#all my energy in keeping up my hobbies has drained significantly

[sakuravixen]

hey what if i actually be active here again

[spookyboywhump]

How would you recommend someone who's been here awhile as a whump blogger get more... engagement? I will post ask games and get virtually no ask or such. :( when I first started I had crazy engagement but now it's just gone. Makes me feel a little bad like I did something wrong? Aaa I'm sorry xx

Ahahaa anon this is an interesting ask to get at an interesting time. I’m going to do my best to help and give advice with what I’ve been wanting to try out as this is something that I have been thinking about a lot lately as well. I’m going to put this below a cut as I often feel. Weird talking about things regarding engagement and I understand some people don’t like those conversations but y know it is what it is

Let me start off with, I’m sure you didn’t do anything wrong friend! I have noticed engagement has gone down a lot lately, not just in myself but in blogs that I follow that were VERY active and got lots of engagement back when they first started posting, and while they’re still very active and absolutely fantastic and talented writers, they still aren’t getting the attention they used to. I want to add a quick disclaimer that I understand engagement and attention is not everything, that we are supposed to create for ourselves, we are not simply content machines here to please an audience but also. When you go from having constant engagement with your work to what feels like none, it does feel a little discouraging, if not a lot discouraging and leave you wondering what changed. I think that’s normal. While we should create with ourselves in mind, it’s also just human nature to want to connect and interact with others who also enjoy our creations!

Onto the next thing, I have a few theories as to why engagement in general may have gone down. Obviously, I don’t know who you are or what your specific situation is so these may not apply! But they are things I think about when I think about this

Personally, I joined as a whump blog in 2019 and gained a bit of a following RIGHT before Covid lockdowns. Around this time a lot of people were home, a lot of people had way more time to write, to read, to interact with each other, I recall this time as being very active for everybody, between the Whump community online and whump discord servers, nobody had anywhere to go or anything else to do so we were all online indulging in what may have been a new hobby and new and exciting space for some people.

Following that, Covid lockdowns ended. People went back to work, back to school, and suddenly a lot of us just. Can’t be as active as we used to. This community seems to be full of neurodivergent people, I imagine a lot of us are struggling to balance school/work, household responsibilities, and our hobbies and things like writing or keeping up with our favorite series may fall to the side unfortunately. People graduated high school, started college, started jobs, these will take up a lot of time so I’m not really surprised to see a decrease in general activity.

So just like those things mean a lot less people are likely to be active as much as they used to, it may also mean you aren’t as active as you used to be. Again, I don’t know your situation personally, but I went back to work in February of 2021 and since then I have written. Less and less. It’s actually kind of depressing when I see time stamps on things and realize how little I wrote at all in 2022 because work was such a drain on me and even now, I struggle to have the time, energy, and inspiration all at the same time to write when I have other things that need to be done as well. My own engagement has gone down significantly since when I first started, so I understand exactly what your talking about, I post about my oc’s constantly but I struggle to really write and it’s very rare to get asks about them the way that I used to (that’s not to say it never happens and I love seeing the ones I do get in my inbox but I have noticed a change that I don’t think is exactly significant to just myself)

(Split this up cuz it was too long for one lmao) I mostly assume it’s due to less people being active as per the reasons mentioned above, there are names I used to see often that have since disappeared and I think about often, but also I know it’s partly on me because I just. Don’t write as much as I used to. People engaged when I had writing for them to engage with. I don’t have that very often any more so they don’t have anything to work with. That’s understandable. I often find myself getting in a mood where I’ve convinced myself everyone has lost interest and if I’m being completely honest that poll I posted was to see if something I was wondering about was correct because I have always noticed a slight uptick in asks or requests regarding one OC but unfortunately I still write primarily for myself and that one OC just. Isn’t the one I want to focus on all the time and I worried I was failing a lot of people by focusing on what I liked.

Anyways that’s all to say. I understand what you mean and this has also been on my mind a lot lately. But I’ve also been thinking about what to do about it.

For one thing, for the same reasons I don’t write as much as I used to, I also don’t read as much as I used to, I miss connecting with other people over THEIR work as well. That doesn’t always mean they’ll be into my stuff, they don’t have to be! I love that they’re creating at all and I want to enjoy it and engage with them over their creations as well! Of course I understand we shouldn’t be interacting just in the hopes it’ll draw attention to ourselves, but it’s also the natural outcome of things. If we aren’t able to reach out to others, they likely won’t reach out to us or look into what we’re doing. There’s quite a few of us, it’s easy to miss some really awesome blogs and really awesome work just because we end up in our own little circles.

Posting your writing or art or whatever it may be regularly, especially being sure to put it in the Whump community tags allows for more people to keep up with it or new people to find and support you and potentially garner new interest if you feel like people have lost interest in what you make. Personally, my goal with doing whumptober is to start writing and posting somewhat regularly again, in a way that more and new people may see it. This is also something I need to fix up but having a good master list is great for people who are new and want to catch up!

And not to sound like hopelessly optimistic but like. Don’t give up. And focus on creating with yourself in mind. You didn’t do something wrong, things have just changed, I forgot to mention this above as it just came to me but I remembered tumblr started doing that thing where you need an account to send anon asks which will have axed a lot of people who were lurking without an account and didn’t want to make one. I know it feels disheartening and discouraging because we want people to enjoy our work but the only way to get that is to keep working. Your work still has value even if people aren’t engaging the way they used to and I’m sure that it’s great! The people who love it the same as you do will find it I’m sure, and I’m wishing you the best of luck!

[highschoolarchives]

Balancing Personal and School Life by Gillian Pelopero

Have you ever been mentally exhausted because you didn't know how to manage your personal life with school life? Or have your studies drained you to the point that you can no longer have fun with your friends? Well, so have I.

I’ve decided to reflect on the idea of finding a balance between school and personal life. And I'd like to discuss it from the perspective of a student because it's difficult to devote enough time to things outside of school. These things could include family, friends, hobbies, alone time, and many more.

I am a tired and busy woman from the STEM strand. Sometimes, I feel like I am spending way too much time in school and that I don’t give enough attention to my friends. I feel awful and guilty about it.  Therefore, the need for balance simply resonates with me because I battle with it.

It's possible that this is the case for you as well; perhaps you're also finding balance. Maybe you're striving to get into a competitive program, or maybe what you're studying is incredibly hard, or maybe you're doing everything in your power to keep your grades up. That can be extremely tiring. I’ve been there and I’ve done that. And during this process, we may begin to feel as if we are losing ourselves and that our identity has gotten entwined with the school. 

In my own experience, my social circle has reduced significantly. I am a lot more distant from people and it’s difficult to close that distance now because I’m so occupied with studying and meeting deadlines. Even when I do have free time, I don’t have the energy to socialize. It also seems like I dedicated so much time to school that I’ve lost interest in some of my hobbies. If this sounds like you and if you feel like you’re spending a lot of time in school, worrying over academics, try to reflect by now on what has changed about you.

I’ve been working so hard in school. Completing task after task, meeting deadline after deadline, dealing with calculus and chemistry, and trying to maintain 90+ grades in every subject. Although I get that 90+ grades, and even 99, when the semester is finally over, I felt as if I no longer knew who I was. I’ve been so preoccupied with school works that I feel like a shell of my former self when I don’t have any deadlines to meet. It, I believe, is a result of a lack of school-life balance.

