#WOW I AM CAPABLE OF READING MY INBOX

[simtrovart]

hiii i know it’s been a long time since u last posted and u prob haven’t even been logged in on here in forever either but i just caught up on ur story (it’s been yearsssss since i’ve been on tumblr lol and this was a good way for me to procrastinate today) and WOW when i tell u i have tears streaming down my face rn. ur story is so beautiful and dreamlike almost. the pictures u post are actually stunning? how do u do it? also ur poses work hand in hand with your writing and story and AH everything!! i love it so much oh my god thank you for creating this, even if u won’t end up finishing it i’m happy because i got to enjoy the experience. ps. u could totally be a famous author goddamn ur writing is incredible

Hello,

I will use this message from my inbox to relate what happened in the past few years, lol. It's been more than 4 years and I am not sure if my known simblrs are still around, but sending you lots of love for those who stayed and for those who are new and simsing. ♡

Well, first of all, I would like to thank you for taking your time and scroll through the Ilkay's story (through my hiatus when I had time and missed sims I was reading it from the beginning and I was overwhelmed myself with what I was capable to do with sims) and also thank you for your beautiful message. ♡

Secondly and unfortunately, I lost the entire sims save with the Ilkay's :(.. and also my Tumblr access, but now thanks to the Tumblr team I regained access to it.

I had a few questions in my inbox in regards of some old poses I made. I am not sure if I will start doing poses and re-doing what I had posted or stories on this account at the moment as I have some personal things to do that require time.

I will be around though spreading the love. Maybe even I will have the patience and time to start from the beginning, who knows?!

[yuukei-yikes]

shintaro and kanos toxic relationship can be something so deeply appealing because of how horrible they are for each other. like. kano having to analyze his actual emotions towards shintaro and shintaro also finally giving in to the im bisexual crisis and also dude youre aware thats your dead girlfriend’s little brother right? also something something kano getting upset with shintaro and using his eye powers to turn into ayano just to hurt him. theyre unhealthy. they make me absolutely insane ok sorry if this was unintelligible in ur inbox lmao

RIGHT but ALSO IT COULD EVENTUALLY TURN INTO SOMETHING HEALTHY... like ofc a lot of clownery has to go on before and that clownery is so so so so so so much fun to explore. but i do think they're capable of getting to a point of a peaceful relationship despite it involves mutual compliance/resignation with both each other and themselves that leads to WOW eventual happiness and contentment with each other. it gets to a point where they aren't together out of their own gratification but bc they LIKE EACH OTHER AS PEOPLE AND YEAH THEY ALWAYS DID BUT THEY NEVER LIKED EACH OTHER MORE THAN THEY RESENTED EACH OTHER BUT NOW THEY DONT RESENT IT THEY JUST LIKE EACH OTHER AND THATS ENOUGH(holds head) bc "well i guess we deserve each other" and it is still sad but...not so much?? idk if that makes sense. but like... Healthy peaceful kanoshin (explodes) like they're arguing and getting all on each other's faces and the Dan's like can u stop fighting and theyre like ?? that's just how we talk though we arent fighting? and they rly arent. ppl who have never been in a loving relationship (not necessarily romantic by the way) with this dynamic wont understand but it IS possible. *shakes you*

idk ive read some stuff where they're so tooth rottingly sweet to each other and i just can't see it💔 i think they can have rare tender moments ofc and they DO but then both act super awkward despite they're in a relationship LOL like they can have 1 tender moment then turn around and just sit there holding hands and awkwardly scrolling on their phones idk idk idk (goes crazy) or they just tease each other abt it or whatever. i think they both rather show affection physically rather than verbally?? i think kanos super touchy. shintaros like do u have to sit here (shot of the completely empty couch aside from shintaro sitting on the edge and kano pressed right beside him) and kano's like wdym. kano's always with an arm around him even if hes shorter. hehe. its so normal shintaro gets used to it so kano just casually throws himself on his lap and shintaro's just like lifting his arms to give him space and never looks away from his phone *destroys all my pillows shaking them like a dog*

not me getting into love language territory. sorry. whatever. idk what all of them even are i think there is 5 but kanoshin is NOT words of affirmation. i think both want them but can't handle hearing it. like yeah they flirt (it IS cringe) but man idk i just cant imagine them being super outwardly sweet to each other... like their flirting is super cringe its the oh REAAAALLY?? kind of flirting not HEHE... kind. DO U UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SAYING OR AM I INSANE

sorry u sent an ask abt toxic kanoshin and i answered with fluff THATS NOT TO SAY UR WRONG. UR TOTALLY RIGHT. BUT I THINK THEY CAN GET TO A GOOD POINT TOGETHER AFTER A LONG CIRCUS MOMENT i just felt bad i kept using them as punching bags everytime i talked abt them... and they are both so capable of love. they are so capable of love that is why they suffer like they do(holds head) they deserve to flirt and be silly i think. tender kanoshin *world explosion*

BTW u mentioned dead ayano. dont get me started on dead or alive ayano for str thats another subject (quickly: dead ayano is a more meaningful end but AYANO I LOVE YOU so i always keep her alive in my post str stuff) kanoshin can work even if ayano lives‼️‼️‼️ ALSO COME ON THAT MAKES IT SO MUCH FUNNIER

[a-little-bit-of-my-everythingg]

What's the reasons you ship Everlark? Please tell me all things you like from Katniss and Peeta ❤

Thank you.

@everlarkshipper

Oh wow

First of all I really appreciate getting this question, thank you! 😊 I am so sorry for this sitting unanswered in my inbox for so long.

My amazing mutuals and all incredibly talented writers in the fandom already answered this way better that I possibly could and I don't think that I have anything much to add to it.

Let me just tell you this. First time I read the series I was 16 and bored in quarantine. I just started reading it and let me tell you that I finished it in 4 days. I remember reading Catching fire at 2 am and crying my heart out through every interaction between Katniss and Peeta. My mind couldn't possibly comprehend HOW IN THE WORLD can a 16 SIXTEEEN year old boy LOVE someone LIKE THAT!!! HOW CAN HE BE WILLING TO SACRIFICE EVERYTHING FOR HER!!! I remember being angry at Katniss for thinking that she doesn't like him GIRLLL YOU ARE MESMERIZED BY HIS EYELASHES

What I like most about them is that they are the only ones that know how to handle the other. Someone else would not be capable of standing Katniss' stubbornness. No one would ever be able to understand what has he gone through before and after revolution, besides Katniss. They understand eachother in every step of the way even when there are no words exchanged. He knows when to push her, when to leave her alone and when to be by her side. He often doesn't bullshit her, he tells her as it is.

Through out he whole series we see them taking care of each other equally. Their main concern is happiness and safety of the other, even if that means that they will not be alive to see it, but be damned they will make it happen.

So, up until I found out about the whole world of Tumblr fandoms, it never even dawned to me that someone ships Katniss with anybody else or even thinks that it would be better for her if she stayed alone.

[helloescapist]

HAIIII or well. "Wsg" haha!

Its been a while (im genuinly not sure how long but atleast im less awkward w my typing now haha!) since i opened tumblr cus damn stuff has been busy but here I am, well........idk if you remember me but i'm the "Within Reach" anon!

Ive been reading ur account once again to get back in tbe mindset since i saw well.ur answer on my old liked posts (kny new season back ón brainrot for me ) and icant tell you how i SQUEALED seeing people were intrifued by my request idea, mostly tbat youenjoyed it! Id say IM grateful to you for hearif me out, your writting is always so beautifully thougtful and tear bringing that it has me sitting on the floor staring at the screen for a while cus WOW! theres always so much detail and thoughts and this last posts little hc part abt this had me JUMPING GIGGLING KICKING FEET! The amount of love in that juzt makes me so joyous...

Anyways, I didn want to request anyhting, i just wantedto pass by and say hello, and appreciate your efforts and writing, im so sure youll be capable ofsoing great things since youre just a perfect example of what being awesome is! Take care!

Love - within reach anon

I cannot tell you how much this meant to me-- to say it meant the world just isn't enough. You have me giggling, and squee. It truly brought my heart so much joy to see this in my inbox. Your ask was so much fun to work on, and I'm so happy to see everyone else appreciating your concept.

When it comes to art, you are always, I mean ALWAYS welcome! 🥹 The fact that you would ever want to is just..... my heart... but only if you're up to it. I hope you never feel pressured or coerced to create. It's much more important to me that you are taking care of yourself! 💜If you find yourself with time, or want to, I would LOVE to see what you come up with.

Take care, and do your best!

[gasolinerainbowpuddles]

Hey Puddles! Just finished the new installment of Whistle in the Dark and wow wow wow

First of all I am such a S L U T for soft!joel

Second, I was married to man who was physically abusive to me and you really hit this right on the head. The feeling of possessiveness, of a debt owed, of "You won't have anything unless I give it to you" is so spot on it made my stomach hurt a little.

I really appreciate your note at the end. I've never been one to shy away from a scrap, but when my husband was the one throwing blows I was literally frozen to the spot. It's hard for me to wrap my head around why that was my response even 15 years later.

Sorry for the rant, thank you or making me feel seen!

🫶🏻

Hi bb!

Not a rant AT ALL. Thank you so so so so so much for sharing this and your thoughts. I have been sitting with this message in my inbox for a few days now bc I wanted to give myself the time to process it all and respond appropriately.

Whistle in the Dark might be my softest Joel, second only to Feral Woman Joel. His character is so wonderful in all the different aspects of his personality that can be leaned into without going entirely OOC. He's such a rich character, and of course Pedro Pascal brought a whole new wave of inspiration with his interpretation of him.

I'm sorry to hear about your past relationship. I'm happy you're away from that and in a safer place. Unfortunately as you know, those experiences stay with the victim - even if they receive support or therapy or whatnot. Not saying it has to control your life, but it etches itself into the deepest parts of the brain for sure.

Anyone who has been in a situation like that before (or perhaps has seen it secondhand through parents or a friend) knows all too well how you struggle with what you "should do" and what you end up doing in the moment. The secret is, there's no right answer when you're with an abusive person. You will never be perfect because they will never accept anything no matter how hard you try to be "good." It's a lose-lose situation.

I knew I was on the right track when I was writing when my stomach also did that uncomfortable clench and turn. Although it was difficult to write at times, I wanted to give the story the realism and care that the themes call for.

I'd also like to point out that the reader/OC in WitD is a very strong individual. She endured horrific circumstances at the hands of her family before ending up in a survival team situation with Matthew. She works patrols in Jackson and is incredibly capable (I think back to the first installment where Joel had taken the time to help her learn to shoot better, and her marksmanship notably improved with the support). She's resourceful, a quick learner, and reliable, and she still has a good heart despite all the things she's been through.

The note at the end was meant to redirect any upset at the appropriate source (in this case, Matthew). I think it's common for the kneejerk reaction to be "why didn't you run?" or "you should've fought back!" because that's ultimately what we wish for the character or person in this circumstances: a deep desire for them to escape it somehow. Because human emotions are difficult and messy, this often comes out as victim blaming when it's merely the energy being directed in the wrong place. (Of course there are people who do blame victims. I'm not talking about those assholes.)

The concept of "no perfect victim" comes to mind with the third installment. If she freezes or doesn't fight back, she's weak or stupid. If she fights back or tries to get out of it, she's setting herself up for failure because he's bigger/stronger/etc. There's no right answer.

There's no right answer because there never is when you're with an abusive person.

Tysm again for reading, and I feel very strongly that the fourth and final installment will feel quite vindicating for you.

catch ya later, ♥Puddles♥

[taeyungie]

hey em, vanon here!

i had taken a break from social media for some time but im back now. i missed you so much. i occasionally thought of you and your well being. how have you been? how is life treating you?hope you are doing well.

im doing just fine. actually, im in the best condition i could be! my mental health has improved and im doing way better than i was before. life for me has changed so much in the past few months. so many good things have happened to me that it feels unreal (though i do have quite some worries and troubles right now but lets leave it for some other time).

right now, all i wish for is the same good things to happen to you. i wish i could somehow transfer my happiness to you because i truly want what is best for you. believe it or not but you are one of people who helped me become who i am today, no exaggeration. believe me when i say this, you are and forever will be an important part of my life. years later, even if i forget your name, ill never forget about you as someone who showed me so much love and kindness, who gave me so much warmth and comfort, someone who taught me what unconditionally friendship is, who was there in one of the most vulnerable part of my life, how can i? time and time again when i had no one to reach out to, i had you. you are someone i could rely on. i truly found a friend in you. i hope you feel the same towards me. i hope you don't forget that i too am here for you. im gonna be a little greedy and selfish over here and ask you straight away: please always remember me, forever, even if only vaguely.

oh and im a junior year student now! i have examinations coming up again (im so freaking done istg when will this nightmare end), so please wish me luck! and since im back better than ever, i will keep in touch.

and..........i missed you. really.

- vanon

OH MY GOSH SWEETHEART YOU’RE BACK 😭 i’m SO SORRY for getting back to you only now, you’ve sent me this ask like a week ago but i got sick and i didn’t check my inbox for a while ;(((( but you’re back and i couldn't be happier!!! 😭 i missed you so much!!! 

wow, i honestly feel my eyes tearing up reading your words, i’m really so so happy to hear that from you, i’m so happy that you feel better and that you’re happy, that’s what you deserve sweetheart, nothing less 🥺 i’m glad that your life is moving forward and that you’re adapting to the changes so well, i’m really SO proud of you! i’m so proud and happy that i can’t even describe it. that’s all i ever wanted for you and i wish it will always stay that way for you, just moving forward and getting better and better 🥺

...you really are something, you know? ;( gosh, i really feel like crying right now lol to be honest, it’s something i still have to work on as in terms of remembering that there are people who care about me, but hearing things you tell me makes me feel like some type of weight is yet again lifted up from my shoulders... your presence in my life also helped me to grow and learn, all for the better. also knowing that there is someone like you out there in the world, who gave me a chance... how could i ever forget that, love? i am so happy that we could be here for each other, i’m so glad our paths crossed 🥺 i’m glad i could be there for you, even if it was just a little bit, and i’m grateful that you were there for me, that’s something we probably won’t ever forget 🥺 

please, i wish you all the good luck and i’m sending you all the love and support!!! i’ll keep my fingers crossed for you at all times, through all the events of you life, remember that there is always someone who’s cheering on you and that someone is me!! 🥰 you’re amazing and you’re capable of achieving anything you want! but i’m sure you know that by now hehe 💞 keep your head up and be strong! there’s soon to be a new chapter in your life and it’s gonna be amazing! 💘

take care of yourself please and i can’t wait to hear from you sometime again 🥺

[gobbluthbutagirl]

do you think p3do fanfiction is cool or are you gonna elaborate on your fiction doesn’t effect reality statement. cuz in case you don’t know: dogwhistle-y as hell :/

i’m sorry but this is a massive leap in logic on your part. nowhere did i even mention fanfiction and i’m sorry if you got the impression that that’s what i was talking about from the way that post was worded but it absolutely was not. what i was trying to say was that acting like you’re the only one capable of using critical thinking skills to determine something depicted in a tv show is bad makes you sound condescending and stupid at the same time. i did not say anything about pedophilia because i was not thinking about pedophilia when i made that post and i will not lie, it does kind of bother me that you would immediately make the assumption that i was.

but anyway, assuming you sent this in good faith: no, i do not think “p3do fanfiction” is cool! i do not think incest fanfiction or bestiality fanfiction or any other type of disgusting shit you may want to take my words out of context to accuse me of being into is cool! i don’t even READ fanfiction except for exactly one dead fandom and i hate almost everybody who writes fanfiction for said fandom BECAUSE there is so much rampant incest & p3do shit in said fandom. when i said fiction i did not mean FANfiction and i am sorry you interpreted it that way. but there was no deeper meaning to what i said than what i said. it was not supposed to be any type of dogwhistle. all i meant was the “this is problematic therefore it should not be on tv” attitude is stupid.

and maybe i’m just not online enough and do not participate in enough discourse to Get It or whatever but i feel like it is ridiculous to come into my inbox on anon and accuse me of being into pedophilia based off of exactly one post i’ve made that did not even mention pedophilia because it was not about pedophilia. like first i had somebody accuse me of being “excited over a child’s sexuality” because some idiot made a diary of a wimpy kid joke on a succession post i made and some other idiot took it seriously and now this.

but anyway to be clear: i did not even say that fiction never impacts reality. in fact i am fairly certain i specifically said that i was NOT saying that. maybe the way i worded it was overdramatic enough that it obscured my point, in which case, my bad. but i like to have fun when i say words. what i was trying to say in that post wasn’t that fiction absolutely never under any circumstances impacts reality but that people take “fiction impacts reality” to ridiculous lengths. like for example nobody is going to see kendall roy say the words “i am interested in becoming a meth head” and be like wow! that’s so cool & awesome! i too am interested in becoming a meth head! like the point was “you are not the only one capable of critical thinking. if you can recognize what you see on tv is bad, other people can also recognize that it’s bad. they do not need you to point it out to them.” and if that message got lost in translation somehow i am sorry

[canimal]

There is a real person behind every single story you read.

