#ahi's ramblings

[ahiijny]

more hachioji nichijou locations

[ahi-doodles]

personal convenient list of tags and hashtags for convenience (will come back and edit)

#my art #art

#nichijou

#symphogear #シンフォギア

#animeCITY #アニ��CITY

#bocchi the rock #ぼっち・ざ・ろっく

#touhou #東方Project

#oshi no ko #推しの子

#yuru camp #ゆるキャン

#yama no susume #ヤマノススメ

#haikyuu #ハイキュー

[mothinabottle]

Hey, it's not necessary for you to answer this, but I really wanted to know something.

I've seen you share posts about the recent drama, and I wanted to know if you'll keep making content for the fandom or not?

A few artists have left due to the controversy, and it is sad (Of course they have the right to. Don't misunderstand please). I really like your art and your pcs.

Sorry if this is too long.

Hello, anon. Don't worry, your question is valid and your message isn't too long!

But my answer will be! So warning for a text wall. Thx thx

To be honest, I've been avoiding saying something about that as I needed time to think.

Sigh. Look, I've been here for a long time. Not necessarily interacting with the fandom, but playing the game and adoring the characters. Hell, those who know this blog must already know I absolutely adore Jordan's character.

Having said that, I also have to address that friends of mine have been hurt, and even people I got to know because of said friends. Dolcord and dol in general had many dramas through the years and I had ignored most until now.

My decisions are not made because of this single thing, but because I am tired of the same stuff happening over and over :p

With those two points in mind-> I won't leave the dol fandom, but I'll also put a stop on more serious projects. Comics, lore, etc will be outright deleted from my drafts or discontinued until further notice.

I have spent these last few days socializing and playing new games I had left, and I've come to the conclusion that my blog will have to have more diverse content. Whether it'll be Lnds, CoT, Alien Stage, Dungeon Meshi, etc.

The dol asks in my inbox will be answered as well. Don't worry about that. I just wanna take a break jejejajsjs

And actually, most of my dol content will start relying on that. Requests. Because right now? I have no inspiration and I literally am unable to draw unless it is for my mooties or I am obligated to do so.

I will still be reblogging stuff from my mooties as I had always known I would follow them no matter what. They are all talented and amazing people I am glad I got to know 💙

Tldr; I still adore the concept of the game and simp for Jordan. But I am also on my limit and kinda ehhhh cuz c'mon, it has been years of drama over drama from the same ppl lmao. So I will draw for dol from time to time, but you'll also start seeing different stuff more often once my will to draw recovers 👍

Ah, but the solo Jordan drawings will prevail. Preferably NSFW. This thing made me realize I now have that dumbass as my dol fav. Sorry Sirris.

[pulim-v]

Hey uhh I'll probably be unusually inactive in the next 3+ hours since my phone is almost out of charge and I forgot my portable charger thingy

[carnationinstantbutch]

Bought another giant bag of fuck-off expensive gluten-free flour bc it's by far the best one I've found that actually replicates the soft fluffy chewiness of wheat flour. And now I have two doughs in the fridge ready for prep tomorrow. Udon and Hokkaido Milk Bread Will Be Mine Again. ✊

[nowjumpinthewater]

I want to wear shorts because it's so hot in the afternoon </3333 but it's eight degrees in the morning </333

[eebie]

this is the lowest ive ever gone. rewunding the first minute of hillbillyman over and over just to listen to the guitar and vocals Just to feel something . Damon albarn im going to fucking get you for this

[pupuseriazag]

She's so quirkyyyy

[loreleilarai]

Me seeing that they added another member to the group work when we already passed the limit number and there are 4 who do nothing

[ahiijny]

hachioji cafe visit 2025-04-20

[alfys-pigeon-house]

never realized how much i needed to eat before like i cld eat js a meal a day and js snacks but now i gotta eat more? wsjdjjgkgkhllhlhlj body stop grumbljngggggg

[lunarhoneybunny]

doing better than yesterday which is good but aaaaaaaaaaa

[othercrossee]

𝓛𝓮𝓽𝓼 𝓫𝓮 𝓭𝓮𝓵𝓾𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓵 𝓽𝓸𝓰𝓮𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻

