#Wont give their opinions any value or their efforts or talk to them nicely etc etc

[theparadoxart]

fucked up parents and their fucked up parenting

[adambstingus]

10 Fun, Cheap Date Nights You Can Have At Home (That Aren’t Netflix)

How often have I babbled on about the importance of keeping the romance alive in your relationship? Im not trying to be annoying or repetitive, but it is important! I am a firm believer that religiously practicing date night on a regular basis is crucial to relationship health. Let me be mores specific. Im not talking about a double or triple date where the conversation is flying six different ways. I do love those group dates with my favorite couples, but I am talking about the importance of one-on-one dates with your boo. Setting aside quality time to spend with your hubby with no distractions is like an apple a day for your relationship.

To keep these date nights interesting, youll want to mix it up and try new things. Obviously, date night has the potential of becoming a very expensive activity. Try hitting up Groupon and Living Social for not only cheap dates, but dates you would have never thought of yourself, like flying trapeze classes or a painting class at a local bar. But for those of us that arent rolling in the dough, these internet deals can still be a splurge. Dont worry, I am here to tell you that you can still have a date night every two weeks (or once a month, whichever you fancy) at home and on a budget. Here are some creative ways to make your date night romantic, entertaining, and low cost.

1. Living Room Camping

This is one has sentimental value to me. When my fianc and I first started dating I was going through a rough time in generally and the bad days at work didnt help. When Id had a particularly crappy day, I would come home to find a good old fashioned fort in the living room. The outside was made with sheets and furniture; inside he made a comfortable cushioned floor using pillows and comforters. We would take refuge inside the fort and forget about all of our problems. Dont knock it until you try it! Use your fireplace or some candles as a mock campfire, roast some marshmallows and tell ghost stories. How does that not sound like a good time?

2. Outdoor Dining

If youve got a nice or even just a clean backyard, use it! Set up a small table for two outside complete with candles and a bottle of wine. Put on some nice background music and have a good old fashioned backyard dinner. Its very romantic. Unlike eating on patio of a restaurant with twenty other couples sharing your moment, this makes for a very private and intimate setting. Think your backyard or patio doesnt have the ambiance needed for outdoor dining? An easy fix is to hang cheap outdoor lights. Its amazing how one detail can work wonders on setting the mood.

3. Boudoir Photo Shoot

Okay, so if you are a little more on the reserved side (cough, prude, cough), this one may not be your cup of tea, but hear me out before you rule it out completely. Date night is supposed to be all out coming together with your significant other and getting intimate. I think this is pretty intimate, not to mention fun for all parties involved. Start by choosing a designated back drop like a free wall, a hanging sheet, the bed, etc. Pick a few different pieces of lingerie to change into. Give your guy a camera (prob best if its not a camera phone, dont want these pictures accidentally getting posted on Facebook or Instagram), and let him take control of the photo shoot. Youre the model, he is the director. Enjoy (insert winky face here).

4. Wine Tasting

If you and your guy are wine-os, youll love this one. Use your kitchen table, bar, or coffee table. Set out a few different bottles of wine and glasses. Make sure to set out some food that pairs well with what youll be drinking, think cheeses, veggies, bread, etc. No food equals getting drunk way too fast, passing out early, and a nasty hangover. That being said, take your time as you would if you were in Napa on a rustic vineyard. Swirl, sniff, sip, and then discuss your opinions on flavor and stuff. Obviously I am not well educated on wine specifics, but you dont have to be to enjoy this. Its just you and your boo, no wine snobs to make you feel dumb. If you are a wine snob, great! Youll have fun with this one too and there wont be any amateurs to slow down your night. Remember to light some candles and put on background music!

