#actually the calc classes i've taken had that and it was good

[kuiinncedes]

if only the fucking math department here was as good as the computer science department 😭

[dynamic-instability]

Hi, I just finished my freshman year in premed and my grades were horrible (like C average) and it was because I'm just not good at science in college like I was in hs... I'm so tired all the time and like I don't have chronic illness or anything and so I know it's not even like what you went through and maybe I'm stupid for complaining but I just don't know if I can keep doing this. I've wanted to be a doctor all my life, how do I give up on that dream??

(2/3) I just feel like I’m giving up and letting down everyone who expects things of me but when I think about things like having to get volunteer and shadowing hours I just feel like I’m panicing and it’s just this crushing weight and maybe I’m just not good enough but like how do I give up?? Doesn’t that make me weak?? My grades in other stuff like my history classes and even in calc were good but gen chem and gen bio fucking killed me I’ve always been a good student idk what to do now

(3/3) I’m sorry for sending this long thing that probably doesn’t even make sense and you dealt with so much shit with your sickness and stuff and you got really good grades obviously and I don’t even have anything like that, I’m just not good at school anymore?? I just know I need to make a change if I’m gonna do this premed thing and you’ve had to think about in the past what you’d do if you can’t be a doctor. I guess I just wanted your advice sorry this is so long lol I’m kinda freaking out

Oh my sweet bb anon. The first thing to do is to take a breath. The second thing to do is to stop comparing yourself to me or to anyone. Don’t start down that road of who has it harder and who is overcoming more, because that’s just not a productive line of thinking, okay? I’ve been there, I’ve done that to myself, it doesn’t lead anywhere good. Your struggles are your own struggles, and whatever you choose to do, it is valid. It does not make you weak.

There’s kind of a lot to unpack here so I’m just going to do my best.

I think the biggest question you have to ask here is whether you still genuinely want to be a doctor. So you’re struggling in your science classes, that’s okay, some C’s in freshman year don’t have to stop you. Just because your first year was hard, it doesn’t mean it won’t improve, and that’s true for a bunch of reasons. The material, for one thing: I didn’t like gen chem, but I loved orgo, and I know a lot of people for whom that’s been the case (it depends on how into quantitative thinking you are, I think). Also, intro-level bio classes can sometimes be the hardest because you have to learn a whole new vocabulary and way of thinking, but then once you have those skills it can get a lot easier. Also, regardless of your field of study, the first year of college is hard socially and academically, it’s a rough adjustment. I don’t know you, but maybe your mental health suffered from the stress and the transition, or maybe you just didn’t have the study skills yet because your high school coursework didn’t demand them. A couple bad grades does not mean you’re unable to do this.

What worries me more is that you said things like “I’m tired all the time” and “it feels like this crushing weight.” A look back through this blog will tell you I’ve had my share of feeling like this, and that not all of it can be attributed to chronic fatigue. But at least when it came to bio, I’ve always loved the material. Even when it was killing me, I love biology. I love biology and medicine so much that I do shit like writing a completely unnecessary 50-page lit review about cholera. I love a lot of other things, too, like music and history and linguistics, but nothing makes me happy like medicine makes me happy. If you love it and you’re struggling, you don’t need to give up, you just need to find better strategies for doing well. Find a tutor, work with classmates, find new study/organizational skills, retake some courses if you failed them. And there are going to be some courses in your prereqs that you just won’t like (see: me and physics) and that doesn’t have to stop you. The courses you take in undergrad are not necessarily reflective of everything to come. But if you hate science? Don’t put yourself through this. It isn’t worth it.

Here’s the thing. There is such a thing as a weed-out class, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Being “weeded out”, so to speak, doesn’t have to mean you’re not good enough, it can just mean that you’re figuring out what is and is not a good fit for you. My friend @carminapiranha went through this her freshman year, suffered through a year of pre-med where she struggled and was miserable before admitting it was not what she wanted. She has a degree in art history, and is about to go get a master’s degree. There was a girl I knew freshman year who was sure she was going to be a surgeon, but she got a D in gen bio 1 because the class didn’t make sense to her and made her miserable. She got an MBA and is making like hella money now. 

You can change your mind, that is a valid decision. It doesn’t have to mean you’re giving up, it doesn’t have to mean you’re weak, it can just mean you’re looking for something that’s a better fit for you. You said you did well in history classes, but did you also like them? What was your favorite class you’ve taken? I know there are some degrees that feel more “useless” than others, and it would be naive of me to claim that that doesn’t matter when college is so freakin expensive, but honestly? Very few people get jobs directly in the field of their degrees. People end up doing totally random jobs all the time. Maybe there’s something else that’s a better fit for you. If there is, you should go and do that!

