#YOU DONT UNDERSTAND I COULD HAVE HAD GAY EDDIE REAL | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wrestlezon · 2 years

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(hell yeah. heres a whole post blogging about my blog. i hope you like introspective words. if not... then definitely dont click that readmore)

I posted 3,572 times in 2022

That's 3,572 more posts than 2021!

(well... a respectable amount... for this being the first year of Blog Existing)

370 posts created (10%)

3,202 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

pepsitwist

dogcollarpunk

hoodyhoo

allelitewrestlings

(3 people with the best tastes on the site and a fantastic sourced aew content blog. hell yea ofc these were my most reblogged blogs)

I tagged 3,533 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

(oh no. where are they. where are these 40 untagged posts?? how could i leave them BARREN... NO... THEYRE LOST... OUT IN THE COLD...)

#chuck taylor - 576 posts

#orange cassidy - 570 posts

#cm punk - 500 posts

#fanart - 406 posts

#p - 291 posts

#trent beretta - 229 posts

#talkzon - 221 posts

#mjf - 220 posts

#jon moxley - 201 posts

#eddie kingston - 198 posts

(ah yes my top 3 favorite wrestlers. chuck, orange, cm punk. of course. LMAO. funnily enough the pipeline for me was in that exact reverse order... punk vs eddie got me watching the show, then i saw an orange match and was like hey thats fun and cool, then i was like hold up... whos that weird-cute guy who hangs out with him sometimes... and now here i am. with incurable chuck taylor brain worms.)

(ok. actually the story is a bit more ironic than that but if i get too openly genuine on here i'll break out in hives sooooo moving on)

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#excalibur said something last friday along the lines of ''hes not willing to team up with danhausen yet'' which made me laugh out loud. ''ye

(my tag got cut off... i think this is before xkit rewritten added the ''tag too long'' alert for the quicktags thing. i dont even remember what the rest of it was supposed to be... this was on a gifset of the hook birthday chips incident)

My Top Posts in 2022:

thank you aew broadcast team for the instant replay alternate angle on wardlow's very cool pin

295 notes - Posted July 13, 2022

(...i liked wardlow better when he was a vaguely amoral henchman guy but i can appreciate A Very Cool Pin)

"One word to describe me? GAY"

295 notes - Posted October 17, 2022

(the people need to know. they need to know max caster is an entertaining and somewhat unhinged weirdo)

listen. look. i need you to understand. look at this.

SLOUCHED. HANDS BEHIND HIS BACK. HEAD BENT DOWN. cm punk spends most of his promo at this point AVOIDING EYE CONTACT. he never even holds the goddamn mic!!! punk is posturing SO hard to appear as a small harmless creature. so much smaller than hangman.

which he factually ISNT. i mean, look at how he looks when he stands up straight, when he isn't trying to put on an appearance.

See the full post

325 notes - Posted May 26, 2022

(oh noooo lmaoooo not my overly excited cm punk theory-effortpost... embarrassing...... even more embarrassing in hindsight... u_u "wow theyre doing such a good job of working together to tell this fictional story of conflict and antagonism! such acting! such subtlety! wait. what. no. are you guys mad for real. what the")

See the full post

389 notes - Posted June 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

how im feeling about that upcoming dog collar match

752 notes - Posted March 5, 2022

(honestly the most shocking part of this was seeing people out in the wild think this was where the sickos meme came from? which doesnt even make sense chronologically?? sickos has been around forever!!! and the original comic is so good. i am not deserving of kartoonist kelly's onion comic clout i am just a wrestle blog)

(also. i have to say. getting into wrestling right as the cmjf feud started was such a mistake... it set the bar too high... wrestling is not normally Like That... ;~;)

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#year in review #talkzon #why do they add like 4 different tags for ''year in review''. no. i will have a single one

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curlytemple · 4 years

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alrighty @scottspack here i am to show my ass

top 10 ships tag! these aren’t “in order” but #1 is #1

1. cory and topanga! (boy meets world) my very first thought when given this prompt, theyre the blueprint! they are just BABIEs when they meet and they already Know each other. i will not pretend that topanga didnt shape me into the kind of girl who wouldnt change one thing about herself for a boy, keep your legs hairy and your convictions strong! the way they grow together is enough to make me hate god for not giving ME a cory matthews. high school ski trip infidelity aside, theyre the first couple that made me think i could find a man. i was wrong but its nice to think about.

