#a research project simultaneously and lets not forget i also have to actually work and earn money

[1hyunjae]

School gives me such bad anxiety and i dont even know why 😭😭

Like. I think the occupation is enjoyable for the most part i love the kids really even when theyre rowdy or rude i still love them i dont know what it ISSSSS. I just wanna go back to being a student who only has themselves to worry about like i miss just being a student so bad but its 3 more months of this 😭😭😭 and im so scared too like what if this means i actually dont want to be or CANT be a teacher like why is this little internship already giving me so much anxiety

[fatuismooches]

Hello! Just dropping in with another silly question but what are dinner dates looking like with Zandik and the segments? Like if fragile reader was slowly getting better and decided to enjoy a little dinner date with one of the segments each, some not even going out but rather in a private dinning room within the place.

Though it sounds unbelievable to many, there's quite often a segment with you for meals, due to various reasons (shaky hands, lack of appetite/motivation, etc). Of course, over time their presence becomes less and less as you become healthier, however, it is certainly not what one calls a "date." Most of the time it's pretty much just you eating in peace while the segment attends to whatever work he needs to do while simultaneously keeping an eye on you. Which is why you wanted to change that up a bit, both you and your beloveds deserved a small break.

I don't think you would actually go anywhere with any of them. Both of you probably prefer being in the comfort of the lab much more (and also the effort of going out and dressing up and all... so much work... but here you can drag them to bed to cuddle right after! Yeah, is the lab kinda dreary and boring? Maybe, but you can spice it up! And it's the person in front of you that matters, after all.)

It'd be a pain to get Zandik himself to do this, he's always busy and locked up in his lab doing research and work... and furthermore, he barely eats... when he does, he does it too quickly and doesn't even savor the food properly, just so he can get back to experiments quicker. That's not proper for a dinner date! Not sure how you'd convince him, not very easy. Even if you do, it would be quite rushed and probably not what you wanted.

It would be a very special occasion whenever an actual dinner happens. Even though you two would have a lot of a lot of time, he would find it difficult to sit and simply eat for so long. He thinks of his segments and their work. However, just keep your hand placed on his and try to divert his attention. Getting him to start ranting about his projects is pretty easy. Once he gets into the atmosphere, he seems to forget this is a dinner date rather than a chatting one (still eats the cold food like it's no problem).

It's easier to get the segments to do this, mostly because they're vying for your attention as they don't get much from you sometimes...

Omega is by far the most suave with it. He wipes your face when you have something near your mouth, and he helps you recover from joking when he says something that makes you embarrassed. Also forces you to eat the vegetables. Webttore, well, it's pretty chaotic. The "romantic" aspect of a dinner date is lost on him. Be prepared to defend your dessert against him, he will try and take it. The Akademiya segment wouldn't have much of a taste for a good dinner, having become used to hardly edible stuff, but he would appreciate it the most if you cooked for him. His notes are always present at dinner, something that reminds you of being a student with him four hundred years ago. Of course, he'll let you read them if that's what you wish. (Please engage in intellectual conversation with him about them.)

The only segment that you can have an actual dinner with every day really is little Zandy. The conversation is always sweet and fun when you're with the child. However, sometimes you need to remind him to eat before the food gets cold or not to speak with his mouth full...

[actuallylisteningtolyrics]

Iscariot

"Until now, I knew this of myself." Right from the start, I'd say I'm too confused. Knew what? I think since songs often lack a greater context and have few methods of conveying context, it's extremely important to establish clear context right from the beginning.

The rest of the first verse tracks for me. The poetic irony that the person who told you not to be so trusting, was the one that betrayed you. As if he were trying to save you from himself.

With this "that's" section... I'm not really clear on what "that" is. My best guess is for Jesus to lose his faith.

I think it's a strong premise for a song. Biblical betrayal.

Dreams

Does a good job of not confusing me which I consider a serious accomplishment.

It's a song about a girl having feelings but keeping them to herself because for whatever reason, she can't be with this person. And she talks about how hard it is because she's so in love.

Wow, I would--very much like to be in love myself!

Paranoia Purple

A song about paranoia, with a clever color spin although I don't feel it's fully realized.

I'm not sure what "color in as many lines" means. My best guess is it's a coloring book metaphor, meaning he'll do the work of coloring things in and doubling as adding color that isn't purple.

Otherwise, it's a great song about how paranoia can make you sabotage something that's going well. And once a fuckin' gain, wish I had love!

It's a compelling and emotional premise.

While I think I can write about things outside of my experience, it'll definitely be easiest to tap into things you're personally feeling.

"How could I forget about you now." Not sure what this is conveying. I suppose a sort of disbelief that she let him go.

Polaroid Solution

This appears to be using a very specific metaphor which would be cute for people who understand polaroid cameras but for me, I'm lost as heck.

As a song in general, it's making a lot of references to specific things that I need context to understand. References can be very alienating.

In general, it's a very academic song about how technology distracts from understanding the self. It's like a crossword puzzle or a research project as a song. I'm not into it.

Maureen

It seems to be a very similar song to Dreams in terms of being about someone who has strong feelings for another person that can't be realized.

More specifically, it's about someone who's just fed up about hearing about his crush's sexual exploits because it's painful and he feels lonely. And boy, do I find that relatable.

This is what I feel a song should be. A strong premise with understandable lyrics. Maybe the one thing I'd add is story progression.

Bad Kids

A very simple party song about partying, calling attention to being cool. Doesn't feel too redundant because it builds onto the concept in a simple way.

It's maybe overly simple but I'd much rather that than overly confusing.

Don't Change Your Plans

I feel like I analyzed these lyrics before but I don't remember.

It's a song about someone who needs to move on with his life, and he's telling the girl he left behind not to build her life around him.

He has a wandering spirit but doesn't appear to fully understand it or have a healthy way of handling it.

See, these are lyrics done right. They're clear and simple but also provocative.

Whatsername

Already did this many times before so I can reap the benefits of knowing the lyrics. Glorious.

You Can Make Me Free

A simple song about how someone can generate wondrous possibilities for someone. I know exactly what it's about.

It's worth pointing out that I like when lyrics don't repeat themselves.

Keep An Eye On Dan

A mother and a father who are separated, and the mother's simultaneously worried that he'll hurt both her and their son. She still has feelings for him but something bad happened in the past.

A clever premise! A great song.

Carol Brown

This is the right way to do comedy. Actually good music, clever jokes, quirky.

Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting)

A simple song about partying on a Saturday. Who wouldn't like this. With some fun details about the night.

"Best friend floats at the bottom of a glass" is a little confusing but I imagine he means his reflection.

Undertow

I have no fucking idea what these abstract-ass lyrics are supposed to mean.

Via the chorus, it seems like being so passionate about love that you shout it from the streets and hurt yourself.

Run Away With Me

A great, sweet love song. Ungh!

[9layerdevilfoodcake]

Some Of A Kind

Chapter 1: Virgin in the Chapel

(Michael Langdon x reader)

Summary: When you accompany your friend to a black mass at the Church of Satan. You pick the wrong time and place to let him in on the fact that you’re a virgin, garnering the attention of the ‘chosen one’ himself.

Warnings: murder, mentions of drug use, poorly represented Satanism

Word count: 3,666 (that’s right)

//

It was a typical Wednesday night when you got a text from your friend Tyler.

‘So what do you say? Is tonight the night?’

He had been bugging you for weeks to come see a sacrifice at the satanic church. And since the first time he asked, the conversation always went the same way.

/

“I’m telling you, just one slice and then you can have whatever you want”

“You mean I can have powers beyond compare?”

“Yes” he answered back, in a hopeful tone. Clearly he hadn’t picked up on the sarcasm in your voice.

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the excitement in his voice.

“I’m sorry, you do whatever you want over there with your edgelords but I’m perfectly happy in my boring powerless existence”

“First of all we aren’t edgelords, we're satanists. We just see the world for what it is. A dreadful place full of selfish people.”

“Well I can’t say I argue with that”

“Exactly, so give in to being selfish, and start doing what you want. You work so hard, and for what a one bedroom apartment you can barely afford and bags under your eyes that are only getting bigger by the day?”

“Hey” you interrupt, slightly offended. Which only earns a laugh on his end.

“I’m just saying, you put in so much effort for no pay off, when you could do this one thing and have everything you deserve”

“What a cable package and a ‘skip the line’ pass at Disneyland?”

“I also get unlimited snacks!”

“Oh sorry how could I forget, well if one soul is all it takes to get a free waffle cone then what are we still doing here?!” You ask back, your tone full of mockery.

“Have you ever wondered why I can snort as much coke as I want and have never OD���d? Or why every girl I bring home is a certified 10?”

Actually you had, the two of you had met the year prior in a religious studies class when you were partnered to write a paper on whether morality was dependent on a god. He could barely get through a sentence without tripping over his words or looking away in embarrassment. It was sweet really, and by the end of the class you two had basically become best friends.

But about 2 months ago things started to change. There was almost always a girl leaving his house when you would come over.

You swore at least two of them you recognized from Victoria Secret runways.

One night you even saw a man leaving whose resemblance to Ryan Reynolds was suspiciously uncanny.

He got a new car without any explanation as to where he got the money, and he had so much coke in his living room you assumed he started dealing, before he told you it was just his stash for the weekend.

At first he was vague about everything, but eventually he told you the truth, or at least what you assumed was a version of it.

For his final project he wrote a research paper on the church of Satan.

You went with him to a couple of services when he was writing it, him being too nervous to go alone.

You both thought they seemed a little kooky, but relatively harmless.

Yet what you didn’t know was that he kept going back after the class ended and had gotten himself sworn in, and eventually given the honor of participating in a black mass.

Where he had sacrificed a school teacher in order to get these new “gifts”.

Now you weren’t naive enough to think he actually killed someone!

You were sure his new lifestyle was a part of some religious Ponzi scheme, and one day the debt collector would come calling.

You’ve watched enough documentaries to know better than to get involved with this.

But he is still your friend so you take it upon yourself to be supportive and let him have his moment, while simultaneously letting him know you’ll be here for him if the day comes that he gets excommunicated.

“I love you and I am so happy for all you’ve gotten, especially when you share it with me, but I’m good, really. I’ll let you know if I ever change my mind”

That dropped the subject for a while.

 

That is until a few days ago when you lost your job.

Well actually when your job was stolen from underneath you by your boss's son.

All it took was one night of bitching to your best friend for the talks of satanism to start up again.

//

So here you were bored on a Wednesday night actually considering his offer to watch a black mass.

‘Well…’

He texted back after a few minutes of no response on your part

‘Fine’

It’s not like he’s ever going to let up, you might as well go see what all the hubbub was about.

After he picked you up, you made your way to the church.

More precisely the back alley with a hidden door. Not at all unsettling.

And the rain pelting down on the robe he gave you just adds a nice ominese touch to what you're sure is going to be a long night.

Now inside you sit in a pew in the back. While the choir above you sings as the others file in.

They actually sound pretty good if you’re being honest. Maybe on your way out you’ll pick up the album you saw for sale in the lobby (for $6.66 no less).

You haven’t been sitting more than 10 minutes before the mass begins.

And in that time Tyler roughly explained what you were about to see.

You weren’t paying too much attention though. More enamored with the atmosphere.

It was a sea of red cloaks and black pentagrams. And the thunder outside appeared to clap along in sync with the crescendo or the choir.

This place seems vastly different from the shabby collection of misfits you encountered when you visited the first time. Who spent most of the service complaining and handed you a stale donut on your way out the door.

“...Y/n are your listening?!”

“Hmm Yea”

“Really?”

“Yea the guy’s gonna sacrifice some ‘innocent soul’ say a few hail satans and voilà he gets his hair back and starts getting laid again” you answer back, waving him off. You’re more interested in watching two Satanists in the front of the room give each other the “sign of the cross” gesture in reverse order.

“This is serious, the things you see might shock you but you can not react! If they think you’re some sort of threat to our secrets or even just afraid of them, it won’t end well. I’m kind of taking a risk by bringing you here”

That brings your attention back to your friend.

“So you hound me for weeks to come with you, but I’m not even allowed to be here?” You ask back, starting to wonder why you actually said yes to this.

“Well yea, I just really want you to see what I’ve seen, I want what’s best for you”

That was actually really sweet of him.

Now you felt a little bad for making fun of this so much.

That is until you see a man in the next row pull out a flask with “unholy water” written on it and rub it on his chest like Vick’s.

But before you get the chance to ask Tyler where he keeps his flask(which you're certain he has). The choir stops singing and the Priestess has the room's attention.

Everything goes as Tyler explains at first.

The “sacrifices” are brought in in their underwear. (They couldn’t even keep their clothes on, what does the devil give them a level up if the victims are humiliated before they die?) and tonight's chosen one, Phil, is about to take his position, before you hear a voice behind you.

“Wait!”

You turn your head to see an older woman rushing in, but it’s not her that steals your focus it’s who walks in behind her.

He is quite possibly the most attractive person you have ever seen. With cheekbones that could slice butter and soft blonde hair falling around icy blue eyes.

She says his name is Michael and this honor belongs to him.

You look over to Tyler to see what’s going on. He didn’t explain what part of the performance this was, was this some sort of second act surprise?

You were expecting this night to follow like a church service, watching Phil take his vows and minimal audience participation. Now you wonder if this is all rehearsed, or if the Satanist’s are partial to improv?

But Tyler pays you no mind, he can’t take his eyes off the blonde either.

It’s not until the Priestess mentions the “mark of the beast” and that he is the chosen one, that you get why Tyler is looking at him like he’s some sort of god.

Because to him he is, this guy is supposed to be the Antichrist.

Tyler says nothing only glances in your direction when he sees you’re the only one still standing, before he pulls you down to your knee like everyone else.

The rest of the performance is really top notch.

The flickering of the lights was a nice touch, but you can’t help but feel a little uneasy wondering how they keep getting the thunder to time up with everything they do.

Plus the bodies of the sacrifices fell to the ground almost too well.

How did they manage to get their bodies to look that lifeless, and why did those cuts look so deep?

But you try not to focus too much on it as you walk to the ceremonial Wednesday night potluck.

/

After the Antichrist has dismissed his followers from fawning all over him, you sit with Tyler at the end of the table and dig into your lasagna.

“So does the antichrist part happen at every sacrifice or is this one special? Is it some Satanic holiday I wasn’t aware of?” You ask, breaking Tyler out of whatever trance he appears to be stuck in.

“What?”

“I gotta say the dramatics were very entertaining, but if you really wanted to get me here all you had to do was tell me the guy who plays the Antichrist is really hot” you snicker under your breath.

“Play? Y/n your don’t understand he IS the Antichrist” he explains in a hushed voice before continuing

“That doesn’t happen every time, he really has come. This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for! Don’t you see?! I think it was fate you came here on this night!”

“Ha, why do you need a virgin to sacrifice or something?” You laugh and take another bite before you look over and see Tyler staring at you with wide eyes.

“What?”

“You’re not serious are you?”

“Well yea, what’s the big deal, I didn’t realize you were so caught up on a social construct”

“I’m not, but you can’t say things like that around here” he looks around the room nervously and you follow his path of vision until your eyes land on Michael, who’s own gaze is locked on you.

There’s no way he heard you, you were across the room and you were whispering.

Still he continues to stare with eyes that speak only of intensity. No smile, no nod, no hint emotion whatsoever.

It’s only after you raise your brows and mouth a “What?” That he looks back down at his plate with a hint of a smile on his lips.

“Oh Satan, I think he heard you. You should go” Tyler’s tone becoming more erratic by the second.

“What?” You’re sure he's joking, but when he looks at you there is nothing but worry in his eyes.

Now you’re starting to get nervous, this is too far.

He actually thinks these people are going to do something?

He’s practically shaking with fear, and because of the man in the turtleneck? Who barely knows how to hold a spoon?

Okay you’ll play along for tonight, but tomorrow you are having a serious talk, he might need professional help.

“Alright let's go then” you huff out as you start to grab your belongings.

“I can’t just leave, especially since our savior is here, but I’ll make sure everything is good and you’re not followed or anything”

“Okay, is there some sort of satanic shuttle bus that can take me home? Or should I call an Uber? Does this place have an address or should I just send them an inverted cross?”

Still unamused by your inability to grasp the gravity of the situation, he just shakes his head and hands you his keys.

“Here just take my car, I’ll get a ride later, in fact stay at my house incase you’re followed”

He’s basically pushing you out of your seat and nodding to the door.

“Okay...bye I guess”

And with that you take off down the hall.

You know you’re supposed to go straight to the car. You’ve never seen Tyler look so serious in his life.

But when you walk past the chapel you can’t help but stop. You can still see the bodies up at the altar.

Why are they still there? Was there a trap door you missed and these were just doubles?

Or were these people so committed to the role and as crazy as your friend that they had to stay in the character of “dead sacrifice” all night?

Curiosity got the better of you, the car could wait, you had to see for yourself.

Closer inspection did nothing to stifle your suspicions.

It looked so real.

They weren’t breathing, so there was no way they were still the two actors, but you had never seen fake bodies look so real.

You're reminded of an anatomy class you took last semester.

Those cadavers looked suspiciously close to these.

Just colder and with less life left in their faces.

And there was so much blood, the iron was thick in the air.

But that couldn’t be true. Your friend wouldn’t kill someone would he?

He didn’t actually think they would kill you?

If you got a closer look, if you just swiped some of the “blood” with your pointer finger it would surely taste like corn syrup and not like…

“Are you afraid?”

You whip your head around, blood still staining your finger and beginning to drip onto the linoleum. To see Michael walking in the same way he had an hour earlier. Only this time without the cloak, but with some newly added confidence.

“They’re really dead aren’t they?” You know it’s true, but you still wait for his confirmation.

“Yes, that tends to happen when you slice someone’s throat” He acts as if this shouldn’t be a shock to you. It didn’t shock any of the other members of the congregation. Yet you know without him saying it, that he’s well aware you’re not like the others. That you don’t belong here.

“So you really sacrifice people, just to get stuff” you blurt out. Still trying to wrap your head around the fact that everything you witnessed tonight was real. Perhaps you shouldn’t have taken that last crescent roll you’d seen another satanist eyeing at dinner, you definitely have a curse coming your way. That is if you live through the night.

“Well not me” Michael says, pulling you out of your thoughts and back to the present.

“Oh of course, you’re the one they do it for”

“Well my father more specifically”

“Does that upset you?” You know you should be more careful about how you proceed with this conversation, but the words leave your mouth before your mind can stop them.

The question seems to catch him by surprise as he ruffles his brow, you’re not sure if it’s in anger or just shock at your brazenness. But he doesn’t answer. Just goes on to question you.

“Have you ever witnessed a murder before?”

“No”

“How did you feel watching it before your eyes?”

“Well I didn’t feel much, considering I thought it was all fake” That earns you a smile from him.

“And how do you feel now?”

“Curious”

“Really? Not scared?”

“No. Why should I be?” You’re really digging your own grave here. But your mouth seems to have a mind of its own.

“It seems your friend would say otherwise”

“Ah so you did hear.” You say, seeing his smile grow wider. “These aren't the days of the Old Testament, virginity doesn’t equally purity. Just ask sacrifice number one over there, with a body like that I doubt she was a virgin” you laugh, partially at your joke and partially out of sheer uncomfortableness. Michael doesn’t even spare the bodies a glance, eyes latched onto you, you go on to add

“I’m no saint. Despite my sexual history, or lack thereof”

“No, I’m sure you’re not” he emphasizes by swiping some of the liquid from your finger with his own, before taking it into his mouth. Making a show of it by closing his eyes as he releases it from his lips, slow as molasses. Smiling when he opens his eyes and sees you’re practically drooling.

Before his little show can go any further, you continue with your own questions.

“Have you killed people before?”

“Yes”

“How many?”

“You don’t have the time”

He’s looking at you waiting for your response. Waiting for the shock to subside and the shrieks of terror to take over.

Instead you just pause thinking everything over.

You should be scared, you know you should.

In one night you have watched two people die, found out your friend is a murderer, and that the Antichrist is not only NOT a myth, but is standing in front of you, conversing with you like he’s nothing more than your new neighbor.

Yet you search and search in your mind for any hint of fear and come up empty. All you feel is curiosity. You must be losing it too, you feel bad for judging Tyler so harshly. Maybe it’s his youthful face and the little outburst in the dining hall earlier, but Michael seems like more than simply the ‘incarnation of evil’. He seems so...human.

And more than anything he just seems confused and dare you say, lost.

