#after decades of being treated as shameful for not joining a coven

[oldgaysbrainrot]

that one scene where megamind gets worked up and roxanne is like "sorry, sorry. he's just not used to positive feedback."

i imagine that scene as raeda.

[heartandsouloc]

OC Character Sheet

2020 UPDATE

Setting: distant future post-post-apocalypse. Tired of the humans ravaging the earth many monsters and magical creatures rose up and took control of the planet to save it. Centuries later, some humans adapted and live side by side with the new supernatural neighbors, but most that survived still live separately in isolated city-states. Times however are threatening to change once again.

Notable Character List

Thaddeus Varni: main character. His mother was elected governess of his human city-state of Waldrand (in modern Austria/Styria) so he’s lived about a good a life as a human could in this world albeit very sheltered and vaguely stressed. He was turned into a vampire accidentally when the city was attacked by the small vampire nation. Now as a monster he cannot return home, his goal now is to become human again and stop the vampire nation from attacking again. The attack also damaged his throat significantly, the bite left him mute and with a large scar. He’s very self conscious about the scar, and especially in the beginning he wears things like scarves or a poncho to cover his neck. He communicates at first with writing on notepads but eventually learns sign language. He goes from very stiff and proper to more loose and expressive as a result of learning sign. A grump with a heart of gold, just wants to sit in his vegetable garden tbh. Thaddeus can be hard to get to know but once you do become his friend he is willing to throw hands with anything for you. He’ll fight anything actually (especially if that thing is much bigger than he is, which is usually the case as he’s rather short and slight). Most likely to eat pizza with a knife and fork. He hates it when people call him Tad. As a vampire he has the ability to shapeshift (his form is a pine marten).

Shahrazad Zargari: An alchemist originally from a city in the Iraq region. Thaddeus meets her while she is telling stories in the street using alchemy to make and animate little figures to go along with her tales. They eventually end up traveling together as she knows the outside magical world much better. As an alchemist she was meant to be traveling the world from town to town to offer services and alchemical medicine but she found she likes telling stories and creating art with alchemy better. Her family doesn’t know about what she’s been doing while traveling and she hopes to keep it that way (such is the life of a liberal arts student). She has a talent for creating golem which she considers friends even if they are only friend shaped empty shells. Shahrazad’s an actual ray of sunshine, most likely to be a studio ghibli protag.

Feliz Guillermo Rivera: a spanish sailor, he lives on a small caravel boat/ house boat named La Foca. He spends most of his days fishing and playing music and movies obnoxiously loud much to the annoyance of whoever he’s docked next to. Feliz makes his living selling fish and offering ferry services on his boat which is how he meets Thaddeus and Shahrazad. He was human but ends up tragically turned into a vampire during their adventures. They all learn to manage it together. Feliz was left with the boat after his parents were killed by a sea monster attack. Because of this Feliz is very attached to the boat and still struggles going out into large open waters instead preferring to stay close to shore. He also developed OCD tendencies as he struggled to cope ie intrusive thoughts and compulsive tendencies to count items and double check things on the boat in an effort to maintain control. He’s learning to manage it better with things like music and jigsaw puzzles. Most likely to eat all the marshmallows from the Lucky Charms. He can play the guitar, ukulele, and the accordion. As a vampire he has the ability to shapeshift (his form is a seal).

Ramon and Concha: This bonded pair are the kobolds/ klabautermann that live with Feliz on the boat the La Foca. They have watched over the family’s boat since the time of Feliz’s grandparents. They consider themselves family, and these two watch over Feliz as if he were their own. As klabautermann they protect the boat, in fact they’re practically are a part of the boat really. Concha tends to help Feliz with the sails or steering. She also likes joining Feliz in his music making, playing the accordion, even though the thing is about the size of her torso. While Concha is very sweet like an old granny, Ramon is much more rough and gruff. He tends to help with the cooking and keeping the ship clean and tending to the mechanics. He likes to take the form of a fire on the stove to cook. 

Hugh Wesley: Hugh was a doctor who was bitten by a vampire he had been treating as a patient. He was chased out of town for being a vampire and spent many years adrift. He found peace with his condition and has been able to reintegrate into society again under the guise of being a normal shapeshifter. He does not have a medical practice anymore, although he’s always willing to provide aide. Instead he owns a flower shop, selling plants from his greenhouse in town. He’s surrounded himself with other vampires who have passed through, confused and lonely as he had been. Although many of the other vampires come and go, several stay, and together they all form a loose sort of coven. As a vampire, he has the ability to shapeshift, Hugh’s form is a black fox.

