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tonks32 · 5 years

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Inktober # 22 - Fears

I found an old fic that I was writing about Cousland X Nathaniel Howe and this popped up in my head.

Since Nathan didn’t think he would ever be able to sleep again, he took the first watch. Aeryn started to protest then thought better of it and then settled down on her bedroll. It was a crisp cool night so they opted to keep it simple and not use the tents tonight. Plus they picked up an extra body and didn’t want her to be the only one not with shelter. Nathan couldn’t help himself but watch the Commander sleep. Watch her was something he secretly liked to do since he was a child. She was always so fascinating to him. Aeryn Cousland was her own person in so many ways. When she was supposed to be taking lessons and sipping tea, she would be in the gardens rolling in the mud and wielding a wooden sword around. His mother would always sneer at Aeryn’s torn knee and rumbled dress saying the Cousland’s were raising hellions instead of proper children.

Nathan always found it fascinating that even at a young age Aeryn was determined to do something greater than be some Bann’s wife. Fergus always teased her that she would be an old maid before anyone would be suited to marry her. Nathan found himself grateful for that even when he told himself that she was just Fergus’ silly little sister. Looking back he wasn’t sure if he ever truly saw her as that.

“No!”

Nathan jolted and was by her side before Aeryn could fully open her eyes. “It’s okay.” He tried to sooth only to have his hands shoved away. When he saw her going for her rose encrusted dagger, he took her arms and gave her a hard shake, “Aeryn look at me.”

The warden jolted at the sound of her first name. Ever so slowly, her eyes began to focus as the world started to form around her. She blinked at Nathan who now had her face in his hands. “Nate?” She asked still unsure.

“It was a dream.” He soothed and much to his surprise she crumpled into his arms. Relief left her trembling and fighting tears. Looking back, Nathan wasn’t sure he had ever seen her cry before. “It’s okay. Just a dream.”

Aeryn pressed her wet face into his shoulder letting the comfort of his arms wash over her. The first thing she noticed was that he was so warm and felt safe leaving her baffled. Alistair had been the first man to ever make her feel such a way and Nathan was the last man she expected to feel it with again. For shaking her confusion and just everything else, Aeryn clung to him. “Promise me that I won’t be one of those things? That even if you have to kill me-.”

“Kill you.” Again it struck him how funny it was now that thought scared him senseless. “What are you talking about? It was only a nightmare nothing more.”

“No.” She took his face in her hands and forced him to look at her, “it can be a reality, Nathan. Don’t let them turn me into one of those things! I know it may be hard for us to ever be friends, but you can’t still hate me that much to wish that sort of fate on me?”

Nathan slowly became aware of the fear she was going on about. Thinking of the broodmothers was the thing that was preventing him from sleeping in the first place. Even when he thirsted for her blood on his blade, he wouldn’t want her to have that fate. “It won’t happen, Aeryn.” He assured enjoying the way her name felt on his tongue. “You’re strong and smart, you won’t let it happen.”

“I’m human. Everyone looks at me and sees this fearless Gray Warden that faced the Archdemon and lived to tell the tale. They think nothing touches me, but it does. So much affects me I’m just good at putting up a good front. Losing Alistair, it ripped me to piece yet those who knew where my companions I spent over a year with. I get hit and I bleed. One moment of indecision or weakness can be my end and there are times where it’s just too much. So many things can happen to me and I need you, Nathan. I need you to be there when I stumble or to take charge when you think I’m incapable.” Aeryn took a breath to steady herself. “I need you to promise me that if you have to, you will kill me before those things take me and turn me into a broodmother.”

Nathan sat stunned to silence. She needed him. After all that had happened and was said, she trusted him enough to need him. To start to depend on him as a friend and equal.

“Promise.” She pressed her brow to his, “swear to me.”

He was all too well aware of her cool fingertips against his burning cheeks and the way her breath fell on his face. Make help him he wanted her more then he did the day before. “I vow on my life that I won’t let anything happen to you.” He promised, tucking her against his chest not ready to let her go just yet. It wasn’t long before she found the comfort she needed and dropped off into the fade.

