#advanced happy new year yall

[musedblues]

FOREVER AND FOR REAL

(photo edits by @pitifulbaby_ on insta)

a/n: daisy jones eat your fucking heart out. i present yet another rockstar!eddie fic. this one features fem rockstar!reader, a fake marrige, a lot of reckless behavior and lovely little ending.

warnings: descriptions of sex, drugs, rock and roll, themes abt alcoholism/addiction, mentions of abusive ex partners, god-awful rom com tropes, fantastical bullshit. sorry not sorry for this yall know i love a good fake marriage 

30k

MINORS DNI

/// New York 1988 -

"So, how did it start with you and Eddie?" The woman from the Rolling Stone smiled as she quizzed you. Her voice was low, her demeanor was patient.

"He asked for my autograph." You revealed with a laugh.

///

Sunset Strip 1986 -

The rooftop party was in full swing. Your labels oldest and most endeared studio musician had announced his retirement and everyone who was anyone showed up to his celebratory send off.

Ozzy was stumbling from guest to guest. Prince was casting smug grins from his poolside perch. You were being reprimanded by you manager in the middle of the shindig.

"Go wish Terry a happy retirement and maybe go catch up with some other studio musicians while you're at it. You can't let your last guitarists new rumors ruin your reputation. We'll need to hire some of these people to record your next album, you know?" Kelsey snarled, his cigarette-stained smile repulsing you. He was a hard ass. That made him a damn successful manager. And a shitty fucking person.

You grumbled and spun to do what he said, trying to stay in favor with the musicians who worked under your label was a must. If only you would have known falling in love with your last guitarist would result in the messiest breakup of all time. If only he hadn't spread such vial rumors about you to his fellow studio musicians and the press.

But they were just rumors. And you had proven yourself to be one of the music's scenes most prominent figures in the past few years. You wouldn't let this hiccup be the one to topple over everything you worked so hard to achieve.

On your mission to save your name, you stopped by the rooftop bar. There were a cast of patrons who parted to let you ahead in line. That was a good sign. You still held an absurd amount of social import. After asking the man behind the counter for a vodka soda, a commotion turned everyone's gaze.

Out of thin air, was the illustrious Eddie Munson. In a flash he jumped behind the mini bar and proceeded to pour the drink you asked for. He was hammered, the drunkest of any attendee. He was smiling at you as you accepted the vodka... and then he introduced himself.

"I of course know who you are." Eddie smiled, ignoring the bartender who was frustratedly insisting the guitarist get out from behind the workspace. Eddie was leaned against the counter, watching you laugh and roll your eyes. Of course, he knew you. And of course, you knew him. He was the newest name attached to your shared label, but perhaps the most famous.

In the one year that Eddies band Corroded Coffin had appeared on the scene, their music and personage had taken over rock and roll. Their tours were selling out, their greenrooms were stuffed with groupies, their producers were booking studios so far out in advance your next session had to be postponed.

"I've known who you are since your first single became the soundtrack of the summer of '84. I've had your posters on my walls. Would it be impossibly tacky of me to ask for your autograph?" Eddie slurred, but past his inebriation lied a sparkle in his eye that you read as genuine.

"Our generations most admired guitar virtuoso is asking for my signature?" You snorted. "I should be asking for yours. Could sell it for millions." You grinned back, watching Eddie's wide smile faulter as the bartender had started swatting his shoulders, demanding he leave.

"Okay, okay. I'll go." The rockstar turned and submitted with a sigh, and a paused smirk. "But only after one more shot." Eddie spun to grab a bottle of whiskey, lifting the nozzle to hold over his opened mouth, draining more than a shot worth as the small crowd of party goers cheered him on. The bartender cursed Eddie, snatched the bottle back, and announced he was calling security. Eddie had heard enough, hoping over the bar, his boots shinning across your field of vision as he whizzed past you, landing stealthily, and grabbing your wrist on his sudden escape.

"That way!" You chuckled, just buzzed enough to let yourself enjoy the change of pace. Eddie darted in your demanded direction and found a pair of elevators around the rooftops pool, busied by party goers.

As the pair of you lunged into the lift, you reached for the buttons to shut the doors fast as possible. They slid together in slow motion as your fingers fumbled over the buttons, pressing a couple different floors by mistake as the ride descended. Eddie's laughter rang in your ear as he drunkenly bobbed to find footing. But soon as the pair of you were being lowered to freedom, your ride creaked eerily to a halt. The doors did not open. The ride did not move.

"Oh no." You called, racing to press more buttons but worrying that your initial doing so was what had stopped the ride. But surely the button meant to press for an emergency was safe, right?

"We stopped?" Eddie realized, his lithe grin faltering, sobriety bubbling into his gaze.

"Shit, I'm so sorry." You turned to face the rockstar, who was just realizing the gravity of your situation. Just then a crackly voice rang through the rides system, informing the pair of you that your alert was received and asking what had happened. A nice enough woman assured help was on the way and insisted the pair of you stay calm. You started to apologize to Eddie once more when he waved to dismiss you.

"No, it's my fault for dragging you away with me. I'm kind of a pro at causing so much trouble."

"There are worse rockers to be trapped in an elevator with." You chuckled, leaning back against one of the walls railings.

"Took the words outta my mouth... I do want your autograph. Heartbeaten was the only album I played the winter it came out."

"You're a very dangerous flirt, you know that?" You warned, looking the guitarist up and down. It was beyond flattering to hear your music complimented by a musician you admired all the same. It didn't hurt how easy it was to look at Eddie, either. Leather clad, hair a mess, eyes glazed over by the night's events. You'd forgotten for a moment that you were trapped.

"Is it getting hot in here? I'd say it's cause of you but I don't really like this..." Eddie tried to play off his worry but you watched his chest rise and fall and remembered you were trapped and suddenly everything became more realistically grim. You pressed the emergency button once more and the kind woman insisted the fire department was on their way up now.

"Just a couple more minutes." You nodded toward Eddie. "We'll be out of here before you know it."

"Thank God." Eddie noted. "But I might just miss you, ya know?"

All of a sudden it hit you. Everything you'd been through in the past year played like a montage through your mind, leading up to this moment. You realized you hadn't been trapped so much as given a golden opportunity to ask a very important question to what seemed like the exact right person.

"Eddie..."

"Yeah?"

"I'll sign my album for you if you do something for me?"

Just then a loud scraping against the metal entrance broke your collective focus on each other. A group of firemen pushed open the elevator doors by aid of some tools, informed the pair of you had been stuck on the 17th floor, and escorted you down the stairwell asking a few questions about how everything had gone down.

When you and Eddie reached the lobby, a woman you'd recognized from the label's office came hurrying toward the pair of you. She had to be Eddie's manager.

"I think it's time we go." The woman offered you a polite smile before turning a stern gaze to Eddie. "You've already pissed off three of the four bartenders here tonight. And I'm sure you've overstayed your welcome in her presence, Munson." She eye'd you.

"Actually, he was just agreeing to meet me in my studio over the weekend." You blurted. Eddie was the best player on the scene. He was your best and maybe only hope. Eddie beamed at you, realizing that this was your barter for giving your autograph to the rockstar.

"I'd love to work together." You spoke quickly enough to result in a blush of embarrassment. You were usually good at keeping your cool. But something about Eddie made you giddy and terrified and everything else all at once. You watched as Eddie's manager nodded in contemplation.

"I know Kelsey. I'll give him a call to set up the times." She dropped your managers name and yanked Eddie away in a hurry. The rocker didn't go without flashing you a smile and a wave before stumbling off through the lobby. After that, nothing was keeping you at the party any longer, either.

///

Century City L.A. 1986 -

When Eddie breezed into your recording booth the next weekend, he was refreshingly sober; and made sure you knew how grateful he was for the invitation. He slung his guitar around his back and shook your hand and listened intently to your vision for the music you were creating.

Eddie's presence was magnifying. But differently than you'd expected. You'd seen headlines and heard rumors float about from countless greenroom groupies and stagehands. Eddie Munson had gained quite the salacious reputation within the year fame had found him. He was no stranger to romantic quarrels and quandaries, legal battles, displays of public intoxication, the whole shebang. You knew he was going to captivate you, he already had. But he was not so unruly as the press made him out to be.

Eddie was respectful, desperate to fully understand your musical vison. Eddie was kind, complimenting your work and the tracks you'd scrapped together so far. Eddie was brilliant, adding licks and riffs right away that you'd never dreamed you'd be lucky enough to have featured throughout your music. He helped you write what you hadn't finished. He made you laugh in the middle of recording and apologized profusely when you had to start over and over again.

He said he could only stay for a couple of hours. But two hours turned into two days, turned into two weeks. When it was finished, your third album, Steel & Stone, had a healthy dose of Eddie's input sprinkled throughout. It was more a collaboration than a solo record. It was fucking Beautiful. Your producers thought so too. They said your sounds married well together.

That made Eddie laugh. And then it gave him an idea.

"The album cover should be a wedding! I've got it all figured out!" He excitedly sketched out his suggestions for your albums cover; and because he was so excited, you humored the guy by scheduling a photoshoot. A week later you were cutting up an old, thrifted wedding dress in Eddie's back garden. He'd hired a fake priest and invited some friends over to fill the background.

The pair of you looked fetching, Eddie in his size too small tux. loose tie, hair pulled back. You, in a ragged old dress, pearls hanging past your torso. The photos for the album cover came out killer, you and Eddie looked like a bride and groom out of a horror show. It was perfect.

The paparazzi thought so too. Somehow, someone with a camera and a lot of guts managed to snap a bevy of photos of your make-believe wedding over the hedges of Eddies back garden.

The photos were all over the tabloids the next day, and Hollywood went berserk at the news of your presumed wedding to the rock God. You found out when your phone clattered to life at 7am the next day. You answered the line to a frantic Eddie, who was less concerned about the rumor that you two had gotten legitimately married than the fact that his privacy was so easily invaded. So, you suggested he schedule a meeting with your real estate agent to find a safer, better shielded home. And because he was too frantic to take notes, you huffed and headed over to his humble abode to help the poor boy plan.

It wasn't even twenty-four hours later that rumors the pair of you were house hunting together sparked interest alongside the blurry wedding photos. News of your alleged link to Eddie traveled fast, but your management worked faster. Forty-two hours after the gossip spread, you and Eddie were called in to address the rumor mill.

///

"Sit, both of you, and listen to our pitch in completion before you voice opinions." Eddies manager, Brooke, was stood before an oak desk, she was a sharply dressed middle aged cunning sort of a woman you respected for rising to ranks men usually dominated in the industry.

You and Eddie gave each other a look as you settled in opposite armchairs. This was going to be interesting. Your manager was sat at the head of the desk, eager to have his turn of attention.

"In the past few months, both of you have been in a little trouble with the press, no?" Kelsey began, gazing over his tinted glasses to meet your eye.

"Try the past year." Eddie huffed a laugh, sitting back. The musician really had always been linked to some salacious headlines since his rise to stardom. You were rather new to the negative press, but had done a better job beating the allegations, you thought.

Brooke slid a trio of papers across an oak desk then. One showed a collage of tabloid write ups from the past few days. Every word gushed over the supposed connection you and Eddie shared. It was an overwhelming collection of rose-colored journalism. The other two papers looked like contracts.

"We think," Brooke breathed, glancing to Kelsey, "given the immense positive reaction to your supposed wedding, that you and Eddie staying allegedly betrothed is a divine PR opportunity to push alongside the new album you're each equal parts credited to have made."

"You want us to pretend to be married?" Eddie laughed. The kind of chuckle that burst from behind his teeth, like a kid in class that couldn't help but disrupt.

"Of course we do. Just for five months, till the start of next year. Besides being a brilliant PR move to promote Steel & Stone, it could save your ass, Munson."

"What's my ass got to do with anything?" Eddie quipped.

"Edward, now is a good time to inform you that your label is threatening to drop you if you don't get your shit together before this year ends. You don't want to pass the point of no return, do you?" The news hung in the air with, menacing finality. Eddie's carless behavior was catching up with him.

"Settling down in general is a good look for you. Settling down with this world famous takes no shit rock and roll chick is even better. You both get to remain reckless, except now with morals. America just creamed their pants. The tabloids have already begun rebranding Eddie, let see what was it..." She picked up a daily newsprint to quote...

"Ah yes, 'From Don Juan to I Do, can this wild rocker finally be tamed?' Cheesy but you get the gist. This positive spotlight might be your last before you're dubbed hopeless!" Brooke tossed the newsprint in Eddies lap. He grumbled back a "Hey!"

Then Kelsey spoke up...

"Of course you're not in such hot waters," He pointed your way, "but the sooner we clear up the mess you let your last guitarist make, the better off you'll be."

"I didn't let-"

"You will sign these contracts." Kelsey boomed, jabbing his finger on the dotted line of the paper in front of you. The room went quiet as his voice rattled the walls. "We'd hate for the premier of your new album to be delayed while you remain obstinate."

"You can't do that." You stated. You worried.

"We're going to talk about this." Eddie stretched from his seat and swatted your shoulder to meet him in the hall. You followed gladly, anxious to get out of the tension filled room.

A few steps closer toward the stairwell, Eddie slowed there. "Kelsey is a scary fucker, huh?"

"A lot of information just came at us at once. I think we should-" You tried to reason as you stalled at his side.

"I don't want to delay your album." Eddie blurted; brows pressed tightly together. "I don't want you to have to lug me around for five months either." He leaned against the wall, jamming a fist in one of his many leather pockets for a cigarette.

"I won't be lugging you around, doofus." You laughed, kicking his boots with your heel. "I dunno. You do need a bit of a boost in the social department. Every girl I know has a story about you, Edward Munson."

"Yeah, I know. Got outta control on tours. But you know I've been doing better, we talked in the studio about how big of an idiot I used to be. But I'm tryin'. Apologizin' and shit! I don't want you to feel like you gotta save me. I'm working on that myself!"

"I've witnessed the progress you've made! Lita called last week to gossip and she didn't curse your name once!" You noted, dropping the name of the mutual friend and one Eddie's many ex-lovers.

"See! You don't need to be fake married to me. I'm my own personally savior. Hey, that's a good lyric..."

"Listen. If we did this, it's mostly because I'm worried about the album's release being threatened. And only a little bit because I would want to help clean your social slate and save you from being dropped from the label. So..."

"Awe, you like me enough to clean up after me? Gives me reason to keep making messes..." Eddie sing songed, breathing out smoke and shooting you a wink that made your eyes roll. You had been given a small thrill when you helped Eddie escape disaster upon your first meeting. You wouldn't mind having to look out for him for a few more months in a row.

"Look, do you want my help or not? My offer is about to be swiftly redacted!" You'd been moved to this major act of charity after spending that week in the studio, learning about the guy behind the guitar. He was much more than all those famous songs and infamous rumors and those silly rambled in the broken elevator. He was funny and smart and you liked him enough by now to consider doing this insane fucking thing. But too, there was a pit opening in your stomach that warned if you didn't do exactly as Kelsey wished, he would fuck shit up for you worse than he originally threatened.

"Okay! It seems like we're doing this. But no lugging me, got it!" Eddie sighed past his smoke, decided all of the sudden. You barely had time to process what you'd both agreed to before agreeing, but there you were.

"No lugging!" You echoed, rounding your shoulders as you slinked back into the room with the papers. You didn't like your work being held over your head. But you didn't see much harm in letting the rumors go on a little longer. You were looking at the tabloid cover story about what a perfect couple you made. All very sanguine. Why fix something that wasn't broken?

The pair of you signed on the dotted line.

That same afternoon, you were sent to pick out wedding bands. You quite admired a tiger-eye stone; but before you could ask how much it would cost, Kelsey had picked out gaudy diamond studded rings for both you and Eddie. You then realized this wasn't your relationship at all. None of this was up to you. But you'd be expected to act as if it was.

///

The Beverly Hills Hotel 1986 -

"Tell us about the wedding! Did you write your own vows?" A voice called from a pit full of reporters, each one of them as sly and insatiable as the last.

You and Eddie were sat shoulder to shoulder at the press conference meant to discuss your collaboration album that hit shelves the midnight before. And too, Eddie was meant to announce his L.A residency and you were meant to announce your upcoming tour. But you both knew your alleged wedding would be the subject on the tip of every tongue. This was it. The real test.

"I wanted to sing my vows but apparently that was too theatrical." Eddie joked, charming the room, shooting winks and stretching out smiles. What a fucking bullshitter.

"You've always been a showoff." You glanced to the man out of the corner of your eye as you spoke into your mic on the table before you. He was eating this up.

"That's right. I'm my best self in the spotlight. So now I'd like to announce for the next two months I've accepted a residency at the Roxy. One show every weekend until November. Dates will be in Rolling Stone this Monday!"

Cameras clicked and voices muddled over one another as reporters clamored to ask a million things. Your manager picked one man with a notepad out of the mix. His question was for you.

"Will you be able to enjoy a honeymoon before your husband goes back to work?"

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes,

"I'll be going to work myself. I'm touring this summer, a few dates need decided before tickets go on sale next week. We've got to promote this new album. Any questions about Steel & Stone? Any at all?"

The crowd roared louder than before. Reporters demanded to know why you and Eddie would be spending so much time apart so soon after tying the knot. Questions about the strength of your love and were directed at you like shrapnel. They wanted to know how two musicians with separate demanding schedules could maintain a happy life as a couple. They wanted to know why a honeymoon had failed to be arranged.

"If you must know, we're spending the weekend in Hawaii. Then, my wife and I will get to work promoting this very well made new album that you should all buy and review warmly!"

Oh, this motherfucker. Eddie was concerned about you lugging him around given this arrangement? Well, he never warned you about the bullshit antics he was eager to pull first shot he got a chance. You should have known better than to sign up for anything with this wildcard of a man.

To your surprise, Eddie's little joke couldn't be left to rest. By the end of the press conference Kelsey had your meetings canceled and a flight booked for Honolulu Friday morning. Shit, this was about to be a really weird year.

On the way out of the conference hall, you let Eddie kiss you on the cheek where the cameras could see before hurrying into a shared limo.

"Are you sure you wanna spend two days and three nights in Hawaii together?" You wondered, settling into the ride as it started zooming off. "You might get so sick of me we blow this whole thing."

"Relax babe, we'll be so chill beach side that we won't worry about stuff like that. Plus, why not make the most of this thing? Enjoy it!" Eddie shrugged and looked at you with a softness in his gaze. You saw a reflection of exhaustion you recognized. You both worked hard. Maybe it was time to sit back while the ride whirled on, for now.

"Plus, I'd rather play it cool with you for five more months than get sued for breaking contract." Eddie winked at you and popped open the limos complementary bottle of Champaigne.

///

New York 1988 -

"I wrote my first album at eighteen years old. Sold out Madison Square Garden by 19. Made three platinum records by 20. But Eddie gifted me the song that made my third album the nation's best seller for three months in a row. He played guitar on that track because I asked him too. He squirmed his way onto four more tracks because he was that charming. He was that good. He was one of the best guitarists I knew."

You bragged to Rolling Stone, watching her take notes and nod along, grinning past her cigarette. As she scribbled away you thought back to that time with reverence.

That invitation to play on Steel & Stone was never meant to be more than just that. An invitation for Eddie to play in your studio for a couple hours. But that invitation morphed into a lasting connection no one could have seen coming. You didn't regret that it happened. But perhaps if you hadn't let your management teams concoct such a devious plan to pair the two of you up contractually, you and Eddie would have been spared a world of hurt.

Eddie was one year younger than you but perhaps somehow even more famous. Maybe because he was a man, but probably because he was more talented. You could write, you could sing. But so could Eddie. He wrote and sang and played guitar and bass and drums and was a wizard behind any sound booth. A musician's musician through and through. It's something you admired about him.

But Eddie, like yourself, was a rockstar. He was reckless and late and messy and incorrigible. When the pair of you really got going, you'd bicker like bitches. When you were forced to make appearances together, the bantering made the tabloids. And apparently, sold records too. You'd seen the numbers yourself. Associating with Eddie was good for your career, back then. And vice versa.

"Next question."

///

Hawaii 1986 -

Brooke handled booking your fake honeymoon, thank God. She actually asked where you'd like to stay, how you'd like to spend your false vacation. You fantasized about a tiny little bungalow with shops nearby enough to walk to and days free of any plans.

After your plane landed and your cab ride stopped, you were left standing before the cottage of your dreams. Behind a wooden picket fence was a green home with wide windows, cozy and inviting. You hurried up the porch steps, dragging your suitcase as fast as the heavy thing would follow.

Inside was warm and homey as you could have imagined, big comfy furniture cluttered around a fireplace. A square kitchen with walls full of cabinets, plants on the large stretched out windowsills, a staircase that led to just three bedrooms. The lack of extravagance made you realize you didn't feel at home at all in your ridiculous Hollywood estate. There was more space in that home than you could fill with money or good intention. But this quiet and calm seaside bungalow would break your heart to leave, you already knew.

"Look, they already stocked the fridge," Eddie laughed behind where you admired the homes decor. "Benefits of super stardom I suppose." You turned to meet him where he stood when something else caught your eye.

"Brooke left a note." You realized, finding her scrawl on the kitchen island.

'The next three days are mostly yours to do what you please. But you must be seen out together at least once a day, given the rules of your contract. There are a row of shops a few minutes west of here and there are dinner reservations at the cities most renowned restaurant on your last night. The details and address is at the bottom of this note.'

"Right." You laughed. "It's 'our time to do as we please,' so long as we follow their rules."

"And that's the drawback of super stardom." Eddie pointed, bending to pick up both of your bags, heading toward the stairs. He announced that he'd leave your stuff in the bigger room, assuming there would be one. You announced a thanks for his chivalry and roamed toward the patio doors that opened to a private pool. Past the little garden area was the most spectacular view of the ocean, the roar of the waves providing glorious white noise.

"So... what do we do now?" You called out to your weekend roommate who you lost amongst the floor plan. You thought he was still upstairs. But as you shut the patio doors, Eddie appeared in the doorway of the kitchen with a guitar case in hand.

"Wanna write?"

So with the sun setting and nothing better to do, you sat across from Eddie on opposite ends of the cozy living space and hummed along as he made up chords for what felt like forever. Neither of you spoke much, only letting your craft occupy the time.

How funny this was, in a weird sort of way. When you met Eddie, it wasn't like you were meeting at all. It was as if you'd always known each other. Banter wasn't just easy with him, it was natural. But now, once the pair of you had been left completely alone, the silence between the pair of you was full of tension. He'd look past his curly fringe every once in a while, to shoot you a grin when he liked a melody you came up with. And you'd ask him to show you a tab or two. What happened to the effortless chatter? Why was there a buzzing in your chest in his presence, all of a sudden? It was time to get up, it had to be dinner time now.

You expected the counter space to be full of liquor, as food and drink of all kinds had been stocked. But not a single adult beverage was in your line of sight. You opened a couple of cabinets until you finally found a single bottle of cabernet. Your favorite brand too, thank God.

"I'm making pasta and opening some wine. Do you want a glass?" You called out, knowing Eddie was still one room away.

"No, no." He sighed. "I really shouldn't."

"Shouldn't you? We're supposed to be relaxing and indulging!" You teased, still only getting one glass down from the open-faced cupboard.

"I kind of just got out of rehab." He called back. The news was a shock to you, since you'd met him blindingly drunk, and he hadn't left town since you'd made his acquaintance.

"Oh?"

You listened to the clatter of Eddie's instrument into its case as you found ingredients for your planned meal. His presence in the room was made soon after.

"Went to rehab. Two months. Told everyone I was recording, managed to put out Chains of Sorrow in a reasonable amount of time to make the fans believe I'd been in the studio all that time. I've been doing better." Eddie explained. The solo track he referenced came out four months before you'd met him. You asked if it bothered him that you were drinking now and he gave you a stern no.

"You've been doing better. But not always sober?" You daringly quizzed, Watching the man you fake married move from the far end of the kitchen, closer toward you.

"Recovering, not completely recovered." He grinned, leaning against the marble island. "Call it what you'd like. I've gotten good at only getting smashed at parties and saying no everything other time."

"And how many parties have you been to?" You smiled, casting the guy a suspicious glance.

"Can I help you with dinner?" He chuckled, shaking his head to your previous question. You considered the guy before you, his loosely buttoned cutoff flannel, the flutter of his eyes.

