#about to pretend i have £5000 lying around so i can get more info on this painting lol

[marryat92]

Signalling her number

William John Huggins (1781-1845), A Frigate Signalling Her Number Off Ramsgate.

This painting is a current listing on the marine art auction market, brought to my attention by a person who regularly scours auction sites. I can't find any additional information on Bonhams besides the title, and the lifespan of the artist (so we know that this was made in 1845 or earlier).

She flies the Red Ensign, also known as the "Red Duster", of the British merchant navy. The flags at her foremast and mainmast are from Captain Marryat's Code of Signals.

First Distinguishing Pennant: this shows that she is signalling the number of a merchantman. Other distinguishing pennants or flags would be used to express places, bearings, or sentences from Marryat's code. @ussporcupine demonstrated how Marryat's flags were used to send messages in AMC's Franklin expedition TV series, 'The Terror'. Even Royal Navy ships would use Marryat's code—and a Franklin expedition officer posed with a copy of Marryat's signal book, which might explain why the TV series chose to employ it.

So the numerical flags in Huggins' painting are a merchant ship:

This is 4230 or 4239. The last flag is slightly obscured, and I have tried reading it as both a zero or a nine:

If it were a 9, the upper left corner would be blue, not yellow, which is not what the painting appears to show. If it was important enough for the ship's owner to commission this painting, you would think that the artist would take care to show the correct signal flags.

The earliest edition of Marryat's Code of Signals online is from 1847 (Google Books link), which is a potential problem. If this ship was wrecked soon after 1845 (or even earlier, since the painting is undated), the corresponding merchant ship number in the 1847 edition wouldn't be her. But it's the best reference I have, and I looked up merchant ships using the first distinguishing pennant (the second pennant was also used for merchant ships, but that's not ambiguous here):

General Brock? Like Sir Isaac Brock? (The indentation appears to function as a "ditto"). Conveniently on the same page, merchant ship 4239 is General Graham. The list of ships is from Lloyd's Register, a company which is still around today, and they have their historical records online.

The connection between Captain Marryat and his Code of Signals and the powerful Lloyd's Register is not an accidental one. Joseph Marryat Sr., Frederick Marryat's father, happened to be both a Member of Parliament and an important board member at Lloyd's, which didn't go unnoticed at the time the Code of Signals was first published in 1817:

Urged on by his father, Marryat devised his Code of Signals for merchant shipping, which could be employed in parallel with naval signals. It divided into six parts: the first two, lists of warships and merchantmen, each identified by a number; thirdly, signals representing named ports, headlands, channels and reefs; fourth, signals for sentences commonly used at sea; finally a section for vocabulary and another for the alphabet. Published in 1817, it was promoted by Joseph Marryat, through his influence at Lloyd’s, prompting the sour comment from one ship-owner that, ‘When it is considered that Captain Marryat is the son of the chairman of the Committee of Lloyd’s, I am sure the ship-owners and the public will do every justice to the very ingenuous manner in which it has been brought forward.’ But influence, or ‘interest’, as it was known in the Navy, was one of the principal driving-forces of society and was taken for granted. Once the new code had been accepted by Lloyd’s, all its insurance agents, every ship-owner, the master of every merchantman, every pilot, coastguard and excise officer and soon every warship had to have a copy. Its success, both practical and commercial, was assured.

— Tom Pocock, Captain Marryat: Seaman, Writer, and Adventurer (2000)

So far, my attempts to cross-reference this ship in Lloyd's Register have yielded confusing results. The 1847 edition, which should match up with the Code of Signals I used, doesn't have a General Brock or General Graham. But both names are in the 1830 edition.

Here General Brock is identified as a brig (Bg), which is a two-masted vessel and can't be the ship in the painting. s.C. means copper sheathed. General Graham is a ship (S), and the most likely candidate at this point. Both vessels are 'SDB' or single deck with beams.

[fictionalthrill]

The Uncertainty of it All

A Steve Rogers Fan Fiction.