“Do you like killing people? Or do you do it because it’s expected?”

“It depends”

“Would you like to kill me?”

Now it’s his turn to take pause, looking like he’s trying to decide if he’s “in the mood” to take your life.

“Not right now”

You can’t help but laugh at that (yea you’re definitely in shock). Soon enough he joins in too, and the mood feels lighter than it has all night. You might even say you feel comfortable.

That is until the laughter subsides and you meet his eyes. He’s now staring at you with the same intensity you’d met earlier at dinner.

It’s like he’s looking right through you, into your soul. You feel on display and more than anything afraid of what he might find.

“Stop that”

“Stop what?” He says with a playful tone and a tilt of his head.

“You’re..well..I don’t know what you’re doing but I don’t like it. You’re trying to get a read on me or something.”

He just smiles at that, because of course he does.

You know there is no avoiding playing into his hand. He wants to get a rise out of you, in one way or another.

“And what do yo-”

“Y/N!”

At the mention of your name you both turn to see Tyler standing in the doorway.

Antichrist or not, the look Michael gives him is enough to send a wave of fear up your spine.

He appears as though he’s about to snap his neck through just a look(and you're afraid to find out if he could).

Noticing his anger, Tyler stops and bows before Michael, apologizing incessantly for interrupting him.

You don’t miss the twitch of Michael’s lips. He’s clearly loving the effects he has on his followers.

You just roll your eyes at your friend.

“Calm down Tyler, get up”

He just let’s your words pass over him as if you hadn’t even spoken. If he hadn’t been the one to call your name a moment ago, you wouldn’t be sure he even knew you were in the room.

Every sense he had was aimed at Michael, and it was only when his precious dark lord gave him a nod that he got up and looked your way again.

“What are you doing? I thought you were going home?” He says through clenched teeth.

If he weren’t so worried about keeping you alive he would be pissed at you for not listening.

“I was. I am” you reassure him turning to Michael.

“It was a pleasure to meet you Michael, I’ll see myself out”

You are scurrying out of the room, grabbing a frozen Tyler and tugging him along with you, when Michael calls after you.

“No y/n, the pleasure was all mine.”

You’re at the end of the hall, and in the middle of Tyler’s scolding session, when you realize there is still blood on your finger.

It feels like it’s vibrating where Michael touched you, begging you to take notice.

Just wipe it on your jeans, you tell yourself.

Wait until you get to the car and find a napkin.

Do anything rational other than what you're thinking.

As you pass through the exit door, you cave and take a taste of the crimson on your finger.

Although you can’t see him, you know Michael is smiling. You can feel his smugness in the air around you and you're sure he knows what you just did.

This started out just as me wanting to make some jokes about Michael and the Satanists and has somehow turned into a multi-chapter fic. I still don’t really know where it’s going I’m just letting it take on a mind of it’s own. If it looks familiar it’s cuz it’s been on ao3 for a little bit now, so sorry it’s not a “new” new story! If you liked it that makes me very happy, and if not I hope it was at least entertaining! Either way thank you for reading!

(I wasn’t sure who wanted to be tagged just in my Xavier fic and who did in general so I didn’t add a tag list to this one)

[mycouchpullsoutbutidont]

Need to write all this down because I just stared into space for a solid 30 min just dreaming about this scenario / potential fanart comic that I could draw of Ben x Devi (I’ve been obsessing over them for the past couple of days and it’s probably due to me not having good dick since god knows forever)

(Draft)

So the comic will start off with Devi being sort of upset and horny, reminiscing about her interaction with Paxton - maybe a really hot makeout sesh and they’re about to have sex - except last minute, Devi gets cold feet and it’s sexually frustrating for Paxton. So Devi is hella embarrassed and mad at herself for pulling back. She tries to initiate again, but Paxton is just like, “forget it, you’re not ready,” and Devi is like “no, I want it.” And Paxton pauses, looks at her, and shakes his head like “no, you’re not. It’s okay. I don’t want you to feel pressured to do something you’re not ready for.” Which Devi feels insulted by and is terribly sorry. Paxton just smiles and kisses her on the forehead and is like, “I think I should drop you off. It’s getting late.”

End daydream. Devi reels in secondhand embarrassment and is mad at herself for stopping. She vows not to do that again and, of course, in typical Devi fashion, she thinks to herself, “well, if we end up having sex the next time we makeout, I better do my due diligence and research into how to properly have sex.”

And what other way to learn about something than to study up on it?

She begins thinking about how she could do her research. She’s studied anatomy before and knows the basics - the testicles, the glans, urethra, sperm, prostate, yadda yadda. And she’s taken health class and sexual education on how to put on condoms (on bananas- nonetheless - San Fernando valley had pretty liberal sex ed).

But she’s never seen what sex looked like. Never heard it. Never smelled it. Never experienced it from afar or visually.

That’s when she thought of it - porn.

She goes to her room, opens up her laptop, and googles “porn.” Search results pop up, and she catches glimpse of some of the keywords.

“Perky oiled brunette shoves two cocks in both holes”

“Slut sucks slobbers on big veiny dick”

“Curvy sexy ebony rides and squirts before getting facial”

The ache in her groin gnawed even more and—did she just twitch down there? With her blood rushing to her cheeks and between her legs with each horny, perverted word that her eyes came across, her fingers tremble and her body - her breasts - feels like it’s tingling, aching and needing to be roughly handled.

Nervous and horny, she clicks on the first one: porn hub.

She enters a site of orange and black - a pop up window asks if she’s 18 or older. She hesitates, feeling dirty and corrupt. She clicks on enter.

Squares of images lined in a grid populate, organized by category. She skims the words - “Anal”, “BBW,”“Cumshot,” “Compilations”—the list went on and on.

One of the categories catches her eye: “Desi.”

It was both laughable and eye-opening to see that category. A category just for Indian women? She was both amazed and flattered, and for just a brief moment, she wondered if her ancestors could see her.

Her father, she thinks.

Oh god, why is she thinking of him all of a sudden.

Ashamed, she shakes her head, exits out of the window, and closes her laptop. A cool chill runs down her spine, calming her excitement, chilling the pulsating heat that had pooled between her legs. She’s embarrassed for thinking of her dead father and for even thinking of looking up porn. She’s ashamed and pushes her laptop away, now doubly frustrated at herself and for still being sexually pent up. She gets up to grab water in the kitchen, hoping the ice cold water will help temper her aching need.

The doorbell rings.

Devi’s ears perk, and she furrows her brows. Who could this be, she thinks, as she ran down the stairs, walking to the door to peep through the hole.

She gasps, “oh crap.”

It’s Ben!

“Shoot, I forgot!”

Ben was supposed to come over to work on a history project with her - and have dinner, she remembers, since she told her mom and her mom insisted.

“Ah, yes Ben! I remember that boy with the massive pimple on his face who cried in my office!” Devi smirks at Nalini’s comment but then remembers, dammit, why did her mom also want him for dinner?

She opens the door, deepens her frown, a blush creeping on her face as she locks her brown eyes with light blue ones.

“Sup, loser,” Ben says, and Devi almost loses her blush except he smirks, a twinkle in his eye, and a slightly lifted brow. Devi’s eyes trail down over his shirt which clings to his pecs and biceps, and she feels the blush coming back.

And then she notices his strong arms and hair and veins—

“Fuck you,” she says, rolling her eyes, quickly turning her back against him so he doesn’t see her blush harder.

Jeez, what’s wrong with her today? Devi thought (as well as Ben). Why was she so god damn horny?

“What’s your problem, David?” Ben asks. He looks around Devi’s living room. “Where’s your mom?”

Devi shrugs. “Probably at work with her coworkers. Mom’s trying to bring more fun and benefits to motivate them, she claims.”

“Ah, that explains it.” Ben is a little relieved since Devi’s mom was a tough one to please. But, he knew that Nalini had a soft spot for him. (Or, at least he had a 95% confidence level in that thought).

“Actually, kanna, I’m just finish up cooking dinner here with Kamala,” Nalini chimed.

Ben and Devi snapped their heads towards the direction of the kitchen where Nalini and Kamala were cleaning up.

“And if you had helped me like you should have done, you’d know that I was busy cooking up aloo gobi dosas before leaving for my work event later tonight.”

Ben sniffed deeply, the aroma of ghee and asafetida and cumin wafting in the air. How did Devi not notice her mom was cooking with the delicious smells dancing in her home?

“S-sorry mom, I forgot. I just have been feeling a bit out of it today,” Devi replies sheepishly. “Kind of feel hot.” Which was true. Something was terribly wrong with her today for some reason. It felt like there was this growing ache down in her groin that needed to be filled, and with each step she took, every friction against her clit would send shivers of pleasure all over her body.

Before Ben could react, Nalini immediately runs to Devi’s side and places the back of her hand on Devi’s forehead.

“Hm,” Nalini scrunches her brows. “I don’t feel a fever, but you do have a slight blush. Devi, if you’re feeling sick, please don’t get us all sick and go to your room. You should’ve told us and Ben earl—“

“I’m not sick!” Devi blurts, shaking her head. Nalini is taken aback.

“I- I guess,” Devi lowers her voice, trying to come up with an excuse for why she was dickstracted—er, distracted.

“I feel burnt out from studying for AP physics and AP calculus this week,” Devi lies.

“Amateur,” Ben scoffs, smirking. He looks at Devi who snaps to look, looking both mad and flustered, her cheeks tinted slightly redder than normal. It was enough to wipe the smirk off his face. Was she okay?

“I’m not letting you show me up, you jerk!”

Yeah, she was okay, he thought.

“Devi!” Nalini’s jaw fell and she looked like she was about to chew Devi’s face off which terrified Ben.

“N-no, sorry Ms Vishwakumar, that was totally my fault and uncalled for,” Ben cuts in. He looks at Devi who still looks mad at him (but less so, maybe a bit of relief).

“Would it be all right if we study first and then eat dinner?” Ben asks, not sure whether to direct the question to Nalini or Devi first.

“Dinner will get cold,” Nalini warns. “But, I must leave now, so you two can do what you will and whatever regarding dinner.” As she runs towards the door and grabs the keys, Nalini whips her head back and stares daggers at Devi.

“Devi, behave please,” she says through gritted teeth before shutting the door.

Devi sighs in relief and turns to Ben.

“So,” she says, heading towards the stairs. “Let’s get moving. We don’t have much time before dinner gets cold and it’s bedtime.”

Ben nods, walking behind under her. He looks up - damn she has a nice ass - curvy and round. He notices she is wearing a pretty short skirt, and—was that…

Ben blinks twice in disbelief, looking away before looking again. It was no doubt what it was—sticky wet lubricant-like liquid. Running down her inner thigh. Or maybe that’s sweat, he told himself.

Ben blushes. Wow, he felt like such a pervert for staring up her skirt. That and they were going up to her room. To study. Yeah.

(But damn her butt, her curves)

As they enter her room, Ben immediately plops down on the floor, opens his bag quickly, pulls out his AP European history book and notebook, and opening them and flipping through pages (nervously?) and quietly.

“Dude, you’ve been eerily silent this entire time,” Devi torts, and she can’t blame him, can’t blame how nerve wracking it was to have your chiseled (wait shut up Devi) arch nemesis in her room - supposedly a safe haven - to study. Come to think of it, why did she let him in her room? She began to regret her decision, especially when she realized that her nervousness was also turning into heated excitement, her breasts were tingling with desire and even her clit—

“You said you wanted to hurry, so here I am, focused, David,” Ben snaps. He ignores the fact that she’s not wearing a bra and that her tank top isn’t enough to hide her hardened nipples.

(Her cleavage looked so inviting, he dare not stare too long at her tits)

“Actually, for once, you didn’t use your brain and suggest we work downstairs and eat dinner simultaneously instead,” Devi retorted. “Let me just grab my laptop and we can go back downstairs to study and eat dinner at the same time.”

“Don’t put the blame on me for your lack of brain usage,” Ben snapped back, rolling his eyes.

Devi throws a stuffed animal at his head, and he barely dodges it.

“Asshole,” she mutters as she gets on her knees and reaches over her mattress and duvet, grabbing her Macbook.

That’s when Ben saw her soaking wet panties.

Heat rushed from his head to his other head, his cock jumping.

Holy fuck, he thought, is she doing this on purpose? Why did she have to put her ass up like that? Was this intentional? This was a little too cliche, he thought, and porn-like. Girl wearing no bra and apparently soaking wet invites horny boy over to her room and puts her ass in the air while in bed?

“Uh, yeah, yep, sure, that’s probably a better idea,” Ben stammers, trying to ignore his growing boner and grabbing his books. “Lemme just stuff—“

(Those boobs)

“—these boo….ooks. Books. In my bag.” He pushes the last book in his backpack and zips it up.

Oh dear god, did she notice his almost Freudian slip?

He glances over at her, and she’s got a raised brow. “Uh, okay, weirdo, did you just almost say boobs?” Devi says.

“What, no?” Ben says. “You weird pervert.”

“Don’t lie! I saw you staring at my boobs! You’re the pervert!”

“What kind of crap are you projecting onto me for? I’m innocent!”

“You’re like the least innocent person I know!”

“That’s definitely not true,” Ben scoffs. “And even if it was, it’s better than being an Unfuckable Nerd.”

That did it. That was the straw on the camel’s back. Devi was enraged, insulted, and sexually frustrated. Ben had dug into a deep insecurity of hers, a wound that she desperately wanted to heal and prove herself out of. For all her life, she had never felt desirable, never had a boy flirt with her or ask her out or even given her attention. When Ben first called her an “Unfuckable Nerd,” she didn’t show how painful the sting of his insult was to her lonely heart. She did not want to be the forever nerdy virgin who was seen as sexually undesirable and —god forbid—ugly.

(Was that why Paxton pushed her away, she thought briefly?)

“Shut up!” she yells before chucking her laptop at him. She misses by a meter (thank god her eye hand coordination was god awful), but she’s not sure if she was even intending on hitting him with the laptop. Still, the moment the laptop flew out of her hands and onto her carpeted floor (with a nice thud), Ben knew he had made a huge mistake. And so did Devi (though she dare not be the first one to admit that she was wrong).

Except she was really wrong this time.

“Devi!” Ben exclaimed. “I’m—“

“Oh fuck Ben, I’m—“

“So sorry.”

Both Ben and Devi apologized simultaneously, with heavy regret and a tint of fear in their voices.

“N-no, I crossed the line, Devi,” Ben said. “It’s really…misogynistic and objectifying of me to call you Unfuckable.”

Because you’re quite the opposite, he thought.

Devi acknowledged internally the apology, but it still stung painfully in her heart. She wanted to let him know that it still hurt.

(Especially hearing that term from him).

Still, she knew she was also incredibly at fault for almost injurying Ben.

“I’m also sorry, I really…really should’ve not thrown my laptop at you. I could’ve injured you really badly.” Devi dropped down to her knees, getting down to Ben’s level since he was still on the floor, a bit shaken by her throwing her laptop at him.

“I guess I deserved it,” he said. He looked over at the laptop on the ground.

“But if you did break it, don’t expect me to pay for a new one,” he said with a smirk.

Devi rolled her eyes. “I’m not your sugar baby; I wasn’t expecting you to pay for a new one.” She crawls towards her MacBook (Ben consciously looking away since she’s on her knees again) and opens it, praying to herself that it was still functioning.

She tapped on her keyboard multiple times.

Blank screen.

“Oh fuck,” she whispered. She kept tapping on the keys of the keyboard.

No response.

“Crap!” Devi hissed. “Oh no, no no no!” She was sort of panicking. “I knew this would happen.”

“So why did you throw the laptop then?” Ben slyly asked.

“Not. Helpful. Ben.”

Ben scoots closer to Devi, wraps his arm around her—

Devi is shocked, his graze making her melt into his touch, sending the pent up frustration and heat back to her ache and pussy—

But, Ben was only merely reaching around to press down on her laptop’s button for a couple of seconds before the lock screen shone back on.

Oh, Devi thought, a feeling of defeat and disappointment settling in her chest. He wasn’t hugging her.

But, hey her laptop’s alive.

“Oh thank god,” she says, breathing a sigh of relief before turning to him - wow he’s somehow pretty close to her face and body and oof, his proximity sets a fire across her entire body —

“Consider yourself lucky. Looks like you don’t have to buy me a new laptop,” she says, smirking.

Ben scoffs.

“In your dreams, David.”

Oddly enough, Ben’s arm is still wrapped around her, his presence warm and enveloping. Devi is tempted to lean into it but knows better (especially not now when she has been hot and bothered all day).

She types her password in her Lock Screen, hits enter, and gasps in horror as she realized that she didn’t properly close out her browser full of porn -

(which is now blasting moans of cam girls fucking the selves with sex toys all thanks to livejasmin)

“Oh shit!” Devi immediately slams her screen shut again.

But it was too late.

Ben’s brows shoot up, eyes widening and jaw dropping in guffaw. A laugh of disbelief escapes from his throat.

“Holy crap! And you called ME the pervert?” Ben laughs. “Who’s the pervert now?”

But damn, wow, he’s turned on.

He tightens his arm around Devi in a proper hug now, pressing her closer to him, and leans in, an inch from her ear, whispering —

“You’re a dirty girl”—

Before pressing his lips on hers.

[qtakesams]

When Life Goes On, Go with It

Two years ago this month, I moved to Edgewater, Maryland, to complete a summer internship with the Smithsonian Environmental Research Center. SERC, as we call it, is a branch of the Smithsonian Institution that specializes in climate, coastal, terrestrial, and various other types of sciences. Their campus is an hour east of Washington, D.C. They own hundreds of acres of land, on which they house their laboratories and fields.

It was just after my sophomore year of college ended. As with many underclassmen years, mine was turbulent. I endured a drastic shift in my social circle which had, even if temporarily, left me feeling stranded on a campus I was still learning about. I’d had a rough spring semester, finding a lack of motivation to complete any assignment.

Most undergrads face that year: the one where nothing feels right, and each path feels like a dead-end. I had applied for a SERC internship on a bit of a whim. Entering college, I’d seen myself as a fiction writer and editor, planning to end up in a corporate publishing house. Sophomore had shown me I desired other things, and I applied for SERC’s science writing internship completely unsure if I’d actually like the work. What if I didn’t? What if it felt worse than the previous semester? What would I do if I couldn’t bounce back?

All of this, I decided, would be worth the risk. When I got an email from the internship’s advisor in March, offering me the position, I accepted it. The rest, as some might say, is history.

SERC is a hard place to find until you’ve visited a few times. The brown sign is easily skipped by the eyes. Coming from the west, you approach SERC on the left side of the road. Immediately, you forget that you’re technically in the suburbs, less than thirty miles from the epicenter of political heat in America. After a few turns, you arrive at the gate. When SERC is publicly open, you drive on through. When you’re an intern coming back from the bar at night, you have to swipe your ID card. You drive a few more turns, watching closely for deer, before that final right turn that drops you into the parking lot of the intern dorms and the labs.

I fell in love with SERC within days of my arrival. There were the intimidating factors of the place: fellow interns at Ivy Leagues and respected colleges, scientific labs into which the government itself funded millions, no meal plan, and the stick shift vehicle I would drive all summer. I was terrified when my mom drove away. I explored the floor of my building, admiring the kitchen, perusing the book selection. By eleven, I was in bed. I was tried from traveling, but more so, I didn’t know what to do. I’d briefly interacted with the other intern already on my floor, but I didn’t know him well enough to go say hi. There were four interns moved in below my floor, but I hadn’t seen any of them yet. I suddenly seemed wildly out of my element, though I had felt comfortable at SERC the moment I drove through the gate.

Of course, I grew happier at SERC. The happiest I’d been in years. Within weeks, I made strong friends, adjusted to my job, and began to close my GPS when driving to the store.

My work felt good. The articles I wrote and the media I created reached thousands of people, many of which gave positive comments. My words were reaching people, and the people were responding.

I was raised by a scientist, but more importantly, by well-educated, empathetic people. Loving my planet was part of the gig when I was growing up. In high school, I began to see where my privilege in this education existed. My friends at school didn’t seem to care about the things I’d be taught to care about. Water consumption, electricity, knowing the landscape on which your house is built. I knew important moments in history, and how they affected me. I had early knowledge of politics, to the point where I knew who George Bush was before his presidency ended (when I was 10). Ignorance and empathy tend to go hand-in-hand, mostly because ignorance leads to apathy. We’ve seen this cause-and-effect equation hold catastrophic, deadly consequences in 2020.

