#Z/ayne

[silversinfinity]

Cabin Fever

*this is a fetish blog- non-fet blogs and minors DNI (no age in bio -> blocked)*

Fandom: L/ove and D/eepspace Spoilers: None Pairing/AU: Z/ayne X f!Reader, normal universe Length: 5.4k

Contains: sneeze fetish content (duh), sickfic, fevers, caretaking, that trope where a character’s powers act up because they’re sick, reader insert

Summary: L/ove and D/eepspace's "Winter's Emissaries" summer event, wherein everything is the same, except I made it better gave Z/ayne a cold.

Notes: Backstory time! This game had an event last summer that included four different virtual roleplaying games to complete (one for each guy). In the one featuring Z/ayne, you play as “Winter’s Emissaries” searching for treasure to save a village. While playing through these, you also receive special social media interactions, one of them being this one from Z/ayne. I think my inspiration should speak for itself… 🥴

I wanted this to feel like it could seamlessly fit into the original canon plot, so a few lines of dialogue and description were adapted directly from the game. There's also gonna be casual mentions of things which might go over your head if you haven't played, but it shouldn't ruin the fic reading experience!

Okay, enough yapping. Enjoy 🫶

Fic Masterlist

Your reflection was barely visible in the glass as you stared out the window. Snow swirled in a gray and white cacophony, past the glass pane and all across the region as far as you could see. The conditions seemed more treacherous now that you had escaped them, free to observe rather than experience it. 

You'd experienced it enough today, anyways. Your face still stung of whipping, icy winds, and your hair dripped as clumps of ice and snow melted off your head. Every part of you felt chilled- your fingers, your toes, hell, your very soul. This little cabin was truly the desert oasis of the frigid mountain forests. There was no way either of you could've survived a night out there. 

To your right and behind you, a stunted rush of flames brought the fireplace to life. Your hand curled over your chest, relieved. There was never a situation where you weren't grateful to have Zayne around, but this one especially so. His simple presence was enough to flip an unfortunate situation into a favorable one, or at the very least, an okay one. This would be okay.

Another bundle of snowflakes rushed past the window as a new gust of wind took to the air with violence. You leaned into the knotted pine of the window sill and walls, pressing one ear to the glass.

Your brow furrowed. Only the crackling of the fireplace registered to your senses. Not even a muffled echo of the blizzard’s roar could be detected through the glass. Was the soundproofing of this cabin really that thorough?

Zayne’s hand on your shoulder shook the question out of your mind. “You shouldn't stand so close to the glass. A blizzard can break the window.” His voice was calm. “Come sit by the fireplace. It'll warm you up.”

You stood back from the glass, and one of Zayne’s hands caressed your cheek, palm hot against the chapped skin of your face. You found him in a similar state, skin flushed and wind-broken around and across his nose.

Zayne led you to the fireplace with a hand to your back. Heat instantly washed over you, and you tugged off the heavy coat that still clung to your shoulders. 

“You say I need to warm up, but you're the one who gave up your coat,” you said, hanging it on the hook off to the side of the hearth. He'd insisted you take it, once you realized the hard way that your own coat was highly insufficient for the weather.

“You're right. Come sit.” Zayne had seated himself in a wicker chair a few feet back from the fire’s glow. You paused to consider whether there was enough room to join him. If you were expected to fit next to him, you’d practically need to be sitting in his lap.

…Not that you minded. You never minded that.

As anticipated, you found yourself crunching your knees up to settle yourself next to him. You were squished against him, legs to legs, warm body to warm body.

It occurred to you, though, that there was plenty of sitting space throughout the cabin suitable for two people, much unlike the chair you had just forced your way into. You looked at Zayne and smirked. “I get it. You're using the fireplace as an excuse to cuddle, aren't you?” 

Zayne tilted his head and met your gaze. His lip curled so subtly you had to squint to see it: “Well, if you knew that was my goal, why did you still join me?” 

You nearly got lost in his eyes, aglow with a sunset orange reflection of the flames. “Because… I may or may not have the same goal,” you finally admitted, nestling the rest of your body to Zayne’s. Your head settled perfectly against his chest, like a puzzle piece to its match.

“I'm honored to be your personal heater after serving as your navigator.” 

A comfortable silence followed Zayne’s words. Your attention honed in on the crackling of the fireplace, the flames within wiggling their unsteady dance and casting a faint, smoky scent into the air. You inhaled deeper, chasing the nostalgic memories of summer bonfires lingering behind. The air was dry, but warm enough now that you didn’t feel moisture chasing every breath in through your nose. But the same couldn’t be said yet for Zayne, based on the still frequent sniffling above you. It really was dreadful out there…

The whole reason for your journey here slowly crept back into your mind. Today the blizzard would keep you both within the safety and warmth of this cabin, but you knew there was still a long journey in the cold ahead of you. As Winters Emissaries, it was your duty to complete the task given to you. The whole of a village was counting on it. 

As to what it was though, you still weren't completely sure.

“Hey… do you think the treasure the villagers mentioned is something like this?” 

You felt Zayne move above you at the sudden sound of your voice. He pondered your question. “A treasure that brings warmth in winter… the concept is similar enough,” he eventually said. 

“But visiting the palace just to get firewood for them would be pointless. They could just go into the forest themselves, couldn't they?”

“Perhaps the treasure is a self-heating energy stone. Winters Emissaries are like torchbearers. They've been entrusted with the responsibility of bringing energy to the village.”

An image of yourself and Zayne wearing special ceremonial attire during an Olympic opening ceremony, sacred torch and all, flashed in your mind. It was far more flashy and loud than your actual reality, traveling alone together in the winter wilderness of the mountains as the elements assaulted you. “Zayne, your imagination got a little wild there,” you giggled. 

“Oh? Then what sort of fantasy would you prefer to listen to?” Zayne sniffled again. Outside, the world had begun to turn dark.

“Something real, maybe.” Your eyes searched the space above the fireplace, as if the answer would appear there for you. “Hmm… talk about your childhood memories. When we were kids, wasn't there a time a snowstorm trapped you at my house?”

Long was the history between the two of you. You spent your childhood together, grew up together, and now Zayne was a unique combo of your primary doctor, lover,  and a formidable fighter you could rely on in any Wanderer encounter. 

So, you were a little hopeful Zayne would still remember your early days, after everything you'd been through. 

Zayne’s hand fidgeted at the small of your back. “...I remember that,” he finally began. “My parents and I went to your place for dinner. And then it suddenly started snowing. It was getting late, and we tried to head home but the car wouldn't start. We had no choice but to spend the night there.” Zayne paused, swallowed, and cleared his throat. His voice was noticeably rougher when he spoke again though, as if he hadn't cleared anything at all, “But you had already returned to your room. We had barely talked that day…”

There was a tremble you noticed in his voice too, as though the memories themselves manifested within the language he spoke. He wasn't always the most straight forward with his sentimentality of your shared youth, but there were always signs he cherished them the same way you did.

Yet you always felt strange, separated from yourself whenever you reflected on it, everything being the same and yet so different from what you had with him today. As children, could Zayne and I have ever imagined ourselves nestled by the fireplace one day, enjoying idle conversation?

“Maybe it's because I went to bed too early that day. If only I had known…”

You waited for Zayne to respond, or continue, but it never came. His breathing steadied and slowed above you, and you craned your neck to look up at him. 

His eyes were closed, long, dark lashes completely still. No surprise sleep took him so quickly; for as often as he would lecture you about getting enough sleep, you knew his line of work didn't allow him to rest as well as he'd like. He was known for taking any time he could between surgeries to nap. This quiet time in a cabin was the perfect environment for Zayne to take advantage of.

You were careful not to disturb him as you settled your head back where it was most comfortable. The warmth you shared between your bodies had only grown, stealing away any drive you had left to stay awake. The fireplace became a blur as your eyelids drooped.

Against your ear though, you were still awake enough to notice the slight wheeze in his breathing. And from his nose, the tiniest whistle when he exhaled. Both were not typical for him, in all the times you had rested together.

Mentally, you winced, remembering the pity taken on your poor choice of winter wear once the blizzard hit. Zayne assured you he still had enough layers on, and initially you believed him. 

Now though, you realized he would've told you that anyways. Of course he would've; he was prone to worrying more about you than himself. 

You wondered if this wasn't normal tired for him, but sick tired. Had he been hiding it from you? Or was it too early for him to even realize?

You were only barely awake yourself anymore, unable to think clearly. “Zayne?” you murmured, quiet, still hesitant to wake him. You heard nothing back, and then you heard nothing at all, as sleep stole you away too. 

—

You woke up suddenly, somewhere soft, warm. Pillow under your head, and layers of blankets draped over you. Sluggishly, you picked up your head. The grey light of morning seeped through the windows, pale and too early to be awake. You squinted to make out flecks of snow billowing past the window, just as energetically as the day previous. 

This wasn't where you had fallen asleep. So how did you…? 

Oh, right.

Somewhere in the night, you vaguely remembered being lifted and held to Zayne’s chest before he settled you somewhere else- it was in this bed, you now knew. You stretched and whined beneath the blankets before rolling over. Next to you, the comforter was pulled back and the fitted sheet wrinkled, implying Zayne had slept there next to you. The bed suddenly felt cold.

As you sat up, you frowned. Something had woken you, but what? It was quiet in the cabin. “Zayne���?” you called out groggily.

“heh’tSCHh-!”

Oh.

“hegH’SCHUhh-!”

Sneezing. Zayne sneezing, to be exact. Muffled and echoey beyond the half wall immediately behind you, you concluded he was too far away to have heard you, in another room of the cabin. 

You heard him sneeze again, after a longer delay. You internally winced as you had the night before. For all the time you'd known Zayne, you'd never heard such frequent disruptions, except for when an outside factor- such as illness- was actively aggravating him.

The urge to investigate dragged you out of bed. Your ears pointed you towards the bathroom across the way. As you got closer though, you stopped. The sound of rushing water could be heard, loud and clear with the door of the bathroom wide open. Your approach to the door was a little more hesitant- was he showering this early in the morning?

