#all janes have the same nose ive decided

[maraczeks]

bbc p+p thread pt 1

[jossambird]

The scent on your coat P5

Summary: Otto spends time to reflect on his life and his encounter with you and decides to go find you… Only to meet someone else.

Otto Octavius x F!Reader

Word count: 1.9k

Warning: Fighting, mentions of bleeding, NS/FW Subjects, Doc Yearning, Doc Jealousy,

AO3 Link for Previous Parts or on my masterlist!

For the next few days after your encounter, Otto couldn’t shake the feeling inside his stomach after seeing you again, heart beating happily as the image of you sprawled out for him reappeared in his mind. Just how long had it been?

Nearly a year had he been forced into a life of criminality, and no matter how much time would have passed, nothing could have ever changed his ever growing love for you.

The stars over his head remained hidden, just like he had been after his accident. The memory of it all felt fabricated, like a story out of the newspapers, but it wasn’t, and here he was, tentacles and all, no longer living the same life as before.

The night he had broken into Oscorp, everything had felt much too nostalgic for his taste, yourself included. You weren’t supposed to be there, served like a decadent meal on display for anyone to see. But you had been, and now, that image would remain forever ingrained in his memory.

Seeing you again in his lab, panting and touching yourself had caused him to feel all kinds of emotions all over again, mainly jealousy coursing through his system until he heard his own name escape your lips as you came.

“Ive only ever wanted you.” The very words replayed in his mind, heart beating faster at the thought. Did you also harbour a deeper emotion for him, just like he did for you? During your employment together, becoming close to you had felt like heaven, your smiles and gentle accidental touches always making his days better.

Otto sighed, eyes turning back to the endless black sky, and wondered if you were looking up too.

The state of his marriage to Rosalie had laid heavy on his mind, long before your employment as his assistant. Otto could still remember the moment he knew it was done, knew that his heart had stopped beating for Rosalie: You had smiled at a successful test, a simple little thing really, but the beauty in that moment, witnessing first hand your joy, had gotten him.

The love he had once felt for Rosalie had long since passed before that moment, just as her love for him had as well.

He had always felt jealous when Harry would come and see you, touching you innocently infront of him and everyone. Though, the very act of watching you always reject Harry Osborn’s advances left fire in his veins, pride radiating off him when you would turn back to him, smiling shyly as Harry left. Oh how he had always wanted to push you against his desk and take you right there, show Harry who you belonged to.

Now, in hindsight, he regretted becoming distant after the whole Harry hug ordeal, remembering how you would try to talk to him afterwards, worry painting your beautiful features with each passing day.

Most of all, he regretted not being able to properly tell you how much he had missed you, and just how much he loved you…

He started moving in seconds, claws burying themselves into the brick and steel of buildings, making his way towards the hideous Oscorp building. Perhaps, you would be working a late night shift again, and perhaps, you would be open to speaking with a villain and old colleague once more.

‘Speaking’ was perhaps not the right word to employ for what could potentially transpire between the two of you after his previous promise to you but he held no expectations, excitement coursing through his veins at the mere idea of seeing you again.

As he approached the Oscorp building and scaled up to the roof, he was met with a bizarre sight, momentary confusion equally held in the other man’s eyes.

Before him, on the very top of Oscorp Industries, sat Spider-Man. In seconds, Otto launched himself at the younger man, frustration rolling off of him in waves at the idea of not being able to see you tonight because of little Peter Parker.

A few moments passed, attacks flying left and right, yet… Something felt off, Otto thought, watching as Peter merely deflected his attacks and stood out of the way, never stepping forward to actually harm him or to the tentacles. He was taking the hits alright, but never retaliating, only receiving, as if to punish himself-

“S-Say Doc Oc- Doctor Octavius, can I ask you something?” Spiderman stuttered out, barely standing in place, face turned away from the older man. The younger man paused, mind jumbled while the villain remained still before him.

Otto didn't know what to do with this bizarre turn of events, looking at Parker in confusion and suspicion. He must have hit the boy on the head, or perhaps he was drunk, using his name for the first time in ages. Otto huffed out in annoyance, he’d much rather go back to trying to throw him across town then answer whatever stupid questions-

“If you loved someone… TRULY loved them, and you found out they loved another… Would you let them go?” Peter cut off his train of thought, making the elder man freeze at the intimate question.

Otto Octavius, renowned Scientist and villain, felt speechless. Of all people whom Peter Parker could have asked… Why him? Was this why Parker kept missing his attacks, barely avoiding his claws, tumbling left and right like a drunk? A broken heart?

“Yes, I would set them free.” Otto uttered without a beat, instantly regretting opening his damn mouth at the sight before him.

“How am I supposed to do that?” Peter tried to let out, a loud sob escaping as he staggered to the rooftops ground, mask in hand while the other hand furiously wiped his tears away.

Otto suddenly felt as if he were back in his old apartment, answering all of Peter’s questions, laughing and thinking just how bright and kind this young man was. But now, it was another woman roaming the halls of his apartment in his mind, another woman turning the corner to see him, your brilliant eyes shining as you smiled at him.

“Sometimes, to do what's right… we must be steady and give up the things we desire the most. Even our dreams.” Otto threw back the boy's own words that he had told him ages ago, knowing that despite everything, it was true. It was hard not to remember just how human they both were, and just how young Peter Parker was.

His eyes landed on the younger man once more, watching as Peter tried to regain a sense of decorum, despite the sobs that still shook his shoulders.

“Are they the one who told you they love someone else?” He asked after a beat, mild curiosity coursing through him as he tried to remember who Peter Parker had been interested in except that poor Mary Jane. The younger man let out a wet chuckle, surprising Otto as the boy smiled widely, fondly.

“She didn’t need to, she's always loved him, even if he didn’t know.” Peter uttered but shook his head, unmasked eyes turning up to look at the villain.

“She- she worked with him. They were pretty close.” Peter swallowed, sorrowful eyes turning away from the man.

“He left, and never came back, for her or his work. I'm the one who helped her pick up the pieces.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, our wedding is in a few days.” Parker smiled softly as if reliving a memory, eyes and skin blotchy red from his tears. He lifted his hand in the air, wedding band shining in the moonlight.

Silence reigned between the two men, a gentle breeze caressing Otto’s cheek as his mind ran wild, trying to discern who Peter kept alluding to, eyes turning towards the city around-

“You know, she loved you. Really love you.” Peter whispered with a laugh, but it didn’t matter, Otto had heard him loud and clear, body freezing at the younger man's implication.

“She loved you, waited for you. But you never came.” Parker continued, taking the man's silence as an invitation to be quiet.

The silence felt all too stifling, until a tentacle shot out from behind Dr Octavius, grabbing Peter by the throat and throwing him against the brick wall beside them. Emotions swirled in Otto, thoughts and memories flashing before his eyes as he imagined you with Peter Parker, imagined you under the boy, moaning Peter’s name instead of his own. Soon to be married, Y/N Parker.

The very thought of it all and the thought that Peter had had you under him caused liquid hate to course through the Scientist’s veins, wondering if Peter had ever been able to make you cum just as he had, remembering the way you’d gripped his hair and moaned HIS name, crumbling so beautifully under his tongue.

A growl escaped him as he launched after Peter, tentacles whipping right and left to try and catch the little shit.

Most of all, he imagined you disappearing forever, married to a boy, never to see HIM again. Never again would he hear you moan, never again would he hear you say his name, and most of all, never again would he see you smile for him. All of the dreams he had had of a life with you, ripped away because of Peter Parker.

Otto blinked, looking up to see the tentacles enthusiastically attacking Peter of their own volition, reacting to his jealousy, anger and sorrow. Though the scene before him took Otto Octavius by surprise, watching as Peter barely avoided the Claws, taking each hit that landed.

Otto watched the young man for a moment and decided, upper right Claw clasping itself around Peter’s throat, dragging the boy forward. Blood trailed down Parker’s mouth and nose but his quick hands reached out and grabbed Otto’s coat, hazy eyes focusing on his ex-Mentor.

Suddenly, Peter’s blue eyes sharpened, mouth opening to try and speak.

“P-Please, tell me… Could you love someone, be IN love with someone, as you are now?” Peter whispered, coughing up blood as he ground out his words, red splattering over Otto’s black turtleneck and leather coat.

“Pardon me?” Dr Octavius bite out, faltering for a moment at the way Peter watched him, as if trying to discern something important, shaking hands firmly balled in his coat.

“If you had that one chance right now, to tell her- to tell the person that you love that you want to be with them for the rest of your life and make them happy as you are now, tentacles and all, would you do it?” Peter asked, and in the brief second that followed his question, no matter how jealous he felt at the fact that Peter Parker had had you first, images of you coursed through his mind, your voice repeating every sentence you had ever told him. Peter’s little blunder had also not escaped him, the word ‘her’ ringing in his ears.

“In a heartbeat.”

Peter remained still under the claws hold, visibly debating something.

“Sometimes, to do what's right, we must be steady and give up the things we desire the most. Even our dreams.” The boy repeated once more, and even though Peter had thrown those words at him once before, now, it seemed the words weren’t for him. No no, instead, they were for Peter himself. Tears rolled down Peter’s cheeks once more but a smile appeared, tired eyes looking up at Otto.

[faelid]

Malignatas: Chapter IV

Malignatas, a Kihyun x Reader mini-series

Chapter 4: Truths

WC: 2.5k

Warnings: none

Summary: You and Kihyun thought you knew what you were getting into when you decided to make your relationship public. Neither of you were prepared for a curse from a spiteful fan, cast to keep you apart forever.

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3]

In the beginning, nothing hurts.

Honestly, you don’t even notice anything has happened. The sensors all seem to be working, except it seems like no one’s actually using the interface, not connecting to Bluetooth or checking steps or messages.

It’s just…quiet. There’s an odd heartbeat, probably because you’re not on a wrist, not actually catching a regular pulse, just being held close to skin. It’s odd, but not painful.

Even though the digitizer is completely destroyed, it doesn’t hurt.

Not until later. Later, everything hurts.

Even when you’re floating, swimming through a haze of memories and feelings, it hurts. It’s the only constant you can hold onto, because nothing else seems real. Not the strangers who lean over, not the food you eat, or your friends who keep visiting you.

Minhyuk and Jooheon always say something strange, look so sad, but you can’t remember why. They never bring flowers, though, and you can’t help but feel like they should have remembered to bring flowers.

Maybe if they had flowers, they wouldn’t be so sad.

You like Kihyun’s visits better.

Kihyun sneaks you food. This time he’s brought bubble tea, just enough for the two of you, which he shouldn’t have because it’s comeback season and he needs to be mindful of his calories, but he’s holding your hand and smiling and you can’t tell him no when he looks so relaxed.

His hands always feel so nice. Warm and a touch calloused, like he has to prove that he’s not just a pretty boy. If you were selfish, you’d tell him to never let go, but you know that there are other people out there he needs to thank, people he needs to reciprocate support for, and you never want to get in the way of that.

You make sure he knows you have dibs, though, and he laughs, laughs his beautiful Kihyun laugh as he bounces your hand in his on the white sheet, and he looks like he’s going to say something else but then Jooheon and Minhyuk are back and he just kisses you on the nose and slides away like he’s been caught someplace he’s not supposed to be.

You tell him not to go, he can stay, but he doesn’t listen, and the room gets a little duller when he goes, the pain a little stronger.

You hope he comes back soon. The other two aren’t any fun today. They hold your hands, too, but it’s not the same. Jooheon is crying – his face is puffy, like he was crying before and he’s started all over again, and you feel like maybe you’re holding his hand, instead.

You try to give it a reassuring squeeze. You don’t know what’s wrong, but it has to get better soon. It’ll ruin his image if other people catch him crying, and you’re just teasing, but it makes him cry even harder.

———————————————————

Jooheon has had too many long days to count, first as a trainee, then as a performer, later as a writer. This one puts them all to shame.

It had started before dawn, with no sleep, when he’d waited with Hyungwon and Minhyuk for the EMTs to arrive, and even though they’d called the ambulance in advance, had planned it all out to be extra cautious since they didn’t know the extent of the damage, didn’t have time to find a better solution, the wait after sunrise was still too long.

Bad didn’t come close to describing it.

Minhyuk huddled close, looking like maybe he should have been in an ambulance too, white like a sheet and cold, shivering.

They let Hyungwon do the talking, exchange contact information while pretending their friend was a Jane Doe. As the ambulance drove away, he felt the bile rise up and he couldn’t stop it. He’d always been a little squeamish, but no one begrudged him his reaction this time.

When he was sure there wasn’t anything left in his stomach, they shuffled their way back to the dorm like a party of funeral goers.

Changkyun is on the couch when they let themselves in, Kihyun on his lap, looking grimmer, if possible, than he had leaving the concert venue, when he’d practically carried Kihyun home.

He doesn’t keep them waiting, doesn’t let the dread sink in.

“She’s gone.”

On a different day, a statement like that would have caused chaos, everyone yelling over each other to be heard. Instead, there’s silence, because shit like this can’t be made up. They don’t have to ask to know who, and maybe they shouldn’t be surprised anymore, but they are.

She was supposed to be in detention, but she’d vanished, slipped away like an eel into the night, even after Jooheon and Changkyun had escorted her out, turned her over to Starship security to press charges for trespassing and destruction of personal property.

Security had nothing to say for themselves, just promised they’d try to review the footage and track her down.

They still don’t know who she is and now they’re stuck. Waiting for her, waiting for security, waiting for a phone call from the hospital.

No one’s slept since yesterday, and Hyungwon has to suggest it even if he knows it’s in vain. Rest is the farthest thing from their minds. They try, anyway, maybe manage a half hour or two, sleeping in shifts while they wait for the phone to ring.

When it finally does, it’s mid-afternoon, and it’s the hospital. The woman they brought in is stable, they can come see her if they’d like, they say.

Jooheon knows he and Minhyuk should go, because they’re the mood-makers, but it’s still hard to see her looking so small and frail, except she doesn’t seem like she needs cheering up at all.

She’s too far gone, shot to the moon on painkillers, can’t remember anything he or Minhyuk tries to tell her. She doesn’t even seem to know where she is, puts on her support face and does what she can to try to cheer them up.

He’s given up trying to explain, because he can understand if she wants to forget, and maybe she’s earned the right to ignorance, at least for a little while.

It’s heartbreaking to watch her talk to Kihyun like he’s here in the room, two legged and everything, like he’s not home with Changkyun, probably doing his best to drain his battery so he doesn’t have to feel anymore.

That’s how Jooheon would do it, anyway. If he were in Kihyun’s shoes and had the option.

Instead, he’s stuck here trying to pretend everything is okay, that the curse never happened and two of his favorite people aren’t miserable. She's in and out of consciousness a lot, and that helps. He and Minhyuk get up and go for walks, because as painful as faking normalcy is, the silence is even more excruciating.

Sunset can’t come soon enough.

Later, the hospital staff wonder what happened to their Jane Doe. She vanishes without a trace; even the security cameras have no sign of her. They stop looking after a few days, wonder if it was a ghost.

They pretend she never existed, whoever she was.

———————————————————

When they bring the watch back, the glass is still cracked. Kihyun can almost see the screen, though, and that’s a comfort, even if the touch-response is erratic.

He doesn’t let it out of his sight.

After that first day at the hospital, after she’s stitched and stabilized, it seems like the curse figures out what’s supposed to happen, and she heals even when she’s not in her body, faster than expected but still not fast enough for his liking.

He leaves out a bottle of pills, leftover from an old fracture, just in case. No one will tell him the extent of her injuries, and he stops asking because it means he doesn’t want to know. She’s started leaving him messages again, though, and for that he’s grateful.

He needed the reassurance more than he wanted to admit.

He’s not wallowing as much as he was, but he doesn’t know what else to do except throw himself back into what he likes to do.

It’s sooner than they had decided on, but Changkyun gives him the compositions he wrote, and Jooheon, too, songs they were going to surprise him with later. His for a solo album.

It’s not perfect, but it’s a good distraction, and he loves them for it. He loved them, regardless, but at another time he’d be able to express how touched he is that they wrote songs for him. All he can do now is do right by them, do their songs justice.

He can’t do anything else, anyway, and this way he’s with his friends. Days pass where Jooheon and Changkyun spend their nights dozing off in the studio, letting Kihyun practice until well past midnight.

If they think it’s excessive, they don’t say anything. It’s better than letting him drink himself into a coma.

On the nights where they really do need their beauty sleep, he watches Netflix with Minhyuk and Hyungwon. They even bring him mint ice cream, and Minhyuk hates every minute he’s in the same room with it, willing to suffer only if it’ll bring a smile to Kihyun’s face.

It does, faint but still there.

Their tenuous routine is interrupted one night by the buzz of the intercom. Hyungwon and Minhyuk have a conversation with their eyes – did you order anything? No, I thought you did ­– but it buzzes a second time and Minhyuk answers it.

He thinks he might be seeing things.

Even with her hood up, he can tell that it’s her, that girl, and she’s standing outside, lurking in front of their gate. He resists the urge to rub his eyes, to make sure he’s not dreaming.

She keeps showing up out of nowhere, like a phantom. She looks like one, too. The camera isn’t good to begin with and maybe the pallor of her skin is due to the poor resolution, but even so she looks haunted, circles under her eyes.

It’s definitely her.

They can’t afford to let her vanish again. Minhyuk isn’t sure he trusts himself not to explode on her. It’s a testament to his personal growth that he recognizes it, realizes it’s better to take someone less volatile, and he makes Hyungwon come with him.

It’s always better if he or Changkyun does the talking.

They don’t let her in, not right away, but she flings herself at their feet and begs for forgiveness and it’s to avoid prying eyes more than anything else that they lead her upstairs. If she’s inside, at least they can keep tabs on her.

It’s her against five of them, after all, and Hyungwon is only slightly concerned about her safety, but even with tensions running high, they need her.

He knows Changkyun will remember that, even if Kihyun doesn’t.

He’d planned to wake the other two. She beats him to it just by being there, pulls them from their slumber at a run when she bursts into tears again as soon as she lays eyes on Kihyun.

She rubs trails of snot and tears onto her sleeves. She should probably care more, but she’s beyond that.

She thought he’d give her a chance. He hadn’t.

All she wants now is for him not to hate her.

She says it over and over again, until he finally snaps, and it shakes her out of her single-minded pleading.

“Stop.”

Kihyun is angry. It’s not red-hot anger, flying off the handle. It’s cold anger, hot coals after the fire has burned down, and like the coals it’s far more dangerous. He doesn’t want to forgive her, barely wants to see her, except that despite it all he needs to.

He needs to find out who she is, if not why. He needs her for the eclipse.

He wishes this counted for the confrontation. Wishes the star calendars were all misaligned, printed incorrectly, that the eclipse would happen today. The watch is snug on his wrist and he feels it’s weight like a dumbbell, and he instinctively covers the face, clamps the palm of his hand on top of it.

He’s not supposed to have to face this alone.

The girl was still sniffling as the others found perches. Someone brought a chair from the dining area, set her in front of the couch where everyone could keep watch.

His maknaes sandwich him on the couch, close but not touching, and he appreciates the support. No one else could pull off intimidation quite like they did, even if they were normally big softies.

They could be intense when the moment called for it.

“Why did you come back?” It’s the only question that mattered right now. They’d laid low since the incident, not wanting her to find out she’d failed in case she was willing to try again, but here she was.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” It’s the first thing she’s said that isn’t an apology, and it sounds genuine. It’s hard to accept, though, because in what world would her actions have done anything but hurt him?

He wants to call her on it, doesn't, but it must be in his eyes.

“Th-they said she was using you!” She looked tormented, like something inside has snapped and she’s finally come to grips with reality, and reality was a painful place to be. “If it weren’t for her, they said, it’d have been me, and she didn’t deserve you, she was going to ruin you.”

“That night –” She broke off with a strangled sob. “I thought if she was gone, you’d be free, b-but…” Hyungwon passes her a bottle of water. He’s as loathe to comfort her as anyone else, but he doesn’t want her to get hysterical again, either. They need answers.

She sips it with shaking hands until she can calm down enough to finish.

“You didn’t even look at me.” It’s a meek whisper, barely escaping, and she slumps in her chair. “I didn’t realize it until after, I just needed to get away. But it was never a spell, was it? Otherwise breaking the watch should have freed you and it didn’t.”

The quiet that follows is unbearable.

As pitiable and apologetic as she is, he’s been hovering on something approaching sympathetic. She’s just ruined it again, talking about what she did so nonchalantly, blithely dissociating the destruction of the watch from the person she’d nearly murdered in cold blood.

Kihyun grits his teeth. The others tense at their posts, whether to restrain or help him no one can say. Changkyun leans into him, a solid weight at his side, and he refocuses on what she said.

“Who is ‘they’?” He asks, not accepting the apology, not explaining himself, because of course there was never any spell binding him, nothing besides the enchantment of humor and friendship, long nights of deep conversations, mutual interests, and great sex.

It’s nothing she needs to know about. Nothing she deserves to know.

“K-kim Ha Jun…”

Her voice is so quiet, he’s not sure he heard it at first.

The words all make sense; the name she gives is a name. It’s almost familiar, too, except his brain refuses to wrap itself around it, refuses to accept it until Jooheon breathes it into existence, makes it real.

“It’s Starship.”

A/N: I started a comma counter. It turns out I can write sentences that aren't run-ons. ;)

Also...one more chapter!!

[Next Chapter]

[defiblover27]

Stroll

WARNING: This story contains large amount of blood and is graphic.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kate was getting ready for her morning walk.  She was 28 years old five foot two with long blonde hair.  She was trying to get fit after giving birth three months ago and was still trying to lose the baby fat.  Her breasts were enlarged due to the breast feeding but overall she felt healthy.  She put on her grey yoga pants and sports bra before putting on a black t-shirt and her tennis shoes.  She got the stroller out of the closet and buckled her baby into it.  She left the house and hung her key around her neck on her necklace.  Everyday started the same with a two mile walk around the town.  Her husband had left earlier to go to his desk job to try and support his new family.  Kate was a little over a mile into her walk and was already headed home.  She crossed back over the street and her baby’s bottle fell out of the stroller.  She pushed the stroller to the curb before walking back out into the street to pick it up.  Without looking both ways, she bent down and picked up the bottle as she stood up she was suddenly struck by a car.  The driver had briefly looked down at his phone and never saw Kate.  Next thing the two knew Kate was on top of his hood.  He braked harshly causing Kate to roll off the hood at a high speed and then tumble on the pavement.  A pedestrian saw the accident and quickly dialed 911.  The driver was in shock and it took a few moments for him to realize what he had done.  “Shit! No, no, no” he said in a panic as he got out of the car.  Kate laid on the pavement unconscious with her left leg visibly broken and multiple lacerations to her body and face.  She also had a large gash on her head from the impact with the windshield.

