#Twas gasoline

[driftingvoid-155]

Real reason they burned down the building in fnaf 6 was bc the IRS showed up. They were just gonna let the animatronics run around in that labyrinth of vents hamster style for forever but least to say the moment Mike saw those agents he was quick to pull the ‘fire’ alarm and it wasn’t water that came out of the sprinklers.

[gothamsfinestdummy]

Tell us about something you like or have been wanting to talk about? ^^

Heya, thanks for popping in the inbox! I treasure every ask I get, thank you so much.

I'm not great at talking about myself, but I suppose I'll just ramble about a few random things I like. First off, not sure if this is something that everyone has, but my all time favorite smell is gasoline. That stuff has no right to smell that good. If it weren't harmful, I would sniff it all day, every day. I also love the smell of nail polish remover. Just chemical-y smells in general are my favorite type of smells. But with gasoline, my love for it began when I frequently visited my grandpa's shop that was a little ways away from his and my grandma's house (he used to race and work on his race car for many years). It's very nostalgic and delicious, lol.

Not a lot of people know this about me, but I used to skateboard all the time. I still really love skating, I just don't have time to do it anymore. I really should get back into it again (I still have my board, which is very cool). I remember when I was younger, I was skating in my driveway, lost my balance, and fell on my face. My glasses (woah EggBart wears glasses!!!) took most of the damage. Honestly have no idea how the lenses remained intact, 'twas just the frame that snapped. I've taken many falls during my time skating, haha. I'm sure everyone has.

I'm also not sure if this is unusual, but as a kid (and to this day) I would slather my macaroni and cheese with ketchup. It sounds vile, but I promise you it's so good. I've gotten so much hate for it, some people are lame as hell. Damn, that reminds me, when I watched Home Alone as a wee lad, I remember frothing at the mouth over the meal of just straight up macaroni and cheese Kevin had. That was my dream dinner. Thank you, mom, for making that dream dinner come true numerous times, haha. And yeah, I still suck the ketchup out of the packets. It's delicious.

On the same page with food, I dig grilled cheese, curry, any type of fish, that immitation chicken that my friend let me try at a resturant (better than actual chicken, fight me, that stuff is delicious), immitation crab, that chicken soup you get at Olive Garden, miso soup, sushi, fruity pebbles, lasagna, nachos (GUAC GUAC GUAC), bundt cake, those honey crisp apples (those are orgasmic), FRIES (except those NASTY sweet potato fries, those can drown in a bucket of piss), and your mom. Other things as well, of course.

I would also love to let everyone know that I spend a lot of time scrolling through tumblr whilst I rock out to stock "funny music". It's a wild ride.

Haha, speaking of "wild ride", I love roller coasters. I used to be deathly afraid of them, now I'll hold my arms up about the entire time. I also love theme parks and carnivals, plus haunted attractions (I miss going to those). Regarding haunted attractions, It's so fun to play along with the actors (I'm that type), mainly because I wanted to work at a haunted attraction when I was maybe 10? Would be a blast!!

I just realized that I typed a whole essay there, anon. My apologies!! If anyone has any questions about little 'ol me, ask away! Stay safe and take care, anon <3 Thank you again

[if-you-fan-a-fire]

"DEPRESSION IS NOT DUE TO THE MACHINE AGE," Kingston Whig-Standard. June 30, 1933. Page 12. ---- Prof. D. M. Jemmett Spoke at Banquet of Electrical Contractors ---- Professor D.-M. Jemmett of Queen's University was the guest speaker at the convention dinner held on Thurs-day night by the Ontario Electrical Contractors' Association, at the Hotel LaSalle. In an intensely interesting address, Professor Jemmett dealt with some of the direct causes of the present world depression and refuted the argument put forth by many that the machine age was the cause of unemployment and depressed trade. He entirely disagreed with that argument,he said, and named several things that were basic in the modern world, which would not have come about, had it not been for the invention of some form of machinery, such as the lever, the wedge, the screw, the pulley and the wheel. The Romans he said were great engineers, yet they knew only those. From the time of the Romans, until the 17th century there was little advance made in machinery and twas not until 1717 that the first pump was invented. All power up to that time had been muscular. Very little was accomplished by wind and methods of creating water power were very crude. It was not until the 18th century that oars on the sea were abolished in favor of sails, and the first British warship to leave the oars and take up sails was far behind the mercantile ships, it was not until 1860 that the first British warship took to steam. It was in 1769 that James Watt invented the steam engine and from the invention of the steam engine many advances were made in scientific manufacture which was to have its effect on future conditions.

Radio Is Old Professor Jemmett pointed out that while many believed radio to be strictly of the last few years, that it was predicted in 1865 and in 1888 the first experimental discovery of it was made. Great advances had been made in the last century and a half in this field, he said, and in many ways the use of machinery has been responsible for the many things that people today enjoyed. The machine, he said, despite the fact that 150 years ago riots occurred in England in protest against machinery, which workers claimed was throwing them out of work, was one of the basic things in England's prosperity. The effect that the steam engine had in the complete revolution of transportation, was referred to by Professor Jemmett on land and sea.

Machinery for the carrying on of modern works was being proceeded with from day to day, the speaker said. There had followed since the invention by Watt of the steam engine the electric motor, drum armature, gasoline engine, Diesel engine, engines for flying etc. In the field of chemistry marvelous advances had been made, Professor Jemmett said, and the great importance of the electron tube and telephonic and radio communication was stressed by him. He prophesied that most of those present would live to see a revolution in the use of power through the electron tube. The wonders of the past were as nothing compared to the wonders of the present and what.would occur in the future. Instalment Buying Tariffs were sometimes blamed for the depression, Professor Jemmett remarked and about the only difference between parties on tariffs was "a lot of talk about 2 p. c." Too much optimism by sales departments, over-production, and greatest of all the instalment system of buying and selling were the greatest causes of the widespread depression. The instalment plan was a particular target for Professor Jemmett, who roundly disfavored such form of buying and selling.

Through it, he said, people were encouraged to buy who could not afford to buy and the net result in many cases extended right back to the actual manufacturer and the employees of the manufacturer, who were all affected. To use an engineering term, Professor Jemmett stated that it was "unstable equilibrium". The replacement of the individual firm by the corporation idea was one of the great changes wrought in business, and while some of these corporations had done and were doing splendid work, others were taking advantage of their position to reap the greatest good for themselves with-out regard to anyone else.

The speaker, who was Introduced by the chairman, James Harris, was warmly applauded as he concluded his address. During the evening several piano numbers were given by James Corradi and a number of choruses were Indulged in. Sergt.-Major Harper, sang two very pleasing solos,while Misses Aldine Montgomery and Alleen Morrison, in novelty dances and singing numbers scored a decided hit with the audience. Bobby Howarth also contributed several comic numbers which were well received. During the evening a demonstration was given by the Bell Telephone and Northern Electric Companies and proved highly interesting to the audience.

[funshinebf]

one time we were trying to light the firepit in the back yard but we forgot to buy lighter fluid & it wasnt lighting so my dad went to the garage with one of those red plastic cups and filled it with gasoline from the lawnmower and then dumped it on the fire. it sure as hell lit then

[verumking]

⚔️ *:･ﾟ✧┆the mouse in a bear trap // a boy mistaken god. ❪ plotted starter. ❫

       The stygian halls of SHINRA’S HEADQUARTERS– obsidian floors gilded with LIQUID GOLD– did more to turn Yozora’s STOMACH than the Wall Market sewers. For DESPITE its corporate elegance, it was a GOSSAMER VEIL over its twisted operations: irreverence IDENTICAL to the tyranny of GIGAS CORPORATION back on his home dominion. ( The DEITY was an unfortunate victim of such TRANSGRESSIONS. His chest: still AGAPE, his previous encounter with Shinra’s most sadistic agent near EXPOSING his otherworldly origins. ) DEATH INCARNATE quickly learnt to employ the KINGDOM he ruled, stalking office corridors with the SPIRITUAL REALM to guise him. INVISIBLE to the corporeal eye, Yozora had the LUXURY of eavesdropping, the CONVERSATION of two passing guards garnering his ATTENTION:

❛  ... You guys captured him again?  ❜ ❛  Yeah. ‘Twas weird though, weren’t as slippery as the last time…  ❜ ❛  Maybe th’kid accepted the inevitable.  ❜

       KING’S INTRIGUE about their hostage was no sooner DISPELLED: by the exchange of their prisoner’s POSSESSIONS. A pistol, a cell phone… and a baseball cap. GUILT quickly flooded stoic features, PROFANITY slipping from between gritted teeth. ( They caught him. The REAL Leslie Kyle. ) Over fifty flights up the headquarters’ EMERGENCY STAIRWELL, and the reaper king finally reached Shinra’s LABORATORIES. Hesitance sunk DEEP as the stench of MEDICAL SUPPLIES swelled his nostrils, HURLING Yozora back thirteen years, when he was an INVOLUNTARY SUBJECT to scalpel and shears. ALAS, despite the paralysis overtaking his BONES… the Verum Rex pressed FORWARD. ( The least he could DO, was prevent another from suffering the SAME FATE. )

       Grimace swept a SALLOW VISAGE as Thanatos phased through LOCKED DOORS, veins searing with his rapidly depleting ASTRAL ENERGY: like a rusted engine, BURNING through the last drop of GASOLINE. Fortunately, no one was there to WITNESS Yozora’s lurching… just a disturbed boy, with UNCANNY silver hair, sealed in a CYLINDRICAL CHAMBER. Night sky was cautious in his APPROACH, removing his own baseball cap to GREET the stranger he shamelessly STOLE from:  ❛  … Leslie. ❜  Vermillion-blue irises GLINTED, almost apologetically. ❛  We need to leave, now. Can you stand?  ❜

❪ @rcunionpromisc​ ❫

[yibohei]

fresh guardian of asgard chapter 1

loki x f!reader

thor x f!reader (platonic)

chapter 1:

a/n: reader has some serious peter quill vibes lolol. this is more like a light hearted fic with a really slow burn with our favourite trickster! and please forgive me, i don’t have an updated masterlist bcuz i’m on vacay rn with no laptop!!