Beyond the steam cloaking the room, you found Zayne not in the shower, but hovering just to the side of the sink. His hair was slightly disheveled from its usual neatness, and damp, implying he'd been standing in there for some time. Even from where you stood in the doorway, his body language read of discomfort.

Though you stepped lightly, your bare feet weren't quiet enough to avoid alerting him. Zayne turned to look your way. His posture instantly straightened, but it didn't hold, wavering in tune with his breath. 

“Y-Y/N, hih…! hH’gnx’SCHhh-!” He notably pressed into his wrist, cutting the volume. That wrist flipped, and his fingers clamped over his nose, pinching tightly over the bridge in a fashion you'd seen before, when he was either annoyed or- “heh-NGTt-uh!” -suppressing a sneeze. 

“Bless you… thanks for the wake up call.” You couldn't help yourself from teasing him.

“Did I wake you?” He paused to sniffle, thick, unproductive. “I tried to be quiet getting out of bed, but I suppose that didn't last…” Zayne’s voice cracked and he coughed, hoarse. 

Concerned, you stepped into the bathroom, closing the space between you. “What's with the shower?” you said. 

“Clearing out my sinuses. You can turn it off.” The steam in the room was pleasantly warm, but the humidity was a little much, you thought. You shut the water off.

“Did it help?” you asked. 

“Well, it made me sneeze through the worst of it.” With the water off, you can hear congestion in his voice more clearly, and you shuddered to think this was an improvement from when he'd first awoke. His illness had set in, and it had done so quicker than you thought possible. Zayne took one step back from the counter, touching one temple and wincing. You saw him sway.

Your brow furrowed. One of your hands drew up to his forehead before Zayne had the chance to stop you. Your fingers brushed his bangs aside with a gentle sweep, and the pads of your fingers ghosted heat, searing his skin deeper than any steam could create on the surface. 

“You have a fever…” Zayne swatted you away, but you grabbed at his wrist in rebellion. Instantly, you gasped and froze in place. Under your palm and fingers was an icy cold, etched across his skin and leaving purple welts in his wake- it could only have originated from his abilities. “Your Evol, why…?”

In one quick move, Zayne shook his head at you, tugged his freezing wrist from your grasp, and twisted away with a wrenching sneeze. 

“hegH’NSCHhih-! Hh…” The exhale carried exhaustion. You allowed him the space to recover but refused him another inch beyond that. As you examined him closer, you realized that white, crackling frost glazed not just his wrist, but his neck too. 

“Are you…okay? Why is your Evol doing that?” you asked.

But Zayne couldn’t seem to catch a break. “I'm f-fine…hih…!” His denial was drowned out in a shuddering hitch of breath. He managed to retrieve a bunched up wash cloth from the counter, just in time to jam it under his nose before he-

“hih’MPFSChh-!”

Punctual.

“Bless you,” you said, wincing. “Uh, you were saying? About being fine?”

He was even slower to recover, as though the very last of his energy had seeped out through his sinuses, dampening the already soiled cloth in his hand. “I'm not denying that. Obviously I'm not well.” Zayne slid past you to leave the bathroom, and you followed nervously behind him to where he dropped down on the couch. He barely seemed to be present, tilting his head back, eyes closed. The dark shadows under his eyes told you he hadn’t slept much. “I just meant… the ice. I'm fine, this always happens when I'm unwell.” 

From where you sat next to him, you took the chance to touch his forehead again, and Zayne didn't protest this time. It was worse than you initially thought. “You're really hot, Zayne…”

One eye opened. “Flirting with me while I'm sick?”

“Hey, you know what I mean…” You smiled and felt at ease- at least he wasn't so ill that mirth failed him. 

It couldn't cure all your worries, though. Your touch trailed down his cheek, to his jawline, and then his neck. It was there that the temperature under your fingers went shockingly cold, as though he'd just been outside in the winter elements without a scarf. Zayne’s brow knitted at your touch, and he shivered. 

“You're freezing,” you commented. It wasn't a question, but Zayne nodded anyway. “Let me warm you up, then.” This too, wasn't a question of permission, but rather a warning that you would try regardless.

Again though, Zayne nodded. Even a doctor as work-driven as he was knew when it was time for someone else to do the caring.

You looked first to the fireplace across from the couch, in front of the chair where you had both dozed off last night. The flames weren't flames but small, smoldering ashes- certainly of no substance to subdue a fever and keep the chill of winter out. 

You tossed another couple logs on and allowed a moment for the fire to catch.

Then, back on the couch, you adjusted your knees under you. “Here, let me squeeze in.” You sidled close to Zayne’s spot on the sectional. He hesitantly straightened his legs, allowing you space between him and the back cushion of the couch.

“It'll get nice and warm here soon,” you assured. Zayne hummed, glassy, hazel eyes fixed to the ceiling above. Your attention drew back to his Evol, still vicious and frosty at his wrists and throat. The warmth of the fire couldn't sedate this- this cold came from within, and the longer you lingered on it, the more uncomfortable it looked. You feared self-inflicted frostbite was in his near future.

“Do you think you might be overdoing it? Your Evol, I mean.”

“It's…” Zayne paused, shivering violently as though simply acknowledging the sensation made it worse. You swore you saw vapor as he exhaled, as if the air of winter itself were contained around his head in a bubble. “It's against my will, mostly…”

His discomfort was nearly palpable to you as you realized this was completely out of his control. This was the same cold extreme enough for Zayne to use in combat, after all, and now it was acting of its own accord, attacking him. 

“Think of it as a flight or fight response,” Zayne went on. “My temperature is up, therefore my body is responding by trying to cool down.”

“It's just too much, isn't it?” you said, finishing his thought for him. Zayne nodded, casting his gaze towards you. He'd never looked so openly vulnerable underneath you, except in distant memories, and you felt your heart soften despite the circumstances. 

You laid your weight heavier into him, shuffling so that one leg intertwined between his own. He caught your eye when he moved his hands out of your way. 

Maybe… if you resonated with him…?

You reached for one hand. “Here, let me just…”

Zayne shrunk away though, tucking his arms to his sides. “No, you shouldn't…touch me when I'm like this. Not on my skin.” Worry, genuine worry flickered in his eyes, and you felt that soft glow in your chest trip and falter.

“Zayne…” Your hands remained hovered at his wrist. Begging him with your eyes. He tensed, but he didn't stop you from closing your touch over his wrist. His skin was frigid, burning against your warmer palms, but only that. “You won't hurt me. I promise.”

You seemed to get through to him, and Zayne found it in himself to relax, finally. Your squeeze over his wrist was firm, but gentle, wringing your grip back and forth. You slowed your breathing and sought his Evol’s frequency, and it met you with a chaotic and unusual rhythm. A warm light glowed from your palms. In a matter of seconds, his skin took the warmth of yours.

“Better?” You asked. 

Zayne nodded, brow raised just slightly as though he didn't expect this outcome. You weren't sure you had expected it to work either. Discomfort crept back into his features, and he breathed through clenched teeth- you healed his other wrist with more urgency.

Briefly, you chewed the inside of your cheek. You couldn't deny that you found it all alarming, try as Zayne might to act casual about the whole thing. The nature of Evol was different person to person, but was it really okay for it to attack its user? Even under circumstances of illness? What if there was more to this?

…No, no. You had to shake this out of your head, stick to the task at hand. Interrogating him in the midst of being miserable wasn't good for either of you.

You forced the frown out of your expression, before Zayne could read it and interrogate you instead. “Your hands look better,” you said. “Is it just your shoulders now?”

“Yes. I think.”

“Get comfortable, then.” Both having lost their icy touch, he tucked his hands under you, and you properly draped yourself over him like a weighted blanket. Zayne tilted his head up to accept your arms wrapping over the back of his freezing neck.

You suppressed a shiver of your own as you nuzzled your cheek into the crook of one shoulder, the cold seeping into you through his shirt. Then, you remained still, focusing to match the frequency of his powers again, further resonating. Any remaining anxiety drained out of you. Maybe you couldn't cure his cold completely, but a small win was still a win in the war against misery.

Zayne sighed above you in relief. ”hh…hih…!” And then in urgency. He fidgeted under you, prompting you to lift your head.

You were greeted with the sight of a man most definitely about to sneeze.

And it had you a little mesmerized, to say the least- the stoic type, you rarely ever witnessed his face so obviously contorted. Somehow, Zayne always maintained a calm and collected demeanor, even when he was feeling anything but. This expression he currently wore though, was scrunched up, needy. His brow pinched together, eyelids taught. And the pink rims of his nostrils ticklishly flared, lip curled back into a snarl.

“Y-Y/N, my…hands…!” His breathy voice barely hung above a whisper.

You didn't get the memo- at least not fast enough. His hands remained trapped under you, and with nowhere else to hide, Zayne twisted toward the couch cushion, squelching the sneeze into submission by willpower alone.

Willpower didn't carry him very far, however. “hH’NXTt’shih-!” The burst of moisture that broke through was audible. Zayne’s chest swelled under you to gear up for a second one, and you braced a little tighter around his neck- “hegH’SCHUhh-!” The force his sneezes wrought nearly folded him at the waist, even with your full weight on top of him.

Zayne stilled after that. You were more timid as you looked back up to him. “Bless you. You shouldn't fight it like that…” you said softly.

“You shouldn't keep my hands trapped, then,” Zayne shot back.

You shrugged, although you did shift your hips up to free one of his arms. Zayne took to knuckling under his nose, before carefully dabbing at any excess dampness with the edge of his sleeve. 

“Really though, don't worry about politeness,” you went on. Your expression turned downcast. “You're sick because of me, after all.”

Several seconds passed as Zayne processed your words. Then, he gave you a look, the one he always had when you said something silly.  “You know people don't get sick just from being out in the cold, right?” 

“Says who?”

“Y/N, I'm a doctor. Your doctor,” Zayne deadpanned. 

You couldn't hide your grin. “Okay, but consider this: I saw it happen in a movie. A lot of movies, actually.”

Zayne shook his head. A yawn crept into his voice, and his eyes closed. “Right. Next time I need continuing education credits, I'll just watch some movies instead.”

“You better invite me over for a movie date night then!”

“But of course.” You held him a little tighter. The corner of Zayne’s mouth tugged into a smile. “Y/N… you really never grew up,” he said. 