In a few moments sirens could be heard in the distance as the small town street was flooded with emergency services.  The police department was first on scene.  One on the officers secured the driver and took a statement and field sobriety test while the other tended to Kate.  He shook her shoulder and called out “Ma’am, can you hear me?”  With no response he bent down next to her face and listened for breath while checking for a pulse.  There was a faint heartbeat but Kate was in respiratory arrest.  The officer tilted her head back, pinched her nose shut, and gave mouth to mouth respirations.  After each breath he turned his head and made sure her chest was rising and falling.   After giving three sets of two breaths he reassessed the condition and checked for signs of life again.  This time to his dismay Kate’s heart had stopped beating.  Without hesitation he placed his large hands between her large breasts and began CPR.  He felt her ribs pop from the aggressive compressions but kept going knowing this was normal.  After his first round of CPR the ambulance arrived on scene and rushed over.  “Upon arrival she was not breathing so I started MTM and then her heart stopped and I just provided one round of CPR” the officer reported.  “Can you continue CPR please?” one of the medics asked as they set down their equipment.  The officer centered his hands and began again.  With each compression Kate’s feet swung in and out from the force.  One of the paramedics placed the ambu bag over Kate’s mouth and nose while the other snipped away her bloodied shirt.  Kate was found to have extensive bruising and large amounts of blood on her chest.  The paramedic set up the heart monitor and connected the leads.  As the machine started up it found that Kate was in v-fib so the paramedic charged the defibrillator to 200 joules and gelled the paddles.  He snipped away her sports bra revealing her ample breasts and placed the paddles on her bare chest.  “Everyone stand clear, shocking” the medic said as he discharged the electricity into Kate’s body.  Kate jolted on the pavement for a moment before going still.  With no change CPR was resumed and an IV port was placed.  They started fluids and pushed the first round of meds into her system.  The paddles were recharged to 300 joules and placed back on her bare chest.  As everyone backed away Kate was shocked for a second time.  Her arms contracted and her breasts shook as she met the pavement again.  This time Kate converted to asystole as CPR was resumed.  They decided to scoop and run as they secured her onto a back board and place her in the ambulance.  The police officer went with them to continue CPR and whatever else he could do.  The other officer placed the driver in handcuffs and took him to the county jail for processing.  The second police car secured Kate’s baby and took her to the hospital until her other family could be notified.

The fight for Kate’s life continued in the back of the ambulance as she was intubated and the second round of epi was administered.  Her belly bulged outward every time her chest was compressed and her breasts shook.  The epi began to take effect as she converted into v-fib for a second time.  In a moments notice the paddles were charged to 360 joules, gelled, and placed back on her battered chest.  The shock coursed through her body as she struggled against the restraints.  Her head stayed in place due to the c-collar.  With no change compressions were started and the defib was charged to 360 again.  Again the paddles were placed between her breasts and under her left breast as she was shocked.  Her feet jumped off the backboard slightly and then went still again.  Unfortunately, Kate’s heart also went still as she converted back into asystole as they pulled into the hospital.  

As they rolled her out of the ambulance and into the hospital and officer straddled the gurney and continued CPR.  The officer noticed that her house key still hung around her neck as it shined with each light the passed under.  They rolled her into the trauma room as the paramedics gave an update to the team that was already gowned and prepared.  “Jane Doe mid to late 20′s involved in a pedestrian vs motor vehicle.  She coded shortly upon arrival, has been under continuous CPR and shocked four times.  Has been given two epi’s and converted into asystole upon arrival here.”  The scribe took down all the information as the officer got off the gurney and she was transferred onto the trauma bed.  The straps were quickly unfastened and a nurse took over CPR as the team each performed their delegated tasks.  The overhead light was repositioned as the blood on her chest glistened and the key around her neck sparkled.  The rest of clothes were snipped away and her shoes and socks were taken off.  In a moment Kate was nude on the table as the team desperately fought for her life.  Kate received her third epi at her 12 minute mark of her code as CPR continued to compress her battered body.  They attempted to control the bleeding from her lacerations and the bone sticking out of her leg.  The attending took an ultrasound of her abdomen and found that her belly was full of blood.  He asked for a surgical consult as her listened to the breath sounds.  Finding diminished breath sound on her right side he decided to place a chest tube.  He squirted betadine all over her right side and made a 1 inch incision before shoving the tube into place.  A large amount of blood poured out onto the floor as it was secured.  This helped regain breath sounds on her right side as her code continued.  Kate converted to v-fib once again as the defib was called for and charged to 360 joules.  The doctor took the paddles in his hands, a nurse squirted a large amount of gel onto them, he rubbed them together before placing them on her bloodied chest.  As everyone backed away and the ambu bag was laid against her face he pressed the shock button.  Kate’s chest shot into the air as her arms flailed out ward.  She crashed onto the bed again as her breasts shook.  With no change aggressive CPR was resumed and the paddles were recharged.  Kate’s arms and legs shook with each compression.  Again the paddles were placed on her chest and the electricity coursed through her dying body.  Her feet scrunched up and her hands made loose fits before releasing again.  Kate converted back into asystole as CPR was resumed.  The doctor took his penlight and shined it into Kate’s light blue eyes.  Her pupils were fixed and dilated.  He noticed a large amount of blood underneath her head.  Feeling the back of her skull he found brain matter was protruding from her skull.  At that time Kate’s code was ceased and her time of death was called at 11:24 am.  They disconnected the ambu bag, leads, and turned off the monitors.   The placed a toe tag on her big toe of her left foot and covered her with a white sheet.  They were unable to clean her up at all as the police department had to take photographs for the case against the driver.  Kate’s ID was found in the stroller and her family was notified.  The driver was convicted on involuntary vehicular manslaughter and sentenced to 25 years in prison without parole.

[julessworldd]

Little Rose ch. 5

Warnings: cursing, angst, fighting, overdose, flashbacks(if that’s a warning?), a happy ending..

A/n: I wrote down what this chapter was supposed to be focus on, but I got to writing and the focus changed. This fanfic has really fucked up the original timeline of the band, but it’s fanfic so you gotta do spin offs. Not sure how long, I’ll keep writing for this fic. I love this universe along with my others, I’ve created since bringing my work to the public. I’ll stop talking now. Hope you enjoy! :) sorry i missed any grammar errors, what should be warning. I was starting to have a migrane as I was finishing editing. 

I loved being on tour, seeing the world, watching my brother and his band doing what they enjoy so much. This tour was different from any other before, Erin, my sister-in-law is pregnant. Axl had updated me about her and my peanut, Erin had braxton hicks the last couple months. Peanut loved kicking the hell out of her ribs all through the day and night, heartburn from hell, swollen ankles, sore feet. Poor Erin was exhausted and she wasn’t even due for another 3 weeks. Axl had been on edge, worrying that he would miss the birth of his first child. Their manager told him that we would be back in  LA around a week before she was due. It had helped him some but he was still on egg shells, Axl’s behavior was affecting the band. They never seen him so worrisome before, sure that time I had the flu and food poisoning at the same time. We’re all still so young, none of us really knew what to expect with his daughter on the way. 

Duff was in the shower, I was sitting at the table that was in our room, looking over dates. Some many shows and interviews, I don’t see how they function this shit especially on tour. “Hey Pumpkin, what are you doing over there?”, Duff said. I looked up to see a white towel low on his hips, “Just passing time. Get dressed, you’re dripping all over the floor”, I said. “When is baby Rose due again?”He asked. “Huh oh uh”, I flipped through the planner. “September 24th, if she’s not stubborn. Poor Erin is miserable right now”, I smiled, thinking of Erin all swollen belly, waddling around, mental cursing Axl for making her pregnant. “Izzy and I are betting against Slash that Axl will faint when he’s in the room with Erin”, Duff grinned. “Don’t do that. They’re both scared having their first kid”, I sighed. “I’m sorry I already put 30 bucks on Axl fainting and Erin crushing his hand”, Duff stuck his tongue out. There was a knock on the door, Duff walked over to answer it. 

“Hey Izzy”, Duff said, shutting the door. “Hey Izzy, sleep good?”, I asked, shutting my planner. “We need to talk, Jane”, Izzy gritted his teeth. “What now?”, I sighed, trying to read his body language for signs of withdrawal. Izzy was gonna speak but he fainted, He hit the floor hard and started jerking around. “Izzy!”I ran over to him and tried to get him before he hit the floor. 

I looked over at him, his lips were blue, he was fighting for air, his heart was beating hard as I felt his chest. “Shit!”I started to panic, I looked at Duff. He was stunned and rubbing his chest. Possible overdose and panic attack, great. “Duff, baby. I need to breathe okay? Breathe with me”, I said. “1,2,3 and breathe out on 4. Duff, I need to call the front desk and have them get the paramedics here”, I said calmly. Duff walked over to the phone, “Izzy, come on wake up”, I looked for bloody track marks or a needle stuck in his clothes.  “Ma'am, I need you to move for me. Your friend needs help”, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see a tallish, dark haired behind me. “Yeah, sorry”, I said, walking over to Duff. He tears in his eyes, his breathing was out of rhythm again. “Duff, baby I need you to focus on me, okay? Izzy is gonna be alright. Hey look at me”, I whispered, rubbing his arm. “Miss?”, a tiny femme voice asked. I tore my attention from Duff, “Yeah?” “What’s your friend’s name?”She asked. “Izzy Stradlin, 26, April 8th, 1962”, I realized what she was doing. “Okay thank you. What happened? You two didn't take anything right?”

“He came into our room, said he needed to talk to me about something, he collapsed before he got to me and said what he needed. We didn’t take anything. I’m just gonna save you and your partner trouble. Izzy is on heroin and some sorta pills”, I said, looking at Izzy being pulled on the stretcher. “Alright, thank you. I’m sorry you two witnessed his overdose”, She gave a small smile. “Thanks. I have to tell my brother what happened and we’ll be at the hospital”, I said as Izzy was pushed out of the room. “What the hell?!”, I heard Axl yell. “Janiee!!”He rushed into the room. “What happened to Izzy?”, Axl yelled. “Knock it off, you’ll trigger another panic attack for Duff. Izzy collapsed when he came in here, apparently it’s an overdose according to the medics. Axl, I’m so scared”, I cried, Axl pulled me into his arms. “Shhh, it’s okay. We’ll go see Izzy when we can. I’m not gonna let him join the 27 club a year early or ever”, Axl brushed my hair. 

The doctor finally told us what happened to Izzy, he swallowed his entire pill stash, overdosed into a coma. Highly recommend we cancel our show this week. “You can go see him, but one at a time”, the doctor said. “Janie, you go”, Axl gave a weak smile. “Alright”, I turned the knob and shut the door behind me. Izzy laid still on the bed, wires stuck in him, IV bag by his beside with other machines. His face was pale like a ghost, he looked skinnier than usual. “Izzy, it’s me Janie. Can’t believe you overdosed, I thought you were wanting to get clean. You were over the heroin shit and you started pills. Please wake up Izzy! I need you just a bit longer, you’re my big brother. Who else is gonna listen to me when I’m pissed off at Duff?”, I held his hand. Machines just beeped and oxygen was flowing in his nose. “I read where coma patients can hear what’s going around them. I hope you can hear me because I want you to know that I love you very much. Please get better soon. I’m gonna go now, Axl will be pitching a fit if he doesn’t get to see you”, I smiled.  “Normally you would bitch if I hugged you without asking, but tough shit”, I walked up his bed, to hug him. I held Izzy to me the best I could. His heart was still beating fast, but was slower than this afternoon. His bourbon, smoky, vanilla scent was comforting as always but I was the one having to comfort him. 

“You okay?”, Duff asked. “Oh yeah, I just hate seeing him like that”, I said. “I’m gonna see him now”, Axl whispered. I slid down the wall and brought my knees to my chest. Duff pulled me into his lap, “Is he gonna be okay? He looks so pitiful, Duffy”, I asked, holding his hand. “He’s a fighter, little scrappy but yes, he’ll be okay. I know you told him to get better, he always listens to you. Izzy bitches about it but he does it anyways”, Duff whispered. “Yeah”, I smiled a little

 “Now, Janie, I have a friend coming over. Please don’t bother us, I don’t want the little sister crap.”, Bill said. “Alright Billy, I’ll stay out but I wanna meet the poor soul that decided to be friends with you, chicken legs”, I rolled my eyes. “Fine, you can say hi but then you go to your room or go talk to Amy”, Bill groaned. The doorbell rang, “I got it”, Bill said, racing to the door.  “Hey, glad you could make it.”, Bill said. “Hey. Sorry it took so long, mom wasn’t at home. She doesn't like my brothers to be alone”, a voice said. “I understand that. I have three siblings”, Bill laughed. Bill’s friend walked in as Bill shut the door. “This is my younger sister, Janet, but we call her Janie for short”, Bill said, rolling his eyes. “Hi”, I blushed. “Hi yourself. My name’s Jeff, but everyone knows me by Izzy”, the brown headed boy said. Izzy was looking at me, I felt weird and pulled my sweatshirt sleeve down. “Alright, Janie. Leave now”, Bill said. 

Another flashback

I was searching for Bill, he was nowhere to be found. “You promised me that you would bring me home, Billy”, I cried even more. My boyfriend had broken up with me because he wanted Jackie Anderson, head cheerleader. I passed the bleachers heading towards home. “Janie?”, I heard a familiar voice. I turned around and saw Izzy with the stoners(his buddies) and Pam Macy hanging on his arm. “Hey, what happened? You’re crying”, Izzy threw his cigarette bud down and walked towards me. “Eric broke up with me. Said I wasn’t good enough and that I wasn’t a cheerleader, he wanted to be with the head cheerleader instead.”, I tried to hold my tears back. “I’m sorry Janie, he was an asshole anyways. You’re a good girl and any guy would be lucky to have you. It’s his lost and Bill and I hated him.”, Izzy reached up to pet my hair. “Thanks Iz. I’m gonna go home now”, I tried to push by him. He had my wrist, “Come on, I’ll take you for food. My treat”, Izzy smiled. “What about Pam?”, I asked. “You’re my favorite girl and you’re heartbroken, I gotta pay attention to you now”, Izzy smirked. 

“You’ve never listened to the Stones? Janie!”, Izzy threw his head back groaning. “I’m sorry that my step dad thinks that rock n’ roll is devil’s music”, I said. The bell rang, someone had walked in. “Janie! There you are!”, Bill said, rushing to our table. “Bill, lay off. I found her”, Izzy said. Bill looked at my face, “What happened? You were crying” “Eric broke up with me today for a cheerleader”, I said almost crying. “She passed the bleachers and I saw her. I decided to bring her for food”, Izzy said. “Thanks Izzy. I’m sorry about Eric, he was just an asshole anyways”, Bill pulled me into his chest. “Izzy said the same thing”, I said. “I know, I was at the meeting”, Bill laughed. I looked at Izzy and smiled. He winked at me. 

That was when I realized  Izzy was the older brother I always wish I had besides Axl. He was protected and took care of me, I love him for it. “Janie”, Axl said. “Yeah?”, I looked up at him, Duff was holding his hand out for me. Management had come to me about Izzy overdosing well fainting in my room. They wanted to know if I knew what caused Izzy to swallow his entire pill stash. I decided to turn on the radio for a while, sure enough ‘Paint it Black’ came on. First Stones’ song Izzy showed me, it was in his car when he brought me to smoke weed with him near Chicago. 

It had been 96 hours since Izzy was in a coma, he finally woke up and we all rushed to the hospital to see him. “Janie, you go in first”, Axl said. “Why? He’s your best friend”, I sassed. “Lady’s first”, Slash grinned. “Fine”, I walked in. There was a nurse taking Izzy’s vitals when I walked in. “Are you family?”, The blonde nurse asked. “Baby sister”, Izzy answered before I could think of something. “Oh well. I’m done here for now, you can come see your brother”, She smiled. “Thank you”, I said. “Hey Kid, just woke up from a killer nap”, Izzy joked. “Jeffery Dean! You fucking overdoesed because you decided to swallow your pills like candy. Don’t joke about that, you could have actually died. You know what? Fuck your joke, you had us worried to death. Izzy, you fell in mine and Duff’s room in front of us. You came in and said you had something to tell me. Duff barely closed the door before you collapsed on the floor”, I was fuming. “I’m sorry Janie. Management told me to get rid of them, housekeeping found one of my stashes. I panicked.”, Izzy said. “So instead of flushing them like a normal person you popped them like Tic Tacs like some manic?”, I rolled my eyes. Izzy stayed silent. “Your turn Ax”, I said walking out. 

Axl and the boys walked in and I decided to go get a coffee from downstairs. I walked up to the nursing station, “Uh hi. Do you have any idea when Izzy Stradlin is being discharged?” “Hi, what’s the birthday?”, a petite brunette smiled. “7-8-62”, I nodded. “Looks like he needs a doctor to talk to him about his overdose and a last check up then he should be released maybe this evening”,She said. “Are they gonna send him to rehab?”, I asked. “Looks like it might be possibly, he was in a coma for 4 days”, She said. “Are you his girlfriend?”She stood up. “No, more like the baby sister he never had”, I gave a small smile.  “Janie?”, Steven said. “Yeah? Izzy okay?”, I walked over to him. “Izzy’s fine, but we need to talk to you”, Steven said. “Okay”, I followed behind. “Listen, this is your sister, friend and now girlfriend talk not our assistant right now”, Steven stopped, before we reached Izzy’s room. I nodded my head. Everyone was sitting down, Izzy was lying down. “Hey”, I shut the door.

“What happened four days ago was hell, we almost lost Izzy. After, you left Izzy told us how you yelled at him for his drug stash. We’ve made the decision to go to rehab together”, Axl said. “That’s great, but you have a kid on the way.”, I said. “We’re going after she’s born, pretty sure Izzy is going first anyways. We’re gonna go to the same place together”, Axl reassured. “Not to be a bitch, but why was I brought into this. This is a band thing not the singer’s sister and the band”, I looked at Izzy. “You’ve been here since the beginning, we value your opinion”, Slash finally spoke up from leaning on the wall. The doctor came into the discharge Izzy, the band went different ways.  “Seeing Izzy overdose in our room, you run to him with fear in your eyes. I realized that I don’t want that to be me and you freaking out”, Duff said. “Not sure what to say, but I really hope you guys get clean and stay clean. I don’t want to lose my boys so soon”, I hugged him. “You can’t get rid of me that easy, Janie”, Duff held me. “Good, I don’t want to get rid of you yet either”, I said, inhaling his scent. 

Izzy got discharged and we flew back to L.A. before Erin gave birth. Almost 5 days that we got back, Erin gave birth to the new addition to the Guns N’ Roses’ family.  Sarah Aless Rose-Everly, 7lbs and 4oz. 

[likeadeuce]

Raven Cycle Headcanons: Comic Book Heroes

I. 

Gansey says he doesn’t keep any secrets from his friends, but they still mostly learn about his life history when he drops comments like, “The last time I went base jumping in Borneo. . .” at which point Adam has to call him ‘Master Bruce’ in the Michael-Caine-as-Alfred voice. This makes Ronan laugh-snort through his nose so of course Adam has to keep calling Gansey that again and again for the rest of the day.

Gansey wearily informs them that he is, as they know, a Marvel guy and also the Nolan Batman movies are overrated. This just makes Adam (who is an extremely good mimic) need to do the voice more and the others have to join in.  Ronan does a decent “Christian Bale as Batman” and also “Christian Bale yelling at the guy who got in his light from that viral video,” but Blue steals the show with her Tom Hardy-as-Bane. (Although, technically, the one who does all of these voices better than anyone is Chainsaw).

II.

Gansey says he’s a Marvel guy but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have opinions. Adam finds this out when he makes a crack about how Dick isn’t such a bad name; Gansey shares it with Dick Grayson who is indisputably the best Robin.

This results in a pained Gansey face -- the ‘I’m not thrilled about correcting you but I’m going to be correcting you’ face -- and the statement that Tim Drake, self-taught boy detective, is just objectively the best Robin.

Ronan knows exactly enough about this topic, ie, one of those straight to DVD animated movies that Gansey threw on when they were drinking and bored, to declare Jason Todd the best Robin, especially when he came back from the dead and started calling himself Red Hood and kicking the shit out of people. This is Ronan’s only contribution to the conversation except to make occasional jokes about tiny shorts.

“Thoughts, Jane?” Gansey asks and Blue, reliably, raises a fist and says, “Justice for Stephanie Brown!” 

III.

Gansey says he’s a Marvel guy, he loves the Stan Lee “Excelsior” schtick, but he mostly means that he has the 102 issues of the original Lee/Kirby ‘Fantastic Four’ run memorized -- it’s classic, like the Camaro -- and he got the $100 /volume omnibus editions when he was 10, along with the Steve Ditko era of Spider-Man.  

He also sometimes wears a Silver Age “Iron Man” T-shirt that he bought when he decided to train for a triathlon, in the few months between Wales  and Aglionby. (Gansey never actually made it to the point of entering a triathlon, though he had a very respectable time in the Charlottesville Half-Marathon last spring and he’s definitely, perpetually, going to go home for the Marine Corps Marathon next year). But he got the shirt because he liked the classic red and gold Don Heck art, and because he thought it would be a good ‘Iron Man triathlon’ joke if anybody asked about the shirt, which they never did.

He’s not actually an Iron Man fan, though, he doesn’t really have time for any hero who takes two-thirds of the movie to realize he should maybe stop being a complete asshole to everybody, and then is somehow supposed to get points for being slightly less of an asshole in the six minutes after it occurs to him? Also Tony Stark is entirely too familiar as  type who gets loud at, and then gets thrown out on his ear from, the kind of parties hosted at the Gansey household. No thank you.

Adam and Blue can talk to each other through references to seventies and eighties X-Men and Excalibur comics like it’s some kind of secret code. Gansey will occasionally ask, “Wait, which one is that? Whose codename does that go with?” and Adam says he ought to just read the books himself. No thank you, Gansey says. Too many retcons, he says.  If he wants to piece together narratives full of inconsistencies that lose story threads and run all over the place, he has pre-Galfridian texts, and those have the excuse of being medieval and mostly in Welsh. “Just tell me the good parts of the stories,” Gansey says, “So I can understand what you’re talking about,” and sometimes they do.