When I arrived at SERC, it didn’t slip by me that I suddenly had access to information that most people only dream about. Many of us are ignorant (I remain ignorant to 99.9% of what happens on this Earth) by circumstance, not by choice. Accessibility is one of our biggest problems of a global society attempting to function in a digital, climate change-riddled world. Sixty percent of the globe now has Internet access, but that leaves 3.08 billion people without the knowledge they need to protect themselves from the setbacks of climate change. Most of those people, as it would turn out, are terribly affected most by war, poverty, hunger, climate, social injustice, etc. These things intertwine and cause one another. Not always, but often.

My position at SERC gifted me access to science occurring in real-time. When the Pandemic would hit a year later, it would be surprising but not shocking. On a planet where politics and science are brothers, and the population is soaring too high to properly maintain, containing a spreadable virus is like trying to hold a cup of water in your bare hands. Sooner or later, it’s going to slip between the cracks and go everywhere. If it slips far enough, you’ll never find a towel strong enough to collect it all.

In March of 2020, when I moved home to isolate, I knew the rest of college was trashed. Not my degree, necessarily, but the experience of college. I would lose that experience in its normalcy, and therefore the skills which develop from that normalcy.

I did soon realize, however, that we are not always fortunate enough to do something about mass-casualties or problems. There’s not always an answer, straightforward or not. When there is one, you should grab it with both hands.

That summer of 2020, I decided I wanted to pursue a master’s degree after college. Higher education is not unknown in my family; we boast high degrees from prestigious universities. I am the opposite of a First-Generation student (one of my great-grandparents also had a master’s degree). Graduate school had already been on my mind when I started college, but I didn’t know what for. An MFA in fiction had felt the most logical to my teenage self in 2017, but by 2018, that felt out the window. What I had realized by the summer of 2020 was that, in the midst of the chaos and absurdity, was that I could in fact do something about what was going on. I can’t solve climate change, or house the homeless, or save every polar bear, or even eradicate a virus, but I can help in my own way. On some level, I can do something about the many crises. This, in itself, is “doing something”.

Science writing is a polarizing subject, of this I have been aware my entire life. Unfortunately, we’ve made science political, though politics are generally opinion (with strong empathy) and science is fact. It’s a tough, competitive field, but so is everything else. If you want to “make it” in this world, you have to willingly shed blood, tears, and probably sweat profusely. As I watched the COVID cases skyrocket simultaneously to the people I knew who cared not to stay home, I could tell something was off. People weren’t listening. If they were, it was usually to the ignorant voices on television.

I could feel my cheeks burning as I watched the Johns Hopkins map. It seemed cruel that we, as a society, could do that to ourselves. That we could allow this virus to spread and kill, but also that we had put ourselves in this position. I had already been envisioning myself as a science writer every day since my time at SERC had begun. Finally reckoning with the knowledge that not everybody is a scientist, nor cares to be one, was the icing on the cake. I couldn’t fix it all, but I could offer my help. So, I would.

When I began this blog two years ago, it was solely for abroad purposes. It was a fabulous way to let anybody who cared know what I was experiencing and how I was handling those experiences. Studying abroad, no matter how or where or how long, is difficult. Studying in general, for any length of time on any subject, is mindboggling tedious. I give kudos to my friends and family who have any advanced, foreign, or nontraditional education.

What I discovered after I began writing blog posts and sharing my thoughts is that there’s always more to the story than the words on the page. That’s why I’ve added to this blog in the year and a half since my abroad semester ended; there is always more to tell.

In a few weeks, I begin my master’s degree at Northwestern University in Chicago. My degree is in journalism, with a specialization in Science and Health reporting. I’m nervous to my core, as I am with any new adventure. I just graduated college last weekend, so my emotions are running wild. Yet, I have a feeling I’m about to finally be where I’ve wanted to be for years. I love words. I love messing with them, shaping them, using them to fit whatever project I want. I also love science. I love knowing what is happening around me, and why and how it is. Combining them already feels like a dream come true, so I’m sure the next year will feel magical.

The classes of 2020 and 2021 are probably the most resilient in history. A Pandemic, racial and social injustice, wildfires, remote learning, wifi issues. We’ve seen it all, and it’s made us stronger every day.

I think I’ve worn this blog out for this phase of life. My thoughts on what I’ve talked about here are valid and important, but they don’t exist alone. For somebody who’s pretty much been writing since she could hold a pencil, I hate journaling. I’ve tried so many times, and never succeeded, with the exception of this blog. That said, it gave me an incredibly strong, consistent manner of getting my thoughts on the page, for which I am endlessly grateful. If you’ve kept reading my thoughts and words, you should know I’m endlessly grateful for you, too.

All of this is saying that, whether you’re ready or not, life keeps going. Life can be cruel, it can be challenging, it can be beautiful. No matter what, it keeps going. As my friend Ferris once said, if you don’t stop and look around from time to time, you could miss it. So much changed so drastically in the last year. I’m still processing it. I might always be processing it. Most importantly, I think, is that I’ve learned to flow with it wherever it goes. It’s harder sometimes than other, but the result is usually worth the grind.

You might read my stuff in the Times once day, or (my personal favorite dream) National Geographic. I don’t know honestly know where I’m going, but I’m okay with that because I do know that I’m on my way. I’m still going. When life continues, you should go, too. You never quite know where the climb will lead, but you do know that the view will be great.

[loopyhoopywrites]

How Does A Hermit Accidentally Get Published? (A TLD excerpt)

Okay so this is kinda long, and minorly spoilery? But if anyone is interested in how The Hermits’ Guide to Friendship (Vol 1-4) came to be, I just finished typing up it’s origin story. For context, Cedrix and Tim have just been escorted to a private VIP booth at Ye Olde Nightclub by CJ Themir, the author of the guides, who is begging them to help him.

Tag list: @kryskakikomi @shattered-starrs @ifonlyicouldwrite @sybil-writes @raevenlywrites @sunlight-and-starskies @notwritinganyflufftoday @chauceryfairytales @writeblrfantasy @dazed-night-lights

* * * * *

Of all the critiques one could accurately make regarding Prince Cedrix, an unwillingness to help his subjects would not be one of them. Quite the opposite, in fact. Cedrix was, to the despair of his diplomatic advisers, extremely hands on when it came to sorting his kingdom’s problems.

(Rescuing damsels was, perhaps, the only exception to Cedrix’s willingness. Given, however, his sexuality, the lack of male damsels, and the strange cultural expectation that a Rescue equated to a proposal of marriage, this was understandable.)

Despite his willingness, Cedrix looked at CJ, with his fans, fame and, presumably, fortune, and found himself with one question.

“What could someone like you possibly need help with?”

Tim, it turned out, also had a question.

“What happened to your accent?”

CJ sighed, running a hand through his hair. Unlike his previous suave swoop, this time the gesture was a clear sign of stress, turning his artfully arranged curls from a masterful oil painting into something more akin to a child let loose with twelve fingers and a bucketful of muddy paint.

“It’s a long story.” He said, deftly managing to answer and evade both questions simultaneously.

“We have time.” Said Cedrix.

“Okay.”

CJ ran his other hand through his hair. It didn’t help.

“Okay,” He said again, “I’ll- I guess I’ll start at the beginning?”

“That is how most stories start.”

Cedrix crossed his arms impatiently. Tim, always eager for story time, swapped his empty tankard for a new one and snuggled into Cedrix’s side. CJ was twisting his hands nervously, and his left leg was bouncing as if possessed by a particularly hyperactive jackalope. Coupled with the way his eyes darted nervously around the balcony, Cedrix wondered CJ should be the one with a tankard in hand.

“Beginning,” CJ finally repeated, looking Cedrix in the eye only to immediately glance away again, “Well, um, my name isn’t actually CJ.”

As far as beginnings went, this one was hardly a surprise. Cedrix crossed his arms tighter, hoping the story improved. Quickly.

“My name… it’s Daigo. Daigo Ramirez.”

Here, CJ paused, the silence lingering a moment too long, and then a moment longer.

“Sorry,” He said eventually, smiling sheepishly, “It’s been a while since I’ve been able to say that.”

Unsympathetic, Cedrix merely fixed him with a glare that clearly meant get on with it. Tim slurped his drink through a brightly coloured curly straw that hadn’t been there when he started.

“I am – well, I used to be – a hermit,” CJ – Daigo – began, “People have always been a bit… much, for me.” He smiled wryly, as if amused by some private joke. Cedrix snuck a glance at Tim, suspecting that the wizard would be far more sympathetic than Cedrix himself. Tim, however, didn’t seem to be listening, instead busy attempting to balance the cherry from his drink on the tip of his nose. It was only when Daigo cleared his throat that Cedrix realised he’d been staring.

“Continue.” He ordered, dragging his attention back to the author.

“I lived in a rented room above an antiques shop,” Daigo seemed to shift more comfortably into his chair as he settled into his story, although his leg still jiggled distractedly, “It was about as close to solitude as I could afford, given the high demand for isolated towers and caves amongst royalty these days. The store’s owner would leave groceries outside the door once a week, and in return I left rent money under the unwelcome mat. I never had to leave, and no one ever came to visit. Even the store below hardly ever had customers.”

Cedrix couldn’t help but wonder how using the privy fit into this self-isolation situation, but he was far too proper to ask.

“The room I lived in had one window,” Daigo continued, “That looked out over the beer garden of a local tavern. In the summer months, between my daily meditations, I found myself in the habit of watching the patrons who sat out there. Not in an inappropriate way, of course!”

Realising how his penultimate sentence might have sounded, Daigo raised his panicked eyes. Cedrix looked back with impatient indifference. Tim was still struggling with his balancing act.

“I started, um, making notes,” Daigo hesitantly continued, acutely aware that this was not helping his ‘not a creep’ argument, “I wasn’t – I’m not – interested in actually interacting with people myself, you understand, but watching people interact was – is – intriguing to me. I supposed it turned into a sort of… research project.”

“Research project?”

“Um hm.” Daigo agreed, his nervous hands easing from a jerk into a mere twitch as he hit his stride, “I ordered some books, ending up with quite the extensive library, and when I’d learnt all I could from those I began to talk to people.

“Not directly,” He quickly clarified, “But I cultivated a decent number of quill-pals who provided valuable insight into the field of social interactions. It turned into quite the thesis.”

“Am I to assume that this rather lengthy attempt at an explanation is the Guide’s origin story?” Cedrix asked.

“I- well, yes.” Daigo responded, his fidgeting returning with a vengeance as he avoided Cedrix’s gaze, “Only, I didn’t mean to get published.”

“It seems to have worked out fairly well for you.”

“Well!?” Daigo exclaimed, momentarily forgetting just who he was speaking to, “You have to be joking!?”

Cedrix just gave him The Look.

“Sorry,” Daigo’s cheeks quickly turned a rather unflattering shade of horrified pink as he realised he’d just yelled at royalty, “It’s just, all this-” He waved toward the edge of the balcony, where they could just make out his crowd of admirers below them, “-is the last thing I wanted. I hate it.”

“Why did you publish The Guide then?”

“It was sort of… an accident.”

“How does one publish four books by accident?”

“Five if you count the autobiography.” Daigo reluctantly corrected. He caught sight of the copy of From Cave to Rave that Tim had repurposed into a placemat and shuddered. “Here’s the thing. As part of my research, I was writing to a great many people-”

“So you’ve mentioned.”

“-Which meant I was sending a lot of mail. It was agreed that I would leave it outside my door along with the gold pieces needed to cover postage, and my landlord would drop it off at the postman’s guild for me.”

“So?”

“I, um, accidentally left my thesis with my outgoing mail.”

“And it got delivered.” Cedrix surmised.

“I don’t know how!” Daigo stammered, letting out the type of laugh that people only ever laughed if it was a choice between that or crying, “It didn’t have an address on it. It wasn’t even in an envelope!”

Daigo’s leg was now bouncing so fast it was almost a blur, and Cedrix had the sudden bizarre image of it becoming detached and flying across the room.

“Next thing I knew, publishers were practically breaking down my door.” Daigo said, so stressed by the mere idea that beads of sweat were starting to gather in little committees on his forehead. Cedrix would have offered him a handkerchief, but given that Tim had given up on balancing his cherry and was now onto his third cocktail, he had a feeling it might come in handy later on.

“You still had to have given permission.” He pointed out instead.

“They, um,” And here, Daigo looked almost guilty, “Offered me money.”

No almost about it, that was definitely guilt. Cedrix neglected to comment, instead choosing a far more effective rebuttal that he’d long ago picked up from his stalwart knight; the Raised Eyebrow of Disapproval.

“It’s sort of hard to earn money as a hermit,” Diago said, his immediate jump to excuses proving once again the effectiveness of the Eyebrow, “Plus, they said it would be a one time thing! Rewrite a few sections, sign a piece of paper, get paid. They never mentioned all… this!”

Once again, Daigo waved an arm in an attempt to encompass his fame, fortune, and what could almost be considered an army of fans, his face plastered with unbridled horror and despair. Cedrix sighed.

“This piece of paper,” He said, putting the pieces together and creating an all too common portfolio of the utter stupidity of the average commoner, “Am I to assume it was, in face, a contract?”

“…Maybe.”

“And did you, perhaps, happen to read this contract before you signed your name at the bottom of it?”

Daigo’s silence was answer enough, but Cedrix was still going to make him say it.

“Pardon?”

“I skimmed it.”

“I see.” Cedrix said, pursing his lips in thinly disguised disapproval. Luckily for Daigo, Cedrix had never been in possession of anything even close to a generous amount of patience, and he wasn’t about to waste what little he had left on a lecture on the importance of reading the terms and conditions.

“And CJ?”

“My publishers wanted to prove that the advice outlined in my books worked,” Daigo sighed, “And that meant I had to be their first success story. They created this persona for me. It was only supposed to be for a week or so, whilst they advertised The Guide, but, well, my books proved more popular than previously anticipated.”

“An effective marketing technique.” Cedrix couldn’t help but comment. He leant back in his seat, fixing Daigo with a cultivated stare of indifference.

“So,” He asked, finally returning to his original question “What do you expect me to do about it?”

For the first time, Daigo didn’t look away. Instead he leant forward, meeting Cedrix’s gaze with a confidence nobody would have imagined he could have possessed, and Cedrix was suddenly certain that he was about to regret asking.

“I want you to help me fake my death.”

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S4 Ep16: Rex and Weevil Do Not Understand “Rock Bottom”

Hey guys.

Hey.

So... kind of crazy out there, right?

Well, you know what they say. When life gives you lemons, you watch Netflix.

Anyway, Yugioh is racing down this canyon that should be going up alongside the 101 and through the middle of many cities. Don’t worry about it.

And then I found out the name of a card I haven’t seen yet and wow it’s a name.

I’m really glad that Rex Raptor, dinosaur enthusiast, has just no idea how to name dinosaurs and does so like a 6 year old child. Hornsaurus.

(read more under the cut)

So this episode is mostly about Rex and Weevil’s tragic backstory, and thankfully, it’s really not that tragic. We’ve had SO MANY bizarre and weird backstories under our belt, that to have a completely normal one is just...wild to me. They’re so freakin normal.

And on the way, our train just...

OK Train...anyway, I’ll do my best to show which scenes are flash back and which are not, but like bear with me because it flashes back like every other scene it feels like.

So Rex waxes long about that very short time in which he and Weevil were the best ever duelists in Japan (other than Kaiba, I guess, who they failed to mention in this flashback.)

(I used to have a very soft performance fleece sweater the exact same shade as Weevil’s jacket there, popped collar and everything, with piping outline. Don’t judge me, it was the 00′s, I’m just shocked that Weevil also shopped at Old Navy.)

(However I have no idea what’s going on with Rex’s three layers of clashing outfit styles that he has going on. A turtleneck under a thick button up jacket under an open fringe jacket is so much of a 90′s vibe.)

Up until now, bro has been PRETTY SURE every episode that Rex and Weevil are originally from America. I don’t know how I feel about being so right on the money about this one when the episode outright said that they’re from Japan. I don’t really want to out-Yugioh my brother, because at some point, I’ll accidentally let slip that in writing this blog I have accidentally gained all Yugioh knowledge, just like Noah did that one time when he was stuffed into that brain orb.

Just please don’t don’t ask me how this game works, I still have absolutely no idea.

Weevil and Rex had adoring fans in two-shaded polos exactly just like the type I used to wear in high school. But, their fans all left them the moment Weevil lost one single game against Yugi Muto.

Harsh. But granted, I feel like the people of Domino have rabbit memories and if you aren’t actively in the news every day because your blimp got abducted by sea pirates, then who the hell is EVER going to know who you are?

But youknow, Rex and Weevil are pretty sure that dodging getting murdered by Pegasus was actually their last shot at fame. It’s over forever. They’re done. Done until they beat either Joey or Yugi which...very specific, but, it would make you somewhat famous if you did that by simultaneously destroying the Caltrain.

And Weevil is like gunning for the King of Games title but...apparently no one in this episode wanted to mention to Weevil that the “King of Games” moniker actually went to Raphael?

That he needs to beat Raphael...not Yugi Muto?

Nobody?

Nobody feels like mentioning that neither Yami nor Yugi could possibly still be King of Games and that Weevil has no really good reason to be here? I mean it would save Weevil a lot of time. It would also save me a lot of time. We could just walk off this train and go back to what we were all doing before this happened, but nah, lets keep the lie going, because apparently Yami can’t bear to tell the truth, just like his host.

Waiiiit, isn’t Rebecca the King of Games because she beat Yugi in S1?

It’s the freakin Malfroy/Elder wand, it’ll be important in Ch 40 I’m sure of it. I’m sure they’re not going to just...forget...all of the people that beat Yugi before.

Man. Maybe that’s why Yugi is so hell bent on keeping tabs on Rebecca? Just to youknow...make sure she doesn’t tell anyone that she hella beat him that one time because otherwise Kaiba would have lost his freakin mind (again) that Yugi lost that title basically the same afternoon he came back from Pegasus’ island.

Also Rex and Weevil once charged for headshots and this makes them vile, terrible people for some reason.

Apparently this is a bad practice? I mean if you’re famous enough please charge for head shots, you need to make money between playing cards. Take it from this jaded artist, always sell out so you can save money for when you will absolutely get carpal tunnel.

Whatever. Back to Rex who is certain that he is not famous anymore because he lost to Joey.

S4 and still everyone is certain that Joey is bad at cards. Joey will just never be free from this.

It was beautiful anime food for like ten seconds until he did this. How dare. Literally though, how did he do that? Was that burger made out of potato chips?

Can we talk about what a freakin crime it is I can’t watch my Nick at Night retro shows on Netflix or Hulu? Like hell I’m going to get a third streaming service so I can watch and admire how bad “I Love Lucy” aged. I want to see how incredibly off-putting Fonzie is as an adult. But nah. Not even allowed. You can only watch Cheers.

Cheers. What am I? 65? Cheers wasn’t on Nick at Night. My Mom watched Cheers. Gross.

This show trying to convince me so hard that Rex and Weevils lowest point wasn’t when they were 5 seconds away from being set on fire and having their soul removed by Maxamillion Pegasus.

Like for reals, the lowest point for ANYONE (except for the Ishtars) on this show was when they were trapped on that island, without any camping supplies, surrounded by human skulls, Bakura pre-exorcism, and so many other duelists who were probably going to eat them had the tournament gone 24 more hours than it had.

The island that also had a basement that was entirely full of cultists who absolutely murdered a guy right in front of us.

Like when they finally got out of the island’s huge ass forest, their dinner included a soup filled with Pegasus’ eyes.

I would have gotten pissed on by like 70 stray dogs to get off that island, y’all.

So one of the best things about this blog is I don’t have to worry about the restraint of a.) looking professional b.) the fear of sharing my actual real deal opinion. Everywhere else I post, I can’t share anything. I’ve come to terms with this, and so I hide my hot takes deep, deep within this Yugioh blog and the only people who suspect my art rage are like...y’all in the corner of Tumblr who do not care about what I’m talking about.

++++++++++++THIS IS MY HUGE RANT ABOUT ART POLITICS AND ART BITTERNESS FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS. WE’RE QUARANTINING SO MUCH OVER HERE DUE TO THE VIRUS THAT I AM GOING A LITTLE BIT HOUSE CRAZY+++++++++++++++

But like MAN I need to mention something. Both Joey and Rex are completely off base. Both of them.

Like I’ll be real, because of the sudden extra time I have on my hands, I was originally ranting quite a bit about art culture and stuff and I will admit it was projecting somewhat onto a TV show that was written before the recession and the gig economy basically came and laid a huge dump across the creative industry.