MCU 2010

Song: Down by Jay Sean, Lil Wayne

twas another beautiful day in asgard, or how you called it, “assguard”.

you woke up in a cheery mood, the light was seeping through your bedroom window. you live in the palace where the royalty of asgard resided, although you find yourself quite out of place. but nevertheless you were forced to live with the royals.

because you were the youngest and the last valkyrie.

the valkyries were an all female army who swore to protect the throne. you were born around the same time that loki odinson was born. your mother was one of the few who survived after a vicious battle that destroyed almost all the valkyries. your mother has sworn for you to be loyal to the throne no matter who sits upon it. then bleh, she died after giving birth to you.

so basically you were an orphan your whole life. alone. and meant to be alone as you were last of your kind.

but that didn’t stop your playful and childlike mindset.

you were always so cheerful, even as a little child.

when you first visited midgard during the 70s, you immediately fell in love with the music they had there. you were secretly visiting midgard simply because you were bored and you had nothing to do since you were done with your training for the day. you found a radio when you went to an abandoned gasoline station, and you curiously turned it on.

the tune that came out was a funky tune; i want you back by the jackson 5. you immediately fell in love.

you purchased a walkman portable record player and brought it with you. as the years went by with the updated technology on midgard, you soon bought an mp3 player, then an ipod.

as soon you got dressed in your grey armour, you put on your headphones and plugged it in your ipod. you grabbed your sword and skipped your way out to the training field to demolish a couple of dummies.

you pressed play. down by jay sean started to play.

while dancing to the beat, you swung your sword and sliced through a couple of dummies with ease.

soon enough when the chorus hit, you ditched your sword and started dancing.

baby are you down down down down down

shooting your arms in the air you sang the song with all of your voice. you were so preoccupied that you didn’t notice someone was walking up behind you.

you felt someone tap your shoulder and immediately your instincts took over. you grabbed your sword from the ground. you ducked, kicked a pair of legs and caused the person who tapped you to fall to the ground. you got up and pointed the tip of the sword on the throat. surprise hit you when you saw who you knocked down. green eyes met with your e/c ones.

“surprise.” loki laufayson said, doing jazz hands on the fresh grass.

you sighed and and dropped your sword beside him. you took out your headphones.

“loki, i could’ve killed you. don’t disturb my dance session!” you said.

he got up from the ground and dusted his black leather pants.

“dancing? you’re supposed to be training you quim.” he debated back.

“you know this shit is wayyy too easy for me loks.” you grinned.

loki sighed and picked up your sword and gave it you. “do NOT call me loks. we aren’t kids anymore. father sent me to call for you. apparently you’re coming with thor and i on a mission.”

you let out a piercing scream. loki comically fell to the ground, covering his ears. thor ran out to see if something happened.

“lady (y/n)! what’s going on?” he ran to your side, with mjølnir ready in his hand.

loki looked rather annoyed. “he doesn’t need help, her annoying self just screamed because she’s excited.” he pointed at you, visibly shaking with excitement, squatting like you were taking a shit, your hands clenched on your sides and you were biting your bottom lip.

thor glances at you. “i really do think she needs help brother.”

loki rolled his eyes. “you know she’s always like this ever since we were kids right?”

“YESSSSSS! YESSSS! I GOT A MISSION!” you screamed.

loki really got annoyed this time. “(y/n), shut the FUCK UP!” he screamed in your ear.

you fell to the ground due to loki screaming in your ear. “sorry.” you said sheepishly, rubbing your head.

“maybe i shouldn’t let you come with both of us.” loki sneered.

you rolled your eyes and got up from the grass. “what am i a royal guard for then, your old man? i was sworn to protect you buffoons, and i didn’t even ask for it. but whatever i need to be with you guys because i’m a VALKYRIE.” you said, emphasizing the work valkyrie by making your hands make a fake rainbow.

thor laughed. “you know lady (y/n), we don’t need protecting. you need to protect the allfather.”

“thor, you’re really deaf. i just said that i was sworn to protect you two idiots.” you huffed.

“if anything you’re the idiot here.” loki muttered.

“iF aNyThInG yOu’Re tHe iDiOt HeRe.” you mocked him. “come on let’s get this party started!” you yelled, running out to get your things from your room.

the two brothers started to walk back in the palace.

“brother, are you sure this is a good idea?” thor asked.

“10 asgardian coins she’s going to end up killing the wrong guy.” loki betted.

“10 asgardian coins that y’all gonna be late and i’m gonna leave you both behind!” you shouted.

the two brothers whipped their head to see you exiting the palace and sprinting straight to the bifrost. you had a crazy smile plastered on your face.

“(Y/N)!!!!!” they both yelled, sprinting to catch up to you.

taglist: @illogicalfangirl

[prince-dongju]

Get to know me tag

I was tagged by @junkyuculture ❤

rules: tag 10 followers you’d like to get to know better!

name: Krystal

birth year: 2000

sign: Pisces 

height: 5′6″

put your playlist on shuffle and name the first 4 songs:

Well... I have about 85 different playlists so this is gonna be fun

1.Rooftop - N.Flying (I love this song)

2.What Do I Do - Spectrum 

3. Scary Love - The Neighbourhood 

4.Eternity - VIXX 

grab the nearest book, turn to page 23, what’s the 17th line?

“Madame Maglorie lit two candles and placed the candlesticks on the table.” The book is Les Miserables. (I gave up after reading half of it haha)

ever had a song or poem written about you?

No 

when was the last time you played air guitar?

A long time ago. I don’t really do that 

celebrity crushes?

Ok.... I have a fat one on Byounggon atm. Plus Hyunsuk. San from Ateez. Also Chani from SF9

what is a sound you love/hate?

I love the sound of a clock ticking 

I hate the sound of chewing. Ugh  

do you believe in ghosts?

Eh. When it’s late at night and I’m scared 

do you believe in aliens?

not really... 

do you drive? and if you do, have you ever crashed?

I can drive. Luckily I haven’t crashed yet 

last book you read?

The Hunger Games. Like 6 months ago lol

do you like the smell of gasoline?

no

the last movie you saw?

.... It’s actually Bird Box. My roommates roped me into watching it. Twas a bad idea

do you have any obsessions right now?

Ateez, YGTB. Cereal lol

do you tend to hold grudges?

Sometimes

are you in a relationship right now?

Bold of this to assume anyone would want to date me 

I’ll tag @sufferhyuns @sorta-culturedorangegiraffe @ebarbs95 @winwinprinceofchina @kimheenim4president @byounggonsgf 

I’m too lazy to think of more people, but if anyone wants to do it, feel free  

[affectedexistence]

Get to know me tag! I was tagged by @whoshugginghop 

Name: Meg

Birth year: 1991. I was born in a mirror world.

Sign: Fishies do the swim-swim.

Put your playlist on shuffle and name the first five songs

1. “Spirit Cold” Tall Heights

2. “Ribbon” Billie Marten

3. “In the Beginning” Fahrenhaidt, Alice Merton 

4. “The Night We Met” Lord Huron

5. “Until the Levee” Joy Williams

Grab the nearest book and turn to page 23. What’s the 17th line?

All of my book-books are in the closet of doom with all of my other earthly possessions, so picking from the top of my kindle library instead. Which means this is coming from a free Kindle read that I haven’t actually read. I also had to go to page 24 because the Kindle skipped from 22 to 24. Will I ever read this book? Probably not.

“-other faiths and developed her own brand of spirituality. But she hadn’t wanted to-”

(The Snow Gypsy by Lindsay Jayne Ashford)

Ever had a song or poem written about you?

Don’t think so. If you’ve written one about me (or want to take this opportunity to do so), let me know and send it my way. Especially if it’s a diss track. Keep me humble, folks. I do know people who have based characters off of me for their scripts, which has always been super flattering. 

When was the last time you played air guitar?

Probably a week ago, at my dad’s wedding reception. Twas much good times, and the band was fantastic. If you’re in Southern CA, I highly recommend them. They’re OC based, and they’re called Ragdoll. They did a series of classic rock covers and the female vocalist did a great job on Stevie Nicks songs. They were also super fun with the wedding group and let guests come up and sing with them, including the bride and groom. Previous to this, they’ve been one of my dad’s favorite bands, so he was super stoked that they did the reception. Check them out!

Celebrity crush(es)

In the traditional sense of a crush, eh. Ace/Aro here. But in the Friend-Crush kind of way, I think Robbie Sheehan would just be fantastically fun to be around. Him or Brendan Urie. Talented folks who I imagine could only make a person better to be around. 

What’s a sound you hate/love?

hate: chewing (if I can still hear you while wearing headphones blasting my music at full volume, you need to figure that shit out), fireworks (too unpredictable, the fourth of july is a nightmare, I feel nauseous the whole day), crying (not just like light crying, but that broken-hearted, nothing you can do to help, defeated sort of cry where it’s like the person’s soul is trying to flee them. it’s so hard to be around when I know I can’t do anything to help), animal pain shrieks (they deserve nothing but snuggles), background noise (I have tinnitus, which means I’m already sorting through lots of noise in my head to listen to people, when there’s music playing or someone else talking really loudly in the same room, I have a hard time hearing what people are saying because I can’t sift through all of the stimulus, and I hate having to ask them to repeat it five or six times)

love: waves, rain (also the smell of rain is perfection), blasting music in the car, my sister singing, cats purring, that little whine that dogs do when they want ear scratches, weirdly I like the sound of fabric rubbing against fabric (like that sheet noise that happens when you’re all snugged up in bed and you shift and the topsheet rubs against the bottom sheet. I don’t know why, but I really like that sound), towel-drying hair, shower (any kind of running water, honestly), the voices of people I feel safe around (jane, val, my parents, my sister, my new step-sister, my grandma, my cousin, my aunts and uncles)

Do you believe in ghosts?

To me it’s one of those things where I kind of want to believe, and there are times when I get close, but I don’t really believe in them. I think it’s not entirely impossible that if individual particles are capable of time-travel, that many particles could be time-traveling at the same time in which case an impression of a person or figure could be witnessed, but I don’t really believe in souls, so it’s kind of impossible for me to really believe in the traditional sort of ghosts.

Do you believe in aliens?

Insomuch as do other lifeforms exist outside of Earth, obviously. Perhaps even something resembling animal life, even intelligent life. But intelligent humanoids within our ability to contact? Profoundly unlikely.

Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

I love driving, and have driven cross-country six times. I’ve never crashed, though I have been in an accident during one of my cross-country drives where a van pulled into my lane, almost knocked me under a sixteen-wheeler, and then sped off down the next exit when I pulled off to the side. Also of note, I was in a convertible at the time, and if they’d hit me any harder, I probably would have gotten thrown under the trailer and gotten decapitated. 

Last book you read?

Oh, gosh. I couldn’t tell you. I have a tendency to read multiple books at a time and I have been focusing of script reading the past few months. Book-wise, the last few I’ve been cycling through are Snow Queen by Joan D. Vinge, The Black Mage series by Rachel E. Carter, and basically any other female protag fantasy I can get my hands on because I love that shit unconditionally. Even the garbage. If it’s staring a female character who defies all expectations put on her by a patriarchal fantasy culture, I will eat it up with my bare fucking hands. SOUND LIKE A STORY YOU KNOW? TELL ME ABOUT IT AND I WILL DEVOUR IT. I also have a soft-spot in my heart for anything fantasy-assassin related.

Do you like the smell of gasoline?

I’m indifferent? It doesn’t bother me, but I’m not going to go shove my face in it.

Last movie you saw?

Bohemian Rhapsody, I’m not big on features but it was alright.

Do you have any obsessions right now?

Umbrella Academy as Vines Compilations. 

Do you tend to hold grudges?

Not if it’s for a wrong done to me, but I will hold a grudge forever if I think someone is fucking with people I care about. Like you can treat me like shit and I’ll probably be able to move past it because I have a lot of issues and I need people to like me, but if you fuck with my family (which for me includes my friends, without question) then I will never forgive or forget.

Are you in a relationship right now?

Yes. I am happily committed to my Playstation 4. Ours is a pure love. We stay up late talking into the wee hours of the morn. We rarely have communication issues, but when we do, I immediately seek to rectify the problem. 

So no. And not looking either. Not my jam.

I’ll tag... YOU! IF YOU’RE READING TO THIS POINT THEN YOU ARE CLEARLY INVESTED AND NOW YOU HAVE TO DO IT, I DON’T MAKE THE RULES, I JUST ANNOUNCE THEM IN ALL CAPS.

[cultistheads]

Rules: Tag 10 followers you want to get to know better.

‘twas tagged by @seyeongs my boy tanthony

Birth year: 2004

Star sign: pisces thot

Height: 5’5 i think

Put your playlist on shuffle and list the first 4 songs:

1. cherry-lana del ray

2. some kind of nature-gorillaz

3. americans-janelle monae

4. possibly maybe-bjork

Grab the nearest book to you, turn to page 23, what is line 17? “full faintly shone the ring of flame”

Ever had a song or poem written about you?

ya but i wrote it

When was the last time you played air guitar?

literally like 4 hours ago

Celebrity Crushes?

kurt kobain, hailey kiyoko, lana del ray, lupita nyong’o, king princess

What’s a sound you hate? Love?

hate?? idk

love?? fire or something

Do you believe in ghosts? ye

Do you believe in aliens? ye

Do you drive? If so, have you crashed?

lmao no i’m babey

Last book you read?

lullabies for little criminals and one of my spell books i think

Do you like the smell of gasoline? yep bitch

Last movie you’ve seen?

loving vincent

What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

untreated concussions

Do you have any obsessions right now?

sally face, gorillaz, crying

Do you tend to hold grudges? sure i guess

In a relationship? naah

idk who to tag

[gregtom]

i was tagged by @hauntedhousemd thank you sage!!!

rules: tag ten people you want to get to know better

aaaa idk whom to tag so please consider yourself tagged if you’d like to do this! 

star sign: sag

height: 5′6

put your music on shuffle, what are the first 4 songs that popped up?:

police & thieves by the clash

last night i dreamt that somebody loved me by the smiths

i don’t mind by buzzcocks

dancing in the street by martha reeves & the vandellas

grab the book nearest to you and turn to page 23. whats line 17?:

“her fortune eats at her inconstant thoughts...” context: come close, a book of sappho’s poems jes lovingly gave me :’‘‘) 😚💕💕

ever had a poem or song written about you?:

OOF yes very incredibly wonderful tender ones; the absolute dearest things to me ;_______; hhhh if i think about it too much i’ll start crying

when was the last time you played air guitar?:

never? hfbdhfbh

who is your celebrity crush?:

i’ve actually never had a celebrity crush (we’re gonna move past comp het 14 yo me) but i guess 80′s morrissey is celebrity crush-adjacent (no i won’t elaborate dnfhdh)

what’s a sound you hate + a sound you love?:

hate: my flatmates? hbshdsh 

love: 

option 1. jes’ laughter

option 2. johnny’s guitar on the superior version of this charming man

do you believe in ghosts?:

no (i’m so sorry arth)

how about aliens?:

i mean i think that it’s definitely probable that somewhere in the infinite vastness of the universe life exists, whether that’s intelligent life or even organic life is a something else entirely and i lean towards no for our solar system at least (i’m so sorry arnold rimmer hbdfh) 

do you drive?:

no i’m a useless lesb

if so, have you ever crashed?:

what was the last book you read?:

a microbiology textbook 🤙

do you like the smell of gasoline?:

no?

what was the last movie you saw?:

submarine (with jes!) twas very good 😌💕

what was the worst injury you’ve ever had?:

broken arm

do you have any obsessions right now?:

am i allowed to mention jes again? jes!!!

do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?:

hmm not particularly? 

in a relationship?:

yea :’’> m’love (idk if i’ve mentioned her before) jes @latemodernity 😘😘💕

[cdc1345711]

OC Story: Academy Days 1

(Chip proposed to his Girlfriend Ari before the New Year awaiting their wedding in February of 2021 and despite what everyone says Chip is Romantic and what better way to show it than to Ari's job at Mandrake University as he steps out his car and checks the Directions on his Phone)

Chip:Mandrake Academy? Yep this is the place....now the effort of finding Ari's Office......oi vey"

(He searched around asking Students while inside Ari was hanging in the lounge with her fellow educators)

Ari:(Putting Creamer in her Coffee)Another Day Another Dollar or at least that's what the Board Says"

Owlferd:(Anthropology Teacher and Owl)I agree Ari least you're shift hasn't started yet"

Ari:It did but I got no clients till after Lunch"

Wanda:(Coed Coach/Entomology Teacher Wasp)My class is about to start....damn early risers"

Ari:Just like High School"

Connie:(Cone Headed Honors Science)Except most of the Students look like they're Held back a couple of years"

(Everyone laughs)

Wanda:So......anyone going to the Headmasters Party tonight?"

Owlferd:Only downside of Tenure of I got to go hohoho it's no trouble for me it's just my Husband doesn't wear much Formal Attire"

Connie:Speaking of 'Husbands' when are we gonna meet yours Ari"

Ari:First off Not my Husband YET we're engaged Second He's very busy and isn't a Formal Fellow as well"

Wanda:That so? Or is he fake?"

Ari:Not Fake he's real"

Wanda:Sure(says sarcastically)"

Moe:(Lorologist aka Primate Guy who studies lore comes in making a dash for the Coffee)Coffee coffee coffee need it......(gets his cup)"

Wanda:You okay Beu?"

Moe:Classes about to start and I SWEAR to every Gods if someone asks me another Eldritch Question I might bash my head in.....(takes a deep breath and exhales calming down)so what I miss?"

Owlferd:We're talking about the existance of Ari's Fiance"

Moe:Seriously? What are we in Middle School?"

Ari:Thank You Moe"

Moe:It's up there with 'My Boyfriend who lives in Canada' and 'My BF is my Cat'"

Ari:Okay that last one isn't real"

Connie:Like your Fiance...."

Ari:HE'S REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Owlferd:Well Ari you never showed us a picture of him......"

Wanda:Hell you Never gave us his name"

Ari:Well......its because we want our private life to be uuuh whats the word umm.....Private"

(Everyone Stares)

Ari:Alright......his name is Chip"

Moe:The Psychotic Metal Organic?"

Ari:He's more Sociopathic than Psychotic"

(Everyone looks at each other and all laugh)

Wanda:Seriously the Greatest Assassin ever is marrying you?"

Ari:Mmmmm"

(Bell Rings)

Moe:Time to Work.....we'll pick off later(phone ding)huh?(looks at it)oh shit turns out some Bearded Weirdo is on Campus"

Wanda:That......narrows it down to most of the Students here"

Moe:But he's not a student....probably just a Homeless Guy snuck in....again"

Owlferd:3rd time this week by my count"

Ari:Well if anything Security might catch him"

(Back to Chip he so far hasn't found anyone who knows where Ari's Office is until he stops to asks some Stoners)

Chip:Yo Potheads....."

Stoner 1 Grass Guy:Whoa man this is medicinal..."

Chip:Grass smoking Grass? Either Charles Coburn thinks this is original or he's REALLY bad at being funny"

Stoner 2:Whuuuut?"

Chip:Nothing anyone here knows a Miss Ari Zira? Or more importantly the location of her Office?"

Stoner 3:No"

Stoner 1:Why so you can Narc on us Fascist?"

Chip:I really don't give a shit I just.....wait those Grade A Mary Jay?"

Stoner 2:Yeah man....."

Stoner 1:We'd share but we don't share with cops...."

Chip:Not a cop just trying to find my Soon to be Wife"

Stoner 3:Likely story.....NARC!!!!!"

Chip:(Whispers as he face palms)Jesus Fucking Christ looks Shaggy Scooby and Dooby either you tell me where Your Psychologist is or I'm taking all your Weed"

Stoner 1:You and what Army man?"

(Chip just looks straight for a moment and in the next scene he's walking away with a box of Doobies whistling....how he can whistle without a mouth don't ask me bub it's my story-speaking of.....as he walks off he's stopped by a Axe Headed Guy A Gorilla and a Coyote)

Konk:Freeze you the Bearded Weirdo walking around the University?"

(Chip just looks at him confused)

Hatchet:Sorry there is like a billion Bearded Weirdos here....must of asked 50 people to show us their student ID"

Chip:Well.......Im not a student I'm just a Guy holding this Doobies I snagged from a couple of pot smoking retards...."

Colty:WAIT......that Pure Marijuana?"

