#They treat u like shit even hit you and then have the audacity to say how dare u talk rudely

[theparadoxart]

fucked up parents and their fucked up parenting

[sneezemonster15]

why do u think sasuke apologized to sakura at the end? it's not like she apologized to him after all that she's done... he shouldn't have

I couldn't agree more anon. He shouldn't have, Sakura didn't deserve an apology from him.

My sense is that he did it because of Naruto. Don't get me wrong. Naruto didn't force him to do it or anything. But after chapter 698, Sasuke came over to Naruto's side and committed to adapt to a new life where he pledged to assist Naruto to reach his objective of uniting the shinobi world, and he wouldn't make Naruto's life unnecessarily difficult.

It's not that black and white, it's a little more nuanced. Naruto always urged Sasuke to treat Sakura and Kakashi better, because Sasuke was so irreverent towards Kakashi and contemptuous towards Sakura.

After Sasuke learns about the truth of Uchiha massacre, he sees Kakashi's very evident hypocrisy and gives him a good dressing down in the kage arc. Which I really enjoyed btw. Sasuke just hits the pressure points, that's one of the things I like about him. He says very valid shit that others either dont see or are unwilling to see. Naruto is led by the light side, Sasuke is led by the dark side of their world, which is why they work well together, evidenced by their symbolism, the yin and yang, perfectly balanced and attuned to each other.

Anyway, Sasuke attempts to kill both Kakashi and Sakura in kage arc and it becomes very clear that he doesn't owe Kakashi or Sakura any consideration. Kakashi who conveniently uses Sasuke's clan's Sharingan to further his own interests or objectives and then has the audacity to lecture Sasuke about things, the enormity of which he doesn't even begin to comprehend and Sakura for the more obvious reasons, her egotism, narcissism and self absorption to the exclusion of everything else.

Sasuke doesn't give a fuck about team seven in Shippuden. But he tries to remain tactful as much as he can. In the war arc, where you see team seven gathered again, Kakashi tries to find about Sasuke's intentions and Sasuke meaningfully remains quiet. He doesn't want to be distracted from the battle, he who is so anal (no pun intended) about keeping an eye on the enemy, and he doesn't consider Kakashi or Sakura significant enough to satisfy their queries. And I like him a lot for that. :)

All he has to say about team seven's teamwork is a succinct and insouciant 'hmph'. Lol.

He really cannot give a fuck. And Naruto is trying to be the peacekeeper. So he chides Sasuke, like a mum, to behave. Lol. I find it cute.

Sasuke would grudgingly relent and answer Naruto but he still won't really address Kakashi or Sakura.

Naruto mum - Sasuke, did you say thank you to Obito and Sakura properly?

Sasuke - ......focus on the enemy Naruto (dobe!).

I mean c'mon, they are in the middle of a war and Naruto is trying to correct Sasuke's manners, lol. In a good humored way, of course, but it's very funny. Naruto was obviously very happy and relieved to see Sasuke was unharmed and brought back to the current dimension safely. Sasuke does tell Naruto point blank that for him, Naruto is the only priority because he has the seal and the rest of the players are pretty irrelevant. Naruto agrees but Naruto can't help his nature, ie, protecting people he cares for and urges Sasuke to understand since there was a time when Sasuke did the same for Naruto.

So at the end of vote 2, when Sasuke apologizes to Sakura, as compared to how other apologies went, like Obito to Naruto and Kakashi, or Itachi to Sasuke, or even Kushina to Naruto, so eloquent and emotional, Sasuke's apology is trademark tokenism, like seriously it has five words in total in it, lol. Sasuke's apology is not even specific, it's deliberately blithely vague, and immediately after his attention latches back onto Naruto.

And truth is, neither Sakura nor Kakashi were condemned in the narrative for their ways of thinking. Kakashi, with his well established faulty perception goes on to believe that everything has gone back to the way it was before, and Sakura, having not changed or learnt at all, acts like she deserved the apology so damn much, like it was due for so long and she is only getting it now. As if it really was Sasuke's fault and not hers. Lol. Some nerve.

But the point is, Kishi could not have made Sasuke ask for it, because harking back on it would have meant revisiting/rehashing the issue all over again, which would have given the impression that Sasuke wasn't over his bitterness and resentment, which would go against the climax where Sasuke just got his resolution. Ideally, this condemnation should have come from Naruto. Naruto should have held Sakura and Kakashi accountable for their third grade treatment of Sasuke. Which is one of the reasons why I hate the ending. Well, first of all, I don't think Sasuke should have been written to completely give over his ambition to adopt Naruto's but Kishi had to finally 'resolve' (I use the term with a pinch, nay, a fistful of salt) the problems of the current shinobi world, even if he had to do it forcefully while breaking storytelling rules, so as to move over to the upcoming plotline, Boruto ie, which had to do with aliens and shit as the shinobi world in it is sans shinobi problems, as Naruto has erased them. That and he couldn't have brought about any more discussions on issues that were related to democratic dissent or more nuanced ethical dwellings on the individual vs collective. It's not for SJ. Kishi did his best to imbue the narrative with it anyway, giving Sasuke the revolutionary, the role of anti hero, and painstakingly making his character narratively equal to Naruto's, under the aegis of SJ. But he could not have taken it any further. Sasuke's story itself was the allegory. But well, SJ celebrates Japanese sensibilities and so it would not have been possible. And Kishi had already fought quite a few battles for his manga. Revisiting certain things would have potentially opened a can of worms for him. Kishi got away with a lot to begin with. It was also important for Kishi to portray Sakura, as per her consistently written character as a self absorbed and self important wench who only cares about her own ego and needs and not Sasuke's, but wants Sasuke as her trophy anyway. It was necessary for them to be put together for the sake of Boruto (to sire Sarada), and with a person like Sakura, Sasuke could get away with not being emotionally attached at all, giving her meager and so obviously half hearted scraps and yet, she would rejoice in them. She is shallow like that. Heh. So this apology, and Sakura's reaction to it, is yet another indication that Sakura is so addicted to Sasuke that she would happily ignore and dismiss Sasuke's honest feelings for her as long as she finally gets to marry an unwilling and unloving Sasuke.

Anyway, apart from that, it obviously makes Naruto happy to see Sasuke adjusting to new circumstances and from how it looks, apologizing to Sakura doesn't make much of a difference to Sasuke because Naruto just confessed his love to him. Sasuke doesn't feel alone anymore, look how much lighter and relaxed he looks with Naruto, watching Naruto smiling and laughing, visibly relaxed. The rest of the people, including Sakura, don't matter half as much to him, which is proven by him flicking Sakura's forehead later, a certified Itachi move repurposed for her, signifying deliberate distancing and obfuscation/lies.

He also knows that Naruto tries to avoid conflict as much as he can and when he needs to confront, he tries to deal with things with as much empathy and genuine consideration he can garner. So Sasuke doesn't want to make it any more challenging for Naruto, who is leading the gargantuan task of bringing all the shinobi nations together. Sasuke's job is now to assist him in his objective and make it easier. Sasuke has already clearly been shown to hide information from Naruto so as not to cause him any worry, like he did when he made Sakura promise not to tell Naruto about the curse mark. Sasuke is wholeheartedly devoted to Naruto and he takes his position as Naruto's best friend, work partner, soulmate (implied), shadow hokage etc very seriously. So he would take on things himself and endure them, because he knows if Naruto knew, he will not sit quietly. He would go one step ahead and demand to share Sasuke's burden, he would not allow Sasuke to be alone or hurting, he would make it his life's mission to relieve Sasuke, just the way he did. That's just how they are.

Which is why the ending really hurts. Sigh.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for Friends to Lovers with Rodrick Heffley

Rodrick Heffley x reader

warnings: mentions of a bad home life

a/n: YALL I FUVKING DID IT AND IM TERRIFIED OF THE REPERCUSSIONS

prompt: y/n and rodrick have been friends for a long time, so long boundaries seem to be blurred

you’ve actually known rodrick since elementary school

it all started when he asked you to join his band

“i can play drums, you can play the tambourine because that’s the only other instrument i have! it’ll be wicked!”

your band lasted a week and only had one gig, it was for rodrick’s parents

who LOVED you by the way

they somehow permitted you to sleepover almost every other day, you practically lived at their house

FOR YEARS you did this

terrorizing lil greg

“what’s he gonna do, pee his diaper?”

“rodrick!!!”

always trick or treating together, exchanging candy when you got back go his house (or occasionally yours)

you guys didnt like hanging at your house, your parents were kind of....a lot to handle

starting middle school together, wreaking havoc on all the teachers

rodrick did it to impress you, according to mr. and mrs. heffley

but he’d give you a stupid little smirk from across the classroom after he got scolded so you believed them

whenever anyone gave you shit at school, rodrick wouldn’t hesitate to step in and show them who’s boss

“rodrick, you’re gonna get detention again!”

“yeah, well, i’m not gonna let them be mean to you”

you went to his house after school most days, sometimes you’d get there first while he was in detention

mrs. heffley had after school snacks

“y/n, why don’t you play some video games with greg while you wait for rodrick to get home?”

playing wii sports with greg, who cried when you won

you also had time to do homework while you waited, rodrick usually copied afterwards

when rodrick came home, he’d drag you to the garage to show you his drum skills

he hit himself in the head with his drumstick

“ooh, that’s gonna leave a mark”

next step was high school, which was a weird step up

but you guys had each other

you still spent most nights at the heffley residence, but you had to sleep on the couch instead of on the floor in the attic (aka rodricks lair)

“you two are growing up, so we think it’s best that you don’t sleep in the same room together, right?”

rodrick emptied one of his drawers for you to put your clothes in

but you still end up stealing his clothes half the time

“i wish i could be mad, but you wear all of my clothes better than me”

subconsciously doing couple-y things without realizing it

like rodrick would pull you closer to him when you two were together, put his arm around you, give you his jacket, etc

“are you guys serious? you’ve got to be dating!” -everyone

“rodrick, when are you and y/n going to get together?” -mr. and mrs. heffley

the answer was always the same: “we’re just friendssssss”

watching his band practice and cheering him on no matter what

you’re his guest vocals ☺️

when he got the van, it was a whole new world for you guys

you could go out wherever whenever

(with parent approval usually)

“wanna go ride around for a little while? hit a gas station and get a bunch of candy?”

“do you even have to ask?”

watching scary movies in his room

“platonic” cuddling in his bed

stuffing your face in the crook of his neck during scary scenes

“come on, y/n! it’s not that bad!”

him having to hold onto you for comfort so you’d keep watching with him

sometimes falling asleep together and his mom or dad coming to check on you later

“alright, time for bed! y/n, you get your usual couch...”

laughing your ass off at rodrick when he messes with greg

manny loves you, sometimes rodrick is jealous of the attention you give to his baby brother instead of him

rodrick scooping you up in his arms when you least expect it, never fails to make you scream

“hey there, hot stuff”

“you’re impossible!”

roller skating together, he held your hand the whole time bc he was worried you’d fall

his friends ENDLESSLY taunt him over your relationship

when he makes plans with others, he always says “let me ask y/n first” which just SENDS his friends oh my god

“dude, that’s your s/o!”

“no, they’re not! shut up!”

hating being apart a lot its so stressful

sometimes you’d have a pretty hard time at home and show up to his house at odd hours, but you were always welcome

you have your own key

“hey, what’s wrong?”

“my parents...they’re just the worst”

rodrick knows its bad when you start crying

he took you up to his room and played some music (quietly as not to wake the house)

you laid on top of him while he rubbed your back and told you that he was there for you

dozing off on him, as per usual

dude, the amount of pictures you have? astronomical

you playing his drums, the two of you going 🤘, an actual nice picture of you guys, him carrying you on his back, kiddos on your first day of school by year, you kissing his cheek “platonically”

comforting him when he was having his own hard times, whether it be an argument with his parents/greg, difficulties with musical inspiration, or anything else

“come here, you need a hug”

“i need several”

“you’ll get ‘em”

talent show! talent show! talent show!

you completely cussed out the rest of his band before they went on bc they had the audacity to replace him

but greg managed to save the day

“greg, my dude, give me a high five, that was awesome”

he wasn’t actually half bad but like, his mom kinda stole the show

more joyrides in the van

absolutely BLASTING the music in there while you and rodrick sat on the floor in the back and ate the taco bell you’d just picked up

“dude, you gotta try my potato griller, it’s a godsend”

“okay, but try this slushie, its so good. i mean, not as good as a 7-eleven slushie, but it’s up there”

finishing your food and laying in the van for another hour bc you just loved each other’s company

but after sitting together alone for so long, you felt like there was something left to do, what was it?

you and rodrick were moving around a bunch and ended up next to each other sitting against the wall of the van

you looked over at each other and hesitated before leaning in to kiss

and you guys kissed for a while

okay, so, you made out on the floor of his van with led zeppelin playing in the background

✨magical✨

it wasn’t awkward or anything, just long overdue

okay it was a little awkward actually

“well, that was” *clears throat* “that was cool or whatever”

“yeah...wanna do it again?”