"Come, I'll show you how to make my special spaghetti sauce." You laughed. Eddie smiled in response but did not move per your request. He stood and took a hissing breath in before meeting your gaze to say,

"Before we stray too far from the topic... I have a terrible confession."

You stared at the guy, eyes flickering from his withheld grin to the tattoos on his arms.

"I don't remember meeting you at all. When my manager told me I planned to crash your studio I was so embarrassed. Did I make a complete fool of myself that night?"

"You would have if I didn't help you outrun an angry bartender. And you did ask for my autograph. Like three times. But I got us stuck in an elevator." You chuckled, handing Eddie a knife and placing a trio of tomatoes before him.

"Oh... my God."

"I promised to sign my first record, but you never brought it to the studio... I guess because you didn't remember." You pieced together, setting out other ingredients to add to your sauce as the pasta boiled on the stove. The realization that Eddie had blacked out during your first adventure together selfishly stung. You were left to carry the fond memory all alone. Left to wonder what else he may forget in the future, left to wonder why that might matter much at all to you.

"Alright, I'm going to be perfectly suave on this trip. No more being completely stupid." Eddie grinned and proceeded to follow your instructions on making dinner. The pair of you went on to laugh and cook and talk about Hollywood gossip until midnight.

When it was time for bed, Eddie followed you up the stairs. He went down one hall and you went down another, but not before casting a glance over your shoulder to find Eddie was looking back too.

///

The sun was especially warm the next morning, the rays soothing your skin from the window before the light opened your eyes.

You rose with an anxious glee, excited to find where the day would take you, but nervous all the same. Ever since ending up in this predicament with Eddie, his company made your heartbeat a little heavier. Your connection was an amusement ride, an adventure, an experience.

When you padded out into the main room, you found the patio doors wide open. Your eyes followed a set of footprints in the sand that belonged to Eddie, who was milling about the shore, looking for shells. You smiled to yourself and went about making some coffee, watching the man from the comfort of shelter.

After your morning cuppa and a little nourishment, Eddie popped his head in the doorway.

"Hey!" He called. His curls were dripping sea water onto the hardwood, his chest rising and falling quickly. Did he run up here?

"You're getting the doorway all wet!"

"Come out here with me! The waves are beautiful."

"The ocean freaks me out, Eddie!" You revealed. Would have sooner if his declaration about going to Hawaii wasn't so sudden and so public.

"Awe man!" He rang like a disgruntled grade schooler. "Well at least come walk the shore with me. We have to be seen together, remember?"

There were resorts and shops easily seen to the west of your private beach front. There were surly paps and press waiting nearby to score shots of you and Eddie after his announcement about coming to stay here.

"Ugh, okay." You huffed, declaring something about finding your bikini. You and Eddie had signed a contract. And there was one clear rule. Be seen together as much as possible.

You found Eddie on the shoreline again and trekked to meet him. He smiled at you and asked once more if you'd join him in the sea. The waves were roaring, and the vastness of the water sent a chill down your spine. Your hesitation was answer enough for Eddie, who shrugged and nodded and started walking along the sea's edge, holding out his hand for you to join him.

He let you keep hold of him as the pair of you meandered along the shore, a little closer toward the resorts in the distance. Your ever dancing nerves fell away as the pair of you talked about space and time and the existence of mythical creatures. And at the end of your fantastical conversation Eddie went quiet, letting his deep eyes search your face.

"Should I kiss you? Ya know, in case someone is watching?" He asked matter of factly, stalling in the sunlight that sparkled through his glittering sand sprinkled curls.

"What if no one is watching?" You countered, daring to reach out and loop one of your fingers around Eddies, holding on. The guy simply shrugged, keeping his eyes locked on yours. Considering the rules, you were meant to follow, you let a small nod tilt your chin. Eddie watched you come to a positive conclusion and took his sweet time leaning in. Eddie stalled for a moment, letting his breath fam across your lips, and you thought that was curious. For a kiss just meant for show, he was sure being timid.

"Eddie, you don't have to kiss me if you don't want too." You chuckled only to lighten the tension. He grinned in response, letting his dark eyes dart across your features.

"That's the problem, babe." He rose a brow. "I really want to. More than I ought to."

That made you pause and consider this whole crazy thing. You thought of how you got into this predicament and how Eddie was looking at you now, and the billions of things you wanted to say. In the time you stayed quiet and full of consideration for how to move on, Eddie became too antsy to let you say more at all.

"Should we go back in?"

"No," You shook your head. "No let's enjoy the weather." You assured, reaching a handout to brush Eddie' bicep as if to reassure him. So that's just what you did. You kicked about, dodged waves that came to close to the shore, and baked in the sun until it started to lower from its highest point in the sky.

After running in, washing up, and realizing there was still so much time left to waste, you talked Eddie into going out. You asked him to put on something nice and call a cab to drop the pair of you off at a local place by the sea.

Per the suggestion of the local driver, you and Eddie ended up at a quaint little outdoor eatery. The staff was so delighted by your surprise appearance that they invited you and Eddie to skip the line, sat you at their alleged best table, and poured you each a complimentary glass of champagne.

You tried to wave the waiter off, to dismiss them from giving Eddie the glass of sparkling wine.

"S'okay. Don't wanna be rude." Eddie insisted, taking a small sip out of obligation. You rose a brow and sat back and decided it was a night out. Eddie had said he was doing better. You chose to believe him and placed your order for the night.

"So," You spoke. "Should we come up with an elaborate backstory? Some swoon worthy anecdote about how you asked me to be your wife? A sickly sweet first date memory?"

"I think the story we have is suitable enough. You stopped me from making a fool of myself at a party, let me play on your badass new album, and I fell head over heels." Eddie laughed, but despite himself, it seemed. He breathed out a small sigh as he settled his elbows on the table. It seemed he was trying to say more.

"Everything okay, dear?" You emphasized the pet name to poke fun at your situation. You watched as the well-dressed man chewed his lip in contemplation.

"This whole thing... are you sure you're okay with it?" You knew what he meant.

"Yeah, I mean, it's not hurting us, is it? It's helping you out of the hole you're in with the label and it's selling our album. I never thought I'd be married for real but, this isn't so bad."

"What are you talking about? Everyone loves you. " He pointed, sitting up a little straighter.

"Everyone loves my persona." You pointed, lifting a finger as Eddie rose a brow. "Everyone loves my music. Loving me, is another story. Loving me is personal. I can't imagine letting anyone in that vulnerably, anymore."

"Oh, anymore?" Eddie quipped, sitting back as the waiter brought complimentary appetizers. You were going to refrain from drinking to make Eddie feel more comfortable, but at the turn of topics, you reached for the glass to calm the jitters.

"You know how I needed a someone to play guitar on my album?" You recalled. Eddie nodded, obviously. "Well, that's because I let my last guitarist get to know me a little too well."

You downed your champagne and was delighted when a staff member dropped another off right on cue.

"Go on, please..." Eddie motioned with a fork, taking a bite of food and staring at you with curious intensity.

"Well I'm sure you've heard the rumors." You shrugged.

"I have." Eddie carefully admitted. "But I always figured they were nothing more than just rumors. I do want to hear your side of the story..."

"My last guitarist and I had a fling. And right when I started to think I loved him... well it just didn't work out. So after the breakup, this motherfuker went around telling every studio musician that the only way they could play on my album was in exchange for sex. He said that was the price he had to pay. As if we hadn't been dating." You began with a scoff. "He took it further by telling the press I slept my way to the top. Probably because I wasn't giving him the time of day near then end and he was bitter that I'd been with so many others who are far more relevant than he'll ever be."

You reveled to Eddie some of the more horrific details of your last disastrous relationship and how it ended, because he asked. Eddie seemed to genuinely listen to the details you gave. Eddie took a few more sips of champagne.

"Fuck that dude to the moon and back. You didn't tell me I had the shoes of an asshole to fill!" Eddie grumbled past his mouth full of food.

"That's because I didn't want you filling his shoes. I like your shoes. I like you. And I'm grateful you played on my album and that crazy as it is, that we're in this fucked up situation together."

"This just... isn't how I wanted things to be with you."

"Oh?" You wondered, taking a hesitant bite of the dinner that had just been delivered.

"I mean... the whole thing with the contract and the lie. I thought I could ask you out for a nice dinner, like a normal date. I feel shitty about having trapped you in some kind of publicity stunt."

"You wanted to take me out for real?" You grinned, settling into your posture.

"I did. But now it's this whole circus and it's so disingenuous. I don't want you to think I'm getting to know you because I'm contractually obligated."

"You're a sweetheart, you know that?" You smiled. Eddie smiled back, and seemed to wait for you to speak further, but you had nothing more to say, you couldn't have any more to say. You planned to keep your heart on lock down. You planned to remain closed off. Being open and willing with others had only resulted in heartache in the past, in this industry. And you couldn't imagine that with Eddie. You wanted to enjoy your time with Eddie.

"I'm not willing to let my guard down for you, Eddie. But we can make the most of our circumstance, if you really want."

"What do you mean?" He puzzled, brow furrowed.

"Ask me again back at the house." You shrugged and smiled and sipped more champagne.

Dinner went on between bits of conversation that grew deeper each sentence. Eddie revealed childhood traumas. You voiced secrete fears about your career. The pair of you laughed hard over old jokes you'd heard on TV specials and picked four albums each you'd bring on deserted islands. You each finished one more glass of champagne.

Hawaii was stunning, even at night. You wondered if Eddie made the comment knowing how lovely it was here, if he needed such a rejuvenating get away. He seemed less at ease as the evening went on, however, chewing at his lip and wringing his hands the whole ride home. You hoped you plans for tonight would change that... but he had to ask you that question again.

///

Back at the house you stood, squinting to see the midnight waves from the patio doorway. Relishing their sounds, the crash of the ocean, the breeze through the windchimes near the pool. This was proving to be a very relaxing getaway indeed. You could get used to Eddies ideas. He was off up the stairs, getting ready to call it an evening you presumed. But then he appeared in his swim trunks, headed straight for the hot tub on the patio. He announced his intentions and halfheartedly invited you to join.

How curious, you thought, Eddie was so magnetic, but every time the pair of you became secluded in this home, he seemed to hide a bit of himself away all the same. You understood it, of course. Youd just admitted to doing the very same. But the pair of you had been more than open with each other by now. What had him so aloof here?

You shrugged, and spun to put on a record while concocting a plan. Of course you were banking on Eddie bringing up the question you once reminded him too, but a little nudge wouldn't hurt. After picking a Chet Baker album to spin, you decidedly flounced over toward the hot tub, watching Eddie rest there with his gaze locked on you.

"You're supposed to join me, remember?" He called, sinking a little lower beneath the bubbling waters. You watching his dark eyes fix on yours, and made your decision.

"If you insist." You smiled. The silky dress you'd worn to dinner would surely be ruined by the chemically enhanced waters. So, you slipped it off right there on the patio and hurried to the hot tub in undergarments that were just as good as any bikini.

"Happy now?" You rang, sinking so far below the water that only your eyes floated above the surface, locking on to Eddies still intensely held gaze.

"Delighted in the throes of post false marital bliss." Eddie laughed, a breathy sound he seemed to have to force a little. His eyes tore away from yours, looking for a distraction. "Shame they gave us the rings you don't like, though." He held a hand up from the bubbles to consider his diamond studded band. Yours matched because it had too.

"The rings are ugly. But we've made it work well so far I think. Haven't been this sure of a relationship since Steve Vai, you know?" It was a joke, but it was not. You'd loved your time with Steve. It was your most renowned relationship in the eyes of the press and all your friends to date. And though this time with Eddie was a sham, the connection you had to him felt frighteningly natural.

"Fuckin' Vai. Why'd you guys break up anyway? Seemed good together."

"Steve got back with his college girlfriend around the same time I opened for Metallica. Kirk swept me off my feet."

"You and Kirk? So that really happened." Eddie gapped at you with a grin. You'd kept that relationship on the down low, though a few good paparazzi photos tried to test the limits of the connection you'd had with the metal guitarist. He broke your fucking heart, ending things when that tour was said and done.

"I have a type, it seems. Dark haired dreamy eyed guitarists." The one before you now was the most intriguing of them all. And he knew it too. He had too. The way his eyes locked on yours changed. The way silence fell between the pair of you rang loud with anticipation, no matter who might speak next.

"What did you mean earlier?" Eddie finally wondered.

"When I said we could make the most of this, if you wanted?" You grinned, staying put for a beat longer in the spot you'd been floating. What you were about to suggest would either make or break the next five months you were meant to endure together. You sincerely hoped it would land well. You watched Eddie nod for you to continue.

"Well, I simply won't allow myself to fall in love with you." You prefaced, inching closer. It was easy to move through the water, stalling centimeters away from the man who shared the space with you. You could feel the heat radiating from Eddies form- even though the warmth of the bubbling water. "But I wouldn't mind enjoying the benefits of having a partner, even if we're just playing pretend." You dared to glide flush against the rockstar, resting each of your knees on either side of his lap with calculated caution. A set of his fingers brushed against your thigh in an instant, but that could have been a reflex. You needed a yes or no.

"Wanna have fun while this is meant to last?" You asked in a hush, your fingers resting gently on Eddies broad shoulders. His other hand came to rest on your hip. His faltered smirk gave you confidence to lean in for a kiss no one could see.

He kissed you back, lips timidly locked against yours, muscles tense under your fingers. But after a couple more careful pecks, his passion grew. Eddies lips parted against yours, and a sigh escaped his lips. You had him right where you wanted him. He grabbed you, nails dug into your hips, teeth piercing against your neck.

You had no fear raking your fingers through his curls to claw at the roots of his hair, maneuvering him to kiss your lips again. Eddie did so intensely, tongue jammed down your throat. His grip pulling you closer, his hips jutting up against yours. You couldn't wait much longer to go all the way, body language suggesting that's how far the pair of you would take this, it seemed.

Eddie whined a curse as your hand slipped below his waist band, kissing hard as ever. He let his fingers drift across your form until he reached the hem on your underwear, yanking them to the side. Before you knew it you were sliding into his lap as he pushed completely into you. Eddies fingers bruised against your hips and your nails dug into the back of his neck. You both rocked together, slack jawed and doe eyed, gazes fastened.

When your efforts were exhausted and passions simmered, Eddie moved your underwear back, and fixed his shorts all the same. He let his lips press against your forehead, leaving a couple gentle pecks there. He let his fingers brush against your face, cradling  your cheek as his eyes fluttered to land on yours.

"That was amazing." Eddie stressed all the right syllables. "But please... never fucking do that again."

You were too stunned to respond. Frozen now in complete confusion. Luckily, he had more to say.

"If you won't let me really love you, I can't do what we just did again. Because I'm already dangerously close to really loving you. And it would suck to have my feelings fucked around with. I understand if you aren't willing to open up. But please understand that's where we're very different." Eddie chose his words carefully and watched your eyes as he explained himself.

"O- okay." You managed to nod. "Yeah, I hear you." It was a reasonable explanation, an understandable stance. But you felt that familiar pit opened up inside you while he spoke. And it felt more empty and hollow than ever.

Despite that, you tried to cling to the fact that you'd just had the pleasure of shagging the guy, and how divine it was to feel him pull you closer the whole time. You reveled in Eddie's kindness as he helped you out of the hot tub. He guided you inside and upstairs and insisted you be the first to use the one shared bathroom. You knew this was going to be a weird year. But it kept getting weirder.

///

The next morning, you woke just before the sun. With quiet steps, you readied yourself in the loo and headed downstairs, out the door. Desperate for the freedom of normalcy, you started walking in the direction of the shops Brooke had left directions too. After a couple blocks, a variety of bodegas came into view. There were hardly any cars or bikes on the street, and only a few pedestrians popping from one shop to the next.

This was perfect. If there was any commotion over your presence here, it would likely be very minimal. A stall selling fresh fruit and veg was being opened by an older gentleman as you admired a cart full of flowers a foot away. Some store fronts were still closed as the early morning was still new. But the handful you slinked in and out of were open and occupied by people who were more or less unphased by you. A few whispers and pointed fingers among friends, and stares and smiles from clerks was perfectly tolerable. You offered them smiles and waves as you admired locally made clothes and lotions and oils.

But men with cameras waited outside, word spreading fast that you'd made your way into town. There weren't many photographers, thank God, maybe five. And they were respectful as could be, calling your name and welcoming you to the island. You gave them rushed acknowledgement and waved them off when they demanded to know where Eddie was. They didn't need to know he was sleeping soundly in the spare room of your shared bungalow. But they could watch as you decided to buy fresh produce from the little local man at the edge of the hamlet. A nice big breakfast sounded nice.

As you thanked the vendor and made your way to head home, the men with cameras began to follow your footsteps. You dreaded having to beg them away. But this time, you didn't have to. The vendor who'd sold you a canvas bag full of produce shouted ardently enough to get the paparazzi to stay back and let you be on your way. You knew you'd love it here. You knew it would be hard to go back to L.A. but you didn't have to yet. The only thing on your agenda was to make breakfast.

Eddie was already in the kitchen when you'd walked back. You could tell from the sound of a mug rattling against the counterspace and the drip of the coffee machine. He rolled his shoulders to adjust to the morning as you carried your fresh food into the little room.

"I popped to the shops! It was sort of nice. There were only a few paps out."

"Did they bother you?" Eddie seemed to worry, locking a puzzled gaze on you before peeking in on what groceries you brought home.

"Almost. But a nice older shop owner shooed them off from following me home. I really like it here." You lamented, not taking a single moment for granted. Soaking up the sights and sounds of the kitchen as you opened the white chipped cupboards, catching glances of the ocean out the window. You announced your intentions to make breakfast and Eddie hummed past his coffee. He stayed quiet afterward, lingering as you mucked about with pots and cutting boards.

The room was full of quiet tension again. Not like something ominous was near happening. Just the weight of the obvious being unspoken. You knew Eddie liked you more than he should. And you both knew you couldn't let yourself feel the same. Knowing all this, you went on slicing tomatoes. And turning on the radio. And switching stations when one of your songs came on.

The rest of the trip was spent in quiet; shared meals and movie marathons on one particular rainy afternoon. Small conversations and one last wordless jam session.

You were really going to miss it here.

///

L.A. 1986 -

It was Eddie's debuted at the Roxy, the first of a string of already sold-out shows. He asked you to perform with him to kick things off.

Backstage, you hesitantly watched his bandmates pour him several shots. You helped him decide what to wear and let him give you a sloppy kiss in front of a reporter. His tongue jammed toward your throat, his hands splayed against your hips, and he continued even after the snaps from the camera ended. Then, when the room got a little quieter, and when you were starting to lose feeling in your lips, Eddie pulled away and murmured something in your ear.

"Felt like a real kiss. Wish it was. Wish you'd really wanna be my girl." His words slurred. He was clearly already inebriated. But it wasn't like he was wasted. The words shot a thousand feelings from your heart into your nervous system, anger being the most immediately powerful. You shoved the man's shoulders to loosen his grasp on you, his face fell. The reporter's camera started clicking again.

"You're pushing your luck." You warned. He was trying to get a rise out of you, right? He was trying to get you to cause a scene for the photographer to capture, right? He was whiskey talking, right? He said your name and tried to reach for you as you blocked his advances.

"Go toward the stage." You demanded, turning the musician by the shoulders in the right direction. He protested for you to listen, but you couldn't do this right now. You couldn't imagine doing this ever. He knew you couldn't let yourself go there.

"Shut the hell up Eddie. You've got a show to put on. I'll meet you out there. Son of a bitch." You whined, shoving the musician toward the side stage as he tried to get you to wait up. But he was being introduced and the cheers from the crowd called the man to saunter toward the mic center stage.

Why the fuck did he say all that? You couldn't stop playing it over and over in your head. Why did it make your heart stop a little? You stole the bottle of whiskey from a stagehand and went to shake out your jitters in his dressing room. You had three songs until you would share the mic with Eddie. That gave you time for a drink and a half, a few vocal warmups, and a sudden costume change into suede platforms that made your toes a little less constricted.

Just as you stomped into your last boot, a stage hand came rushing over, stealing back the bottle of whiskey and pulling you toward the stage. You stormed into the spotlight where you met Eddie, playing a riff that a steady drumbeat accompanied. He started singing, staring right at you while you added harmonies you could barely hear over the cheers from the crowd. It was the single from Steel & Stone. It was a packed house, audience from stage to sidewalk outside the entry. An Eddie sized crowd. He deserved bigger yet, you thought.

The pair of you stared each other down throughout the next couple songs, and you danced next to the bass player when Eddie broke into a few guitar solos. When the last song you were meant to share ended, you bowed, thanking the people in the front row. But Eddie spoke into the mic.

"Baby, baby, wait don't leave." He sing-songed, stopping your exit with a breathy plea. "No, not yet. She's about to leave for three months ya'll." Eddie addressed the audience who awed in commiseration. The fuck was this about? A public display of sorrow so the nearest magazine reporter could write in that Eddie seemed to really adore his wife in the middle of the review for this show?

"Why don't you sing one more song. Just you. Just for me. Before you go." Eddie looked at you, his voice echoing from the stage to the back of the venue. The crowd applauded the idea and you paused in consideration. You rarely passed up the opportunity to preform, but this was Eddies' show. You decided since he was giving you puppy dog eyes, and a room full of a few hundred were chanting for you to do it, you would.

"Okay but it's gonna be one of your songs, got it? You gotta come see me on tour if you want one of mine." You took the mic, and as he stepped away Eddie smiled and said "Deal."

You picked your favorite Corroded Coffin number and the band behind you knew exactly where to jump in almost right away. Eddies music was heavy and hard to sing, but you'd gotten pretty good at it, putting on fake concerts on the patio of that little Hawaiian bungalow.

You sang your heart out, you sang for Eddie like he'd asked. He played toward the left of the stage, mesmerized by your every move. The number ended with the thrash of a few cymbals and the crowd going wild. As you backed away from the mic, Eddie came toward you. You met him halfway, planted a kiss on his lips for show, but also partly for revenge's sake. You hoped the gesture would leave him as frustratedly guessing as his left you.

///

LAX 1986 -

"We land in Ireland, I'll play two shows. Then it's Glasgow, Manchester, London, and then France. You're coming to Paris, right?" You listed off the first half of your European leg as Eddie matched the pace you set; a steady march down the tarmac of the airport. He had an arm tossed over your shoulder for show, and his head bent in to hear you better as you spoke up past the roar of the jet you approached. Beyond the aircraft were a roped off coral of press and fans who'd gathered to see you off. Their shouts didn't make conversation any easier. But their smiles when you offered a gentle wave settled the usual despair in the pit of your stomach.

"Yes, three weeks from today, I'll be seeing you again in the most romantic city of all." Eddie grinned as you stalled to face him. 

"I hope your Roxy gigs stay sold out. You can call me to brag about em if you'd like." You smiled up to the guy, admiring his hair that moved with the gentle morning breeze. You'd miss his companionship. You'd grown quite fond of having a friend nearby, despite being almost strictly business partners. That's all this was, you reminded yourself.

"I'll take you up on that offer. You better call me at least when you make it safely overseas. And anytime at all, if you want." Eddie grinned at the same time he let a hand smooth the back of your hair. His fingers settled loosely at the base of your neck to pull you close for a kiss to the forehead, for show, you reckoned. Eddie insisted on walking you onboard the flight and you took the time to introduce him to the band you'd be traveling with. 

Izzy, the bassist, had only ever played on Neil Young's tours. The guy was excited for a change of pace, touring with you. Ambrose the guitarist was new to the scene but a damn fine player. He'd seemed to keep almost totally to himself. Your drummer was called Zed. He asked Eddie for a spare cigarette and informed you he'd brought snacks for the plane ride. Everyone was nice enough, but your nerves stood on end when you realized you were about to be far from home with a bunch of practical strangers and your vile ass manager to boot.

"I'll call you right when we land." You nodded to Eddie, who lingered near the exit of the jet. But it was less because he'd asked you to call, and more now because you knew you'd be a little desperate to hear a familiar voice as soon as you'd be able too. But Eddie didn't need to know that. 

///

Ireland was beautiful. You hadn't quiet found a friend in any of your new band mates by then. But since Kelsey was busy managing a whole new team of people, his pressures never quiet landed on you, those first few days. You knew the steps to take around that maniac of a man. What to say and withhold to keep from setting the manager off. So, things seemed to be going well.