IV. 

Blue and Adam have very similar points of reference when it comes to comics. In fact, it develops that they have the exact same points of reference: namely, everything that was available in trade paperback in the teen room of the Henrietta public library during the years they were in sixth through eighth grade.

“I spent so much time in there,” Blue says. “Trying to get a little peace and quite away from my house.“

“Relatable,” says Adam. Although, he’s well aware by now, for different reasons.

“Weird we never ran into each other.”

Adam stops, raises his eyes, takes a good look at her, trying to mentally subtract a few years and some teenage attitude, to reimagine her creative haircut. “Oh,” he says, “Yeah actually that makes sense. I probably did see you there.”

“Oh.Sorry, I don’t remember --”

“It’s fine,” says Adam hastily. Adam’s home was technically in Augusta County, across the Henrietta Town Line, which was why he and Blue had never been at the same school when they were younger. It was close enough for Adam to bike to town, though, and he figured out the Henrietta library had a considerably better collection than the one near his school where his mother had exasperatedly signed him up for a card.

Adam figured out that he was eligible to apply for a library card in Henrietta, but that he would need a parent to come down to the branch and sign him up for it. Even assuming that he could find his mother or father in a hospitable mood, it would completely defeat the purpose of having a quiet place to read where they couldn’t track him down. (If he just said ‘the library’ he wasn’t responsible for what they assumed. . .) So Adam would just take stacks of books with him and slump down in a chair or camp out in a corner and take all the time he could get away with.   

“If you didn’t see me,” he tells Blue, “It’s because I didn’t want anybody to see me. I was definitely hiding.” He would doubly have been hiding if he saw a pretty girl hanging out around the comic books. Way too stressful.

Blue pouts a little. “You should have come and said, ‘Hi.’ We could have been friends five years earlier.” 

Adam makes a face of regret. “I should have,” he says, “Sorry.”

The truth is, as neither of them says but both of them suspect, if a boy had come up and tried to talk to twelve-year old Blue Sargent when she was trying to read, she absolutely would have yelled at him. 

Sometimes, things need to happen on their own time.

[maviemesregles]

Once I was an Eagle

Angst is around the corner, brace yourself.

Anne @eclecticstarlightconnoisseur​, thanks once again  💜

X

Read on AO3

A/N: ghràdhach aon - dear one M'eudail - my treasure

Chapter I: The beginnings

Chapter II: Sassenach

Chapter III: Catharsis

Chapter IV: Lovestruck. Part I

Chapter V: Lovestruck. Part II

Chapter VI: Flecks of Sun

Chapter VII: Mince pies & baubles

Chapter VIII: Home

                                  Chapter IX: Once upon a dream

Claire's face was pale and her forehead clammy. Despite her telling Jamie that she was "totally fine," did nothing to reassure him. He dismissed her weak attempts to convince him that she was okay and carried her through A&E doors. Before he could ask for help, Joe Abernathy appeared in front of him like some sort of a wizard from Harry Potter.

“James?” Joe queried while scanning Claire’s limp figure in his arms, he pointed towards the stretcher. “Put her down there. What happened?”

Carefully lowering her down, Jamie felt he was finally able to breathe for the first since he found Claire crouched on the floor in their bathroom.

“I found her, pale as a sheet of white paper, laying on the bathroom floor.”  Nervously Jamie ran his hand through his hair.

“Alright, don’t worry,” Joe patted Jamie on the shoulder, “It doesn’t look like an emergency since our Lady Jane can swear and protest.”

And that was true. Claire who was now pushed on the stretcher down the hall cursed, demanded them to let her go all while threatening to vomit if they continue bouncing her.

Doctor Abernathy turned to Jamie examining his face. The thin line of sweat glistened on his forehead as he nervously kept fidgeting his hands.

“Right, my lad. You need to calm down,” Joe waved his hand, summoning a young nurse that observed the scene earlier. “Katy, please, bring this gentleman to my office.”

Joe smirked at Jamie, lowering his voice. “There’s a bit of whisky in the first drawer. Please, help yourself. And don’t worry, I’m going to check on Claire and not let her out of my sight.”

* * *

I exhaled happily feeling the steady surface of the bed under me, instead of moving nightmare called a stretcher. The escalating desire to vomit had passed and now only slight nausea kept lingering in the pit of my stomach. The door opened and blonde nurse I’ve never seen before casually strolled to my bed, her trainers shuffled over the linoleum.

“How are you feeling, Dr. Beauchamp?” Flora as her name badge said, smiled at me, wrapping a blood pressure cuff around my arm.

“Like I was run over by a bloody train” I grunted, closing my eyes. It felt as if ages passed before she finally scribbled down my blood pressure along with pulse and respiratory rate.

When Joe stepped in I was a prisoner to the IV fluids and the blasted pole, it was hanging on. He got the same answer that I had given the nurse before.  “It’s that sushi, Joe. And you know what? It’s entirely your fault. I should have chosen something else for lunch.”

“Is there any chance you might be pregnant, Claire?” Joe looked at me tentatively. I almost choked on the glass of water. For whatever reason, I felt a deep flush creep up my neck, all the way to my cheeks.

“I...No,” Shaking my head, I put the glass aside. “No, it’s not possible.”

Joe raised his eyebrows, clearly showing that I didn’t sound convincing enough.

“I can’t be pregnant. I’m on the pill.”

It was one evening a few months ago when on the way home I made a stop at the pharmacy. I found Jamie in the bathroom, loading the washing machine. He asked “What’s this?” when I casually placed a pink pillbox on the shelf. Jamie never pressured me with anything. And that time as he brushed his lips over my temple he said I did not need to take them. I shushed him, catching his lower lip between mine and confessed that I wanted this. I wanted him.

“Well, we’ll make the test anyway, just to make sure. Pills do fail sometimes” Joe squeezed my hand gently.

* * *

The cold, sickening feeling crawled up from my stomach and took residency in my throat. I could not breathe, feeling the tears snake down my cheeks.

"Repeat what you just said,” I whispered as Frank turned around, hands bracing the windowsill. I  could see the muscles under his shirt tighten and his hands curled into fists.

“I said, how can we ever be a proper family if my wife cannot give me a child?”

My heart hammered in my chest, replacing a painful lump with awakening anger.

“Are you saying it is all my fault? How can you be so sure it’s not you, Frank?”

“Sassenach?” Jamie’s hand rested on my knee startling me out of vague memory. “Are ye alright?”

I nodded, staring at a piece of paper with the HCG test in my hands.

“Weel, will ye tell me, Claire?” Jamie turned right, parking the car on the side of the road. He turned to me, those blue eyes staring deep into my soul. My palms were damp as I reached for his hand. My heart was beating frantically in my ribcage, I only managed to open and close my mouth, with no sound coming out. I was shaking.

“Claire, fer God’s sake, please tell me.” He leaned closer, the early morning sun dyeing his hair in rich amber. “Ye scared the hell out of me tonight. What is it? Are ye sick?”

“I’m pregnant.”

The universe had stopped then. Everything suspended around us and the only thing I could hear is my heart thumping in my chest. I wasn’t sure if my vision blurred or Jamie was really crying until he pressed me closer, my body melting into his. I could feel his wet cheek under my lips and I realised I was crying too. I kissed his face until his ragged breathing stopped and he took me by the shoulders, looking at me as if I wasn’t real. I did not see him cry before. He hadn’t said a word and fear started creeping up, crawling into the tiniest, fragile corners of my being.

“Jamie,” my whisper raspy “Are you happy?” He leaned down then, to lay his head on my perfectly flat stomach.

“I never thought I could be happier. But you’ve just made me so, Sassenach.”

I thought I had forgotten how to breathe, my mind swimming in a cocktail of emotions.

“I’m going to be a Da .” He smiled, thumb smoothing the rumpled jumper fabric at my belly.

He asked me if I was happy. I said I’ve never been this happy.

I was pregnant. Days later when my mind learned to live with the thought that there was a part of Jamie inside me, a new spark of life he and I created, I started realising. How could I not notice it? During the last few weeks, I’ve been so terribly tired. I dismissed it, thinking it’s all because of the stress. Our hunting for a flat, moving, trying to settle in. Adso running away and my busyness at work. I did not pay attention when captured under Jamie’s body I mewled a sound of protest. His hand froze hovering over my breasts that became too sensitive. It’s just a precursor of my upcoming period I thought. Jamie laughed at me when curled up together on the sofa, I suddenly broke down crying after seeing a commercial on TV with little puppies in it. I never gave too much attention to dizziness that was coming back to me each morning for the last two weeks. Feeling awful nausea creeping in, I cursed at the contraceptives and bent over the white toilet surface. Telling myself I had to change them to different ones because these were definitely messing up with my hormones. So when my uterus decided to riot I was sure this pink pillbox was the reason for my late courses. I just could not be pregnant.

The morning we came back from the hospital I closed myself in the bathroom, tearing off the packaging from a home pregnancy test I’ve kept just in case. I had to be sure. I cried and sat on the bathroom floor when ClearBlue stick confirmed those eight letters that formed Pregnant. When Jamie knocked softly on the door I was a hot mess. He kneeled down, reaching for my hand where a promise of a future froze between my fingers. “Don’t” I protested, as he gently kissed the back of my hand. “My hands are all in pee.” I sniffed, but he only laughed, saying he didn’t care. “Sassenach, I will change diapers for our bairn, I dinna care about yer pee.” Jamie pulled me to his chest, keeping me so impossibly close, I thought I’d drown in him. Nose buried into his woolly sweater tightening my grip on him, I whispered. “We’re going to have a baby.”

“Aye,” He nodded, brushing away a loose curl on my cheek. There was something in his eyes, the very colour of them changed, as he looked down at me. “I’ve already thought of names for the wee one.” Jamie fished his phone from the pocket, shining the screen on me. “Scottish baby names” stood there and I dissolved into uncontrollable sobbing. He laughed softly, cradling my face in his hands, thumb smoothing the tears away. I had to laugh myself when my nose conjured up a snotty bubble and I saw a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Red-faced, racoon-mascara circles under the swollen, bloodshot eyes. “Oh, Claire, ye do break my heart with loving ye” He whispered kissing my mouth.

I stood in the locker room, topless, in my scrub pants, fidgeting the strap of my bra. Turning sideways the mirror reflected my bare, still flat, seven weeks stomach. The door swung open, Geillis storming in. Smiling from ear to ear she almost knocked the breath out of me, as her arms wrapped around my neck. “Oh, how much I wished ye’d never cried because of that arsehole Frank! I told ye it’s him!” She kissed me on the cheek patting my front. “Jamie lad did not waste time. I’m so happy for ye, ghràdhach aon. For both of ye.” Then she demanded that I have to make her godmother or our friendship will be at stake. From then on Geillis decided that she was my patron and no day has passed by without her endless care for me. I was thankful but most of the times rather annoyed at her hovering as a bee over me. My friend decided it’s her duty to make sure I had enough fresh air so every coffee break we spent outside. My lunch was under her steadfast gaze. I wasn’t allowed to eat my beloved beef burgers anymore and was replaced with green smoothies. “Christ, it’s full of vitamins and such, yer burger is full of fat.” I also was relieved of coffee but kindly handed herbal teas as a replacement.

But what Geillis didn't know wouldn't hurt her. Little did she know that at two in the morning Jamie, voice still groggy with sleep, pulls his jeans on as I wake him up. He cursed stubbing his toe in the darkness, promising to bring me a Big Mac. He laughed at me while I sniffed into my phone calling to tell him of my latest craving for a Cinnabon.

Jamie had his ways of making sure that I and "our wee bairn" stayed healthy and safe. On Sunday as I plodded down the hallway to start usual weekly tidying up, he had snatched a mop and solution for the floors from my hands. “Ye dinna ken it’s bad for ye to breath all these chemicals?” He declared, nudging me towards the couch. I said that I’m pregnant, not disabled but Jamie shot me a look that I obediently laid on the couch in the company of Adso.

One night I thought my heart would burst with tenderness for this man. Putting my book aside I turned to Jamie, elbow supporting my head. He scrolled through something on his phone, and I noticed that sexy crease between his eyebrows making my stomach turn into a warm pool. I scooted closer to him, hand running up and down his bare torso. He hummed “hhmmm” as my lips planted a kiss over his ribcage. When my hand suggestively ran along the waistband of his jogging pants he did not show the usual interest. I sat up, leg-crossed in front of him, securing my curls into a top knot.

“Is there something more fascinating than this?” I smiled cheekily at him, pulling one strap of my nightgown down the shoulder. He gave me a quick glance, eyes glued back to his iPhone.

“Ye ken that our bairn is the size of green olive,” He brought up his hand, folding his fingers to show me. “About one inch long��.

“What?” I lifted my brow as I leaned to grab his phone. My heart was on the edge of breaking into a million pieces with love for Jamie. It was an app on his phone, with information week by week about the baby. “Where did you get it from?” My voice shook just a bit as I fiercely fought an upcoming wave of pregnancy-hormonal tears. His hand reached my stomach, he drew me closer, giving it a soft kiss. “Weel, I googled it.” I whispered that I loved him covering his body with mine.

From that point on it became a nighttime tradition when Jamie would read to me every week the size of our baby, what developments had happened over time. As we were sitting one evening in front of the TV, watching the British Bake Off, I almost dozed off. Jamie’s hands were busy working out all the knots in my aching feet when he suggested something that made me awake instantly.

“I guess I should get rid off that engine ye hate so much, Claire.” I raised my eyebrows at him in curiosity. “What so suddenly changed your mind?” I asked scratching Adso who seemed to be fascinated by my condition. My cat found my stomach the perfect place for his naps and never left my side as soon as I entered our home. I was thinking it’s very cute unless he was just jealous of the new addition to the family. My body turned into melted wax when Jamie’s thumb pushed on that nagging spot on my foot. “I thought we should think about that storage room, my Da could help with a makeover. For the wee one,” Jamie explained, gently patting my ankle. I thought there wasn’t anything else my pregnant hormonal self would cry about but there I was again. Snotty and clinging to Jamie, saying that he’s a bloody bastard who made me turn into a hysterical creature.

Jamie’s reminder of uni days was taken away to Broch Mordha. Day by day our storage room turned into something that started resemble a nursery. Watching Jamie and Brian paint the little bedroom gave my heart fluttering sensation as I leaned against the doorframe. I haven’t admitted to Jamie yet that him being a dad made my toes curl and my heart race a marathon. I still could not believe it was happening with me. My life seemed to be unreal and the fact that I was going to be a mother was something out of this universe.

Jamie tucked a curl behind my ear, as I embraced my dear friend in the shape of the toilet almost every morning. I was hitting the milestone of twelve weeks and felt like bloated, nauseated, sensitive all over penguin. I huffed and puffed with my high waisted jeans that did not want to close over the growing baby bump. Finally, sweaty and red-cheeked, I sat on the edge of the bed, jeans dangling around my knees. When Jamie found me I felt defeated by rough denim fabric, laying on the bed like a fat sea cat. Pulling the jeans down my legs and fishing out my black leggings from the depth of the wardrobe, he kneeled down, taking one of my feet helping me to dress. I said that I am not a child and don’t need to be dressed. Jamie just ignored my hateful remark and suggested that we buy some maternity clothes for me. As he lent me the laptop “There, Sassenach, order what ye like,” I felt as an awful, hateful human being. His cheek was warm and smoothly shaved under my palm. “I’m sorry. I’m being horrid to you.” I whispered kissing the corner of his mouth. He smiled reassuring me it’s okay.

Though I looked rather as if I gained some weight around the middle rather than pregnant, Jamie had a habit of talking to my stomach each night. One of those I got particularly teary-eyed when he laid his head over my bare skin, my fingers running through the silk of his curls. All day I fought with waves of nausea mixed with heartburn that tried to take over my body. Jamie’s thumb placed tender caresses over the swell of my belly. “Ye should let yer mum rest, a leannan.” He whispered softly as his lips brushed at my skin. “Yer such a gift, m'eudail.” When that first tear broke free my hands drew him closer. Fingers smoothing his marble-carved back, he swallowed my quiet confession with his lips. “I need you, Jamie.”

His mouth sealed over the peak of my breast, as my hand traveled down his navel. He stopped then suddenly, looking up at me. “Claire, are ye sure? I…” The tips of his ears turned scarlet red while he tried to find the right words. “I wouldna wish for the bairn to be bounced around.” I laughed then. With that hearty laugh that was only for Jamie. Leaning to kiss his upper lip, I smiled, covering his hand with mine that laid on my stomach. “She won’t notice, I promise.”

Our lovemaking took a totally different meaning since the day Jamie and I learned there is a new life our love created. Jamie’s gentle awareness of “little olive” inside my womb as his body moved atop of mine, the way that small swell of my belly was sheltered between us.

One morning as I went through the post and bills while Jamie poured hot water into the two cups of Earl Grey I hesitated but asked him anyway. The last couple of days he’s been unusually quiet. He sat down, facing me on the other side of the table, fingers circling the cup rim. After long minutes of silence, he finally confessed.

“What if I am a bad father?”

Voice quivered with nervousness and worry Jamie said that if he can’t manage a cat (the time Adso ran away) how could he even manage a brand new human being? I stood up, circling him from behind. Nose buried in his soft curls, I pressed a kiss to his hair. “You’ll be the best dad in the world. Do you know how I know it?” He shook his head as my hips took residency on his lap. “It’s how much you love your nieces and nephews. The way you worry about Jenny and Ian. Your commitment to calling Brian every day, making sure you two talk enough.” My hands wrapped around his neck. “It’s the way you take care of me, Jamie. Of us.” His palm splayed atop my stomach and then he smiled.

It was true. Jamie has taken such good care of me like no one before. He decided it was his mission to learn everything about our pregnancy and he lived with his Iphone glued to his hand. Jamie googled how to get rid of nausea and was brewing a potion like a magician every evening. It was ginger tea with a tinge of lemon. Simple enough but it always calmed the wave of nausea that visited me frequently. Jamie made sure I stayed hydrated, downloading an app on my phone to remind me about my water intake. He never protested (only internally) when I had a particular night time craving for strawberries or Nandos. Even when I was a fierce, angry future mum tired from endless night visits to the bathroom, morning vomiting and all-time fatigue, Jamie never complained. He managed to soothe me every time his arms wrapped around me. “Yer just tired, Claire.” His forehead leaned against mine. “Ye may be angry and frustrated, ye may even be furious with me for no reason.” He laughed softly. “But yer carrying my child and for that alone I owe ye my life.”

After a doctor's appointment when we heard the heartbeat of our baby for the first time it suddenly felt so real. Walking hand in hand along the busy Edinburgh streets I watched Jamie’s face. It was as someone spilled a bucket of happiness infused paint all over him. He grinned like a Chesire cat and kept debating with me over the baby names. “Ye canna name a lass Mary or… Or Kate!” I rolled my eyes at him as Jamie opened a door for me. “Oh, neither do you get to call the baby Morag! Over my dead body, James Fraser.” I hissed, stepping into a store with handmade baby furniture. He mumbled something about great Scottish Gaelic names but I only waved my hand at him, noticing gorgeous white baby crib.

“Dinna listen to him,” Jenny smiled, handing me a pastel pink onesie. “Men rarely understand anything when it comes to names. Ian would gladly call all our bairns with the names from Lord of the Rings.”  I laughed setting the presents she brought next to the baby crib that now was a perfect fit inside the nursery. It was the only thing we’d bought so far, besides Jenny’s kind clothing gifts. We still had a lot of time for purchasing baby things. Jamie’s sister also shoved prenatal vitamins in my hands, the extras she had from her last pregnancy. Adso decided it is his toy. For the last week my cat slept only in a crib with my vitamins securely between his furry paws.

I hummed appreciative “mmm” as Jamie’s warm palm soothed my aching lower back. “Are ye sure ye’ll be alright, Sassenach?” Jamie ran his thumb on the bridge of my nose. “I’ll be just fine.” Cupping the back of his neck, I leaned in t0 kiss the reddish stubble on his jaw. “If I need you, I’ll call.” He nodded but worry swam at the bottom of azure ocean as he looked down. “I need ye and the bairn to be safe and healthy.” Turning my back to spoon him, his hand laid on my waist, face pressed at my nape I smiled into the pillow. “We are.”

Next day Jamie headed off to Glasgow to open up a new brewery with his uncles while I myself awaited three surgeries at work. At the end of a carotid endarterectomy I felt an awful backache but had no chance to sit down for longer than five minutes in between starting with the other patient. Thinking that I probably should reschedule my working time another hour has passed. I wanted to call Jamie on my lunch break but as my feet walked towards the cafeteria suddenly my body folded in two. I groaned, hand braced on the wall. Claws-digging, cramping pain shot in my lower belly. Feeling faint I noticed Geillis’s ginger head as she grabbed me by the arms. “Claire, what on earth is happening?” Her eyes traveled down my body, mouth frozen with whatever she wanted to say. There was a bloody spot on my scrub pants, growing like spilled wine glass.

It's funny the things you remember - like spilled coffee making a stain on my coat, chilly November morning and memory of hot whisper sending goosebumps down my skin, "I love you" said in an agony and fear of losing him, losing us. Or the vase that Jamie had bought me and it found its place on the top shelf in my bedroom.

“Geil, what… what is happening? ” My voice shook. So small and fragile, not my own.

I knew well enough what was going on. But my foolish, tender heart hoped that it's not true. That Geillis will smile and tell me it’s nothing, nothing serious. I saw her green eyes swell with tears as my own closed. I’ve never seen her cry before.

* * *

“Ye bloody Scottish bastard! Pick up, Jamie.” Geillis’s voice rolled as thunder inside hospital walls but cold, robotic one kept repeating “The number your dial is out of range. Please, try again.”

[hannahmcne]

Don’t You Leave

It was awful. Horrible. Excruciating. Hands-down the worst experience of his life, and he still couldn't bring himself to say it was a mistake.

Her screams were echoing in his ears and overlapping with the echoes of the last screams that still hadn't faded and Ben felt like screaming himself because everything about this situation was wrong.

She hadn't cried with Zach. Grit her teeth, yeah. Gasped in pain a couple of times, of course. She had definitely snapped at him about how 'We are never doing this again' and 'this is all your fault', but her voice had been level and she had been in control and there had been no screaming. Now, she couldn't stop.

And there was so much blood.