However, I really, really, really don’t like it when people naively say “I’m successful because I did the research, I did the work, and then I got a following despite doing no marketing at all,” LIKE HELL YOU DID, DUDE. And there’s certain places I go where this is the mantra of a hell ton of ppl who don’t believe in luck, and I have to just suck it in because they succeeded at a young age. Because inversely, if anyone doesn’t succeed right away--clearly they don’t work hard enough, right?

I won’t dig into real world stuff because that’s...the real world and the real world is a bummer, but even in the universe of Yugioh there’s this crazy disparity in duelers that the people on the top refuse to acknowledge and the people on the bottom have absolutely no way to cope with so they become insanely bitter about it.

Mai has mentioned that despite all of her hard work and success--because she isn’t the top 4 duelists of Kaiba’s tourney--no one knows who she freakin is. The card industry is so toxic, that even KAIBA dropped out.

And even without Kaiba to compete against anymore, Mai still wasn’t able to get in there to fill that void. The void that also has Marik and Odion in it, despite the fact that I’m pretty sure Marik will never touch a card ever again and might be back to living underground or on a boat in the middle of no-where. And we don’t even need to mention Bakura, right? Bakura who should have also been here to fill the void of fame, but his face probably only comes out fuzzy on camera like people haunted by that girl from the Ring. So we’ll just ignore Bakura, that makes sense, I can accept that canon.

But really...it’s just Joey and Yugi at the top of the crop when there should have been room for at least 4.

So, it’s interesting that the Oricalchos in this situation is the “get me popular quick” drug that will somehow give Rex and Weevil what they need for automatic success because I see people desperately looking for this SO MUCH online. I have seen so many post “This is how I got 100000 followers in 100 days,” and it’s always the same story that isn’t so much about hard work, but more how to game a broken system until all other competitors are invisible. And then there’s the hidden factor about...luck...that really offends people although we all know that it exists.

But just remember I’m not allowed to have this opinion that luck...exists...So if anyone asks, I never said this.

And also...if Rex and Weevil had any support up until now from these kids who have been stuffing them in the trunk for over a dozen episodes, they wouldn’t have done any of this.

So talking as a jaded Millennial, I’m not gonna judge you if you take your Oricalchos, if you know what I mean. Everyone has their reasons, and no one’s too good not to ever do it, lets be real.

+++++++++++++++END OF THIS RANT, WOW, I WANT TO SAY THAT WHILE SLAPPING A WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE IN A GENTLE MANNER+++++++++++++

So I realized something. This cliff face is sort of an iconic train, but it’s the wrong train.

This is the Amtrak in the middle of Nevada/Utah, pretty sure. I know that shade of orange. I’ve done the Nevada drive a lot.

And part of the reason I’m even sleuthing into this is because as an artist I like to see where art inspiration comes from. It doesn’t just come from a void--they clearly did research and I just want to find out...how it happened.

So anyway, like I said last time, the Amtrak is in charge of the Caltrain management, although the Caltrain is not part of Amtrak. And so you get similar paint jobs--it’s just that Amtrak has blue topped cars, and the Caltrain cars are typically red. Yugioh safely did red, white and blue, which both cars do, to an extent, being American trains.

It’s possible that they decided to look up scenic trains in California and were like “this one looks neat.” This one is also named the “California Zephyr” which makes it seem super Californian but in actuality it goes from Emeryville, California to Chicago. Only problem is that Emeryville is North of Oakland, and we’re supposed to be taking the train “to the airport” when the airports are in Oakland or San Mateo. This train doesn’t go to the airport. You just drove by the airport.

This train also doesn’t go to Florida. Chicago is North, way north. This train exists to be a slow, scenic train for old tourists who want to sleep in cramped spaces or jaded millennials writing their award winning novel. It has no other purpose.

So, it doesn’t at all match anything story wise...but it looks cool. They would never take this train if the world was going to end, and Rebecca wouldn’t know it exists, but, it looks cool.

But anyway, onward to the next episode. I’ll be kind of bunking in my home for a while since my entire area basically shut down, so maybe I’ll get the next updates done earlier than usual? Maybe even catch up on my backlog? hm. Possibilities.

And if you just got here, this is all the Yugioh recaps in chrono order.

[aliceslantern]

Beyond this Existence: Atonement, chapter 9

Ansem always had a penchant for strays, so it's not at all surprising when he takes in the orphaned child Ienzo. The boy's presence changes everything, far more than Even is willing to admit. Ienzo's brilliance seems promising, but the arrival of a young Xehanort pushes the apprentices onto a dark, cruel, inhumane path which will affect the future of the World. And even once it's all over with--once Xehanort is dead--they still must pick up the pieces, forgive one another, find a way to atone for their atrocities, and struggle to accept the humanity which has been thrust upon them.

Or: Even's journey from BBS through post-KH3

Chapter summary:  The revelation of Ienzo's relationship with Demyx throws Even badly, forcing him to confront his humanity and the past.

Read it on FF.net/ on AO3

---

Uselessly, Even sits, trying to come to terms with… all that. He’s feeling dizzy himself, and he honestly cannot tell if it’s his actual physical condition or not.

The boy’s health matters above all. Ansem must be given a stern talking-to, though doubtless he’s so used to overworking himself that he wouldn’t have noticed anything undue in Ienzo.

Ienzo. Oh, child, what are you getting yourself into? Of course, now that he’s no longer a Nobody, odds were he would have come to these feelings sooner or later--it’s only natural--but he’s so emotionally immature that something like this would only end poorly. And is Demyx even capable of giving the boy what he needs--an understanding of his mind and how it works? Intellectual stimulation?

Have they actually been working on a project, or have they instead--

Do not dwell on that.

Ienzo can’t handle heartbreak. Likely at the moment, neither of them can see the consequences facing them.

Even feels sick. It must’ve taken him hours to figure out why--time where he gives said troublemaker more fluids, more glucose, Demyx stubbornly refusing to meet his eyes all the while--but eventually… he does.

Ienzo is not a child. He’s grown now, and will surely have adult wants and needs (as much as it reviles him to think about). But so like a child, he’s not yet capable of understanding those needs. He’s probably never had to feel anything like this, doubling the trauma if things go south.

Even’s own son never got to grow up. He would be perpetually five, a ghost whispering in the background, fading more day by day.

This is uncharted territory. He does not know how to be of use.

Ansem needs to know--if anyone can convince that boy of anything, it’s him.

It feels odd, after all these years, to approach him first. Worse still, to find him at the computer at the hearth of their old lab. Knowing the genesis of all this is so close only makes him feel sicker. “Master. A word.”

His head snaps up, likely at Even’s odd tone. “Is something the matter?” Then, immediately. “Where’s Ienzo?”

“I have to talk to you about that.”

Ansem stands; and stumbles. Without thinking, Even grasps him to keep him upright.

“You need rest,” he says.

“I… am aware. And I shall. But first you must tell me what’s going on. I’m not fond of this new flair for the dramatic you have, Even.”

“I’m only as dramatic as the lot of you,” he spits. “Come. I’ll take you back to your quarters.”

He knows he’s been here recently, but only with the others; seeing it on his own gives him a new perspective. He’s spent so many hours here, over the years--arguing, brainstorming, simply conversing with someone at his level. He feels something like… nostalgia? Bittersweetness? He plies Ansem with water, sinks onto one of the chintz chairs. To Ansem’s tired eyes he explains, “Ienzo’s very unwell.”

“I know you’re concerned about his mental state, as am I--”

He scowls. “I mean the boy collapsed, Ansem.”

Perhaps it’s the use of his first name, but Ansem just blinks. “Is he--”

Even stands and begins pacing. “Where to even begin? Dehydrated as a desert--blood pressure of the dead. Had such a bad nosebleed it looked like something out of a tawdry horror novel. His heart was starting to palpitate--likely if this continued for any longer, he might’ve--” He stops cold, his anger cooling. “It’s lucky he was not alone when it happened.”

“But is he--”

“Stable. Asleep. I gave him a very mild tranquilizer to calm him down, and his body will take care of the rest.” He crosses his arms tightly. “This has to stop. I know you desperately want to be close with him again, but simply indulging the boy won’t do any good. It’s going to take--more work.”

Ansem has turned very pale. He holds his glass of water tightly.

He takes a deep breath. “There’s something else you have to know.”

“...Which is?”

“Demyx and Ienzo’s liaison--”

“ You’re going to fault them for finding friends in one another?”

“--it’s more than just that. They’re…” He can’t bring himself to say the word.

Ansem gets it. “...Oh. Well.”

“There’s no way this can end well. The boy’s gone through so much--both of them, actually--can he really take much more?”

“I’m afraid you know them both better than I do.” He sighs heavily, swills the water around in his glass. “I know you want to protect him, Even.”

He feels weak, tired now.

“I am not happy about it either. But he also… has to be given the space to make his own decisions.”

“They both have trauma they haven’t come to terms with--Ienzo doesn’t--he’s never had to feel such things. I’m afraid--”

“I know, Even. And it’s touching you care so much--for a moment I almost saw the old you.”

He can’t stop himself from admitting, “I feel as if I never have enough time--and yet I’m also doing nothing more useful than waffling. Which I suppose… is all I ever did.” The realization saps the strength from him. “Hiding behind my research… foolish, prideful, passive. I… All I’ve ever done is hurt people--especially those I considered the most dear.”

Slowly Ansem says, “I wonder why it is you feel this now.”

He rests his face against his palm for a moment. He feels overwhelmed, on the verge of dissolving. Remorse closes a fist around his heart, making it almost impossible to breathe. He stands, feeling the ground pitch a little--a sear of pain cuts through his chest. Before he loses consciousness he realizes this is exactly how the boy felt.

---

It hurts to breathe. “Easy. Steady, now.” He’s eased carefully into a sitting position. He wonders if he hit his head on the way down; a splitting ache makes the light hurt. He gasps a little, pressing a hand against his brow. “Are you alright?” Ansem asks.

“Clearly not,” he spits. “All along I thought…”

“What?”

“That the boy was being dramatic…”

“Ienzo?”

“Demyx.” He takes his weight back from Ansem. He’s on the study floor. “It is exquisitely painful.”

“What is?”

One pinch of pain and all of a sudden he’s revealing things he shouldn’t. “You know very well our hearts are not yet whole,” he says. “All these fainting spells on his part… I guess I’m not an outlier.”

“So you were feeling.”

“As if one can make it stop.” He takes his own pulse. Surely enough, it’s racing. “Damnit…”

“You’re not well either, are you?” Ansem asks gently. Even can’t read his expression either. “I thought you were self-aware enough to understand hypocrisy.”

The surge of anger he feels brings the pain back, but he stays conscious. “The only thing that is certain is that I truly understand nothing. ” He tries to stand, stumbles.

“...You should not go anywhere in this state.”

“I’ll be fine.” He sounds breathy, and can’t fight Ansem when the man sits him gently on the loveseat.

Even can feel it coming; he shivers. And the last thing he needs is Ansem to witness him like this.

“Are you cold?”

If anything, he’s sweating. But he admits in a pathetic voice, “Yes.”

Ansem drapes a blanket around his shoulders, one that smells vaguely musty. Even keeps his eyes on the floor, fighting the rising tide inside of him. It’s going to happen whether you want it to or not. “You struggle,” Ansem says quietly.

Even can feel the cutting retort on his tongue, but it’s like flash paper, gone in an instant. “Don’t you?” Then the words are spilling out of him like he truly is some kind of puppet. “How do you do it? Just--go back to the way things were? How can you bear to look at me? At us ? Why are you letting us stay here? Aren’t you angry?”

His expression is curiously neutral, diplomatic. He may be king no longer, but he’s dusted off the mask. “The situation is rather complicated. I’m horrified at what you’ve done. But Even, you’ve been my friend for thirty-five years. As though I can forget that at all. Nor does it make it easier to see you like this.”

“Some friend I was, to let this happen.”

“You cannot ignore the truth of Xehanort’s manipulation. Of the darkness.”

“...The darkness merely brought out the truest parts of myself.”

Ansem flinches. “It… does.”

They hold eye contact for a long, long time. Ansem breaks the silence first.

“I believed Heartless… Nobodies… all of your discoveries were abominations. That they needed elimination. Even those with sentience were just… tools I used in my vain attempt at revenge.” His hands are both outstretched. “Much like you… I gave myself a new name… covered myself in a new garb… and hid behind my so-called work, claiming good intentions.” He looks back at Even. “We’re not different, Even. Had I been in your shoes, on the ground with Xehanort… who knows what I have done? And were you in mine… would you have been able to stop me?”

The tide threatens to choke him now.

“Maybe we can’t find forgiveness in each other. Maybe we’re not meant to. But to… forsake one another is not much better.”

He gasps out one sob, clapping a hand over his mouth.

“If you don’t allow yourself to feel, Even, you can never hope to be any better.”

How truly odd a mental breakdown is, he thinks. He feels almost as if he is watching himself, a shaking, weeping wreck. Simultaneously numb and in agony at the same time. This must be how Ienzo felt, while Even was recovering from his wounds; overwhelmed, uncontrollable, utterly weak.

“Don’t fight it,” Ansem says. “Just let it be.”

More painful yet, to be consoled by him. “I betrayed you--and all you stood for. I betrayed… Ienzo . He said he wouldn’t touch the boy. Why did I ever--”

Ansem frowns. “Xehanort?”

He’s said too  much. Even feels how tightly he’s curled up, face parallel with the ground. “Who else? But he… he felt no… anxiety, no overstimulation. Now I’m afraid--” Afraid of what?

Perhaps, simply, afraid.

He sits up. Ansem offers him a clean handkerchief, a glass of water. “I should like to go see Ienzo myself,” he says softly. “You stay here as long as you need.”

Of course Even leaves as soon as Ansem’s out of earshot. He’s beyond humiliated.The fever, brief as it was, has left an unpleasant film along his skin, and so he bathes, winching as he brushes scars, the strange numbness and hypersensitivity.

The towel he’s draped over the mirror has fallen; he sees himself. His skin is a patchwork. From his collarbones all the way to his feet, brittle scars cover him.

It’s no less than what you deserve.

He dresses and falls into a restless sleep.

---

For a while he feels numb. Even sleeps a lot; it seems like his strings have snapped, and he can’t move. He can’t tell if he’s merely just exhausted, or if this is his depression worsening. He considers pharmaceuticals; but when he checks his stock, he finds everything expired. Figures.

He decides he must go to the marketplace, to get some supplies. See what he can find.

“Where have you been?” Dilan asks. “Feel like I haven’t seen your mug in some time.”

“I’m afraid I was feeling rather ill,” Even tells him. It’s the truth, at least partially. “I fear I wasn’t taking adequate care of myself, and needed rest. Ienzo’s collapse was something of a wakeup call.” Despite his sweater, and coat, he’s shivering, and he isn’t even outside. Is this because his BMI is too low? Or is he merely unused to feeling the cold anymore, after being Vexen?

“Yes.” Dilan sneers. “I’ve heard about that.”

“Oh?”

“Impossible not to. They’ve been practically joined at the hip since last week.”

“...Have they.” He feels that swell of anger, of concern.

“It’s not all that surprising. This is just a flash in the pan; nothing more. Warm bodies, you know? That’s all I care to think on the matter.”

He feels another swell of disgust. “...I feel similarly.”

“Where are you going?”

“My supply of medication is expired. I need to seek out more--considering it seems I’m the one for such things now.”

“That woman Aerith is a healer. Perhaps you might get what you need from her.”

Even chuckles. “I’ll feel better with what’s proven.”

Dilan shrugs. “Would you mind particularly if I joined you?”

Why? Even nearly asks. “...If you must.”

It’s colder outside; more jarring. Even winces, adjusting the scarf at his throat. “I forgot about these winters,” Dilan says. “Say what you want about that godforsaken castle--at least it was well-insulated.”

“Those coats were rather warm, weren’t they,” Even mutters. But the thought of putting one on repulses him.

He chuckles. “No, I do not wish to be young,” he adds, shaking his head. “These things are… difficult enough as it is. I don’t know how either of them are sane.”

“Clearly, they aren’t.” I don’t feel much better off. “But if Ienzo wants to get hurt… well, I’m to let him make his own decisions, aren’t I?”

“He is twenty,” Dilan points out. “It was bound to happen sometime.”

“I’m not sure if you agree, but I… feel so very odd, being here.”

His expression darkens. “Yes,” he says. “But where else would we go? And--what else would we do?”

"I can't tell you. I feel as though…" He trails off.

"You've no idea where to begin?" Dilan offers.

"...Indeed."

"I can… tell. Even, my old friend. Please do not take offense. But whenever I've seen you recently… you seem so besides yourself."

"I… am not offended." He smiles wryly. "I'm merely realizing the all-too-human costs of what we did."

Town is approaching. For their own protection, soon they will have to lower their voices.

"I've been rereading our Organization reports," Dilan says. "I didn't realize you had so many."

"I'm afraid with my… unseemly departure, close to a year is missing--arguably the most cataclysmic year."

"Isa left a relatively detailed record. You needn't worry too much." The frozen ground crunches a little under his feet. "All those Heartless that were made--that I made--the people who were killed because of it--"

Even touches his arm. "Peace," he says softly. "You and I… are much in the same boat." Streets begin blooming around them. "You have to forgive me, Dilan."

He raises his brows. "Oh?"

"That day in the cemetery… I've known you over twenty years, and yet I could not recall who you lost."

The memory softens his face. "I'm afraid I'm--frightfully sentimental," he murmurs. "I had a twin, once. I used to… visit her on our birthdays. She was quite young. The thought of having missed so many… put things into a sort of perspective. A human pain."

Even furrows his brows. "Oddly… it was my worry for another that helped me decide to atone. The bonds." He shakes his head.

"Ienzo." Not a question. "You always had a soft spot for the boy."

"I wonder often if he's the by-product of some parental instinct of mine."

"...A replacement for your son?" He thinks, fussing with his jacket cuffs.

"Perhaps."

"A heart has room to love more than one." He shrugs. "Though--essentially the boy is your son . "

"I'm sure if he heard that he'd disagree." Even stops cold.

Dilan frowns. "Even?"

"We've… betrayed him, the three of us. We…"

Dilan puts his hands on Even's shoulders. "I… know."

He swallows. "Let's finish this errand."

---

"Errant" is the right word for it.

Even sits at the desk in his quarters, a frightful numbness overtaking him in waves. He had no luck finding antidepressants; not that it could've cured him anyway. He's never felt quite this woeful. But every time he thinks he's understood it, he realizes more ugly truth.

I am irredeemable.

A gentle knock at his door. "Enter," he says tiredly.

It's Aeleus--Even breaths a small sigh of relief. "We've been invited to dinner," he says. "Up with Ansem. Ienzo's cooking."

His heart aches. "Oh… I… see."

"I can tell them if you're in the middle of something."

"I'll go. Better than subsisting off of toast."

Aeleus nods, but remains there. Even turns towards him in the chair.

"You've more to say."

"Why do you think the three of us grew apart?"

He raises an eyebrow. "Who? Myself, you, Dilan?"

"You, me… and the boy." He drops his eyes. "I was… reflecting on my time in Castle Oblivion. The three of us… all we basically did was argue with one another.”

“Until we all started dropping like flies, you mean?” Even asks. He sighs.

“I’m afraid to say I did not feel much for either of you.” He drops his eyes.

Even nods slowly. “I experienced much the same,” he admits. “The moment I became Vexen--the first time--I could feel that I had been ostracized from all I ever cared for. And in the moment, it was… liberating.”

“To not have to care?”

“...Yes.”

“It was,” he says softly. “Wasn’t it? But then again… to have those feelings back… it seems only right. Natural.”

Even can’t help but agree, despite the pain it’s causing him; his concern for the others is the only thing keeping him here. (In the castle? Or--)

Do not dwell on that.

“Shall we walk together, Even?” Aeleus asks.

“Of course. I admit.” He sneers a little. “I am curious to witness this trainwreck in motion.”

They set off. After a moment, Aeleus says, “I know you are worried for Ienzo’s heart,” Aeleus says. “I am too. But at the same time… if something makes him happy, however brief, are we justified in trying to take that from him?”

“He’s already so mentally fragile, I fear--”

“Aren’t you? Aren’t we all? Aren’t bonds supposed to help with all that?”

Even scowls, irritation rising in him. “Who knows,” he mutters. “I surely don’t, apparently.”