You told Eddie as much when you rang him the next three nights in a row, and laughed as he told you a story of his recent invitation to lunch with the Osbornes. Eddie had a newer, wilder story every night. And you swore you slept better when he wished you well at the end of every chat.

You were hopeful for this tour. The first few shows flew by with ease. You'd hardly had many kinks to work out with the new band. You were able to keep to yourself. You were treated like royalty by every villa foreman, wait staff member and venue manager.

But on the ride from Manchester to London, something shifted. You wanted to blame the dreary weather. You wanted to blame end of the fortnight fatigue. But a gnawing deep in the pit of your core warned you that something was simply not right. You mulled over telling Eddie. Calling him to ask if he thought you might be going crazy. If he believed in the power of premonitions. You didn't feel like you could ask that same question to Ambrose or Izzy. They'd hardly given you the time of day, off stage. Maybe you'd try with Zed, who'd offered you countless snacks and played a couple heated rounds of eye spy with you from city to city. But what if your desire for a deeper connection scared off the one potential friend you had in your drummer? What if asking Eddie if he thought you were going crazy made him realize you probably were, and he couldn't even pretend to be your friend anymore, let alone your lover? Why were you letting yourself care?

"Practicing telekinesis?" Zed interrupted your internal downward spiral by plopping down at your side on the aisle seat of the plane. "You've been staring a hole through this page of Rolling Stone for at least a half hour."

"Oh, hi." You huffed a laugh, shutting the magazine you'd forgotten was open in your lap. "Just thinking." You sighed, settling deeper into your chair. 

"Don't let Kelsey know." Zed scoffed. "It's his ideas or nothing around here isn't it? Why does he have to kill the vibe so bad?" 

"I hope he isn't starting his bullshit already. This tour has been fine! He just has this sick desire for things to go his way, whether they're going well or not."

"We're in for a looong tour, then, huh?" Zed rolled his eyes and stole the magazine you'd shut. Whether or not anyone around you believed in the power of intuition, you knew something bad was coming.

///

The phone line buzzed and buzzed. Almost to the same beat as a drip of rainwater from your balcony doorway. The streets of London sounded frenzied even from far off. You were about to let out your held breath and hang up when someone finally answered.

"Hellooooo?" A high pitched greeting came across the other line. Certainly not the tone you'd been expecting to hear. Another wave of trepidation dawned in your gut. But instead of admitting to yourself that much, you decided to match the girl's inflection. 

"Hiiii." You wickedly grinned, hoping what you said next would wash the girl over with the same unease. "This is Eddie's wife. I'm sure he has a minute to spare."

"Oh." The girls pitch shifted immediately as the receiver became muffled. Only seconds passed before the person you were calling finally picked up. 

"You just scared the shit out of her." Eddie chuckled. "It's not funny but it's... it's a little funny."

"I'm cracking up." You rolled your eyes. "Listen is there any way you can book a flight a day early for Paris?"

"Nice to hear from you too. Geeze, what's got you sounding so serious and scary?" 

"This tour!" You snapped, but followed with a groan. "I'm sorry I just- I need a night off or something." 

"I hear you." Eddie seemed to understand. "I'm sure I can catch a flight for tomorrow. What's the occasion?" 

"Kelsey is booking a couple press things and demanding I get you to be a part of some of them." You twisted the phone cord around your index finger and rolled your eyes again, imagining the girl that answered the phone throwing herself back into Eddie's bed. 

"Yeah, Brooke can make anything happen. I'll have her get me out there by tomorrow night. Plus the press keeps doing us wonders. You've seen last weeks write ups, calling you and me rock and roll royalty, right?" Eddie smiled; you could hear it in his voice.

"Yeah," You began. "And we've all seen this morning's Star headline. How is making out with three different girls in front of the entire Rainbow Room supposed to keep you and me a happy couple in the headlines? You gotta be more careful Eddie." You ranted, more pissed than you ought to have been about other women taking up Eddie's time and space. 

"Wait, last night- that's a headline?" Eddie's tone sounded grave. "Shit. I- I'm sorry. I was drinking and..."

"Forgot." You realized, finishing his sentence. "So should I call your babysitter Brooke instead? Should I expect you not to remember this conversation?"

"Listen I don't know what's got you so agitated over there. But can you not take it out on me? I will see you tomorrow. And I will figure out a way to convince the press there are no issues. I can clean up my own messes, remember?" 

"Got it. Sorry. Bye." You finalized, slamming the phone down with a heavy exhale. Right on cue, Kelsey was in your doorway, yelling about how you were going to be late to sound check if you weren't standing up and running toward the limo right then and there. You were thirty minutes ahead of schedule. But still somehow, your manager threatened to grab ahold of you if you weren't speed walking ahead of him in the next ten seconds.

Zed and Izzy appeared, rushing ahead of the rest of the band, cursing at Kelsey, demanding he lay off. But you're already hurrying to shut up his rage.

///

France 1986 -

After a break of dawn radio interview, Kelsey rushed you along to a high-end cafe where supposedly a reporter from Europe's most renowned pop culture magazine was waiting for a one on one with you. Your manager certainly knew his was around keeping you relevant but didn't seem to care if his efforts exhausted you or not. You blinked away thoughts of a nap, straightened the ripped-up suit jacket you wore over tights, and struggled not to stop in your tracks when you glanced up to a booth to find Eddie there.

He looked sleepy as you, hair all mused, ripped up Led Zeppelin tee straining against his fit figure. Eddie said he'd make it, you weren't shocked he had. But you were alarmed, more or less, by how he lit up when he saw you. And how at ease that made your entire being feel. Wishes of nap time and bubble bath breaks didn't seem as pressing any longer. You were relaxed in Eddies presence, and he hadn't even said hello. And that really freaked you out. You needed to get a fucking grip.

Brooke popped into frame too, walking up to great you with a smile and a hug. She complimented your makeup and turned to inform Kelsey the reporter was on her way inside. You gravitated toward the man waiting in the raised up booth, grinning as he smiled broadly your way. 

"I told you I'd make it in time." Eddie sing songed, holding out an arm as you slid in the booth at his side. The guy pressed his ring clad hand to one side of your head and his lips to the other.

"Thank you." You rose a brow and nodded his way. "We're being interviewed together it seems. I'm sure our managers arranged this for a reason. I'm sure they'll ask about those photos with the girls you were out with. Should we get our story straight?"

"I think I have the right words ready. Anyway, since this whole thing is based on a lie, I think it's best we stay as honest as possible about everything else... avoid digging ourselves into too deep a hole." Eddie reasoned. 

"Well, it's not totally based on a lie, it's not like-" You began to argue back, a little too desperate to mention that you liked Eddie enough to agree to this whole crazy thing with him. You couldn't have imagined being falsely married to anyone else. But Kelsey interrupted you, waving a warning that the reporter was walking in, alerting you to be on your best behavior. God he was becoming more unbearable as the days dragged on. 

The reporter was an older woman, dressed drabber than you would've expected. She chain smoked as you and Eddie shared a diet soda and answered her questions with easy smiles.

"How is the tour going for you?" She pointed, locking her tired eyes with yours while you droned on about the professionalism of your bandmates and the electricity of your fan base and how much more connected to them you felt on the road.

"It's so much easier to get to know people when I'm playing for them, watching them sing along, meeting them after each show." You said. 

"It seems that's a factor you reap the rewards of as well, Mr. Munson. You're aware that photos of you romancing a couple of fans have been spread across every major tabloid, no?"

Between the reporter's question, and Eddies deep breath in, you felt Kelsey's gaze like a dagger. And your mouth started moving before your brain stopped you otherwise. 

"Of course he's aware.  This is the lifestyle we each chose." You hurried to end this part of the conversation you'd been dreading.

"So, is that to say you've had these same sort of affairs?"

"That's to say that Eddie and I are happily married to each other. What happens with anyone else is irrelevant to us and should be irrelevant to the rest of the world as well."

You hoped your answer would put an end to this segment of questions as you firmly glanced to  Eddie, who sat clenching his jaw. He feigned a smile right on queue, when the next question targeted his way was about how his shows were going. The interview didn't last much longer before a photographer was introduced. The man led you and Eddie toward the back garden of the cafe where you posed for a shockingly small amount of photos for the magazines cover. Eddie kept his bejeweled fingers curled at your side as you settled in his lap. You gazed down at him and searched his dark eyes, hoping he was less mad at you than he obviously was just moments ago. If he was, he played it off well, planting a kiss on your cheek as you looked back toward the flashing camera. 

When the people from the magazine shook your hands and headed to leave, Kelsey bought lunch for you, Eddie and Brooke. When the managers when inside to order, Eddie pulled out a cigarette and slouched in the chair you rose from, suddenly desperate to get off his lap.

"Why did you speak for me? I was ready to own up to that shit. I was ready to say all the right things." Eddie waved a hand and let his head hang back as he breathed out smoke.

"And I'm sure you would have. But the world doesn't care about why a man cheats on his woman. They care about how the woman feels about it. And so long as they know I don't give a shit then we stay happily married. Isn't that the point of all of this? To stay happy and get this all over with as soon as possible?" You paced as you answered, stalling with a sigh at Eddies side. But you weren't done rambling...

"Can we just forget about it? That photoshoot is gonna be killer and the fact that we're being seen together after your little tryst is gonna change everyone's minds. We're doing the right things. Can we please just not worry about it anymore? I've got enough to worry about out here."

Eddie sat up and looked at you with what you hoped was concern but worried was something closer to appalment. But then he took another drag and started to nod.

"I guess I see where you're coming from." Eddie seemed to choose his words carefully. After a few more puffs he spoked once more, changing the subject. "Can I take you out after the show? Have a little fun? You're too wound up."

You looked to him and nodded, trying not to give away how much of a thrill it really was to you that he was asking this sort of thing. This tour had your emotions all frazzled and confused, damn it. You really did need a night out.

///

You put on a badass show that night. When you weren't signing to the front row, or screaming toward the sky, you were glancing to the side of the stage where Eddie stood watching. He was all smiles, clapping and mouthing encouragement you couldn't quite read but felt the well-meaning of from centre stage. Kelsey was even bearable, clapping your back when it was all said and done, finding someone else's throat to jump down for the evening. This made it easy for Eddie to sweep you away, out for a night of good old fashioned fun.

You wound up in some burlesque pub, accepting free shots and signing your autograph on dinner napkins for a dozen scantily clad dancers. 

"I'll have a rum and coke." Eddie shrugged to a waiter, as a crowd of strangers clamored closer to the booth you'd occupied with your alleged man. 

"Is that a good idea?" You asked, careful of your intonation. Worried only a little about Eddie finding annoyance in your question. Worried more by the idea of him with alcohol. 

"I promise to handle my liquor tonight. Only drinking to celebrate the kick ass show you just put on. Hard to come down from that high and I wasn't even on stage, babe!" Eddie excused his drinking, and made you feel valuable in one suave sentence. 

"Well thanks," You nodded decidedly, flagging down someone to mix you a mojito. "One drink." You hopped Eddie would echo your number, agree to the limit. But he changed the subject as if he hadn't even heard the past few words you spoke at all. 

"You sounded so fucking good tonight. What warm up's are you doing to keep your screams so effortless? I'm always exhausted halfway through a set. Would never be able to tell if you were or not." 

"You're full of compliments tonight." You rose a brow, speaking loud, you realized. Even though Eddie leaned in close the club was still pounding with bass and drum and crowd buzz. 

"Well, I mean them." Eddie smiled. He let his eyes fall across the features of your face. He ordered another drink. Another rum and coke. He said he was following your one drink rule by not ordering something different. You couldn't help but scoff a laugh and go with the flow, not wanting the night spent by his side to sour or end. Eddie drank and laughed his way through a story about his bandmates high school prom date. He asked you where you grew up. He listened while you yammered on all the same. 

And sometime between your fifth mojito, a foreigner was handing you a microphone. You didn't know quite how you wound up being dragged toward the little club stage to sing Don't Go Breaking My Heart with a man in a pristinely applied wig and bright make up. You never saw Eddie find his way toward the front of the venue either. But when you glanced out to find him laughing and cheering along in a little wicker chair, you'd felt something in your soul settle. You felt your smile grow. You felt a reason to keep singing.

When your surprise performance ended and your once in a lifetime duet partner sent you off the stage with a kiss on the cheek, Eddie stayed sat in his chair near the stage. But he'd held his arms out wide, and you didn't think twice about falling into his lap like you'd never belonged any place else.  Eddies lap was warm. His arms enclosed your waist securely. His lips pressed a couple of kisses to your shoulder as you leaned back into him. You needed this. You'd been longing for comfort. For a care. A very drunken part of you was even beginning to consider calling it love. But the other well trained half of your nervous system shut out that blossoming idea. 

Still, you let yourself enjoy whatever spell you were under in that little burlesque club. You sat in Eddie's lap and let him hold you while a few other performers came and went. And just before last call, Eddie nudged you from your perch and decided your night was over easily as he'd decided on making it happen for you all those hours ago.

"Thanks for that. It was fun to get out, break free from a schedule." You mentioned, walking alongside the guy. Your hotel was only two blocks away, and no one was out, with cameras or otherwise.

"Of course. I needed it too. Nothings is as fun with anyone but you these days." Eddie said, slinging an arm around your shoulder as he matched your pace along the pavement. 

"Easy now. Don't have to keep wooing me. No one is watching anymore." You teased, ignoring the sinking in your stomach. Ignoring those dangerous thoughts that had started to bubble in your mind back at the club. 

"I know." Eddie replied, softly yet surely. 

His arm stayed firm across your shoulder as he went on to joke about something that the waiter had said earlier. You laughed and rambled on down the block until your hotel came into view around a certain corner. In the glow that illuminated from inside out, stood a small gathering of your fans. Four or five friends who all danced a little at the sight of you approaching, waving your records and posters in their clutch. 

"Well hello everyone." You chuckled, moving with more intention, closer to the group and out of Eddies grasp. Without a second thought you started signing albums and listening to pairs of friends tell you how much your music meant to them. You relished being able to hear their stories, to be able to connect with people who gave a fuck about you for longer than a second outside busy airport gates and vip green room meet ups.

One of the meeker girls, to your surprise, caught the attention of the man who'd been hanging back, watching with a grin as you shone.

"Eddie, can I have your autograph too?"

"Ah, you don't want mine, do you? We'd all much rather have hers." Eddie sauntered closer to the group, eyes steady on your form, you realized, when you turned to smile at him. "In fact, I'm still waiting on one myself."

The pit that usually felt like a void in your gut seemed to fill with butterflies and ocean waves then. It was getting hard to ignore the fact that you liked this man more than a little. After saying pleasant goodnights and farewells to the small group of your admirers, Eddie walked you up to your room. He did not reach out an arm across your shoulder. He did not even brush his arm against yours the whole journey seventeen stories up. The absence of touch felt heavy and hurtful.

And when you stood lingering in the doorway of your room after asking if he would come inside, he shook his head. Funny how quickly agony replaced excitement. Funny how you'd only moments ago marveled over how close enough he was to touch. How you now despised the space between you entirely.

Eddie only shoved his closed fists into his leather pockets and let his unsteady focus bounce between either of your eye's.

"You know I want to. And you know why I won't." Eddie said.

"Well..." You tried like mad to get out what you wanted to say. But you weren't even sure how you were really feeling let alone able to express that much. Your pause was too long. Eddie pressed a divine kiss to your hairline, finally closing the space in between you, but tragically ending the time you'd got to spend with him. Eddie slinked off and around the corner, out of sight, hardly out of mind. 

The hall got quiet. Your heart felt loud. Must've meant bedtime.

///

A couple weeks passed by without hearing from Eddie at all. A couple weeks had passed since you'd heard from anyone but Kelsey, constantly screaming in your ear, waking you up, rushing you to sound checks, telling you to throw away breakfast because there was no time to eat it.

When the phone in your latest hotel room rang after a much-needed hour long bath, you ran to answer after its first clatter.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Brooke. Do you have a minute?"

Oh, how curious. The pit in your stomach buzzed with worry as your brain collected a million reasons for Eddie's managers phone call.

"I should, yeah. How are you, Brooke?"

"I'm okay. Eddie isn't. Last night he caused a bit of a scene on stage at the Roxy, he was so drunk he could barely remember the words let alone sing them. This morning, I found him hanging out of the back of his limo, almost passed out on the side street of the Troubadour. He asked me to drive him back to rehab. He wanted you to know before you found out through the news."

You let out a long sigh. Frustrated. Worried. Confused. Brooke went on to leave you an address to write to, saying he'd asked you too.

So, after hanging up you didn't waste any time pulling out the hotel's free stationary, scribing one really long letter. You wrote about how the tour felt like hell and how you couldn't wait to be home. You wrote about how proud of Eddie you were for seeking help and taking time for himself. And you dreamed of doing the same, asking him to tell you any and everything he would be comfortable sharing.

That afternoon you left the letter in Kelsey's grasp, asking the manager to mail it. The next few days, a cycle was born. Wake up. Write Eddie, leave the letter with Kelsey, sing a bunch of songs.

Then your drummer came knocking on your door.

"Do you plan on writing Eddie anymore letters?" Zed wondered, curiously. You didn't think much of it, he'd probably seen you leaving the envelopes with your manager.

"Yeah." You shrugged.

"Well, I found a stack of them in Kelsey's room. He hasn't mailed any. So, I gave them to the front desk of the hotel to send out this morning. I hope that's okay?" Zed went on to explain that he'd figured you'd want them sent as soon as possible, hoping he hadn't crossed an odd boundary. The pit in your stomach threatened to swallow you hole. The thought of Eddie sitting in rehab, wondering if you were going to send letters like he asked, receiving nothing. You worried at the thought of letting him down, even though you'd never intended to.

"Fuck man. Thank you, Zed." You grumbled some curses against your manager and thanked your drummer a few dozen times for sending the post and letting you know what you should've known better about, you guessed. Like he'd sensed you talking shit, Kelsey slinked in the room soon after, asking you to get a move on. But you'd been ready to go. Moving faster to get the sorry excuse of a man away from your sight.

"See how much nicer things go when you don't piss me off?" Kelsey called across the hall. You begged to differ.

///

On the way to the next gig, you heard a familiar tune on the radio. Lyrics you'd written. A riff of your bass players on creation. Prince's vocals mysteriously added to the mix.

"Why is Prince singing my song?" You turned to your band who were all equally as befuddled as you, stammering different 'I don't know's.'

The from the edge of the limo came the voice you dreaded hearing most.

"Sold it. He heard it in the booth and offered you a few million for the rights. I said yes." Kelsey huffed past a cigar.

"You sold my song to-" You began to see red when the ride stopped and your manager interrupted you, pushing you to get out and onto the stage. Your band couldn't help. They were being corralled all the same. Was this life even yours anymore? It seemed every move you made was orchestrated and modified by the manager you'd mistakenly given too much power too.

By then, the refuge you found on stage began to feel like the same old trap. Kelsey started deciding your set lists. And the first night of three at Maddison square garden, your first stop of the USA leg of the tour; you changed up what had been written down on a whim. Because the crowd was chanting for a number from your very first album. And who were you to deny them that?

Apparently, according to your manager, the devil incarnate. 

Kelsey lost his shit on you in the limo on the way to CBGBS, all for changing the fucking setlist. Your fucking setlist. Zed, bless him, tried to speak up in defense of the situation. But his arguments were shut down soon as Kelsey could form a word.

Thank God the club was in sight.

///

CBGB's 1986 -

Lou Reed gave your drummer a little blue pill. Zed said he felt free for the first time maybe ever. You found this out after the guy stole another little blue pill for you. It went down well with whiskey. Then Kelsey started to kill your buzz, being all charming and nice in front of strangers. And that was the most upsetting part of all. Because he was such a dick. And you hated to see anyone believing otherwise.

And because he couldn't help but pick apart your every move, he tried to stop you from ordering a sixth vodka.

"You've made my life hell. This is the only way to cope." You pointed.

"I've made you rich and famous, dear, you may be drunk but you're not that stupid." Kelsey droned in that stupid fucking accent.

"You sold my song to fucking Prince! You didn't even tell me. God knows you'd never ask first but you didn't even mention it! Where is the money for that transaction, huh? Already snuffed up your nose?"

"Maybe." Kelsey boasted, snatching your vodka from your grasp.

"You change my set lists. You deny me meals. You force me to fall in love with a man to make the press happy, to keep your name fucking shinny!" You were seething as you yanked back the glass and chucked it to the ground, glass shattering at your feet. Kelsey only chuckled, a dark low rumble that opened the pit in your stomach where fear and rage lived.

"I only told you to stay married to him darlin', you didn't have to suck him off and pout as he left, that's your own idiocy." Your manager loomed over you, his smoke scented breath blowing in your face. You were jabbing a finger into his chest and calling him a bloodsucking cunt as his smile twisted into a snarl.

By that point Ambrose and Izzy were pulling you and Kelsey back from each other. You yelled for your bassist to let you go, to let you keep calling out your manager for all the shit he kept pulling.

"You know that's a really bad idea. Go find Zed. He's been looking for you." Izzy's hold on you was barely a grasp but you still yanked your arms away, pissed. You grumbled away from the tension filled situation and pushed passed the crowd cheering on Blondie to find your drummer leaned against the back wall, all buddy buddy with Lou Reed, by then.

"Perfect timing, Mrs. Munson. I was just going to invite you and your drummer here to the Chealsea." Your ears rang as Lou Reed waved you and Zed along. On your walk behind the bleach blonde songwriter, your drummer revealed he'd been gifted a whole giant bottle of those little blue pills for the pair of you to survive off of the rest of the tour. Anything to dull the ache.

///

Chealsea Hotel 1986 -

The clock on the dimly lit hallway wall read four in the morning. There was a faint yet ever-present ringing in your ear. There were people packed into every room on this floor, bodies were scattered through the halls, waiting their turn for entry to a room. Or impatiently having a go at each other between potted plants and elevator doors. Someone grabbed you, they were crying and saying they loved you. They were begging you to sing a song as you shrugged them off and told them maybe next time.

"Too many people." You suddenly realized, gripping onto your drummer's forearm. He stalled and turned back to understand what you were saying. Lou Reed was long gone, had been since you'd arrived here however long ago.

You announced that you were headed down to the lobby and began stepping through the maze of strangers, breathing in their smoke and wondering how time was moving so fast. Had thirty minutes really already passed on your journey through this weird gathering?

Down at the front desk, workers smiles were wide as you glided up to the counter. If anyone was ahead of you, you'd cut them. Maybe they had let you. They usually did.

"Do you have any available rooms?" You smiled hopefully. For you, surely they would. For you, they had too. You couldn't be sure you could get back to the place Kelsey had you staying at. And you were in desperate need of some space that didn't feel completely suffocated by responsibility. The women at the front desk told you there were opening but none of the more accommodating rooms for guests as elite as yourself were available. You assured her you didn't care if it was a closet with pillows for a bed so long as you had a place to crash. With in minutes you were being handed a room key.

On your way to the tenth floor, Zed appeared again, this time with company. Ambrose and Kelsey were having a spat, and your drummer was being cornered with his hands up. You saw your guitarist notice you and that was enough to send you sprinting past them to get to the room you booked. Your manager started to call after you, demanding you stop. But you were too quick. You locked yourself into a perfectly adequate room, with a bed, a balcony and a small additional bathroom. This was more than enough. But it wasn't long before your crew was pounding at the door.

"You can't stay here. I've got two entire floors of the Marriot booked just for you, your royal fucking highness." Kelsey spat on the other side of the wooden door.

"Stop fucking talking to me like that!" You hollered back, unzipping your boots and tossing them against the door. God you could really go for another one of those little blue pills.

"Come on, please let's just go." You heard Ambrose whine like an impatient kid brother.

"Fuck you too!" You called back, angry that everyone surrounding you went along with Kelsey's bullshit. You knew they had to, to survive. But you were ready to start fighting against it. You heard the men bickering beyond your seclusion, Kelsey yelling at Zed to have a go at demanding you leave the room. He argued back that he wasn't going to beat on the door like a maniac, but he would try and talk to you like a human being, if they so insisted. His knock was polite. He had more of those little blue pills. You let him in.