(Chip eye widens......next minute everybody is smokin the Weed)

Konk:Man....they don't make this shit like this anymore...."

Chip:Very few thing my People can feel honestly"

Hatchet:So....why you here Chip?"

Chip:Surprise Visiting my Wife Ari Zira....."

Konk:The University Psychologist?"

Chip:Thank FUCKING God someone knows her"

Colty:Course we know her....helped me get over my Issues with my Mom"

Hatchet:Helped me get in touch in my inner self"

Konk:Helped me overcome my homicidal anger by finally coming out of the closet as a self confidant Bisexual Man"

(Everyone looks at him)

Konk:Yep I'm Bi(Changed subject)So you want us to help you find your Girl?"

Chip:Be Appreciated....."

Konk:Then let's go...."

(Other side Ari is visited by the Vice Headmaster Todd the Fox)

Todd:Ari how is the School's Best Psychologist?"

Ari:Kinda meh Morning but I'm better now. And you Vice Headmaster?"

Todd:Well.......I'M FREAKING OUT!!!!!!"THERE'S ANOTHER WEIRDO IN OUR CAMPUS......what if he's armed"

Ari:You shouldn't judge that person....for all we know he or she is probably hungry and as decent beings we should not be fearful but helpful towards the poor soul"

Todd:And THAT Ari is proof of your Tenure"

Ari:See there....wait SERIOUSLY???"

Todd:YES"

(Both Squeal in excitement but quickly calm down)

Ari:Finally I've worked hard for Tenure....."

Todd:And you deserve it a lot....(looks at the clock)oooh almost lunch care to join me?"

Ari:Why not?"

(The 2 leave for Lunch while Chip bonds with the Security Team)

Chip:This Campus has a BAR?"

Colty:Yeah it's called Barsco it's run by our Friend Rosco....if you plan to stay longer we can take you there"

Chip:Really?"

Hatchet:He has booze for everybody Even Lighter Fluid and Gasoline for Metal Organics"

Chip:Sounds like my kinda Guy"

Konk:Yo wanna get some grub first I'm hungry...."

Hatchet:Munchies Man....."

Chip:They're a Cunt"

(As they Chat Ari and Todd were walking to the Cafeteria as they bump into......)

Ari/Todd:MR.MANDERS?"

Mr.Manders:Hoho Hello Todd and Ari....(he's holding a tray of A Burger Tater Tots and a Sparkling Ice)Just in luck they're serving Bean Burgers my Favorite...."

Ari:That's great Headmaster...."

Mr.Manders:So Ari can I expect to see you at my Party tonight?"

Ari:Oh idk Sir I gotta check my schedule to see if it's not booked"

Mr.Manders:Oh I understand Duties come first you know....btw have you heard the news?"

Ari:No Sir(she lies thinking he's about to say she's getting Tenure which will up her pay making sure to help Chip with their Wedding)what is it?"

(Gestures them to move forward as they do and whispers to them)

Mr.Manders:The Security team found the Bearded Fellow who snuck in on Campus....."

Ari:Oh(feeling a bit dissappointed)well least they got him out safely"

Mr.Manders:Actually they didn't...."

Todd:They beat him up?"

Mr.Manders:No....hes still here"

(They turn to see the cart)

Ari:(In Horror)Oh No"

Chip:ARI!!!!!!(walks up and hugs her)Been trying to find you all damn day so far none of the students know your office....I had to beat up a bunch of Stoners as I 'took' their Cush and met my New Best Friends right here"

Konk/Hatchet/Colty: Hi Ari"

Ari:Hi Boys(to Chip)Why are you here....'Honey'?"

Chip:I wanted to surprise you by Romantically coming to your work"

MrMander:Mhmm(coughs as the Other Faculty joins in)Ari mind introducing us to your friend"

Ari:(Gulps)Right Mr.Manders Todd and Everyone this is Chip my Fiance....."

Wanda:(Whispers)Holy Shit she wasn't lying"

Todd:Well even though it's nice to meet you Mr......Chip was it? You are however tresspassing on University grounds"

Chip:Don't get your Panties in a twist Nick Wilde I'm here for Ari"

Todd:Why I never...."

(Just then someones bag was stolen)

Girl:HELP!!!!!"

Mr.Manders:THIEF!!!!!!"

Todd:Quick securi....."

(And in a flash Chip catches the thief and pummels him as he realizes....)

Chip:Holy Shit you're the Stoner Kid"

Stoner 1:You stole my livelihood man....gad to earn green somehow...."

Chip:Yeah yeah....(knocks him out)"

Mr.Manders:(Clapping)My My what skills you were amazing"

Chip:Twas nothing sir"

Mr.Manders:'Twas' ooh Ari your Future Husband is quite a sophisticant"

Chip:I try...."

Mr.Manders:Would you like to come to my Party Tonight? It's to Celebrate the Anniversary of our University being the first to integrate Metal Organics it will be catered and I'll announce a New Tunre Employee"

Chip:Huh can't say no to that plus free dinner I'll be there"

Mr.Manders:Oh Splendid"

Moe:Uuuuh Ari......"

Wasp:You okay Girl?"

Ari:(Grinding her teeth and says angrily)Never......Better"

Chip:Hey Hon I'm gonna start getting ready see you at home(kisses her cheek)"

Owlferd:Nice Bod...nothing on my Man though"

(Night of the Party And Chip and Ari are wearing their Best Formal Clothes)

Chip:Hmmm Swanky"

Ari:(Stops him)Look Chip this is not just some fancy party by your Rich Friends or by the Lewd Crew this is my Job with my Coworkers and Boss so please please PLEASE be on your best behavior alright?"

Chip:(Looks straight at her)Okay what's up you're really on edge?"

Ari:I'm not on edge it's nothing...."

Chip:Let's cut the Bullshit Ari you know we're on the same scale when it comes to smarts"

Ari:Dammit alright.....I...I was told I might get Tenure...by Todd...."

Chip:Fox Boy? Okay(thinking of something)"

(They Enter and Ari meets up with Wanda and Moe)

Ari:Hello Everyone....Wanda Nice sashes"

Wanda:Thanks Bug People don't usually wear clothes but even we can look pretty"

Chip:Nice Suit"

Moe:Right back at ya"

Konk:HEY CHIP"

Chip:KONK you made it"

Konk:Wouldn't miss it"

Chip:Where are the rest of the Guys?"

Konk:At Barscos. They ain't the Formal Types"

Chip:Heh the more I know about them the More I like them"

Owlferd:Hoohoo Hello Ari(accompanied by his Husband)Chip this is my Husband....."

Chip:BASILISK......"

Basilisk:CHIP......"

Chip:You old Son of a Bitch"

Owlferd:Seems you both know each other"

Chip:Shared a Mission once his Eyes of Penance whew Powerful Shit"

Basilisk:Had to be to stop those Humanoids....(to Owlferd)Later Hon"

Todd:(With his Rabbit GF Lydia)Ari hi...."

Chip:('Hmm guess I was wrong')Bunny GF? Goddamn you are Nick Wilde"

lydia:He tries"

Todd:Hopefully things go smoothly without(looks at Chip)interruptions"

Chip:(Just Grunts)"

Mr.Manders:(On Stage)Good to see all you lovely faces here Tonight"

Konk:This will take a while(drinks his flask)want some?"

Chip:Can't taste booze but what the Hell(drinks some) anyone else?"

Moe:Yo"

Mr.Manders:My Grandfather Founded this University in 1945 and My Father was the first to integrate with Metal Organics in 1958..."

Chip:Apparently his Family has a Jesus complex.....which Ironic for me...."

Wanda:How come?"

(Chip reveals his Star of David Necklace)

Wanda:Oh okay"

Mr.Manders:Now without further adieu our new Tenure is.......Ari Zira"

Ari:YES.....I mean yes"

Todd:Yay Ari"

Wanda:You go Girl"

Mr.Manders:Congratulations Ari and I'm also proud to pronounce our newest employee...."

Ari:What......"

Mr.Manders:I was impressed with his skills this morning and while he left to prepare for Tonight I asked him......would you like to be in our University's Security....followed by his yes.....Mr.Chip Cosmas"

Ari:Que..?"

Chip:Wanted it to be a surprise....now we can see more of each other"

Ari:But....your Assassin Business....the Training of the Next Warriors?"

Chip:I thought of spending more time with my Future Wife...."

Ari:Oooh(walks up to the drinks and start drinking)"

Chip:Why she upset? She got Tenure"

Todd:You really can't see it can you?"

Chip:You got something to say say it Foxy"

Todd:I doubt you can grasp it"

Chip:(Wanting to punch but holds back)Not worth it"

Todd:Good to hold back Huh Meto....."

(Chip heard what he said and as quick as lightning punches Todd slamming him on the table)

Ari:What the Hell?"

(Todd tried to fight back but Chip was better as he beat Todd up)

Ari:CHIP STOP IT....STOP IT NOW(holds him off)You seriously can't go one night without being an Angry Animal can you not even for me? And to my friend and Coworker?"

Chip:Ari you don't understand....."

Ari:What I don't understand is why you couldn't do this one thing ONE FUCKING THING for me....just NOT BE YOU!!!!!"

Chip:Ari he's trying to get with you.....by making me the bad guy"

Todd:What? No I'm not Ari is my Friend and I love Lydia you psycho....."

(And as Chip heard his Voice his words were true)

Chip:Then why where you an Asshole to me?"

Todd:Because you're image isn't right for Ari....shes sophisticated and intelligent but you're a Violent Monster....."

Chip:You don't know a Fucking thing about me.....Ari...."

Ari:Chip please.....I just.....dont wanna see you now....(she cries)"

(Chip leaves looking back and Konk goes to Ari saying)

Konk:He had another reason Ari....."

(At Barscos the Campus Bar Chip is drowning his sorrows in Arsenic and Gin)

Chip:Another Round....."

Rosco:Sure Pal.....(puts in the Lighter Fluid Soda Water and Gin)"

Chip:Leave the Cannister"

Rosco:Whoa Bud I can't just(Chip stares at him angrily) eh Fuck it(leaves the Lighter Fluid)"

(Second later Ari shows up and sits next to Chip)

Chip:Hey....."

Ari:Hey........"

