#WHO PUT AN ENTIRE KING SALMON ON TOP OF MY SALAD

[fisheito]

OMG. that means... Cloaca Crew........

WAIT.

✨C l o a c a C r e w✨

[mrneighbourlove]

Emergency Friend

"Will you stop kicking your mama's bladder? We had this conversation already." Zizi was in the kitchen making lunch for her two sons, Manaco and Ahusaka, and her husband. Kahli had to go to the Kikai Empire, and she was not necessarily happy about that fact this close to the end of her pregnancy. Yet, she understood that diplomacy issues could not be avoided. "Boys, your baby sister is kicking up a storm. Even you two weren't this bad."

"Daddy says baby sissy is gonna be pretty like Mama." Manaco grinned widely as his mother served him a piece of grilled fish with some salad and green beans.

"Think she'll come and out play soon?"

"I'mma big brodder!" Ahusaka declared to Manaco. "Not little brodder, big brodder."

"You're a big and little brother, sweetie." Zizi kissed the top of his head. "Both of you eat your lunch."

Skull Kid sulked about, sneaking into Zizi’s house. He found himself bored, and wanted to see if he could have fun with his friend. Too bad she was all fat again. Stupid babies. “Wow. You look like a balloon ready to burst.”

Zizi held the spatula up in the air at him. "How many times do I have to tell you? Use the door."

“How many times do I have to tell you I do what I want?” Skull Kid took up room in the entire window sill, his back straight and one foot kicked upwards.

"You can do what you want. Just respect the rules of my house." Zizi waved the spatula at him. "And use the front door. The last thing I want is you falling through my window."

Skull Kid looked to ground, then he looked to the living room floor. “Right... So where’s your Fireplace gone off to?”

"Kahli had business in the Kikai Empire and I didn't want to give birth there or risk it being on dragon back, so I stayed here." Zizi wiped off Monaco's messy face. "The baby is due in three weeks. Against all odds, it's a girl. I thought for sure it'd be another boy."

“As long as they stay kids.” Skull Kid plopped down into her house, walking about like he owned the place. “Speaking about that, I thought I’d stop by to give a gift. Told it’s the nice thing to do.” Rather quickly, he pulled out a rattler made of oak. “I took this from some fairies. Should sooth babies or something.”

"Skully, you know that they're going to be adults one day. But for now, yes, they are children." Zizi was surprised by the rattler. Usually, Skully had the habit of avoiding the babies for a little while, at least until the kids were walking and talking. Due to what happened with his baby brother getting all the attention, she could understand how he felt around infants. She smiled, and said, "That's very nice of you, Skully. I'm sure Keira will like this rattler, this will be her first toy."

“My gift so I don’t have to see them later. Babies creep me out.” Skull Kid didn’t even like toddlers. He wanted Zizi’s kids to hit that fun age of proper childhood. “You expecting any company? Like a friend or doctor to slice you open to get to your baby? Hehehe.”

"Skully, that's not funny." Zizi gave him a frown. "The baby will arrive naturally unless it's an emergency."

“Only emergency will be getting you through the door.” Skull Kid laughed, congratulating himself for that one.

"Go ahead, joke all you want, just know if I sit on you, you're not going anywhere." Zizi crossed her arms. "And if I fart, then you're going to be gagging."

"Mama stinky." Ahusaka giggled.

"No, your sister is stinky, she's giving me gas."

“Pu-pleeeeease, your mommy can barely waddle, let alone have to force to sit on anyone.” Skull Kid chuckled again. “When’s it coming out? Why aren’t you with the ice queen?”

"... Zarazu has duties of her own. I'll let her know when the baby is born." Zizi was getting a little annoyed with Skully's attitude. He was like this when she was pregnant with Manaco and Ahusaka. "Once my daughter is here, Zarazu volunteered to watch the boys for a few days while I recover."

“Ok numb nuts. You’re just, what, gonna sit here alone until you leak out a waterfall?”

"Keira isn't supposed to be due for another three weeks. That means three weeks from now, Skully, 21 days. I have plenty of time, she's just a big baby." Zizi told him. "Manaco was a big baby, I thought I was carrying twins."

“Oh my god humans are sooooo dumb.” Skull Kid rolled his head back from personal annoyance. Why did adults think they could handle every task by themselves? Zizi seemed to be no exception. “Here I thought you were one of the smarter ones.”

"Skully, women have been alone while pregnant. I'll be fine, I am fine." Zizi insisted. "Look, Asakonigei is supposed to come over for a visit tomorrow. Does that make you feel better?" She then said with a small chuckle. "Look at you. All worried for me."

“Well, what if you bleed out? What if something happens to the baby. Can you get someone to look after you? Like Rinku, Doctor Boo Boo, or even Leere?”

"Look, Ari'phompha is right outside in the dragon barn." Zizi gestured through the window. "If I need help, she'll go get someone or even take me there, all right? She's just taking an afternoon nap, she's old. And Doctor Boo Boo helped deliver both my sons, he'll make sure I'm all right. You're worrying too much, he said everything was fine with the baby and me." She pulled Skully closer, in a headlock. "Look, I'm not going anywhere. Pojiji lived to be in her hundreds. Maybe I'll beat her old age, yeah?"

“Dragons are stup-HEY!” He shouldn’t have walked so close to her, now he was pulled into a headlock by a tiny, fat bellied woman. “Didn’t Pojiji die in a fiery explosion? You aren’t making a confident reason for me to not worry.” Finally pulling out, he adjusted his skull mask and hat. “I should get going. Honestly, go get someone. You look like a cow that’s ready to get tipped over in the middle of the night and not get back up. Hey.... that sounds like fun.”

"What I'm saying is, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, okay?" Zizi gave him a noogie, and then released Skully. "I don't care what cow you tip as long as it's not mine. But before you do that, you want some lunch?"

“Eeeeeeeeeeh?” Skull Kid rocked his hand back and forth. “I’m not super hungry, but I could stay for a bit?”

"All right, if you're going to stay, then do me a favor," Zizi managed lead her boys over onto the rug in the living area. There were carved toys there for her sons to play with while she knitted. Sitting on the couch, she patted the spot beside of me. "Hold my yarn."

“What’s that have to do with lunch?” Skull Kid picked up a ball of yarn.

"Lunch is in the pan on the oven if you want a salmon cake." Zizi told Skully, "You're more than welcome to the last one. I think there's some greens in the pot and some cornbread patties too." She then explained to her friend. "I always knit at lunch while the boys play. I'm working on a blanket for Keria's bed."

“Oh. Neat.” Skull Kid kicked the ball of yarn around like a hacky sack, growing bored.

"Now, now, hold it still, it has to be big enough for her bed." Zizi then asked. "How's the fairies? We don't get to talk as much as we used to."

“They’re doing good, pretty good. Still rather secretive. They didn’t like Ganondorf becoming king, they didn’t like Lorleidians pissing off a big scary monster who blew up a bunch of their friends, and they just, don’t like most people. Humans and monster kind are gross, mean, smelly, and generally stupid. There’s a few exceptions, but eh, they still won’t go public.”

"Well, I know they were always rather cordial when you took me to the forest to visit." Zizi shifted on the couch, feeling too much pressure in her hips. "They are so beautiful too, with such lovely songs. I'm surprised that Navi has put up with Link this long, though. She has told me numerous times that his past selves got into way too much trouble."

“That’s not how you pronounce ‘fun’ Zizi. Link is amazing. Saving the world, having exciting adventures, the best. Kind of sad in some ways Rinku got cheated out of killing Ganondorf this life time. You all could have let her decapitate Vul’kar as compensation at least.” He made a few make-believe sword swings to illustrate a point. “What’s she supposed to do now? Honestly has me worried.”