[forestgromlin]

btw dp you knwo how insane and weird it feels to have people irl tell you randomly that they like a fandom you were going to take to the grave?? i’ve NEVER had anyone like the same thing as me in the same way. like, i’ve had people vaguely like things i’ve likes in the oast, like harry potter and taylor swift, which are both very popular

but. in the past month or so i’ve had it happen TWICE.

first one of my bestie’s friends who’s also in choir with me revaled that she’s in the marauders fandom. and she’s obsessed with it. and likes jegulus and wolfstar and etc. which. fucking insane i never would have told anyone ever that i’m in the marauders fandom

AND THEN

2 days ago oen of my friends (who has adhd!!!!) started talking to me about hermitcraft and the life series and etc.!!!!!!! SHE’S HYPERFIXATED ON IT TOO

DO YOU HAVE AHY IDEA WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE

OH MY GOD THIS SI INSANE

okay so actually she hasn’t watched hermitcraft yet bc she said it’s kind of boring BUT she’s watched the life series and empires and is going to watch Joel’s hermitcraft season bc it’s impossible for anything he’s in to be boring (not that i agree that hc is boring anyways but you get the point)

but we had a christmas get together party thing last saturday and i was talking with her and her brother (who is like 8 years older btw also he’s trans which is unrelated but incredibly awesome and i felt like you guys should know) and her brother has watched hermitcraft!!! he watches joel grian and mumbo!!!!! I WAS SO EXCITED I NORMALLY PNLY TALK TO MY SILLY LITTLE MOOTS ON TUMBLR THIS IS WILD

anyways!! rambles are over i just needed to express how fucking insane this is for me i genuinlely felt not real for parts of this it felt like i was in a dream

[abyssalpriest]

20230902

Eyes are wide. I bite the flesh, exhausted, offered the most sacred sacrament. I expect energy but instead I begin to see things, the expanse of the microcosm-macrocosm. I've seen things like this before, weird sets of visions of things that are simultaneously like the vast outer space and like a petri dish, small and big. Pale white circles on a map interconnected by threads either micro-organisms reaching out to themselves in a nutritional network, or the reaching webs of nebulous space dust stretching the span of galaxies many times over.

-

I saved this draft two hours ago. He says I sat in one place staring into nothing for at least an hour after writing, I have flashes of memories he shows me apparently at multiple intervals where I was sitting there, yes... Seems to be two now. Two hours. I was, I know I was. I was watching the birth of the universe if only not attached to time, not the "Big Bang". It was in everything, is in everything. Everything grows from the place it started in, it's not a matter of tracing back spatial expansion to a single spatial place - it's not like watching everything return back to where it was when the "Big Bang" happened or something. No, the beginning of everything is within everything. You can see it. Like the atom is whatever the spatial equivalent of a "moment" is... It all comes from a point. Even points aren't singular, I suppose I ended up seeing through spacetime where things are measured, it was all singular.

The origin of all things... All colours, more colourful than I thought it would be, but I know that's what I see because I ate the flesh of someone whose biology is bound to coloured sight. It was all colours (as seen through those eyes) swirling and intermingling, a microcosm of reality how I've seen it in a vision before, which was an expanse of pulsating dull colours moving not through normal means but by location-based expansion and contraction in a dark field. I don't remember the context of that vision, but it is like filtering forward through time and outwards through space, all of reality reduced into these patches...

But I digress. For the past two hours I've been both inside and outside time, inside in the shell of my body which is thick and grounded, internally, however, scaling and investigating the ancient energy of someone who has been around since before there were really selves to be had. The world was malleable, and Time is non-linear and ever-present, meaning I could trace back his history like a spatial thing - well, no, not quite right and he points that out. I wasn't tracing it. I was brought to a point by him (his energy was or is alive inside me) where a doorway existed in the reality he was in at a certain time in his life and stepped through it, walking into endless yet extremely calculated, refined, perfectly mathematical colours pulsing in three dimensions.

"It's like what you saw with Hermes then, isn't it." He refers to the vision I recalled seeing, the pulsating dull colours in darkness, I had a feeling that was from Hermes. He's leaning on my window, I see him behind me. Yes. A lot like that.