“oh, for sure”

not like it was a surprise to anyone when you announced you were FINALLY dating

“wait, you guys just started dating? i thought you’d been together for like, at least 5 years” -mr. heffley

“this is great! obviously, we’ll need to set up some boundaries so that everyone is comfortable and safe, but yay for young love!” -mrs. heffley

“gross” -greg

mrs. heffley wrote a column in the newspaper about you titled “my teenage son’s fantastic significant other”

not much changed after you and rodrick got together, just kissing, “i love you’s” and more teasing from friends and school faculty

“we were all rooting for you two, actually!” -the teachers

summer vacation with him

it was always SWEET

going to the pool together, he’d usually lay out on the chairs with you but you were able to drag him into the pool a few times

“come onnnn, it’ll be funnnn”

“you’re lucky you’re cute”

hugs from behind!!! kisses on the top of ur head!!!!

PROM AH HAH HAH

seeing rodrick in a tux was too funny for you, you almost couldn’t stop laughing (especially at the eyeliner he insisted on wearing)

but he just couldn’t stop staring at you

“rodrick!”

“what?! you’re stunning!”

honestly, prom wasn’t all it was cracked up to be

you danced like maniacs for a few songs and ended up ditching early on

but you did end up renting a bunch of movies and getting tonssss of snacks and changing into pajamas as soon as you got to his house

im talking popcorn, candy bars, ice cream, cans of pop, chips, chicken nuggets and so on

and also passing out on each other

“i think i love you a little more, i didn’t know that was possible”

“i have that effect on people”

he makes u breakfast before his mom gets the chance though

“pancakes? for me?”

“i put chocolate chips in them too, you’re gonna love them”

(they were a lil bit burned, still good tho)

you guys really did just spot on get each other

okay but i know you also roast each other sometimes so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

relationship goals, honestly

fresh outta ideas 🤠 goodnight

[charlieswrities]

fluffy big-bro!got7 where reader starts dating hyunjin or jisung from skz and the got7 members get protective but it’s cute and fluffy🥺❤️

I love this idea! lol since you didn’t specify a member I just kind of did some short headcanons for all the boys! thanks for requesting, I hope you enjoy 💕 I only specified Hyunjin for Jinyoung's I'm sorry, it fit too well

wc: 1152 genre: fluff pairing: reader x big bro!got7 warnings: none I think? if there is something, pls let me know!

j b  /  j a e b e o m

he's so puzzled and he almost seems offended?

what do you mean you're dating my dongsaeng? how? why?

highkey kinda relieved that it's not one of his own members because that you make him feel so so awkward

but gets super fired up asking how long it's been, why you never told him, saying a lot of relationships at your age don't work out, etc.

and that one's the last straw for you, so you snap that that is exactly why you hadn't told him before and he just kinda goes

oh...

he apologizes but it takes him a while to accept the fact that you've grown up and are now in a relationship

he also finally ends up getting to know the member as your loving and caring boyfriend, and eventually begrudgingly accepts that the two of you really are relationship goals and it just makes him feel so relieved

because seeing you together just kind of solidifies to him that you two really do love and care for each other, and that he shouldn't be scared of his baby sister growing up

pairim a r k

you get no reaction at first which honestly, knowing Mark, is terrifying

you kinda avoid the topic for the rest of the night because his reaction was basically 😐

the next day you ask him if he's mad and he's like

idk? not really... he just needs to process things. he says he's proud of you and he supports you in whatever you choose to do, whoever you choose to date

he just wants you to be happy! he does admit he wishes he knew about a potential crush or relationship earlier but he understands the circumstances may have been awkward while he was still at the company

he is kinda happy it's someone he's familiar with so it shouldn't be too awkward when they meet, but he still feels undeniably protective of you

he tells you to let your boyfriend know that if he ever breaks your heart or hurts you in any way whatsoever, he's not above throwing another laptop

and you know he's serious about it.

j a c k s o n

his first thought is hey I love that kid

and then reality sets in that you just said a skz member is your boyfriend

and in a split second he's becoming super protective

for how long? is he good to you? are you happy? he'll kill him if he ever hurts you. you know you can be honest with him, right?

you give him a couple of minutes to wind down, but then he spirals in a new direction

'we'll still spend time together, right?' he just kinda gets a little sad because he's afraid this will mean you'll spend less time with him,

and once you spend the night comforting Jackson while a movie plays in the background, telling him that no, you won't be replacing him and no, your relationship won't change

and you remind him you can have more than one man in your life and he immediatelt backpedals because he doesn't want to seem controlling, he just 'can't believe you're so grown up' and that he's 'afraid of losing you' but it'll take some getting used to

j i n y o u n g

outright laughs when you tell him you're dating hyunjin

definitely makes a joke about how he's dating you because he couldn't date him

or that he's using you to get closer to him

but when you tell him to knock it off and reveal how much you love hyunjin and how long you've been together

he can't help but feel relieved

jinyoung still gives hyunjin a stern talk after he came to your apartment to pick you up for a date, which highkey lowkey terrifies your boyfriend,

and jinyoung has the audacity to tell hyunjin to 'have fun and stay safe!' with a wink and a wave as you drag your boyfriend out the door

whatever was said, it took you days to convince hyunjin that jinyoung is mostly all bark and no bite, to which his reaction is 'mOSTLY?!?'

but jinyoung actually becomes kinda brotherly towards him, whether he wants to admit it or not! he cares for you both, and your happiness

y o u n g j a e 

'HAHAHAhah ha... wait you're not joking?'

doesn't even know what to say

he eventually just squeals and pinches your cheeks and congratulates you on 'being all grown up'

but then he does a double take and asks your boyfriend's last name and only then does it click that oh, it's that guy

he's a mix of emotions? like he's proud but feels a little hurt you didn't go to him any earlier, but he also is all ??? because he knows this person

highkey takes him a while to remember why he keeps seeing your boyfriend around

does his best to make conversation because he's sure your boyfriend feels just as awkward as he does

just makes it even more awkward for the first little while but he gets there eventually and you and your boyfriend appreciate the effort!

b a m b a m

reallyyyy chill, but to the point where he's a little sus

asks with a stupid smirk how your boyfriend is doing every so often and always responds with the good old Jake Peralta 'coolcoolcoolcool' before walking off

deadass thinks you're just joking with him for a solid couple of months until your boyfriend texts him explaining he got BamBam's number from Chan and he wanted a soup recipe you said your mom always made when you were sick because you caught a cold

he just kinda goes 'ohhhhhhhhhhhmy gosh' like he can't believe you were telling the truth, he just thought you were playing him this whole time?

he later says it's because he couldn't imagine anyone dating you but says he's kidding as soon as your hand hits the back of his head

teases you both relentlessly and highkey shits on jype at family dinners

his goal is to treat your boyfriend like family, for better or worse

y u g y e o m

I just have this feeling that Yugyeom would be the best friend-type brother so that being said;

his first reaction is ooooooh, tell me more

teases you by gushing about your boyfriend, attempting to imitate you, and also claims he knows so many embarrassing stories about him even though he probably has like two? awkward encounter stories or smth. but that won't stop him

but at the end of it all, once it's all out his system he'd just kinda ruffle your hair and say he's happy for you

but! he'd also just puff out his chest a little and tell you to send your boyfriend his way so he can 'chat' with him and you laugh but basically give him his number to figure something out with their respective schedules

you did it jokingly but one night you ask to facetime your boyfriend and he just says he can't because he's gaming with your brother 🙃

reminder: requests closed as I rest and play catch-up 💕

[roguestarsailor]

You know what since we’re still in quarantine and i have nothing else better to do, i need to obsess over ACOTAR. I don't like a court of frost and starlight. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why I didn't like it. I aggressively read the book in maybe a day and I closed it feeling frustrated and annoyed. My version had A Court of Silver Flames preview so that definitely contributed to my annoyance greatly.

It's because it felt too perfect. Everything that had happened -- after the entire war was fought and won, they just go back to their normal lives? Yes there were hiccups and yes there were still aspects that made every IC character feel like their problems aren’t solved yet...but it didnt feel right. yes i enjoyed the snowball fight between the bat boys, feyre + rhys sexy time, and those little comfort moments too, the slice of life type things and seeing feyre accomplishing her goals and how hopeful the future seems BUT its too fast. the good parts of the book did not offset the bad parts of it.

Feyre literally accomplished pretty much every single goal she made back in ACOMAF just like that?? within a span of what a few months? a year?? She really came back from an entire war -- probably the first war of many since she's immortal and just like that, after her 21st birthday: she gets a whole entire estate, wants to start poppin babies, opens her art studio and starts teaching kids and then acting like she can rule an entire court?? the timeline is sooo short esp since its been brought up over and over again how everyone is literally 500 years old and have a super “messy” history and their changes seems to come super dupe slowly. but feyre, who has only lived 0.000000002% of her fae life, is out here thriving just fine???

the war devastated thousands of illyrian soldiers where its changing the politics of the illyrains and the faes, all of whom feyre has responsibilities over too as high lady. the mortal queens are still at large who left the humans on prythian to die which is why feyre was willing to go to war in the first place! what about the rest of hybern and their land and residents?? they wanted to enslave humans for social and economical reasons! then what about integrating humans w deep hatred and fear with deeply prejudice fae??? there’s also spring and summer court who are literally in ruins. thats literally so much. so idk how feyre is just chillin???? she gonna let rhys do all the hard work???

like feyre sit down. u should not be having a baby. esp since it took u literally a 700 pages to heal from those 3 months UTM. ur telling me shes gonna whole heartedly bring in a newborn in a war devastated world, with civil unrest (illyrains, other courts), with the messiness of human and fae integration, with trauma u and rhys will have to continue to overcome esp after THIS war??? even helping ur sisters w their traumas??

this is a personal opinion on this subject (and maybe my thoughts will change on this later on; opened to other thoughts) but when i read the part about how that weaver/seamstress artist who made that dark quilt that feyre loved talked about how her mate of 300 years didn’t come back from the war and her biggest regret was that she didnt have a kid to remember him by i just thought ur kid isn’t some sort of memorabilia. don’t have a kid to keep the memory of ur mate alive; have a kid cuz u want a kid purely for the sake of having a kid. ur memories and photos and shit will keep their memory alive but its not having a kid. some primitive need to keep the genes alive maybe?? but the way it was phrased and then in turn how feyre was like oh i need  a baby pronto cuz rhys might die in the next war and regret not having a kid with him didn’t sit right with me. also the other couple were together for +300 years and have a rich life together, while shes been with rhys for literally two years THATS NOTHING IN FAE YEARS. thats still the honeymoon phase and also ur problems arent even close to being over!!!

everyone was shitty to nesta. in ACOMAF, we saw how much the IC went through and still did all they could to help feyre. what made them not think nesta deserve the same welcome? nesta is mean as a defense but did no one try to figure out what would help (amren got close but shes so under developed)??? feyre knows nesta feels too much and yet she continued to be shitty. continued to flaunt her wealth, her status, her familiarity/borderline know-it-all attitude about fae/night court, her ~estate~. forcing nest to the solstice party when nesta was literally like i dont belong, im looking at everyone through a window type of thing; the fire cracking triggering her, etc. what kind of power play was that when she made nesta come to her estate, where nesta could SEE how ~homey~ and how suscessful feyre is and fully see all the lovely paintings of everyone feyre loves that explicitly exclude her to tell her to fuck off to a war camp?? bro???? cas was a dick too and elaine was rude. i think a lot of his actions were meant to make her angry since anger keeps u fighting (as was the method of rhys for feyre in ACOMAF) but what he said was stupidly shitty and i demand that he apologize properly. elaine could have done more to help her sister but whatever. mor was definitely an ass too (and im upset for how little her character growth is). 