5. Game Night

Game night can go one of three ways and Ill leave it up to you to try one or all three. The first is nostalgia game night. Choose your favorite childhood board games (mine are Candy Land and Operation) and laugh at the memories over a bottle of wine or your favorite beer. The second is adult game night. This includes a more grown up version with games like Cards Against Humanity. The third is x-rated game night. Go to your local sex shop or search online for an intimate adult game. There are tons to choose from involving blind folds, melted chocolate, and roll of the body part dice. Whether you choose PG, x-rated, or all three, game night with your handsome babe is sure to be loads of fun.

6. Project/Craft Night

With all of the hours we spend pinning cool crafts on Pinterest, this option seems very appealing. But please, for the love of god, do not make your significant other do something he will hate like knitting or scrap-booking. Choose a house project youve been meaning to get around to or a fun project you can both be involved in. Make sure this is an activity that interests BOTH of you, not just you and not just him. Youll also make sure this is something that is more fun than it is hard work, remember you are doing this as a date. Order a pizza or take out and of course you can add alcohol to the mix if you fancy. Put on your favorite Pandora station and get to work. My man and I did this as a date night with a painting I had seen on Pinterest. It was a hand painting in which each family members hand was in a different color and the prints were all over the canvas, overlapping each other. It looked really cool, so we tried it and of course included the dogs. It was interesting night to say the least, dogs and paint can get messy. No matter, now we have a somewhat decent piece of handmade art to hang in our home.

7. Karaoke

Yes, Blake and I have done this and it was so much fun! We didnt plan on it, it just happened. We started one night with tacos and margaritas, an hour later we were taking turns on the Play Station 3 mic and singing our little hearts out. A bit of heads up, this may not be the greatest idea if you have close proximity neighbors who dont like crappy singing and loud music. If you can, do this! Such a great way to let loose with the one you love. Not into singing? No problem, make it a dance party instead. Im not a video game person, not in the slightest, but karaoke and dancing games are perfect for this. We have Sing Star and Just Dance for Play Station. If you dont have these games but want to try them, check your local rental store or RedBox. You wont regret this one!

8. Spa Session

I know what youre thinking, my manly man wont even get in a bubble bath. First of all, that sucks for him. Second of all, he will end up truly enjoying this one if he approaches it with an open mind. Okay ladies, dont torture your men! No tweezing, waxing, or anything else that is painful and/or will change his appearance. Thats how youll send him running and screaming out of the bathroom. Instead, make this a relaxation effort, not a make over. Run a warm bubble bath with salts and scented oils. While youre waiting for the tub to fill, start with a face mask. I like the warming ones, they immediately send my mind into relaxation mode. Help your beau apply and rinse off his mask. Slip into the tub together and just relax and talk. For added romance, carefully place a few candles safely around the tub and bring a glass of wine for each of you. Just dont get so relaxed that you fall asleep, because after the tub youll want to move it into the bedroom and take turns giving each other back massages. Stop by a body shop like Bath & Body Works for some aromatherapy massage oil. Best spa session ever.

9. Cooking Class

I know I said in home and I meant it. When I say cooking class I dont mean attending an actual cooking class, I mean doing your own cooking class with just the two of you. Find a recipe from a cooking magazine, book, or show that sounds delish to both of you but neither have any experience with cooking such a dish. You will work together, sharing the tasks at hand. And I mean for you to cook an actual gourmet meal, not Mac & Cheese from a box, no matter how much you crave it sometimes. This is your date night activity, so have some fun with it. Put on your aprons and help each other chop, season, and stir the ingredients. When youve completed your edible masterpiece, its time to dig in. Sit down to a table set for two and cheers each other to your cooking accomplishment.

10. Star Gazing

Its back outside for this date night. Sometimes all you need is star-filled night sky to add that little extra bit of romance. If you have a cozy backyard (and ideally a fire pit to keep you warm), take a thermos filled with hot cocoa or spiked cider, a blanket, and your loved one to do some star gazing. Do some research before hand and make a game of trying to spot certain constellations. If you have a stable flat roof, set up some lawn chairs and enjoy the view from up there. Be careful getting on and off your roof! No back yard or accessible roof? Take a stroll down to your local park. Odds are, it will be deserted after dark and the jungle gym style toys make for great seats.