Ava and Theresa Baumann: They met at university in the UK when Ava was studying spirits and spirit magic while Theresa was a seamstress. The two fell absolutely head over heels about each other, and married. Unfortunately Ava died suddenly and Theresa could not cope. Using Ava’s research she scoured the knowledge she could trying to find a way to save Ava. This eventually led to her finding and beseeching to the Spirit of the Dead. Theresa was able to get the power of necromancy from this spirit ie giving life to the dead, however this did not work on Ava as hoped. Theresa was able to call enough soul energy from the ether to animate Ava’s decayed body and summon Ava’s soul to be present but she could not actually combine Ava’s soul and body since the connection had already been lost. So now Ava’s body is animated, mindless and basically a zombie while her soul lingers as a noncorporeal ghost. So the two can speak to and see each other again but of course it’s not ideal. They just try to manage as best they can, unsure what would happen if Theresa tried to send either Ava’s body or spirit away. The two now live in a secluded cottage surrounded by forest and a large garden. They’re Hugh’s best customers. They have a 30 year old orange cat named Purrsephone.

Antagonists:

Queen Athanasia: Queen of the vampire nation in what was once Greece/ the city of Delphi. Also known by other names like Athanasia the Deathless, or The Dragon, The Great Oracle. She became queen after she lead a coup against her own husband, the old vampire King Ambrose. She is revered for her strength, vision, and powers of fortune telling. She speaks almost exclusively through telepathy (just to flex tbh). She has lost one leg which she has fashioned a prosthetic made of brass with talons on the foot. Vicious and swift, she has high standards for vampires she lets into her society, values strength above all else. While the vampires have drained their own people and the very land of life, she has now taken it upon herself to start moving into new territory for more souls and to Make Vampires Great Again. What’s the point of being an evil queen without world domination anyway? As a vampire, her shapeshift is a barn owl. 

Jan Rostami: When the vampires first started running low on souls to devour, they started demanding sacrifices from villages nearby to the west. Jan, as a sickly unremarkable member of her distinguished family, was volunteered as sacrifice quickly. This broke Jan. When she was faced with the vampires she did not fight back or beg for her life. It surprised them that instead Jan was willing to die rather than live with the shame and disdain. Athanasia offered Jan a chance to be turned and join the vampire ranks instead. Jan’s first act as a vampire was leading the attack on her ungrateful village. She’s reveled in her new strength and Athanasia’s supposed ‘love’ ever since. Jan’s vampire shapeshift is a rabbit

Erik Draugur: Athanasia’s main general and a trusted advisor. Draugur is very tall and thin, almost skeletal looking. A very grave man, but truly comes alive while hunting. He has a tendency to loom about silently over people’s shoulders. Draugur is also the one to generally keep the other vampires in line, especially Jan, whom he has yet to trust since she joined the court. His vampire shapeshift is a pale gray horse. 

Abraham Ruthven: one of the oldest vampires in Athanasia’s court, he was an old Lord that did not want his wealth to outlive him so he allowed himself to be turned. He has not aged well, he looks more waxy and decrepit by the decade. What Abraham lacks in brains, he makes up for in being terribly vicious. He has his moments, which is why Athanasia has seen fit to keep him in the court as a long time advisor. His fangs come from his two front incisors, this gives him a bit of a hissing lisp. His vampire shapeshift is a bat. 

[violetsystems]