2. kim possible and ron stoppable... the way the entire series is about kim being a wildly competent type A cheerleader AND teenage vigilante super spy and ron is her chilled out lame best friend who is Always there to help her save the day... please take a moment to listen to the jesse mccartney song why don’t you kiss her? that plays during the romantic climax of the kim possible movie, perfectly capturing the intense fear that comes with thinking about maybe finally kissing your best friend from preschool at your junior prom.

3. tami and coach eric taylor (friday night lights) ...come on, y’all!!!! genuinely the most real relationship i have ever seen on screen. i don’t even know what to say other than that they are REAL. coach and tami are such a good couple that it doesn’t make any sense to me that their kid would have such a massive stick up her ass. i even tried an ‘empathize with julie’ rewatch, and while a lot of her teen angst is understandable and even relatable, she still seems so disconnected from her parents/dillon at the end of the show in a very unsatisfying way! coach and tami are the heart of fnl. and tim riggins.

4. belly conklin and conrad fisher (the summer i turned pretty trilogy by jenny han) bro.... when your mother’s dying wish is for you to care for your little brother, so when he has a little crush on the girl you are In Love With you bury your feelings and go to college far away because nothing is more important than their happiness, and they could be happy together! and years go by and theyre going to get married and youre set on being Happy For Them until you find out how much your brother has actually done to break her heart and her trust and then the thought of her settling for him is even more devastating than your true desire for her to settle for you.... WHEW! when you’ve been busy coming of age and trying to make it work with your best friend that isnt really right for you and then you find out his brother who you’ve been in love with your whole life turned into a distant asshole because the most important person in yalls lives taught him to be selfless and he over-corrected in his grief... BOY!! this one makes me feel like my heart is in my stomach.

5. SENSE8! can i just say all of it? everything and everyone? if you are bisexual and havent watched sense8 yet, this one is for us, baby! the ship is an interconnected web of LOVE AND TRUST. the pairings are endless. if i HAD to choose my fav, wolfgang and kala (and rajan <3) and i cant explain why i would pick them over anyone else, thats just what my pussy told me. but frankly i shouldnt have to choose, THEY ALL SHARE ONE CONSCIOUSNESS! ONE LOVE!

6. david and patrick (schitt’s creek) you know the way we all feel like we aren’t enough and we’re Way Too Much.. dan levy really said hey guys? no offense but i think we might be capable of loving and even maybe Being Loved. the way patrick is all in on david rose from the moment he meets him, before he can even consider what that means about himself... the way they push each other out of their comfort zones and only get more comfortable with themselves and each other.. the way david’s abstract monochrome wardrobe fills with HEARTS AND RAINBOWS !!!!!! again, where’s my man? ANYWAYS,

7. todd and rory (straight up) anna said this post is for romantic ships only and so I CAN AND WILL INCLUDE THEM. i don’t want to give any spoilers because i dont think tumblr has seen this yet, but when i say this is THE romcom of the year, perhaps of my life, trust!! todd is a gay man with a sex aversion who decides to try to date women and rory is the brilliant woman he actually falls in love with. sometimes soulmates dont fuck!!! maybe there are no rules to a good relationship besides mutual respect, understanding, and the undeniable desire to Be Together. i rest my case!

8. drew barrymore and adam sandler is this valid? again i dont know or care. i grew up on adam sandler movies and drew barrymore makes him better every time. they’ve only done 3 movies together, one of which i have not and will not see (2014 is just too cursed to return to) but even tho these two have never been a couple in real life their chemistry is so palpable that they consider each other the person they will grow old with on screen. if that’s not hollywood romance, i dont know what is! sorry to timothy olyphant but even drew says adam is The One.

9. stef and lena adams-foster (the fosters) MOM AND MOMMA! listen, abc family shows are insane, but stef and lena make the drama worthwhile. their house full of teens is not perfect or easy, but never have i ever seen lesbian moms at the center of any media, let alone ones who thrive like they do when they communicate, support each other, and lead with love. this is a couple who chooses each other and their babies over and over again. its about putting in the work, having the tough conversations, and making the hard decisions because you care!!!!!

10. I DONT KNOW HOW TO END THIS, I LOVE LOVE! michael and alex! marshall and lily! steve and nancy AND jonathan! lizzie mcguire and gordo! rachel and griffin mcelroy! nick and jess! schmidt and cece! fleabag and the priest! amy pond and rory! river song and the doctor! ROSE and the doctor! MY MOM AND DAD!!!! mickey and ian! han and leia! johnny and gheorghe! princess bubblegum and marceline the vampire queen! jackie and kelso! jackie and HYDE! donna and eric! kitty and red! richie and eddie! jake and amy! brittany and santana! tim and tyra! JACK AND ENNIS! dj and steve! uncle jesse and aunt becky! aziraphale and crowley! bob and linda belcher! LARRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#will i ever be comfortable posting my thots and onions? maybe not #but here they are!#liv when i read [explanation redacted] i have never felt so close to you #love to socialize on tumblr dot com !