No matter what you choose to do on your date nights, make sure you are focused on each other. Make it about you two and nothing else. Hopefully Ive inspired you to try something new with your partner in crime. Maybe one of these unique date nights will start a spark and youll be truly glad you branched out. If nothing else, simply relish in the company of your loved one.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/27/10-fun-cheap-date-nights-you-can-have-at-home-that-arent-netflix/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/163476190967

[samanthasroberts]

10 Fun, Cheap Date Nights You Can Have At Home (That Aren’t Netflix)

How often have I babbled on about the importance of keeping the romance alive in your relationship? Im not trying to be annoying or repetitive, but it is important! I am a firm believer that religiously practicing date night on a regular basis is crucial to relationship health. Let me be mores specific. Im not talking about a double or triple date where the conversation is flying six different ways. I do love those group dates with my favorite couples, but I am talking about the importance of one-on-one dates with your boo. Setting aside quality time to spend with your hubby with no distractions is like an apple a day for your relationship.

To keep these date nights interesting, youll want to mix it up and try new things. Obviously, date night has the potential of becoming a very expensive activity. Try hitting up Groupon and Living Social for not only cheap dates, but dates you would have never thought of yourself, like flying trapeze classes or a painting class at a local bar. But for those of us that arent rolling in the dough, these internet deals can still be a splurge. Dont worry, I am here to tell you that you can still have a date night every two weeks (or once a month, whichever you fancy) at home and on a budget. Here are some creative ways to make your date night romantic, entertaining, and low cost.

1. Living Room Camping

This is one has sentimental value to me. When my fianc and I first started dating I was going through a rough time in generally and the bad days at work didnt help. When Id had a particularly crappy day, I would come home to find a good old fashioned fort in the living room. The outside was made with sheets and furniture; inside he made a comfortable cushioned floor using pillows and comforters. We would take refuge inside the fort and forget about all of our problems. Dont knock it until you try it! Use your fireplace or some candles as a mock campfire, roast some marshmallows and tell ghost stories. How does that not sound like a good time?

2. Outdoor Dining

If youve got a nice or even just a clean backyard, use it! Set up a small table for two outside complete with candles and a bottle of wine. Put on some nice background music and have a good old fashioned backyard dinner. Its very romantic. Unlike eating on patio of a restaurant with twenty other couples sharing your moment, this makes for a very private and intimate setting. Think your backyard or patio doesnt have the ambiance needed for outdoor dining? An easy fix is to hang cheap outdoor lights. Its amazing how one detail can work wonders on setting the mood.

3. Boudoir Photo Shoot

Okay, so if you are a little more on the reserved side (cough, prude, cough), this one may not be your cup of tea, but hear me out before you rule it out completely. Date night is supposed to be all out coming together with your significant other and getting intimate. I think this is pretty intimate, not to mention fun for all parties involved. Start by choosing a designated back drop like a free wall, a hanging sheet, the bed, etc. Pick a few different pieces of lingerie to change into. Give your guy a camera (prob best if its not a camera phone, dont want these pictures accidentally getting posted on Facebook or Instagram), and let him take control of the photo shoot. Youre the model, he is the director. Enjoy (insert winky face here).

4. Wine Tasting

If you and your guy are wine-os, youll love this one. Use your kitchen table, bar, or coffee table. Set out a few different bottles of wine and glasses. Make sure to set out some food that pairs well with what youll be drinking, think cheeses, veggies, bread, etc. No food equals getting drunk way too fast, passing out early, and a nasty hangover. That being said, take your time as you would if you were in Napa on a rustic vineyard. Swirl, sniff, sip, and then discuss your opinions on flavor and stuff. Obviously I am not well educated on wine specifics, but you dont have to be to enjoy this. Its just you and your boo, no wine snobs to make you feel dumb. If you are a wine snob, great! Youll have fun with this one too and there wont be any amateurs to slow down your night. Remember to light some candles and put on background music!