Your drummer eased into the room as you slammed the door in the other's faces. That didn't stop your manager from shouting still, demanding you and Zed leave right that moment. Demanding Zed better not be a fucking idiot and just drag you out of there. Your drummer only shook his head and rose a hand to nudge you away from the door you stood seething in front of. He guided you to the far corner of the bed closest to the balcony. He opened the doors, letting in fresh autumn air.

"Don't listen to them." He said in a hush, hunkering down at your side, hands clasped between his knees.

"Well, aren't you gonna try and talk me out of here?"

"No. I think if we stay quiet, they'll leave. And maybe we can have one night of fucking peace." Zed laughed hopelessly as one of them conditioned to pound on the locked door. You sat, biting back tears.

"You're the only one who has checked up on me this whole time. I know the others don't want to cross Kelsey. But none of the rest of the band has even like, said good morning to me. Or sat next to me at lunch. Izzy will share lyrics on plane rides. Ambrose will thank me for rolling up his joints. But then they fuck off to the green room or the dinning hall with all the groupies. I've never expected us all to be best fucking buddies. But I've never felt so alone Zed."

You vented, choking back the ever-growing lump in your throat. Your drummer unclasped his hand and placed his palm on your knee as he shook his low hung head.

"And," You went on, unable to stop now that your expression had started. "Eddie can't call. He's in rehab. Even if he wasn't it's not like we're really married."

"What?" Zed turned, confused.

"Eddie's getting sober somewhere in the middle of nowhere California. And our marriage is a lie. Kelsey made us sign a contract. We're not married. It's all for show. My whole fucking career is all for show at this point. I'm Kelsey's little puppet and every time I try to cut the strings, I just end up tangled up in them."

"He's such a fucking devil." Zed frowned. "Once this tour is over..." You watched your drummer search for his next words. "I don't even know. But none of us should let him keep this shit up."

The banging at the door started again. Zed held a finger to his lips, stopping you from speaking. After a moment in the faintest whisper, you could muster you asked your drummer for another one of those pills from Lou Reed.

He pulled the bottle from his brown leather coat, and portioned you out two. You started to reach for both when he quirked a brow.

"Sorry." You grinned, guilty. Zed took the other pill and his jacket off, tossing the garment and the bottle to the corner.

"So, is that why Eddie has been so sloppy with being seen with so many girls, last month? You two really aren't a thing at all?"

"I guess." You sighed. "I thought we were something. I think he's, bare minimum, a friend. But everything else is just for show." You realized, recalling the tabloids recent write up about Eddies much too public fling with a girl from the crowd of his latest concert. You couldn't pretend that didn't hurt.

"I feel like no one is on my side." You struggled to hide the tears that pooled in your eyes, desperate for what you took to kick in already.

"Well, I'm here, aren't I?" He seemed concerned about however you may answer. And you realized that he was here. And that he did care. And that despite being caught up in the same bullshit as you, he was giving you all the space and time to talk about it.

You leaned in, sniffling back your crocodile tears as that faint ringing in your ears began to grow a little miraculously louder. You hugged your drummer and thanked him for listening and sitting in here and for not talking you out of going anywhere else. He let a calloused hand pet back your hair and reminded you that he was hiding away all the same. Trauma bonding.

"Can I say something?" Zed asked as you pulled away. You nodded.

"I kind of want to kiss you. But not like out of love. I think it's the pills. And the pent-up stress. And the fact that you get it. And I trust you." He shrugged and you took in every word. "Do you want me to leave now? I know that's probably the last thing you-"

"No, it's okay." You insisted, reaching out to rest a hand on the guy's thigh. He let his brow push together. His silvery eyes studied yours. He wasn't your type at all. Shaggy blonde, too toned drummer. But he was a good friend. And that was more than you could ask for at this point. "Wanna blow off some steam?"

"Seeing as how you're not actually married, I'm okay with it." Zed laughed a little, letting you be the one to make the first move. You kissed him and blocked out every thought that popped up of Eddie, and every wish that you were desperate to be kissing him instead.

Zed was warm and patient and really good with his hands. He asked over and over if what you were doing was okay. He fucked you three times by the time the clock read six in the morning. Then he helped you get dressed and turned over to give you space to sleep beside him in the full-sized mattress.

Your early morning freedom was interrupted by lunch time when Kelsey boomed at the door. He gave the pair of you a scolding through his teeth as you passed through the Chealsea, and really reamed into the pair of you on the limo ride to the tour bus. You'd be traveling to New Jersey, down to North Carolina, then down to Georgia and Florida, back up and across most the states from there. It was a daunting schedule to look ahead to after traveling so much of Europe already. And to know you weren't able to enjoy any of it at all, being under such restrictive control.

///

The next four shows were a blur. You were taking a trio of those little blue pills before every sound check. Whatever your manager shouted in your ear went out the other until the next day. You let time pass you by as you left your heart and soul on stage, using each show as some kind of therapy, best you could. And somehow, without discussing it at all, you and Zed had made a habit out of sneaking into each other's rooms each night. You used each other's sex to pacify the horrors of the tour. And that much you discussed. It was mutually agreed that no feelings could be born from the habit, and if they were it would have to stop. Your hook ups were strictly medicinal. Zed was your supplier, after all.

Ambrose caught on, and so had the others, you were certain. But your guitarist had spotted you in Zeds room one late night when he'd come knocking in search of some cocaine.

"Really, you two? How does Mr. Munson feel about that?"

"I'm sure you'd like to know. Get the fuck out of here." Your drummer slammed the door in his face. But his question haunted you for days after he asked. How would Eddie feel? Would he care at all? Would he be glad you found someone to bone after trying to shag him a time or two to no avail? Would he be pissed you were being sloppy? Would he be pissed if you accused him of being sloppy too? Would he be pissed if he knew how much you missed him?

And God how you really missed Eddie. How you hated catching glimpses of your fake ass wedding ring. How you wished you'd never left Hawaii.

///

Chicago 1986 -

The crowd stretched for miles; the open green field packed with fans far as the eye could see. The wind was welcome as its chill cooled you from the heat of the stage lights. The show was going as well as it could. Your band was in sync. You didn't even mind how Kelsey had organized the set list. Something was bound to piss you off soon, since nothing had yet. You considered this as you ran off stage during Ambrose' guitar solo, reaching for a bottle of water and a shot of something stronger.

Then the unthinkable. It was like the first time you met. You looked up and Eddie Munson was standing before you, eyes a little clearer than ever, hair longer too.

"You're looking good out there!" He smiled and shouted past the music.

"Eddie?" You grinned, baffled by his very sudden and unexpected appearance. Before he could explain himself, Kelsey nudged his way between the pair of you.

"Good! You're here! How's about a song or two?" Your manager smiled to Eddie, whose face grew concerned.

"Oh, no. I'm just here to see my w-"

"When Ambrose runs back, he'll trade off with you. Just two songs. No better way to promote the new album!"

"This is their show, not mine. I really don't want-"

"Ambrose!" Kelsey waved as your guitarist skipped side stage after his solo. Izzy was sauntering on to take his turn in the spotlight now. "Eddie is gonna take your spot for the rest of the show."

"You said only two songs!" You rang with worry. Why was this evil Brit so dead set on causing such chaos? Kelsey looked to you with a glare, ripped the bottle of water from your hand and pushed you toward the stage before going on to force Ambrose custom flying V onto Eddie.

The ringing in your ear that those little blue pills brought on was beginning to fade away. The audiences' roars dulled your senses now. You waved at them as you hurried to tell Izzy there was a change of plans and you'd only be playing songs from the new album now. The first five tracks, then the hit single, you decided in a hurry, telling him to pass the info onto Zed.

"Okay Chicago!" You breathed into your mic. "You're about to be just as surprised as I am!"

Eddie's entrance toward center stage caused the crowd to react so loudly it felt as though an earthquake could have been coaxed from the ruckus. You caught a glimpse of Ambrose at the side of the stage, throwing a fit, before turning to cue Zed to start the next song. He'd been giving the right info, playing the beat to the song you decided. You clued Eddie in, too, before taking centre stage once more and doing the best you could to carry on this concert without having a mental break down.

It was good to see Eddie. But the pair of you had a lot left unsaid. It was a sick joke, being forced to sing the songs you wrote with him, into the same microphone now. To be looking right in his big brown eyes, to feel his exhales, to be stupidly intoxicated by his presence after months, after no contact, after feeling so abandoned and hurt, even if that wasn't entirely his fault.

The four of you played a decent show, and the sold-out festival crowd was in a frenzy by the encore. You sang with Eddie and looked right at him. He kissed your cheek as Zed dragged out the beats that ended the set. But your phantom husband had never felt further away.

There was no time to talk still as your band was corralled into separate interviews and congratulations from festival promoters. Eddie was the most sought-after entity, of course. Not only was his appearance on your set a surprise but it was the first time he'd been seen out in months since disappearing to rehab. You weren't sure what excuse he gave the press this time. You couldn't quiet hear the answers he was giving journalists now, as you rushed toward the green room showers.

You found Zed leaving there and asked him for more pills, as big a handful as he'd give you. He was hesitant, but you promised it was just so you wouldn't have to track him down for more later. The blonde was worn down, dumping a few into your palm as you hurried to get cleaned up.

You knew your time was limited in the green room's shower, and you knew the night ahead was a long one. There were three more official interviews with festival promoters to complete, and a VIP tent to make an appearance in, all while Iron Maiden played the final set of the evening. You realized, as you washed the sweat from your back, that you didn't know if Eddie would still be there when you came out of the room. Or if he'd be lingering close by the rest of the evening. Or if you two were going to have time for a real discussion. So, under stress from every angle, you broke your promise to Zed and downed the handful of pills at once.

And then you were off, dressed in a new silk slip and pre torn tights, sprinting down the hall to make it to the press tent in time. Outside, Kelsey was off in the distance, shmoozing some promoters. Izzy was flirting with Lita Ford by the craft table. And you were scurrying between tour busses as dusk started to set in. Iron Maiden hadn't yet started their set. And on the steps near your tour bus, you found the rest of your band, and Eddie, sharing beers. Oh how fucking lovely.

"You've got to be fucking joking." You stood before Eddie, seething, rage coursing through your nervous system. He knew exactly what you were on about, shifting his weight as his lithe expression turned pale. Eddie shifted his weight and kept the bottle in his grasp close to his chest. You almost couldn't believe he was choosing to be so dumb right now. Led by anger, you reached out to grab the beer from Eddie's grasp. He let you rip it from his fingers and avoided the way your eyes bore into his very being. 

The boys at his side were quiet until Ambrose let out a low whistle, mentioning that he would run and get Eddie a third drink. A third. Meaning he'd had another before now. Meaning that he was acting way dumber than you ever fathomed he was capable of.

Suddenly it was all too much. As each boy noticed watch you turn red from outrage, it was like every emotion you'd suppressed in the past handful of months broke past the seal and your world began to spin. Yeah... maybe you should have heeded Zed's worry.

"Shit." You groaned, feeling your chest tighten. You dropped the bottle, rushed past the group and grabbed at the door of your traveling home. Thank God, no one was inside. Your sprint to the loo was just in time as you began to vomit. You cried, and cursed, and got sick again and wondered why nothing felt good anymore. Even the shit that used to keep the bad feelings at bay was back firing now.

You heard the group of guys just outside the door you left swung open, wondering what just happened to you. Ambrose far off muffled voice was unmistakable, "Come on, Eddie. I'll get you more beer. Let Zed deal with her sorry ass. He's been pretty good at filling your shoes, ya know?"  

Nausea rushed over you, shutting off the rest of your senses. You stayed slumped on the little loo floor, the room was small enough that your feet stuck out into the hall. Then you heard the door shut. And the sound of heavy boots clucking toward you.

"Are you wasted?" Eddie wondered. You looked up to him, standing with his fists balled up, his fingers working nervously at each palm. His dark brows were furrowed, and his speech was ever so slightly slurred.

"Are you wasted?" You shot back, still so beyond pissed off at him.

"I told you I was a recovering fuck up. Not a fully rehabilitated one." The guy reminded with a small humorless laugh.

"Why are you here?" You whimpered, resting your head against the lid of the toilet, the latter half of your sentence, a mumble.

"I'm here to see you, why the fuck else would I be? I didn't want to play the last thirty minutes of your damn set. I wanted to see you! It's been months you know?" Eddie shot back. It had been a long set of days since you'd had the pleasure of hearing the guys voice. Why did his return have to leave you feeling so fucking awful? Why didn't you stop all this shit from playing out when you had the chance? Crumble up that dumb ass contract in front of Kelsey and everyone. If only you could've saved yourself this world of hurt.

"And whose fault is that?" You asked through a whine, feeling sick all over again.

"Don't you dare put all the blame on me. I know I fucked up. I'll own that. But you're the one who pushed me away from the beginning. You told me you didn't want a real connection with me. I was willing to actually fall in love with you. And newsflash. I am actually in love with you!" Eddie's voice was growing firmer with each word he spoke. "I'm in deep fucking disgusting love with you. And you told me you didn't want that. So, I kept my fucking distance."

"I find that hard to believe." You rang through your teeth, sitting up a little. "You told me you couldn't sleep with me again because you'd fall too much in love or whatever the fuck. That hasn't stopped you from sleeping with what, three, four groupies since I left for tour? In deep disgusting love with every single one of them, are ya?"

"Of course not." Eddie waved as if it were obvious. "Those were drunken flings. Based on lust. I was already head over heels with you when you shagged me in the hot tub. I knew I'd only fall more. And since you said you weren't looking for love I set a fucking boundary. To please you!"

"Well I do love you! I don't fucking want to, but I do! I don't want any of this shit. I don't want our bullshit marriage. I don't want to be on this fucked up tour. I want to quit this shitty fucking job, oh God-"

You caught a glimpse of Eddie's face before you started to lose your lunch all over again. His eyes were wide, his jaw was slacked, his head shook in disbelief. And then what felt like a life time passed as your body writhed in agony.

"What did you take?" Eddie demanded to know.

"I don't know." You lied.

"Bullshit! What did you fucking take?" Eddie raised his voice as you started to sob.

"Zed's pills. Please don't yell at me!" You responded past tears and waves of nausea.

"I'm sorry." Eddie heaved, and you could tell he meant it and that made you cry harder. You heard his boots stomp away as you lost your fucking mind between tears and sick. You heard the door swing open. You heard Eddie say, "Get a medic in here, you son of a bitch." And you just knew he was talking to Zed, and you imagined the poor drummer lingering worriedly near enough the bus door to be there when Eddie opened it. The dreamy eyed guitarist was back in the room and kneeling at your side to comfort you while you both waited for someone to come and help.

You started to apologize for what exactly you weren't sure yet. Eddie dismissed you and said you could talk more later tonight. And you realized that meant he was staying. And that made you feel the smallest bit better.

When the medic came, he assumed you'd already vomited up most of the pills, but insisted you to come to the emergency tent for a while. You worried instantly, knowing Kelsey would blow a gasket. The rest of the band could carry on perfectly suitable interviews without you, but you knew there'd be hell to pay. Eddie sat with you, listened to the medics with you, gave you his jacket as the night grew cold. Then he walked you toward the car that the doctors called for you, insisting you get to a bed and rest as long as you could. He slid in the other side of the cab and let you slump against his shoulder the whole ride to whatever hotel you were staying in that night.

///

As Eddie walked you toward the sanctuary that was this evening's quiet hotel suite, the elevator doors chimed down the hall.

"You fucked up tonight beyond your wildest imagination!" Your managers shouts were more irate than you'd ever heard them. But you were almost too exhausted to care. Only three steps away from your room. Stubborn still, you couldn't help but turn to fight back.

Kelsey was red faced and rambling so viciously that the assistant that had followed him up was taking a step back with apparent concern. Around this time, the elevator dinged again, revealing Izzy and a group of strangers hanging off his arm.

"This is coming out of your paycheck! Do you realize that? You can't just do whatever pleases you!" Your manager raved.

"Your threats are getting boring." You stated simply, lazy eyed, hoping your lackluster engagement to this man's tirade would sting his ego.

"It's not a threat, it's a fucking promise. Have you forgotten I control every aspect of your sorry little life?"

"Don't fucking talk to her like that man." Eddie snapped, unable to cope with this nonsense any longer.

"This conversation doesn't fucking concern you," Kelsey, red faced and practically foaming at the mouth, shoved a hand to your fake husband's chest. Eddies back hit the door of the room you'd been trying to enter with a thud. He stayed a bit stunned, letting a shocked grin grow under his furrowed brow. But your composure was lost by then. You couldn't help but to begin to lose your mind.

"You absolute twat!" You shouted; lunging toward your manager who was significantly taller and was holding a stance like a boxer who was prepared to demolish his opponent. All hell broke loose. You were barely able to land a swing to Kelsey's iron build when his assistant moved to block you from becoming more physical. Izzy had rushed to involve himself by then too, much to the shock of the friends he'd brought along- who stood at the end of the hall in awe.

"You're all bark and no bite, just like your pathetic excuse of a husband." Kelsey tried to squirm away from the way your coworkers were backing him up. Eddie was simultaneously placing the hotel room key you'd given him back in your hand and motioning you to unlock the door, distracting you from escalating the situation further.

"I know better than to swing back. We're done here." Eddie let out a huff of a humorless laugh and shrugged his shoulders back in place. You got the door open just in time and let Eddie nudge you into the room first. Kelsey's grumbled curses were drowned out when your pretend husband shut and locked the pair of you in; and a deafening silence surprised you when you were only minutes ago seeking out the refuge of quiet you knew would be here.

You stood in the middle of the room, trying to catch your breath from getting so worked up. But the adrenaline that coursed through your system raged on and the overwhelm that had dawned over you in the tour bus was still shading your every thought.

"I want to go home." You whimpered. But that's not what you really meant. You'd never felt at home in the house you'd lived in the past four years. The only place you'd ever really felt at ease was Hawaii. Was that one house. Was with Eddie. But you couldn't say all that now.

You realized you were crying again when the man on your mind was suddenly standing before you and pulling you too his chest for an embrace.

"I'm so sorry. You wrote in your letters that this tour was awful but now I see they're worse than that. We've gotta get you away from this crazy dude." Eddie soothed, letting his hand brush over the back of your hair while holding you closer with the other all the while. You sank into his embrace for a moment longer before pulling away to sniffle and speak more clearly.

"He- he has me wrapped up in so many contracts. Half of which I don't even know the full extent of because he's so tricky. I don't even know where to begin." You let out a shaky breath as Eddie listened. "He's slowly killing me. He sold my music to Prince. Did you know that? He writes my set lists. He times my meals. I'm supposed to be living the dream, but it feels much more like a nightmare." You groaned, hanging your head in your hands.

"He what?" Eddie asked, alarmed. You knew Kelsey was pulling fucked up shit, but in the midst of it all, it seemed all too impossible to retaliate against. The man you'd been missing was standing before you now, reaching out a hand to brush his fingers against your wrist. Eddie's hand stroked toward your shoulder as you wiped your eyes and took a deep breath in.

"He also threatened me into pretending to marry this really cool guy. Who I'm really in love with now. But I'm so scared this guy'll never want to really be with me. And when our contract is up, he'll be free to fall for someone without being obliged."

Eddie watched as you spoke, biting into a frown that drooped lower still.

"You're gonna make me cry." Eddie breathed a laugh through his nose as a sheen covered his big brown eyes, and his hands found either side of your face.

"Cryin' because you know I'm right? Or cryin' because you know I'm wrong?" You dared to ask, fearful all the while your heart really couldn't take it if he turned you down now.

"Are you crazy? What part of 'I've loved you since the Hawaiian hot tub' don't you understand?"

Bitting back a smile, you took a beat to look into Eddie's dark dreamy eyes. Your brain was almost to fogged by the chaos of the day to fully comprehend the conversation you were having right now. But your heart seemed to understand, as it settled and warmed within you.

"You sobered up fast, huh?" You joked, but not really, as your eyes focused back and forth between his.

"I don't know why it's so hard. Maybe I need longer than three months in rehab. God it's so embarrassing."

But you got it. This lifestyle wasn't for the tender soul. But a tender soul always made the best art. And self-medication was the quickest method to suppressing the madness.

"Hey," You shook your head, catching Eddies eye. "No more talking about all this shit tonight. We'll figure it out soon enough, won't we?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I hope so." Eddie nodded, sucking in a breath and drawing out its release. "Come on then... let me take care of you for once."

Eddie dragged you into the bathroom, filled up the tub and dimmed the lights. He joined you in the water and washed your hair and kissed your shoulders. He held you close enough to feel his heart beating. He dried you off and helped you slip into your pj's and joined you in bed for what you realized was the very first time. It was early by rockstar standards. Only ten. Still early enough to catch a special on the telly, the perfect white noise that sent you drifting off in Eddie's arms. And just before sleep, you felt the peace of belonging you'd wished for when you dreamed of home.

///

The next morning you were awoken by a cart of food being pulled in by the wild haired guitarist.

"Didn't mean to wake you, sorry love. Food can wait if you're still tired."

"Don't you have a show to play or an interview to film or anything? How are you still here?" You wondered, staying cocooned under the duvet.

"I've got nothing. I was actually going to ask if you minded me staying a few nights on tour with you. We are still contractually wed. But more importantly I really fucking missed you, ya know?"

"Do you really want to stay? It's no fun."

Just as Eddie started to answer, the door to your room that had been unlocked from Eddie's breakfast delivery, swung open. Kelsey barged in, rolled up papers in hand. You assumed they were the doctor's notes left from last night. They'd ordered you to a day of rest.

"You're one lucky fucker, you know that? You might get to be babied today but you're making up the interviews I had to cancel before we leave at six tomorrow morning."

"What are you gonna do Kelsey, drag me out of fucking bed?" You sat up and spat right at the guy. "I'm not some fucking pet you can leash up and show off. I'm a person! With a soul! I guess I can see why that's hard for you to comprehend, being the leach you are."

"You need to leave. Don't come back today. I will call security if you do." Eddie walked towards Kelsey, beginning to back him out of the room. The manager laughed lowly.

"Well aren't you two cute? Treacherous nobodies." Kelsey tossed the rolled-up papers at you before turned to leave.

"What a fucking prick." Eddie growled, picking up the papers that had floated each and every direction. He tossed them on the desk and moved to sit on the bed at your side.

"So what'll it be? Pancakes? Or back to resting?" The guy reached out a hand to brush a strand of hair from your face. Just as you grinned and opened your mouth to answer there was another persistent knock at the door.

"It never ends!" Eddie chimed.

"I told you it's no fun here." You shrugged pointedly. "Will you answer again?" You were gonna choose going back to sleep, if the fates would allow. Your body ached from its efforts of violent sick the night before. Your mind ached from exploding under the pressure of it all, last night.

"Oh, hi." Eddie opened the door to Zed. His hair was mused. He was clad in only a robe and boxers. And he held a paper in his hand.

"Was Kelsey just here?" The drummer looked anxiously from Eddie to you, back to Eddie.

"Yeah, why?" Eddie assured, seemingly worried.

"Did he leave you papers? Because it's our bank statements. And they're way fucking wrong, at least on my end." Zed held up his bluish tinted sheet that looked just like the one sitting on the table of your room. You didn't feel very tired anymore. You rushed to stand, grabbing the document and scanning the words and numbers on the page.

"There are hundreds missing. Maybe more. And it's all charged under 'miscellaneous funds.' What the fuck is this?" You waved the page before both boys, alarm bells whirring in your head. When Kelsey threatened to pull from your paycheck he wasn't kidding.

"We've had almost mirrored spending habits as the month before yet more is being taken out this time?" Zed shuffled documents until he reveled last month's invoice, pointing out the differences.

"My lawyers are Kelsey's lawyers. What should I do?"

"I'm gonna go to the lobby and call Brooke. I've just had an idea that should hopefully help you all." Eddie noted in a hurry. He nodded to you and brushed past Zed on a sudden mission.

"Fuck dude. It's like, never ending." You wanted to cry but were probably too dehydrated to produce tears at this point.

"I'm going to make sure the others know but..." Zed spoke, shifting his weight in the doorway. "Are you okay?"

"I will be, I think. I don't know. Probably no more little blue pills, yeah?"

"Oh, I already flushed em." Zed assured. "And I assume I won't be getting any more late-night visits either?" The drummer scratched the back of his head and looked to you like a sad little puppy. He wasn't in love with you. And you had nary a feeling for him. But the pair of you had found comfort in your routine hookups.