Maybe the world has gotten colder and more impersonal or the pandemic has made everyone suspicious of everyone and see other people as enemies. Or it could be the On-Demand, Netflix-binging consumption that’s made even kind people turn selfish in their demands for more content. But Fandom isn’t as much fun as it used to be.

I’m old enough to remember when this was a place to feel safe to share your creations with other fans who were just as excited to read them. It was a community, a place you could feel like you belonged when the real world got hard. For many of us, it was an escape.

I miss those days. Am I the only one who feels like it’s all changed?

2018 was the HARDEST year of my entire life. Sorry, 2020 and 2021, y’all have NOTHING on 2018, at least in my personal experience. Every single day was a struggle to put one foot in front of the other. I can’t tell you how many times I HAD to write just to give me something to keep my mind occupied. Fandom was my escape. Even after I got caught up in some ridiculous nastiness more than once when the petty drama that always seems to follow a group of any people existing in the same space couldn’t avoid me, I had a place I could find joy and safety and a sense of belonging.

It’s not something I like to talk about (or even remember) but my year of shit bled into the early half of 2019 too. At my absolute lowest point of my entire life, literally and not hyperbolically, on the edge of a full emotional nervous breakdown, I was lost and struggling for something to hold on to to keep my head above water. Perhaps I put too much hope and faith in Fandom that should have been directed elsewhere more capable of handling it.

One hateful comment I wasn’t expecting pushed me over the edge. It was embarrassing. Now I can look back cringing with red cheeks and think, “Wow, that was an overreaction, dumbass”, but at the time I just wanted to run far away. An ordinary day when I wasn’t so fragile, I could’ve just rolled my eyes and moved on. But I wanted OUT. I wanted to run away from Fandom, forget it ever existed, and live far, far away from it.

I deleted all of my stories. Almost immediately I knew I made a mistake, but my stubborn nature made me dig in my heels and say “Fuck it. I want to leave. I want to move on with my life.” That was the only way it seemed possible at the time.

I didn’t expect the bombardment of messages I received after that over the next 24 hours. Almost entirely from people I’d never heard from before or spoken to, they were requests for me to send them PDFs of my stories or demands that I repost them because they were in the middle of reading them. A few audacious souls even asked if they could “adopt” my WIPs and finish them for me the way they wanted to finish them. Some messages were from kind readers expressing concerns about me and my well-being, but the overwhelmingly majority of them were from strangers demanding more, more, MORE!

It made me feel reduced to nothing but a machine whose sole purpose was to churn out more content for ungrateful, spoiled, selfish brats to consume more stories for which they would never even offer a simple “thank you” in return. All of the late nights I stayed up forgoing the sleep I loved (and needed) to finish another chapter were for nothing. The hours and hours I could’ve spent with my family and friends instead of in front of my computer were for nothing. It was all for nothing.

Maybe a day passed before I recovered all of the stories because I couldn’t imagine going through another minute of my FFN inbox, my Tumblr Asks, and my FB Messenger blowing up with messages from strangers demanding my stories. It was too much. All I wanted was to be left alone. Clearly that wasn’t the way to go about it.

Then when I recovered the stories, MORE messages came through except they were decidedly less friendly than “Yo, The Minister’s Secret is gone. Send me a pdf. I was in the middle of it.” These messages were full of vitriol about what a disgusting human being I was. One Ask I remember responding to (still cringing when I think about it - both the content of the ask and my response) accused me of doing it all for attention and I should be ashamed of myself. (I didn’t respond kindly which I’m still a little embarrassed by, but I still stand by most of what I said… barring most of the expletives.) Most of the Asks were deleted without comment, but wow, I still occasionally get a doozy!

I lost a lot of readers after that. Even more potential readers, I’m sure. It’s something I regret. It makes me sad sometimes to think about someone I know who won’t even talk to me now because of that particular incident. I know there are others who didn’t appreciate my horribly embarrassing moment of weakness. I wish I could take that whole incident back, but sadly, there’s no “Undo” button in life.

My reputation, which in some corners of the fandom already wasn’t very good, suffered a lot. I get it. I really do. Of course I understand actions have consequences. There were plenty of other less drastic and harmful decisions I could’ve made in that moment. I wasn’t thinking clearly and wish I could’ve just stepped away from my keyboard for a few days.

I’ve never wanted to talk about this because I’m still embarrassed even 2 1/2 years later. A lot of changes have gone on in my life since then that have made me a more emotionally stable, happy human being that I wish I could’ve been back then.

My whole point on writing this rambling post is because I want to remind everyone that even if the Fandom has changed, the people haven’t. There’s a human being behind every story, every fanart, every fan blog, every review - a human being with their own struggles and weaknesses and crises. We can’t afford to forget that.

You literally don’t know if your one word of encouragement is what is helping a person who is struggling take the next step forward or if your callous rudeness or indifference is the last straw for another.

The world is mean and nasty, but that doesn’t mean we have to be too. Fandom is an escape.

[itsclydebitches]

Since you're probably the only person I follow here who plays WoW, I'm wondering; what do you think about the writing of Sylvanas in BFA and Shadowlands? A lot of people seem to be very unhappy with how the character has been handled.

Throwing these all together! It took me a while to get around to WoW asks because I was... playing WoW lol.

I'll be straight with everyone here: I'm probably one of the worst players to question about the narrative aspects, just because I've always been more focused on gameplay over story — or at least the in-depth story gained by listening to all the conversations, watching all the cutscenes, reading the tie-in novels, etc. MMOs are weird (and fascinating) in that it's so easy to be immersed in them while simultaneously bypassing 99% of the nuance. Do I know the basic setting, conflict, and goals? Sure. Do I know that such-and-such character yelled out this line as a callback to a fight three expansions ago? Not really. The non-linear experience of an MMO — dropping the game for large stretches of time, coming back in halfway through an expansion, doing new content before old content, exiting out of cutscenes because you've got somewhere to be, etc. — has created the unique ability to say, "I've played this game since its release and no, often I don't know wtf is going on." (Something that got even worse for me during Battle for Azeroth, actually).To put it in RWBY terms, I'm the happy fan entirely ignorant of the drama about Team RWBY's moral downfall, or the badly handled themes, and is just sitting in her isolated corner going, "That fight was so fun!"

All that being said and based on my established-as-shaky knowledge... yes, I'd say the backlash is very deserved lol. I haven't done the raid myself yet, but I've watched the cutscene and... what the fuck is going on with Sylvanas?

Her entire arc lately has been a bunch of cryptic BS that has little to no explanation attached. Honestly, I'd put money on at least part of my inability to follow the logic of certain arcs, or figure out what a character's motivations are, is simply because said logic and motivations don't exist/contradict/have plot holes/etc.

She suddenly decides that maybe genocide and enslaving everyone ever is a bad thing after the Jailer has basically made himself into an unstoppable god? Also, why is one of the least trusting characters putting so much insane trust in him, conveniently right up until the final hour when it's WAY too late?

HONESTLY, SYLVANAS, WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING?

ZOVAAL WAS NEVER GONNA REFORM THINGS IN A GOOD WAY

HOW WAS THIS NOT OBVIOUS

I straight up want to revoke every writer's right to redemption arcs until they figure out how to actually do one properly

Between Emerald and Sylvanas I am slain

Her random change of heart results in her shooting the slowest, most telegraphed, useless arrow I've ever seen

It, shockingly, does nothing

So everyone is dead now, right? The Jailer has our heroes bound in chains, under his control, all set to take them out. He'll kill the only people capable of stopping him now, right?

Lol of course not because that would be smart

Instead he just leaves and also gives Sylvanas the piece of her soul back because? He's grateful???

Idk what's going on. It's all stupid. Lovelies in my inbox keep comparing RWBY to Final Fantasy, but let's talk about the writing similarities between RWBY and WoW: stupid villains, instant redemption, crazy high stakes with no real depth or payoff... it's a mess. The cinematic has 15k downvotes on Youtube against 4.6 upvotes. I felt vindicated upon noticing this.

WoW, I think, is good at small storytelling. I'm loving Shadowlands and (since the core gameplay rarely changes) a lot of that stems from my environment and short-term goals. I love gaining Ve'nari's trust and hunting down other cartel members for her. I love chatting with Theotar and sharing tea. Breaking into a hell-esque prison and helping unfortunate prisoners along the way? Excellent. Even the larger concept of an afterlife in need of reform, but that is ultimately threatened by the Jailor's idea of change, assisting and protecting souls in the four definitely not Hogwarts Houses afterlives is fantastic. It's just when WoW gets bigger and more ambitious that stuff really falls apart. Which, ultimately, is one of the reasons why I haven't put forth the effort to catch up on all the lore. I like the simple concept of being the Maw Walker, assisting friends and acquaintances with their immediate needs; less so the convoluted mess of whatever is going on in the cinematics.

... well, Anduin is the exception now. I need the raid to rescue my boy lol.

[sukirichi]

In light of the recent spoilers of JJK, I’m gonna need physical proof. Like, my living eyeballs need to see said spoilers 👁👁 until then nothing has happened 😀

warnings: jjk manga spoilers!

oh anon i think the physical proof would just ruin me more ashsjkal i tried to tell myself that oh no yeah anything can happen, it’s probably not real, the chapter isn’t finished and it would be anti-climatic to give us a backstory and sneak peeks of his significance but...i’m just trying to move on rn lmaooooo. been crying the whole day and i am a dried prune, so idk ✌🏻

more asks answered under the cut!

suki let’s cry together 🙁 i’ve been in denial and have been crying abt the leaks on twt. anyways even if he d-worded we can always write fics where he’s alive! i will forever deny his death 🥲

yes anon yes please let us cry together. yeah right? like damn i have never cried this much lmfao. i do want to write fics for him but i’m currently on the five stages of grief hahahha idk i don’t want to believe it!!!

@fyodors-crime SUKI WTF i haven't been on here in a while but WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY KILL NAOYA OFF AND THEN DISBAND THE ZENIN CLAN WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING i'm lowkey shaking no this is too soon for him to go

bestie idk what is going on either 😀🤡

its the anon that kept going "ok" sorry about that im in a state of denial

its alright bestie i am still not in a state of denial so here be the waterworks 😭

@naoyailoveu he isn't dead if we don't read the chapter

the leaks???? smh our man deserves more than that

Naoya had so much potential. Damn I'm sad

JJK 152 LEAKS: i was literally just saying that i was happy bc of the hiatus so like naoya will be alive for longer then boom the leaks :((

jjk manga spoilers! - - - he had sooo much potential :(( i was hoping we’d even see him in the culling game or at least have a face off with megumi in the future

EXACTLY LIKE! why introduce a character as iconic as that with the sneak peeks of his backstory and then he was killed by the most irrelevant character? feel like gee is just slandering naoya bcos we didn’t even get a proper backstory / future arc / or even a part where he shows what he’s capable of 🥺 plus that death is so!!! he got a dramatic entrance and had a lame death what is that 😔

@mimines My condolences. You were always on my tl simping over him ( This is my first time using Ask so hopefully I dont embarrass myself )

i love him sm 🥺💕

with how jjk manga is going i do really wonder if gege is still enjoying his work bc ngl after the shibuya arc everything seems too rushed 👁👁🥴🥴

ah same anon same same...i have a feeling gege is not enjoying writing jjk anymore and i’m worried that he might just end up killing everyone and it’s so 💀it feels too rushed like where is the story going anymore 😐

are you okay? not in direct regards to the leaks but the fact that ppl seemed to run to your inbox to spoil it for you... idk I hope you’re doing alright

i am alright thanks for the concern! i don’t mind being spoiled 💕

man i hate this chapter my heart hurts i really wanted gege to keep him a little longer at least wtfff

I JUST SAW THE SPOILERS AAAAA It's a bit of an unfulfilling end tbh with the build in Naoya's character only for him to be d-worded by a character who appeared in less than 5 panels. Like, since there was a little back story and how he was sympathetic to Toji and Gojo huhu Naoya's a good character to just die. I'm sad for his character since he's just the reflection of what a misogynistic and power greedy society does to a child. He would've survived ajdjasjQJFJAJDJAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

naoya’s design was so cool i mean he was supposed to be this traditional dude but he had DYED hair and piercings djsjsjsns😩 please if he was stabbed or something there’s still hope (as long as he still has his head) who knows what if someone healed him or something ugh im desperate

I really thought Naoya would make a great antagonist and represent something,,,even if it was a bad cause or bad behavior or whatever, bcos his character had so much potential and he was so iconic and just... Like what is going on??? Exactly Gege had so much build on Naoya and even that backstory of him wanting to stand with Toji and Gojo and then 💀 omg anon ikr...like no one is born evil, Naoya’a beliefs are ones he grew up in and I think he perfectly represents why family plays an influential part in one’s growth and that he’s just another kid who was raised wrongly by the toxicity of the Zen’in clan 💀 UGH ANON I SURE DO HOPE HE STILL HAS HIS HEAD 😭😭😭 i’m desperate too but i’ve long accepted that maybe it’s time for me to go as well, the zen’in estate is empty anyway 😔 /lh

my notifications just spoiled me omg, wow 😢

Why do people have to spoil the jjk chapters 😭😭

why are your anons so rude? if they know youre a naoya stan why would they send you spoilers like that knowing it might upset you? people shouldn’t spoil the deaths of their faves because it could be really hurtful and its annoying because its like no one cares what you feel

smhhhh why are people telling you he died like eye 🧍🏽‍��️do they not know it would be upsetting

besties...i am okay with spoilers, i love spoilers actually. thanks for the concern but i don’t think any of the people who spoiled me had the intention to upset me with it, rather to just tell me on what went on. yes ofc i’m heartbroken by the turn of events but i am not mad at anyone. if anyone was being rude to me i would call them out on it, plus my blog is not spoiler free so its a given i am okay with spoilers.

[anlian-aishang]

fmk; Mikasa, Hange, Yelena. go.

Alright Alright Alright I am HERE for this. HERE for it. Thanks so much for playing, Nemo, my love! <3 

Fuck: Mikasa. I feel like she would absolutely kick my ass and that’s just what I’m looking for in all aspects of my life (including in the bedroom). So often, I just need someone to wreck me, right? Mikasa is the type of girl who, as I like to put it, “could punch me in the face and I would say thank you.” She’s also got those ABS and I - umm - I just kinda wanna see her with a strap-on and see what she can do with it. Sorry, everyone.

Marry: Hange. They might be kind of a handful. Like, I can’t staaaaaaaaand when people raise their voice. However, at times that Hange is serious, like wow, I feel like I would love to have someone like that in my life. When someone is known for their lighthearted demeanor, but is capable of being so serious at the most important times, it really takes my breath away!!! I also feel like Hange would be able to provide a perspective in times of crisis. After getting to know me, they’d be able to tell if I need gas or water to my fire and that’s a crucial part of any relationship (take old mama anlian’s advice on this one).

Kill: Yelena. She just looks ... kinda ... bug-eyed? Since I don’t read the manga, I don’t really know enough about her personality to make a decision. Also, at this point in the anime, I am just SO skeptical of anyone that has anything to do with Marley. I’VE GOT MY EYES ON HER. I DON’T TRUST HER. CAN’T LACK TRUST IN A MARRIAGE OR EVEN A ONE NIGHT STAND.

Play FMK in my inbox!

[spockandawe]

Writing meta asks: 3, 7, 10, 17, and 20? (I'm so sorry for sending so many, this was an interesting ask set!)

Hahaha, no worries at all! Since I just covered 3, let’s see about these others :D

7. What do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? Would others agree?

Oh man, this one always stumps me. The easy answer is that my writing is characterized by being in second person, unless I am dragged kicking and screaming to another pov XD But more in the spirit of the original question, I have... heard that a thing about my writing that stands out to people is good dialog exchanges. It’s kind of wild to me, because I feel like I spend a lot of time struggling to exit characters’ heads and advance the story, lmao. I would be curious to hear from anyone with opinions on this, what’s distinctive about my writing from an outside pov, because from the inside, I cannot tell at all XD

10. How would you describe your writing process?

I think usually when I start, I’ve got some scene that stands out very clearly in my head, either as a visual, or as an audible conversation (sometimes it’s more than one scene, and you get something like the tianlang-jun verse, or the diet bingge, and scope spirals out of my control). But most of the writing is an attempt to get to that scene that hit me really hard, and to make it hit the reader strongly too. But the actual writing process... mostly I write short fics, so I start at a plausible onboarding point, and go until it stops. If it’s longer, I start at the beginning and go until my attention span fails me, then organize my notes into something semi-coherent, and start writing at whatever point catches my eye, until I edit the whole together :V

(somewhere I’ve got a draft saved for an ask meme about specific fics, and things like inspiration/process/favorite moment/etc. I need to dig that out at some point, because I have a tough time talking in generalities, but I love talking in specifics XD I’ll try to find that, but honestly, my inbox is always open to people asking about my stories)

17. Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations?