So I guess my question is this: why are you trying so hard to stay pre-med? Is it because this is what you want and you can’t see yourself being fulfilled the same way doing anything else? For me, that’s the wall I come up against every time I quit being pre-med (which has happened like… three times now?) If that’s the case then maybe look at alternate careers in the medical field (I myself have thought extensively about becoming a genetic counselor–similar academic requirements, but not as harsh in terms of training, and probably not quite as competitive as far as undergraduate GPA), or you can just keep pushing towards this goal and try to find better ways of studying. As for the extracurricular stuff, I would recommend that you try to stop viewing it as this crushing obligation. Find volunteer opportunities that are things you think are cool and that you want to do, not because they’re things that will look good on a resume. View shadowing as an opportunity to see whether various medical field things are right for you, not as ticking a box for some imaginary (or literal) application-strengthening checklist. If your campus has a pre-med/pre-health club, see about going to some of their events or talks. Talk to a pre-health advisor about options and opportunities. Talk to other pre-health people. It’s a lot, being pre-med. I feel the pressure too, all the time, and it can be exhausting, but if it’s really what you want to do, you don’t have to give up. You certainly don’t have to give up this early. You’re only a baby freshman (well, a baby sophomore, now, I guess) (I can call you a baby because I’m 24 and I have a whole degree now, so #dealwithit) (I promise I mean it with love and not condescension). One year of not-great grades is not going to preclude you from being a doctor.

But if the reason you’re so reluctant to change paths is out of obligation instead of an actual passion for the field, then it’s not worth it to keep making yourself miserable. 

Whoever it is that you feel like you’ll be letting down by not becoming a doctor–your parents or your grandparents or your high school science teacher or whoever–you don’t owe them. I don’t know if you’ve got parents putting pressure on you or what, but if you do, just remember that it’s your life and no one has the right to tell you what to do with it. 

Or maybe the person you feel like you’re betraying is your past self, the version of you that’s dressing up as a doctor for Halloween and telling everyone for the past 18 years how you’re gonna be a doctor and sitting in your bedroom watching Grey’s Anatomy and getting all fired up about how that’s gonna be you one day. This is a thought I’ve had a lot over the past six years or so. It’s hard if you’ve identified yourself by this desire your whole life to suddenly imagine being anything else. I don’t know if that’s the case for you, but I feel sometimes like I have this 12-year-old Kari in my head and I’m breaking her little idealistic medical nerd heart every time I take a step outside the path she’d have me on. But guess what? You don’t owe your past self shit. Your past self had ideas of what your life would be, just like baby Kari had ideas for what my life would be, but she didn’t have all the information that I have. I know better than she did. You cannot control the actions and the thoughts of your future self, you just have to trust that they are better informed than you are. 

You are allowed to change. Your identity is yours and yours alone to shape how you please. It doesn’t make you weak to change course, it makes you flexible. (And hey, if studying biology has taught me anything, it’s that adaptability is key to survival) (There’s a reason my blog is called “dynamic instability”)

[realtalk-princeton]

Weird question that popped into my head - I've noticed a lot of contributors saying stuff like "because it's princeton and it's hard you shouldn't beat yourself up" (generally) in response to feelings over getting a B, self-esteem, etc. but does anyone know anyone with experience at another school? I guess what I'm asking is are we all collectively assuming things are hard bc us news rankings or are things actually harder here than at other colleges? Do we send someone to yale to find out lol

Response from Aspen:

Can’t compare to other private schools but!!... the two close friends I had at (a not good public) high school (where one of them literally almost failed out btw) have damn close to 4.0s at my local state university studying humanities and sure they study and stuff, but they do a lot more partying. I have friends at state schools who take hard ass courses of study and get struggle bus grades, but also some that choose waaayyy easier majors and have 4.0s without herculean effort. I’ve taken classes at other public universities since starting at Princeton as well, and in my experience they’re a lot more relaxed with an almost non-existent honor system, no restrictions on tutoring, etc. Take that as you will.

I think a lot of it comes down to the fact that setting aside the BSE and AB debate, there isnt a way to “cruise” through princeton. Any path you take requires similar levels of work and effort, thesis, independent work, etc. There’s also a huge disparity in college preparedness amongst students here that doesn't level out for a couple years.

As a sidenote: I have As in college credit from my state U for classes I had to retake here (thx Princeton’s credit transfer system!!) and got Ds in. Here in intro calc, everyone already took it in high school for the most part, so the testing doesn’t check that you can perform intergration by parts - because everyone would pass. So they make it much more difficult so there’s some semblance of a curve, which is cool, but it means that just knowing how to do the stuff doesn’t matter if you can’t apply in in 500 different situations. 

