them being excited that yoru even came with his elusive persona)

the movie begins and phoenix is impressed. the plot flows well, it highlights aspects of his life and personality that's meaningful to him, and the acting is incredible! he doesn't even comment on the fact that every time movie him and movie yoru interact, the vibe of the scene changes in the smallest ways into something more...sentimental? oh, who cares, the movie is cool!

he doesn't even pay mind to the fact that when movie him was in peril, movie yoru had an entire scene of him rushing to the communication room, trying to reach him. he doesn't say anything when the end of the film comes near and they have a conversation with yoru hugging him. i mean, they're good friends beyond their public rivalry, he wishes that yoru actually hugged him during that time. this is such a nice homage to their friendsh—and they're kissing

phoenix feels heat rush up to his cheeks and ears as the tips of his hair flicker ever so slightly with sparks, turning immediately to yoru who's looking at him with the same unspoken "what the fuck"

jett is laughing her ass off and sage looks like a proud mother until her face falls when she realizes that the whole subplot probably isn't real and either 1.) phoenix and yoru's relationship just got outed or 2.) phoenix is Not Gay (the prior option sounds much more plausible to her)

the legion pr team has to physically stop phoenix from answering any interviews after the premiere. his face is plastered in the tabloids the very next day, the yorunix hashtag is trending everywhere, and thousands of dms are entering his social media accounts about how it's okay to be gay ("i know it's okay but are we gonna ignore the fact that they think i'm dating him???")

jett and sage are masters of deflection when asked about it, omen doesn't leave hq enough to be caught in an interview, and yoru himself is back to being too elusive for paparazzi to catch him...and poor phoenix is left to rethink his entire dynamic with one of his best friends

the rumors only die down after almost half a year of not entertaining questions about it, being ultimately overshadowed by another wave of seasonal "bisexual chamber" allegations (they are not allegations at all, chamber knows what he likes but god does he likes to see people speculate)

and hey, phoenix isn't mad anymore. it helped him discover a new part of himself, after all

not the being gay part though; it's the fact that he's probably helplessly in love with yoru and he has no fuckass clue what to do about that 💀

[unhelpfulfemme]

book ask: 3, 4, 12

I'M SORRY THIS IS SO LONG :( Anyway, this post was for my book ask, everyone else reading it feel free to join in!

3. What were your top five books of the year?

Hoo boy, if I were perfectly honest they would all be Lymond Chronicles books. Those books are PERFECT, they literally have everything I've ever wanted: operatic drama AND Ocean's 11-style competence porn AND meticulously researched historical battles AND a morally grey manipulative messy depraved bisexual protagonist who ends up breaking down into a puddle of mental health issues at several points AND really well-rounded strong female characters. However, for fairness's sake, I'm going to pretend that I can only put in one book in a series, so here goes:

Pawn in Frankincense by Dorothy Dunnett (Lymond Chronicles book 4/6) - I only read this at the beginning of the year and I've already reread it twice. It has all the content warnings, the lushest writing you'll ever see, and it will make you fall in love with it and then break your heart. Two bisexual Scottish noblemen, one of which is Depraved and the other one Repressed and Catholic, travel the Mediterranean in search of the bastard child of one of them, which is held hostage by a sadistic knight Hospitaller. They are accompanied by a maybe-sister of one of them (it's a mystery if they're related and how!!) and a perspicaceous fifteen-year-old girl who can't be convinced to leave even though everyone agrees it's inappropriate for her to be there. As everyone around them dies in increasingly gruesome ways and everything starts feeling like some kind of orientalist fever dream, they bicker constantly due to their shitty personalities and the mounting UST between several of them. The main draw of this series as a whole is that most of the characters are simultaneously manipulative cunning chessmasters and very mentally ill, and you are left wondering (alongside their friends and family) whether their current breakdown is part of some elaborate byzantine plot or if they're just genuinely losing their mind <3

Prince's Gambit by C.S. Pacat (Captive Prince book 2/3) - it maintains a laser-sharp focus on the characterizations and character dynamics (and the characters have many layers to unpeel) while rolling out a pretty twisty and well-constructed military/political plot in the background. Also full of lush, sensorial writing and sordid personal drama, just as I like it <3

The King's Shield by Sherwood Smith (Inda tetralogy book 3/4) - literally the emotional payoff of the previous two books, as this series follows a group of military school friends as they grow into their aristocratic roles and here they finally meet up after having spent a book and a half apart. Amazing nuanced and realistic exploration of how growing up in a very militaristic, macho, almost proto-fascist society impacts various types of personalities, amazing unique and detailed worldbuilding that makes you fall in love with the local culture (despite the almost-fascism), complex realpolitik, amazingly lovely and realistic depictions of healthy male friendships, a subplot about defending a castle from an invasion that's harrowingly historically realistic AND makes you realize the practical utilities of why the culture is The Way It Is. MORE PEOPLE SHOULD READ THIS SERIES IT HAS 8 FICS ON AO3 FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!

The Player of Games by Iain M. Banks (The Culture book 2/10) - wide-scope heavily left-leaning reflections on various properties of culture and society and its purpose and a very... literary fiction-esque approach to characterization, almost, smack in the middle of a book that hinges entirely on sociological storytelling. Very cool mix! And the plot is, just like I like it, filled with cool twists and moves within moves within moves, so it's not like you'll get suffocated by plotless philosophical considerations of the Evil of Imperialism - it's still a really exciting, fairly plotty book!

Memory by LoisMcMaster Bujold (Vorkosigan Saga book 10/16... I think? The numbering of these books is Complicated, okay?) - This is a series that's like 80% fast-paced madcap plotty fun but the characters feel like icebergs in that you get constant hints of the 70% that's below the surface. This book is a cut above the rest because it leverages the gradual buildup and reader goodwill accumulated over the previous 9 books and uses it to swerve into a character study of the protagonist, his flaws, how they were shaped by his environment, and his deeply-seated mid-life crisis while ALSO delivering a decently fun mystery plot.

4. Did you discover any new authors that you love this year?

Absolutely! Technically I discovered Dorothy Dunnett last year, since that's when I started my first read of Lymond, but I finished it this year and am on my second reread currently so I think it counts.

C.S. Pacat is another new favourite - he had Dunnett as a major influence but I feel like they're two very different beasts in many respects - Pacat's writing is less chaotic and more deliberate in its exploration of the characters' inner lives. Dunnett's characters feel like deranged children screaming in the back of the car (in the most deliberate and best possible way), while Pacat's feel like fine, carefully constructed clockwork. Dunnett also embeds her characterization in a sprawling complex plot that can be compared to something like Game of Thrones, Pacat leaves the plot in the background (although it's still complex enough!) and hones in on the character dynamics.