5. Game Night

Game night can go one of three ways and Ill leave it up to you to try one or all three. The first is nostalgia game night. Choose your favorite childhood board games (mine are Candy Land and Operation) and laugh at the memories over a bottle of wine or your favorite beer. The second is adult game night. This includes a more grown up version with games like Cards Against Humanity. The third is x-rated game night. Go to your local sex shop or search online for an intimate adult game. There are tons to choose from involving blind folds, melted chocolate, and roll of the body part dice. Whether you choose PG, x-rated, or all three, game night with your handsome babe is sure to be loads of fun.

6. Project/Craft Night

With all of the hours we spend pinning cool crafts on Pinterest, this option seems very appealing. But please, for the love of god, do not make your significant other do something he will hate like knitting or scrap-booking. Choose a house project youve been meaning to get around to or a fun project you can both be involved in. Make sure this is an activity that interests BOTH of you, not just you and not just him. Youll also make sure this is something that is more fun than it is hard work, remember you are doing this as a date. Order a pizza or take out and of course you can add alcohol to the mix if you fancy. Put on your favorite Pandora station and get to work. My man and I did this as a date night with a painting I had seen on Pinterest. It was a hand painting in which each family members hand was in a different color and the prints were all over the canvas, overlapping each other. It looked really cool, so we tried it and of course included the dogs. It was interesting night to say the least, dogs and paint can get messy. No matter, now we have a somewhat decent piece of handmade art to hang in our home.

7. Karaoke

Yes, Blake and I have done this and it was so much fun! We didnt plan on it, it just happened. We started one night with tacos and margaritas, an hour later we were taking turns on the Play Station 3 mic and singing our little hearts out. A bit of heads up, this may not be the greatest idea if you have close proximity neighbors who dont like crappy singing and loud music. If you can, do this! Such a great way to let loose with the one you love. Not into singing? No problem, make it a dance party instead. Im not a video game person, not in the slightest, but karaoke and dancing games are perfect for this. We have Sing Star and Just Dance for Play Station. If you dont have these games but want to try them, check your local rental store or RedBox. You wont regret this one!

8. Spa Session

I know what youre thinking, my manly man wont even get in a bubble bath. First of all, that sucks for him. Second of all, he will end up truly enjoying this one if he approaches it with an open mind. Okay ladies, dont torture your men! No tweezing, waxing, or anything else that is painful and/or will change his appearance. Thats how youll send him running and screaming out of the bathroom. Instead, make this a relaxation effort, not a make over. Run a warm bubble bath with salts and scented oils. While youre waiting for the tub to fill, start with a face mask. I like the warming ones, they immediately send my mind into relaxation mode. Help your beau apply and rinse off his mask. Slip into the tub together and just relax and talk. For added romance, carefully place a few candles safely around the tub and bring a glass of wine for each of you. Just dont get so relaxed that you fall asleep, because after the tub youll want to move it into the bedroom and take turns giving each other back massages. Stop by a body shop like Bath & Body Works for some aromatherapy massage oil. Best spa session ever.

9. Cooking Class

I know I said in home and I meant it. When I say cooking class I dont mean attending an actual cooking class, I mean doing your own cooking class with just the two of you. Find a recipe from a cooking magazine, book, or show that sounds delish to both of you but neither have any experience with cooking such a dish. You will work together, sharing the tasks at hand. And I mean for you to cook an actual gourmet meal, not Mac & Cheese from a box, no matter how much you crave it sometimes. This is your date night activity, so have some fun with it. Put on your aprons and help each other chop, season, and stir the ingredients. When youve completed your edible masterpiece, its time to dig in. Sit down to a table set for two and cheers each other to your cooking accomplishment.