It's a depressing stage to be in, and we should all try to avoid it by taking steps to help us find balance. Taking measures that will help us devote time and effort to things that don’t have anything to do with school is also crucial. For my new year’s resolution, I’ve decided to take at least a day off every week where I just don’t do anything school related without guilt. I would do what I enjoy - reading, going out with the gals, and watching Netflix series. Also, I always take time to catch up with my family. 

I know that education is very precious, but so is time. This is why we need to find balance. If you are struggling with school-life balance, please make sure to make time for yourself. Take a day off and don’t think about school. Catch up with your personal life. Bond with your family and friends. Just simply have fun. 

I, myself, also struggle in finding the balance. Some of my friends compliment me on how I have my life together and how I’m doing so well in school, but at the expense of what? With that being said, I’m sure that some students are so engrossed in academics. It’s wonderful but it also has its downside. Ultimately losing yourself in school is unhealthy. It will eventually lead you down the road and burn you out. So, learn to prioritize yourself. 

Life is happening right now; it’s not happening later.

I hope that some of you can relate because I cannot be the only one who’s going through the balance crisis. 

I am proud of you. Padayon!

[five-rivers]

Adoption (part 2)

A gift for @a-flower-lover!  This wound up being more along the lines of vignettes...  Little snapshots into Danny’s life after being adopted by Clockwork.  I hope that’s ok!  (PART 1)

.

Mr. Lancer had met Charles Worth before, albeit briefly. The man had fostered a number of Casper High students and with that responsibility came parent-teacher conferences. He had struck Mr. Lancer as being steady and reliable, if, perhaps, impersonal, despite his predilection for clocks and ominous announcements. A decent foster parent, if not... ideal.

Mr. Worth just didn't seem to connect with his fosters, although he certainly didn't neglect them. Then, too, were the persistent rumors that his home was haunted.

Alright. So, Mr. Lancer didn't think Charles Worth was really a children person. Oh, he was a good person! It took one to do well as a foster parent, but... yeah.

Which was why the scene in front of him surprised him so much. Not the who of it, but the what.

The who was Daniel Fenton and Charles Worth waiting outside the office. The what was smiling and having a conversation. True, Mr. Fenton's smile looked like it was pasted on over several layers of anxiety, but it was genuine.

"Mr. Worth, Mr. Fenton?" he said, tamping down his surprise. "Come on in."

"Hi," said Mr. Fenton, his voice hoarse.

Mr. Worth smiled and nodded, pushing him up with his cane.

But Mr. Fenton must have noticed the curious look Mr. Lancer was giving him. "I knew Cl- Uh. Mr. Worth before this." He winced and smiled widely to cover it up. "So, uh, make up work? Since I missed the past week?"

"Yes, well, circumstances being what they are," aka his parents trying to murder him in public, in broad daylight (and didn't that give Mr. Lancer a chill?), "your teachers have put together a few packets for you to look over this weekend. They should get you more or less up to speed with where your classes are. I'm also willing to stay after school, to help you with anything you've missed in my classes."

.

Jazz knocked on the door of the Worth house. She had been made aware, via various supernatural (she did not particularly appreciate writing suddenly appearing on her fogged-up bathroom mirror) and mundane (Danny did have her phone number) means, that the man known as Charles Worth was actually the ghost known as Clockwork.

How this had occurred was not entirely clear to her. She assumed ghost powers, specifically time travel, were involved somehow.

But, to be honest, that didn't really matter to her. It was secondary, less than.

What was important here was that she hadn't been legally allowed to see her little brother in over a month. To keep her parents from contacting him. To keep her from letting her parents near him. Because they were legally barred from seeing him.

Because they had tried to kill him.

Jazz planned on never seeing her parents again, as soon as she got all of her and Danny's things from their house.

But now that prohibition had been lifted, because Clockwork had forced through what had to be the speediest adoption in the history of adoptions, and Danny was now legally his son. In the eyes of both humans and ghosts. Which was... Well. Danny seemed to be excited about it, anyway. He'd looked up to Clockwork for a while, from what he told Jazz.

Internally, Jazz had more than a bit of trepidation. She didn't know what adoption meant to ghosts, didn't have any context for it. And ghosts, even the good ones, even Danny, tended to be... obsessive. Extreme. She wasn't sure how that would translate when it came to interpersonal relationships.

The door creaked open, ever so slowly, the squeak it made grating on her eardrums. At first, it appeared to have opened on its own, then a hand gripped the edge of the door, and Clockwork, in human guise, leaned out from behind it.

Jazz raised an eyebrow.

Clockwork raised one right back. "This house is haunted, you know," he said.

Okay, never mind. The only thing she had to worry about was the fact that her brother and his mentor both had terrible senses of humor.

"Hi, Jazz!"

Being used to having a half-ghost brother, Jazz only yelped a little bit at his unexpected appearance behind her. Then she sighed and ruffled his hair. He hugged her and then bounced over the lintel into the house.

"Come on! I want to show you my room! It's so cool!" His voice became fainter as he went farther into the house, until his last exclamation was an eerie whisper.

Jazz looked at Clockwork as she stepped inside. "Is he doing that on purpose?"

Clockwork smiled blandly. "I am very fond of the acoustics in this house."

She looked at her surroundings with a skeptical eye. "It seems... dark in here."

"We are ghosts," said Clockwork. "Daniel is very excited to show you his room, by the way."

"He's human, too, don't forget," said Jazz.

"I won't."

.

The house was creepy.

Really creepy.

This was coming from someone who had spent most of her life living under the same roof as two ghost-obsessed mad scientists.

But Danny seemed to enjoy it, and he was the one living here. It wasn't like there was anything wrong with the house. Or anything in the house. It was just... off.

Danny was half-ghost, however, so maybe this was something he needed. Perhaps not all of his peppiness could be attributed to being the heck away from his murderous former parents.

Even so. Jazz had a duty, both as a big sister and an aspiring psychologist.

"I already read it," said Clockwork, setting a cup of tea down in front of her.

"What?"

"The book you were about to give me. I've already read it. And a number of others. I am not the kind of person who goes into things unprepared."

Danny rolled into the kitchen on the ceiling. This was easy to ignore. After her life, an Exorcist reference made by her over-excited younger brother, was, well. Underwhelming.

(Okay, she was a little distracted, but only by his glee.)

"Well," she said. "That's good."

.

"I know this house is out of the way," said Clockwork, craning his neck to look up at his coworker, "but you are rather conspicuous."

"Hm. Am I?" asked Pandora, craning her neck down to look at her comparatively tiny colleague.

"Yes. At that size, humans with average eyesight will be able to see you from town."

Pandora looked out over the trees. "Interesting," she said, mildly. "Do you think the ghost hunters will come?"

"You've spoken to Daniel."

"Yes. He stopped by earlier today, on his way to visit Mattingly. Although, I suppose you knew that already."

"Indeed I did. May I ask, is it your intention to lure the ghost hunters here, fight them, defeat them, and then leave them just close enough to here to constitute a breach of their terms of bail and the restraining order against them?"