12. Any books that disappointed you?

I am gonna get shit from the Beloved Mutuals for this I think but I HATED The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison. I hated it so much, and I had heard so much hype about it before I read it. Like, I literally have a bunch of notes with evidence of it botching literally every aspect of writing/storytelling that I consider important, it's fascinating to me in how I am convinced of it doing literally everything wrong and yet it's so popular? Like I consider it worse than ACOTAR, and I was even thinking of writing up a long post dissecting what I consider are all its flaws, but so many people on here seem very attached to it and I wouldn't like to ruffle any feathers.

Honourable mention to The Secret History by Donna Tartt - technically I'd read it over 10 years ago but I remembered nothing from it so this year I did a reread because a person whose tastes I respect a lot heaped lavish praise on it. But I also hated it and thought it was a fake-deep book for people who like nonsense fake-deep Facebook quotes and Old Money Quiet Luxury (tm) aesthetic boards :S

[galzydraw]

To Ganz Gusev: You can show a profile of Eliz la revenant V (I loved her design on Instagram) I'm excited to hear about his role in Promised! Tale and what is the trait of his soul.

Promised!Eliz (Timeline V)

Elizabeth Will (20 years old) Granddaughter of the "legendary P! Gerson" and fifth returnee of Tamara's group

When Promised! Tale was created She was found hanging from a pine tree waterfall (for 4 hours) when she was just an orphaned child.

And who was the one who rescued her? "P! Gerson" found her after retiring from her position as a royal guard due to her age and poor health. She was surprised when she tried to return home and saw the little girl in trouble and very tired. Without much thought she cut the pine tree with her bone sword. and he took care of the girl since she was in very bad condition.

Although the girl was not responding due to lack of food. She realized that she was the girl that many said stole food at the waterfalls. Despite her oath to hand such people over to the royal guard to the empress. She saw the girl in need, but apart from that, she was a girl and didn't see that as necessary. But if you go with all those who ever see you steal something from them. She gave those inhabitants a joy to see that the girl did apologize for her past actions since P! Gerson showed her that those actions of hers would not take her anywhere.

To which, after being able to feed her, something in her had a hard time talking to her. since little Eliz barely knew how to say a word. That put more stress on old P! Gerson to find out more about the girl and her past. to which she went to her old friend empress toriel to ask if she knew anything about the girl or her family…

To which the empress is surprised to see Eliz after a long time. and she responded that Eliz was a creation made to give a family to a human couple. But at the time of creating her she ran away from her (since she became nervous when she met her new family) and shortly after she was searched by the entire line of sentinels but they never found her whereabouts. until now that P!Gerson found her

To which Father Gerson understood and saw the little girl shortly after meeting her and for several months he walked around the island asking who the girl belonged to and if they knew about her family. He became attached to the girl during that trip and search.

To which he offered to take care of her and adopt her. giving him a good life and education.

Eliz grew up surrounded by good friends in Waterfell and at the same time helped her grandfather with her medication. Until everything fell apart due to the fall of the kingdom by Error!Sans. causing the fateful death of Eliz, who with her sacrifice saved her grandfather but at the cost of her life she was disintegrated by space and time.

Leaving P! Gerson heartbroken over losing his only family…

Years passed and we talked about how after Tamara she reset the world after obtaining the fourth reset fragment. (Timeline V was created) This is where Emperor Gaster after failing in his attempt to dominate the Au in the fourth timeline. He finds the code and Eliz's soul in the underground. And thanks to his ignorance and his thirst for revenge because of Tamara and a small group of returnees who were previously his allies, he turns Eliz into a returnee and as one more in Gaster's plans he orders poor Eliz to attack and finish the beings from Ebott Island and Tamara's silly team who were just becoming known as the saviors.

And this is where the story begins of Eliz being a returnee and how she fought Tamara against her will due to Emperor Gaster's curse….

(I am NOT going to give any more spoilers about Eliz and her story since "This subplot of the comic is the one I liked writing the most and it would be bad for me to tell it all): 3

Curiosities:

1- Eliz is bisexual

2- The bone sword she uses is a gift from her grandfather P! Gerson (Maintaining the legacy of her former grandfather)

3- she likes pizza with pineapple

4- She loves to collect cascading gemstones. This is a hobby that P! Gerson himself dedicated himself to entertainment when he was barely 6 years old.

5- She likes to read superhero comics.

6- The reason she can levitate is because her powerful soul that has the "optimism" trait is released through magical waves that make her levitate slightly.

7- The Cap she has was found in the waterfall dump even though she had to fight with P! Dummy to get it when she was an orphan. She says it's her favorite cap. and that if she were lost she would go crazy and would not tire of looking for him.

8- She suffers from Brontophobia (Fear of storms), reason? Lightning struck him after he failed to control her levitation.

Statistics:

HP: 30 ATC: 5000 Per hit with her "Bone Sword" (she is the strongest in terms of melee weapon damage)

Level: 1 Soul: Optimistic Species: Human and (Revenant Alpha)

Art by: @ganzdraw

[robbierants]

Li Shang Is A Bisexual Legend

Li Shang, voiced by BD Wong with Donny Osmond providing the singing voice in the 1998 film, was one of the most popular characters in the original animated "Mulan." His complex character was a departure from the more mundane, hollow love interests past Disney princesses had fallen for.

He was far more interesting, for instance, than any of the interchangeable princes in "Cinderella" (Prince Charming), "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" (who is not even given a name and is referred to only as The Prince), "Sleeping Beauty" (Prince Phillip), and "The Little Mermaid" (Prince Eric).

"Mulan" dared to be different with Li Shang, a fully fleshed-out character with his own desires and difficulties.What really made his character stand out, though, was that he was clearly bisexual.

It may not be overtly stated, but his relationship with Mulan strongly suggests he is. Li Shang doesn't fall for Mulan after she reveals herself to be a woman — he's drawn to Mulan while she is still in disguise as Ping, a male soldier.

While Mulan is presenting as Ping, their relationship suggests intimacy and desire rather than soldierly respect or male camaraderie. You can actually pinpoint the moment when Li Shang seems to realize he's into Ping:

Yes, he is smiling because Ping has gone from a clumsy soldier to an incredible warrior. But any Disney fan will recognize that look — it's the same sort of moment as in "Beauty and the Beast" when Belle and Beast begin to like each other and sing "Something There." Both sets of characters come to an understanding that is strongly suggested to be more than friendship.