A/N: So, where to begin? Well, of course I want to thank @dreamwritesimagines​ for tagging me in their 10k Followers Challenge! It means a lot to me that you still have me on your forever list and that you stringed me along for this. It had been a while since I had written anything and I wanted so bad to make a return. So, what better way to do so than with this wonderful challenge?!Now, I have to confess, I did not plan on writing so much. I actually saw this as something minimal, yet I somehow managed to make it over 5000 words. Like, what? This was never the plan! In fact, if you look at anything I have written previously, I don’t think I’ve ever written something over 5000 words, so this is an incredible milestone. Also, this is nowhere near done. This fic is most likely going to be a two or three part story. Yup, you read that right. The story is only beginning and it is coming soon. The continuation is already in progress and I will notify you all when the next part comes up, which shouldn’t be long from when this is posted (Sep. 15, 2020).

Again, Dream, many thanks and I appreciate the invitation. I hope this does not disappoint. As I read over it I almost did not post it because I am like that. I nearly restarted it, but I decided to just roll with it this time. So there. Finally, I want to thank those who take their time to read this. To Dream’s followers: Greetings Earthlings! Welcome and thanks for the support. To my own followers: Greetings and Thanks for sticking around. Sorry for not being so active. All of that will change now. I hope y’all like this and stay around for more. And to new readers: Greetings as well. I hope you like what you read. Maybe you’ll like it enough to join the ever expanding Tumblr fan fic community. Until then, I’ll see you all on the interweb!

==

Intro: This story takes place mostly after the accords and during the events leading up to Endgame. This is only the first part of the story. It is a Steve Rogers Fic. I do want to mention that Peggy is in no way included in this story, as I don’t think it would be cool to have the reader insert to feel like there is a competition or something between them and Peggy. Also, I didn’t want to alter that love story because it was too great, even though I am somewhat doing that anyways… Also, the very end of Endgame will be changed in some way because of this. I just wanted to let you all know.

Steve Rogers Imagine/ Steve Rogers x Female!Reader IMAGES NOT MINE

Summary: As a result of the accords, Y/N felt it was best to take a step back from the Avengers and go her own way. In turn, her decision affected her relationship with her older brother Tony. However, her relationship with Steve, wasn’t so much affected, only left uncertain. At the same time, an even bigger threat is making its way towards Earth— Thanos. And regardless of their differences, it is forcing everyone to come together.

Sometime after the Accords…

      With your back leaning against a wall, you survey the perimeter. The lamp posts shine, bringing into view the entire street. There is no one around, and the only noise you hear is coming from a nearby bar. You have to do it now. You raise the scarf around your neck up to your nose and slowly drift towards the car. It is just the right one to get you across the border. It’s enough to keep a low profile. Once you’re out, you’ll drop it off somewhere and notify the authorities so that it can be recovered. Easy. No muss, no fuss.

      You stand next to the door and take one final look around before you get to work. With your set, you pick on the lock, waiting to hear the click. When it finally comes, you pop the door open. Half your body inside, you begin to pull the door towards you, but it’s held back. A hand latches on to the top of the frame, keeping you from closing it. Instantly, you take a jab at the person’s gut. Hopping out of the car, you kick their side, and aim your elbow at their face. But before they can bite the blow, they stop your forearm from getting too close. Your eyes meet the ones of the figure towering over you, and you find yourself devoured by a wave of the lightest of blues. You can recognize those eyes anywhere.

      “You’re getting sloppy.”

      “More like comfortable,” you say through your face cover. “Then again, didn’t know I had to keep an eye over my shoulder for you…”

      He lets go of your forearm and takes a step back. You check your surroundings. “You brought company?”

      “No need for it.”

      You shut the car door behind you. “What are you doing here, Steve?”

      “I was in the area.”

      “Sorry to say I don’t believe that.”

      “Any specific reason why you don’t?” he asks.

      You cross your arms. “Because I picked this place knowing very well you were nowhere near here.”

      “You’re keeping tabs on me.”

      You shrug. “You… and Romanoff, Wilson, Maximoff…”

      “Well it is only right I do the same.”

      “Right… that still doesn’t tell me what you’re doing here.”

      “How about you tell me what you are doing in a city like this trying to steal a car like that.” He points at the car behind you.

      “You’re the one with the info, why don’t you tell me?”

      “I can tell you I know why you’re staying close to New York.”

      “You weren’t stringing too far either.”

      “Been keeping an eye on you.”

      “Come on, Steve. Don’t act like your reason to stay close to New York isn’t the same as mine.”

      “For my team it is,” he pauses, “for me, it isn’t.”

      You swallow after his words. You want to pretend like you didn’t just hear that, but you did, and you know what he means by it. Lost in thought, you almost don’t notice him getting closer. Your back hits the side of the car, the cold seeping through your top. Your eyes watch him as he slowly raises his hand near your face, and grabs on to the face cover you forgot you had on. Gently, he tugs at it, exposing your face completely for only him to see.  