"I am not terribly well-versed in human law," said Pandora, "but, why, yes. That is exactly what I'm doing. Best to get it done while Daniel is visiting friends, isn't it?"

"Yes. If you had done this while he was here, I would be significantly more annoyed." Clockwork smiled the sanguine smile of a parental figure who would commit murder if their child was upset.

Pandora returned a matching grin, one that promised retribution against persons who had harmed said child in the past. "Please, Clockwork. You know me better than that. I wouldn't subject him to being in the presence of those fools."

"Good," said Clockwork, eyes glinting.

.

"Hey, Clockwork? Do you know why there were police cars driving down the- Oh. Hello?" He stopped at the sight of an unfamiliar woman sitting at the dinning room table, next to Clockwork. He blinked and tilted his head to the side. "Wait. Pandora?"

"Perceptive," said the superficially human olive-skinned woman. "You seemed so happy when you stopped by, earlier. I thought I would come check in on you."

"You didn't have to," said Danny, beaming.

"Pandora has been trying to convince me to set her up as one of my relatives," said Clockwork, rolling his eyes. "Would you care for a cup of tea, Daniel?"

"Umm," said Danny, dubiously. "I'll try one, I guess. Does that mean you'll be my aunt?"

Pandora smiled. "Why, yes, it does."

Clockwork groaned theatrically.

.

"Ah," said Mr. Lancer, at the next parent-teacher conference. "Are you Mr. Worth's wife?"

"No," said Pandora, grinning. "I'm his sister."

Mr. Lancer looked back and forth between the two very different-looking entities. "I... see."

"We're adopted," said Clockwork.

"Oh! Alright then. Now, about Daniel..."

.

It was a bit strange to see Danny with so much energy, Sam reflected. Strange, but good.

It just went to show how drained he had become over time, how much the constant ghost attacks and worry, all the lies and stress and impossible expectations had worn away at him over time. She hadn't seen her friend this happy since freshman year. If that.

On the other hand...

"Dude," said Tucker. "Your house is spooky. And this is coming from someone who's been inside a literal mad science lab."

Danny rolled his eyes. "Mad science labs are campy, not spooky. Besides, you knew coming in that this house was haunted." He draped himself over the back of the couch, rolling until he was 'sitting' upside-down. "Anyway, what kind of movie do you want to watch? We've got a bunch, because Clockwork apparently collects media from doomed timelines."

"He's got a hobby?" asked Sam.

"Yeah, three," said Danny. "Gardening- you should talk to him about that, by the way, I think he'd like it- baking, and alternate timeline movies. And some books, too, I think. He's got a huge library back in Long Now. I've read like. Two books from it."

Clockwork's voice floated in from the other room. "You've read significantly more than that, Daniel."

"I guess," said Danny, doubtfully. He flopped off the couch, picked himself up, and started prodding at a shelf of movies. "This is from a timeline where the Earth got beaned by a massive asteroid. It's, like, a romcom, but it was made when everyone knew the asteroid was coming. This one is, uh, this is actually a dramatization of real events, apparently, but their timeline split from ours in like the fifties, so the events are pretty wild." He waved the DVD at them. "It's surreal?"

"How'd they die?" asked Tucker.

"Wacky superscience. No, really. Irradiated the entire planet."

"How do you know?" asked Sam.

"Oh, Clockwork puts notes on the boxes. He thinks it's interesting. And there does seem to be some correlation between how cursed the movies are and how bad the timeline was. Which maybe shouldn't surprise me? I mean, if they were bad timelines..." He shrugged. "Oh, this is a CGI Lion King. I can tell you: very cursed. Absolutely soulless. And this is from a timeline where copyright laws weren't changed, so Mickey Mouse and a bunch of other stuff was in the public domain."

"Isn't that a good timeline?" joked Sam.

"You'd think so," agreed Danny. "But apartheid in South Africa apparently never stopped, and they got a nuclear bomb, and, well... World War Three."

"Is that like, a domino effect, or...?"

"I'm not sure... Anyway. Uh. Genre?" He clapped his hands together.

Tucker leaned forward. "I want the wildest version of the Matrix you have."

"Ooh, good choice. There are, like, six with Will Smith. I haven't watched them all yet, but I think the one where they've got another sequel and Zion is also a- Wait, I shouldn't spoil it."

"After that, can you see if there's a non-crappy version of Dracula?" asked Sam.

"Sure. I haven't seen one yet, but I will look."

"I have popcorn," said Clockwork, entering the room, "and various baked goods. No dairy."

"You're the best."

.

Clockwork selected a thick blanket from the chest, then teleported himself to the living room to drape it over the three teenagers passed out on the couch. Overall, he found pretending to be human oddly enjoyable, but it could be trying at times. Tedious. All the finicky little motions humans had to go through to do the simplest of things added up over the day.

So, Clockwork tended to ease off of them when no one was watching. It made life easier.

Heh. Life.

(He would say that Daniel's puns were rubbing off on him, but in truth Clockwork's sense of humor had been like that for, well. Eons.)

He put the kitchen in order with an absent wave of his hand, and double-checked the stove out of habit. It wasn't nearly as good as his actual oven, back in Long Now, but it was serviceable.

One of Daniel's friends mumbled in their sleep, and Clockwork looked in on them. Still peaceful. It was good for Daniel to have them here. Beneficial for both his human and ghost halves.

He hummed to himself and patted Daniel's head as he thought about their plans for the weekend. He had arranged for some truly aggravating evangelical missionaries to darken their doorstep. It would do Daniel good to inspire a touch of terror. In an entirely controlled and risk-free way, of course. No matter how unpleasant the people coming were, Clockwork had no intention of harming them, or suggesting anything of the sort.

But, well. They were ghosts. Being feared was soothing.

(Clockwork knew this wasn't what Jasmine meant when she suggested Clockwork engage in family bonding activities with Daniel. But what she didn't know...)

.

"I think my teeth are getting sharper," said Danny, pulling a face at the mirror. "Is that normal?" The last was shouted, to get Clockwork's attention. Intellectually, Danny knew he didn't need to do that, but a lifetime of habit was hard to shake.

"It is difficult to say what is normal for someone like you, but many ghosts do have fangs," said Clockwork. "Including myself."

"Hm," said Danny. "This isn't, like, a ghost puberty thing, is it? Because I already used up most of my evil puberty jokes."

"Oh, only most?" Clockwork slid behind him and started rubbing the tension out of his shoulders.

Danny shrugged. "Eh, give or take. But, seriously."

"No, it isn't a ghost puberty thing."

"Oh, good. Because dealing with one puberty is more than enough."

Clockwork was silent. Danny looked up and met troubled eyes in the mirror.

"Clockwork?"

"Daniel," started Clockwork, before giving Danny an uneasy smile. "Speaking of puberty..."

Danny blanched. "No."

"What?"

"No. Nope. Not doing the talk today, no sir. I got that at school."

"Daniel, as strange as Casper High may be at times, I highly doubt they taught you anything about immortality."

"What."

.

"It's why ghosts put so much forethought into relationships like this," explained Clockwork, careful not to look directly at Daniel's hiding place. "They might last forever. I certainly hope this one does."