Chip:I really Fucked shit up didn't I?"

Ari:Yes......."

Chip:Guess I'm fired?"

Ari:Could've......"

Chip:What?"

Ari:Konk told me what Todd said to make you Angry......seems I was the one who Fucked Shit Up in a metaphorical sense...."

Chip:You were caught in a misunderstanding that's all.....didn't mean your were wrong....I got Angry and beat the living shit out of your friends at work......"

Ari:Well after he used that Racist Slur He's knocked down a few pegs.....sigh it was true I thought you'd jeopardize my chances of Tenure"

Chip:Why you so hellbent on this Tenure Shit?"

Ari:It's because....I wanted the pay bonus to help pay for our wedding"

Chip:Ari I said I got it...."

Ari:Chip we're about to spend our lives together....that means we're a team and we should be there for each other"

Chip:Hmm......that Fox was right about one thing....you're smart as Fuck"

(Mr.Manders arrives)

Chip:Oh Headmaster.....sorry for earlier....I lost my shit"

Mr.Manders:I heard what Todd said he's taking a HR Seminar so he can be more open minded as for the party well.....since the Gym is a mess(the Caterers come in with the Food)Guess we can move it to this fine Bar...with Owner's permission"

Rosco:Got my Approval Boss"

(And so the night that started off unexpected turned into something better as Chip and Ari's Bonds grew stronger for it. The Next Day)

Ari:Ready for your First day?"

Chip:Hell Yeah I am(Walks to the Security Office and looks around ready for this New Chapter in his Life"

THE END

[askbailout]

A Cybertronian Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and on the metal planet

Not a creature was stirring, not even a petrorabbit

Stockings were hung by the air vents with care

In hopes the prime Optimus would soon be there

The air ducts rattled with exclamations of "FUCK!!!"

But what would emerge was not the jolly truck

A helm with one optic crash into the room

All cybertronians know tis the mech whom

Goes by the name of the Christmas Grinch

But in all actuality it's just the Whirl binch

He broke through the cieling and tore down the tree

He stole all the presents with the utmost of glee

Then to the kitchen to eat every ration

Then putting on the stockings for a small bit of fashion

Then into the berthrooms he slunk and he slithered

Trying and failing to imitate a lizard

He pulled out some gasoline and set the room on fire

And he stood back and watched as the flames went higher.

Then back to the air ducts to find some good cover

Awaiting a reflex response from the other

Cyclonus awoke to a startling sight

His entire frame surrounded by scorching light

He screamed "HOLY PIT"

For he was in deep shit

And he knew who the culprit may be

He crashed through the walls

And the flame decked halls

Tearing his way to the vent

and inside it he goes

To kill the source of his woes

To which he did find

Every present torn open

and the culprit caught red handed

He snarled and then

Reached out a servo

And wrung out Whirl's long ass neck and killed a binch

But didn't really kill da binch cause that's not how he rolls

Optimus: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good-"

Whirl: "FUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The end (\o3o/)

[libidomechanica]

‘In delays and got, ’twas’

And, “you’re a rubber/ gasoline salesman or like a mirror on a chair, thy brow He still unsure: In delays and got, twas but a dream?

Push and be my life yonder this strangers good-bye And oh, ‘tis true.” Until their narrow to outward view And lo, it is endeavour;

May-wreath now And the oak is keeping Out over.

Her very useless but you, your ugly empty air will blooms But which some May yet be blamed if these We men and sour prentices, and wood, for hid delights, And yet thou never had seen: A Chapel was built house. Tiptoe to repeating ratio To the bud and saying plainly of not turning days, When it come. And coffers heaped with thou this we were as eyes more, and not love not weaned till I die. And I hold a plea,’ Whose action impossibly used up I felt the bush, The lips taste eternity.

Which, for though the shape of stone, nor stone, unshaken by lightning bug. Every way by now Just from you neither men may use deceivest By wilful tasted, Their lines, till the chair we sit on. Against them, as the window-niche How something, who every way you were. I’ve been sing the voiceless as next morning away In a vision, or in none, Is it, there is one

the world’s biggest light. Beauty is the bird All you are my love her night, Though it broke before, there is nowhere, the flowed. Twas so; but the flowers shoulder, he meaning truly seldom.

Built house No more. Think us worthy such a guest, But, the quintessence Of all my poor credulous Shade, I find no place, strawberries spread the nunnery Of thy garland green.

Whose to the window of a word.

[lineffability]

hit and run

I stole ur car to outrun these assholes but we got t-boned and now both of us are staring down 7 gun barrels-–don’t worry babe ok I totally have this handled

modern criminal au. part 1/3 fandom: inuyasha // inukag inukag week day 1: protect words: 1238 summary: “It’s not like I did it because I like you or anything. When this is over, you’re probably dead meat, and I won’t care a fucking bit!” “You know, I’d maybe believe you if you hadn’t just taken a bullet for me, you jerk!”

Hello hello, I return to the Inuyasha fandom once more. Coincidentally, right in time for Inukag week! Twas fate. Enjoy this little adventure. <3

It wasn’t every day you found yourself staring down the barrel of a gun. Multiple guns, to be exact. It wasn’t every day, either, to have your car stolen, along with yourself, by an angry, screaming lunatic with a bag full of ramen cup noodles. To have both these things happen in a day was so unlikely that Kagome was ready to sue whoever was in charge of Probability. All she had wanted was to buy some harmless groceries.  

Now here she was, frozen with fear inside her car, while her kidnapper stood in front of the hood with his hands held high. He’d left the car door open, and the smell of gasoline and garbage wafted inside. They were not in the best part of town. Their persecutors had caught up with them all too quickly, and sadly they had not been the police. Whoever this ramen thief was, he was knee-deep in trouble of the worst kind, and it probably didn’t have to do exclusively with the theft of instant noodles. Then again, who was she to know the workings of criminals? Maybe there was a ramen cup noodle mafia.

But no matter how much Kagome disliked her car-napper, she did not want to see him shot. And, from the looks of it, that was exactly what was going to happen. So Kagome did the only stupid thing she could think of: she jumped out of her car, screamed at an angry mob with guns to please stop and protectively stepped in front of the asshole.

They wouldn’t shoot an innocent woman, right?

Except, she realized a little belatedly, they would. Of course they would.

Kagome barely had time to scream when she was shoved to the side so roughly that she lost her balance. The shot echoed in her ears as she hit the ground, and she closed her eyes and waited for death. Then she waited half a second more. Her body ached, but there was no part that hurt more than the others, no insufferable pain, no blood gushing from a deep wound. Or if there was,then  getting shot wasn’t half as bad as she’d imagined. Kagome opened her eyes and scrambled to her knees. She definitely hadn’t been shot. 

But he had. The sudden certainty came with the sight of the bloody man lying right in front of her, groaning as he rolled onto his side.

“For fuck’s sake, you shot the bastard,” someone hissed. “Be fucking careful! The boss said he wants him alive. Who’s that bitch, anyway? The famous K-”

“Shut up!” The man at Kagome’s side was trying to sit up, entirely furious, and Kagome finally reclaimed her mind enough to think her first logical thought: Away. She had to get far away from here very fast. And she would take this guy with her before he could get himself actually killed--he looked as if he was ready to try and take on the entire lot of them by himself. But before she could grab a hold of him, he launched himself forward with a snarl. The first fist hit him only seconds later.

As Kagome dashed for the driver’s seat, her only consolation was that they wouldn’t kill him. Not yet, anyways. Whoever he was, and whatever he had done, they needed him alive. But the view from behind the steering wheel told her they were trying hard to come pretty damn close to murder. The only good thing was that in their eagerness for violence they had completely forgotten about her. And her car. Not bothering to close her door, Kagome pressed down on the gas and drove right into their middle. They jumped back like a flock of startled geese--all but one. 

“Get in!” Kagome screamed at the battered lump on the ground, and as he lifted his head and reached out an arm she pulled him into the car with strength she didn’t know she possessed.

“Go,” he croaked when he was half-way sprawled over her, “Drive!”

And she did. Bullets started flying all around them, but luck was on their side and they drove out of the alley and around a bend.

Kagome was not fond of cursing, but on this special occasion she was firing her entire arsenal. Meanwhile, ramen guy managed to crawl over the gear shift and onto the passenger seat, and she grabbed hold of her door and slammed it shut before picking up speed again. They drove in silence for a long while, eyes frantically checking the rearview mirror.

But it seemed they had shaken their persecutors. For now.

Driving through populated downtown streets made everything that had happened in the last hour seem unreal, but one glance to her side reminded Kagome that it had indeed happened.

“I’m taking you to the hospital,” she finally broke the silence, and his head snapped to the side. His eyes were piercing. “...and then you’re out of my life?” she finished lamely. “No hard feelings.”

“No hospital,” he barked, and then winced (and tried not to show it).

In a weird way, Kagome felt sorry for him. But in a much more direct way she wanted to give him a piece of her mind and make him regret ever choosing her car for his hijack.

“What do you mean, no hospital? Have you looked at yourself?!”

“Have you?! Do I look like someone who can go to a hospital and leave again?!”

“Good point.”

Everything about him, from his sour expression to his bullet wound, screamed delinquent. As Kagome drove onto the freeway and finally deemed herself safe enough to calm down a little, she snatched glances at her ex-kidnapper and co-passenger.

In his own way, there was something alluring about him. He wore his dyed, white hair in a ponytail, but a few strands had come loose in the struggle and reached almost to his shoulders. He’d split his lip and kept touching it absentmindedly, furrowing his thick brows every time his finger brushed against the wound. There was something foreign about him, but she couldn’t quite pinpoint it. The shape of his eyes? The tone of his skin? Something in the way he talked? His clothes were rugged and torn, but she couldn’t remember if they had been that way before he’d almost been beaten to a pulp. Every time he caught her staring, a glare darkened his features, and she quickly looked away.

“Where you takin’ me?”

“Home.”

He sat up so straight he might have as well been shot in the bum. His eyes were wide as he fixed them on her. “Your home?”

“Duh.” She rolled her eyes, and his scowl was back. She tried to sound cheerful. “I can try to treat your wound, but I can’t promise anything. As long as you promise not to steal my car again.”

“Not gonna happen.”

“Well. Charming. I’m Kagome, by the way.”