"Something is ruptured," The doctor shook his head. "This isn't normal. She needs an emergency interveinal." And Ben could agree because, yeah, this wasn't anything like his first son. Mal had never needed a doctor with their first son. He'd begged her to let him call one but she'd rolled her eyes and said she'd rather not and so he'd kept the number to the hospital open on his phone so he could call them with a single tap and then just held her hand while they waited. Now, for the first time in her life, Mal had requested a doctor. Because something was wrong. This wasn't normal.

He wiped her forehead with a cool cloth as he listened to the doctors and nurses debate back and forth, wondering if she could hear them over her own screams. Every scream was like a nail being shoved into his skin. And then removed slowly, millimeter by millimeter. She'd never screamed before. Not once. And now her voice was going hoarse with every breath and every pain wave.

"I can't even tell how close she is! There's too much blood!" A nurse declared, and Ben squeezed his eyes shut and leaned down to kiss Mal's forehead, squeeze her hand a little tighter than she was squeezing his.

"We'll get through this," He whispered. "You're going to be alright."

It was the first time he'd ever had to assure her of that.

_______________________________________________________________

The first time it came up, it wasn't their anniversary party – it was Jay and Lonnie's. Their first one. An important one. The party was loud. People were celebrating. People who knew Lonnie from swords and shields and Jay from tourney. Jay was challenging Lonnie and the two were playing darts with Lonnie swaying from the two drinks she'd had while Jay smirked as he raised a sixth to his mouth.

Evie was outside, trying to quell her crying two-year-old when Mal stomped back over and dropped into Ben's side, shifting the entire couch in her direction before she let out a dramatic sigh.

Jane, Doug, and Ben all laughed. "What Auradon thing are you cursing now?" Jane asked, reaching over and pulling on the edge of Mal's sleeve, which was decorated with lots of long, black fringe.

"Children!" Mal snapped. "Ugh! They're revolting!"

The three laughed again because they all knew Mal secretly loved Evie's little boy. Maybe not as much as she loved his mother's face when she'd drop him off covered in mud, but he was still okay in her book because he was Evie's and Evie loved him. So Mal loved him through extension of Evie and also through the extension of Ben and Carlos, who adored their nephew equally. However, their laughter quickly fizzled out as Mal continued her rant.

"They're so small you trip over them and they smell like public restrooms and when they want your attention they yank on your clothes and – ugh!" Mal pressed the base of her palms into her eyes in frustration. "Who even thought of children? Who even wants children? Sticky hands and then they get hyper and they scream and cry and you have to teach them how to reuse the bathroom every other minute…"

Doug closed his mouth and turned his head to the side, examining her. Jane's smile dropped and she turned her head to see how Doug and Ben were reacting to this. Ben put an elbow up on the back of the couch and covered his mouth with his hand as he watched Mal – who he'd been married to for almost four years – complain.

"And then you have to argue with them to get them to eat and buckle up and go where you need them to go… they're just so frustrating! I don't understand why anyone would want children!" Mal finally finished her spiel and dropped her hands onto her legs in frustration, staring blankly at the wall ahead of her.

"Hmm," Ben acknowledged her points wordlessly. The half of his face that was uncovered barely showed any emotion, but something about his tone made Mal turn. She took in his face, the slouch of his spine, his elbow up over the back of the couch, and the way he was examining her, and her shoulders dropped.

"No," She told him.

"No?" Doug asked.

"No," Mal shook his head. "No, Ben, don't tell me…"

Ben dropped his hand and removed his arm, straightening out his button-down shirt as he looked away with the tiniest hint of amusement over to where Carlos was dangling a dog toy over Dude's head while Jay's friends laughed. "Actually, I want children," He told her, only half facing her before he crossed his arms and tilted his head to watch her expression out of the corner of his eye.

"No!" Mal moaned, shoulders slumped as she looked at him. Her expression was reminiscent of someone who had just watched a kitten die. She was acting as if he had decided to reenact the Isle of the Lost so he could send her back. "Why? They're not fun!"

"Ah-huh," Ben nodded, not protesting in the slightest.

"Ben, they're messy and irritable and they wake you up in the middle of the night to climb into your bed. They leave toys everywhere and they haul stuff out and leave it…" She pressed her fingertips to her forehead. "Why would you want children?"

"Yes," Ben agreed simply, as if she wasn't protesting a dream of his. Mal's shoulders sank lower. He looked at her, tracing her features, and a smile slid across his mouth. "They'd probably have your hair and your pout, and you'd give in every time they asked for candy because the secret would be you try and steal some just as much as they would. You'd go absolutely insane if they had either your magic or my big words, and you'd hate when they cried and you'd scream at everyone after they kept you up. And if they sing in the shower like you do when they get older, you'll plug your ears every time."

Mal sank further into the couch, groaning. Doug and Jane exchanged an impressed look. Everyone knew Mal had Ben wrapped around her little finger, but it wasn't often they stopped to consider that it was the exact same thing the other way around.

"But," Ben sighed, looking away from Mal with a smirk as he popped the first button on his shirt open and leaned back, "I'd probably have to remind you of all that. I mean, I always have to remind you of the things you don't like about me. I bet that you'd be the kind of person to cry the first time you hear them call you mom."

Mal wrinkled her lips up like she'd been given something that was exceptionally sour. She crossed her arms and sank so far into the couch that the cushions tickled her cheeks when she huffed. "I hate you," she scowled.

Ben snorted and picked up her hand to squeeze it. "Sure," he agreed, and somehow that was a victory.

_______________________________________________________________

It wasn't now. Now the sounds of her screams were hammering in his ears and his skin had turned to spiders that walked on little pins they were driving into his flesh. He leaned towards her, squeezing her hand even tighter while the doctors worked frantically.

They were bringing out a heart monitor and a scalpel. An IV with painkillers. They were asking him if he wanted to leave. Mal looked up, terrified. No, no.

He kissed her knuckles and didn't budge.

_______________________________________________________________

Ben pretended to be listening as he glanced behind Chad's head at the clock on the wall. Forty seconds. Forty seconds and then he could snap his binder closed and call the meeting to a halt until tomorrow.

"This system could put more raw lumber into Dun Broch, yes, but we also have to consider Oceania's forests are already unhealthy from the ocean wall they had," Chad explained. "I think we should continue pulling from Charmington for another two years while we finish healing that ecosystem. After that, we can begin restoration there."

"And go back and forth?" Tiancum asked. "I think it'd be better to begin pulling from Oceania now and then ease the burden on Charmington so we can have both restoration processes going at the same time."

Melody shook her head. "I don't think there's enough land for both the loggers and the conservation efforts to coincide." She looked down the table to Ben. "King Ben, what do you think?"

Ben hummed, drummed his fingers on the table, and then watched the hour hand of the clock shift to five. "I think," he sighed, leaning forward and not bothering to hide the smile that crossed his face, "That it's five o'clock and time for you all to go home. I'll look at whatever we did last time this was an issue and get back to you all tomorrow."

Everyone simultaneously turned to look at the clock and sighed in exasperation, relief, and exhaustion. Only Melody wrinkled her nose. "I see," she began flatly. "And so we're going to push this issue back to the end of our meeting tomorrow?"

"No, it'll be addressed right after the opening remarks," Ben decided, pushing his chair back. "But right now, it is five o'clock, and all of you are released. I am officially out of office." He waved. "Goodbye."

Audrey snorted. She was sat to Ben's immediate left, in the place the queen would be if she were sitting in on this meeting. "Someone's eager to get out," she commented. "Hot date tonight?"

"Nope," Ben shook his head with a bright smile. "I'm just looking forward to family time. Just me, my son, and my sunshine."

"Ah, I see," Audrey chuckled. "Because 'sun' and 'son' sound similar. Aren't you clever?"

The doors opened. People began to leave, chattering amicably about plans for the weekend and their recent lives. Someone yelped in surprise as someone pushed past them, rushing into the room. It was a person about three feet tall with sandy blonde hair, who giggled as he dashed around the table. Ben faked a gasp of shock and put his hands down to sweep the child off the floor and into his arms. "Ah! It's a monster!" He yelled as he pinned the child's arms to his sides and danced his fingers up and down his belly.

"No it's not!" the boy yelled as he laughed and writhed in Ben's arms. "It's me, dad!"

"Ah, I see," Ben nodded. "It's a Zach Monster!" He continued mercilessly tickling the child as the last few remaining advisors rolled their eyes and looked on with amused smiles. Zach managed to catch his father's face in between his hands and then sat on his legs to squish Ben's face. Ben complied, pursing his lips into a fish face that Zach immediately tried to mimic. He and Audrey both began to laugh as they watched Zach try to make his lips look the way Ben had.

"How much do I love you?" Ben asked Zach, and Zach flung his arms out on both sides.

"This much!" He whispered, like it was a secret between him and Ben.

"Nope, more than that!" Ben laughed and caught a glimpse of purple in the side of his vision. His smile broadened even more. "You know, dad loves you a lot, but there's one person he loves a lot more. Do you know who?"

"Me!" Zach whispered.

"Nope!" Ben shook his head and turned his son around to point at the person in the now-empty doorway. "Who's that?"

"Mommy!" Zach exclaimed, waving as Mal blushed, chuckled, and then made her way over to stand with a hand on Ben's chair as Zach squished Ben's face up to see the fish face again.

"Hello, beautiful," Ben paused long enough to stick his tongue out at Zach. "How was your day?"

"Busy," Mal shrugged with a little smile. "This one keeps me on my toes." She brushed off something on Zach's sleeve with a sigh. "He's got enough energy for the both of us."

"Did you wear mom out?" Ben asked Zach seriously. The little boy broke off into giggles and curled into his chest. Ben kissed the top of his head and squeezed him tightly in response.

Mal's hand moved from the back of the chair to Ben's shoulder. He glanced up at her as she nodded down at Zach. "How does another one of him sound?" she mumbled.

Audrey's eyes went a little wide as she glanced over to see Ben tilt his head, processing. "Eventually?" he asked. "Or nine months from now?"

"Eight, actually," Mal corrected softly. "But getting close to seven."

Ben looked down as Zach as Zach looked up and put his hands softly to Ben's cheeks. Ben's face broke out into an even wider grin. "Okay," he nodded and laughed. "Alright."

_______________________________________________________________

They never ended up getting the IV into her. Or the scalpel. Because about twenty seconds after the heart monitor was hooked up, The baby's head managed to turn enough for one of the nurses to use her hands to literally reach into Mal and help him get unstuck. Ben could tell the pain was blinding, but then one arm and one leg came out, and then-

There was a very loud, shrill noise coming from his right. Mal had stopped screaming. Or maybe he'd gone deaf and that was what the ringing was. He glanced over – what was that sound?

The heart monitor was screaming at them. The line across it was flat.

Ben reached forward and cupped Mal's cheek in his hand. He expected her to look up at him, but her head lolled. And it was then that Ben realized the doctors were all rushing around, shouting. From the emergency equipment that had come with them came a pair of defibrillators. He was wrenched back and made to stand by the door. One of the nurses hurried by and pressed the newborn into his hands before returning to the bedside to try and revive his mother.

A boy. It was a boy. But Ben could hardly see anything through the shock.

What had happened? What was happening?

It seemed like eternities of noise and rush before everything stopped. The doctor flipped off the monitor and turned around to stare at him forlornly. And that was when the reality began to crash down on Ben.

"I'm sorry, your majesty," he whispered. "The pain was just… too much for her."

What? For Mal? Powerful Mal? Fae Mal?

Ben handed the baby, who he hadn't even taken a proper look at yet, back to the nurse. "Please," He mumbled. "Clean him off."

The other nurse, whose eyes were brimming with tears as she hobbled to the door, didn't say a word to him. He heard the door unlock before she squealed: "She's gone!" to the whole world.

The doctor pulled a sheet over Mal's body. The sweat across her brow had frozen.

Ben stumbled back to her side, where he'd spent ages trying to support her, and squeezed her cold, increasingly hard hand. Oh gods, she couldn't be dead. How could she be dead? How had this happened?

He could hear his mother crying out in the hall. What was he going to tell Zach? How was he going to get on without his fairy? What was he going to do?

"Your majesty," the nurse who'd taken the new baby mumbled. She passed him the child back, cleaned off, and Ben felt tears coming on as he looked down and realized the child had a head full of purple hair. Her hair.

"Time of death," the doctor began to say, but Ben cut him off.

"Everyone out, please," he commanded. He rose to his feet and began to escort everyone to the door. "Out, now," he called.

His mother was hovering in the doorway, trying to see her daughter-in-law. Ben handed her the new baby, who was still sniffling, and guided her back out. "I need some time alone with her," he told everyone.

Zach was waiting behind his grandfather, glancing around cautiously as nurses and grandma all began to cry. "Mom?" He called, craning his head into the room. "Mom?"

Ben turned him back around gently and shut the door. He locked it for good measure.

Everything felt so empty. Their room, their space, their lives had been violated. Ben tripped over the sheets which had been stripped from the bed earlier and then gathered them up. He could hardly bear to see them. He kicked the door to the bathroom open and dumped everything into the tub before returning to the bedroom and doing the same with anything else he could find. Even the scalpel was dumped into the sink and the IV pushed behind the door before Ben shut the door tightly on anything hospital and returned to his seat beside the bed.

He pushed the chair right up against Mal's bedside.

He pulled the sheet down that was covering her grey face and cool flesh.

When he took her hand to cup it tightly, it was hard and not warm or soft at all. Tears did brim in his eyes then as his stomach turned. They burned his cheeks as he bowed his head and began to sob over her. Sobbing for lost memories and all their hard work and the fact he didn't have another half anymore.

His fingertips ached towards the switch of the heart monitor, which had been left untouched in his rampage. He flipped it on and listened to the soft whining.

Then, he removed his coat and set it over the back of the chair. He rolled up his white sleeves up to his elbows and squeezed Mal's hand even tighter. Then, the words started spilling out of his throat before he could stop them. "I know you're still here," he snapped. And as he spoke, they were true. He could feel the magic in her presence. He could still feel her love.

"I know you wouldn't have left me that fast. Because you love me too much. You wouldn't have died without me."

Ben hiccupped and scrubbed at his eyes before reaching for her other hand too.

"I still need you," he announced. "You promised you would be here. From those first moments we were together until the last time we fall asleep together, you promised you would be here. And I, Mal Bertha, am holding you to that promise."

Mal remained still. Nothing moved. Still, he set his jaw and kept talking.

"How am I supposed to raise them without you, Mal?" he asked. "How could I ever be King without you as my Queen? How am I ever going to love anything ever again?" He let go of her hands and cupped her cheeks. "Don't you remember me? Don't you remember everything we've done. No one has ever fought for you like I have. We have something. We're real. I know these last months have been purgatory for you. I know there were moments you wished you could go back to the Isle instead. You know I wished it could be me instead. For whatever the weight of these words are, I will gladly pay three times my punishment for this ordeal if you'll just come back to me."

He was pleading with a body. The dead body of his marvelous wife. But it wasn't as if he had any other options left. "Faeries don't break promises," he whispered to her. "I know it's been hard and I know you've been hurt. But you promised me, Mal. Please, don't leave me." Then, with every ounce of strength he could conjure behind his words, he made his final imploration. "I'm begging you."

Nothing happened, which was a bit insulting because Ben had always heard that there was power in the begging of a king. His words must already be true – he was no king without a queen. Tears clouded his vision again and he collapsed onto Mal's chest, sobbing uncontrollably. She was gone, she was gone, she was gone.

He was crying so hard that he almost missed the first beep. It caught him so off guard that he sat, gasping for breath, before the second one reached his ears. Then, he jumped back up.

The heart monitor had come back to life and, while it had started out slow, was beginning to pick up a steady rhythm. Ben stared down at Mal as her cheeks began to take color again and she took a long, deep breath. How? How could this be? Already, she'd been gone for almost twenty minutes.

Ben leaned forward and cupped her cheeks. Her eyes fluttered open and she gasped for breath. He kept his hands on her face, combing through her hair with his fingertips, as her eyes sought out something to focus on. What they found him, he watched her mouth fall slack with shock.

"How did you do that?" she mumbled.

Ben just cupped her cheek and began to cry again as he sobbed in relief. "Let's call it True Love's Fatal Fight," he suggested, then practically threw himself into her embrace. Shaky hands tangled into his hair and traced down his back as he cried himself to pieces atop her. He should be comforting her right now, but he couldn't get over the fact he'd almost lost her, and then she'd come back.

"It's okay now," she mumbled in his ear. "I… can't believe that happened."

"Don't you leave me," Ben hiccupped, scrubbing at his eyes. "Don't you dare do that again."

"Ben?" Mal gasped and then tried to sit up, looking frantically around the room. "The baby. Where are they? Are they-" she broke off with tears of her own forming.

"No, no," Ben shook his head and squeezed her hands. "They're outside. A boy. Mom has him." He kissed both of her cheeks. "Do you – I mean – do you want to see him?"

Mal relaxed, giving his hands a last squeeze, and nodded. "Okay," she mumbled softly.

It took a lot of courage to pry himself off of her and to detach himself from her side, but he managed to struggle away and stumble to the door before unlocking it and revealing the scene behind the door.

Evie, Jay, Carlos, and Hades had all arrived. They were slumped in a huddle with Belle and Adam. Evie was holding onto Zach, who looked bewildered but very solemn as everyone around him cried. Everyone else was huddled over Belle's shoulder, crying over the new baby.

It had been a very long eight months and now, to them, they'd lost one of the closest members of their family.

"Ben," Hades murmured upon seeing him appear in the doorway. "Ben. Are you alright?"

The question was said with some hesitation, as if his father-in-law was aware of how ridiculous the question was. Ben didn't respond. He only held out his hand at a child's level and cleared his throat. "Zach?" He called. "Do you want to come see Mom?"

Evie gave him a look that said, quite clearly, "Are you insane?"

Zach wrestled out of her stunned grip and hurried into the room. Ben stepped forward to take the baby from Belle. "Sorry," he mumbled. "She wants to see him now."

"What?" Jay demanded in a bewildered tone. Ben ignored them all and re-entered the room. Zach had climbed up on the bed beside his mom, ignoring all the sweat and filth covering her. Mal was hugging him tightly, kissing his forehead and petting her hands down his back. When she saw Ben with the Newborn, she outstretched a hand but kept Zach pinned tightly to her other side. Ben nestled the new boy into her other arm, pressed up against her ribs, and watched the newborn stop crying at her familiar heartbeat. Zach glanced curiously at the new baby while Ben laid down beside Mal and curled into her side, emotionally exhausted. Mal seemed beyond happy and content now that all three of her boys were nestled against her skin.

Everyone followed him in. He heard delighted and bewildered and shocked gasps as the family crowded in. The heart monitor was still beeping along silently. Ben couldn't be bothered to explain anything to anyone or flip off the machine as he wrapped his arms around every member of his tiny family and began kissing Mal's cheek intermittently.

"You're alive!" Belle exclaimed as Hades stepped to the side of the bed opposite Ben and ran his thumb down his daughter's cheek to wipe away tears. "We thought – the maid told us you had flatlined."

Mal blushed and briefly unwrapped one of her arms to catch her tears before they could drop onto either Zach or the newborn. "I did," she affirmed. "It was really weird. One moment there was a lot of pain and then the next I was walking around my bed trying to figure out what had happened."

"You died," Hades muttered, swallowing. "I felt it. But you didn't leave or anything."

"I was starting to," Mal blushed. "But Ben threw everyone out and, well, brought me back."

At this, Ben turned his face further into her shoulder. He didn't want to think about it right now. His reluctance to speak didn't stop everyone else(especially his father-in-law) from wanting answers.

"What? How?"

"He brought you back?"

Mal shifted her hand to comb through Ben's hair. "I think it was a lot of things," she mumbled. "But the last thing was when he asked me to come back. I just… melted straight back into my body."

"He asked you to come back and so you jumped back into your body?"

"He also said I'd promised him and I couldn't break that promise because I'm-"

"Mal," Ben cut her off by mumbling her name into her neck. "Don't tell them."

"Why not?" Adam demanded, miffed. But Mal nodded.

"You're right," she mumbled, leaning her head onto Ben's. "It's our story. Ours."

"Please," Ben looked up then and skimmed his eyes around the group. "Can you leave us for a while? We've been through a lot. One of us just died." He nuzzled closer to Mal's neck. "We'll come out in a while. Just let our family be alone for a while."

Belle was the first person to comply and move back to the door. Mal started kissing Zach's and the new baby's heads, occasionally reaching up to touch Ben's face and neck. Hades was the last person to leave. He hesitated, examining Ben with a newfound respect. Ben had always sensed a little… distance in between him and Hades but couldn't feel any of that now. Apparently straying through the rules regarding the realm of death – Hades's Realm – was enough to finally earn equal standing with Mal's dad.

The door shut softly. Zach twisted and put his arms around Mal's neck. Her skin was still sticky with sweat, but none of the three people piled on her minded. "Mommy?' he mumbled. "Did you go away?'

"Only for a little while," Mal whispered. "But it's okay. I'm back now and Daddy and I are going to stay together with you boys."

Zach nodded and set the side of his head against her collarbone. The new baby let out a sigh, yawned, and closed their eyes to fall asleep on her. Ben moved his arms to better hug all three people, kissed Mal's head, and closed his eyes again. "You promise you aren't going anywhere?" He mumbled against her skin.

"I promise," she replied.

"Good," he whispered. "I love you."

"I love you too."

[lailaliquorice]

for the longest time

part two is here!! in case you haven’t, please read ‘I have been a fool’ first c:

this is pure undiluted fluff and I love it so much. proof I can write something other than angst/hurt/comfort lol. and maybe it makes up for the angst I left you with this afternoon. these two are so s o f t and I can’t deal

tw for general hospital things again 

The TV in her room was playing dimly as Cathy dozed lightly in the midmorning sunlight, not quite asleep enough that she couldn’t hear it but not awake enough that she was paying any attention to it. It felt too quiet without something making noise in the background, too used to living in a house with five not particularly quiet people to feel comfortable in silence anymore. The staff had been around with breakfast a little while ago, with Cathy feeling well enough to eat a proper meal for the first time since she was admitted thanks to the anti-nausea medication that she’d been given through an IV for the last 24 hours.  That drip had been disconnected along with the heart monitor, but she still had her oxygen tube and fluids drip hooked up while she waited out the last of the drug’s effects.