Aeryn awoke the next morning confused, but not alarmed to find Nathan sleeping beside her. In the early morning light, she was allowed to study him without his knowledge. He didn’t smile much. Even in sleep, his brow was creased with a frown. It was something she dearly missed the boy she knew so long ago. Of course, there wasn’t too much to smile about these days. Things seemed even gloomier then during the blight. At times like these, she missed Zevran’s flirtations, Leanna’s storytelling, Wynne’s mothering, and even Morigann’s scowling. No matter what might have passed once at camp they always seemed to find things to laugh about. Now, even with Andres, it was just too quiet for her liking.

But Maker helper her, he was breathtaking. He grew up into those deep dark eyes and taunt cheekbones. His mouth was firm and she ached to taste them again. Though Nathan still looked at her in odd ways, he hadn’t touched her in any way other than to help her in battle since the night on the riverbank. In fact, they hadn’t even spoken or acknowledged the kiss they shared weeks ago.

“How long are you going to watch me?” Nathan’s asked his voice heavy with sleep and humor.

Aeryn found herself smiling, “well it’s the only time you’re not scowling at me.”

Nathan opened his eyes doing just that, “I don’t always scowl at you.” He assured drowning in her laughter, “did you sleep well.”

“I did.” She glanced at their joined hands, “thank you.”

Realizing it, Nathan released his and noticed the disappointment that flooded her face. Before he had time to question it she was already getting up to wake the others.

#dragon age #nathaniel howe #hero of ferelden #warden cousland #Nathaniel x warden #writing #inktober

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artsybecca · 9 years

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Aeryn x Zevran- Jealousy

Pre-relationship fic. Zevran flirts with a beautiful tavern worker, and Aeryn isn’t so sure about it.

Warning: Some short indications of physical abuse by a parental figure.

It's funny what you can be grateful for after so many days of travel. Sturdy walls, a roaring fire, and warm food that wasn't stew. Not that Aeryn minded Alistair or Wynne's stew. She thought it was quite delicious, in fact. But finding the Inn was a blessing. It felt as though the pouring rain-filled skies opened up to bright sun. If only. The group hurried to the Inn, heaving a collective sigh once the warm air hit them. the Inn's Tavern was lively, a Bard playing in the corner. The group was able to scrounge together enough money to buy rooms and food for the night. They all sat at one of the larger tables in the corner, immediately digging into their food of bread, meat, and some delicious cheese that Alistair made sure to share with Aeryn after she had admitted to not eating much cheese in her life. She thought it was delicious. The woman that brought them their food was beautiful. Stunning, really. She was mature in personality and body, soft blonde curls tumbling down her back and bright green eyes. It was hard to not notice her. Even less hard for Zevran. Aeryn sat across from the elf, watching him watch her. Aeryn nibbled on the dessert that Leliana insisted that she try. It was a sweet treat, she wasn't sure what. It tasted of fruits and a sweetened milk cream on top. The woman sauntered over to the table, asking everybody if their food was to their liking. The group smiled and nodded in unison. "It is delicious, my lady," Zevran starts with a grin. The woman smiles sweetly at him, placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Oh, I am so happy to hear that, sweet thing," the woman winks at him, rubbing a hand over his shoulder. Aeryn feels her chest tighten.

"You know, there was something else that looked so very delicious. Other than you, of course," Zevran says smoothly. The woman giggles and plays with his short hair.

"And what is that, Sweetness?" The woman leans over just enough, giving Zevran, and the others in front of them, a full view of her ample cleavage atop her light pink blouse. Aeryn bites her lip and looks down at her food. She doesn't know what she's feeling, but she doesn't like it. Zevran flirts, she knows that. But she thought...the last few weeks they had been seeming to get closer. To flirt so openly right in front of her...Aeryn pokes at her dessert with her fork. Alistair looks down at her and bumps his shoulder lightly into her own. Aeryn's eyes flicker up to him, and she offers him a forced smile. 'you okay?' he mouths. Aeryn nods and turns back to her plate.

"Those ripe, juicy pears over there. You see, we have traveled for many days. We have not had a proper meal in such a long time, as you can imagine," Zevran leans back in his chair and smiles toothily at her. "We've had little fruit in months. Such a shame, really..." Zevran plays up a pathetic tone. The woman makes a sympathetic noise.

"You poor dears," the woman comments, running her hand along Zevrans back.

"If only we had the extra money for them...," Zevran peers up through his lashes up at the woman. She looks down at him, and there is contemplation in her expression. She then straightens up just a little and looks around quickly before looking back down.