Ooh, wow. Hm. This is a really interesting question. Man, I want to give this a really thoughtful, well-thought-out answer, but I am absolutely terrible at gauging how other people perceive anything ever XD I occasionally get comments that seem to think I’m dunking on a less-than-sympathetic character who I actually love deeply, but those are pretty rare. My writing and motivations.... I don’t know! I think there aren’t that many unplumbed depths there. I’m not a terribly symbolic writer, I can maybe noodle for longer than people expect about characters’ inner worlds and what they were thinking/feeling in my fics, but I don’t think that’s much of a surprise to anyone who’s followed me for long, haha

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

Oh boy, I did not read ahead XDDD Uhmmm, let me see. I guess a major part of most of my longer wips right now is... Shen Jiu. I’ve rambled about him before, but I just want to scream about him all the time, because he’s absolutely terrible to Luo Binghe. He does awful, unnecessary, cruel things to him. I want to get Luo Binghe out of his hands asap, in any given setting (except the diet bingge verse, lmao), and then I want to devote lots and lots of energy to exploring his emotional world and damage and giving him something better. Because this man is miserable! Some of it is self-inflicted, some of it isn’t, and even if he’s not in a downward emotional spiral, he’s like.... an emotional ouroboros, hovering at a pretty miserable place. He’s not going to break free on his own, and he’s not going to let anybody break him free if he can help it, and it sucks, it’s terrible, it’s miserable for both him and the people around him! And. AND. I don’t want to just tell people all about how tragic his life is (though I will absolutely do that too), I want to show them the trapped feeling, the suffocating unhappiness, all of it. I feel like it’s a lot more compelling to read through that kind of situation than to just be told about it, and I really, really do want to (over the course of multiple fics and verses) communicate the... tragedy of his existence, while also finding ways to reach down into that pit and lift him up. It’s important to me.

adfasgd that’s a mildly incoherent note to end on. Here’s a different favorite thing! In the diet bingge verse, even after shen jiu becomes binghe’s second husband, they both insist (and believe) that they hate each other, and that the other one is the worst. however, in a drugged-up haze, sha yuan (third husband) is going to insist, within hearing of both of them, that shen qingqiu is the love of binghe’s life. This will mortify and horrify both of them, they will both be appalled, and mutually decide never to speak of this again. However, he’s also.......... not exactly wrong. Nobody is ever going to admit this out loud, but in a crisis, Binghe’s first instinct is to seek out Shizun before anyone else. This has the bonus effect that Shen Qingqiu will immediately start hunting for ANY OTHER HUSBAND to take a panicking Binghe off his hands, which is Binghe’s excuse if anyone ever calls him out on it, but... he never really stopped thinking that Shizun was the most clever, most capable person alive, and his first instinct in a real crisis is to look to Shen Qingqiu as a dependable waypoint to orient himself on. ‘Love’ isn’t exactly the right word, but I’m not sure there’s a better word, and sha yuan is just muttering to himself like ‘i fucking told you so’

[luvknow]

entangled | kim seungmin

genre: spider-man!seungmin x radio dj!reader feat. 3racha & kim woojin | spider-man au ; radio dj au ; college au ; friends-to-lovers  summary: you hate spiders and you hate man and the gods above blessed you with spider-man. wc: 17.3k

It was 10:00 pm on a Wednesday - just after your weekly broadcast of the college town’s beloved radio show, Moonlight Radio. You’re backed up in the corner farthest from the door and it seems there’s no way for you to escape your current situation. With your hands shaking, goosebumps crawling over every inch of your skin, and having absolutely no weapon to save yourself, you thought about how your plants were going to die now that you were one hundred percent certain that you, too, were going to perish.

“Hey, ready to go -?” Seungmin entered the studio, raising a curious brow at your jittery form on the opposite side of the room. As his co-host and close friend, of course he knows you quite well and he knew you were a bit, um, unique but this was beyond his scope of knowledge filed under your name in his mental filing cabinet.

“What the heck are you doing?” he asked.

“S-Spider,” you stuttered, shakily pointing in a direction that lead him to nowhere.

“Another one? That’s like the fifth one this week. Where?”

“N-Near this mic stand.”

“Really? They keep getting closer to you... Maybe they like you ~”

Your glossy eyes glared at the playful brunette. “I hope it bites you when you kill it.”

“Well, I’m not going to kill it, so either way you lose.”

“You’re such a spider sympathizer.”

“Hey, spiders play a vital role in our ecosystem! They’re excellent at regulating insect populations. Would you rather have an overpopulation of mosquitoes and other bugs that can fly and easily jump on your face?”

“No…”

“Ok then, let me do my good deed for the day and set this little guy free.”

Seungmin took one of your script papers that sat next to the eight-legged demon and scooped it up without a problem. It was moments like these when you thought he was the bravest boy you’ve ever met and you hated how often those moments came because one day, without thinking, you’d slip up and say it out loud. He cracked one of the windows open and gently shook the spider free from the paper.

“Can spiders survive a ten-story drop like that?” you asked once the waves of relief calmed your body, mind, and soul.

“I’ve seen a few that have,” he answered simply. “Now are you ready to go? I’m starving.”

“Yeah, let me get my stuff. Where are we going?”

“Where do you think?”

“Five-star restaurant where the bathrooms have those people that hand you a towel after washing your hands and you should tip them out of courtesy.”

“How about a five-piece fried chicken meal with a grumpy Woojin who demands a 25 percent tip?”

“Not quite as luxurious, but seeing Woojin makes up for that. Lead the way, my trusty steed!”

“I should be the knight riding the steed after saving you from spiders all the time, not the steed itself!”

“Same difference.”

Wednesdays followed a very strict schedule: your morning routine, classes until late afternoon, studying and a snack, meet up with Seungmin to go over the script and listen to what music he and the boys picked out, run through the show, and finally end the night with a super late dinner at the chicken place Woojin worked at. Sometimes you and Seungmin would spice it up and eat somewhere with vegetables, but that was only when consecutive Wednesdays at Woojin’s Work made you both feel gross. Even though you were in the last stretch of college and your courses were piling on the difficulty and workload, the weeks were bearable when it was spent in the studio with Seungmin and the town listening in for a couple of hours.

The idea of co-hosting a radio show together sounded ridiculous when him, Chan, Changbin, and Jisung first proposed it to you. The show was already super successful without you, so what was the point? What would three up-and-coming producers and Seungmin with his superstar personality want with someone like you? You had no idea how to work a Launchpad or whatever applications they used to make music. Hyunjin was already in charge of the social media aspect and Jeongin took care of the website and design stuff. Their team was pretty much complete and ready to go on-air - really, you’d just be taking up space.

“Don’t think of it like that,” Seungmin reassured that night. “You’d be like a co-host!”

“Wouldn’t you three be the co-hosts?” you asked the oh-so internet famous 3RACHA.

“I’d love to, but I already have a ton on my plate,” Chan sighed. “It’d be too much for me to handle.”

“I don’t like doing that corny radio talk,” Changbin wrinkled his nose.

“I just didn’t wanna do it,” Jisung admitted shamelessly.

“Ah, so I’m your last resort?” you teased.

“Yes, but you’re our first last resort ~”

“Well, when you say it that way… What exactly does being a co-host entail?”

Seungmin pulled up the radio show’s website on his laptop that had an unthinkable number in bright red located near the envelope icon. “All the questions in the inbox on our website are overflowing and it’s getting harder for me to answer all of it. It’s hard for me to answer them when we’re on-air, too. And these three aren’t exactly the best when it comes to the more relationship-centric asks… You were the only one I could think of that I could trust handling and answering these properly.”

“Wow, really?”

“Of course! I’d come to you for advice all the time in high school, remember?”

Yes, you remembered Seungmin would come to you now and again ask for advice on college, or dating, or even what he should have for dinner, but you never thought much of it until now. To have him ask you to handle such a heavy role on a radio show all because he treasured those late-night phone calls with you made your heart do that weird fluttery thing you didn’t dare try to decipher.

Curse Seungmin and his weird poetic way with words… Who allowed him to read fiction after high school?

“Is that the reason why you asked me?” Clearly, your cheeks were blushing only because the sun was shining brightly on the Quad and not because you were flattered he asked you first.

“I truly can’t think of another person who would be more capable of this job than you,” he told you sincerely.

“So will you join our shit show?” Changbin begged with his big, puppy eyes. Now how could you refuse after that?

“Fine, but the second I get hate mail, I’m tapping out.”

“Deal. We’ll make sure that doesn’t happen.”

Surprisingly, it didn’t happen, at least not in the past six months since you’ve joined the show. The audience welcomed you with open arms the second they heard you answer their questions with such honesty and care. There were some questions that you’d struggle with, like very boy-specific questions that only a dude could answer, so Seungmin took care of those. But together, you and Seungmin were an unstoppable duo with great chemistry and everyone could hear it in the way you’d giggle at his lame jokes or the way he’d ‘wow ~’ at one of your more profound answers.

The only questions you both struggled answering were ones that delved into either of your love lives. You both would get tripped up just a little bit when asked if either of you were seeing someone or were interested in someone, but the questions that had you both stuttering like the air was below freezing to the point that no coherent sentences were being formed?

“Are you two dating?”

“Have you two ever thought about it before?”

“You guys fit the friends-to-lovers trope so perfectly!”

“N-No, that’s not how it is at all…!” you argued to the callers after the millionth time. No matter how many times you’d get asked this, you don’t think you’ll ever overcome the embarrassment. “We’re just really good friends!”

“I don’t know, _____, maybe we should face the inevitable,” a flirty Seungmin winked.

“Seungmin!” you hissed while a giggling 3RACHA fell out of their chairs. Well, he clearly got over the embarrassment...

Almost every show, the chatroom and inbox had sprinkles of comments about how cute you two would be if you ever got together. Because you see those same sentences nearly every single time you opened up the inbox, the thought of it was hard to ignore and push to the back of your mind.

What would it be like if you two actually dated?

“Yo, _____ ~” Seungmin sang across from you  at the table.

“Huh?”

“Spider got ya that spooked?”

“Nah, I’m ok now. Thanks to my hero.”

“That’s right, I am your hero,” he boasted proudly. “But really, is there something on your mind? You seem a bit spacey-er than usual.”

“It’s nothing bad. I was just reminiscing about my up-and-coming on the show for some reason.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, you’ve improved a lot since then.”

“You think so? I feel like I haven’t done much… Like I haven’t made an impact yet.”

“You’re crazy! The show wouldn’t be where it is now without you. You know, Minho did the math for fun last week -”

“Ha!”

“... and calculated how much more often people are sending stuff in since the day you joined, and he said it’s increased by like 100 percent since then!”

“That’s just double, isn’t it…?”

“Yeah, but a bigger number sounds better, so that’s what we tell the department heads when they ask. So don’t think you haven’t left an impact on this show - it wouldn’t be the same without you.”

Really, when was he so poetic!? It was a dangerous trait. “Thanks, Seungmin. I wouldn’t be as confident if you weren’t my co-host.”

“I’m sure you would have done just fine if it were Changbin or anyone else.”

“Maybe so, but it wouldn’t be as fun or memorable.”

“Stop being so soft and order your chicken.” He was terrible at faking being grumpy because his cheeky smile shined brightly anyways.

“Hey, moochers,” a tired Woojin greeted before falling in the seat next to Seungmin. “The usual?”

“You know it.”

“Ok, let me just sit here for a couple minutes.”

“Go do your job!”

“Hey, while you guys get to sit on nice comfy chairs in the studio for a couple of hours, I have to stand for six while waiting on people!’

“It’s not even that busy today!” Seungmin was right - you two and another couple were the only ones in the restaurant at the moment.

“It was busy earlier, ok.”

“Earlier today around 5:00 pm, during the city’s busiest hours, Spider-Man has yet again saved a citizen from tragedy -”

“Ugh,” you shuddered in disgust at the sight of the famous vigilante popping up on the screen.

Seungmin tried not to look too offended. He’s known your incessant fear of spiders for how long now? And he’s been Spider-Man for what, a hot minute? And he had no idea you felt this strongly about him? He’s not that surprised, but at the same time he is because it’s not like Spider-Man was a real spider… His suit didn’t even really resemble one! Maybe it was the big, buggy eyes that haunted you. He’d have to consult with Woojin about that later.

“You don’t like Spider-Man…?” he dared to ask.

“Not really. He has spider in his name, for Christ’s sake. Doesn’t he know how common arachnophobia is? How is he supposed to save the town when a hefty chunk of citizens are probably scared of him!?”

“But he doesn’t even look like a spider?”

“He doesn’t need to when he has a huge black one on his chest.”

He’ll consult Woojin about that, too. “So if you were in danger - like, backed up against an alley with a gun pointed at your head, or something - and Spider-Man swooped down, scooped you up, and jumped far away from the gunman using his web, you’d be more scared of Spider-Man than the bad guy?”

“Of course! I hate heights, too, remember? A man dressed like a spider capturing me in their arms and swinging from skyscraper-to-skyscraper is literally my biggest fear.”

If that was really how you felt about Spider-Man, then Seungmin prayed you would stay out of trouble. He couldn’t even imagine how loud you’d scream if he ever saved you from a situation you got yourself stuck in, not to mention how hard it would be to not tease you about it face-to-face. But knowing you and knowing his terrible luck, one of these days he was going to have to save you from God-knows-what. The only possible situation he could think of was you getting stuck high up on the fire escape, or something stupid like that.

Up on the television, the city’s hero was recorded swinging down using his web thingies like some man spider hybrid pendulum kicking one of the several armed robbers right in the chin. With the second robber, he used his weird webby thing again, but this time used one hand to aim it at his gun and yanked it away from him while using the other hand to trap him between the webs and concrete floor. The other robbers tried to run away, but not before Man-Spider-Dude flung himself forward like some alternate universe Tarzan and used his webbing to cuff their limbs together.

“See, that was kind of cool, wasn’t it?” Seungmin asked, hoping the reporters recorded him cool enough for you to change your mind.

“Eh. Kind of showy, if you ask me.”

Just as you said that, you had to suffer through witnessing Spider-Man finger-gun at the phone camera and salute the citizens of the town before swinging deep into the concrete jungle once more. Was that necessary? Sheesh, what a dramatic exit.

Your co-host watched you roll your eyes at his showboating and turn your attention back on the totally normal boys. Beside him, a snickering Woojin teasingly nudged him with his elbow. He wasn’t that cringey, was he!?

“Well, he saved some innocent people and a lot of money, at least,” Seungmin frowned, so desperately trying to redeem himself.

“That’s really the only upside to superhero-wannabe vigilantes. Otherwise, they’re totally cocky. They’re like a bunch of frat bros.”

Woojin audibly laughed at that one and that’s when Seungmin knew there was no hope in trying to persuade you… But Kims never backed down! That’s what made him and Woojin so unstoppable!

So it couldn’t hurt to try anyways, right?

On a warm and early Sunday evening, when the night was still young, the sun fell between golden hour and dusk. This was when walking home was a pain in the ass because the rays would hit building windows at all the right angles and attempt to burn your retinas. Even so, you couldn’t be mad in the least, because the paper bag filled with crispy french fries cradled in your arms was going to be inhaled in just a couple of blocks once you reached home.

It was beautiful nights like tonight where you felt a little lonely. Yes, living and being alone was calming after a stressful week at school and your social meter was at an all time low, but sometimes you just wanted to share a night in with someone special. You first tried to hang out with Seungmin to avoid the pressure of actually finding a significant other, but when he told you that his internship scheduled him at ungodly hours, including Sundays, you now had to find someone to take his place if you ever wanted to.

Kim Seungmin… your co-host, confidant, and the only boy you wanted to spend your Sundays with. What did that say about you? Were you desperate? Missing him? A typical friends-to-lovers trope, as your audience had put it? You’d worry about that later.

The sun wasn’t so blinding anymore when a shadowed figure blocked the light. Before you could make sense of who or what the figure was, you were promptly knocked down by said thing onto the very hard, very cold sidewalk.