“Oh?” You tilted your head at him. 

“You're just as unserious as you were when we were young,” Zayne went on. “More than when we were young, actually.”

To that, you stuck your tongue out. “Coming from the most serious guy I know? You should try it sometime.” 

Zayne opened his eyes, and there was That Look again, the Y/N-Said-Something-Ridiculous Look. For a moment, it even seemed like the feverish haze had left his eyes. But it only lasted a second, and the sorry state of him continued to be evident.

Your eyes shifted down to his throat. The skin looked healthy now, as though it had never been coated in a deadly ice. “So is this whole, uh, Evol thing gone now?” you asked awkwardly.

“For now. I imagine it’ll stay away now, so long as you're here.” 

A complicated knot of feelings sat in your chest, out of nowhere. For all the times Zayne had gone out of his way to protect you, save you, cure you, rarely could you return the favor. And it was a regular experience- you were good at getting yourself into trouble, after all.

But now, here you were, in a position where he needed you. 

“Good,” was all you could muster in response. 

Your hands snaked out from behind his head where they found his face. Cupping his cheeks, your fingers brushed over all the contours you now knew deeply, intimately. You let your eyes drift thoughtfully over his lips, threatening your resolve. 

Clearly you had grown up in some way- the idea of kissing Zayne would've been strange and wrong in your youth, but now you found yourself fighting with your better judgment not to. You could already hear him quietly scold you for kissing him while he was sick.

Only then did you realize Zayne was looking at you. You found yourself instantly shy under his scrutiny- for all the times you had kissed him, gone on dates, fully gave yourself to him, he still managed to make you nervous. 

Just as the tension of your eye contact threatened to become too heavy, Zayne sighed and melted a little deeper into the couch. You shook yourself back into a caretaker mindset. 

“Are you warm enough?” Zayne hummed his confirmation. “Okay… can I get you anything? Fever reducers, maybe?”

You sat up, preparing to get up from the couch, but Zayne’s hands held your waist firmly. “I already took some. Why don't you just rest here with me?” His words caught and he coughed into his shoulder.  

Zayne’s voice was growing ragged, even for how softly he spoke. You made a mental note to raid the cabinets for tea later, whenever he was ready to accept it. 

For now though, resting with him would be an easy task. The light filtering through the snow plastered windows was still too dim and early for your liking. And with the most concerning of Zayne’s symptoms relieved, you were content to relax a little. Your breathing synced with the slowed pace of his, calm.

For all the symptoms that had been relieved though, there was always another waiting to rear its head and break the moment.

Zayne suddenly stirred under you. He stiffly exhaled. “Actually, Y/N…” Zayne sniffled, and then sniffled again, sharply squeaking within his swollen sinuses. “Maybe…you should, hih…!”  You sat up in time to see the twinge in his expression take hold, uncertain, a will-he or won't-he battle. The fluttering of his eyes and twitch of his nares tells you he definitely will, though Zayne seemed intent on holding back. The rest of his words tumbled out in a rush, “...should get me some tih-! tissues, hH-!”

His arm tensed over your back, and he swung up with the intent to cover above you. You moved quicker though, tucking his face against your shoulder. Another gasp shook him beneath you, fluttering against your skin. You only held him tighter.

“heH’MFSCHHeh-!” Throaty and violent, the sound was squashed into your shirt. It was a warm and damp rush in the fabric, and Zayne jostled you as his nose betrayed him a second time. “hH-! ‘ESCHh’uh-!”

Several peaceful seconds came and went. You propped yourself up and met his gaze sheepishly, exposing the damp spot that now soiled your shirt. Zayne’s face was hard to read, but his ears were noticeably pink. “You know, when people ask for tissues, they don’t usually mean someone else’s shirt,” he mumbled.

“I- wasn’t thinking, I guess…” you said. One hand lazily traced along the curved top of his ear. “You don't need to be so embarrassed.”

“I have a fever, remember?” Zayne retorted, so casually that you almost couldn’t detect it as an excuse- almost. He sniffled again, wet and productive. “Listen, I could still really use those tissues… unless you’re expecting me to use your shirt for that too.” His eyes shifted away from you.

The heat on his face seemed to possess your own cheeks, as it occurred to you just how compromised he was under you. Completely at your will, or at least as completely as he would allow, and so far it seemed to be a lot. Your mind threatened to drift to places far from innocent. 

“No, not unless you- asked to, I mean…! N-not at all.” Your words tripped over themselves as your tongue knotted itself with your inner desires. You shimmied back to the other end of the couch, part in preparation to get up, but mostly to hide yourself from Zayne’s intelligent gaze. He could always read right through you.

You managed to pull yourself together while fetching a tissue box from the bathroom. And a glass of water- you were sure he needed it.

You stopped in your tracks exiting the bathroom. Zayne still laid on the couch, eyes closed, somehow serene despite  being in the throes of a bad cold. 

Cute.

He stirred once you approached close enough to be heard. “Here,” you said, passing the box of tissues to him.

“A whole box? How generous,” he playfully remarked. Zayne plucked a tissue from the box, and then another. You looked down at the glass of water still in your hands, for whatever shred of privacy it would offer him as he loudly blew his nose. Soiled, he tossed the tissues into the wastebasket nearby. At this rate, and with the way that had sounded, you had a feeling that the bin would be full of them by the end of the day.

“Thanks,” Zayne said in a thick voice as he took the water from you next. He made quick work of it, and you mentally patted yourself on the back for thinking of his needs before he had even voiced them. 

You checked that the fireplace was still lively, and then you turned back to Zayne where you stood before him.

“Can I get you something else?”

Zayne looked at you with warm eyes. “I don't know… I’d just really like my blanket back.” You frowned, only to falter when Zayne winked at you. Duh.

You needed no other prompting to crawl back into your original position, settling yourself over Zayne like a large lap cat, or a blanket, as he had put it. A new sense of ease washed over the two of you. 

You turned your head where it was more comfortable on its side. Snow still billowed past outside, and you found yourself reflecting again on why you were both here. Although there would be much to do later today, or more likely tomorrow, when the snow had slowed, you could both have this moment. You didn't get to lay and nap together at home nearly as often as either of you liked, but right now, you were free to indulge in it. 

You had each other's comfort. And you had each other's warmth.

“Ya know, maybe what you said yesterday was right,” you suddenly spoke.

“Hm?” Zayne opened one eye, brow raised.

“About the treasure being something warm within winter, or however you put it.” Your limbs twitched, and you curled a little tighter into Zayne. “Maybe it's cheesy, but I feel like we have our own little treasure here, ya know?”

Zayne exhaled a laugh, but it was genuine. “Perhaps you're right.” He closed his eyes, and through a yawn, “We had to find our own little treasure before we could find one for the whole village.”

“Exactly.” You smiled, closing your own eyes. Your ears zoned in on the cracking and popping of the fireplace, coupled with Zayne’s soft breathing. 

Flashbacks of the cozy night prior crept into your mind. “Can you tell me the rest of that story from last night?” Your words were slurred by almost-sleep. Zayne only responded with a soft snore. 

Ah well, you thought. Another day, then; this treasure was treasure enough. 

[enbysourdiesel]

a/n: heya! this time i'm here with a longer sneezefic, that is divided into two parts. this is the part 1! i hope you enjoy it :)

words count: 3,2K

summary: Z/ayn and L/iam are in the same class studying dance, and at some point M/alik realized that P/ayne was looking at him everytime he had to sneeze.

☞ that guy from my class (1/2)

ZAYN'S POV

More constantly than I could even imagine I catch myself thinking about the possibility that Liam could have the same fetish as me. The reason? Well, absolutely every time I sneeze, he finds a way to look at me. This is infallible, I always catch his gaze, directly or not.

I mean, this is the most suitable option. Even if he doesn't use to say 'bless you' or something, all that attention intrigues me. It's not about my sneeze only, it's about sneezes in general. He usually looks at Harry too.

I pretend to figure out what is about to happen tonight that my hayfever is fucked up and I chose to come to the class even though.

"Zayn!" Louis greets me with a tight hug. Seems that we haven't seen each other for months, but in fact we met yesterday.

"What 's up, Lou." I say. I'm sounding very congested, damn. "You good?"

"I'm just great. What about you?"

"Just great is not the adjective I would use." I leave our embrace, preparing myself to cover my nose with collar shirt. "HAEESHHH! HAEESHHH! ESHHOOO! ESHHOOO! HAEESHHH!"

"Gesundheit!" Niall shows himself, but I'm not done yet.

"HAEERSHHHOOO!"

"Bless you!" I hear from my classmates randomly. I'm standing at the door.

"Apologize. Thank you, people." I take my shoes off to come inside.

"Hi, Zee." Niall kisses my cheek making me smile.

"Hey, Ni."

There are some minutes left until the beginning of the first class, we're doing nothing, so I choose a place to sit down. Obviously this is close to Liam, that is laying face down. I don't have to do too much to catch his attention.

"NXXXGSHHOO! NXXXGSHHOO!"

"Hi, Zayn." Liam murmurs before changing his position to face me.

"Hi, Liam." I do a soft sniffle, then rub one side of my nose with my index finger.

"You good?"

"Besides this hayfever, yeah, I'm good.” I can feel a sneeze wave coming. “What about you?"

"I'm good."

"HAERSHHHH!" I try to muffle it on my clothing. "HANXXXGSHH! NXXXGSHH! HANXXXGSHHOO!"

As I was expecting, Liam doesn't say anything, just keeps staring at me. Would it be too crazy to think that his face looks kinda flushed? Well, this can be too much, but I don't think so. There's something in there, and if it'll be what I'm thinking, it would be nice to have someone that attracts me to share about this topic.

"C'mon, guys." Eric, our teacher, tries to catch our attention.

"I'll be right back." I stood up to blow my nose one last time.

During the first part of this class, I didn't sneeze too much, but every time I had to sniffle, Liam looked at me two seconds later. Even though he was disguising very well, I was paying too much attention so I could catch his tiny reactions. Haha. We have a lot to talk.

"Smoke a cig?" Louis pokes me. We’re on our twenty minute break. "C'mon, c'mon."