So like sure Princeton isn't the end all be all of hard shit out there and no one’s saying it is, but I've been told by profs/TAs/otherwise non-students that it is more difficult. 

Response from Clover:

Ah sniped! This is very direct anecdotal evidence above ^ my answer sort of went in a different direction of other possible reasons people might say stuff like this all the time—

Not weird at all— it’s popped into my head, too! I think that people say this for a number of reasons. Some people say it just to say it— like you said, it’s sort of a common phrase to use, associated with our culture here no matters its origins. Some people believe this by drawing conclusions from anecdotal/empirical facts, such as acceptance rate (it’s low, therefore this school is hard to get into, therefore you’re a good student to get in, therefore etc.), roughly comparing to friends experience at other schools (“my friend at another school says they have way less work/easier tests”, etc.), and comparing to transfer credit classes (generally heralded as easier to pass). Some people believe this is true because of things like rankings, whether it’s the college ranking thing or just the unofficial “hierarchy” of Ivy league schools that you quickly get the gist of after 2 seconds on the ivy league memes page lol. Another reason people say this maybe can be that, regardless of whether they believe Princeton is truly harder, the world sort of preceives it that way. So even if you think stuff like rankings is bullshit and Princeton isn’t that hard, you can’t deny that “Princeton” comes with the benefit of being a prestigious schools and therefore a “Princeton B > other B” (or something along those lines).

[thepoisonivyleague]

I have to take applied calc in the fall and tbh I'm scared...I've never taken any kind of calculus. Do you have anything that could be useful for me?

Hey anon!

If you’ve never taken any kind of calculus, I HIGHLY recommend watching the YouTube series “Essence of Calculus”. I wish I had watched these last year before I started AP Calc. They help you genuinely understand calculus, which is the basis of being successful in it (although I went through AP Calc not necessarily understanding...). I learned about it from a friend in my HL Math class, who actually taught himself calculus through these videos. I’ve never taken applied calc so I can’t give any specific advice in regards to that, but in my opinion, practice is the key to mastering any math. ~ AnnaI agree with Anna in that you should watch the “Essence of Calculus” videos. I also think you should always look at Khan Academy for practice and Mathway for specific help. Applied calc can seem difficult, so don’t be afraid to ask your teacher/professor and peers if you don’t understand something. Good luck with your class :)!~ Sam

[thepoisonivyleague]

i really want to go to cornell but i'm worried. i've taken on a lot of stuff this year (tennis, spanish honor society, chemistry honor society, algebra tutoring, esl tutoring, chemistry tutoring (lot's of tutoring lol), band, possibly orchestra and possibly indoor track) honestly if you had my schedule it wouldn't seem as crazy but i'm concerned about my actual classes. i'm only taking 3 aps this year (english, us history, and physics) and i was supposed to take more (1/2)

(2/2) i was supposed to also take ap calc and because of schedule conflicts, i am taking prob stat instead. all of my friends are taking more ap’s and it’s discouraging. i want to go to cornell but there are people in those ap’s who are doing really well and have dismal hopes for college. i know i’m working hard but i’m just concerned it’s not enough. any tips? thanks, i love your blog!Thanks!! Don’t worry too much on the classes you aren’t taking, focus more on the classes you ARE taking. Of course schools like to see you’ve taken a lot of APs, but if you couldn’t help that you couldn’t take a certain class, then it shouldn’t affect you too much. Focus on your essays, grades, extracurriculars, test scores, and more that will help you get into your dream school. Good luck!

[realtalk-princeton]

Ok worried prefrosh here who's heard some horror stories about Princeton math classes from older classmates - do you feel like some majors here have a really high entry barrier? Like I only recently discovered that I actually really like math and I might want to major in it but I've only had Calc AB and I'm worried that I have too much catching up to do if I try to be a math major at Princeton as opposed to being one at my state school. So, real talk, are some majors unrealistic?

Response from Pichu:

well you asked for the real talk so here it is. short answer, take mat 215 but definitely keep an open mind to other majors.

here’s the long answer but i’ll make it short. good that you are interested in majoring in math, but if all you’ve taken is up to AB calc then you really don’t know whether you like it or not. you just don’t know what math is.. sounds harsh but i know everyone would agree with that statement. math major math is nothing like AB calc, whether at princeton or a state school, but especially at princeton. so you may think you like math now but you need to take mat 215 if you really want to see if you like it (i’m not saying you don’t, just keep an open mind you’re just a freshman). many people drop after the first day of 215. just try it out freshman fall and see. i don’t personally know any math majors who only did up to AB calc in high school, but i would guess that it’s not unprecedented, just rare. good luck!