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firsttimeihadsomethingtolose · 7 years

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Act like you love me...

So this is my first Shawn Mendes fanfic.ive become overly obsessed with him for the past year.I’m a proud 25 year old die hard fan.his love for his music and fans is amazing.I literally listen to him all day everyday.the fact that he’s such a genuine person makes me love him more.as far as this fandom goes I absolutely love it! I see nothing but support here from one another and spreading the love of this heaven sent man.I hope you guys like it,leave feedback or not.i haven’t written a fanfic in years but reading all of yours inspired me,and of course the man himself. Xoxo -Jasmine

I tap my foot against the floor impatiently,constantly glancing between the door and watch on my wrist.Shawn should be arriving any minute,After a long tour of two months he was finally returning home for a break.I sighed running my hands through my hair,a nervous habit i grew when i became stressed.I attempt to collect my thoughts,But all that seem to come to mind was my horrifying convo with Shawn’s record label.After nearly twos of dating they felt it was best to end our relationship.They expressed that i had become a “Distraction” for Shawn and his career,i scoff at the memory.Those assholes wouldn’t know the truth even if it hit them in the face.I had been with Shawn before his career took flight.The truth was they wanted him as their little puppet,as a sex symbol,a singer that wouldn’t dismiss their suggestions,but most importantly a person that didn’t need someone to answer to…me

They tried bargaining me a deal to go through with this aka money.But i told them they can take it and shove it up their asses.As much as i love Shawn the truth of the matter is,things just weren’t the same.I thought i could cope with it all,The fame,rumors,paps,love/hate from fans and most of all work demands.But i’m only human,and sometimes it’s a little too much.I’m doing this because i LOVE Shawn.I love the love he has for his fans,his music.Seeing him on stage with that smile on his face is such a rewarding thing to witness,but i can’t be what he wants me to be right now,so i have to let him go.I sniffled as tears began to stream my face making my cheeks red and sore.i quickly wipe them off with my sleeve as i hear the door open to our apartment in Canada.

“Honey i’m homeeee” Shawn shouted cheerfully.I hear his footsteps pacing around in our apartment looking for me,as i didn’t give him a response.Normally i’d greet him by the door tackling him with my arms wrapped around his neck following my legs over his waste.But here i’am in our bedroom numb,staring into the darkness.I hear his foot steps reach our bedroom door and i couldn’t bring myself to look up at him as he flicked the lights on.

“Hey i thought you stepped out or something” He smiled kneeling in front of me going in for a kiss,I turned my face rejecting him.

“Don’t,just don’t” I whisper gently pushing him away from me.

”Ok….” his voiced dropped with a concerned look on his face,as he slowly sat on the bed beside me.”What’s going-”

“I’m leaving” I cut him off getting to the point.Leaving him even more confused as his brows furrowed.

“Wait-what? is there a family emergency? do you need you to go to NY? i mean come on y/n you gotta give me something here.” His voice growing more worried.

I shook my head getting up finally facing him.”No,no you don’t get it” my eyes met his hazel ones,i turned not being able to look a him much longer.I felt him touch my shoulder making face him,he slide his hands down from my shoulder attempting to grasp my hand but i shook him off before he had the chance..

“Just STOP!” I shouted frustrated,startling him.”I can’t do this anymore…us” I motioned my hands between us.Immediately regretting the words as i said them.Shawn’s face fell and in a matter of seconds he went from confused to sad.I saw his world fall apart his beautiful hazel eyes getting glossy,he lost his balance for a moment letting himself fall on the edge of the bed.

“W-what- what do you mean?” His voice cracked,making his emotions get the best of him.My heart felt like it dropped in my stomach seeing him like this,fall apart and i was the cause for it.My eyes releasing a fresh batch of tears,i inhaled a sharp breath.My head thumping with a headache from all the crying.

‘I-i thought i could be what you need,but i can’t.” I looked down at my feet,i didn’t see Shawn get up.But before i knew it he was in front of me,comforting me.

“Hey- don’t you ever say that,you hear me? you are everything i could ever want and need.How could you not know that?” He asked lifting my chin making our eyes meet.”I love you” he said making me hate him for being so annoyingly sweet.

“I don’t think it’ll be enough” I held his hand he cupped my cheek with letting it drop to his side.I moved away from him needing distance between us.”You’re hardly here anymore Shawn,majority of our relationship is over short phone calls and facetime.Even when you are home i feel a space between us.”

“ I know it’s hard,but we can get through this.Tell me that we can p-please y/n i need to hear you say it.W-we can talk about this over breakfast,spend more time,i-i promise.I’ll make things right.”He pleaded tears now on his face.

“No Shawn we can’t” I mumbled and watched himself finally lose his patience.Before i knew it he walked over to the bedside table,purposely making the lamp collide with floor.I flinched at sound,it was very rarely i’d seen Shawn lose his temper but i couldn’t blame anyone but myself for it.

“I’m TRYING!” He yelled his face becoming irritated and red.He paused realizing his temper.He shut his eyes for moment,took a deep breath trying to center himself.”I’m trying to understand but whatever happened to communicating? i just came home from tour happy to be home,here with you and now i get this?” I stood silent leaning against the wall for support as he continued.

”I love you,i need you.And i know you feel the same way too.Look me in the eyes and say you don’t love me.” Damn you Mendes i wanted to say.The room felt like it was spinning,i felt hot and clammy.I speed out exit our bedroom ignoring his question,avoiding him but knew wasn’t giving up easily.I heard him trailing behind me.I grabbed my jacket car keys and purse and before i could reach the door,Shawn place his hand against it,trapping me in.I slowly turned facing him,he still had his hand pressed against the wall and took a step closer making my breathing uneven. “Don’t go not like this,you’re obviously upset.I could never forgive myself if you left like this and something happened to you.Stay for tonight?” I was at loss for words and just simply nodded my head.The fact that I just broke his heart and he’s worrying over me just proved the many reasons why I love him.He finally released his hand off the door heading towards the bedroom,then suddenly stopped and turning to me. “I- I can’t watch you leave,walk out on everything we’ve built.But if you do,just do it while I’m asleep.Give me that at least,maybe it’ll make this blow a little less painful” his voice sad defeated and then he left.Leaving me alone in my thoughts.I slid down the door banging my hand against it out of frustration.I don’t remember how long I stayed there,but eventually found myself going in our bedroom.And there he was, sound asleep.I gently climbed into bed careful not wake him.His back facing me,I wrapped my arm over his waste reaching for his hand and surprisingly he interwined them without hesitation. “Stay” he mumbled softly his voice full of sleep grasping my hand tighter. “Always” I whispered back.

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