"I'm sure Rinku will have plenty of fun exploring the world. You know her, she's always had that wanderlust." Zizi shifted yet again, this time putting her feet on the coffee table. "I think she'd love to have a companion with her. Maybe next time she goes, you could go too. Do what you wanted to when she was a kid; go see the world together and pull the biggest prank that anyone has ever seen."

“I go with her from time to time. We have fun because Links don’t get put on this world for it.” Before Zizi could pick up on that Skull Kid switched the conversation in the same beat. “You gonna have hundred babies? Kind of gross.”

"Well, you can always change---OH!" Zizi jolted on the couch, nearly dropping her knitting. "Oh... that was a big kick."

“You see? What did I say? You want me to call someone?”

"It's just a kick, Skully, she kicks me all the---and I need to pee, help me up."

Skull Kid threw the ball of yarn next to her. “Honestly Zizi. You’re useless on your own right now.” He did help, however, pushing hard to get her on her feet. “Lose some weight, man oh man.”

"It's baby weight, I'm not fat." Zizi groaned slightly as Skull managed to get her standing upright. "And I'm not useless, that's a mean thing to say. I'll be right back, just watch the boys, will you?"

“Ok. Your sons weren’t going to pull you up now where they? Go stay with someone after you take your golden leak.” Skull Kid made sure Zizi got to the bathroom, then went to the tiny boys. “Now then. Who wants to learn how to make cheap pies to throw at people?”

"...?" Ahusaka looked at Skull Kid, puzzled.

"Mama says we can't touch the oven, might get a boo-boo." Manaco held up a wooden horse figurine. "Wanna play with me? You can have this horsey. I got another one."

Skull Kid rose an eyebrow behind his mask. “What’s not to get about whip cream? No oven involved. Also, trust me when I say horses are nothing but trouble. Tried to ride one once. Didn’t like listening to me.”

"Horsey fun." Ahusaka insisted, as he carefully lined up all the toy stallions, sorting them by color. "Very fun."

"Mama says not to get near oven." Manaco shook his head. "Could get a bad boo-boo."

"If you're trying to entice my kids into a prank, you might want to wait until they're a few years older, Skully." Zizi felt a little bit better after peeing nearly a gallon. Maybe drinking that orange juice first thing in the morning was not the brightest idea. "They're not the type to disobey... yet."

"Yeah. Cause I'm going to teach them what fun is." Skull Kid got annoyed, finally snatching the horse. "Nyah, nyah, look, its a Pegasus now." Skull Kid took two feathers from his collectables pouch, stabbing it into the horse’s sides. "Here's a flying horse."

"Oooh!" Ahusaka clapped his hands with a delighted giggle.

"Play nice, Skully," Zizi told her friend. "I know they're little right now, but they'll grow and you'll have much fun. Be patient, I promise it will be worth the wait."

"Waiting is a bore. I should know." Skull Kid handed the flying horse back and hopped to the window like a little gremlin. "Imma head out. Not in the mood for sandwiches. Are you going to move in with someone while your husband is away?"

"Leaving already?" Zizi frowned, looking sad. "I know I'm not as fun as I used to be, Skully, but I still do enjoy your company. If you don't want a sandwich or fish, I could always fix you something else." She then suggested. "You used to like it when we baked cookies together. Would you like to do that?" At his question of her staying with someone else, she shook her head. "If you're that worried," She then said with an impish grin of her own. "Stay with me."

Not as fun as she used the be. If that didn't hit the nail on the head. Skull Kid looked back and forth to Zizi and the outside world. He'd seen this scenario enough times before. 'Friends' grew old. They outgrew him. And even if they didn't, they died. Friends that weren't Link were temporary. The outside world always changed and could hold his curiosity. Old people simply didn't. Zizi was a good friend though. She cared in ways others hadn't. Even when he could sometimes act like a jerk without meaning to, she'd stay at his side.

Skull Kid tapped the window frame, looking back her from behind his mask. "Well... I can't take care of you if your water balloon pops, but I don't suppose cookies can hurt."

"What kind of cookies do you want to make? I think last time, we baked sugar cookies." Zizi waddled over to the kitchen and started pulling out the ingredients. Flour, eggs, sugar, and baking soda all went on the counter. "I got some chocolate chips we could add if you'd like. Or we could put in some mint."

"Mints gross. Do chocolate chip." Skull Kid scuttled back down to the kitchen, leaning up to peer over the counter.

"Chocolate chip it is, with..." She stood on her tiptoes, feeling around in the back. Zizi then pulled out a large container of rainbow colored sprinkles in the shapes of hearts and stars. "Extra sprinkles, right? Your favorite?"

"No, no, no. Just the chips!" Skull Kid tapped his hands on the counter in hurry to correct her. "Sprinkles are for little kids."

"Okay, so I'm going to put all these ingredients into the bowl, why don't you get out the pan for the cookies?" Zizi started mixing all the items required together in a large bowl. "And who says you're not a kid?" She teased playfully, "Who wanted extra marshmallows in his cocoa?"

"Because marshmallows actually taste good." Skull Kid grumbled, crossing his arms in a small fit. With a huff, he scuttled over to grab a pan.

"Well, I can't argue with you there." Zizi noted and soon had the mixture stirred into a delicious goop. "Want to lick the spoon?"

"Don't one of your children want that? I'm having the good cooked stuff."

"Just offering, the batter is sometimes the best in my opinion... especially with all the chocolate." Zizi licked her lips. "Do you want to do the portion sizes?"

"Yes." Skull Kid spoke in a tone as if it was an obvious choice from the beginning.

"Heh, have at it then." Zizi slid him the bowl and then make sure to heat up the oven. "So, what do you think of Keira for a baby girl's name? Kahli liked that one the best, though I still like Miku."

"Does it matter? It's your kid. They could be human child 3 for all I care. Keira sounds better though." Skull Kid swallowed down his portions rather quickly.

"Hey, you're supposed to take my side." Zizi teased him lightly with a nudge. "Now, Manaco's birthday party is coming up in four months. You're coming, right? He loved it when you brought fireworks last year."

"Sure, I can do something. You won't like it though. Manaco will love it."

"Oh? What won't I like?" Zizi arched an eyebrow at Skully.

“Secrets I don’t share with parents.” Skull Kid made a ‘bleh’ sound at her, giggling evilly after. “It’ll be fun though, I promise.”

"... as long as no one gets hurt." Zizi shook the spoon at him. "That's my only condition. And no setting things on fire."

“No one gets hurt, got ya. Psychologically either.” Freaking Zolori had to ruin the fun out of that last bit because she couldn’t take a joke. Skull Kid only promised to never do anything like that because Zizi was refusing to talk to him after.

"Good, that's my only..." Zizi stopped talking and looked down on the floor. "...? Did we spill water?"

“No? We didn’t even pour any.”

"That's what I was afraid of." Zizi took a slow breath and steeled herself against a contraction. She had done this twice, a third time would not make a difference. "Skully... I need you to go get---" A wave of pain hit and she groaned, gripping the side of the counter, biting her lip to keep from being too loud. She did not want to scare her sons. "... go get Doctor Boo-Boo."

“Oh.... OH!” Skull Kid panicked, wondering what do in this situation. “I told you! I told you your fat belly would get you into trouble!” Zizi needed help now and not later. With no idea what else to do, Skull Kid took out an old wooden ocarina from his pocket, playing an ancient song. For himself, he had a telepathic line to his best friend. “Rinku! Are you in Hyrule?”

“Skull Kid? What’s wrong?”

They both knew this was an emergency communication line. “Zizi’s exploding water at her house! I think her baby is ready to burrow out! I don’t know what to do! Can you bring Doctor Boo-Boo over here?”

“I’ll send word and head on over!”

Skull Kid looked back to Zizi, looking to her sons. “Hey kids! How’d you like to play hide and seek? Go hide in your rooms, and I’ll come and find you in ten minutes!”