"I don't know. It's not like Eddie and I have anything officially going on. But I can promise you, you'll be the first to know when I've got my shit figured out, yeah?"

Zed nodded and told you to get back to bed, and thanked you for having a meltdown grand enough to allow everyone else a day off too. You shot him a middle finger and chuckled your way back under the hotel sheets.

///

Kansas 1986 -

Eddie hadn't left your side since Chicago. The last night you spent there he'd called Brooke and asked her to sneak into Kelsey's office in L.A. to go through his files. The brave soul did just that, and found a fax Kelsey had sent to himself of a new contract where he forged the bands signatures and decided to charge you each more monthly. Brooke called you in Detroit and set you up with some well renowned lawyers. You had big plans to fuck Kelsey's shit up after the tour. There were only seven shows left. And you weren't in the business of disappointing your fans.

Kansas was pretty beautiful, the sun shone, your plans were coming together, Eddie spent a lot of time sober and reading a paper back with his head in your lap. Your tour bus pulled into the finest hotel available. You were an entire day ahead of schedule. And there was nothing to do with it.

"Let's go to dinner some place nice, no late-night pub. Wanna?"  Eddie coaxed, crash landing to sit on the edge of this weekends bed. You watched him in his own amusement, grinning as the mattress continued to spring. 

"Sure, that sounds like a nice change of pace." It wasn't to say that you'd been starved of fine dining experiences on this tour. But the past few days had been nonstop with no time to relish or relax outside of the tour bus.

Before you knew it you were dressed to the nines, hanging off of Eddies arm as he escorted you out of the back of the resort where your limo waited. Unsure where exactly you headed, Eddie had taken care of asking the front desk for the nicest eatery nearby. 

A castle like building with French style cuisine it was. Skipping ahead of reservations and smiling politely to wait staff, you wound up settled comfortably in a leather booth, sipping a lemonade and staring at Eddie. He leaned both elbows on his side of the table and stared right back at you.  

"Thanks. For dinner. And for staying on the road with me. And for... well everything I guess."

"It's been truly the least I could do. You shouldn't be saying thanks at all. I should be saying sorry for how much of an embarrassment I've been to you, like, since the dawn of our meeting." Eddie spoke up, twirling the straw in his soda.

"Don't start that-" You tried to stop his groveling, shaking your head.

"I am sorry. We agreed to this marriage to help each other's image, more or less. And I've been parading around like a fool."

"Maybe. But you also got us a trip to Hawaii that changed my life a little. And you're here with me now. You've been better to me than you give yourself credit for." You grinned, searching Eddies deep wide eyes. He squinted as if to consider the weight of your words. He let the chatter of the atmosphere grow louder as silence settled in the space between you. One sip of your drink. Two. Three.

"So, what... how..." Eddie started, struggling to choose his words until he just came right out with it. "Do you really love me?"

"I really do." You nodded, letting your head bob more assuredly as you thought on your statement. "I'm not sure when it happened but I can promise you, you'll break my heart when you leave."

"Well, I don't want to leave." Eddie shook his head, seemingly worried, like he was about to be swept off into a void. "I don't want to leave you. I know I have to go back to L.A. soon but, that's not what we're talking about here."

"It's not." 

Just then, your kind waitress breezed by, offering refills and desserts. You declined both and decided to call it a night, hoping to get some proper beauty sleep in since you had a night free enough to do so. The pair of you breezed out of the restaurant, flashing smiles to the fans who'd gathered outside of the business after learning you were dining inside. You shouldered your way into the limo without too much fuss, and then turned to find Eddie settling at your side. 

And when he looked back at you, it was like the whole world made sense. It baffled you. Here in the middle of America, without a single prompt, it felt like your world just shifted on its axis all because of the smile that reached Eddie's eyes when they locked on yours. Maybe it was the effects of a proper meal settling in after probably too long without one. Or maybe the tour had finally driven you mad beyond comprehension.

But by the time you got back to the hotel, you weren't so naive. You realized that the wall you'd built up that guarded your heart from this man had finally crumbled, the last brick blown over after your conversation at dinner. 

"Eddie-"

Like a mind reader or a braver soul, the man in question spun around from locking the hotel door to grab your face and kiss you. And you got it then. You got why he couldn't have done this with you, if he'd been half as in love with you as you were with him right in this moment. You understood why it would have wrecked him. But you got to kiss him now, letting your soul settle as he kissed you back.

It was as if you'd never done this before. With Eddie or anyone. A carnal desperation washed over you, now that the waiting was over. Your hands traced the inside of Eddie's leather jacket, falling until they reached his belt. As your fingers started to undo the thing, Eddie pushed them away. Oh no, he was about to stop you again, wasn't he? 

"We have all night." Eddie explained, saving your heart from sinking to your stomach. "Slow?"

"Yeah, I like that idea." You smiled, letting Eddie gaze at you through hooded eyes, pressing his smile to your cheek for a kiss. He let his lips wander from your jaw to your neck as his hands trailed from your sides to your back. 

This was all you'd ever wanted from him. This was more than you'd ever let yourself have with him. His body firm against yours. His heart on the table. God, you'd nearly forgotten you were in the midst of a tour that made you nearly consider quitting this business entirely. You'd nearly forgotten you'd ever been hurt at all. 

You simply soaked up the way Eddie peeled off your layers one at a time, taking forever to do so. He laid you down and let you rip away his shirt. He smoothed his hands over your skin and let you tangle your fingers in his hair. 

Dusk cast through the curtains, coloring the room a dull purple. Eddie marveled at the beauty of the evening and moved his kisses down your stomach. Eventually his lips met the middle of you and his kisses were unrelenting. As tortuously slow as he'd taken his time to wind up between your legs, he made up for by working you up into a frenzy in the matter of seconds. And then he claimed he had only just begun; Eddie announced his plan to make you come undone as many times as he could muster before you were each too tired to go on.

He kept his word, sending stars into your vision over and over as the night turned black. You returned every favor, dragging out your efforts to drive Eddie wild until he absolutely couldn't stand it any longer. When it came time for the guy to press himself all the way into you, overwhelming peace filled your heart so full it frightened you. You were almost moved to tears by how in utter fucking love with Eddie Munson you were. Unsure how else to express those profound emotions in a time like now; you let your jaw slack and your breath catch as the weight of these intense feelings and realizations wracked your body and soul. 

Eddie's eyes were focusing on yours then, and with a smile he sighed, "I know." And somehow, you believed that he somehow truly did have an understanding of the exact feeling you struggled to articulate. Still, you barely got to relish the way his hips rocked into yours before he was losing composure. But still, it was beautiful to watch Eddie reach his peak, straining against you. Because of you.

Eddie was crashing at your side, spent and sleepy and so fucking beautiful. 

///

The next morning came too soon. You knew last night was a one off, for now. You knew there were days that waited just ahead that demanded attention you worried you didn't have patience for. You knew you needed to hold onto last night for all it was worth, when morning came.

Eddie woke up, slinging an arm surer around your middle, groaning about not wanting to ever get up. You chuckled and shifted your weight to sit up ever so slightly. You had time left to laze, but not much. So you knew your question needed to be asked right away. 

"Eddie." You whispered, grabbing the hand he left splayed across your stomach, bringing his knuckles to your lips. The guy lifted his mussed head of hair and let his dark eyes flutter to meet yours. He propped himself up on his elbows and pressed his own lips to your shoulder.

"Eddie... What are we doing? What happens now?"

"I want something real with you." Eddie lifted his face to find yours. He was smiling at first but it faltered before he spoke up again. "But I think we need to figure out our shit first. Let our dumbass contract end. Get you through this tour and away from Kelsey. Get myself off the fuckin' bottle. Then maybe we can live life together instead of just trying to survive it."

"I see." You mulled over his statement, still holding his knuckles in your grasp.

"All that to say I want to see you all the time. I want this with you all the time. But I don't want to make you promises I'm afraid I'll break. I meant what I said about staying in rehab longer than three months, this time."

"Is that why you're going back to L.A.?"

"I already asked Brooke to find me a residency." The announcement was a happy one. But it meant his leaving was soon and it meant his absence would be significant. It meant mornings in sheets and sunlight were further away than you'd recently hopped.

"Can I come visit you?"

"I don't think I could fully heal if you didn't."

///

Topeka wasn't the most glamourous city. But deep in the heart of the Midwest, the wildest shit seemed to be going down. Your green room was full of groupies, clowns, bikers, freaks of all kinds. There was probably nothing left to do in the middle of tornado alley than to go a little crazy.

Maybe that's why you weren't surprised when you found Eddie backstage. Maybe that's why you weren't disappointed. Maybe that's why you didn't stop Eddie when he let some pink haired punk rocker pour a shot down his throat. 

But then he saw you and he smiled. He fucking smiled. And you couldn't help but let outrage burst from your being at that point. Marching through the crowd, you plunged a hand out to grab Eddie's sleeve, yanking him away from the madness. All around you people were laughing and yammering and singing, lost in their own plots. Eddie wasn't laughing anymore. He wasn't smiling. He was protesting as you dragged him behind you, around the corner toward a row of backstage showers. Secluded in the tiled room, you let go and turned to face him, Eddie didn't even look like himself. His eyes were glassed over, his demeanor barely held together.

"What the fuck?" You yelled. "Just because you have a room booked at rehab doesn't mean you get a free bender. Stop trying to kill yourself!"

"I- thinking..." Eddie rose a finger, pointing your way before he huffed a small curse, losing his balance, staggering toward the wall.

"You're a fucking mess. I don't even know what to do." You wanted to cry, you wanted to yell at him until he sobered the fuck up and promised to stop this bullshit forever. For good. He stayed leaning against the wall, furrowing his brow, closing his eyes as a you shouted his way.

"You're not the only one this shit is hard for!" Eddie slurred back, opening his eyes and gesturing your way.

"What are you talking about Eddie?"

"This is too hard. I'm too-" He huffed a frustrated sigh, too drunk to possibly convey a proper expression. Still, to the best of his shitfaced ability, he tried. "I'm too fucked up for this job. I'm too fucked up for you. I think I'm always gonna be. So... so jut go back to Zed. Or something. I'm gonna fuck this up. I don't want to but-" His words slurred so close together it may have been impossible to understand him if you didn't know him so well. There were tears welling in his eye's as he rambled, and every word went straight to the pit in your stomach.

"Eddie, baby, listen-"

"No, you gotta go on stage!" He waved a hand for you to hurry away. It was true, but your concerns for him were increasing by the second. Stagehands poked their head in the locker area, calling your name, insisting you hurry. You called back to them to find Kelsey, God how you wished anyone else would be in charge enough to help. When your sleezy ass manager finally rushed in, you told him you refused to go on stage until you saw Eddie put into a cab and escorted back to your hotel. Because there were people watching, Kelsey did as you said.

You played that show with your heart in your throat. You sang with your brain turned off. You tried to remember how great last night was. But tonight scared you too bad.

///

You didn't get on the tour bus. You didn't let Kelsey threaten you to stay for the after party. You rushed to hail a cab and paid the driver far more than anyone ever should have to book it to the hotel.

The driver was brilliant. But the ride seemed to last forever- every second, a threat, in your mind. You worried almost to the point of getting sick. What if they hadn't dropped him off in the room like you demanded? What if he got out and went to a bar or got lost? What if something far worse happened?

You ran inside the fivestar lodge and sprinted to the elevator. You pressed the button to your floor a dozen time, willing it to move faster, muttering your will outloud. The elevator doors creaked shut as you pressed the button again and again, beyond desprate to get upstairs. The indicator passed the second floor. Then it passed the third. And then your ride screeched in an unfamiliar tone, stalling before the arrow could make it to the fourth floor. No.

"This is a sick fucking joke!" You cried out to no one, kicking the doors of the elevator that stalled between floors. You cried and cried and pressed the button again a dozen times before back up, accepting your fate, letting your shoulders hit the wall as you stood alone in tears. Maybe Eddie was right somehow. This was never going to work. Maybe you were destined to break each others hearts. You almost let the grim thought take over your mind. You almost let that conclusion be the finale one to make.

But then you remembered the look in Eddie's eyes last night, when he pinned you against the mattress. And the look in his eyes at dinner. And from the side stages and passenger seats and press junkets. Maybe it was destined to fall apart with Eddie. But you weren't gonna go down without a fight damn it. 

Pushing yourself from the wall, you cursed and pounded the button until the elevator screeched into motion again, rising passed the handful of floors it took until your destination. You practically pried the doors open when you got to where you needed to be, racing down the hall, fumbling your key from your pocket. 

Eddie was there, slumped halfway on the foot of the bed, like he couldn't make it the rest of the way. Empty cans a littered near the bin by the door. Kicking past them, you moved to shake Eddie's shoulders. He grumbled at your jostling him, but nothing you could understand. You cried and tried your best to move him to a more sensible position in the middle of the mattress. You cried and rolled over to kneel by the bedside telephone. It rang twice before she answered.

"Brooke, you need to come get him." You cried. 

"I'm on my way." She assured; without an ounce of hesitation or question or anything but allegiance.

You stayed up, checking Eddie's pulse that never faltered, sniffling back tears for this whole fucked up situation. You stayed up writing a letter to Eddie, promising him things with Zed weren't going to work out. Promising nothing would work out with anyone but him. Promising you'd come visit Eddie in rehab and that you actually loved him more than you knew you were capable of. That even though you were scared too, you were willing. Promising you were proud to call yourself his wife even if you were never actually married. Then you signed your name at the bottom, finally giving him that autograph he'd once asked for.

Brooke was there six hours later. Dressed to the nines, slipping in the room unsurprised by the scene, reaching out to hug you without asking. You let the woman hold you for a moment as you focused on taking deep breaths and convincing your nervous system help was here and happening.

"Thank you for giving a fuck about him. And helping him. For coming all this way." You shuddered a breath and looked to the woman with kind eyes and a killer fashion sense.

"I care about Eddie. I care about you too, you know?"

Brook went on to say that if you ever wanted to call her to talk, her line would always be open. And if you ever wanted to call her to replace Kelsey, she'd gladly represent you. She went on to curse the man in charge of your career, insisting you deserved better than the treatment he gave you. You struggled not to keep on crying as you thanked her a billion times more, and moved to deal with Eddie.

As you and his manager sat up the man, he seemed to wake up from his stupor. Still out of it enough to stay silent, but alert enough to help as you and Brooke dragged Eddie out of the room- and to another stupid fucking elevator and out of the back of the hotel. You had packed his things and stuck your letter in his bag. No doubting he'd receive it in a timely manner.

Outside, Brooke left you to bear all of Eddie's weight as she opened the limo door. In that time, Eddie tried his best to support himself more fully, grabbing at your shirt and yanking himself up to look at you. His eyes were brimmed with tears, still dark and beautiful. Still your favorite pair. 

"You promised." Eddie winced. "No lugging me around." You had a firm hold around his waist, and under his arm. You remembered the deal you made before signing the contracts. You remember what he referenced.

"Not lugging. Helping. That's what I promised." You sniffled, letting more tears fall as you brushed back Eddies hair. His eyes closed and his brow furrowed as you guided him toward the limo. Brook shut his door and promised to phone you. Then they were off. The car sputtered to start and turned down the alley and you stood there all alone again.

///

The next few nights went by in a blur. Texas was hot, Colorado was pretty, Oregon could have been fun, but it wasn't. You allowed yourself no time to think or feel or wonder. You focused solely on the music and getting off this God forsaken tour.

Kelsey went flying down the halls of a casino in Vegas when Ambrose tried to call him out for stealing money from you lot. It resulted in a physical altercation where the manager had your guitarist by the collar against a wall, but the staff security team broke it up and Ambrose slumped off to the lobby bar instead of responding when you asked if he was okay.

That night you stayed up late on the bus to Phoenix, staring at the screen of the telly mounted near the cabinets.

"You're doing that thing again." Zed appeared, looking down at you with tired eyes. "Where you stare a hole through whatever is in front of you."

"Yeah." You sighed. The drummer seemed to decide something, and moved to sit at your side- handing you the joint he'd been smoking. After a beat, he asked if you'd found any good lawyers. You mentioned that you in fact had. Sometime around Detroit, Brooke had phoned you with more information than you knew what to do with and a list of people rallied to help.

 Silence fell between the pair of you once more as a late-night show began to air. You halfheartedly listened to the host relay news updates while passing Zed's joint back and forth. And then a certain topic demanded your full-blown attention.

"Corroded Coffin announced a hiatus tonight, disappointing fans who'd recently been promised an upcoming tour." The late-night host made a joke about the metal groups fans being a bunch of softies. "Yeah, apparently, lead singer Eddie Munson checked himself into rehab for a whole year..." Whatever joke that crackled through the screen next was lost on you, as your eyes brimmed, full of pride and fear. Proud for how Eddie was being public now about his absence from the scene. And fearful for what was next to come. 

A lot could happen in a year. A lot needed to happen in a year. But what if it didn't go how, you all hoped? What if your attempt to hold Kelsey accountable backfired? What if you were never able to get free? What if Eddie found a nice girl down the hall from whatever room he booked and forgot all about how badly he said he wanted a real shot with you? 

"We'll still be friends, right?" Zed pipped up, taking the joint from your grasp and passing you a stray tissue instead. "Way less codependent? More morally supportive?" 

"I'd like that, yeah." You sniffled and smiled to the drummer whose presence had been a surprising safe place for you through this whole mess. You thanked him for being there and for understanding the time and place for your vice driven alliance had come to a close. But after a newly born secret hand shake it was decided that you'd still be glad to call each other a friend.

///

L.A. 1986 -

The holidays fast approached by the end of that tour. Your Christmas was shrouded by legal documents. Kelsey hadn't spoken to you since you'd served him those papers. He didn't even look your way in the court room. 

When the new year kicked in, you spent most weekends visiting Eddie in rehab. You'd play a round of cards and tell him how good he looked and listen as he spoke about how much better he felt too. You each dreamed of life after he got out. Movie dates and song writing sessions. You each parted ways with a well-meaning embrace and sometimes a small kiss or two. 

While awaiting the verdict to your case against Kelsey, you declined your labels deal for a new album. You phoned Brooke instead and asked her to book you a trip to Hawaii. You started packing that night, unsure when you'd leave or for how long. But your trust in Brooke's ability to work miracles remained steadfast. So when your phone clattered and you answered to the sound of her voice, you weren't surprised by the glee in her tone. 

"Do you want the good news or the bad news first?" She asked. Her question faltered your grin and opened the pit in your stomach. Hadn't she just said hello cheerfully as ever? 

"Uh-" 

"The bad news is that old house you wanted me to rent again is no longer available. I can't book it for you." Brooke interrupted, voice flat and tone descending.

"Oh, I see." You shrugged, not half as hopeless as you'd expected to be by her bad news. You expected much worse. But you were pretty bummed. That home was the only one you had in mind, the only space you imagined finding true peace in for your planned getaway. The only home on your mind since you'd left it. You and Eddie had so much fun there. Sure, there were moments filled with awkward silence and questionable decisions made there too. But that little Hawaiian home had your heart damn it.

"But the good news is, it's for sale. And I asked them to hold off on accepting offers until I called you." Brooke rushed to inform. Oh. Now this was very good news indeed. You asked a couple times if she was joking. You knew she wouldn't do that. But you just couldn't believe you had an opportunity much grander and more promising ahead of you. Potentially more than a suitcase to pack.

Without any hesitation you formed a plan. Two days later Brooke sat next to you on a plane, a bundle of hundreds in hand and every pair of fingers crossed. You rented a chic little motel room for one night, and abandon your things there soon as they hit the shelves. You had a house to go buy. 

It all happened so fast. You made an offer any relator would be a fool to refuse, cash in hand. In the matter of an hour and a half meeting, you were signing your name on a dotted line and being handed the keys to a door you'd opened a few times before. It was yours. It was all yours now.

Brooke took you to dinner to celebrate. You bought her desert and asked her what more you could do as thanks. She had done so much for you, more than she ought to have done. The stunning woman shook her head and smiled and reminded you friends didn't owe friends anything. All she cared to ask of you was to make this year better than the last. To see you happier would be enough thanks for Brooke.

The flight back to L.A. was surreal. You spent it planning paint colors and writing a list of movers to call and dates to settle. 

And as soon as your plans were solid and your bags were packed, another weekend rolled around. It was time to see Eddie again. You drove to the rehab in the middle of nowhere and felt something like melancholy weighing in your gut. Something bittersweet in the back of your throat. Things were never going to be the same. 

 The halls were bright white, sunlight making the tile floor shimmer. Residents you'd come to recognize pursed polite smiles your way as you turned corners to find Eddie. You knew where he would be. At the picnic tables in the garden. Maybe with a book in hand. Maybe with a pencil. 

Today, he was sitting amongst the sprawling green grounds alone, a magazine on the table before him. It was closed. As you approached you recognized the Rolling Stone font across the glossy page, looking up to find Eddie staring a hole through the cover. 

"You gotta turn the pages with your hands babe, won't open otherwise." You remarked, stepping through the grass to see Eddie grinning up at you. He was more despondent today than he had been your past few visits. He waited till you sat at his side, resting your head on his shoulder as an affectionate hello. 

"Apparently there is a pretty scathing write up about me in here. One of the first since I paused the band to come here." Eddie voiced, letting one of his big hands rest on your thigh. His rings were missing, and his other usual regalia too. The grey hoodie he wore suited him well, you thought, with his pulled back hair. He looked very clean, in every sense.

"You don't have to read it if you're not ready." You reminded, lifting your head to face the man at your side. He left his hand resting on your leg as he bit his lip and looked to you too. "Or I could read it to you?" 

Eddie shook his head.

"It's time I start facing some facts, ya know? Start doing the hard work of facing what I have to change now that I'm sober enough too." Eddie sighed. He'd spent the past few months getting well, letting his body and mind recover. The next step was to grow. To start molding himself into the version he came here seeking help to rebuild. It was time for the hard part. The part he never got to in rehab before.

"I messed a lot of shit up." Eddie nodded, letting his eyes fall away from yours. "I should have done a lot of things differently. Especially with you." 

"Babe, it's okay. You don't have to do this." You assured, reaching out to smooth your hand over his shoulder. You had never held anything that happened against him. 

"I know we both kind of got roped into a weird and shitty situation. But I could have handled it so much better. You deserved so much more respect than I gave you. And that last night. You never should have had to take care of me like that. I shouldn't have gone that far off the deep end," Eddie sighed, letting his eyes well with tears, sniffing them away as he apologized for it all. You brushed away a loose strand of his hair and shook your head. 

"S'okay, Eddie. We were both just taking those days as they came. We did what we thought we needed to, to get by. It's okay."

As you pulled the guy in for a hug, Eddie fell into your frame without hesitation, burying his head in your neck. You held him there for a moment muttering something about how proud you were that he was doing his best to be better.

"Can I tell you something, now?" You wondered, smoothing Eddies hair as he pulled away to lock his dark eyes with yours. He smiled, when he noticed you were already grinning. When he nodded, you drew in a breath and said,

"I asked Brooke to book me a trip to Hawaii. You know how stressful the past few months have been. Hell, the past year." You began. Eddie nodded along. "She found that same little place we stayed in for our honeymoon." You rose your fingers to curl into air quotes around the last word of  your sentence. Eddie huffed a laugh before speaking up. 

"You loved it there. So did I. So you're staying there again?" Eddie beamed. So did you. 

"It was no longer available to rent." You revealed, watching Eddie's brow furrow. "Because it was for sale. So I bought it. And I'm moving there. Like now. Like after I leave here." Your smile was so wide it nearly ached your cheeks. Eddie was shocked, brows shooting up, mouth hanging open, palms held out before you. You took his hands and nodded to assure you weren't fibbing. 

"Oh my God." Eddie gasped. "This is perfect. I'm so happy for you." He wrapped you in another embrace, planting his lips to your cheek as you started yammering about plans to paint and furniture to buy and an open door policy Eddie was allowed to mind at all times. Eddie watched as you rambled, his grin flattening a little, until his lips were bitten together and his brows pushed togeteher. 

"What is it..." You stopped listing plans and straightened your posture to watch as Eddie sucked in a deep breath. Seeming to choose his words, you tried to remain patient, ignoring the pit in your stomach threatening to grow.