In "Mulan," traditional romantic relationships are pushed to the side, presenting Mulan as a fiercely independent heroine with her own story and agency. This was hugely inspirational to many young girls and Asian people, and it still is — but so, too, was the subplot of Li Shang's bisexuality (Link below)

It meant a lot to LGBTQ viewers, particularly kids growing up at that time who felt alienated and alone, to see themselves represented in a major Disney movie in such a natural way, even if it wasn't explicitly stated.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

I re-read my post about chapters 22-30 and I realized that theres so much I just fully forgot to mention, mostly relating to the inner circle so heres a quick summary of my thoughts about each ic member now that Im about halfway through the book and have spent some time with them. To briefly recap my previous thoughts, I think their group dynamic is insanely uncomfortable because of how apparent their hierarchy is and also none of them seem to actually like each other all that much

Amren

I dont dislike her in the sense that I dont dislike her personality or the basic concept of her character, but I do hate that shes in the inner circle at all. Like, whats this eldritch creature trapped in a body thats not her own doing hanging out with all these boring people ass people FOR 500 YEARS dude, if I had to spend 500 years with Rhysand I would destroy the entire night court regardless of whether or not I had Amren-levels of power. Like, why on earth would she be satisfied playing second fiddle to Rhysand and living in an APARTMENT in his stupid °•~City of Starlight~•° when shes supposed to be like a billion years old and a thousand times more powerful than him. I feel like itd be interesting to explore that but I know that we really dont from watching cari can read's summaries, so she just ends up being a character thats supposed to be interesting because shes so mysterious but is actually so shrouded in intrigue that it turns around and she just becomes boring again

Mor

When I first met her I said that something about her bothered me but I couldnt put my finger on what it was, but that I still kinda liked her because she atleast annoyed Rhysand. She really hasnt annoyed Rhys in any way since her and Feyres first meeting so I like her less because of that and also because shes mostly just boring to me at the moment. I think another reason why I dont particularly like her is that she feels so intrinsically tied to the misogyny of this world that just suddenly materialized in this book and its really annoying, I would like to avoid that subplot as much as possible. She basically just exists to give Feyre a female friend at the Night Court and to show her that you can totally girlboss your way out of a misogynistic system! But you cant dismantle the system because uhhhhhhhh. change is like a glacier because its slow

Also, shes obviously meant to parallel Ianthe, like shes supposed to be the better version of her, but I cant even imagine her and Feyre making out sloppy style toxic yuri edition so I cant really see her as any kind of improvement. sorry

Cassian

One of my least favourite character types is Fratbro But You Put Him In A Fantasy Setting so Im not the biggest fan of this guy ngl. The one redeeming quality he has is that hes very obviously crushing on all of his friends bisexual style, especially Rhys and Azriel. Its almost a little sad but mostly its just very funny. Like whyd you wanna take their clothes at the illyrian camps so badly huh? You like seeing pretty boys squirm around naked?

Unfortunately, I know that hes gonna end up with Nesta and that hes not even gonna treat her well, my guy is gonna go from being gay because he likes men to being gay because he hates women and I am not looking forward to it

Speaking of Nessian, a lot of sjm critical anti nessian people say that Nesta and Cassian used to be so good and so genuinely romantic in ACOWAR and that their relationship got completely ruined in ACOSF and. I mean, granted they dont ever talk about Cassian behaviour towards Nesta during the meeting at her house in ACOMAF but I hated the way he was just so angry at her on Feyre's behalf when she wasnt even that mad herself, she just felt weird and bad. Of course, I havent read ACOWAR yet and I might change my mind in the future but right now, I'll just say it doesnt surprise me that Cassian would laugh at Nesta falling down the stairs

Azriel

My favourite guy!!! Out of this bunch I mean. My favourite guy in the entire ACOTAR series is probably Lucien, but if we're just talking about the jokers from the Night Court, then this guy is my favorite

I really wasnt expecting much from him, I thought he would have absolutely no personality from what Ive heard other people say about him, but hes basically exactly what I want in an edgy traumatized shadow boi. Ive talked about this before but I really dislike Rhysand and part of that is that I normally really like the archetype of the tortured edgy love interest with shadow powers but he makes it so goddamn annoying by being so flirty and cocky I just want to see him dead. But Azriel is quiet so he doesnt bothr me and also theres some intrigue about his backstory and the extend of his powes but he feels like a solid enough character that he doesnt become boring to me like Amren

I will say though, theres something particularly uncomfortable about watching anyone from the inner circle interact with him and vice versa, I think its because he seems like he doesnt actually like them more than anything else. Ive said this in a previous post, I think Cassian wants to be in a relationship good friends with him and he seems to think they have some good sunshine guy/grumpy guy banter going on but to me it just seems like Azriel genuinely dislikes him. And then he obviously doesnt trust Amren and I feel like hes in love with Mor and has been for a really long time but doesnt actually like her, I honestly feel like hes just sticking by Rhysand because he feels like he owes him and because it gives him an excuse to be close to his crush

Yknow, that I think about it maybe thats why I like him so much. I dont like the Inner Circle, he doesnt like the Inner Circle, thats a relatable king right there

[gealach-in-a-misty-world]

As head phoenix keeper at a world-renowned zoo for magical creatures, Aila's childhood dream of conserving critically endangered firebirds seems closer than ever. There's just one glaring caveat: her zoo's breeding program hasn't functioned for a decade. When a tragic phoenix heist sabotages the flagship initiative at a neighbouring zoo, Aila must prove her derelict facilities are fit to take the reins. But saving an entire species from extinction requires more than stellar animal handling skills. Carnivorous water horses, tempestuous thunderhawks, mischievous dragons... Aila has no problem wrangling beasts. Inspiring zoo patrons? That's another story. Mustering the courage to ask for help from the hotshot griffin keeper at the zoo's most popular exhibit? Virtually impossible. Especially when the hotshot griffin keeper in question just so happens to be her arch-rival from college: Luciana, an annoyingly brooding and even more annoyingly insufferable know-it-all with the grace of a goblin and the face of a goddess who's convinced that Aila's beloved phoenix would serve their cause better as an active performer rather than as a passive conservation exhibit.

"Let her prove she could be worth something."

S.A. MacLean's The Phoenix Keeper is a cozy fantasy novel about bisexual zoekeeper Aila and her struggle with anxiety and with the zoo program that's trying to save a Phoenix species from extinction. It's a low-stakes story, sweet and slow-paced, taking its time to describe the daily life at the zoo and the steps taken to bring the program back to life, while chronicling her journey to become a more functional person. It's marketed as a sapphic romantasy, but while the romance is lovely, it's not focussed on and it's more of a subplot.

The tension between Aila and her love interest crackles as Aila has to first navigate a blooming relationship with another zookeeper, a man who on the surface looks perfect for her. But looks can be deceiving, and when Aila lets herself see people for who they truly are, she might reach a different conclusion than she thought.

Throughout the book, she's helped by her best friend, whose friendship has to overcome a few hurdles. Aila is a self-centered protagonist, trapped inside her anxiety that makes her not quite so insightful, but as she slowly comes out of her shell, she becomes more mindful. Her love interest is a more well-rounded character than her, showing hidden depths behind a cool demeanor.

The worldbuilding isn't too elaborate, but it works. The world looks mostly like our own, with the notable exception of magical fauna that's preserved in zoos. The book excels in describing these habitats and enclosures with a lush and colorful prose, showing a zookeper's life with the joy and enthusiasm of a child's visit, building on that nostalgia to really pluck at the heartstrings.

The Phoenix Keeper is a quiet story of self-realization.