Zizi was grateful that Manaco and Ahusaka lit up at the idea of playing hide and seek with a 'big kid'. After the boys had tottered off to their rooms, she inhaled sharply and tried to deal with the discomfort.

"I am going to throttle Kahli for leaving so close to my due date!" Zizi slammed her hand down on the counter. "He knew better! And damn that Zannah for making him feel like he had to go---ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!!!" Her eyes watered as another strong contraction washed over her body. "Skully... I need you to get a few things ready for Keira's arrival..." She took another deep breath, trying to focus. "Warm water, a few clean towels, and..." She groaned. "And a blanket."

“O-ok.” Skull Kid did so, trying his best to not dawdle. He was able to acquire a blanket and a start the hot water when Rinku elbowed checked through the door and made a tactical roll into the kitchen. “Skull Kid, Zizi! I’m here!”

"Where's... Doctor Boo-Boo?" Zizi asked Rinku in-between deep breaths. She had to keep her breathing right. Breathe through the pain, and keep a clear head and not contemplate homicide. "Is he coming? The baby's already pressing pretty... pretty good."

“On his way sweety. Take deep breathes.” Skull Kid waddled over, placing down the hot water. Rinku took one of the towels, using the hot water to dab Zizi on the head.

"Do me another favor, kick Kahli really hard for me, just one time in the ass when he gets back." Zizi was trying to keep a cool head, but it was really starting to hurt. "I... I don't think the doctor's going to make it in time. She's pressing now and I have to push."

“It’s what?!” Skull Kid’s hands rose to grasp his head in further panic.

Rinku’s face turned a little pale herself. “Well screw my life.”

Skull Kid grabbed the blanket, his hands shaking. “What do we do? What do we do?!”

"One of you is going to have to get between my legs and the other is going to have to steady me, which is it going to be?!" Zizi's voice was starting to sound a little shrill. "I'm going to have to do this standing up, I can't move. Hurry up! Tell me!"

Rinku shouted to Skull Kid, holding Zizi steady. She felt she was the only one who could hold her tight. “Skull Kid! Play catch!”

Skull Kid went to below Zizi’s legs, terrified, yet ready.

"Don't. Drop. Her." Zizi ordered her friend through gritted teeth. She held onto Rinku's hand while the other arm steadied the Zemlja. It was hard to stay quiet, but she did not want to worry her sons who were undoubtedly wondering what was taking Skull Kid so long to find them. She furrowed her brow and tried to keep from shouting. Doctor Boveir was right. After the first child, the rest came rather quickly unless there were complications. One push, then two, then three... and on the fifth push, Keira started to emerge.

Rinku looked down, her eyes widening to the size of dinner plates. How did her own mother manage this multiple times? “Skull Kid! Here she comes!”

Skull Kid nearly bit his tongue to not scream as a squishy bundle of flesh landed in his hands. “Gross, gross, gross, gross. Oh god it’s so- oh where’s that stupid doctor!?!!”

"Don't call Keira gross, you big jerk!!!" Zizi's emotions were running on a high and her knees buckled. Slowly, Rinku lowered Zizi to the floor. She had no strength left after such a sudden birth. Taking her daughter from Skull Kid, Zizi wrapped Keira in a blanket and held her closely, keeping her warm. "All babies look like this when they're born..."

It wasn't but a minute later than Doctor Boveir was nearly tripping over his own feet trying to get in the door. "I'm here! I'm here, Zizi are you---oh." He stood there in shock for a moment. "Oh, wow, that must be a new record, a baby coming that fast---"

"Doctor Boveir, if you would be so kind to hush and help me."

"Right, right!" He fumbled with his suitcase, opening it up and making sure to get out the materials needed.

“You suck!” Skull Kid kicked the Doctor in the butt to move him along. “That was the most stressful situation I’ve been in for god knows how long ago?!”

Rinku patted the doctors back, knowing that he did the best he could for coming in time. “Thanks for coming Doctor Boo Boo.”

"Hey! Don't kick the doctor, you brat!" Doctor Boveir shooed Skull Kid away and then proceeded to make sure Keira's airways were clear and she was healthy despite a sudden birth. "Your little one seems to be in top shape, Zizi. I don't know how you did it, but I'm glad you had some help here with you." He gently took a towel and started to clean Keira of the mucus. Noticing the cookie contents on the counter, he then gave a small laugh. "Well... I bet this one will be really sweet since she arrived while you were trying to bake cookies."

“My cookies. Not yours. You didn’t do anything you hack.” Skull Kid growled towards the Doctor as he took the pan away.

"Would you two mind staying with Zizi a while longer until I can get in touch with Zarazu? She'll probably want to move her sister, nephews, and new niece into the castle since Kahli isn't here." Doctor Boveir gently handed Keira back to Zizi. "She's beautiful. Well done."

"I'm glad she's all right." Zizi looked exhausted. "Thank you, Skully, Rinku..."

“I told you so! And your welcome...” Skull Kid kicked the ground slightly.

Rinku patted her best friends back. “You did well buddy. How about we cook those cookies.”

~

After Manaco and Ahusaka were put to bed by Zarazu, she wished Zizi and newborn Keria sweet dreams. The Zemlja hated to inconvenience her sister, but it was nice to know everything was taken care of for now. She relaxed on the huge bed, and then looked over at the window. "I know you're there, you suck at hiding around me." Zizi said in good humor. "Come out."

Skull Kid knew the castle like the back of his hand. Hoping down and skidding down a pillar, he had a cookie stuffed in his mouth. “You feeling better?”

"A little sore, but nothing that I can't survive." Zizi patted the spot in the bed beside of her. "Thank you for what you did today. That was really brave. I apologize for yelling at you, the pain and my emotions were getting the best of me."

“Yeah they were.” Skull Kid hopped over to her spot, eating his cookie some more. “Please don’t ask me to do that again. I’m glad I did it once for you, but it’s gross.”

"It's not gross, it's a very big ouch, thank you." Zizi poked his forehead. "But just think of it this way, now, you have another little friend to play with. Well... when she gets a little bigger."

“It’s a tiny potato for now. You gonna listen to me next time?”

"Good spirits, yes, I will listen to you... if there is a next time." Zizi crossed her arms. "Kahli is still going to get a lecture when he gets home."

“Gonna divorce him?”

"No, but I have a feeling he will listen next time I tell him he better not leave so close to my due date." Zizi sighed and then gathered the extra blanket at her side and tossed it over Skull Kid. "I think we will have to resume our baking when I return home, Skully. More chocolate chip? Or do you want snickerdoodle?"

“More cookies. I snicker at your doodle.”

"Heh, you never change." Zizi laughed softly and then settled back on the pillows. "Skully, I know this is an odd question to ask, but... do you still dream when you sleep?"

“Nope.”

"So, you just live with the memories of all the lives you've seen." Zizi laid there, in deep thought for a moment. "I know you remember Link from all his lives, correct?"

“Yeah. Little foggy sometimes with gaps in my memory.”

"Do you think you'll remember me?" Zizi asked him honestly. "My family?"

Skull Kid paused. To be truthful, he didn’t know for sure. “I hope so. I do.”

"One thing is for sure," Zizi told Skully with a soft smile. "You'll always be my friend."

“Thank you. You’re my friend too Zizi, He he he.”

"How about we have a sleep over of sorts?" Zizi asked him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "Just lay here and talk for a while until we fall asleep?"

“Ok. Sounds like fun.” Skull Kid snuggled happily close. He didn’t get a lot of sleep overs anymore. “What do you want to talk about?”

"How about we talk about updating the tree house a little? I think it needs a fresh coat of paint."

“Yeah, we could do that.”

"Maybe I can grow the tree a little larger and we can add another room. After all, I'm sure my kids would love it if you shared your 'awesome clubhouse' with them one day."

“Well, I suppose I can share one of them.”

"Only one? What if I end up having a dozen kids? You know how Kahli is." Zizi snorted. "He won't keep his hands off me."