Lucein. that man can’t catch a break tbh. im happy that hes w the band of exiles cuz he is whole heartedly accepted there. feyre was definitely an asshole to him even tho he helped as much as he could throughout the books. he tries so hard w elaine as well and it did hit my heart a bit when she was like gloves to work in my garden?? no ?? i use my bare hands see oNly aZiReL sEeS mE fOr WhO i Am. and at the same feyre is like flaunting her mate status to lucein which is mean as shit. its like this man can’t find love in prythain. then tamlin sending him his box of his things??? thats for sure brutral. tam was literally his partner through it all; savior of sorts even. no love from IC, no love from elaine, no love from feyre, no love from tamlin, no love from autumn court rejected everywhere! also HIS TRUE FATHER?? HEllo??? 

then on tamlin. i pity the guy! was i suppose to feel that way??? it felt like he is allowed to get a redemption arc and maybe i’ll even root for a redemption arc??? i was absolutely excited for freysand in ACOMAF but after ACOFAS, im like tamlin is....not completely bad??? his relationship w feyre was bad and the controlling parts were very much a no-no. i dont truly understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship but i can understand that it can be insidious and its the little things that hurt the victim. and i felt  feyre through ACOMAF and rooted for her to escape her abuser! but then it felt like i dont think he was doing any of those things out of malice. ill say tamlin is a bad leader and doesn’t know how to run a court outside of what he sees his father do. his understanding on everything is based on the traditions of the past which i think fueled most of the things he did i.e. not telling feyre she was in danger since maybe his mom didn’t do those war planning things. ACOTAR showed how he truly cared/loved and took good care of feyre and her family. he even talked about how he didn’t believe in the enslavement of humans! i think that tam wanted to preserve what he thought was the good (aka feyre + her love of painting) and get back a sense of control that he and his entire court lost while chained to amarantha. but at the same time, i think he truly thought feyre wasn’t safe. he knows rhys can crush minds and knows feyre can’t read/write so when he got that letter telling him shes safe of course hes gonna flip shit and made a deal w the devil (although those temper outbursts were DEFINITIVELY not ok!!!). he also didn’t listen and has sense of he knows best when feyre was not the type of person. but feyre destroyed his entire court. he lost all his sentries who literally went out to die for him during amarantha’s reign. he lost lucien too; his trusted right hand man. his people were cursed for 50 years and then continued to suffer UTM and was in the process of rebuilding too!  but just seeing spring court, WHO BORDERS THE HUMANS, be in ruins where his subjects left him, his people left him and hes all alone in the manson?? that was sooo sad. so im like why does what feyre did not feel satisfactory????? im mad that it didn’t feel right??? maybe there wasn’t a point where feyre talked to tamlin -- like really talked to him esp w her new found voice and power, etc. anyways, i dont hate tamlin and was like oh shit i think feyre fucked up a bit there.

rhys is a dick to nesta. which made me think, if feyre wasn’t his mate would he extend the same love and care to her???  i loved how he tried so hard to make sure feyre was ok. made sure she wasn’t breaking! all of it! but for nesta, he had the audacity to use his high lord voice and be an ass overall. even tho he can see how cas is fucken in love??? even just how he talks to cass feels off too. 

i’ll even go as far as to say because of how terrible ACOFAS was, it created this intense divide within the fandom. i remember reading the first three books and was absolutely 1) rooting for freysand  2) curious about the sister relationship and how it will be mended 3) i definitely didn’t hate nesta nor did i hate elaine either -- but i was adament about them talking it out with feyre for those tough times 4) saw a more realistic and charming healing arc 5) was rooting for feyre to be a stronger voice and grow into herself 6) love the dynamic of the inner circle + feyre

but after ACOFAS, I have this intense need to defend nesta and was super mad at how she was treated after the war and in turn a deep dislike for elaine for both her lack of agency, lack of grit that made all the other characters interesting, and lack of care for her sisters (who showed how much they would risk for her). i dont hate rhys but i was extremely not happy with him and his attitude and behavior. feyre became more arrogant and was acting like how asshole rhysand would act. like her life is perfect now and i was not rooting for her anymore. freysand didn’t feel like they have complimenting qualities that made them interesting in the first place but rather they are merging to become the same person but in a bad way. that mind reading thing was cute in the beginning but it became insufferable since all thoughts were shared so seamlessly it made reading feel weird. 

anyways those are my thoughts on ACOFAS. it was a 1/5 stars for me and im mad those events transpired. reading the other books made me excited to know what was gonna happen and i was truly ready to accept the characters as flawed and nuanced as they are. im not mad about character not liking each other but i am mad that everything felt off. ACOFAS just felt regressive in some parts and forced in other parts. i know not everything ends in a nice tied up bow but this book single handily ruined what i thought about these characters in the worse way possible. this book wasn’t suppose to wrap up all the problems that exists in the other books but it didn’t feel hopeful like i thought it would. it didn’t feel wrapped up and didn’t feel like i should be excited about the next books. theres so many missing pieces i feel that i think need explaining and at the same time, i think it introduced too many problems at once which made it feel like its jumping around everywhere. although im still excited for ACOSF because i love nesta, and nesta deserves so much better and i want to have hope that this bad ending will either make sense later on or it was just a blimp.

[artificialqueens]

Not A Ghost, You're In My Head (Your Move 3/3) (Branjie) - Ortega

a/n: this has had about fifty billion potential titles, but rest assured that finally this is Your Move 3, only a year and a bit late. i really hope u all enjoy the end of the saga, and sorry and thank u to those who have been so patient! i’ll shut up now bc quite frankly uv all waited long enough for this. (title’s from Forever by Charli XCX pls listen to it it’s such a Branjie song)

fic summary: “Everything was perfect. Until it wasn’t.”

***

The smell of coffee and the warmth of the cafe inside hits Brooke like a ton of bricks as she walks in, blinks a little, and scans the room to find a seat. Eventually her eyes settle on a small booth through the back, away from the clatter and hiss of the coffee machines and probably the closest thing to quiet that they’ll get in a public setting like this. Sliding into it, Brooke shrugs her jacket off, lifts up a menu, puts it down again, drums her nails against the tabletop and takes her phone out. She checks the time, then checks her reflection in her phone’s camera. Briefly she finds it crossing her mind that she’s probably put more effort into her outfit, hair and makeup today than she had for their first date. What had she worn for their first date again? She can’t remember. She supposes it doesn’t matter now.

Putting her phone down, Brooke digs her toes into the soles of her shoes and takes one deep breath that she intends to be calming. Instead it leaves her feeling as if she is trapped under a sheet of ice with a millimetre of air to work with before she sinks underwater. Part of her feels as if she is already sinking. The other part of her feels as if she sank a month-and-a-bit ago and here she is, sitting waiting in a cafe, a living shipwreck. Sometimes her ribs feel like huge, cracked planks of wood, an empty vessel where something once lived. Sometimes it feels as if her heart is a sail, a huge mast broken in two with two long, ragged dagger marks scarring the sheet and rendering it useless. Other times she feels like a huge, heavy propellor is cutting into her stomach and churning it up, though that’s mainly when she makes the mistake of scanning social media (and isn’t madness doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?)

Today, Brooke just feels hollow.

Suddenly her phone buzzes harshly against the table and Brooke’s heart involuntarily leaps as she picks it up, an aftershock of the past seven months that will eventually dissipate with time. At least, she hopes so.

V: i can’t do this today

V: i’m sorry

Brooke feels as if an elastic band inside her has suddenly snapped. She doesn’t know if she feels relieved or if she wants to cry. Feeling a blush prickle against her cheeks and a lump form in her throat, her body seems to make the decision for her.

B: It’s okay don’t worry. Another time x

What does she expect? Brooke isn’t supposed to be the heartbroken one, Brooke isn’t meant to be the one that is sitting crying at a coffee shop table as if she’s the one that’s been broken up with. She wipes below her eyes and dabs lightly at her lashes with her fingers before pulling her jacket back on and walking quickly back through the door of the cafe she’d stepped through not even five minutes ago.

They’ll try again when she’s ready.

***

Brooke sinks on top of her bed, letting out a huge, deep breath of air until her stomach feels as if it is concave. It had been Vanessa that was the cautious one, it had always been Brooke making the big decisions about their relationship- a fact that, she cruelly reminds herself, remained true til its very end. She blinks very slowly. Her eyelids are so fucking heavy and tired. She took the morning off work to accommodate her plans and now she has nothing to do. Sitting and staring at the ceiling until her eyes burn is a nice impromptu plan.  

Her phone suddenly hums in the silence of the room. As if she’s been shocked by jump leads, Brooke spins over on her bed and grabs her phone from her bedside table, her heart hammering at an unhealthy rate. She feels the disappointment sink through her whole body when she sees the name on the screen.

“Hey.”

“Hey, boo. Calling to see how you were, but your tone kind of says it all for me.”

Brooke rolls her eyes. “Yeah, well. Vanessa never showed.”

“I know. She phoned me.”

The cardiac arrest is back, alive and unwell in Brooke’s ribcage. “What did she say?”

“That she felt like an ass. I asked her what donkeys had to do with anything.”

Brooke shakes her head and laughs in spite of herself. “You’re the fucking worst.”

“I know. How are you doing?”

Brooke frowns deeply. “What, that’s all you said? That’s all you’re going to tell me?”

A sigh comes from the end of the line. “Brooke, maybe you have to let her go.”

“No, come on, Yves, that’s not fair. Don’t talk to me like I’m obsessed and still clinging on because that’s not…it’s more complicated than that.”

“I mean. It was you that ended things.”

“Yeah, thanks for reminding me,” Brooke sighs, her heart feeling sick and empty.

“Look, just give her some time. You can’t just expect everything to go back to the way things were. Because…” her friend pauses on the end of the line, as if she’s about to deliver something Brooke won’t want to hear. “…well. Things might not.”

“I thought you were phoning to cheer me up,” Brooke says, deadpan. Yvie has the audacity to laugh.

“No, sorry, sorry. I just…you know. Best friends tell you shit you don’t want to hear sometimes. That’s part of the contract I signed back in high school,” Yvie’s affectionate warm laugh comes down the phone and Brooke finds herself smiling. It’s impossible to stay mad at Yvie; she may look fierce on the outside but Brooke knows she’s secretly a Care Bear brought to life via magic spell. Brooke is sincerely happy they’ve been friends for so long. They’ve helped each other and been there for each other through a lot, of course, through situations that are arguably worse than this, but Brooke is glad she has Yvie during this absolutely shit time. Vanessa had loved Yvie too when she’d met all of Brooke’s friends. Sure, she’d got along with Plastique and Nina and had eventually warmed to Bianca (although that had been a struggle after some of Bianca’s snide comments), but Yvie had welcomed her into Brooke’s life with open arms and had treated her as if they had been friends all their lives too. Brooke knows Yvie still speaks to Vanessa just to check in on her. She doesn’t mind.

“Do you wanna go for drinks tonight? Or food, if you feel like drinks will descend into stuff you’ll regret,” Yvie continues down the phone. Brooke exhales slowly.

“…Honestly Yves, it’s fine.”

“I’ll come to the apartment then. I just don’t want you wallowing. Wallowing’s for hippos. You’re not a hippo. You’re a…graceful crane.”

“You’re drunk already.”

“Maybe I am, and what the fuck of it? Right, I’m coming over tonight with lasagne in a tinfoil tray. Preheat your oven now. I’ll be round at 7. Love you, bye.”

“Bye. Love you too,” Brooke raises her eyebrows as she hangs up the phone. She remembers when she used to sign off like that all the time.

***

Brooke remembers those days of being in love with Vanessa, when the sex was passionate and gentle and full of fire and tenderness all at once. She remembers how it felt to look at her for as long as she wanted, taking in each glossy thread of hair, each small speckle of colour in her eyes, each individual and perfectly curled eyelash. Vanessa would always laugh at Brooke when she did that, telling her she was a creep, to stop staring at her. Now Brooke wishes she’d looked just a second longer, because she’s clearly not committed it all to memory.

She decides to go into the office. What else can she do? Yvie is annoying, but she’s right, Brooke can’t just sit and wallow. Or she could, but there’s case files that need updating and Brooke can either be sad at home lying in bed or sad at work doing something productive. Sad is the wrong emotion, she supposes. Empty is maybe more accurate. She is past the point of sad. Sad had happened when they’d had that argument and Brooke had played her trump card, best card in the pack at the time. Now she knows it had been a tarot card in disguise, the fool, and Brooke hadn’t at all known what her future would hold. She still doesn’t.