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topconfessions · 4 years

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[ask] Hi, I hope this doesn't come off too harsh, but I just had to say something: Just because someone is a public person doesn't make it okay to talk about their private life/mental health issues etc online. To "diagnose" someone you don't even know personally & to do it publicly is just plain disrespectful & could be incredibly harmful. I understand that you worry about top's wellbeing, but honestly, his mental health is none of your business & to gossip about it'll do more harm than good.

Meh, honey thanks for sending this but I feel absolutely 0% offended. I feel nothing from what you've said. Allow me to me to be brutally blunt and Frank with you because you like you were born after 96-98 - this is the internet. Again, this is the INTERNET. You have absolutely no clue nor recollection of what has been said and revealed about many celebrities both American and Asian on the internet. I won't expose websites and forums but I've seen and heard over 15-35 cases of dirt being spilled and discussed about a celebrity / public figure that was later deemed TRUE.

This is a fact sweetie. Miss me with the fluffy policing of what to do cause I'm brutally hard on kpop fans cause quite frankly, 79% of y'all are sheltered and dont know Jack shit about the real world when it comes to industry dirt and secrets. I implore you personally to grow some thicker skin, a more open mind to knowledge, and research.

This is more than kpop this is more than regular people - what has been said here whether from me or someone else is no different than what has been told about Britney Spears, Cardi B, Beyonce, Rihanna etc etc. Just a few weeks ago on a forum an industry insider who worked for Def Jam records exposed some old info abour Aaliyah, Diddy, Russell Simmons and Kimora etc.

Said executive spilled some lame details most of us already know with R!h R!h Fenty Beauty herself banging thats 70s show guy Ashton, which was something Rihanna denied and denied. Tea has been exposed and discussed about her unfortunately being pregnant and miscarrying with that middle eastern man's baby. That BF she broke up with which is why she suddenly gained weight all of a sudden (among other things) but according to leaker, she went into depression cause she blamed all of her heavy smoking weed days (which she does) and partying on losing the baby (when it was probably stress from the problems she had with Hassan anyways)

Point is: I know of too many stories that were literally told before the media of any type spilled that became as true as the media said it. You need to understand and accept the fact this life. Before I've ever touched this damn blog before I was even born the art (I hate to call it that) of this whole thing been around. I know mega tea about that dead celeb Michael Jackson from default cause old people know the tea and tea has been out before the internet was invented.

Like I bet you all didn't know The comedian eddie murphy is actually bisexual / gay and came onto Michael once after an awards show, trying to kiss him. Michael (this was bad era btw so before / right on the cusp of child allegations) Told him to stop and pushed him off. Michael and Eddie were never seen together sense. Lets not forget the tea that in the way you make me feel music video, his manager Frank the fat white guy FIRED Michael Jackson's video girl Tatiana thumbtzen for kissing Michaelm this has been age old industry dirt discussion everywhere and anywhere with multiple speculations but it's been denounced as Frank firing the girl behind Michael back. And celebrity managers CAN fire people without a celebrity approval. Mariah Carey manager Stella who was a wack job herself and tyrant fired people up and down without Mimi approval. Lots of drama was talked about with her until it was later confirmed when Mariah finally ditched her that she was trying to black mail Mariah and say she was lesbian and sexually harassed her via showing up naked in front of her etc etc.

Ohhhh lets not get into the whole JLO and Mariah beef with it being exposed now that JLO ripped off mant artists and is actually industry plant. Lets not get into how Ashanti actually sang I'm real without much vocals credit on the song and some of us JLO hits were NOT Jlos songs hut songs stolen from Mariah and gifted to JLO by Mariah abusive ex record label husband Tony Matola who screwed Michael Jackson over too. This info is on the same level as TOP discussion and His life.

By your logic that youtube channel Honest needs to be closed down then. By your logic the beauty community gossip channels like Rich Lux, pettypaige, and to some degree jefree star himself and all the gurus need to be gone as they've participated or said things that may hurt people feelings that weren't kept private..