“And you said you didn’t know if you’d have more kids. You really are an adult now Zizi. You used to be so free spirited. Now you’re chained to motherhood. Dumb.”

"Hey," Zizi nudged him lightly. "That doesn't mean I can't have fun anymore. Adults can still be fun, but you have to find one who knows how to do so. Tell me, who else would indulge your games? You know that I'm still the master of tag."

“Hide and seek? Appropriate pranks on your sisters. Poisoning Zannah?” He tilted his head innocently at that last suggestion.

"... if you meant laxative in her tea by 'poisoning', quite so." Zizi agreed. "I really don't like that woman. Or her stupid robot."

“Ugly robot too. Why don’t we blow him up?”

"If you figure out a way, please let me know. Though for now..." Zizi then suggested. "Let's think of a way to prank Kahli when he returns. I do believe he deserves it."

“Gonna make him never hurt your feelings again.” Skull Kid, turned to Zizi, noticing she was passing out into sleep. “... Heh. Goodnight friend.”

[caffeineivore]

Commission #1

For @ellorgast

Prompt: A Very Spirited Wedding

Ships: Usagi/Mamoru, Senshi/Shitennou

Rating: PG

Get your own commissions from me here or check out other people offering commissions here!

**

Something Old…

Her dress is spotless white satin glimmering with seed pearls and a flowing overlay of chiffon embroidered with rosebuds. Angela has just finished dressing, and makeup, and had kicked out the well-meaning army of her mother and future mother-in-law and bridesmaids and photographer after the requisite pictures and champagne, just to take a moment for herself. The woman in the mirror glows with excitement and the flush of love, but there’s always a hint of nerves, of the finality of tying oneself to another person for the rest of one’s life. She knows, more than most, anything can happen. Countless tragedies spring from a single blink-of-the-eye catastrophe, or one bad decision. 

A knock, a harmonious, familiar voice at the other side of the door. “It’s Jay. Are you decent?”

He looks exceedingly handsome and somehow a bit stately, dressed in pale grey linen with a sprig of sage and ivy— silvery and lush green— pinned to his lapel. It’s not a typical choice for a suit or boutonniere, but it suits more than black-tie would, and he’s holding something in his hands— gleaming silver. 

It’s a delicate tiara, wrought branches of metal so intricately worked as to look like the slender stems of living flowers and vines twisted together. Drops of clear crystal like dew glitter against the silver, along with fantastical flowers carved out of jewels— blue irises, pink rosebuds, yellow daisies and red poppies— an effect which should’ve been crass, but when he places it on her head, over the filmy lace veil, she looks like a fairy princess. The metal feels slightly warm and almost alive against her hair, and she smiles up at this surrogate brother, this forever friend. “How did you know I’d looked in every single boutique in this city and couldn’t find anything?”

He grins, and the stately, somewhat remote look vanishes. “Well. For one thing, this is super old. But I am firmly of the belief that it will bring you good luck, you little ball of sunshine. I brought it out of storage.”

She thinks art nouveau, circa 1920’s, perhaps out of a safety deposit box somewhere in a bank. He knows, but doesn’t say, that it had been wrought by the masterful hands of his clan’s greatest artisans, in moonlit smithies high up in mist-shrouded mountains back before the first ships had ever even crossed the ocean, blessed by starshine and magic and centuries’ worth of romantic hopes and dreams. She just knows that it fits perfectly, and her eyes shine a bit brighter in the reflection, and she reaches up, impulsively, to give him a hug. “Something old, right? Thank you.”

“I wish you all the best and brightest of this world’s blessings, my friend.” He presses a brief, grave kiss to her forehead, right under where the metal meets skin, and it feels like the strangest of benedictions, almost solemn and formal. But then he steps back, and he’s Jay again, and he makes a cheeky comment about how beautiful she looks and how Adam is going to swallow his tongue when he sees her, and he leaves as quickly as he’d come on quick and silent feet.

**

Something New…

The blind date with Jareth’s friend had gone surprisingly well. Zhen, with his indolent green eyes and roguish smile, is well-spoken and courteous, with an almost-dangerous way of looking and listening to a woman as though he’d been waiting all his life for what she had to say at any given moment. Raina considers herself immune to such foolishness for the most part, but that Jareth considers him a friend is a point in his favour. It’s unspoken, but not unknown, that she and Jareth are both a bit out of the realm of the ordinary mortals who surround them.

When she’d mentioned the wedding, he’d cheerfully agreed to go as her date. “I love weddings. Such an optimistic sort of atmosphere, no? Whatever storms the happy couple may face in the future, for today they are deeply in love, heads and hearts full of rose-coloured dreams and hopes. And then they almost always have fabulous food and delicious cake. That cannot be overstated.”

She’s not as optimistic, perhaps, about the concept of marriage. But she rather likes Adam King, out of her colleagues at the hospital. He’s intelligent and capable, as is expected for his profession and academic record, but furthermore, there’s a soul-deep, untarnished light of compassion and empathy in the blue of his eyes. He had not become a healer because it was his birthright, like her, but because he genuinely, in his quiet, mortal way, felt and wanted to heal the pain of his fellow humans. It stirs a long-dormant feeling of fond protectiveness in her, and when she and her date go to wish the happy couple well at the start of the reception, she means it genuinely.

Zhen looks keenly interested in the proceedings, and though she’s quite sure that neither the bride nor groom had ever met him before, he greets them both with the cordiality of a socially-adroit man intent on befriending them both. He had not brought a gift-- (she had picked a popular programmable coffee and espresso machine out of the online registry, knowing Adam’s fondness for mochas)-- but he’d brought a card, and tucked in a scratch-off lottery ticket. He hands it to Adam, in person, rather than adding it to a pile left somewhere, and the groom opens it, reads the message aloud.

“Best of luck with your love and your lives together. Blessings upon you both.” It’s a nice enough message, and written in exuberant flourishes of looping script. Good-humouredly, Adam claps Zhen on the shoulder, and scratches off the silver wax on the lottery ticket, then his eyebrows shoot up to his hairline as he scans the ticket again.

“Did you win something?” Zhen inquires pleasantly, his lazy smile playing across his lips.

“Three matched sevens across, and then these two numbers mean…” Adam furrows his brow, and glances around before lowering his voice. “I’m not much for playing the lottery. But if I’m reading this correctly, did I just win $5000?!”

“Well, well.” Zhen’s voice is low and pleased as an animal’s purr. “How lucky for you, my friend. I do think that is a fantastic beginning to your new life together, wouldn’t you say?”

Raina hears pleasure and something close to triumph in her companion’s voice, but not even a little bit of surprise. This man, with his scintillating gaze and effortless charm, is much more than he seemed. She’d have to keep an eye on him.

**

Something Borrowed…

Linden Thorne does not often work in the role of caterer, but on impulse, she had accepted to provide both the cake and food for this wedding, and she had found herself pleasantly surprised at how much she’d enjoyed it. 

The bride and groom were perhaps two of the most pure-hearted, genuinely good mortals that she had ever come across. A doctor and a social worker, both working tirelessly to help and heal the physical and emotional damage of any of their fellows that crossed their paths-- and humans are a fragile lot, indeed. They had been pleasant, easygoing, not at all demanding, and so deeply in love that both of them all but glowed with it. The bride especially, with her boundless energy and equally irrepressible sweet tooth, took particularly well to any and every thing that Linden had her sample.

So, she’s not entirely surprised when Angela-- who had been Angela King for all of perhaps an hour-- peeks into the kitchen area where the wedding reception is taking place. Linden has a half-dozen sous chefs and assistants putting together delicate canapés with the efficiency of a battalion following the directives of their commanding officer: a lanky young man is on top of a step-stool putting the finishing touches on the top tier of the wedding cake-- translucently thin slivers of gold leaf, velvety rosebuds in shell pink and scarlet, a woman with a severely pinned bun is garnishing exquisite smoked salmon toast rounds with glossy black caviar and eyelash-thin fronds of fresh dill. The bride, still in her gown though sans veil, grins at her with a good-humoured yet half-embarrassed look that Linden interprets in an instant.