She walks into her office, past people that used to fear her, respect her. Perhaps they still do, but Brooke can still see the glint of sympathy in their eyes, hear the note of pity their voices hold. Brooke says good morning to Nicky, her new secretary. She hasn’t fired her yet, probably won’t ever fire a secretary again no matter how horrendous they are. Vanessa never came back after that day and Brooke doesn’t blame her, but she hopes she’s found another job. Nicky, she supposes, isn’t horrendous. She’s efficient and calm and obedient. Brooke knows she’s attractive too, and for a moment she allows herself to wonder if there is a parallel universe where she’s sought out a relationship with Nicky instead. Maybe a bit of random fucking with a pretty girl could take her mind off everything. Brooke laughs to herself in her office. She’s clearly losing it.

Detox comes in around half an hour later. Brooke’s done no work, simply staring at an excel spreadsheet and feeling her eyes glaze over but being unable to work up the motivation needed to blink. Detox puts a cup of coffee down on her desk and Brooke lets out a laugh.

“Jesus Christ, D. I’m not dying.”

“Could’ve fooled me. Seen happier faces at a fucking wake,” Detox jibes softly, pushes the cup closer to Brooke. “How are you today?”

Brooke leans back in her chair, swears she catches the scent of Vanessa’s perfume. It is gone almost as quickly as it had appeared and all Brooke is left with is approximately 45,000 memories, none of which she wants. “I’m shit. But I think that might be my new normal, I’ve felt like shit for so long. So I guess shit is the new fine. Therefore I’m fine.”  

Detox exhales through her nose, the hint of a humoured smile playing on her lips. “The old you would be beating you up and taking your lunch money if she heard you talking like that.”

“Believe me, I’ve already beaten myself up enough.”

Detox gives a heavy sigh of frustration, shifts from one foot to the other. “You need to sort your shit out, Brooke.”

“What are you, my Mom?” Brooke snaps back, now as frustrated as her friend. She wants to be left alone to stew in her own lack of emotions. Detox doesn’t relent.

“Look, I’m gonna give you two choices. Number one, you accept that everything’s over with Vanessa, that you fucked it, that you’ve made your bed and now you need to lie in it. But from what I can see of how you’re acting just now, you don’t want to do that.”

“No, I’m not fucking doing that,” Brooke sighs, tearing her hands down her face and wishing Detox would leave.

“Second option is, you start a constant campaign of non-stop attempts to win V back. Flowers, texts, cards, we’re talking borderline Joe from You.”

“Of course you watch that trash.”

“But you get the point?” Detox persists, annoying incarnate. “Brooke, you can’t…you can’t go on living like this. It’s been over a month, it feels like I’ve lost this bitch that used to be my friend.”

Brooke supposes she has lost her sense of self. She goes through her days without showing a single emotion, instead preferring to let them all out in the courtroom, raining down upon witnesses relentlessly as if every case has been a personal experience. She’s won her past six in a row and she puts it down to the fact that she now focuses every single fibre of being that she possesses into her career and job and work and anything that doesn’t have to involve emotions whatsoever.

“Look, I’ll..I’ll think about it, alright?” Brooke waves her away, rubs her forehead long-sufferingly. The whole thing is annoying her, becoming less of a heartbreak and more of a headache.

Detox smiles and punches the air. “That’s my girl. Have a think. Right, I’ll leave you alone. See you later.”

Have a think. Brooke wants to laugh. She hasn’t been able to stop thinking since the day Vanessa left.

***

Brooke misses her.

She misses the way Vanessa just got her humour like no-one else did. When she’d have a client waiting for her and Vanessa would send her her first impression or opinion of them in advance, and then Brooke would have to hold in her laughter for the duration of her meeting because holy fuck yes, the woman’s hat did make her look like a bat and combined with her cloak it did make her look like the villain in a superhero movie.

She misses the way that Vanessa had sort-of-not-quite-not-officially moved in with her. Some of her clothes are still strewn around the apartment: a pair of black heels left by the door that she’d worn out to dinner with her, an emerald green lace underwear set that had fallen underneath the bed and Brooke had stuck in her washer-dryer, the cosy pyjamas that lived under one of Brooke’s pillows folded not-quite-neatly and covered in creases, and a white silk shirt that Vanessa had worn to work and Brooke had peeled off her when they’d arrived home, pressing kisses to her bare collarbones, chest and stomach. Vanessa used to crash her way through the apartment and often Brooke wondered if it was her mission to make as much noise as possible as she loaded the dishwasher, hoovered the living room, sang off-key in the shower. Brooke’s apartment has been so deathly quiet since she left, a funeral sort of quiet. Mournful and still and ghostly and cold.

Sometimes Brooke is sure she sees in black and white.

She remembers the day when they told each other they loved each other for the first time. There had been no ceremony, no grand gestures. In fact the pair of them were watching a film on Brooke’s couch- The Little Mermaid 2, Vanessa eager to force her love of Disney sequels onto her girlfriend. Brooke had looked away from the TV just for a moment, just to see Vanessa’s reaction to whatever was happening on screen, and when she lay her eyes on her she felt that familiar feeling of falling hit her like a wave all over again. It had happened quite a few times that fortnight or so, and the urge to tell her grew with every moment they shared together. Brooke watched her smile like a dork at the TV, the light in her eyes shining and the good in her heart visible just by looking at her. Brooke had laced their hands together, Vanessa taken by surprise and meeting her gaze with a funny sort of smile on her face. Her nose had crinkled up as she’d laughed at her.

“What?”

Brooke had pulled her close and kissed her without saying a word, trying to tell Vanessa without actually telling her anything. She was scared to say it first. She was scared to say it at all.

When Vanessa broke away, she gave Brooke a look that seemed to reach into her soul. Then she looked down at the blanket they’d thrown over them and gave a shy laugh.

“I wanna say something but I’m scared.”

Brooke still remembers the way her heart had beaten right out of her chest. If she tries she can still feel it.

“Say it. Say it, because I want to say it too.”

Vanessa had made eye contact again, her face nervous and hesitant, and Brooke wanted to kiss her fears away but that would have stopped her from saying what she wanted so desperately to hear.

“I love you. I’m in love with you.”

“I’m in love with you.”

Almost as quickly as they’d said it they were pulling each other in, their lips meeting desperately as they melted into each other. And Brooke hadn’t taken her to bed and they hadn’t had passionate, lovestruck sex on the couch. They had sat and kissed on the sofa with the film playing in the background like teenagers, the feeling of being in love communicated without even having to say anything else.    

Brooke had finally understood why people in musicals randomly burst into song.

She wishes she had known the last time she’d said it to her would be the final time. She wishes she could say it to Vanessa again. It’s still true. She’s still in love with her. She had fallen so hard.

The trouble with falling is that she had to hit the concrete eventually.

***

Another day goes by and a new one begins. Nicky comes in at half past nine with Brooke’s coffee. Vanessa always used to have it sitting out for her when Brooke arrived, a little heart drawn in the foam with caramel syrup making the coffee too sweet, just like her. Brooke can forgive Nicky, though. She suffered through another sleepless night and she needs the coffee more than she needs a lot of things. Doing her makeup this morning had been like painting a corpse, and Brooke tries not to feel embarrassed as she takes in Nicky’s perfectly painted face in contrast to her own. She thanks her, takes the cup and assumes Nicky will leave.

“Ms. Hytes,” Nicky says, surprising her. She stands in front of her desk, her brow furrowed in concern. “You’re hurting.”

Brooke almost drops her coffee cup in surprise. In days of old she would’ve fired a secretary on the spot for having the audacity to address her in such a way, make such an assumption, but Brooke is tired. She can’t be bothered to deny it, it would take more energy than to simply admit it. She deals in facts, and it is a fact after all. “Yes, Nicky, I am.”

Nicky pouts a little sympathetically. There is a pause in which Brooke assumes she’ll leave. She doesn’t. Instead she speaks again. “Who was the girl that broke your heart?”

Brooke can only blink back at her, her eyelids heavy from lack of sleep. She could tell Nicky to go back to her desk, she supposes, to get on with her work. But she’s in a rare mood to talk about things, so Brooke cracks a small, indulgent smile. “And how do you know it was a girl?”

“Men can’t break hearts like women can,” Nicky says softly, philosophically. Brooke isn’t sure she’s right but she supposes she’s never had any experience with men to disprove the theory. She sighs, nodding.

“Yeah, it was a girl. Her name was Vanessa,” Brooke says, the name feeling too clunky and odd in her mouth where once it had felt like a prayer. “I guess she didn’t break my heart. I broke hers and then by proxy I broke my own. It was a stupid mistake, we had a fight and…things were said that I regret but she still won’t talk to me. And fair enough, why the fuck would she?”

Nicky nods slowly, wraps her arms around herself to give herself a hug. “I have the same. Uh, I am escaping a girl who broke my heart. But even though she hurt me, I still love her. How does that work?”

“Because emotions are stupid and they don’t work in a logical way,” Brooke shrugs instantly. She’s had a lot of time to think about the subject. Looking at Nicky, she can see the pain behind her eyes, the hurt behind the calm facade of her perfect makeup. “Who was your girl?”

Nicky smiles sadly, nostalgia getting the better of her. “She was named Jaida. She was a model, like I used to be. I don’t wish to talk about her much. It’s still sore."

"Yeah. It’s still sore for me too.”

“You say you broke Vanessa’s heart?” Nicky asks shyly. The words are like a stab through Brooke’s chest, confirming the whole thing, validating it. Brooke nods wordlessly. Nicky gives a small laugh. “Then probably she still loves you too. Like me for Jaida.”

Brooke laughs, disbelieving even though she’d be lying if she said Nicky’s words don’t strike even the tiniest bit of hope into her heart. “No, I think that ship has sailed, Nicky.”

Nicky raises her eyebrows, shrugs. “You should call her.”

“Tried that.”

“Well, call her again,” Nicky persists, her voice calm and relaxed despite her insisting. “I wait for my call from Jaida every day."

Brooke feels sad for the young girl. She’s clearly lived so much of her life already at such a young age- she’s from France, but her CV stated that she moved to America to work in the modelling industry, which clearly didn’t work out if she’s making coffee for Brooke. "You should go back into modelling. You’re wasted here.”

Nicky frowns. “I am a waste…of space?”

Brooke laughs at the misunderstanding, waving her hands and shaking her head in protest. It’s the first genuine laugh she’s had in a long time. “No, no, no, no, God no! Wrong expression. Um…you’re too good at modelling to be working as a secretary. You have too nice a face.”

Nicky blushes, making Brooke’s face hot too. She hopes her compliment didn’t come out wrong. Nicky is smiling again, the regret plain on her face. “I would love to, but I would risk meeting her again and I am not ready for that.”

Brooke’s face contorted. “But you want her to call you?”

Nicky sighs, scuffs her foot. “It’s different when you have her in front of you and she’s beautiful."

Brooke shrugs in agreement. "That’s fair enough.”

Nicky lingers, tilts her head thoughtfully. “Can I do anything to help, Ms. Hytes?”

The Parisian lilt to Nicky’s voice makes everything sound like a proposition, even though Brooke doesn’t think she means it. She knows that she could probably have Nicky in her bed by the end of the day if she wanted to- they’re both hurting and broken hearted and yearning to be needed and wanted again, and Nicky is gorgeous but it’s not Nicky she wants. Her porcelain skin just reminds Brooke of Vanessa’s in contrast, her neat blonde hair brushed carefully into its bun reminds her of how wild and loose Vanessa’s used to be, her blue eyes remind her of Vanessa’s dark ones. Brooke shakes her head, gives a tight smile of gratitude. “No, Nicky. Thank you for this, but I think we’d both better get back to work.”

Nicky smiles in agreement, giving a little nod as she exits Brooke’s office and takes a seat back at her desk. Brooke looks at her phone in its place on her desk, reaches out to take it. She scrolls to Vanessa’s name in her contacts and hovers her finger over it, millimetres separating her from potentially hearing her voice again.

She discards her phone onto her desk and opens an email.

