#agent-amare

[familyabolisher]

If it seems odd, by contrast, to take the time to define what a child is, there is good reason to be equally critical and careful. Rather than taking for granted the existence of children as a demographic group defined somehow by age, this book takes a fairly simple approach to defining who is a trans child. Anyone under the medical age of consent during the twentieth century—typically twenty-one, but sometimes eighteen—is a child in the pages that follows. I draw on the medical age of consent not because it refers to a meaningful distinction but precisely because its arbitrariness and obvious construction illuminate how the figure of “the child” and actual living “children” are entangled products of historical processes of Western subjectification, rather than representing a natural category of human life. While there are infants, toddlers, five-year-olds, teenagers, and even twenty-year-olds throughout this book, I refer to all of them as children because they were subject to a specifically infantilizing form of governance (this is also why the category “adolescent” did not meaningfully come into play in trans medicine during this period). The medical age of consent, which deprived children of the ability to make medical decisions for themselves, proved to be a deciding factor in shaping their experiences and limiting their ability to act. Drawing on Paul Amar’s critical reading of the field of childhood studies, I agree that the child is a dehumanized social form, the product of historical and political processes of infantilization “designed to control various populations” through sexual and racial difference, rather than to index meaningful age differences. As Amar points out, one of the most pernicious effects of the production of children through infantilization is “a failure to recognize children as agents,” to render their lives politically informal—effectively unintelligible to adults. The Western form of the child and childhood is a powerful obstacle to seeing “the mechanism and practices by which social actors branded as children challenge the regime of infantilization,” whether through collective organization or individual itineraries that stray from developmentalism. For that reason, this book names the trans child not as a distinct subgroup within the trans community but as a politically disenfranchised person subject to a regime of racially and gender normative governance by medicine and other social institutions, including the family.

Jules Gill-Peterson, Histories of the Transgender Child

[sleepyfan-blog]

First Ripple

Author’s Note: Part two of Baby Primarchs being raised by the Emperor AU! Previous. Next

Warnings: dehumanization of primarchs, dehumanization of infants, manipulation

Tagged: @egrets-not-regrets

Summary: Erda inquires about the visions that two of the baby primarchs were so distressed by. The Emperor explains, after some cajoling. 

"Neoth it's been a week and a half, and you've yet to tell me what the contents of the visions that Eight and Nine had that caused you to decide to pull all of the primarchs from their incubation chambers until they were infants, like we had previously agreed. Don't think I haven't noticed the increase in security in and around the gene labs, as well as the entirety of the palace as a whole. You're preparing for something. Let me help. The only psyker stronger than I am on Terra is you. But I can't prepare for what I don't know is coming." Erda demanded, staring directly up at Neoth, hands on her hips as the two of them were overseeing the final touches being done to the Primarchs' nursery. All twenty of them would be sleeping in a single, heavily fortified room within the Imperial palace. The room in question was itself a secret known to herself, Amar, Neoth... And the entirety of Neoth's hand-crafted Custodes. This room had been repurposed from a large storage room to a multi-bed play and sleeping room. This room was positioned within one hallway of the throne room and Erda's own personal rooms. The room had one active Gellar field protecting it at all times, and had two separate back-up Gellar fields ready to activate, should the first fail or waver for the slightest moment.

Neoth briefly looked at her before staring at the last of the preparations - several of his younger Custodes were carefully setting up the last of the infant beds with deft and steady hands, though the small furniture looked almost comical in their large hands. He sighed before saying "If we left them to continue to grow within their maturation pods, within a year... Chaos would take them." 

Erda froze for a moment, her eyes widening in horror and confusion "But... But how, the Gellar fields keep The Enemy at bay!"

Neoth looked down at her, a troubled expression furrowing his brows "The visions were overlapping and unclear, but The Enemy sent agents that destroyed the Gellar fields protecting their pods, and -" He hesitated, looking searchingly at her. He still does not see or feel any Chaotic taint within her. "... For reasons I do not know, you were the one to rip open a warp portal, and cast the primarchs into that infinite abyss. You were trembling with rage and sorrow, and many died in the ensuing rampage of The Enemy's servants rampaging around the palace, as the gene-labs were collapsed as reality temporarily collapsed."

"I...  I would never cast our beautiful children away! Especially not into the Warp, the domain of The Enemy, to corrupt their souls and twist their brilliant little minds to cruelty... If they wouldn't kill our children out of spite." Erda spluttered, taking a half-step back in shock.

Part of him wanted to correct her, remind her that the Primarchs weren't their children, not truly. They were weapons, tools for galactic conquest and to bring the disparate colonies of humanity back under one unified banner. The rebuke was on his tongue, but caution stayed him. He would let her cogitate on her future self's potential betrayal - let the utter foolishness of such an act, no matter how well-intentioned she may have thought it to be in a moment of wrathful sorrow, before reminding her what the Primachs, which they had spent over a thousand years in genetics research, testing and experimenting, in order to create. "I am glad to hear that, Erda. I cannot say what drove you in their visions to such an act... But-" He deliberately hesitates, looking her in the eyes before letting his gaze sweep around the room, to the twenty-one bassinets arranged in neat if uneven rows around the room "I... Have a request to make of you, Erda."

She tensed at that, trying to catch his gaze "What... What request is that, Neoth?"

He lets her catch his gaze. He slowly reaches out to her physically, one hand coming to rest lightly on his hand, the other cupping her cheek. "You are a dear companion of mine, Erda. In these long, endless days and nights, and your keen mind and insights have been invaluable beyond words. I see you now, untouched by The Enemy, and I want to believe that-" Carefully, gently now. A light squeeze to her shoulder, allow his eyes to soften as his face shifts to a look of worry that he does genuinely feel. His gilded companions shift a little, ready and listening for the command. 

Good.

Hopefully he won't need to give it, but for the future he sees for mankind, and the necessary sacrifice and bloodshed that must be spilled for it to become a reality, he cannot allow his Primarchs out of his grasp. For eleven of them to become corrupted in one way or another by The Enemy or filthy xenos... No. He will not allow that to happen. He's keenly aware of the power she wields. Which is why this conversation is happening here, well before The Enemy's servants invade the palace and far from where his little generals are slumbering in their pods. "- whatever reasons your potential future self did that, you believed it was for the best. But the glimpses into their futures that I saw... Seventeen lands on a world of chaos worshippers and is slowly corrupted from decanting. Eight lands in a world of literal - and figurative - darkness and is forced to survive on it-his own, killing animals to feast on their flesh. Twelve is beset by Xenos upon decanting, and is then thrown into gladiator pits, with neural implants forced into his brain that torture him into madness. Fourteen lands on a world ruled by necromancers, found by the dread lord of that world and cruelly experimented on until it-he escapes. Twenty-A and Twenty-O are separated during the warp trip and Twenty-O is raised by pirates. Sixteen-"

she raises a hand and pressed her fingers to his lips, shaking her head, tears threatening to fall from her eyes "Please... No more. I can guess what you are going to ask of me. You want me to leave the Primarch project? Perhaps even leave the palace entirely. To avoid whatever temporary madness, or Enemy-fueled temptation I somehow fall for, yes? There is much I can do outside of the palace. Or would you rather I leave Terra entirely? I can assist in dealing with the tech-priests of Mars, or the Jovian shipyards."

Neoth kept his face and body posture gentle, regretful, though he allowed a small smile to lift the corners of his lips. "That I am, I am glad that you understand why I am asking this of you. Which would you prefer? To interact with the tech-priests, or wrangle the disparate forces of the Jovian shipyards? For security purposes, I would not be able to inform you of their growth and development until they are ready to be introduced to Terra and the Sol system at large. For their own protection."