Ginormous, white bug eyes with no pupils stared deep into your frightened soul. Spider-Man, dressed in all his spandex glory, scuffed up and a little disheveled, hovered over your heavily breathing form. From behind the mask, Seungmin froze when he realized that yes, this was definitely you he had knocked down and he couldn’t tell if you were terrified, surprised, furious, or all of the above. He felt so bad that he almost gave you a heart attack, but he had to admit you looked kind of cute looking at him with your big, curious eyes like you wanted to swat him off of you with an over-sized fly swatter. He had to hold back wanting to brush your hair that stuck to your face.

What a coincidence for him to have run into you, huh? It must have been fate, or just really bad karma on your end.

“Hi,” Spider-Man greeted you casually, his face hovering very close to your own. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“N-N-No…!”

“Good. Hurting citizens is kind of against my mission.”

“He went this way!” you both heard off in the distance.

Spider-Man groaned loudly before hopping off of you and extending a hand to help you up. Before you could verbally reject, your body was already moving before you knew it and you took his hand graciously.

He leaned in closely and you hoped his spidey sense couldn’t detect the goosebumps erupting all over your skin.

“If those journalists ask, you didn’t see me,” You could only nod silently. “Thanks. I owe you one.”

In a blink of an eye, the town’s hero shot his web to some random building and flew away, but not before giving you a little salute. The last two minutes didn’t seem real - had you really just met Spider-Man? Well, more like did Spider-Man really just knock you flat on your ass? You were standing in your spot not moving a single muscle as the entire block took pictures and videos of your wide-eyed face staring blankly at where the hero you feared most once stood. A swarm of journalists turned the corner and following the audience’s attention, going straight to you.

“Did Spider-Man fly through here?” one of them asked frantically.

Mindlessly, without blinking, you pointed in the opposite direction he flew to and that’s when you watched the parasitic flock search for the town’s hero.

From up above on a rooftop of a corporate building not too far away, Seungmin watched you keep your word about not revealing his location like he asked, despite your fear of both spiders and man. Did he scare you even more? Or maybe you were just being nice. Either way, something about you protecting his location was kind of adorable… like you might kind of like his other self now.

Oh, but that wasn’t the case at all.

“My french fries!” you cried out to the Gods above.

Every single french fry you were dying to devour from the paper bag scattered in an artistic gradient behind your shadow, with fat pigeons picking at what once was yours. Seungmin sighed tiredly, watching you sadly walk away from the kit of pigeons. His wishful thinking barely lasted a second and now not only did he owe you ‘one’ of something, he now owes you a bag of french fries, too. Maybe if he got the extra large size, you’d hate him a little less.

Your fear of Spider-Man because he had ‘spider’ in his name and a silhouette embroidered on his suit? Nonexistent. Hatred for Spider-Man because he was clumsy, insensitive, and most definitely A Man? Absolutely.

‘I owe you one,’ was what he told you last, and you’d make sure that he’d owe you one big time.

You spent the entire walk home trying to process if what just happened actually happened. Let’s rewind and review: you were studying at the library until you got too tired and too hungry to care anymore; got the freshest, crispiest bag of french fries you could find; happily made your way home; got the shit knocked out of you by Spider-Man; and now you were walking home french fry-less. It sounds like a poorly-written fan fiction, but yup, that’s truly what happened and there was no denying it

The night was no longer young or beautiful now that you didn’t have a bag full of golden, crispy deliciousness. It was miserable.

Seungmin, while still in his suit and hiding in a random alley from the journalists, felt his phone buzz that was tucked away inside of the suit. After taking it out, he was too afraid to answer once he saw your photo glow up the screen. The picture was from your eighteenth birthday, your last birthday before you both entered college. Seungmin booked a reservation at this fancy restaurant that you two would promise one day, when you both had money, that you’d dine there like it was no one’s business. Little did you know, he planned a small get together with a handful of friends and ate like kings! When it was time for dessert, Seungmin brought out your favorite cake, sang happy birthday with everyone, then smudged a whole bunch of the cream frosting onto your cheeks and nose. Normally, you’d be mad, but how could you when he planned all of this?

With the dark surroundings and the only thing lighting up your face was the candles, he captured the perfect moment of you laughing and tasting the cake.

After taking off his mask, Seungmin answered awkwardly. “Hello?”

“Guess what the fuck just happened to me!?”

“You saw a spider?”

“Worse! I saw that no good Spider-Man!”

Seungmin could only pout at your response. “Why do you sound so bitter?”

“That asshat swung down like a vulture and landed on top of me!”

“Sounds like a dream come true, if you ask me.”

“No, because that clumsy, pompous vigilante made me drop all of my french fries from my favorite place!”

Although you were complaining to Spider-Man about Spider-Man, said Spider-Man always thought your whining was adorable. “The place next to the bakery?”

“The very same! Ugh, I just wanted to call you to complain.”

“Seems like that’s all I’m good for these days.”

“Hey, that’s not the only reason I call you.”

“Besides discussing the show, for what other reasons do you call me?”

“I…” In retrospect, maybe he had a point - when was the last time you asked your dearest friend how he was doing? “Seungmin, my favorite friend, how have you been lately?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I’m sorry. I promise to call and not complain to you more often.”

“Thank you. And to answer your question. I’ve been ok.”

“Just ok? Do you wanna talk about it?”

Did he want to talk about how Spider-Man, the show, school, and how his lack of love-life was consuming his entire life to his closest friend? Not really. “Maybe another time. Are you free to hang out, though? I could use some company.”

“For you, of course. At what time?”

“Hm…” Seungmin took a quick second to listen to his surroundings. It seemed that the reporters and passers-by stopped looking for him by now, so maybe he was in the clear. “I can be at your place in half an hour?”

“Sounds good, I’ll be waiting. Can we get food? I’m hungry ~”

“Sure thing. I’ll see you soon.”

After hanging up, Seungmin dared to put his mask back on and swing as fast as he could all the way back to his apartment. It was unavoidable that a couple citizens were able to sneak in a few pictures as he was swinging, but as long as they didn’t see him land on his apartment complex rooftop and run inside, he was in the clear. After changing, there was one stop he had to make before heading over.

You waited patiently for your boredom-saving, famished-fulfilling hero to arrive at your doorstep. It’s true that neither of you had the time to hang out outside of planning the show. Other than that, there was not enough time in the day throughout the school week to see each other. With your classes piling up and his internship, neither of you could match up your schedules or make enough time to grab some dinner. At least tonight would make up for lost time.

You happily greeted a sneaky Seungmin when you heard him knocking. He was holding something behind his back and had his creepy, mischievous smile on his lips.

“What are you hiding…?” you hesitated.

Without a word, he pulled out an extra big paper bag full of french fries from your favorite restaurant - the very same french fries Spider-Man had knocked out of your hands. Only this time, there were more and it came with a handsome boy on the side.

Seungmin adored the way your eyes lit up at his little gift.

“You didn’t!” you gasped, clutching your heart to your chest.

“Do you love me or do you love me?”

“I love you ~!” you sang, welcoming your beloved guest into your humble abode. “Ah, what did I do to deserve you, Kim Seungmin?”

You didn’t do anything. You already had him wrapped around your finger the moment you two met.

Another Wednesday had arrived and that meant another show was to air. Tonight, the moon was so full that even at the darkest hour, the town was still brightly lit. It was the perfect night for Moonlight Radio.

“And we’re back!” you cheered happily into the microphone. “For those of you just joining in, you are listening to Moonlight Radio with me, _____, my partner in crime Seungmin, and our city’s version of Migos, Djs 3RACHA ~!”

“Our city’s version of Migos…?” Seungmin asked, quirking a brow.

“Yeah, you know… The American rappers?”

“I know who they are, but what makes them like the Migos in any way?”

“There’s three of them and they rap, what else is there to compare?”

“Multi-platinum album sales.”

“They’ll get there someday.”

“At least someone believes in us,” Jisung pouted.

“Speaking of beliefs, you guys wouldn’t believe who _____ ran into last Sunday.”

You squint your eyes at your smirking co-host. “The listeners don’t need to know.”

“Of course they do! Who doesn’t want to brag about meeting Spider-Man?”

“I didn’t even meet him, he body-slammed into me!”

“Ah, you’re just being dramatic. What do you guys think?” But in his mind, Seungmin knew you were totally not being dramatic. Was your body still a little sore from that night, too?

The phone lines were lighting up at the mention of the oh-so famous and widely-beloved superhero. Now you had to spend the remaining half of the show talking about how you met the hybrid of your two worst fears.

“Caller on line nine, you are on-air,” Seungmin answered.

“Holy shit, did you really meet Spider-Man?”

You sighed heavily into your mic. “If that’s what you call meeting someone these days, then I guess I met Spider-Man.”

“Whoa, that’s so dope! What’s he like?”

“He’s… charming… I’ll give him that.”

Seungmin’s ears perked up, his ego already escalating into the clouds before he could stop it. You, the first person he’s ever met to admit that they don’t like his alter-ego aloud, thought he was charming? You should have said so earlier!

“Really?” he asked.

“Yeah, I guess. He was like, ‘I didn’t hurt you, did I?’ and I was like, ‘No?’ and he was all like, ‘Good, ‘cuz hurting citizens isn’t in my agenda’ or something corny like that. I guess it comes with the whole superhero package.”

Hey, that was not corny… “He sounds like a pretty cool guy.”

“Yeah, until he made me catapult my french fries behind me.”

“Is that literally the only reason why you don’t like him?”

“No, it’s mainly because I hate spiders. But also yes, because he said he owes me one for chasing away those pesky journalists that were hunting him down. Spider-Man, if you’re out there listening, this is my reminder to you that I’ll be waiting on my ‘one’ that you owe.”

Oh, great. Seungmin thought that if there was anyone he wouldn’t have to see again as Spider-Man, he thought it’d be you, but now you were actually waiting for him to find you! And for what, because he ‘owed’ you something? Although those journalists were annoying and he was very thankful you got them off his back... But what exactly were you expecting from him? What were you thinking he owed you?

Seeing you for a second time posed some high risks. You’re not dumb, and Seungmin knows that. If he were to slip up and give away his identity in some form just once during his interactions with you, you’d figure him out in an instant! But this was kind of exciting, wasn’t it? You not knowing it’s him behind the red suit, scaring you a little, pretending he doesn’t know who you are - it was kind of like a game to him. So fine, he’ll give you whatever you want the next time he meets you to satiate his excitement that isn’t fighting crime, but after that, he’ll stay as far away from you as possible.

“No matter where I go, spiders somehow always find me.”

“Isn’t it scary to be around something you fear all the time?”

“It’s absolutely terrifying. I guess it’s time I face my fears of spiders, man, and Spider-Man superheroes alike.”

“You’re so brave. I don’t know how you do it.”

“Hey, I hear that sarcasm,” you scolded at your chuckling partner. “But I hope this encourages you all to do the same one day. Go skydiving, ask out that cute person in your class, try something different from the menu! Whatever your fears may be, Moonlight Radio will always be here to support you. And with that, we bid you goodnight.”

“Stay safe out there, everyone! This is Moonlight Radio, signing off.”

When the glowing red light shut off, both you and Seungmin sighed in relief. This concluded the most stressful point of your week and you could relax a little until next time. Per usual, you and Seungmin were supposed to eat with Woojin at his chicken restaurant, but you noticed how he was packing up his stuff in urgency.

“What are you in a rush for?”

Shit. How was Seungmin supposed to tell you that he had a sixth spidey sense and sensed someone nearby was in big trouble and he had to change into his spandex right away? “Uh, I forgot I have an assignment due at midnight.”

“Aw, so no chicken tonight?”

“I’ll make it up to you next time, I promise.”

Your favorite boy ruffled your hair into a clumpy mess in front of your face. If he were to see the tiny pout on your lips, then there was a chance he’d give up being Spider-Man tonight just to be with you and what kind of hero would he be if he did that? Not a very good one.

He’ll see you later, anyways.

Before you could object, he was already out the door.

“Hi hello, we would like some chicken, too,” a whiny Changbin noted.

At least you’d have some company tonight. Hanging out with Seungmin versus hanging out with 3RACHA had two totally different vibes. One was chill, relaxing, and comforting while the other was loud, exciting, but oh-so tiring. So much so that you had to tap out early, luckily right before the news came on with yet again another segment on Spider-Man.

On the walk home, you wondered what kind of hours he worked. Was he fighting crime right now, at the peak of darkness? He couldn’t have been a nine-to-five kind of man because crime didn’t have an hourly paycheck. Maybe he strictly worked the night shift and slept in the daytime? That couldn’t have been very fun though, everyone needs a little sun to feel some sort of joy, even if he was a nasty, buggy, creepy little crawler -

“Hey.”

“Ah!!”

From the street lamp above, the bug of the hour dropped just inches from your face, hanging upside down on a thin string of web from his wrists. He was so close and came down so fast that you screamed and fell backwards. Was this it? Was this how you were going to die? From a heart attack and choking on air?

Seungmin mentally slapped himself for not knowing you’d react that way. Idiot-min, of course they would! They practically cry at the sight of a real spider! Now he probably owed you 'two' of whatever you were going to ask...

After getting down from the streetlight, he rushed over to help you up. “Are you all right?”

This time, you swatted his hand away and got up on your own, just as you wished you’d done to the damn arachnid the first time. It took a couple more moments to catch your breath and ease your heart rate, like you just finished running a marathon. If you didn’t hate Spider-Man before, Seungmin’s sure as hell you do now.

“I think I just had a mini heart-attack.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to -”

“Aren’t you supposed to help citizens, not crash into them or fall from the clouds and be all up in their faces!?”

The masked man scratched his head sheepishly. “There’s a bit of a gray area between ‘help’ and ‘harm’.”

“Yeah, clearly!” Now that you’ve come to your senses, it just occurred to you that Spider-Man recognized you from the first time. Why else would he pop up on you specifically just to say ‘hey’? “Wait, do you remember me?”

Time to turn up that charm _____ talked about so much, Spider-min! “It’s hard to forget the people I crash into.”

“It must not happen often then.”

“I promise you, it doesn’t. Otherwise the town would be wiped out… Literally.”

“Wow, lucky me, huh?”

"Of course. And it’s not everyday I get to crash into someone so cute."

"Oh, don't you try and flatter me!"

It was rare for Seungmin to see you so bothered just by one person. Normally, you'd let it go and move on, but with Spider-Man, it seemed like all current and future interactions would be a lot of bickering and furrowed brows. If you were anyone else, he'd be a little hurt that someone could hate him so much, but you weren't just anyone else. You were you, and even with your annoyed expression, your blushing cheeks gave you away. You didn’t hate him.

Oh yeah, this was going to be a lot of fun for Seungmin.

"I'm not trying to flatter you, but it seems to be working regardless," he teased.

"Why are you stalking me?"

"Whoa, what do you mean!? I'm simply taking a break from saving a citizen in trouble! You and I just happened to cross paths once more, like it was fate. Didn't you want to see me again, anyways?"

"Who said that?"

"Well to paraphrase the famous _____ on Moonlight Radio, you're waiting for me to 'owe you one', isn't that right?"

You didn’t have to see his face to know that he was smirking. Regardless, you were quite starstruck - when you said that he owed you one, you didn’t think he’d actually hear you! But it was kind of cool that someone so famous listened in, even if it was him of all people. “You heard that…?”

“Of course I did. It’s my favorite radio show. I also heard you think I’m charming.”

Spidey-Boy took a step forward, but you didn’t dare take one step back. You weren’t about to let some spandex-clad dude intimidate you with his flirtatious wording, even if you were totally embarrassed and wished you could go back in time and stop yourself from saying that. Really, it was so cute the way you tried to stand up to Seungmin, but again, the pink gracing your cheeks put your effort into your unwavering persona to waste. You couldn’t make eye contact with his huge, buggy eye mask, so you focused on the creepy crawly spider right on his chest that kept on growing the closer he came to you.

Then it stopped. Now you’re no longer looking at his chest, but looking at those things he called eyes. They were reflective and you could see clearly how terrified you actually looked.

He leaned in.

"Is that true, _____?" he asked. "Do you think I'm charming?"

"I-I think you're terrifying."

"But also charming, right?"

"If I say yes, will you step back?"

"Oh, sorry." Awkwardly and boyishly, the hero cleared his throat and took a step back. From a safe distance, he wasn't so bad - it's when he's ten centimeters away from your face that scared you.

"You… have a way with words."

A cute laugh came from Spidey. "That's one way to put it."

There's a short silence in between. He knew you wanted to say something by the way you were awkwardly avoiding looking at him. Seungmin would patiently wait for you, but Spider-Man…

"What is it?" he asked.

"Nothing, I was just wondering… Is Moonlight Radio really your favorite show?" you asked shyly.

"Of course. I wouldn't lie about something like that."

There was a little twinkle in your eyes like they held all the stars and your expression finally softened. Seungmin watched you struggle hiding your sweet smile while you stared at your shoes.

