#a big hullabaloo(crack)

[theweirdgoodbyes]

never asked me once about the wrong i did: chapter 2

tw: depictions of child ab*se, general Catholic suffering

Llewelyn gets his girl in trouble two years later, and poor Mama damn near dies of shame. She finds out when the girl’s daddy comes to the door hootin’ and hollerin’, demanding that Llewelyn make her honest.

They had all just gotten home from supper at Granmere’s, bellies full of etouffee, and were stripping out of their church clothes when all the hullabaloo began. Granmere had been real quiet that night, not even making her usual concerned comments about Merriell. She just sat in her rocking chair and rubbed her cross while they peeled crawfish, only stopping to touch that old thing to her forehead before going back to rocking. Mama always said she did that when she was praying real hard about something, something only she and God knew about. Sometimes Merriell feels like Granmere isn’t human like the rest of them, she’s something else from the other side, old as time itself, sent by God to see into his soul and spy on all his thoughts. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t love him as much as the other grandchildren; that him killing Vernon was just the precipice of the sins he’s committed, all of which can be laid out before her with just one glance. He still steals candy, still waits for Mr. Leconte to come home each night with bated breath, skips school now. At least he’s stopped chasing the poor cat, but Merriell isn’t sure that will save him from damnation.

None of them felt bold enough to open the bedroom door even a crack once they hear all the yelling, but curiosity has Merriell flat on his belly to peek under it, able to just make out Mama’s stockinged feet and an unfamiliar pair of shoes across the house. Daddy had run back to the docks quick after supper, leaving Mama alone to deal with this angry stranger. His brothers take turns pressing their ear to the door above him, quieter than they’d ever been as they try to piece together what the fuss is about. Llewelyn just paces the floor of their shared bedroom, biting at his nails.

“Oh, Llew, you one dead man,” Willard whispers when it’s his turn to listen, “Ain’t you know how to pull out?”

“Shut up,” Llewelyn says, still chomping away at his nails. Merriell’s never seen him look so scared, and it’s a fear he feels seeping into his own bloodstream. This is the worst thing any of them have ever done, far worse than stealing candy. He sees Mama’s feet begin walking towards the door, and scrambles back with a quick warning before there’s a sharp rap.

“Llewelyn,” Mama sounds as mad as a wet cat, “get out here, boy.”

Even though it’s Sunday, and Daddy doesn’t drink today, Merriell watches him beat Llewelyn harder than he’s ever seen when he gets home. Mama, who usually stays out of Daddy’s hair when he’s wailing on them so she doesn’t get hit herself, has to eventually throw her frying pan into the mix. She wacks Daddy hard on the back until he gets off Llewelyn, leaving him a blubbering blood-soaked mess on the kitchen floor. Despite how damn mean Llewelyn can be, Merriell has to stop himself from running over and trying to help his big brother. He stays at his spot huddled in the corner of the kitchen, unblinking eyes counting the spots of blood on the ground, easier to focus on the myriad of specks on the tile than his brothers shaking and sobbing body.

“You think that poor girl’s gon’ marry him with no damn teeth, John?”

Daddy relents, storming out of the house mumbling something about needing a drink, and slams the door behind him. At Mama’s command, Willard and Francis carry Llewelyn back to Granmere’s to get fixed up. She’s a traiteur, as good as any doctor they can find in these parts. She had been there at each of their births, helping Mama through the labors when Daddy was nowhere to be found. She had even been the one to dig the hole for Vernon, chanting in Creole and praying for his soul the whole time.

Merriell helps Mama clean the floor, pretending he can’t hear her cry as they scrub away all the blood. She doesn’t cry much, life and Daddy having made her hard. It breaks his heart to hear her but there’s nothing he can do, nothing any of them can do, to stop Daddy from being such a mean son of a bitch. Sometimes Merriell wishes him dead, and adds that to the list of evil thoughts Granmere and God can hear him think. When Mama goes to empty out the bucket of water and soap, he finds one of Llewelyn’s teeth on the ground, knocked straight out of his mouth and under the kitchen table. Without thinking, he stuffs it into his pocket before Mama can see. Long after the blood has been cleaned up and Daddy has stumbled home, Merriell lays in the bed he shares with Arthur and looks at the tooth. It’s a small, yellow thing and the jagged edges poke at his finger tips like a knife. He doesn’t know why he kept it, but finds some small comfort in rubbing it between his fingers. His own teeth have started to fall out and be replaced, and he feels bad for Llewelyn who won’t grow this tooth back. He presses it to his forehead, closing his eyes and praying to God like Granmere might.

Dear God, please forgive Llewelyn for his sins. Please forgive Daddy. Please forgive me. Amen.

A week later, Merriell finds himself back in church on a quiet Tuesday. They had all risen early that morning, been allowed to skip school but made to scrub their faces and underarms while Mama pulls a comb through their messy curls. She dons her best dress, a light purple number with a hat to match and does her best to keep a smile on her face.

“What a lovely day the Lord gave us,” she kept saying, fanning herself with her hand as they walked to the rickety old church. Daddy and Llewelyn walked ahead of them, Daddy with his hand firm on his son’s shoulder, either out of comfort or to keep him from running. Merriell wonders what they’re talking about, realizing he knows little about the man he calls his father. He can count on one hand the amount of times he’s had a conversation with him, finding that hiding away was his safest option. Daddy didn’t do much else aside from work, drink, and beat them silly; never much time for talking between those events. Mama did all of the childrearing, firm but loving while she did her best to keep them alive and out of trouble. His brothers accuse him of being a mama’s boy but Merriell doesn’t mind. He holds her other hand tight and has to take big steps to keep up with her hurried stride.

“It’s hot, Mama,” Robert complains, kicking at a rock.

“Hush. People pray for days like today,” Mama reminds them. “And don’t kick no rocks, boy, you gon’ scuff those shoes.” They continue their walk towards Llewelyn’s fate in silence, the Louisiana sun beating down hard like the fists of God.

“Ain’t this a crock o’ shit,” Willard mutters under his breath next to him as the ceremony progresses, pulling at the collar of his shirt. It’s a sweltering day in August and Mama’s rule of keeping their church shirts tidy has disappeared in favor of marrying off her son as soon as possible.

Merriell feels hot and sweaty all over, the sparsely filled church somehow stuffier than outside, shirt clinging to his back as he leans forward against the pews. Mama is up front with Daddy and Granmere, far enough where she can’t scold him for not sitting proper.

Merriell watches his eldest brother’s solemn face, still peppered with yellowing bruises, as he stands with his betrothed at the altar. She ain’t ugly, and Merriell thinks real hard to try to find something he finds attractive about her. She’s Creole like them, which is a blessing since Daddy would have surely killed Llewelyn if he knocked up a white girl, and has curly brown hair hidden under her veil. Merriell can see the curve of her belly poking out from her white dress, and wrinkles his nose thinking about how that baby got in there. He’s not ignorant to how babies are made, seen their cat go after more females than he can count and heard Willard and Victor gloat about their escapades. He just doesn’t understand what the fuss is about. He’s still young, he tries to convince himself, more concerned with fishing and helping Mama than girls and what they’ve got going on under their skirts. When he’s older, he’ll want to touch a girl the way his brothers brag about. He knows it.

“They in love?” He finds himself asking.

“You gotta be a damn fool if you think they in love,” Willard snorts, shaking his head, “Llewelyn love that she ain’t never say no to him. Look at him now.”

Merriell wonders what it’s like to be in love. He doesn’t think Mama and Daddy are in love; how could Mama love him with all the bad he does? Auntie Maude and Uncle Ed, little Eugene’s mama and daddy, might be in love; they’re real sweet on each other and steal kisses in Granmere’s kitchen when they think no one is looking. Merriell then wonders what it would be like to get married, now knowing that being in love doesn’t have anything to do with it. What it would be like to be kneeling up at the altar, in front of Mama and Daddy and God, binding yourself to another until the day you die. But when he thinks about who he might marry, as hard as he tries, none of the girls in his class come to mind. All he can see is Mr. Leconte’s face, hand pushing red hair away from his brow with a quick wink. The thought makes something in Merriell’s belly twist tight, and he squeezes his eyes shut to will the image away. He tries to trick himself into thinking he wishes Mr. Leconte was his daddy, someone nice and loving who kissed him goodnight, and that’s why he waits for him each night. The idea of a goodnight kiss brings that twisting feeling back, and he pinches his arm through his sweat-soaked shirt. Punishment for his thoughts, in God’s house of all places. When he opens his eyes again, he looks up to the windows and counts the stained glass panes until thoughts of Mr. Leconte and the heaving feeling in his heart fade away, replaced by the ringing of church bells marking the beginning of his brother’s loveless marriage.

Thanks for reading! I’m thinking this story will probably end up being around 5 or 6 chapters, depending on some ideas I have. I’ve been wanting to dive into snafus psychology and why he is the way he is (war trauma aside) so this chapter is pretty headcanon indulgent heehee

[kater1n]

I saw your prompt reblog sooo, starker:

45. “This is not what I meant when I told you to fall for me.” 

😮

Anyone can send me another prompt from the list.

Sooooo I did my best at fluff. It somehow came out more like crack? 🙃

Tony is not avoiding Peter. Objectively. He’s just been busy.

Pepper needed his help in Tokyo. For, you know, contracts or something. They don’t re-negotiate themselves. Pepper may have complained the entire trip, but she didn’t mean it. He’s positive that she appreciated his presence. He knows how to step up occasionally.

And then Rhodey’s leg braces started making a funny noise. Rhodey may not have heard it, but his hearing is questionable. He’s spent far too many years listening to fighter jets and explosions and all sorts of other hullabaloo in the military. Tony knows what impending mechanical failure sounds like. He’s the expert.

So Tony had to kidnap Rhodey and lock down the lab. For security purposes. That’s what best friends do. They protect each other when they’re vulnerable. Tony’s not about to let something happen to his Honey Bear. Not on his watch.

And it’s really not a big deal that it took him a few days to fix the leg braces. Even geniuses struggle sometimes. And of course Tony kept them locked up for a few more days after they were fixed to make sure the leg braces didn’t immediately break again. Just in case. Tony’s always been very thorough.

So he’s definitely not avoiding Peter. That’s ridiculous.

It may be unusual that they haven’t spoken in two weeks, but that’s just life. It gets busy sometimes. Sometimes too busy to even respond to the dozens of texts that Peter sends. It has nothing to do with the kid’s love confession. Because that?

Not a big deal.

The fact that Tony can’t stop staring at Peter right now instead of fighting Electro is irrelevant. It’s part of F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s programming to monitor him during battle. What kind of mentor would Tony be if he didn’t keep an eye on him?

So it’s a fluke that Tony gets blasted by the electromagnetic pulse. It could have happened to any of the Avengers present. It’s just really, really unfortunate that it happens to Tony because it immediately destabilizes his nanoparticles. The Iron Man armor shatters into a billion tiny pieces, a crimson cloud that rains down on the pavement hundreds of feet below.

Tony is left only in the ratty t-shirt and jeans he was wearing before the battle began. He has no way to call for help, no backup plan; nothing to prevent him from plummeting to his own doom.

Until Peter is suddenly there, catching Tony in his arms like some blushing, virginal princess.

“This is not what I meant when I told you to fall for me, Mr. Stark,” he quips, but he cradles Tony close, hunching around him protectively as they swing towards safety.

“Not the time, kid,” Tony grunts, eyes squeezed shut so he doesn’t have to look up at his stupid masked face.

They make it to the nearest skyscraper and Peters sets him down gingerly. It’s one of those swanky condo buildings with a green roof. There are delicate flowers and artfully trimmed shrubs, interwoven with a wooden garden path for admirers to gawk at its splendor. There’s even a fountain, bubbling happily in the center where a few pigeons coo and splash in the water.

It’s entirely too much. Tony thinks he might laugh until he abruptly vomits into a flowerpot instead, gravity finally catching up to him.

“Shit, Mr. Stark,” Peter yelps, hovering anxiously near his side, “Are you ok?”

Tony glowers, wiping his mouth on the back of his arm. “No. I’m really not.”

Peter’s mask recedes and he runs a troubled hand through his hair, mussing his curls. “Oh. Well, uh, at least we won?”

Tony peaks over the railing to confirm that, yes, they’ve won. Wanda has contained Electro in some sort of red bubble. That’s great. Fantastic. He can go back to his tower and nurse his bruised pride in solitude. Far, far away from Peter.