#personal

It’s been awfully solitary lately.  Not that that has really changed or anybody really expected it to.  I’m still casually applying for jobs I never get a response back from.  I’m almost finished with my taxes but still waiting to file them.  I’ve spent about nine months in the dark wondering about a lot of things.  The most pressing and annoying was financial.  Wondering if I was going to be fucked come tax time is no longer an exhausting fear.  I’ve been out of debt for the first time in my life since September.  That doesn’t seem to matter much to people unless it’s to get me to spend more money.  Most of my situation has been spent in isolation trying to keep it that way.  I’m in a very different place than where I started back in July.  I’m still expecting to not find a real job until after a full year has passed of being let go.  That’s an awful thing to say in theory.  Because my entire professional network has been dead and buried with only small signs of life.  I’ve learned that nobody talks to you in this process.  They expect you to reach out and reconnect with whatever matrix battery infrastructure social vampires are feeding off of these days.  For me it hasn’t really been worth it.  Broadcasting your moves all over the place regardless what they are never really helped my situation.  It was me in the end who got up off the ground and kept walking.  By all accounts I shouldn’t have been this accounted for.  But my dad is a CPA and my mom did our taxes for years.  So I figured out a horrifically complicated tax year and am over some sort of hump.  This is what worries me about the next phase of everything.  That we all come out of this thinking we’re still in this together.  That we can just laugh and dance away the pain that’s healed over.  That we can ignore the systemic problems that brought us to this point where I hear the word systems in every conversation and think it’s a projected message to me.  The only secret messages I pay attention to is undying love and affection.  Everything else is kind of a waste of my time when I don’t feel included in anything.  There are reasons nobody can be direct anymore.  Everybody seems to be balancing fifteen different narratives that divert so wildly from the main quest line that the world has become a free for all.  I’d argue it’s always been that way.  Whatever grand design or social experiment I’ve failed to be included in really just points to how lame people can be.  If people can’t entrap you they’ll mine your past until they can find somebody who will.  And lately because I’ve been more visible week to week with streaming, these rats seem to come out of the woodwork.  Everybody thinking my next pivot in the rat race will be something they have the keys to.  My future success and inclusion has already been prewritten.  I’d argue in America it’s always been foretold.  Chalk it up to the economics of the post war nuclear family.  That’s how the rich make their money.  Possibly too why we’re so obsessed with starting more wars.  The American dreams is always something less than what I deserve to keep the powers that be happy.  Whether that’s salary, opportunity, or place in the tiers of class that define what we can or cannot attain.  People in communist countries have often complained about how the only way to advance was to go abroad for school or join the army.  It’s not really that much different here in America.  In fact, I’d argue these days it’s worse.  There are entire career paths in America locked out by military service.  The cybersecurity industry being one of them.  And the jobs overseas are seemingly locked out due to class and who you know.  The sons and daughters of generational wealth need to leave the nest.  I’m supposed to get the message my place is somewhere else.  A game of musical chairs in dead silence.  And yet I haven’t been able to go anywhere for nine months.  Not that I care about staying around the house for nine months.  That’s good practice for making a baby I guess.  They left an android on a planet for a whole ten years in Alien Covenant.  Look at the mess that guy made.

I don’t really know what to do anymore.  I was supposed wait for the light at the end of the tunnel.  Which in some ways has happened.  I’m due for my second shot of vaccine in a couple of weeks.  My financial health is what it should have been years ago if I hadn’t spent my life helping and getting conned by other people.  I don’t mind helping other people.  It’s in my nature to be kind, gentle, genuine and all that mess.  So much so that people’s constant punking and testing of my street level credibility has become a threat to my mental health.  I don’t leave the house much anymore because everyone has been deluded into thinking they have full access to me.  That I am some celebrity.  Or I am some revolutionary threat that nobody can seem to touch.  I don’t touch back.  That’s been the biggest shit of this whole entire mess.  I’d love to have a relationship.  I’d love to continue on with my life.  I’d love to go back and honor the last ten or twenty years of being a real human being by sharing that with someone.  And for the most part, I believe that will happen someday eventually.  Particularly with someone who understands the value of why I kept myself and things sacred.  I don’t fuck with people at all out here.  I never have.  And it’s sort of ridiculous for people to draw their own conclusions as to why when nobody can be fucking bothered to ask my name.  People I made music with and shared spaces with have gone ghost.  My linkedin profile is dustier than this website when it comes to human interaction.  The only people in my inbox have been bots, scams, and worse.  Everybody has the trick in which to catch you off guard.  And yet for all the time I spend protecting myself and staying vigilant, the rest of the world just acts like it’s yolo time.  And yolo time will most definitely be this summer.  When everyone can dance and sing.  Celebrate our freedom from the virus.  Party and forget the troubles they created.  And I’ll just be out here wondering why everything is so fucking lame.  There’s an entire year of exile that shouldn’t be called anything but.  I’ve learned through writing here every week that persistence can be rewarding.  But the audience here is different.  People aren’t trying to be seen here.  We’re trying to find shelter.  This site as anonymous and dumb as it is acts like cover for many things we cherish.  There’s an intimacy I’ve grown to love about being forgotten.  It’s the fact that people are so self centered they are incapable of remembering you or your context.  When you control your own narrative as a writer, you know when people read it.  You know when you bleed your heart out and tell it like it is how people respond to it.  People are threatened by the truth, so they libel and talk shit every chance they get.  They’re afraid eventually that truth will come out of the well and shame them.  And the truth is, that already happened with me.  I just realized how little of my past really cared.  It isn’t like I haven’t shared my thoughts on this.  I’m sure whatever artificial intelligence scrapes my blog has learned how to sound genuine through me.  But for some reason I can’t express that genuine feeling to anyone but a small, solid core group of people.  Was it my intention to be seen?  Was it my intention to fake it until I make it?  How much do I have to do to not feel invisible anymore?  How can you look so drastically different on paper financially and just be treated face value like a bum?  How useless can you feel week after week when all people have ever done is copy you and say they’re better?  We’re talking decades of this by now.  There’s so many small things I’ve done that people think they’re better at.  Nobody is better than me at being kind.  I’d know.  I wouldn’t have sat here and rotted by myself in pain for so many months.  I’ve been left to my own devices when they don’t glitch out.  Judging how I fix things before anyone understands there’s anything wrong, I’ll be ok.  I can’t say the same for the rest of the world.  Nobody will ever realize the deeper problem I deal with every day.  And that fear of being alone isn’t a fear anymore.  I’m more afraid of the liability of the fair weather friends society thinks I need to maintain to be normal.