10. Star Gazing

Its back outside for this date night. Sometimes all you need is star-filled night sky to add that little extra bit of romance. If you have a cozy backyard (and ideally a fire pit to keep you warm), take a thermos filled with hot cocoa or spiked cider, a blanket, and your loved one to do some star gazing. Do some research before hand and make a game of trying to spot certain constellations. If you have a stable flat roof, set up some lawn chairs and enjoy the view from up there. Be careful getting on and off your roof! No back yard or accessible roof? Take a stroll down to your local park. Odds are, it will be deserted after dark and the jungle gym style toys make for great seats.

No matter what you choose to do on your date nights, make sure you are focused on each other. Make it about you two and nothing else. Hopefully Ive inspired you to try something new with your partner in crime. Maybe one of these unique date nights will start a spark and youll be truly glad you branched out. If nothing else, simply relish in the company of your loved one.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/27/10-fun-cheap-date-nights-you-can-have-at-home-that-arent-netflix/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/07/27/10-fun-cheap-date-nights-you-can-have-at-home-that-arent-netflix/

[allofbeercom]

10 Fun, Cheap Date Nights You Can Have At Home (That Aren’t Netflix)

How often have I babbled on about the importance of keeping the romance alive in your relationship? Im not trying to be annoying or repetitive, but it is important! I am a firm believer that religiously practicing date night on a regular basis is crucial to relationship health. Let me be mores specific. Im not talking about a double or triple date where the conversation is flying six different ways. I do love those group dates with my favorite couples, but I am talking about the importance of one-on-one dates with your boo. Setting aside quality time to spend with your hubby with no distractions is like an apple a day for your relationship.

To keep these date nights interesting, youll want to mix it up and try new things. Obviously, date night has the potential of becoming a very expensive activity. Try hitting up Groupon and Living Social for not only cheap dates, but dates you would have never thought of yourself, like flying trapeze classes or a painting class at a local bar. But for those of us that arent rolling in the dough, these internet deals can still be a splurge. Dont worry, I am here to tell you that you can still have a date night every two weeks (or once a month, whichever you fancy) at home and on a budget. Here are some creative ways to make your date night romantic, entertaining, and low cost.

1. Living Room Camping

This is one has sentimental value to me. When my fianc and I first started dating I was going through a rough time in generally and the bad days at work didnt help. When Id had a particularly crappy day, I would come home to find a good old fashioned fort in the living room. The outside was made with sheets and furniture; inside he made a comfortable cushioned floor using pillows and comforters. We would take refuge inside the fort and forget about all of our problems. Dont knock it until you try it! Use your fireplace or some candles as a mock campfire, roast some marshmallows and tell ghost stories. How does that not sound like a good time?

2. Outdoor Dining

If youve got a nice or even just a clean backyard, use it! Set up a small table for two outside complete with candles and a bottle of wine. Put on some nice background music and have a good old fashioned backyard dinner. Its very romantic. Unlike eating on patio of a restaurant with twenty other couples sharing your moment, this makes for a very private and intimate setting. Think your backyard or patio doesnt have the ambiance needed for outdoor dining? An easy fix is to hang cheap outdoor lights. Its amazing how one detail can work wonders on setting the mood.

3. Boudoir Photo Shoot

Okay, so if you are a little more on the reserved side (cough, prude, cough), this one may not be your cup of tea, but hear me out before you rule it out completely. Date night is supposed to be all out coming together with your significant other and getting intimate. I think this is pretty intimate, not to mention fun for all parties involved. Start by choosing a designated back drop like a free wall, a hanging sheet, the bed, etc. Pick a few different pieces of lingerie to change into. Give your guy a camera (prob best if its not a camera phone, dont want these pictures accidentally getting posted on Facebook or Instagram), and let him take control of the photo shoot. Youre the model, he is the director. Enjoy (insert winky face here).