      “You and I both know you don’t need that,” he whispers with the hint of a smirk lying on his lips. His hand rests on your cheek. His warmth blending easily with the heat coursing through your body. Your hand reaches up and grabs a hold of his wrist.

      “What are you doing here, Steve?”

      “I had to see you.”

      “Steve, it’s not safe for you to be doing this.”

      “I know… but so far, it’s been worth it.”

      “You’re not thinking straight.”

      He raises his other hand to cup your other cheek. “I think I am.”

      Suddenly, a door slams open. A group of people stumble out of a bar. The noise rips you two apart. Steve takes a step back and drops his hands at his side. He bows his head to avoid being seen, while you look the other way with the same intention. The group’s laughter dies out as they walk in the opposite direction. He watches as they get further and further.

      “Like I said,” your voice grabs his attention, “it’s not safe. You never know.”

      “It’s fine, trust me. I made sure it was safe. And, if it’s safe for me it is safe for you too. But what I don’t get is why you’re acting like a fugitive.”

      “I’m not.”

      He gives you look.

      “What’s your point?” you ask.

      “My point is, last I checked they are after me, not you,” he pauses for a moment, “why aren’t you in New York, Y/N?”

      “Might I remind you who helped you break out your band of misfits from that prison?” you say, “You don’t think I’d be in the slightest bit of trouble for that?”

      “I haven’t forgotten, nor will I. But I also haven’t forgotten how we made sure there was no trace of your involvement.”

      “Come on, Steve. These people are very well aware of who broke into that place, as well as who had a hand in disabling those cells.”

      He stands there and studies your face, searching for some kind of explanation. You know you can’t lie. The way he is looking at you tells you he’ll pick up on any lie you say to him. You sigh. “After everything that happened with Tony during and after the accords, I assumed… I just assumed he wouldn’t want to see me, Steve. Not after what I did.”

      “Y/N, believe when I tell you Tony is in no way holding your decision against you. If there’s someone he is unhappy with, it’s me.”

      “Steve-”

      “Y/N, trust me.”

      “You don’t think he’s hurt that his own sister refused to sign those accords?”

      Steve stares at you intently. He takes in your every feature.

      “He thought I never signed them because of you. He believed I chose you over him.”

      “But I know you didn’t.”

      “Do you?”

      “I know you had your reasons, but I wasn’t one of them.”

      “Sorry to disappoint you.”

      Steve chuckles. “You could never disappoint me.”

      “Are you sure about that?”

      “Positive.”

      A silence stretches between you two. Neither of you says another word. Finally, you break the silence.

      “I think I should go,” you say. You open the car door but his words hold you for a moment.

      “Where will you go?”

      “If I tell you I won’t have you looking for me,” you say as you hop inside the car, “and where is the fun in that?”

      Steve smiles. “One last thing, why are you stealing a car?”

      “Stealing? Who said anything about stealing? If I’m doing anything its borrowing. I think you taught me that.”

      “I did, didn’t I?” he pauses. “Go see Tony, Y/N. Talk to him.”

      “I’ll see you around, Captain.”

--

Years later. The day Thanos’s army arrives.

      It’s been a while since you last saw Steve. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t miss him. You did. You do. And right now, you could really use his support and his encouraging words. But he is not here, so you are on your own in this one. All you have are the last words he said to you, haunting you like crazy. Go see Tony… Talk to him…

      Damn him. Damn him and his ability to be right whenever he opens his mouth. His words continue to gnaw at you, now even more so when you stand just a few feet away from Tony. You’re pretty sure he has no clue you are there. You hope he doesn’t.

      You watch him as he talks to Pepper. They look so happy. Tony actually looks happy. You never thought Pepper would be the one for him, but you’re glad that she is. You stop and wonder if you will ever have that… if you’ll ever be that happy.

      You snap back to reality the moment you see Tony step through a portal with Bruce and some other guy. You run in an attempt to reach them before it disappears, but you are too late. You only make it to Pepper’s side.

      “Pepper, what happened? Where’s Tony going?”

      “Y/N?” She gives you a quick hug and steps back. “Oh my God, you’re here! Where have you been? We’ve been worried,” she says.

      “I’ve been around. Where is Tony going Pepper?”