"I... Of course, that makes sense, though I will demand that you take plenty of pictures and keep a log of how each of them grow and develop! Despite not being able to be there for their childhoods, I still want to have some evidence of them growing into the strong, handsome beings I know they will one day become. I would rather deal with the Jovian shipyards and deal with the Negotiator clans, rather than the worshippers of the Omnisiah. No offense meant, Neoth." Erda decided, a small and teasing smile appearing on her face.

Neoth rolled his eyes and huffed, grumbling "While it's convenient they decided I am their Omnisiah, it is not something that I encourage them. Of course I will be having their growth and development well documented by trusted people, which I will share with you once they are ready." The promise came easily to his lips. Whether or not he kept that promise depended on whether or not Erda turned to the Enemy in the ensuing years or not. 

"Very well. I’ll start to pack." Erda responded with a nod "I should be ready to leave by the end of the day."

Neoth hummed, nodding and said "I'll have Constantin help you pack, and see you on your way to the shipyards."

She chuckled a little and swatted at him playfully "As if that boy doesn't have enough to do! You don't need to have him fussing over me while I pack my things."

"I insist. He's currently at loose ends, and you know the mischief he can get up to when bored, Idle hands and all that." He responded, keeping his voice and body posture light and playful.

"Oh, alright. Send him to my rooms, and I'll get packing. Don't bully Malcador too much! Goodness knows that boy is entirely too serious as it is. Or Constantin! The lad thinks the galaxy of you." Erda hummed before she headed off.

"I know. I'll keep that in mind, Erda." Neoth responded, suppressing any wayward emotions behind the mask of calm he was projecting. It wouldn't be a true victory until she was off Terra.

Six hours later, and he got the confirmation from Constantin that Erda was well on her way to the Jovian shipyards, none the wiser of the two shadow keepers sent on the same ship to monitor her and report back to him.

[anotherhumaninthisworld]

In your last reply you mentioned that knowing exaclty which deputies Robespierre was referring to in his speech is a question for another day. I take the opportunity to ask it to you now! Are there some primary sources stating the exact names and if not who do you personally think they were? I initially thought he was referring to the deputies on missions that committed many atrocities, but this post of yours ("Robespierre — ”horrified” by excessive Representatives on Mission?")made me skeptical about it.

Nope, no complete list of name was ever found, so figuring out exactly who Robespierre was gunning for is entirely up to speculation. Personally, I think the best way to do it would be looking over several pieces dating back to the months/weeks surrounding thermidor, and the more places a person’s name shows up on, the more likely they are to have been on the menu.

We can start off with Robespierre’s 8 thermidor speech and the people that he does mention by name in it. This gives us above all Cambon, Ramel and Mallarmé:

The counter-revolution lies in the administration of finances. It is all about system of counter-revolutionary innovation, disguised under the appearance of patriotism. It seeks to foment agiotage, to weaken the public credence by dishonouring the French loyalty, to favour the rich creditors, to ruin and to discourage the poor, to multiply the number of unhappy ones, to deprive the people of the national goods, and to imperceptibly bring the ruin of the public fortune. Who are the supreme administrators of our finances? Brissotins, Feuillants, aristocrats and known rascals. Who are the supreme administrators of our finances? Brissotins, Feuillants, aristocrats and known rascals; these are the Cambons, the Mallarmés, the Ramels; these are the companions and the successors of Chabot, of Fabre and of Julien de Toulouse.

In a struck out part he also openly denounces Amar and Jagot from the Committee of General Security:

Amar and Jagot, having seized the policing, have more influence alone than all the members of the Committee of General Security: their power is still based on this army of clerks of which they are the bosses and the generals; it is they who are the principal architects of the system of divisiveness and slander. 

Finally, in one version given of the speech he also explicitly denounces Fouché for his role in the dechristnanization process — ”No Fouché, death is no eternal sleep.” 

Other than that, no names are mentioned, but we do learn about other elements regarding the conspiracy — its members have sought to ruin the revolution through excess on one side and indulgence on the other, some of them are advocates of atheism, and all of it can be traced back to British Prime minister William Pitt, the duke of York and ”all the tyrants that are armed against us.” More importantly, it includes deputies of both the Convention, the Committee of Public Safety (CPS), the Committee of General Security (CGS) and agents of this latter committee. For the CPS, Billaud-Varennes is indirectly denounced: ”Why do those who told you once : I tell you that we are walking on volcanoes, believe that they only walk on roses today?” This is confirmed by the speech Saint-Just tried to hold the following day — ”Billaud often repeats these words with feigned fear: We are walking on a volcano.” The CGS is in its turn distincly denounced for the so called Catherine Théot affair (which I wrote about more at length here). While again no specific names are mentioned, the committee member most implicated in said affair was its president, Vadier, who was the one who read aloud the report regarding it to the Convention on June 15.

Second of all, we can take a look at these notes on ”suspect” deputies found among Robespierre’s papers, written by him sometime after the passing of the law of 22 prairial. On the list is Dubois-de-Crancé, held suspect for behaving like a counter-revolutionary while on mission and having been closely linked with the Duke of Orléans, Delmas, suspect for being a former noble and a ”mad intriguer”, behaving ambiguously at the army of the North and having been allied with the Girondins and then the dantonists, Thuriot, for being an ally of Orléans, having quited down after the death of Danton, going to dinners held by the latter and Delacroix and while there having made ”an attempt to stop the revolutionary movement, by preaching indulgence under the name of morality, when one delivered the first blows to the aristocracy” and trying to arm the National Convention against the CPS when Saint-Just read out the report against the dantonists, Bourdon de l'Oise for throwing orgies and killing voluntaries with his hand while on a mission, making a motion to no longer pay direct taxes which would remove the resource of fish, speaking out against the law of 22 Prairial when it was first introduced, being a fierce defender of the system of atheism and dismantling the decree proclaiming the existence of the Supreme Being, making sarcastic remarks during the festival of the Supreme Being, threatning a young girl with a pair of pistols and saying that, if he were to shoot himself, she would be accused of murder and guillotined, having written a letter to counter-revolutionary saying that the prisoners would soon be released and those responsible for their arrest put in their place, and walking ”with the appearance of an assassin who contemplates a crime,” and finally Léonard Bourdon, suspect for having been a ”despised intriguer all the time,” one of the principal accomplices of Hébert and Cloots, composing a counter-revolutionary, hébertist, opera that was shut down by the Committee of Public Safety, enlarging the number of his lodgers, trying to solicit the liberty of a Dutch banker and then denying it, as well as speaking without taking his hat off and wearing ridicolous clothes at the Convention. 

This list also implicates Carnot, who brought a clerk Bourdon d’Oise presented into his offices (a clerk that was later dismissed upon the repeated proposal of Robespierre) and is often communitating with Delmas, as well as Dufourny, denounced as a friend of both Danton and Dubois de Crancé.

Third, we can look at the people Robespierre openly denounced in the weeks right before thermidor. Here we find Pille, denounced by Robespierre on July 16, saying that his conduct ”deserves the most serious attention,” Fouché, expelled from the Jacobins by Robespierre on July 14 for his conduct while on mission and having since become ”the leader of the conspiracy which we have to thwart,” Dubois-Crancé on July 11, accused of showing weakness in the taking of Lyon by Robespierre and expelled from the Jacobins on the initiative of Couthon, and Tallien on June 12 who Robespierre claims ”is one of those who speak incessantly with terror, and publicly of the guillotine, as something that concerns them, to debase and disturb the National Convention.”