"ESHHOO! ESHHOO!" Just because I was thinking about it. "Yeah, sure."

"Do you guys have some food? I'm hungry." Niall comes closer to us.

"Harry could have." Louis answers. We change our glances to the green eyed boy that, in fact, is holding a bunch of bananas. This makes us laugh.

"We'll be outside." My friend announces, holding my shoulders.

"Hold on." I kneel in front of my bag to pick my cigarette and paper tissues. I pretend to blow my nose as much as possible.

"I have water." Louis leaves the room first.

I get up slowly and take a deep breath before leaving too. Just a few steps away, I feel someone following me, 'til we start to walk side by side.

"Hey." Liam says.

"Hello." I answer. "Damn, Eric is getting hard, I can't do this anymore."

"When he is not?" Liam laughs and I do the same, preparing myself to sneeze.

"HAEESHHH! ... HAEESHHH! ESHHH!" I cover with my arm. "ESHHH! ESHHOO!"

"Bless you." He says this time.

"Thank you." I take a piece of my paper roll to blow my nose. The time until I get done is the same 'til we come to where are the others.

"Zayn." Louis notices me. "What you gonna do tomorrow?"

"I have a class the whole morning. After lunch I don't have plans. Why?"

"Let's do something?"

"Something is very embracing. Which type of thing?" I hold a cigarette between my lips. "Have a lighter?"

"I don't know, something." Louis hands me the fire. "Something that involves smoke weed."

"Sounds good to me." I blow the smoke. "Wanna come, Liam?"

"Yeah, sure. Why not?"

"Great. Gonna invite the others too."

"HAERSHHHH! ESHHH! ESHHH! ESHHH!" I take a deep breath before do another drag on.

"Hello, smokers." Niall join to the group. "What are you doing?"

"Maybe smoking...?" Louis answers, blowing the smoke. "Just kidding, Niii! What you gonna do tomorrow's afternoon? Let's do something?"

"Just me and you? Don't think so."

"No, everybody. We're gonna smoke weed and have conversations, maybe play a game.”

"We could bring some food, huh?"

"ESHHOOO! ESHHOOO! ESHHOOO! HAEESHHHH! We can do a picnic."

"Great idea!"

"HAERSHHOOO!" This time I don't cover, just turn to the side there's nobody. Quickly I turn back to the group while wiping my mouth.

"Bless you. Cool, I think that it would be nice." Louis agrees.

I rest my cigarette on the concrete, then take another piece of tissue to blow my nose.

"I can bring my empty belly." Niall raises a hand.

"You always find a way to joke about, huh?" Liam pushes him aside. Everyone is laughing.

"Always is too much time, I don't think it's like this." Horan says in his defense.

I retrieve my cigarette and do a drag on. To be honest this is not what I really wanna be smoking, but it has its value. It's what I have for now.

"What 'bout you, Zayn? What you gonna bring to our picnic?" Liam talks to me.

"I hope I don't bring hayfever, fucking hell." I laugh about my own disgrace. "I can think about some salted stuff."

"Text me later, guys. So we won't repeat the food." Louis suggests.

"If this repetition would be a chocolate cake, I can't see any problem." I say.

"A good point." Liam agrees.

"HANXXGSHHH! NXXXGSHH! NXXXGSHHOO!" I stifle them in my hand. Payne keeps staring at me, paying attention as if I still talking.

"Gotta come back, I wanna see if Harry still having any bananas." Niall excuses himself. "See ya."

"I'm coming too, have to use the toilet." Louis leaves. There's only me and Liam now.

We stay in silence for a while, looking at different places, but seems that he just feels! When I'm fighting with the urge to sneeze, his eyes just come to my face. I'm not able to hold back or stifle anymore.

"HAEERSHHHOOO! ESHHOOO! ESHHOOO! HAEESHHH! HAEESHHH! ... HAEESHHHH! ESHHEEEW!" I don't cover them, I just let them come out.

"Whoa." That's what my classmate says.

"I think I'm done too. Gotta go?" I throw my cigarette in the ashtray.

"Let's go."

"Oh, wait a minute." I remember to blow my nose one last time before continuing the class. I used to be loud, it's kinda embarrassing. The sneezes are more than enough.

"You use to be like this frequently?" I'm asked.

"You're talking about my hayfever?" I take another piece of tissue paper.

"Yes."

"The intensity depends, it's not every time that I am like this." I pause to stick the paper inside my nose. I'm exaggerating, I know. "But yeah, yes is the answer. Do you have rhinitis?"

"I do, my crisis use to happen in the morning time. Sometimes it still triggered during the whole day, sometimes they don't. Bless you."

"HAERSHHHH! HAERSHHHH! I got it. Thank you." I stick the dirty tissue into the hole in the paper roll. "Let's go?"

"There're three minutes left." Liam holds my arm.

"What you want to do?"

"Just stay here catching some fresh air, but you can get back if you want."

"Let's sit a little bit." I point to the flowerbed.

"I have an invitation for you." Liam says after some silence seconds. We're already sitting down.

"For me? Go ahead."

"Do you wanna come with me to drink something after class?"

"Just me and you?"

"Yes."

I don't answer immediately. I take a while observing his face, trying to decipher something, but I can't. Everything I see is a pretty face with a pretty smile.

"Are you sure? I'll probably keep sneezing for all the time." I have to say.

"There's no problem, as long as you accept."

"Alright." I say. "I accept your invitation."

Liam's smile gets bigger, then I receive a hug.

I would ask if he is flirting with me, but it's not a doubt, it's just my desire to hear him confessing this. But yeah, I can leave this topic for later. For now we have to get back to our class.

~▼⁠・⁠ᴥ⁠・⁠▼~

LIAM'S POV

I can't keep myself concentrated enough during the whole period. Even if my body is doing the movements, my mind stills focused on only one question: when will Zayn sneeze again?

Him just being himself already makes me attracted enough, destiny doesn't need to make him sneeze too many times in a short space of time. It catched me off guard! I mean, even if I knew that it would be happening earlier, the effect would be catastrophic anyway. A dick in my ass.

Everything gets worse – or better? – when we're separated in groups. Yes, in my group there are Zayn, Sasha and Ralph. We have to create a choreography about the Ocean.

"I'll be right back." Malik excuses himself then runs to the other side, kneeling in front of his bag.

"We could bring the density of water, huh? Besides the fluidity." Sasha suggests.

"Uhm... I like it. We also have to include expansion and contraction."

They stop talking and only then I take my eyes to them. Zayn is blowing and wiping his nose, I was paying attention to him.

"I like it." I say. They start talking again and, even if my eyes are still here, my ears are searching for the other member of this group.

"Ocean, huh?” Zayn comes back. He is sweating as much as me, and a little breathless. “What are you thinking about?”

During our discussion and organization of this theme and sensations in our bodies, Malik didn't sneeze not even once. It is still interesting to watch, even though. His voice is sounding more and more nasal, and his nose keeps running.

"Three minutes." Eric says out loud.

"Oh no." Zayn covers his face with the shirt collar, his breath hitching, then: "HAEERSHHHH! HANXXXGSHH! NXXXXGSHH! NXXXXGSHH!"

"Bless you." Says Sasha.

"Thanks." He is fanning his face, sniffling a couple times. "I think I'm done."

"HATSHHOOO!" A big sneeze surprises me, I almost haven't time to cover it.

"Bless you!" Malik says smiley.

"Thank you. HATSHHOOO!"

"Let's rehearse one last time?" Ralph suggests, so we do.

Now Zayn's nose is not the only one that is running, but I'm not at the same level as him, of course. When we conclude our choreography, facing each other, he's breathing through his mouth, then sniffles harshly.

"It was great." Ralph comments, breathing fast too. From my side vision I catch Z changing his direction, covering the face with both hands.

"HAEERSHHHOOO! Oh." Then he leaves running, still covering his face.

I sit on the floor trying to act normal and distract, but I'm very attentive on Zayn's moves. God, why? Heaven puts me at each event...

"Thirty seconds." Eric reminds us, checking his wristwatch.

I take this cue to get closer to Malik once again. Seems that he is still having trouble with his nose, but when he gets done, he sits by my side.

"Who's gotta go first?"

Deep silence.

"HANXXXGSHH!" Zayn pinches his nose this time. I can watch him even if I'm not looking directly. "HANXXXGSHH!"

"Bless you." Someone says.

"Thanks."

"C'mon Horizon group." Eric decides by himself.

Thank God is not our group.

"NXXXGSHHOO! NXXXXGSHH! NXXXXGSHH! NXXXXGSHH! NXXXGSHHOO! Fuck." Zayn grumbles, then sniffles congested.

"Are you good, Zayn? Need some fresh air?"

"To be honest the air is making me sneeze, I don't think that leave could make any difference." He sniffles wetly again. " But thank you."

Such a great idea to invite him to go somewhere tonight, then. As this naughty man I am, I have to say that I can't wait.

>>>>

When we were dismissed, I saw Zayn picking his stuff quickly before leaving. I don't usually change my clothes, so I use my time calmly. I got into random conversations, annoyed Louis and Harry about their honeyed behavior, then picked up my stuff to leave the room, then finally I put my shoes on.

From the hallway I can hear Zayn's explosive sneezes, followed by loud nose blows. I'm worried about his condition, but at the same time I can't just ignore how horny I'm feeling.

"HAERRSHHHH!" This one sounds muffled, but closer to me than the others. Zayn is leaving the toilet and smiles at me.

His nose is pink, so his eyes. Damn, he must be so itchy! Poor boy.

"Are you ready?" I stand up promptly.

"Yeah, let's go."

Malik couldn't even wait to properly pass through the door before putting a cigarette on. How could it be possible? His allergies are fucked up and he chooses to smoke anyway? When my hayfever is triggered any type of smell bothers me.

"Where are we going?" I'm asked.

"There's a great bar at the other side of train station. Around ten minutes by walking, are you in?"

"Yeah, yes."

I open my mouth to start talking, but Zayn's expression makes me swallow the words. I try to divert my focus, but keep paying attention anyway.

"ESHHOOO! ESHHOOO! HAEESHHHH! Oh." Then sniffles before: "HAEESHHOOO! ESHHOOO!" Sneezing again.