      “I- I- I don’t know. Bruce just appeared out of thin air with some man in a cape and he left with them.”

      “Do you know why?”

      “I don’t. It all just happened so fast.”

      “Alright. I’m gonna-”

      Your words are cut short when you notice a giant contraption suddenly appear in the sky. You hear people run and scream as it descends lower and lower. You have no idea what it could possibly be, but you figure it’s the reason why Tony left through that portal in the first place.

      “Pepper, you need to get out of here. Call someone, call anyone, call Happy! Get him here now and have him get you out of here, okay?”

      “What about you?”

      “I’m going to find Tony and see what all this is about.”

      “Do you have gear for this?”

      “I wasn’t really expecting something happening today, so no.”

      “Then just come with me, Y/N. It’s most likely not safe.”

      “It is definitely not safe, Pepper. But I can’t just leave. Please, get somewhere safe and let me know as soon as you can.”

      “Be careful, Y/N.”

      “I will.”

      You begin to run in the direction of the flying contraption, searching for shortcuts as you go. The streets are chaos and getting through is impossible.

      “Out of the way! Move! Out of the way!” you yell as you push through the madness. You turn on a curb and see Tony in the distance, shedding away some restraints. Once he is free, he looks at Bruce and the man next to him, and ascends in his suit towards the ship.

      “Tony! Tony wait!” You yell as you run, but you know it is no use. You don’t make it in time.

      Bruce reaches your side. “Y/N?” he says.

      “Banner, what is Tony doing? Where is he going?”

      “He’s gonna try and get Strange out of that thing. You got a suit like Tony’s?”

      “No.” Your eyes land on a man standing near Bruce.

      “Uh, this is Wong. He’s with Strange.”

      “Hi,” you say to Wong. He nods in response. You step away for a moment, dialing for Pepper on phone.

      “What are you doing?” Bruce asks.

      “I gotta make a call. I need to talk to Pepper,” you say. “She needs to know.”

      When you step away, you don’t notice Bruce bending down and collecting a flip phone from the ground. Behind him, Wong makes a portal and steps through it.

      “Where you going?” Bruce asks Wong.

      “The Time Stone’s been taken. The Sanctum remains unguarded. What will you do?” Wong says.

      “I’m gonna make a call.”

      At his response, Wong closes the portal, leaving you and Bruce in the middle of the disaster.

      “Okay, we need to go, now!” you say.

      “Where?”

      “The Avengers Facility upstate. I believe Rhodey’s already there. Come on, let’s go.”

      “Okay.”

--

Later that day; The Avengers Facility.

            “So that’s what Tony meant by the Avengers being broken up,” Bruce says.

      “Yeah. And that’s not even the half of it. There’s still a lot we need to get you up to speed with.”

      “And what happened between you and Tony?”

      “What do you mean?”

      “Well, I don’t know. It seems like everyone else had a role in this issue except for you.”

      “I…” you start, “I never signed the accords.”

      “So you sided with Steve.”

      “This wasn’t about sides. However, Tony managed to make it about that. Every single one of us had a choice to make, a path to follow. I, like Steve and Wanda and Sam, saw the other side of the coin when we said no. I knew very well what these accords would mean to the UN and the officials. Nothing good was to come from their involvement in the decisions the Avengers made as a team. Tony and I didn’t agree on that part and that’s what created the conflict.”

      “I see.”

      “What do you think you would have done if you were here?”

      “I don’t know. I probably would have signed.”

      “Of course. Anyhow, right now, the main priority is trying to get this Thanos guy before he gets his hands on those stones.”

      You and Bruce continue to work while Rhodey handles his meeting with the secretary and other officials in the other room. Focused on the task at hand, you become unaware of the Quinjet’s arrival, and the teams entrance into Rhodes’s meeting. You almost miss Bruce drifting off to the other room, but you don’t follow him.

      He jumps right into the conversation between Rhodes and the team. “Uh, I think you look great.”

      At his words, everyone turns, practically in shock to see him. “Uh…” he chuckles. “Yeah, I’m back.”

      Natasha takes in his presence. “Hi, Bruce.”

      The two stand a few feet apart, just staring at each other.

      “Nat,” Bruce says. She smiles.

      Just then you come into the room, your focus entirely on a pad you have been using to search and gather information. You don’t tear your eyes from it until you reach Bruce’s side.

