#afterwards i had to walk back to my mums which was around 20 mins

[skaluli]

guess who finally got to go to a therapist again today after losing their other one

ME!!!!!!!!!!!

[aliceellablog]

Christmas and New Years with M.E.

07/01/2018

Ok, so I think it’s time to vent…

OMG! Christmas! YAY! The time for happiness, giving, spending time with family, seeing all your mates, parties, alcohol, food, and having the best time ever!!! - Well that can fuck right off can’t it!

Just cos’ it’s Xmas doesn’t mean that your illnesses and troubles just magically disappear! If anything it probably brings them to the surface more and makes you realise just how little you can do. Great.

I haven’t had a drink all year! - jokes (cos thats like 7 days) …If you have to explain your jokes they’re not funny! Anyway- I haven’t had a drink since July and I really miss it… well I also haven’t been to a party since then either… or socialised…or left the house to do anything other than go to bloody Sainsbury’s… I have eaten food though… cos you know…. I’m still alive and all that.

There’s so much pressure to be well at xmas, which obviously isn’t even like, on the scale of being possible, but so many people invited me out to parties etc and although it’s great that they haven’t completely forgotten I exist .....babe? Like really? Oh ok, I’ll spend 6 months in my bedroom and then come to your party cos it’s Xmas? Yea right.

It’s weird - I feel like I am pretty public about my health issues- if anything probably too much - but people obviously just don’t really take it in… Someone text me the other day actually and it really hit a sore spot - he asked why I hadn’t answered his calls and I replied apologising and saying sorry that I didn’t feel up to chatting on the phone at the time and his reply pissed me RIGHT OFF. He said, and I quote ‘Whatever... Unicorn impressions in a forest??’

ANNOUNCEMENT: INSTAGRAM IS NOT REAL LIFE!!!!!!

What is wrong with peoples bloody brains!!! Sorry, but lets just think about this for a minute…

So I got home to Sussex on December 23rd and was so shattered from the train journey that I had to nap and couldn’t do anything with the fam that eve… I don’t really get why travelling is so damn tiring, like you’re only sat there being awake and breathing really….  anyway... then the next day I had my one of my best friends round and yes I actually felt up to seeing her (which is a bloody miracle) We had a lovely catch up and her Xmas gift to me was THE UNICORN ONESIE!!! - Yes, she is the one responsible for this moment!

We thought it would be hilarious for me to put it on and have a pic in the forest which is literally about 10 steps from the house - she convinced me to put wellington boots on my hands and get down on all fours (obviously) and it was so so funny I haven’t laughed that much in forever! 10 seconds later we were back on the sofa! Job done!

Does taking 20 paces and posing for a photo mean that I am now miraculously better? No

Does it mean I’ll do anything for the gram? Yes ;)

But in all seriousness, I wish people would realise that I am trying to portray the fun positive person that I feel is trapped inside my body, and to have fun and be happy whenever I can, even if it’s just for a few minutes! God if I put up pics of me looking like a zombie on the sofa all day every day I think I’d lose a fair few followers ;) ... ok maybe I do it sometimes....always with a filter though ;) 

Anyway, sorry I went off on a right little tangent there! Unicorn day was Xmas eve and after my friend left I was pretty shattered so again just rested for the rest of the day.

When I woke up on Xmas day I could tell that I felt pretty ropey but not too terrible, I wanted to look and feel nice so I did my makeup (which I hardly ever bother to do these days) and ‘helped’ my mum cook the xmas lunch… basically I stood around for a bit, got in the way a lot, and helped lay the table. What would she have done without me huh!

Xmas dinner wash so damn good, but… how can I put it… let’s just say it didn’t go down too well and that was me done for the afternoon. Fucking Crohns disease, WHY DO YOU HATE ME?! Sorry, TMI but I couldn’t really care less ;) Then that evening we played an exciting game of snakes and ladders and watched a film. lavley.

In the eve I went for my daily walk - I am trying so so so hard to stick to my GET (Graded Exercise Therapy) and didn’t feel up to doing it but pushed through it as per, and did it.

When I started the GET this time around I started at the beginning of October on a 10 minute walk a day (and nothing else other than making food, and pottering about the house really) - Now it’s January and I’m on 25 minutes. It’s great that I have made an improvement, but not gonna lie, I thought I’d be on like an hour by now and could start doing some songwriting or focusing on other things, but nah. Still doing the walking.

Anyway the walk that night just about finished me off and I felt awful afterwards… for a week! FS!

Boxing Day I was pretty much in tears most of the day (sorry family!) and on the sofa and same for the rest of the week - I managed to travel back up to my Dad’s place for Xmas numero due, but felt like utter arse.