"But I don't want to be a teenager forever!" wailed Danny. He had mastered the art of making his voice sound like it was coming from a completely different direction than it actually was.

Clockwork was older than human civilization and had been worshiped as a god by several civilizations. He did not wince at the heartbreak in his child's voice.

"Your shapeshifting abilities should come in after a few years," said Clockwork. "You'll be able to pass as older."

Daniel answered with a moan.

"I must confess, I'm not sure why you are so upset about this. I can see that you are, but could you explain why for me?"

"I don't knoooooowww..."

.

"I don't want everyone to die and leave me alone," admitted Danny, hunched over a carton of ice cream. "I don't want to see my- my people die." He sniffled.

"We don't have to stay in Amity Park if you don't want to," said Clockwork.

Danny shook his head. "No! That's worse," he said, hating how his voice tilted into a whine. "That's- I can't abandon them! I can't- can't miss their time. I just..." He let out a huff of air. "It's hard."

Clockwork wrapped an arm around Daniel's shoulders. "It may not help much," he said, "but people in Amity Park have a much higher chance of becoming ghosts. It's the ectoplasm in the air."

"Promise?" asked Danny.

"Promise. Although, who, exactly, becomes a ghost is outside of my control. All I can tell you is that the people here have a better chance."

Danny leaned against Clockwork. "Thanks," he mumbled. "Clockwork?"

"Yes?"

"You don't think I'm a freak, do you?"

"Of course not."

.

Mr. Lancer squinted down at Daniel Fenton's latest assignment with a mix of appreciation, disbelief, and shame. This was easily the best work he had ever received from Daniel. In fact, it rivaled papers he had received from Jasmine.

It made him wonder- How long had Daniel been suffering? What had Daniel been suffering? He was no expert when it came to abuse, but all teachers had some training, and he knew that abusers tended to escalate, starting with something relatively innocuous and ending with a travesty. For things to progress to attempted murder... What had it started as? When had it begun?

(Could Mr. Lancer have stopped it?)

(That question would haunt him more than any ghost.)

Well, there was a silver lining to this, Mr. Lancer supposed. He had rarely seen two people who got along as well as Daniel and Charles Worth. It was good, he thought, for the man to have someone in his life on a more permanent basis, rather than the revolving door of temporary foster children.

How rapidly the adoption went through was a little odd, but... Mr. Lancer shrugged. Undoubtedly, Mr. Worth had taken the time over his years as a foster parent to familiarize himself with the system, and with Daniel's former parents unfit to be anywhere near children...

He shrugged again and stamped Daniel's paper with an A+.

[werevulvi]

Hi, could you tell me more about your autism and diagnosis and how you deal with it, how old you were diagnosed

I don't know a lot about my autism, tbh, as I never bothered to read up on it and I was never properly informed on it. But what I do know is that I learned slowly as a kid, learned to walk at age 3, was very clumsy (like medically abnormally clumsy physically, could barely run at all and couldn't climb, etc) required special treatment to learn how to eat as a toddler because I hated the sensory experience of solid food and chewing, I was incapable of understanding sarcasm, interpreted everything literally, I was stimming a lot, had monotone body language and speech, etc. I was very obviously "different" according to my parents already from around age 1 or 2, and required literally constant attention for the first 4 years of my life. Started daycare at age 4, in small groups.

Then as I started school at age 6, apparently the school nurse had told my parents that I'm probably autistic, so I consider that my "inofficial diagnosis" but they decided to ignore that and didn't tell me (until 10 years later.) I was bullied in school for being "the weird kid" by both classmates and teachers who thought I was a retard and annoying, basically, I guess. I was called a freak and weirdo a lot. But like I was proudly a weirdo, and resented normativity.

As I got up into ages 10-12 my depression and DID symptoms (alter) kinda took over and became more prominent than my autism symptoms, as I wasn't as physically clumsy anymore and started learning social cues. My mental health continued to decline over the next few years, until I sought out therapy on my own at age 16. It led me to doing my first few suicide attempts, which led me to ending up at a closed psychiatric ward.

While staying there for a few weeks, I got evaluated for autism (without knowing that's what I was tested for) as well as a few physical things, such as my hearing impairment and chronic headache. And those tests led to an official Asperger Syndrome diagnosis, when I was 16, by the very end of year 2005. I also got diagnosed with borderline psychosis and mild depression, and got pumped full of anti-depressants and anti-psychotic (neuroleptic) drugs. Then my mom finally told me that she basically always knew about my autism, and I was really pissed at her for not having told me before. I resented my autism diagnosis right from the start, and the older I got, the more I resented it. Never identified with it, only ever saw it as a huge burden.

Then throughout the rest of my teens, I went to a school for neurodivergent people (basically upper high school) but still flunked it. I was a complete and utter mess, and got little to no actual therapy. They just kept shoving me around from one psychiatric department to another, due to my comorbid issues, no one could help me, it seemed. Every once in a while I'd make another half assed suicide attempt to make them take me seriously, which only worked for a few months at a time. In total, I've made 19 suicide attemps over 12 years. Oh lord, psychiatry was so bad!

Adulthood came along and I got benefitted with sickness compensation, and got my first apartment at age 20. It didn't go great. I accidentally flooded it and had to move out, and didn't manage to keep it clean or anything while I lived there. I was barely functional and alcoholic, constantly self-harming, just to try to manage attending school. Despite getting help from caretakers offered by the state (?) weekly, I was really dysfunctional. I switched apartments several times, and kept flunking school while trying to live my miserable life, always hanging by a thread. Until I moved back to my parents at age 23. They had moved to a miserable island far away from all my friends. Got an apartment on that island close to my parents, but my issues continued being the same level of awful, up until about age 27.

What this has to do with my autism is that... uh, I basically understand it as that it impedes on my executive function really dramatically, and like although I can physically do pretty much anything, mentally I just somehow can't. Especially repeatedly, and often enough. Like I can't keep any routine for the life of me, not even simple shit like sleep cycle, eating habits, brushing my teeth, etc. Let alone school or a job, or even hobbies. Everything is infrequent and too seldom, if at all. So everything in my life keeps falling apart as I basically have no foundation to stand on, and I get sensory overload suuuuper easily. So like just going shopping/cleaning/laundry/hobbies/school/anything for half an hour can drain me significantly and make me incapable of managing doing anything else for the rest of that entire day. It's very hard for me to explain, but it's like I only ever have 3 spoons per day, but most things requitre 10+ spoons, so I go backwards on my energy resources a lot and end up having to rest for DAYS after just one hour's activity.

At age 27 I ditched the social service caretakers, as they were seriously depriving me of my privacy while being largely unhelpful, and I began to finally try to pull myself together. I still get a lot of help from my mom, with anything from paying my bills and grocery shopping, to driving me places and dealing with soul-sucking authorities for me. This takes off a lot of the burden and allows me to manage doing at least a few things on my own, like working out, cleaning (yay I manage keeping my apartment clean nowadays!), laundry, occasional shopping, art projects, online socialising, etc. I still go to therapy biweekly but it's still largely unhelpful. At least I managed to make them stop tossing me around between departments like a football though, and I'm still gonna try to get some proper trauma therapy, and maybe also look into that adhd group I was promised last year, if it'll ever resume again post-corona...