Except… that’s Peter’s hand on his shoulder, turning him back around. They stand face to face, toe to toe, but Tony resolutely glares down at his shoes. Refuses to make eye contact.

Because, ok, he’ll admit it. He’s been avoiding Peter. And he really, really does not want to have this conversation yet.

Or, you know, ever.

Peter fiddles nervously with the loose collar of Tony’s shirt, fingers warm even through the fabric of the Spider-Man suit where they accidentally brush against skin. “We should probably talk.”

Tony shakes him off, pulling away to beat a hasty retreat towards the exit door. “Not happening.”

Peter sighs, loud and obnoxious and insufferable, and activates his web-shooter. It snipes webfluid over the door handle, sealing it shut in a pointed rendition of the very first time they met in Peter’s bedroom.

Tony’s not sure if he wants to cry or scream. “Real mature,” he hisses, kicking the door in frustration.

Peter snorts. “One of us has to be.”

Tony crosses his arms, rolls his eyes, and slumps onto a nearby bench. He might as well get comfortable if he’s going to be stuck here. Lord knows nothing else about this situation is. “Are we really doing this? Here? Now?”

“Why not?” Peter shrugs, plopping down next to him on the bench. “It’s kinda nice up here.”

Tony scooches as far away as he can get, crossing his legs in the opposite direction and leaning against the arm rest. “If you like bugs,” he mutters darkly, flicking away a fly that had the gall to land on his jeans.

Peter snorts again. It’s annoyingly cute. “But that's the thing, Mr. Stark,” he teases, “I think you do.”

And that’s just… Wow. Not fair. How is Tony supposed to respond to that?

“I don’t,” he denies quickly, “they’re gross, Peter.” But he’s not going to win an Academy Award for his performance. Mostly it just sounds like he’s trying to convince himself.

“There’s nothing wrong with bugs,” Peter challenges. He slides over on the bench until their thighs touch. “You can let yourself like them. They won’t hurt you.”

“No,” Tony says, slow and serious, because they both know they’re not talking about bugs anymore, “but I do always end up hurting them.”

Peter lets out a short, airy breath. It sounds relieved. “That’s it? That’s why you’ve been avoiding me?”

Tony scowls.

“Sorry,” he chuckles, lips quirking as he slips a hand into Tony’s. Tony tries to pull free, but Peter laces their fingers together, expression smug. “I thought you didn’t feel the same way.”

“I don’t,” Tony repeats, but this time his denial sounds more like a question.

Despite the glimmer of amusement in his eyes, Peter nods gravely. He raises their entwined hands and brushes a soft kiss over Tony’s knuckles. Only then does he finally, finally get up to remove the webfluid from the exit door so they can both leave.

He’s such a shit. Such a cute, perfect little shit.

Tony might be ridiculously in love with him. But only if you squint, like, really hard. Because it’s not obvious at all.

[chickawah23]

I'm interested in seeing how Taylor handles the vault tracks for Speak Now TV and 1989 TV, if she follows the pattern she started with Fearless TV and continued with RED TV, I think that she'll have one vault song on them that absolutely roasts an ex to hell and back, and the rest will not be super click-baity.

Well, I think that at least the vault tracks outside the one that roasts an ex for Speak Now TV won't be super clickbaity, but I don't know about how Taylor will handle the 1989 TV vault tracks, I think it depends on certain factors and that if some of it's vault tracks are clickbaity, they won't be there just for the sake of being clickbaity, I guess?

If Karlie has ditched the hullabaloo by the time 1989 TV comes out, I could see at least one vault track being kinda loud, and by that virtue kinda clickbaity because, y'know, the whole Big Conversation™ thing and the hullabaloo being gone might be enough to make Taylor giddy enough to be like "F it, I'm celebrating!" and just put a song that's pretty Karlie/Kaylor-y as a vault track.

If Karlie hasn't ditched the hullabaloo by 1989 TV, I could kinda see Taylor putting a loud Kaylor sounding song as a vault track just to make Mr. Superior Thinkin' sweat out of spite, too, tbh. It'll be interesting to see how handling the rest of the vault tracks go. On a vaguely related point, I kinda hope that Taylor includes the Enchanted/Wildest Dreams mash-up as a vault track for 1989 TV because I think the imagery for its lyric video would melt people's brains due to it being the Fishbowl™ of Lover MV fame 🤭

I share some similar thoughts and wonders about the vault tracks for Speak Now (tv) and 1989 (tv) as you, anon. Speak now has so many great songs I don’t know which one she’s going to choose as a single. Would she do the title track lol and have another whole wedding thing. Or will she go back to the fearless tv style and do Long Live as a gift to fans. Then do a saucy but fun vault song and give Taylor Lautner some good press that he can have fun with (similar to how Joe Jonas and Sophie T had fun with Mr. Perfectly Fine). Or she goes for a vault track that comes with the Jake G/ATW 10 treatment for John Mayer and he uses it for some publicity. (Maybe even covers it on tiktok lol). Either way it’ll be fun.

As for 1989 tv vault tracks I really am like hoping she uses it as second opportunity to like work with Katy Perry to undo the Bad Blood narrative. Or maybe she alludes to it in a joking way with Katy’s blessing so that she gets some press. I think the internet would explode if she released a vault track that alluded to Harry Lolol. I’d probably crack up if she did. Harry seems like the type who would totally be down for that though. So there’s some potential for fun. I wonder what the actual single for that album will be though. Like with a music video. I wonder if she would just let wildest dreams live. Or would she give us a music video for like wonderland or New Romantics. Maybe even have Lena direct it. Maybe be chaotic and do a mv for you are in love Lolol. You know lean into the squad and the story.

And yesss that mash up is my dream addition for 1989 tv! It is so perfect and the visuals. Ugh be still my heart.

[storiesofthebud]

How Could This Be?! (James Charles X Markiplier fluff)

HIIIII. Ive been feeling some typa way lately and this is the only outlet for me to express how I truly feel. WARMING I AM NOT JAMES CHARLES NOR AM I MARK IPLIER AND I HAVE NO RIGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!1 Please be kind wen offering cumstructive critchistichm, I really DONT get out much hahaha. Shall we g=begin🥴

...

James stomped into his room and flung his silky torso onto his lush, comfy bed. He dingle dangled he feet in the air like a giddy school girl, flopping around. Opening snapchat, he IMMEDIATELY put the dog filter on and knew what he had to do...James, in a gust of sheer wonder, widened his big big eyes and batted his hairy lids as the sight of hims receiving a chat from Mister Mark Iplier. 

“Wyd”, Mister Mark questioned biting his pillowy, kingly lips.

James heart fluttered so hard he almost flew away (and by that I mean cardiac arrest!! 😳) His flutters then turned to shutters when he realized that Mister Mark was probably--possibly--too yummy and delishus to fancy the likes of a mere beauty guru.

“nm hbu”, Jams replied, showing only his delicate forehead and hairs.

He began to feel thick and hot tears pool in his fleshy pink and flirty tear ducts. James put his face in his expertly manicured hands to cry it all out once and for all. Betwixt his heaving sobs, he noticed a petite vibration coming from his clear cased and pink modeled iPhone X12. The twitch was alarming at first. He let out a surprised honk that then turned into a satisfied hum. James checked his phone screen (which was VERY cracked 😖like soooo cracked.. James please go to the apple store you can drive dummy ugh). He slid his greasy fingers to see for himself what all the hullabaloo was about.

“Heyyy”, Mark Iplier typed with shaggy, beefy fingers.

By this time, James fell asleep. He had a long day at the studio and just couldn't help it.

...

FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!

[the-loaf-of-calamity]

My Mains in HW: AoC

,My Mains mostly consist of a quartet of two comforts, one main tank, and the one who is just there for the fun of it! What do I call this quartet of unusual heroes? The group’s name is... “The Bad Bitch Quartet”!... real creative I know.. Anyhoot, Let’s roll on!

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1. The Main Man ~ Revali {Core Main}

   Revali has been my main since I started the game and has been one of my best mains since the whole story campaign, he was actually the first character I got to max level with so I’m quite proud of him! He does well when doing damage up in the skies above and is great against Guardians but he doesn’t do well with ground combat, which is one flaw I want to point out. Other than that whole hullabaloo, I made him my core main for a reason and I have yet to regret it! 

2. The Main Tank ~ Battle-Tested Guardian {aka: Corris} (Note: Corris is not their canon name, this is just a name I gave them!}

  Corris is my secondary main behind Revali and they are one of the best tanks I can use. When I finally unlocked him, I was absolutely ECSTATIC to get them on the team. I have no regrets making them my secondary main as their strong attacks does extremely well against both bosses and other enemies as well, their regular attacks also do pretty well but there is one main issue I want to point out about them. They are a t h i c c bub and sometimes it’s hard to see where to aim their attacks {their unique action helps a bunch when it comes to strong attacks but it’s the regular attacks that I’m complaining about}. They’re really strong and can take in hits really well, but they’re a bit too big to aim attacks in small areas. They’re still fun to play!

3. The Secondary Tank and The Chef /hj ~ Calamity Ganon

  This guy is also very strong and takes hits very well but is slower than Corris, it’s all worth it in the end. I love to play as Calamity for multiple reasons, one being that most of his strong moves {and his Weak-Point Smash} reminisce most of the Blight Ganons moves when ever you’re either in Calamity Form or Normal Form {and as someone who constantly hyperfixates over the blights, you know that’s gonna sell me on playing as Calamity}. Only thing that’s kinda roughs up my opinion on Calamity though is how long it takes to get his Calamity Form going, it takes forever to go into his Calamity form and it honestly sucks. I still absolutely love him and his character though!

{Mun Soph inserts Crack HC here: the reason why I call Calamity “The Chef” is mainly a stupid joke I though up. Calamity cooks the 3 dishes before rolling out to his next adventure with his fellow cuccos, Revali however is being a picky cucco and refusing to eat the stuff that he makes and that kinda pisses Calamity off. To “encourage” Revali to eat his meal, he merely gives the sour rito a nasty glare that says “if you don’t eat this, I’ll shove it up your feathery *HONK!*” and that spooks Revali to the point of eating the food Calamity made and merely utters out “A..acceptable...”. Honestly, I don’t know why I thought the joke. I just thought it was an interesting thought.}

4. The Fun One ~ Terrako

  I’ll make this one short and sweet, I just play them for fun of it. It took a long while to unlock the smol egg bab but it was worth it in the end of things. I just like them, both character wise and gameplay wise! They’re hard to use but it just adds to the fun of things! That’s all I have to say, I just like them!

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That’s the entire gang! Now to return to my lair, may the calamity ruin your day /j

[ollifree]

V. CAEDAN - caedan’s arcana verse playlist

the other side from ‘the greatest showman’ puttin’ on he ritz taco season of the witch donovan posin glenn gatsby it just works the chalkeaters red right hand the bad seeds the devil wears a suit and tie colter wall the fine print the stupendium upside down paloma faith crack of doom the tiger lillies addict silva hound interlude iv (showtime) zach callison and grace rolek seventeen from ‘heathers: the musical’ let the flames begin paramore in league with dragons the mountain goats necromancin dancin bear ghost desire everything everything one hell of a team amalee and divide music arsonist’s lullabye hozier thousand eyes of monsters and men meant to be yours from ‘heathers: the musical’ who are you, really? mikky ekko farewell wonderlust the amazing devil pomegranate seeds julian moon hullabaloo rare americans

full description of his arcana bio under the cut

as magic isn’t a “big deal” in the arcana, insofar as having latent abilities, caedan remained at home for two years after his abilities became known. when he was nine he went to the continent’s most renown academy where he met jowan and surana. as in the dragon age verse the three were inseparable; remaining as lovers for a time after they left the school.

at the time the study of necromancy had recently been released from a ban and was still frowned upon. caedan was the one to come up with idea to dabble in it. the trio got volunteers from the general population to discover the effects necromancy had on living people and if it could be used as a healing school of magic on injuries that “killed” a limb or expanse of skin.

they continued their research for several years until an unrelated event put necromancy and those who practiced it under intense scrutiny. it came to light that caedan and jowan had employed some under the board practices in their tenure. jowan went to ground while caedan was able to create enough plausible deniability to remain free from the official courts.

unofficially, tensions were rising in the city, spearheaded by a politician who held to traditional views of how and when magic should be used. surana and caedan had gone their separate ways after the truth of caedan’s off-record experiments came to light, but after several years the rising tensions would push them together again.

jowan turned up dead: all evidence pointing to the ring of spies and soldiers the politician had working for them to weed out wielders of “dangerous” magics. surana and caedan decided that pairing up again was the best way to see this made right.

in the intervening years, surana had become a public servant to the city. she used her talents to undo the worst of what caedan and jowan had done and otherwise directed her skills to improvements where the city council saw fit. her correspondence with caedan after jowan’s death was still tense with unresolved anger on both sides.

one of the few times they met in person to discuss going forward ended in a heated argument that drew attention. surana was approached, and killed by, the politician and one of their henchmen for consorting with caedan, who remained in and out of trouble with the law over the years. upon finding surana’s remains, caedan turned to his patron arcana: the devil. this would be the first of many, many deals caedan made over the years.

caedan left the territory afterwards and traveled south. he became well known as a magician of talent, and eventually gained the title of chief magician: one who might be called upon for trouble requiring an abnormal amount of magic throughout the region. it’s speculated that the current chief magician going by caedan amell is either a descendant of the original or someone using the same name. after all, the original caedan amell gained the title some eighty years back, and the current caedan amell is only in his mid thirties.