✨ 3.5 stars

[haveyoureadthisqueerbook]

the other me by xan van rooyen (trans mc)

this rebel heart by katherine lock (polyam relationship, two bisexual mcs, one gay side character)

iron widow by xiran jay zhao (polyam relationship, three bisexual mcs, mc is also possibly nb or genderqueer)

call down the hawk by maggie Stiefvater (gay mc, bisexual mc, bisexual side character)

the prey of gods by Nicky drayden (can’t remember the specific kind of rep)

it’s not like it’s a secret (lesbian characters and relationship. please maybe note on the poll that the submitter would really really not recommend this book? i think it’s important to let people know of queer books, but also this book relied on so many stereotypes — about lesbians and Asian-Americans — and had a cheating subplot and was just….)

beating heart baby by lio min (trans mc)

the borrow a boyfriend club by page powars

may the best man win by zr Ellor (trans mc, bisexual mc, nonbinary mc, queer side character)

a promise broken by Lynn o cochroft (trans, aroace guy is one of the two mcs)

not your sidekick by cb Lee (lesbian mc, sapphic relationship, trans side character)

always the almost by Edward underhill

the spirit bares its teeth and hell followed with us both by aj white

a day of fallen night and the priory of the orange tree by Samantha shannon

generation one by pittacus lore (gay mc, not a huge part of the plot though. but confirmed in-text)

last night at the telegraph club by malinda lo

you’re not supposed to die tonight by kalynn bayron

lady midnight and sword catcher both by Cassandra clare

Star Wars: black spire by delilah s Dawson (aroace mc)

Star Wars: the empire strikes back 40th anniversary short story compilation (idk if it counts as a queer book but one short story was a sapphic love story)

one of us is lying by Karen mcmanus

two tuns of fun by

birthday by Meredith russo

invisibly breathing by

i’ll give you the sun by judy Nelson (i think! not sure if i’m remembering her name right)

brooms the graphic novel by jasmine walls

this queer girl is going to be okay by dale walls

two mummies / two daddies (kids picture books)

death’s country by rm romero

redsight by Meredith mooring

the death i gave him by em li xu (tumblr would LOVE this book)

Been outside by shaz zamore

ALSO: a note to op. this blog is such a great idea, but have you considered setting up a google form for submissions instead? they work for people who don’t have Google accounts, and you can export the entries to a spreadsheet automatically instead of manually that way too. if you let submitters view previous responses you can prevent repeats too?

I've queued most of these! Exceptions below:

-Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back 40th Anniversary short story compilation: since only one of the stories is queer, I'm not going to include it. This is absolutely arbitrary, I realize, but for short story collections, I'm looking for them to be mostly queer.

-Two Tuns of Fun: I couldn't find any book by this name.

-Two Mummies / Two Daddies (kids picture books): are these individual books? I couldn't find anything with these exact titles.

-Beating Heart Baby and The Priory of the Orange Tree were already queued (they were both in my initial batch of queued books prior to going live with the blog).

The google form is a good idea and something I'll consider! At the moment, it doesn't save me any work, and actually creates more. I would need to check every submission anyway to make sure it's correct and in the format I want it in. Currently I've got a Google Sheets spreadsheet with all books (both queued and posted) for people to check if their suggestion has already been submitted. Thanks for the idea, though!

[warningsine]

Few queer arcs annoy me more than the "I'm straight with one (1) exception" one. Almost as insulting as the Pink Kryptonite type of shit.

I whined about this very thing back when I watched s3, but quickly let it go, because I didn't want to be a Debbie Downer for the fans who did like it.

But nobody cares now and I'm rewatching s1 so...

S3 was a drag and only watchable (to me) because of Paleta; how she sold a woman in love.

The show messed the fake dating thing up (HOW? Virgin teenagers have executed this concept better on AO3, damn it), failed Mariana by not giving us her POV (although the weak acting didn't help matters either) and failed Ana too.

They did the ensemble thing and wasted valuable time on inane subplots. Literally, who gave a fuck about Pablo's friends? Conrado was funny exactly one (1) time and that's when he sang in drag because he was drunk.

Know your audience. Predominantly queer people (nationally and internationally) were supporting your Netflix show. Conservative heterosexuals boycotted it because it had "feminist/LGBT propaganda" and "favored mothers over fathers."

The result was--that even though s3 was longer than s2--Ana, the lead, didn't have enough time to explore her sexuality.

But still, they could have taken advantage of the fact they had Alma, Ana's mean/gossipy childhood friend, say that Ana has had a vibe since they were teens. (There's no smoke without fire.) That was in 1.03 when we, the audience, still thought Ana was straight. (At least, she didn't ping to me until later.)

They could have gone for bi Ana--what I thought they were doing in late season 1. It was clear that even though Ana didn't give a fuck that Mariana was bi, she didn't quite understand bisexuality herself.

"Who wouldn't want you? If I were a guy, I'd fuck you." (to make her friend feel better about her postpartum body) "I'm not a lesbian." (multiple times) Sure, but your bestie isn't one either and yet she still wants you.

(Side note: "You'd be surprised how many gay women I've heard that from.")

They could have gone for latebloomer lesbian in denial Ana--what I thought they were doing in most of season 2, because, hey, they would not stop using the word "lesbian."

Then I realized they were doing the classic "We dare not name bisexuality" until finally, finally Tere defended her own daughter in s3.

"My daughter is gay. Or bi. Idk, I love her."

At least, they didn't say that Ana and Mariana were "flexible" (TGW, I'm side-eyeing you) because "post radical queerness."

Smh creative teams think they're being progressive when telling the community that not using a label is a virtue.

If you're a cis straight liberal/progressive and say, "Labels don't matter," then you're not being honest with yourself. Because your label is "normal" to the rest of society.

Without any labels, there would be no LGBTQ+ community. Whose rights would people be fighting for exactly?

We're nowhere near close to the point that people no longer need to identify their community. Even in relatively liberal societies where gay marriage is legal and anti-discrimination laws exist, queer people continue to be marginalized and oppressed.

And I know that queer people do the post-label thing too, but things there get more complicated. Why? Because many queer people are in the closet, many are busy figuring their shit out, dealing with comphet and internalized stuff.

And it's not like being queer absolves you of having regressive beliefs either, e.g., there are gay people who are biphobic and/or transphobic etc.

[malicedafirenze]

I just finished re-reading Silver Under Nightfall by Rin Chupeco and I'm going to make it everyone's problem because this book is so good and so underrated

I wrote a more conventional review of this book after my first readthrough this April, so if you want more concrete info and slightly less incoherent gushing, head over here please.

What to love about it

SO many of the fantasy romance books I read end up being unsatisfying to me because they either have a main romance that feels cheap because it moves too fast, prose or writing style that grates on me, or because plot and action just take a total back seat because the MCs need to get their rocks off.

Not this one. I mainly gush about the romance (because hello it's a bisexual MMF throuple and the dynamic especially between MMC and the male love interest is deliciously hostile for much of the book) but a core reason for why the romance in this book works so fucking well for me is because there's so much quality going on all around it.