I've still never had a job in my life and still have incomplete grades. But I got permanent sickness compensation now, so that's neat. At least I don't have to worry financially. I'm also trying to get started with some "work training" stuff which is basically "pretend work" for people who can't work, just to have something to do. I'll most likely be granted acces to that. However, it seems irony is that most of those are located out in the middle of nowhere where no buses go, and I can't afford a fucking car or driver's licence because I can't work. Mom probably won't drive me several times a week for that. Fucking fantastic. Makes me almost wanna kill someone... argh! Those little things really piss me off.

Life is absolutely not going the way I want and I blame my autism for it, mostly. I am drowning in frustration, and my anger issues making me scream my lungs out in pure despair, shows that. I'm considered offically disabled due to my autism, and it just fucking sucks ass. How lonely, under-stimulated yet easily over-stimulated, bored, meaningless and unfulfilled my life is. There are far more severely autistic people out there who somehow manage to live far more functional lives, and I'm jealous of that. I dunno how to break free from this misery. It feels like the only thing I've ever managed to accomplish in life is transitioning genders, and making art that I don't wanna sell. I wanna have a "normal" job, a car and driver's licence, I wanna have cats and a social life, I want parties at night clubs again, I want hobbies outside of my home; hookups, friends and lovers; I want to be able to have a functional romantic life with someone I can marry and start a family with.

But is any of that ever gonna happen? I hope so, but it feels bleak. Because my autism feels like such a huge burden on my life, and a huge hindrence to my dreams and goals... like I'm over 30 already and still a disabled and having my mom living half my life for me, miserable mess and not given any useful therapy, I'm left to my own vices to figure out how to adult... Because of all that, I hate my autism and I wish there was a cure, I swear to fuck. So for your question, how I deal with it: not fantastically. Not sure if you wanted a relay of my entire life, but I hope that’s okay! Didn’t know how else to answer your questions.

[nefarioussdotcom-blog]

Kai-yacking!

Author:  Roojin Hooblal

“And so we beat on, boats against the current.”

This is one of the most iconic quotes in English literature. I realized very early on that nearly all the classic books I was drawn to had something to do with water. Moby Dick, The Heart of Darkness and of course, The Old Man and The Sea by Ernest Hemingway.

My first water-induced adrenaline rush was when I first did my first whitewater kayaking down the Batoka gorge in Zambia. When anyone mentions the Victoria Fall, locally known as the Mosi Oa Tunya (‘The smoke that thunders’), my mind immediately remembers my first time on the water. Sure, if anyone has taken on the Zambezi rapids they will tell you that you may be some kind of crazy to start off on such a beast of a river, they will also tell you about the Stairway to Heaven, the Three Ugly Sister, The Devil’s Toilet Bowl, Gulliver’s Travels, and of course the granddaddy of all 24 rapids; rapid number 9, Commercial Suicide!

It started innocently like all great ideas do, among a group of mates, screaming fables over shots of Snake Baijiu in the middle of China. BAD IDEA!! Two months later, there we were, standing at the start point, the gravity of the situation quickly dawning on us as we watched the river crash violently against the rapid number one aptly called Against the Wall. During the expedition I made two vows. The first which I’m certain was going through the mind of a marooned crocodile we came across was that if I made it to the end of the gorge, I would never touch even a cup of water ever again. When We got to the end I made a second vow; that I would have to come back and do it again! Boom!!!! I was hooked. The water had claimed me.

Getting into kayaking could be the most rewarding activity or sport you can get to. Many people may think the kayak is a new way for kids high off energy drinks to do stuff for their YouTube channels. The kayak actually goes back hundreds of years. Man and his affair with the water has a long and fascinating history. The kayak was first used by the indigenous Aleut, Inuit, Yupik and Ainu hunters in the subarctic regions of the world to hunt on inland rivers and lakes. In fact, the word kayak originated from the word qajaq meaning ‘hunter’s boat’. Early qajaqs were made from the stitched hides of animals stretched over a wooden frame and ranged up to approximately 9 meters.

Due to its use in hunting, the kayak was built for optimal maneuverability. The paddler was intended to be able to change direction easily and in the event of an accident, the paddler would be able to rescue a fellow paddler. The kayak’s design focuses on directional stability or tracking Vs maneuverability. The paddler’s body also plays an integral roll in how the kayak will perform and respond. For example, if the paddler is too heavy, the kayak may sin due to excess weight. If the paddler is too light, the paddler may not be able to get the most control of the kayak’s mobility. Ensuring that a kayak is the right size and fit is one of the more crucial steps to an enjoyable experience that can lead to a life-long hobby.

Benefits of KayakingThough there are various styles of kayaking, one thing is for sure; Kayaking is a healthy way of living. What is it about kayaking that becomes an addiction to anyone who decides to pick up the paddle?It is SocialIn water sports, like kayaking, I have had the chance to meet so many interesting people from all walks of life and from all over the world. Each with their own stories of how they got into the sport, the challenges they face and how they overcome them. Personally, through kayaking, I have learned to challenge myself and overcome fear and indecision better. It is always stimulating to hear stories from other paddlers after a long expedition around a campfire looking up at the starry sky.FitnessNothing will get your muscles jumping into action faster than behind a paddle. Kayaking is sure to demand you develop a level of fitness. It is also sure to give you a proper aerobic exercise. But best of all, it gives you concentration. You start to pay attention to things like rhythm and cadence. You start to adjust and understand your body better. You learn how to economize your energy output. You start to learn how the paddle is an extension of you. It definitely will keep you healthy.A Chance at NatureVery few activities will bring you this close to nature. You become mentally aware of currents and undercurrents. You feel winds and even the slightest breeze makes you make tiny adjustments. This is very meditative and calming. And if you love recreational kayaking or for fishing, very few modes of transport will take you closer to schools of fish without agitating them the way a kayak would. Depending on your location, you could even get very close to seals or dolphins that you can touch them. They may curiously swim to you in ways they may not if you were on a motor powered vessel. These encounters can be very rewarding.Whitewater KayaksThese kayaks are roto-molded in a semi-rigid, high impact plastic, usually polyethylene. This type of kayak is ideal for fast-moving water. The plastic hull allows the whitewater kayak to take contact from rocks without breaking or leaking. They range from 1.2 to 3.0m long. Whitewater racing combines a fast, unstable lower hull with a flared upper hull to combine flat water racing speed with added stability in open water. These require the paddler to have substantial skill to achieve stability, due to their extremely narrow hulls. Like all racing kayaks, white-water racing kayaks are made to regulation lengths.

Play boat

Whitewater Kayak

This type of whitewater kayak is short, with a scooped bow and a rounded stern. This ensures high maneuverability over speed and stability because they are already in faster-moving waters. These are pretty much the closest thing to a BMX kayak. They are built for performing tricks. They are the primary kayak used in playboating or freestyle competitions which are also known as rodeo boating. You are more likely to see paddles doing airborne tricks with one of these. Pretty Dope, eh?