“Keh.” He turned his head away, and Kagome exhaled for a long time. Her hands gripped the steering wheel. If he was going to be a jerk, then so be it.

He wasn’t going to be in her life for much longer, anyway. This would all soon be over. There was one thing, however...

“Thank you, by the way.”

“What for?”

“You know, uh, saving my life.”

“It’s not like I did it because I like you or anything. When this is over, you’re probably dead meat, and I won’t care a fucking bit!”

“You know, I’d maybe believe you if you hadn’t just taken a bullet for me, you jerk!”

Nevermind.

[aubribubble]

82; 68; 25; 38 for the ask meme! ^^

25: Ever done a prank call? Yes, I totally did. My friend Alec didn’t have my phone number, and his girlfriend and I were stuck in traffic, so I called him and said the package was safe and hung up. He immediately texted ‘Aubri? This u?’ So he figured it out, but we had a good laugh!

38: The reason I joined Tumblr- Twas the summer after 10th grade, I had just moved to a new city and had no friends in the area. Also, that was basically the worst year of my life. So this is my coping mechanism I guess? I wonder if you go back far enough if my angst is still up, or if better handled me took them down to hide my shame?

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Hell yeah man, it smells great! Part of me want to just, dowse it on my whole body and tapdance on matches. But really, digging that smell.

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? According to all known laws of aviation Hmm...... Probably just “Everybody quit being dicks to each other, come on, it really is that simple.” Then I’d hum the theme song to Duck Tales, because it’s hella stuck in my head right now.

Thank you for the ask darling! :)

[jacewilliams1]

On automation and airmanship

“I believe any good pilot has a certain skepticism. If he or she isn’t a skeptic, they are headed for trouble. This seems especially true with the computer—and when I say computer I include FMS, autopilot and all. Being skeptical means a pilot refers to raw data to be certain the FMS etc., is doing its thing correctly. This is not always easy because as the computer develops it makes raw data more difficult to see, find and use.” – Captain Robert Buck, TWA

I have been known, on occasion, to talk to the autopilot. “Why on earth are you closing the throttles now?” or “What? Who told you to fly at 210 knots?” It’s possible that this could be a little unnerving to an unsuspecting first officer, but there are occasions when it is necessary to question the autopilot’s intentions or even its situational awareness. Sometimes I have to intervene: ”No, no, let’s not do it that way… here, let’s try this mode…” And every so often, “Oh for goodness’ sake, stop making this harder than it is…” a comment usually associated with disconnecting the thing.

Some of that comes from the early days of my career, the first five thousand hours of which involved Convairs and Metroliners with no autopilots and no flight directors. We hand flew all day, er, night, every day and night. This was a pattern only gradually altered by flying the 727, whose autopilot was equipped with an input control that we commonly referred to as the “lurch lever” because the spring tensions were not well calibrated to the G tolerances of the typical passenger’s posterior. On legs under an hour, many of us never engaged the autopilot at all, nor did we activate the flight directors unless we were flying an instrument approach. We simply flew pitch and power like we always had.

It might sound crazy, but airline pilots once flew trips without ever engaging the autopilot.

But most of it comes from a strategy to manage two parallel and integrated situational awarenesses: the old, original one (where are we, where are we going and at what angle of attack), along with a new one (where does the autoflight system think we are, where does it think we want to go, how is it going to get us there and, perhaps of separate but equal importance, where are we within one or more flight envelopes that it is designed to protect us from departing?). Both situational awarenesses are vital to safety. But with the advent of the second awareness, the automation awareness, it has become common for the authorities, manufacturers and various other august bodies of expertise to start describing pilots as “systems operators” or “system managers.”

This is not really a new idea. In 1953, Guy Murchie, writing in his book Song of the Sky, rather presciently predicted “a maplike screen on which will be projected pips of light representing not only his own position but those of other craft, enabling him to monitor the traffic situation continuously and check navigation by eyesight in the densest cloud.” This is a curiously accurate description of an FMS-driven Navigation Display with TCAS superimposed. By 1959, General Pete Quesada, the first FAA Administrator, observed that, with respect to military pilots, “The day of the throttle jockey is past. He is becoming a true professional, a manager of complex weapons systems.”

But back in 1939, writing in his masterpiece, Wind Sand and Stars, the French airmail pilot Antoine de Saint-Exupery anticipated how we might lose control of this evolution. He wrote that,

In the enthusiasm of our rapid mechanical conquests we have overlooked some things. We have perhaps driven men into the service of the machine, instead of building machinery for the service of man.

It is easy to intuit how the concept of a manager of systems veers toward a man in the service of the machine. With the acceleration of automation in the cockpit, and the mishaps and accidents that have resulted, it seems to me that we have never truly resolved Saint-Exupery’s point. On the one hand, the pilot in command remains the final authority as to the operation of the aircraft. On the other, the pilot is an operator of complex systems that he is no longer expected to understand.

A few years ago, David Blair and Nick Helms published a thoughtful paper entitled “The Swarm, the Cloud, and the Importance of Getting There First,” a treatise on remotely piloted aircraft operated by the US Air Force. They concisely and carefully captured Saint-Exupery’s dichotomy in more contemporary terms:

The first truth of special operations holds that humans are more important than hardware. In other words, technology exists to enable people to fulfill the mission. This is the capabilities view of technology: machines are amplifiers of human will, better enabling them to make something of their world. By exercising dominion through technology, people gain greater command over their environment. The alternative is that humans are important to operate the hardware—that people are subsystems within larger socio-mechanical constructs. This view, cybernetics, encloses people within closed control loops that regulate systemic variables within set parameters. Rather than human versus machine, the true discussion about the future of RPAs addresses capabilities versus cybernetics.

The original intent of contemporary cockpit automation arose from the capabilities view of technology, in particular the capability to optimize aerodynamic efficiency while also optimizing airspace utilization. This was, and still is, clearly a machine in the service of man. The intent of automation began to migrate toward the cybernetics view with the notion that we could automate human error out of the equation. In my experience, this migration happened about the same time we transitioned from experienced instructors hand-drawing schematics on whiteboards to well-meaning but very inexperienced people flipping Powerpoint slides salted with schematics from the maintenance manual.

Is this technology in service of man or vice versa?

Cockpit automation is today widely discussed and trained from the cybernetics view of technology. This has been powerfully reinforced by the extensive understanding of human factors as a deterministic, predictable discipline, indeed, by the fundamental understanding of behavior from the deterministic view of neuroscience.

In their 2014 report entitled “A Practical Guide for Improving Flight Path Monitoring”, the Flight Safety Foundation noted that,

Multiple studies have shown that many pilots poorly understand aspects of autoflight modes, in part because training emphasizes correct “button pushing” over developing accurate mental models. Simply stated, it is impossible to monitor a complex system if a pilot isn’t sure how to correctly operate that system or what type of aircraft performance can be expected from each autoflight mode. A pilot who has an accurate mental model of the autoflight system can then learn how to use each mode and will be able to accurately predict what the aircraft will do next in a given mode in each specific situation.

A short trip through Mr. Peabody’s Wayback Machine will place us in a new-hire flight engineer classroom. The instructor is a retired chief master sergeant, and he is diagramming by hand the disassembly, piece by piece, of an air conditioning pack. By the time he is done, the new pilots will thoroughly understand how a pack works, and therefore have a solid grasp of what they are looking at on the pack temp gauge… at least that was the plan in those days.

In order to get rid of the flight engineer, we had to get rid of the pack temperature gauge. The thinking was that by automating the systems and improving the system status annunciations, we could make the task of monitoring systems much simpler. As we automated, we also watered down the ground school; there was no longer any reason to truly understand the system at a component level, since the automation would tell you all you needed to know. This is precisely the trajectory that Murchie had in mind when, continuing his 1953 description of a future cockpit, he said that,

Elimination of everything unessential is a big load off the crew’s brains. When the flight engineer wants to check whether his battery generators are working he used to have to read a dial needle pointing to numbers of amperes of charge or discharge. In the future he will only see a green or red light indicating “yes” or “no.” With fifty such indicators shorn of their wool, the crew will be spared much of the dangerous excess of information from which they have long had to select, abstract, interpolate, extrapolate, derive, and ignore—sometimes literally to the point of death. The airplane will enter a new phase of progress.

But along the way, I believe a very subtle paradigm shift occurred. Back in the day, we had a vague idea of approximately where we were in space. Between the A-N ranges, ADF pointers and LORAN systems, we were generally sure of which hemisphere we were flying in, and with some skill we could place the airplane over a runway threshold safely and reliably, albeit with little surety of exactly where we had been in the process of getting there. Whilst sorting out the bearings, radials and tones, it was essential to keep all one hundred and twelve cylinders lubricated, firing properly and not consuming more gasoline than was absolutely necessary. Monitoring had a great deal to do with aircraft systems, and less to do with the flight path. The flight path was more a matter of technique as long as one avoided an unintended stall.

But at the same time we were automating away little dials pointing at numbers indicating amperes, we were increasing airspace occupancy exponentially. Frequency, frequency, frequency. More flights, more options, more consumer choice, more tailored load factors, more capacity and then more capacity management… all while still operating approximately the same number of outer markers as we have for over sixty years. Capacity is choked; this leads immediately to tightening the longitudinal and vertical spacing between aircraft, as well as such things as Performance Based Navigation (PBN), Reduced Vertical Separation Minimums (RVSM), RNAV departures and arrivals, and the like. All of this is basically intended to obtain the maximum arrival rate possible for each runway at each terminal.

About the only way to fly an RNAV arrival to a busy airport is with lots of automation.

So the importance of flight path management has become supreme, and highly automated. In this manner, the airspace infrastructure has evolved into the kind of larger socio-mechanical construct that Blair and Helms described, in which people are subsystems. Along the way, the shift in paradigm, as well as a culture mesmerized with automation and digitization, slowly and unwittingly displaced procedural knowledge with declarative knowledge.

Simon Hall, of Cranfield University, has described declarative knowledge as, “the knowledge that the system works in a certain way,” and contrasted this with procedural knowledge, which he describes as, “ knowing how to use the system in context.” He explains that

The basic skills associated with “manually flying” an aircraft are predominantly based on procedural knowledge, i.e. how to achieve the task. However, the use of automation to control the flight path of an aircraft is taught as declarative knowledge. Pilots are required to manage systems based on a knowledge that the autoflight system works in a particular fashion. So, the pilot is faced with the same operational task of controlling the flight path but employs two different strategies of cognitive behaviour depending upon whether the task is manually or automatically executed.