Or lets not talk about open secret information that will smith and jada pinketr are swingers and Jada recent admission that she doesnt know her husband at all is hee truthfully admitting her disconnect and not her being funny for the sake of reflection for red table talk. Lets not discuss Gigi hadid doing coke and being ditzy chosing the wrong guy according to her mother. Lets not talk about Kendall Jenner being addicted to laxatives and doing drugs herself too ON TOP OF the open ended speculations about her being lesbian and going on a Leo DiCaprio route with bearding ala her particular choice of back to back basketball players with same physical features and personality. Lets not discuss the crazy rumor that Kim Kardashian has dudes she has sex with on the side behind kanye back (reportedly he is aware of this) and ks actually sleeping with that lawyer guy who is always raving about her, the black lawyer with the glasses who is helping her with the law studies and prison reform. Lets not talk about Kylie Jenner being addicted to pain killers and keeping a deal on stand by being high most of the time cause she needed meds to recover from most of the body plastic surgeries she had and the shape up after having stormi.

Let's not talk about Jessica Jung being sponsored about her sugar daddy boyfriend Tyler Kwon. Yes, Jess is a spoiled girlfriend as they say in the sugar Bowl. They didn't combine assets or nothing proper and detached like that he is funding half of her stuff and she got major connects to get her business started the same way a lot of other idols have. Lets not talk about how on porn hub many Korean actors private audition videos for roles were leaked including infamous Seo Ha Joon, the story that broke out on netizeen buzz and all the other sites where he was secretly filmed without his consent masturbating naked in his bed. I found out that ACTUALLY he wasn't chatting with a girlfriend or boyfriend it was an industry executive who was making him do certain poses and follow certain orders cause he needed to impress the exec for a chance to get sponsored for a role. He is wearing red underwear in the video. I've seen at least 3-4 jerk off videos (I didn't watch for enjoyment it was tough to watch but I needed to sort out the similarities) and I found that each actor in said jerk off videos behaved just like Seo Ha Joon. Way too exactly like him for it to be a trend in masturbating show off and they all wore certain items that were too specfic like Sri Ha Joonm anyways execs make these male actors who are C and D list do this stuff.

This is Koreas verison of male casting couch just a small version. Those videos get leakes after its over for whatever reason. Also please tell me why there are numerous supposed idol sex vids leaked on porn hub that may be some SM idols participating in gay orgy sex and gang bangs. If more them then honey its surely some poor rookies.

let's not talk about the ghost busters soundtrack on our own for the 2nd original movie being made by Bobby browns brother saving his ass writing the song himself with a friend while Bobby was raw fucking at least 3-4 models / groupies in the movie's trailer on set. Lets not talk about Janet Jackson turning hobby brown down when they were young ( after the control album did so well) cause her father Joe didnt want her dating a black man let alone a dark skin black man which rangs true in what actually occurred with Michael and all the siblings down the road.

Bet you all didn't know if Janet didn't punk out and deny Bobby a chance at dating that Whitney Houston would still be alive today possibly. Either she'd still be alive or maybe even dead sooner. Who knows. But Bobby Brown met Whitney at the awards show where she got bood oblivion when he told his brother he wouldn't date anymore famous women and thats wherw Whitney came onto him. I'm just saying Janets denial of this guy changed history due to the decisions people took as a result of it.

And everyone with sense who is in the know knows that Jim Carrey is a lunatic behind closed doors the only hear say I don't believe is ariana grande being his secret sugar baby but I wouldn't be surprised if he did sponsor her. Lets not talk about a blind item citing that Lisa from blackpink stole a choreography from a choreographer and never gave credit to said dancer nor paid said dancer. Let's talk about our fave turtle Jesse McCartney butchering his face in an effort to stay young by visiting some bad docs and getting too much fillers / plastic surgery on his face to where his face looka worse and not the same at all if you look at Instagram photos and videos on his youtube channel. He looked great last night on the mask singer but that's all studio lighting and maybe his face settling in.

Anyways sweetie the point is get over it and use some logic. Whats being discussed here js all hypothetical and technically to correct you I've always used wording such as allegedly, in my own opinion, in my POV or supposedly. I never state shit as a fact. Period. P.S sweetie you don't know me.

You don't know if I have a degree and license & certification in the psychiatric field to diagnose anyone. I've never revealed what career& areas of profession are. So technically that whole diagnose thing, which sounds yawn worthy like a stereotypical response If read on allkpop or netizeen buzz is tired and hypocritical. You're making ana assumption that is no different than what we're doing. I could be professional psychologist for all you know. Even then its not my place for that never is and never will be nor do I even care for it to be cause I don't give a fuck about TOP to that degree to deem her ill or not. But sweetie learn your lesson.