The plot is about a strange new species of vampiric creature that's attacking people and villages. In examining what's going on, main character Remy gets involved with two powerful vampire nobles and finds out disturbing things about himself and his family. (keeping that very vague for spoiler reasons)

The MC is a vampire hunter who's excellent at what he does but looked down upon by everyone for a variety of political and gossipy reasons, he's also traumatized by a shitty af father and the dangerous expectations/situations that shitty father has laid upon him.

Relationship dynamics

Remy meets the two love interests very quickly in the story, and realizes to his dismay that the two of them are engaged. He initially dislikes Malekh, king of the third court of vampires, but is infatuated with Xiaodan, his fiancee and heir to a vampire court herself. In travelling with them, his emotions grow more complicated.

Between Remy and Malekh, you have these enemies-to-lovers vibes, though they're mostly on the same side but pissed about it. There's an exchange between them later in the book that goes “It’s just that you’re always so hard to read, I never know if you want to fight me or fuck me” - “it’s both, Pendergast. It’s always been both.” and man if that's not a fucking mood, I love it.

The book isn't the spiciest thing I've ever read, but it has a handful of incredibly hot and detailed scenes, that includes some cruel teasing, some very desperate mutual blood drinking, some angry flirting while sparring and more. All in all you know what the three of them are getting up to but also I may need to write fanfic for a few 'missing' scenes.

Reach and readership

Silver Under Nightfall has a bit over 3000 ratings on goodreads. The only other bi poly vampire book I also know and love (A Dowry of Blood by S.T. Gibson) has over 40'000.

Some of the popular queer fantasy books of recent years like The Unbroken and The Jasmine Throne have 9k and 22k respectively. I am not sure why Silver Under Nightfall has not gotten anywhere near as much love or attention as these books - it'll be a complex combo of marketing reasons and mainstream appeal I assume - but I cannot help but want to shout from the rooftops that SUN deserves so much more love and attention than it's getting.

For me, SUN sits perfectly in that sweet spot where it is more "fantasy with a romance subplot" rather than "romance" but also doesn't skimp out on the sexy bits. And I personally absolutely fucking love it for that, but

So there you go: READ THIS BOOK IT IS SO GOOD PLEASE. Is it perfect? No probably not. On my reread I noticed a few stylistic hiccups and I find the pacing works much better in the first two thirds of the book, with everything happening a bit fast in the last third or so.

Is it for everyone? No probably also not. But if well written queer poly sexy vampire romance with a mostly serious tone but dry humor appeals to you as a concept, you absolutely should read this one.

Also if there's anything like it - as mentioned, A Dowry of Blood is the only thing I know of that comes remotely close imo in terms of being a queer poly sexy dark vampire story - then please do tell me about it.

If you've read this book and want to talk about it, my DMs are always open <3

[conquerthenight]

Lydia de Winter headcanons sorted by the all the AU’s of Say My Name I’ve written.

TW: Discussions of depression, suicide, death, and child abuse

Say My Name (sans “Your Clone”)

- Her date of birth is December of 1915

- Yes, I realize that means she was born (and conceived) during WWI, but we’re gonna get around that by saying Maxim was summoned to the war either during Rebecca’s pregnancy or shortly after Lydia was born.

- She was named after Lydia Bennet from Pride and Prejudice because Rebecca liked the Lydia/Wickham subplot more than the other love stories.

- She attended a seminary for girls in London from the ages of 6 to 9, after Rebecca’s death she was educated by a governess, tutors, etc. I realize that absolutely none of that features in my fics other than brief mentions but it is happening.

- Some time during the events of Rebecca, Lydia stops referring to Rebecca as her mother and transitions to calling her Rebecca. Maxim doesn’t give a fuck about it.

- Maxim also doesn’t give a fuck period. Lydia doesn’t forgive him for his neglect for a while, but acknowledges that he’s at least remorseful (post confession). Things are very awkward between them until well into the exile period and they didn’t truly become close until after Ellison and Katherine were born.

- Lydia briefly resented Ellison and Kate because they had the childhood she never got, but she got over it due to bonding with them and the maturity that comes with adulthood.

- Ellison and Kate were the prime age for playing with legos when they were first invented in the 30’s. Lydia stepped on a few once and it hurt so from then on whoever she got mad at someone she always threatened them by saying she hopes they step on a lego.

- She once muttered this during an argument with Maxim. Maxim immediately started laughing because he thought it was a creative threat.

- Lydia is bisexual, even though she does end up with a man, @eeleeisgay’s OC Anthony Helencourt.

- Ileana immediately approved of Anthony. Maxim took a bit of convincing because he wanted to be certain that Anthony wasn’t just with Lydia because he wanted Manderley.

- Even after the events of Rebecca, Lydia struggled with putting a lot of pressure on herself, putting on a brave face, and asking for help from others, as well as bouts of depression for the rest of her life.

- The thing that won Maxim over with Anthony and Lydia’s relationship was that Anthony had a positive effect on Lydia’s mental health and he was able to help bring her back down to earth. Basically Anthony is best husband and a supportive king.

- Lydia hyphenated her last name when she married Anthony partially to compromise with her parents and her in laws but partially because “Helencourt-de Winter sounds beautiful anyways, I’ll just take both names”. Anthony did the same.

- Strangers sometimes mistook Lydia and Ileana for sisters instead of a stepmother and stepdaughter once Lydia hit puberty and thus had her growth spurt. Ileana also looked young for her age until she reached middle age so that along with their 11 year age gap didn’t help either. It led to some very awkward conversations.

- Favell and Beatrice both taught Lydia to curse at a very young age, separately of course.

- Maxim made allowances for Beatrice when she did that, he often sighed and said things like “that’s the last time I let you around my child” but never really meant it. However he openly badmouthed Favell for doing the same thing.

- Lydia only curses when she’s really pissed or emotional. In normal conversation sometimes she’ll let a few “damns” slip, but nothing more.

- Post blackmail, Lydia wants nothing to do with Favell because she realizes that he’s too similar to Rebecca but he just hides it better and isn’t a dick to children.

- While Lydia does initially feel betrayed when she hears Danny burned down Manderley, during the de Winters’ exile she realizes just how bad Danny’s mental state was and forgives her for it.

- Being away from Manderley also made Lydia realize that Danny never intended to make Lydia uncomfortable by bringing up or praising Rebecca in front of her. She comes to the conclusion that while Danny did hurt her by doing that, it was Danny’s way of coping with her loss and she can’t bring herself to fault her for that.

- Ileana understands Lydia’s sympathy for Danny, Maxim doesn’t. This is a source of tension between Lydia and Maxim, particularly once they decide to rebuild Manderley until shortly after they move back in.

- During the exile, Lydia knows not to talk about Manderley in front of Maxim, but she does sometimes do so with Ileana.