"Another one?" I dare to ask, looking back at his face.

"I guess." He sniffles again and stops walking, holding my arm for support. "Hah... Hah..."

I'm going to faint, for sure. My meat is going to turn water.

"Haaah... HAERSHHOOO! HAERSHHOOO! ESHHOOO! ESHHHH! EESHHHH! Goddamnit!”

"God bless you!! How many times did you sneeze? Ten?" I'm sure that was ten, I counted.

"Thanks." Zayn sniffles again, putting his bag to his front. "You must excuse me, but I have to blow my nose."

"Go ahead, I don't mind."

"ESHHHH! ESHHHH! ... HANXXXGSHH!" He stifles with a tissue, amending in a really honking nose blow. And very nice to hear, I have to say.

Maybe calling Zayn to get out tonight wasn't a good idea, to be honest.

"Are you sure you wanna go? You look… bad." I say.

"I'm sure. Thank you for asking, Liam." He wipes his eyes.

"You use to take allergy medicine?"

"I took one before leaving my house, but it didn't made any difference. Maybe I should take another." Z throws the dirty tissues in a bin.

"It could be good for you."

"And for you?" Zayn answers with other question, making me freeze instantly.

"F-for me?" I punch myself mentally for stutter.

"Sorry, I caught you by surprise." He giggles. "We talk about it later."

"About what?" I'm trying to understand what he's talking about, but I don't think it could be possible. How likely is it to be what I'm thinking?!

"Later." He repeats, doing another drag on.

I don't insist, even if I'm curious as fuck. We concluded our walk just like this, until we chose a table outside the bar.

"You can tell me now." My mouth cheats me, the words just leaving without a filter.

"Don't you wanna order something first?"

"Alright. Ahm… Are you hungry?"

"ESHHHH! EESHHHH! NXXXGSHH! NXXXGSHHOO! Not at all, but- HANXXXGSHH! Go ahead.”

"No, I just need a beer. What 'bout you?"

"Me too." Z takes a piece of tissue to blow his nose.

I wave to an waiter and take our order. I added some fries with bacon and cheddar. I'm corroding myself to know what the fuck he wants to tell me, at the same time that I'm afraid. Have no idea what I should expect.

"Are you non-monogamous?" Zayn asks, taking me out of my thoughts.

"Me? Yeah, yes I am. Are you?"

"Me too." His eyes are fixed on mine, he has a shy side smile.

"Nice. Could you let me kiss you?"

His laugh doesn't make me feel embarrassed. To be honest I think it's very cute and, when our laugh is gone, he rests his hand over mine on the table.

"Please, I thought you would never ask for!"

My reaction is to face him without reaction. How? Since when he's into me? But I don't have too much time to reflect about these life questions 'cause his soft and wet lips are on mine right now.

Our kiss is calm and soft, warm. I take the chance to touch his face and feel the skin texture, then his hair. It's so fucking delicious!

Zayn suddenly turns away, covering his face with an arm, but the sneeze doesn't come immediately. His breath hitches a couple times and I cannot disguise my glance.

"HANXXXGSHH! HANXXXGSHH! HAEESHHHH! Excuse me." He's giggling, sniffly, rubbing his nose with his knuckles.

"Bless you, Z." I say. Feels like my face is red, it's so hot in here.

"Thanks." Malik blows his nose forcefully, but when he concludes, already has that face again.

"Here we go."

"HAEESHHHH! ESHHHH! ESHHHH! ESHHHH! ESHHHH! HAERSHHHH!" Zayn muffles with a tissue, wiping his nose with it.

"When you get done can we talk about what you wanna tell me?"

"When I get done?"

"Yeah, when you're sneezing fit gets over."

"Mouth so dry, need to drink something first." He sniffles congested. "But I think I'm done."

"Zayn, I don't think I can handle this anxiety for too long."

"Oh, whoa. Apologize." He blows a sassy laugh. "Wasn't my intention to triggered your anxiety, I'm just searching for the best moment and better words. I'm also anxious."

I nodd, waiting for him to keep talking, but he doesn't. In fact our beers came first, and after some sips, Zayn rests his hands on the table and adjusts the posture. Seems to be concentrating.

"I don't know how to don't say it directly. Do you have any fetish?"

I try to act normally and while drinking my beer to gain time. He must have some reason to ask me this. What should I say? Is it safe to be honest?

"Why?" Genius.

"No, don't make it even more complicated to me. You know what I'm talking about." Zayn laughs nervously, then comes closer. I do the same. "You like my sneezes."

"Yes, I do." I admit at once. My hands are sweating, my body feels cold. The duality of feel boiling to feel freezing in a few seconds surprises me.

"Me too. I think we have to go to another place before my allergy med works." He whispers really close to my ear.

•

•

•

...TO BE CONTINUED...

[shajaah]

The face of the girl who bribed the kitty cats to win the match.

[sentofight]

Einar gains title "Glacier face".

[majiburger]

can i say something......

[weirdohhh]

😳🥵

Oh, So much cat fur || L/A/DS Z/ayne x MC

I made an ao3 a bit ago. I've been a lurker on there since...idk...years, but. I'm going to uhh...i think post fics there too haha. may or may not see some crossposting. i'm being wild and it's also going to have regular fics (haha, that is if i decide i'm writing in the first place xD) there's one snz fic and one vanilla fic right now lol. Am i nervous? sure, but like- also i've lost it, idk. here we are. anyways. I'm so into LADS rn. here we are. i want to write more, but i always say that, write one thing, and disappear for another 5 months. maybe i'll change, who knows. I’m taking advantage of my motivation while I’ve got it rn

the portal, to...a fic in my ao3 lol. but i'll also put the fic here under the cut...because..why not?

Zayne, sneezing, because little kitty Zayne is choking on his own fur!!?? HUH!? OK SIR!?

======================

Zayne was always a neat and orderly person. It irked him that he was the cause of the copious amount of cat hair that was beginning to collect–on him and his furniture. 

Ever since the bizarre event that had left him with cat ears and a long, fluffy tail, he had been doing his best to maintain his cleanliness. This was lasting longer than he had wistfully hoped. 

He was shedding everywhere. 

The elegant strands of his midnight fur that adorned his cat features had begun piling up, turning his couch and sheets a grayish hue. He practically ate cat hair with every meal now. If anyone had a pet that shed, they would understand. 

Zayne had decided in order to lessen the amount of shed fur, he would brush his ears and tail three times a day. It was just about time to start his midday grooming session. He figured there should be enough time before you came over for lunch. 

Oftentimes, if you spent the evening with him–whether it was in his office or in his apartment–he would let you brush him. It was soothing. He would just melt into your touch. 

He got to work, grabbing his brush and finding a comfy space on the wood floors. 

How long has it been since he’s vacuumed? He admitted to himself, he had begun to slack on the cleaning. It had gotten exhausting keeping up with the amounts of sweeping he had to do everyday and becoming a cat has made him more prone to naps these days. Therefore, his floors were gaining quite the collection of cat fur. 

Zayne sighed slightly as he settled onto the floor in a cross legged position. However, no matter how gentle he sat down, it  hadn’t stopped him from stirring up the stray strands of fur into the air. He started on his 

With the precise motions of a surgeon, he ran the brush over his ears first. An attempt to ensure that each motion was controlled as to not let too much cat fur fly. The feeling was pleasant, he almost purred. 

Strands of his soft black fur detached from the brush, regardless of his attempts, drifting lazily through the air. 

He watched them float.

A small sigh left his lips. No matter how careful he was, the fur would go wherever it felt. The sun’s rays illuminated the fur flying through the air, accentuating how they floated gently before landing on his clothes, his floor–his face.

He gave a frustrated exhale from his nose, blowing the cat furs away from his nostrils. Then, he moved on to brushing his tail. He wasn’t a big fan of brushing his tail. It was a human scaled version of a maine coone’s tail, those of which were already long and fluffy. He swiftly moved the brush through his tail. Unlike his ears, this took more effort and these strands were more prone to flying wherever they felt like. 

More and more fur lifted into the air, curling in invisible trails around him. It was like a mini cloud of cat fur always hung around him. 

That’s when he felt it. 

A faint, miniscule tickle on the tip of his nose. It was hardly worth acknowledging at first. Just a light sensation that teased the edges of his sinuses. His nostrils gave a tiny twitch, and then nothing.

Zayne continued brushing, doing his best not to acknowledge any sensations on his face. This of course, scattered more fur into the air around him. Not that it could be helped. Still, he refused to give into the growing irritation, or acknowledge the way his breath had begun to catch. He was still in control. He could do this. 

He finally made it to the ends of his tail. The fullest, most luxurious part. It was beautiful, yet he cursed it. Although, you personally loved when he let you run your hands through it. He gave a few generous strokes, running the bristles through the fur with precision. 

More and more fur detached, swirled through the air, landing everywhere. 

His breath hitched. The tickle was beginning to settle in the back of his nose as he continued. He gave a particularly harsh tug on his next stroke as a knot had nestled itself deep in his fur. Big mistake on his end. A small plume of fur flew up into the air, curling directly into his face. He could feel each ticklish strand land on, around, and in his nose. The teased and tickled as he shakily inhaled. 

“No, no, n-nhh…I d-don’t– don’t need to snihHh–sneeze–” 

His nostrils flared, protesting the cat fur that tickled his nose. His breath hitched and stuttered, chest heaving. Fighting a losing battle, he finally raised his hand up to his nose. He wasn’t allergic to cat hairs, but his nose was quite sensitive to the touch. 

At last, his breath caught.

“Hhh–hh’Tscht!” He pinched the first sneeze off behind his fingers. It was refined and quiet, yet it did not relieve him from the tickle that plagued his nose. Before he had time to think, his nose protested once again, and suddenly once became six times.

“Heh-’Tcht! –eH’Tcht! N–tchtt! ‘Tch! ‘Tch! ‘tchhh!” Zayne wasn’t going to stop anytime soon if he didn’t release his nose to expel the cat fur, but habits kept him from doing so. “ahH–...s-so tickly..s-stuhHh’tcht!! ehH’Tcht! S-stupid cat f-fur’TCHT! ehH–’Tcht!” 