***

They had been the best months of Brooke’s life. She couldn’t stop telling Vanessa how much she loved her once she’d started and Vanessa couldn’t seem to either. They were the worst kind of honeymoon phase couple, or perhaps the best. Detox had cooed over them like a mother hen and Brooke had let her guard down a bit at work. Well, a lot. She’d loved being able to show Vanessa off as her girlfriend, she’d loved being able to kiss her throughout the day, squeeze her hand as she showed a new client into her office. They would exchange ridiculously soppy emails during meetings. Everything was perfect.

Until it wasn’t.

Brooke has spent so long blaming the business trip, blaming Priyanka, blaming Vanessa, blaming her work, blaming the distance. It was none of them. It was her fault. She did all of it.

Brooke had flown out to Florida for the weekend. There was a conference that her law firm had to attend there, Detox was speaking. Brooke had been looking forward to it as she knew one of her old friends from her Law degree would be there. She hadn’t seen Priyanka in ages; she was still based in Canada and practising there, but they still texted and when they’d found out they were both going Brooke had been excited. Priyanka is one of those rare exes that’s still a friend, their breakup back in their early twenties being a mutual decision, and Brooke knows there’s no attraction there anymore.

But of course, Vanessa didn’t.

Brooke should’ve done more to reassure her, she knows this. If she looks back she can see how agitated Vanessa had been during the leadup to the conference for a full week- biting her perfectly manicured nails, a small frown on her face without her knowing, moments where she’d stare off into space. Vanessa knew about Priyanka (they’d both talked about their exes) but Brooke had told her it had been amicable and mutual. Besides, she told Vanessa how much she loved her every single day. It wasn’t as if Brooke had hidden the fact that Priyanka was going to be there that weekend, or shielded her phone when they’d been texting each other. She’d had nothing to hide.

Brooke almost wishes she had been more secretive now. Maybe it would’ve changed things.

The conference had been fun, even though Brooke now holds it in the same regard as the beginning of a horror movie, the calm before the cyclone. She’d phoned Vanessa when she had arrived, eager to reassure her but she could still hear the worry in her tone, the anxiety. Still, it hadn’t stopped her meeting up for drinks with Priyanka that evening in the hotel bar, laughing and chatting like they’d always used to and doing silly Boomerangs with the cocktails they’d ordered. Brooke told her all about Vanessa and Priyanka was thrilled for her, saying how excited she was to one day meet her. Brooke had got her phone out to show her some photos when Priyanka had looked at her own and gave a little exclamation of surprise.

“Oh! Is her nickname Vanjie?”

Brooke had narrowed her eyes, watching as Priyanka scrolled. “Yeah, why?”

“She’s watched my Insta story already. Doesn’t follow me though. Probably just doesn’t want to be weird,” Priyanka had shrugged. Brooke had shrugged back, offhandedly agreeing but internally embarrassed. She’d known why Vanessa had watched her story- she’d been checking up on her. Brooke hadn’t liked that.

When she’d arrived home, everything gradually came crumbling down, the pair of them slowly removing the Jenga blocks of their relationship one at a time. Their hug had been off when they’d seen each other again, their conversation had been the small talk of strangers. And then it had happened. Vanessa had brought up Priyanka, Brooke had brought up the Instagram stalking. Vanessa had brought up how weird she found it that she still wanted to hang out with an ex, Brooke had defended herself and told her they were only friends. Vanessa had expressed how worried she’d been, Brooke had been hurt.

“When have I ever given you reason to be worried?”

“Well shit, when you met up with your ex for drinks?”

Brooke had hit out, called Vanessa out on her jealousy.

“Well maybe I do get jealous! But it’s only ‘cuz I don’t ever want to lose you, fuck, I just don’t want to think about you with anybody else, that’s all!”

“But you don’t have to! Priyanka is my friend, that’s it, that’s all there is to it!” Brooke remembers how irritated she’d been, how exasperated. “Don’t you trust me?”

“I trust you! Of course I trust you. I just don’t trust her,” Vanessa had sighed frustratedly, pulled another block out.

“Well I’m not going to just not see one of my friends for the rest of our relationship, V!”

“So you’re choosing her over me? That it?” Vanessa had questioned. Brooke still remembers the tears in her eyes. She’d known Vanessa hadn’t meant to say that, she knew Vanessa knew she was being unreasonable. But Brooke had reacted instantly, thinking in absolutes, or perhaps not thinking entirely.

“Fuck, Vanessa, well if it’s that black and fucking white to you then what the hell are we doing anyway?” she’d yelled, the finality still hurting her if she thinks about it. The raised tensions in the room had come to a boiling point. Vanessa had gone quiet.

“What are you saying?”

Brooke had committed and she was still angry, still frustrated. She’d doubled down. “Why the hell are we doing this if there’s no trust in our relationship?”

The realisation had dawned slowly and sickly like tar over Vanessa’s face. “You’re saying you want to break up?”

Brooke hadn’t replied, only stared at the floor. Vanessa had taken it as an answer.

She’d left.

Brooke had regretted it, but she’d known they would make amends. It had just been a silly argument, and things had been said that neither of them meant. She still loved her. They still loved each other. Brooke had given it an hour, waited for her to cool off before she called her to apologise.

Vanessa hadn’t picked up.

Brooke’s still waiting on her to call back.

***

Brooke is ten minutes away from a firm meeting when she gets the text.

V: i’ll be at Rialtos for the next hour

V: your move i guess

She doesn’t even think about the decision, simply acts. She asks Nicky to send her apologies, tell the director that she’s had to go home with stomach pains. If she gets a disciplinary it’ll be worth the risk. She crashes out of her office like a tsunami, her bag and her coat swinging wildly from the crook of her arm. Rialto’s is a five minute walk from her office but she makes it in three even in her stilettos. It’s only when she sees it on the corner on the sidewalk opposite that an overwhelming feeling of panic and sickness hits her like a gut punch. She’s been waiting for this moment for the past month-and-twelve-days (she’s counted), but now that it’s here she almost doesn’t know what to do. She’s never felt nerves like this- all of her nerve endings are buzzing like broken strobe lights and every time her heart beats her whole body feels it. It had been different the first time they were supposed to meet up and talk things out because Brooke had been there first, she could sit for a while and psych herself up. But this time Brooke knows that Vanessa is sitting at a table in the bar just across the street, and all that’s separating them is a busy road, a door and a few steps. Brooke steels herself, forces herself to take a few deep breaths as she checks her reflection in the shop window beside her. She looks a fright: no makeup, sleep-deprived bags under her eyes, the only thing remotely presentable about her is her hair which she threw into a low ponytail that morning. Then again, she supposes that Vanessa’s seen her without makeup before. Brooke thinks Vanessa’s seen every possible version of her, apart from of course this one. She takes another deep breath, turns around and stares the bar down as if she’s going to war.

It’s time.

Brooke dashes across the road and it crosses her mind that perhaps it would be better to just let fate take its course and get hit by a yellow taxi, but that’s the coward’s way out so she reaches the bar entranceway, pushes the door open with a huge, held-in breath. Rialto’s is dark inside with dim red lighting, and so even at four in the afternoon it seems as if it’s midnight. There’s red booths with black lacquered tables that shine under the crimson of the lamps positioned above them and the walls are covered in framed pictures, none of which Brooke takes in because she’s searching, slowly yet frantically as if she’s attempting to both prolong and speed up this whole situation. One booth near to her to her right holds a cheerful couple, another on her far left houses an old man drinking a cup of coffee.

And then she sees her.

She’s got her back to the door but Brooke recognises the wave of her blonde hair, the tie-dye of the oversized hoodie she’s wearing. She recognises the acrylic nails and the chunky rings that pattern the hand that’s curled around what looks like a French martini on the table. A searing, painful memory of their first date at Le Bernardin wrenches Brooke’s heart. She takes another deep breath and walks forward even though she feels like she’s going to be sick. She stops just at the table and the breath is knocked out of her lungs.

Vanessa looks up at her, her face impassive. Her makeup is perfect, but then Brooke wouldn’t have expected anything else. There’s dark roots at her side parting but Brooke thinks she somehow suits them. Apart from that she looks exactly the same, just how Brooke remembers her.

“Hi,” Brooke greets her feebly. Vanessa somehow communicates a shrug through a blink.

“Hey,” she says, taking her hand off her glass to gesture to the seat opposite her. “Sit.”

Brooke nods as she sits down in the red leather seat, and it’s only then that she notices there’s a second cocktail opposite Vanessa. It looks like a pornstar martini, it’s one of Brooke’s favourites.

“I ordered you one. Figured it might make this easier,” Vanessa explains. Her expression doesn’t break. Brooke is touched by the gesture.

“Thanks,” she says. Her hands shake as she reaches out to take the glass, sips at it and feels the sweetness of the vanilla vodka and the tang of the passionfruit coat her dry mouth. Her stomach’s still churning as Vanessa sits regarding her for a moment. Brooke wants to say something. She wants to immediately apologise for it all, even though she’s left twelve voicemails and twenty texts saying the same thing. She wants to ask how Vanessa is, even though that would be the most idiotic of things to say. Eventually she decides to lead with a compliment.

“You look great.”

Vanessa sniffs. “You don’t.”

Brooke takes the hit, supposes she deserves it. “I’ve not been sleeping great.”

“Yeah. Yvie’s mentioned,” Vanessa looks down at her lap, blinks. When she looks up again she’s clearly ready to speak, and Brooke’s heart is in her mouth. “So, we need to talk properly.”

“Yes.”

Vanessa looks down at the table, then into Brooke’s eyes. Brooke can tell she’s having a hard time doing so. “Uh, first off I wanna say sorry.”

The apology knocks Brooke for six. She feels herself frown involuntarily. “For what?”

“Well, it was wrong of me to try an’ make you choose between me and your friend. I knew it was wrong the moment I said it but I was jealous, an’ I was hurt. But that don’t excuse it, so I’m sorry.”  

Brooke shakes her head. She’d been annoyed at Vanessa for that at the time, and she’d have maybe appreciated an apology a month ago, but just now it only seems trivial in the grand scheme of things. “Vanessa, you don’t…you don’t need to apologise for this situation.”

Vanessa narrows her eyes at her and there’s a warning look in her gaze, so Brooke drops her protests and shrugs a little. “But I accept your apology.”

Vanessa nods, clearly following some internal script. Brooke is happy to go along with it, to play her part and say her lines, whatever they’re meant to be. She’s so used to immediately taking control of every situation she finds herself in, and even though her stomach feels sick and she feels as if she’s in an interrogation room she doesn’t mind playing the role of the witness and letting Vanessa be the lawyer for a change. She supposes she is on trial in some way.

“Now…I know that you’re sorry, you’ve made that pretty clear, so I don’t want another apology from you,” Vanessa begins, and part of Brooke doesn’t like that because she does want to say sorry, but maybe that’s just for her own benefit and not Vanessa’s. Vanessa sighs as she continues, looks down at her drink and this time doesn’t break eye contact. “But I need you to know how much you hurt me.”

Brooke winces. She realises Vanessa’s waiting for confirmation. “Okay.”

Vanessa pauses, and the breath she takes is shaky before she speaks again. “I…loved you so much, Brooke Lynn.”

The past tense slices Brooke in half.

“I never loved anyone like that before in my life. An’ I always thought you were too good to be true, like somehow one day I’d wake up and our whole relationship would be a dream. I never stopped tellin’ you how lucky I was or how much I appreciated you or how much I loved you. An’ you never stopped tellin’ me either. You made me feel so loved, an’ so precious, an’ so…fuck, sorry.”

Vanessa’s tone grows frustrated, anger layering with the tears Brooke can see in her eyes as she tips her head up, swipes at them like a tiger to wipe them away. Brooke thinks her heart might be breaking again, halves into quarters.

“An’ so that day, when we had that fight,” Vanessa continues, staring steadfastly at Brooke. “All of that, everything we had…it was like it didn’t matter anymore? Like everything we’d shared an’ everything I’d told you an’ everything you’d told me…like, what, that was all for nothing?”

“It wa-”

“Just lemme get this out, please,” Vanessa puts a hand up, stops her. “It was like everything I knew about you was just…nothing. I didn’t know you anymore. An’ I know it was a stupid fight and we shoulda been able to work that shit out, but…I was hurt. I’m still hurting. You hurt me.”

Vanessa stops. She’s done. Brooke wants to cry. She swallows the feeling down before she speaks.