Creekboat Whitewater Kayak

These are significantly longer than and more voluminous than play boats, making them more stable, faster and higher floating. They are primarily used for speed on narrow, low volume waterways and rivers because of their stability and speed, which enables them to hit rapids at higher speeds.Sea and Touring KayaksIn 1932, a German man called Oskar Speck, disenfranchised by the economy, hopped into his kayak and only paddled for seven-and-a-half years and over 30,000 miles to Australia. Only to Australia. Unfortunately, after weathering monsoons, mosquito bites, limited fresh water, and crocodile infested water, upon reaching Australia, he was immediately arrested as a war criminal. Oskar eventually was released and wedded an Australian gal. His mode of transport was a Sea kayak. Embarking on such an epic journey definitely requires fortitude and a lot more planning and substance. Of course this challenge was successfully  taken on recently by Sandy Robson and she had to use a kayak built to handle such an expedition.

Sea and Touring KayaksSea kayaks, also known as Touring kayaks are built for journeys of hours to weeks long expedition. Their volume above the waterline gives them increased security in rougher conditions and even more room for gear.  Yet, the sea kayak offers a low profile to the wind, with a forward-raked design and unique mini-transom, sure to appeal to the sophisticated paddler. Sea kayaks in most cases trade maneuverability for seaworthiness, stability and cargo capacity. They typically have a longer waterline, and provisions for below-deck storage. They can accommodate one to sometimes three paddlers.Sit-on-topsThese are sealed-hull crafts, developed for leisure use and are mainly constructed using polyethylene to ensure strength and affordability. These have scupper holes which are tubes that run from the cockpit to the bottom of the hull so that water that enters the cockpit can be drained out. Sit-on-top kayaks range from one to four paddlers. They are popular for fishing and scuba diving. A disadvantage with this kayak is that its hull may develop perforations that may fill with water over time without the paddler knowing.

A sit-on-top tandem kayakFishing has become a fast growing activity in kayaking. Where a Sit-on-top kayak is not the go-to kayak for paddling for paddling and maneuverability’s sake, it outperforms other kayaks as the best platform for angling/fishing. Its ability to sit shallow allows it to approach schools of fish without scaring them off the way a motor-powered boat wouldn’t. Its very stable and can allow paddlers to spend hours out on the water easy!Inflatable KayaksInflatable kayaks don’t have to mean boring! Au contraire!!! Inflatables have an advantage when it comes to portability. The paddler is able to carry them to their favourite scenic spots with the help of  a large enough bag.

Choosing Your KayakBefore you decide on getting a kayak, it is important for you to identify the one that suits the activity you want to be doing, because kayak performance is determined by a varying number of factors. It is important to be practical about how often you think you may need to actually go out kayaking. Is it a hobby you are committing to? Is it an activity you plan to do a few times only? It may be more practical for you to rent rather than hastily purchase one if so. This will allow you to test a wide range of kayaks to find which one appeals to you the most before splurging. However if you are committed to a journey into the world of kayaking, you had better select one that matches the kind of activity you will spend your time doing.Another important feature for the ideal kayak is comfort. You will most likely be spending hours on end in the kayak and the last thing you want is to have your legs go dead on you. You have to ensure it is the right size for your body and that all adjustments are correctly done according to your particular needs. Most importantly, always be safe and have fun!Top Kayaking DestinationsIn an article for Red-Bull, ten-time world champion Claire O’Hara listed some of these kayaking heavens. I have kayaked on only two of these listed, and based on my own experience I am inclined to trust her judgement and also consider this as my Wish list kayak destinations:

1.  Slovenia

2.  Ottawa River, Canada

3.  Zambezi River, Zambia

4.  Lake Rotoiti Rotorua, New Zealand

5.  Norway

6.  White Nile, Uganda

7.  The Grand Canyon, USA

[farmboyreef]

Your Weekly Reef Blog All about Skimmers

YOUR WEEKLY REEF REPORT

SKIM OR NOT TO SKIM

Hey Farm Hands,

Today we are going to talk about skimmers. Like most reefers in the hobby we all pretty much use a skimmer. There are pros and cons but I believe the pros out weigh the cons but we will get to that in a minute. As a hobbiest we have so many choices on brands of skimmers. You ask yourself, “What’s the right skimmer for me?” Well, let’s break it down. First: The price is always a big factor in this hobby and the old saying is, you get what you pay for. Second: Build quality, you want something that’s going to last. Having a quality pump to take the abuse of everyday flow. Thirdly: How long has the skimmer been on the market, does it have a great review in the reefing community. And that’s what I personally look for when I am buying new gear for my tank. So i did my research asked buddies and other reefers what skimmer they though was a great brand. Everyone kept telling me Deltec. So I jumped online read the reviews and watched YouTube videos on the Deltec skimmer. So I went with the internal Deltec SC 3070.

SC 3070s Internal protein Skimmer

Deltec's new and innovative SC (Single chamber) range of in sump protein skimmers featuring Deltec's brand new high performance pump featuring class leading energy to air ratio (E-T-A).

Suitable for aquariums up to 6000 lts (1320 U.K gallons)

For over 20 years Deltec GMBH have worked hard to develop the best specialist marine aquarium equipment available on the market and are known throughout the world for the high performance and quality of their protein skimmers. When their patent on the Deltec Pinwheel ran out it opened the market for other people to copy their ideas and to produce pinwheels of their own but without the 20+ years of experience and development that had gone into the Deltec products.

The next generation of Deltec protein skimmers is shortly to hit the market and this time Deltec have developed their own design of pump and spent months getting the right amount of air for the lowest possible power consumption. This has allowed Deltec to set new standards in efficiency and to illustrate the difference they have introduced a new terminology, E-T-A Ratio (energy to air ratio), to allow comparison of Deltec products against others. The new products have an E-T-A Ratio of around 60 to one and can produce 1500 lts of air per hour whilst using only 25W of power. Compare this with the current Deltec modified Eheim pumps, (already renound for their performance), which only produce 600 lts of air for 36W of power and you will understand why we are so excited.

The SC name describes the special Single Chamber design of the bubble chamber which is patented and has the benefit of pressurising the pumps for higher performance and ensures that only unskimmed water passes through he pump rather than reskimming and reprocessing water in the chamber.

The new bubble plate design allows the height of the protein skimmers to be reduced compared with the current range to allow them to fit in a greater number of installations and cabinets. The primary use of the bubble chamber is to prevent turbulence from the skimmer body and neck as turbulence can pull waste loaded bubbles back into the water column causing a reduction in efficiency. The air to water ratio is so high that there is almost immediate reaction with the waste therefore there is no requirement for the tall reaction chambers found on some low air protein skimmers thus keeping the units compact.