If we back a few more months we find Amar, called out on March 16 for his report on the East India company scandal by Robespierre and Billaud-Varennes, who both consider it too narrow. The same day Robespierre also openly opposes a motion from Léonard Bourdon, who, he says, ”it is not yet proven doesn’t belong to the conjuration,” and finally, on April 5 Dufourny is expelled from the Jacobins  by Robespierre as a friend of Danton.

We also have an unfinished, undelivered speech Robespierre wrote somewhere in February-March 1794, before the purge of the hébertist and dantonists. Among the by now executed men, we also find a few that have escaped procecution:

And who are the authors of this system of disorganization? […] It’s Dubois-de-Crancé, accused of having betrayed the interests of the Republic before Lyon. It’s Merlin (de Thionville), famous for the capitulation of Mayence, more than suspected of having received the prize; It’s Bourdon de l'Oise; it’s Philippeaux; it’s the two Goupilleaus (Jean-François Goupilleau and Philippe-Charles-Aimé Goupilleau) both citizens of the Vendée; all needing to throw back on the patriots who hold the reins of the government the multiplied prevarications of which they were guilty during their mission of the Vendée; It is Maribon-Montant, once a minion and declared partisan of the former Duke of Orléans, the only one of his family who has not emigrated, formerly as proud of his title of marquis and his financial nobility as he is now bold to deny them; serving as well as he could his friends at Coblenz in the popular societies, where he recently condemned to the guillotine five hundred members of the National Convention; seeking to avenge his humiliated caste by his eternal denunciations against the Committee of Public Safety and against all patriots.

It can finally also be observed that in his notes jotted down against the dantonists, Robespierre writes that Danton’s influence can be spotted in the writings of Bourdon (he doesn’t specify which one). Robespierre’s ally Claude-François Payan (put on third place on a list of patriots written by Robespierre) did in his turn call for the overthrow of ”Bourdon and his accomplices” in a letter to Robespierre dated June-July 1794.

We can also look at which deputies Robespierre’s collegues after thermidor said he wanted proscribed. These pieces should of course be treated with more caution given the time they were written, but they do still come from people who would have been in the right place to know and most were reported not that long after the fact.

The deputy Joachim Vilate reports in his Causes secrètes de la révolution du 9 au 10 thermidor (published October 1794) to have talked to Barère right after Robespierre had read his speech on 8 thermidor. The conversation, he claims, went as follows:

After a few minutes of silence I asked [Barère] this: ”Who might [Robespierre] have reason to attack?” ”This Robespierre is insatiable,” said Barère, ”since we won’t do everything he wants, he must break the glass with us. Had we been talking about Thuriot, Guffroy, Rovère, Lecointre, Panis, Cambon and this Monestier, who has offended my entire family, and the whole aftermath of the dantonists, and we would also understand him asking for Tallien, Bourdon de l’Oise, Legendre, Fréron, in due time…, but Duval, but Audouin, but Léonard Bourdon, Vadier, Vouland, it is impossible to consent to that.”

Barère himself, along with Billaud-Varennes, Collot d’Herbois and Vadier, reported the following when defending themselves against Laurent Lecointre’s charge of having been Robespierre’s ”accomplices” in 1795:

They are strange accomplices of Robespierre, those who, against his will, made a political report on the religious troubles, sheltered from all research in this matter the representatives of the people sent on mission in the departments, defended Tallien, Dubois-Crance, Fouché, Bourdon de l'Oise, and other representatives whom he relentlessly pursued. […] One day, we read letters and information sent to the Committee of General Security: Robespierre demanded immediate arrest for the two deputies denounced in these letters: the arrest of Dubois-Crancé was discussed and rejected: that of Alquier was strongly advocated by Robespierre who accused us of softening against the culprits and thus losing the public sake.

They also share an anecdote where Carnot would have called Saint-Just and Robespierre ”ridiculous dictators” during a committee meeting in May-June, after Saint-Just had threatened him with the guillotine. This incident is probably what Robespierre is referring to when he on July 1 said: ”In London I am denounced as a dictator, the same slander has been repeated in Paris: you would tremble if I told you where.”

They also write that during a CPS meeting on June 11, its members, with Billaud-Varennes in the forefont, loudly accused Couthon and Robespierre of having written and pushed through the Law of 22 Prarial without anyone else in the committee having been involved, and that the session after that got so stormy that the windows had to be closed.

In his memoirs, however sketchy those may be, Barère also claimed to have remember Robespierre showing a list to the CPS. ”It contained the names of 18 deputies [Robespierre] wanted to indict for going beyond their merit and exercising tyranny in the departments to which they had been sent. I remember a few of these names: Tallien, Fréron, Barras, Alquier, Dubois-Crancé, Monestier du Puy-de-Dôme, Prieur, Cavaignac.”

As for the representatives on mission, I think it’s rather clear Fouché was among the people Robespierre was after (you don’t exactly get called ”the leader of the conspiracy” for nothing). And as can also be seen, Fréron and Barras they too appear, if not in Robespierre’s own papers and speeches, at least on lists given after the fact by people who worked close to him. However, if it can be established that Robespierre possibly targeted these three, I don’t think it can be pinned down that he did so precisely for the excessive violence they exercised in the departments as the story often goes. Like I wrote in the post you cited, judging by what Robespierre says to Fouché when denouncing him, I think it sounds more like he’s accusing him of dechristnanization and falling out with Lyon’s local jacobins than he is of executing too many people (on July 11 he does after all say that national justice in Lyon ”wasn’t executed with the degree needed. The temporary commission initially showed energy, but soon gave way to human weakness which too soon tires of serving the fatherland.”)

For Carrier, I can find absolutly no mention of him in either Robespierre’s speeches and papers or lists given after the fact. The only person pointing him out as someone Robespierre had a problem with that I know of is Charlotte Robespierre in her memoirs — ”Many times [Maximilien] asked, in vain, for Carrier, whom Billaud-Varennes protected, to be recalled.” Charlotte already makes other claims regarding her brother’s supposed moderation that get more dubious when you look closer at them, and in this case we even have a different statement to counter it with. It comes from the deputy Laignelot who during the trial of Carrier had the following to say:

Before Carrier was denounced, I had told this fact to several of my colleagues. I went to see Robespierre; I described to him all the horrors that had been committed in Nantes; he replied: “Carrier is a patriot; that was needed in Nantes.” 

Judging by when Laignelot says this, it can’t exactly be treated as hard evidence either, but I think it is enough to get Charlotte’s claim locked in a word against word duel. It must on the other hand be observed that all the lists from right after thermidor were written after Carrier had been either arrested or executed, and that it therefore doesn’t sound impossible the author would have cleaned up his name would it be true he was on there, but then there’s no way to prove that was the case either.

I will say I think you can still build a functioning thesis that Robespierre was aiming at the representatives on mission, and this for having been too excessive with the amount of executions. However, with so many others deputies explicately named by Robespierre himself, I find it hard to believe they were the prime targets, which is why it’s so strange to me that some historians still portray it that way. 

Given the things written above, my own guess as to which deputies Robespierre was targeting would go a little like this:

Likely on the list: Cambon, Ramel, Mallarmé, Amar, Jagot (openly denounced in Robespierre’s thermidor speech), Bourdon de l’Oise (brought up 6 times) Dubois-Crancé (5 times), Fouché (3 times), Léonard Bourdon (3 times) Delmas, Thuriot (appear on a list of suspect deputies).