Aeleus, either stung or out of tact, lapses into silence.

It’s odd. The table has been set, neatly; he can see Ienzo conscious for the first time  since he’s collapsed, in civilian clothing, his skin a normal color again, bustling around the kitchen. Demyx hands him a serving platter. Even observes them warily, notes that Ansem and Dilan are doing the same; but neither boy seems to notice. Ienzo laughs at something Demyx says, a sound Even hasn’t heard in a long time (if ever?). Demyx looks at the boy with… something, something that isn’t quite lust, it’s much too soft.

Oh dear. It’s worse than he could’ve thought.

They settle in for dinner; Demyx sits in the spot that normally Even gravitates towards, unaware of the decorum. Nobody mentions this. Nobody talks about much of anything, actually, and for a while the only sounds come from the gentle scrapes of spoons against bowls. Demyx and Ienzo both keep their eyes on their plates.

Even can’t help himself. “I see you’re feeling well, Ienzo. What is it you’ve both done to keep yourselves busy?” He tries to keep his tone affable, but he sees the dangerous look in Ienzo’s eye and Demyx’s blush, only further confirming-- you’ll just torture yourself.

“Not much you’d find of interest, I’m afraid,” the boy explains. “Resting, mostly. We both were lacking winter things, so we’ve spent some time in town. That’s about all.”

“I am sure we’re all glad to see you back in good health,” Even says to him. “I just hope that this new development does not cloud your judgement going forward. To be young and… caught up in such matters, can no doubt impede your critical thinking. However natural it is.”

Ienzo sets down his teacup. He’s blushing, but the frustration in his voice is undeniable. “Clearly you have thought on the subject, and I appreciate your concern. But I feel as though I am just as able to take on my research as I ever were. Not that I have asked for your advice. Should you have more to say on the matter, please let us discuss it in private.” After a moment, “You needn’t worry about me anymore,” Ienzo says, a bit more gently. “I… I’m not the little boy I was.”

He shakes his head. “I will always worry about you,” he says. “After all, I’ve so much time to make up for.” It’s the most personal thing he’s said to him in some time.

He softens a little, but says no more. After a rather awkward silence, Demyx speaks. “Anyone want seconds?”

The boys remain around long enough to be polite; they do the dishes and take their leave ( do not think about what it is they’re going to do). Revulsion makes his stomach sour.

But Even finds it’s actually more awkward with them gone; without the drama of the relationship as a buffer, it’s the four of them together alone in a room for the first time since…

No, can’t be. Is it?

Since the last time they were all together in the basement.

Even considers excusing himself as well, but Ansem breaks the silence. “I believe we all are… concerned in our own ways,” he says slowly. He poured himself a glass of wine at the beginning of the dinner, one that is still untouched. “But it’s only right to allow the boys to be human. You’ve been rather defensive, Even.”

Dilan smirks. Even isn’t sure how much wine he’s had, if he’s drunk. “What was it you said? “I’ve so much time to make up for?” Rather softhearted now, aren’t you?”

“It’s what I have to hold onto,” Even admits, startled by his own candor. “Almost all else is lost.”

“We can’t pretend things didn’t happen,” Aeleus says. “Master, I…” He bows his head. “No apology I offer can ever be enough.”

What little humor Dilan’s found fades; he drops his eyes, twisting the ends of one of his braids. “Some code we were supposed to uphold,” he mutters.

“You’ve all separately come to me, in your own way. But truly… I am not an innocent victim, as you may suspect.” He chuckles. “You remember the man who called himself DiZ?”

“That thorn in our side?” Dilan asks, incredulous. “That was you ?”

Even knows this was what Ansem was alluding to, but still feels somewhat surprised. Despite himself, he laughs, too. “Never pictured you as a vigilante.”

“Anger was all I had keeping me going. This shouldn’t be a surprise--we’ve all spent too much time with darkness.”

“Was it revenge you desired?” Aeleus asks.

“Revenge… death… who knows?” He shrugs.

“We needed to be taken down,” Even says, to the floor. “Though sadly for you--all of us save Dilan were already gone before you put your plan in action.”

“I was after Xehanort-- Xemnas .” He sneers. “The fool. I sure felt something about him when I found him. I thought it was something good. I should’ve known what was going on the moment he arrived with darkness.”

“What’s the saying--“hindsight’s 20/20”?” Dilan shifts his weight a little.

“And I’m king no longer. I have no authority, no title… I’m merely a foolish old man, weighed down by memories of the past. Are we not all wretches?”

He’s right, but Even can still feel something like fury. “So what, are we to not even try?” he spits. “Are we just to--waste away here in this castle, sealing ourselves up and getting nothing done? Avoiding one another like the plague--and ourselves more?”

“What do you propose we do, then, Even, since you know so much more?” Dilan hisses. “Try to assist the townsfolk we’ve terrorized? How will that be of any use?”

“Retraumatizing,” Aeleus whispers, his eyes on his knees.

“You both have a valid point,” Ansem says. He seems unnervingly calm, but Even can see the tension in his jaw; the mask is back on. “To merely sit on our hands and do nothing would in and of itself be another atrocity. Yet… the landscape of this city has already been so scarred by what we’ve put in motion.”

“We?” Even asks, incredulous.

Ansem meets his eyes. Behind the cool diplomacy, Even can see something like fire. “You think I did not realize what could happen?” he asks. “Once you began studying the darkness, I’d heard by then it could change you, morph you into something… less. But I’ve known you all for years, handpicked you for your various specializations… I figured… no, they’re friends of mine, they should simply be better. I could’ve stopped it--instead I chose to sit behind my title, my supposed… power, over you. In every single aspect, I’ve failed.” He hasn’t raised his voice, in fact was quite soft spoken. But when he stops speaking, the silence is especially notable. “In a way we suit one another, do we not?” He’s addressing them all, but it’s Even’s gaze he holds. “Four grown men--intelligent, educated--and all we can wreak is havoc.”

He’s had enough. “I refuse to believe this is all we’re capable of.”

“How can you help anyone if you can’t even help yourself?” Ansem levels, and for the first time, despite the very calm cadence of his voice, can Even feel the depths of the anger the man has for him.

Very well.

Without another word, Even gets up and leaves.

Let them suffer together. They deserve it.

[jamescrumpblog]

10 PROJECT MANAGEMENT TIPS FOR NON-PROJECT MANAGERS

Project management is an increasingly important business function, essential to organizations looking to increase the efficiency and timeliness of their work.

The official responsibilities of project managers typically include initiating, planning, executing, monitoring, and closing projects. They also oversee several key tasks in pursuit of successful project completion, including assembling a project team, monitoring project budget, setting timelines, overseeing deliverable, and communicating with stakeholders.

It’s not only project managers that are tasked these types of responsibilities, however. Even without the title of ‘project manager’, many professionals can still benefit from learning the skills and techniques project managers utilize every day. Read on to explore 10 tailored tips to help you improve your project management skills, even if you aren’t a project manager.

1. Begin with the End in Mind

Through his years in the industry, Joe Griffin—certified PMP and associate teaching professor in Northeastern’s Master of Science in Project Management program—has discovered that all successful projects have a specific starting and ending point. “Like a marathon runner envisioning the finish line, if you understand that arc and constantly envision your goal, you’ll remain true to it,” he explains. Envisioning your end goal is also impactful when keeping distractions at bay and remaining focused and on-task through the completion of your work.

2. Understand Your Goal

When you’re managing any kind of project, it is essential that you understand your overall mission before diving deeply into the many tasks required to complete it, Griffin explains.

During the process, for example, you may find yourself confronted by situations that aim to influence you to change the project’s direction. When situations like this arise, Griffin suggests asking yourself, “What do I need to produce for these influencers to meet their expectations?”

“These items are considered ‘mission critical’ and, ideally, you should feel comfortable declining other requests. Really,” he says.

Although it may seem daunting to say “No” to a request (particularly if it’s from a supervisor,) when you have taken the time to understand the vision of the project beforehand, what you’ve actually done is develop the tools and language needed to properly articulate the realistic goals of the work. In doing this, you will help keep everyone on track toward that predetermined objective.

3. Be Considerate

On the personal side of project management, it’s important to take time to communicate with family and friends about the scope of your work, your deadlines, and the amount of focus required to accomplish your goals. This will create a much-needed understanding of your limitations as you work toward the project’s completion.

“When you’re managing a project, it’s easy to get so bogged down that you forget life is actually going on without you,” Griffin says. “Come up for air and let your colleagues and family understand your needs.”

From an in-office angle, it’s important to communicate with your team members about your schedule, working style, and personal life in order to manage expectations.

“Keep your colleagues and classmates informed about your schedule,” Griffin says. “When do you work best? What time do you reserve for personal commitments? Be clear and firm.”

4. Manage Risks

“Risk management is hugely important to project management,” Griffin says, offering the example of an adult learner trying to go back to school while simultaneously balancing work and family responsibilities. He explains the importance of identifying what the risks are in this instance and developing a “risk response strategy” that can be implemented if things don’t go according to plan.

An example of a risk-response strategy within this scenario, “could be as simple as realizing you don’t work well at night,” he says. “Maybe you’re a morning person. Plan a classwork strategy that mitigates the risk of unproductivity. Set aside time in the morning for working and let people know that that is ‘your’ time. Set up a process that works for you—even if it’s at 2 a.m.—and stick to it.”

5. Avoid Perfectionism

It’s human nature to aim for perfection when taking ownership of a project or task, yet there are dozens of factors and unforeseen circumstances that have the ability to negatively influence outcomes. For this reason, Griffin explains that employees should forget about perfectionism and instead focus on simply meeting the predetermined project goals. If the completed project meets the overall expectations of its stakeholders, then you should feel as if your project was a success.

Rather than slowing down the process by focusing on every little detail that could be improved, Griffin also suggests concentrating on big-picture success instead. He provides this example from the classroom as a representation of this idea:

“Each week, my classes have discussion board questions, and students need to post three times. Some post three times, others post 15. You can get full credit either way. Maybe it matters to you personally whether you get a 3.7 versus a 3.4, but nobody else is going to know or care…If you’re balancing other priorities—work, family, and life—recognize that time management and restraint is a big part of success.”

6. Effectively Manage Your Time

Managing your time effectively is a vital part of successfully completing any project in any setting. There are several time management strategies you can employ in your personal and professional lives to help you achieve success.

Having a well-defined project plan is one of the most productive strategies for time management, as it affects every phase of a project from beginning to end. If you attempt to execute a project without a plan, you will ultimately spend more time throughout the process deciding what needs to be done and how it should take shape. On the other hand, creating a thorough plan ahead of time acts as a road map for the project and eliminates the common time wasters that would otherwise be encountered.

Additionally, communication with stakeholders is an important aspect of time management. Delays in communication are some of the biggest time-related issues that project managers and other professionals encounter. To combat this, strive to keep stakeholders actively engaged throughout all stages of a project in order to maintain timeliness.

7. Avoid Multitasking

Although multitasking seems like the best way to get several things done in a fraction of the time, there is one problem: multitasking doesn’t actually work. In fact, our brains aren’t wired to handle more than one or, at most, two complex tasks at a time.

Research from the American Psychological Association found that switching between tasks can actually cause up to a 40 percent loss in productivity, as switching from one task to another causes us to lose focus, attention, and, most importantly, productivity.

Instead, there are strategies you can use to avoid multitasking and complete your work as efficiently as possible. For example, cutting down on interruptions of all kinds can help you improve your focus and boost efficiency, as doing so reduces the frequency of disturbances that can force you to split your attention.

8. Use the Proper Tools

In a world where efficiency is key, professionals need to take advantage of the tools available to them that can help make their jobs easier. Project management software tools can help managers, administrators, and other employees deliver projects as effectively as possible by offering features that allow you to manage tasks, track progress, and streamline communication.

When choosing which tools to use, it is important to analyze your needs and identify which options are able to meet your requirements. Having the right project management apps or software in your tool belt can help you adequately communicate with your team, stay organized, and deliver projects on time.

For those who want to explore the features and benefits of different tools before making a commitment, there are free project management software options worth considering.

9. Get Familiar with Project Management Methodologies

Regardless of whether or not you hold a formal project management position or see yourself pursuing one in the future, the core methodologies of project management can be valuable to virtually all professionals.

Project management methodologies are considered to be the tools, techniques, processes, and best practices that guide someone through a set of tasks efficiently.

10. Pursue a Degree in Project Management

One of the best ways to refine your project management skills is to pursue a degree in the field. Companies are challenged to deliver projects on time, on budget, and according to specifications, and without skilled project managers, these tasks are nearly impossible to complete.

If you are looking to build your project management skill set and advance your career, consider whether earning a master’s in project management is worth it in the pursuit of your goals.

[juleswolverton-hyde]

Running Home | 01: The Setting Off

Genre: Fluff, Romance, Smut (eventually), Friends to Lovers

Pairing: Tattoo Artist!Bangchan x Reader

Warnings: No warnings apply

Summary: A journey consists of three essential parts, even the one proposed by an estranged childhood suddenly showing up at the door after years of absence. Although, perhaps begging to embark on an adventure is better befitting of the situation.

After all, the two travellers might find the destination they could not find themselves at the end of the road, inherently constantly running in circles.

Not anymore.

It is time to go home.

The Setting Off / The Road / The Destination

Masterlist

Promises are an odd concept, binding individuals by means of a few words uttering an oath to fulfill a type of wish. The desires range from simple favours like getting a red bean paste bun when getting the messages to the vows spoken beneath the wedding wreath to thus stay together forevermore. Nonetheless, not every oath can be held since Circumstance has the power to nullify the uttered commitment, driving people apart thanks to obligations or sending part of the pair somewhere in the vast world.

Apparently to only later return when years have passed without contact, still dreaming about the same ambition that was first uttered during art class in a spur of the moment, having noticed curious familiar eyes watching long slender fingers create designs to embed in ink on the skin in a self-made establishment one day. Recognizing the talent displayed by the intricate yet minimalistic style, using solely black and shading if applicable, this declaration has been supported even after the separation following the graduation from junior high and up to the current times does the secret wish to proudly bear a unique tattoo created by Chan remain. 

Withal, unfortunately, there has not been an opportunity to research online whether the boy with locks like pure chocolate has managed to achieve the goals set for himself a few years ago at all. Even if the aspiration has been accomplished, it has likely been done so in the place that was never mentioned before simply vanishing one day. The omitted detail would not have been excused by other children seeing their best friend leave, but in this particular case, the situation is different as it maintains the oath of never inflicting hurt, emotional or otherwise. Telling would have enhanced the pain inflicted by showing.

And this guarding vow has been kept up to the second a loud buzz resonates in the fairly large apartment that can be rented thanks to the loathsome job as an editor for a large-scale project: a music company turning the story of one of their groups into a manga. Indeed, sparkling warm irises set above an adorable big nose have never failed to protect the girl who used to laugh off the jokingly made assumptions of having a crush on them with just as much humour as when accusing the talented artist vice versa. Who found safety is merely being near, who saw the neighbour as nothing more than a friend to always be there for, who never found a satisfactory person to fill the gap left behind be it romantically or friendly.

Who was planned to live together with in a place of our own making, swearing to run after dreams side by side.

A faithless oath disregarded entirely during teenage years for the young artist would not return to erase the absence. 

Bare feet pad the afromosia floor to the intercom beside the front door, a curious finger pushing the button in wonder of who could come calling yet praying it is not a colleague tasked with bringing in additional scripts for the next chapter release. Freelancing is unrelenting, requiring a twenty-four-seven availability, but it was explicitly stated last week that today would be taken off. Henceforth, anticipating the worst case scenario, the call from below is answered suspectingly. ‘Hello?’

An unexpected voice freezes nerves, gaze darting around the empty home as if finding a hidden camera tucked away in a corner for, surely, the greeting cannot belong to the adult version of the hopeful very much baby-faced old neighbour. ‘Y/N, it’s been a while. I don’t think you’d remember me, but I was the little dude constantly sticking to your side.’

‘Chan?’ The gasped name sounds foreign in the hush between four fairly luxurious walls, the shared history slipping into the present by awakening the spry engraved memories of playing in the park and drinking bright yellow lemonade on the porch. Sandalwood mixed with pink orchids transforms into sunshine brightly illuminating childish laughter flowing over in teenagers discussing seemingly important issues which in hindsight were futile worries and topics.  

‘Hey, you recall!’ A triumphant cheer sounds on the other side, the joyful outcry evoking a nostalgic sense since it has remained to sound the same as in days gone by filled with a multitude of matches in all sorts of manner and supporting one another before and after tests, doubting whether a good grade was waiting on the horizon. Fair, the timbre has changed, but the bubbly laugh undeniably belongs to Chris Bang. 

‘How did you find me?’ Despite the wonderful occasion, it is also quite miraculous the current residence has been found without any clue directly from the renter of the property nor having put it online somewhere other than on online shopping sites.

A brief second of awkward silence passes, the astonishingly returned childhood friend taking a moment to contemplate a proper answer, mumbling incoherently while figuring it out. Nevertheless, after a few seconds, a soft-spoken confession immediately triggers an uncensored grin. ‘I called your parents, requesting to speak to you. They said you moved out, so I asked them where it is you live now. They gave me the address, I typed it into the navigation and thus ended up here at your door. Sorry I’m late... by a few years.’

Voice lowers to a whisper yet continues to be loud enough to be audible through the intercom, a lump in the throat constricting erasing the Cheshire Cat grin, begging the man waiting on the street below to not vanish again nor feel unrighteously guilty over a past deed. ‘Don’t apologize, you did what you had to for a reason.’ 

‘I thought it would be easier- easier if- if I- you know... didn’t say... anything.’

Everything pertaining to the life under the roof appears to float further and further towards the surface as a still shocked by events girl sinks into the deep, suddenly realizing how much this current existence is loathed. How much has been missed in terms of simple happiness, merely by hearing Chan speak after so many years.

How many days have been lost to working the supposed dream job of being self-employed, never having been one for a steady job.

How much two teenagers were willing to take on the world to give it their inked brand.

How much worse the homesickness has become. 

A buzzing melancholic laugh enhances the tightness in the chest, teeth biting down on the lower lip burdened by the sad tone flowing over in the continuation of the conversation, listening with a quivering chin as a curled finger rests against lips to seal a breathless speechless mouth. ‘It has been a few years, too long to still really know each other. But, regardless, can you let me in? I- There’s something I want to ask and I’d rather not do it this way.’

‘Of course. I’ll open-’ a deep sigh restores composure in part, a single fragment healing the crumpled fingers holding the surprising contact intact, ‘I’ll open the door.’

Stinging tears are blinked away as best as possible, the drops created from a conflicting battle between elation over being together again in a few minutes and guilt over having reduced Chris to the state of feeling as if being at fault while the opposite is true, trying to ignore the nagging sense that the circumstances could have been different had contact been maintained. 

Notwithstanding, no thread was thrown out to be caught and be woven into a patchwork of reconnection, thus leaving the beginning which would simultaneously be the end unfinished.

Being busy tends to make one forgetful, after all.

We were busy.

Chasing dreams.

We forgot.

Bare freshly showered feet pad back and forth in a directionless manner as time slows down in the wait for the reuniting knock on the door. The jaw is steadfastly clenched, although it does relax a tad when looking at the clock ticking underneath the television hanging on the brownstone-accented wall, which lets the seconds pass too slowly. Digits slip out of the pockets of jeans when arms crave to be crossed, holding onto upper arms clad in a thin alabaster sweater firmly while wondering whether the childhood friend would be recognizable at all.

Time transforms.

At last, regardless of the couple of minutes which have actually passed, the faint echo of running filters in from the hallway of the building despite the supposedly soundproof aspects of the edifice and comes to a halt abruptly in front of the entrance to the medium-sized apartment. The pacing halts directly and replaced by sprinting in the direction of the hallway, opening up to a pale slender finger hanging midway in the air to ring the bell.

Brows furrow at first when initially solely seeing a calmly rising and falling loose oversized dusk-toned shirt but soon eyes squint at the astonished face gazing down when shifting focus upward, both individuals clearly confused by the unexpected howbeit natural physical change resulting from growing up. The sole characteristics that give away it is indeed Christopher Bang who has been let it are the adorable big nose and brown cat’s eye scapolite irises lighting up in amusement, slightly parted full roseate lips with a prominent Cupid’s bow curving into a tender smile. ‘Hey, Y/N.’