Technical Data

In Sump Version - Deltec SC 3070s - This stands for Single Chamber, body diameter 300mm and total height 650mm

The total height measurement includes around 20mm for cup removal

Significantly exceeds performance of AP1004 (2400 lts of air - 230V)

Footprint: 320mm x 320mm

Footprint incl pipework: 383mm x 320mm

Total air produced: 2x1600 to 2x1750 lts/hour

Power consumption: 2 x 35W-38W

Working water height in sump: 180-260mm

Outlet pipe size: 50mm

Tank Suitability: 5000 lts heavy stocking 6000 lts normal stocking

Remote drain of skimmer cup

Air silencers

Micro adjustable skimmer setting

High water flow through the skimmer

Optional self cleaning system

New colour scheme

No feed pump required, skimmer draws water directly from the sump

Article no 813500000

The Pro's of Skimming

 Here are some of the consistent comments about advantages of skimming:

1) helps with overall water quality

2) replicates nature, waves crash and skim the oceans leaving skim on beaches

3) water changes are periodic and skimming is constant

4) gives a margin of error in terms of overfeeding

5) skimming the bad far outweighs whatever 'good things' are skimmed

6) one can't test for skimmable products likes metabolites, intermediates, toxins, etc and there are no good data out there as to what 'good nutrients' are skimmed off

The Con's of Skimming

 Here are some of the consistent comments about going without a skimmer:

1) removes desirable nutrients

2) too large and make too much noise

3) require additional plumbing or don't fit well with certain systems

4) it's an unnecessary expense if you are consistent with water changes, light stocking and not overfeeding

5) creates microbubbles in the tank

6) possible oxidation of sensitive molecules (one poster listed iodine)

7) some ricordia/zoanthids prefer a small amount of DSO's

Here are some thoughts to help you decide on whether or not to buy a protein skimmer:

 1) What is my bioload....am I heavily stocked or do I have heavy polluters?

2) Do I have a tendency toward overfeeding or do I have no other methods for nutrient export (no refugium or macroalgae)

3) Lack of dedicated time for tank maintenance and water changes 

My though of the day:

 In my opinion Skimmers are a must why not make your reef the best it can be. Test each week and keep your reef happy and healthy. Your reef will sure tell you if its not happy so just keep your eyes open and have fun.

Ryan Nash

Farm Boy Reef.

[themoneybuff-blog]