Possibly on the list: Tallien (3 times), Fréron, Alquier, Monestier, Billaud-Varennes, Vadier, Carnot (2 times), Barras, Pille Merlin de Thionville, Jean-François Goupilleau, Philippe-Charles-Aimé Goupilleau, Maribon-Montant, Thuriot, Guffroy, Rovère, Lecointre, Panis, Duval, Audouin, Vouland, Prieur, Cavaignac (1 time).

[nadsoncitou]

— Eu sou completamente apaixonado por você, talvez seja arriscado amar tanto você, talvez seja perigoso, não sei como anda o seu coração, talvez eu não seja correspondido com todo esse sentimento, mas eu sou completamente apaixonado por você. Não é nenhuma novidade claro, mas qualquer oportunidade de te falar o tanto que amo, irei dizer. Talvez seja o seu castigo me ouvir te dizer que te amo, te encher o saco a qualquer hora falando sobre ele pra você. E talvez o meu castigo seja amar-te, e não a ter. Talvez seja doloroso, mas talvez seja uma conquista, quem sabe eu não possa ter o meu mundo comigo novamente? Eu só sei que cada parte de mim, ama a ti. Eu a amo tanto, tanto, que se a minha vida estiver toda em preto e branco, se eu te vejo, colore tudo. Tudo em você me conquista, o seu olhar, a sua voz, o teu sorriso, o som da sua risada, o seu jeito carinhoso, o teu cheiro gostoso. Eu nunca parei de sonhar com "agente" assim, bem juntinhos.. e desejar que sim, eu possa viver tudo que um dia eu quis, com você aqui ao meu lado. Dizem que, tudo que é pra ser nosso, mesmo que um dia vá "embora", se é seu, e se é pra ser seu, um dia volta. Eu acredito e confio, afinal eu sou completamente apaixonado por você. Eu a amo completamente. Você é a minha amada, o único e verdadeiro amor da minha vida.

— Nadson Citou

[gregor-samsung]

“ Ogni tanto accade di dover spiegare a qualcuno o a noi stessi che cosa sia il fascismo. E ci si accorge che è categoria molto sfuggente: non è solo violenza, perché ci sono state violenze di vari colori; non è solo uno stato corporativo, perché ci sono corporativismi non fascisti: non è solo dittatura, nazionalismo, bellicismo, vizi comuni ad altre ideologie. Talché si rischia in fin dei conti sovente di definire come "fascismo" l'ideologia degli altri. Ma c'è una componente dalla quale è riconoscibile il fascismo allo stato puro, dovunque si manifesti, sapendo con assoluta sicurezza che da quelle premesse non potrà venire che "il" fascismo: ed è il culto della morte. Nessun movimento politico e ideologico si è mai così decisamente identificato con la necrofilia eletta a rituale e a ragion di vita. Molta gente muore per le proprie idee, molta altra gente fa morire gli altri, per ideali o per interesse, ma quando la morte non viene considerata un mezzo per ottenere qualcos'altro bensì un valore in sé, allora abbiamo il germe del fascismo e dovremo chiamare fascismo ciò che si fa agente di questa promozione. Dico la morte come valore da affermare per se stesso. Non dico la morte per cui vive il filosofo, il quale sa che sullo sfondo di questa necessità, e tramite la sua accettazione, prendono senso gli altri valori; non dico la morte dell'uomo di fede, il quale non rinnega la propria mortalità e la giudica provvidenziale e benefica perché attraverso di essa arriverà a un'altra vita. Dico la morte sentita come "urgente" perché è gioia, verità, giustizia, purificazione, orgoglio, sia che venga data ad altri sia che venga realizzata su di sé. Ortega y Gasset ricordava che i Celtiberi erano l'unico popolo dell'antichità che adorasse la morte. Non dirò che i Celtiberi fossero archeologicamente fascisti, dico che fu in Spagna che apparve durante la guerra civile il grido "Viva la muerte!". Il fascismo primitivo ed eroico portò la morte sulla camicia e sul fez e nel colore stesso delle sue divise. Volle andare incontro alla morte con un fiore in bocca, parlò di sorella morte con accenti non francescani, se ne fregò della brutta morte (non credo che Matteotti, Rosselli o Salvo D'Acquisto se ne fregassero della morte bruttissima che fecero). E se mi dite che molte tradizioni religiose hanno elaborato rituali funebri in cui il senso della penitenza veniva fortemente inquinato dal gusto della necrofilia, diremo allora, in piena tranquillità, che anche là si annidavano i germi di un fascismo possibile, come nelle celebrazioni dell'olocausto e del karakiri della tradizione militaristica giapponese. Amare necrofilicamente la morte significa dire che è bello riceverla e rischiarla, e che ancor più bello e santo è distribuirla. Che solo la morte paga, meglio se quella altrui, ma al limite anche la propria, purché vissuta con sprezzo. “

---------

Brano tratto dall’articolo pubblicato su La Repubblica il 14 febbraio 1981 col titolo La voglia di morte, raccolto in:

Umberto Eco, Sette anni di desiderio. Cronache 1977-1983, Bompiani, 1983. [Libro elettronico]

[mariliva-mello]

Amor fingido!

Agente sente quando o amor é fingido. Acredito que esse ponto seja um dos maiores problemas nas igrejas, "o falso amor".

Enúmeras pessoas necessitadas cruzaram a porta da igreja, na esperança de encontrar algum amor ali dentro, um amor que pudesse dar um ar de esperança em seu coração aflito. Mas acabou saindo mais desanimado por encontrar pessoas tão vazias quanto elas.

Claro que devemos ir a igreja para adorar a Deus e não buscar de homens, mas a igreja ficou encarregada de amar como Cristo. A bíblía relata que "o amor encobre multidões de pecados".

Os bancos de igrejas estão lotadas de pessoas vazias, que não se sentem amadas por Deus e vivem fingindo o amor. Pois não conheceram o amor e o amor é Jesus.

A bíblia diz em 1 Pedro 1:22 purificando a vossa alma, para amor fraternal, não fingido!

M a r i l i v a Mello

[mincedoaths]

Smash or Pass + all the level one agents. 😈😘

putting this under readmore because omg you menace

Amar:

cassian / whirlpool: pass. my man is so deep in the little brother zone, he has no chance of ever escaping. ariadne / lotus: pass. little sister zoned. ariya / viper: pass. estranged little sister zoned. cecelia / glimmer, milania / winter, imara / granite, raphael / prince harry : pass. he has a younger sister who is in her early 30s so he can't see ppl in that age rage as anything but kids ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ seongyeol / hades: …….he is looking but because of the personality clash it is ultimately a pass. sangwoo / ymir: a really difficult one. the fact that he comes off as more aloof would make amar consider over looking the arrogance. tentative smash. kyungseok / loveshot: smas—pass. *tommy wiseau voice * move on, next question. zaya / flare: pass. hates her ass. she is so beautiful tho.

Bakari:

cassian / whirlpool, cecelia / glimmer, milania / winter, imara / granite, raphael / prince harry, ariya / viper: pass. thinks they're attractive but hey this is another character with a younger sibling who would have been in this age rage uh-oh. ariadne / lotus: pass. wouldn’t be able to talk to her in the first place. seongyeol / hades: pass. finds him attractive but is super afraid of him sangwoo / ymir: smash. kyungseok / loveshot: pass. finds him attractive and may or may not have a couple of his photocards but is afraid of him. zaya / flare: pass. he is so, so, so scared of her. thinks she's so, so, so gorgeous tho.