      “Bruce, do you know if-” your words are cut when you notice the rest of the team standing in the room. You see Wanda and Sam, who help keep up an injured Vision. You also see Nat, with shorter blond hair. And then your sight lands right on Steve. His hair is a bit longer and he’s grown a beard. He looks so different. The image you had in your mind did not match the image of the man standing before you today.

      “Steve,” is all you say. The rest of the team watches you and Steve. No one speaks, until Sam, of course.

      “This is awkward,” Sam says.

      Oh, and it was. For a bit. After that you all moved to another room to discuss Thanos and come up with a plan to stop him. You were laying low while everyone came together, mostly to bring Bruce up to speed. He was surprised to learn there was an Ant-Man and a Spiderman. Throughout the meet, every so often Steve would sneak a look at you. When he spoke to Bruce, he was never told you were there. He expected he’d be the one to call you, but he obviously didn’t need to.

      As the gang discusses the stone, Bruce explains that there has to be a way to remove it from Vision, without causing his physical form any harm.

      “Can we do that?” Natasha asks.

      “Not me, not here,” Bruce replies.

      “Well, you better find someone and somewhere fast,” Rhodes says. “Ross isn’t just gonna let you guys have your old rooms back.”

      You glance at Steve who is deep in thought until his eyes meet yours. You can tell by the look on his face he has the same idea. You know exactly where to go.

      “I know somewhere,” he says.

Moments later…

            After Steve shares the details of where they can all go to work and prepare for Thanos, the team is packing whatever they need to leave for Wakanda. Everyone heads their own way to grab their suits, you included.

      In your quarters, you change into your tactical gear, leaving aside the nanotech suit Tony actually bothered to create for you. Like Natasha, you too have your own set of skills. While you have the brains similar to Tony, you never followed in the steps of your father. You instead took a bigger role in the field as opposed to one behind the scenes. You were and continue to be very hands on. Not long after Loki’s attack you became a part of SHIELD, and served as a part of Steve’s team, as well as Natasha’s, under Fury’s orders, of course. That was until the truth of SHIELD was unearthed and everything changed. With Hill, you joined your brother and assumed a split role as a scientist and one of the world’s defenders .

      Tony was more than happy to have you by his side. When things changed for him, he changed, and so did your relationship. But that wasn’t the only relationship that blossomed. So did your relationship with Steve. Somehow, between your time at SHIELD and your time slowly becoming part of the Avengers, something happened. You two were close. Not as close as some believed­— neither of you really acted on your feelings. But there were feelings. There still are feelings.

      You scan the case with the suit Tony created for you. It has your name on it and everything. Maybe he planned to surprise you. Maybe he waited for you to come by. Though you appreciate his work, you were never one for the suit. Personally, you don’t like to depend on it. Sure, you played around with every suit he’s ever made you. And you love him for always thinking of you when creating a new model. But, the suit isn’t you, and you like being you. Either way, he made it for you. Yet, right now, you aren’t exactly sure you deserve it.

      “What’s in the case?” Steve says as he enters the room. In all honesty, you were not expecting him any time soon. But then again, the soldier is full of surprises.

      “A, uh, a suit. The latest one Tony made for me.”

      “I see. Something wrong with it?”

      “No.”

      “Then, what’s-”

      “I don’t think I deserve it.”

      “Why not?”

      “You know why. Besides Tony, you are the only other person to know me sufficiently enough to know why.”

      “I guess I don’t understand why you continue to punish yourself.”

      “Because right now my brother is somewhere off in space fighting God knows what and I’m not there. And why? Because I was too damn stupid to come and see him sooner.”

      “You’re not stupid, Y/N.”

      “I’m not? Cause I sure feel stupid. God! I should have just signed those damn accords!”

      “You and I both know that wouldn’t have made a difference. You wouldn’t have been happy.”

      “What and you think I feel happy now? Do you think that at any point during or after the accords I have actually been happy?”

      “Look, Y/N, I get it-”

      “No you don’t get it,” you say, “Where were you?”

      “Edinburgh.”

      “Edinburgh? Okay.”

      “We had to move around. New York, let alone the US, was too big of a risk. We had no choice but to leave.”

      “Thanks for the postcard.”

      “I couldn’t just tell you. You know it wouldn’t have been safe.”

      “You could have at least told me you were leaving.”

       “It just happened.”

      “How did you even get here? How did you find out?”

      “Luckily, Bruce called.”