"I can't have you read me this Rolling Stone article because I need to do it on my own." Eddie spoke decidedly. "I can't come visit you in Hawaii. I can't-" Eddie shuddered a breath. "I know we aren't really together. But I need to be really alone, for a while. I need to deal with my own shit, ya know?" Eddie's voice shook as he explained himself, bouncing his knee and moving his eyes from yours to his lap. The void in your stomach widened exponentially. 

You wanted to argue back, remind him what he said the night you slept together last. How he said he wanted to be with you. But you couldn't be so selfish. You unfortunately understood where he was coming from. You swallowed your despair and nodded.

"Okay. Yeah, I understand Ed."

"I'm sorry. I lo-" Eddie blinked up to the sky and shook his head. "I'm sorry."

A moment of heavy silence swirled between you, as you made the hard choice to be okay with this, at least in the moment. Then you looked up with a grimace of a smile. 

"Can I still write to you? I'd like to still write to you." You declared, watching Eddie work to find composure. 

"I'd like that too." He breathed, forcing a smile. "I'm still happy for you." He assured, his voice thick with emotion. 

"And I'm still proud of you." You smiled, and you meant it.

///

Hawaii 1987 -

Another holiday season was fast approaching. And this year you had every opportunity to celebrate. You bought a little faux tree and put it by the fireplace. You decorated the big kitchen windows with garland and let Christmas vinyl's spin from the record player in the guest room. 

The little Hawaiian home was clean and cozy and decorated just the way you liked. Since moving in, fresh paint brightened the walls. Old familiar photos hung there too. A few miscellaneous tour posters and three platinum records the only memorabilia you held on to from the past four years.

On the kitchen counter was an offer from your record label you were still mulling over. The year off and away from Hollywood was a refreshing and much needed break for your sanity. Creativity seemed to flow more freely all the while. You definitely had music in mind to record. You just weren't sure if you were ready.

You liked the life you had here. The mornings you spent milling about the markets down the block. The friends you made of your neighbors. The quiet. 

You missed your old life too, though. More than you thought you would have. You missed making music and singing for crowds. You missed dressing up and going out. The closest to a wild night out you had since moving here was when Brooke surprised you one summer weekend. She stayed at your insistence and took you to the finest restaurant on the Island and gossiped for two days and three nights straight. And when you asked about Eddie, she said he missed you. She said he kept your rarely exchanged letters on his coffee table. She said you should call him. But you couldn't. You wanted to respect his space. To allow him all the room he needed to grow into sobriety and into the new version of himself he was anxious to learn about.

But Brooke wouldn't answer when you asked if you should get back in the studio soon. She said only you could know the right answer to that question. So you mulled it over from then until now. Teetering closer to calling back your label every day, eager to agree to record something. 

And then it was Christmas time.

It would've felt lonely if you let it. But you'd worked too hard on finding hope in the dullness, this year. You worked too hard finding peace in the quiet, this year. You reminded yourself to relish the home you got to call your own. How you truly felt you belonged here. You marveled over how fate handed you these house keys. You smiled when you remembered how you'd come to fall in love here, in more ways than one. 

Then there was a knock at the door.

Mulling toward the front of your home, you expected a delivery or two. You'd ordered gifts for your neighbors this year, and some for yourself too of course. You were determined to have a happy fucking holiday.

But the man at your door was more of a gift than you'd asked for, this year. 

Eddie was there, grinning wide, wringing his hands. His hair was a little longer, the longest you'd ever seen it. His frame was toned, his face was full of warm color and his eyes were bright and clear. He was a vision. He was so damn beautiful.

"What's all this?" You smiled, letting a laugh of surprise escape your lips. 

"Surprise? I hope I'm not intruding." Eddie rose a hopeful brow, his dark deep eyes peering into yours for the first time in too damn long.

"Shut the fuck up and come inside you fool." You smiled and widened the doorway, stepping aside so Eddie could enter. Your heart hammered at the sight of him, your soul buzzed to life at the realization that he was here, he was really fucking here.

"Just like old times, aye?" Eddie grinned, letting his gaze float across the home he'd discovered with you, a year ago. 

"Hopefully not." You noted, crossing your fingers this visit led to a more positive and promising outcome than your last time together in this home. Eddie laughed and asked how you were liking it, complimenting the changes you'd made since last he saw.

You rambled for a bit about a particularly hard renovation and another story about how perfectly another came together. Then you asked if he was hungry. It was almost dinner time. 

Before you knew it, you were mixing up your famous pasta sauce to the tune of Eddie's story telling. He made you laugh so hard you cried, and nearly burnt yourself stumbling to catch your breath near the oven. He ate your dinner with gratitude and answered your questions about how his life had been going. Eddie spoke about a tiny apartment and a sparse kitchen and an empty schedule. Eddie admitted it had been hard, but that he was finally in a place he felt he had control over. Eddie helped you clean up and let you make some hot cocoa's because it was the damn season.

You led Eddie to the living room, warm mugs in hand, rambling back and forth about the year you'd spent apart. You spoke about making new friends and considering calling your label back. You mentioned how much you missed him, like a lot.

"You're not mad I'm here?" Eddie cautioned, setting his mug on the coffee table and turning to face you. He rested an elbow on the back of the sofa and his head in his hand.

"Why would I be mad, Eddie?" Your mind boggled, unable to consider feeling anything besides unbridled glee at the mere thought of the man's presence.

"Because last time I saw you, I said I couldn't come here. And now I've just invited myself over all of a sudden. I'll understand if-"

"No, I'm not mad. I didn't think you'd never show up. Maybe that's the hopeless romantic in me." You shrugged, smiled and dipped your chin toward your shoulder, trying to hide your embarrassed blush.

"Romanic, eh?" 

"I never stopped loving you, Eddie." Your voice was a whisper. Eddies eyes burned into yours. His gaze was full of desire you recalled rising up in him before. His gaze was full of adoration you remembered him expressing. His dark chestnut gaze was familiar and warm and so nice to stare back into after too damn long.

"Okay I'm gonna say something, then. You can kick me out after this. But I'm gonna say it, okay?" Eddie seemed to decide. 

"O-okay."

"In rehab I did a lot of thinking about the past. What I fucked up. What I lost. But when I got out, I started to realize I had forever in front of me. And there was so much I still had the opportunity to fix and change. And I realized there was no version of forever I want to spend without you. I know this is like... the third time we've come to this crossroad but..." 

Suddenly Eddie was sliding off the sofa and kneeling before you on one knee. Suddenly, he was reaching in his pocket. Suddenly you were staring at a ring. The stone was tigers eye and the band was gold. It was what you tried to pick out all that time ago.

"I'm a mess." Eddie proclaimed "I cannot promise to make your life better. but I can promise I want to be a part of your life. I want to marry you. Actually this time."

"For real?" You gasped a chuckle, sniffing away the spring of tears that clouded your vision from focusing on every little detail of this perfect fucking moment.

"Very much for real. No contracts. No reason besides the fact that I love you." 

You were nodding, holding out your left hand and struggling to suck in a breath before you could say yes a dozen times in a row. The space in your stomach where despair often bloomed was now only full of hope and assurance and calm. The space on your finger that had been left bare since your tossed that ugly diamond ring into the ocean was now perfectly fitted with the jewel of your dreams. The space in front of you was now taken up by Eddie. And he was finally all yours.

///

New York 1988-

"So after Kelsey went to prison and Eddie got out of rehab and moved to Hawaii with me, we got lawfully married, got a dog, helped each other rediscover music."

"The release of your new album suggests you and Eddie are a duo now. Do either of you plan on making solo records again?"

"I don't." Eddie chimed in, finally settling at your side in the booth with a fresh soda in hand. "I'm too unhinged without her around. Plus, she clearly makes music better. It's because of her touch we won album of the year. We probably lost to Paul Simon in 86' because there was too much of my misguided influence on Steel and Stone." Eddie laughed and you shook your head. 

"Don't discredit yourself."

"Will there be a coin toss to decide who gets to keep the Grammy?" Rolling Stone chuckled.

"We'll probably keep it on the mantel where we both can see."

After that interview ended, Brooke picked you both up from the lounge and let you stay in her loft until your flight back to the Island was due the next morning. You didn't wake her when the both of you got up and snuck off. But you left a letter on her counter, explaining that she deserved an award for putting up with the pair of you after all this time. So, you left the Grammy on her counter too. ///

Hawaii 1990- You opened the front door with one hand and balanced a bag of produce with the other. The man at that bodega at the edge of town was still selling veggies from his garden. Even though he walked with a cane now he'd manage his way to sell you produce for half price every weekend. 

You breezed through your home, toward the kitchen where you rested your bags on the counter next to a radio that had been left on. Right on cue, Eddie made his way in from out back, dripping ocean water on the rug you put down to protect the hardwood floors. 

"Wanna come out there with me while the waves are still calm?" He wondered, finding a towel and kissing your cheek as a morning greeting. You'd been brave enough recently to wade in the water a little deeper than ever before, with Eddie at your side, and only when the tide was calm. 

"I'm making breakfast now," You waved off your husbands offer, catching a glimpse of your tiger eye ring in the sun rays through the window curtains.

"Then I'll help." Eddie smiled, stealing the tomatoes you were in the process of washing clean. He took the food to begin prepping and turned up the radio on his way, a song you'd both written played. You watched as Eddie helped make your meal and listened as he sang to you and thanked God for the music that made it possible for your paths to cross and connect together. 

What you might write next together was just as an exciting thought as what the pair of you might watch on the telly later. Life was easy to find love within when Eddie really clearly loved the hell out of you. This house felt like a home with him in it. Eddie was finally home... and so were you.

///

[definitelynotshouting]

all the words that i forgot to say | (a hunger au oneshot)

Summary:

Grian's wings rustle and shift behind him as he speaks; a soft, raspy susurrus of flexing feathers. Ruffle, smooth back out. Ruffle again; calami rising, spearing scarlet vanes through the air only to judder back down in a cascade of fluttering ripples.

It’s a foreign motion on him, and one that escapes translation entirely; Mumbo is still drawing the map behind these new, unconscious ticks Grian displays when he isn’t paying attention, and the effect is not unlike staggering at the bow of a ship cresting a surge. Stomach churning, queasy, the threat of a capsize hanging over their heads— somewhere between Grian’s abrupt disappearance from Evo and his miraculous, tentative return, he’d fractured into wholly unfamiliar fault lines.

The universe no longer quite makes sense. Grian no longer quite makes sense— although, really, when did he ever. All Mumbo can do now is hold steady course, and hope the rudder hasn’t broken out from underneath him.

Or: Grian has a question, and Mumbo stumbles through the answer.

HI GANG I LIED ABOUT THE WORDCOUNT IT HIT 3.1K LMAOOO

Happy first fic of the new year!! I worked super hard on this for yall since the next chapter of hunger au proper isnt finished yet, so enjoy this in the meantime!! As always, likes are appreciated, reblogs are FANTASTIC, and commentary in the tags or on ao3 will have me swearing my undying fealty to you on the battlefield. Thanks in advance for reading and reblogging, and i hope you enjoy the fic!!

[kaylalovesmaneskin]

Jealous

A/n: hey loves I just wanted to say that I’m back with a new story woooooo and this story was inspired by this picture which disclaimer THIS ART DOES NOT BELONG ME TO ONCE AGAIN THIS ART DOES NOT BELONG TO ME IT BELONGS TO _peachyypie_ on instagram so yeah and without a do let get this story started. Tag list: @ellior1111 @tommy-lee-slash

Warning:jealous Miguel, friends flirting, teasing, choking, edging, swearing, and uses of alcohol, and fingering, and a whole bunch of smut

Paring:Miguel O’Hara x fem!reader

Summary:it was y/n's birthday and she wanted to go out with some friends but ended up flirting with an old friend from high school and Miguel ended up finding out.

“Yeah I’ll be ready in a few.” You said to your friend on FaceTime while doing you makeup. “Okay well girl don’t take too long because everyone is already at the club I’ll come pick you up in 5.” Your friend told you as she hung up on you. “Hmm where are you going cariño.” Miguel asked you, leaning on the door frame of your shared room. “Oh my friends are taking me out for my birthday if you’re okay with that.” “I am just please be safe, okay do you need me to drive you there amor.” He asked you. “No thank you bae Charlotte is going to drive me there she is coming to pick me up.” “Okay umm by the way you look amazing in the dress.” “You think so.” “Yes just Damm I have that all to me.” He said joking around with you he walked up behind you and grabbed you by your waist, you blushed at his sudden action. “Oh my gosh you're such a flirt I swear.” “Hmm I mean from the looks of it you're the ones who blush at my jokes so I don’t know what to believe.” As you and Miguel were busy flirting with each other your phone had binged. It was your friend Charlotte letting you know that she was outside waiting for you. “Umm mi amor Charlotte is downstairs I’m going to leave I won’t be going for two long I promise.” “Okay I love you and be safe, call me for anything and happy birthday once again baby.” “How did I get so lucky with a man like you.” You told him as you went to grab your purse, phone and keys. You left and got into your friend's car and headed off to the club. (Time skip)

You had gotten out of your friend's car outside of the club to be greeted with all your other friends telling you happy birthday and complimenting your outfit. “Hey guys come on let’s go in.” You said to your group. “Hey I have a vip booth reserved for y/n y/l/n.” You said. “Right this way.” The bouncer told you to lead you and your friends to the booth you had bought in advance. “Here you guys go, enjoy.” The bouncer told you and left. “So what do you guys want to do first?” You asked for friends. “Let’s get drunk.” One of your friends yelled and the rest of them agreed. You and all of your friends were drinking and most of y’all were drunk. The only one that didn’t drink so much was the ones who had to drive. All the smell of alcohol and the blasting music was like a trance you were having the time of your life you were dancing on your friends they were dancing on you y’all were having an amazing time then someone you recognized from high school, walked him to the club and walked over to you and your friends. “Happy birthday y/n.” “Omg no fucking way holy shit Noah is that you.” You said in shock all your friends looked over to see him walking over to yall. “No fucking way.” One friend said, “How have you been? It's been like 4 years.”

“I’m alright, what about you?” Noah said. “I’m okay. I now finally moved out of my parents' home and moved into a place with my boyfriend.” “That's great.” “So you got yourself a girlfriend.” “Well not really I’m still in the talking stage.” Noah said as he was speaking to you, seeing how his eyes kept making their way to your exposed cleavage. “Hey come on, let's go back to my vip room.” You told him, grabbing his hand and leading him back to the vip room you were drunk so you weren’t really you in the moment. “Here sit.” “You said closing the door. “Umm y/n you look amazing by the way.” “Thank you, you don’t look that bad yourself.” You said winking at him then you took your phone out. “Hey, do you want to take a picture with me?” You asked him and he nodded and you opened your Instagram and took a picture of you too. You were kissing his cheek in one picture and then in the next one you both had the middle finger up then you posted the picture. “Okay you want to get out of here.” “Sure.” You both left the room and head out to the bar to drink some more now you were more drunk then you was before and Noah was also drunk to then you and Noah and the rest of your friends took to the dance floor and were dancing you and one of your other friends named Abby were twerking on Noah and she was twerking on her boyfriend Leo. Your friend Stacy had taken a video of y’all and posted to her Instagram story. Then your friends and you took a break and went to sit down and you were all wasted and you sat down next to Noah and you had your leg over him and he had his hand on your thigh rubbing it up and down talking to you. “Okay everyone, group photo.” Your friend Anna yelled that she took the picture and uploaded it to her Instagram story as well.

Meanwhile at your house Miguel was working out when he decided to check his phone and his Instagram app had some notifications so he opened it to see what you posted and your friends posted to. He first check you story and he saw your pictures of you and Noah and was pissed he was so mad he didn’t know how to react the he when To your other friends story to see that you were tweaking on him that made him even more mad and then the group picture that was uploaded gave him his last straw he went to call you. You were talking to your friends and your phone started to ring and you ignored it. You put him on voicemail. He didn’t give up so easily he kept on spamming your phone with text messages and calling you. It was 12am and your friend Charlotte had driven you home and everyone had left. You got out of the car you were somewhat sober now you walked upstairs and tried opening your door and you dropped your keys you went to get them you were met with a pissed Miguel. “Oh hey amor.” You told him looking up at him but he looked at you with jealousy and his red and brownish eyes piercing, threw your soul. “Is there something wro-.” Before you could finish your sentence he pulled you by the waist and pinned you against the wall putting your hands above your head. “Umm Miguel are you okay.” “Why would I be okay did you not see what ever one was posting who the fuck was that guy in the picture with you huh.” He said, whispering in your ear. “I was just a friend from high school.” “Really y/n really sure it didn't seem like one. I mean last time I checked friends don’t kiss on the cheek or put their legs over each other and let their so-called friend rub them.” You began to notice he was becoming jealous. “Miguel I promise he is just a friend.” “Are you sure?” “Look I can tell you are jealous but you go-.” You were once cut off when he began to kiss you passionately. Your hand was free from his grip and you put your hands on his face while he had his hand on your waist walking you over to the bed. He broke the kiss pushing you on to the bed. “Well see you want to go around kissing other people’s cheeks and rubbing up on them. I think I should give you my birthday gift and I guess I have to punish you too and If you are good enough I’ll think about letting you cum el cariño.” He starts to rub you through your panties to get you wet before yanking them off and fingering you. You begin to start moaning from the pain that turned into pleasure Starts with one finger but quickly progresses to two. “Hmm you like that’s you're such a slut for me. As you felt you were becoming closer and he felt it too because you were getting tighter and tighter then he took his fingers out and licked all your juices from them. “Hey what the fuck was that for.” You whine. “Do you really think I was gonna let you cum naughty girls don’t deserve to cum.” He then rubs his cock against your clit before entering you without a warning. He Starts slow so you can adjust to his Size before he begins to pound into you, letting out all his anger and frustration.your moans got louder and louder by each trust he did. “Mmm yes taking me like the good little slut that you are mmm fuck.” “Mmm shit fuck m-Miguel faster p-please.” You whined to him. As he went faster he took one hand and began to choke you lightly then went tighter.

Your thighs quivered a bit while you, almost without noticing, spread your legs some more, welcoming him in between. Miguel let the tip of his cock to graze your entrance, teasing it by moving it up and down your folds, trying to coat it as much as he could. Low, soft purrs left your lips at the feeling, back arching and anticipating how his cock would feel inside you.

Your body was already on fire, and the jittery feeling inside your stomach just intensified once he began to push his length inside your slippery hole. His eyes searched for yours that were watching downward, looking at his cock slowly disappearing into you. Growling, he leaned onto you, successfully gaining your attention as you now looked up at him. Your eyes were attentively scanning his face, burning into your mind his facial features.

“Look at me when I fuck you” he grumbled kissing your chin. You relaxed your body as soon as you began to feel his cock inside you, deliciously stretching your walls. You followed his order, eyes gazing into his red and brownish eyes, passionate ones as he began to gently thrust his hips. His thrusts were gentle and slow, something that was internally frustrating you. You wanted him to be rough, to pull your hair, to treat you like a piece of meat. Mewling, you pushed him by his shoulders and rolled onto the bed, ending on top of him. Lifting your hips, you began to ride him, fucking yourself on his cock at a fast pace as Miguel groaned in pleasure. The sounds that left Miguel lips did nothing but increase your desire and lust for him, making you push down harder to take all of him. He lifted up his upper part and circled your waist with his arms to pull you closer to him. Your tits slapped against his forehead but he didn’t mind, it felt quite good. “No one can fuck you this good no one tell me who you belong to?” he growled while biting down on your nipple. You moaned while intertwining your fingers into his dark brown locks. “You yes only you can fuck me this good I belong to you!” you cried as you peppered his neck and lips with kisses. Miguel , for a second time, was taken aback, but soon regained all his confidence and rolled again onto the mattress, ending on top again. After a couple of thrusts, his pace increased drastically. His thrusts were powerful, so powerful that you could hear the squeaking sounds of the bed. The pace that he adopted was making you lose your mind, and soon the pleasure into the pit of your stomach just grew. The room was soon filled with your moans and his grunts, breathless whimpers. Looking down at you, Miguel leaned in, kissing your lips while his tongue invaded your mouth, exploring every nook. But soon the need to release became a necessity. Miguel could feel the pleasurable feeling building up fast into his lower region and the sweet sounds that you released right next to his ears were driving him crazy. The slapping of skins, as he kept slamming his hips against yours, became louder just as his pace monstrously increased. He stopped for a couple of seconds to change position: he grabbed the back of your knees and pushed them against the mattress to get better access to you. His hips slammed harshly against yours, his cock now going deeper inside you. The tip of his cock kept hitting your sweet spot making your eyes roll in the back of your head at the intense pleasure. “I-I’m going to-“ not being able to finish the sentence you came hard onto his cock with a slightly high pitched moan. Miguel pulled you closer again, lips trailing along your collarbones as he too released inside you. His thrusts slowed down, riding out his orgasm while hiding his face into the juncture of your neck and shoulder. “Miguel that was amazing” you mumbled while playing with his fluffy hair. He nodded with his head, leaving another small peck on the side of your neck. Lifting himself up, he went toward the bathroom. He was quick to clean himself before grabbing a towel and soaking it with warm water. Amor brought you a tow-“ but, upon entering his bedroom, he noticed that you were already asleep, lightly snoring. He tiredly smiled while moving toward your figure and, with the warm towel that he had in his hand, he began to carefully clean your body.

As soon as he was done cleaning you, he retrieved all your clothes and neatly folded them before placing them on his desk. Then he kissed your forehead, tucked your body under the covers and fell asleep with one arm over your waist. “Good night y/n and happy birthday I love you.” “I love you Miguel and you have nothing to worry about. I'm yours and only you’re.” Then you both peacefully went to sleep.

THE END

[phoxey]

Talent vs Hard Work

This is part 2, for Part 1 click here

Bebe!Bada x WolfLo!reader

CW: reconciliation first fluffy then smutty... (yall wanted it that way.... tho me too tbh) MDNI

AN: Thank you for your support for this random two-shot, it really means a lot to me! So enjoy this!

“Don’t forget that I loved dancing first, Bada Lee! All of what you are now is because of me! You may have talent, but you would never have found it, if it wasn’t for me! I built both of our careers. But honestly? I wish I would have never taken you dancing. We both would have regular lives; all of this shit would have never happened. Maybe you would have actually proposed today…”

“I guess we will never know.”, Bada said quietly.

You sighed. “I love dancing. I really do. But before I loved dancing, I loved you.”, you whispered then.

Bada looked at you then, pain in her eyes. “Then why did you always hold me back? Why did you never share my ambitions? You always talked me out of taking advanced classes… I thought we wanted to become a famous duo together?”

You looked away ashamed. She was right. “Because I never wanted to be famous. I just wanted to dance with you. And when you became so good that you could take the advanced classes, I knew I couldn’t, because I don’t have your talent. You would find new friends; we would have grown apart. I didn’t want that. I wanted to keep you to myself. I was selfish like that.”, you admitted.

“So, you wanted to me be unhappy?”

“No! I want you to be happy. But I thought I could be the sole reason for your happiness…”

“But you always were! I wanted nothing more than being successful with you, dancing with you. You are the reason I fell in love with dancing. If I had started dancing alone, I don’t think I would have fallen in love with it. But when you changed… when you began being passive aggressive about my dancing, I felt like you began to hate me. It broke my heart.”, Bada said and sat down on one of the sofas. Reluctantly you sat down next to her on the couch. “I thought if I get you to stop dancing, I get both, a career I love and my best friend who I loved.”

“That’s why you said all those things?”, you asked.

Bada nodded. “Stupid, if I think about it. Why would you stay my friend if I bullied you out of dancing?”

“We both were stupid. Why would you stay my friend if I caged you and limited you?”

Bada then grinned a little, it was a tired and sad smile. She looked at you and shoved you a little with her shoulder.

“What was that for?”, you pouted.

“Wanna know a secret?”, Bada asked.

You nodded.

“I never liked the word ‘friend’ when it came to us.”, Bada whispered.

“Yeah me neither…”, you blushed. “Bada?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think we can start over?”

“Do you really want to? I don’t want to start over…”, Bada said.

“Oh… ok…”, you whispered and looked down.

Bada took your hand then. “I don’t want to start over, I don’t want ignore what we had. Because what we had was great. And the last ten years… maybe we needed that to grow as people independently. But now we found eachother again. I believe if we accept what happened and work through it, we can be stronger… together.”