‘I distinctly remember you and I not differing that much in height and I’m pretty certain you were a lot less buff. What did you eat, man?’ The teenager with short jet black hair at the graduation ceremony was skinny and had a round baby face. However, all of the former appearances have been made undone as ink has been replaced by platinum and features have become more prominent at the hand of puberty accompanied by weight loss and development of muscles, supported by hours upon hours at the gym. 

‘Not anything that varies from what we used to eat back in the day.’ The rendered useless hand falls to the side, a tad fidgety in its strange double-edged hesitance to reach out despite knowing it would be too bold to try. 

Smile developing into a grander genuinely entertained version of itself, the same smile as often shown in the past, broad shoulders shrug off the reference to meals worthy of being called a mukbang. The often multiple course was either prepared by a parent, Chan himself or together when a pretty decent cooking skill was acquired by both individuals - learning from the neighbour by observing and him pitching in when needed at testing personal abilities. 

However, that was the case at moments when the needed effort was actually put into preparing the food. Otherwise, it would be ready-to-go food bought at the convenience store nearby school or simply ordered and delivered. 

Regardless, whatever it was that brought the dishes to the table, it has never affected the voracious appetite of the swimming champion and that suspicion arises again, howbeit in a joking manner to ease the awkward tension of the reunion after the radio silence. ‘Oh, so you still shovel everything in that’s presented to you?’

‘If it’s good, yeah. It’s a waste to just leave it be.’

The dimmed chuckling at the reminiscence and unchanged sentiments gradually dies down, arms crossing themselves again while leaning in the open doorway, enjoying the cool breeze of the air conditioning keeping out the summer heat pestering the city. Although grateful for the fading homesickness thanks to Chan’s presence, it is for a reason the blonde guy is standing in this very spot after years of no contact. ‘Why are you here, Chan?’

A curiously satisfied hum escapes the once aspiring tattoo artist who promised a small town girl to move to a metropolitan together and open a tattoo shop at the mention of the nickname, a dark plead casting a hopeful gloss over deep dark brown eyes contradicting the tune. Matte twilight leather Timberlands briefly pull focus away to the ground, doubt about what wants to be said obvious in the suddenly shy demeanour, before fully shifting attention to its original point to ask something without giving any context and thus leaving the request ambiguous. ‘Would you do it?’

Head tilted to the side, the intention behind the phrase is attempted to be deduced from the downcast long lashes of puppy eyes while at the same time offering comfort to the digits peeking out from the wide long sleeves, which have cramped themselves into fists clutching the night-shaded fabric. ‘Do what?’

 No negotiation is possible from the tone in which the exchange is shockingly continued, turning what is inherently a proposal almost into a certainty.

 ‘Run away with me.’

[globerjk]

MARICHAT MAY DAYS 12&13: Reveal & Villain

Day1 - Day2 - Day3 - Day4 - Day5 - Days6&7 - Day8 - Day9 - Days10&11 - Days12&13

@marichatmay

“WOW!” Was all that Chat Noir managed in a whisper at the heavenly vision that came in trough the marble doors, fashionably late and evidently luring several men - and women – who were turning their heads to get a better look at her. The adorable new guess was very hard to miss.

Marinette looked dazzlingly gorgeous wearing an A-line long dress, obviously design and tailored by her own talented hands. The top was form fitting, meaning it clung to her upper body in all of the right places covering her torso in black and green braided lace. From the waist down it opened on a princess stile long skirt, decorated with organza flyers.

This must be that secret project that kept him on the balcony for his latest visits. The hand work was remarkable but the fact that it seemed inspired by his colors made his heart skip a bit. Or several.

“Greetings Mademoiselle?” Chat approached her and bowed smiling, then reached out his hand for Marinette to rest hers on top.

“Greetings Mousier. Je m´appelle Marinette Dupaing-Cheng” She followed his teasing with a little bow of her own.

“Please to meet you Mademoiselle Dupaing” He smirked bringing her hand closer for a kiss.

“Duppaing-Cheng if you please. And who you might be?”

“My apologies, Je suis your knight for the evening. Sir Chat Noir”

“I think we are mixing time periods” She giggled.

“You think? You look so much like a princess tonight that it confused me” He snickered rubbing the back of his neck.

“Really? And you look like a vampire. Your costume doesn’t cease to amaze me.” She said rubbing his arm to better feel the material.

“Somehow I feel like I should have opted for pink” He said pointedly looking her up and down.

“Is it too obvious that this was inspired by your colors?” She blushed as he leaned in to invade her space.

“Wasn’t it the point? For me to notice? The question was asked from closer than necessary.

“You look dashing on those colors” Marinette tried to avoid answering, but failing in a whole other way “Not that you don’t normally do on your kitty leather uniform, or that you wouldn’t look hot on nothing. Something. ANYTHING!” She groaned covering her face

“I´ll shut up now”

He was starting to feel the heat coming to his face and the conversation was heading to dangerous territory, so Chat Noir did the only logical thing he could think of.

He cleared his throat and stared joking. “I better stay close Mademoiselle Dupain-Cheng, the gentlemen attending today seem very arf’arf’an’arf"

She visibly relaxed. "Are you including yourself Messier Noir? And how long are you going to keep up the weird words?”

She asked with a curious look.

“Maybe I have had one too many ‘arfs arfs’, myself. I won’t be up to dick tomorrow”

He said that with a grin that faded as quickly as it started the second he realized the blush on her face and her bulging eyes. He took a moment to examine his choice of words and his expression turned utterly embarrassed.

“I mean I won’t feel well tomorrow, because of the champagne I’ve been sipping… Mary, surely you knew that was Victorian slang for saying ´under the weather´ Right? Please tell me you knew” He placed his hands together in pleading as he attempted to explain.

She didn’t look convince but laughed softly covering her mouth with her palm.

“I bet you stayed late last night researching phrases and wordings from that era. I’m still going to look that one up just to be sure” she pointed a finger to his nose in the way she always teased him and he took the opportunity to snatch her hand to place a second kiss.

“You are so kind. I thought this night was going to be a waste” He said honestly “Sure, it was fun to dress up but it lasted for like a second. Now that I have you here with me? It´s actually ‘Nanty Narking’” He said smiling down and earning an unamused look from her.

“Sorry sorry, I’ll stop” he said raising one hand in a gesture of surrender then offering it to her. She lifted her head to listen to the music and smiled letting him guide her to the dance floor.

Chat Noir placed a hand to her waist and was left out of breath when the other came in contact with a patch of bare skin on her back.

He hadn’t had the chance to look at her dress from behind.

Forcing himself to keep his composure he held on to her firmly and swayed her around the other couples dancing.

“Not that I´m complaining but” He broke the silence.

“Jagget Stone” She interrupted. “I was commissioned by his assistant to make their masks and he insisted on giving me an invitation. It was so exciting to even work on this projects, but to get an invite to the main charity ball of the fashion industry of Paris? Forget about it! I ended up designing his jacket for free”

And as if sensing that her childish tone was inappropriate, she continued calmly “He´s performing after the string quartet, you know?”

“Really? That’s awesome!” Chat separated from her to see her face better. The awesome part being her talent and not the surprise concert from his favorite artist.

Her gaze softened and she hugged him back making him resume their dancing.

When they felt dizzy and warm, both agreed on going out to a balcony on the left side of the ball room. The one with a romantic view of the hotel´s garden.

Marinette closed her eyes to take a deep breath and Chat took the opportunity to fully appreciate her dress, specially the delicate round gap on her back.

Here he was, with a beautiful girl that seemed to fully appreciate him but finding himself unable to make a move because he was still hang up with Ladybug. His superhero partner and best friend, who was also the girl that had made clear time after time that she was not interested.

And if it wasn’t for the fact that his lady had being strangely softer to him lately and giving him subtle mix signals, the boy´s decision to move on and pursuit Marinette would have been an easy one. Slowly but steady, his princess was winning his heart.

As she turned to face him with a soft gaze and he noticed her high bun almost falling, Chat lost all logical sense of mind.

He came close to her and placed his fingers to her hair, delicately letting it loose around her shoulders to see her face displaying an adoring look, eyes wide open, quivering lips and a light pink blush dusting her cheeks.

They started to lean simultaneously sensing their eyes beginning to close. Just as they were near enough to feel each other’s breaths, the glass door opened abruptly.

“Adrien. Your father has been looking for you” Nataly came out with her usual serene expression, wearing a long dark dress that seem inspired by her regular suit “It’s time for his toast and he needs you by his side.

Please loose the mask, it´s the last time I warn you, you have to wear all Gabriel to this events”

“Well, crap” He mouthed looking sheepishly into the eyes of the astonished girl in front of him and letting his arms fall from her to take the mask from his face.

After all, every fairy tale needed its villain, right? And his father´s assistant had managed to single handedly kill the mood, out his identity to Marinette and possibly ruin any future attempt at wooing her.

“A aaa addd” was all that Marinette could whisper. Adrien looked at her with shame as he asked her to guard his mask, pleading with his eyes before he left her on the balcony to get over with his obligations.

This is the dress Marinette was wearing 😉

[manjuhitorie]

Skream! x Baitoru Interview - English Translation

Original Post: https://www.baitoru.com/contents/geki/35.html Interview by: Yoshiba Saori, Photos by Ishizaki Sachiko

Hosted by Japan’s largest part-time job info site “Baitoru”, and Skream’s “Intense part-time taaalk!”. Our guest this time are the people who released the new single “Polaris” in 11/28, and who are to release their awaited new album “HOWLS” in 2/27, it’s Hitorie. Their present regime began in 2012, onward, with their own sense of language and what could be called their own original melodies and sounds, they scoop out thoroughbass-esque emotions. They’re a quad of irreplaceable existences. These four who never forget the essence of experimentation as they go along, were asked what sort of student life they lived and what sort of part-time jobs they’ve done along the way. Also included is the work of the project “Dream Part-time” who chose a special someone to have an unordinary life experience; the college student, Hagiwara Kouya, is participating as a Skream! editor. Of who, will fling heated emotions and questions at the four. 

What type of part-time jobs have you worked?

Shinoda: Back when I was a student I worked delivering for the post office. 

wowaka: You’re kidding.

ygarshy: I never got to hear about that story, huh (laughing). 

Shinoda: I swear! I drove a red car, I carried people’s golf bags and delivered and stuff. I also had a post at posting.

Yumao: I worked at Bamiyan (a Chinese restaurant chain) in high school, then at a pharmacy in college.

wowaka: By pharmacy, does that mean a drug store? Wouldn’t you need qualifications for that?

Yumao: Qualifications are needed only for some medicines that can only be sold by pharmacists. When someone wanted to buy those, it was mandatory to contact the pharmacists so, you didn’t really need qualifications if you were only part-time. The drug store was interesting in a lot of ways.

wowaka: I’ve only ever done one part-time. That’s when I was in college, I worked tutoring at a cram school.

What subjects did you teach?

wowaka: I taught just about everything. Japanese, math, English, science… Though I didn’t teach social studies. Besides that just about everything. I taught middle and high schoolers, my students were accepted into Hitotsubashi University. 

That’s something to be proud of.

ygarshy: The pride as a teacher.

Yumao: How many students did you take care of?

wowaka: For one season I took care of about 6, I worked for about 2 years and a half, so about 15 people I think. 

ygarshy: You saw that many out ho (laughing). I did a pizza shop. My name was never removed from their roster, which let me stick around for about 4-5 years. On and off.

Yumao: From what I’m hearing, you were a veteran so you were never removed right.

ygarshy: Even if the other employees were swapped out, I was there first so, even if I didn’t clock in for a while the staff would just question “Who is this?” and leave my name. I bet I could even go work there now (laughing).

wowaka: Like a senior who continues being in their club even after they graduate college.

When did you do the delivery job Shinoda?

Shinoda: I think I did it during college. 

It comes in handy to have your designated area engraved in your head, and to remember the roads for that job, right.

Shinoda: Yeah but, I suck at that stuff (laughing). I’m someone with bad memory.

wowaka: So you had to research every location, every time? 

Shinoda: Of course there were areas which I did have mesmerized but, when I didn’t know I would look at a map as I drove along.

wowaka: 10 years ago there wasn’t smart phones and such huh.

So you got wrapped up into a part-time unsuited for you.

Shinoda: People in the end, learn their strengths and weaknesses through doing eh.

wowaka: Then, you realized you were unsuited and quit?

Shinoda: I mean, I realized I was unsuited (laughing). 

Yumao, how long did you work as a student?

Yumao: At the time, one reason for taking on a job was for the sake of being in my band. When you’re a college student, it’s normal to think “I want to play and do things”. Yet I didn’t have any money at all so, I worked quite a bit. Yet then I didn’t have the chance to play around much so, ultimately I didn’t do much anything fun besides play with my band. 

Was your daily schedule band, work, school?

Yumao: That’s right. During the day I went to classes, then clocked into work at 6 in the evening, worked until about 10 and a half, then practiced at the studio from 11. Being in the band was hard, the work was hard, I sort of slept at school. That’s why I didn’t get to enjoy my student life. Even being in a club was impossible.

wowaka: Your band wasn’t with any club friends after all.

Yumao: I wanted to join a club but, I had been in a band first before even entering college. So when I would propose “I’m in a band but I’m looking for a club which will permit that.”, I was told “Then maybe you shouldn’t join a club.” My “Enjoy ~ Campus ~ Life” was gone. 

wowaka: Was there any option to join a club unrelated to music? 

Yumao: None. I never got to go out drinking or such with a club. I would huddle with other fellers who weren’t in a club but, I have no idea why we never reached the level of going to an Izakaya and clanging our glasses together. We would go do things, like go to karaoke or such maybe but, we never went out drinking together.

A bit different from the model college life.

Yumao: Completely different. All it did was simply pass by. Part-time work time took up most of the ratio. 

In exchange, did you get along well with your coworkers?

Yumao: Since the time I spent working was equal to the time I was at school, I was super friendly with the pharmacists there. It was a place where we could all communicate in frankness. 

wowaka: Were there many people the same age as you?

Yumao: Like 2 or 3. Though, the store wasn’t that big so, not many part-timers were ever hired simultaneously. That’s why I would chat the most with the staff. Also, there was an anti-shoplifter agent at my shop. 

Shinoda: Hoo. 

Yumao: So when I went to supermarkets or other stores, I would be recognized, with people saying “That guy is the shoplifter agent”.

You had a special ability (laughing). wowaka, how did you manage your time for music, work and school?

wowaka: I moved to Tokyo for college but, I didn’t have money so I stayed in my university dorm. There was two people in the dorm who were in the same class as me, hence I became friendly with them foremost. When the question “How are you going to manage?” popped up, with some sort of connections those two found an employment opportunity for me; that was as a cram school tutor. By invitation I was introduced. In that same time period, I joined the college’s light music club. All we really did was covers of other songs but, a senior there took a liking to me, with them as the president at the time, we formed a band within the club. That was the first time I ever did guitar and vocals. My senior had praised me “You have the talent for guitar and vocals”. <I don't know how so much of my current actions are going to play out in the rest of my life but, by always putting in desperate efforts, I think I've changed quite a bit (wowaka).>

Shinoda: That’s crazy.

wowaka: Thinking back, that may have been the spark for me to start singing and performing in front of people. As a result I later became the president of that club, and the club started to become even more fun than school. I began to neglect classes, and as I giving attention to the club and part-time, the idea to make original songs as a band emerged. We proceeded to do a few shows in Shimokitazawa and Kouenji but, personally it wasn’t clicking with me, I was in distress. That was when a friend in my class introduced to a thing called Nico Nico Douga. There I found Hatsune Miku songs which were so cool to me. At some point I found myself at Yodobashi Camera in Kichijouji, buying the Hatsune Miku software and a computer and an audio interface. That led to the VOCALOID songs of the future.

So that’s the story. 

wowaka: Following, Vocalo became my main interest reigning over everything else. From club, to classes, to work, it was interfering with everything (laughing). For about a year and a half thereafter, my mind was constantly captivated by Vocalo. In the end, I quit the part-time, graduated from the club, started a band and reached the present. 

Yumao: Didn’t you said you had “about 15 pupils”? If any of them knew that their tutor of the time was now the vocalist for Hitorie, wouldn’t that come as such a surprise? If I was a student I would be stunned. 

wowaka: I’m sure they would be stunned. From my appearance down to my aura, I’ve transformed in every way since then. 

Yumao: “That teacher is a star now?!” sort of? 

wowaka: I sometimes hear rumors of one person who has figured it out though (laughing). 

Did you ever mention to them how their teacher is actually in a band?

wowaka: I would mention music. There were some who said they liked music, so I would fill them in on my happenings. About how I was playing guitar and singing in a club.

That must have been an ice breaker. What about you ygarshy, how did you manage music, work and school.

ygarshy: When I was a college student my only activity was band also. In between classes I would work, then band in the gaps. I took means to work as little as possible, I wanted to only have to go about 3 days a week. To earn money in the shortest amount of time, I wound up in the pizza shop.

wowaka: Which had favorable circumstances.

ygarshy: If you were recruited before the Lehman Shock, your salary would stay high. On top of them letting me remain theme for a long amount of time. I also received many tips back then.

wowaka: Woah~!

ygarshy: It was in a region where many foreigners lived so, for a 2,200 yen order of pizza I would be given the change of a 5,000 yen bill. I had the desire to rotate around as much as possible (laughing). Strangely enough, I could receive more money from tips than my daily wage.

Was there any skill or such from your job that you carried over to your current social life, any experience that still remains?

Shinoda: None for me.

wowaka: Hahahaha (laughing). None huh.

Shinoda: I feel like I learned nothing useful. Even social skills… surprisingly nothing (laughing). I had no senior-like senior to look up to either. I was introduced by my college classmate but, due to bad timing they couldn’t join the job along with me. We talked at school when we wanted to talk anyway. 

wowaka: That means your part-time job only consisted of delivery service.

Shinoda: Yeah. Right before I quit, there was an old man who finally opened up his heart to me. He approached asking “So I heard yere out in a band? What kinda music you doing?”. At the time I was doing kinda alternative English songs, and had no idea how I would explain so I told him “Uhh, we sorta do rock.”, which he responded “Is that like a kinda English song?”. It was a minor interaction but (laughing). I do wish he would’ve spoken to me sooner.

Then do you have any good memories from the job?

Shinoda: I drive the truck alone for this right. My designated area was wide with fields, so when I took a slow drive it felt like I was immersed in a country song (laughing). 

wowaka: Indulgence from the driver perspective (laughing). 

Shinoda: “I’m a hecking postman right now”, it would hit me - During those times I would think about a lot, or more, think about nothing.

wowaka: That sounds quite kin with nothingness (laughing).

Shinoda: It was. I also joined a band and stuff, so I often got obsessed with the idea that I gotta be a star. The was driving got me completely detached from my thoughts was good for me.

So in return it became time for you to cut yourself off from your troubles. 

Shinoda: That’s true. Also like being pressured to deliver something sometime before noon. Though there was situations where I couldn’t even complete that but… (laughing). 

wowaka: As a college student, right, you weren’t flourished as a person, and in work you didn’t have a proper goal in mind.

Shinoda: Yeah, I didn’t.

wowaka: Even things that got you through the day, everything felt sort of makeshift right. 

There’s experiences which you only understand once you’re older huh.

wowaka: That’s how it is.

Our guest from Dream Part-Time, Hagiwara, is also currently a college student, so I’m sure he would have good input on this subject. I'm going to pass the baton over to him for questioning.

Hagiwara: I’m a 2 year at college, pleased to meet with you. I like Hitorie, and now that I have the chance to make contact with you directly, there’s something i have always always wanted to say. I’m in college now but, entry exams were rampant with stressful things. Hitorie’s songs were what helped me through the days. I was always listening to Hitorie’s music. So thank you. 

Shinoda: Thank you too.

wowaka: The songs you listen during exam season are unforgettable, I swear. 

Hagiwara: Yes. So even when I hear you perform live, I have flashbacks of that era and it’s emotions, I often cry at the show. 

Hagiwara said they have been listening to Hitorie since middle school. 

Hagiwara: I found wowaka’s Vocalo music on Nico Nico Douga, then followed all the way since Hitori-Atelier times (*Hitorie’s initial form). I fell in love since the first time I listened. Hitorie was the gateway for me to get into many other bands also. It feels like a dream come true, being selected by Dream Part-Time and talking to you. 

Shinoda: Those words make me feel proud we’ve done this. Well cause for me, the bands my generation listened to in middle-high school were like Number Girl, THEE MICHELLE GUN ELEPHANT, yet they broke up by the time we all reached high school.     