      “Luckily, Bruce called? Really?”

      “Well, I didn’t see you dialing for help any time soon.”

      “Oh please, had you’d been here from the beginning we wouldn’t have been in this mess in the first place.”

      “That’s not fair.”

      “Fair? None of this has been fair, Steve,” you pause. “I thought Loki was it, but this guy, this Thanos… he could be the end of all of us.” You shake your head. “We should have been there, Steve. And not just today, but from the start.”

      Steve sighs. “We couldn’t have known.”

      “No, but we should’ve listened to Tony. He warned us something like this would come and we didn’t listen.”

      Steve takes a step closer to you.

      “He counted on us and we weren’t there,” you continue. “And now what? Where do we go from here?”

      “We go to Wakanda, we remove the stone from Vision, and we fight.”

      “What about Tony?”

      “Tony will find his way to us. Believe me. You know the type of person he is. He always finds his way back.”

      “What if this time is different?”

      “It won’t be.”

      “Why did you leave without telling me? Why didn’t you ask me to go with you?”

      Steve walks over until he stands before you. He places a light hand on your cheek. “You and I both know you wouldn’t have come.”

      “You don’t know that.”

      “Would you have come if I had asked?”

      You just stare into his eyes, not uttering a word.

      “I didn’t ask because I was saving myself from the rejection.”

      You chuckle, but a tear slides down your cheek. “I’m sorry.”

      Steve shakes his head and brushes the tear away with his thumb. “Don’t apologize. None of this is your fault.”

      “God…” You rest your forehead on his chest. “I should have come to him sooner. I should have listened to you.”

      “Hey,” he says. You raise your head up at him. “None of this is on you. Tony will be alright. He’ll find his way back.”

      You take a deep breath. “I know. You’re right. You always are.”

      “Not always.”

      “Most of the time.”

      “Yeah.” You drop your head on his chest again.

      Steve lays his chin on top of your head. For a moment, its just you two. You both just stand there, comfortable with the closeness and silence.

      A set of footsteps grow close but neither of you pay mind to them. Sam stops at the door and lightly knocks. Both of you breakaway, but not with a sense of urgency. You simply do to give Sam the attention.

      “Sorry to interrupt,” Sam says.

      “No, it’s fine.”

      “It’s alright, Sam,” Steve says. “Everything in order?”

      “Yeah, everyone’s ready.”

      “We’ll meet you there,” Steve says. Sam nods and he walks away leaving you two alone again.

      “We should go,” you say.

      “Yeah.” He brushes a lock of hair from your face. “You okay?”

      “Of course. You?”

      “I’m okay as long as you are.”

      You smile, but not genuinely. There isn’t exactly happiness behind it. “Let’s go.”

--

      You and the rest of the present Avengers sit in the room after the meeting with the secretary. The Accords are… well they’ve managed to split the room. At the moment, Sam and Rhodey are going at it. Rhodey is clearly in favor, while Sam is not. They both stand behind Steve, who closely examines the Accords. You watch him, and you’re pretty sure he’s not on board.

            Vision cuts off Sam and Rhodey’s argument with an assessment of his own. He believes that, while it is not the Avenger’s fault that so much catastrophe has impacted the world, the existence of the group is a “causality.”

            “Boom,” says Rhodey.

            Beside him, Sam stands with arms crossed. He sends a look of disapproval at his response.

      “Tony,” Natasha says, “You’re being uncharacteristically non-hyperverbal.”

            “It’s because he’s already made up his mind,” Steve says.

            “Boy, you know me so well,” Tony replies and he stands up, walking away from the group.

      “No,” you jump in, “I know you so well, but he’s not wrong, isn’t he?”

            “Actually, I’m nursing an electromagnetic headache. That’s what’s going on, Cap. Sis. It’s just pain. It’s discomfort.” He approaches the kitchen sink, grabs a coffee mug, and reaches inside the sink. “Who’s putting coffee grounds in the disposal? Am I running a bed and breakfast for a biker gang?”

      You all just watch him as he speaks. He then places a pad on a basket on top of a counter and it displays the picture of a young man.

            “Oh, that’s Charles Spencer, by the way. He’s a great kid.”

            You sneak a glance at Steve. He may not know where this is going, but you do. Tony’s behavior right now, is only a result of guilt. He’s displeased; he feels that he’s failed.