My friends are pretty much here.  The amount of emotional support I’ve received from just a click cannot be understated.  I’m sure some of my friends are hidden behind complex onion layers of safety, duty, and worse.  I never expected anything out of this other than connection and sanity.  We come to these platforms because they are communities.  Tribal tendencies exist in America because it’s easier to herd sheep together.  Collect the wool into an IPO every one or two years to sell off to hide money that isn’t there.  America has become a hall of mirrors sponsored by Enron-esque mark to market accounting.  The jobs are there but no one is hiring for skill.  They’re hiring on expectations how you fit into their complex balance sheet.  They’re looking for leverage.  I worked for a non profit for over two decades.  Watching the Theranos documentary the other day explained it perfectly.  The rich will double down on any investment if they believe they are doing a social good.  And they’ll shower themselves with praise for it.  Think Bill Gates saving the world from disease while selling VR to the military presumably for drone strikes.  The rich definitely have a great PR campaign and all the tax loopholes to sustain it.  But the reality is that much of that money never touches the people that really need it.  The opportunities are scarce.  The fight for them is fierce.  And yet no one truly understands the value of anything other than money.  The things that we are expected to do for a society that pretends we don’t exist.  Shoveling the snow for our neighbors.  Delivering packages to your door for months without a word.  I have become more of a ghost than I would ever have realized.  A memory people talk about and whisper to each other that haunts them in the flesh.  An urban legend that people make fun of and secretly wish they could be.  I can continue to be a ghost for pretty much the rest of the year.  Waiting for someone to see my true value and point me into the life they think I deserve.  As long as that life doesn’t overstep their protected and privileged space.  This has never been a two way street.  For all the good I try to do and above it all I try to be, the results are horrific.  I live in a nightmare so vivid that my dreams are comical to me.  I woke up from a dream that my mom was berating me to find a job.  I speak to my parents on the phone every week.  They don’t even mention it.  It’s quite the opposite.  I’ve beaten myself up for an entire year wondering if this is what everyone wanted.  To break me down and neutralize me.  To bring me down to a level where I was no longer a threat.  And honestly I’m more free in the long run.  People can’t figure out what to do with me.  They can’t figure out where I belong in their complex web of lies, deceit and backstabbing.  And I’ve carved out a small bulwark for myself.  It’s like I live in a little cabin or shelter.  Sanctuary from the fallout of greed.  People can throw stones but they can’t get inside.  Even if they did they’d find me and run away afraid to face the reality.  And that’s where I sit week after week.  Trying to find something that honors what I’ve been through.  And that doesn’t really include some secret plot for me to play video games to an audience of two.  One being the fbi agent and the other for the cia presumably.  I’m joking of course.  I’ve secretly realized that I’ve already made it and tell myself to stop trying so hard.  I’ve tried hard to prove I’m something for years and I just keep on becoming more invisible.  I’d be more worried if I didn’t recognize it for what it is.  You disconnect from your past through growth.  You outlast your competition.  You stay resilient.  And you wait for people to ask the right questions.  And you can do that for a really long time as long as you budget yourself correctly.  I’ve got a lot of runway to see these people choke on their own fumes.  And I will win like I always do.  It’s just some of these games are not worth playing when the odds are set up against you from behind the scenes.   I’ve come the furthest without anyone knowing or caring to know who the fuck I am.  Why fuck up a good thing?  Especially when it’s there for you week after week.  Year after year.  One click at a time.  The best things in life take their time.  And I definitely don’t regret the time I spend here.  Ok maybe some of the memes you people post.  One person’s treasure is another one’s cringe.   That’s what the scroll bar is for.  <3 Tim