#V. 006 :: ʸᵒᵘ ᵏᶰᵒʷ ʷᵉ'ʳᵉ ᵍᵒᶦᶰᵍ ᵗᵒ ᵇᵉ ᶫᵉᵍᵉᶰᵈˢ

[airplanecrushed-arch]

eighteen months,   it’s how long it’d taken her to get pregnant.   and with everything she’d been through,   the trauma,   the surgeries that followed,  she knew there were risks.   she did,   and yet there was nothing that could have prepared her for giving birth at twenty five weeks.  

“  he’s just so little,  ”   her hand rested against the plastic that stood between her and the infant that seemed to be more tubes and wires than anything.   “  i---   i want to be able to do something.   i feel helpless and i---  ”   she’s not a surgeon in that moment,  she was a mother who’d spent seventy eight long hours in labor,  desperately trying to stop contractions,   to carry the little boy in front of her a little closer to term.   she’s terrified,   exhausted,   and every muscle in her body was telling her to lay down.   “  what can i do?  please just...   tell me i can do something.  ”

@mcdmples // starter call !!

[airplanecrushed-a]

@scinglives // cont ! “  okay maybe not but it’s just---  ”   irritation laced huff cut off her words,   despite it she sat down,   albeit slowly and awkwardly as she tried to be comfortable on the couch.   an attempt made in vain.   “  i feel like crap,   my back hurts,   and we’re having a baby---  ”   normally those words were a positive,  amazement in her voice,   but it’d been a long day and she was beyond stressed.   “   ---there’s just so much to do,   i can’t just sit down and relax.  ”   no instead she was going to sit down and work herself into a panic.   “  i just want things to go perfectly,   i mean we’re going to be parents.   i---   i don’t want to screw this up.  ”

[airplanecrushed]

tag drop!!

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@scinglives // cont ! “  i’m studying---  ”   no,   she’s being carried to bed;   arms draped around him,   head rested against his chest as she shifted,   making herself comfortable in his arms.    “  ‘m not---  ”   tired,   a word cut off by a yawn.   “  i have to study or i---   mmm---   i won’t pass my boards.  ”

[airplanecrushed-a]

@slcnisms​ // sc. “  no,   no,   no---   hold on,   back up---  ” words quickly fly out of her mouth,  an attempt to back track the conversation.   “  you can’t just say you have a family photo album and not show me all the  e m b a r r a s s i n g  pictures.  ”

[airplanecrushed-a]

@svinglives // xxx “  you know---  ”   eyebrows furrowed,   discomfort,   a n n o y a n c e  written in her expression as she sat up slowly.    “  f o r g e t   i t--   forget i said anything---   just---   ”   there’s a bite to her words,  a small shake of her head as she ran a hand through her hair.    “  go back to sleep,   i’ll go,   i   d o n ’ t   k n o w,   sit in the living room or something.  ”

[airplanecrushed-a]

@mcbisexual // sc. “  before you say anything—   yes,   i know  i paged you to a  s u p p l y   c l o s e t—  ”    hurried words nervously made their way out of lexie’s mouth.   “   —but i need your help with something and i need you to promise not to tell mark.  ”

[airplanecrushed-a]

@mcsvperhero​​ // xxx “  it’s---  ”   eyes fixated downward as lexie hesitated.   it was nothing,   she was fine.   it shouldn’t be anything,   s h e  s h o u l d  b e  f i n e.   it was part of the job,   telling their patients’ loved ones that there was nothing more they could do.   that sometimes even simple surgeries could go wrong,   that even if they went off with of a hitch that sometimes patients didn’t  w a k e  u p.   it wasn’t that it was  n e v e r  e a s y to tell the families that someone they loved  had died,   that they weren’t going to wake up,   to talk to them about their options,   to follow the steps of an advanced directive,  because  i t   w a s n ’ t.   it was never easy but it came with the job,   it was something as surgeons they were  t r a i n e d   t o  h a n d l e,   that they were trained to help people through.   

and grief showed itself in different ways,   lexie knew that.   the  a n g e r,   the p a i n  in the way her patient’s husband spoke to lexie,   the way he yelled,   insisted she was wrong,   that if she followed the advanced directive of his wife that lexie would be  k i l l i n g   h e r,   because his was going to wake up,   she was going to  b e  f i n e,    it was all sickeningly familiar.   feelings lexie never dealt with,   feelings she refused to talk about,  were dragged up.   “   it’s nothing- ”    i t   s h o u l d  b e   n o t h i n g.   after everything that had happened,   the years that had passed,   it shouldn’t affect her like this,   should it?   “  i---   i’ll be fine,   just---  ”   it wasn’t the same situation.   this wasn’t gary clark.   gary clark was  d e a d  and yet the fear,   the panic,   the  g u i l t,   they were all there and she couldn’t just push them away like she had in the past.   “   i can’t be out there----  ”  on the surgical floor,   being a doctor,   expected to be level headed.    “  i just---   i needed a  m i n u t e.  ”

[airplanecrushed-a]

@telumcndil​ // xxx braxton hicks were definitely the first thing that came to mind as lexie felt discomfort set in.  that idea was quickly pushed away as she felt it build up to a point where she had to stop what she was doing.  not because she needed to but because this was different,  this wasn’t like anything she had felt before.  pain ebbed away and her feet stayed planted in place as uncertainty set in.  was she ready for this to be the real thing,  to be a mom?