            “Computer engineering degree, three-point-six GPA, had a floor-level gig at Intel planned for the fall. But first, he wanted to put a few miles on his soul… before he parked it behind a desk. See the world. Maybe be of service. Charlie didn’t want to go to Vegas or Fort Lauderdale, which is what I would do. He didn’t go to Paris or Amsterdam, which sounds fun. He decided to spend his summer building sustainable housing for the poor. Guess where. Sokovia.”

      You drop your head. There it is.

      “He wanted to make a difference, I suppose. I mean, we won’t know because we dropped a building on him while we were kicking ass.” He takes a pill and sets the mug down. “There’s no decision-making process here. We need to be put in check! Whatever form that takes, I’m game. If we can’t accept limitations, if we’re boundary-less, we’re no better than the bad guys.”

      “Tony, someone dies on your watch, you don’t give up,” Steve says.

            “Who said we’re giving up?”

            “We are if we’re not taking responsibility for our actions. This document just shifts the blame.”

            “Sorry, Steve. That-” Rhodey says, “That is dangerously arrogant. This is the United Nations we’re talking about. It’s not the World Security Council, it’s not SHIELD, it’s not HYDRA.”

            “No, but it’s run by people with agendas, and agendas change.”

      “That’s good. That’s why I’m here,” Tony jumps in as he walks up to the group, “When I realized what my weapons were capable of in the wrong hands… I shut it down and stopped manufacturing.”

            “Yes, but you saw the truth after the fact, Tony,” you say, “I told you once that what was being done with the company was not right. I even expressed my distaste of Obadiah Stane and you kept him on until you saw him rocking your first prototype. Plus, you can’t compare your position in a private company with the position each of these people hold in the UN.”

      “Who’s comparing? I’m not comparing, but by my example you can tell how it works. I kept the company in check, sis.”

            “Tony, you chose to do that,” Steve says. “If we sign this, we surrender our right to choose. What if this panel sends us somewhere we don’t think we should go? What if there is somewhere we need to go and they don’t let us? We may not be perfect, but the safest hands are still our own.”

      “If we don’t do this now, it’s gonna be done to us later. That’s the fact. That won’t be pretty.”

      “You’re saying they’ll come for me,” Wanda says.

            “We would protect you,” Vision states.

            “Maybe Tony’s right,” Natasha suddenly speaks. Tony turns to her. He’s in a bit of a shock. She continues, “If we have one hand on the wheel, we can still steer. If we take it off-”

            “Aren’t you the same woman who told the government to kiss her ass a few years ago?” Sam says.

            “I’m just… reading the terrain. We have made some very public mistakes. We need to win their trust back.”

      “Focus up. I’m sorry. Did I just mishear you or did you agree with me?”

            “Oh, I want to take it back now.”

            “No, no, no, you can’t retract it. Okay. Case closed. I win.”

      “I’m gonna look this over.” Steve says as he stands up and walks away, leaving the room.

            “Great. So we’re done here,” Tony says. The majority exchange glances and one by one start leaving. Vision accompanies Wanda, while Rhodey and Sam share a look then walk in opposite directions.

            “You alright?” Natasha asks you.

            “Just peachy,” you answer. Your eyes are fixed on Tony who is in the kitchen again.

            Natasha notices you looking at him. “Alright well, I’ll be around if you need me.”

            You nod and wait until she leaves the room. Once it is just you and Tony, you are ready to let it all out.

            “Are you pleased with yourself?” you ask him.

            “Currently? Very.”

            “You really don’t get what these accords will do to the Avengers— what it’s already doing.”

      “We need to be kept in check!”

            “You keep saying that but fail to understand what comes with signing our names away!”

      “This has been long overdue, sis.”

      “How can you say that? When the government wanted your suits, you actually made a whole spectacle about it and said no. Now all of a sudden you want to cooperate and follow orders?”

      “Look at everything that’s come since then.”

      “Tony, we didn’t have control over any of that. Even now without the UN’s influence, we don’t have control over whoever decides to wake up one day and wreck havoc on the world. I mean, you heard Steve-”

            “Oh, don’t even get me started on that. You can’t help but be on his side.”

      “No, it’s not about that! This is not about sides. Do you not understand how this panel can make a decision for us that we don’t agree with? Their agendas can change.”

            “And there she goes again ladies and gents, she quotes the Cap’n now,” Tony says while extending his arms.

            “You are making my argument something that it isn’t. This isn’t about him.”