“You’re starving, aren’t you?”

“A bit, yeah. I had a salad last night for dinner. Then it was my fault this morning because I was too excited to eat. But now I’m shamelessly begging in here like I have no sense. You can totally tell me to buzz off.”

Linden finds herself laughing, unoffended. “It’s your wedding, so it would not make much sense for me to tell you to buzz off, wouldn’t you agree?”

“But you’re busy, and this is probably rude of me, so…”

“I will forgive it this time.” Linden steps away from the buzz of activity, digs through the pantry and fridge. The bride is a silly, bright-eyed slip of a girl, sweet and pure as vanilla buttercream, and if the world has yet to break her spirit, who was Linden to take that onerous task into her hands. She cuts two slices of rye bread, then adds Dijon mustard, peppery arugula leaves, generous slices of red tomatoes and sharp cheddar and cold chicken breast. A sandwich is probably the least glamorous meal that she could have put together in that moment, but the girl’s eyes light up like stars nonetheless. 

Linden, with an indulgent smile, slips her own chef’s apron off of her neck, and carefully ties it over the bride’s flowing white gown. “Okay. Eat up.”

“Oh, God, this is the best thing I’ve ever had, and I know I’ll be saying that again like twenty times tonight after everything else you’ve made, too,” Angela says in between bites, looking like a mischievous fairy princess who’d snuck down to the palace kitchens in that borrowed apron. She finishes the sandwich with rather unladylike haste, but then gets up, with her usual endless energy, and reaches up to give Linden a hug. It’s such a human gesture-- warm and impulsive and sweet and unexpected, and Linden pauses awkwardly before returning it.

“Feel better now?”

“Oh yes. Thanks for the apron. And the sandwich. And everything.” Angela slips the apron off, mussing her hair just the faintest bit, then beams up at Linden again. “I really hope that you’re as happy as I am today. Forever. Does that sound silly?”

Forever is a long time, far beyond the scope of what this silly mortal bride could fathom, but Linden knows that the bright-eyed, perhaps foolish girl means it with every beat of her kind and affectionate heart. And so she lets the genuine goodwill of the wish warm her spirit, like a borrowed candle shining valiantly on a dark night, far after the party is over and the bride is well on her way to her honeymoon. 

**

Something Blue…

The late September breeze filters through the tall, slim boles of a tall aspen decked in autumnal gold outside on the grounds of a Manhattan church, the sound soft and gentle as whispered prayers. Inside, a wedding ceremony is taking place, a young man and woman exchanging their vows to their God and each other to live the rest of their lives together in love and unity and devotion. 

Contrary to popular belief, Kafziel does not spend the majority of his time on the premises of churches in the city. But this morning finds him on the rooftop of this particular building, a stalwart sentinel visible only in the fleeting, ever-changing reflections of the panes of the intricate rose window in the facade of the building. Of course, there is no one around to see him-- all the visitors to the church are well enough inside to watch the happy couple getting married. 

Kafziel knows, of course, the history of the bride and groom, as he knows the history of every other man, woman and child currently living in that great city, and even by his exacting standards, both of them live decent, upstanding lives above reproach. Neither of them were born here; indeed, the young man in particular had been the product of a most unpromising beginning. And yet, they had found their way here, and to each other, and flourished in love and light and goodness despite everything which might conspire to tarnish the kindness of two such spotless souls.

The pane of leaded glass reflects, at that moment, a face of stark, stern beauty and foreboding. “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.” The words are familiar and easy, but Kafziel knows, more than any, of the way great darkness follows great light with dogged, demoniacal tenacity. There is a chill in the air; winter is coming, and with the frost portents sharp strife, perhaps even great trouble. Those who would engender all which he abhors would feed, frenzied, upon the darkest, basest impulses and sins and actions. The happy couple who are even now enjoying their first kiss as man and wife have no idea that their union portends any number of potential catastrophes of a dark and sinful world rebelling against their very radiance. Kafziel’s reflection squares its shoulders, firms its grip on the mighty, fire-tipped sword that throws jewel-like beams of light through the stained glass into the building. 

But even as he braces himself for what must inevitably come-- perhaps a day, or a month, or a decade from now-- he feels the presence of others crowding in, like a ragtag bunch of plucky soldiers summoned to a war they might have no call to fight and yet taken on with every bit of courage as such a troop might muster. The chaotic whimsy of a shifter. The primeval fire-and-wildwoods magic of a nature goddess. The calm, steadfast wisdom of a healer and the tireless, graceful agility of a brace of wandering Ælf-kine. Others, too, all gathered here, converging by luck or fate. Kafziel pauses, and allows himself a faint, almost-hopeful smile, and overhead, the sunlight breaks through the clouds as the sky turns a brilliant blue. 

[uterusclub]

I think it goes without saying that Sharon and I were well-aware of the infamous town of Alton, IL for quite some time due to our extended ghost-hunting research. The only detail daunting us from execution was the 5 hour drive down state. It wasn’t until Ghost Adventures recently released a few episodes investigating the spooked town that our fire was fueled! The itinerary was, shortly thereafter, drawn up (thanks to Sharon) with inclusions of Saint Louis, Missouri as well.

Our journey jump-started at a departure of 7:30 a.m. With freshly burned CDs in tow for music accompaniment, we headed out the door with much excitement. First stop – Grafton, Illinois to check in early to our hotel, Ruebel Hotel where we had prebooked an allegedly haunted room #11. Driving into the small town, we noted but dismissed several ‘road closed’ signs as they had no effect on our commute to the hotel. Upon speaking with Moe at the front desk, we were informed that our check-in was actually scheduled for the night before and that our reservation was for 2 nights? Whoops! This conversation had taken place a few weeks earlier as I recall trying to verify this detail with Sharon who assured me we were only staying for 1 (she later redacted and apologized for miss-remembering). In any case, we checked out our room very briefing concluding it didn’t ‘feel’ haunted before heading back out to soothe our aching bellies. Next stop? Grafton Harbor for food and drinks!

On the way to the car Sharon scoffed at her GPS. “This wants us to go all the way around which is 18 minutes, but it’s a 7 minute walk!” We prepared to depart but happened to look back at a ‘road closed’ sign which now made sense. It was then that we noticed the backdrop to our hotel – high waters submerging the streets below it. “Guess that’s why it’s telling me to go this other way” Sharon concluded. Leaving with minimal annoyance, we made our way to a flooded roadway of unpredictable depth. Sharon reluctantly backed the car up to return back the way we came, only to notice several cars behind us. “Wait, wait, wait, let’s see what they’re going to do” she said. So we sat and waited as one ballsy car at a time drove through the wading tides to the other side. We watched in awe and terror. And while tempting, decided in the end, it wasn’t worth it. The panic, that is. So no food.

Venturing forward with a slight chip on our shoulders, we skipped to our next scheduled stop: Piasa Bird. As Sharon drove along the shoreline we continued our perfect view of the high waters. We also noted several barriers stating ‘road closed – local traffic only’ which Sharon concluded didn’t apply to us for some reason. Bi-passing without a thought, we continued our journey hoping upon hope that there was indeed an end in sight as there was really no way of turning back on this one-way road. As we anti-climatically reached the Piasa Bird and climbed out of the car, our enthusiasm dwindled as we both half-heartedly took turns reading the backstory to it. I can’t even recall it now (and this occurred yesterday) so clearly, it was too much detail for my a.d.d. brain or just uninteresting. You decide. A couple photos later, we jumped back into the car and headed to the downtown area of Alton, Illinois!