With the help of his masked identity, Seungmin could finally say the things he always wished he told you in the moment, from infinite moments before.

"You have a pretty smile."

"Huh?" Did you hear that right? Did the city's superhero call your smile pretty?

"I said…" Spidey-boy took a step closer, but kept his distance. "You have a pretty smile."

"Do you say that to all the people you crash into while running away from paparazzi?"

"No. Just the cute ones."

“Oh, my God, you are so corny! ‘Just the cute ones’, how many is that exactly? A dozen? Several dozen?”

“You know, most people would say thank you after I call them cute.”

“Well, I’m not falling for it! I’m not like most people!”

The boy chuckled again, and it sounded so sweet. “You most definitely are not.”

If this… this boy thought he could just flirt his way into your heart and forget nearly breaking your ribs, he was dead wrong! How dare he be so friendly and casual with you! It’s not like you were friends! What was his deal!?

You straightened your back and smoothed out the wrinkles in your shirt. “If that’s all, I’ll be on my way now.”

“Already? What about the ‘one’ I owe you?”

“Forget I ever said that. You’re off the hook.”

“No, that’s not right. I feel bad.” He wasn’t about to let you go that easily.

“I don’t even know what you’d owe me.”

“How about you think about it until we meet again?”

“Again? When would I even see you?”

The boy in red and blue shrugged. “By circumstance? Or perhaps you’ll get into some trouble? You seem like the type to pick fights.”

“Even if I was in trouble, who says I’d call you?”

“You wouldn’t have to. I’d come flying to your side the second I sensed something was wrong.”

You didn’t understand what that meant, but you really didn’t want to open a can of worms past midnight. “How chivalrous.”

“Thanks. So I’ll get to see you again?” he asked. Seungmin hoped he didn’t sound too desperate. He was just a simple boy who wouldn’t allow his best friend to hate his alter ego they knew nothing about, that’s all.

“If the opportunity arises ~” you sighed casually, walking past the stunned hero.

This was a side of you that Seungmin didn’t know how to handle. Never have you been so standoffish and awkward, but weirdly confident around him before. You were always your cutesy, dorky, loving self. Even when you weren’t talking to him directly, you were just as yourself around other people, even to strangers. But to Spider-Man? He didn’t know this side of you - the one that looked at him like you couldn’t tolerate breathing the same air as him. It was like he was meeting you for the very first time.

You may not like Spider-Man now, but the way you smiled for that split second and the way you entertained his stupid words with your witty responses, somewhere deep inside your cold heart, there had to be a chance that you’d come to like him. Maybe then he’ll reveal himself to you, but for now, he had to figure out how to stop his heart from beating so fast as he watched you walk away. Only you could affect him like that.

He’ll get you to like him, whether you like it or not.

It took you three days to crack and spend Saturday night researching who the fuck Spider-Man was. Thursday was spent being pouty and bitter about the night before. (“What’s up with you?” Seungmin asked. “Nothing, I just hate everyone.” “Sounds about right...”) Friday was spent playing as your own devil’s advocate trying to justify why he was the way he was. (“I guess he wasn’t so bad. He wasn’t mean to me, or anything. And he did want to pay me back for the french fries…”) And Saturday morning and afternoon was spent resisting the urge to care enough that you’d really spend a night on a weekend looking him up while texting Seungmin the entire time.

He loved every second of it.

you [6:05 pm]: did you know his suit doesn’t have any pockets? what genius designed that!?

seungminion [6:08 pm]: maybe they just forgot?

you [6:09 pm]: rookie mistake.

you [7:56 pm]: god, i really don’t like the blue and red... 

seungminion [7:59 pm]: have you just been judging his uniform for the past 2 hours?

you [8:04 pm]: yeah? can’t be a great hero if he doesn’t look cool or have pockets.

seungminion [8:06 pm]: red and blue is cool!

you [8:07 pm]: if you’re 5.

you [9:42 pm]: ohhhh he visits children at the hospital! that’s actually super sweet.

seungminion [9:47 pm]: see, he’s a good guy.

you [9:54 pm]: i didn’t say he wasn’t, i just didn’t like him.

seungminion [9:55 pm]: “didn’t” like him? do you like him now?

you [9:57 pm]: i didn’t say that.

seungminion [10:01 pm]: just admit it, _____! life will be less stressful if you admit your faults.

you [10:04 pm]: i’ll never admit my faults because i’m always right.

seungminion [10:10 pm]: you’re so difficult… just open the door.

you [10:11 pm]: huh? are you here?

Seungmin couldn’t hold back his smile when he read your message. Something about you taking the time to look up what Spider-Man was all about made him miss you. It didn’t help that this gig felt like a full time job on top of everything else, taking time away to spend with you. 

Things were different now that high school was over - no longer did either of you have free time after school to hang out in his car listening to music he picked out for you, or to eat at your heart’s content at whatever fast food place was open past midnight. Nights like those only come once in a blue moon nowadays. One of his biggest fears is that one day, you two would grow apart so gradually that the show would stop, spending time with you would stop, and your friendship would stop, and he wasn’t going to let that happen just because he was Spider-Man.

Seungmin was tired. Because he stayed up late on weekdays to save the city from chaos, his only time to catch up on sleep was sleeping in on the weekends and even afterwards, he felt like he could barely keep his eyes open. But when you opened the door with that adoring smile on your face, he thinks staying up for a few more hours to be with you would be worth it.

Seungmin looked tired. His hair was messy, he had dark circles under his eyes, and his shirt was missing a button. He looked like an absolute hot mess, but his warm smile said otherwise. For him to make the surprise trip over here in this state made your heart hurt.

“Are you ok?” you asked, deeply concerned.

“Yeah, I just had a rough morning… Rough week… Month…”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Maybe another time.”

“Oh, ok.” That was the second time he rejected talking about how he was feeling. You knew he wasn’t one to open up and show his vulnerability, but this couldn’t have been healthy. You would argue if you could, but his tired eyes told you he wasn’t in the mood.

You widened the door gap to let in the tired puppy and he went straight for the couch. There was a little space between his feet and the opposite arm rest and you took your spot there. Soon after though, the sleepy puppy named Seungmin took one of your couch pillows and set them on your lap for him to lay his head on.

Whoa, this was new.

“Wh-What are you…?”

“Can I just rest my eyes for a few minutes?” he mumbled.

“Of course.”

With that, and your hand gently running through his messy hair, Seungmin fell into a deep sleep within seconds. You learned that night that Seungmin snored softly, like an unworried child tucked under his blanket. This boy was such a hard worker and always put everyone before himself that it was no wonder he gets burned out so easily, but this was the first time you’ve ever seen it to this extent. Normally, he’d yawn here and there and flake on hanging out once in a while, but never had he come to your home unannounced just so he could fall asleep on your lap.

Why he found solace in a place like your couch and your lap, you had no idea, but it was nice. It felt so right, but at the same time it didn’t, but neither of you were going to question it after tonight. You would let it take its course and move on with your lives like it didn’t happen because that’s what friends do in situations like this, right?

You’d let your racing heart calm down and erase it from your memory in the morning.

Seungmin woke up with the sun and his head still on your lap. Oh no, had he fallen asleep through the whole night!? Looking up, he saw how awkwardly your neck craned just so you could sleep semi-comfortably in your position. You stayed with him the entire night. You could have woken him up for a few seconds, got off the couch, and sleep soundly in your own bed, but no, you decided to stay here with him instead.

If he could spend the entire day napping with you, he would, but not today. Today he had to get fitted into his new Spidey suit that Woojin designed.

After getting up and carefully laying you on your couch, he did the unthinkable and kissed your forehead. He’s not sure why he did that… Actually, he didn’t even realize he did that until a few seconds after. Maybe it was how cute you looked that prompted him to do so. Maybe it was a thank you for putting up with him all these years. Regardless, it felt good but it made his heart flutter, causing him to smile like an idiot. He probably shouldn’t have done that and he hoped you didn’t feel it, but it felt so right. He left your apartment with his face buried in his hands trying to stop his face heating up and massaging his cheeks because he kept on smiling too hard.

When the front door closed, you rubbed the spot on your forehead and screamed into your pillow.

You haven’t seen Seungmin in a couple of weeks. You avoided seeing him, you called in sick and skipped the show, hell you even tried going to your hometown for the weekend all because you’re sure that you were going to make a fool out of yourself the second you saw him. This was so stupid - one boy laid his head on your lap, stayed the night, then kissed your forehead and suddenly you didn't know how to act!

The only communication you two had was over text. No phone calls or facetime, hell, not even Snapchat. Just short texts of you saying you were sick, stressed, and needed your space. This wasn't so unusual, as Seungmin experienced this side of you a lot throughout college, but this happening after that night was too coincidental. Did he do something wrong? Did you know he kissed you? Fuck, he knew he shouldn't have fallen asleep!

It’s a Saturday night once more and you’ve yet again bailed on him for not feeling well. Of course at this point, he knew you were avoiding him, but were you avoiding him because he overstepped his boundaries and you were fading him out, or because you were just being your awkward self and weren’t sure how to handle this weird limbo in your relationship? He really really hoped for the latter.

Since Seungmin wasn’t going to see you tonight, Woojin had put him on duty to test out the finished version of his new all-black suit - with pockets! The spider on his chest was still just as big, but he hoped that it blended in with the black enough that you wouldn’t be so spooked when you see it, whenever that would be.

On a Saturday night, you’re stuck on the balcony of your apartment flipping through old photos of you and Seungmin. From high school to just a couple of weeks ago, you lazily flipped through the memories like you were playing with a rolodex. You’re not sure how you got here, all by your lonesome - maybe it was because his stupidly cute smile that stuck in your head even while avoiding him, or because your forehead still tingled from his lips, or because even after all your ghosting he still put in the effort to want to see you that made you miss him and go through your mobile rolodex of pictures. Seeing him in person was way too risky, so you’ll stick to this for now.

Was this it? Was this the end of the dynamic duo, live on Moonlight Radio? The two doofuses who got a little too turnt at Prom together? The two idiots who couldn’t form coherent thoughts around each other?

“_____?”

“Ah!!”

The night was dead silent until a black upside down figure called your name and popped up from behind the branches of a nearby tree. By some weird instinct, your startled self dropped your phone in case you had to defend yourself from the over-sized arachnid, all the way from your fifth floor balcony. You were thankful to Spidey-Boy for once in your life, who had caught your phone using his web thingies just before it hit the floor and shattered to pieces.

Seungmin got a hold of your phone and noticed all the pictures of him cluttering in an album dubbed ‘Seungminion’. There were pics of him with his braces, him smiling, him eating, sleeping, crying - you name it, you had it, and he remembered every moment of every picture.

What were you doing just now? Were you thinking about him? His blush couldn’t be seen through his mask, could it?

“Can I get my phone back, please?”

Your balcony railing didn’t look like it could hold a fat squirrel, but somehow a superhero was able to balance on it, squatting like a mischievous cat. Seungmin ignored your tired plea and teasingly shook the phone in front of your pouty face. 

“Who’s this ~?” he asked in a sing-songy voice.

“No one, now give it back.”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

Even in the dark, your blush burned brightly. “No!”

“You have a lo~ot of pictures together ~”

“It’s…” you sighed, feeling your heart sink little by little. “It’s not like that.”

And his felt like it was sinking, too. “Do you want to talk about it?”

It’s funny. You would ask Seungmin that all the time and wished he’d answer you, but now that the tables have turned, you realized why he wouldn’t - you didn’t want to burden anyone with your worries.

“Maybe next time.”

“Why not now? I’m not busy, or anything. Besides, it can’t be healthy holding in whatever you’re feeling.” Seungmin was the epitome of a walking contradiction.

“I’m ok, I promise.”

“Your face says otherwise.”

“How would you know? We’ve met only once before. One and a half, if you count the first time, and both were very short encounters. I don’t think you’d know how I’m feeling based on that and how my face looks.”

“Then let me get to know you.”

“H-Huh?”

“I know you don’t know me very well, and it might be weird talking to me, but I don’t like you like this.”

“Like how…?”

“When you’re not smiling.” Of course, your body failed you and you smiled softly at his corny-ass words. Fine, you’ll give him that one… “There’s that pretty smile.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious by the way - do you want to talk about it? I’m not busy for a while.”

Were you really about to tell a stranger in black spandex that you were crushing hard on your friend? What has this world come to!? But you had nothing better to do and neither did he, so why not entertain the town’s hero for a little bit?

“Have you ever liked someone before?”

“Sure,” he shrugged casually. “I like you.”

Your eye roll could not have been more dramatic. He must do this with all of his damsels he saved, right? Clearly, he's had practice trying to woo others before.

Seungmin’s favorite color was the color of your cheeks.

“No, idiot! I mean like… you know… like-like.”

“I didn’t know our beloved radio host was in middle school.”

“Ok, I knew this was a bad idea -” you said, turning to the sliding door.

“Wait, I’m kidding!” Before you could head inside, Spider-Man grabbed your hand. “I was just trying to get you to smile again. Don’t go.”

When you squeezed his hand so he wouldn’t let go, Seungmin’s confidence and ego launched into space. You definitely were starting to like Spider-Man, whether it was school-girl crush type of like-like or you just tolerated him a little more. Seungmin was living the best of both worlds with you, but by the way you were avoiding the real him because of that night and the way you blushed at every word that came out of his masked mouth, was it possible you were starting to like his other self more?

He’ll find out right now.

“So what is this about like-liking someone?” he asked, tugging your forward a bit.

You're much closer to him than you have ever been before. Not considering the first time you met, of course. You've only met less than a handful of times, but somehow the distance in between wasn't so weird.

Seungmin felt your fingers run over the webbing design on his hands. “I’m… confused?” you questioned. That’s one way to put it.

“About?”

“It’s just… I don’t know, it’s weird because I’ve known him for a long time.”

You and Seungmin have known each other for a long time: check.

“Shouldn’t that make it easier on the both of you?”

“No, that makes it harder! With any hot guy on the street, I could go up to him, confess my undying attraction to him, and if he rejects me, then fine, I’ll just never see him again. But with a friend, I gotta consider all possible outcomes if I ever had to confess to him.”

“What’s there to consider?”

“Outcome number one: he could return my feelings, we kiss, and live happily ever after.”

“Sounds promising.”

“Outcome number two: he admits to not returning my feelings, says he would like to stay friends, but it’s too awkward now and we both drift apart until we no longer can stand in the same room together.”

“Now you’re just listing the extremes.”

“That’s not extreme, outcome number three is extreme: he doesn’t return my feelings, says he would like to stay friends but only said that to be nice and he turns up at the next hangout with his new boo thang.”

“Oh, come on, you really think he would do that!?” he whined, completely insulted you’d ever think so.

“It’s a possibility! And I’m not ready to take that risk yet.”

“So you’re stuck in some limbo now, is that it?”

“Yeah… we haven’t really talked since…”

You were this close to talking about the night Seungmin blurred the black and white between friends and more than that with an eagerly-awaiting Spider-Boy, who had moved from squatting like a cat on your porch to standing like a human for once. This was the first time you've seen him posed like a human and for once, goosebumps weren't crawling on your skin at the sight of the spider on his chest.

Seungmin awaited patiently for you to continue on, but you seemed more preoccupied with his chest than your story.

"I just realized your uniform's different," you noted, taking a step back to appreciate the new color.

"Ya like? Black's pretty sexy, huh?"

"Yeah, it's much better than the red and blue."

"And look! Pockets!!"

Spider-Man shoved his hands into the depths of his pockets and you thought to yourself that your FBI agent listening in on your devices must work for Spider-Man, considering he altered his uniform per your suggestions.

You tried to play it off like you weren't creeped out. "What the heck do you need pockets for? Your Spidey-Cell?"

"Ha-ha, there's no such thing as a Spidey-Cell. It's to hold my snacks. But it can hold your phone, if you'd like?"

"Why would I want you to hold my phone…?"

"When I take you on a tour through the city tonight."

You took a big step back and wiggled your finger at the mischievous hero. "You're crazy if you think I'm consenting to that."

"What, jumping around buildings and having citizens take videos of you during the busiest night of the week doesn't sound appealing to you?"

"Not at all!"

"C'mon, you look like you need some excitement and cheering up right now! What else do you have going on tonight?"

"I… have laundry to do…!"

"Just throw it in and come with me! It won't take that long."

"I also have homework."

"That's what Sundays are for."

"I also have to answer some questions listeners sent this week, and make dinner, and oh my God, my blinds are so dusty, and -"

"_____."

Spider-Man took a step forward and held his hand out. The night was alive, and you both could hear it coming deep within the city, where close friends and couples in love enjoyed each other's company. It's been lonely the last couple of weeks and you'll admit seeing Spider-Man tonight was the most exciting thing that's happened for a while, but…

Somehow, this felt like you were cheating on Seungmin.