4. Wine Tasting

If you and your guy are wine-os, youll love this one. Use your kitchen table, bar, or coffee table. Set out a few different bottles of wine and glasses. Make sure to set out some food that pairs well with what youll be drinking, think cheeses, veggies, bread, etc. No food equals getting drunk way too fast, passing out early, and a nasty hangover. That being said, take your time as you would if you were in Napa on a rustic vineyard. Swirl, sniff, sip, and then discuss your opinions on flavor and stuff. Obviously I am not well educated on wine specifics, but you dont have to be to enjoy this. Its just you and your boo, no wine snobs to make you feel dumb. If you are a wine snob, great! Youll have fun with this one too and there wont be any amateurs to slow down your night. Remember to light some candles and put on background music!

5. Game Night

Game night can go one of three ways and Ill leave it up to you to try one or all three. The first is nostalgia game night. Choose your favorite childhood board games (mine are Candy Land and Operation) and laugh at the memories over a bottle of wine or your favorite beer. The second is adult game night. This includes a more grown up version with games like Cards Against Humanity. The third is x-rated game night. Go to your local sex shop or search online for an intimate adult game. There are tons to choose from involving blind folds, melted chocolate, and roll of the body part dice. Whether you choose PG, x-rated, or all three, game night with your handsome babe is sure to be loads of fun.

6. Project/Craft Night

With all of the hours we spend pinning cool crafts on Pinterest, this option seems very appealing. But please, for the love of god, do not make your significant other do something he will hate like knitting or scrap-booking. Choose a house project youve been meaning to get around to or a fun project you can both be involved in. Make sure this is an activity that interests BOTH of you, not just you and not just him. Youll also make sure this is something that is more fun than it is hard work, remember you are doing this as a date. Order a pizza or take out and of course you can add alcohol to the mix if you fancy. Put on your favorite Pandora station and get to work. My man and I did this as a date night with a painting I had seen on Pinterest. It was a hand painting in which each family members hand was in a different color and the prints were all over the canvas, overlapping each other. It looked really cool, so we tried it and of course included the dogs. It was interesting night to say the least, dogs and paint can get messy. No matter, now we have a somewhat decent piece of handmade art to hang in our home.

7. Karaoke

Yes, Blake and I have done this and it was so much fun! We didnt plan on it, it just happened. We started one night with tacos and margaritas, an hour later we were taking turns on the Play Station 3 mic and singing our little hearts out. A bit of heads up, this may not be the greatest idea if you have close proximity neighbors who dont like crappy singing and loud music. If you can, do this! Such a great way to let loose with the one you love. Not into singing? No problem, make it a dance party instead. Im not a video game person, not in the slightest, but karaoke and dancing games are perfect for this. We have Sing Star and Just Dance for Play Station. If you dont have these games but want to try them, check your local rental store or RedBox. You wont regret this one!

8. Spa Session

I know what youre thinking, my manly man wont even get in a bubble bath. First of all, that sucks for him. Second of all, he will end up truly enjoying this one if he approaches it with an open mind. Okay ladies, dont torture your men! No tweezing, waxing, or anything else that is painful and/or will change his appearance. Thats how youll send him running and screaming out of the bathroom. Instead, make this a relaxation effort, not a make over. Run a warm bubble bath with salts and scented oils. While youre waiting for the tub to fill, start with a face mask. I like the warming ones, they immediately send my mind into relaxation mode. Help your beau apply and rinse off his mask. Slip into the tub together and just relax and talk. For added romance, carefully place a few candles safely around the tub and bring a glass of wine for each of you. Just dont get so relaxed that you fall asleep, because after the tub youll want to move it into the bedroom and take turns giving each other back massages. Stop by a body shop like Bath & Body Works for some aromatherapy massage oil. Best spa session ever.

9. Cooking Class

I know I said in home and I meant it. When I say cooking class I dont mean attending an actual cooking class, I mean doing your own cooking class with just the two of you. Find a recipe from a cooking magazine, book, or show that sounds delish to both of you but neither have any experience with cooking such a dish. You will work together, sharing the tasks at hand. And I mean for you to cook an actual gourmet meal, not Mac & Cheese from a box, no matter how much you crave it sometimes. This is your date night activity, so have some fun with it. Put on your aprons and help each other chop, season, and stir the ingredients. When youve completed your edible masterpiece, its time to dig in. Sit down to a table set for two and cheers each other to your cooking accomplishment.