- When Ellison comes out to Lydia as lesbian, Lydia is immediately supportive of her sister. She even refers to Ellison’s longtime girlfriend, Anne, as her sister in law.

Your Clone, Your Strange Creation (SPOILERS AHEAD, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED)

- Lydia was never sent to school in London and was educated from home from the start. This is why she was home to witness Rebecca’s murder.

- Despite the positive relationship between Ileana and Lydia, Lydia never ends up referring to Ileana with any maternal terms (mother, mama, mum, etc). After everything she’s dealt with she doesn’t really feel right putting a concrete label on it.

- Lydia also never stops referring to Rebecca by her given name. No one has a problem with it, even Danny understands why she does it.

- A similar thing happens with Maxim as well. In the first few chapters she refers to him as Papa, then she transitions to Father (if you read the Beatrice side story you’ll have the full context), and eventually after the trial she’ll refer to him as Maxim because she’ll finally feel like she’s allowed to denounce him for everything he did (and didn’t do) since Rebecca’s murder.

- She’s a full on queer ally. Full on doesn’t even think twice about the fact that Ileana and Danny are both women when she figures out they’re in love.

- Danny feels very strongly that she has to redeem herself for viewing Rebecca through a rose colored lens and somewhat projecting that onto Lydia.

- Lydia forgives her for it immediately following her disclosure about the murder and her role in it due to Danny admitting that not only did Maxim fail her as a parent, but so did Rebecca.

- Although Lydia knows Danny’s first name from chapter 12 onwards, she doesn’t use it and opts to keep calling her Danny. Danny is chill about it because she knows how awkward it would be for them both if Lydia used her first name.

- Lydia affectionately teases Ileana and Danny about them being awful at being subtle about their relationship.

- As soon as they’re able to forgo the whole housekeeper/charge relationship, Danny is a lot more openly affectionate with Lydia.

- Lydia has never seen Danny with her hair open before so when she does for the first time she goes 😱 and Ileana giggles and says she had a similar reaction.

- Lydia never forgives Rebecca or Maxim for being the worst parents ever, but she does eventually understand that the fact that she shares traits with them doesn’t need to be a bad thing.

- Danny is the reason she comes to that conclusion in the first place.

- Lydia deals with nightmares, mostly of the night of Rebecca’s murder, Maxim coming after her for spilling about the murder, and Danny and Ileana leaving her.

The Ones They Left Behind/Mama’s Boy (LIGHT SPOILERS AHEAD, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED)

(Established with help from @alicesbread)

- Lydia and Rudolph are both unreliable narrators when it comes to the other’s relationship with their parents.

- Maxim up and leaving Manderley to hop around Europe during the year after Rebecca’s death caused Lydia to develop a fear of abandonment. She blames herself for him leaving because she thinks she either did something wrong or hindered his ability to move on.

- Bea, Giles, Danny, and even Frank try to assure her that this isn’t true but Lydia doesn’t really believe them.

- When she shuts down due to her mental state, she only ever talks to Rudolph (and in rare cases Bea, but that takes a lot of coaxing).

- As with the other two AU’s, Lydia is supportive af when Rudolph comes out to her.

- Neither of us have delved into Lydia’s relationship with her brother Elliot (also @alicesbread’s OC), but Lydia is very much relieved when he’s born because that means Manderley won’t be her burden to carry. Won’t say much else because it’ll be a major spoiler.

- She lovingly makes fun of Rudolph for falling for Elliot because “I guess it runs in your family to fall for a de Winter”.

- Rudolph probably finds something to lovingly tease Lydia about as well but I’ll leave that one to alicesbread.

- This is specific only to TOTLB, but when they were children (post Rebecca’s death, pre costume ball) Anthony didn’t like Rudolph because Rudolph defended Rebecca. Not sure if the boys ever actually met, but even if Lydia didn’t like that either, she didn’t tolerate Anthony badmouthing Rudolph.

[windswhispvrs]

[ willa fitzgerald, thirty-six, cisfemale, she/her ] Welcome to Antioch, BONNIE DEVERAUX! Local sources report that you’ve been in town for FIFTEEN YEARS and are known to be COMPASSIONATE yet NAIVE. Others have dredged up rumors that you’re involved in STELLAR SOCIETY as A CULT DEFECTOR, but most know you for your work as a/n SERVER at BLUE MOON DINER. We’ll see you around town soon! 

TRIGGER WARNING: parental death, overdose, drowning, drug addiction.

𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒.

name: bonnie lynn deveraux nicknames/alias: bon ( by her mother ) faceclaim: willa fitzgerald age: thirty-six gender: cisfemale sexuality: bisexual / biromantic date/place of birth: march 13th / augusta, georgia currently: antioch, oregon subplot/role: the stellar society/cult defector positive traits: compassionate, well-mannered, gentle negative traits: naive, self-indulgent, impulsive astrological sign: pisces archetype: the dove

𝐁𝐈𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐘.

little miss bonnie lynn. that was what they called you in your early years of life, before the hurricane of bullshit touched down upon the ground underneath you. it was never made quite clear what job your father held, all you knew was that he never wanted you. he signed away his rights before you even opened your eyes for the very first time, the product of his transgressions with his secretary, your mother. and although she got quite the hefty sum for her silence -- she never quite forgot that she was unwanted. it was somehow easy for mona mae deveraux to forget that you were nothing more than a child. instead, you were a problem. a mouth she had to feed with her hush money.

the high life had always called mona's name -- always at her child's expense. you were taught how to operate a microwave to feed yourself before you even learned to read, taught to pay a visit to your neighbors if there was ever an emergency. you were never quite right for school, at least in the academic way. socially you are golden, causing everyone to fall at your feet. teachers adore you with your kind words and your sweet smile, despite all that has befallen you. perhaps this is why you stay this way: kind and gentle, with their encouragement. doors will open for a smile like yours, bonnie lynn. even if your own mother slams them in your face.

when people ask what your mother does for work, you have little to answer with. she comes and goes as she pleases, but you have never quite known where. all you know is that the bills are piling up, the word OVERDUE calling out to you like a grim bell toll. by the age of fourteen you're working as much as the state allows, but this doesn't stop you from taking every hours worth of pay you can get. if your mother won't keep a roof over your head, what's stopping you from doing it?

by the age of fifteen, you've come to realize one thing only: your mother has become a leech. she is addicted to the feeling of being scorned -- jeering from afar at your father and his wife. you hate your father, sure, but you are not consumed by the what ifs. the presence of one living relative, your mother's younger sister, has entered your ears like the whisper of a passing secret, but it never became more real until yet another night out caused your mother not to return home for two days. from then on you took it more seriously, never expecting a successful outcome. you finally reach out for help, after months of fear. turns out she's been waiting for the day she can hear about you, learn about you. a couple weeks later, she's in court with your mother fighting for custody. you never expected her to win, but the relief you feel is unlike anything else -- you are free. the world is yours.