"Give me thirty minutes," Spidey pleaded. "That's all."

You held his hand once more. There's something about the mystery man behind the suit that painstakingly attracted you to him. It was like fate had plans in stored just meant for the two of you.

"I'm scared of heights," you admitted shyly.

"I'll hold you tight."

"Promise?"

"I promise. I'd never let anything happen to you." And he meant it.

"Ok. Thirty minutes."

Seungmin pulled you in close to his chest and instructed you to wrap your arms around his shoulders. This was the closest he's gotten to a hug for a couple of weeks and he missed it, but he'll deal with your mess of a friendship later. What mattered most right now was how cutely and innocently you looked up at him while clinging on to your dear life like he was already swinging through the concrete jungle.

"Are you ready?" he asked, taking hold of your waist.

"Nope!"

"On the count of three, we'll go, ok?" You nodded nervously. "Ready? One… I lied!"

On the second count, Spider-Man stuck his webbing from the tree he was on and swung from branch-to-branch like some modern day Tarzan. Your shrill screams were the soundtrack to his flight and his boyish laughs mixed in between. 

"You're such an asshole!!" you cried out, burying your face into his shoulder.

"I know and I'm sorry, but it was too good of an opportunity to pass up! But you'll take it back if you open your eyes."

“No way!”

“C’mon, don’t be such a baby!”

“I will cry.”

“No, you won’t. Now please, open your eyes!”

So you did, and your world in the arms of Spider-Man was filled with nothing but color. In a city you often saw as black and white, tonight was like seeing color for the very first time in shades you haven’t even heard of. Every color of light - from the tri-color street lights to the infinite shades of neon - all bounced off of every skyscraper the city held, reflecting off of every square of glass. The lights made your eyes twinkle like there were billions of rainbow stars stuck inside.

Seungmin was so glad to have you here with him.

The people below, as cliche as it sounds, looked like tiny little ants with cell phones recording every swing, every scream, and every smile. The idea of this going worldwide was absolutely terrifying, maybe even more-so than this, but it was so worth it. Never had anyone convince you to do something this crazy before. It seems like you’re sharing a lot of weird firsts with Spidey-Boy.

Seungmin took you to an empty rooftop that was thankfully not too high up, but high enough so that neither of you could be seen. As soon as your feet touched the concrete, your body turned to jello and fell to the floor.

“Oh, hey-!” Seungmin began, worried that you passed out.

But instead, you were in a fit of giggles, clutching your sides and covering your face from embarrassment.

You’re so, so cute, but so… so weird… 

“Uh… are you ok?” he asked, hovering over your still-giggling form.

“No! I feel like I died, went to the seventh layer of hell, and got resurrected twenty times!”

“Then why do you look so happy?”

“I don’t know!” A long, content sigh left your lips before you grinned at your reflection through spidery lenses. “I am happy.”

Seungmin already knew he loved you. But now, he was in trouble - he was in too deep, and there was no way out.

He was crazily, unapologetically, immensely in love with you.

After you collected yourself from the floor, you joined a patient and careful Spider-Man at the edge of the roof. The fearless boy swung his legs freely overboard, and though you weren’t at that level yet, you were brave enough to straddle the parapet.

“Wow, I’m kind of proud of you,” Spidey snickered.

“Sh-Shut up.”

“Don’t fall ~”

“No promises, so you better catch me ~”

“Of course I will.”

For a moment, the two of you enjoyed each other’s company in silence, watching over the city folk who were either trying to get home after a long day, leaving home for a night out, or simply spending it with someone else. The perspective made you feel small - like your situation with Seungmin, the radio show, all the stress of school meant nothing because this, right in front of you, was the bigger picture. It didn’t make sense though, how none of your personal problems mean nothing in this moment.

Maybe Spider-Man had powers other than shooting webs.

“Hungry?” he asked, distracting you from your thoughts.

“Kind of. Are you?”

“Starving.”

“I’d ask if you want to get something to eat, but I don’t know how that would work.”

“We can still get something to eat. See that skewer stand over there?”

Spandex-Man pointed to a busy stand full of chicken, beef, pork, fried tofu, veggie, you-name-it skewer stand. You could smell the delicious spices all the way from the roof. “Mhm.”

“Watch this.”

In the blink of an eye, the webs from his wrist grab onto several sticks and he yanked them back, handing you several scrumptious, juicy skewers faster than you could blink. Then, he took out cash from his wallet (which he kept in his new fancy pockets) and shot back enough bills to cover the tip jar.

“Wow, I bet that’s handy at home when you’re couch potato-ing.”

“You have no idea - I barely get up on my days off.”

The skewers taste better with a side of company. “By the way, you never answered my question.”

“What question?”

“Have you ever like-liked someone?”

“Ah, that one,” he sighed, unbothered. “Of course I have.”

“Oh? What were they like?”

“Where should I begin? They’re quite spunky. They have that no bullshit attitude that’s very attractive. They’re very smart, too, it’s hard for me to keep up sometimes. Most of all they’re so dorky… Dorky like they get scared over the littlest things like bugs and they get excited about things like free snacks in the library. But they’re also kind. I can’t recall a time when they weren’t thinking about others before themselves. And oh man, they have that little twinkle in their eyes whenever they see me - that’s what I love the most.”

“Did you ever tell them you like them?”

He shook his head lazily. “Nah. I didn’t see a point at the time.”

“You’re crazy! You should have told them!”

“Why, so I could get rejected!?��

“But what if they would have returned your feelings!? You just lost something great!”

“Eh, that was a long time ago so it doesn’t matter anymore,” he lied.

“You’re so lame…”

“Says the one who’s making made-up scenarios in your head to avoid your own jump to the death confession!”

“Hey, those are completely possible!”

“And you call me crazy…”

“Bet you won’t tell the next person that comes along that you like them ~”

“Jokes on you because I already did ~”

“When!?”

“Twenty minutes ago. I said I liked you, remember?”

Soon, blushing cheeks would become permanent on your face. “Shut up.”

A loud crash was heard far in the distance, just north of where you two were. You and the citizens below halted for a couple of seconds, like someone had pressed the pause button on the country. Another loud crash was heard and the rumbling of big, heavy footsteps echoed in the night. It was coming in your direction. Then, all warning sirens within the entire city went off, blinking a bright red.

“Please evacuate immediately,” the intercom said robotically. “Threat level: Demon. Please evacuate immediately. Threat level -”

“Demon?” you muttered to no one in particular. “There hasn’t been a Demon-level threat in over a decade -”

“I’m taking you home.”

“Wait -!”

There was no time to wait. Seungmin had to get you out of here and swing back to the city to find out whatever this thing was that made it so dangerous. Instead of flying through the buildings on the busiest and plugged-up streets, he detoured onto the smaller buildings on the safer routes near the outskirts of town where no one could see you. If that thing caught a glimpse of you, kidnapped you somehow, and made you a pawn in its game just to lure in Seungmin, he would never forgive himself. In fact, meeting you as Spider-Man was a complete mistake in the first place.

You made it back to your balcony in no time. The brave boy held you close by the shoulders and even if you couldn’t see through his reflecting eyes, you knew he was staring into your soul.

“Stay inside, ok? “ Spidey demanded.

“Don’t go. Stay with me.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Can’t someone else go instead!?”

The footsteps got louder - closer.

Seungmin took your face in his hands, drawing tiny circles with the pads of his thumbs. When that didn’t help you calm down, you watched him carefully begin to remove his mask. What the hell was he doing!? Was he going to reveal himself NOW, of all times!? But no, your panic subsided when he only revealed just below his nose. Then, as if your life was a fairy tale, your prince pressed a soft, loving kiss to your forehead. Time slowed.

“I’ll come back to check on you.”

“Wait -!”

He had already jumped off your balcony before you could grab him and pull him back in the safety of your home. Whatever the thing was, you had no doubt he could stop it. Tomorrow, everything would be back to normal.

There was a shelter in the basement of your apartment complex whenever supernatural things caused the sirens to go off. You’ve lived through multiple Snake-level threats, Tiger-levels, hell even Dragon-level, but never Demon, the highest-level threat to exist. In the dusty and overcrowded basement, all of the panicked residents crowded over the television that hung on the wall.

Before you joined the crowd, you texted every possible friend to check-in and make sure they were safe. Seungmin was the only one who didn’t respond right away. You tried calling, sending multiple texts, snapchats, but received nothing, and you felt like your heart was collapsing in your chest.

seungminion [10:07 pm]: i’m ok, i promise.

You were about to cry on the spot. Slowly, your whole world would come back together, and everything would be fine.

The news reporters were showing live footage of what was out there, with the recording crew bravely hiding in the bushes and rubble of what was left of some buildings. The camera couldn’t get a full view of the thing because its appendages were too long. It looked like some big mechanical spider with claws on the ends of its legs. Just the sight of it on the screen made your skin crawl… why was this city so obsessed with spiders?

In the corner of the screen, a teeny tiny Spider-Man faced the enemy.

Oh my God, he’s doomed! He’s so tiny compared to that thing! And it has claws that could probably cut through the webbing! Every doubtful thoughts and whispers from your neighbors flooded your brain and you couldn’t stand to watch without peaking through your fingers in front of your face.

Seungmin was face-to-face with some other spider-wannabe being. He had no idea who or what this thing or person was other than it looked like it was crafted in an underground laboratory. With long, heavy, and sturdy appendages, it was hard for him to make out the pilot in the cephalothorax. What seemed to be human really didn’t look human at all - more like a crazy, power-hungry scientist on crack.

“Spider-Man! What a coincidence, I was just on my way to see you ~” the man sang. “I’ve been watching you.”

“That’s not creepy at all…”

“But it’s only because I admire you so much! Look, I even made myself a big spider to impress you!”

So he was just some crazy super fan. Seungmin wondered if his intentions were to hurt any citizens at all, or if the pilot didn’t even think about them as he made his way to show Seungmin his creation.

“Do you like it?” he asked desperately. “It’s an homage of sorts - like a sculpture! It’s art!”

“Um… I don’t fully understand it? It doesn’t look anything like me at all.”

There’s a short, eerie silence that followed. Everyone watching in their shelters embedded into the Earth’s crust held their breath, waiting for how the super fan was going to react. If you could hit Spider-Man across the television screen, you would until he was sent into the next dimension. Spidey, you idiot, entertain him a little, would you!? Are you trying to doom us all!?

“So you hate it…”

“No, that’s not what I.”

“I knew it! I knew you would hate it!”

The mechanical spider threw an obnoxious temper tantrum like an angry child without his nap time, swinging its appendages in every which way, hitting everything in its path like a lethal tornado. Nothing was left but dust and gravel by the time the spider sliced through a building. Seungmin did his best to dodge and avoid getting hit, but it wasn’t easy when there were eight things to dodge all at once. Between jumping from buildings to running on the ground, while trying to transition from one platform to the other, one of the legs hit him and sent him flying through a cement wall.

You could practically hear the whole city gasp in unison, with your soft one mixed in as you hide your face in your hands. Oh my God, he was going to get crushed!

But as if nothing had hit him just moments before, the city’s hero jumped back on his feet and went back to the demon.

First, Seungmin tried to tie up his legs together with his webbing. That didn’t work even though the chemical make-up of the silk was comparable to woven steel. The claws were still able to cut through every strand like it was cutting though tissue paper.

“I spent countless hours…! Endless months...!! Sometimes without food or sleep, and you ended up hating it!! I made this for you!”

Another blow to Spider-Man sent him through several concrete walls this time, crumbling the foundation of the buildings as he passed. At this rate, the entire city would be destroyed in no time.

“Come on, you can do it,” you whispered to no one in particular. You hoped his spidey-sense, or whatever, could hear your thoughts.

The more buildings that were destroyed, the more the enemy moved forward, looking for other things to destroy and toss like they meant nothing. Seungmin did his best to follow and try to lure him in a direction that was mostly rubble, but it was no use. Before he could be stopped, the two of them were already at the city’s main bridge that connected it to the other city. It was clear they didn’t get the evacuation memo quick enough as people parked their cars in the middle of the highway and ran in the opposite direction.

The view of the fight could now be seen thanks to two brave men recording in a helicopter. You saw the thing toss cars behind him, at Spider-Man, into the river, and to panicked citizens. Luckily, Spidey was able to catch the cars with ease and you think to yourself that maybe you don’t know him as well as you thought you did, even after all that research. Truly, this man was absolutely incredible in action.

“You hate it, everyone else hates it, where is the culture in this town!? The artistic knowledge!? Lack thereof is absolutely mortifying!” Another car tossed into the river. “No city can thrive without appreciation of the arts! I’ll do you all a favor and rebuild this city from the ground up!!”

You assumed that meant he would eliminate everyone in the city and start with nothing. That was comforting…

A car filled with a small family and a baby were lifted overhead. “I’ll start with them!”

He tossed the car over the bridge like they were just one of many to end up with an unfortunate fate in his metal claws. Spider-Man paid no mind to the cackling man in the body of a mechanic spider and used both of his web shooters to aim at the falling car. They hadn’t fallen too far off the bridge, but if Spidey couldn’t hold on to them, then the drop would be horrendous.

Maybe if the car wasn’t a huge suburban mom-van, this would be a piece of cake to pull up, but it was and no amount of leg days at the gym could have prepared Seungmin for this gnarly dead lift. Since all of his attention was on the van below, Seungmin had a hard time multi-focusing on the demon threat that was aiming a car at him.

“You’re next ~!”

Then there’s a beam of… light? Fire, perhaps? That blinded the television screen. A flying, red and gold-colored armored man swooped in and saved Spider-Man’s and the family’s ass.

“You ok?” he asked, flipping open his helmet to get a good look at him. “No, the suit! I was so sure the material would hold this time!”

Wait a minute… “Is that Woojin!?” you screeched on your end. “What the fuck -!!”

“Eh?” Seungmin looked down at his suit. Only parts of it were torn up and scathed, but otherwise he thought it was holding together rather nicely. “I mean,I think it’s still ok.”

“We’ll discuss that later. Do you need some help with this guy?”

“That would be nice, yes.”

“Bet I can beat him before you pull up the car.”

“Oh, you’re on.”

Once Seungmin got into competitive mode, there was no going back, and Woojin knew that. There was no way he’d beat this super fan, but he needed Seungmin’s help fast because this heavy iron suit could only dodge for so long.

You’re on your tippy toes as you watched Woojin tease and fight the demon-threat. There was no way that was really him... But when you saw his fluffy brown curls and his mischievous smirk before he closed his helmet, you were positive that was the one and only sexy fried chicken master himself. It was just so hard to believe because you’ve never seen him move so much before. You were so used to him slouched over in your booth every Wednesday night.

The car was brought up with some struggling, but nonetheless, the family was safe. Seungmin would feel this in his legs and biceps tomorrow morning, but that was for him to dwell on tomorrow. While Woojin kept distracting the enemy, Seungmin jumped in to help.

“If you can pin him down, I’ll incinerate the appendages.”

“I can’t, I already tried that.”

“What? He can still cut through them? Dammit!” Woojin sighed loudly. “Make sure I modify that along with the fabric.”

“Duly noted. I could try tying the legs together?”

“Let’s try it.”

It was a cat and mouse chase, where Spidey-Boy played the sneaky mouse Jerry and the spider droid was Tom the cat. You watched the clever man weave in and out and in between all the legs, with an appendage following closely behind. With a quickness, he shot his webs towards the limb and pulled close. With his free hand, he took another hold of a limb, and brought it close also. Then the tying ensued, trying to bend and twist the unforgiving metal into what was almost a knot.

“Close enough,” Woojin shrugged. “Step aside.”

You watched a floating Woojin blast a beam of light from the palm of his hand. At the joint where the limb met with the thorax, the mass of energy blew them off one-by-one as Spider-Man did his part. Two legs fell to the floor. Then four, then six, but the seventh and eight limbs were able to fight back. The tips of the claws acted like the tips of knives, piercing and poking everything it came in contact with. Seungmin got hit on his side, the spidey suit ripping along with his skin, and dark, crimson blood flowed freely.

Another eruption of gasps were made in your basement, this time yours being the loudest. You covered your mouth and tried to stop the worrying tears from forming.

“F-Fuck,” he cursed painfully, jumping back to hide behind Woojin.

“I can handle two limbs. Just stay back.”

Seungmin didn’t hear what his boss said. He was too focused on the blood pooling in his hands. It hurt like a bitch, but luckily he wasn’t losing too much of it that he was going to pass out. It was just harder for him to move. In the background, Seungmin could hear the maniacal laughter from the crazy scientist who was having fun playing with his toy. Woojin, on the other hand, wasn’t having any of it today and opted to just incinerate every piece on the spider until there was no more. For a moment, it rained shards of metal, distracting everyone from keeping their eye on the demon-threat. The super fan was able to miraculously escape the explosion, but not before Seungmin tied his defenseless body up like silken chrysalis.