“I behaved like a dick. And I said stupid things, but by the time they were out I couldn’t take them back. I didn’t mean any of it, Vanessa, I just…opened my mouth and said whatever got there first. That’s my fault, I know that. And I know I’ve apologised before but I haven’t had the chance to do it in person, so I’m honestly so sorry for hurting you. For making it seem like our relationship meant nothing to me. Like you meant nothing to me. You mean the world to me, you still do,” Brooke sighs, trying to make the deep breath she takes to stave off her tears subtle. She can’t meet Vanessa’s eyes when there’s tears in her own so she fixes her gaze on the passionfruit half floating in her drink as she continues. “And you don’t have to accept it, just as long as you hear it.”

“I know,” Vanessa says instantly. She looks calmer now she’s said her piece and heard Brooke’s, and she takes a sip from the two little black straws sticking out of the martini glass. She suddenly rolls her eyes, a bitter smile spreading across her face. “Fuck you, Brooke Lynn.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I mean…fuck you for making me still love you. Fuck me for still loving you,” Vanessa sighs, resigned. The words make Brooke’s heart give a leap and she can’t help the smile she instantly tries to suppress and fails. Vanessa narrows her eyes at her, her expression turning serious. “But that don’t mean I forgive you.”

“I know. You don’t have to,” Brooke says guiltily. She thinks about saying it, wonders if it’ll guilt-trip Vanessa and she doesn’t want that, but indulgently and selfishly she says it anyway. “I still love you. I never stopped.”

Vanessa winces as if she’s been shot, her expression instantly turning into one of discomfort and her eyes squeezing shut. Brooke frowns. “Sorry.”

“Stop apologising, Christ. You’re so fuckin’ Canadian,” Vanessa sighs exasperatedly as she puts her head in her hands, and Brooke probably would’ve laughed if she hadn’t been trying to repair the most important relationship of her life so far. Brooke feels awkward and she’s in this conversation without a map, unsure which direction it’s going in.

“Where do we go from here?”

Vanessa drains her glass, foam and syrup all that’s left. She leans back in her chair and folds her arms over. There’s a tiny smile that’s back on her face, and it makes Brooke’s hopes start to climb.

“Well,” she shrugs a little, her guard still up but ever so slightly lowered. “You can start by buyin’ me another drink an’ we can take it from there.”

Brooke nods, grabs her purse and almost sprints to the bar. She orders another French martini and another pornstar- she thinks she’ll be needing it. As she waits for their drinks and the sound of ice in a cocktail shaker cuts through the air, Brooke sneaks a look at Vanessa in the booth. She’s so gorgeous. Brooke’s happy to see her again, despite the circumstances. Just as she makes to turn back around, Vanessa’s head snaps up from the phone in her hand and their eyes meet.

Vanessa’s gaze is soft and the small smile on her face is warm.

Maybe they’re going to be okay.

[kyshiwarrior]

fun fact from me today!

tw: suicide 

so my mental disorder hit me like a train this last week and i was really contemplating suicide, thought i was worthless, and all that jazz. I was going to call the suicide hotline because I needed someone, but I found a link to some therapists. And I saw a woman who had a therapy dog ( primary highlight ) who said she worked with BPD people. I called her up and we scheduled an appointment. She only takes out of pocket, $80 a session. And my desperate ass went ‘i guess its worth it if it gets me to next week’

so i go

and this......bitch. i opened up to her. say i have been diagnoised and am being treated for bipolar, but I know I am 99.9% sure I have borderline personality disorder, too. And she goes “Aren’t those the same thing?”

A licensed....therapist....that says she specialized in bipolar on her site.

Me, a 23 year old college student....actually had to explain the difference. 

Then she lets me talk, asks me about my suicidal thoughts, goes into a tangent about how we have to do paperwork and she forgot about that. Her phone goes off. And I’m being really patient and understanding because -- hey, we’re human.  Next she goes ahead and makes me this whole family tree bullshit.  She asks me about abuse in the family then asks me why I’m seeing her. Because I mentioned I had been seeing a school therapist -- at the beginning of the session, now repeating myself -- but I needed someone more professional who could guide me towards coping mechanisms and so on.

And she goes:

I don’t specialize in that actually.

And for the next half hour has a telephone book and writes down a total of three numbers to reference me to other people as she emphasizes she can’t help me.

Okay.

Okay, okay. Thanks for being honest to my face. Sweet --

That’ll be $80 .

 --- she wasted an hour of my time...literally only got my family tree and a very basic ‘why are you here’, basically told me ‘that sucks here let me refer you to someone else’ and had the audacity....to ask me...someone who came to her for help because i was contemplating suicide... for $80 to pay for absolute bullshit -- like what kind of sick scam is that?

j e s u s c h r i s t.  And the numbers she gave me all said they check their numbers daily and I only got voicemails and no returned calls. I hope they get back to me because I’m not going back to her. I told her I would give her $40 considering half the session was her referring me to other people -- and she agreed to it. But shit... what a scam...if I were her and recognized I wasted the time of a mentally ill person in need? I wouldn’t ?? even ?? charge them?? It wasn’t like she was busy she said her whole schedule was clear. 

anyways. People suck. And I’m hanging in there.

[theajaheira]

happy birthday bb!!💟💕💞💓💓💟💕 💗💕 I hope this is ur gayest year yet!😚❤🍰🎂🎉 And hmm for prompts (im assuming u want candiles?) hmmm maybe can u imagine jenny meeting like giles' parents or some family anf seeing pictures of him when he was younger and just mocking tf outta him??? sbdihdidfnkf OR also imagine them both hooking up in band candy instead of joyce... dgjdbdjd what would young jenny be like hmm...

this turned out angstier than intended but uh. here it is. whoops.

read on ao3!!

Jenny was curling her already-curled hair nervously around one finger, the ringlets soft and bouncy in a way that looked unnaturally glamorous on her. She looked a bit like a movie starlet, with her long black wrap and even longer deep blue evening gown and impeccably done makeup. She didn’t look at all like herself, and Rupert didn’t like it all that much.

“You know they aren’t expecting—” he began, then decided to try a different tactic. “You could have just worn that red dress you wore to prom.”

“This is England,” said Jenny. “They’re a bunch of you.”

“I resent that statement,” said Rupert, affectionate and patient; he’d been with his love long enough to know that she was at her most sarcastic when nervous. He stepped forward, winding his arms around her stomach from behind, and felt her relax into his chest. “You look beautiful,” he said. “Truly, you do.”

And he meant it. He did, even if it was colored by worry. Jenny looked incredible, but what bothered Rupert was that she didn’t look comfortable with the way she looked. She had been breathless and smiling at prom, wearing a knee-length red number adorned with dark lace that left room for her to dance, and her hair had been done up in a haphazard bun. This polished, perfect look clearly wasn’t something she felt at home in—though she certainly did seem at home in Rupert’s arms. “You think so?” she said in a small voice.

“I’m an expert on the subject,” said Rupert, kissing the top of her head in a way that wouldn’t muss her hair. “You’re absolutely stunning.”

“Okay,” said Jenny, staring distantly at herself in the mirror and swallowing, hard. “But—I don’t know, I mean—we’ve known each other for what, one year?”

“Nearly two,” said Rupert patiently.

“And I don’t want them to start asking about marriage—”

“Marriage,” said Rupert, “is a wonderful gesture, but one that the both of us don’t really need to affirm anything.” He brushed a few locks of hair away from Jenny’s neck, pressing his lips there. She sighed. “If there are any questions you feel uncomfortable with, I’ll handle them.”

“What if they don’t like me?”

It was clear Jenny hadn’t meant to ask that question, because after she did, her face went sort of pink and she bit her lip, looking almost ashamed of herself. Rupert felt a strange, painful mixture of worry and a protective sort of love, and turned her gently around so that she was facing him. He placed a finger under her chin, tilting it up. “What my family thinks of you is positively irrelevant to me,” he said, and wished they were far enough into a long-term relationship that he could say everything he wanted to say without the shy hesitation in his chest.

Jenny seemed to get the words unsaid, though, because she gave him a whisper of a smile and rubbed her nose lightly against his. “I love you,” she said softly. “Like, kind of a lot.”

“I love you kind of a lot as well,” said Rupert, and kissed her, a soft brush of a kiss that only lasted a few seconds. Jenny was smiling fully when they pull back; a sweet, comforted smile that made Rupert feel quite warm. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah,” said Jenny, looking a little apprehensive at the notion, and reached up to run a hand nervously through her hair. Rupert caught her hand and kissed the knuckles, and her expression relaxed into another smile. “Yeah,” she said again.

The museum was full to bursting with various high-profile Watchers, most of whom did an almost comical double-take upon seeing the black sheep of the Council not only have the audacity to show up at an event, but show up with a date. Rupert kept his fingers interlaced with Jenny’s as he scanned the room for his father; Jenny shifted nervously on the balls of her feet and nearly tripped over her long dress.

It was his father who spotted them first, giving Rupert a small, polite smile as he crossed the room to them. Jenny was clutching Rupert’s hand with an intensity that hurt, and he had to make a real effort not to wince. “Father,” he said, and inclined his head. There always seemed to be some strange distance between him and his father, even now; he wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

“Rupert,” said Mr. Giles, then eyed Jenny, very clearly sizing her up.

Jenny smiled, uncomfortable, and her eyes flickered to Rupert with a strange sort of worry—not for herself, but for him.

Abruptly, painfully, Rupert knew why she was so afraid—her own family, the one she gave so much of her life to, had cast her out and told her she’d failed them. She didn’t talk about it much, but there were certain days of the year that she was quiet and subdued, sitting in the living room with scraps of letters and photographs and a glass of wine half-forgotten on the coffee table.

She didn’t want that for him. She didn’t want her failings to cost him his family.

“Father,” said Rupert, and tucked his arm around Jenny’s waist, steadying her with a quiet strength. “This is my girlfriend Jenny Calendar.”

“Rupert,” said Mr. Giles again, somewhat dismissively, “I don’t entirely know why you’re here. This gala is invitation-only.”

Jenny flinched like she’d been hit, and Rupert felt a twist of worry in his chest for her sake. He was used to his father’s somewhat abrasive manner, knew there was an awkward sort of softness buried very deep underneath, but Jenny was fiercely protective of him and it showed in that moment. “He’s a damn good Watcher is why he’s here,” she said, and gave Mr. Giles a positively stunning smile, eyes glinting dangerously.

Mr. Giles took another look at Jenny, then looked back at Rupert with a somewhat disapproving frown, then turned to Jenny. “How old are you, Jenny?” he asked, sounding doubtful that he’d be pleased with the answer. “You look at least ten years younger than my son.”

Jenny turned pink, stepping away from Rupert immediately and giving Mr. Giles a nervous smile as though not quite sure what to do. Rupert kept on thinking about the way Jenny had reacted upon seeing her uncle’s corpse on the bed (arms crossed against her stomach, lips pressed together in a half-grimace, shaking where she stood) and suddenly realized that it had been an egregious mistake to bring her to meet his father before anyone else. “Excuse me,” he said, and took Jenny’s hand in his, tugging her away from his bemused father and towards the dessert table.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Jenny said in a strangled tone of voice, “I’m just—I don’t want—”

“I don’t give a damn about my family, Jenny,” said Rupert.

“You say that now because you have one,” said Jenny, looking up at him and forcing a smile. “Okay? I miss my mom and my cousins and all those dumb little nieces and nephews who thought I was the shit because I knew stuff about computers and I could fix a car. I even miss being told by everyone that I was a bad influence because then at least I was, I was part of something, you know? And I say I don’t miss it, but I do, and I know you would too if you didn’t have it to fall back on. You don’t realize how much you miss these things until they’re gone—”

“Rupert!” came a delighted voice from behind him, and Rupert turned, startled. Lavinia Fairweather was standing with a glass of champagne, looking positively delighted.

“A moment, please,” said Rupert, worried.

“Oh, no, it’s, it’s okay,” said Jenny, whose eyes looked suspiciously watery. She scrubbed at her face with her wrap, smiling nervously. “We’ll just, um, who are you exactly?”

Lavinia frowned, then softened in that horrible-maiden-aunt way that always made Rupert a little nervous. “Oh, poor thing,” she said, stepping up to Jenny and straightening her wrap. “Rupert, you didn’t take her straight to your father, did you? That’s no way to treat a lady friend.”