you don't have much money considering it is you who has been paying the bills, but you don't care. your mother is no longer your problem anymore. you begin your new life a couple of hours away from augusta, working multiple jobs to save up as you finish out your ged -- and you do it, despite the mental exhaustion. college was never even a second thought, the first was always to keep food on the table. by the time you finally turn eighteen -- an adult in the eyes of the world despite wandering through the world as such for three years now, you feel some amount of stability. as rocky as things remain, it is your life now.

you hear not a single word directly from the woman who brought you into this world -- but you learn that she met her end by drowning in a bathtub. you had tried to help, you did. despite her distain for you, she was your mother for some amount of time. you craved her love, her care. if you hadn't gotten out of there, she would have swept you under like the currents control of the tide before she pulled you out to sea. you offer some money to help with arrangements, perhaps more than you believe she deserves, but guilt is a powerful thing.

by twenty-one you have finally arrived in the place you now call home -- beaten down by life and venerable to the sweet sweet words of the stellar society. they lure you with the promise of a family, saftey, security... a place to be wanted. the utterances were sweeter than sugar, before beginning to fester inside of you like a weed that intended to kill. despite it all you stay, hoping that things would be different, hoping that the world would finally be kinder. but it never was.

by the time you finally pull away, finds sweet freedom once more -- life has continued to pass you by. it's been many years since, and you still hasn't found it within you to put together the pieces left of her early twenties, unable to understand how the fuck you ended up here. and how the hell you're going to save the rest of them from themselves.

sweet little bonnie lynn. that naive little girl never really went away, now did she?

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒.

has a rather eclectic sense of style that is uniquely her own, one comprised of a lot of ripped denim, mixed-metal chunky jewelry and well-loved t-shirts.

no stranger to going out when the work week is over. the kind of girl to be dancing on tables with a smile on her face.

if bonnie has any living blood relatives out there besides her aunt -- she hasn't spoken to them. if they contact her, she will avoid them like the plague.

naturally approachable. the persona she shows to her customers is what everyone else sees, wether a friend or a passing stranger.

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒.

WANTED CONNECTION #1: THE REASON SHE DEFECTED. i intentionally left her exit from the cult rather vauge for this very reason -- perhaps someone else helped her see a way out and the two of them defected together? i am very flexible in terms of the nature of the relationship. platonic? former romantic relationship that ended due to bonnie's commitment issues? lets chat!

WANTED CONNECTION #2: FRIENDS WITH BENIFITS. bonnie is easy to be enamored by -- having gotten nearly everything she's ever wanted in her adult years with a simple bat of her eyelashes and her trademark bonnie lynn smile. her kindness has still remained genuine, no matter how battered and bruised it has become. and yet, she can't seem to believe that she actually deserves genuine love or affection. wether this person has serious feelings for bonnie not, it's a difficult thing to get under her skin -- and this person has worked for it.

WANTED CONNECTION #3: A CONFIDANT. it's completely up to player how she met this individual -- but this person has always made her feel safe. free of judgement, free of stress. when bonnie is around this person she feels like she is completely able to be herself, something she desperately needs after enduring so many years of self protection.

[caparrucia]

1 and 23

1. favorite fic you wrote this year

The best fic I wrote this year is resurgence (Malos-centric, Malos/Jin, Xenoblade Chronicles 2), which I know is a niche fandom and a niche story, but it's dear to my heart just because it really IS the best thing I've written in quite a while, like prose-wise.

But my favorite fic as far as "this is my baby" feelings, it's gotta be so we made the hard decision (Regis/Aulea/Titus, puppyverse AU, FFXV), which is a fic no one asked for, and therefore not a lot of people cared about, but goddammit, I've been meaning to write about that OT3 for literal YEARS and I finally got around to it. It's my favorite ship and my favorite OT3 dynamic and there's a lot of fun thoughts about disability, polyamory and just a ton of biting from three dysfunctional dipshits that, nonetheless, really fucking love each other. They deserve their happy ending even if their happy ending is full of biting each other til eternity.

I'm currently very happy with maelstrom soul, heart of stone (Zhongli/Childe, dragonheart AU, Genshin Impact) and a lot of it is "current fic" syndrome, but it's shaping up to be one of my favorites, too.

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

I'm treating this as a haven't yet, as a opposed to a didn't and never will: but there's companion fics for the other Genshin regions, that take place in the sake universe as the Zhongli/Childe fic. I started on the Zhongli/Childe fic, but once I'm done with that one, I'll pick up any of the other four.

The 4ggravate polycule fic I'm really looking forward to, mostly because Wanderer+Kaveh friendship is hysterical and Wanderer accidentally forcing the polycule to include Alhaitham without really realizing that's what he's doing is hilarious. It also includes my favorite scene which is Kaveh wholesale defenestrating Alhaitham right in front of Cyno, who always really thought if he ended up arresting a lover, it'd be Tighnari's ACAB ass.

There's an Inazuma fic I've been chewing on that's mostly Ayato casually dismantling the tricommission system to basically bully Ei to actually do her job and actually fucking RULE for once, and it's mostly a back and forth between him and Yae with the entirety of the Inazuma cast unwittingly or unwillingly playing the role of chess pieces. It also features a really fucking hilarious Ayato/Kokomi political marriage subplot and no one can't tell who started it or if they're pro or against it or if at any given time they're working towards or against it, and it's driving Gorou and Kujo Sara to drink heavily.

I have a few ideas for a Fontaine fic, but I'm waiting for the archon quests to wrap up before I start figuring out where the pieces go. Mostly it's about Neuvillette needing quite a few hugs, Wriothesley and Clorinde being the definition of BBF (Bisexual Besties Forever), Furina getting to be a person and failing miserably before she gets the hang of it and an eventual sappy, ridiculously saccharine Navia/Furina that triggers the "must protect!!!" instincts of anyone who happens upon it.

And there's of course the MondsDONT polycule shenanigans which is halfway done, and it's mostly Diluc navigating the codependant mess that is his partners, their partners, and Venti. Oh god, Venti. Fuck him. It's a mess. Beds are literally set on fire. Twice. It's fine.

[nycbagcls]

sohan pague.     he/him.     trans man.      ›spotted   at   the   met   steps   ,   luka   kent   ,   most   likely   listening   to   gimme!   gimme!   gimme!   by   abba  with   their   airpods   pro   .   the   twenty-three   gained   quite   a   reputation   ,   known   to   be  -cynical  yet   +kindhearted   to   anyone   who   knows   them   .   you'll   easily   spot   them   when   you   hear   about   a   signature   denim   jacket   with   pins   on   the   pockets   //   getting   your   name   right   the   first   time   you   say   it   //   forcing   distance   from   family   in   order   to   find   yourself   //      a   seven-figure   bank   account   under   a   name   that’s   no   longer   yours   ,   followed   by   literally   just   old   spice   deodorant   .   latest   nepoupdates   article   talks   about   director   anthony   kent’s   middle   child,   who   disowned   his   family   three   years   ago,   is   allegedly   working   at   a   starbucks   on   the   upper   east   side  ,   but   i   guess   any   reputation   is   good   reputation   .   ( muse b // subplot 1 )

DEMOGRAPHICS

name: luka kent

age: 23

gender: trans man, he/him

occupation: starbucks barista.

sexuality: bisexual

residence: a three-bedroom apartment shared by five people and two cats on the lower east side

languages: english, minimal french & portuguese

social class: lower, formerly upper 

education level: high school diploma, was accepted into nyu, deferred, and didn't end up going.