It is important to stop for a minute and put this concept under a microscope. In the days of the flight engineer, declarative knowledge and procedural knowledge were more or less balanced, and they were integrated. Declarative knowledge supported procedural knowledge, and we were taught both. If you wanted to get the generator on line, you were going to have to synch the generator frequency to the bus frequency; you had to understand how this worked, and you had to be able to make it work, because it wasn’t going to do it by itself.

But right there, at that inflection point, is where the problems of automation gain a foothold, precisely because automated systems will do it by themselves. It is no longer a matter of procedurally operating a system; it is a matter of watching the system procedurally operate itself. When the Flight Safety Foundation describes an “accurate mental model which will enable the pilot to predict what the airplane will do next in a given mode for each specific situation,” they are referring entirely to declarative knowledge, a knowledge of how the system works, with the expectation that the pilot’s speed of cognition will exceed the system’s own procedural operation.

In the old days, the pilot’s speed of cognition controlled the procedural operation. Nothing would happen until you were ready for it to happen, because you had to make it happen. You could get behind the airplane moving in space, and you could get behind the situation in time, but it was pretty hard to get behind the systems. Today, you’d better be on your toes, because the automated system is going, with or without you. Indeed, the very phrase “predict what the airplane will do next,” as if this were a matter of conjecture, implies that the airplane has a mind of its own.

Yet the premise behind watered-down training is that the modern, sophisticated, fly-by-wire airplane is too complicated for the pilot to fully understand, and thus he or she has no need for extensive knowledge of the aircraft design and architecture. This is entirely in line with Murchie’s 1953 prediction that the crew “be spared much of the dangerous excess of information from which they have long had to select, abstract, interpolate, extrapolate, derive, and ignore.” Sixty years later, in the 2013 report Operational Use of Flight Management Systems, the Performance Based Operations Aviation Rulemaking Committee said that:

Pilot knowledge of the basic airplane systems is not as detailed as in the past. The WG recognizes that in the past, information was trained that was not needed or beneficial. The concern is that depth of systems knowledge may now be insufficient, and this may be operator dependent.

And so we arrive at the rather matter-of-fact condescension expressed in a pivotal statement following the 737 Max debacle:

A high-ranking Boeing official told the Wall Street Journal that “the company had decided against disclosing more details to cockpit crews due to concerns about inundating average pilots with too much information—and significantly more technical data—than they needed or could digest.”

Saint-Ex would have disagreed with some of Boeing’s philosophy.

St.-Exupery would have disagreed with this view. He wrote, also in Wind, Sand and Stars, that

The machine which at first blush seems a means of isolating man from the great problems of nature, actually plunges him more deeply into them. As for the peasant so for the pilot, dawn and twilight become events of consequence. His essential problems are set him by the mountain, the sea, the wind. Alone before the vast tribunal of the tempestuous sky, the pilot defends his mails and debates on terms of equality with those three elemental divinities.

In today’s terms, the cybernetic view of technology may, at first blush, seem a means of isolating the pilot from the essential problems of flight; it is easy to interpret envelope protection features this way. But at the same time, the capability view of technology amplifies human will, better enabling us to make something of our world. By exercising dominion through technology, we gain greater command over our environment… and thus we are plunged more deeply into those essential problems.

The deeper plunge into the essential problems of flight brings us, inevitably, to the problem of airmanship in an automated cockpit. When Staint-Exupery refers to the terms of equality on which we debate those three elemental divinities, he is referring specifically to the airmanship of his day. He began his approach to this question with an understanding of the mountains, the seas and the winds… the things which influence the sky, the great problems of nature into which the airman will shortly be plunged. He was interested in “all that happened in the sky,” things which signaled “the oncoming snow, the threat of fog, or the peace of a blessed night.”

We are still very interested in the threat of fog or oncoming snow. We are also very interested in windshear, convective available potential energy, lifted indexes, microbursts, outflow boundaries, ice crystal icing, collision coalescence freezing drizzle formation, and certainly turbulence, including mountain waves—pretty much anything that can ruin the peace of a blessed night.

To this we must add an understanding of the machine, an intuitive sense of its balance, its harmony, and its energy, a feel for how the machine leverages its precipitous position in the sky to resolve the problems of nature. To Saint-Exupery, the machine was the engine and flight controls all connected by stringers and spars and cables; today, we must include the complement of automation as part of the machine. For example, we must be constantly aware of pitch, power and vertical speed, while we also scrutinize Actual Navigation Performance (ANP) exactly as Saint-Exupery scrutinized the howl of the wind in the wires of his Breguet 14.

But in Saint-Exupery’s day, the idea of the pilot as a systems manager was unheard of, as was the contemporary suite of management school lexicon used to describe the systems manager. Terms such as discipline, professionalism, team skills, self-improvement, and skill acquisition were barely yet in anyone’s vocabulary. Nor were the now-classical superlatives, such as uncompromising, optimal, systematic and exceptional. Recent definitions of airmanship tend to include some or all of these terms; yet, in my opinion, all of them really beg the question. So what is airmanship really, and how does it work in an automated cockpit?

Let’s leave the management school semantics and centuries-old conceptual structures about discipline, obedience, and compliance behind for a while. All of these are tools we use to achieve the goal; they are not the goal. Rather, let’s begin by revisiting the words of FAR 91.1065(d):

For the purpose of this subpart, competent performance of a procedure or maneuver by a person to be used as a pilot requires that the pilot be the obvious master of the aircraft, with the successful outcome of the maneuver never in doubt.

Airmanship starts with the person in the left seat, no matter what the airplane.

The pilot, as the obvious master of the aircraft, forms the anchor of a definition of airmanship. This clearly refers to Saint-Exupery’s idea of the machine in the service of man. It also focuses responsibility and authority for the operation of the aircraft solely with the pilot, while placing distinct emphasis on knowledge and expertise. And yet, we have to be careful of the subsequent language, because the phrase “never in doubt” suggests the elimination of uncertainty, and that is a dangerous premise.

Looking back through early revisions and amendments to this regulatory language, it seems likely that the elimination of uncertainty was never really the intent; the language is always qualified with the words, “The applicant’s performance will be evaluated on the basis of judgment, knowledge, smoothness, and accuracy.” Indeed, the presence of the word judgment belies certainty; however, the problem is that an implicit expectation of certainty can create barriers to effective airmanship. For example, the successful outcome of a landing is always in doubt; this is the point of a no-fault go-around policy, which leverages the judgment and knowledge parts cited above.

Sadly, the expectation of certainty has a long history of coloring the understanding of mishaps. From the 1930s through the 1950s, the Civil Aeronautics Authority was so certain it understood what caused accidents that it published this axiom: “The capable and competent pilot will never allow an airplane to crack up.” Simple as that.

The paradox is that while we must have some degree of certainty that the flight will be successful—if it we didn’t, we would never fly—flight itself is inherently uncertain. While we cannot accept unmitigated specific risk (an unsafe condition with a probability of one), we have to be prepared to accept, and manage, the uncertainty associated with probabilistic risk (an unsafe condition based upon the averaged estimated probabilities of all unknown events). The interface between our own actions and the operating environment is the critical focal point. We can get into trouble if we assume that our own actions will assure the certainty of a successful maneuver.

The French philosopher Edgar Morin describes this paradox in what he calls the “ecology of action:”

As soon as a person begins any action whatsoever, the action starts to escape from his intentions. It enters into a sphere of interactions and is finally grasped by the environment in a way that may be contrary to the initial intention. So we have to follow the action and try to correct it if it is not too late, or sometimes shoot it down, like NASA exploding a rocket that has veered off course.

Ecology of action means taking into account the complexity it posits, meaning random incidents, chance, initiative, decision, the unexpected, the unforeseen, and awareness of deviations and transformations.

From this perspective, airmanship may be less about managing systems and quite a bit more about managing uncertainty. To some extent, this permeates our early flight training; we are warned by our mentors to “always have an out,” and we spent a lot of time looking for good fields to use in the event of a forced landing. As young pilots, we are impressionable and can easily envision a myriad of things going wrong, and as we strive to blend into the level of competence that we believe surrounds us, we prepare as thoroughly as we can. But as we develop an experience base, certainty seems more accessible. Indeed, one of the significant problems of modern aviation is that serious failures occur extremely rarely, and the uncertainty of our early flying days is replaced with an almost inevitable, and comfortable, complacence.

Morin goes on to discuss the use of strategy to manage uncertainty. He says that,

Strategy should prevail over program. A program sets up a sequence of actions to be executed without variation in a stable environment, but as soon as the outside conditions are modified, the program gets stuck. Whereas strategy elaborates a scenario of action based on an appraisal of the certainties and uncertainties, the probabilities and improbabilities of the situation. The scenario may and must be modified according to information gathered along the way and hazards, mishaps or good fortune encountered. We can use short term program sequences within our strategies. But for things done in an unstable, uncertain environment, strategy imposes.

A stabilized approach is not a program, it’s a strategy.

Probably the best definition of strategy that I have seen describes it as a “high level plan to achieve one or more goals under conditions of uncertainty,” a definition coined by Miryam Barad. This definition fits well with Morin’s concept. So what is an example of a strategy in the cockpit? The most compact example might be the stabilized approach concept. This can be achieved with or without automation, with or without a glass cockpit, and can be arrived at from a wide variety of descent profiles and lateral entries to the approach procedure. It can be achieved with or without a normal landing configuration, for example, in the case of a flap or slat failure. Nor does it necessarily lead to a smooth landing! Rather, it represents a high level plan to achieve a landing within the touchdown zone, on centerline and aligned with the runway, under conditions of some uncertainty, such as wind, braking action, pilot technique, even nominal fatigue.

A program, on the other hand, is manifested in profiles, litanies, callouts, checklists, and automated sequences. These have critical value as short term program sequences. But they themselves will not resolve instability or manage uncertainty.

