#Zezah Xiomara Citrine

[zezah-xiomara-citrine]

It's crazy to think about how HRT has improved my life and outlook so early on. I finally feel at home in my own body, and I have not even started to see real visual results yet. I am slowly starting to bud, I actually feel emotions outside of just anger and contempt. My mind is at peace with just being me for the first time in a decade.

I still have a ways to go. I'm unlearning some male tendencies that are not as nice as they should be. Or at least I hope I am. A lot of things to unpack from there. I did not know I was such a misogynist until really sitting down and thinking about how I responded to certain people. I'm still mean! But I'm learning how to temper my words and think before I just crush people now...

I can sit down and focus on what made me who I am today. The art and music and computing skills that I enjoyed as a youth. Everything seems so fresh and brand new again. I'm even taking time to play video games again, which I have not done regularly since my TF2 clan disbanded back in 2016.

I renewed my passion for movies and film. Animation and cinematography. I'm behind on my reading but I'm slowly getting back into the swing of that. Have to catch up on a few Halo books and such 😅

I feel pretty and soft and flowering. I realized that my past experiences trying to cope with being a male left some scars on me that I need to heal, but I think I have found people in my life who have already jump started that for me.

At first, I thought I had lost a lot of time. Like a huge part of my life was just cut out from not transitioning sooner. Now I understand that it's not about the times I missed out on, that was important for who I was. The times ahead are what makes me who I am and who I want to be now.

I was worried people would like me less now that I'm transitioning, but honestly I don't care anymore. I don't care about any of it. I have my peace and self-esteem back. I have my ambition and drive back. I have hope and community again. I'll take that any day over someone finding me "masculine and handsome".

For now on, I'm placing myself in a box of my construction. Far outside of whatever society and whatever anyone else had built for me.

I'm hoping if anyone else is debating experimenting with their gender identity, going on HRT or just making some form of change for themselves to just take the dive and do it. I think it has honestly saved my life and given me so much more willingness not to give up. In fact, it has made me more of a fighter than I was beforehand. And I'm super super thankful for it. I really am.

I'm in love with life, I am in love with myself, and I'm in love with the times yet to pass and the present time moving forward.

[sassytail]

Todays my 1 year anniversary with my love, @zezah-xiomara-citrine

Here’s to many more!

[ecofmaster]

Today I found a really long post with no notes, and I didn't want to read it, so I just commented "I'm a fucking alligator" and left.

@zezah-xiomara-citrine if ur reading this

I lied

I was never an alligator

>:3

[zezah-xiomara-citrine]

Me being a sleepy girl after work Saturday morning.

[zezah-xiomara-citrine]

I regret everything. I took today off to rest and ended up cleaning my room. I am exhausted and I'm tired and my everything hurts. Why did I do this?

[zezah-xiomara-citrine]

I feel so soft and at peace right now... I wake up every morning enjoying life a bit more! The people I have, the goals I set for myself, everything is just slowly becoming better in my life. I feel emotions I have not felt in 2 decades just about and all of them are so good.

I don't have to mask my true self! I'm free and thriving. I want to share this with everyone else in my life as well. We are so gonna kick ass this year!