[fleetingfigures]

Five Senses // Saerno Glista

Five Visuals

A candle’s flame clinging defiantly to its waxy wick as the night’s breeze whips through an open pane.

Flowers freezing alongside a weathered grave.

A pair of eyes from beyond the brush. It stares endlessly, never breaking its gaze even as the night turns to day.

A leather bound tome worn well from use. Little notes from its author to themselves litter what little space is left in the margins of the pages.

Pristine marble floors tarnished by a splash of crimson. It appears as blood, holds the consistency of paint, and smells like rolanberry jam.

Four Sounds

The unceasing ebb and flow of La Noscean tides. Rough or calm, the tide always remain; an ever present constant.

A low, velvety voice rolling off of a silvered tongue. Confidence oozes from every syllable, perhaps too much, almost as if it’s coating something else entirely.

Aether, and too much of it to boot. Everything seems to be drowned out, fading into the background as a growing static fills the head.

A single chord upon ivory keys reverberating within an empty hall. 

Three Scents

Fresh lavender blooms pressed into the spine of aged tomes. New and old come to mingle, creating a new sensation neither could achieve on their own.

The dampened earth of the Shroud after a downpour; subtle to some, but unforgettable to others.

A home cooked meal wafting through the cracks of a wooden floor. It’s not a favorite, but a rumbling stomach cannot be denied its whims.

Two Tastes

Rich and creamy cheesecake topped with a rolanberry glaze. Sickeningly sweet, and appealing much to a child’s taste.

Blood, both dried and fresh, seeping from gashes of forgotten origins. It’s all a bit too much, as bile begins to rise into the mix, but it all must be swallowed, there’s another day to see.

One Touch

Cold, terribly so. Trembling hands grasping onto any source of warmth and clinging dearly. Surely with enough effort they’ll warm up again... Right?

Tagged by: @yshai-tia ( This one was a ton of fun to do, so big ass thanks from me on that front!) Tagging:  @placesyoucallhome @way-to-the-future @ffxiv-sunderedsouls @locke-rinannis @honoura @fair-fae @twelfth-labor @lydha-lran @shadowburgers @clockworkdragonffxiv @meandering-mind @sharlayanwanderer @confusedtia @crimsonfluidessence @ivyffxiv @s-udarshana @jancisstuff @bootanicals (Mostly copy-pasted my old tag list since I’m too lazy to make it again. All the old hullabaloo applies!)

[mintycanoodles]

mmmmmmaybe a Cupcake Wars au where the Graduation Kiss never happened and Bitty and Jack went their separate ways never able to shake the feeling they missed out on something big and maybe neither of them really get over it but what can you do but waste countless sleepless nights thinking about what if’s??

so a handful of years down the road Bitty has his bakery and Jack is the darling of the Falconers but is a walking talking PR disaster who never really grew out of the hockey robot thing. so.

The Falconers are having some sort of Thing and get involved with Cupcake Wars to promote it. And who gets guest judge duty? To work on his public persona and media navigational abilities? Jack of course.

And who, of course, is one of the contestants??? Bitty duh so Bitty goes, and iirc contestants aren’t told the theme or guest judge beforehand so the drama bomb that drops when eyes meet and repressed feelings get tapped into and yeeesh now that’s what I call Awkward.

so. Despite two participants with major internal and interpersonal drama happening, the episode actually goes mostly smoothly. Neither Jack nor Bitty mentions it to anyone on the production team because whose business is it anyway and obviously no one did any homework on them so they?? act like they just don’t know each other???????? It’s not like they can sneak off for five minutes and hash it out so both just. Try not to interact directly too much but come on you know things happen.

Bitty can’t exactly forget Jack’s favorites and Jack cannot even begin to be unbiased (not when every taste he gets of Bitty's baking feels like home again, even after all this time). Jack may or may not fight the judges at every critique aimed at Bitty’s cupcakes, but Bitty hardly needs it, he solidly trounces the competition and wins. And gets invited to the Falconers Thing. Which works out pretty great in Jack's eyes.

Except it doesn’t. Bitty avoids him all evening? He cold shoulders Jack the whole time and Jack kind of gets it, the cameras are still rolling and they can’t exactly catch up now but still? Before Jack gets anything approaching a chance to talk Bitty packs up and he’s out of there as soon as he’s contractually able to.

So Jack may or may not eat his feelings in cupcakes over it. It feels like another missed opportunity and it stings and he wonders how he keeps getting it so wrong.

According to Georgia it’s an unqualified success. She watches the footage, pats him on the back for going through with it, and says something offhand about how well he got on with a few of the contestants (one in particular she notices. she doesn’t mention it). Jack gets in a funk over it, but there’s nothing to do but forget about it until the episode airs.

No one, definitely not Georgia, definitely not the PR department, is prepared for the chaos the premier causes. It’s not immediate, the episode comes out on a quiet Tuesday and the Falcs do some promotion for it, but not much, so some of Jack’s diehard fans watch it but they’re not expecting any kind of major major response. It was supposed to be something small and light to soften Jack’s image and work his media relations muscles. Who even watches Cupcake Wars anyways???? Plenty do. And they go nuts for the episode.

People who have no idea who Jack is, barely an idea what hockey even is, see Mr. tall dark and Canadian and see too exactly what Georgia had seen. Bitty and Jack and all the special attention paid to the little southern baker boy.

It’s, of course, obvious to anyone with eyes the sparks between them, the lingering looks, how Bitty can barely stop from grinning when Jack lists off his every favorite part of Bitty's cupcakes but has monosyllabic responses for the other contestants. As subtle as the two thought they’d been, they really hadn’t and it’s only a matter of time before it’s trending on Twitter and every lovelorn Cupcake Wars fan is writing RPF and subtweeting the Falcs and Bitty's account about it.

This is not exactly the public image Georgia had been hoping Jack would cultivate. They try to put out the fires, calm things down and make a few #relatable Twitter posts about it that the PR interns cook up. Georgia wheedles the real story out of Jack, and it throws her off kilter actually, once he fesses up to a few details that would make the collective heads of the internet reel, but she’s a professional. The PR team is a crack squad. They get things under control.

Until, of course, some intrepid fans uncover The Truth.

Mamely, how Bitty and Jack totally knew each other because they were totally on the same hockey team in college??? And had totally set records together and there were totally pictures still archived on school websites of celebration hugs and even a few traces left of a senior photography project that featured one Eric R. Bittle (and others) in touchingly intimate portraits???? and uhhhhh explanations????????? are needed?????????

#cupcakegate takes the Twitterverse by collective storm. Kardashians whom??? Bitty gets bombarded, the Falconer’s can’t make a single post about a home game without demands for updates on the drama and Georgia is nearly drowning in it all but wading through it like a champ.

The PR department reaches out to Bitty in an email that Bitty never responds to, his stomach too tied up in knots over all this debacle is bringing up, but he feels like this is partially his fault. He tries his best. He does a tell all vlog to set the record straight.

He tries to keep it simple, stick to the main points.

Why didn’t they say anything? Why act like they didn’t know each other?

Neither of them knew the other would be there (truth) and they didn’t want to disrupt filming or make it seem like Bitty had an unfair advantage.

Are they currently romantically involved?

No (truth).

Had they ever, at any point, back in college, been romantically involved?

No (truth?).

Was there anything, anything at all behind the long looks and soft gazes? A single spark? An ounce of unspoken, hidden attraction?????

No (lies).

Bitty bears his heart a little, gets going on a tangent on their relationship back in college and how much Jack helped him through and what a good team they’d been and how he’s a little sad he and Jack drifted so far apart (lies, it hurts, it’s never stopped hurting) but he’s happy for Jack and really proud of him and glad he got the chance to see him again and wishes him the best (truth).

Of COURSE this only makes things worse. Bless Bitty's heart but he has zero self awareness when it comes to Jack and his clearly lovesick vlog brings avid followers of the whole debacle to new emotional heights. People are invested. The drama continues.

It comes to a head when Jack himself braves the world of Twitter, finally, to try and hash things out privately with Bitty so he logs onto the dusty old handle Georgia created and verified for him ages ago that he’d, bless her heart, just never gotten the hang of. He knows Bitty's handle from all this hullabaloo now so he opens up a message, stares at the blinking screen for about a minute, then promptly has a breakdown.

Everything comes back to him. Every warm moment they’d shared back in college. Every time he felt Bitty there for him and every inch of home and safe Bitty ever gave him.

And how he never told Bitty how he felt (lies. still feels). How he’d let that slip right through his fuckup fingers.

It takes him two weeks to draft the message. That’s ages in internet time, so things die down a bit in the interim and other celebrity dramas unfold so Jack finally stops getting pestered about it by every pap and chirped by every team mate. He’s glad they’ll never put him on reality baking competition show duty again but is it worth it? (yes. yes it is)

It gives Jack plenty of time to stew and stew he does, until he’s finally able to write out a pretty succinct summary of everything he never got a chance to say.

It boils down to a couple main points:

Bitty was probably the best thing that ever happened to Jack. Bitty made him softer and better able to handle things and just gave him the safety net he needed and he would always be grateful to Bitty for that.

Jack had also never meant for them to drift apart, he’d always wanted to stay in touch, actually, he’d always wanted so much more than that but Jack knew Bitty didn’t feel the same way, so Jack created the space between them and he was sorry he’d been such a poor friend and had gotten it so wrong.

Jack hoped, maybe beyond hope, that it wasn’t too late. Jack asked if they could be friends again, that he missed Bitty, and he hoped to hear back from him.

Jack is rather proud of himself for all the emotional eloquence that goes into the message. He thinks Shitty would be, too. Of course, it is kind of annoying he has to split it up into so many pieces and tag Bitty's account in each one so they’ll send to him, something about a 140 character limit? Jack doesn’t really get it, but social media isn’t his thing. So he sends his piecemeal message and waits patiently for Bitty to get back to him.

Georgia regrets ever trying to get Jack any amount of media exposure.

Jack’s not so private love letter is screen capped, saved to hard drives, printed into longevity and takes the internet land by storm all over again. Jacks completely oblivious to it until day two or so when Shitty, Lardo, and every person he knew at any point at Samwell bomb his phone. Georgia does her best, she really does, but it’s the last straw for the PR team. They’ve long since collapsed in a puddle of tears and Georgia has to coordinate the disaster relief effort herself and enforce the media lockdown until they can just deal with this and Jack, it’s okay, we’re all here for you and your sexuality is valid but honey, no more internet for you. Georgia does take the thread down but its too little too late and there is going to be a million and one interviews about this and she hasn’t slept in days and-

and Jack feels bad for her. He feels a little embarrassed his personal business is so out in the open like that but. Well. It’s his own fault. He should have probably asked a few more questions about how to work Twitter. But deep down? It’s a huge weight off. He’d never exactly planned on coming out publicly because he never really thought he’d have anyone who would make him consider it but. Well. He’s said what he needed to say. About time.

He lets Georgia tell him what to do and what to say to whom. He does a few interviews, nothing televised, just a few online publications. It takes several more weeks for any of it to approach any sort of calm again, but eventually, an equilibrium is reached. And then, only then, does Jack get a call from a number he doesn’t have saved yet.

“Hey, Jack,” he hears in a thick southern accent when he picks up, and it doesn’t, not at all, send a shiver of pure warmth all the way down to his toes (lies, all lies).