You laced your fingers with hers and looked at her with tears in your eyes. “Please don’t leave me again. I can’t do this shit again.”

Bada cupped your chin and kissed your tears away, before putting her forehead to yours. “I won’t.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”, she whispered and kissed your lips, almost desperately.

You leaned into it. You both kissed to convey the words neither of you could say. But Bada suddenly broke off the kiss. You wanted to protest until she showed you your hand, that she still held with hers. Around your wrist was a blue and purple bracelet. You noticed the same on hers.

“You still had them?”, you gasped.

“Yeah. I couldn’t bring it over myself to throw them away.”, Bada whispered and kissed your wrist. “I’m glad I didn’t. That way I can keep my promise from ten years ago.”

“Your promise?”

“I said I would propose in ten years.”

Your eyes got big. “Bada!”

“Would you like to be my girlfriend?”, she asked softly and before she had even finished her sentence, you were eagerly nodding.

“Yes, Bada, I would.”

She kissed you again, deeper this time. She let go of your hand in favor of letting her hands roam over your sides, while your arms wrapped around her neck. You both chuckled briefly, as you clumsily moved to sit in her lap. As soon as you had straddled her, Bada’s hands moved to cup your ass and pull you as close as possible against her. You grinned and paid her back by sucking on her tongue. A low moan escaped Bada’s throat. But before the tall woman could react, you had already found your next target: Bada’s neck; and you were rewarded immediately by Bada moaning your name.

Her head fell back to give you full access to her neck. “You don’t know how often I thought about doing this…”

After a moment of just enjoying your affections, she decided it was her turn now. One hand in your hair, she pulled your head to the side, so that she could return the favor and hungrily attacked your throat with lips, teeth, and tongue. Your moans were music in Bada’s ears, so her hand danced deliberately up to cup your breast. Soon you were a panting and moaning mess because of her efforts, your hips were bucking restlessly in desperate search for something, anything.

“Bada… please…”, you breathed out, not quite sure what exactly you were asking for, you just wanted more. More of everything. More of her.

Bada seemed to understand though, she could always read your mind. Both of her hands moved down and expertly opened your pants just enough so that her hand could slip in. Bada’s fingers were immediately met with your wetness.

“Shit, baby… you need me that much?”, she whispered then, against your lips.

You nodded shyly when you saw her smirk. Bada’s fingers left your pants again, but before you could protest you saw her putting her finger into her mouth. “I needed a taste. Since we don’t have time for the whole thing now.”, she whispered.

Then her hand slipped into your pants again. You held your breath when she ran her finger along your heat, always stopping just before touching your clit. She definitely enjoyed teasing you. But Bada wasn’t the most patient person and soon she gave in to her desires and slipped her finger into you. It was hard for her to control herself, but she wanted to give you at least a moment to adjust. But she found, you didn’t even need that. Because as soon as she was inside of you, you started rolling your hip, chasing that sparkly feeling inside of your stomach. Bada decided a second finger couldn’t hurt, and she was right. Soft moans fell from your lips, that she drunk in with her own.

Meanwhile she started to thrust a little rougher, losing herself in the feeling of you clenching around her fingers. Her palm was rubbing against your clit, only adding to your pleasure.

Damn you, Bada. Why was she so talented at this too?

Your kisses were all teeth and tongue by now. She was helping you ride her fingers, by grasping and guiding your hip. Bada could feel you clenching harder and harder, indicating that you were close.

“Cum for me, baby. Please.”, she muttered into your ear.

Almost on command you came, with a soft scream that Bada quickly silenced with a kiss. A few erratic jerks with your hips later, you sank against her exhausted. Gently Bada pulled her fingers out and tenderly rubbed your back.

“You did so well.”, she whispered as you hid your face in the crook of her neck, panting harshly.

“We should get back…”, you mumbled after you had caught your breath and pulled away, even though you wanted nothing more than staying like this forever.

You gasped when you saw a giant purple spot on Bada’s neck. “Oh shit! I think I got carried away.”

Bada’s thumb ran over your throat as well. “Me too.”

You wrapped Bada’s Bebe scarf around her neck to hide the hickey and Bada did the same for you with your WolfLo scarf.

Both of you got up, you were noticeably wobbly on your legs, so Bada grabbed your hand, that you wouldn’t fall.

“Tonight, you will get all of this and more back.”, you hissed, noticing your soreness between your legs.

“I’m looking forward to it.”, she whispered into your ear.

Hand in hand you walked downstairs to the fight zone again. All of the dancers looked at you two, as they all have been waiting. Bada squeezed your hand one last time, before you had to let go to walk over to your own crew.

Arriving there Haechi grinned smugly. “You really took reconciling to a whole other level.”

You laughed. “Shut up and let me be happy. I have a girlfriend now, what do you have?”

You looked over to Bebe and Bada was already gazing at you, smiling fondly. You smiled back.

In the end, in every fight, love will always win.

[asliceofzosan]

he makes me laugh

Sanji’s a whirlpool, pulling Zoro’s broken sailboat in and consuming his entire being in one fell swoop. Like a flower that blooms even in the harshest winter hail, Sanji perseveres in capturing Zoro with the rare sight of his smile. In the tapestry of his life that Zoro so painstakingly weaved with his blood, sweat, and tears, Sanji was the golden thread that showed Zoro that despite his shortcomings, the loose ends and the mended patches, life was beautiful. In which Zoro learns the rarest form of intimacy in the arms of a cook.

Surprise ! Yeah. I decided to finish one of three pending fics from my zosan christmas collection because it's just one of those fics that just felt right, you know? It was the perfect bookend for 2023. We've seen Zoro fall for Sanji a million times. What's one more?

Thank you to you guys for being so welcoming and loving to me. It's very difficult to integrate into fandoms for me. But the zosan and one piece community has been so wonderful that I always find myself wanting to give back. I hope we're here together for a long time, yeah? If not, I will cherish this time forever.

Advanced Happy New Year to you all! I love you all very much and I hope to see more of yall in 2024 ^_^

My AO3 Account

[mbakuetshurisprincess]

The Secret Princess

AN: Hello my loves. Once again this is just a palate cleanser while I work on BTB3, Completely unrelated, y’all liked A Betting Woman A LOT more than I thought yall would fr thank you. I look at the reblogs and giggle at all the funny shit y’all comment so thank you for making me smile. University is about to revamp for me in the next two weeks so if I go ghost I DEEPLY apologize in advance. Also this is my last fic without a taglist, go check out my last post to join it! This fic is my first semi-supernatural reader, I wouldn’t really say she’s supernatural tho, more spiritually inclined. Just wanted to put that in their idk.  Hope y’all enjoy!

Summary: The wind always did seem to have a way of bringing certain things back to your doorstep. 

Pairing: Shuri x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of spirits kinda, idk spiritual stuff about people visiting you in non physical ways after they’ve passed. 

Word count: 3.447

Suggested listening: Moonlight - Chris Bloom

“Your company is my cup of tea This light in between us is dim just like The moonlight Shit got me feeling nice When you hit me up I feel a drop in my tum like Damn, am I in love? I might be if she comes to spend the night That could be nice”

You plopped yourself into your hammock chair and let out a hearty sigh. Finally a moment of calm after a long day, you gazed out into the French Quarter and people watched for a moment. Although you had only been in the space a year you loved how it allowed you to just observe people going about their daily lives. 

You reached for the blunt you had rolled the night before and brought it to your mouth. Taking one final look out into the Quarter you brought the lighter to the tip of the blunt and held it there just long enough for the paper to catch fire. You removed the lighter once you were satisfied and took your first pull of the blunt, savoring the aroma benefits that the rose and lavender had.

A light gust of wind swept past you and when you looked down at your blunt it had gone out. You shrugged your shoulders and relit the blunt, happy that it sparked again without canoeing. You turned your head to place the lighter down on the stand next to you and the same gust of wind swept past you, extinguishing your blunt once again. This time you were smart enough to notice the slight smell of sandalwood and ginger in the air when the wind passed you, both scents unusual for the New Orleans air to have. You were a clever woman and knew that once was an accident, twice was a coincidence but three times, three times was a sign. Deep down you had a feeling that you knew what, rather who the wind was trying to speak for but you needed one more attempt to know for sure. 

You picked the lighter back up again and lit the blunt for the final time. A second passed and the gust of sandalwood and ginger air was back again put out your blunt. You took the hint and put down the blunt and lighter, clearly, he wanted your full attention right now. 

“No sir, I don’t know what it is you want but I can’t today.” You spoke out to the wind, hoping he was listening. “It’s a full moon tonight. I’ve got plans.” 

You waited for a response or sign but none came, evidently, that wasn’t the answer he wanted. You dropped your shoulders in defeat, even in death you couldn't say no to T’Challa. 

“She’s here already?” You asked him. His response was to rustle the leaves underneath a light post across from your home. You could easily see the spot from your balcony and you knew when she came she would be able to do the same from her spot.

You leaned back into your hammock chair, satisfied that at least this time he was bringing her to you. 

While you were now in a relaxed state Shuri was in exactly the opposite. After a mission had gone wrong, Nakia, Okoye, and her were left in New Orleans with no way of communicating with Wakanda. She had sustained a decent injury in her abdomen that her kimoyo beads were not fully healing and Okoye had at least dislocated her shoulder.  Thankfully this city was slightly familiar to Shuri having been here once before. Running on pure hope, the young royal had led the group into the French Quarter hoping that by some miracle someone had heard her prayer and helped her once again. 

“Shuri we are LOST,” Okoye stated plainly. “We need to develop a plan on how we are going to get back to Wakanda.” 

“I have a plan,” Shuri said quietly as she continued walking ahead. 

“Walking around the French Quarter aimlessly is not a plan!” Okoye urged through tight lips, not wanting to alarm any of the drunken guests that surrounded them. 

“Nakia, are you concerned?” Shuri asked, turning around to face the two women. 

“Slightly,” Nakia answered truthfully. 

Shuri nodded, appreciating the honesty in her answer. “Okoye, only worry slightly then.” Shuri turned back around and resumed her path forward leaving the other women to follow her. Her fake confidence was slowly starting to leave her and she soon became worried that maybe her hope was a foolish thing to rely on. 

Just as those thoughts started to enter her head Shuri felt something, it made her pause in her tracks stopping just under a streetlight. She was being watched. Her travel companions stopped behind her and looked her up and down confused. 

“What is it?” Okoye questioned, concerned at the royal's sudden change in attitude. 

“I am being watched.” Shuri looked all around the ground level of the quarter trying to find the pair of eyes that alerted her. When she couldn’t find them she moved her eyes up higher scanning the buildings and open terraces until she found you. There you were just as she had hoped to stare down at her in all of your ethereal glory, lit by the early moonlight. 

You two exchanged looks for a minute before you tilted your head to the side inviting Shuri to come to you and make your way inside your apartment. It took you a few seconds to make it down the stairs and by the time you did Shuri and her partners were standing at the doorway. 

The Queen was the first to approach you, walking up to the bottom of the steps she bowed in front of you. 

“Princess,”

You narrowed your eyes at her when she stood up. Deciding to repeat her gesture you bowed to her. 

“My Queen,” 

Nakia and Okoye could both feel the fake formality in the gesture, it seemed more like a dig at each other than a showing off of titles. 

“You knew I was coming?” Shuri questioned. 

“He let me know not too long ago that you were here. Almost made me waste half a lighters fluid trying to get the message to me.” You replied with a shake of your head. Shuri nodded and Nakia glanced at Okoye to see if she had any idea what you two were talking about; she did not.  You looked over the women's state and instantly saw Shuri and Okoye’s injuries. He always seemed to bring her back to you when she needed you the most. 

 “Well c’mon in.” You stepped aside and held open your arms gesturing towards the door. “An Udaku on my doorstep, I should have played the lottery.” 

Shuri mouthed a thank you to you and led the two women up the front porch and through the front door. You followed behind them, “Take them into the back room Shuri, I’ll bring y’all some tea.” 

The three women walked all the way to the back of your house to the screened-in back porch, Shuri gestured for them to sit on the couch and after exchanging a weary look the women obliged. Shuri sat in one of the bean bag chairs and relaxed into it; silently thanking Bast that her prayer had been answered. 

Okoye and Nakia looked around the room, Nakia admired the art that you had displayed and the photos of snowy mountainsides. Okoye on the other hand was identifying points of exit and possible weapons within the room. What? Someone needed to be rational here.  

“You never answered our question Shuri, who’s home is this? Who is she?” Okoye wanted answers and the way Shuri was so willing to let her guard down only left her with more questions. 

Shuri sighed, she knew Okoye’s questions were reasonable but she didn’t want to give a straight answer before you got back. “She is a friend of the Udaku family, someone to who we owe a thank you for saving us tonight.” 

Okoye groaned, “That is not an answer Shuri! We walk around an unfamiliar city and happen upon some “Princess” to take us in for the night? Nakia, do you know who she is?” 

Nakia shook her head no in response, truthfully she was still too fixated on the art you had displayed. Something about a few of the landscapes felt familiar to Nakia but she couldn’t place them.  

“Shuri just answer the-” Okoye’s words were stopped by your sudden presence at the door, she hadn’t even heard you walk up. 

You smiled lightly. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything, General.” You set the tray of tea down on the coffee table between you all. “Please have a glass, it’s not like home but it’s still strong.” 

Shuri was the only one to grab a cup and pour herself some of the hot tea. Okoye watched on in horror, wondering if this was how Wakanda’s monarch was going to go out. When nothing happened she let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, thanking Bast that everything was fine, for now. 

“You didn’t come in here with that technology this time, thank you.” There was something about the way you said technology that caught Nakia’s ear and brought her back to the conversation; once again it felt familiar as if she had heard it said like that before. She studied you as you sat down on a mat on the floor, tucking your legs beneath your long skirt as you sat crisscrossed.

“I am nothing if not respectful of your space.” Shuri took another sip of the tea savoring the strong herbal taste. “Thank you for taking us in tonight, I am not sure what I would have done without you.”  

You smiled at Shuri’s thanks, “That tea should help with the pain some but if you want me to do something about your abdomen,” You turned to face Okoye. “And your arm, I’m gonna need to actually help you.” 

Shuri went to speak, to tell you that you could do whatever you wanted but Okoye’s voice stopped her. “Does no one else see the problem with this?” Okoye turned to Nakia. “We are just supposed to trust some random American whom we know zero information about to ‘help’ us? After everything?” 

You tried to act like Okoye’s questioning of your intentions didn’t hurt but deep down it did. You rose from the mat and grabbed your medical bag, allowing the sound of the wind to ground you. “Shuri, you’ve brought them here. Explain to them who I am.” 

Once again Shuri went to talk but you sitting down next to her and speaking stopped her again. “But, I can tell you by the way she’s holding her stomach that the first stages of infection are starting to set in. So I can sit here and wait for her to tell you who I am and allow it to fester further. Or you can trust her judgment that she brought you here unarmed in the first place and allow me to give her and you the necessary medical aid you need.”

For a moment nothing could be heard in the room but the faint sound of the wind coming in through the window. Nakia broke the silence first, being ever the pacifier in tense situations. 

“Please go ahead.” She nodded towards Shuri, “And you, start speaking.” 

You opened your kit and began creating the mixture of plants you would need to stop Shuri’s infection. Shuri took off her shirt leaving her in just her sports bra and sweatpants. She rubbed her head for a few seconds debating how to phrase her next sentence before just blurting it out. 

“This is Y/N Y/L/N, Princess of Jabari Land, and M’baku’s baby sister.” 

It all clicked in Nakia’s head, the sceneries were from Jabari Land, and the way you said technology was identical to the way M’baku did. “I was not aware M’baku had a sister.” She studied your face as you lifted it from your kit, noticing your similar features. 

You chuckled at her words as you began applying the paste lightly to Shuri’s stomach.“Then he’s done well by honoring our parents' wishes.” 

The Queen winced for a second when you applied slight pressure to ensure that the remedy had saturated her wound, upon hearing it you spoke a “Je suis désolé mon chéri.” just loud enough for her to hear and she smiled sweetly down at you. 

“You said she was a friend of the Udaku family, Shuri, who else knew of her?” Okoye looked you up and down trying to decide if she believed you let alone trusted you.

You could feel Shuri tense up underneath you before she spoke softly. “She was a friend of ‘Challa’s.” 

Nakia’s eyes became more focused on you, curious as to how you could have come into contact with her former lover. “You knew T’Challa?” 

You pulled your eyes from Shuri’s wound and over to Nakia. She could see the soft smile on your face. “I had the pleasure of knowing him when he was here with us and I’ve got the pleasure to still know him now.”

You spent the rest of the night explaining how you had met the former king. How after being shunned from your Jabari family for not following tradition and refusing marriage with a man, you ventured off out of Wakanda and into the United States, listening to the ancestors who spoke to you along the way through the wind. Eventually, you settled here in New Orleans and after living here for a year you felt a certain breeze come through, it called you into the city with its alluring nature and led you all the way to a very injured T’Challa. At first, he didn’t trust that you weren’t there to harm him but after you revealed your true identity to him, trust became quick with you two. 

You nursed him back to health and in exchange, he promised that he would never forget you and left you with a set of kimoyo beads. Although the physical time that you two spent together was minimal T’Challa still made it his mission to call and check in on you every few months and ensure that you were still doing okay. When he stopped calling one day you just assumed he had forgotten about you finally and had moved on with his life. It wasn’t until you were sitting outside one day smoking a blunt and a warm breeze that smelled like him passed you that you knew. No one had to call you to tell you he had passed, the smell of sandalwood and ginger in the wind was enough to tell you that not only had he passed on but he came to visit you like all the rest. A final way through the wind to tell you that he hadn’t forgotten about you.

By the time you had finished telling the story of you and T’Challa’s friendship you had patched Shuri’s wound and set Okoye’s arm. The moon was high in the night sky letting you know that it was later in the night than you intended to keep your guests up. 

“Alright,” You started with a clap of your hands. “We stay up any longer and I’m gonna run out of stories to tell.” 

Shuri went to protest, she loved to listen to you talk and claimed she could do it for hours but you hushed her with a look. “I’ve only got one spare bedroom, blame New Orleans architecture. But it’s got two beds so you two are more than welcome to have that.” 

Nakia mouthed a thank you to you, glad to have somewhere she knew was safe to rest her head for the night. Okoye just nodded at you, you could tell she had earned some amount of trust or at the minimum respect for you after listening to your story. The two women rose from their seats on the couch and made their way over to the open guest bedroom door. 

“Now you,” You turned your attention back to Shuri who was clearly very sleepy. “You can take my bed and I’ll take the couch.” 

“No, we will sleep together. In your bed.” Shuri declared, scrounging up her face and giving you a ‘what even made you think that wasn’t what was happening?’ look. 

“You need all the space to stretch out tonight.” You retorted, giving Shuri a look of your own. One that said ‘you’ve lost your damn mind if you think I’m sleeping with you tonight.’ 

The Queen stood from her chair and did an exaggerated yawn holding her hand out to you. “Let's go.” 

That was all it took for Shuri to get you into your bed with her. You followed her up your stairs and crawled under your plush covers aside from her. As you assumed she would, she laid her head on your breast and wrapped her arms around your waist. You had asked her once why she enjoyed sleeping in that position with you so much, to which she replied that it was because she could hear your heartbeat in her dreams if she slept still enough. You wrapped your free arm around her waist and rubbed circles into her skin until she fell asleep. Only when you were sure she was truly asleep and you felt sleep coming to get you too did you finally speak. 

“Thank you for bringing her back to me.” 

Shuri was pulled from her sleep when her hands realized they no longer were holding tight onto your waist. Before she opened her eyes to find you, she heard you. The sound was faint but she could hear you singing a Wakandan lullaby, one her mother had sung to her many times as a child. She opened her eyes and saw you sitting out on the balcony with your back to her. Moonlight backlit your body and the sound of your voice entered the room through a small crack you left in the door. 

Light on her feet, Shuri made her way over to the doorframe so she could hear you better and watch you more intently. You were singing to the moon, the lullaby was a story about familial love. The song no doubt is a painful reminder for both you and Shuri about your former relationships with your respective families. When you finished, Shuri spoke softly to not scare you. 

“How come you’ve never sung like that for me entle?” 

You chuckled softly, you had already seen Shuri’s shadow so she didn’t alarm you when she finally decided to speak. “You should be in bed.” 

“You should sing more often.” 

You turned around and gave Shuri a look that only made her chuckle this time. She stepped out onto the balcony and sat down on the mat next to you. She leaned her head on your shoulder and you allowed it to rest there for a moment, savoring the sweet moment of silence between you and your love. 

“Did he really tell you we were coming?” You noticed how whenever Shuri brought up her brother her voice got quiet as if she worried saying his name too loudly would disturb his memory. 

You took Shuri’s hand in yours and interlaced your fingers. “Mhm, he always seems to bring you to me doesn't he.” 

Shuri let out a small puff of air in agreement with what you said. “Can you tell me what it feels like again?” 

You had answered this question for Shuri many times, trying to explain to her what it felt like when not only T’Challa spoke to you but any ancestor did. Any regular person would have found it annoying to continually answer the same question but you felt no burden obliging Shuri, especially when it was just you two being bathed in moonlight. 

“With T’Challa he comes to me like a breeze, a warm summer breeze. He’s always brief, never staying for too long, just passing by and staying long enough to feel his presence.” You thought for a moment about how you could further describe what T’Challa’s company felt like to you but no more words came to you so you just wrapped your arm around Shuri’s waist and pulled her close to you. You pressed a kiss to Shuri’s cheek and gave her a sweet smile. “Thank you.” She said and you nodded, not needing any thanks at that moment, just happy you could give her some amount of peace of mind. 

As you two sat there intertwined in each other and your own thoughts a breeze passed over you, smelling distinctly of sandalwood and ginger. A small nod from T’Challa signifying you had done well, you looked over at Shuri, and judging by the smile on her face you guessed she had felt it too. 

[mattssluttywaist]

HALFWAY TO 1K?? I LOVE YALL SO MUCH HERES THERE ENTIRE BEE MOVIE SCRIPT

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right.

- At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Couple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Congratulations! Step

(Stay tuned for pt 2. next time 🤫 )

[blk-xniverse]

‼️PLEASE B--ST‼️

Happy Friday!

I haven't made one of these in ages, but I really do need the help as I'm the only one in my household who is currently working [this'll change come the 15th this month YAY] bills are overdue, and I'm honestly burntout! I don't want to get back in the habit of trying to do everything myself when I just don't got it like that rn so I am creating this in hopes that I get the help I need.

I was able to set up a payment arrangement so I have until the 10th to pay! Whatever yall can send, even $1, will be deeply appreciated. I'm hoping to reach at least half of what's owed bc that'll help ALOT 😭

Thanks for reading, thanks in advance for y'all help, and Happy New Year! Take Care ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

(Also, y'all are free to message me if y'all have any questions 💕)

$0/173.24

C | V - Lalin97 | PP

[givepie]

Some of my Unpopular Opinions about theme parks [that I will stand by and have in some cases]

1. Alton Towers is better than Thorpe, in my experience. I went Alton Towers and Thrope Park back to back last year, spending 2 nights and 2 days at Thorpe while visiting Towers with a school trip. The operations at Towers were better, and I am not kidding. When I went Thorpe i went on 2 rides [Swarm and Zodiac] where me and my mum watched and listened to the operators just stood around gossiping about other employees while the rides stood at hour+ queues. And then we tried to do ghost train [got there 30 minutes before it was due to open at 12 cause everything was 90+ mins.] And we waited an hour for that cause the ride broke down and they didn't tell anyone. The reason we could tell was because the line DID NOT MOVE for around 40 minutes and they turned people away from the fasttrack queue. For such a subpar experience me and mum were not bloody happy. Oh also Stealth was closed most of the time and it was in the middle of a 3 week long downtime for Inferno so we had Swarm, TWD, Colossus or Saw to go on. Compared to the day after where all of the rides were pretty consistent at Towers and I managed 3 large-queuetime rides such as Galair, Smiler, and Wickerman. Keeping in mind I missed ropedrop and left an hour earlier. Also all the rides were comfortable unlike 2/3 rides I went on in Thorpe.