He looks out the window. I'm reminded of a vision I recorded with Hermes again where Hermes was in a strange place, strange plane, staring out a window at the workings of the world winding like a four dimensional... Everything... Inside the hollow of a guitar. Leviathan looks out at the blue sky though, and I see Ahi in his form bigger than this globe looking back down, visible eye wide though like the vicious energy of the Storm Mother. He's red and unknown unplaceable colours that form the opposite of the searing blue sky I physically see, as if these colours were on the opposite of a colour wheel of a species that sees more colours than humans.

I think I need to wind down, though.

Cannibalistic Reverence, 1/9/21

I drag myself, exhausted, to his body. He calls me a "little spirit" learning to do what he does, and sometimes I'm realising in amongst all my clouded memories of being beyond this body that I am indeed human now, little, learning. I burn like a star, I know how to hold a presence - and then I'm spent, exhausted, clinging barely on to consciousness swaying wildly on my feet, ready to collapse.

He's gentle, always, a knowing smile. I ask him to help me rest, he takes his time agonisingly elongating his punctuating of my tiredness. There is no wellspring, there is no immediate fix for energetic exhaustion; he hangs in the air like the repulsion of my magnetic outreach and makes me feel it. I feel him in his distance from me. Dissociation usually drowns the lucid and tangible world in dreaming states, so his dreamlike intangibility gliding through my life and his absent pause is a more effective presence than anything else... When you're used to drowning everything out, nothingness speaks loudly. I have to understand that actions have consequences.

But I want. I know, when I say that, that's what he's waiting for. He wants me to want, to stop ignoring all emotions under numbing sedation of mind and begin to register the colours that my mind filters through. I want.

Our relationship is one of hunger, longing, absence. I fear reaching out and taking more than anything else; he, though, with bloodied maw, canine teeth winding between flesh, a whale pulling into it masses of ocean water to filter all that can be consumed from it, claws taloned as he is biologically built to sink them into bodies, eyes forward to pursue prey...

Our relationship is hunger, something that must be punctuated by feeding because a lack of feeding a need mutes it and makes it sink into self-hating worthlessness. He lays with me wordless and calm as a pool in a long-forgotten cave. He waits in such a patient way that he's hardly waiting at all, hardly expecting me to do anything.

I ask, though, finally: Can I feed off your energy? He smiles, but more than that I can tell he's happy not in some pointed and suggestive way, but like I asked to borrow a book from his library. Happy to be included. Happy to help. Business as usual.

I don't know why I hesitate or I suppose I do know why, and this is why he pauses and makes me ask. Our mouths have been around each others energy many times, pulling energy like soft caramel, swallowing the warm sensations of radiating... Energy. There is no physical equivalent, but the act is communion and trust. Cannibalistic romance brushing against the oldest nerve endings within me, calling to a self I know very, very well, not rousing him to the bloodthirsty, battlefield-stalking, looming winged terror that I thought I'd return to when I took part, but... Calling to softness. I don't understand kissing at all and never have, but I wonder if this soft sensation of pulling off parts of someone you love and then detaching them, making them you and yours, holding them in your form and dissolving them into you.. I wonder if that might be relatable to those that understand kissing.

It's mutual, though and that's what I need to learn - suddenly I feel the need to close this and stop talking, I thought I was about to stray into territory I can't speak on but no, that's it, right? What I have said, that's what I need to learn.

[jerkimedes]

idk why but I really like the little detail of the mothership's display being backlit but not the grand mothership's. It reminds me of the gameboy family and even the button-like decals of the grand mothership really hammer this thought into my brain lol.

it makes me feel like there's there really is some kinda generational gap. it implies so much stuff that's really hard for me to put in words and I may be reaching but like. it makes sense ahi's mothership and grand mothership don't get along because I think the mothership's "evolved" technology allows her to develop her own views and have differing experiences and she might have already "grown out of" the grand mothership.

on top of all dat I wanna mention like. grand mothership being able to assume control over reminds me of new consoles emulating older consoles. that sounds fucking horrid when you think about it

I looooove rambling ahahahahahahahaha🤣🤣😭🤣😭😭😭🤣😭😭😭