APPEARANCE

height: 5′6"

build: cuddly, but in shape

hair: brown, always cut short, minimal styling

eyes: hazel

piercings: lobes pierced, purposely doesn't wear.

tattoos: none 

PERSONALITY

+ kindhearted, caring, selfless

- cynical, pessimistic, bitter 

aesthetics: a   signature   denim   jacket   with   pins   on   the   pockets   //   getting   your   name   right   the   first   time   you   say   it   //   forcing   distance   from   family   in   order   to   find   yourself   //      a   seven-figure   bank   account   under   a   name   that’s   no   longer   yours // an apartment that may be considered too crowded, but you're never lonely // sending tiktoks to your friends at 2 in the morning // giggling over nonsense // the disillusionment of seeing childhood peers who may or may not recognize you now // gender euphoria, being shirtless at riis beach in the summer

PEOPLE TO KNOW (NPCs unless otherwise noted)

rebecca whitehall-kent, broadway producer mother

anthony kent, director father

older brother (player character, see wc on main)

younger brother (player character, see wc on main)

roommates (player characters, see wc on main eventually lol)

SKILLS, HOBBIES, MISC INFO

hobbies ;; guitar, pottery, has tried his hand at rug making, baking, and embroidery

likes ;; lattes with oat milk in the morning, the way the city is quiet when he's going to work, spending time with his roommates, cats, dogs, traveling (when he can afford it), going to the beach, his testosterone prescription, silly nonsense tiktoks, cuddling, movie nights, youtube video essays

dislikes ;; familial pressures, the excess wealth that's being hoarded by the 1%, societal pressures, the fact that the tabloids won't realize he's not A Kent(tm) anymore, feminine clothing, the fact that you have to pay just as much rent in february as you have to pay in any of the months with 31 days.

style ;; rarely seen without his trademark denim jacket, likes printed button-down shirts, jeans, converse, vans, fisherman's sweaters. you'll rarely see him in anything formal, but if he's forced into a formal situation, he'll rent a suit and tie.

ABOUT

trigger warnings for transphobia // dysphoria // familial neglect // injections

born [REDACTED], he was the only daughter of rebecca and anthony kent, and rebecca was overjoyed to have a little girl to raise into a mirror of her. but luka always knew that he wasn't who his mother wanted him to be, even before he had words for what he was feeling. every time he was forced into a dress, he would throw a fit, causing the family to be late to many a premiere or red carpet event.

as a child, he was in a few of his father's movies as a background or minor character - it was kind of richard's thing, putting his kids in scenes in his films. it was cool, for a while, before it became just another thing he dreaded - being in the movie meant seeing himself looking wrong, and there weren't words to describe how much he hated it.

luka always hated the way that the kents could never go out to dinner, go see a movie, do anything without eyes and cameras on them. he loved new york, don't get him wrong, he still does, but there were days that he wished that they lived anywhere where the paparazzi and rumor mill didn't exist the way it does in the big apple. he's jealous of the people who have never been affected by the severe lack of privacy that he experienced.

as luka grew up, he got access to the internet, and he started finding words for himself. transgender, primarily. the word felt freeing, like he could finally understand why he hated his brothers for the fact that their mother never tried to force them into dresses for premieres, why he hated them for being able to go out and play in the rain and get their clothes all muddy, why they seemed so comfortable in their bodies while luka hated every single second of puberty. he started transitioning socially with peers online when he was sixteen, though he didn't bring it up to his family until he was nearing eighteen, afraid of repercussions.

he was right to fear - as soon as he spoke up, there were a lot of tears shed, primarily from his mother; things about how he'd always be her little girl, and how could he do this to them, and a bunch of other shitty things that he's tried to block out of his memory since then.

that was when he deferred his acceptance to nyu, not sure he wanted to go to college under his deadname, not sure who he wanted to be at all. he knew that there were people talking about him, knew that there were people staring at the back of his head whenever he went out in public, and he hated all of it.

he spent two more years with his family trying to put up with it, but, on his twentieth birthday, he was at his breaking point. he couldn't handle being called [REDACTED] and all of the "she/her"s he got from his mother, couldn't handle the way he looked in the mirror, couldn't handle the way his voice sounded wrong every time he opened his mouth.

luka was on one of his trademark depression walks when he saw a sign on a stoplight pole asking are you searching for roommates? want to live with cool people? must be queer-friendly and like cats and listing a phone number to call. he stared at that sign for way too long, his hand on his phone in his pocket. he dialed the number, made the call, and had agreed to move in by the next week.

packing up all of the few things he loved, luka moved into his current apartment on the lower east side within the week. it was also that week that he found himself a job at a starbucks, and took the last chunk of money out of his old bank account that he would ever use - a down payment on his top surgery, and the first payment for his new testosterone prescription. he took his first shot surrounded by his roommates (and new best friends), and he hasn't looked back since. this life is the one he's chosen, and he may be poor, but he's happy.

GOSSIP

director   anthony   kent’s   middle   child,   who   disowned   his   family   three   years   ago,   is   allegedly   working   at   a   starbucks   on   the   upper   east   side

this is true and luka has no shame about it at all. it pays his portion of the rent & utilities and allows for some additional cash to spend on things he'd like to do, like his pottery classes. they also have gender affirming care covered, so he's planning on working there for the foreseeable future.

CONNECTIONS

roommates — (  luka lives with two queer couples on the lower east side. they have two cats. this is very much a found family relationship; the five of them are ride or die and they have been since they met luka three years prior. they could have known each other for longer, though!. ) // 0/4

friends (present) — (  they've only known luka post-disowning his family and his transition. they're also a support system for him, though not as close as his roommates are. they're the people who get invited over after drag shows, for movie nights, for early morning pancakes and coffee on luka's days off ) //

friends (past) — (  they knew luka before he was luka. they cared about him, but he always seemed a little closed off, more distant than others. it was rare to see him truly smile, let alone laugh. they haven't spoken regularly in three years. ) //

not the kid you once knew — (  actors on his father's films! luka knew them all from his trips to set as he was growing up, and they may have thought they knew him, too, because he put on a happy face, even though he was dying inside. they may not recognize him if they see him on the street now. ) //

family friends — (  friends of his parents' kids. they spent a lot of time as kids together. they haven't heard from him at all in the past three years. ) //

muse a (see subplot page on the main)

brothers (wc tbd)