Gael

cassian / whirlpool, cecelia / glimmer, milania / winter, imara / granite, raphael / prince harry, ariya / viper, kyungseok / loveshot: pass. guess who else is an older brother! ariadne / lotus: pass. has heard about her power and doesn't care to figure out how true the rumors are. seongyeol / hades: pass. attractive but dislikes his personality. sangwoo / ymir: smash. no hesitation. no questions asked. zaya / flare: pass. his bestie saw her first. also her personality sucks.

Kintan ← old fruit ← cares too much about his image to say he’d smash all the dudes at the same time if they were down and if he was younger

[erlie]

Favorite books of 2023

You seemed to like my historical m/m recommendations, so I am going to give you my favorite books of the 2023!

Doesn't mean they were published on 2023, I just read them that year.

--

The Scottish Boy - Alex de Campi Historical fiction, M/M, politics, war - Harry, a young English man participates on a raid to Scotland where they capture a wild and unrefined Scottish boy, who mysteriously can speak fluent French. Their lives are entangled forever. This I already recommended, but it bears saying it again. This is wonderful. It has enemies to lovers, star-crossed lovers, political intrigue and betrayal.

-

Legends & Lattes - Travis Baldree Fantasy, F/F, coffee shop, romance - Viv is an orc mercenary, who after a life of adventuring and battles wants to start a coffee shop, but she is battling tax office, suspicious customers and magic.

Tooth rottingly sweet. Absolutely cozy, low stakes fantasy series that makes you kick your feet and giggle.

Also read the prequel, which is also wonderful: Bookshops & Bonedust

-

This Is How You Lose The Time War - Amar El Mohtar, Max Gladstone Sci-fi, time travel, war, F/F - Agents on opposing sides of the time war leave messages to each other over time and space, falling in love with each other in the process. If Bigolas Dickolas Wolfwood did not get to you, hopefully this will. Beautiful and poetic story about love and faith and war. -

A Little Life - Hanya Yanagihara Contemporary fiction, drama, M/M - Four classmates go through life, sometimes alone, sometimes together, always concerned about Jude.

Changed me as a person. There is Elsa before A Little Life, there is Elsa after A Little Life. Hated every second of reading it. Physical discomfort. Never again. 10/10 PLEASE BE MINDFUL OF THE TRIGGER WARNINGS WITH THIS ONE. It'll kill you if you don't. TW: Mental health, suicide, suicide attempts, rape, child abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, there might be others but these just from the top of my head.

-

Murder Your Employer: The McMasters Guide to Homicide - Rupert Holmes - Historical crime comedy - Three people want to murder their employers and they go to school for it. One of them will fail. Absolutely fun, easy read. One of those "can't put it down" type of books that will keep you entertained all the way through.

-

I think that's all for now. I'll do a part two maybe tomorrow, so I won't clog your timeline with a gigantic post. Anyway, hopefully at least one of you finds something new to read from this list!

[if-whats-new]

What's New In IF? Issue 1 (2024)

By Erika, Marjorie, Axelle, and Noi

Now Available!

Itch.io - Keep Reading below

This is a repost of Issue 1 (this see notice). The original post was not salvageable. We have removed the tags so not to inconvenience creators with notifications. You can still download the original version on itch.io.

EDITORIAL

We were always just lurkers… But no more!

We had been talking for a while about the Interactive Fiction community, and wondering what we could to do… you know, do our part to help it become its best self.

And out of all the things available out there, between the directories and the group chats, the forums and the discord servers… it can get pretty overwhelming to be part of it all, to keep track of everything. And we realised there wasn't really a newsletter for IF. Something that tracks of what is happening…

RIGHT NOW!

So why not just… make it happen?

Like a lot of things, What's New in IF started on a whim. But we hope we can turn it into something great. Something that can help the community keep track of what's happening.

And we hope that you will join us too!

PS: we did cheat a bit on some dates for this edition :{

ERIKA, MARJORIE, AXEL, AND NOI

EVENTS

~ CONFERENCE ~

You can now register for the Narrascope! It is happening June 21-23, in hybrid. They've also released the schedule of talks!

The Interactive Narrative Exhibition is looking for IF pieces to be displayed in a Museum in Poland!

~ ONGOING (VOTING) ~

Until mid-May, the Spring Thing is welcoming players to check out the entries vote for the “Best in Show”!

Do you speak German? The annual Grand Prix has released its submissions and is looking for voters!

~ ONGOING (SUBMITTING) ~

The Dialogue Jam by the @/neointeractives group is open for submission until the end of the month. Only Dialogue is allowed!

In less than two weeks, the window to submit for the Text Adventure Literacy Jam 2024 will end. The goal is to make a parser for beginner players.

Also ending at the end of the month is the Amare Games Festival 2024, which is all about love!

On the Choice of Game Forum, the Diversity Jam is running. They accept any CScript game… as long at is not in ENGLISH!

~ ENDED ~

After months of hiatus, the 79th edition of the Bitsy Jam finished recently. The theme was: long distances.

The Second Edition of @/seedcomp-if recently released its results. Congratulations to the winners!

~ OTHER ~

The Interactive Fiction Showcase is running throughout the whole year, where you can submit and/or play IF games from a wide variety of authors. It is happening on itch!

GAMES

New Releases

The Dice (Twine) is a psychological horror short game. (@/stanwixbuster)

Summoned at 2 (HTML) is a short game where you must complete a summoning circle.

Giving Yourself Away (HTML) is the newest release of the Domino Club.

The Wretched Bitsy (Bitsy) is short adaptation of The Trail of the Wretched in bitsy.

How Do You Like Pain (RenP’y) is a visual novel about pain, death, and maybe nothing. Also part of the ‘Art Without Blood’ universe. (@/catskets)

New Releases (WIP)

Corruptant (CScript) is a dark fantasy game, where you play as an amnesiac coping with their situation. (@/cyn-if)

No Peace (CScript) is a ONE PIECE inspired pirate project.

The Psion (CScript) is a high-fantasy game, where you have Psionic abilities.

The Red and White Knight (Twine) is a Medieval Arthurian inspired project where you play as Lancelot du Lac. (@/theredandwhiteknight-if)

Mutually Assured Destruction (Twine) is fantasy thriller about bonds and destruction.

Blackwood Manor (CScript) is mystery romance project.

Shattered Eagle: Fall of an Empire (CScript) is Roman Empire political intrigue.

hic est nihilum (Twine) is post-apocalyptic fantasy story, where you struggle against dieties. (@/nightingale-the-lurker)

Speck (CScript) is a Horror/Sci-Fi project inspired by ‘Alien & Spiecies’.

GAMES UPDATES

Agents of Lucifer (CScript) added chapters 4 and 5 to its demo. (@/aprismaticodyssey)

Era of the Archdemons (CScript) added chapter 3 to the demo.

The One Chosen (CScript) added more content to their beta. (@/parrotwatcher)

Echoes of Kingdom: The Last Stand (CScript) added extra scenes.

Dawn of Heroes (CScript) added chapters 21 and 22 to its demo.

Honor among Thieves (CScript) added extra content. (@/leoneliterary)

Dawn of Heroes (Twine) completed its second chapter. (@/bladeweaver-if)

Merry Crisis (CScript) has made its last update available to all. (@/merrycrisis-if)

Remnants of the Past (Twine) uploaded the final chapter of Act 1 (limited release before sale). (@/remnantsofthepast-if)

What lies in the past (Twine) added chapter 1 to the demo. (@/maluarty-blog)

Fallen Light (Twine) latest update is available to all. (@/fallenlightsif)

OTHER

Limerence (Twine) is back on Tumblr. (@/limerenceif)

We apologize in advance if we missed something, and forgot to add projects to this list. Please, let us know if something should have been added to the zine, and we will shout it out next week!