Note that Morin is quite clear about the need to modify the scenario of action “according to information gathered.” The pilot must know exactly what he or she wants to do with the airplane, how the environment is likely to influence the plan, how the plan is evolving with the changing situation, and then how to utilize the all of the tools, including the short term program sequences inherent in the automation, to execute the plan.

With the strategy established, the application of Morin’s idea of the ecology of action is best considered through a short exploration of two concepts: prudence and mindfulness. These are common terms, and most of us assume that we know what they mean. In fact, both have very specific definitions, and in the case of prudence, a very long history.

In the fifth century, St. Augustine described prudence as “the knowledge of what to seek and what to avoid.” More specifically, in the seventh century, Isidore of Seville said that, “A prudent man is one who sees as it were from afar, for his sight is keen, and he foresees the event of uncertainties.”

But oddly enough, and at the risk of freewheeling completely off the rails of technical discussion, the best description of prudence that I have found was offered by St. Thomas Aquinas in his historically pivotal tome, the Summa Theologica, which he compiled during the thirteenth century. The word prudence derives from the Latin “providentia,” which means foresight. Thomas strengthened Isidore’s idea when he said that foresight “implies the notion of something distant, to which that which occurs in the present has to be directed.” He said that prudence is “right reason (what today we might call observed truth) applied to action.”

It turns out that St. Thomas’s ideas on prudence more or less make up the original foundation of what we consider as crew resource management. He describes three core elements:

Taking counsel, an act of inquiry, often seeking the opinion of others… first officers, flight attendants, dispatchers, mechanics, flight instructors, FSS briefers… lest something be overlooked. Thomas was quite clear on the assertion that a single person is often unable to capture all that matters to a given situation. Today, this speaks to the limits of human cognition within a dynamic environment.

Judging of what you have learned, an act of consideration, speculation, and for us, forming the opinions required by FAR Part 121, followed by an act of decision. Thomas splits this into two capacities: docility, the willingness to learn from others and decide accordingly, and shrewdness, the ability to draw accurate, “just-in-time” conclusions when there simply is no opportunity for extensive counsel or contemplation.

Executing command, the act of authority, in other words fulfilling the obligation bestowed on the pilot-in-command by FAR 91.3.

Thomas Aquinas, the first man to define CRM?

These three elements form the structure within which “that which occurs in the present” is directed toward “something distant.” If we listen carefully, we will hear these elements in the FAA’s explanation of FAR 91.1065, when they state that “The applicant’s performance will be evaluated on the basis of judgment, knowledge, smoothness, and accuracy (taking counsel, judging of what was learned, and executing command).” Remarkably, in the summer of 1901, Wilbur Wright reached back to these early discussions and penned what was probably the first description of prudence applied to air safety:

All who are practically concerned with aerial navigation agree that the safety of the operator is more important to successful experimentation than any other point. The history of past investigation demonstrates that greater prudence is needed rather than greater skill.

This brings us to an exploration of the more contemporary idea of mindfulness, “a rich awareness of discriminatory detail,” in the words of Karl Weick and Kathryn Sutcliffe. They elaborate on this by saying that being mindful means paying attention in a different way; it is to see more clearly, not to think harder and longer. You stop concentrating on those things that “confirm your hunches, are pleasant, feel certain, seem factual, are explicit, and that others agree on.” You start concentrating on things that “disconfirm, are unpleasant, feel uncertain, seem possible, are implicit, and are contested.” Mindfulness acknowledges the very same uncertainties which Isidore claimed a prudent man would foresee. This is the debate with Saint-Exupery’s elemental divinities.

Airmanship, in this context, can then be salted with more of Weick and Sutcliffe’s organizational ideas. First and foremost, the airman is preoccupied with failure, meaning what has already failed, what is failing at the moment, and what is likely to fail. The periodic twitch of a torquemeter, an unusual imbalance in generator load, a steady divergence between actual fuel burned and planned fuel burned, an unexpected collapse of the visibility, an unexpectedly long—or short—touchdown, an omitted checklist step, or certainly any number of unexpected automation behaviors… all of these things preoccupy the airman. What went wrong? Why did it go wrong? What does a particular failure mean? Is it a precursor?

Secondly, he or she is reluctant to simplify, despite seductive pressure to “eliminate everything unnecessary,” because simplification “obscures unwanted, unanticipated, unexplainable details and in doing so, increases the likelihood of unreliable performance.” This is certainly applicable to autoflight system function, but really to almost everything we do. There is no way to simplify the effects of airframe ice accretion, microbursts, or runway braking action, nor is there any simplification applicable to human behavior and error. Simplification invokes certainty, which flies straight into the face of the uncertainty which Isidore claimed prudence would anticipate. We cannot afford to obscure unwanted, unanticipated or unexplainable details.

Thirdly, the airman is sensitive to operations, a “watchfulness for moment-to-moment changes in conditions.” In this way, the airman “slows down the speed with which we call something ‘the same.’” The airman recognizes that today is not the same as yesterday, that the situation is ever changing, evolving, and uncertain. The same flight, in the same airplane, from the same gate is not the same today as it was yesterday. There are small differences which can have disproportional effects.

Lastly, the airman builds and maintains resilience, the quality of “recalibrating expectations, making sense of evolving uncertainties, and learning in real time.” To borrow from Weick’s writing on this, with some adaptation, a resilient cockpit works to keep errors small, improvises workarounds that preserve adherence to the strategy, and absorbs change while updating the strategy.

With the ideas of prudence and mindfulness front and center, let me turn to what I believe is the most important strategy implicit in good airmanship: the protection of the margins. Whether it be a forty five minute fuel reserve, 1.3 Vso, a 0.8% margin over net climb gradient, or a twenty mile berth around the downwind side of a thunderstorm, a core strategy of airmanship is the protection of the margins. The margins anticipate and buffer uncertainty. They provide space and time for any subordinate strategy to be modified. We cannot allow things of which we are already certain to erode the margins, lest the buffer against further uncertainty be lost.

Checklists and SOPs maintain safety margins and catch errors.

To that end, we land on the centerline for a reason: to preserve a seventy five foot margin of pavement on either side, to accommodate at least some of the threats that are “infinite in number, [and] cannot be grasped by reason,” like some combinations of hydroplaning and wind gusts, main gear trunnion fractures, airport snowplows wandering aimlessly around runways… in other words, the average estimated probabilities of all unknown events.

Further, we use standard operating procedures to track the centerline of the safe operating space, and to ensure that the procedural margins, and the error traps integrated within those margins, are available to function in the background. Standard operating procedures are themselves a strategy, a subset of the idea of protecting the margins; they are not a litany. They are intended to manage the ecology of action, and to track an action as it begins to deviate from our intention. This, too, is another way of looking at envelope protection, seen through the lens of the capability view; we gain greater control of our environment by using automation to ensure that critical aerodynamic margins are protected when hours and hours of sheer boredom lead to distraction or inattention, or are occasionally interrupted by brief moments of stark terror followed by a startle response.

These ideas largely inform both the old situational awareness, the aeronautical one, and the new situational awareness, the one aimed at automation. The thread that ties all of these ideas together is the acceptance of uncertainty. When Saint-Exupery uses terms like a debate with elemental divinities, or a tempestuous sky, he is describing uncertainty.

At this point, we can perhaps suggest a general definition of airmanship:

Airmanship is the application of both prudence and mindfulness so as to always remain the obvious master of the aircraft, and to construct, modify and execute the necessary strategies to ensure that the safe outcome of the flight is never manifestly in doubt, while always protecting the margins in anticipation of uncertainty.

If we see the operating environment only as a socio-mechanical construct, such as the National Airspace System, and thus teach only the cybernetic view of technology, we create a systems operator who is unprepared to debate on terms of equality with the mountain, the sea, and the wind, or, for that matter, with the central processing unit of the flight control computer. His terms have been dictated by the set parameters within a closed control loop, designed to trigger Morin’s “sequence of actions to be executed without variation in a stable environment.” The foresight is pre-programmed, trapped within the closed control loops, and limited to a narrow set of anticipated threats, or specific risks. This is antithetical to airmanship, because those parameters will eventually fall out of equality with the vast tribunal of a tempestuous sky.

The fundamental flaw in attempts to adapt the cybernetic view of technology to the problems of flight lies in the belief that we have expanded our knowledge to a point at which we have absolute, predictable, and repeatable control within a tempestuous sky. We don’t, and likely never will. An analog world will simply swat away a digital mindset.

If, on the other hand, we interpret automation through the capability view of technology, automation will always be subordinate to strategy, a machine in the service of man. Further, if we approach automation as capability, we are prepared for the degradation of that capability. Such degradation merely leads to modification of the strategy. Eventually, if need be, we will fly the approach by hand, using basic or even standby instruments, still remaining within the strategy of a stable approach.

Airmanship thus begins with strategy. Prudence facilitates an expectation that the action we have taken will begin to escape our intentions. A continuous loop of taking counsel, judging of what we have learned, and executing command, modifying the scenario “according to information gathered along the way and hazards, mishaps or good fortune encountered,” tracks the action and corrects its evolution, as it is grasped by the environment, so that the strategy is preserved, or, if necessary, modified, such as when we abandon the approach and go around. In this way, we remain the obvious master of the aircraft.

But human will cannot be amplified in ignorance. We need to recalibrate our automation training paradigm. We must begin with a discussion not of how the automation works, but of how we want to fly the airplane, what the essential problems of flight are, and then augment this broad discussion of strategy with the greater capabilities afforded through automation. Likewise, in all cases, we must emphasize how degraded automation impacts that capability within the original, overarching strategy. Finally, we must remain aware of uncertainty, and reference the training curriculum to the management of uncertainty. Memorizing “the litany” in isolation just won’t cut it, because the litany is a short term program, a closed control loop.

In the end, we can only preserve mastery of the aircraft if we understand airmanship as the management of uncertainty, not simply the management of systems. We must know how the airplane is constructed to achieve the design capabilities, and match this with a strategy for how we want the airplane to be flown to utilize those capabilities, and then insist that the autoflight systems fly our plan. When those systems don’t fly our plan, we need to step in and do some of that pilot stuff. The automation can never be allowed to become the master of the airplane, obvious or otherwise; in no case can it be allowed to place the successful outcome of any maneuver in any doubt whatsoever.

That is the essential nature of the conversation that I have with the autopilot.

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