Next stop? My Just Desserts! The thing is, we hadn’t even had what I refer to as ‘normal’ food yet so by the time we got to this little town and found the joint, I didn’t care much for pie or baked goods. I’ll also blame my questionable stomach but we ended up splitting a spinach, bacon, and chicken salad with an amazing poppyseed vinaigrette that Sharon ended up purchasing. Having fed the hunger demons, our demeanors quickly simmered. The majority of our ‘activities’ for the town were based around the local shopping area. We visiting the Mineral Springs Antique Mall where we saw some gorgeous ceiling-lined umbrellas and had far too much fun in the Historic Museum of Torture Devices! Several random shops later, Sharon had a Doodle Bear ($1.50) and I, an awesome corduroy hippie dress (definitely not $1.50). Shopper high complete, we now made our way to Elijah P. Lovejoy Monument or what I’ll refer to as, ‘pretty cemetery’ for all intent and purposes.

Cemeteries. You’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all and if you’re Sharon, they’re all ‘pretty’ so there’s really not much to say about the stop. Literally. We can move along now. To St. Louis, specifically.

Now my only recollection of St. Louis, Missouri was occasionally visiting childhood friends of my family ‘back in the day.’ That and it being hot as balls during the summertime. Outside of that, nada. First and most regrettable stop – Gateway Arch. So I guess it’s a thing now that you can ‘ride’ inside an elevator to the top? Sounded cool. SOUNDED. Foreshadow much? Anyway, after a confusing debacle over the ‘parking’ situation ie. being in a ghetto ally and asking a random ‘officer’ looking dude for assistance, we parked in a nearby garage and walked over to the grassy grove encompassing the Arch. I wont knock the splendor of the shining sight and absorbing all the un-obnoxious people enjoying themselves around us, however, I WILL take a few jabs at our attempts at finding the goddamn entrance to the illusive ‘ride.’ There was no ‘pot of gold’ at the end of either rainbow for these unlucky leprechauns. It wasn’t until we actually FOLLOWED the random arrows painted on the ground that we discovered an underground mound. Victoriously entering the ticket line, I glanced at the pricing monitor: ‘Trams sold out for the day.’ Mother****! ALL that effort. Though I will add that we mysteriously ended up departing our parking garage without paying which I can only assume was karma’s apology to us.

So now what? BOOZE. Much much deserved BOOZE. A quick ride took us to Brick River Cider where we were greeted immediately and provided with an oratory comparison of all draft ciders. Sharon and I settled on different, favorable choices which resulted in a growler and 6-pack for the homefront. With inebriation healing past wounds, we moved ahead to the City Museum of St. Louis. Sharon had briefed me on this but I couldn’t recall much – save for it looking interesting.

Upon arriving to the City Museum of St. Louis and parking across the street, you could see a whole, structural display on the very top of the building which we hoped would be open for the season (it wasn’t). You could also see and hear the shrills of lots and lots of children playing outside on the interactive displays. Normally this would put me off but the booze had muted the sounds and annoyance for the moment. I suppose I should take this time to mention Sharon’s wardrobe change from a dress into a different dress with pants for what she claimed was ‘comfort’ purposes. Entering this playground from hell, I can only describe it as a poor man’s attempt at a children’s Meow Wolf inside the locker room of a YMCA. Between the chaotic amount of children, the dingy apparatuses and the confusing layout (which was suppose to be a ‘schtick’ of exploration’), sobriety became king. I’d like to also point out that the main form of ‘travel’ was through slides and tunnels – the likes of which were most inconvenient for probably the only individual at this place wearing a dress! Still, I attempted to ‘play nice’ and took a turn on a ‘slide’ which I’m fairly sure, resulted in me flashing one very happy man (he owes me at lease $5 for that). Fixated on annoyance, we didn’t last long and decided our only salvation now was food.

We chose to eat at Square One Brewery & Distillery solely based on my pre-researched discovered of them having a goat-cheese artichoke dip appetizer which was the best part of the entire meal. My salmon with potatoes and broccoli was beyond basic (shame on you) and Sharon’s ‘barbecue’ pork sandwich tasted of funky, spiced ketchup (I still can’t believe she ate as much of it as she did after trying it myself). The only saving grace to this most egregious meal was our next stop down the street – Bailey’s Chocolate Bar. Surely, no wrong can come of chocolate!

This cute little bar was situated atop an escalating stairway into a dim, intimate dining area. The menu consisted of ice cream booze drinks, booze drinks, or desserts. Both deciding upon ice creamed, booze martinis, we partook in some mini, complimentary chocolate chip cookies which were divine! Drinks were strong AND delicious. I’ve actually never heard Sharon confess something to be ‘dangerous’ so many times.

Feeling much better after chocolate intoxication, the only thing left now was to continue boozing for the remainder of the evening! We headed over to W Karaoke Lounge which I had previously researched and observed a super cool looking ‘performance’ floor that lit up beneath the performers. We stayed just long enough for me to get one rendition of ‘Just a Girl’ in and finished up one drink before moving along to the next booze endeavor.

Thaxton Speakeasy. Another place I had previously researched which looked super cool inside. We arrived a few minutes after the place ‘opened’ and were met by an older gentleman outside the door advising us that the place was closed for a private party. Goddamnit! Foiled again! Guess we didn’t need that drink. Onto the next!

Our last stop for the night was at The Monocle & The Emerald Room where we had purchased tickets to a see a Burlesque show a few ladies I knew were in. We sat, drank and bided our time for an hour and a half – despite the show time scheduled for 10pm. Once 10:30pm hit and the performances began, we knew we wouldn’t last long. Sharon’s mentality drastically switch from ‘if your friends are in the second half, we have to stay’ to ‘yeah, I’m sorry, no, if they’re not on the first half, too bad, I’m tired.’ We were glad to stand in line next to a super buzzed, hilariously friendly gentleman who had absolutely no filter. The theater gods granted us the delight of seeing my wonderful friends during the first half of the show after which we immediately took our exit for the long journey (hour) back to our hotel in Grafton, Illinois.

Suffice it to say, we were absolutely exhausted by the time we got back to the hotel. Ironically, I had a difficult time falling asleep after falsely identifying paranormal activity of my toiletries. My heart was literally in my throat for quite some time. I could hear Sharon had no problem getting to sleep. At some point, tossing and turning throughout the night, I caught some portion of sleep and roused at the usual, ungodly hour of 7am Tired still but forcing the will to journey for more immediate comfort at home, we showered, packed and departed in optimal time. Discovering no roadside coffee availability nearby, save gas station coffee, we waiting patiently (2 hours) for the reward of Dunkin Donuts. I took the reigns for the rest of the drive home and played road tag with a Kia whom I’m not sure when I divulged from. I can only hope that some day – definitely not today – definitely not tomorrow but in the very, very distant future, we may meet again in St. Louis.

Meet Me In St. Louis Or Rather, Don’t I think it goes without saying that Sharon and I were well-aware of the infamous town of Alton, IL for quite some time due to our extended ghost-hunting research.

[businessliveme]

These Secret Ingredients May Be Why Your Restaurant Bill Is So High

(Bloomberg) –If you want to add instant luxury to a dish, you can grab a truffle and start shaving. Or add a dollop of glistening black caviar. That’s also a guaranteed way to validate a high-priced dish on a menu.

Beans in a generous pool of olive oil don’t scream “indulgence” in quite the same way. Yet, high-end versions of such pantry staples as sugar and vinegar have become highly coveted ingredients among forward-thinking chefs. They’re also raising the cost of your meals.

Nutty Buckwheat Butter

At the recently opened La Mercerie cafe in New York, chef Marie-Aude Rose sources her butter from Bordier, a cult French producer who kneads his butter, a process that costs four times more than those for other premium varieties. In fact, she dedicates an entire section of her menu to the “Specialty Butter from Jean-Yves Bordier.” Rose, who cooked at the acclaimed Spring in Paris, is one of the few restaurateurs in the country to carry this elite product—Bordier started shipping to the U.S. just as she was opening La Mercerie.