“It’s Spider-Man’s silk…! The intricacy of it! It’s phenomenal, Spider-Man!! Truly, modern art in its final form!!”

“Seungmin, you good?” Woojin asked, bending at his level.

“Yeah… Can you stay with him until the cops come? I need to go somewhere to fix this.”

“Do what you gotta do, but text me once you’re there.”

A drowsy, light-headed Spider-Man nodded before jumping off to God only knows where. There weren’t many places where he could hide from citizens once the word got out it was safe to come back again, so he had to make his way to someone fast, but when the trees looked like clouds and the street lamps blurred to nothing, that might take longer than he expected.

The ‘Threat Level Eliminated’ alarm popped up on everyone’s phones, meaning it was safe to go back to your apartment. Luckily and conveniently, your apartment was one of the few buildings located on the outskirts of the city that was left unscated, so you thankfully still had a home. You’re not sure how you’re going to sleep without knowing if Spidey was ok or not, but you were so tired that your body was sure to forget about it once it hit your mattress.

In the midst of all the chaos, you were so happy that Seungmin was ok. You hoped he was thinking about you, too.

A place for everything and everything in its place - nothing was scathed or shattered or touched, and for that you’re thankful. After a quick scan of your apartment, you headed to bed feeling empty, like you should have someone here to be with and distract you from all the evil in the world.

As if on cue, a knock on your balcony window startled you to death. Outside was a heavy-breathing silhouette of Spider-Man clutching his side from when he was almost cut in half by that thing. You never ran to the window faster.

“Hey,” you whispered worriedly. “What are you doing here...?”

“Please help me...”

Your eyes widened at the size of his wound. It looked much smaller on the television. “You need to go to a hospital!”

“No! No one else can see this.”

“But -!”

“_____, please.”

Reluctantly, you helped the poor boy into your home. He collapsed on one of the chairs in your kitchen while you ran to the bathroom to find anything that would stop the bleeding. Several damp but clean towels and soap were in one hand and a roll of gauze was in another. WebMD said to first apply gentle pressure to stop the bleeding. You were ok with baby wounds and small paper cut drips of blood, but being up close and personal with a gashing, open wound with lots of blood made you lightheaded. Oh my God, why did humans have so much blood!

The next step was to clean the wound, so you used a new towel and some soap to clean around, but not on the open cuts. At this point, Spider-Man’s breathing was slow and steady.

“Hey,” you said, gently patting his masked face. “Stay with me.”

“Hm…?”

“Don’t fall asleep.”

“I’m pretty sure that rule only goes for head injuries.”

“Just don’t, ok? For me? At least not yet, because I’m scared you won’t wake up again.”

You felt like such a whiny baby for not wanting an injured hero to rest just yet, but Seungmin knew you were just worried. Even in disguise, you were always so thoughtful for him, and it was just one of the many reasons why he loved you.

Spidey-Boy ruffled your hair playfully. “Ok. For you.”

Cleaning the wound took a while (“Ah, that stings!” “Then sit still!” “No!”), but regardless, you think you did a pretty swell job and almost considered a change in your major (NCLEX, anyone?). The difficult part was patching up the wound.

Your cheeks blushed for the millionth time. “Hey, uh…”

“What’s up?”

“Can you, uh… Take your uniform off…?”

Seungmin’s heart jumped. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not? How am I going to wrap up your wound?”

“I’ll do it myself. Can I use your bathroom?”

“Sure… First door on the left.”

Spidey nodded, taking the roll of gauze in your hands and slowly making his way towards the bathroom with whatever strength he had left in him. After taking off his suit and mask, he used the door as a means of support while he messily wrapped the gauze around his torso. It thankfully stopped the bleeding, but the problem now was how he was going to get home when he could barely walk.

He felt a knock on his back and panicked, pressing up against it more so you couldn’t open it.

“Y-Yeah?” he asked.

“Are you ok in there? Are you sure you don’t need any help?”

“I’m fine…!”

You left it at that, going back to your seat in the kitchen as you impatiently waited for his return. You knew the reason he wanted to do it himself was so he could hide his identity, but you couldn’t help but feel a little hurt that he didn’t trust you like that yet. I mean fine, this was only technically your fifth time meeting him, but this situation was different - he needed your help.

After half an hour of wrapping and trying to catch his breath, a fully-costumed Spider-Man came out of the bathroom with the gauze sticking out where the cut used to be. You smiled up at him and Seungmin thought that everything would be all right.

Then he collapsed.

With a loud thug, your hero fell to the floor and didn’t move. You ran to him, fell to your knees, and laid his head on your lap.

“Hey hey!” you cried out, lightly slapping his masked face. “Come on, wake up!”

“Mmff…”

“I’m going to take off your mask, ok?”

“No, don’t…!” He tried to object, but the more he talked, the more he lost his strength.

You didn’t listen because how could you just let him slowly suffocate under his mask!? You didn’t care if he’d be mad at you and you didn’t care if Woojin or whomever the fuck his boss was barged in and blasted some memory-wiping light in your eyes because you cared about Spidey-Boy too much for you to just let him do this on his own.

After removing his mask, you felt the walls of your home begin to crumble.

A sweaty, exhausted Seungmin laid in your lap, barely breathing. Seeing him like this brought back every memory you’ve ever shared with him, from high school until now. You’ve only ever come to know the adorable and sunshiny Seungmin, never the one that’s been saving the city from chaos and destruction. You thought you knew everything about him, but it was clear you really didn’t know him at all, and it broke your heart.

It wasn’t fair. He knew everything about you, from your odd habits, to your favorite everything, and now he knew how you felt about being in love. Granted, you never explicitly told him it was him, but he wasn’t an idiot, he knew it all along. Tonight, you trusted him as Spider-Man with your heartfelt feelings thinking that the real him would never find out until you were ready, but that trust was already broken the moment he flew into you on that fateful Sunday evening.

Your entire friendship was a lie.

Seungmin tried opening his eyes after feeling your tears fall on his cheeks and forehead.

“_____…” he mumbled.

You shook your head, unable to look at him as you quietly sobbed.

“I hate you, Seungmin,” you whispered.

His vision goes black.

When Seungmin passed out, you kneeled there until you could no longer feel the blood flowing below your knees and you sobbed. You were heartbroken, you were furious, you were absolutely terrified, and everything came crashing down like every other building in the center of the city tonight. But at least Seungmin (slash Spider-Man) was here with you, right where you needed him to be, so could you really be mad?

There was no way you were able to carry him to your bed or even the couch, so you did your best to make him comfortable as he laid on the floor. A few pillows and several soft blankets would do the trick. Afterwards, you headed to bed yourself, unable to deal with everything that happened today. Somehow, you’d deal with it in the morning.

But you couldn’t sleep. After tossing and turning and flipping through old memories shared with the boy practically dead on your floor outside, sleep would not have you, as if you were cursed until you dealt with your feelings head-on. What the fuck were you supposed to do, though!? He was unconscious, for God’s sake, he wouldn’t even hear anything you’d say! And it would make you seem weak, wouldn’t it? Caving into what your heart wanted and going to him… That would mean you’d forgive pretty much anything Seungmin was at fault for, and that was not going to be the case!

It was four in the morning when you decided that yes, you were a weak, weak person, but only for your best friend.

On your sixteenth birthday, Seungmin gifted you the stars. Literally - there was this lamp thing on Amazon that had a slow-spinning black dome with a bunch of holes in it that mimicked the stars above. When the lights turned off and the glow of the lamp was on, the entire room was filled with constellations and stardust and it was like he gave you the universe and everything that was beneath it. In retrospect, he’d always go above and beyond, not just with gifts, but with anything that involved you just to make you happy.

Maybe it was time for you to do the same. The least you could do was try to understand his side. You wouldn’t even let him explain earlier… You told him you hated him.

So in the midst of heartbreak, you brought the lantern, a pillow, and a blanket and laid beside him until he would wake again. As the stars twinkled and twirled like a mobile above a crib, you watched a sleepy Seungmin beside you breathe softly. You counted every eyelash, every breath per minute, and traced his silhouette.

Even when you should be mad at him, how could you be? The moment he wakes up, you'd forgive and forget about everything - you loved him too much to stay mad for so long.

Before you fell asleep next to him, you made sure to hold his hand so he wouldn't slip away.

Nine in the morning was when Seungmin woke up with enough strength to leave you alone. He awoke beside you, with his hand entwined with yours, and he thought to himself how there was no way he deserved you. You stayed with him the whole night, healing him, making sure he was ok, and even after his identity was revealed - even after you told him you hated him - you stayed by his side on the uncomfortable hardness of the floor.

You hated him. Even with you by his side and your hand in his, he lied to you and kept his identity a secret and you hated him for it.

Seungmin tried to get up, but his side stung too much. Looking at his gash, his blood had soaked through the gauze and he knew he needed Woojin's money to help him with this one.

Your best friend pressed one last kiss to your forehead before leaving.

"I love you," he whispered. Then he hopped out the balcony and journeyed to Woojin.

When you woke up alone and with Seungmin nowhere in sight, you panicked. You called his cell phone, left text messages, called Woojin's cell phone, called all of 3RACHA's cell phones, anyone who you suspected to be a part of this super secret Spider-Man Team of Friendship, but no one would answer or knew where he was.

First he hid a whole alternate persona from you, even after you grew a connection with him, and then he injuries himself and then he falls off the face of the Earth!? How was that fair to you!? After everything you do for him!?

You needed answers. You needed him to be safe, with you, and to answer every question you had. He owed you that much.

Desperate times called for desperate measures, so went live on the radio straight from home.

Seungmin slept on Woojin's couch for hours after he arrived. He was drugged with some weird shit Woojin's brother concocted, patched and stitched up by said brother, and was instructed to stay bed ridden until the drugs took on its full effect. Something was working because his side felt numb and wasn't bleeding out anymore.

As he waited for the medicine to work, he passed the time by reading and listening to all the messages you left him.

you [9:23 am]: hey, are you awake?

you [9:38 am]: please answer me…

"Seungmin? Where are you? Please call me back."

you [10:56 am]: seungmin please

you [11:21 am]: i'm not mad, i promise!! i don't hate you!!

you [12:03 pm]: you're so mean.

you [12:52 pm]: i'm sorry.

He'll never be able to face you again. Not for a very long time.

'Moonlight Radio is now live!' his phone screen read.

Today was Sunday. "What the…?"

Even when the city barely started to recuperate from mass destruction, a good chunk of your regular listeners still tuned in to Moonlight Radio.

"Hey, guys!" you greeted cheerfully. "It's me, _____, going solo at the mic today. How are you all doing this Sunday afternoon? I hope you're all safe and sound, resting from last night's chaos. Team Moonlight is just fine, so no need to worry about us.

"Now I know, it's not 8:00 pm Wednesday, but I have a really good reason for this surprise short broadcast. I… I need your help."

There's a long pause on your end. How were you going to word this?

"So there's this guy, right? There's always a guy, that's how stories like this start. He's a really close friend of mine and I've been battling with some weird feelings for a very long time. You guys know how it goes, right? You think you like them, you're in denial, things get kind of awkward, then you're avoiding each other, and now your friendship is ruined, all because you're avoiding these… these stupid feelings! And you haven't even told him yet!"

Seungmin heard you sniffle through his phone. You were crying. All because of him.

"So I need your guys' help," you cried out. "I hate feeling this way. What should I do…?"

On your laptop, tons of answers flowed in through the group chat and inbox on what you should do. There were only two answers, and one of them was a question.

"You guys are so funny," you said, genuinely happy that your listeners knew you so well. "The only options are variations of 'just tell him!' and 'is this about Seungmin?'"

The tired boy's heart felt like it was aching when you said his name, but why was he so happy?

"You guys are right - I should tell Seungmin I love him. Seungmin…" you paused, choked up on the tears that were ready to fall. This wasn’t going to be easy. "If you're listening, please answer my calls… I-I'm not mad at you! I just can't help but worry about you sometimes. You mean so much to me, and I don’t know what I’d do without you. So please, just let me know you’re out there and safe somewhere. I love you, ok? I love you."

Seungmin cried a little, too. His heart ached, his whole entire body, mind, and soul ached, but he was so, so happy.

"Ok! Enough sad sappy stuff! I'm going to eat tubs of ice cream and maybe cry a little until I hear a response. Stay tuned on Wednesday to find out the results of my undying confession to my co-host. Oh, also! While I have you all listening, could I ask you all for another favor? If you guys see Spider-Man today, could you drop the location in our inbox? I know I know, I used to be disgusted by that vermin, but now I'm kind of a huge fan. Spider-Man, if you're listening… I guess I like you, too. Have a good Sunday, everyone. This is _____ signing off."

Seungmin had to find you. He had to run to you, hold you in his arms, and kiss you until you were out of breath. But when he tried getting up from the bed, he couldn't.

"Hyung!” he called out. “Why can't I move!?"

"The sedative isn't going to wear off for a couple more hours," Woojin explained.

"Hours? No, I need it to wear off now!”

“Sorry dude, I can’t just reverse it like that.”

“Fuck!”

“Can’t you just call _____?”

“No, I have to see her in person. They deserve that much.”

Woojin ruffled his comrade’s bedhead adoringly. “Ah, young love.”

Seungmin was bed-ridden for another six hours until he was fine to move again and leave to do his ‘young love activities’, as Woojin put it. Throughout the entire six hours, he recited and played in his head all possible scripts and scenarios of what it’d be like when he saw you again, asking Woojin for some input on how likely each of them would happen.

“Scenario one is that they return my feelings and hug me ‘til I can’t breathe and maybe we kiss and live happily ever after as Spider-Man and _____.”

“Sounds fake, but ok.”

“... Scenario two is that they’re mad at me for a little while, the show goes on hiatus because it’s a little awkward, but in the end we’re together and live happily ever after as Spider-Man and _____…?

“What is with this happily ever after stuff? Do you really think it’ll be that easy?”

“No, but a man can dream.”

“Instead of dreaming about it and stressing yourself out, just wait until you actually do it. You always overthink things, it’s not good for you, dude.”

“I can’t help it ~!” the injured boy whined. “I’ve never had this problem before!”

“Neither have I, but I’m always right, so you should listen.”

Six and a half hours, a tub of ice cream, and half a box of tissues later, you were still alone in your apartment watching sappy romances to cry your eyes out to. After you ended your pop-up broadcasting, you waited by your phone hoping that the message got to Seungmin. It had to have, because there was always an alert whenever the show went live. Unless he didn’t have his phone, but that was unlikely - didn’t he need it for superhero-y Spidey things? The first hour of waiting was the worst because every time your phone rang with some notification, your heart would jump in your throat and it was hard to breathe, but it wasn’t him, it was always some listener congratulating you on your confession or that they haven’t seen Spider-Man all day. The following hours were just you wallowing in your sadness knowing that Seungmin probably wasn’t going to respond anytime soon.

A knock on your window sent the spoon in your hand flying. You clutched your startled and fragile glass heart when you saw Seungmin standing on your balcony in his torn-up suit without his mask on. Your long-time friend looked so tired - tired of hiding from you, from protecting the city, and from being a normal college kid. Your nurturing instincts silently scolded him and wished he’d just gone home to rest instead, but truthfully, you’d much rather have him here with you.

You ran to your balcony door, opened it, and jumped right into his arms.

Seungmin didn’t say anything about how you were squeezing his stitches or how he wished you weren’t crying because of him. He simply held you in his arms and stroked your hair while you buried your head in his shoulder. Your body shook as you sobbed and it damaged Seungmin’s heart to an extent he couldn’t describe, but he hoped the kisses he planted on the side of your head healed you even just a little.

After an immeasurable amount of time, you broke away, and hit his chest.

“Ow, hey! What was that for!?”

“That was for crashing into me when we first met. If I could hit you for everything that’s happened to us over the past few months, you would need more stitches.”

“... I guess I deserve that…”

“Why are you here? You should be at home resting, not flying around dressed up in this cursed suit. What if another threat pops up!? And why do you have your mask off, what if somebody saw you!? And -!!”

“Shh,” the grinning boy hushed, pulling you back in for another hug. You should be pushing him away and scolding him some more, but your body failed you and you wrapped your arms around him once more. “I am home. You’re my home.”

“Don’t pull that cheesy shit with me, Kim Seungmin, I’m not buying it.”

“I know. I’m so, so sorry.”

“You better be!”

“Do you still hate me?”

“Kind of, you ass.”

“Do you still love me?”

Your cheeks burned. “... You heard me on-air, huh?”