Hagiwara: Through Hitorie I’ve made friends, and in high school I hit it off with a girl who liked Hitorie who later became my partner (laughing). 

wowaka: We did it baby (laughing). It’s amazing that our songs can have such impact.

Hagiwara: Seriously, seriously, I’m thankful for you.

ygarshy: Good, good.

Hagiwara: I think I’ve transformed a lot since the beginning of Hitorie. What about you, do you feel anything has changed, or do you have any comments about transformation?

wowaka: Back to the topic of jobs earlier, when I worked as a cram school tutor in college, I had mainly did it because my friend introduced me and the pay was good. However, after all that, when I reconsider what I did or what I gained, I get the sense those experiences are still lingering on in my body. Well, Shinoda said he has none of that but (laughing). As a cram school tutor, I talked a lot with middle-high school students, by listening to them I would remember my old trains of thoughts, or realize things I stopped paying attention to, they would teach me also.

Hagiwara: I see.

wowaka: Every last second of my life I’m putting in my best effort, with music I’m constantly dead serious. That’s why now I’m still considering how to apply experiences to the rest of my life; how to give the world back what I took. However with every last coming second in which I’m desperately tackling everything, I come to notice how I’ve changed a bit. It’s a never-ending cycle, that’s maybe turned me into who I am today. On the other hand, the unchangeable parts of myself are what move the axis, that’s why I’m like this. They don’t change, more like they cannot change. Every second, I try to pursue myself untwisted, yet ultimately I change, and then I reach who I am now.*

Shinoda: Me, I feel like I’ve become capable of more. Simply because my personal level of skills have leveled up. If I put it bluntly I’d say my range of music has expanded. When I peek at my old recordings they’re fairly good but, it’s only natural to feel I could make them a bit better now. I strive to throw a full power pitch with every song but, it’s inherently impossible for our past selves to create “Our current sound”. I’ve been updated in that sense.

Hagiwara: Thank you.

Yumao: Subjective and objective, I feel I’ve found those two. In contrary to only seeing subjectively before, in recent years I’ve come able to observe everything from a broader view. That’s my most drastic change. I’m unsure if this is directly correlated also but, I’ve been under the impression that I’m truly affecting other people, especially during live shows. I’m able to gain confidence within myself as I play. This is quite the complicated idea isn’t it. In using formless music as my expression - the recordings may remain but, shows are about the memories of those moments, it’s like a salesman who says “it’s good” to something when they can’t actually discern what was good or bad.* People have come to say “That was good” to me, I certainly sense it. Where I once felt “Am I doing this?”, I now feel “I’m doing it”.

ygarshy: I think I may have become more refined than before.

wowaka: You yourself?

ygarshy: With music. I guess that’s life. So there’s refinement. *

Hagiwara: Yes, I feel it too. 

ygarshy: I said that because I thought you would understand (at Hagiwara).

Shinoda: What’s that supposed to mean y’all (laughing).

Hagiwara: (laughing) On to the next question. Now that you all perceive some sort of evolution, is there any goals you have for the future?

wowaka: We mentioned this a bit before, we’ve recently been reflecting back on ourselves… As Yumao said, I’m also someone who can’t see the objective side much. Despite that, when I look back on myself, I’ve grown. With how I approach things or how I interact with people, with shows or songs, I’ve felt a flurry. Personally I’ve become able to do things I was unable to do before. Through grinding and grinding, I want to become super amazing, sort of thing (laughing). That’s how I’ve always been living. *

Yumao: This is complicated question. How do I answer.

wowaka: You could keep it simple, y’know? Such as “I want to buy this”.

ygarshy: Ah. This is from a few days ago but, I bought new gig gear, and changed the pedals near my feet. I’m so excited to test them in action.

Shinoda: That was pretty recent.

ygarshy: It may be very small but, for me right now that’s what fills my head. I don’t think about anything else. Such may be the core of happiness. 

Hagiwara: Will I be able to hear that new gear in upcoming lives?

ygarshy: Yep, as long as it isn’t dissatisfactory with everyone else.

Yumao: I’m sure we won’t even notice the difference (laughing),

ygarshy: Yep, none of you have noticed a thing. Even though there’s a revolution enacting within me. Actually, I did test them out during the recent Kuusou Iinkai in Morioka (*The 2018 November 25th show “Kuusou Iinkai Taika no Kaishin  Matsuri Hen ~Morioka Jihen~”).

Yumao: Since then!?

ygarshy: That was when I first started to experiment-

wowaka: Look, everyone really ain’t notice a thing.

ygarshy: Ain’t you the one who asked me after the show ,“You were a bit different from usual?”

wowaka: Ahh, I did!

ygarshy: Your reaction wasn’t all that bad. So, I took it up a notch, and it’s reaching some revolutionary sound.

wowaka: That’s when another revolution took place. 

ygarshy: That is though. It’s pretty insane.

wowaka: I do remember talking about how your tone sorta changed. We did all notice eh (laughing).

ygarshy: That was because I had approached you first though (laughing).

Hagiwara: (Laughing), Shinoda and Yumao, do you have any goals?

Shinoda: A goal huh. I feel I've roughly become the person I want to be, right.

ygarshy: So cool.

Shinoda: I’m out to polish myself even further.

Yumao: That’s pretty fantastic. I myself want drums which are conspicuous like crazy.  I’ve always bought the drums I’ve wanted up until now yet, I was never able to choose the color. That’s why I’m considering pink this time around. Or a color equally bold, but they’re fairly expensive. I’m fighting that problem right now.

wowaka: Which color do you want?

Yumao: What I genuinely want, is the pink with glitter. Or a wood pattern with a gradation changing from green to blue, that one is cool. I’m wondering which is better.

ygarshy: Hagiwara-kun, which do you think is good?

Hagiwara: What, me!?

wowaka: You make the final decision (laughing).

Yumao: In any way I want the pink with glitter. Or, the one with the gradation, which.

Hagiwara: I, like the color pink so… 

Shinoda: Alright, it’s decided. The pink with glitter. Decision out.

Yumao: Pink is my favorite too.

Hagiwara: Thank goodness (laughing). On to the next question. The melodies of course pique my interest with Hitorie but, the more I listen the more I get addicted to the lyrics. Each and every line has come to overlap with one of my memories. Since they saved me during my painful exam season, my memories will be resurrected at live shows. I have a simple question, how do you come up with your lyrics or catchy melodies?

wowaka: I stress an absurd amount every time when I write the songs and lyrics. I stress and test a lot. Searching for whatever feels good, whatever is pretty, even if it isn’t very jamming it may have the power to draw you in somehow, I do about 500 laps contemplating every nuance every album. The finished songs are the surviving runners of that race. However, there’s also moments when a door will snap open while I’m working, and in one hour I’ll finish all the lyrics like a burst. 

Hagiwara: Do you make the conscious decision to start writing the lyrics when you do?

wowaka: I’m the type who cannot pull myself together unless,I sit down at my computer and declare “I’m gonna do this”. Ideas don’t often pop into my head simply from talking a walk outside, or taking a bath, or going shopping or such. Lyric writing is me extracting my current situation. More than having anything specific to put into words. There may be a unique theme for each song but, that theme is more like a hint of what I’m currently exposing.

Hagiwara: Thank you. I really like your lyrics, so I was always curious. 

wowaka: Thanks. I like Japanese, so going back to the topic of entrance exams, my favorite subject is contemporary literature. The flow of the composition, the arrangement of the characters, the big picture leaves me saying “This sounds so nice”. That’s incorporated in with my experiences as a cram school tutor of course but, whatever I thought was nice is still living on with me today, I feel.

Hagiwara: Well then, the last question. I’m currently a sophomore at college and, it’s the time for one to begin deciding on their career path. If I have a dream then I should take what I want to do, or maybe I should properly get certificates, it’s difficult figuring out which is best. Is there any thing in college you wish you would have done, or maybe wish you had spent differently?

Yumao: Working towards certificates or studying, makes it sound like you’re doing it because it’s mandatory.

Hagiwara: I am. I was raised in an environment where my parents often ordered me to do this or that.

Yumao: I see, I see. That’s complicated. I don’t think I could answer (laughing).

wowaka: It's like an everlasting problem huh.*

Hagiwara: I understand that pursuing music is difficult but, I want to try it out. That’s why Hitorie, who live off the music they love, are super duper cool. Though I’m sure there’s difficulties involved even when you’re pursuing what you love… 

Shinoda: Yeah. Though I don’t think it’s necessary for you to force yourself to decide right now. In Japan there are many successful rock stars who were a businessman at one point. 

wowaka: (*While browsing the 2018 December volume of Skream! magazine) ASIAN KUNG-FU GENERATION are exactly like that also.

Shinoda: So even if you can’t decide, in the long run it’s gotta be just fine to get an employment job. I don’t know how much liberty you have but, compared to the past I think music has become much more simple to make. You can even make it on your smart phone these days.

Yumao: Out came a real legitimate statement. That’s exactly it. <Even if they may disagree with your dreams, as long as you do properly then you'll come to compromise. You have to put in effort if you want to convince them (Yumao).>

Shinoda: Considering what would be most advantageous for your life and acting on that, may be the best. 

Yumao: Then even if you’re having problems with your parents such as you said, you can still convince them that you’re properly doing what you have to. I swear you can convince them. You have to put a lot of effort into convincing them or else it won’t work. You may start to hate the things you once loved but, if you seek enough it will work itself out. The simple reason why people have to find a job is because it earns them money. So turn the tables such that you can earn money doing the things you wanna do - I mean, it sounds simple, but it’s not.

Shinoda: Pretty much.

Yumao: But with that advice, if you’re able to overcome this now then surprisingly enough, your problems with your parents will all be solved. Of course different cases vary though, like with inherited businesses and such (laughing). 

Shinoda: That’s the sort of thing you just can’t tamper too much with.

Yumao: Yeah, though I think there is passion to be conveyed.

Hagiwara: Thank you. That was really digestible.

ygarshy: Keep in mind that it’s wise to put in practice while you’re still a college student. Improving with an instrument for example, actually takes a lot of time, and there’s not many shortcuts around raw practice hours. Start now rather than later.

wowaka: That’s true. I personally had a huge fight with my parents when I decided I was going to pursue music. They raised me until high school for the sake of sending me off to college, supported me in so many ways… Then long-awaited, I was supposed to be their prided child who they sent off to Tokyo, but... (laughing). When I joined a band and said I was going to pursue music, for about 3 years we were stuck in a cold war. Like Yumao said earlier, maybe if I had confronted them… the people who understand me are sure to understand me. If you have someone like that, then it’s good to treat them with care. So if you’re worrying, then I think it’s good to worry.

Yumao: I think so too.

wowaka: Worry and contemplate, but since life still goes on as you contemplate, find a job, continue playing music at the same time… If there’s something which captivates your heart then, even if you try to let it go, as normal people it will still naturally you hook you back. So carry that captivation with you into the arena of questions, and I think you’ll be fine.

Hagiwara: Truly, thank you for such a wonderful discussion. 

[perfectirishgifts]

EnerVenue: The Batteries We Need For Grid-Scale Storage

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EnerVenue: The Batteries We Need For Grid-Scale Storage

Serpa Solar Park built in Portugal in 2006.

As I mentioned in my Grid Modernization article, our electrical system was originally designed to supply instantaneous power with essentially zero storage capacity.*

A structural inability to store power represents a critical bottleneck in the process of building a low-carbon electrical system. Renewable resources like wind and solar are naturally intermittent, and no one wants their fridge to stop working when the wind dies down.

Entrepreneurs read the word “bottleneck” as “opportunity,” so a lot of smart materials scientists have been working hard to leverage the leading battery technology – lithium-ion – to rehab our Industrial Revolution-paradigm grid with 21st century storage capacity.

Lithium-ion batteries have represented an inexorable force in the technology world – especially in the field of mobile computing – over the last 30 years for several reasons:

Lithium is the lightest solid element and the lightest metal, so lithium-ion batteries are lightweight. This makes them great for mobile computing and transportation.

Lithium-ion batteries have a high energy density – which means you can pack a large charge in a relatively small package. Again, that makes them great for mobile computing and transportation.

Lithium-ion batteries tend to be quick charging. This again makes them good for mobile devices as the mobile devices need not be connected to a plug for that many minutes in a day.

However, as wonderful as lithium-ion batteries are, they have their weaknesses as well:

They are sensitive to temperature extremes and must be cooled or they run the risk of “thermal runaway”.

They tend to be persnickety – their discharge and recharge cycles must be carefully managed, they lose charging capacity over time, and their functional lives tend to be short (3,000 recharge cycles at most), even when you baby them.

The price has come down considerably over the last 10 years, but they are still expensive – running between $300-$1,000 per kilowatt hour (for grid storage and home storage devices, respectively).

In short, lithium-ion is a Thoroughbred technology – fast, sleek, and powerful, but temperamental, sensitive, and pricy. For the backbone of our fixed electrical infrastructure, surely we need a technology more like a Clydesdale – sturdy, dependable, and modestly priced.

One start-up – a California firm named EnerVenue – has hit upon a sturdy, dependable, and modestly-priced solution to the grid’s storage issues.

Team EnerVenue – solving the issues of grid storage in the age of COVID-19.

EnerVenue’s batteries are based on a technology that has powered earth-orbiting satellites since the 1980s – Nickel-Hydrogen chemistry – but have not been able to be used for terrestrial grid storage due to their high cost.

Professor Yi Cui, Stanford University

The company’s founder, Chairman, and Chief Technical Officer, Professor Yi Cui of Stanford University, has discovered a way to substitute a cheap and plentiful metal alloy for the pricy Platinum that had been used in the space satellite batteries.

The result of Professor Cui’s research is a battery whose basic chemistry is well-understood and thoroughly tested in the most challenging of environments and which is cheap and dependable enough to form the backbone of a modern grid-scale storage system.

One look at the technical characteristics of EnerVenue’s Metal-Hydrogen batteries should excite your curiosity as much as they have mine. They…

Can operate in a temperature range from -40°F (-40°C) to 140°F (60°C).

Have a 30 year lifespan, and are capable of 30,000 full recharge cycles without performance degradation or usage restrictions.

Use Low-cost, non-toxic, and easy-to-recycle components.

Require no operational and maintenance expenditures.

The downside? Well, let’s just say you wouldn’t want to lug around a mobile phone powered by one of EnerVenue’s beauties.

EnerVenue’s Metal-Hydrogen batteries. These batteries solve a lot of the problems that have slowed … [] down implementation of grid-scale storage until now.

This is not to say that one battery technology is better or worse than another – simply that we should focus on using the right technology in the most fitting application. No one straps a cart to a $10 million Thoroughbred, just like no one runs a Clydesdale in the Kentucky Derby.

EnerVenue batteries’ wide temperature envelope means that they can be stacked en masse to store energy generated by a solar farm in the Mojave Desert just as easily as they will be able to store power from a frigid wind farm on the Baltic Sea.

Unlike lithium-ion installations which require operators to carefully monitory and manage recharge cycles, watching for signs of overcharging or dendrite formation, and designers to worry about how to insulate or cool the battery modules, EnerVenue’s batteries are essentially fire-and-forget.

Build the storage facility, lock the gates, and set a calendar appointment to come back in 30 years to swap out battery packs – energy storage doesn’t get much more straightforward than that.

In terms of the economics, EnerVenue’s management thinks that, at scale, their solution will store energy at a 40% lower cost than what lithium-ion can offer on a “levelized,” total-cost-of-ownership basis.

EnerVenue’s batteries sounds like just what we need for a long-term solution to grid-scale battery storage. Still, battery investments are notoriously prone to technology risk, and one question I tried to drill into when I spoke with management was – frankly – whether EnerVenue was some smart guy’s pet science fair project rather than being an actual, viable business.

Judging by the long operating history of batteries using the same chemistry in unforgiving environments, there is reason to believe that EnerVenue’s technology risks are small. Another good indicator that EnerVenue is the kind of company that may become a true force in the industry is the people involved.

Doug Kimmelman, famed utility and power systems investor, is one of EnerVenue’s early supporters.

The project is funded, in part, by Doug Kimmelman – the senior partner and founder of Energy Capital Partners, a $20 billion private investment fund that specializes in energy infrastructure. Kimmelman cut his teeth at Goldman Sachs GS as an investment banker in the utility and energy sector just as the deregulation of energy markets was beginning.

In short, Kimmelman is the smart money. He knows this world inside and out, understands what the industry needs, and has decided to invest his own money in EnerVenue. He has seen a lot of science fair experiments and understands how to separate the wheat from the chaff. The fact that he is backing EnerVenue is a big mark of confidence.

Jorg Heinemann, CEO of EnerVenue, has spent the last 10 years as an executive in the renewable … [] energy and battery storage world.

EnerVenue also hired a very capable CEO, Jorg Heinemann, who was an executive director at technology consultancy, Accenture ACN , before moving into an executive role at SunPower SPWR , then to a role as Chief Commercial Officer of Primus Power, a manufacturer of another type of storage device known as a flow battery.

EnerVenue will build 2 megawatts worth of customer pilot facilities in 2021, with a plan to increase their footprint by 20x over that level in 2022.

For a country talking about electrifying the transportation sector, we should all be hoping that EnerVenue’s plans to scale come to fruition. There is simply no way to maintain our accustomed standard of living and simultaneously cut our transportation-related CO2 footprint without a continued rapid growth of zero-carbon and renewable generation facilities and an even more rapid growth of storage capacity.

Looking for the next big wave? Energy storage is it. EnerVenue sees a total available market globally totaling $660 billion by 2040. This observer would not be surprised if that turns out to be a conservative estimate.

The leaders at EnerVenue know, as I know, that we must change the paradigm with which we are operating if our civilization is to thrive into the next century. Intelligent investors take note.

* Note: The only exception to this observation is dams, which store potential energy in the form of a huge, elevated column of water. Once the dam’s potential energy is converted to electrical energy, though, the grid has very little storage capacity.

From Green Tech in Perfectirishgifts

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13 Things About investment properties for sale in bc You May Not Have Known

Property~housing Investment Vancouver - Utilizes the Best Way of Your house Investment

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How to Create an Awesome Instagram Video About investment properties for sale in bc

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What I Wish I Knew a Year Ago About vancouver real estate investments

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10 Fundamentals About best places to buy rental property in bc You Didn't Learn in School

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Make money fast Using Property * A great deal of Options

You aren't encounter purchasing non commercial residence as well as properties can let you know that you have various commercial property investments to pick from. While looking for a certain type of property investment, there is something to keep in mind. This can make the search less difficult.

How to Win Big in the investment properties vancouver Industry

Kinds of House Opportunities To pick from * As you can see, there are many choices. Purchasing property is one of the most effective ways to raise your revenue, and several traders choose to purchase leasing properties. http://edition.cnn.com/search/?text=real estate investing Other sorts of real-estate opportunities contain loans or perhaps promoting equity shares.

Probably the most popular methods for getting prosperous speedy using real estate investment is to offer a home that you personal. You will have to commit some cash directly into this particular project in order to make sure that your house that you're promoting is a good deal.

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Learning to get rich along with commercial property investment starts with taking action. When you could imagine which learning the ways of getting prosperous is tough, it is in reality very easy. There are numerous guides, seminars, along with programs that offer understanding possibilities. You can make this learning energy entertaining and engaging.

Forget investing in real estate bc: 10 Reasons Why You No Longer Need It

Greater vancouver real-estate is normally purchased in the autumn or winter months. This is because customers return from vacation in the fall and cannot manage to get thier residence sold till following your holiday season. So that you can take advantage of the actual demand for home during this time, you'll want to generate a marketing plan and start the whole process of advertising and marketing your house. Unless you do that, you can be falling in value and that should certainly be a pity.

By using your virginia to help you be more efficient and focus upon additional elements of your lifetime, you will possess more time to pay on your own day-to-day lifestyle. You may choose to apply your time in however which you see fit, no matter whether that is learning, learning a lot more, as well as soothing in your house at the lake.

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So what makes Canadian commercial house this type of excellent investment? Effectively, such as My spouse and i said earlier, there's 2 issues.

Learning how to become rich along with property~housing investment is just not an overnight process. You should set aside your time for you to mastering and to your current tutor. I am not saying you won't ever obtain anything accomplished, but you will need to learn your ability and also the information that is required being productive with this sector. To master becoming prosperous together with residence, you need to invest some time educating yourself.

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[douglassmiith]

13 stories of women who are shaping the SEO field

Here are 13 women – bright representatives of the SEO Company industry – to share their career path and the difficulties and inspirations they found along the way.