Rose serves the butters, including nutty buckwheat and olive oil-lemon, for $7 for a 25-gram morsel with bread. She also uses Bordier in her cooking. A dish of six oysters with seaweed-flecked butter goes for $24. Each oyster costs $1; its butter accounts for $1.50. Rose says she would bake with the Bordier butter, too, but concedes that “the quantities for pate feuillété for croissants are just too much.” That’s understandable: Her husband, Daniel Rose of Le Coucou in New York, has said he pays more for Bordier than he does for foie gras.

Capezzana Olive Oil

“We don’t use caviar, we don’t use foie gras, we don’t use uni,” says chef Clare de Boer, who, with Jess Shadbolt, runs the kitchen at King in New York. Instead, they are heavyhanded with oil—specifically, vibrant Capezzana, an organic, single estate, first-press olive oil from Tuscany. “We go through four to six bottles a day,” says de Boer, who pays close to $38 for a 16.9 ounce bottle. She and Shadbolt douse the peppery finishing oil over poached wild striped bass, baked borlotti beans, and pillowy ricotta gnudi. It even infuses an unconventional olive oil semifreddo. “At our restaurant, it’s one of the biggest expenses,” says Shadbolt.

Image courtesy: Pixabay

Greek Fleur de Sel

At the Greek seafood temple Milos in midtown Manhattan, fish are shipped in from the Mediterranean and priced by weight—some upward of $50 per pound. But the salt is equally valuable. Owner Costas Spiliadis buys Greek fleur de sel from Kythira, a pristine island where lots for harvesting sea salt are auctioned off to residents. Spiliadis uses the hand-gathered salt at his six Milos locations around the world. “I don’t think it would be fair to say, because of the sea salt, my prices are higher by that much,” says Spiliadis. But since his salt costs 10 to 15 times as much as other gourmet salts, per Spiliadis’s approximation, the price does add up: Greek salad, seasoned with the salt, costs $33. And the salt-crusted fish has a $15 supplemental fee attached.

READ: London Readies for Hot New Restaurants

Japanese Cane Sugar

At the acclaimed Japanese restaurant Momotaro, executive chef Mark Hellyar insists on using Japanese cane sugar in his sushi-su, the seasoned-vinegar mixture that gives sushi rice its distinct tang. Hellyar finds that the Japanese sweetener adds purer flavor and a moister texture that its standard American counterpart. But it costs about five times as much, and Hellyar estimates that he goes through 50 pounds of the sugar each week. “Some people think that if we use regular sugar, the customer won’t notice,” says Hellyar. “They will.”

Honey Vinegar

Chef Michael Vignola is a believer in subtlety. “I’m all about that nuanced flavor that you can’t quite put your finger on,” says the chef at Henry at Life Hotel in New York. He buys Lindera Farms honey vinegar, a one-year cask-aged elixir that’s part of a new crop of artisan vinegars priced in line with top-quality balsamic from Italy. Vignola uses a hefty splash, about $1 worth, in every order of his Faroe Island salmon tartare.

The post These Secret Ingredients May Be Why Your Restaurant Bill Is So High appeared first on Businessliveme.com.

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[multipleforks]

I recently went to Miami for a work-related event in January, and being a temporary winter migrant from the NYC area, a trip from the cold was a much-needed respite. When discussing the trip with a close friend, she invited herself to join me. Frankly, it did not take much arm twisting!  So, I decided to add a few extra days onto my trip. (Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same!) I forewarned her that the trip would be all about good food and specialty cocktails, as I have a mild obsession with both. Luckily, she was on board. I also mentioned we were going to stay in Downtown Miami (aka Brickell) instead of South Beach, as South Beach has become the Times Square of Miami. It has too many tourists, no parking and overpriced restaurants serving mediocre food. However, if you’re looking for the beach, flavored margaritas on Ocean Drive, and great people watching, then by all means do the South Beach thing. I had been to South Beach many times, but truly fell in love with Brickell a year ago because of the upscale restaurants, beautiful rooftop bars and gorgeous people who take fashion to a whole new level. In any case, whether you decide to stay in South Beach, Wynwood, Downtown Miami, North Miami, or other, give one of these places a visit. You won’t be disappointed!

1.       Bazaar Mar by José Andrés

The best way to describe Bazaar Mar, is that it is unlike any restaurant you have ever visited. Seriously-it’s life changing. I’ll prove it. I went once and was so blown away, I almost flew down to Miami multiple times after that just to eat here. However, I don’t exactly bathe in $100 bills, so I waited about 9 months until I had a good work-related reason to visit Miami again and made a reservation. This time around I dragged my two girlfriends, who can’t tell the difference between cheddar cheese and American cheese. They generally just don’t understand my obsession with good food, and presentations; now they are totally hooked.  The Miami police should put this place on the list of things which can cause citizens to start drug addictions, I would take an IV of the food here in a heartbeat! My friends jaws dropped after every dish we ate, and you guessed it, they’re now food lovers like me. I love bringing people over to the other (foodie) side! They agreed that they too would fly down to Miami just to eat here. (If only money grew on trees!) Anyway, the place itself is amazing. It has a fairy tale quality with white dollhouse-like wooden seats and white couches at every table. Sea based characters like mermaids are painted in blue on the white tiled walls and on the ceiling, there are also giant fish heads protruding from the walls. It’s quite the experience!

I can only speak about the dishes I have tried already, but everything was spectacular. Some menu highlights include, Maine Lobster Croquetas: these bad boys just melt warm lobster goodness in your mouth, and the saffron aioli sauce is a perfect complement. The first time I ordered them they came tucked inside a plastic sneaker “dish”. (The entire place is Instagram worthy!) Our next dish, the California ‘funnel cake’ was one of the most unique dishes ever eaten. The dish was served on a metal object resembling an eight-legged octopus, and the salty, spicy, and creamy flavor combination of seaweed, avocado, blue crab, tobiko, spicy mayo and cucumber was scrumptious. We also went with the Cobia “Rosa” Ceviche. The description on the website reads, “rose” of leche de tigre, nasturtium leaf, sweet potato, corn nuts. Let’s put that in laymen’s terms…. basically, they give you a ‘rose’ on a plate which is comprised of raw fish in the middle surrounded be vegetables on the outside and nuts on top. Then they tell you to smash the rose down, and compile the ingredients together into your mouth. It’s an excellent combination of sea meets land with salty, fishy, and crunchy flavors. The presentation is also very ‘social media-esque’. On our first visit, we finished our dinner with the key lime pie dessert, which had sweet, key lime goodness with a graham cracker on top designed to look like a sandcastle. Every dish was created meticulously and creatively.  

The second time I came here and turned my friends into food enthusiasts, we ordered the Maine Lobster Croquetas as a starter, then the Neptune’s Pillow appetizer. This dish must have been a customer favorite as they were coming out of the kitchen like hotcakes. It’s total raw tuna overload; spicy tuna inside a dough like pastry with sliced tuna on top and spicy mayo underneath. It was to die for! We also split the Ora King Salmon dish and the octopus dishes. The Ora King salmon was lightly cooked on the inside, with a thin crust, and salmon roe on the side. The fish practically melted in my mouth. The octopus dish was so unique and colorful! It came with one large tentacle accompanied by peanuts on the side, with squid ink sauce and a lemon gremolata. The last time I frequented the restaurant the chef brought us the Japanese peaches on the house., Since they were outstanding, we wanted an encore on this visit. The dish comes with small peaches, burrata, hazelnut praline, croutons, and nuts. One spoonful and the sweet, salty, creamy flavor combination and you’re completely swept off your feet. This restaurant is also amazing for people watching. Everyone is gorgeous here and dressed like they just came off a runway someplace like Paris. I think I’ve just about sold you, huh?