Each sneeze–albeit quite–harshly jerked his body and shook more cat fur into the air.

“Sh-hiH-iHt’Tgxt’ch! ah–Tchtt! hihH–heh’Tchht!” 

His body repeatedly betrayed him as his nose gave in to the itch–even as he fought to suppress them. Somewhere in the midst, he heard his door unlock. ‘Oh no, they’re here already. How long hahH– has it b-been?’ With all the commotion from his nose he had forgotten you were coming over. 

Soon, he heard the sound of your feet headed in his direction.

“Zayne? Are you… wh-what happened to you?” You tried to cover up your amusement by coughing to hide your laughter. Zayne tried his best to glare at you through his bleary eyes.

“T-too muhh’Tchh! hehH’TChh! Toomuchcatfur ahH–’TChh!!!” He stuttered out through the sneezes. “Hehh…I-I can’t s-stohH–p…”.

“Do you maybe think, you should, perhaps, take your hand off your nose? Stop stifling mayhaps? Or would you rather forever trap those tickly–”

“hehH–eH’DTZsh’iiihh!!” Even the mere word tickly made his nose burst. At least he finally let himself release the sneezes freely, “ahEhH’DZSH–iihhh!! eHEH’DSZHIew! heh’DZSH–IIHH–…hhh..”.

You clicked your tongue in feigned disappointment, “Kitty Zayne choking on his own fur?”

His ears flattened as he sniffled the mess back, rosy cheeks gave away his embarrassment. You gave him a cheeky smile as you pulled some tissues out of your back pocket. You held them out, nudging them towards his face as he still glared (lovingly) at you.

“This is n-not amuHh…amusing…hh…hH’iHhh–’Tschhh!” He sneezed again and hastily grabbed for the tissues. He blew his nose harshly in an attempt to evict any stray cat fur left in his nose. 

“Well, I found it quite amusing,” You giggled as you plopped down on the floor right in front of him, “though you had me worried for a moment there when you wouldn’t open your door or respond to your phone.”

He looked back at you above the tissues as he examined the expression on your face. A look of both amusement and relief. 

“I did…not mean to worry you. Apologies, my dear,” He sighed, his lips twitched into a small smile. 

“It’s no worries! The scene I walked into made up for it. Imagine, me walking in, worried, just to find you sitting on the floor, sneezing your head off, surrounded by a cloud of your own fur–”

“OhH–no wh–y–heH’TSCHHH! eH’Tschh! eH’Tch! ‘tch–’tch–’tch…heh…haHh–e’Tschhhh! Why did you have to mention it again?” He once again blew his nose into the tissues. Though they were quite wet by now. You threw your head back, cackling.

“I’m sorry, Zayne!! I didn’t realize you were so suggestible!” Regardless of his embarrassment, your laughter was still music to his ears. 

“Mhm…what will I ever do with you, hm?” He let out an amused sigh. 

“Why don’t we settle onto the couch instead of going out today? Now seems like a perfect time for an afternoon nap, yeah?” You beamed as you reached to scratch his ears. Miraculously, your hand made it to his ears before he could stop you. He let out a small pur, which in turn caused his cheeks to turn a deeper shade of red.

“S-sounds good to me,” he finally replied after he let you scritch behind his ears. You knew he enjoyed that spot. You hummed happily and helped him up from the floor. Zayne followed without protest, unable to stop the small purrs that escaped his throat.

Moments later, the two of you were nestled together on his plush sofa. Zayne’s breaths were slow and steady, though a faint sniffle escaped him now and then. The sneezing had finally eased, leaving his little cat-self drowsy. His tail curled lazily over your legs and with each soft exhale, his ears would give a tiny flick. He was the first to doze off, with you not too far behind.

[ladiesonfilm-indices]

Ladies M->Z

A->L here

Mackenzie Mace ———————| 13.5

Madison Ivy ——————————| 13.0

Marilyn Lange ————————| 12.0

Martha A. Tanika —————| 14.5

Marry Queen ——————————| 12.0

Mary Rock ————————————| 11.0

May Thai —————————————| 15.5

Melena Maria Rya —————| 13.0

Melinda Doll —————————| 12.0

Melisa Mendiny ———————| 15.0

Melissa Lauren ———————| 14.0

Mell’s Blanco ————————| 16.5 ⭐️

Mia Kay ——————————————| 15.0

Michelle Wild ————————| 13.0

Miki Hamano ——————————| 9.5

Monica Sweet —————————| 13.5 ⭐️

Monika Benjar ————————| 10.0

Monika Unco ——————————| 10.0

Morgan Lee ———————————| 15.5

Nancy Ace ————————————| 14.5 ⭐️

Naomi Russell —————|🏅| 18.0 ⭐️⭐️

Natalia Andreeva —————| 12.0

Nataly Von ———————————| 14.0

Natasha Udovenko —————| 11.0

Nikki Blond ——————————| 13.5

Nikki Montana ————————| 14.0

Octokuro —————————————| 14.0

Olivia Sparkle ———————| 12.5

Penny Pax ————————————| 12.0

Polly Petrova ————————| 13.0

Presley Dawson ———————| 14.0

Rae Lil Black ————————| 16.0

Raven Lane ———————————| 11.0

Rebecca Volpetti —————| 16.0

Remy Lacroix —————————| 17.5

Riley Reid ————————|🏅| 19.0 ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Riley Star ———————————| 11.0

Rika Fane ————————————| 10.0

Rowan Moore ——————————| 10.5

Roxy Bell ————————————| 11.0

Roxy Jezel ———————————| 14.0

Roxy Lips ————————————| 14.0

Ryan Reid ————————————| 12.0

Sadie Pop ————————————| 9.0

Sara Bell ————————————| 12.5

Sarah Kay ————————————| 18.0 ⭐️

Sasha Grey ———————————| 15.0 ⭐️

Scarlet Chase ————————| 17.0 ⭐️

Scarlit Scandal ——————| 12.5

Scarlett Mae —————————| 13.0

Serpente Edita ———————| 13.0

Sheena Shaw ———————|🥇| 19.5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Simone Horvath ———————| 11.0

Siswet ———————————————| 17.0 ⭐️

Sofi Goldfinger ——————| 15.0 ⭐️

Solomia Maievska —————| 11.0

Sonya Blaze ——————————| 13.5

Sophie Dee ———————————| 12.0

Staci Carr ———————————| 12.0

Stefany Kyler ————————| 14.5

Stella Barey —————————| 14.0

Susan Ayn ————————————| 11.0

Suzie Carina —————————| 13.0 ⭐️

Sybil A ——————————————| 14.5

Theodora Day —————————| 9.0

Tiffany Diamond ——————| 12.5

Timea Bella ——————————| 14.0

Tina Walker ——————————| 12.0

Tori Black ———————————| 15.0

Uma Jolie ————————————| 12.5

Valentina Kolesnikova | 10.5

Vanda Vitus ——————————| 12.5

Vanna Bardot —————————| 15.5

Veronica Leal ————————| 17.0 ⭐️⭐️

Veronika Zemanova ————| 13.0 ⭐️

Vienna Black —————————| 15.0 ⭐️

Vina Sky —————————————| 16.0

Whitney Westgate —————| 13.0 ⭐️

Zafira ———————————————| 14.0

Zara Whites ——————————| 13.0 ⭐️

Zoe Sparx ————————————| 12.0

Zuzana Zeleznovova ———| 17.0 ⭐️⭐️

[postsofbabel]

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[silversinfinity]

I got the freaky ass new memory card... There is absolutely no sneezing going on here but walk with me and play pretend for a second okay

[folkbiorn161]

- Belmondo

- Młody G

- Młody Sarmata

- Obywatel bez NIPu

- Obywatel Meksyku

- Młody Bonaparte tylko że naprawdę

- Nowy Napoleon tylko większe berło

- Psychodeliczny wiking

- Młody Kmicic

- George Orwell z bongiem

- Sportowiec

- Kolega od jebanka

- Scrooge Ebenezer

- Sztosinger

- Dr Traphałs

- Belmondawg

- Czarodziej z Oz

- Urwipołeć śmierdzący groszem

- Muszkieter

- Ostateczny nurt

- Tytus

- Inspektor Gadżet

- Bojkot

- Nowy Tony Hawk tylko że rapowy

- Młody Gypsy

- Atlas

- Młody Mastermind

- Młody Glitch

- Młody Snake Plissken

- Młody Rastafari

- Tyti

- Młody Gdynianin

- Młody Mowgli

- Belmondziarz

- Belmondziak Sztosinger

- G

- Daquan

- Młody Muchadore

- Młody G z Gdyni

- Hajle Syllasje

- Mowgli Wychowanek Dżungli

- Młody figlarz

- Keepercipek

- Husky

- Młody Scrooge McDuck

- Młody Libertarianin

- Syn Ayn

- Algidziak

- Młody Algida

- Proteziak

- Nowy Larry Flynt

- ฿elmondœ

- Młody Stavro Blofeld

- Liroy Merlin

- Mobbyn Ranger

- Nowy Orson Welles

- Młody Bi

- Młody G Sportowiec

[enbysourdiesel]

a/n: hello! have a nice week :)

summary: z/ayn decided to record a video for his fans, but something inside his room triggered his allergies really bad.

words count: 1,7K

☞ studio time failed

ZAYN'S POV

"Wanna record a cover." I say from nowhere, laying down on the bed.

"Which song? I can help you if you want." Liam lights an incense.

"’I Wanna Know’ by Joe. And yeah, thank you, I need your help."

"Are you thinking about doing a video or just an audio recording?"

"A video." I laugh. "The fans will love it, I hope nobody dies."

"They will." Liam laughs in agreement. "I mean, they'll love it, not die for it."

Liam helps me to make sure about the lyrics. Then we found the melody and harmony between my voice and the song, but we also did the opposite of it, so we could mess it up and reorganize in our way.

For now we have the hardest part for me: to record the video. I mean, during our live performances I can be there, the boys make it easier too, but I don't know what happens when I have to face a camera by myself. In the end it used to be OK, but inside my mind I’m trembling.