What we didn’t expect was that the stories shared would be so personal, honest and inspiring. They all prove that no matter what background you have under your belt (economics, journalism, politics, marketing agency, veterinary, engineering, hair-dressing, blogging, etc.) there’s always a chance to make a dramatic career turn and become one of the best in your field.

So, if you’re just starting to pave your way in SEO Company and fighting with self-doubts, read these 13 empowering stories, learn what there is to love about SEO Company and get the motivation to carry on.

I’d like to thank my friends at SE Ranking for helping me conduct these interviews so I could share these stories. Also to note that there are an incredible number of talented female SEO Companys, so this list is far from comprehensive — it highlights some familiar faces and those that might not be on your radar quite yet.

Marie Haynes

Owner of Marie Haynes Consulting Inc. @Marie_Haynes

Background: Veterinary

Years in SEO Company: 12 

Fun fact: If you happen to be a Fortnite fan looking for someone to play with, connect with Marie. She believes that playing Fortnite helps her become a better thinker and get Google out of her mind at least for a while.

I was a veterinarian for almost fourteen years. When I was a practicing vet in Ottawa, Canada, I was one of the veterinarians for our Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s pets. I absolutely loved what I did, but I was also obsessed with anything to do with the internet. 

I injured my back in 2008 and had to spend six weeks on bed rest. At that time I bought a laptop and taught myself how to make a website. I created a website where people could ask me veterinary questions – it had great content, but I couldn’t figure out why it was only getting about thirty visitors per day. This is what sparked my interest in SEO Company. 

In looking at office space for my team, my husband and I passed a huge empty office in room 404. I jokingly said, “One day I’ll have that office, but no one would be able to find it.” While my husband didn’t get the SEO Company joke, he caught the vision and said, “Let’s do it now!” Today we have ten of us in the office and will be hiring a few more soon. We’ve moved on, ironically to room 301. Seriously. 

Good SEO Company work has the potential to make a difference in many people’s lives

I’m really proud of the results that my team and I produce. During the August 1, 2018 Medic update, I was visiting with a client whom we had been working with for quite some time. They started to see a gargantuan amount of traffic that day. And I will never forget what it was like to be in meetings with their team as we watched their traffic skyrocket in real-time. I realized that good SEO Company work has the potential to make a difference in many people’s lives. 

While I miss some aspects of being a veterinarian, especially surgery, I get so much joy out of what I do now. This is definitely the career path that was meant for me.

Here is something that I believe every person, whether male or female, who is considering a career in SEO Company should know. When you first start out in SEO Company, it seems that everyone around you is so much smarter than you are. But you’ll get to an amazing moment when it all starts to click. 

Watch an interview between Marie and Search Engine Land’s Barry Schwartz here >>

Helen Pollitt

Managing Director at arrowsup.co.uk @HelenPollitt1

Background: Generalist marketer

Years in SEO Company: 12 

Fun fact: To stay friends with Helen, you need to love handmade presents.

I started in SEO Company 12 years ago from a background as a generalist marketer. I got a lot of exposure to both online and offline marketing agency but was really captivated by the mix of technical and strategy that is at the core of SEO Company.

There is always more to learn

I find the most fascinating thing about SEO Company to be the breadth of skills it covers. There is always more to learn: coding, how machine learning works, the psychology of intent. It can never fully be mastered. I find that so motivating.  

I’m honestly proud of every website migration I’ve carried out (we’re talking at least 50 at this point). A successful website migration involves pulling together stakeholders from all over a company. There are so many moving parts and I feel so accomplished being at the center of that. Every website migration I’ve worked on has led to more refinement of my migration process which has resulted in smoother migrations.

When I’m not working on websites I love to be creative through craft hobbies. Many friends and family members have suffered through my handmade Christmas and birthday presents!

I’ve become fairly practiced at explaining my job to my family now. I had to go through many, many conversations involving “so you work in sales then?”, “you’re one of those people who convince people to buy things they don’t need” and “…people pay you to do that?!” I now ask them how they would look for a new coat to buy online and go from there. 

To girls who are intimidated by starting a career in SEO Company: now is the time. There is so much momentum around encouraging women into STEM careers and those typically dominated by men. There are many people cheering you on to succeed in these roles.

Lily Ray

SEO Company Director at Path Interactive @lilyraynyc

Background: Politics and Spanish

Years in SEO Company: 10 

Fun fact: If you spot a DJ who looks like Lily in one of the NY clubs, that would actually be Lily. Beyond that, she’s also a drummer and a frequent gym-goer.

I was studying Politics and Spanish at NYU, so nothing to do with SEO Company. But it was during the recession, and many of my newly graduated friends were having trouble finding jobs. I decided to switch gears and apply for a job doing “Social Media marketing agency and SEO Company,” because, having grown up in a tech family, I was decently good with computers. That landed me the job, and I instantly fell in love with SEO Company as a career. I haven’t looked back since. 

2020 is officially my 10th year in SEO Company. The thing that inspires me most about the profession is the problem-solving aspect. I could spend 6 hours researching why a website is seeing performance declines or solving a technical mystery. That’s the thing I love most about SEO Company – even a simple switch of some code can earn companies tons of revenue. 

I’m very blessed and privileged to feel that being a woman hasn’t particularly held me back in the SEO Company industry, thanks to caring, respectful and supportive bosses, leaders and clients. I was promoted relatively quickly within my companies, and always listened to and given the support I needed to do a good job. I am extremely thankful for that.

Hone your craft, keep practicing, experiment, have projects going outside of your day job

My advice for girls who are scared of entering professions that are historically dominated by male specialists: 

Hone your craft, keep practicing, experiment with things, and have projects going outside of your day job. This will make you a real expert with actual hands-on experience that will be invaluable to your company and your clients. Hopefully, that expertise will equip you with the confidence you need to do well in the workplace and overcome that intimidation. Best of luck!

Tammy Wood

Senior manager of SEO Company for Automation Anywhere (technical focused) @Tammy Wood

Background: Tammy started as a part-bartender, part-hairdresser and part-blogger

Years in SEO Company: 24 

Fun fact:  When asked about her profession Tammy says that “she works online, from home in her pajamas.” and adds not to worry as “it isn’t porn.” As she’s now a happy grandmother, people tend to believe her.

Back in the 1990s, I was a single mom of 3 sons under the age of 10 writing parenting articles. I had a  computer (running DOS) in the corner of my bedroom, a wicked sense of humor, and a great desire to learn how to get traffic to my website to earn more from paid mentions. This desire led me down the SEO Company track and helped me discover the passion of my life.

SEO Company is simply the ongoing learning, I know that I won’t come to an end of learning new things

This is my 24th year of navigating the SEO Company world, and I absolutely love it! I’ve worked with 100’s of brilliant individuals, I’ve made huge mistakes and I’ve made massive improvements in traffic and rankings for clients. It’s exciting to find the next big thing, to be a part of an industry that is always evolving and so welcoming to newcomers. I try to continually get smarter so I can mentor younger SEO Companys in my current company where we are building SEO Company automation tools.

My career path wasn’t straightforward. As a working mother I was trying to simultaneously enrich my children’s lives, somehow keep my marriage going and stay involved in the industry. I took opportunities for less money so I could use that time to better my skills and therefore boost my confidence. 

Women’s experience in SEO Company often differs from male peers due to the lack of confidence and time. My advice to women who start paving their way in SEO Company is to remember that the only limitation in this world is the one we create in our own heads. Write down your dreams, your goals, your fears, your plan, and take every opportunity to develop your own path.

Pam Aungst

President and chief web traffic controller @Pam Aungst

Background: Building websites 

Years in SEO Company: 15

Fun fact: Pam’s friends have the same problem as Chandler Bing’s friends understanding what he’s doing for a living. 

I never intended for SEO Company to become a career. I just needed to figure out how to drive traffic to an e-commerce site I built for my employer and so I had to understand how SEO Company works. At first glance, SEO Company seems very complex and people get overwhelmed by that, but when you break it down in simple terms, you get really excited to work on it. 

I find it so rewarding to help people understand how SEO Company works. That’s why I started my own search agency about 9 years ago. Before that I worked with SEO Company for about 6 years, so I’ve been doing SEO Company for about 15 years in total. And yet, I have lifelong friends who still don’t understand what I do. They know everything there is to know about me, but feel confused over how I make a living. It really makes me laugh.

SEO Company takes time but those who stick, get the results that make a difference

What makes me proud are the clients that have truly committed to SEO Company and have eventually reaped the rewards for their patience. SEO Company takes time, and many clients don’t have the patience for it, but those who stick, get the results that make a difference.

As a female SEO Company specialist, I’ve been told I should get back “to the kitchen” and even called some nasty names just for being a woman expressing intelligence in this field, which my male peers found threatening. So you do have to have a bit of thick skin to sustain all the pressure. That being said, the number of men that have treated me that way is a small minority. The majority don’t treat me any differently than their male colleagues, and I appreciate that a lot. 

Jennifer Penaluna

SEO Company manager at Bigfoot Digital @Jennifer Penaluna

Background: Journalism

Years in SEO Company: 3 

Fun fact: Lookout for a blonde with a dachshund in one of Barnsley’s dog-friendly drinking establishments.

I originally wanted to be a Journalist and after graduating I was looking for a career in digital marketing agency for the journalistic / PR element. Bigfoot Digital had an opening for an SEO Company content writer, so I applied with little knowledge of SEO Company but a willingness to learn. I quickly developed a lot of love for SEO Company and found a new nerdy side of me that preferred the data and analytical elements of the role.

SEO Company is never boring

I have now been in SEO Company for 3 years, and plan to remain in the industry for a long time. As difficult as it can sometimes be, I love the changing landscape of SEO Company and how we need to constantly adapt our practices. It means SEO Company is never boring!

My proudest campaign to date is an eCommerce client who has only been with us for 10 months and has more than doubled their 7-figure organic revenue during that time period.  It’s so much ROI that it makes my eyes water when I check their analytics!

I genuinely believe I’m seen as a person in SEO Company who is developing a career, not specifically a girl in SEO Company, and I don’t want to be seen that way because I’m just as good as any other person in SEO Company, regardless of their gender. There are some incredible women in SEO Company I follow, and some incredible men in SEO Company I follow too, and I aspire to be like all of them!

Lilach Bullock

Founder and CEO of Lilach Bullock Limited, a professional speaker, lead conversion expert, content marketing agency and social media specialist  @lilachbullock

Background: Content marketing agency

Years in SEO Company: 5

Fun fact: Contact Lilach any day but Saturday – this is her official emails-free great-food-filled day to spend quality time with family.

Content marketing agency has always been a big part of my business so SEO Company came into the picture in a very organic way. I wouldn’t say it was a dramatic twist – I was always very open to trying out and implementing different marketing agency strategies and search engine optimization is one of the best of them. 

SEO Company is all about experimenting

I’m in SEO Company for a good few years now – probably around 5-6 years at this point. The thing that I like the most about SEO Company is the experimenting: you constantly need to try things out, try different strategies and they’re always changing and evolving. That might sound like a downside to most people but to me, having these experiments prove to be successful is one of the best feelings you can get.

So, girl, don’t be afraid – there are a lot of women in marketing agency, SEO Company, content and so on and we are ruling this space. Just check out some of the biggest digital marketing agency influencers right now: the list is filled with awesome women that constantly changing the rules of the game.

Karola Karlson

Head of performance marketing agency at Taxify @karolakarlson

Background: marketing agency

Years in SEO Company: 5 

Fun fact: Prefers literature, art criticism, and culture magazines over Netflix. 

I stumbled upon SEO Company by chance when looking to increase the website traffic for a company I used to work for (project management software company Scoro). I was immediately drawn to content marketing agency as I love to write. SEO Company was a great way to measure the success of our content marketing agency efforts and it’s also addictive to watch the traffic numbers grow week-over-week.

It’s addictive to watch the traffic numbers grow week-over-week

I’m a growth hacker in heart, so I love to test out small tweaks here and there, apply the best practices and hacks, and see the results come in. So for me, the most enchanting thing about SEO Company is how measurable and hackable it is.

One of my favorite projects was growing the organic blog traffic for Scoro. We went from 1.6k to 31k monthly blog visitors in 20 months. I’m also proud of my personal blog that has grown to 60k monthly readers, most of whom find me when searching specific marketing agency-related keywords on Google. I’m a believer in the skyscraper technique and have been able to rank as #1 result for high-competition keywords by creating content that’s 10x more insightful than other articles on the topic.

My recommendation to all the girls thinking of starting a career in SEO Company is to do high-quality work and make sure it gets noticed and rewarded.

Kristina Azarenko

E-commerce and technical SEO Company consultant and founder of marketing agencySyrup.com @Kristina Azarenko

Background: marketing agency

Years in SEO Company: 10 

Fun fact: When she puts away her ‘SEO Company Kristina’ hat, she goes dancing classes, enjoys long walks with her dog or watches horror movies. 

About ten years ago I was working at a job I didn’t really enjoy and looking for something new. I had no idea what a website was, let alone its optimization and technical parts. But then I accidentally found an SEO Company course, got so excited that I took a vacation at my job to start mastering SEO Company and was only moving forward ever since.

Curiously, a whole decade later, my parents still have no idea what exactly I’m doing. They just know that ‘it’s something with computers’. So I occasionally get messages from them asking to fix their wi-fi or download a certain program. I think it’s cute.

Doing SEO Company means feeling you’re an investigator

The best thing about being an SEO Company is feeling as if you’re an investigator: you go through the data and you know how to find the ‘clues’ of unhealthy crawling, indexing, content, etc.

I’m proud of what I’m doing for all the companies I’ve worked with. Once I worked for a medium-sized eCommerce store creating a clear structure for adding new products, describing them, naming images, etc. All these minor things are often overlooked, but they helped us rank the pages and generate revenue pretty quickly. Then there was this rather complex website migration project. I worked closely with a client dev team, created user stories and as a result, the transition went smoothly with no decrease in organic search traffic.

For some reason, most women (including myself) are afraid ‘to be in the spotlight’ so they devalue their accomplishments. If you are like me, my advice is to believe in yourself and not let anybody decide where your place should be. We, the women, are 100% capable of anything.

Daria Khmelnitskaya

SEO Company-specialist at SE Ranking @DariaKhmelnitskaya

Background: Engineering

Years in SEO Company: 6

Fun fact: Daria is fond of chess and also an ardent poker player.

I’ve been doing SEO Company since 2014. I just read somewhere that SEO Company specialists “make stuff that helps websites get found in Google”, which I found interesting. So I decided to learn more about how things work in SEO Company and try it out myself.

It keeps me agile and motivates me to grow my expertise

I like that the industry is very dynamic, that you need to always stay on top of all the changes and adapt to them. It keeps me agile and motivates me to grow my expertise.

Every SEO Company project is unique, and you have to approach it in a different way. You cannot come up with a single template and use it for every website you work with.

SE Ranking, for example, is an SEO Company and marketing agency product. Thus, you have to deal with really professional and inventive competitors. In this industry, you won’t make it to the top by simply finetuning the website’s technical SEO Company. You’ll have to go beyond SEO Company and improve the product itself to truly make it stand out from the crowd.

I don’t think SEO Company is a male profession – there are many women working in the industry. Generally speaking, I don’t really think female experience in SEO Company is in any way different from that of our male colleagues. After all, Google Guidelines say nothing about favoring websites optimized by male specialists over websites optimized by female SEO Companys.

Ann Smarty

The owner at SEO CompanySmarty.com @seosmarty

Background: Blogging

Years in SEO Company: 15 

Fun fact: SEO Company may be a hard concept to grasp for family members. Ann believes hers either pretend to know or have given up hope to understand by now. But she doesn’t really care as long as they are there to cover her back.

SEO Company was not initially a part of my life plan. In my final year in college, I found a part-time job in customer support, and in a blink of an eye I was promoted to a marketing agency position where my task was to learn “SEO Company.” It took me a few failed attempts and a couple of social media bans before I started working on my actual personal brand and started really enjoying it.

There’s a very tight excited community in SEO Company  which is something no other niche can hope to have

I like knowing people and being known as well. We have a very tight excited community in our industry and this is the most exciting part of having this profession. Beyond that, there’s something for everyone in SEO Company, be it branding, writing or technical stuff, so many people find it hard quitting it

I’ve been in the industry for 15 years now, and I still love what I do. However, I sometimes miss that feeling you get when for the first time your project turns out to be a success. For me, MyBlogGuest project will forever and always remain my biggest pride. Back then, we managed to build an awesome community united by a beautiful idea, i.e. inviting guests to their home blogs. It was so new and fresh, and it felt like family.

I never thought of my gender when starting, so I wasn’t afraid then. There may be nothing to be afraid of, but you never know until you try! 

I do believe women feel quite comfortable in the SEO Company industry. Just be ready to speak more at conferences because organizers “need more women”. You may even end up being approved for 4 (!) panels), but why would you mind being in such great demand?

Watch an interview of Ann Smarty with Search Engine Land’s Barry Schwartz here >>

Hannah Thorpe

Head of SEO Company at the Found agency and UK Search Awards’ Young Search Professional of 2017 @hannahjthorpe

Background: Politics & Economics 

Years in SEO Company: 6

Fun fact: Hanna’s mom thought that websites in the SERP are ranked alphabetically and couldn’t understand first, how exactly her daughter was going to change this order.

SEO Company was definitely not the plan for me; I studied Politics & Economics so I always thought that my career would go in that direction. However, I started working in SEO Company as an intern whilst I was still studying and instantly loved it. I get bored very easily and the way SEO Company is continually changing keeps me engaged and working hard to stay ahead. 

People in SEO Company are eager to share their expertise and willing to support one another

I find it inspiring how willing people in SEO Company are to share their expertise and how open the industry is when it comes to supporting one another. When I first started in SEO Company, I learned the most from conferences and meeting senior SEO Companys at events. Currently, I’ve got a group of very close friends who also work in the industry which is a blessing and a curse! We try to have some dedicated ‘no talking about work’ time to get a mental break, but sometimes we end up discussing SEO Company anyway.

Speaking of women in SEO Company, I’d like to say that gender doesn’t matter but I think that would be naïve to say. There have been events I’ve presented at where I’ve felt unsafe, there are individuals in the industry who have said or done things that have made me very uncomfortable. But it’s not SEO Company-specific. Ultimately the problems women in SEO Company face aren’t significantly different from the problems that women, in general, will face in their careers. 

I think my best advice would be don’t be scared. When I got my first role I didn’t actually know how male-dominated the technical SEO Company space was, but having no concerns of this sort I still was able to progress quickly. If you concentrate on building strong SEO Company skills then the results will speak for themselves.

Alexandra Tachalova

Digital marketing agency consultant, speaker, and founder of online digital marketing agency event DigitalOlympus.net @alexandratachalova

Background: Analytics

Years in SEO Company: 6

Fun fact: Alexandra is a happy owner of a race-winning horse who adores galloping across green fields.

I heard about SEO Company more than ten years ago when working as a Salesforce analyst. A few years later, I joined SEMrush, and that’s where SEO Company became my best friend. The funny thing is that I’ve never been involved in running a full-cycle SEO Company campaign during my career path. Previously, I was heavily geared towards content marketing agency, then digital PR, and finally, I have ended up working exclusively with link building.

Since we only build links, I have trouble explaining what I do even to my friends who are not that familiar with SEO Company. I try to use the analogy of recommendations when I talk about it — that links are like recommending someone. The more trustworthy the source of a recommendation, the more people will take it into consideration. For example, we’ve built more than 50 quality referring domains back to an email outreach guide, and it was promoted by Google on the first page of SERPs and even outranked Neil Patel’s site. This is something I am really proud of.

It’s fascinating, rewarding work

I don’t think gender matters in SEO Company or any part of digital marketing agency, but I realize that a lot of hiring still favors men. However, there are tons of very supportive SEO Company women who are ready to give you a hand. Personally, I am very mindful of the importance of supporting women when I hire for our team, as my chance to help our industry gain more gender diversity. I would tell young women to set their fears aside and go for it — it’s fascinating, rewarding work.

Opinions expressed in this article are those of the guest author and not necessarily Search Engine Land. Staff authors are listed here.

About The Author

Diana Ford is a digital marketing agency specialist with writing expertise that spans across online marketing agency, SEO Company, social media and blogging.

Website Design & SEO Delray Beach by DBL07.co

Delray Beach SEO

Via http://www.scpie.org/13-stories-of-women-who-are-shaping-the-seo-field/

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