You sound silly to me cause you obviously don't know anything about how the industry as a global whole works. I'm not even trying to sound pompous or pretentious cause I'm not. But kpop is fucking weird to me now cause its like you adults act like you're living in a bubble. Wake up!!!

Whatever you're trying to give me the moral finger wag about is nothing and laughable cause this is just ad permanent oxygen and the food we eat. Get over it and toughen up. Edit: also to say it's none of MY business is to say its none of TMZ, Huffington Postb Radar online, netizeen buzz, Omaha no they didn't and allkpop business to say anything about celebrities. P.S use this quarantine to do some research yourself. You'll ton of dirt being spilled that is 10x worse than our harmless discussions that is all propable. Again please grow up. It's 2020. Once you're a celebrity I hate to say it you belong to the public and people will find out the dirt and dish it.

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detectivehole · 5 years

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Go comic feral, i followed this blog for a rEASOn and it's bc i like to hear your random vents and rants and also you reblog cool stuff. But i digress, go comic feral i am hERE for it

fine

PETER PARKER BEING RICH IS STUPID he didnt even ern what he has himself it was nt even himn he wasnt in his body maybe if i had got to see him start fron nothing to being a cool ceo or whatever id be able to stand it but nooooooo he just GOT is for nothing so it feels stupid like “ha ha what if like tony stark haha” its DUMB and i haven’t read a spider man comic for a long time

deadpool/spiderman crossover comic bad. feels out of character a lot. funny concept and full of funny jokes but as far as characterization its bad in my opinion- was made to capitalize off the hype of the ship and we all know it

don cates should be banned from writing comics bc he fucking sucks and ill never forgive him for what he did/tried to do to venom

deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good dea

the venom movie was a lot of fun but it was very ooc a lot HOWEVER seeing some of the cut scenes and scripts you can see that it used to be actually fairly in character for the comics but a lot of scenes with eddie establishing himself as not actually the most nicest of guys (not that eddie isnt a nice guy deep down but he is a good amount fucked up with a big ol hero complex and a problem with ‘i can do no wrong” mentality sometimes) were cut and considering how the fandom for the movie treats him i can see why the cut those bits out bc i dont think movie goers would have liked him as much wich is a shame bc he is a good guy at the end of the day just fucked up

straight white male comic fans are the worst people in the world and breaking their fingers is a daydream i indulge in

matt murdock is a himbo

foggy nelson is a good man who deserves better friends

i can tell what deadpool comics someone has read based on how they characterize wade in their fan works and i have a 80% success rate with it. the most common was the daniel way run but now its the spider-man/deadpool crossover series

soulda used miles for the mcu spidey instead of cannibalizing his story for parts like they did. dick move, Disney

mcu bad

i think just the idea of dc’s Red Tool is fucking hilarious but i dont like his character at all

batman and superman should fuck but they wont :/

matt and foggy should to but the comic industry is afraid of making long running characters lgbt bc theyre WEAK

deadpool need a canon bf they cant keep telling us hes pan and not showing us for reals- hell he could just go on one date or be shown having a one night stand or something- something beyond a damn joke

cable gay. no i will not listen to any other opinions.

im excited to read moon knight i have a book waiting i just have to finish my current one

SCUD the disposable assassin is the most underrated comic EVER and i LOVE IT however i think it ended stupid and bad however it went on fucking hiatus for like a decade and then was rapped up really fast so any ending is a godsend

i desperately want a long-form stand alone series abt wanda wilson bc shes the perfect foil for a good Feral Dumbass Woman comic. think abt it; shell sell immediately bc of recognizable brand, and then she can just go on violent stupid adventures without any of the other dp corps. it doenst have to line up with any canon i just want insane lady dp adventure comic. this is an unreasonable dream but mine none the less

i though that agent venom was stupid

tank girl is fucking amazing and i love it i never understand whats going on and i enjoy the confusion

reading early hulk comics feels like watching a weird, poorly produced old black and white sci-fi soap

there needs to be better, more easily accessed, official reading-order guides published and posted on the walls of comic shops everywhere

the 80s and 90s were the best time for marvel comics and no one can tell me otherwise. that was peak comic time

the worst time for comics was the 2000s and early 2010s

sometimes i am shocked by the art that gets the editors pass in comics. some of it is so bad and im not even talking about the disproportionate ladies

the lego marvel and dc movies are way better than the live action movies and im not even being sarcastic

seriously the 2000s made some horrible comics

i feel like committing acts of mass violence every time someone says comics arnt real reading/stories/implies theyre worth less of any value than a novel

i read the first deadpool comic i got so much that the art itself is so ingrained in my mind that people have shown my just the corners of panels and ive identified them correctly