2.       Zuma

It’s no wonder Zuma has locations all around the world; the sushi here is seriously top notch. The restaurant was founded by chef Rainer Becker, who was inspired by informal izakaya-style Japanese dining in which dishes are brought to the table throughout the meal. The ambiance is upscale, trendy, and slightly pretentious with beautiful views of the intra-coastal waterway and many lavish yachts parked right outside. The service here was incredible, as was the food. In true Brickell style, the people dining here put Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively to shame. Everyone was beautiful and very well dressed. I have had the opportunity to dined outside before, as well as inside. The outside area is much more relaxing, as wooden tables and wicker chairs align the area beside the water. The inside is the more upscale choice. It is replete with cushioned chairs, overlooking the open kitchen to one side and the wall to ceiling windows on the opposite side of the room. On my last visit here, we started off with the crispy fried squid which had a nice salt, pepper and lime taste to it, and the shrimp and black cod dumplings which were nicely pan fried, slightly salty, and incredible. As far as sushi goes, we opted to try the spicy tuna roll with green chili sauce and tobiko, the salmon roll and the tuna roll with Osetra caviar on top. How can you go wrong with sushi and caviar? That’s just not possible!  

3.       La Mar at the Mandarin Oriental

The Mandarin Oriental in Miami is one of the most spectacular hotels I have ever visited. Immediately upon entering the hotel, you are greeted with the aroma of glorious floral notes, including jasmine and juniper. The smell is so magnificent and inviting, you’ll find yourself wanting to book a reservation at the spa straight away. Every time I have been here, the staff has warmly, and professionally greeted me and made me feel very special. The lobby bar presents an excellent happy hour, which is worth checking out. However, the Peruvian restaurant, La Mar is really the highlight of this MO. The ambiance is fun, trendy, colorful and sexy, while also being luxurious and upscale. There’s both indoor and outdoor seating overlooking the intra-coastal waterway. Everything I ate here was amazing! I suggest their express lunch for $25 deal, which is quite generous. We, however, being total ‘gavones’, (Italian for slobs) decided to go a la carte and ordered a variety of appetizers, salads, and ceviche dishes. The hummus salad (pictured below) was one of my favorite dishes, and yet was nothing like we expected. A mix of veggies, shrimp and pita chips in a Greek yogurt vinaigrette. It was crispy, light and refreshing. Last time we ate here, the waiter said Dan Barber of Blue Hill had been there a week prior. (I absolutely love him, he’s revolutionary- when it comes to the farm to table movement)….but I digress. Of course, when we were here we had to have a few Pisco Sours. They have a few different flavors and each one is better than the last! I also highly recommend ordering dessert, whether you have a sweet tooth or not. We tried “la piña, el coco y el manjar”, which is two delectable scoops of coconut ice cream with pineapple chips, foam, and ginger jelly. It’s such an interesting flavor combination and in summary was outstanding! We had a tough time not ordering three of these!

4.       Ceviche105

Ceviche105 is a nine-year award winning gastronomic Peruvian restaurant with some of the best ceviche I have ever had. It’s located right in the business district of downtown. I recommend you Uber it as parking is terrible. Anyway, we decided to sit in the outdoor area, which was comfortable and cozy, compared to the upscale interior of the restaurant. The menu was extensive and slightly intimidating I will admit. There were lots of sea based options to choose from as well as unique Peruvian dishes! We started off with the famous potato based appetizer, Causa de Camarones con Palta, which was quite the flavor combination. I never had anything like it. It’s mashed up potatoes with shrimp, avocado and red peppers covered in a delicious yellow sauce made of Andean cream and other ingredients. After that we split the ceviche trio dish: Tetra de Ceviches, a platter of three popular fish ceviche dishes with sauces that included: virgin cream, yellow pepper cream, and anconero and rocoto cream. The dish also came with deliciously salty corn kernels, corn, and sweet potato. I have yet to discover a place in NYC that offers ceviche and Peruvian food as good as this. If you know of any, please let me know! 

5.       Sugar

Easily one of the best rooftop bars in downtown Miami, Sugar is located at the upscale East hotel. The upstairs rooftop ‘garden’ has a Hawaiian inspired theme with comfortable, brightly colored, cushioned wooden chairs and couches, surrounded by plants and trees on the outskirts of the bar. It has a very cozy treehouse like feel to it. All the seats overlook the tall residential buildings surrounding the hotel and the water to the east. Up a few small stairs and towards the back of the rooftop is the large, ornate, wooden bar complete with gorgeous tribal craftmanship carved into the wood. This rooftop is the place to see and be seen. Most men were dressed in fresh pressed European style suits and/or expensive button downs. The women were wearing heels and their nicest ‘Sunday’ dresses. The last time I visited, I ordered a delicious Lychee martini that made all my vodka/club drinking friends very jealous. They serve Asian style tapas, but sadly I have never eaten here. I have however, eaten at the restaurant Quinto La Huella inside the East hotel and it was fantastic.

This is a great start for food and drinks in downtown. While you’re in Miami, check out these great late-night spots in South Beach for specialty cocktails:

1.       Employees Only

One of my favorite bars in NYC, Employees Only, makes some of the best drinks I have ever had in my entire culinary life. I wrote a guest post blog on five great prohibition bars in NYC here: https://tinyurl.com/y7pxj8n5, Employee Only is a definite favorite! After visiting both Employees Only locations, I can say they are both very different and yet, very much the same. I love the Miami location because of the relaxing outdoor area, and the fact that is a lot less crowded than NYC. I was able to get a fabulous hand-crafted cocktail within 10 minutes! Inside, the layout is like NYC, as they have the bar area and a separate sit-down restaurant area. I highly recommend getting both cocktails and food when you’re here. The ricotta gnocchi and mac and cheese with gruyere and Applewood smoked bacon are some amazing late-night bites worthy of the calories. Last time I was here I noticed that they had hired my favorite bartender from NYC. The guy is fantastic!

2.       Sweet Liberty Drinks and Supply Company

The bouncer at Employees Only suggested we check this place out. It was easy to see why, because from the minute I walked in, I was totally smitten. The place reminds patrons of a speakeasy meets 1990s chill bar/club warehouse, and is open until 5am. Trouble! Exposed pipes hang from the ceiling, along with warehouse style hanging lights and Christmas tree lights. The floor is made from a Costco style concrete, and exposed brick walls align the back of the establishment. The bar itself is massive and has every cordial and liquor you could ever dream of. The cocktail menu is equally expansive and compliments the massive bar selection. I started off with their ‘Basic Bitch’ cocktail which was the perfect combination of fruity meets sparkling. Between the amazing cocktails and the 1990s music in the background, I could have stayed until closing time.

I recently went to Miami for a work-related event in January, and being a temporary winter migrant from the NYC area, a trip from the cold was a much-needed respite. When discussing the trip with a close friend, she invited herself to join me. Frankly, it did not take much arm twisting!  So, I decided to add a few extra days onto my trip. (Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same!) I forewarned her that the trip would be all about good food and specialty cocktails, as I have a mild obsession with both. Luckily, she was on board. I also mentioned we were going to stay in Downtown Miami (aka Brickell) instead of South Beach, as South Beach has become the Times Square of Miami. It has too many tourists, no parking and overpriced restaurants serving mediocre food. However, if you’re looking for the beach, flavored margaritas on Ocean Drive, and great people watching, then by all means do the South Beach thing. I had been to South Beach many times, but truly fell in love with Brickell a year ago because of the upscale restaurants, beautiful rooftop bars and gorgeous people who take fashion to a whole new level. In any case, whether you decide to stay in South Beach, Wynwood, Downtown Miami, North Miami, or other, give one of these places a visit. You won’t be disappointed!

      The food in Miami was amazing! Check out some of my favorite places! I recently went to Miami for a work-related event in January, and being a temporary winter migrant from the NYC area, a trip from the cold was a much-needed respite.