“Bittle-Eric? Bitty. Hey,” he says. Bitty laughs.

“I think maybe we should talk. Would you, maybe, want to meet up for coffee sometime?”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course, I’d love that.” (truth)

[causeiwanttoandican]

I think I hear he sound of shattering glass coming from Vancouver.

The Telegraph

Kate steps up: The making of a future Queen

Revealed: The crack team building and shaping the Duchess of Cambridge's royal future

By Camilla Tominey, Associate Editor

7 February 2020 • 9:00pm

It has been exactly a month since Harry and Meghan announced that they were stepping back as senior members of the Royal Family. For the past eight weeks, column inches have racked up about the ‘Megxit’ bombshell and its impact on the institution of monarchy.

Yet amid all the hysteria and hullabaloo, one of its most important members has been serenely going about the business of keeping calm and carrying on.

Until now this kind of understated behaviour may have been most closely associated with the Queen, but it is her modern day equivalent, the Duchess of Cambridge, who has been quietly putting duty first with increasing visibility.

A recent UK tour to launch her landmark survey on early childhood, combined with well-received visits to Bradford and Mumbles, may at first look like Kate making a conscious effort to fill the void left by her brother and sister in law.

Yet as has ever been the case with the middle class girl from Bucklebury who married into the Firm almost a decade ago, that would be to underestimate a woman who has never made a show of her royal role.

Motherhood to monarch

Having discreetly spent the past eight years beavering away on the causes closest to her heart, Kate has finally found her voice and is determined to use it. No longer willing to be seen but not heard, sources say she is now ready to commit the rest of her working life to raising awareness of the importance of childhood - and its impact on adult life.

Although she never took the credit for being the inspiration behind the Heads Together mental health campaign spearheaded by William and Harry - having witnessed its extraordinary impact, there is a sense that the Duchess has finally realised just how much she is capable of.

“The Duchess has worked quietly away in the background for years,” said one well-placed royal insider, “And now she knows that people want to hear from her”. No longer as fearful of public speaking, and fast carving her own path out of the shadows, Kate’s landmark online survey '5 Big Questions on the Under Fives’, will mark the start of decades more work on the subject, according to aides.

“It’s much easier to speak out when you know what you’re talking about and passionate about your subject,” added the insider. “She has become an expert in early years learning, she understands the science and is respected in the sector because she has spent the past eight years working it out. But she also wants to find answers. This is about evidence based research.” The first results of the childhood survey are due next month.

Kate’s gentle yet inquisitive manner was never more on display than when she met wheelchair-bound Harvey Bentley, 90, in Mumbles on Tuesday. The warm exchange was filmed by Mr Bentley’s son-in-law Mike Sutton-Smith

This kind of reaction is certainly welcome after arguably the most testing period for the monarchy since Diana’s death. With two of the so-called ‘Fab Four’ poised to set up their own projects in North America, the focus for the Cambridges will not only be on putting duty first but in a non-partisan, but an extremely effective way.

As one observer noted: “It is a bit of a paradox, having such a naturally introverted person in such a high-profile position. I think that’s what people find endearing about the Duchess. She’s not a showy person. It’s a deeply British trait.”

And one which she certainly shares with Her Majesty who also has a quiet confidence and sense of reserve when interacting with the public.

Of course, accession may still be decades away, but preparations for the royal couple to become the next Prince and Princess of Wales were already well underway before Harry and Meghan’s move to Canada.

Yet while efforts had previously been ploughed into elevating the status of the man who would be king - there is a new, and arguably even more compelling project now fully in progress at the palace: the advent of Queen Catherine.

So much so in fact that team of academics have been drafted in to help the mother-of-three shape her royal future, with input from the highest echelons of government and even the security services.

Likened to a modern-day version of the Way Ahead Group, set up to rebuild the monarchy in the aftermath of the Queen’s ‘annus horribilis’ of 1992, the Duchess’s steering group of experts has informed her focus on early years learning and helped her to grow in confidence in her royal role.

Working royals putting duty first

As the royal couple prepare to celebrate their tenth wedding anniversary next year, 2020 is set to be momentous for the Cambridges.

Projecting themselves as a family unit - and a relatable one too - has become a priority and was behind them agreeing to the prime time Christmas TV special with national treasure Mary Berry, which saw the royal couple cooking souffles while discussing the work of their Royal Foundation, the philanthropic vehicle for all their charitable endeavours.

With talk of trips to Ireland, Chile and Columbia already in the offing, and both having recently launched major charitable initiatives - including William’s Earthshot Prize - a multimillion pound project to ‘repair the planet’, the next 12 months will see the pair try to bring what one palace insider describes as the ‘calm after the storm’.

The source added: “What you are going to see with the Cambridges is a couple carved very much out of the Queen’s mould: Duty first.”

Having had three children in swift succession and with Prince George, six and Princess Charlotte, four, now in school and Prince Louis turning two in April, Kate’s priorities have shifted.

According to one well-placed source: “Over the last 12 months they have realised the potential power of their platform. They understand that by launching these long term projects they can genuinely make a big difference. They’ve been told clearly by people the impact that they can have if they pick the right spaces - things they care passionately about.”

Just this week we have seen William discuss diversity at the Baftas and his mental health initiative Heads Up, tackling the issue through football, has been well received. As with Earthshot, described by one aide as “the biggest thing the Duke has ever undertaken”, it’s about saying ‘we can do this’, rather than ‘this is too daunting’”, said a source.

“The Royal Foundation has been going for 10 years now. What they want to do is a smaller number of things on a bigger scale. For the Duchess, the early years work is something she will lead for the rest of her life. It's easy to dismiss it as nice and cuddly, but the focus is going to shift from how much childhood issues affect adult mental health and on the social side, it's as significant as climate change.”

While both projects and their recent visits to Yorkshire and South Wales had been in the diary for months, there is no doubt the ‘Sussex situation’ has escalated matters. “A hell of a lot of responsibility rests on their shoulders and they’ve just got to get on with it,” said royal author Phil Dampier. “I think they are both resigned to spending the next 30, 40, 50 years as heavyweight royals.”

A formidable asset

Government hopes are also being pinned on William and Kate flying the flag for post-Brexit Britain. The Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) was “delighted” with their highly successful visit to Pakistan last year, which helped to demonstrate the Cambridges’ worth to UK Plc. There emphasis will be on ‘youthful yet dependable royalty’ - demonstrating the power of the Royal Family both home and abroad as a formidable ambassadorial asset.

This was certainly on show last month as William hosted his first major state occasion - a reception for the UK-Africa Investment Summit - on behalf of the Queen at Buckingham Palace.

Standing alongside his wife, many royal watchers noted how much more publicly demonstrative William had become towards Kate. During the reception he was uncharacterstically nostalgic, saying: “The African continent holds a very special place in my heart. It is the place my father took my brother and me shortly after our mother died. And when deciding where best to propose to Catherine, I could think of no more fitting place than Kenya to get down on one knee.” When a wellwisher in Mumbles complimented William on Charlotte, he replied: "Yes, she is lovely - just like my wife."

And it is this kind of gentle encouragement and support which is intended to propel his wife to the next level - where her dependability turns into the kind of ‘soft power’ which can affect real change.

Or as one insider put it: "They are going to be doing what politicians can't do, with such a comparatively shorter shelf life. Only royals can think about this scale of change on a generational basis - and that is what the Cambridges are determined to bring about."

A crucial appointment for Kate will be her next private secretary following the departure of Catherine Quinn, the Oxford-educated right hand woman who has helped to chart the past two years. The Telegraph understands a replacement is yet to be found and the Duchess is continuing to be supported by her assistant private secretary and Simon Case, the former civil servant who has been William’s closest adviser since July 2018. Case previously worked for former Prime Ministers David Cameron and Theresa May and that they are taking their time, searching for someone of Case's calibre for Kate is certainly telling.

The couple arguably have another, equally pressing legacy project: the future survival of the monarchy. William has certainly been working in ‘lock step’ with his father and grandmother to find a solution to his brother and sister-in-law’s desire to leave the Firm.

The Telegraph can reveal that the second-in-line was also much more involved in the decision for the Duke of York to step back from public life last November than has previously been reported.

When Prince Andrew travelled to Sandringham to hold talks with Prince Philip and Charles - he also held a meeting with his nephew, believed to be at Anmer Hall, the Cambridge’s Georgian country house on the Queen’s estate in Norfolk. According to a source: “William spoke to Andrew for about an hour. They met separately. The Queen and Prince of Wales both agreed he should be fully involved in the discussions - he is very much a part of what has become a triumvirate of decision-making these days.”

No Fab Four Anymore

As Joe Little, editor-of-chief of Majesty magazine points out, there needs to be a shift in focus now that Harry and Meghan have handed in their notice. “Prince Charles had hoped to have a slimmed down monarchy with his own children and grandchildren as the major players, but he has had to revise that masterplan in light of recent events.

“The House of Windsor was riding high for such a long time with weddings, babies and jubilees, William and Kate have got to restore some of that magic.”

Agreeing that the Duchess’s role will be key to ensuring a modern-day monarchy is fit for purpose, he added: “There’s a mystique about Kate like there has always been about the Queen.”

While Harry and Meghan appear intent on politicising their future role, for William and Kate it is going to be all about the three S’s: stature, strength, and stability

[runwiththisdinosaur]

Little Terrors

rating: t

words: 5834

pairing: Ineffable Husbands

(Post-Apocalypse, Getting Together, Misunderstandings, Humor, Light Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending)

A/N: This is the first piece of fanfiction I've written in almost five years (so please be gentle). But the TV show re-sparked my love for this universe and these characters, so here we are.The book is one of my favorites, but it has been several years since I've read it. So while nothing here contradicts the book (I don't think), it is coming more from the TV canon. (Also, I’m aware there’s no summary...on AO3, the summary is the first four paragraphs below!)

Excerpt:

Things were different, after what was supposed to be the end of all things.

Obviously, there were the big differences, like the Ineffable Plan being in question, the Apocalypse not happening, the Antichrist being a good kid who did his best to right things, and the fact that Heaven and Hell were convinced Crowley and Aziraphale were hybrid freaks, gone native, and unkillable.

But there were little differences, too. And these were the ones that kept Crowley up at night.

Aziraphale was...different. In the best ways, for sure, as the angel relaxed for the first time in six thousand years. But also in ways that set Crowley’s unnecessary heart pounding, and made his breath catch in fear.

In all their years of knowing one another (of friendship, really, which was another difference—Aziraphale actually called them friends now), they really hadn’t touched. Crowley could literally count on one hand the number of times they’d done more than brush accidentally or shake hands solely to keep up appearances.

They’d hugged once. Aziraphale had visited Auschwitz once the war was over and realized the horrors that had gone on that Heaven hadn’t addressed or asked him to stop. That night, he’d shown up at Crowley’s flat, already drunk, with tears streaming down his face. The questions—the accusations—that came out of his mouth that night made Crowley fear the angel would Fall because of his new overwhelming doubt. So Crowley had hugged him tight, tucked him into his side, and tried to distract, to soothe, to heal. It hadn’t really worked, but Crowley had assuaged his own fears by trying.

Aziraphale had touched his knee once, too. Slapped his hand down hard and then left it there for six full seconds as he’d laughed so hard he cried. It was their first time seeing The Importance of Being Earnest, on opening night. Crowley’s knee had tingled long after the hand was removed, through the end of the play, as they left the St James's Theatre, as they had tea and cake in a little hole-in-the-wall shop, and as he walked Aziraphale home to the bookshop. It had felt like the best St. Valentine’s Day gift at the time. And the next day, February 15, he’d felt like a fool and hadn’t spoken to Aziraphale for twenty-three years (and the silence was broken only because of the Spanish Flu and trying to figure out which side was responsible for it).

Post-Apocalypse, things were different. Aziraphale had started touching him more.

A brush of the elbow here, a pat on the shoulder there. An excited hand on his arm in one memorable instance.

Crowley didn’t know what to make of it.

Oh, he knew what he hoped was happening. Without Heaven and Hell breathing down their necks, on their own side, together, they were free to finally be. But what would they be?

That was a thought best left unexplored.