Of course I enjoyed Thorpe and can't wait until I'm at uni so I can get a hotel room and do Thorpe + Chessington off-peak. Hyperia looks better than any coaster at Towers, but whoever says Thorpe has the better operations, environment, or lineup is incredibly biased.

2. A phalanx retheme for Galactica would ruin the Entire Fucking Point and would make the ride worse. This comes from the infuriating pov that thrilling = good and not thrilling = bad. In archival photos of the construction of air you can see the ride EXPERIENCE. THE LAYOUT. is based on a sense of victory and being the antithesis to Nemesis. Not the enemy, the FOIL. Air - and therefore Galactica - was created to be a sense of tranquility, removed from conflict. You are literally proposing a change to the ride that would be directly misconstruing the gentle nature of the ride. Isn't 13 hated for literally this exact reason. Like come on now.

3. Bigger=! Better. I was sceptical of Hyperia at first cause the title of "tallest in ___" is usually taken by a rather unimaginative ride with a lack of theming (or themed around cars.) which was created JUST to snag that title. This links in with my idea that Thrill=!good. Most b&m hypers (to my knowledge) are intimidators but not particularly thrilling. And yet, I have not met anyone who calls it a bad ride. Odd, that. Turns out, Hyperia isn't just a title snag and actually brings something new and creative to the table. On the other hand, I dislike rides like Stealth, Red Force, TTD, KingdaKa and anything else from that model on principle. I prefer coasters where the creators clearly had some fun. Where they actually thought about what they were doing.

4. I dont like Oblivion. I have never liked Oblivion. Lore wise? It's quite cool. But it is by far the most overhyped ride. Its a one-trick-pony. "but it does the trick really well!", so does Galactica! 13! Wickerman! But yall don't want to hear about that, you want rides where you can simplify it to something that seems quantifiable. In reality "It has a good drop!" is just as obscene as "It is a decently intense coaster that is not particularly intimidating so its a really good step-up". Or, "it really replicated the feeling of flying and freedom" or "a gentle ride with one relatively shocking element to help younger kids see that the sensations aren't that bad.". When it comes to ranking by my own criteria (taking out my own ride experience as I have not ridden all Towers rides), Oblivion ranks at the bottom of the SWs. Its not that technologically advanced compared to some of the others on lot; its incredibly short; and most of the ride is manufacturing suspense.

[fluffykiddosstuff]

Nines x reader "far away into the deviancy"

Okay but I didn't notice I got 15 subscribers bc of my NSFW headcanons of Detroit and 250 votes on it ? You little perverts (I love yall)

I know christmas is far away and new year was yesterday buuuut I wanted to write something for my rk900 boy, no smut in this post sorry but I'll do a part 2 with smut of my nines x reader x Gavin one shot ;>

Enjoy and happy holidays even if it's passed!

_______

It was new year's eve and your dpd colleagues and you decided to organize a little party at your home. The people who came were Connor and hank, Gavin and Tina and also nines. How could you describe your relationship with nines? It was complicated. The tall advanced Android was "deviant" but didn't understand many of the emotions he was feeling since the poor boy was waked up by his predecessor the rk800. So often he would ask questions when he is doubting about something. And he was particularly doubting about you, he couldn't tell why but he feels the need to protect you and be sure no harms happens when there is a mission. He wanted to be near you as much as possible and talk to you every chances he gets. Connor told him it was what humans calls "love", nines made research and that was exactly what he was feeling towards you but.. He became more distant as times flew by. Maybe he had something on his mind? You couldn't tell. The firsts to arrive were hank and Connor, Connor had a little Christmas hat and an ugly sweater as well as hank, you laughed and both kissed them on the cheek.

- looking good lieutenant

- oh shut up ___ I only accepted to wear this since Connor and I couldn't celebrate Christmas because of a case

You and Connor laughed as the grumpy lieutenant got into your sofa, the android gave you a gift and you smiled fondly.

- oh God Connor you shouldn't have!

- it's nothing detective and plus, it's a gift for thanking after what you organized for all of us

Gavin and Tina arrived just a bit later, Gavin mocking Connor while Tina tried to manage him to stop. But one person was missing, nines.

- do you guys have news of nines by any chances?

Everyone said no and Connor came closer to you

- I just think he is a bit late.. Nothing to worry

You all started to eat (even Connor since all the thirium food headcanons i saw) and laugh while waiting for the last guest. Speaking of which the door bell rang and you opened, nines was covered in snow with a little box under his arm, you laughed and got him in while getting rid of the snow. You could have sweared he had a blue tinted blush on his cheeks.

- thank you ___ please accept this as a present but.. Open it when everyone is gone please

He said the last line quietly so only both of you could hear him, what was in that box? It picked your curiosity and you couldn't wait to open it. Then you all eated the dinner discussing every subject that came to mind. Then you offered to dance with everyone, except hank and Gavin, everyone seemed to enjoy that idea. You all putted the table asides so you could dance without any problems. Nines sitted on a chair and when you were going to him, Connor took gently your hand.

- can we dance for a bit ___?

You nodded and started to dance with him, hank was passed out on the sofa, Gavin drinking with Tina as they danced juste to have fun. Connor looked at nines then at you.

- I told nines to take a gift for you

- really? Why?

- you will find out, now I will take hank home and leave you with him, I think he wants to talk with you

You nodded and let him go, he got home with hank and Tina helped Gavin to go home too since he was too drunk and excused herself. You approached nines who was looking at the window.

- nines ? Would you allow me to dance?

You handed him your hand and he looked at you, his blue eyes falling into your (eye color) one's, he took your hand and got up before starting to dance with you. It was almost midnight and a romantic songs popped off in your Playlist, nines started to take lead of the dance and smiled a bit.

- you look.. Marvelous ___, I.. Couldn't take my eyes off of you since I came here.

You flushed and looked at him, he wore a simple white Suit similar to his uniform but.. He was still very handsome in that

- thanks.. You are really awesome too

You looked at each other a little bit awkwardly before he started to talk

- ___ I.. I wanted to say that.. Since I started to be deviant I didn't.. Got many feelings as you know and this feeling.. I never got it with someone before.. I.. Think I like you, more than a friend or a working partner you see..?

He didn't know how to put words but you totally got him, there was 3 seconds before midnight since your phone

2

.

.

1

.

.

And you kissed him as some cheers were in the streets for the fireworks. You smiled and hugged him tight. At first he didn't know how to respond but he tried the best he can. After that you took his hand and got outside to see the fireworks too. When they were finished you putted everything back into place with the help of your new Android boyfriend and you got the mysterious box he got you earlier. Now you understood connor's words and smiled to yourself while opening the box. It was a little necklace with your initials on it, nines got behind you and putted it on you.

- looks good... Happy new year ___

He then kissed you one last time before going into the sofa with you to cuddle until sleep drove you out of this beautiful night

[fastlikealambo]

link to chapter one.

link to chapter two.

link to chapter three.

link to chapter four.

link to chapter five.

link to chapter six.

link to chapter seven.

link to chapter eight.

Fall of 94′: Eddie Munson x Black Fem Reader Chapter 9

summary:

it’s been nearly 8 years since the events of hawkins and out of the entire party, the only one to stay behind is the one and only eddie munson. with a five year old daughter in tow, his life is a simple one, still trying to escape the dark cloud over him that never went away.

but when all too familiar hellish events start happening again eddie must team up with his daughter’s favorite and mysterious new teacher to protect his little girl and the town he owes nothing to.

warnings: violence,  gore, religious trauma, soft dom! eddie, discussions of mental health and ptsd, praise kink,  childhood trauma,  smut to end all smut,  hawkins, indiana is a warning to me.  

warnings for this chapter: this one is gonna hurt but I promised yall a happy ending with smut and that’s what our final chapter 10 is for, not this one.

minors dni, I check.

Looking back, if Eddie Munson had to pick the exact moment he realized he was in love with you it would be this night, the night Hawkins was saved by a kindergarten teacher with superpowers and a metalhead father of one. 

Eddie waited in the dark of his car, face hidden from sight as the police and ambulances came racing past him, only putting the key in the ignition when the street went dark again.  He raced back to his apartment, watching his neighbors’ windows for any sign of movement, for a police car to come out of nowhere and drag him away from his home and daughter.

But Hawkins stayed silent, unaware of the evil that would have ripped them apart for like the hundredth time. He couldn’t sit still, using changing clothes as a distraction from the clock he couldn’t make move with his mind, then making a bed for you on the couch and prepping his first aid kit just in case you were hurt. 

It was the moment he picked up everything he just prepped on the couch for you and moved it into his bedroom, when he realized it.

Oh.

Oh.

Eddie Munson was in love.

Fuck.

And with that, he grabbed his keys and ran back into Hawkins looking for you.

There was no way you could outrun this fucking thing but you were going to try.  The creature kept a terrifyingly steady pace with you, jumping from rooftop to rooftop, forcing you to lead it away from the street and into the woods.

You hid behind a tree, hand over your mouth as the creature searched for you. Their growls got closer to your hiding spot with every passing second and you only had one chance for this to work.

You put yourself in the path of the creature as it advanced on you, claws an inch away from your face before the sound of tree roots being ripped from the earth interrupted its last reach for you.  With your help, a tree crashed down on the creature, their limbs splayed beneath the branches, gurgling before falling silent.

You leaned against a tree, breathing heavily, wiping your already bloodied sleeve to your nose that’s now bleeding out of both nostrils.

 You don’t even have a chance to react to this newest development when you spare a glance at the broken tree in front of you and realize there’s no creature underneath it anymore.

Before you can lift a finger, you’re thrown into the air, head just missing a tree branch before meeting the ground. 

Claws pin you to the ground, the roaring in your ears deafening but you can only think of one thing.

Eddie.

And then a honk.

Headlights flashed, blinding the monster and giving you the moment you need to barely roll out of the way before Eddie’s car slammed into the creature, sending it soaring into the woods and out of sight.

Eddie’s head popped out from the driver’s side.

“We’re gonna have to make a new rule about side quests.” 

“I thought I told you to stay put Mr. Munson.” You said, getting in his now dented car and looking behind you to see if the creature is following you.

“I never did listen to teachers, I mean what do they know?”

You gave a tired laugh that turned into a small moan of pain but you sat up in your seat anyway.

“Eddie, we have to go back to the gate. I have to close it tonight, I don’t know what that thing was but we can’t leave it out there.”

“That was a demogorgon and no, we can’t. You are covered in so much blood I don’t know if I should take you home or to a hospital.”

“ A demo-what? The blood’s not mine, or a least it’s not all mine, some of it is Principal Carvers.”

“ Carver is dead? That family’s 2/2 on dead assholes. Don’t change the subject, you’re hurt, the sun will be up soon, we have to call it a night.”

You want to, you’ve lost more blood than you want to admit, and everything hurts so much.

But you can’t.

The car comes to a slow stop with a confused Eddie putting his keys into the ignition over and over again, before looking at you.

“I’m starting to think I didn’t just choose Hawkins because they needed a teacher, Hawkins chose me to do this.  You and your friends deserved a happy ending and now it’s my turn to finish this story.” You said, turning to face the rocker.

“ This stupid hick town did not choose you to die for it! Hawkins takes and it takes until there’s nothing left and that’s not even the alternate dimension! We could leave, you, me, and Rosie-

Your lips crash onto his, Eddie’s big brown eyes widened with surprise before closing. His hands bring your face closer to his, deepening the kiss, time stopping just for this moment. You've been kissed and much more before, but not like this. 

Nothing this..soft.

Eddie pulls back first, putting his forehead to yours.

“I’ve been wanting to do that since we met in the parking lot, guess you beat me to it, baby.” He said, a little breathless.

“You settled me into your life without even asking Eddie, let me do this if not for Hawkins, but for you and Rosie.  I’m not sacrificing myself for this town,not while you’re in it, not ever but I know I can close the gate, I just need you to trust me.” You said, hand on his face.

Eddie leaned into your palm, resolved.

“Fuck it, let’s end this story together.”

You drive back to where your evening started, a little bit of caution tape is what’s left on scene. 

It’s just occurred to you that you have no idea how to close a gate to an interdimensional nightmare realm and this could end in triumph or with Rosie losing a father.

That couldn’t happen.

“Spaghetti.”

“Are you sure you don’t have a concussion?”

“I can make like three things that qualify as dinner and spaghetti happens to be one of them. When this is all over, you’re going to come over for dinner.  I don’t have a dining room table so we’ll sit on my couch with two big bowls of spaghetti.” You said with a smile on your face.

“Oh yeah? Are we gonna eat it lady and the tramp style?”

“What’s lady and the tramp?” You asked and Eddie stopped in his tracks.

“You’ve never seen Lady and The Tramp? How are you teaching five year olds without knowing a classic Disney film? It’s Rosie’s favorite, so it’s my favorite. “

“Fine, I’ll supply the pasta, you supply the movies.”

“It’s a date.”

That gnawing feeling is back as you both find yourself at the gate again.

“You ready?” Eddie asked, taking the gun from his shoulder and aiming it at the gate. It’s just as silent as it was earlier but somehow your feeling of unease has increased tenfold.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

Eddie takes your hand, kissing your knuckles.

“I’ll be right here the whole time, I’m not going anywhere.”

You closed your eyes and attempted to clear your mind like you did with the bats, holding your hand over the gate. You wait and wait but nothing happens, no magnificent closing, just you two standing there.

“It’s not working, nothing’s happening. Maybe you were right, maybe I do need to rest.” 

“It’s okay, we’ll get you cleaned up and we’ll try again tomorrow night. Sunrise will be happening soon so let’s just get the hell out of-

Eddie doesn’t finish his sentence, the demogorgon you two thought you temporarily got rid of jumped out of the gate, arms still covered in Eddie’s tire tracks as it knocks Eddie to the ground.

“Eddie!” You screamed.

“ Try again, you can do this!  Hey, you ugly piece of shit, come get me, I’m over here!” Eddie yelled and scrambled to his feet with the gun in his hand, firing at the creature to get it away from you.

You closed your eyes again, digging deep within yourself, Eddie’s screams in your ears.

It wasn’t working.

Eddie was going to die and it was all your fault.

You have to find something. 

“Class, do you remember what the word of the day is?” You asked your students.

“Love.” They all recited back to you. 

“ Very good! Now let’s pick our word of the day for tomorrow.  Can anyone think of a word that’s like love? It’s okay if it’s a big word, we can sound it out together.”

The room goes quiet for a second in deep thought before Rosie’s hand is raised high.

“I know! I know!”

“Why don’t you give it a try, Rosie? What’s bigger than love?”

“Joy!”

“Very good Rosie!”

Joy.

That’ll do it.

You feel warmth throughout your whole body, the winds getting stronger all around you.

It’s joy that lifts you off the ground and into the air.

The joy you felt when you left the compound, mountain air on your face.

The joy you felt when you stepped into a classroom for the first time.

The joy you felt when Eddie Munson stepped out of the car for the very first time.

This was your joy, and all you needed was a spark.

Before the demogorgon could tear into Eddie, it was yanked into the air, yelling as it was propelled backwards and back through the gate. Eddie looked up to see you about ten feet in the air, both hands outstretched over the gate, screaming. 

 The gate began to shake, an unearthly substance slowly melding the sides together like spiderwebs.

It was closing.

“You’re doing it, you’re almost there!” Eddie shouted, struggling to stay on his feet as the earth shook beneath his feet.

There was a burst of light as the gate finally closed in on itself with a roar, then nothing.

Eddie managed to get to his feet just as you began to freefall back to the ground at an alarming speed, catching you before your body could hit the forest floor.

‘You did it baby, you fucking did it!” Eddie exclaimed, holding you to his chest, your head on his shoulder as you tried to catch your breath.

“Is it over? Are you okay?” You asked, the words heavy on your tongue, actually everything felt kinda heavy.

“It’s all over now, I’m fine. But we have to get you out of here and somewhere safe, you gotta stay awake, just a little longer okay?” He asked.

Silence.

“Baby?”

Eddie quickly shifted you in his arms to look at your face, blood coming from your eyes and nose, putting his ear near your mouth and listened.

Nothing.

Eddie pressed two fingers into the side of your neck, choking on a sob.

You didn’t have a pulse.

I promise she’s not getting the bonnie bennett special this will have a happy ending.

Which also brings me to my question:

Who would like to see a season 2?

gardenof-venus

@trvlllx

ccoreo

@queeniebeenie

richonne4life

@thotyana-in-this-hoe

lolzskye

ziasbl0g

randomwerido

killer-joy3

danielle-19

asagesworld

@revivedhyperfixations

@yeah-seems-legit

@thirddeadlysin

@killslumflower

@notthe-latte-hottay

@matthew666660

@revivedhyperfixations

@fckwritersblock

@onecentricsoul

@venuslovr

@lunaleah

[hyeahgaku]

SOY!!!! (๑ᵔ⤙ᵔ๑) i hope you've had a wonderful christmas & holidays! i am not ready for Gaku versus Nagumo but i'm excited too my emotions are all over the place omgwpinmvnvk!!! i hope sensei gives us some Shishiba & Takamura spotlight soon... legit so curios as to where, how and what is the jiijii doing right now while all this is unfolding (•᷄- •᷅ ;) Osa is done fighting & she was injured too, right?? so i think we won't see her for a bit.. i'm also very very curios to see Asaki's powers!

wishing you an advanced happy new year's too!! & alsoooo CHERRS to upcoming year of skdy ( •ᴗ•)⸝🥂⸜(•ᴗ• ) thank you for all that you do, Soy-san!

Yo! Happy 2024 to you, Bri! Terribly sorry for this late reply. 🙏 well I didnt get to celebrate Christmas cuz of work but I had a decent New Year's party w family & friends too in the night so all was great!! I hope it was for ya too🫡

Aw, yea it's comin real soon! Chapter arrives this Friday, January 5 (for most of us) so BETTER BE READY! Idk where Takamura is cuz he's like a storm you never know when it's really comin so i hope Sensei surprises us when we least expect it. As for Osaragi, I think she'll show up again but not to fight maybe idk I'm hopin for her 2nd round meet up w Saka-san lol. YES, I WANT TO SEE ASAKI'S ABILITIES.

You're amazing, thank you I'll have that drink🥂✨ i will continue to do my best this year for yall.

[lucasgregorowicz]

Happy New Year in advance

I am going to sleep

Love yall

[ivyandink]

update –

Also, small announcement! I’m sure like none of y’all around here care at this point, but lol.

I’m slowly working on scrubbing my old Ivy Legacy posts. 🥺

As some of y’all maybe know by now, I’m working on writing actual books off of this world I’ve created. I’m about 1/4 of the way done with draft 1 of book 1 (Elliot & Clementine’s story), and while the story is literally unrecognizable at this point, I still don’t want the ‘old story’ lingering around. I’m not fully deleting it (I could never– this blog’s had a chokehold on me for too long lol) but I am archiving it, so I’m the only one who could view the old posts.

It is seriously the end of an era, y’all. The Ivy’s were my thing. Once I ended them, I was never as consistent on here again (that coincides with a lot of other things, but I digress). The Ivy Legacy was how I grew this silly blog in the first place. It’s how I connected with so many cool people on here 🥺

But while it is the end of that era, it’s also the beginning of a new one! I’m SO excited to bring these characters and stories to life in a way that does them justice. I have been writing like a madwoman over the past 2 years. I’ve replotted probably over a dozen times. Rewritten tens of thousands of words. I’ve devoured SO MANY BOOKS just to learn more about what makes a book good. I’ve grown exponentially not just as writer, but as a storyteller.

And of course, I wouldn’t be here, writing these things, if it weren’t for this place. And for this weird, broken game. Which is nuts to think about lol.

When the time comes, I will be MORE than happy to offer some of y’all ARC (free, advanced copies of the book, in exchange for honest review on public platforms) copies of the book as a way of saying thanks to those of you who’ve stuck around and remember how I got my start. Maybe I’ll even do a paperback giveaway on here or something 🥰  just something to say thank you to this place, and those of you here who’ve supported me. 

I honestly can’t wait for ya’ll to see the Ivys all grown up and improved 🥺 (for those of yall who are the slightest bit interested LOL there’s gotta be at least like.. what? 2 of you??? 😂😂)

[conjuredarchive]

*breathes deeply* so i’m obsessed with giselle and edmund. i had a dream about them so needless to say they’ve been on my mind. insert a ton of rambling underneath the cut and i mean a ton !!!

also fm has a name now. his name is rowyn and his faceclaim is this guy. not exactly long haired like i originally wanted, but he has curls and it isn’t short.  he really works for the vibe and charming mystique of the character overall too. gil’s playing him. i didn’t dream anyone would take an interest in doing that so i feel beyond lucky as that really opens the door for me developing them as a couple and both giselle and edmund even more. otherwise he would’ve strictly stayed an npc, but now we’ll have three joint ocs together. gil had the final say on his faceclaim and name due to deciding they wanted to play him.

so yeah, i’m obsessed with these characters now that they’re full on ocs. i’ve also figured out giselle’s main verse.

there will be a verse where rowyn tragically dies, because that leaves an interesting au route for me to explore for giselle ( losing not only her lover but her parents and having to return to her cottage after half a year spent with edmund, trying to settle back into her life, now that would be feelsy ), but in her default verse ?? rowyn almost dies during the battle, which giselle helps end and finish. rowyn heals up at edmund’s castle regardless, before pushing to return to giselle’s cottage back in the woods because he can only take being there for so long. they’ll be happy and in love with each other, with giselle eventually becoming a full blooded fae through magical means, confronting the men who killed her father after rowyn finds them, etc. that and she maintains a friendship with edmund.

rowyn and edmund become good friends too despite the initial antagonism and distrust that will be there between them. and tbh edmund will be right to be skeptical of rowyn. rowyn isn’t going to be some perfect love interest.

just...so many more details are coming together. the final battle is definitely going to be more badass than what took place in the film. can’t wait to flesh that out with gil. these characters are still fantastical but they just exist as more besides what the film’s intention was when it was created.

pip is no longer a chipmunk, much less named pip. leaning towards making him a ( currently unnamed ) red squirrel since he still needs to remain a smaller woodland animal. also, i wanted to give giselle an heirloom passed down for generations after generations that could be fae made / came from her ancestor, and at least one will be a lamp that’s right outside her cottage and hangs above the front door. it’s in plain sight. but not blatant unless you know. shows the household is friendly to fae and casts protection. this is rough but...yeah i’m excited obviously i can’t shut up about it. may be connecting my oc, aisling, to giselle as well...like she knew the fae that giselle is descended from so they’ve interacted at least a couple times in passing.

i don’t think i’ll be doing any enchanted aus for giselle or edmund. i’ll keep the nyc thread i have with clair’s muse, and one other person if they’re still interested once i fill them in on muse changes, but the rest will be dropped.

i’m just not interested in writing in that setting when i have so much new ground to explore and keep digging into, and i’m still only just beginning to repurpose and alter their backgrounds even more fully than they already have been. oh, i’m up to keep my stuff with odette and gil as long as yall are.

with gil, i’d already put giselle into another universe and was only acknowledging my headcanons anyway, so no changes will have to be made, except giselle will keep getting to grow as the thread advances; the thread we had with westley and edward was a battle thread where they’re going to be frenemies which i absolutely want to keep.

and then odette and i have a verse that feels the closest to enchanted in tone, that and following the movie’s timeline for their relationship. but itll be the only enchanted esque au i bother with since we were still diverging a lot. i just need to find a way to work in giselle learning how to defend herself, because in her canon, she learns from rowyn while she’s in the fey wilds ( and time passes differently while there so it makes more sense why she’s at skilled, versus a film just subverting expectations of a character in that mold ).

the rest i’ll be straight up dropping.

i do need to figure out what i’m doing with edmund’s threads since the name change is going to be a thing. like if people are fine with me just...replying as edmund and changing his name, maybe that could work and you’ll all be okay with that. idk idk hmm. if people find this weird or confusing or have a suggestion i’d love to hear.

[starrrbitz]

Happy new years one hour in advance everyone!

Hope you're all doing good, it's been a pretty good year honestly, and i plan on taking any art related content of mine to a new blog next year!

Art will still be posted here, but more professional art will be on the new blog, soonish??? Idk lol I am graduating in Feb so we'll see

This will still be a silly reblog blog, since i very much enjoy that, I just need a separate place for my art and hopefully a ko fi in the future so yall can support me

See you guys in the new year!