"They might just happen to...make their way over to you, Sugar," The woman winks, running her fingers over Zevran's cheek, along his tattoo. She leans down and close to his ear. "And maybe you could make your way up to the last room on the left later tonight..." she breathes, skimming her nose along the tip of Zevrans ears. Aeryn's throat feels tight when she looks up. She had stopped eating midway through this conversation, switching between staring down at her half eaten dessert and the pair across from her.

"Maybe, my lady. Just maybe," Zevran grins, sliding his hand up the woman's arm. She winks once more before standing, smiling to the group, and walking off. Leliana gives Zevran a look.

"I'm not sure if I should be disgusted or impressed," Leliana laughs beside him.

"What can I say? It is a gift," Zevran shrugs with a grin. Aeryn finds herself standing from her chair, causing the group to look at her.

"I-um," Aeryn stutters. She clears her throat before speaking again. "I'm...I think that I am going to retire for the night," Aeryn says, hesitantly looking at the group.

"Are you okay?" Alistair asks. Aeryn smiles softly at her friend.

"Yes, I-yes. I'm fine...Just a little more tired than I thought," Aeryn punctuates her words with a quite yawn.

"Would you like me to walk with you?" Wynne asks. Aeryn looks to her fellow mage, the woman that she thinks of as a Mother. She looks worried, Aeryn notices.

"Oh-no, that's quite all right. Thank you," Aeryn smiles. She quietly pushes her chair back into place. "Have a good night, everyone. See you all in the morning," Aeryn keeps her eyes down when she walks past everybody. Zevran watches her walk away with slightly confused expression.

"Did she seem a little...off?" Leliana asks, leaning forward to Wynne and Alistair. They all nod. Then, the woman comes back with a small wooden box full of golden pears.

"Ah! Thank you so much, my dear," Zevran grins. "I will have a way of showing you my gratitude, rest assured," he winks. The woman looks as if she will make a crude comment, but the bar keep calls her back. She simply smirks at him and saunters away. The group finishes their food and leaves a collective tip before heading for their rooms. Leliana falls behind with Alistair.

"I'm worried about Aeryn. She didn't seem right," Alistair comments quietly.

"Maybe we should check on her. She might just be tired, but she...changed very quickly," Leliana agrees.

"Here, let me," Wynne says from behind them. The two turn back to the mage. "I may know what is wrong...and I feel as though she might be a little embarrassed if confronted by the two of you," Wynne explains.

"Why would she be embarrassed?" Alistair asks.

"It is no secret that she sees you as a brother, Alistair. And you a sister, Leliana. With some matters, going to your sibling is not the best," Wynne smiles warmly at him. "Besides, we are sharing a room." Alistair and Leliana share a look, but ultimately decide to back off. Wynne stops at their room and knocks softly before opening the door. Aeryn had changed into her sleep clothes and was reading in bed by the warm glow of the candle next to her. Finnick was close by, curled up on the floor right next to the bed. "Is it a good book?" Wynne asks as she shuts the door behind her. Aeryn looks up at her and smiles bashfully.

"Yes. At one of the last merchants on the road, I found a few books. One of them is all of these amazing stories on Griffons. They're fantastic and I don't know how true they are...but they're quite lovely," Aeryn explains, looking back down at the book in her hands. Wynne listens to her as she changes in the washroom. "I-I know that buying books is the last thing that I should be using money for, but-"

"Dear, it's quite all right for you to enjoy your reading," Wynne interrupts with a smile as she emerges from the washroom. "You weren't able to collect very much from the Circle before your journey. The coin that you spend is the coin that you have earned. You spend it as you see fit." Wynne sets her belongings down in the corner of the room and sits on her bed. Aeryn colors at her words. "Now...is there something that is troubling you?" Wynne asks. Aeryn's brow pull together partly in confusion. "You left supper a little abruptly."

"Oh...I-I apologize," Aeryn mumbles.

"There is no need for an apology. I only want to know what has upset you," Wynne says softly. Aeryn swallows thickly, golden eyes looking down. Aeryn suddenly feels like a young child, small and caught.

"It's...It's so stupid," Aeryn sighs.

"I'm sure that it isn't," Wynne interjects. Aeryn sets her book down on the bed and sits up more. She's silent for a few moments, carefully thinking.