All the queens had spent most of the previous day with her, only leaving to do their evening show, and even though Anne had been granted another night off Aragon had practically dragged her home with them so that she could shower and sleep in a proper bed. They’d texted throughout the evening though, with Cathy grateful for Anne’s refusal to leave her feeling lonely even though she wasn’t there in person. She’d promised that she would come in as soon as they let her the following morning though, so Cathy was content to sleep the time away until her arrival.

The sound of the door opening made Cathy open her eyes and glance over, smiling when she saw Anne stood almost hesitantly in the doorway. “Hey you,” she said, walking over and sitting down on the edge of the bed. Cathy quickly noticed that she was clutching something behind her back, but decided not to call her out on it until Anne revealed it herself. “How are you feeling, sleepyhead?” she teased, though her genuine care still shone through.

“Oi,” Cathy said good-humouredly, yawning as she sat up slowly and changed the bed’s incline settings so she could still lean against the pillow. There had been chaos the previous day when Anna had discovered that the bed had a remote control, resulting in Jane confiscating the remote when she returned from the café to find Cathy, Anne, and Kat sat on a mattress that was above Jane’s eye level. “I think I’m allowed to be sleepy, thank you very much. But I’m feeling a lot better, thank goodness.”

Anne nodded with a smile. “Good good. What have the doctors said?”

Cathy hummed for a moment as she thought back to what she’d been told when she was reviewed the previous evening. “They think that I’m almost clear since I’ve stopped feeling nauseous and the ‘hangover’ is nearly gone,” she said, doing the finger quotes motion at ‘hangover’ with her un-tubed hand since it wasn’t really a hangover in the technical sense. “My memory hasn’t come back yet but they said it’s a typical case of drug-induced amnesia and will improve over the next few days. And I should be able to come home this afternoon.” She smiled brightly at that, looking forward to getting back to her own bedroom.

“That’s nice to know, I’ve missed having you around,” Anne said, ducking her head a little as her cheeks flushed a light pink. She seemed to hesitate for a moment, wringing her hands together nervously, but before Cathy could ask her what was wrong she inhaled deeply and spoke all in a hurry. “Look. There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a bit, and after- after what happened I want to tell you now because what scared me the most was that I thought I’d never be able to tell you it again.”

She looked like a deer about to bolt when she finished, prompting Cathy to reach out and take her hand. “What is it? I’m listening,” she said softly, running her thumb over Anne’s knuckles when she let out a shaky breath.

“Thanks,” Anne muttered, squeezing Cathy’s fingers as she pulled the mysterious item out from behind her back. It was a torn out page from her notebook which she unfolded as she explained “I’m not good with words sometimes so I wrote it down. I know I said it accidentally yesterday but I want to do it properly,” she said, glancing up to meet Cathy’s eyes. When Cathy smiled encouragingly at her she returned it weakly before beginning to read aloud.

“Cathy. I don’t even really know what to say, because you’re the one who’s so amazing with words and all I can do is try to keep up. I wish I could have known you in my old life because I know we’d have been friends for sure, but I’m glad I know you in this life because this time round we’re allowed to be more than that. I think you’re amazing. You have the most lovely singing voice and your message in the show is really powerful but there’s more to you than that. I love how much you care about your work and how much you smile when you talk about it. I love how you always know what’s going through my mind. I love that snort you do when you’re laughing really hard. I guess I just love you. And maybe this is silly and a bit creepy because you’re elegance and beauty and I’m just an awkward mess who can’t deal with feelings but you’ve always been able to see that there’s more to me than just that. So maybe there’s hope that you might feel the same. Yours if you want me, Anne.”

The hand held in Cathy’s was trembling as she finished, hanging her head and sighing roughly before she looked up at Cathy with tearful eyes. “So yeah, that’s it,” she finished, looking at her with the same unguarded hope that had shone in her eyes when Cathy had first held her in her arms. Her voice wavered a little as she added. “Say anything. Please just say anything.”

“You are silly, y’know.”

Anne looked up in horror at Cathy’s words, but Cathy just continued to stroke Anne’s hand as she smiled at her. “You’re no awkward mess. You’re witty, you’re clever, you’re kind, and you’re braver than you’ll ever give yourself credit for. I’ve admired you for nearly five hundred years and it’s an hour to call you my friend, but I’d like to call you something more because the only thing that can make me feel giddy is you smiling at me. You’re beyond brilliant, and I love you too Anne.” As she spoke, she watched as Anne’s terror turned into a beaming grin that could have outshone the sun.

They were both still for a moment, the air heavy with the weight of their confessions, before Anne abandoned her letter and moved closer to Cathy. “Oh just shut up and kiss me you poetic idiot,” she said, still grinning as she cupped Cathy’s jaw with a tentative hand.

“Coming from you,” Cathy quipped before leaning forwards to meet Anne’s lips.

The oxygen tube beneath Cathy’s nose bumped against Anne’s upper lip when they kissed, causing them both to laugh as they drew apart. Anne watched with wide eyes as Cathy unhooked the tube from around her ears and abandoned it next to her before tugging Anne’s arm to pull her in again, one hand buried in Anne’s hair and the other resting on her shoulder as they kissed.

Anne’s hands lingered at her jaw when they slowly parted for the second time, and Cathy felt like she could have drowned in her beautiful eyes as Anne slowly ran her thumb over her cheekbone. But then she gave an embarrassed smile and dropped her head to rest on Cathy’s chest, letting out a quiet “Hnnnnng” as Cathy laughed softly.

“What?” she asked, her hand running over Anne’s hair to rest at the nape of her neck.

“Told you ’m not good at feelings,” Anne mumbled into Cathy’s chest, wrapping her arms around her before almost whispering a quiet “Love you.”

Cathy beamed at that, overwhelmed by her own rush of emotions for a moment at the sight of Anne with every single defensive wall taken down. “I love you too,” she said, mindful of the tube in her hand as she adjusted her position so they were both lying down in the same position as they slept in the previous morning.

But this time Anne leaned up to kiss her cheek before resting her head in the crook of Cathy’s neck, and Cathy didn’t think she’d ever been happier.

[marvelousbirthdays]

Happy Birthday, romanoffsbite

April 25- Darcy/Bucky, something fluffy or funny, maybe with the prompt/idea: "you sit behind me and poke me every time i fall asleep during 9am lectures thank you can i buy you a coffee?", for @romanoffsbite

Written by @thestarfishdancer

Darcy covers her mouth as she yawns discreetly, giving her arm a sharp little pinch to try and get the blood going or something. The jolt lasts a little, but not as much as it would if Professor Sitwell didn’t have some lame rule against food or drink in his classroom, meaning no triple shot of espresso in her mocha to get her through this early class. Or if the stupid lecture hall was a decent temperature. Or if Sitwell knew how to present and not just drone. It’s practically like having a white noise machine.

Her eyes are drifting shut against her will again when she feels the heavy leather tread of a boot against the small of her back through the hole in her seat. It’s not painful – never even close. She doesn’t know how the hot transfer always seems to instinctively know when she’s going to lose the battle and prods her awake, but he does.

She turns in her seat just enough to shoot him a grateful look – she’s done as much since the first hesitant poke a few weeks into class, not wanting him to think its unwelcome. Lord knows she’d never make it through the class if it weren’t for him. Whoever thought it was a good idea to schedule any class at 8 am is unusually cruel and sadistic, she’s sure.

Probably Sitwell himself. He’s the worst.

She manages to keep herself awake on her own until the class ends some fifteen minutes later, breathing a sigh of relief as Sitwell finally dismisses them, and only two minutes over time for once.

“So,” Darcy says, turning to the guy she and Jane refer to as her Hot Wake Up call since they don’t have to bolt from the room so the next class can take over for once. “Long overdue, dude, but thanks. I’ve been dying here. Like every class.”

Hot Wake Up Call kind of freezes, before shrugging and giving her a half smile. “I’ve noticed.”

He hesitates, shoving his hands into his pockets. It’s his default, she knows, having seen him around campus once or twice with the All-American Ken Doll blond who seems to be a close friend doing the same thing. He’s seemingly self-conscious of the latticework of scars on his left hand she has a sneaking suspicion run all the way up. His friend is good looking too, but she tends to prefer the scruffy, brooding thing Hot Wake Up Call has going on.

Not that Hot Wake Up Call cares. Probably.

“Well, anyway,” she says. “Thanks. I appreciate it. Almost as good as a coffee.”

“Yeah, Sitwell’s rule’s just…”

“Stupid and patronizing, like we aren’t a bunch of adults who can manage to take notes and be caffeinated?”

“Yeah,” he gives that half smile again. “That. If you don’t mind my asking…”

“Shoot,” she says, pushing tugging on her beanie and adjusting her glasses.

“You don’t really seem into this class, so why did you keep taking it?”

“Firstly, it’s not the class, it’s Sitwell. This subject should be fascinating, but somehow he manages to suck the interesting out of the room. Secondly, I badly, badly want to take Dr Carter’s class, because she's amazing, but this is a prerequisite, and it isn’t offered again until next year.”

“Well, that makes sense,” he says as he walks alongside her out into the hall.. “Knew you weren’t coming for Sitwell’s pretty face, anyway.”

“Well, other pretty faces are a draw,” she says with a wink, the cooler air of the hallway making it easier to feel a bit bolder. “Though I’ll admit the early hour would be easier to take if my roommate/BFF wasn’t’ an astrophysics genius who keeps wicked odd hours.”

“Ouch,” he says. “Mine’s an art student, so I get it.”

“Really?” she wrinkles her nose in confusion. “They come in and out until three in the morning on the regular because they have to look at the stars?”

“Nope, but they do come in and out at three in the morning because they decide they hate half their portfolio and have to go back to the studio to start over two days before it’s due.”

“Ouch,” she repeats. “So… caffeine is your friend.”

“Caffeine is my friend,” he nods.

“Speaking of which… I don’t have another class until noon and need an espresso IV today, and I think I owe you one…”

“Are you offering to treat me to coffee, doll?”

“Darcy,” she says. “And yeah, I am.”

“Bucky,” he says. “Well, James, but no one calls me that except my great aunt.”

He’s smiling at her, full on smiling instead of the half, and damned if it isn’t devastating.

“So… Bucky…. coffee?”

“On one condition,” he says. “You let me take you out for the next one.”

“Deal. It’s a date.”

She’s half worried he’ll correct her assumption, but he doesn’t. Holy crap. She has an actual date with Hot Wake Up Call guy. Jane’s going to freak.

Taking the world’s most boring poli sci class with the world’s worst teacher? Best decision EVER.

[jungxk]

just one (iii)

notes: the only guy on campus who’s track record trumped that of your best friend’s - park jimin - was jeon jungkook. not that that was a problem…until he set his sights on you.

warnings: eventual smut, swearing, bad habits (mentions of drinking, smoking etc)

genre: humour, drama, romance, college!au

wordcount: 7.3k

part i // part ii // part iii // part iv // part v // part vi // part vii // part viii // part ix // part x

contrary to popular belief, jungkook does set some rules for himself. he doesn't have many, but the ones he does have he's strict about.

the first was no drunks in his jeep. he already broke that rule by allowing you and your friend seulgi in, so maybe that was out the window. impressive too, because he hasn't let anyone in his truck that hammered since jimin after taehyung's 21st. he threw up all over the dashboard and jungkook could swear he smelt vomit in there for months. even though he's sensitive to smell and hates repeating the same mistakes, jungkook decided you were worth the risk.

which brings him to his second rule: messing around with girls was just that. messing around. every time he needs reminding of that jungkook remembers the cactus plant taehyung gave him back during his very first semester. he killed that thing in record timing to the point where even taehyung wondered if there was a malevolent spirit in the place, because how else could you kill a cactus? it perfectly depicted jungkook's most telling trait: he can't look after things. look out for things, sure. he can step into a fight if his friend needed help or walk an old lady to her car with groceries. because those were a one off, in-the moment things that jungkook is good at navigating. but long term things? investing himself? he could barely stomach his own emotions for a weekend let alone someone else's, so it really was a recipe for disaster for everyone involved. get in, get out, get going onto the next. that way everybody wins.

and that neatly bleeds into his final rule: no bringing girls back to his place (if he can help it). jungkook preferred to keep his personal and personal personal life separate, so the less girls knew about him outside the bedroom the better. besides, it's not like he's totally unreasonable - if his place was closest and the situation called for it, then fair enough. but that was hardly ever the case.

which is why he's here: stumbling around the park in the middle of the day, totally and utterly lost. he was sure he had taken this shortcut once or twice before but apparently he was wrong, because he didn't even know this half of the park existed.

"the fuck is this place," jungkook mutters to himself, shifting as best as he can through a patch of long grass. he's pretty sure he's got a twig in his shirt somewhere and he doesn't even want to think about that squishy thing he just stepped in. his dick may have had a blast last night (and this morning) but the timbs on his feet had definitely seen better days.

jungkook had been wandering around for so long now he considers calling the girl who's place he'd just left in hopes of getting some directions...but then realised he didn't have her number. and even if he did, what would he say? i made you cum faster than you could spell out my name but now i need you to fish me out of the park like a lost dog? and then the next hurdle: what was her name again? jane? joy? jill? it quickly becomes irrelevant when jungkook gets through the end of weeds and broken branches to an open plain of grass again. it's a cloudy day so it wasn't particularly beautiful to look at, but he's just happy to be out of the mess of trees. looking out to the large pond of water just where the steepness of a hill stops, he double-takes when he sees that the person sitting atop it is...you.

you. bundled up in a hoodie, no makeup, tongue sticking out while you work to get the shading of that wilted tree just right. it's a public place, there are people out on the streets, cars whizzing past, but jungkook still feels like he's stumbled upon something private, intimate even - so beautiful do you look, so simple and candid. just you in your own little world. his fingers practically itch for a camera.

raising a hand before calling out your name, jungkook is unable to stop a smile blooming across his face when you snap your head up. he comes over to you, out from all the bushes like it was a totally normal place for someone to be. you can't help but stare at him like he's go an extra head when he finally reaches you, hair all mussed and eyes wonderfully bright. he smells vaguely of women's perfume and cigarette smoke but fuck if you don't gulp a little at how delectable he looks, leaf in his hair and all. "fancy seeing you here, noona."

"i could say the same," you lean to peer over his big shoulder, quirking a brow. "jungkook, why were you in the woods?"

he looks back with you to inspect the path he came from. "i was in the woods?"

"yeah," you laugh, his dopey expression making warmth flourish in your chest. he looks so loveable when he has no idea what's going on, eyes all big and mouth hanging open like an endearing dumbass. the urge to kiss him hits you out of nowhere. "i'm um, guessing you don't come to this park often?"

"i do! i've been here like," he counts his fingers. "twice? once sober." he looks down at his feet bashfully. "i'm actually a little lost."

"i hadn't guessed," you grin up at him, gesturing, "the entrance is way on the other side, over there. if you keep walking this way and then turn left at the-"

"i'll just wait until you're done," jungkook insists, plopping down on the grass next to you. his shirt wrinkles up around the belt to extenuate the flat of his stomach, settling into the ridges of what quite obviously are his covered abs. he looks so innocent from the neck up, round eyes blinking at you through his hair innocently like he isn't all hard edges and stiff lines from the shoulders down. a wolf in sheep's clothing and all that. "if you don't mind, that is? i don't know if you realised but i'm not exactly good with directions."

"you're right. if i let you wander off alone i'll probably see your face on the news tomorrow. just gimme a minute to pack all this-"

the gentle hand enveloping yours stills you. "please. take your time," jungkook hums, letting you enjoy the warmth of his touch before settling back with his palms in the grass again. "i don't mind relaxing here a little while anyway."

you open your book again upon his insisting. "i won't be too long, promise. this fucking pond is just being difficult."

"looks pretty perfect to me," he muses, pretending to inspect your work when really he's inspecting you.

it goes straight over your head though, too enthralled in getting the lines right, getting every stain of colour placed where you want it. you made the dreariest looking pond look like a glittering lake, alive with colour and life that didn't exist in the real world. he scans the other page; more trees, dogs playing with owners, cloudy skies and orchids, so many orchids even though this park had none. you clearly had a liking for them.

"it's definitely not perfect," you laugh, wetting your brush and softening more edges. "but that's what i love about painting. perfect doesn't exist. or even desired." he hums in agreement, no longer able to look at your art, only you. the way your lashes gently flutter, a dimple forming at the side of your mouth when you purse your lips. you were so easy on the eyes jungkook doesn't realise he's staring until you break the silence. "so are you gonna tell me why you're lost in the park or are you gonna make me guess, slick?"

he grins. "you have three strikes, noona. use them wisely."

"booty call?"

"damn," he huffs, head tilting back while listening to your victorious laugh. "listen, it wasn't exactly a booty call. that would imply i met jane before," he pauses. "i mean joy. wait, jennie?" he scratches his head. "what's your friend's name again, jisoo? definitely not her..."

"ask your dick, he'll probably remember. do you want me to give you two some privacy?"

"what's it to you?" jungkook laughs, nudging your shoulder with his while he gnaws his bottom lip, because it's not like he was about to admit that jane/joy/jennie was the third girl he slept with this week to get you out of his head. it was slutty even by jungkook's standards, and even then it still didn't stop him from secretly hoping you'd at least get a tiny bit jealous - and at best, curious to take their place.

"nothing, nothing," you throw him playful look. "i'm just another art hoe sat in the park, who am i to judge?"

he laughs again, nose scrunching up cutely. "how did you find this place anyway?" jungkook peers around the fence of trees, making the area feel so much more secluded, as if the rest of the world was off somewhere else. "i never knew there was such a big pond here."

"neither did i, until jimin."

"jimin?"

a nod. "he brought me here a few years ago, back when i was," you don't know how to finish, wetting your lips. "back when i was going through a tough time. family issues and all that. he said everyone needs a place to scream and cry and this was his, so he gave it to me too. it also just happens to be very pretty."

you can feel jungkook's inquisitive eyes on you, regarding how wistful you look remembering the days you and jimin would come here every week for some respite from life. it all seemed so long ago but like yesterday at the same time, as if walking around in a dream. it's jungkook that lulls you back to earth with his velvet soft voice. "you know it's weird, i know jimin hyung inside out, have done since we were kids. when he's mad, upset, whatever it was," he pauses thoughtfully. "but i don't think he's ever opened up to me about his feelings. anyone, really. he comes out here to scream but he can't like, talk to people?"

"jimin's like that," you agree. "everyone thinks because he has a million friends he's an open book, but it's the opposite. i've known him all this time and he's never even cried in front of me!"

"same," jungkook sighs. "weird. especially since he was, like, the biggest crybaby from ages four to sixteen."

"sixteen?" you laugh. "seriously?!"

"you have no idea! one time as a joke i asked if he was crying even though he wasn't, and he got so annoyed he started crying," jungkook snickers, eyes crinkling happily while he falls about in giggles with you. "but then he grew up, went to college. gets himself some pussy every time he's upset now, i guess."

"it sounds awful when you put it like that!" you pause. "maybe it is a little awful."

jungkook shrugs. "it's the easy way out, is what it is. doesn't make him a bad guy."

you prod him. "are we still talking about jimin?" you're met with another nudge before continuing. "what i mean is he's always thinking of others, that jiminie," you shake your head fondly at the thought of him, and jungkook sees your affection for him etched all across your face. "i keep telling him that processing other people's emotions for them isn't healthy, but he won't listen to me. have at it when you get the time."

"what was it?" jungkook asks. "the emotions he processed for you, i mean?" he raises a brow when you make a face at him. "or do i have to reach level fifty before unlocking your tragic backstory?"

"try level one hundred," you scoff, hauling yourself up to collect your things. "now, do you wanna go get some coffee or sit here and talk about our abandonment issues? choose carefully, you only get one."

"coffee," jungkook scrambles to pack your art supplies for you, making you laugh. "coffee, coffee, coffee!"

x

x

x

"jiminieee!" you call out across the house, kicking the door shut behind you after letting yourself in. you're glad you never threw out your old key because it came in handy during times like this, when jimin couldn't answer a text to save his life. he usually wasn't so m.i.a. but that didn't mean he didn't have his moments from time to time. you just assumed maybe he had a girl over, in which case you had no problem eating all the snacks in the kitchen and playing video games with taehyung until he was done. "why didn't you pick up, i called you like, twice today! anyway i was thinking, do you-"

you stop dead in kitchen, surprised to see hoseok there with jimin. it's dead quiet, heads snapped to you like they've only just stopped talking upon your arrival. you can't help but blink back at them, a little dazed, unsure what you just walked in on. but before you can think too much about it, hoseok is shooting you one of his sweet smiles. "hey, ____!"

"hey hobi, uh," your eyes skirt over to your best friend nervously. "didn't think i'd see you here..!"

"hyung just came over for a catch up," jimin says, which is about as much of an explanation as you're gonna get. "sorry i missed your calls, i left my phone upstairs. everything good?"

"yeah i just," you shuffle closer to jimin, a habit you had when you felt uneasy. even though there was nothing to be uneasy about, so to speak; you and hobi had been texting regularly for a couple weeks now, so it's not like you had a reason to be so skittish. so why do you get the nagging feeling there's something you're missing? you ignore it in favour of jimin's pleasant expression. "i was wondering if you wanted to go see a movie? that new horror film just came out and i'm free tonight, so..?"

he strokes your back apologetically, venturing dangerously low. boyfriend territory, so to speak. "sorry ____, but i have so much work to catch up on before this weekend! remember irene noona?"

you lean into him involuntarily. "yeah?"

"she's having another thing on saturday. i really wanna go but i gotta submit my project first," jimin explains, his gentle caress along your spine enough to lull you into submission alone. "but hobi can go with you! you're free tonight, aren't you hyung?"

"um," hoseok wets his lips, eyes darting between the pair of you. "yeah. yeah, i'd love to take you for a movie, ____. if you don't mind, that is."

"oh, yeah of course not! that sounds great," you pat jimin's chest briefly. "too bad you can't make it though. next time?"

"next time," he nods, and you do your best not to shiver when he squeezes your hip.

x

x

x

you're still in denial all the way to the movie theatre, right up until hoseok pays for the tickets and the popcorn and the good coke. there was no denying it after that: you were officially on a date with jung hoseok.

and it was the first of many. because hobi was funny and understanding and sweet, planning around your schedule and picking things you liked to do. even if you cancelled last minute or opted for a night in, he was so chill about it all. if there was a definition of prince charming in the dictionary, hobi's face would be plastered next to it, his name in glitter cursive. this is further supported by the way he brings you flowers before taking you to a fancy dinner he saved up for, all the way uptown.

evidently, it was only natural that your first kiss with him be perfect as well.