i distinctly remember the first time the woman at the book store stopped asking me for parental permission to buy the comics i was getting (12yos) because i went there so often that she just remembered who i was and that the adult would say its fine

i refuse to talk about comics with people at cons because i am gatekept or flirted with every single time no matter what and there is no in between. and yea its because i have tits. youd think that eventually theyd learn but gross comic men never do and all the others have adopted the same policy as me so the closest i come to positive comic interaction at cons is standing in the same vicinity as another chick, looking at the same section, and the kinda smiling at each other

i think the avengers are boring. really really boring. the x-men are way better

i related to gwenpool too much when she first started and it scared/offended me so i stopped reading for a while until her character developed more and we stooped being so similar

i have spider-man bedding. i picked it out only a few months ago. its good it makes me feel cool in a very uncool way

watching spider-man as a kid made me wanna be a scientist. watching batman as a kid made me want to do martial arts. i ended up failing chemistry and falling on my face a lot instead.

i had a huge venom toy and a huge spiderman toy as a kid and while i did make them fight a lot i also made them hug just as much. i wanted them to be friends

on that note PETER IS MEAN TO THE SYMBIOTE NOW AND HE DONT EVEN HAVE A REASON NO MORE hes just such a dick about criminal reform eddie and the symbiote aint special with this- he says he believes people can be better but he really doesnt show it. he tends to think people are set in their ways and while this makes sense forthe most part considering how much hewas bullied as a kid/adult (that also contributes to his mild “i protect my own” mentality tho at least he consciously fights that one) it stil pisses me off

i can think way more but i need to sleep i think

#wrything

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viralhottopics · 8 years

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‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Hi My Name Is Tyranny And Im An Alcoholic

Hello everyone. I would like to thank my loyal followers for questioning my whereabouts on Twitter. I was actually on vacation, because Im not poor. Sorry, but watching these morons was just not a fucking option. I was zen AF and I dont need Carolinas crocodile tears ruining it, k thx.

ANYWAYS, so onto the episode. It was kind of eh, Im going to be honest. If youre looking for another reason to be annoyed by Giannas existence though, then it def delivered.

AFTER THE MATCH CEREMONY

They are all pumped about getting four beams. In fact, if you took a shot for every time someone said four fucking beams youd need to get stomach pumped four fucking times.

Tyranny is like Ossssssssssssssssvaldo is my match. Honestly can we just cut the accent though? Hes from Chicago for gods sake, not Italy.

Oswaldo is not so sure. Hes like she could be my match! Or she isnt! Yeah, thats pretty much how life works, actually.

Also, can we acknowledge the giant-ass drink Tee has the whole time? That cup is actually my favorite cast member this season.

Carolina and Hayden start having a pillow fight because FOUR FUCKING BEAMS, AMIRIGHT?

Now Carolina is very suddenly into Hayden. Carolinas emotions give me whiplash. Betsy DeVos nomination was more certain than this bitch.

Gianna is like “OH NO. NOT TODAY. I DID NOT LEAVE THE SOUTHSIDE FOR THIS.” Shes like I’M GOING TO CONTINUE TO PURSUE THIS MAN WHO TREATS ME SO WELL. Even though they are a confirmed no match. Makes total sense.

So you unfriend-zoned him to cock block him? Seems v fair. So when you go to sleep, do you leave Haydens balls under your pillow or on your nightstand? Let me know.

*Starts Twitter Poll* Is Gianna hot? Yes or No?

Tyler apologizes to Taylor and is like “I have no excuse for being the ‘big bad wolf’ in this.” So youre eating peoples grandmas now? Very Hannibal Lecter-chic. Not sure Tyler understands that hes referencing a fairytale, but hes pretty so well overlook it.

Hes like these girls are all over me wah, life is hard.

TAYLOR: Im mad *looks at Tylers beautiful face* but Im not like, thatttt mad

Hes like Im not that guy, you know that! Shes like,

TYLER: I want to dump Shannon and date you

EVERYONE AT HOME:

Gianna goes to have a talk with Hayden, which she announces for everyone to know. Shes from the Midwest, okay? Shes not used to this whole having brains thing, cut her some slack!

GIANNA: HEY CAMERA GUY IM GOING TO HAVE A TALK WITH HAYDEN ALSO GIANNA: were very low-key shhhh

Little Mike is like this is bullshit, they are not a match, they need to stop and its like SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK.