10. Star Gazing

Its back outside for this date night. Sometimes all you need is star-filled night sky to add that little extra bit of romance. If you have a cozy backyard (and ideally a fire pit to keep you warm), take a thermos filled with hot cocoa or spiked cider, a blanket, and your loved one to do some star gazing. Do some research before hand and make a game of trying to spot certain constellations. If you have a stable flat roof, set up some lawn chairs and enjoy the view from up there. Be careful getting on and off your roof! No back yard or accessible roof? Take a stroll down to your local park. Odds are, it will be deserted after dark and the jungle gym style toys make for great seats.

No matter what you choose to do on your date nights, make sure you are focused on each other. Make it about you two and nothing else. Hopefully Ive inspired you to try something new with your partner in crime. Maybe one of these unique date nights will start a spark and youll be truly glad you branched out. If nothing else, simply relish in the company of your loved one.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/27/10-fun-cheap-date-nights-you-can-have-at-home-that-arent-netflix/

[myletterstoyoumrzubair]

Dear Mr Z edition 10 11/03/17

Dear Hassan

note:This edition isn’t so much a love letter of sorts but rather my brainstorm of cultural differences, when comes to the idea of respect obedience and gender roles, in relation to us and our relationship.

 You have taught me so much about myself over the last few weeks. As bad as this may seem, I can now admit that I can be rude and disrespectful to people, before you and I got talking, I tried my best to respect people but it is now clear that my idea of respect and your idea of respect until now were completely different. Maybe it is a cultural thing, I don’t know, but just being around you and being a part of your life you have shown me how I can improve on it all, and honestly I know at times I still may get it wrong, but that is because I am human, but you have made me aware of what I have been doing, just by the way you treat me. Respect in the western world is something that often slips through peoples hands, the new generation of young people, those in their teens, I have often seen or heard them disrespect other people in a way that when I were small it would have been unheard of. When I spoke to the lady in the Asian fashion shop last week she told me how in India and Pakistan it is how things are, that people are always courteous and respectful, especially to women and their elders. In the beginning it was a little strange to me how you seemed so lovely and nice to me in the way you spoke and as silly as it may seem I was naïve, and slightly conditioned to the western, slightly more disrespectful way of things. The way men treat women in the western world, there is rarely any of this etiquette and chivalry anymore, partly because western women are fierce about being able to stand on their own two feet, but guess what the more you dote on me like that, chivalry (opening doors and such, ‘ladies first’ etc.) the more I see how polite and awesome it is. I really see how the way men treat women in Pakistan is like us women are like queens and princesses, and how the idea of ‘obedience’ to your husband really actually works in reality.

 Ok, in today’s society in the UK things don’t often happen like that because of how society itself has changed and therefore the expectations and roles within relationships. When you first told me about how men and women are in theory in relationships, that women only have to respect their husband and value their opinions, and how men pretty much want to bend over backwards to provide for and make their wives happy and feel valued, the first thing that came to mind was, that is how it was pre-second world war Britain, and even more so before the time of the British suffragette movement where women campaigned for gender equality. In the start of the 20th century and before in the UK, it was the mans role and responsibility to be the so called ‘breadwinner’ and go out to work and it was the women’s role to value and respect his efforts and to run the household and bring up the children, after all being a mother was is and will always be a full time job in its own right. That was until of course us western women found the freedoms that the working life can bring, during the second world war, when women went to work to fill the gap in the workforce while men went out to war.

  These days it is more common for the western girls to want to be career women before becoming mothers and wives, apparently, so I have been told that in Pakistan there is no expectation or pressure on women to be achievers, and career women in the same way as western British girls are. Yes, in some ways I do want to be like that western girl, and work hard to get the career that I want for myself, but then at the same time I am a traditionalist and I see one of the greatest of things in terms of femininity is becoming a mother, and watching my own future children grow up and give them the best that I can.