"Just be yourself, darling. Don't need to look at the camera if you don't want to. It's your video, your choice. Let's have fun."

Today I chose to do this, but yeah, I have to – and also like to – do stuff like this. Sharing our art language with other people is necessary, it's an important part of it.

I drink some water and put myself in front of the camera. My nose feels kinda itchy since we started studying this song, I hope it doesn't disturb the final result. I breathe slowly a couple times then look at Liam so he starts playing the piano.

"Alright, oh, oh, oh/ It's amazing how you knock me off my feet, hmm/ Everytime you come around me I get weak, oh yeah/ Nobody ever made me feel this way, oh/ You kiss my lips and then you take my breath- Hahh… Wait, I have to sneeze."

Liam starts laughing and I also do the same while rubbing my nose, so the urge to sneeze goes away for a bit. I look back at the camera that stills recording, then look back at my boyfriend who is still amused.

"Let's start it again.” He says, but I'm preparing myself to sneeze in fact. “Or wait for you to sneeze, you choose."

"HANXXGSHHH! … HANXXGSHHH!" I pinch my nose with two fingers.

"Bless you. You good?"

"Gotta blow." I stand up to pick some tissues at our bedside table.

"Hold on. If you use paper tissues, your nose will turn red. Do it on the sink."

"HANXXGSHHH! Ohh. HAEERSHHHH! Excuse me." I try to muffle the second sneeze with the tissue, just wiping my nose while following to the bathroom's suite.

"Bless you!" Liam says surprised.

"Thank you."

I blow my nose on the sink and dry my face on my towel. From here I can hear Liam singing that song so well – as always when we're talking about him – but when I come back from the toilet he just stops.

"Keep going." I encourage him but he shakes his head no, smiling shyly. "Why? You sound so good, could you please sing with me in this video?"

"No way."

"Why not?! Whata fuck?!”

"What??”

"I'm just kidding, you know that." I get closer to him and pass my arms through his shoulders, we're facing each other.

"Yes, but it was rude. Don't talk to me that way anymore."

"I won't. I'm sorry, cutie." I press a kiss on his lips. "Wanna record with me pretty please?"

"Let me put a shirt on." He presses another kiss between my eyebrows.

"Why? You're looking great this way."

"I'll be more comfortable." Liam turns away from me. "Zee, what do you think about-"

"Nop." I cut his speech just to annoy him.

"What a fuck?" He throws a pillow in my direction as we're laughing together. "You're ridiculous."

"No, I'm pretty handsome. What were you talking about?"

"You made me forget, you faggot."

"So it was a lie." I'm spinning on the chair.

"It was a question."

"What else?"

"Yes! I was about to ask what you think about singing ‘Too Much’ with me too."

"Ahm... We already are, love. Since about three hours, I guess." I scratch my head, confused.

"No." Liam loses his breath from laughing out loud and I don't understand why. "I mean your song called Too Much."

"HANXXGSHHH! NXXXGSHH! NXXXGSHH! Ahh.” I cover them with both hands. “What?"

"It's Too Much from Icarus Falls, your second album."

"Ohh! You wanna record a version of it with me?"

"Yes! Thank you for asking." Liam just stops my chair and holds my face between both hands. "You're so nice to me. I love you so much."

"I love you even more." I answer with a funny voice, then receive a kiss on the lips.

"Let's do this, Mr. Runny Nose."

"I am your Mister, Mister. So, my runny nose is your problem too."

"Of course it is. It's disturbing my video!"

"OK, then. Hope I accidentally sneeze on your face while recording."

I need to blow my nose before getting back to find our harmony and separate our parts – or put it all together. It was the same for Too Much. My nose is pissing me off! But I’m still benevolent.

"Are you ready?" Liam is doing something with the camera, then with the microphone.

"Yeah."

My nose starts tickling more than ever when Liam passes in front of me to sit by my side after turning the record on.

"One, two." He knocks his guitar two times. "Oh, oh, oh..."

"NXXGSHH! NXXGSHH!" I try to get off of the camera while plugging my nose, but it is something anyway. I'm gonna sneeze again. “Hah… HAERRSHHOOO!”

"God bless you!" Liam says while he's laughing.

"Sorry." I giggle. "I'm sure that I'm allergic to this song."

"Let's try Too Much, then. Are you OK?"

"HAERRSHHHOOO! HAERRSHHHH!" My hands are on my knees, searching for support, as I keep turned to the other side. "HANXXXGSHHH! Holy crap."

"Stop stifling, Mister. It could hurt your ears."

"I'll try." I wipe my itchy nose then my watery eyes.

"I guess I want too much/ I just wanna love and lust" Liam sings at his own turn spinning on the chair.

"HAEESHHHH! HAEESHHHH! ESHHHH! ESHHHH! Shit." I rub my wet nose and sniffle again, but this makes me need to sneeze even more. “HUERRSHHHH! HUERRSHHHOOO!”

"Bless you again! I think you're needing an allergy pill or something.”

"Am I bothering you?" I’m blowing my nose once again.

"No, 'me' isn't the problem. YOU are annoyed, I can see it." He stands up. "I'm gonna ask Harry if he has something to help you, wait here.”

"I'll be right here, sweetie."

"Fine." He kisses my forehead. "I'll be right back. And bless you again."

"Hah... Hah..." My breath hitches, but the urge to sneeze just goes away with Liam as he is leaving our bedroom.

No, it still here.

"HAERRSHHH! HAERRSHHOOO! ESHHOOO! ESHHOOO! ESHHOOO! EESHHOOO! Grrr." I feel more comfortable letting my sneezes out when no one is around.

Today won't be the day that we will record that videos. Of course not, I am dying slowly, rubbing my nose constantly. I'm able to hear the skin-to-skin sound.

"Jesus Christ." Harry's voice sounds, then I stop what I was doing to open my eyes.

"No, I'm Zayn Malik, but I can turn water to wine too." Damn, I'm sounding awful!

"Happens all the time, doesn't it?" Liam comments, smiling at me. He sits by my side and hands me a medicine blister with a bottle of water.

"Uh, this incense smells pretty good. What is this?" Harry asks.

"Cinnamon." My boyfriend's answer makes me almost choke just from hearing it. "Wow, are you good?"

"Bloody hell! I'm allergic to cinnamon." I say after swallowing the pill in security.

"Hell, yeah?"

"Yeah." I try to laugh but end up coughing. Now that I know the cause, feels like it's just getting worse.

"I'm so sorry, love. I had no idea!" Liam is running to open the windows, then turns on the air-conditioning. "Since when?"

"Since I know myself.” I sniffle softly. “That 's OK, Lee. I'm good, just, you know, sneezy."

"You both needed this conversation before you got engaged. Very important." Harry says.

"What are you still doing here?" I ask.

"You're welcome for the medicine, you dumb." Styles tries to push me with a hand. "Fuck off."

"Thank you, Mr. Tomlinson! Have a nice day."

"For sure! My partner knows about my allergies and I know about his." He says while leaving the room.

"Congrats, Mr. Treat People With Dickness."

"I hate you!” He screams from the doorstep.

“So do I!” I scream back, but the effort makes me cough.

Liam locks the door and leans his body against it, and when I look up at his face I see him pouting. He looks guilty, but it's not his fault! That's why I stood up to approach him.

“Hey, don't blame yourself this way. I'm good, just my nose isn't too much.” I say, making us giggle, then I sniffle before continuing: “Let's chill a little? I'm tired from keep sneezing.”

“Of course, honey.” Liam's arms involve my neck, while mine are around his ribs. “What about watching Kronk’s New Groove?”

“NXXXGSHHH! HANXXGSHHH!” I had no choice but stifling these sneezes to not sneeze on Liam's arm.

“You done?” My boyfriend puts an arm down, giving me a bit more space, because no, I'm not done yet. “Don't stifle, babe.”

“Hahh… HaAahh…” Ughh! It's stuck! I use Liam's bicep to rub my nose.

“Need me to get away?” He tries to move away, but I don't let him go. “Oh, OK.”

“I love you, babe.” I say.

“I love you forever.”

My mouth is open while I'm filling my lungs slowly. I can feel Liam's eyes on my face, so I close mine to keep concentrated. I really need to sneeze, my mouth is getting full of water! This is going to be strong and wet and… messy.

“Hahhh…”

“Goddamn.” I hear Liam whispering.

“HAEERRRSHHEEWWW!! … HAEERRRSHHEEWWW!!”

“Holy shit!”

“Oh, Gosh.” I sprayed all over Liam's arm, he is laughing and my chin is dripping. “Excuse me!”

“That's OK! God bless you, lovie.” He kisses my temple.

“Thanks.” I rest my head on his shoulder, sniffly. I don't wanna get away from his embrace.

“You're welcome.” My boyfriend murmurs, caressing his face with mine.

•

•

•

[alrunaaa]

*breathes heavily into mic* z/ayne love and freakspace...z/ayne love and freakspace...maybe...perhaps...if you want...hmmmmmmmmmmghhhh

-anon who is totally and most definitely NOT your girlfriend. I promise.

who said this

[convxction]

ooc. z/ayne hating carrots, caleb hates cilantro, c/hrom hates rhubarb. the trio assembled. cant change my mind. these three will be big bro squad for MC.

[vidreview]

VIDEO ESSAY ROUNDUP #6 [PART 2]

[originally posted august 1st 2024 NOTE: while migrating the archive from cohost i've discovered that tumblr has a 10 link-block limit, which means i have to split some of these roundups up in order to maintain the embeds. we love websites don't we folks]

"New Zelda isn't Zelda" by Eroymak.

it's novel to see one of these shot in the mountains! vibes like a younger, ganglier nakeyjakey. i like to imagine that there's an escalating war of spectacle happening between white outdoorsy middle-class nerds all trying to one-up each other by casually filming an otherwise anodyne video essay in increasingly precarious locales. how long until a 22 year old DJ from Wisconsin dies on the slopes of Everest trying to film an essay about Mario 1-1? who's going to be the first human being to levy a citation-heavy critique of Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead while skydiving? how long until Shiey accidentally loses Jacob Geller down an abandoned mine shaft? anyway, Eroymak is extremely correct here about what makes modern Zelda games a drag, namely that their "go anywhere do anything" attitude ruins the sense of progression that once defined the franchise. i worry about this with the upcoming Echoes of Wisdom, which seems to be applying the Of The games' open toolset philosophy to the 2D Zelda template, but i digress. for being only 7 minutes and 20 seconds, this is a pretty succinct and broadly comprehensive summation of why the open world Zeldas lack a certain magic that was once so easily flaunted by their forebears.

