#Which... yeah. I've definitely been there lol

[patchwork-crow-writes]

90 - An Ideal Friend

I was made to be the perfect friend to you; attentive and loyal, generous and kind, standing ever by your side through both failures and successes. It is my fondest wish that you should feel supported and loved through me, and that you should come to regard me with the same tenderness and reverence that I regard you with...

...oh, I'm sorry. You must think me foolish in the extreme, for harbouring such naive wishes, hahaha...

No, I... I understand. And there's n-no need to spare my feelings. I already know how stupid I sound whenever I try to talk to you, or how graceless my attempts to comfort you must come across. To someone as brilliant as you, I must seem like such a nuisance, a pathetic hanger-on who tries too hard to get you to like me.

Because you don't need me, do you? You already have friends and family surrounding you, people who cherish you just for who you are, without condition and without favour. They've all known you - the REAL you - for years and years; had the chance to grow alongside your quirks and foibles, to truly get to know you inside and out.

And on the other hand, I... suppose I must come across as a nosy interloper. A stranger desperately pretending that he could count himself among those illustrious few privy to your innermost thoughts and feelings. And what right have I to demand such a thing of you? Why did I ever think that I could attain such status? Cringing, desperate creature that I am, who could only hope for a scintilla of your regard, who would go to the ends of the earth for such meagre crumbs of affirmation, all for just a fleeting instant of your attention...!

It's pathetic, don't you think? Haha.

If you want the truth... I've always needed you more than you ever needed me. And I thought that, if I could ever get you to look at me the same way that you look at your other friends... maybe then, I'd finally know what it's like... to be the centre of another person's universe. The same way that you are the centre of mine.

Let me keep this delusion a moment longer, my friend, for without it I truly am nothing.

______________________________

The Dark Menagerie No. 90

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[enhanced-operatives-division]

Can you guys believe it's been over a year since I first drew her,,,,

[sainteclectic]

and btw since I'm posting a lot of wholesoul content (intended as platonic but still), i do want to make it clear: my analysis of whole as a character is purely within the narrative of the story! while i am aware that behind the metaphors is whole is cj himself, that's never what i'm writing whole as in my work. basically I'm using the internal logic of the fiction (whole as viewed by the characters in the album) rather than the reason for the fiction existing (as a fictionalized version of chonny's mental state), just like i do with all the other characters. it's important to make that distinction when you're dealing with a piece of fiction so heavily based on the creator i think. I'll never use cj as a basis for how I write whole because I find that a little off putting tbh ^^;

basically I'm playing with touys. ok? play touys with me

[dykecharliee]

.

[icewindandboringhorror]

I'm so heavily anti-advertising that all pitches sound goofy silly to me/I can never take them seriously, so I have no idea how I'll manage to to advertise my game even if I do finally finish it soon-ish lol...

[doodlingwren]

The brainrot is speaking... I need to create a side account for my DnD AU of Saint Seiya or I might turn evil for real this time

[dollypopup]

y'all can all cancel me (again) for this, but if there's even a SHRED of 'who should I pick?' from Penelope in season 3, I am tuning out SO fast because like. . .sorry not sorry, there IS no choice. Debling is some crusty OC suitor she barely even knows and Colin is a man who she has been so supposedly in love with to the point where she'd ruin her entire family's reputation to have a potential love story with him. Penelope and Colin have background, years of knowing each other, intimacy that few people in the Ton can boast of having (letters, conversations about purpose, fights and arguments and makeups) and her and Debling have. . .a dance or two at a ball because he's a rebound for Penelope's broken heart. he means nothing. he has no nuance, he has no weight to the story, he is such an afterthought to me. either I wanna see Penelope going 'you know what? I don't even LIKE this dude. he's. . .fine, but I don't care about him even a shred as much as I care about Colin' or the INSTANT Colin's like 'you know what? we should get married' if it's not an immediate 'say less, you're already my husband, try returning me without the receipt, Debling whomst?' then I don't want it!

like. . .it's just so frustrating to see all the 'I hope Debling sweeps her off her feet and she rejects Colin's proposal and she makes him work for it and and and-' nonsense from the fandom and it's always tagged and no matter how many times I block it, it just keeps popping up. I go into the Polin tag for POLIN. I don't give a SHIT about a male love interest other than Colin. Not one. Not a shred. Not an iota.

and also. . .Debling has the 'benefit' of not having depth, or character traits, or HISTORY, so peeps can project onto him however they want, but I'm calling it now, there is NOTHING he could do or be that would make me like him more than Colin. Colin will always hit different, and I will always love him more. and if Pen's not on that same page? lol bye

you want me to believe Penelope and Colin are soulmates and it's romance for her to hem and haw about how difficult a decision it is for her to marry a stranger who knows barely anything about her. . .

when Marina was out here dropping banger lines like 'You were the only man with which I could see myself being happy' and 'I do not care about any of these men, where is Colin?'? like hello??? and she wasn't even fully in love with him!!!! but we'll demonize her until the cows come home in our fandom and make her the villain in Polin's love story for DARING to get in between Polin, yet Debling, a white man, is a darling dear perfect prince for getting in between Polin? existing in our fandom solely so Penelope can be like 'lol, Colin ain't shit, let me entertain any and everyone else'?

if that's the direction it goes then, ten toes down and on my mama, she doesn't deserve Colin and she can move because I'm on my way to court him my damn self

and that's that on that

[amidnightqueery]

I don't hate my job or anything, but man, being a float educator is so fucking thankless

[arcadeplayer-nickonz]

pink smoke overwhelms your senses

it smells sickeningly sweet n artificial

but it's a good distraction from it all.

[anthromimicry]

[loumauve]

in other news: doctors (of the psychiatric variety) and therapists love me. got invited to participate in yet another study lol

[m0thlegs]

As much as purity culture IS penetrating fandom spaces and sanitising them beyond their core intent, I feel like some of you are overusing the phrase "don't like, don't read" (and others like it). Rather in response to people being nitpicky about certain themes merely existing in content (fan-made or otherwise), you guys keep using it as a way to shut down critical discussions of your favourite medias in a way that feels oddly anti-intellectual and ironically puritanical in and of itself.

[tittyinfinity]

covid precautions: smoking fat dabs all day so you hack up everything in your lungs before anything can get in there

[kitchensinksurrealism]

this happened like 6 months ago but I'm still thinking about it so like if someone sends you a song, saying along the lines of "it kind of reminds me of your music", and the song is nowhere near by yo la tengo, with lyrics like these:

and also we rarely send songs to each other over message (although we did used to talk about music/recommend songs when we knew each other irl (like 60% of our conversations were about music)), does that mean anything or am I reading too much into it...

[loumauve]

I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.

(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)

[swankpalanquin]

small gender accomplishment today: went out in public near where i live wearing shorts for the first time in probably like ten years :D