At least the main activity at my dads was watching films YEP and flying this little drone thing around home made obstacle courses YEP - which I could join in with whilst sat on my arse lol - We did have a nice time though and it was so good to spend so much time with all my family at least! I am so lucky to have them and am so close to them all, so that’s definitely something eh :)

Then it was back to my place in London for a few more days resting before NYE! The most overrated night of the year!

I was really so touched this year as some of my housemates decided to stay in with me :) To be honest I am still unsure of wether they genuinely wanted to or if they felt they had to, but either way I appreciated it SO MUCH!

I was really worried that they’d all go out -  but of course I told them that it would be genuinely fine and I’d have been happy for them to go- but maybe they just saw straight through that!

I was really scared about how I would cope with being sat on my own in bed when the clock struck midnight - I know it sounds a bit overdramatic, and it really doesn’t matter what you’re doing at that moment, but I think it says so much about your life. Sorry, I am welling up typing this, but I think it says a lot to be sat on your own seeing in the new year and I truly hope that none of you guys had to do that. I guess it still upsets me so freakin’ much that I just can’t do the ‘normal’ things that all of my friends can, ya know?

HOWEVER! I ended up having a lovely evening with Grace, Nicki and Tilly- we got masses of takeaway, watched a few shit films, and even saw a few fireworks from our garden :) How romantic! And having been so worried about having a complete breakdown, I didn’t even cry once! YAS!

Oh and we even all dressed in pink and made unicorn cupcakes! Winning? I think so! #PinkParty

So….2018 you little fucker!! What have you got in store for me this year?

You’ll be relieved to hear that so far I have been feeling pretty positive and I always love the opportunity for a fresh start!

I have been going for my walk every day and trying to put less pressure on myself - I think the thing that makes all of this so hard is that fact that I am so driven and wanting so much to have a successful career in the music industry- even typing that again makes me get all teary again but I HAVE to accept that it’s not going to happen just yet- and that patience is the key!

I have so many songs finished and ready to release, I just need to get well enough to have the energy to release them, and to make some new music videos etc. I am really really hoping that I might be able to do one in the summer maybe, and take it from there. But for now my health has to be my number one priority.

I’ll write again in feb! Let’s see if I can get to say 35 min walk by then eh! Wish me luck! Thank you for reading this, please don’t hesitate to get in touch and to follow my blog would be amaze!!! :)

Also, just as a last call, if anyone would like to purchase any of my merchandise, all of the profits are going to the charity Action for M.E. so your support would be hugely appreciated! You can see it all on the merch tab on my website www.aliceella.com :) Thanks guys :) xxx

[nomdy-plume]

Messin’ in Texas

Taking some well-earned rest at the moment, staying with my girlfriend in Austin, Texas: self-proclaimed ‘live music capital of the world!’ Well, that may be true but what I am mostly here for is a month’s break away from music (kinda) and lots of sunbathing, eating of the delicious food found round these parts and – naturellement – a little smoochie-smoochie, hootchie-cootchin’ with my lady.

Having managed to actually enjoy the last few weeks of the previous contract (can you imagine! How hard could it be to foster a happy environment amongst the entertainment team?!?!), avoided doing any permanent damage to hands, fingers, voices or mental health and – importantly – not been fired for any ‘Charlie Sheen Cruise’ hilarity, we made it back to the UK safely and had two weeks of putting together a new promo film and re-acquainting ourselves with various family members.

Had two days recording the music for the promo at LT’s place in north London; was pretty efficient, seven or eight songs (only a short burst from each, edited together into one, slick showreel) and a tonne of fun messing around with it. We wanted a show-offy guitar solo to include in there so I did a few takes of the most over-the-top, mindless noodly-shred I could muster.  

“That’s amazing… try another take but this time do something different with the ending… unbelievable, just loving it… that’s crazy! Wow… I really like the ending from the last take, might splice that onto the end of the first take…”

“Great! Thanks! So, we’re going to use that on the promo?”

“No! Don’t be ridiculous, we can’t use any of this… It’s way too much! This is just for personal entertainment value. No, you’ll have to do something way more restrained for the actual promo…”

What larks. Helps that drummer is a production genius – you know, one of those borderline, idiot-savant, naturals who could make a dog farting in a biscuit tin sound like Sunday service at Winchester cathedral. So – with only a very bare, hardly-worth-mentioning, amount of pro-toolings to square off some of my vocal notes (just gently nudging them into place at the important bits…) we were done with the audio track and we enjoyed a really good curry while we were at it.

Drummer likes hot curries – LT and meself are complete wussies. Tried some of his vindaloo (“..it’s only a nice, flavoursome vindaloo, it’s not a hot one…”), spent next hour trying to man up and not display weakness to the group. Good times.