              “Isn’t it? You are taking his side over mine.”

            “This isn’t about fucking sides, Tony!”

            “But it is. Right now, that’s what this is coming to. You are either on his side or mine, and you’ve clearly chosen your side.”

            “I don’t understand how me disagreeing with you has become about sides.”

      “Because of your feelings for him.”

            “Tony, you’re my brother, if this was about feelings I could have easily agreed with you because we’re family. But that’s not what any of this is about.”

            “Look me in the eye and tell me that your feelings for him aren’t influencing your decision right now.”

            “Fuck you, Tony. How dare you?”

            “So you don’t have feelings for him now? Come on, sis. Your feelings for him have been blossoming since Loki’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”

      You stare at him. Quiet, trying your best to contain yourself.

      “Tell me. Are there no feelings for the Cap’n?”

            “Fine, yes. You want the truth? I have feelings for Steve. But the fact that you believe that it is in some way influencing me right now is just childish and beneath you. What? Do I not have my own mind? Do I not have my own voice? Am I not capable of voicing my own beliefs? Yes, I agree with Steve and what he said, but that’s just it.”

            “Okay, so no feelings. I’m sorry. But Y/N, come on, how can you not see this is the best thing for the Avengers?”

            “And how can you not see it’s not? Tony, had the Avengers never existed, where do you think civilization would be right now? I don’t want to say that they owe us their lives, but the fact that we’ve taken action is what’s kept them here another day. And it wasn’t because we were told to do it, it was because we felt we had the responsibility and we followed our guts.”

            Tony just shakes his head. You take a step closer to him.

            “Tony, we can’t just put our decision making and our actions in the hands of people who have their own agendas. Who knows what they could use us for. What if this agreement leads us to form part of something we don’t want to be a part of? What then? You are literally the face for just acting most of the time instead of thinking. You sign this, that’s gonna change.”

            “I’m fine with that.”

            “Are you?”

            “The Avengers need to be administered.”

            You scoff. “Administered? You mean controlled, overseen, dominated, contained,” you pause. “You know who’ll have it the worst of all? Wanda. She’s only starting to learn to grasp her powers and what happened with her was an accident. What do you think they’ll do with her? She’s already afraid as it is. We can’t sign this, Tony.”

            “I can’t not do that.”

            “And I can’t sign them.”

            “Then I guess we’re done here.”

              You nod. “I guess we are.”

--

Later that day you pack some of your things into a bag after deciding it was best to leave. You won’t be a part of this and lurking around the facility was not going to do much for you. As you leave your quarters, you run into Steve.

            “Y/N, hey-” He notices the bag in your hand. “You’re leaving?”

            “Uh, yeah. I think it’s best I don’t stick around for any of this.”

            “Are you and Tony alright?”

            “No. And I don’t know when we’ll ever be. In the time that I knew our Dad, he always said Tony and I were going to be different in many ways. Guess this is one of those ways. We just don’t… we don’t see eye to eye.”

      “I’m sorry.”

            “Why? It’s not your fault.”

            “But I know he thinks it is.”

            “What do you-”

            “I didn’t hear the entire discussion, but I heard some of it.”

            You go stiff. If he heard some of it, you can only assume… “You heard what I told him.”

            “I didn’t mean to.”

            “But you did.”

      “I just-”

            “Please, don’t say anything, Steve.”

            “I don’t I need to say anything, Y/N,” he says. “I know the timing isn’t right, but you should know by now how I feel about you.”

            “Am I supposed to think you feel the same way.”

      Steve takes your free hand in his. “I’m not good at this.”

            “I’ve noticed. But it’s still working.”

            “I-”

            “Hey, Cap,” Sam interrupts him.

            You sigh and drop Steve’s hand from yours. “Oh, Sam. Your timing is impeccable.” You chuckle.

            “I’m sorry, guys. I could leave and come back.”

            “No. I’m about to leave, it’s fine.” At this point, there’s no need to hide it or play it off. Sam’s seen you two. He knows. You place a light hand on Steve’s cheek. “I’m gonna go.” You smile at him.  

            “You shouldn’t have to,” Steve says.

            “I do. Trust me. It’s best if I’m out of here. I’ll see you guys.” You say and leave the boys behind. “Call me if you need anything.”

            You walk through the halls of the facility until you make it to one of the exits. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Tony watching you. You toss him a quick glance and then you finally leave the facility.