HIGHLIGHT ON...

A couple of games that we thought were cool.

Social Democracy: An Alternate History by Autumn Chen (DendryNexus)

That weird political game that took Twitter by storm, so strongly that there's even a fan subreddit where you can share your stats. It's all about what might have been…

i won't finish this game by Naarel (RenP’y)

An emotional visual novel about being a struggling indie dev game developer and depiction of suicide in narrative games. It is very short and hits hard.

Eat Me by Chandler Groover (Inform)

It was weird, it was gross… It's just genius. There's no way to describe how insane this game is. Maybe the most disturbing escape game ever made. No wonder it's so highly rated and won awards… TG for walkthroughs!

Your favourite game here?

Do you have a favourite game that deserve some highlighting? Tell us about it! A old or recent game that wowed you so much you want to spam it to everyone? Tell us about it!

We'll add it to the page!

FINAL WORD

We... don't really know what we're doing.

Yes, it's true! Not a lot of thought process went into making this. We actually started putting this together at 3-4am after making the Tumblr Blog.

We haven't really made any plan on what should or should not be included in this zine. We just knew we wished we had something like this when we started.

So while it may seem bare right now, we hope, in time, to fill all the pages, and even add more, as we find more projects, and events, and other IF- related stuff to share!

But for that…

We need your help.

Did you find a cool game that was just released? Or a project that shared a demo or update? Did you come across some cool event? Or found a neat article/blog post talking about IF?

Then, shoot us an ask or submit it on our blog!

THANK YOU!!

ERIKA, MARJORIE, AXELLE, AND NOI

WHAT'S NEW IN IF? 2024-ISSUE 1

[the-pleasure-garden]

Gilda (Charles Vidor, 1946)

El cine a blanco y negro tiene un aspecto que en ocasiones repele. No captura a todo tipo de audiencia porque en esta triada de trampas que nos hacen amar una película (el sonido, la historia y los colores) estos últimos no están. Al menos no de la manera convencional en la que estamos acostumbrados a distinguirlos.  Entonces, evidentemente, el cine a blanco y negro nos exige una mirada diferente, debemos interpretar esas sombras como el matiz visual de la película. Como recompensa por este ojo crítico que le imprimimos a la película, tenemos diálogos y sonidos que se doblan en relevancia para darnos una nueva experiencia. Por ejemplo, Time to love (1966) juega con unos personajes que pintan casas con una intención en cada color, al menos es lo que sabemos por los diálogos, pero como espectadores estamos completamente ciegos para juzgar esta tarea. Y pienso que eso es bellísimo.   Pensemos ahora en Gilda, una película 20 años anterior a Time to love, una trama aprentemente simple de una “femme fatale” en un “triángulo amoroso”. Una peícula en blanco y negro, que se va transformando gradualmente para complejizar este premisa recurrente. Tarea para la que el blanco y negro juegan un papel fundamental.  

Comenzando desde el título, Gilda, un título de personaje principal mujer así como Pearl, Rebecca, Jackie y muchas otras más. Usualmente esto nos imprime una perspectiva ya de por sí binaria en la que el film se va a centrar en esta mujer como motivo. Sin embargo, el caso de Gilda es particular, si bien si ocupa ese lugar de detonante de la historia, como mujer parece no tener por completo agencia sobre este poder y sin mucho desarrollo del personaje, la película se centra en ella como motivo más que como agente. Aunque ciertas pistas apuntarían a establecerla como una femme fatale, de hecho su modus operandi tiene justamente a lo opuesto. Mientras que una femme fatale utiliza su vulnerabilidad otorgada socialmente al ser mujer para hacer una cortina de humo a su poder. En el caso de Gilda, pareciera que la cortina de humo fuera ese poder que Bailin y Jhony han impregnado en ella solamente para ocultar esa vulnerabilidad que le atañe la emocionalidad del ser mujer. Este rol que se le entrega muestra casi como una reescritura del arquetipo teniendo en cuenta la mirada masculina, evidentemente hablamos de mirada masculina del director como hombre, pero también del personaje que se escribe entre los demás. Se busca entonces generar un mensaje en el que esa emocionalidad e intemperancia de ser mujer requiera un hombre para ser controlada. No se explora ese sentido de Gilda encontrándose a si misma por fuera del ojo observador masculino, sino que instintivamente busca un hombre que controle su personalidad.

De esta manera, el punto de quiebre de la película ocurre cuando Bailin llega de un viaje casado con Gilda, la anterior amante de Jhonny. En este punto de inflexión, Jhony se muestra como ese personaje observador pero al mismo tiempo agente. Este rol, sin duda, conversa con los claro oscuros del blanco y negro para situarse en las tomas en las que a pesar de estar en el foco de la cámara, no en el de la situación. Esto . Así, salva a Jhonny para que este se vuelve su amigo. De cierta manera, salva a Gilda, por el hecho de ser mujer sola, para que sea su esposa. Estas lealtades hasta cierto punto se vuelven una especie de deuda moral que en realidad nunca será saldada. Esto no es explícito en los dinámicas de Bailin pero sí en las emociones que despierta ante Jhonny y Gilda. Quienes incluso al haberlo traicionado luego de darlo por muerto, sienten culpa por haberlo hecho. La historia de Bailin es hasta cierto punto triste, se vuelve más un arquetipo de pobre hombre rico, quien a pesar de todas sus riquezas y los negocios que hizo vive una vida solitaria en la que en realidad no tienen valor por fuera de su poder.

Teniendo en cuenta este arquetipo que se crea alrededor de Bailin, pensar en su bastón/arma es encontrar su talismán. Este falo punzante se vuelve la representación de la manera en la que adquiere poder sobre los demás. Es un falo en la medida en que estamos siendo audiencia de un hombre que reconoce esa ventaja estrategica que tiene por ser hombre. Entonces esta imponencia que le implica caminar con un bastón, pero no encorvado sino como extensión de su mano que se apodera de lo que toca es justamente lo que rememora el sentido fálico masculino de este bastón. Sin embargo, no estamos ante una representación de hombre como regla, porque la película nos brinda variedad de hombres posibles. Es específicamente Bailin como hombre proderoso. Esta arma, sin embargo, no es solamente falo, esta también ligada a la manera de poder, el señalar algo preciso con una navaja afilada. Es una alegoría a ese observador punzante y amenazante quien a través de la observación encuentra la vulnerabilidad del otro para suplirla y tener poder sobre este. De esta manera, la muerte de Bailin es teatral, porque muere por su propia arma siendo observado con esa misma agudeza por un hombre que toda la película fue un observador pasivo. En cuanto a este aspecto se muestra entonces una reinterpretación del sentido de claro oscuro teniendo en cuenta las posibles interpretaciones que se pueden hacer sobre un mismo objeto. El bastón justamente es completamente negro pero al sacar la navaja este blanco brillante corta con el camuflaje y tenemos entonces al observador punzante.