GIANNA: I dont want to stop you from doing something but stop fucking doing it. (Im not even making that up, thats an exact quote) HAYDEN: But I need to play the game GIANNA: Did I fucking stutter

So Hayden has relocated from friendzone island to being a little bitch island. Need a house warming gift, Hayden? Ill get you crowbar so you can pull your head out of your ass. Youre welcome.

Gianna and Hayden have sex, giving life to the newest Trump supporter Im sure. Carolina sees all of this and is like wtffffff. Shes like, totally in love with Hayden! Like, they spoke for a whole 10 minutes. Didnt that mean anything to him?

Andre is like “IF THEY FUCK THIS UP IM GOING TO BE PISSED” and Im like do it. Get mad. You wont. No balls.

Honestly, Gianna could probs take Andre in a fight. That girl should be a fuckin prison warden.

THE CHALLENGE

The challenge this week is for the dudes. The guys have to spin themselves and then go through an obstacle course. Then they have to shoot a basketball into the hoop of the girl they want to date. The person who shoots the third basketball in the hoop wins the date.

challenges sound like the hazing the gay frats do. Its all v weak.

The guys start the game and are falling all over the place. *plays Ed Sheeran*

Hayden is like, fuck it. Fuck this game. Idfc anymore, Im here for Gianna.

HAYDEN:I love Gianna

ME:

He decides to help Oswaldo win a date with Tee. See heres the thingI like Hayden, but I also think hes being very dumb. Its a hard spot for me rn. Really struggling.

Tee being proud of Oswaldo for winning is like Trump being proud of winning president. We all know he couldnt have won without Hayden/Russia.

Derrick and Joey are trying to win Rush Boobss date. Derrick wants to win because fuck Joey. Theyre shooting for legit five minutes. Seriously, Ive seen better shots from . When is the last time you played basketball? Third grade? Derricks like I played division I basketball! which sounds like an alternative fact to me.

Joey wins. So its Osvaldo/Tee and Joey/Rush Boobs.

Ryan tells them they are going to trapeze and Tee is like Im black, I shouldnt be in the air. How did you get to the Dominican Republic? Drive? Horseback? I didnt know your skin color made you less aerodynamic. I just saw and honestly, Im a fucking scientist now.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Lets all agree that Tee is low-key alcoholic. Shes constantly sipping from that big-ass cup and it seems like they have a good connection. Could that be her match?

Eddie is talking to Alicia about how he is poor and shes like “LOL not me, cant relate to you peasant.” Eddie, you need to get your ass over to Kam where you fucking belong. Know your fucking place. Do not fuck this up for me, Eddie.

Tyler is trying to break up with Shannon and it is a train fucking wreck. Hes like I need to do the right thing and leave you. He actually stole the whole speech from Gabriella in .

REAL PICTURE OF TYLER:

Shannon is like “I feel dumb.” And she should, because she just got played. I feel bad for Shannon. Her voice makes me want to take a waltz off a bridge, but I do feel things, kind of.

Tylers like I didnt realize girls have feelings and get mad when you treat them poorly. Thats like saying I didnt know when you light shit on fire, it gets hot.

Meanwhile, Tee is very much trying to date rape Osvaldo. Its creepy tbh. If a guy was doing that to a girl on this show I would be dialing 911 by now. Tee, knock it off, it’s super gross.

They go to the boom boom room and literally boom boom because they break something. Oswaldo, way to not hold your ground.

Kam is oiling Eddie up and being goofy. I needed this.

Shes like I know Alicia and Eddy have a good friendship, Im not getting territorial, because this is a game show. I LOVE YOU KAM, I AM STARTING YOUR FAN CLUB. Shes so rational. Everyone be like her please.

THE DATE

Oswaldo is like this date will take our relationship to the next level, even though it already has gone to the next level. *wink, wink* I remember when I lost my virginity. We get it, you had sex.

They go to the trapeze place and Oswaldo is like Hopefully I dont break my neck. Thats a pretty reasonable goal.

They all are like surprisingly good at this. Even Tee, whose blackness surprisingly does not hinder her capabilities. Its a miracle.

Oswaldo and Tee are like being lovey-dovey because they fucked that one time. Hes like shes not trying to rape me and I like this side of her. I too am a big fan of the people who dont try and sexually assault me. Weird.

THE TRUTH BOOTH

Ryan comes in hot and asks about the no matches, aka Gianna and Hayden, still hooking up.

Giannas like HOW IS THIS OUR FAULT??? Uh, youre a confirmed no match and youre hooking up. I feel like Im taking crazy pills. Leave the dumb shit to Rush Boobs, please god.

The house is like, “ugh we hate you, lets just get this shit over with.” Thats how I felt with pledges in my sorority.