"When...when a boy-somebody flirts with you a lot...like a lot...doesn't it usually mean that they have feelings for you?" She asks quietly. A smile spreads across Wynne's face. Aeryn looks up at her, face reddening. "What?" She asks.

"It's just such a sweet, innocent question," Wynne says. Aeryn's brow pulls together in confusion and mortification. "This is about Zevran, I gather," Wynne says warmly. Aeryn's face is suddenly the color of a red ripe tomato. "I thought so."

"H-how, I mean-" Aeryn bumbles over herself.

"Aeryn, I could tell fairly early on that you two started to become attached. While I did worry about his intentions, and still do, I have remained quiet because he seems to make you very happy. You smile and laugh around him in a way that is very different than when you are around Alistair or Leliana or any of us," Wynne explains, leaning forward a little. "Zevran...he is an odd man, but he is loyal. I think that under that facade of humor and sexual jokes that he has, there is a warm person that will love with all of his heart once he lets that special person in. I have already seen him soften up around you." Aeryn is speechless for a moment.

"I...I had no idea that you knew or thought this way," Aeryn tucks a chunk of her thick curly hair behind her ear. "In all honesty...I've never had a romantic attraction with anybody. You know how the Circle is..." Aeryn rubs her hand over the tan colored bedding. "And I've...I've never exactly had the ability to discuss any sort of feelings with a mother-type figure..." Aeryn trails off. Wynne nods.

"Your mother...?" Wynne starts. Aeryn fiddles with the bedding under her fingers.

"My mother and father called the Templars to take me away within a week after discovering that I had magic. They...they didn't want to deal with the stigma of having a mage for a child," Aeryn explains solemnly. "I was so excited, too. The day that I found out that I was a mage. I ran to my parent with the biggest smile on my face, holding a little ice ball in my hands. It was the dead of summer. My mother's face turned into this awful sneer. My father..." Aeryn clears her throat. "My father grabbed onto my hair and yelled in my face. My brother pushed me to the ground every chance that he got. Screaming that he didn't want an abomination as a sister..." Aeryn goes quiet at the end. "The two Templars that came to pick me up were very nice. I think that they were sympathetic after they saw how my family treated me. I was so young...seven or eight if I remember correctly. Small for my age, too. One of the Templars was young. Around twenty, I think. He was very kind. Telling me about the Circle and how I was going to be able to be around other mages and practice my magic in safety. I loved the idea," Aeryn smiles softly despite the lump in her throat and the cloudiness of her vision.

"I...I had no idea..." Wynne says, trying her best to think of some sort of sympathetic words. Aeryn is not the first that she has heard come from abuse to the Circle.

"It's okay...they were right, too. The Templars. Being able to practice my magic was wonderful," Aeryn says. She then laughs lightly. "Weren't we talking about Zevran? How did this turn into a pity party for me?" Aeryn tries to joke. "I think my original reason was that I...see you as the mother that I never had. I feel like I can talk to you about things like this that I can't really talk about with the others," Aeryn explains, flushing lightly. Wynne coos softly and smiles.

"Thank you...that means a great deal to me," Wynne says. "Going back to Zevran, I think that his foolishness tonight was just to get us some free food. I doubt that he will follow through with that woman," Wynne offers. "If you truly have feelings for him, then I only ask that you think of your well being as much as you do everybody else's. I do not feel that Zevran is a bad man, just troubled from a life of hardship," She explains. Aeryn nods and smiles softly.

"I think that he has a good heart under all of that bravado," Aeryn states. Wynne nods in agreement.

"Well, you and I need to get some rest. We have quite a lot of travel ahead of us," Wynne says as she climbs into her bed. Aeryn fluffs the covers up and slides down into her own. Once they are settled, Aeryn blows out the candle behind her.

"Thank you Wynne. Truely," Aeryn says.

"Of course, dear. Anytime," Wynne says before two drift off to sleep.

The next morning, Alistair makes a comment to Zevran about his escapades the night before. "I never saw the woman," Zevran say airly. Aeryn stares openly at Zevran for a moment. Relief doesn't even begin to describe what she is feeling.

#becca wrote a thing #aeryn surana #zevran arainai #aeryn x zevran #zevran romance #tw abuse #dragon age origins #warden surana

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