They’d often gone years, or even decades, without seeing one another, pre-Apocalypse. Never quite centuries, though, except for his nineteenth century nap. Crowley couldn’t stay away, and though he doubted the angel would ever admit it, neither could Aziraphale. Even after his request for holy water had been denied, they saw each other again a few years after Crowley woke up. But now, they saw each other several times a week. Lunches, dinners, plays, operas, strolls along the Thames, simply sitting in Aziraphale’s shop, not talking, but just being together in the same space: they’d done it all in the two months since Adam averted the end times.

And whereas Crowley, nine times out of ten, had been the one seeking the angel out, now Aziraphale seemed determined to return the favor. The first time he’d shown up at Crowley’s flat, bottle of port clutched in his hand and insistent look on his face, the demon had been so surprised, he’d almost shut the door in his face. The last time Aziraphale had come knocking was, well, best not to remember it.

There were other small differences (he was sitting a little nearer, drinking a little more, lingering a little longer, looking a little closer), too. Crowley knew he should be overjoyed. The angel was finally free to be himself. And what was good for Aziraphale was typically good for Crowley (and wouldn’t that thought make Hell projectile vomit). Yet, all Crowley could feel was apprehension. Unrest. Unease. A wiggling in the pit of his stomach.

“Crowley, do stop thinking about whatever it is you’re thinking about. My sofa can’t handle it.”

Crowley blinked out of his thoughts with a jolt. The spot he’d been staring at intently for who knew how long had caught on fire. “Oops, sorry, angel,” he murmured and waved the flames away.

“What’s gotten into you, anyway? It can’t be my sofa. You can’t hate tartan that much.” Aziraphale said, frowning slightly at the burn mark left behind.

Crowley sighed and waved that away, as well. “Nothing has. Or everything has. I’m not sure. It’s...ineffable.”

Aziraphale sat up straight as a whip crack. “Do not.”

Crowley smirked. “Whatever for? Used to be one of your favorites, if I recall.”

Aziraphale had been a bit...tetchy...about the various ethereal plans since the whole hullabaloo ended, which Crowley couldn’t—and wouldn’t—blame him for. But that didn’t make reminding him of his once seemingly blind faith any less fun. Plus, it always made him turn a rather lovely shade of pink…

Aziraphale quite visibly brushed his words off like a quick afternoon rain sprinkle and changed the subject. “What do you fancy for dinner tonight? Thai, Indian, Chinese, the Ritz?”

“You say the Ritz like it’s its own food group,” Crowley teased.

Aziraphale sniffed, “That’s because it is.”

“How about Indian? I could dig a nice Phall or Vindaloo.”

“You would,” Aziraphale replied. He preferred his curries sweet and milky.

“Dishoom, then?” Crowley figured the angel would want to visit his newest favorite.

“Sounds lovely,” Aziraphale smiled openly at him, not a tight or forced expression in sight.

The snake in Crowley’s belly wiggled a little harder.

(Read the rest on AO3!)

[theofficialimaginariumblog]

Chapter 5

As soon as the five entered the next area, they immediately knew how it felt to be three inches tall.

The reason for that was that the Titan’s Zone lived up to its name; Everything was massive.

As they looked around the gigantic kitchen they found themselves in, Blake began “Okay, now we need to find the Haunted Academy they mentioned...”

“Is that it?” Elly pointed to a mouse hole in the living room.

“How do we know that leads to the exit?” Summer squinted ahead at the passage.

“Only one way to find out,” Blake stepped into the living room, the others following suit. They got close enough to read the sign over the mouse hole, which came complete with a door. It said:

“Yeah, that’s it!” Franklin exclaimed.

MEOW!

The children jumped, looking in the direction of the sudden loud sound. A black kitten, as big as a truck, was prowling towards them, its footsteps completely silent (as expected of any feline). 

Tanner took one look at it, saw its gigantic size, and immediately made a run for the door, screaming as she went. The others bolted after her.

As they ran, however, Elly tripped on the edge of the vast rug, falling flat on her face. “Blake!” she cried out to her brother.

Blake doubled back, racing towards his sister as fast as he could. The kitten was almost on her...

He reached her in time, scooping her up under his arm and running back with her to the other three, who were shouting, begging, pleading with him to hurry, for the giant kitten was close behind.

After an agonizing moment of running, Blake finally reached the door. Quickly, he turned the doorknob, throwing the door open. 

The kitten came closer. The children all scrambled through the doorway.

Right as the kitten reached the door, Franklin slammed it shut, pressing his back against it to hold it closed. The others huddled near him.

There was the abrupt sound of loud footsteps from outside, thundering closer and closer until they stopped just near the kitten. It mewled again, and the footsteps started up again, this time growing fainter and fainter, until they could be heard no more.

Franklin opened the door just a crack, and peeked out. “It’s gone,” he whispered.

“Then, those footsteps must’ve been...” Tanner began, but she couldn’t bring herself to finish that sentence.

“C’mon,” Blake said, venturing into the shadowy school. The others followed, as usual.

The walls were the color of blue cheese. The floor had black and white tiles arranged like a chessboard. Pale, transparent figures drifted through the halls, seemingly ignoring the children as they walked onward. At one point, they thought they heard footsteps some distance behind them, but there was nothing there. At least, it seemed like there was nothing there.

A sign on the wall read:

“I’ve heard of tough schools,” Tanner said upon reading the sign. “But this is ridiculous!”

“Just keep moving,” Franklin urged, pulling his sister away.

They had just passed a (thankfully heavily) sleeping spider the size of a large dog, when Summer pointed ahead. “Look!”

Indeed, there was a set of double doors marked “EXIT” in red.

“Okay, guys,” Blake announced. “This is it!”

The children ran towards the doors, relieved to be finally escaping.

CLANG!

Without warning, heavy iron bars jutted from the ceiling to the floor, blocking the doors.

“Hey!” Elly grabbed the bars and shook them. “No fair!”

“No, wait!” Franklin exclaimed. “There’s a tunnel!”

Sure enough, there was a huge hole in the wall, and a tunnel leading upwards.

“C’mon, everybody!” Blake declared. “I bet we could climb our way to daylight!” One by one, the children entered the tunnel, with Elly going in last.

Just as she entered, two arms suddenly looped under her own, restraining her. “Guys!” she called out, but another hand covered her mouth.

“Sorry,” Liam sympathized as his friends dragged her away.

Upon hearing Elly’s cry, Blake’s immediate first response was to quickly dash back to the tunnel’s entrance. “Elly!” he called for his sister.

But she was already gone. He fell to his knees in disbelief.

The others exited the tunnel after him, and looked around. “Where is she?” Summer asked.

Blake realized what had happened, who had taken her. “Karina’s group,” he breathed. “They caught up with us.”

He looked up at the other three’s faces, saw the shared look of extreme worry on their faces.

“What are we gonna tell everyone back home?” Tanner croaked. “The truth?”

“What, are you stupid?!” Franklin shot back. “Who’d believe us?!”

This is all my fault, Blake thought in despair. I should’ve thrown that stupid flyer away. We should’ve never come here.

“Let’s just go home,” Franklin spoke again.

“Are you sure?” asked Summer. “Is that really the right thing to do?”

There was an uncomfortable silence.

“It’s all we can do.” Franklin replied.

Another pause.

“If I were the one they took,” Summer said. “I would be waiting for you guys to come and rescue me. Not anyone else.”

“But what should we do?” Franklin countered. “For all we know, those kids might not actually be kids, or something!”

“There’s gotta be something we can do!” Summer retorted.

“STOP IT!”

Summer and Franklin both turned to look at Tanner, startled by her sudden outburst. “Just stop...” she whimpered.

The specters were actually beginning to gather around them, as if to show their concern. The silence that followed was overbearing.

That silence, however, did not last. 

“I’m her older brother. I should be the one worrying.”

The others glanced to Blake, and they watched him as an oracle might have watched her crystal ball, seeking wisdom, a clue, anything.

“I’m as responsible for her as my parents,” he said. “To her, I must have been like a hero protecting her.” He lowered his head. “But I’m not a hero. I’m just a normal teen. But even so...”

He clenched his hands into fists. “...We have to find her.”

He stood up, and faced the others. “We may be normal kids,” he declared. “but we’re not going home without Elly.”

“He’s right,” Summer spoke up. “Let’s go save her! And if we get in serious trouble, then at least we’ll be together.”

Franklin and Tanner looked at each other, then smiled. “Alright,” Franklin agreed.

“So, where do we go to find her?” Tanner asked. “And how do we get her back?”

But Blake already knew the answer.

“Karina and her friends?” the guide said. “Why, sure! They were headed for Cirque Hullabaloo.”

“That’s just a ways near where we came in,” noted Summer, looking at the map Gabe had drawn in his journal of the Imaginarium (or, at least, where he had been).

“One more thing, too,” the guide continued. “They had this big bag with them. Could’a sworn it was moving.”

The four just looked at each other.

[junker-town]

The Eagles are a dysfunctional mess, on and off the field

Things haven’t gone well for Carson Wentz and the Eagles in 2019.

The Eagles’ problems are starting to pile up, Gardner Minshew suddenly looks like a rookie, and Sam Darnold’s body is rejecting itself.

In retrospect, the warning signs that not all was right in the Eagles’ locker room have been there since January.

A week after the Eagles’ playoff loss to the Saints, a PhillyVoice report was not flattering to quarterback Carson Wentz. In the article, which cited several anonymous sources, Wentz was described as “selfish.” That was in stark contrast to his backup, Super Bowl MVP Nick Foles, who was beloved in the locker room and on the field when he was running the offense.

Many teammates publicly jumped to Wentz’s defense and denied there was any truth to the report. The hullabaloo quickly died down. Foles moved on the Jacksonville, and Wentz got a hefty new contract. The Eagles entered the season as a potential Super Bowl contender, thanks to a stacked roster that included a healthy Wentz, stout offensive line, dominant pass rush, and a strong group of playmakers.

Then the season started and the Eagles haven’t looked anywhere close to elite. They’re now 3-4 and only three teams have turned the ball over more than them. The Week 4 win over the Packers seems more baffling by the day, especially in comparison to Philly’s recent woes: blowout losses to the Vikings and the Cowboys. Dallas ran roughshod over its rivals in JerryWorld, handing the Eagles a humiliating 37-10 defeat after head coach Doug Pederson had more or less promised his team would win. Instead, for the first time since Pederson took over, the Eagles have given up more than 30 points in back-to-back games.

The situation might be even messier behind the scenes. Unnamed players have ripped Wentz and the offense, and criticized general manager Howie Roseman for not trading for Jalen Ramsey. Veterans Malcolm Jenkins, Lane Johnson, and Brandon Graham can’t seem to agree on whether the team has accountability issues. The cracks are showing, threatening to collapse the Eagles’ season fast.

Panic index: Perhaps winning will cure all, but things might get worse before they get better. The Eagles face a tough upcoming slate against the Bills, Bears, Patriots, and Seahawks, before they get an early December reprieve (Dolphins, Giants, Washington).

If the season goes belly up, then changes will come in the offseason. And who knows. Maybe Foles can find his way back to Philadelphia again.

Gardner Minshew looks like a rookie all of a sudden

Minshew Mania was fun while it lasted, but the Jaguars’ rookie quarterback doesn’t look like a sensation anymore. After nine touchdowns and one interception in his first five games, Minshew has one touchdown and one interception in his last two. He completed less than half his passes in those underwhelming performances and was lucky to get through them with just one pick.

If Bengals cornerback B.W. Webb hadn’t been wearing a cast on his arm, he probably would’ve caught at least one of the two passes Minshew lobbed directly his way.

The problem for Minshew has been a complete breakdown of his pocket presence. The poise he showed earlier in the year has devolved into panic — even when there’s no pressure at all. One of those bouts of pocket anxiety cost the Jaguars a touchdown against the Bengals.

What. Is. He. Doing. Back. There????? Minshew get it together bro pic.twitter.com/jteejitHGY

— Laurie Fitzpatrick (@LaurieFitzptrck) October 20, 2019

Earlier in October, it looked like Nick Foles had no shot at reclaiming his spot as the starter in Jacksonville this season. But if Minshew can’t get his mojo back, the veteran may have to step in after all once he comes off injured reserve.

Panic index: Earning Rookie of the Week honors in four of the first five weeks made it easy to forget that Minshew was a sixth-round pick in April. Struggles were always to be expected. They’re only surprising now because Minshew managed to avoid them for a month.

It’s too early to say that a couple bad games mean we’ll never again see the version of Minshew who was tearing up the league earlier this fall.

Sam Darnold is literally falling apart, folks

And no, we’re not talking about the fact that he threw four interceptions against the Patriots on Monday night. Physically, Sam Darnold is falling apart.