Finalmente, retomando esta historia de amor que parece ser motivo final del film, Gilda se queda con Jhonny, un hombre que a pesar de que siempre defendió a Bailin como si fuera un padre, prioriza su historia con Gilda ante su lealtad. Así entonces, si bien Gilda no es esa mujer fatal, parece que la relación de Jhonny y Gilda si lo es. Evoca esa fatalidad en la que ellos no son las víctimas a pesar de que evidentemente se encuentran, en una dinámica poco o nada sana en la que se celan, se enojan, y parece que solo ellos entienden la relevancia de ese pasado. Como espectadores no sabemos que tanto pasó entre los dos, sabemos que Gilda, nuevamente en esta dinámica de mujer fatal que enmascara vulnerabilidad, dejó a Jhony sin razón aparente. Y sin embargo, este al verla, pareciera que quisiera vengarse y mostrarle que él es el hombre que tiene ese poder. Incluso sería posible analizar ese mito de la creación en el que Jhony y Gilda se vuelven Adán y Eva quienes al pecar se tornan en contra de su creador por haberlos encontrado. Un pecado que no van a pagar, porque el discurso no es de Bailin Dios, sino omo un pobre hombre rico.

[forunholy]

smash or pass <3 level ii agents <3

valeria / andromeda — smash. robyn / prometheus — smash. remi / echo — pass. enemies (in hanbin's mind). omar / og — pass. talia / lucidity — pass bc what if he falls asleep after. stay away from his mind. leo / cobra — smash. miyoung / saja — wld think she's pretty but pass … hates her brother &lt;;/3esen / rain — smash. nicholas / icarus — pass bc he seems kind of sad and the depressed role is already full. kenji / hermes — pass. amar / pheonix — pass bc old and also he seems sad. stella / delphi — smash. abraham / legion — smash. im not explaining.

[arch-godenvy]

smash or pass all level agents for cass 🤪🤙

cassian / whirlpool — i mean. smash. ariadne / lotus — got little brother zoned so pass. seongyeol / hades — see above. pass cecelia / glimmer — smash. milania / winter — smash but he's scared of her. imara / granite — pass she hates him. sangwoo / ymir — probably also got little brother zoned by him so pass. kyungseok / loveshot — would smash if not for the very fragile friendship they have, if it can even be called such. will settle for getting into physical fights with him if it means they can be close. has thought about it though. will never ever voice it. raphael / prince harry — contrary to popular belief, cassian does ocassionally value his own well being so pass. ariya / viper — same as above. pass. zaya / flare — pass but respects her.

valeria / andromeda — smash. robyn / prometheus — honestly? yeah smash. remi / echo — pass. sees them as a friend. omar / og — smash after a date. talia / lucidity — pass. leo / cobra — pass. miyoung / saja — pass. esen / rain — smash. nicholas / icarus — pass. kenji / hermes — hm. pass. amar / pheonix — little brother zoned. pass. stella / delphi — smash after a date and then will make breakfast. abraham / legion — pass. geneveive / jester — hard pass. saint / billiard — would be lying if he said he hasn't thought about it. smash. bellamy / wraith — sister coded. pass. dolly / oracle — smash but not if she offers to read his cards. keegan / splitter — pass jodi / levitas — smash. yeah. laia / knockout — smash.  emilio / cupcake — pass.  zoya / reaper — pass. sabryna / amontons — pass.

[dxwnfxll]

Um, hi. I was wondering if you could write about Dr Bright with an S/O who was formerly an assassin from the GOC who was tasked with killing Bright and bringing the amulet back to the GOC but instead fell in love with Bright and he eventually learns the truth because his S/O finally told him? It's fine if you don't want to, I just thought I'd ask since you're once of the only people who still writes about him. Thanks

Sure! And if i am correct from your other question you wanted to replace the GOC as the chaos insurgency soooo i'll do that!

N/n= Nickname/codename

As always Dr Amar replaces Bright/Shaw

Dr. Amar with an ex assassin oc

-a few years back you had once worked for the Chaos insurgency, you were once a highly skilled assassin valued by the CI (short for chaos insurgency) you were usually one of the first few candidates they chose to send on more 'dangerous' missions.

-you remember the day they called you in, you were training with a friend at one of the training rooms. A new recruit had walked in as you practiced hand to hand combat on the punching bag in front of you. They walked over to you "Agent N/N" you stopped grabbing the bag and looking at them "yeah?"

-They straightened up as they spoke "mission for you, very urgent. Said for you to head out immediately." They handed you a folder, you nodded "understood."

-the mission had been simple, kill the host of 963, carefully retrieve the amulet and get your ass back to the base.

-When you were first brought in, another CI agent had talked their way into letting you in. The man undercover as a 'Dr. Lunar' had shown you the ropes and what you needed to know. This was your first time inside an actual site, usually you were always outside of it with a sniper in hand.

-now you walked around in a lab coat bearing the name 'Dr. L/n' on a badge secured on a lanyard around your neck. You looked around for the doctor pretending to simply be following Dr. Lunar until there they were.

-the ginger person stood not that far from you, their current body being that of a woman. Her hair was up in a bun as he looked over something on their phone leaning against the wall.

-you went to grab the knife by your side as Dr. Lunar stopped you, he whispered "not yet." And let go of your arm. You knew from that what type of mission this was going to be..a long one.

-befriending the researcher was not easy, she always seemed to be busy. Always walking away just as you said hello, at least he'd usually apologize before walking away to some important matter.

-you two finally became friends though after you caught her in the break room, it had been 2 weeks total since you had been sent here undercover. You walked into the break room hearing them hum.

-they stopped before turning around just a bit to see you "oh hey there Dr uhhh" she squinted trying to read your tag "L/n. I haven't seen you around much, you new here?"

-You nodded and told the lie that had been drilled into your head by Dr. Lunar "yeah and no, i transferred here from containment site 25-B." Dr. Shaw nodded "ah, well guess it's not that much of a change for ya huh? Except no fear of an ancient warrior breaking out anytime soon huh?" She joked

-you nodded "oh yeah, now i just have to worry about an overgrown lizard wanting a midnight snack" Dr. Amar snickered at that "at least we can control when it's let out or not"

-you two began to grow close after that, weeks slowly began to turn into months as you still remained undercover. Your bosses checking on you every couple weeks or so to see how progress was, but now that you began to think fully about it..did you really want to take 963 back?

-you felt so..at ease around him, you wanted to protect the chaotic doctor and completing this mission would lead into only betraying them.

-as your boss called you that night you made up your mind, you didn't answer. You let it ring, you knew if you just didn't pick up they'd think you were dead. That the Foundation had found you, that you were probably rotting in some cell.

-and you were right, after that night they didn't call back..ever. You were most likely dead to the CI, and from now on you were Dr. L/n Dr. Amars..friend

-the months blended together until three years had passed, within those years so much had happended. You made more friends, got promoted, and fell for Dr. Amar.

-she had asked you out one warm summer night, as you sat on the roof of site-19 watching the stars. For once you were able to watch them without the worry of needing to shoot someone, you heard footsteps behind you and turned your head to see the ginger.

-you smiled at them "hey Jack" she smiled back at you sitting down "hey Y/n" they watched the stars with you "y'know..i like moments like these, we should have more of them"

-you looked at him "oh?" You had a feeling you knew what they were asking, as Jack looked at you she nodded "yeah..wanna go out?" You snickered a bit at how blunt he was with the question "yeah..i'd love to"

-that had been a year ago, life was perfect for the next year or so. You two were partners and you'd do anything for her, he was the love of your life and you felt nothing could tear you apart

-until you remembered your past, why you even came here. You wanted to continue to lie to Jack and hope it would be enough, but eventually you'd get caught..you knew you would.

-you fought with yourself until ultimately deciding what you needed to do. You called Jack to your dorm, you both would talk about this..as much as you didn't want to you needed to.

-it didn't take very long for Jack to get to your dorm, but it felt like Jack had taken hours to get there. But that was just your nerves, you were nervous..not just about being possibly killed for once being a CI assassin, but also scared to lose the person you loved.