"oh, hoseok!" you coo, plucking the fresh lillies from his hands happily. his cheeks burn with excitement, because you only ever call him hoseok when you're sincerely touched. he follows you into the kitchen while you put the flowers in some water, like a puppy on a leash. jimin was right, he muses. this way, everybody wins. "they're so beautiful! you really shouldn't have, i can imagine these costing a fuck tonne..."

"don't worry about that," hoseok says, stepping closer to you when you finally face him. he looks awfully dashing in his dress shirt and pants, hair swept back to reveal even more of his bright, handsome face. he reaches for your hand gently. "i'm just glad you like them."

"i love them," you smile, his heart fluttering with how pretty you look in that moment, all sweet features and a sweeter dress. "no one's ever given me flowers before, you know. maybe i'll sketch them tonight, so i remember forever."

"no need," he chuckles, taking another step. you're close now, awfully close. the richness of his brown eyes throws you, studying your face with the most gentle smile in the world. before he looks down at your lips. "i'll buy you flowers for as long as you'll let me."

hoseok reaches up to cup the side of your face, feather light and soft. he waits for you to pull away, and when you don't he leans in to meet you half way in a short, honey-sweet kiss. his lips are just as soft as they look, just as plump as you'd imagined. you sigh into his mouth when he kisses you again, a bit longer this time, falling into his chest for more before hoseok pulls back with a glittering grin.

"come on," he says brightly, tugging your hands. "i busted my ass for that reservation, so no tardiness!"

you hum with a nod, clutching his hand and letting him lead you out.

but of course, you got there on time. dinner was perfect, the food was delicious, the weather was lovely, absolutely everything was just right. and yet when hoseok kisses you goodnight at the door, you wonder why your chest feels like it's got a chunk missing. like scraping the bottom of a tub of ice cream for a piece of cookie dough and not finding any. you pad into your room, waiting expectantly for hoseok's got home safe text that he never forgets to send. you're so caught up in your head trying to figure out if the chicken you had at dinner is what's making you feel off, before your phone pings! right on time. but then you do a double take at the id.

[unknown number 9:28pm] hey it's slick :) just wanted to ask why you let me walk around with a leaf in my hair the other day. awfully mean of you noona

[unknown number 9:28pm] this is jungkook btw in case u havent guessed

[unknown number 9:29pm] unless im not the only guy u call slick...?

the laughter that bubbles up in your chest is so potent and refreshing you find yourself falling back into your bed in a fit of giggles, eagerly unlocking your phone to save jungkook's number. you had totally forgotten to anticipate his text in the weeks hobi kept you busy.

[you 9:32pm] thanks for clarifying, ur actually slick #4. jimins #5 if that helps

[you 9:33pm] you didn't pay for my coffee so it was revenge

[you 9:33pm] plus you Might have looked a bit cute

[jungkook 9:35pm] are u kidding

[jungkook 9:35pm] i got u those overpriced chocolate things which was like 4 coffees

[jungkook 9:36pm] ahhhhh there it is :) i knew u had a thing for me

[you 9:38pm] they're called croissants jungkook

[jungkook 9:38pm] idc lets go back to how u think im cute

[you 9:40pm] i thought you didnt like me calling u cute

[jungkook 9:41pm] ill take what i can get in this fuckin drought

[jungkook 9:42pm] my plan is to run with the cute thing until i evolve. charmander was cute in the beginning too but then he becomes charizard n everyones like woahhh

[you 9:43pm] are you literally 7 yrs old. am i talkin to ash ketchum rn

[jungkook 9:43pm] pls dont be silly noona ash was 10

[you 9:45pm] so older than u then

[jungkook 9:49pm] can we stop talking abt pokemon now im trying to flirt

[you 9:50pm] dont say that or ur ash hyung will be sad

[jungkook 9:51] i actlly hate u

you're so busy laughing you almost miss hobi's incoming message. you should have replied then and there, but the influx of jungkook’s messages keep you occupied. 

[hoseok 9:43pm] got home safe xx

[hoseok 9:43pm] had a lovely night with you hun xx wanna meet before class tomorrow?xx

x

x

x

"you're having boy trouble, aren't you?" is the first thing taehyung says when you drag him out of his room. and he's not wrong. jimin's out so it's safe enough to take the conversation to the kitchen, tae's smirk over his coffee mug only making you flinch harder. "well?"

"i mean," you tap the table nervously. "sort of? it's just not something i wanna talk to the girls about. or jimin either for that matter. unfortunately you're the only neutral party i have to indulge in."

"charmed. so what did hobi do?" he asks simply. "eat the nuggets off your plate? propose a threesome before the third date? wear denim on denim?"

"...one of those is not like the other, tae."

"you're right. if he took your nuggets the fucker wouldn't be even be alive right now."

"but to answer your question, no he didn't do anything. in fact, i'd go as far as saying he's been so perfect it's starting to make me think he's a hologram or something. some kind of sexy robot designed to charm women but he broke out of the lab and now we're dating."

he gives a snort of derision. "come on, he's a guy. there's gotta be something gross about him."

"nope! he dresses well, smells good, never late, texts me back," you hold your head in your hands dramatically. "he even finishes his political arts essays extra fast just so i have an outline for when it comes to writing mine. the guy is a saint."

"so why did you drag me out of my room during wank hours?"

"jesus, taehyung! it's one in the afternoon!"

"well?"

"i just!" you throw your hands up comically. "i think there's something wrong me! he buys me flowers, texts me good morning...so why don't i have butterflies? why aren't i rushing to reply to him? just the other night i left him on read for ju-for some other guy. i mean, half of me is like if i don't feel something then that's valid but the other half of me is wondering why? why do i feel like i ordered the wrong drink at a coffee shop and i only realised after the first taste? like, it's not a bad drink at all, it's actually quite nice. but it's not what i wanted. you know?"

he raises a dismissive hand to your rambling. "answer me this. do you wanna fuck him?"

you pause, mulling it over. "yeah, i guess."

"you guess?"

"well i wouldn't say no," you admit, huffing as you shift your mug between your hands. "because he's crazy hot and a great kisser, if that's any indication. i'm sure he wouldn't let me down. but i have cause to say the same about you and probably half of jimin's other friends too, so."

taehyung rolls his eyes. "well, ignoring the fact that that was possibly the most tepid compliment you could have given me," he leans across the counter so you can't miss the way his eyes bore into you. "if you're not desperate to fuck him, and i mean getting so excited you shiver a little every time he comes within a meter of you, then that's that. game over, case closed. you should never have to guess whether you wanna fuck a guy or not."

"but he's doing everything right," you wail childishly. "and it's not like i don't like him taehyung, i do."

he shrugs to that. "right. you just don't like him enough to continue dating him on your merry way without coming to me for advice? come on, listen to yourself! the guy's half way to asking you to be his girlfriend, if there's no spark now then what are you waiting for?"

"but maybe there will be! eventually! i definitely like him more and more the longer we've been dating," you counter. "isn’t that worth waiting for?" you groan when tae does nothing but shoot a pointed look in reply. "fine, i'm making excuses. but in my defence if you had to break something like this to jimin you'd be stressed too."

"jimin?" taehyung repeats, brows furrowing. "what does he have to do with this?"

"i mean he pretty much set us up. he's super invested too, he remembers when i need to text hobi back more often than i do." taehyung chews on the information. it doesn't sit well in his stomach and it shows, his lips pursing and his legs jiggling restlessly. "at least it put an end to jisoo and seulgi's crazy idea that jimin liked me. weird though, i didn't think guys would give so much of a shit about their friends relationships."

"yeah, weird," taehyung grumbles, effectively switching the conversation to what he knows will distract you before you can clock onto his pinched expression. "speaking of friends, jungkook says you two have been talking a lot recently. that true?"

"oh, yeah. yeah, i guess," you suddenly find your empty mug very interesting. "we text a bit. went out for coffee a while ago."

taehyung double takes. "coffee?" a pause. "like a-"

you silence him. "don't say date. don't you dare say date. i swear to god if you say date i'll make you a new coffee and pour it in your lap taehyung, i'll do it."

he smirks. "did he pay?"

"no, i got the drinks. but he got the pastries."

"but did he order any pastries?"

silence.

"it was a date."

"no it wasn't!"

x

x

x

"how are you feeling about friday?" jimin asks quietly, lips pressed into your hair so the words come out muffled.

you're half asleep against him, it's one of the few times you're snuggled up into him and not the other way around. you're not sure what trashy romcom is playing anymore, all you know is that jimin's chest is so comfortable under your head, his body so warm with yours cradled into it. you yawn before answering, burying your nose into his soft hoodie. "lunch with hobi? we have lunch together all the time, why would-?"

"no," he says softly, pulling back slightly to look at you. "the other thing."

you meet his eyes, and then it hits you. "oh." a heavy beat. "i-i totally forgot. i can't believe i forgot..."

"i'm sorry, i shouldn't have said anything," he apologises, tucking you further into his arm. you hope your heating cheeks don't give you away with how close you are against him, breathing him in like you would a lover. you're so entranced by his flushed lips and tender expression that you barely listen to what he's saying. "it's good that you're with hobi that day, though. keep you distracted a little, you know?"

"yeah," you hum, but it doesn't keep the sinking feeling out of your chest.

"i only brought it up because i wanted to cook for you that night," he smiles. "i'll make that pasta you like, we'll play some video games. it'll be fun."

you gaze up at jimin in that moment and you hear the words he won't say loud and clear: i don't want you to be alone. your affection for him surges and you think he can see it in your face, because he smiles back at you with a tenderness you don't see often. you shiver a little when he brushes some hair from your face, his touch lingering ever so slightly to the point where you think he just might kiss you. he doesn't, of course. he never has, and never will.

"that sounds perfect," you say finally, dropping your head back into his shoulder to hide your flushed face if anything. you wrap a tight arm around his middle, a silent thank you, and he resumes his cheek tucked against your head.

x

x

x

the next day it rained.

the kind of rain that comes out of nowhere. one minute jungkook was flying down the road with all the windows down and namjoon hyung's playlist blasting and then the next it's pouring, the sound of raindrops hitting his truck so loud he thinks maybe it will leave a dent on the bonnet. jungkook's just glad he got his sunset pictures done and dusted before the downpour, because fuck if his photography degree didn't rest in the hands of the weather forecast at this point. he has enough time on his hands to consider squeezing in a smoke with namjoon before maybe heading out for the night or even seeing what yoongi hyung is up to, but all that goes flying out the window when jungkook sees you. again.

you. standing in the street in the pouring rain outside the post office like a fucking crazy person. you, with no coat, no umbrella, not even a jumper. it's like you've seen a ghost and you're too scared to walk through the door, or maybe you are the ghost. swerving into the curb in a haphazard park, jungkook doesn't know. all he knows is that if the rain doesn't sweep you away any minute now then the fucking pneumonia would.

"hey! noona, what are you doing?!" he screeches through the open window. you just stand there, dumbstruck. even when you finally hear jungkook's yelling, it’s like his voice slips through one ear and out the other. "hey! are you fucking insane? it's pouring!" jungkook shouts above the downfall. you still can't move. "____, get in the car!"

you probably wouldn't have if you hadn't looked up to see jungkook's face, twisted in disbelief and what also appears to be worry. cars honk at him from how badly he's parked, butt of the truck sticking out in the road. he stopped for you...

he stopped for you. so you get in the car.

"are you crazy?!" he asks again as he frantically rejoins the traffic while you fiddle with your seat belt, so sopping wet and freezing that you slip and slide with the buckle. jungkook helps you just like last time, reaching over to click you in before glancing back at your face. you're absolutely drenched, hands wrinkled and hair dripping, clothes soaked through to the bone. and even though you're shivering in the passenger seat with barely any semblance of sanity, your grip on the little blue envelope in your fist doesn't falter. "why the fuck were you just standing there?"

"i," you start, but the words freeze up. "i, um..."

jungkook eyes you like the mad person you most definitely are, and you don't blame him. you look mad. you feel mad. out of sorts, like your spirit is floating around your empty body and the only reason you can't hear her yelling is because the sound of the rain is drowning it out. your chest heaves, air not coming into your lungs fast enough, pulse pounding in your ears. "put on my hoodie," he snaps, gesturing to the seat behind yours. "do you see it, the red one?"

you twist in your seat after a shaky nod, clambering around before grabbing it and tugging it over your head as you're told. it's so big and soft, so warm and so...jungkook. your eyes flutter shut when you bury your nose into the fabric, breathing in the smell of him. fresh laundry, soap, the faintest cologne. and something unmissably sweet. you don't know why but your eyes suddenly brim with tears.

"hey," jungkook says nervously, not knowing how to handle this. "you okay?" another beat. "you gonna tell me why you were out in this goddamn monsoon, or?"

you finally turn your head to look at him, really look at him. silver bracelets glimmer from jungkook's wrists while he drives, his hair matted and sticking up at the back a little. his muscles are hard, you can see the bulge of his biceps. his jaw is sharp, his mouth pursed into a line unhappily, but his eyes are soft. his voice is soft. his hoodie is soft. "i was," you look down at the envelope. it's crumpled and sodden but you haven't let go of it. "i was going to post this. i mean, i wasn't. well, i might have, but..."

jungkook steals another glance because he still has no idea what the fuck is going on. "you couldn't have taken your indecisive ass inside the post office to do all that?" you go quiet again and jungkook's chest feels tighten for some reason. "what kind of letter is so important you'd get drenched for it?"

"it's not a letter," you mumble. then, louder, "it's not a letter, it's. it's a card."

"a card?" he frowns. "like a birthday card?"

you nod. it's hits you then, like a punch in the gut: the shame, the utter embarrassment of it all. of jungkook fishing you out of the rain like this so you don't catch a death wish of a cold, bundling you up in his car like a little kid who got lost. but that's what you feel like, a kid wandering around. a basket case with a birthday card. so it was no wonder your thoughts start to spew from your mouth like projectile vomit but in word form. "remember, um," you gulp, trying to reign in your racing mind. "remember i told you i had, uh, family issues?"

jungkook peers at you, eyeing the road nervously between pauses. "yeah..."

"well, um," you scratch your head, hair flat to your scalp from all the rain. you ruffle it, irritated. "long story short, it's that. like i know i showed you my sketchbook and let you watch me paint in the park and rush to draw flowers before they die but all that stuff is...it's the reason why i'm here. i love it, i love art and it's who i am but if i didn't i probably wouldn't have been caught out in the rain and you probably wouldn't have come found me and-"

he shakes his head. "woah, woah. you're not back tracking far enough, what are you talki-"

"my family," you gasp. "they're not like me. they're not like me at all, jungkook, but i tried to be like them. my mum's a brain surgeon and my dad's a chemical engineer and my sister's a physics professor in some fancy university and i was gonna be just like them. i was gonna throw out all my paint and charcoal and be medical biologist, but i couldn't do it. i tried so hard for so long, but. but i couldn't do it," you're faintly aware of the tears sliding down your cheeks. "why do you think i'm friends with jimin? or rather, that he's friends with me of all people? we met through mutuals and by the time i dropped out of my science degree he was the only one who would still talk to me. i would have been living out of my car for eight months if it wasn't for him."

"what?" he eyes you frantically. "what do you...?"

"my family renounced me. cut me out of their name, threw away all my stuff, kicked me out the house, removed me from their will. everything you can think of, they did it. they're smart after all." you start to laugh at how ridiculous it all was, even though you're crying, even though you're angry, even though you're conflicted. "we haven't spoken in years."

"wait, just wait a second," jungkook tries to keep up. "they disowned you because you decided to be who you are and not what they wanted? what kind of pathetic idiots would throw away their own kid over something like that?"

"because their reputation is everything," you sigh. "you don't get it, jungkook. the kind of name they made for themselves is some top dog shit. they publish papers and take part in groundbreaking research like it’s a hobby. for them to say that one their esteemed daughters dropped out of university because she wanted to be a painter or some shit is a disgrace to their reputation."

his mouth visibly upturns, like he's tasted something bad. "they're the ones who are the disgrace. god, what fucking assholes!"

"but maybe it's better to be an asshole than a dumb fuck," you wave the drenched envelope mockingly. "look at me! i stood outside in the rain because i couldn't decide if i wanted to post my dad a birthday card or not! they haven't spoken to me in years and i still send them a fucking card every birthday," you cover your forehead, embarrassed just from saying it out loud. "they probably set it on fire the second it gets passed the mailbox! they probably throw it straight in the trash and here i am, still sending it."

"but you didn't," he points out. "you still have it there in your hand, don't you? and it didn't exactly look like you were rushing to get inside when i saw you either."

"well yeah, because i think it finally hit me how stupid i am," you look down at your knees. "i just wanted them to know that i don't forget the important stuff. i'll never forget. if i don't post it today then my dad won't receive it on time for friday, and. god, why am i still calling him my dad when technically he's legally not even my relative anymo-" you wet your lips, shaking your head. "it's been years. it's been years. and they've never replied. the only one that's still holding onto this whole thing and getting hurt by it is me, so maybe...maybe it's time i end it. i've already moved on in every other way and this is the last thing that's left, the last tie i have with them, so...yeah."

you wait for it; the spiel of expletives that usually follows when you divulge your past. how your former family don't deserve you, how you should turn your back on them just as they did to you, how wrong they were and how much better off you are in the long run. all things that you whole-heartedly agreed with, if you didn't you wouldn't be here. but moving on isn't a straight line. forgetting isn't like waiting for a pin to drop.

"i can't believe you're related to such disgusting pieces of shit," jungkook starts, knuckles whitening against the steering wheel. it's the first time you regard him now that you've finished rambling, and you can finally see how livid he looks, his face pinched together angrily. "have they even seen your art, though? just because you aren't talented in the same thing they are you get thrown out? all those fucking degrees and scientific bullshit but they can't even see their children as people, what useless fucks," and then, out of nowhere, "do you want me to turn around?"

your head snaps up. "what?"

"the u turn is coming up," jungkook clarifies, looking over his shoulder to check his blind spot. you stare at him, wait for any indication that he's joking or just fucking with you. he takes your wary expression as hesitation. "i can go in and post it and you can just wait in the car, if you want."

"wh-what..?" you try again, unable to do anything but gawk at him.

jungkook regards your disbelief, sighing curtly. "look, my opinion about those pricks is just that - my opinion. at the end of the day it's your life not mine so i can't tell you to do shit. no one can. so if you want me to turn the car around to go and post that card for you, i will. i can't help you with the other stuff, but i can help you with that."

your eyes well up again, hands shaking like leaves. you hadn't even told jimin about the cards in order to avoid the scorn, and yet here was jungkook. a boy you had only met a handful of times ready to support a decision that even he didn't agree with. the feeling was as relieving as it was...foreign.

he wets his bottom lip while you blink away your tears hastily. "so?"

"no," you say finally. "no, it's okay."

he looks at you seriously. "are you sure?"

you nod. "yeah, i'm sure. could you just, um, take me to jimin's? i think seeing him will help me feel better."

jungkook nods, changing lanes for the new route. "does he know? about the cards, i mean?"

you shake your head with a tiny laugh. "no way, he'd flip a shit if i told him! you know how protective he is, he hates my family more than i do."

"well i'm not exactly far off at this point either," jungkook mutters, and you can't help but smile. it makes him smile too, the gripping feeling in his chest washing away at the sight of your shining teeth and dimpled cheeks. he likes the way you look in his big jumper, hair messy and eyes bright. out of all the sunset pictures he took today, he realises that none of them compare to you in his passenger seat right now. "do you think you'll say anything?"

"nah, there's no need," you pause thoughtfully. "he's making me dinner on friday. to get my mind off it all, you know? sometimes i really don't understand why he does all this for me, but..."

"he loves you," jungkook shrugs, and you can't help but wince like you've been pinched. "he said it himself, you're like family to him."

"really?" you chuckle. "what a sap."

"i told you. the nation's crybaby," jungkook smirks, pulling up outside jimin's place. he reaches out to touch your wrist when you go to remove his hoodie. "don't, you can keep it. don't look at me like that, i have like a hundred-"

"i'll wash it and bring it back to you," you take his hand before he can remove it. "thank you, jungkook."

"don't mention it," he starts, but you shake your head.

"not just for your hoodie," you say, the thrum of your heart suddenly in your ears again. you grip his wrist, tugging him over the console. it's like your body acts without your brain's permission because it's all over in a flash; jungkook's doe eyed face close to yours, your soft lips against his cheek in a short kiss.

his mouth is still hanging open slightly when you jump out his car and wave back cutely. he thinks maybe he imagined it, maybe he's about to wake up any second now. he's not sure why his palms are suddenly clammy and his heart is racing a mile a minute because lord knows getting his cheek kissed is the most innocent thing to take place in this truck, but he can't help it. the smell of you mixed with rain linger in the air and jungkook has to take a second to steady his hands on the wheel, fix his breathing like he's a fifteen year old who's never been within an inch of a girl before. for the first time in years, he panics. 

don't bite off more than you can chew, jimin had said. and suddenly jungkook hears it differently.

[i-am-out-of-my-vulcan-mind]

Reassurance

4x17 was great… probably my most favourite episode, but I couldn’t help but feel that Jane would have been in a little more distress when Kurt found her (medically if nothing else... I mean her fricken heart stopped)… anyway this is probably a little more on the dramatic side… but hey, that’s what fics are for :D

I took the liberty of filling one of my @badthingshappenbingo squares, namely, vomiting.

Kurt kissed the back of her head again, finally able to breathe for the first time in hours.

She was alive. She was breathing.

He had found her.

She was clinging to him for dear life, panting heavily against his shoulder. He stroked the back of her head, still in shock from the whole ordeal.

She grabbed a fistful of his jacket, a small whimpering noise escaping from the back of her throat.

“I've got you.” he murmured, holding her as close as possible. “We need to get you somewhere warm.” he continued, his voice soft. “Get the medics to check you out.” he added.

“Ok.” she whispered, her voice hoarse. He removed his own hat, placing it on her head, before shrugging out of his jacket and helping her into it. He knew she must be freezing, and was at serious risk of going into shock.

He lifted her to her feet, making a grab for her when a wave of dizziness nearly sent her back onto the dirt floor.

“Easy.” he murmured into her ear. Seeing that her face had, if possible, lost even more colour, he wrapped her arms around his neck and lifted her gently.

The rest of the agents cleared a path for them, offering her words of comfort as Kurt carried her back to the helicopter. Once on board, Kurt wrapped her in a blanket, frowning at her silence.