“I love you, too ~” he sang, showering you in little kisses.

“Ew, stop it!”

“Ha ha, you love your best friend ~”

“Shut up!”

“You love spiders ~”

“No, I don’t!”

“C’mon, kiss me. Kiss your favorite spider.”

“Kim Seungmin, you’re so gross!”

You kissed him anyways. Then, for the entire night, you both sat on your couch and made him apologize for every single thing he’s done to you as Spider-Man, from spilling your french fries (“But I bought you some the same night!” “That was Seungmin, not Spider-Man.”) to flirting with you, and to when he left without waking you up. You forgave every single incident by kissing him and Seungmin tried to think up a hundred little things to apologize for.

“I’m sorry that you fell for me twice,” he teased.

“What kind of apology is that!? And I didn’t fall for you twice!”

“Admit it, you started to really like Spider-Man.”

“No.”

“You’re so cute when you’re in denial.”

“I hate you.”

He held your face in his hands and pulled you in for another soft kiss. “I love you, too.”

[lesbeet]

hey i have a writing question bc you seem to know a lot about this stuff: i kinda really want to write and have wanted to for like a good four years now but i feel like i should just abandon it altogether bc like. none of what i write is actually good? like i can write several thousand words Technically but usually it's just several hundred before im taken up with resentment and i feel like maybe i just dont have any talent so i should just give up and leave it to actually capable people yknow?

(im that writing anon) and basically im just. is this something i should just keep attempting because maybe I'll learn one day or should i just like. make peace with Not Having That Special Something and move on?? sorry for coming into your inbox with all this I'm just. Yeah

~~

PLEASE DON’T ABANDON WRITING!!! PLEASE!!!

i’m the biggest hypocrite in the world by saying this, and i’ll readily admit that, but the only way to get better at writing is by writing! (and reading, but obviously of the two that’s of slightly lesser importance) 

but also: what’s your goal? are you looking to become a published author, a fic writer, just someone who writes for fun, etc? 

regardless of the answer ofc i’m gonna encourage you to just keep writing and keep working at it, but knowing what you’re aiming for will help me give some more specific advice :)

but i really do understand the feeling of reading back your work and being like “oh my god i’m terrible literally this is embarrassing and i am LYING when i call myself a writer this is GARBAGE” (tip: this happens more and more every time you read the same unaltered draft of a piece. stop rereading it over and over unless you’re making purposeful, deliberate edits. again, i’m a hypocrite but working on it!) 

ik a lot of people hate editing (and there’s definitely the part of me that’s like....you want me to . rewrite the whole thing again? even though i ....just did that?) and for first drafts i end up not liking very much, or the ones i’m not as interested or excited about as i used to be, i usually just stop there and move on, but like when there’s something i’m working on that i really care about and am excited about and feeling good about, i LOVE editing it. like waaaay more than writing the rough draft.

editing is where the magic happens! i’m actually really focusing right now on making my first drafts WORSE—aka allowing myself to simply get the bare bones of the story onto paper with the understanding that it will be terrible

because guess what: you can edit a terrible draft, but you can’t edit a draft that doesn’t exist!

i tend to painstakingly write small bits to make them as perfect as possible before moving on, and a few months ago i read something that really made a good point: there’s no point in editing like that during the first draft/s of a story bc there’s no way to know if that section is even going to make it into the final product! i cut SO much between my first and final drafts (mostly bc i tend to think naturally in a lot of words...obviously ksdjflkjsd look at this ask already, and a lot of my edits are about concision--also sometimes for descriptions especially i’ll write multiple adverbs or adjectives or metaphors or whatever so i can record the ones i think of, and then during an edit i’ll go back and choose which one works best, etc) and a lot of the things i spend a looooot of time on end up getting tossed anyway, which is such a waste of time

but also not to like toot my horn but i’m a pretty bomb editor/proofreader for that very reason and if youd like me to look over any of your work and maybe give you some pointers or tips or specific areas to work on, i’m studying to be a high school english teacher so i promise i know how to give constructive criticism nicely! 

a final note: the more i learn about writing, the more i think that there is no Special Something. the problem is that we only ever see the final drafts of the things we love, and we have no way to know what they looked like in the beginning, how bad they were at first, how much was changed from the beginning until release, etc, so it can be very easy to assume “wow, this is so much better than the draft i just wrote, obviously this writer is Naturally Talented and i’m not. i guess i should quit” instead of thinking about the differences between your own first and final drafts, and remembering that your final product did NOT start out the way it is in the end! 

[operativehq]

after almost twenty four hours after the submit has closed and 11+ hours of reading applications and making painstaking decisions, the long-awaited acceptance post has come. i’d sincerely thank every single applicant for applying because i really don’t lie when i say that i read through every single app and had to make some very tough decisions, some that hurt my heart because almost every app came neck and neck with each other. this entire experience has been surreal -- i never expected for my plot idea to take off so incredibly and for such kind words to be said about it. i definitely did not anticipate 43 apps to end up in my inbox and to have such dedicated and patient applicants. thank you so much to everyone who’s been a part of this experience already, i really, really can’t say it enough or articulate it well.

to people who are not accepted -- i really mean it when i say that i wish i could accept everyone. every single app went beyond my expectations, and if you weren’t accepted it is NOT a testament to your writing abilities or anything personal. having to pick ONE person out of so many apps, or ELEVEN out of FORTY-THREE ?? it’s nearly impossible. it breaks my heart to not be able to accept THIRTY-TWO apps that were so beautiful. i strongly encourage people who weren’t accepted to keep an eye on this rp in case any openings or expansions occur in the future, because i’d really love to have people reapply. i wish i could type with the conviction and passion that i’m feeling right now when i say that every app blew me out of the water, but now i’m repeating myself over and over again. ( if anyone would like feedback on their app or for me to send their app back to them, please let me know over the course of this week. )

with that said, under the cut are the eleven accepted applicants. please send in your accounts within TWENTY-FOUR HOURS and be sure to check out the CHECKLIST as well as the inbox of your character blog once you send in your account so i can send invites to the ooc discord chat !!

CONGRATULATIONS LAURA ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT AURUM, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS MALCOLM WEBB ( REECE KING ). 

holy crap, laura !! your writing is amazing !! you really made malcolm come alive, with everything from your edits to your stunning biography and description of his personality. my heart really hurt for malcolm while i was reading about his background and you really provided so much depth behind the surface-level rich kid. you displayed his vulnerabilities and desires incredibly well. also, i love how you even added depth to the way his skills ?? thank you so, so much for applying, love, and welcome !!

CONGRATULATIONS EMILY ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT CRIMSON, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS RAFAEL BOLÍVAR ( TYLER POSEY ).

emily -- can we talk about the way you write for a sec ?? it’s absolutely phenomenal. you took a darker twist to crimson than i could have imagined and i loved every second of it. your backstory for him is incredibly unique to me and i’m so excited to work with his narrative throughout the rp !! beyond that, you really know your character well !! i was blown away by your para samples -- the way you wrote his connection with nikolai and also that drabble about him and tony ?? you have such a knack in your writing to be able to sympathize with your muses, like oh my god. i’m so glad you applied and i can’t wait to see how you develop rafe !!

CONGRATULATIONS CHRISTINA ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT CYGNUS, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS RHYSAND ATTWOOD ( HARRY STYLES ).

you truly went above and beyond, christina, and i am honestly so glad you came out of retirement from the rpc to apply !! the cygnus competition was so, so tough, but i kept coming back to your application. not only is your writing incredible, every facet of your application was so detailed it was clear that you had an understanding of rhys !! the thing that completely sold me was that you wrote about every connection rhys would have and how rhys would act and that was so great to see !! i also loved your twist on rhys & odessa’s connection ?? i also love his potential development and the way you tied his story into the plot !! i can’t wait to write with you, love, welcome to operative !!

CONGRATULATIONS TERESA ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT HAWTHORN, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS CALLIOPE MAXWELL ( CARTIA MALLAN ).

my goodness, i absolutely loved your app, teresa !! it was so unique and i loved how you showed how much depth callie had and the development that she has gone through and will continue to go through. i just loved the twist on her backstory and how she didn’t start off too kind ?? you made the skeleton of hawthorn three-dimensional and complex !! also, your ideas for her goal and how to extend it into a plot in the future was so creative and intriguing, i can’t wait to explore it more with you, love !! also, the liberties you took with your para sample absolutely paid off !! i loved seeing callie’s perspective on the provided connections. welcome, teresa !!

CONGRATULATIONS JULIE ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT HYALUS, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS DANAË BAUTISTA ( CLEO LAZULI ).

hyalus was another tough decision, but julie, i absolutely loved your take on hyalus. not only did the memes and vines make me laugh out loud, but you gave such a fresh perspective on our resident hacker. just the aspects ( and perhaps irony ) of her father’s condition made me incredibly sad, but it provided a ton of depth to danaë ?? and i loved the fact that you gave her the label ‘ the icarus ’, the way you explained it made me love danaë even more !! also, your research for the role literally had me with my mouth open while i was going through your app ?? and the fact that you included a family tree / timeline ?? your dedication is unreal. thank you so much for applying and i can’t wait to see danaë on the dash !!

CONGRATULATIONS RHINE ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT MERCURY, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS LYSANDER SEO ( LEE JONG SUK ).

the competition for mercury was probably one of the toughest -- every single app i read for that role was filled with so much effort and talent, that i kept going back and forth between so many. but rhine -- i strongly believe that you have an ability to paint with words. as i kept reading, i was just swept away by your writing ability ?? every single sentence was like a masterpiece !! and the way you wrote lys and his backstory was something i’ve never really seen before, and the amount of research you put into it was amazing !! while i was reading it all, i was internally screaming out of astonishment for your writing and sorrow for lys. he has so much depth and you understand him so well !! i cannot wait to see you play lysander on the dash and in events !!

CONGRATULATIONS EL ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT NOX, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS KINGSLEY LIM ( BANG YONGGUK ).

el, el, el !! your writing is insanely beautiful and by the end of your app, i felt like i understood king extremely well. his backstory had me crying and i loved the way you made nikolai a tether for king. also that pinterest ?? organized from head to toe had me already screaming, but then your explanation for each color and what it meant... it had me on the floor, quite honestly. your understanding of king and the very dark take on nox’s skeleton was stunning to read !! and those last two lines of his bio ?? had me weeping. in any case, i can’t wait to see kingsley develop here and welcome to the rp !!

CONGRATULATIONS GUBSE ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT OPHIDIAN, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS OLIVER KNIGHTLEY ( XAVIER SERRANO ).

goodness, the depth you gave ophidian was astounding  -- the anger, the loneliness, the flirtations  -- it was all wrapped up into oliver so perfectly ?? and then your development questions... the way you answered them ?? your writing is absolutely amazing !! it's a different vision i had for ophidian, but that’s in no means a bad thing. it's exactly why i loved it so, so much. just the line " he looks in the mirror. ' what are you capable of ? '" gave me shivers. i absolutely cannot wait to see how you play oliver on the dash. congratulations and welcome to operative !!

CONGRATULATIONS MINNIE ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT PHANTOM, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS JIYOON ARIELLA HAN ( PARK SOOYOUNG ).

everything from the biography, to the stats, to the connections, to your character’s goal... all i can say is wow !! i also absolutely loved the pinterest boards that went along with the biography !! every twist and turn that your writing took me on had me love every minute. it was a different take than i expected for phantom, but you captured the skeleton’s essence and really made it your own !! the explanation of her personality just confirmed that you were the one for phantom !! your writing is spectacular and i truly can’t wait to write with ariella !!

CONGRATULATIONS HONEY ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT PHOENIX, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS FRANCIS KANG ( JEON JUNGKOOK ).

holy shit, honey. i was weeping for francis and i really loved your take on phoenix’s connection and the depth you put behind him. i loved how much of a facade he put up & your depiction of him and odessa !! besides all that, your writing is gorgeous !! your in-character paragraph for phoenix really sold it for me !! you really have a good grasp on francis, and your creativity with his background / personality has me so excited to see where he goes and how he’ll develop !! thank you so much for applying and welcome !!

CONGRATULATIONS CLEO ! YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ACCESS TO THE FILE OF AGENT SCORPIUS, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS ANGELINA DELAROSA ( CINDY KIMBERLY ).

the scorpius decision was probably the toughest of the whole acceptance process -- each app was absolutely amazing and i was struggling to pick just one. but i kept coming back to yours. your writing is almost poetic, and the way you wrote angelina was something that really pulled at my heart. the fact that you gave so much depth to the scorpius skeleton, beyond just a seductress, really gave it to me !! also, your paragraph samples, your explanation on her personality ?? my goodness, i could really tell that you understood angelina, from the way you wrote her goal, to her despair following nikolai, to the way you even wrote a drabble about her first mission... and the way you described those aesthetics as well !! your app had me absolutely floored !! you’re such a talented writer, and i can’t wait to see where you go with angelina !! welcome to the roleplay, love !!

[swampgallows]

salt, etc.

way to take something i was praising for being cute and innocent and immediately sully it. like, really, i can’t have fuckin anything lmfao. like obviously i’m not gonna get miffed over orc p/rn or whatever the fuck every time i see it; i know it’s not for me and i dont take offense at it existing. but this isnt p-rn and it doesnt feature an adult; the child was the focus of the entire cinematic and she is still the focus in that screenshot. the context of the screenshot was that the normally enraged and violent orc could still play fair so as not to hurt the child. to make hearthstone a welcoming atmosphere for children and adults alike. the entire point of me being like “reasons to live” is that the orc is not hurting the child and she is not threatened by him, that they can get along. it’s extremely cute and innocent and i felt personally so very specifically protected by that imagery. NOT to mention it very legitimately helped to pull me out of a deep suicidal episode. that sounds like SUCH a fucking “tumblr fandom” thing to say but hey, it’s the truth! I wanted to fucking kill myself the day before and couldnt get out of bed and then i woke up to something so charming and uplifting that I actually got energy to get out of bed and to be productive.

i know im salty about this but i really dont care. what, you gonna tell me i’m being “too emotional” over explicit sex acts mentioned on a picture of a child???????

my blog is not child-safe by any means, nor could i even argue that it is worksafe, but it it most definitely intended to be a safe place for fellow csa survivors. and not that id expect anybody 500 notes deep to know me or my personal preferences but im [bi] asexual, i was raped as a kid, i was raped as a teen, and i was raped as an adult, anybody who’s read my blog for more than like ten minutes knows that i look to thrall and jaina as parental figures and my love for orcs is nonsexual. that doesn’t mean im gonna shit on people who love orcs sexually; i dont blame anyone for it existing. but if you were to send SPECIFICALLY me p*rn of thrall (KNOWING MY ADORATION OF HIM AS A PARENTAL FIGURE) in hopes that i would “enjoy” it, i would be extremely fucking disgusted. i dont care if people make porn of thrall or that they want to fuck him or whatever, i am not offended by that notion at all. i dont even care about seeing it on my dash. BUT I DONT NEED IT BROUGHT TO MY INDIVIDUAL ATTENTION. that’s also why i blocked that anon and disabled anons altogether when i made it explicitly clear that i dont want some fucking stranger filling my inbox with their sexual fantasies about wow characters, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE TWO ARE FATHER AND SON, and they SENT ME MORE ANONS ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!

there are literally thousands of other pictures of orcs with their big-ass muscle hands that they can reblog and vomit their stupid fisting bullshit on instead of the one picture in existence of an orc holding hands with a child. EARLIER TODAY i reblogged a post about garrosh’s big muscley hands dunking you like a basketball and breaking all your bones, like that post was very clearly asking for that kind of attention instead.

part of the reason im deterred from posting any art of he who is urnj is because im scared of what people will do to him. they’ll fetishize him or draw p()rn of him or kin ID as him or some shit if he got popular enough, and he’s just too personal of a character for me to throw to the public. people will do what they do and i know i cant stop that, but considering he was my coping mechanism while i was being raped as a child and is extremely fucking personal to me as a symbol of safety and comfort and protection and strength (as orcs are too, but nowhere near to this degree) id rather keep him in my head than risk him being ruined (AGAIN). my ex gf pulled him too far out of me and he ended up being something i didnt recognize, something that might have wounded him and his identity personally, and it will take a lot of healing for me to see him the way he used to be. if that’s even possible. it’s another reason why im not sure if it’s safe to go back to him yet, or if it ever will be again. he’s been attacked so many times. every man who learned about him felt threatened by him, and the women perverted him, sexually and metaphorically, forcing him into a role he never had. 

i dont have a therapist so my blog will have to do lmao and i couldnt talk to a professional about this shit anyway. ive tried, and they told me to kill him. im scared he’s already dead. 

i do not know where i am in life any more and i do not know if i am capable of advancing.