Earlier in the season, Darnold missed three games after he contracted mononucleosis, which enlarged his spleen. During a press conference when he was talking about his recovery, he talked about actively not trying to die:

"I wanna make sure that I'm safe out there, and that I'm not gonna die" – Sam Darnold pic.twitter.com/w0J1MiZ2TL

— Jets Videos (@snyjets) October 3, 2019

When he was finally cleared to return against the Dallas Cowboys, he had to wear protective pads that provided extra cushion for his spleen:

Sam Darnold from the Jets will be wearing these protective shoulder pads pic.twitter.com/v1YCWujUhW

— ENRIQUE CABEZUELA (@Enrique66573043) October 13, 2019

Although Darnold’s outing against the Cowboys was impressive — he threw for 338 yards and two touchdowns — he came back to earth against the Pats, completing just 34 percent of his passes for 86 yards. Oh, and he’s seeing ghosts now? That’s what ESPN’s cameras caught him saying while he was mic’d up on-air:

Sam Darnold is mic’d up and he came to the sidelines and said, “I’m seeing ghosts.” (Via @ESPN) pic.twitter.com/9MoM6Rkmo5

— Dan Roche (@RochieWBZ) October 22, 2019

Unfortunately the jokes don’t exactly stop there, as Darnold is suffering another, um, very strange injury:

Sam Darnold had a toenail removed, per Gase. He'll be fine.

— Manish Mehta (@MMehtaNYDN) October 22, 2019

We’re not sure why Darnold’s body is basically rejecting his existence, but get well soon, Sam.

Panic index: Surely Darnold won’t add to his weird injury history this week, right?

Oh, the Jets are playing in Jacksonville. Then yeah, he’s definitely leaving there with a new disease.

Melvin Gordon’s contract year could not be going much worse

Gordon sat out the first four weeks of the 2019 NFL season while angling for either a trade or a contract extension that would pay him like a top-five running back. He got neither, and returned to the Chargers’ lineup in Week 5 in hopes of being the spark LA had been missing. A big performance wouldn’t just thrust the club back into the playoff race, but also boost the veteran tailback’s value as free agency looms in 2020.

Yet Gordon has only added to the Chargers’ misery. In three games — all losses — he’s run for a grand total of 81 yards, needing 36 carries to get there (a 2.3 YPC average). While he scored his first touchdown of the season on a Philip Rivers pass in Week 7, that’s not what he’ll be remembered for after an eventful Sunday in Nashville.

Instead, it will be the two stuffed runs at the goal line late in the fourth quarter of a 23-20 game — the latter of which resulted in a game-ending fumble that took away Los Angeles’ shot at kicking a game-tying field goal at the end of regulation.

"I don't want them to gain another yard... If they cross the line of scrimmage, I'm going to take every last one of you out. You make sure they remember the night they played the #Titans." pic.twitter.com/o4Pb5CBpAQ

— Tennessee Titans (@Titans) October 21, 2019

That was bad. And it’s so, so much worse when you consider what Austin Ekeler, the man who’d taken over RB1 duties in Gordon’s absence, did on the very same afternoon:

Melvin Gordon - 18 touches for 29 total yards, 1 TD, and 2 (really 3) fumbles. Austin Ekeler - 12 touches 125 total yards, a TD and 0 Fumbles.

— Bolts From The Blue (@BFTB_Chargers) October 20, 2019

Panic index: Gordon can still attribute some of these struggles to rust, but the fact he’s getting so badly outplayed by someone who’d been a situational back in 2018 is troubling. General managers won’t easily forget that when they’re sorting out their free agent budgets next spring — nor will they forget that, so far, 2018 has been the only season Gordon’s averaged more than four yards per carry.

It’s only going to get tougher for the Bears

The Bears are off to a rocky start, with a 3-3 record after a 12-4 season a year ago. They have an incredible defense, but an offense that has been stagnant under the watch of third-year quarterback Mitchell Trubisky. They still have plenty of time to turn things around, but unfortunately for them, their schedule doesn’t get any easier.

While they will be favored against teams like the Chargers and Lions, both teams are capable of putting up numbers that Trubisky can’t touch. They have the Rams in mid-November, as well as an upcoming game against the Eagles.

December is where it gets really tricky, though. They have a four-game stretch against the Cowboys, Packers, Chiefs, and Vikings. They have already lost to the Packers once while beating the Vikings, but Minnesota looks a lot better now than they did a couple weeks ago.

Unless they make a trade, this is Trubisky’s show going forward and that, so far, hasn’t been working.

Panic index: The Bears can’t afford to drop any “winnable” games with their December stretch. If they’re on the outside looking in on the playoffs by the time those games roll around, they may be in trouble. It all starts with beating the Chargers next, and potentially sweeping the Lions.

[belaborthepoint]

How I turned straight and discovered sugaring

by Ashley P. Ashleigh

This week in Lifestyle and Beauty:

I'm no theology expert, but if I know anything about God, it's that He intended us to violently rip off each hair on our bodies until every inch of skin is as smooth as a baby's bottom when it is still in the womb and has not yet developed hair follicles. Back in my hippie days, I did not understand. I would expose my feet in public, and I left hairs on my body. All my loved ones were so embarrassed by my lifestyle. We'd have these giant family reunions where all the cousins would talk about their new careers as entomologists or high-end morticians, and then there I'd be, standing in a corner, being a pediatrician with hair on my legs. People would approach my parents and say "hey, how's Ashley P. Ashleigh doing?" and my parents would say "well, she has hairs on her body." One time, my great aunt Louise looked at my arms that had hair on them, and she died. Since that moment, I have vowed to do my family proud, and remove all hairs from my body forever more.

In addition to going outside without shoes on, I was also a bisexual. This meant that I would have relationships with both genders of people, because there are only two genders. Women are defined as people who do not have hairs on their bodies, but sometimes women who are lesbians will rebel against the dominant culture by being a lesbian and also having hairs. If they really want to make a big hullabaloo, they will remove the hair from their scalps, but leave it on all the rest of their bodies, to show that they are angry about prejudice in the world and they can have their own personalities and do whatever they want. Lesbian women are all about making a big scene and drawing attention to themselves. I got very sucked into this culture when I would have romantic relationships with female people, and I grew accustomed to people accepting the hair on my body. Then my great aunt Louise fell out of the helicopter and I knew that I had been doing everything wrong, and I decided to become a straight person.

The good thing about being a straight person now is that it forces me to remove hairs from my body and listen to boring music. I watch a lot more commercial movies, and I have new interests such as interior design and macarons. Even though this makes me less compelling as a person, my diluted personality allows me to connect with more people and assimilate into mainstream culture. But most importantly, it allows me to repair relationships with my family members and be in public without making anyone uncomfortable.

I bet you're wondering, "hey, what method of hair removal do you use as a straight person?" Great question! First, I tried shaving and waxing. Shaving was bad because it took a long time and made my legs bumpy. Waxing was okay because it made my skin look like rubber, but it would sometimes leave red marks or clumps of wax seared onto my skin. I was almost at the end of my rope. I went to church every day and prayed to God that I could find some way to make my skin look like a fresh block of cheese in a tight plastic wrapper. That's when God spoke to me and said "sugar." At first I thought he was calling me 'sugar' as a pet name, but when he did not proceed, I realized he was suggesting a trendy new technique called "sugaring." I was hesitant at first, but as soon as I remembered my great aunt Louise getting mauled and eaten by a polar bear, I knew that I'd have to get sexy plastic legs by any means necessary.

If you don't know about it, sugaring is when you have someone wipe frosting on your legs instead of shaving them. It's super quick and you only have to do it once a year, as long as you keep your legs in saran wrap for the first six months so the frosting can congeal around your skin. Basically, you wait for a hard crust to form on your legs, kind of like plaster casts, and then you keep your legs in the same position for 6 months so as not to crack the frosting while it's solidifying. After the 6 months, your hair will be unable to grow back because the fermented sugar seeps into your legs and gives you a form of alcohol poisoning that only damages the hair follicles on the lower half of your body. The last remaining step is to light your legs on fire, but only the part that has frosting on them, so the fire doesn't get on your actual legs, just the outside of them. You immediately extinguish your legs so as not to get burnt. The reason for your legs being alight in flame is that any remaining hair will be singed off.

Since I have no remaining hairs, sometimes people think that I am an infant, but then they realize that I am very tall and so they think that I am sexy. I've had a lot of boyfriends since I started sugaring, which is awesome, and now I'm engaged to one of them whose name is Skrillex, after the singer. His name used to be Chad, but he thought it was too obvious, so he got it legally changed. He loves the fact that I have no hair on my skin and have kind of a boring personality, because it means that we don't challenge each other very much or encourage growth, so it's really easy and we can just stagnate and be comfortable for the rest of our lives. Every time I think about my great aunt Louise trying to build wings and then having them melted by the sun and then mortally falling to Earth, I know that I am doing the right thing, and that she is looking at my stark, barren legs and smiling down at me from up above.

[turntothree]

Ry& Reaction: Wolves & Shepherds

E3 came early this year! ...OK, it didn’t but it certainly felt that way, kind of.

It seems in recent years, game publishers have been tripping over themselves to take up valuable space on that pre-show hype train. I’m talking teasers, press releases, cryptic tweets and anything else they can think of to score some attention before the big three step in and snatch the spotlight. Hell, we’ve seen E3 grow an extra couple days to accommodate more publisher-sponsored events.

Editor’s Note: Really looking forward to that keynote, Devolver Digital!

A few weeks back, Ubisoft decided to do things its own way and steer the train in a slightly different direction with a bombshell announcement most other companies would save for the trade show.

Editor’s Note: NO! NO! That wasn’t released, it escaped!

Damn, man. I was just kidding. It’s going to be alright.

Anyway...this is what I’m really talking about.

Yup, the French gaming giant casually name dropped one of its top secret E3 reveals in a nonchalant tweet, a whole month before the show. But it didn’t stop there. One week later, the aforementioned Youtube suite released a...let’s call it “tourism video” for the humble little town of Hope County, Montana.  

Editor’s Note: I have a “MIGHTY” fine feeling about this place.

What? You’ve got crisp country air for breathin’, plenty of wild game for huntin, a nice clean creek for fishin’ and plenty of big ol’ green acres to roam. Of course, you’d have to overlook the constant bear attacks, air strikes, ominously empty streets and the prospect of being randomly murdered, but what town doesn’t have its share of problems?  

Editor’s Note: Wait...wasn’t Far Cry 4’s announcement handled in a similar fashion? Letting the fanbase sneak a peek behind the curtain; then slamming the curtain back down until a good and proper reveal at E3? Isn’t that what’s going on here?

You’d think so, but...

Dateline – May 26, 2017

IGN’s Daemon Hatfield and Marty Silva greeted the California sunrise with a live (and exclusive) reveal of Far Cry 5’s first proper trailer. In it, would-be players are told the sad tale of how a struggling working-class town was taken in by a wealthy con artist who promised the world.

This self-proclaimed “prophet” Joseph Seed and his twisted family of disciples preached of peace and prosperity; instead they delivered onto his flock a life of servitude and unabashed cruelty. He used his good fortune to giveith himself their property. He used his cultish militia to takeith away their free will. The chosen among “his” townsfolk would be baptised into his parish or they would surely perish.

In a town past the edge of civility, a brave few in the community have chosen to fight back against Seed’s ghoulish gospel and reclaim what’s theirs. In this holy war for the soul of America’s heart land, it is up to the player to lead the resistance. 

That’s the story (at least up to that point)...as for gameplay, the trailer didn’t show too much, but it caught fans a quick glimpse at some old and new tricks alike.

As said previously, the hunting mechanics are back, but with a new batch of wildlife to track. Bears, deer, wolves, cows and bulls are among the critters in the mix. In a similar vain, fishing will be implemented into the series for the first time. Catch and fry up some bass for hit points!

Also returning are the conveniently placed vehicles. Fast travel and open road/seas/(and for the first time) sky combat will be a breeze with your choice of motor boats, ATVs, 18 wheelers, muscle cars and fighter planes. 

Of course, the series’ standard first-person gunplay will remain locked and loaded.

Oh and the world-wide release date for Far Cry 5 has been set for February 27, 2018. The platforms in which it will be made available are as follows: Xbox One, PlayStation 4 and PC. Sorry, Nintendo fans. No Switch port is planned.