“Um,” said Rupert, who was getting the sense that he was losing a worrying amount of control over the situation. But Jenny was softening at a friendlier Giles relative, and the shy, hopeful look in her eyes was much too much for him to risk pulling her away from what might make her feel a bit better.

“I’m Lavinia,” Lavinia was saying to Jenny. “Rupert’s aunt.”

“You’re kidding,” said Jenny disbelievingly. “You look younger than me, and—” She paused, flushing, and Rupert caught her sneak a glance at Mr. Giles. “I’m probably way too young to be dating someone like Rupert, right?” she said, sounding only half-joking. Oh, Rupert was going to have words with his father about this one.

“Absolutely not,” said Lavinia. “Rupert’s always been behind the curve when it comes to maturity. Hold on, I have photos—” She dug in her purse, fishing about.

“Oh for the love of god I can’t believe she carries them with her,” Rupert muttered, and tried to decide whether to run and hide, drag Jenny away, or both.

Unfortunately, his resolve completely shattered when he saw the way Jenny was smiling. “That’s kinda what I thought,” she said, and stood on tiptoe to kiss Rupert on the cheek. “He’s always been a little behind the curve in all respects, and I love him for it.”

“Good lord,” said Rupert, and kissed Jenny properly, if briefly. She tilted her head up, eyes half-shut.

“Oh my goodness they’re sickeningly adorable,” came Sophie’s voice, and Rupert winced a bit, pulling back. “This must be the new lady friend, then?”

“Lover,” said Rupert, trying in vain to make himself sound like an adult.

“Do notcall me your lover in front of your aunts,” said Jenny, and whacked him lightly with her wrap.

“Pictures!” sang out Lavinia, brandishing a handful that looked like—oh god they were from his fighter pilot phase. Kill him. Kill him now. Jenny shrieked, nearly knocking Rupert over as she all but raced to get a better look at the photos. “Wasn’t he a darling?” said Lavinia innocently, giving Rupert a wicked smile over Jenny’s head.

“Please,” said Rupert. “Be merciful.”

“You inflict your father on this poor, sweet girl and tell us to be merciful,” scoffed Sophie, peering at Jenny in a way that wasn’t at all like Mr. Giles. “Goodness, but she has a lovely face! You two would make be-autiful children—”

Jenny laughed, biting her lip, and looked at Lavinia and Sophie with sparkling, almost hungry eyes. “My aunts back home,” she said, “they always used to harangue me about having children. I hated it. Still do, as a matter of fact.”

“Sensible,” said Lavinia. “I like this one.”

“Can I keep the photos?” said Jenny hopefully.

“Oh, of course!” said Sophie brightly. “We have many copies.”

“Holy fucking shit,” said Jenny, staring at one in her hand. “Rupert, are you wearing one of those dorky pilots’ helmets? How old are you in this picture?”

“Twenty-two,” said Lavinia cheerfully. “He was taking a trip down memory lane and I wisely decided to capture it.”

Rupert buried his face in his hands—mostly for show, and possibly to hide his smile.

They ended up finding their way back to Mr. Giles at the end of the gala. Jenny, though buoyed by time with Giles’s aunts, still looked nervous, but Giles had worked everything out.

“Father, to be quite frank,” he began, “I introduced you to Jenny because I wanted to make it clear that she is and will continue to be an important fixture in my life. We didn’t intend for the situation to become openly hostile—”

“I’m thirty-six,” said Jenny, cutting Rupert off. “And I have commitment issues, and one time I shot your son with a crossbow by accident. Also, I think the Watchers’ Council should start evolving with the times and stop being a bunch of creepy old librarians sitting around and making decisions about young girls.”

Mr. Giles looked vaguely bemused. Then he said, “Good lord, you two are a matched set.”

Jenny bumped Rupert’s shoulder. “That wasn’t a compliment,” said Rupert to her. Then, frowning, “Was that a compliment?”

“Make of it what you will, Rupert, I wash my hands of you,” said Mr. Giles exhaustedly. “Fired from the Council, showing up at galas with a woman nearly a decade younger than you—”

“I know, right?” said Jenny brightly. “He’s definitely doing better than you are, anyway, with that horrible suit you’re wearing.” Belatedly, she realized what she’d just said, and clapped her hands over her mouth, looking wide-eyed up at Rupert.

“We should go,” said Rupert immediately, and tucked his arm into Jenny’s to steer her out of the hall. He didn’t dare look at his father.

“Oh my god I just insulted your dad,” Jenny started saying as soon as they made it onto the front steps. “Oh my god that was not how I intended that to go oh my god I am so sorry I didn’t mean to insult your dad I just so cannot control the sarcasm—”

“His suit really was horrible,” said Rupert, and smiled a bit at Jenny. “And I don’t particularly appreciate when people are condescending to a woman who’s been nothing but kind to me.”

“Love really does make a man blind, sweetie, I spent the entirety of last year telling you off for dressing like a ninety-year-old,” said Jenny, and tugged on his lapel, pulling him into a kiss.

[sky-casino]

Savior

Genre: Fluff, Angst Pairing: Jaehyun x Reader Word Count: 2127 Warning/s: Bullying Author’s note: I instantly thought of Jaehyun the first time I listened to Taylor Swift’s Call It What You Want ;u; So I decided to write a fic inspired by the song featuring Jaehyun :)

You woke up, eyes staring blankly on the ceiling, not moving an inch. You stayed in that position for half an hour. No will to get up, dress up, and show up. What for? You were just gonna get dirty looks and hear profanities thrown at you anyway.

Your life took a 180-degree turn. Everything has changed. You’ve always imagined your life to be symbolized by a castle, and recently, you watched that same castle crumble right before your eyes. However, it was not entirely your enemies’ fault. You were to blame too.  Sleeping with your best friend’s boyfriend was never the right thing to do. Being wasted and heartbroken were not good enough reasons to justify your mistake, and they never will be.

“Taeyong, you told me you were not happy with her and that I’m the one you actually love. So why don’t you man the fuck up and tell her everything? Tell her that what happened that night was all your idea!”

“Y/N, I will not do that. Never. So don’t speak of it again and stay away from me. Understand?”

“You asshole. You just played with me!” You screamed as you repeatedly hit the guy in front of you.

“What the hell, stop!Look, I’m sorry. Okay? I thought.. I thought I had the guts to break up with her. But I realized that I’m very much still in love with her. Things were just tough between us and I couldn’t think and see clearly that’s why-”

“That’s why you fucked me and fooled me with all your sweet lies? Huh? Admit it. You don’t love her anymore but you’re just afraid of the way everybody will treat you if they find out the truth.  You’re such a coward and I can’t believe I’ve been in love with you for a long time. Goodfuckingbye.” 

You replayed in your mind the conversation you had with Taeyong, your best friend’s boyfriend, right after everyone in the school learned about the shitty mistake that both of you did. You tried to explain and apologize to your best friend so many times but it just made her despise you even more. She believed him instead of you. Several hurtful words and painful slaps happened and eventually, the six-year friendship you shared ended in a disastrous note. You lost her and all your other friends and it was all because of a guy who played with your heart.

That was three weeks ago and you hoped that the issue would have died down by now but of course it didn’t, you provided the school the drama they always craved for and they will not let you live. People who didn’t even have anything to do with you and the issue had the audacity to openly mock you, with your ex-friends and Taeyong just watching. You had no one to eat lunch with, no one to go to the library with, no one to spend free time with. By now, you just wanted to give up and drop out, but your parents have worked hard to send you to this university. You didn’t want their hard work to go to waste.In the end, you lazily forced yourself to get up, dress up, show up. “Just two more semesters and I’m done.” You reminded yourself.

As you expected: same shit, different day. You just got home from that hellish place and you were unlocking the door to your apartment when you heard someone greet you from the next unit. 

“Hello!” You turned to your left to see a guy with dark brown hair, around six feet tall, locking his door. He flashed you the brightest smile you’ve seen in a while, dimples on both cheeks popping up.

“Hi.”

“I’m Jaehyun. I’m just new here.” He introduced himself,sticking out his hand to you for a handshake.

“I’m Y/N.” You replied as you shook his hand, it was warm and soft.

“I’d love to talk more but I have work. See you.”

“Oh, alright. What’s your job, if I may ask?”

“I’m a part-time barista in a coffee shop at the other block.”

“Wow, that’s great.”

“Okay, bye!” You watched him as he hurried down the stairs. “He’s cute.”

A few nights later while you were doing your homework, you heard a knock on the door. You had no idea who it might be because all your friends dropped you already, remember? 

You opened to see your friendly barista neighbor, Jaehyun.

“Hi, Y/N.” Jaehyun smiled at you as he cutely shook the paper bags in his hands.

“Hi, Jaehyun. What are those?” You asked as you let him in.“Some leftover pastries and coffee.”

“For me?”

“Yep. To be honest, I’ve been wanting to invite you to the coffee shop I work at, but our free time don’t really match, do they?”

“Right. Thank you so much, though. You didn’t have to do this.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. You’re doing your homework?”

“Yes. But that can wait. So.. tell me about yourself?”

“Hmm.. I’m studying Architecture and honestly, it’s kind of hard balancing studies and work. But I need to earn. You?”

“Psychology.”

“Wow. The study of the mind? Why did you choose that?”

“Because I love observing people and trying to understand why they think and act the way they do.”

The both of you enjoyed each other’s company, learning about each other over coffee and sweets. Favorite books, movies, likes, and dislikes.Everything.

“I need to go now, it’s getting late. “ Jaehyun said after an hour of talking to you.

“Okay. Thank you for the food and coffee, and for coming by.I really enjoyed.”

“I had a great time. Wish we could do this more often.”

“Sure. I'd love to. Good night!”

“Good night, sweet dreams.”

You closed the door and realized that you haven’t been this happy for the past month and a half. Jaehyun was the best thing to happen in this shitty life of yours.

A month later on a Friday morning as you were about to go out of your apartment, you heard incessant knocks. “Y/N? You still there?”Jaehyun asked through the door.

“Hey Jaehyun. Morning!”

“Hey, so did you hear the news about the meteor shower tonight?”

“What? No! There’s a meteor shower tonight? Can we see it here?”

“Yes! It will be visible on our sky at exactly 7:14PM. I’m here to ask.. if you’d like to see it with me?”

“Oh, Sure! My last class ends at 6PM. Where do you want us to meet?”

“Hmm.. I’m thinking at the rooftop of this apartment? Is that alright?”

“Okay!”

“Alright. See you later, Y/N! I’ll bring sweets and coffee again.”

“Great! What do you want me to bring?”

“Nothing. Just bring yourself. Bye!” Jaehyun shouted as he ran to the opposite direction. 

Jaehyun gave you something to look forward to everyday. Both his spontaneous and planned visits leave you excited and asking for more. You realized that he distracts you from ultimately spiraling into depression. He is your escape. Just a look at him and you forget all the people surrounding you every day, looking at you with judging eyes, waiting for you to make a mistake no matter how small it was. He is saving you, and he doesn’t even know it.

It was a few minutes before 7:14PM when you arrived at the rooftop. Jaehyun was already there.

“Hi Jae! Sorry, I was almost late! The professor extended the class a little bit.”

“It’s okay. At least you made it on time. Here!” He gave you a cup of iced macchiato.

“Thank you. I’m so excited!” A few minutes later and the meteors started to line the sky.

“Oh my god, Jaehyun! They’re so beautiful! I’m glad you told me about this!” You said as you recorded the spectacle on your phone. You were so focused that you didn’t notice that Jaehyun was actually watching the falling stars through the reflection on your eyes. He has fallen in love and you don’t know it.“

There’s a reason why you’re the one I wanted to watch the stars with.” Jaehyun said as the astronomical event came to an end, looking down on his fingers as he fiddled with them. His tone was a bit more serious than usual and it got you a little concerned.

“And what is that reason?”

“I have something important to tell you.” He said as he looked up at you. You had no idea what that ‘something important’ is but you started to feel uneasy.

“I like you, Y/N. Can you be my girlfriend?” You suddenly couldn’t hear anything else. No chirping birds,no honks from the streets below, nothing. Your eyes were fixated on Jaehyun’s and you stayed still for a long time that he had to gently shake you by your arm.

“Y/N, are you okay? I’m sorry. Did I shock you?”

“Don’t you think it’s too early for this? We just met around two months ago.”