-Jack sat on your couch next to you, you fidgeted with your hands as you just blurted it out "i was once an assassin sent to kill you and take 963, i'm so sorry i'm no longer with them i-" she cut you off "i know."

-you felt your blood run cold as you looked at them "huh.." Jack's usual goofy looking face had been replaced with a serious and even..scary face. No smile, his eyes didn't shine, and a shadow seemed to cover his face just a bit somehow

-Jack spoke "i know what you were..i figured it out after you told me you were from containment site 25-B." You cocked an eyebrow "how?" He smiled, a smile that didn't seem genuine but..dark. "Everyone there was killed in an incident involving SCP 076-2."

-you scooted away from him a bit "i'm sorry Jack..i really am i never wanted to-" he spoke again interrupting you "stop apologizing. I know you left, you've already made it up." He got up

-as he cracked his fingers he looked back at you still sitting on the couch "you're one of us now, your past doesn't matter let's just forget it." He gave you a smile before walking to the door "see you after work."

-and so he left, he left as your mind filled with more questions. You didn't know to either be at ease..or scared."

Hope you enjoyed!

Requests always open!

[myfirstlovej]

E se hoje eu te escrevesse a minha última mensagem ? 10/02/2024

Parou ? Pensou ? O que passou na sua cabeça agora ? E se hoje eu te dissesse que parece que o nosso brilho se apaga a cada dia, você concordaria comigo ? E se eu dissesse que por mais difícil que seja eu ainda quero ficar, você acredita ? E se eu te dissesse que estou com um medo enorme dentro de mim, um medo chamado "medo de perder alguém que eu aprende amar então pouco tempo", e se eu te dissesse que quando agente ama a gente as vezes precisa deixar ir ou precisa saber o que realmente a pessoa quer. Você me deixa confusa em relação aos sentimentos, eu não quero te pressionar, não quero te sufocar, não quero te deixar sem saída, sabe o que eu quero!? Quero que faça o que seu coração mandar, faça o que achar melhor, faça o que te faz bem, mais só uma coisinha, não esqueça, não esqueça que tem alguém aqui que te ama muito e faria e faz de tudo para te ter. Não está faltando nada de mim, (eu acho), você sabe das minhas intenções, você sabe o que eu quero com você, você sabe o quanto te amo, acredito que deu para perceber o quanto sou louca por você, o quanto queria está assim bem pertinho de tu, eu te amo e vou está aqui se você ainda quiser.. eu te amo e quero ficar com você, tipooooooo pra sempre, tipoooo até o mundo acabar sabe 😏. Tu vai ler isso e vai dizer essa menina é doida, é sem noção, sou doida e sem noção por você, me valoriza doninha, você está com a faca e o queijo na mão. 😅 Eu te amo linda 🤍

[swoomoo]

This is in response to @nerdhangout asking about my Lasombra since they shared info on their fucking amazing OC named Callista. I will warn you this is condensed but the backstory was 30 pages. I will post in two parts. If for some reason my Coterie mates found my tumblr, fuck off you are spoiling a good ass story.

My character's name is Amare Lillian Belmont (Formerly Amity Mary Pond) and was born in Cardiff, Wales but moved quickly to central PA so her mother could be with her father. Unknowingly however her father was a ghoul and was the leader of a Sabbat blood cult (yay religious trauma twins). Amare was the black sheep for a long time and was abused by the other cultists who were growing in number (up until they reached about 200ish). The blood cult only had women in it with the exception of her father who lied about being Amare's dad and said she was adopted only. Years later when Amare was 14 she saw things she wasn't supposed to. After a brief horrific encounter with a Tzimisce, her memory was altered by her future sire. Amare was forced to see these memories as dreams and it started to drive her mad. Her mom agreed they needed to leave but was unsure how to escape. This crazy bitch named Lucy made it her goal to belittle Amare at any step she could (She was jealous of how closely related Amare was to her father). Lucy schemed a situation where she could use Amare's mother as bait. Ultimately this led to Amare's mother being presumably killed when Amare was 18. Amare snapped and killed Lucy with a knife. Afterward she locked everyone in a new church building and lit it on fire (It was not up to fire code) So she had a nearly 300 body count. She saved the children and walked to the nearest town. She was put through a witness protection program and had her name changed to Amare (It was technically Amity up until this point) and became close to an FBI agent that worked on her case named Koda (She later ghouled him). Amare was able to go to college and moved to New York. After she graduated she became a journalist who dedicated her life to helping destroy corruption in churches and help abuse victims in those situations. Her sire was excited to see her have the gull to kill his little cult and followed her still. Since he was a Lasombra he knew of some fucked up churches and convinced her to move to New Hampshire and formally introduced himself to her. They worked for a bit and she was able to blow the lid of a huge scandal in the area. Religious people in that area were angry at her and she started to get assaulted by them. She was confused and decided to take a break after that looking more into the cult that she had survived. She was a bit too good at her job and saw there was a nearly identical cult long ago close to the area she was in. She investigated, walked into a haven owned by her future sire and learned of kindred existence. Her Sire was excited to share this world with her finally (She was now 30). She was not happy with this revelation and he was not happy she wasn't thankful to him. She tried to kill herself by jumping off a cliff but spooky shadow stuff happened and she woke up buried 6 feet under.

[nekoannie-chan]

Amor eterno

Título: Amor eterno.

Fandom: Marvel, Capitán América.

Pareja: Brock Rumlow X Lectora.

Palabras: 154 palabras.

Clasificación: B.

Sinopsis: Brock prometió amarte por siempre.

Advertencias: Fluff.

N/A:  Esta es mi entrada para Sweetheart Bingo Card, cuadro 8:

“Amor desde la infancia.”

También puedes leerlo en Wattpad y Ao3.

         Si te gusto por favor vota, comenta y rebloguea.

No doy ningún permiso para que mis fics sean publicados en otra plataforma o idioma (yo traduzco mi propio trabajo) o el uso de mis gráficos (mis separadores de texto también están incluidos), los cuales hice exclusivamente para mis fics, por favor respeta mi trabajo y no lo robes. Aquí en la plataforma hay personas que hacen separadores de texto para que cualquiera los pueda usar, los míos no son públicos, por favor busca los de dichas personas. La única excepción serían los regalos que he hecho ya que ahora pertenecen a alguien más. Si encuentras alguno de mis trabajos en una plataforma diferente y no es alguna de mis cuentas, por favor avísame. Los reblogs y comentarios están bien.

DISCLAIMER: Los personajes de Marvel no me pertenecen (desafortunadamente), exceptuando por los personajes originales y la historia.

Anótate en mi taglist aquí.

Otros lugares donde publico: Ao3, Wattpad, ffnet, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter.

Tags: @sinceimetyou @black23 @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad @azulatodoryuga

Brock y tú se conocían desde que eran niños, sus casas estaban separadas solo por un pequeño jardín.

Brock y tú eran inseparables. Siempre pasaban horas jugando en el jardín, se iban juntos a la escuela. Él te había prometido que nunca te dejaría sola y que siempre te iba a amar.

Hasta el día en el que te dijo que quería convertirse en agente de S.H.I.E.L.D., él siempre había sido bueno para los deportes, pero al final te convenció de que entraran a la Academia juntos, nunca se habían separado.

Justo el día de la graduación, luego de recibir sus diplomas, él te llevó a un lugar, alejándose de todos, fue cuando te pidió que te casaras con él.

Ahora tu única preocupación era que el día de la boda no hubiera una misión de emergencia o algo que la arruinara, pero afortunadamente todo salió a la perfección.

Brock siempre cumplía sus promesas.