Editor’s Note: That’s a fair bit of information. Surely, that’s enough to appease fans for now.

Actually, Ubisoft continued the Youtube rollout with three more trailers; specifically the stories of the three main support characters as told by them in direct conversation with the player.

Meet Nick Rye: A third-generation fighter pilot who had been fortunate enough to have never seen combat, but when “Eden’s Gate” comes knockin’ on his doorstep, Nick is the first to enlist in the resistance.

Meet Mary May Fairgrave: A bartender pushed to the edge after both her brother and mother are kidnapped by Seed’s followers; now her family-owned establishment serves as a home for anyone looking to bust a cap in “Eden’s Ass!”

Meet Jerome Jefferies: The local pastor turned shepherd in wolves clothing; charged with the task of taking back the flock “father” Seed had led astray.

Monologues aside, the folks at UbiBlog also had the chance to catch up with Far Cry 5 Creative Director Dan Hay, who discussed the modern day anxieties, urban legends and Montana road trip that inspired the game’s theme and setting. That interview was also posted to Youtube.  

Editor’s Note: ...Anything else?

Then the press releases rolled out and the media was all over it.

Details of full campaign co-op; a customizable protagonist (who also happens to be the sheriff’s deputy); and so much pending controversy plastered the headlines.

Oh yeah, and there has also been some talk about melee combat specific scenarios being worked into the game. New weapons such as baseball bats, sledgehammers and pitchforks will be implemented as part of the series’ inventory.

image credit - 20th Century Fox

Editor’s Note: Wow! That’s an awful lot to tell so soon. What’s left for the E3 showing?

Actually, there’s still plenty to juicy reveal tidbits to share. Like say, an in-depth look at “Eden’s Gate”. We know so much about the heroes, but we haven’t really seen much of anything concerning the big bads, nor do we know the why or how of their hostile takeover.

There’s also the new feature Ubisoft promised to show off during its presser. If I had to wager a guess, I’d say it’s either the campaign’s co-op option or the flight mechanics.

Editor’s Note: Even still, why reveal so much about the game now? Why not leave it all as a major E3 surprise?   

My theory, the publisher wants the press to focus its collective energy on whatever new Ubisoft IPs (and or Assassin’s Creed sequel) premier that fateful day, so it’s trying to answer the more common Far Cry questions ASAP. Also, all this Far Cry hype sure makes for a damn fine centerpiece.

...

Editor’s Note: Thoughts on what you’ve seen and read so far?

 *Sigh* I guess I should start off by addressing the elephant in the room – the story.

For all of the hullabaloo, it’s nothing new. The town overrun with zealot cultists ranks among the classics of horror tropes, and stories (subtly or not) inspired by political unrest are certainly commonplace, even in the world video games.

Editor’s Note: And they’re only going to get more common over the next, let’s say four years?

While these character archetypes and plot devices may seem a tad (or more) over done, that doesn’t mean they can’t be used to tell a good story. In fact, I trust Ubisoft Montreal to do just that. That’s not to say I didn’t have any reservations or crack a joke or two at first glance, but the deeper the Youtube showings went, the more invested I got.

Hearing the stories of Nick, Mary and Pastor Jerome gave me Goosebumps, and I instantly wanted to know more about what was going on and how they aimed to deal with it.

Editor’s Note: Forget this customizable protagonist nonsense, Ubisoft. Rip-off Rockstar so I can swap between these three heroes!

The villains on the other hand, I have no real opinion of, yet. Sure, Ubi is more than capable of creating the type of sinisterly charismatic baddies this plot calls for (shout out to Vaas and Pagan Min), so I feel “Eden’s Gate” has plenty of potential. However, I can’t judge Seed or his siblings sight unseen.

...Promo images excluded, of course.

Editor’s Note: Speaking of elephants, Far Cry 4 let me wreck shit on elephant back. Surely, Ubisoft can’t just expect me to go back to primitive man power.

I don’t believe the southern United States is an elephant’s natural habitat.  

Editor’s Note: i dOn’T bEliEVe tHE SoUtHERn UnITeD StATeS iS aN eLePHaNT’s nAtURal hAbITat.

...

OK, so Montana isn’t normally thought of alongside the exotic locales the series is known for, but the more I’ve thought it over, the more I’ve come to realize it’s the perfect setting for a Far Cry game.

It’s beautiful and serene territory hosts some gorgeous natural splendour...it also has some hidden and very real dangers entrenched deep within its forestry and rocky domains. The ravenous wolves, perilous coyote packs, rabid dogs, wild bulls and massive grizzlies will be just as, if not more formidable than the tigers and honey badgers of previous games.

If you’re luckily enough to be the hunter, as opposed to the hunted, you’ll be able to score some prime cuts of meat for health boosts, and some fine pelts for crafting items.

Of course, there’s also the option to fish for some grub. That could be fun for a bit.

Editor’s Note: As long as it’s SEGA Bass Fishing quality and not Sonic Adventure quality, I’m totally up to do a little fishin’.

Not to mention the prospect of being hunted down by a bunch of gun-toting manics does compliment itself rather terrifyingly well to the whole outdoor survivalist angle, much like the militants and royal guardsmen of entries 1-4.

Yeah, the setting might be a little different and the enemies might be a little different but this is still very much Far Cry, with all the fun DIY M-A-Y-H-E-M that comes with it.

Speaking of what makes Far Cry - Far Cry, let’s talk vehicles. This pitched selection is cool as frig!

Tarring through the countryside in a muscle car or big rig, and the promise of delivering some cathartic death from above sounds absolutely sick!

Editor’s Note: Hopefully, the air battles can match stuff like Ace Combat or Battlefield 1. Now that would be sick.

Anything else...oh, right; campaign co-op. It’s a great idea!

I can’t recall the number of times I played through a mission in Far Cry 4 only to find myself completely surrounded and desperately wishing I had back-up. The ability to call in a buddy should certainly make breaking through those impenetrable compounds at least a little bit more bearable.

Editor’s Note: This all sounds rad...still wish I had my elephant though.

...

I honestly don’t quite know how to cap this off. I guess I could say:

Far Cry 5 has all the potential in the world to be a great action game, as its pedigree can attest. The guns, explosions, fast rides, deadly beasts, and vast destructible set pieces are all on lock. It has all it needs to kick ass and take names. But its creative direction is taking the series into some unknown and fairly risky territory.

There’s certainly plenty of potential in the characters and setting presented, as I’ve said earlier. However, the direction the game seems to be heading could cause a drastic tonal shift that throws the entire thing off kilter. This building sense of horror, sorrow and despair, and to have it all inspired by today’s political climate could put a major damper on the aforementioned ass-kicking and taking of names.

It’s going to be tough and sadly, it might even get a little ugly, but Ubisoft has a rock solid creative team and I do believe they can make these pieces fit into something truly great. At least I hope so.

...

...

Boy that sure was some dark stuff. Let’s lighten things up next time by battling it out Poké-Style!

[poignant-soliloquies-blog]

The Cracked Window

It was evening again. She knew it when the gully streets woke up from its mid-day slumber to enthusiastic screams of kids playing cricket. While the entire colony despised this time of the day,only she waited with bated breath, for the game to begin. For she would then get to watch them scream,  fight, rejoice victories, make merry, get chased away, swear not to play again on the streets and make a come-back the very next day. She waited, to live the concoction of emotions the playing kids brought into her life. Rainy days and exam-time were a curse, she felt as if somebody cut off oxygen supply into her brains.

Her life had been confined to the walls of the unnecessarily huge house, an ancestral property, inherited by her through marriage. A palatial building, the ground floor of which was rented out. There was a tailor, a grocer, a gas-repair shop and a barber. Two generations ran a thriving business under her house,while paying a paltry sum as rent. She never thought of increasing the rent, she felt they were the heritage her family left for her. The rent and her husband’s pension was enough for her very lavish expenses; two meals and a breakfast per day.

She was married young, at 18. To a sailor. They had the customary arranged-marriage meeting at her parents house. She sat pretty with kohl-rimmed eyes, and colored lips. Her enchantingly lustrous hair,braided into two. She draped a linen saree in the colour ferozi, the color of a clear summer sky . He was struck by her unusual beauty. Olive skinned, sultry eyed, a curvaceous body with heavy bosom. He could spend his lifetime resting his head on her chest, counting her heart-beats, he had thought. His parents were not convinced of the match, as she didn’t meet the socially acceptable norms of beautiful. She was dark and fat. But to his eyes she was like soothing spring blossom; colorful, aromatic and exotic. It needed a big deal of persuasion and rigidity from his side, to finally convince his parents for the marriage. She, at her nonchalant best, was unaware of all the melodrama her suitor had caused. One fine day she was told she was to be married to one of the suitors. She didn’t know who it was till on the wedding day, she stole a look from within the perforations of the zardozi veil. Ok him,she had murmured to herself, as she exhaled. It hardly mattered who it was, she wanted to read books and travel places, not get married,but there were not many ears to pay heed. The first night was outrageously awkward. The make-up won’t come off her face, she was generously caked-up by her cousins to appear fair and beautiful. The soap and water ended up making her look like a racoon who had relished on a beet-root. He saw her struggling in the bathroom,and offered to help,poured some mustard oil in her palm and asked her to rub  that all over her face. That did the trick,the make-up came off. But she smelt like kitchen the entire night. 3 days went by, they didn’t consummate the marriage. Finally, one fine night, the urge was too intense to be subdued. He pulled her into a warm fondle, and made some awkward love to her. She was 18 then, and he of 23. A week passed by since, it was time for him to leave,his job beckoned.

That night she sat up carefully arranging his belongings in his tin-trunk. And, he sat up looking at her as she gyrated anxiously. The thought of not getting to see her every morning, for the next 3 months was to much to endure. He caught hold of the loose-end of her saree and pulled her into an embrace. It was the most passionate night of making-love they ever had. Two pairs of eyes, wide awake through the night, tossing and turning, losing count on the number of times they made love. At dawn, he took her leave. She stood by the gate with his mother as the rickshaw puller, pulled the cart away. She remembered crying inconsolably that one time, and never after that. It was a throbbing pain between her bosoms. Three months shall pass, she assured herself. She fondly reared his pet pigeons, the very way she saw him doing. She wrote to him religiously every week. He wrote to her back. Their letters were passionate eulogies of each other, of the nights they spent submerged in each others arms. They had fallen in love.

A month later, the letters stopped arriving. She became anxious. On a humid summer evening, a corpse  arrived in a coffin at their doorstep. She was awakened from her midday nap and told her husband died in an accident. The gas-chamber in the engine-room leaked and suffocated him when he had gone in there to inspect. Everyone in her family cried foul, she was too unhinged to rationalize, too appalled cry. The one and all then set their eyes on her, and asked her to change to the attire befitting to a widow. Then walked into the room, his grieving father, he rested his hand on her head and strictly instructed her not to don white, nor take off her jewelry. She wore starched cotton sarees and ate fish at her in-laws place, she went for family picnics, and went for purposeless rides in the family’s horse-driven tonga. She was looked down upon by her own siblings for not leading the life of a forlorn widow. But every-time she sat near the mirror and her hand mistakenly reached her silver vermilion pot, she gently chided herself and heaved a mournful sigh. A year later, after his yearly rites were over, her father-in-law called in for her. He made her sit beside him and told her she was young and should remarry, that he would find an eligible match for her. She looked at him-aghast,  refused, and stormed away from the room. Later that day she felt apologetic about her behavior. She sat beside her father-in-law’s arm-chair, on the floor, and stared at him with moist eyes. That she could never remarry and had lost the capacity  of union to any another man,was written distinctly all over her body and spoken through her eyes.

Five decades had gone by,she was all of 65. Thinner and wrinkled.. One after the other everyone took turns to take a leave from her. She never realized when her life became confined to the palatial house, and when the humongous chandelier of the living room, and multi-coloured glasses on the windows became her allies. At times she would lay awake at nights, reminisce the moments spent with her husband, yearn for his touch, for his lips, yearn to loose herself just one last time in his eternal embrace. At times she would seethe in anger, cursing the heavens, then her parents, then him, then herself. She was disrobed of love and affection before she could even appreciate their presence in her body.

Her only loyal companion was Noro, the cook-housekeeper-caretaker of the family. When she was newly married into the household, Noro was a new-born of 3 days. Noro lived with his wife and a daughter in a room on the terrace. She had arranged the marriage for Noro with the girl and bore all the expenditure. The daughter never visited her, although she financed her education. She was known to be a cranky, idiosyncratic old woman to everyone, who is always on the look-out for someone to hear her repetitive stories.