“Well.. yeah I thought of that too. But, I really like you Y/N. So I think-“

“You have a lot that you don’t know about me.” You said as you tried to stand up. But Jaehyun held you back.“What do you mean? I know a lot about you. Haven’t we been spending lots of time together? Yes, I know I don’t know everything but at least-“

“You don’t know that I slept with my ex-best friend’s boyfriend.” You blurted out. Silence followed as Jaehyun didn’t know what tosay.

“You don’t know that I let a guy play with my feelings and let that same guy ruin my friendship with the most important friend I’ve ever had. You don’t know that everyone in my school thinks of me as a snake.” You were sobbing by now and no matter how hard you tried, the tears wouldn’t stop falling.

“I’m sorry, Jaehyun. But I don’t thi-“

“But I know that you feel sorry for that.”

“What?”

“I know that you feel sorry for that mistake. That you regret it. That you want your best friend back. And that you are having a hard time. Yes, I didn’t know all those things that you just said but I know that you are a good person who just got played. We all make mistakes, Y/N. And  Ijust want you to know that I’m here. I want to help you, make you happy, make you feel loved. There are a lot of things I want to do with you, make forts under covers, run away together. I don’t care what they think or say about you. I love you, Y/N. You can start over, with me. You can transfer to my school? Whatever it takes just for you to be happy again.”

“I don’t deserve you, Jaehyun.” You said in between sobs.“You do, Y/N. We all deserve someone to help us.” Jaehyun said as he wrapped you in his warmth. You hugged him back and buried your face into his neck. He smelled of coffee and cologne.

“Would you run away with me?” He whispered.

“Yes.”

[secretlettersillneversend]

Like is u serious?

I’m writing this shit because I honestly can’t believe you. Like you make up for your low emotional intelligence and lack of common sense with the NERVE and the AUDACITY. like what the actual fuck. 

How are you going to email me and ask if “I’m still down” to go on a fucking vacation with you? Like are you serious??? 

What part of: I DONT WANNA FUCKING BE WITH YOU AND WE ARE NOT A COUPLE AND I ALSO DONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU, do you not fucking understand? 

It’s not enough that you fucking tormented me over the last 3 years? 

It’s not enough that the last time I saw you, you still said shit like, “I wish we never dated, and stayed friends, because it’s harder to lose a friend”? 

It’s not enough that I still feel like you never fucking truly loved me and that I feel like I’m too damaged for anyone else now? 

Is that shit NOT FUCKING ENOUGH???? YOU HAVE TO TAKE FUCKING MORE?????????? 

I saw this post on reddit at work the other day, and this comment really hit who you are on the head. 

You claim you’re so “logical” but really what it is, is that your emotional intelligence is extremely low, and you’re incredibly emotionally immature. I doubt you’ve grown as a person since you were in jhs/hs and it really fucking shows. 

Because while people at our age of 22-24 are becoming real adults, growing and taking personal responsibility for themselves and their actions, but you??? ha. 

ripped from reddit: 

- Yeah I agree with this. Your BF might have some good qualities, but mostly it sounds like he's super selfish and not in a place to be in a mutually equitable relationship. He did you a favor. Take some time to get over the relationship, but definitely don't go back. You can't "not fight" in a relationship. Learning how to fight properly is something that you'll need to learn, but you can't do that with a guy who thinks relationships are never fighting. Someone like that just wants to get what they want all the time without consequence.

- Going forward I'd keep in mind that I've rarely seen someone who calls themselves 'logical' actually be more logical than their partner in most situations. Instead, it can mean 'I have low emotional intelligence and tact, and value my own emotions more than my partner's, and would like a defense to shut my partner down when they have an emotional reaction to something hurtful I said'.Everyone with common sense knows emotions aren't logical and yet can still take their partner's into account before opening their mouth. 'I think logically' to defend saying something hurtful is just an excuse to avoid having to take other people's feelings into account.

^^^^^^ ALL OF THAT. 

honestly i am the most mad at myself for not kicking you out of my life sooner, i blame my sense of loyalty to one dick and one dick only, and you for making me feel insecure and gaslighting me to the point where I feel like I would’ve been ditching a person in need, a hurting person, and you treating me like a fucking piece of shit in return. 

I’m not going to entertain you and your nonsense, thoughtless, selfish and tactless emails with a response, I know you’d just reply with some ridiculous ass shit to make me keep responding and i’m not fucking about it, you fucking stupid dickwad cunthead.

(Oh, and P.S. your head game was never as strong as you thought it was, I said LICK AND SUCK (but mostly suck) but you didn’t even know where my clit was, so...) 

[diggersofgraves]

So i dont like doing the whole "coming out" thing bc idk, I dont feel like I should explain to people who I want to be with (but it's good if ur about it! This is just my personal opinion :) )

And yesterday i was face timing my best friend (who's known since 9th grade that I like girls) and my other friend (who doesnt know bc we dont talk about relationship stuff, so it doesnt come up).

But yesterday my best friend mentioned me being with a girl (bc we finally got up to talking about relationships), which is fine bc I'm not trying to hide that from my friends, I just dont think I should sit them down and have that conversation 🤷🏽‍♀️

And I love my friend but..... OH MY GOD, she got so weird after that.

First off she was like, "are you trying to tell me something?" And I was like "bro I'm not trying to tell u anything, you take whatever u hear as u want" and then she went onto this whole spiel where she was like, "I support the gays! I mean, I'm not gay myself, but I support them! But I'm not gay I'm not gay okay!" And it just became a thing of her saying shes not gay even tho.... no one even implied that she was. And my best friend and i were like..... okay no one.... we're not talking about that.

So then we FINALLY managed to move on from the topic on (which like I said, wasnt even a topic, it was something said in PASSING, and she made it a whole fucking thing)

And here's my thing. I flirt with my friends. a lot. Doesnt everyone??? So I'm out here flirting with my best friend. I don't even really flirt with my other friend, but onc in a while the moment happens and I take it up. She complains about me flirting too much with my bff and not with her.

So there was a moment where I jokingly flirted with her, and she got SUPER fucking weird about it. "You know I'm not gay, right? I support gays but I'm not. I'm not gay" okay bro if ANYONE thought i was gay for any of my friends, it wouldnt be you, itd be my bff. So I stopped flirting with her.

Then at one point my bff left momentarily to make herself some tacos so it was just me and my friend.

And she was like "oh man when is V coming back" and I said, "what's wrong? Earlier u WANTED to talk with me alone" and she was like, "I dont know it's kinda weird. Should I hang up? I dont wanna be alone with you" OKAY bitch

What, u worried I'm gonna hit on you?? I'm gonna pull my fucking lesbian moves on u or some shit???

And she had the AUDACITY to ask my bff (who's straight), "dont you feel uncomfortable when she stays over at your place and sleeps with you on ur bed????"

I have been gay the ENTIRE time this girl knew me, but somehow someone telling her straight up changed everything for her

And this why I've always RESENTED the idea that we're somehow 'different' and therefore have to have an entire conversation with people about this shit.

And why, even if they "support gay people" ive never particularly wanted to come out to them bc they always treat u different anyways.

I have known this girl for 7 years and she started acting like she just met me the moment my bff said, "and Monse with her girl in her arms" or whatever.

The only tru straight motherfuckers in my life are 2 of my roommates and my bff, and that's IT.

[inthewordsofahalfgoddes]

Hmm the universe is really testing me fuck. Money money money u guess that's the focus now. Now I def can't move out not yet. Fuck. Why is my mom so selfish fuck if she had if waited a month and payed her part of the bill we wouldn't be in this situation ugh FUCK why ugh fuck I feel overwhelmed it isn't fair that everything is happening right now I'm gonna have to drop like all my money into the power again and water like fuck I'm terrible with money and shit but why are my parents worse then me????? Now everything I planned for has to be delayed again while I help them deal with this mess. Fuck FUCKKK I'm not even mad just sad like it's like they forget we have little children around. Food, power, water WiFi kids shouldn't have to worry about bills! Or that the basic utilities might not be around. This def is gonna take me over the edge I'm just so frustrated. No I can't get too fucked over all of this. I just gotta pick up more shifts and do what I haven't to do. I've had to pull money and solutions out of thin air before I can help fix this. You know what's funny this was in the reading I had. More burdens and responsibility will be put on me. I've been saying for a while now that I've reached a lvl of control on myself emotions and it's now being tested. Just gotta dig deep and do what's needed. This year was already predicted to be hard for me. That the change I want to see will be something I work for. From the jump tho 😂 the universe don't wanna play around ugh. Okay I gotta make whatever I make from this chart reading last for a bit and whatever I get from this check last too. I got whatever impulsive selfish buying I needed out of me the past December so now I should he good. Though I really wanted to buy a part with this paycheck it gotta go to food. Okay nah it's not all that bad tbh I'm just like overwhelmed so as long as I take it slowly and do the small things I'll work through it just puts a delay to what I want to do fuck. I still gotta wait for a call from avalon so I can start doing my counselling to get over the fucking rape, take extra shifts at work, pay the bills and really really be easy on myself. I'm trying and if I bully myself I'll fuck it all up. AA much as this news suck I'm happy I can finally release these emotions. I just want to curl in bed and do nothing but smoke and listen to music. I feel alone but I know I'm not I just gotta reach out I know that. This is gonna be a hard month but January is never east. I'm nappy batman been coming in my room in the mornings cause waking up to him purring is so soothing. I need to do a face mask and get ready for the reading. I still got a couple more signs to work through before I can head to her place. I got two more charts to draw up then I'll take a break from charts. Astrology has lost its charm a bit but I enjoyed meeting with people and taljjh about it with them. Oh what's soooo fucking funny is how everyone is bothering me now. Like all the people I left on read told that I don't wannabe hang around them or talk suddenly hits me up. You know I never believed the saying that they always come back but they literally do! Just leave me alone I can't stand men right now Jesus is the only one I'd even want to connect with. Hmm maybe it's because I feel weak right now that they hit me up now. If I was back to my old destructive says I'd prob respond cause I been feeling really lonely all I wanna do is have someone hug me do I can like cry and just like dump all my emotions out.I forgot how sad I actually am. Inside me just lives this very disappointed sad girl. But I gotta take care of her. All those crusty men just want to take from me anyway and I been knowing that. I hate when people fake care when all they want is some pussy honestly the fact that they hitting me up is making me so mad. I'm blocking then fuck them nah honestly the audacity. It ducks cause since the city not the biggest I know they see me travelling frim work and shit I'm so happy I got these headphones cause no ond wanna talk to me. I'm so mad abd the funny thing is most of them think im crazy ! It's so funny I'll be trying to idj treat them like a person and have conversation and they call me crazy for not assuming I don't wanna fucj! They're the crazy ones not me. I'm over here trying my best to live a good life and they like ugh I'm deading this right now. I'm not wasting my energy on it I've already wasted enough just writing about it. Okay I feel better. I know what I gotta do so imma do it. I feel the heaviness lifting. Good. When I get back I'm gonna do an inventory of my finances abd see what I'm working with. Capricorn gonna whip me into shape. I got until November to shoe the universe what I can do. I can do this I can handle it I might cry about it the ENTIRE way but I'm gonna get through it. I'm grateful everyone I love is alive and safe. I have a job that I can work at that I kove,peope who care about me and I'm alive. Be present be grateful be hopeful. A quick fuck you to that white boy who ruined new years for me and fucked with my gig. I hope he gets his karma abd regrets EVER fucking putting something in my drink. I'm so mad I even gave a window of oppritubity for it to happen. Never again nah I'm so mad a bit at myself for looking away for asec but mostly at the dumb ass who couldn't get me unless he had me unconscious. I'm ma's that I gotta deal with this. I'm mad that this happens to women and it happens often. In mad that my friends are all going through it. I'm just fucking mad I gotta be so on gaurd with people and I'm mad that people get upset when I'm cautious. I wish I didn't have to be so closed abdsuspicioys like I want to be trusting and kind abd soft but I can't! Only NY friends get to see that side because they would never try to hurt me. I don't deserve all this fucking nonsense but too bad thats bit how the universe works. Ugh htddgfrthhgddryyyrrguh I gotta charge my phone and do my face mask. Lmao my face a mess rift now! Gotta get cute before I go see Angarad. Such a pretty name I bet she's pretty too. I night of astrologyyessir. I wish I could just sleep tgo :-; I Jeep having terrible drereajs I can barely memba but I wwake up on high alert abd mad. Anywaysss