“Can you get clearance to take us straight to the hospital?” he asked the pilot, deciding that she needed to be seen by a doctor, rather than just assessed by a medic. The time it would take to get her to either was similar.

The pilot spoke into his earpiece and Kurt returned his attention to his wife. She was sitting back against the chair, her eyes closed in exhaustion.

“You ok?” he murmured, knowing full well that she wasn't.

She shook her head.

“I'm really not feeling so good.” she choked out, trying to breathe deeply through her nose.

Kurt reached out and pulled her against him, rubbing her back gently.

“Right we're clear.” the pilot said, starting the rotors. Upon lift off, Jane groaned, curling in on herself, her fingers pressed to her lips to try and quell the sickness.

“Ssshhh.” he whispered into her ear, feeling her shaking from under the blanket. “Breathe for me… just try and relax.” He continued to rub soothing circles on her back.

*******************************************************************************************

There was a doctor waiting for them upon landing. Kurt helped Jane out of the helicopter and lay her down on the waiting gurney.

“Assistant Director Reade called ahead.” the doctor said, laying a warming blanket over top of Jane. “He's filled us in on what happened.”

Kurt nodded, making a mental note to thank Reade for that. He wasn't sure if he would have been strong enough to get the words out.

“I will need you to head straight to reception.” the doctor said apologetically, once they were indoors.

Kurt was about to protest, but thought better of it. There was no point causing a scene. That wouldn't help Jane.

He looked down at his wife. She was curled in on herself, battling the dizzying nausea that had suddenly come on full force again.

“I'll see you as soon as I can.” he promised, kissing her on the forehead. Jane only whimpered in reply, her eyes squeezed shut.

Leaving his heart behind, Kurt left for the receptionist to fill out her details, while they took her around to the ER to be assessed.

It wasn't even fifteen minutes later, that a nurse came around the corner of the waiting room looking for him.

“Kurt Weller?” she asked.

He stood quickly.

“How is she?” he worried.

“She's ok.” the nurse replied. “She's just having a wee vomit at the moment, but she's asking for you.”

‘Of course she's asking for me.’ he thought incredulously.

Not voicing his opinion, he followed the nurse silently, his heart breaking when he was lead into the cubicle containing his wife.

She was leant over an emesis basin, retching painfully, tears streaming down her pale face.

“Oh Jane.” he whispered sadly, closing the gap between them. He sat on the side of her bed, pulling her hair off her face and rubbing soothing circles on her back. They had already inserted an IV and she had a pulse oximeter on her left index finger.

She panted, whimpering helplessly as her stomach roiled again, sending her into another bout of heaves.

“Here.” the same doctor from earlier said, entering the cubicle with a syringe. “This will help calm things down a bit.”

Kurt didn't move from Jane's side, opting to help steady her long enough for the doctor to inject the medicine into her IV.

Jane swallowed convulsively, willing her insides to calm down. The heaving wasn't helping the pounding in her head, and was setting her off into a dizzying vortex of stress and sickness.

Thankfully the antiemetic worked fairly quickly, and Jane soon felt confident enough to sit back up. A nurse came in with another warming blanket and Kurt helped her tuck it around Jane's body.

“We are going to put you on oxygen for a while.” the doctor said, placing an oxygen mask over her face. “Your sp02 is still a little lower than we would like.”

Jane only nodded in reply.

“We are also going to set you up on a drip.” the doctor continued. “You're showing signs of dehydration. Plus we will use warmed fluids, which should help stop your body going into shock.”

“And the bug bite?” Jane asked quietly.

“Bug bite?” the doctor asked. Jane exposed her bird tattoo, showing her where she had been bitten. There was an angry red bump on the side of her neck, not unlike a bee sting.

“Do you know what kind of bug it was?” the doctor asked, inspecting the bite mark carefully.

“Buck Moth Caterpillar.” Kurt replied, when Jane came up short.

The doctor smiled.

“You will be fine.” she said almost instantly. At Kurt's raised eyebrow she shrugged. “My husband is a bug enthusiast.”

“Oh.” he replied, his other eyebrow rising to meet the other.

“Though a sting from a Buck Moth Caterpillar, does explain the nausea… that and of course the carbon dioxide poisoning.”

Jane swallowed thickly, frowning softly.

“How long do you think I'll be here for?” she asked from under the oxygen mask, clearly agitated.

“I would say, all going well of course, no more than a couple of hours.” the doctor replied. “We just want to keep an eye on you, seeing as your heart did stop.” she added seriously. At their silence she asked, “Do you have any more questions?”

Both Jane and Kurt shook their heads.

“Well in that case, I have other patients to attend to. If you need anything, just press the buzzer.”

“Thank you doctor.” Kurt spoke up, shaking her hand.

The doctor smiled in response, before turning back to Jane. “Try and get some rest.” she said kindly, before leaving them alone for the first time.

After a moment of silence, Kurt moved, lying on the bed beside her, gathering her into his arms. He needed the reassurance that she was alive, almost as much as she needed the reassurance that he was really there.

“Kurt-” she started, her voice slightly muffled by the mask.

“It's ok baby.” he said interrupting her. “I've got you.” he said, repeating himself from earlier, though this time he wasn't sure who he was trying to reassure.

“I knew you would find me.” Jane said softly. “I just wasn't sure if it would be too late.” she added in a soft voice.

Kurt shuddered at the thought. He almost had been too late.

“Sshhh.” he whispered. “None of that matters now.”

Jane nodded, cuddling in to him, wishing she could inhale his scent. Damn oxygen mask.

“Thank you for finding me.” she said in a small voice.

Kurt shook his head, pulling her closer to him. “Always.” he said matter of factly. “Though I do hope neither of us have to go through anything like that ever again.”

Jane shuddered, but tried to cover it up by chuckling. “Me too.”

They lay there in silence for a moment, just enjoying being in each others embrace.

“At least one good thing came of this.” Jane spoke up.

“Mmm?” Kurt asked, not really sure what good had come from him nearly losing her yet again.

“We got Madeline.” Jane said.

Kurt smiled into her hair.

“Yes we did.” he replied. “She will be going away for a very long time.”

“Good.” Jane mumbled, clearing losing the battle with her exhaustion.

“Get some rest baby.” he whispered, settling her more comfortably against his chest. “You'll feel better when you wake.”

She said something unintelligible, before her breathing evened out. Kurt smiled softly, still in complete awe that she was safe in his arms.

“I love you so much.” he whispered, stroking her hair softly. “And I will be there. Always.”

He relaxed back against the pillows, content in the knowledge that, physically she was going to be ok. Mentally… well they would cross that bridge when they needed to.

[the-lady-bryan]

Heroes Reborn!AU: “Title TBD” - Excerpt

Least you need to know: This is post-S4 Heroes/Pre Heroes: Reborn. No Pretrelli Movement. Sylar, now going by “Gabe” in private and “Ian” in public has decided a change in vocations is in order to go along with his new identity. Peter is still a bit of a workaholic.

*Timeline is screwy a bit, but a “clarification” will be posted when the fic itself is fully posted on AO3 after completion.*

It was April First when Peter's world was turned upside down for the first time since December 7th. It was a normal shift all things considered. And then a patient died en-route to the hospital. He did everything he could. Hesam sped through the streets of New York as fast as traffic and the flashing lights and siren would allow until the old woman grasped Peter's arm tightly and screamed in pain before passing out. Peter was so worked up and focused he hadn't noticed the power transfer that took place in her dying moments. He did not feel the strangeness of old senses and dormant abilities waking up as if from a very long sleep. No, he noticed none of this as he worked to try an bring this old woman back from death. And after ten minutes of tireless work... he was forced to give up and call the time of death. The siren went off. The lights were cut. Jane Doe was DOA. As Peter stood in the ER at a nurse's station filling out his paperwork on the now deceased patient, he wiped his nose with the back of his hand. Then again. He frowned when a splotch of red dripped onto the paper next to his statement. "Janine?" he managed to get out, gaining the nurse in front of him's attention. "I don't feel so well..." The world spun. His nose was bleeding. Everything was so sharp and blurred at the same time. His head was pounding and his arms felt like jelly. Peter collapsed there by the nurse's station.

o0o

"You could have picked a better day to try and die than April Fools you idiot." The voice was unfamiliar, and so was the face. But the text book open in the young man's lap was not. "Gabe?" "Who else is going to be sitting here reading about how to properly rebuild a carburetor at your bedside? Angela? Claire?" "Tell me they didn't see you." "Well I certainly wasn't going to let them run me off, now was I?" "Did you always look like that?" "It's my... public face, Peter. Some people still remember when my real face was plastered all over the television for killing my mother." "So you have two different photo IDs with the same name." "Yes." Peter just shakes his head and sighs. "I hope you weren't too hard on them when they were here." Gabe grins. "I was a perfect gentleman. And, as a matter of fact, your niece rather likes Ian and thinks he'll be a very good influence on you." Gabe plays it up for laughs a little longer before Peter asks him if he knows anything about what happened to him. "The doctor says exhaustion, stress, dehydration and pneumonia." "You don't sound convinced." Gabe looks back down at his book and pretends to read. "Of course not. You showed the same symptoms once before. After you saved the cheerleader." His words are low, but Peter still hears him. And it's a reminder that no matter how much Gabe has actually changed and legitimately feels remorse and has repented for what he had done in his past, he still carried around the memories of a dead man. A man he murdered and was then forced to become for a time. A man Peter had loved more than any other - more than his own mother even. "I think... I think you should go. I'm not feeling up for visitors right now." And so Gabe closes his book and puts it into his bag. "Peter-" "Come back tomorrow. You've... got class right? Come by after that." Relief flickers across the unfamiliar eyes and he gives a hesitant nod before he gets up and leaves without another word. Peter turns to his side as much as the IV will allow and reminds himself that there was nothing he could do. The past is the past, and that is where it needed to stay. He had found the man in the monster, and he was determined to make sure that together, they kept the monster at bay.

[puckyeahmightyducks]

NaNoWriMo 2019

Yup. Doing it again! You can friend me here if you’d like and we can cheer each other on! To whet all of our appetites for the story ahead, here’s a scene from last year’s NaNo. I’m still working on this story and not ready to release it, but I like this scene and feel it’s pretty decent for not being edited. Enjoy! Location: Infirmary Setup: Wildwing was badly injured and is now incapacitated. He doesn’t handle medical things well... Words: 1699

Wildwing tried to lay still. He kept his eyes closed, refusing to look around him and confirm again what he already knew. He was in the infirmary. Doctors had operated on him. And he was somehow going to have to endure weeks of letting them touch him, poking and prodding like he was some lab experiment.

It was easier to keep his eyes closed and ignore it all. Whatever they gave him to help dull the pain made sleep easier to reach.

As much as his logical mind tried to shout over the chaos of the panic wrapped around him, he could not listen to it. These were his friends. He knew Dr. Lowes for a year and she had been nothing but professional with them.

The last time this had happened, everyone died.

Everyone.

He should have too.

Why was he cursed to live?

0000

Nosedive sighed in boredom. He knew staying in here wasn’t healthy, but he’d do it for Wildwing. It was too quiet in here. The television Tanya kept in the infirmary was too small and watching movies on it majorly sucked. He’d already read and reread the latest comics issues he’d bought and it would be another two weeks before the next issues came out.

He glanced at his brother and tried to keep the flashbacks at bay. Counting his breaths while tapping his thigh helped ground him to the present.

Frustrated, he got out of his chair and started doing push ups.

Kathy looked up from her book when he started exercising.

“You don’t have to stay in here,” she said. “If you want to go to the gym, that’s okay. I can keep an eye on him.”

“No.” He didn’t stop.

“Okay…” She watched him for several minutes, impressed at his stamina. “You know, I’m kind of bored.”

“Then do something.” He switched to sit ups.

“Okay.” She set her book down, kicked off her shoes, and lay down on the floor next to him. She started doing sit ups and matched his pace.

He paused, elbows on knees at watched her.

“We stopping now?” she said, coming to a stop too.

“What are you doing?”

“Something.”

“I didn’t mean sit ups.”

“It’s almost the end of my eight hour shift and other than changing his dressings, there’s not exactly a lot to do. And I’ve been missing my daily runs.”

“You know we’ve got a gym down here, right?”

“How about you and I go work out together when my shift is over?”

“No.” He shook his head and stood, then went back to his chair and sat down.

“Why are you so determined not to leave this room?”

“I have my reasons.”

“Care to share them?”

He crossed his arms and stared at her.

“You know,” she tilted her head to the side. “I usually don’t think you and Wildwing look anything alike. But that? Yeah, I see it.”

He rolled his eyes and dropped his arms to his sides before slouching down in the chair.

“You hungry?”

“No.”

Wildwing snorted and opened his eyes.

“You’re always hungry,” he said.

“Oh, sure. Now you stop pretending to sleep,” Nosedive mocked. “And for your information, I ate… Uh.” He scratched his head in thought. “Yesterday? I think.”

“Oh, look,” Kathy rolled over the tray of cold toast and fruit from when Mallory had brought them breakfast this morning, “Breakfast.” She held the plate of toast out to him.

Wildwing tried pushing himself into a sitting position and Nosedive and Kathy helped him. He pulled away from Kathy’s touch, only allowing his brother to assist. She didn’t let that stop her and grabbed the pillows from the next bed to help prop him up.

Glancing at the time, Kathy realized it was time to check his vitals again. Thankfully, the wonderful machine Tanya had built made this so much easier than it would have been in a regular hospital. She pressed the buttons at the console at the foot of the bed and wrote down his blood pressure, heartbeat, temperature, and blood oxygen level. His oxygen level was still much lower than she’d like to see, but it was just above the mark to require oxygen.

“How are you feeling?” she asked him.

Wildwing’s response was the typical impassive gaze.

“Dude, seriously.” Nosedive scolded.

“Fine,” he said.

“I doubt that.” Kathy checked the amount of fluid left in his IV bag and decided they could wait a little longer before she switched it out for another one. “But I’ll take your word for it.”

“Want to watch anything on TV?” Nosedive asked.

Wildwing half shrugged.

“Want me to get another book and read to you?”

He shrugged again.

“Then we’ll just sit here in silence.”

Nosedive couldn’t sit still for much longer. He tapped out the melody to Sienna’s Song on his thigh. It’d been a while since he’d had a chance to practice the piano. There was a keyboard in his room, but he didn’t want to leave to get it.

Duke chose that opportune moment to enter.

“Hey, just checking in on you lot,” he said. “I’m getting lunch together in a bit. Sandwiches good or you want leftovers from last night?”

“Whatever’s easiest for you,” Kathy said. “Thank you.”

“Um, yeah. I don’t really care.”

“Ashe mast,” Wildwing said.

“We can start you on a clear liquids diet next week,” Kathy said. “Until then, you get to be a plant and photosynthesize your nutrients.”

“Hey, could you grab me my keyboard?” Nosedive asked.

“Sure. Where is it?”

“Should be under the couch in my room.” He didn’t bother telling Duke the code to the room. He’d let himself in with or without it. Besides, he couldn’t remember if he’d locked the door or not,

“Alright. Back in a bit.” With that, the gray drake left.

Kathy turned on the television to the home and garden channel and left the volume on low. They all watched a bearded man explain how to use a quarter to check if floor tiles had been laid correctly.

When Duke returned, he had balanced the two plates of food on top of several music books that were on the keyboard.

Kathy took both plates of food off it while Nosedive took the instrument and set up the stand for it that had been folded underneath. Once he had that set up, he turned it on and scooted his chair closer to it. Kathy moved his plate from that morning on the rolling table and made room for his current lunch.

“You need to eat,” Duke reminded, eying the neglected breakfast.

“I’ve gone longer without food.” Nosedive flipped through the music books that Duke had brought. He already knew most of these, but that was okay. He was more interested in something easy to play right now. Selecting one of the simpler pieces, he started playing Doll by Helen Jane Long. The Porcelain music was for classical piano, deep and mournful, but not too difficult.

“Yeah, when it wasn’t available. Now you’ve got it, so eat.” He gestured to the tomato, cucumber, dill, shrimp, and cream cheese sandwich he’d made.

Wildwing smiled and actually looked calmer when the music filled the room. Duke quietly sat on the bed Nosedive slept in and Kathy ate in silence.

The keyboard’s song mimicked a piano well enough and Nosedive’s skillful playing entranced them all. He moved from one piece to the next, playing straight through the book.

Carol came in for her shift when Nosedive was halfway through the last piece in that book. He stopped when she entered.

“Hm?” Wildwing woke up again as the music stopped. The peaceful, sleepy expression vanished when he saw Carol.

“Hey,” Carol greeted. “Dr. Maps, reporting for duty.” She saluted as if she were in the military.

“Almost,” Kathy smiled. “I’ll call you doctor once you’ve actually graduated. Come on, let’s get these bandages changed; then I’m going for a swim and nap!”

Nosedive carried the keyboard to an open spot against the wall and set it there before returning to his seat. He sighed and stood to Wildwing’s right, resting a hand on his shoulder. He really hoped his brother didn’t panic again.

Wildwing’s breathing had already become shallower and quicker. His whole body was tense, shaking both from the injuries and fear.

“It’s okay, Bro,” he tried to soothe. “It won’t last long.”

“Hey, I’m here too,” Duke added, circling around where Kathy had maneuvered her stool to the abdominal wound so she could change the dressings and bandage. He stood by his leader’s right shoulder, hoping to block his view of what the doctor and nurse were doing.

Wildwing squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head towards Nosedive. He whimpered when they began carefully removing the plastic from the wound and lightly dabbed on more medicated ointment. A putrid stench assaulted their noses when it was exposed to the air.

“Gah,” Nosedive gagged. “That can’t be good…”

“Actually, it’s fine,” Kathy said. She somehow didn’t react to the smell at all. “The viscera looks good and red. That’s normal.” She inspected the hole in his side a little closer. “We’ve got some weeping here, but that’s to be expected. I’d say it’s healing well.”

Carol handed her the supplies as she worked efficiently to clean and redress the injury. From there, they did the same to the smaller, more shallow cuts on his arms and chest.

Wildwing silently endured their attention. He couldn’t relax even when they were done. Every muscle refused to let go of the tension.

“That wasn’t so bad, now, was it?” Duke patted his shoulder. “You didn’t even try to run this time. I’d say that’s an improvement.”

Wildwing covered his eyes with his right hand.

“Just leave me alone,” he begged.

Duke patted his shoulder twice before stepping away.

“You got a com on the table right there. You need me for anything, you know how to reach me.” He left the infirmary.

Carol took the seat Kathy had vacated and pulled over the rolling table she had set her textbooks on. She began studying while Nosedive returned to his bored TV watching.

[livesbeneath]

the end of all things.

pairing: noah x female mc (harley blanco)

summary: it’s three am, and her laugh is in his head. it almost makes him want to live.

word count: 2.8k.

author’s note: i decided to try and revert back to my old epic poem-esque style for this work, and i have to say, i am extremely excited about how it turned out!  this piece has been a labor of love for me, and i really hope you all enjoy a brief journey across canon with a little added perspective from noah and mc.  i wrote this fic mainly while listening to  the end of all things  by panic! at the disco, hence the name. i highly recommend giving the song a listen since it’s gorgeous - and really helps set the mood. i apologize for any grammar / sentence structure issues, as i tried to proofread the best i could, and thank anyone who takes the time to read!  feedback in any form is deeply appreciated!  (and a big thanks to @gayvathewitch for being my first set of eyes <3)

disclaimer: i do not own these characters / some of the dialogue present. creative liberty has been taken to make this story unique, and i do not intend to use it for profit in any way.

whether near or far, i am always yours. any change in  time, we are young again. so lay us down. we’re in love.

i. bravery

She asserted herself as the bravest in the group at age seven. She picked up worms after rainstorms, rode her bike without a helmet, and tried a new vegetable every month. She jumped into the public pool without holding her nose and didn’t wear swim goggles.

Despite being a pup, Harley led the pack. She was destined to grow into her claws.

ii. cowardice

He always looked slightly anxious. He was cautious, moody, protective. He often hid under his covers at night when he heard the wind blow through his window. It was broken, and refused to close all the way.

Noah wasn’t a wolfish young boy. He was more the shadow that hung behind the sun.

iii. third

He decides eight o’clock in the morning is too early to be awake. Noah suppresses a yawn, eyelids drooping. His mom says that he’ll be able to walk to school after he turns twelve. Until then, he’s stuck on the bus.

“Where’s Jane?” Harley asks quizzically, her Monsters Inc. lunchbox sat on her lap. The two girls always sat together. Noah usually took the seat across the aisle from them - but today it had been claimed by Grant Warner, and he was a fifth grader.

“She has a fever.” He frowns as he stares at the empty space beside her. “Can I sit?”

“I don’t know-” she grins, pulling on one of her own pigtails. “Can you? Do you know how to sit, Noah?”

“Shut up.” he grumbles as he plops down. She knows he doesn’t mean it, and that only makes her giggle harder. The sound makes him want to shove her lunch onto the floor. That is, until he hears his mother’s voice in the back of his head.

You know, boys only pick on girls if they like them, Noah.

Frowning to himself, he sinks lower into the seat, not bothering to shrug his backpack off his shoulders. Her voice was too loud for such an early morning.

“Are you nervous?” she answers before he can even take a breath. “I’m not nervous. I can’t wait to tell Jane all about it!”

“Third grade is gonna be just like second grade, y’know.”

Her spirit is seemingly indomitable, as she simply cheers in response. Her second grade year was a blast - and his was filled with butterflies. Annoying butterflies.

Butterflies he’d like to squish.

iv. sleepover

Mrs. Marshall had packed her children a travel-sized bag of cheesyfish, their own separate flavored toothpastes, and mismatched pairs of socks. She didn’t stop at the front door of Harley’s house to see her children off. Her migraines were getting worse - and a quiet night free of her kids was just what the doctor ordered.

Noah was shocked when Harley’s father answered the door. He didn’t see her parents much. In fact, he was pretty sure they were supposed to be in Boston on business in a week.

Immediately, the twins were whisked to the backyard where the rest of their friends were waiting. Andy was ripping clumps of grass out of the ground and throwing them at Lucas, which was highly amusing to the other children.

“Harley!” Jane says from beside him, a sly smile on her face. “Tell Noah to stop being such a big baby about Mr. Red.”

Harley’s mouth forms an o-shape, her eyebrows raising. “You don’t want to go play with Mr. Red tonight?”