Tyranny and Oswaldo go to the truth booth because duh.

OSWALDO: Im excited to learn if were a match and really connect on a deeper level. TEE: Im tryna fuck.

Im stressed because Tee will def die of alcohol poisoning tonight if this doesnt work out. And what do you know, NO MATCH.

Tee was like I was falling in love with him. Shes crying. Hes crying. This is depressing. Did I accidentally sit on the remote and turn on ?

Oswaldo starts boxing while Andre is talking him down and all the guys hug him. Wow, I love the bromance. What I love more is that eventually one of them will try and fight another. #Drama

After everything, Tyler and Shannon are still hanging out. Whats Tylers favorite thing about Shannon? She isnt Taylor. Hes got high standards, ya know? #FourFuckingBeams

Taylor is like youre fucked up. And hes like why, because Im having a conversation?

Ugh Taylor, this paaaaains me to say, because I usually automatically side with the hot girl, but hes low-key right. You need to chill out and move on. Hes not worth it, dude. Hes just not.

Andre asks Taylor wtf shes doing with Tyler and Im like YAS KEEP THIS UP.

Andre is like actually, we like each other, Taylor. And shes like wait, yeah we do. WTF is this Jedi mind control shit Andre has.

ANDRE: *swinging coin back and forth* you are getting very sleepy.. and youre going to fuck me TAYLOR: *eyes glazed* yes, master

He says that she should be a Victorias Secret Model and honestly she should marry him just for that. Like thats compliment of the goddam century.

THE MATCHUP CEREMONY

Its the boys pick tonight. Please note that last time they blacked out harder than Tee does on any given weeknight.

Little Mike gets the ball rollin the wrong way and picks Kam.

Mikes like following our heart doesnt work. Hes like we should venture off, and though thats noble, maaaaaaybe not at the match ceremony. Thats like Michael Phelps being like LOOK FREESTYLE JUST DOESNT WORK right before the 4×100 relay.

Ozzy picks Hannah.

Oswaldo is up next and hes like “I GOTTA DO ME.” He picks Taylor.

Ryan asks Taylor how she feels about Tyler and shes like whos Tyler? Andre and her give each other looks and Im like OKAY YES IM HERE FOR THIS SHIT.

Ryans like Andre, do you wish you were with her and hes like Im practicing my patience. Whatever the fuck that means.

Oswaldo is like standing next to her like, lol just fuck me, right?

Andre picks Casandra.

Eddy picks Alicia and is like this is my homie.

KAM: I AM NOT WORRIED. ARE YOU WORRIED, BECAUSE I AM NOT WORRIED!!! *twitches*

Joey picks Rush boobs.

Derrick picks Gianna. Weird.

Tylers up and fucking moseys up to the front. Goddam hes like a walking Shakespeare playtragically beautiful.

Hes like Ryan, let me speak and Ryans like I didnt even say anything, but ok.

Tyler goes off about how he was painted as the villain and how he is innocent and how all this Taylor shit is fake news and the failing lamestream media is spreading false rumors!!! Sad!

Ryan asks Tyler who he likes more, Shannon or Taylor and Tyler picks Shannon.

RYAN: Do you think Tyler is your match? SHANNON: IDK RYAN: Is Taylor his match? SHANNON: IDK RYAN: Is the world round? SHANNON: IDK

Tylers talking about his breakup with Taylor and is like it sucks because you cant delete people in the real world. This is the first thing that I agree with him on. Dont worry Tyler, Ive watched . Well get to that point someday.

Michael picks KARI. Is it Carrie or KAAAAAARI? I have been saying KAAAAARI. Please DM some confirmation.

Hayden is next. Hayden tells the group that him and Gianna are affecting the game and they are going to stop screwing everyone over.

Gianna is like “WTF. WHO TOLD HIM HE COULD SPEAK? WHO LET HIM OUT OF HIS CAGE?” He picks Carolina. Hehe.

Jaylen and Tee are last. Tee is really bummed about Oswaldo and Ryan is like, “bitch its week four.”

These couples are random AF but idk Im drunk and just here to shit talk. Dont give that much of a fuck.

No blackout, so thats good. They get four beams again. Cant wait to hear them talk about it incessantly.

Read more: http://betches.co/2kojpty

from ‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Hi My Name Is Tyranny And Im An Alcoholic

#‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Hi My Name Is Tyranny And Im An Alcoholic

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nbafunnymeme · 8 years

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'Are You The One?' Recap: Hi My Name Is Tyranny And Im An Alcoholic