 I have also discovered a few weeks back the reasons why men treat women like they are princesses or their queens. It is because us women are the one’s who carry those children for 9 months at a time, and in great pain bring them into this world (I have heard that labour feels like having the equivalent of having 20 bones broken at each contraction, and it goes on for hours). I know first hand from professional experience how exhausting it is the experience and the journey going from a woman to a mother, and it makes sense for that reason why husbands, boyfriends and children look up to and respect the women, wives and mothers in society, because bringing children into the world is probably one of the most privileged, honoured and loved things a woman can do, and despite how far the medical profession (I hate how medicalised obstetrics and gynaecology has become, childbirth is one of the most natural and feminine things in the world) has become it still carries risk; people often have an idea of how their idea pregnancy and birth happens, but reality is, is still a process that no one has complete control over, and as far as I am concerned that is part of the beauty of it.

 Sometimes I wish that young people in the UK were way more respectful than they are now. Many youngsters these days wouldn’t think twice about it when they backchat or disrespect their elders or parents. Being a young woman of tradition and being brought up to respect my elders, including calling those who are not family but are family friends by aunty or uncle, I honestly wish things in some ways were like they used to be here, before everything changed with the ‘modern’ times. Knowing you has opened up my eyes to how rude Britain and British people can be, unfortunately including myself. Since a wife is supposed to be obedient to her husband I hate it when I end up being rude to you, and I do try my best not to do it. It is like I want to be miss goody two shoes for you so that I respect you. Even now I find myself coming to you and asking for your opinion and ideas around things that is because I actually value your opinion and ideas. Your opinion matters.

 I know I wont be and cant always be that ‘obedient’ wife that you want, and that is because I am human and it is a part of human nature to have faults and wrong doings, but it is the ability to acknowledge when as a person I do disrespect people, to be the better side of me, swallow my pride and to actually say sorry. All the same, I do want to try my best to be that person you want to spend the rest of your life with as your wife.

 In today’s western society, our idea of what a good relationship is, is a little old fashioned, backwards.  This is because we don’t really want to have this modern longer-term boyfriend girlfriend type relationship before we think of settling down, and because the roles in a relationship are similar to what they used to be here in early 1900s, with a modern twist. But I simply see it as traditionalist. I like it being the way things used to be here, and the fact is we are both ready to settle down in life. I like how it basically comes down to respect and honesty, and having no expectations of one person over another. You have already explained to me that if I want to go out to work and be that modern girl you wouldn’t want to stop me, and that you still see yourself as being in that role of a traditional husband. Who says that being from completely different backgrounds means that we cant find our own way through life, because I think we can. We can find our own blend of Pakistani – British life, and relationship. After all, isn’t that what relationships are? Teamwork!, (and finding your own way through) albeit with you as our team leader, and life is what you make it. Besides, we both know what we want in life, and we both know what we want from this relationship. It is because we are both so sure and want to do all we can to make this happen, is what I feel makes us so strong already, and because we both want to be there for each other.

 I know I still have a lot to learn about what your ideas of things are, and about what you want in life, and although to some people it may seem like that I am being ‘hot headed’ or ‘rushing’, I know what I want and I am happy with the decision I have made for myself. I can truly see myself being happy with you by my side.

 So now you know what I have learned over the last few weeks, about the differences in culture, and how I actually think your way of doing things may possibly even be better. I certainly love your idea of respect and being doted on. And you have most certainly taught me a lot of new things about myself, some things I already knew but were naïve to, and some completely knew, especially about what I want for me in a relationship. Before I met you I was more about having a laugh and a lark, and I still am but in a much more serious grown up way. I am done with messing around, I want to put my feet in the ground as such and make my life sorted for the future.

 Thank you for showing me my better side, and the real meaning of respect x

 Shelly x