Afterwards had a few days back with the family: enjoyed some beautiful dog-walking up and down the valley with my youngest niece and managed to get some domestic situations addressed. Was pretty chill – was nice running errands, discovered an amazing tailor in town (in whose hands I hope to be placing considerable sums of monies in exchange for some outfits!) – but interrupted by need to travel right to the very north of the country to meet the drummer for a bit of video recording.

What might easily have been quite a stressful and disappointing exercise turned out to be super-sweet (a sign I am taking as a good portent of things to come with this new band). Met the bassist which the drummer has vouched for: seems a great, positive guy as well as being a competent musician. Found a music venue 5 mins up the road from him with a stage and some lights and an afternoon for us to set up a shoot and prance around a bit, miming to the audio track recorded the previous week.

With the help of one of his mates, the drummer directed proceedings with LT having creative say and myself and bassist to lug equipment in or out of the way. Historically, these shoots can be annoying, imagine miming/apeing/smiling/dancing your way through the same 7 minute piece of music somewhere between 20-50 times.  It can be wearing, especially if your budget doesn’t exist past what you currently happen to have on you in your pocket at the time.

But, we got a good, vibey lighting on the stage and the drummer once again displayed what can only be described as a ‘knack’ for smashing out these things. All the angles were taken and we even got to wrap the shoot a couple of hours early. LT and I had long drives back home so it was nice to get a headstart and beat rush hour.

Did manage to get a speeding ticket on the way back home though: oh well… there was a part of the motorway which had been reduced to 40mph and I, spotting the national speed limit sign ahead, had been a little too hasty to accelerate and hadn’t seen the camera.  Would not be proud of speeding in a built up area but as this was on the motorway…

So, a few more days chilling with family before getting through the trauma of the one-year anniversary of my father’s death. Not – as you could understand – a big, happy time for us… my mum did a lot of crying… my sister and I kept each other’s spirits up… was nice to have other family members nearby, sad to see them under such circumstance but there will be other, happier, times to come.

Then I was off on a train to get to the hotel by the airport ahead of my flight to Austin! A long-awaited re-union with my lady (9 months since I had waved her off at Dublin airport the previous summer…) and some much-deserved ‘r n’ blinkin’, mummy-huggin’ r’!

So long, dark storminess of the UK: hello 90 degrees and sunshine! See ya later, land of Boots Meal Deals and M&S sushi portions, what’s up! home of unbelievable, tasty nomness everywhere you look!

Just a little down the track from Gatwick airport, I was messaging the lovely lady and checking my itinerary when I spotted a minor flaw in procedings: although it was great to be just outside Gatwick airport, I noted from my boarding details that I would actually be required a little nearer to Heathrow airport if I was to have any chance of boarding.

BUGGER.

It literally wouldn’t have been an authentic travelling experience between my good lady and myself if there hadn’t been at least one massive cock up.

“Honey! That’s great! Now I’M not the last person to make a stupid mistake! How thoughtful of you! xxx”

I knew she’d see the funny side. Oh well, I could catch a coach to Heathrow in the morning and still be there in plenty of time for a proper breakfast. So, that’s what I did.

Had the dream transatlantic flight experience, too: the whole row to myself, there was hardly anybody on board. 10hrs spent lounging in comparative comfort, saw three films I really wanted to see (Green Book: Vice and Whiplash), did a little napping, did a little eating and then landed slap bang in the middle of Texas!

It’s been amazing so far: I will have to head home in a month or so to go and earn some more money to fund this international lifestyle, so I have to enjoy every minute. The food is unbelievable… we always used to joke in the UK about how fat Americans are but quite frankly the only fat people I’ve seen here are Brits who can’t believe how good all the food is here. I’m one of them!

Or I would be if it weren’t for the fact that I cycle 50 miles a week with the missus up and down the stunning Colorado river to downtown and back, as well as having a pretty tidy gym in the apartment complex.  Have also been doing a lot of yoga because my better half likes it too and it’s the best thing for your body by far.

Austin has amazing electric bikes and scooters, cheap to hire and found all over the city, so getting about has never been more fun. In the glorious weather we have right now, cruising the cycle paths along the river has been a truly blessed experience. Plus, you know, I’m slowly recovering my dignity after consuming a heroic amount of custard on the last ship.

Just love it here - the quality of life is off the charts. America is a strange, massive, complicated place but Austin is, as the people are rightly proud of, a weird blue dot in the middle of the sea of Texas red. And long may it stay so!

I’ve been keeping an eye on emails and messages: sounds like the promo vid has been doing the business in terms of eyeing up a next contract. Need to get back (eventually… boo!), sort out some rehearsals, buy some matching outfits and then on to the next nautical adventure!