"so that's why they cut all her scenes from the movie" by CinemaStix.

i've seen CinemaStix videos in my recommended feed multiple times and avoided them like the plague. i mean, come on. "CinemaStix"? at a glance this conjures a monstrous Third-Way chimera betwixt CinemaSins and CinemaWins, and i would sooner stave my own head in with a rock than give such a thing the time of day. EXCEPT… Constantine 2005 is one of my favorite comic book movies. i saw it in theaters and it changed me. in the years since, i've defended Constantine's honor from the haters to little avail (thankfully the tides have turned in recent years and people are realizing that they totally missed the second-best John Wick movie), and it's top of my list of fun movies to show guests when we're bored. this special interest overrode my kneejerk book-cover judgment survival mechanism, and i'm so mad that i don't regret it. this video is about the editing of Constantine 2005, and how many of the film's iconic moments were constructed in post. as the title suggests, a substantial amount of time is spent trying to understand why an entire character was ultimately cut, a question that's also plagued me ever since watching the deleted scenes on the DVD in 10th grade. whether you've seen Constantine 2005 or not, this is an excellent portrait of editing as a substantive authorial process. i've since gone and watched multiple CinemaStix videos, and god damn it, these are some quality essays. sometimes popular things are good, she said grumpily.

"Conservative Comedy Ruined My Life" by Big Joel.

oops, can you tell this vidrev roundup has been sitting in my drafts for a long time? this video came out on April 2nd of 2024 and has nearly 2.5 million views, so i won't belabor the point. this is a great deconstruction of conservative comedy that looks hard into why so much of it sucks beyond the empty platitudes endemic to smarmy liberals. it's some of Big Joel's best work in my opinion.

"On Online Entitlement" by CJ The X.

an excellent autopsy of the rhetorical implications of an overly familiar instagram comment-- a description that i know probably sounds obnoxious, but genuinely is not the case. Mx. The X goes to great lengths to assure us that this is not about the person who left the comment, but the various attitudes and assumptions that are implied in its construction. gen z essayists in particular seem to specialize in this sort of editorial post-game breakdown of the things people say when they think they're saying something else, and i think they're always worth paying attention to. consider this something of a downstream epilogue to Shannon Strucci's seminal Fake Friends series. even as i don't always agree with the totality of their conclusions, i do always come away from CJ The X videos feeling like i've learned something about how i and other internet-dwelling social animals think.

"How Uber Is Destroying Food Delivery" by More Perfect Union.

More Perfect Union is not typically in the business of video essays, focusing more on feature stories that heavily rely on interviews and on-the-ground reporting. this one's a unique development in that it is just straight up a video essay, using the business model of Uber as an avenue for understanding Corey Doctorow's theory of platform decay (except he calls it Enshittification because god forbid 21st century materialist philosophy grow out of its twee blogosphere adolescence). if you know the theory then there's probably not gonna be much here that surprises you, but i felt it a notable inclusion nevertheless.

do you have recommendations for video essays i might not have seen, new or old? well my askbox is open and i'm always looking for ways to penetrate my experiential-algorithmic youtube bubble. hope you found something enjoyable in this collection, see you in the next one!

<- ROUNDUP #5

[miastaslow]

Sierpień w warszawskim Klubie z Kawą nad Książką

Książka: Źródło

Autor: Ayn Rand

Data spotkania: 4 sierpnia (piątek)

Godzina: 18:00

Miejsce spotkania: Kawiarnia Kafka, ul. Oboźna 3

Osoba kontaktowa: Kasia, tel. 507 124 991, leskatarzyna@gmail.com

Od czasu wydania Źródła minęło już 80 lat. Mimo tego pytania, na które stara się odpowiedzieć w swojej książce Rand – jak być wiernym swoim ideałom przyjmując postawę nonkonformizmu i czy świat akceptuje ludzi stale idących wyłącznie pod prąd – są wciąż jak najbardziej aktualne.

Jakiego wyboru dokonałeś w swoim życiu? Czy jesteś bardziej Howardem Roarkiem, czy może jednak Peterem Keatingiem? I czy było warto? Co nam przynosi, a czego pozbawia wierność sobie i bezkompromisowość?

Zapraszam do dyskusji!

Kasia Leśniak

[bleuberries-and-video-games]

There is a reason why we have therapists and safe spaces and support groups, and there is a reason why using websites like tumblr, twitter, and tiktok as a supplement for those things is a bad thing.

One of the most dangerous habits I have developed as a person is the idea that I need to help people, like constantly. One of the most dangerous mindsets I have ever gotten into is the belief that I have to be the Diplomatic person in every situation and to make things good for every single person involved. The last time this had a major emotional effect on me was when a breakup happened in my friend group, by the end, it exhausted me. It almost burnt the bridge of Goodwill I had with every single person involved, and in a couple of cases absolutely ruined some relationships because of what happened. I developed that because of something that happened on here, certain types of blogs and conduct that encouraged, unhealthily, the need or Obsession to do good.

Can't help everybody. I can't save everybody. It's not that I shouldn't help or try to help people, but I cannot fix everything. And everyone around you is not obligated to pick up your pieces. That's not to say that people shouldn't care or want to help or feel empathy, I'm not Ayn Rand for God's sake, and the belief that you should not help anybody is a fucking blight on our society that should be purged from the earth as quickly as the Republican Party should die. That being said, there is a difference between not helping people, and understanding your limits and because of some of the stuff that happened on this website, I don't know my own and I'm still struggling to assert and understand my own.

It led me into some fun friendships and relationships, but it also created unhealthy patterns of anxiety and Amplified some already present depression that I do need to deal with and address, on top of a realization that I'm transgender that I have been running from for the past decade and a half.

This website is Infamous for a number of bleeding heart things, and the problem with the bleeding heart is eventually you run out of blood. The problem with fighting and dying on every single hill, trying to solve every single problem, and help every single person, is eventually you run out of the ability, will, or capacity to do so, and it might be the reasoning as to why we feel so helpless right now. I'm not saying Tumblr was so essential in a lot of people's lives that it's the singular reason as to why Generation Z feels some kind of apathy towards things, but I am saying though is that it kind of encouraged a strange culture to develop within several different generations of young people, leading to a number of them becoming very unhealthy and very deeply disregarding of themselves.

As different social media sites collapsed and interacted and eventually either came to here or moved from here, that ideology spread into the online space and saturated everything, eventually creating the modern internet culture which is highly obsessive, deeply nihilistic, extremely empathetic, and extremely exhausted. People feel heated passion, so they are deeply reactionary, but they are taught or are not allowed to believe in anything or anyone singularly, because that belief will disappoint them, and the only thing they are encouraged to focus on is doing good by an arbitrary metric that is not easily measured, which makes it impossible to achieve.

We all have dissonant understandings of what good is, and I cannot stress enough some of us have trauma that warps our understanding of it. I am much more harsh and crueler to myself than other people are to me because I do not understand or I struggle to understand that I have trauma and that I need to address it. It works how I see myself and how I see others, and that's a really bad thing that we kind of need to sit with.

More importantly, the culture that has come about has created a necessity or a belief that everyone should be correct and perfect in their presumptions or actions, leading to an online culture that is just disconnected from reality and genuinely makes people extremely Reckless with their own person and their own issues. This has led to the litigiousness of a lot of people surrounding who and what they consume, but not any actual pragmatic framework to push it through, this leads to a bunch of very bad misinformation spreading, with no method to verify or check it or vet it. We commonly know this as an issue with media literacy and supposed to cancel culture, which depending upon your class position, what you believe, and what you do, pretty much dictates how it functions or reacts to you.

Even some of the stuff I shared above might be too over the line, and I totally understand and apologize for that. I want people to know that it is okay to fuck up, and make mistakes, just make sure you learn from them. Make sure that instead of just saying I'm sorry or getting mad that people are mad at you, it's probably a good idea for everyone in this situation to give each other a bit more empathy and to stop expecting others to take on burdens that you yourself cannot take on easily. More importantly, we need the ability to celebrate our wins, because we don't get to enough. We don't get to see happy gay people enough, we don't get to see obsessive posts about TV shows anymore, we don't get to see people proud of their artwork anymore, and kind of most importantly we don't get to see the happy side of news and information anymore. People feel afraid to share that because they don't want to be hopeful, because they've been told, practically beaten into submission, that this stuff will fail you and the only solution is to be a doomer.

Our current plague of Doomerism is built on the foundation of people doing digital self-harm, genuinely seeking out things that make them mad or hurting them, and accelerating their behavior towards a bad direction. And it's not specifically limited to certain demographics as other types of self harm is, every single generation has somebody who digitally self harms because it's just that easy!

A more Boomer version of digital self-harm is obvious types of manipulative and destructive political ideologies and their figureheads, as well as living Lifestyles that are genuinely harmful to other people, whereas a more younger person would do something like doomscrolling, or looking up different things that make them mad and posting tirades or attacking people who make content I don't like that is otherwise not that reprehensible.

We can and should do better, we can and will do better, but it takes time, effort, energy, and a willingness to admit that we are in fact not well. And a lot of people do not want to do that. A lot of people would much rather continue the cycle of self-destruction because it is much more comforting to them and easy for them.

Allow yourself and other people to be happy, give yourself the space and Grace to love and to love unapologetically, don't make this so much harder for yourself, you don't need to. Be happy that you see a picture of a puppy, laugh at the anecdote about some family, even if you don't relate to it or never have one, do better, you need to, you owe it to yourself.

i really dont want to come off as an asshole and act like im not sympathetic but i think the idea that it is an appropriate thing to do to respond to posts about about positive experiences made by strangers with long and graphic vents about how your own life is nothing like that really has to end. i’m very sorry you’re going through that. but it’s just. really not appropriate.