“ i-  i,  um-  yeah-  yes it’s the first one, ”  it wasn’t hard to hear just how nervous she was in her reply,  the way she stumbled over her words.  “ physically?  i’m alright, i’m okay.  emotionally?  i’m- ”  there’s hesitation as lexie tried to put words to the feelings coursing through her.  “ i’m nervous?  yeah,  nervous but not nervous nervous more like an excited nervous?  is that even a thing?  i-  we’re ready for this,  right? ”

[airplanecrushed-a]

@drmcperky // sc. 

“ i just- i can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong. ” there was a small shake of her head  before she continued. “ according to my o.b. there isn’t anything to be worried about, but still i have this gut feeling that something’s wrong. ”  lexie shifted on the exam table, worry written across her expression. “ i know doing ultrasounds on anxious moms isn’t your job, but i was wondering if you’d do one for me anyway? ”

[airplanecrushed-arch]

“Yeah, well…” Meredith laughed. “I’m sure that’s not the only thing they lie about. Does anyone ever mention heartburn, the bladder problems… then there’s the whole not being able to bend over right thing.”

“  you know what those all have in common?  ”   there’s a huff as she laid across the lounge couch.   “  none of those have deceptive names.   i mean,  i shouldn’t have to push surgeries because i’m dealing with morning sickness at three in the afternoon.  ”

@dirtyexmistress // continued !!

[airplanecrushed-arch]

mark sloan in just a towel?   a sight that lexie would never get sick of seeing.  “  are you now?  ”   grin laced her lips as fingers traced just above the towel around his waist.   “  i think---  ”    a quick kiss as she makes sure that her hips were pressed in just the right way against his.   “  there’s a few things we could be doing in the bedroom,   if you really want to sweeten the deal.  ”

@defectivenightmares // continued !!

[airplanecrushed-a]

@hurricanetm // starter call ! “  did you see that?  ”   a rhetorical question,   the other was there in the  o.r. with her it would have been hard not to see it.   despite how long the surgery was,  how sore she might have been,   there’s an excitement,   a   r u s h  that comes with being able to save a patient.   “  i just---   there was so much bleeding,   but i didn’t even have to think about how to control it.  i---   i did it.  ”   

[airplanecrushed-a]

@stcrstvff​ // cont ! her shirt’s tugged up,   eyes looked over her reflection,   over changes she’d noticed.   weeks of morning sickness hitting her at the most inconvenient times  ---  two a.m. just after she managed to get comfortable,   the middle of a trauma case  ---   of raging hormones and mood swings.    it didn’t matter,   they were having a baby,   and god there wasn’t a thought in the world that made happier.   “  yeah?  ”   fingers traced over barely visible bump.   smile laced lips as she relaxed back against him,  head craned to press a gentle kiss against his cheek.   “  you’re not just telling me what i wanna hear,   right?  ”   light toned question rolled off her tongue,  nose scrunched with it.   self conscious was the last thing she was in that moment.   

[airplanecrushed-a]

@defectivenightmares​ // xxx “  hey,  ”   there’s a warm smile etched in her features as lexie felt his arms wrap around her,   she relaxed as lips pressed against her temple.   “  mmm,  ”   a small hum,   a shake of her head at the question.   “  i’ve been nauseous almost all day,  ”   being eighteen weeks pregnant would do that to a person.   “  my feet and my back kinda hurt,  ”   it’s a slight understatement,   her  b a c k  was bugging her more than she’d admit to after her own shift,   albeit one that was shorter.   a shift that never would have worn her down nearly this much.   “  but we’re okay,  ”   it’s the truth,  she’s okay,   the baby fluttering around  (  not helping with the whole nauseous situation  )  was okay.   she shifts,   turns in his arms.   there’s a quick kiss,   a gentle one,   pressed against his lips as she looked up at him.   “  what about you?  ”   there’s a slight tilt to her head,   furrowed brows.   “  you look  t i r e d,   long day?  ”

[airplanecrushed-a]

@stcrstvff​ // xxx a small discontent filled huff that left her lips as fingers stopped making their way through her hair.   “  mmm,   i don’t want to go to bed,  ”   no,   what lexie really didn’t want was to have to  g e t   u p,   to move from her position on top of him.   “  i wanna finish the movie----  ”   she barely knew what was going on in the movie at this point,   having drifted off one too many times to really be paying attention.   “  besides,  ‘m  c o m f y  just like this.  ”