“I’m not a baby! I just think - what if your parents see we aren’t here?”

“That’s why we have a tent, silly! And blankets and pillows to make props! We know Mr. Red can’t really play with us in the light.”

He bites his lip. “It’s gonna be really dark.”

“We can bring flashlights!” Harley smiles. “Or, we can stay here. I want to go to help protect everyone, but you remember the playtime rule, don’t you?”

A few feet away, Jane breaks a twig in half with a clean snap!

“Everyone plays together!”

v. whispers

Her first mistake was not making it to the gym early. If she had, maybe she could have snagged a seat at the top of the bleachers, somewhere high up, a corner against the wall where no one would bother her.

She’s all too aware of his lazy eyes. Tired as they may be, they burn into her back as she stands there like an idiot, contemplating a daring escape out the closest exit.

“Hey, Harley! Sit your stupid ass down unless you wanna watch from the garbage can!”

To her chagrin, Noah makes no move to assist her as she stands there. She doesn’t expect him to, but it would have been the most efficient way to make Cody shut his mouth.

“Hello? You’re blocking our view, and there’s a spot right there!” Jocelyn blurts, waving a hand towards the only seat left open in the whole place.

She exhales before turning at a snail’s pace to meet Noah’s eyes. He sits there expectantly, and Harley assumes that he already knows his answer to her question before she’s even asked it. Swallowing her pride, she offers him a reluctant smile. “Hey, Noah. Do you mind if I…?”

Can you? Do you know how to sit, Harley?

“Knock yourself out.”

He takes his time scooting to the side. Harley shoots Cody and Jocelyn one last glare before stepping up and squeezing beside Noah, crossing her arms across her chest as she plants her feet firmly on the platform below. Any attempts at small talk will be futile, and yet-

“So… what’s been up with you? We haven’t really talked since…”

His voice is a flatline. He shifts uncomfortably in his spot. “Yeah, I know.”

Harley shakes her head slightly as she glances around, her eyes not exactly focusing in on anything, not even Lucas as he approaches center floor to begin the assembly. The gymnasium rumbles around them as the students welcome their class president. Both stay still, letting the vibrations from over a hundred feet stomping madly drown out the rumbles of awkwardness situated in their stomachs.

They fall into a steeled, not-quite conversation. Occasional jabs at Lucas’ discovery of hair gel and Stacy’s cheermates inch them closer and closer to dismissal. After the bell, they’ll hopefully never have to do this again.

“Why do people like her so much?” Harley huffs offhandedly, eyeing Britney in the sea of pom poms before them. “They’ve got to know how horrible she is.”

“And?” Noah begins. “She’s hot and she can do flips. We can’t compete with that.”

She turns to look at him, a curious half-smile on her face as he shrugs. It’s somewhat comforting to know that they remain similar despite the ten years of radio silence between them.

It isn’t the same with everyone else, though. Some of them are still stuck in the gutter of the social pyramid, some of them seemingly free from it, parading around the gym like they own it.

“Huh. Andy actually made the team this year.”

Harley can’t help but grin at that. “Good for him! I can’t wait to see him play.”

Noah yawns as the basketball team captain takes the podium, his speech a carbon copy of every other student-written rallying cry, right down to the obnoxious Westchester Wolves howl.

However, one element manages to catch them both off guard: the flickering of the gymnasium lights.

Then, a plea from Lucas to stay seated. A microphone full of feedback. A broken stereo system.

With a loud BANG!, the doors of the gym fly open, and the lights flicker back on.

She feels a hand clamp around her arm. A shiver up her spine.

“God! What are you-”

He speaks with a frightening concern. “Shut up! Do you hear that!?”

“Hear what?”

“Ssssshhhh!”

The music sputters and dies as the lights shut off completely. A voice, completely alien and horribly familiar.

A whisper.

“Everyone… plays… together.”

vi. resurgence

They all started spending time together, but only out of obligation. It wasn’t as if cops could just arrest Redfield.

She understands Noah’s anger, but it doesn’t make the sight of his face twisted in rage any easier to see. It’s a constant reminder that maybe they could have spared themselves years of loneliness if one of them had been tough enough to speak up.

Harley wasn’t going to stand back anymore. Not after the assembly. Not after finding Dan. Not after what he had told her in the hardware store.

“Mom blames me, y’know. For Jane… and for dad leaving right after.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“It is. She’s said it to my face. Regularly, actually.”

It’s moments like that, like him looking so paralyzed when a monster charges at him, which spark up remembrance in her. They not only make her realize how much she’s missed him, but how much she’s always wanted to be there for him. To protect him. Something about him ignites the hero in her.

She finds where he sits at lunch and plops down.

He wonders why she didn’t ask before doing so.

vii. effortless

The cobblestone around Britney’s pool proved to be terribly unkind to any kind of shoe that required balance to walk in. Decked out in gold and heels, an ensemble that was a giant leap from her normal bomber jacket, it almost made Harley wish that she hadn’t agreed to take a walk with him.

Almost.

Jocelyn’s laugh and the rest of the party fades out behind them as they reach the edge of the backyard, the gentle lapping of the pool water calming Harley’s nerves.

She feels the urge to reach down her throat and rip her heart from her chest in an attempt to silence it. From the moment she had seen him in his natural habitat, gracelessly tossing potato chips into the pool, her heartbeat had been on the fritz.

Nevertheless, she appears just as collected as ever, even as the two of them share a grin. She takes note of how much lighter he looks when he does so.

“So I gotta ask-” she begins. “Why’d you decide to come tonight.”

He looks her over subtly. His hands begin to sweat. “It’s dumb.”

“I bet it’s not! What if I tell you something dumb?”

“Depends on what you got.”

She runs through multiple replies in her mind. There’s “I think you look nice with your hair long”, along with “I felt my stomach lurch when you laughed earlier”. There’s also-

“I got points off my language arts homework because I misspelled orange.”

His lips turn upward, and he doesn’t work to suppress a chuckle. “You mean the most phonetically sound word in the English language?”

“See? Now that was dumb.” she watches him shake his head, taking a breath.

“I came because…”

Because you would be here. Because she made things a bit easier to bear. “Well, being with your friends in a place you hate is still better than being alone, right?”

He drifts from her in that moment, the grill a few feet away giving him something more stable to think about. She approaches - relentless as always - a smile on her face. He wishes he could be so easygoing.

She speaks so easily, and he doesn’t think she realizes the impact of the stuff she says. Noah doesn’t know what it is about her that makes her so much easier to talk to. So easy to snap at, and then confide in seconds later. He knows she deserves better than his polar opposites. She would have a much better time playing spin the bottle with Stacy’s brother.

And yet, she doesn’t go. Not when he digs up skeletons from his past, not when he mentions his wishes for the future. He barely realizes he’s talking about Baby Jane’s, something that he’s never mentioned away from pen and paper, until the words leave his mouth. Until she happily asks “Will you let me be a waitress at Baby Jane’s someday?”

Something about it is so effortless. Something about them is so…

“Now, what do you say we go back to the party? See if Britney has any hot dogs?”

He shakes his head as music begins to blare from the house. “You go ahead. I like how quiet it is over here.”

Harley’s face practically glows as she recognizes the song playing, and she turns back to him, enthusiastically sticking her arm out. “Are you sure? Come on, come dance with me!”

“Hey, I bet Andy would dance with you.” he can’t help but smile, pointedly trying to ignore the adorable way she bobs along to the bass.

Instead of replying, Harley decides to kick off her heels, one of them landing in the pool as she goes. She shakes out her hair, brunette tresses falling over her shoulders and down her back, moving from side to side as she begins to groove along with the sound.

Laughing, she extends both her arms, making grabby hands at him and calling out. “But it’s fun! And it’s Franz Ferdinand! You know Take Me Out, right?”

He doesn’t bother to recall if he knows the song or not, and smiles as he playfully waves her away, standing only to go and fish her shoe out of the water.

Sticking out her tongue, hips swaying, she turns and dances off to where Andy is sitting.

He watches her go, a blush spreading across his cheeks as he marvels at just how plucky she is.

Some things never change.

viii. reverse

He made a bold move of his own a few days later, bell ringing overhead as he showed up unannounced, joining her for all things coffee and Redfield related. She had initially been alone, probably for a reason, as it jostled him to see her so worked up.

After a particularly tense session of rehashing the past, the sound of her pencil furiously scribbling away in her notebook dedicated to Mr. Red is the only thing between them. He shuffles his feet as he sees her violently wipe tears of frustration from her eyes. A sickness pools into his chest as he realizes how much of this she’s taking on by herself  -  and in that, he sees his own reflection.

“I don’t know what to do.” she huffs, dropping her pencil to tug on her hair.

Unwilling to hash out the future in its entirety, his hand grazes hers before pulling away. Instead of something to hold, he gives her a small smile.

“If all else fails, you can always wait tables. Baby Jane’s is gonna need staff members.”

It’s a nice thought.

ix. sidestep

The night was young as the teens celebrated their victory. After spending what seemed like years fearing every shadow that fell beside them, the strobe lights at homecoming seemed almost too good to be true.

Noah drifts off to the side as a slow song begins, feeling his stomach begin to churn as the clock keeps ticking. No matter how he tries, he can’t will the hands to move any faster.

Harley also feels sick, but mainly because she’s just polished off her fourth cup of punch in fifteen minutes. That, and the fact that they’re the only two who haven’t found someone to dance with.

Neither of them work up the courage to make a move.

Maybe he could have if he didn’t know what was coming.

x. betrayal

What was coming could only be better than what had gone.

He tells himself this as he watches her, dress ruined, drenched in Cora Pritchard’s blood and riddled with tears, leave the dogs to deal with the horde closing in on the ruins. This is what they - what he - had to do.

This only makes him sicker as he leads her inside. No amount of hope will ever dull the knife in his pocket. The way he feels about her only makes it sharper, only makes it more painful as she grapples with it against her throat. He thinks it remarkable how valiantly she fights. She thinks it horrific how this is when he finally decides to grow some balls.

Her survival instincts briefly overtake her heart. “Noah, you traitor! Let go of me! If Redfield has hurt any of our friends, I swear-”

The venom in her voice shatters him inside, but he keeps his focus on his sister, on how sweet it will be to finally free her.

He thinks of how when he dies, he won’t ever feel the pain of hurting those he loves again.

xi. together

But as always, she has a plan of her own.

When there is no one left but the two of them, both staring confoundedly at the puff of smoke that was once Redfield, her mind begins to race.

Harley watches his feet drag across the floor as he approaches her, his appearance that of a boy dissolved by his own actions. Noah wants nothing more than to dissipate. He wants nothing more than to make things right. To be brave for once.

Unfortunately, bravery is all she has left.

xi. bravery

So, she sacrifices herself.

xii. cowardice

And as for him?

He runs.

in these coming years, many things will change. but the way  i feel will remain the same. so lay us down. we’re in love.

[licenselesswriter]

Reprise

I.

 His first memory of her was when he faced a completely new city on his own, and he needed help to find someone called "Mr. Matthews". He asks around, nobody really pay him attention, until he heard a sweet voice at his back, he turns over and saw her.

He would never lie about it. When he first saw her, he recognizes the feeling, it happens with Vanessa, but in a minor scale, the warm feeling on his chest, extending, a bit of pain, his respiration a bit out of sync, he knew it, he was helpless.

- He will be here in a minute - he heard her.

And it happened again, the same warm, in the same place, burning him a little, forcing him to take a deep breath to remember his damn name before opening his mouth - Well, thank you, dear - he says, playing his dance, a bit of a posture, a bit of a stance - Isaiah Babineaux - he introduces himself and offers her a handshake that she takes.

Everything was perfect until his hand was put down against his will - I don't like that - he heard a male's voice before feeling how his transfer slip from his other hand - Take a seat, Mr. Babineaux - he heard then, and was forced to sit behind her blond best friend.

II.

It was no surprise for him when with every dance move he made with the pretty brunette, a pair of staring, full of fire and anger eyes try to make his head explode - I wonder if someday he will stop looking at me like that? - he asks while he makes Riley spin.

- Probably never - she replies, and he just laughs at it.

They keep dancing a few minutes more, and when the song finishes, he takes a look at his watch, then looks at his History/English/Math professor, then take a look at Riley, and then take a look at Maya being awfully directed by Farkle - Excuse me one second - he excuses himself and then walks to the reason he thinks about painting a target on his head.

- Mr. Babineaux? - Cory asks him before that he felt he was being pulled from the arm - Where are you taking me? - he asks before realizing that he was in front of his biological daughter.

- You know that is gonna be the last song, you might enjoy having that with your brunette daughter, and probably save your blond daughter from whatever he thinks dance is - he says to his professor, while he received a surprised look from him - Just go save your daughters - he adds and push him onto the dance floor.

When he saw her smile and get a bit jealous of Maya dancing with his dad. Maybe throwing away his shot wasn't that bad.

III.

It was completely decided, Isaiah Babineaux hates Charlie Gardner, oh, and he hates him with all the strength his spine can proportion to his body. He also hates himself, because he could prevent what is happening if he had a quarter of Gardner's bravery, but he would criticize himself later.

Farkle saw him on the school steps and sits to his right - You know that if you asked her, she would say yes, right? - Farkle reminds him, making his regret bigger.

- She deserves better than the one who left his best friend buried in Texas - he tries to justify his lack of guts.

- Well, I hope your excuses leave you satisfied - Farkle says and pats his shoulder before getting up.

Zay just looks at his brunette new best friend - I will never be satisfied - he replies - Didn't you loved her? - he asks then.

Farkle just smiles at him - Truth be told, I met Maya second, and you know what they say - he replies and winks, making Zay laugh.

Maybe if he runs, there's hope for his ass after all.

IV.

Zay takes a look at the dog that was licking Maya's face - Where did you find that dog? - he asks her.

Maya looked at him surprised - Nice work Patrick Jane, how did you know we found this dog? - she asks back while puts back the collar on the dog.

- Because it's my dog - Zay heard at his back - Thank you for finding him - the new figure says to Riley, who for some reason seems to be starstrucked.

- Lucas - Zay softly says like he was watching a Deadman.

- Wait, this is your Lucas? - Riley asks him while she fastly gets up from the bay window and walks directly to him - Riley Matthews - she introduces herself, making Zay's heart fall into his stomach.

Lucas smiled at the brunette and then take a look at the blonde beauty that has his dog - Charlie, let's go - he called the dog while Maya gets up and to face him, and for Zay's surprise, flirt with him.

Zay looked at him from a certain distance, not knowing if his friend was the same or if there was something from his old self, the one he left Texas - You came to pay a visit? - he asks him.

Lucas looks at him with superiority on his eyes - I came to save your ass from your own mouth, you should learn from Burr, talk less, smile more - he says before walking out Riley's room - Don't worry, we can catch up and you can tell me what did I miss - he adds and gives him a sordid smile before leaving with his dog.

V.

Zay takes a sits next to Farkle before taking a sip of punch - You ok buddy? - he asks him, while the younger Minkus does his best to not look at Lucas and Maya flirt.

- No, I'm not - he says trying to hide a single tear with his hand - How this happen? like, really, just in front of my nose - he adds.

Zay just pats his shoulder - There is one thing that hasn't change with him, he's still reliable with the ladies - Zay replies looking at his friend with sorrow.

- I've always picture Riley getting married to someone and Maya marrying me - he says - Maybe I should act before this could happen, she is gorgeous and has a great heart, someday someone besides me would notice - he adds looking at Maya laugh at some comment Lucas made.

- Already been there buddy, I was younger than you, I made every mistake possible - Zay says and gets up - But you know, you might lose your shot with Maya - he adds and pulls him from his hand and force him to see at the person he asked to the semi-formal - You have Missy there, so you better go there and dance with her - he continues with his characteristic smile - Minkus, do not throw away your shot - he adds before pushing him in direction to his actual date.

VI.

Zay was taking a break, hat over his face, and his boots, now away from his feet, being replaced by his loyal dancing shoes. Everything was perfect until he felt a presence lay next to him, probably equally tired. He lifts his hat and saw his girlfriend - Long day? - he asks.

Riley smiled at him and cuddles with him - The longest - she replies.

- Maya? - he asks while his hand softly strokes her hair.

- With Lucas - she replies - He's trying to fix the whole tombstone the bull thing - she adds before kissing his cheek - Farkle? - she asks.

Zay smiles and then puts a kiss on her hair - On his way to adulthood with Missy - he says under the surprised look of Riley - Wanna sleep? - he asks her.

Riley just let her face show her embarrassment.

Zay felt the temperature rise up in his face - That came out wrong - he says and gets up, helping Riley to get up - I mean, it's not that I'm against it, just not what I was suggesting - he tried to fix it, only to mess it up harder.

Riley finally laughs at his and her own embarrassment, she puts her hands around his neck, and Zay's hands naturally land his hands on her waist, while they slowly sway - Remember our first dance? - she asks him.

- Best memory of seventh grade - he replies with a huge smile.

Riley smiles back at him and puts a soft peck on his lips - Look at where you are now - she says resting her head on his chest - Look at where you started - she adds.

Zay laughs and pass his arms around her back and hug her tightly - The fact that I'm alive is a miracle - he replies.

- Would you do it again? - she asks him - Go through all the nonsensical things my father make you do to date me? - she asks this time.

Zay smile and properly kisses Riley - Any day - he replies, making Riley smile.

VII.

- Hey - Zay greets her before walking into her room.

- You know, I've always wondered why you never came from the bay window? - she asks while she rests on Lucas lap.

- I don't do that - he replies and then looks at Riley - Impolite - he adds and sits next to her - Still down for that D? - he asks her.

Riley just took his hand and Zay squeeze it in support - I'm a failure - she says, making Zay worry for her.

- You - he says to Lucas.

Lucas just looks at him, knowing what he needed to do - Maya, tacos? - he asks her.

- Love you, Riles, Robin Lunch - she says waving goodbye to them before walking out the bay window, followed by Lucas.

- That was impressive - Riley says in a very depressive tone - Aren't you disappointed? - she asks, making him, and someone who was outside her room, worry.

- Hey, Riley, look at me - he says and kneels in front of her, holding her hands - You're giving it too much importance - he says, making her snap.

- Too much importance? Zay that's our permanent record, this might affect where we go to college - she says letting her tears flow free.

Zay just hugs her, containing her - You're not your record - he says, making smile the person outside Riley's room - And even if you are, you're looking at the wrong one - he adds, making Riley look at him confused - You're not a D in Spanish, you're Riley Matthews, Maya Hart and Farkle Minkus best friend - he says - You're the person who helps me and Lucas reconcile and reconnect - he adds kissing her hands - And you're the woman I love, isn't that a better record than a D in Spanish? - he asks her.

Riley kisses him in the spot - I Love you - she says, finally smiling.

Zay smile at her - I Love you too - he replies and kisses her.

Riley smiles and dries her tears with her sweater - You sure you're not disappointed? - she asks him.

- if love doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints, why should I discriminate between an A and a D? - he asks back.

Riley smile again, she was 15, and still, she is able to say that she is in love with him, and more than that, she is happy, but that's something that she will save for herself a bit more.

VIII.

Lucas and Farkle sit next to Zay, who, due to his bad luck, broke his leg in the first try to ski.

- So, on a scale from 1 to King George III, how mad you are that the Evan guy is flirting with Riley like his life depends on that? - Farkle asks him, making Lucas laugh.

- Boy, he's mean - Lucas comments making Farkle high five him.

- I'm not mad at nothing, I'm a bit annoyed that I can't ski - he lies, only to be betrayed by himself seconds later - Fine, I would send a fully armed battalion to him - he admits, making Farkle smile.

- You know Rapunzel there would never cheat on you, right? - Lucas says with confidence while Riley walks to, probably, her room.

- Of course, I know that - Zay replies to his friend - That doesn't mean I like little golden sunshine-head flirting with her in front of me - he adds making a little pout.

- Well, then next time I suggest you read the signs, if says advanced, don't go that way - Lucas comments before getting up and walk to Maya and kiss her.

- How Lucas is not jealous of all the guys who flirt with Maya? - Zay asks, using his crutches to get up.

- Easy, people flirt with him more than with her - Farkle answers watching Lucas contain Maya's fury - Need help getting to your room? - he asks, offering help.

- Nah, I'm good, go and have a good time with Missy - Zay replies and Farkle smile to him before walking to the dining area.

He walks to the room he shares with Lucas and notices that the door was opened. he fastly turns one of his crutches into a weapon before hopping inside the room - Confess your sins motherfucker - he says, only to face Riley.

- A bit too paranoid, don't you think? - she says trying to content her laugh.

- You shouldn't do that to an injured man - he says measuring his heartbeat.

- Oh, I know - she says and puts a kiss on his lips - Did, you know that my parents leave this morning and now Mr. Fanucchi is on charge? - she adds before looking at the door.

- I can see a few possibilities - Zay replies and kisses her.

Riley separates from him and closes the door - Yeah, I see a few possibilities too - she adds.

- Oh? - Zay says a bit surprised, and everything was clearer when Riley locks the door behind her - Oh - he says, now completely surprised at his girlfriend actions - Lord, show me how to say no to this - he says before Riley puts a kiss on his lips, making him smile.

IX.

- Ok, ok, I'll see you tomorrow - Lucas says, ashamed, while Zay clings to him, under the laughs of Riley and Maya.

- I will call you out on the newspaper if you fail me again - Zay replies.

- Yeah, that one wasn't my fault - Lucas justifies himself, making Maya fastly hit him - See you tomorrow then - he says before he grabs Maya's hand and leaves Riley and Zay finally alone.

Riley grabs Zay's hand and they both walk back to the Matthews home, at the slowest pace they know

A bit scared, Riley squeeze Zay's hand - What would you've done if my mother decided to get the job? - she asks, scared of his possible answer.

- You know London has Musical Theatre too, right? - Zay jokes, at this point, after all the things he went through with her, moving to another country wasn't crazy for him.

- But your dream is Broadway - she says - That would be enough? - she asks him.

In an unprecedented move, Zay drags her to an alley, and softly put his hand on her waist and the other one in her shoulder - Look at where we are, look at where we started - he says to her before gently sway with her.

- A long road - she says with a wide smile on her face.

- Walking that road with you - Zay says before stopping - That would be enough - he adds before closing the distance with her with a kiss.

- More - she says looking at him directly into his eyes.

- Greedy girl - he jokes making her blush a bit - Don't worry, I will leave you satisfied - he adds and kisses her again.

Yeah, I fucking love Hamilton, and that’s not even the story of my country