She spent her days mostly alone, reading. There was a treasure trove left behind as a library, by father-in-law. Sometimes she liked to sit in her bedroom and see the colourful reflections thrown on the widowed walls of her bedroom by the collaboration of sunlight  with her multi-colored window panes.

She hardly had any visitors, except the shopkeepers who came to pay the rent and the occasional saree vendor from whom she bought her sarees,blouses,underskirts. Her brother and sisters were all old and their children thought visiting her would mean accepting her responsibility.

One day as she sat in her library reading, her concentration was interrupted by crackling sound of glass shattering. As she slightly limped her way into her living room, she saw a ball lying lifelessly on the floor, beside it bits and pieces of the yellow glass from her window pane. As she looked through  she saw a  beam of pure sun-light penetrate its way through the broken pane. She had seen unadulterated, unfiltered sunrays after many years. It left her was thrilled. She limped towards the broken window and peeked through, not a sign a of life, then where did this ball come from.

As she turned back Noro’s wife was already cleaning the glass and cursing the pesky children who made life miserable for the residents. So intrigued was she by the ruptured glass, that she spent the rest of the evening in silence, staring at perforation like a captive looks forward to his impending freedom. The next evening she purposefully sat in her bedroom, waiting to see the culprits who broke her window. Her reverie was broken by the sudden hullabaloo on the street. As she peeped through the glass,she saw a group of children, a mix of boys and girls, some behind the stamps, some ahead of it. Some throwing the ball, some catching it. The cacophony created by them was music to her ears. The first evening went by with she peeping though the hole, the second went by too. On the third day she flung the window open. A gush of fresh air entered her room as if a new life was leased to her. Hope was back in her life.

One day such day while she waited for the children to start their play, but none came. It wasn’t raining nor was it exam time. She inquired with Noro’s wife. A notice has been served by the society to all the parents, she was informed. This left her fuming. She resolved to visit the office and place her defence in favor of the children, nobody had the right to re-write their childhood. The society’s office was exactly opposite to her house. Next evening she took out her milky white, 20 years old chanderi saree with striking red border and draped it impeccably about her body. Age could do nothing to her indomitable grace. She stepped out of her house, after 20 odd years, out in the open. Her feet trembled, as she crossed the road, but her motive was her encouragement. The door of society office was ajar, she entered with the sole motive to rebuke them over their high-handedness. The old man on the chair of secretary welcomed her with a smile and offered her a seat. As they started chatting and discussing, a new friendship had begun. Gradually as other members started assimilating, as one could hear peels of laughter echo out into the streets, one of them was that of a woman. The edges of the cracked window pane glimmered as it caught sunlight between them.  

[anonymoushouseplantfan]

New Telegraph article on Kate

Kate steps up: The making of a future Queen Revealed: The crack team building and shaping the Duchess of Cambridge's royal future By Camilla Tominey, ASSOCIATE EDITOR 7 February 2020 • 9:00pm Premium It has been exactly a month since Harry and Meghan announced that they were stepping back as senior members of the Royal Family. For the past eight weeks, column inches have racked up about the ‘Megxit’ bombshell and its impact on the institution of monarchy. Yet amid all the hysteria and hullabaloo, one of its most important members has been serenely going about the business of keeping calm and carrying on. Until now this kind of understated behaviour may have been most closely associated with the Queen, but it is her modern day equivalent, the Duchess of Cambridge, who has been quietly putting duty first with increasing visibility. A recent UK tour to launch her landmark survey on early childhood, combined with well-received visits to Bradford and Mumbles, may at first look like Kate making a conscious effort to fill the void left by her brother and sister in law. Yet as has ever been the case with the middle class girl from Bucklebury who married into the Firm almost a decade ago, that would be to underestimate a woman who has never made a show of her royal role.  Motherhood to monarch Having discreetly spent the past eight years beavering away on the causes closest to her heart, Kate has finally found her voice and is determined to use it. No longer willing to be seen but not heard, sources say she is now ready to commit the rest of her working life to raising awareness of the importance of childhood - and its impact on adult life.  Although she never took the credit for being the inspiration behind the Heads Together mental health campaign spearheaded by William and Harry - having witnessed its extraordinary impact, there is a sense that the Duchess has finally realised just how much she is capable of. “The Duchess has worked quietly away in the background for years,” said one well-placed royal insider, “And now she knows that people want to hear from her”. No longer as fearful of public speaking, and fast carving her own path out of the shadows, Kate’s landmark online survey '5 Big Questions on the Under Fives’, will mark the start of decades more work on the subject, according to aides. “It’s much easier to speak out when you know what you’re talking about and passionate about your subject,” added the insider. “She has become an expert in early years learning, she understands the science and is respected in the sector because she has spent the past eight years working it out. But she also wants to find answers. This is about evidence based research.” The first results of the childhood survey are due next month. Kate’s gentle yet inquisitive manner was never more on display than when she met wheelchair-bound Harvey Bentley, 90, in Mumbles on Tuesday. The warm exchange was filmed by Mr Bentley’s son-in-law Mike Sutton-Smith: Russell Myers ✔ @rjmyers When some people ask what is the point of walkabouts, here’s one response worth reading....Kate and William stopped to say hello to a chap called Harvey today who braved the cold during ‪#RoyalVisitWales‬ and it made his day https:// twitter.com/mikesuttonsmit h/status/1224751782074683392  … 7,195 views 0:02 / 0:56 Mike Sutton-Smith @mikesuttonsmith Replying to @loveforcambridg @emynash William and Kate, each of you paused to look my father-in-law in the eye today, to listen to him and be his friend for a few timeless beautiful minutes. You are the real deal and he and our family will never ever forget. Thankyou xx 835 13:17 - 4 Feb 2020 Twitter Ads information and privacy 164 people are talking about this This kind of reaction is certainly welcome after arguably the most testing period for the monarchy since Diana’s death. With two of the so-called ‘Fab Four’ poised to set up their own projects in North America, the focus for the Cambridges will not only be on putting duty first but in a non-partisan, but an extremely effective way.  As one observer noted: “It is a bit of a paradox, having such a naturally introverted person in such a high-profile position. I think that’s what people find endearing about the Duchess. She’s not a showy person. It’s a deeply British trait.” And one which she certainly shares with Her Majesty who also has a quiet confidence and sense of reserve when interacting with the public.  Of course, accession may still be decades away, but preparations for the royal couple to become the next Prince and Princess of Wales were already well underway before Harry and Meghan’s move to Canada.  Yet while efforts had previously been ploughed into elevating the status of the man who would be king - there is a new, and arguably even more compelling project now fully in progress at the palace: the advent of Queen Catherine. So much so in fact that team of academics have been drafted in to help the mother-of-three shape her royal future, with input from the highest echelons of government and even the security services. Likened to a modern-day version of the Way Ahead Group, set up to rebuild the monarchy in the aftermath of the Queen’s ‘annus horribilis’ of 1992, the Duchess’s steering group of experts has informed her focus on early years learning and helped her to grow in confidence in her royal role. Working royals putting duty first As the royal couple prepare to celebrate their tenth wedding anniversary next year, 2020 is set to be momentous for the Cambridges.  Projecting themselves as a family unit - and a relatable one too - has become a priority and was behind them agreeing to the prime time Christmas TV special with national treasure Mary Berry, which saw the royal couple cooking souffles while discussing the work of their Royal Foundation, the philanthropic vehicle for all their charitable endeavours. With talk of trips to Ireland, Chile and Columbia already in the offing, and both having recently launched major charitable initiatives - including William’s Earthshot Prize - a multimillion pound project to ‘repair the planet’, the next 12 months will see the pair try to bring what one palace insider describes as the ‘calm after the storm’. The source added: “What you are going to see with the Cambridges is a couple carved very much out of the Queen’s mould: Duty first.”  Having had three children in swift succession and with Prince George, six and Princess Charlotte, four, now in school and Prince Louis turning two in April, Kate’s priorities have shifted. According to one well-placed source: “Over the last 12 months they have realised the potential power of their platform. They understand that by launching these long term projects they can genuinely make a big difference. They’ve been told clearly by people the impact that they can have if they pick the right spaces - things they care passionately about.” Just this week we have seen William discuss diversity at the Baftas and his mental health initiative Heads Up, tackling the issue through football, has been well received. As with Earthshot, described by one aide as “the biggest thing the Duke has ever undertaken”, it’s about saying ‘we can do this’, rather than ‘this is too daunting’”, said a source.  “The Royal Foundation has been going for 10 years now. What they want to do is a smaller number of things on a bigger scale. For the Duchess, the early years work is something she will lead for the rest of her life. It's easy to dismiss it as nice and cuddly, but the focus is going to shift from how much childhood issues affect adult mental health and on the social side, it's as significant as climate change.” While both projects and their recent visits to Yorkshire and South Wales had been in the diary for months, there is no doubt the ‘Sussex situation’ has escalated matters. “A hell of a lot of responsibility rests on their shoulders and they’ve just got to get on with it,” said royal author Phil Dampier. “I think they are both resigned to spending the next 30, 40, 50 years as heavyweight royals.” A formidable asset Government hopes are also being pinned on William and Kate flying the flag for post-Brexit Britain. The Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) was “delighted” with their highly successful visit to Pakistan last year, which helped to demonstrate the Cambridges’ worth to UK Plc. There emphasis will be on ‘youthful yet dependable royalty’ - demonstrating the power of the Royal Family both home and abroad as a formidable ambassadorial asset.  This was certainly on show last month as William hosted his first major state occasion - a reception for the UK-Africa Investment Summit - on behalf of the Queen at Buckingham Palace.  Standing alongside his wife, many royal watchers noted how much more publicly demonstrative William had become towards Kate. During the reception he was uncharacterstically nostalgic, saying: “The African continent holds a very special place in my heart. It is the place my father took my brother and me shortly after our mother died. And when deciding where best to propose to Catherine, I could think of no more fitting place than Kenya to get down on one knee.” When a wellwisher in Mumbles complimented William on Charlotte, he replied:  "Yes, she is lovely - just like my wife."  And it is this kind of gentle encouragement and support which is intended to propel his wife to the next level - where her dependability turns into the kind of ‘soft power’ which can affect real change.  Or as one insider put it: "They are going to be doing what politicians can't do, with such a comparatively shorter shelf life. Only royals can think about this scale of change on a generational basis - and that is what the Cambridges are determined to bring about." A crucial appointment for Kate will be her next private secretary following the departure of Catherine Quinn, the Oxford-educated right hand woman who has helped to chart the past two years. The Telegraph understands a replacement is yet to be found and the Duchess is continuing to be supported by her assistant private secretary and Simon Case, the former civil servant who has been William’s closest adviser since July 2018.  Case previously worked for former Prime Ministers David Cameron and Theresa May and that they are taking their time, searching for someone of Case's calibre for Kate is certainly telling.  The couple arguably have another, equally pressing legacy project: the future survival of the monarchy. William has certainly been working  in ‘lock step’ with his father and grandmother to find a solution to his brother and sister-in-law’s desire to leave the Firm. The Telegraph can reveal that the second-in-line was also much more involved in the decision for the Duke of York to step back from public life last November than has previously been reported. When Prince Andrew travelled to Sandringham to hold talks with Prince Philip and Charles - he also held a meeting with his nephew, believed to be at Anmer Hall, the Cambridge’s Georgian country house on the Queen’s estate in Norfolk. According to a source: “William spoke to Andrew for about an hour. They met separately. The Queen and Prince of Wales both agreed he should be fully involved in the discussions - he is very much a part of what has become a triumvirate of decision-making these days.” No Fab Four any more As Joe Little, editor-of-chief of Majesty magazine points out, there needs to be a shift in focus now that Harry and Meghan have handed in their notice. “Prince Charles had hoped to have a slimmed down monarchy with his own children and grandchildren as the major players, but he has had to revise that masterplan in light of recent events.  “The House of Windsor was riding high for such a long time with weddings, babies and jubilees, William and Kate have got to restore some of that magic.” Agreeing that the Duchess’s role will be key to ensuring a modern-day monarchy is fit for purpose, he added: “There’s a mystique about Kate like there has always been about the Queen.” While Harry and Meghan appear intent on politicising their future role, for William and Kate it is going to be all about the three S’s: stature, strength, and stability.