Exploring the Connections Between Your Professional Life and Your Financial Life

This is the sixth entry in an eight part series exploring the connections between your finances and other areas of your life. A few weeks ago, I started a series exploring the connections between personal finance and the other spheres of my life. The first entry covered the connections between ones physical life and financial life, the second entry covered the connections between ones mental and spiritual life and financial life, the third entry covered the connections between ones intellectual life and financial life, the fourth entry covered the connections between ones marital life and financial life, the fifth entry covered the connections between ones parental life and financial life, and today were looking at ones professional life and financial life. As noted in the first entry, I tend to view life as a bunch of spheres, or areas of focus. I really like Michael Hyatts list of nine such spheres: physical, mental/spiritual, intellectual, social, marital, parental, avocational (hobbies), vocational, and financial they cover much of what life is all about. Ive come to view these spheres as deeply interconnected, in that success in one sphere is usually linked in some significant ways to success in other spheres (and failures are similarly connected) and that knowing the connections can help people figure out how to succeed in both areas at once. Today, were going to look at the professional sphere and how it connects to ones financial life. What Is Professional Life? Ones professional life is simply what one does with their time and energy in an effort to earn money. (Things you do outside of earning money tend to fall into the other spheres of life.) My professional life is centered around being a freelance writer, with a few other side gigs here and there. My wifes professional life is that of a teacher. My fathers professional life was commercial fishing and factory work. Professional life encompasses both the day to day work that you have to do to fulfill the requirements of your job and get paid as well as the additional efforts you take on to discover new and better moneymaking opportunities, like furthering your education or getting a certification or going to professional conferences. Obviously, the connections between ones professional life and financial life are many. After all, for most people, their professional life is the source of income in their life. Yet thats just the start of the connections between your financial life and your professional life. Here are several more. Often, your professional life comes with costs. Maybe you have to buy a particular wardrobe for work. Maybe you have to take classes in order to maintain certain certifications. Many people have some sort of commuting cost thats required to get them to and from work. Those costs add up and they drain away from your income. In fact, youre usually better off working for a dollar or two per hour less if the extra costs (like commuting and clothing) are significantly lower or nonexistent. Youll pay fewer taxes and have fewer expenses, which will recoup the salary difference. Stressful jobs often require unwinding, which also has financial implications. Many people gravitate toward expensive ways to unwind after a busy day, or else they gravitate toward simply resting to unwind and that ends up bringing on other expenses. I used to unwind by playing a lot of video games. I would often buy a new video game twice a month, which added up to $100 a month just to unwind from my job. I would often stop for a snack after work as well, because I would often eat to de-stress, and sometimes Id hit a bookstore as well. Those costs can add up. The stress of work can really add to your life. Your job benefits have a profound impact on your overall financial picture. A job with a strong 401(k) or 403(b) match, a continuing education program, and a great health care plan is well worth a lower salary than a job without any of those benefits. Jobs need to be considered in terms of the total value of their benefits and salary, not just the dollar amount on your paycheck. No job is completely stable, and treating your job as permanent and untouchable is a huge financial risk. Your eyes should always be peering ahead at what your next gig is going to be. An unexpected job loss would be financially devastating to the majority of American households. Dont leave your own household at risk. This list could go on and on, of course. The core message here is that the connection between your financial life and your professional life is much deeper than your next paycheck. Here are five low cost strategies I use for maintaining and improving my own professional life. Strategy #1 Never Stick with a Job You Hate If you are genuinely unhappy going to work each morning, substantially beyond the mere preference of a day of leisure that we all have, then you should not stick around at that job. It is likely damaging you in a number of long term ways and making your daily life miserable. Stress and worry and unhappiness have tremendous negative long term health impacts. No job is worth that. Your focus in that situation shouldnt be on perfect job performance, but rather on doing enough to maintain that job while you work on an exit strategy. You should be doing everything you can to open a new door for you to walk through in your career. What does that mean in practical terms? Change your perspective and look at your work solely as a tool to get ready for your next job. Everything you do there should be oriented toward keeping the job in the short term and preparing yourself for your next career step. If your task isnt doing either, then it should be a very, very low priority. Figure out what kind of job you want when you leave, then start building the resume to get that job. Ill cover this in more detail with strategy #2, but you should identify what the requirements and preferred skills and attributes are for the job that you are aiming for next. A good place to start is to go look at job listings for the job you want. Tap your professional relationships for leads. Again, Ill touch on this with strategy #3, but the key idea here is to reach out to your professional network to find out if there are any appropriate jobs available for you. Just ask around with professional colleagues who are employed elsewhere about the existence of jobs that you might be able to apply for and, ideally, those colleagues will help you get your foot in the door for those jobs. It is never worthwhile to stick around at a job that you truly hate. There is always another job that you can do that will earn a similar income. Leave behind poisonous situations and move to pleasant ones. Strategy #2 Always Have a Plan in Place for Your Next Step, and Always Be Taking Daily Action on That Plan Even if youre reasonably happy at your current job, its still a good idea to have a plan in place for whatever your next professional step might be. It might even be something as simple as a raise at your current job. You might be aiming at a promotion at your current workplace. You might be aiming for a big promotion at another employer, or maybe youre even considering moving to another career path entirely. Whatever you might have in mind, you should move that daydream into reality, setting it as a goal and developing a plan to get there. The first step, of course, is identifying where you want to go with your next professional step in a very concrete manner. Think seriously about where you want to be in a few years. It might be your current job with a bit more pay. It might be a promotion at work, or a move elsewhere. Whatever it is, give it serious thought and figure out what your goal is. Where do you really want to go next? Once youve figured that out, you need to develop a plan for achieving that next step. This is going to vary widely depending on what your aim is. If your aim is simply to get a raise at your current job or earn a small promotion at work, the best place to start is with your supervisor. Sit down with your supervisor and simply explain your goal to him or her, then ask for your supervisors help in developing a plan that will get you there. If your aim is a major promotion or a move outside of your current employer, you will have to develop such a plan on your own. I would highly suggest finding a mentor (see the next strategy) to help you do this. Regardless of how you develop a plan for your next career step, you need to be taking daily concrete action on it. This should not be just a fun exercise, but a very clear set of steps you should be following daily to move forward on your professional path. Ideally, you can synergize some of these steps with the work youre already doing by choosing tasks that will really help build you for whats next. If not, you should do your best to block off some time each day for taking that next step, whether its within your workplace or outside of it. If youre not moving forward, youre moving backward. The river of professional life is always flowing against you. Strategy #3 Build and Maintain Positive Professional Relationships and Avoid Burning Bridges Having a lot of positive professional relationships is a boon for any career. They can give you resources to draw on when things are difficult. They can give you a strong positive reputation in your field, one that will often precede you (and a negative reputation will precede you as well if you dont have positive relationships or have a lot of negative ones). They can give you people to swap stories with and connect with in a professional setting. They can give you powerful guidance in terms of what to do next. Occasionally, these relationships can develop into lifelong ones. Building a lot of good professional relationships requires a lot of effort, however. Here are some useful strategies Ive found for doing just that. Dont speak negatively about others, even when theyre not around. If you do speak negatively about others, not only do you establish a reputation for being a person who will trash other people, the word often gets back to the people you trash. The safest rule of thumb is to just avoid it entirely. Dont speak negatively about others, even when theyre not around. If you must criticize someone, do it to their face in a one-on-one session and do it in a constructive way so that they can move forward in a more positive direction. Speaking negatively just damages relationships. Dont burn bridges. If you step down from a position, do it with as much grace as possible. Dont destroy things or say negative things about people on your way out. It doesnt help you; all it does is close doors that you might want to have open in the future. Build positive relationships with everyone you work with. You should have some level of positive relationship with everyone you work with, if thats possible (obviously, there may be a few people who are difficult, but if youre finding most people to be difficult, you may want to look at yourself). Get to know everyone, even the quiet people, and have some things with which you can relate to them. Try to spend at least some time with everyone in your office and be a generally helpful and positive person. Get involved in local professional groups as well as conferences, and use those situations as an opportunity to make yourself known and to get to know others. Beyond your workplace, get involved in every situation you can where you will get to know professional colleagues in your field. Join any local professional groups you can find. Go to conferences. Look for any opportunity you can to present your work to people. Use social media in the same way. Give abundant credit to others and minimize the credit you take for yourself. This is one of the best things you can do for your own reputation. When youre discussing a work project, give as much credit as possible to the other people on the team and dont even mention your own efforts, and if theyre brought up, be humble about them. Talk about what other people contributed to the work in a very positive way. Your own efforts will be known anyway, youll be seen as humble, the reputation of those who helped you will be raised, and theyll think more of you, too. Its one of the best things you can do to build relationships while also building your own reputation. Check in with those people with whom you have a positive professional relationship regularly to maintain that relationship. One of the best strategies Ive actually found is to simply keep a list of people with whom I really want to keep a good professional relationship, split them into three groups basically at random, and then each month, check in and touch base with everyone in one of those groups, then rotate to the next group the following month. So, lets say you have 99 professional relationships. You split them into three groups of 33 each and then you touch base with everyone in one of those groups in January, then another group in February, then another in March. I do this simply to make sure that someone I care about doesnt fall through the cracks. I do it with both professional and personal relationships. When you can do a favor for someone without too much cost to yourself, do it without expecting reciprocation. To me, this is just a natural extension of the golden rule do unto others as you would have them do unto you. What youll find is that if you have a reputation of being helpful without expecting a tit-for-tat, when you actually do need help, a lot of those people you helped will be right there to help you if you ask. Find a mentor, but dont use that word and be careful with it. A mentor is someone many years ahead of you on a career path that you hope to follow. A good professional mentor is incredibly helpful to have, but there are a few challenges, the biggest being the fact that most of the people you would want to have as a mentor are incredibly busy and view a formal mentor relationship as yet another commitment that they dont have time for. It can also be difficult to be on their radar in a positive way if you go in trying to garner attention to yourself, it wont go well. A good approach is to not be formal about it. Rather, simply look for an opportunity to help someone that you would like to be your mentor figure. Then, when you have that opportunity, knock it out of the park without expecting reciprocation. Just nail whatever it is youve agreed to do. Do it so well that they notice your effort above all else, not your hand-waving. This usually opens a door, at least a little. In that situation, dont ask for a formal mentor relationship then, either. Instead, simply ask them that if you are ever in a very difficult situation and youve tried everything you can think of, if it would be okay to contact them once and ask for advice. Theyll likely say yes. Then, wait until you actually are in that situation and ask for that advice. List out all of the things youve already done, and then just ask what they would do. Dont try to schedule a lunch. Dont try to schedule any meeting. Do this by email. If the mentor is engaged and wants to help, theyll schedule a meeting; most likely, theyll just give you a good response by email. Leave it at that and dont make a pest of yourself. Rather, look for another opportunity to volunteer and wow that person. The most valuable thing that will happen here, however, is when youre not around. You will be thought of as a person that your mentor can use for an opportunity or recommend to someone else, and that will happen when youre not in the room. Strategy #4 Dont Shy Away from Professional Challenges, Even If You Fear Failure If youre in a situation where theres a big professional challenge on the offer at work and youre scared of taking it on thats a sure sign that you should take it on. Take that opportunity and give it your genuine best shot. Sure, maybe youll fail. Thats okay. Youll likely learn a ton from failure and that failure likely wont be the end of your career. Or, maybe youll succeed and youll find yourself in a much better professional position than you could have ever dreamed. In either case, youll push your limits and learn a ton along the way. Youll probably have experiences that will burnish your resume for whatever comes next. Remember, in these situations, a professional network is helpful. If youre really challenged by something, ask for help. If you happen to have a mentor, ask for help (in the hands-off way mentioned above). Dont back down from a challenge. It will open doors for you whether you succeed or fail, as long as you give it your genuine best shot. Strategy #5 Always Be Prepared for Unexpected Unemployment No matter how great your job seems, no matter how stable it seems, no matter how good your career seems to be going, unexpected events can and will happen. The government might shut down for a couple of months. Your boss thats your biggest advocate might suddenly die. The owner of your business might be secretly bankrupting the company and then one day its just out of business. Those things can and will happen, and you owe it to yourself and your family to be prepared. Here are a few things you can always do. One, have an emergency fund in a savings account that has at least a month or two of living expenses in it. That way, if youre suddenly out of a job, your financial situation doesnt immediately collapse. You have some breathing room and can immediately focus on finding a new job without worrying about paying the bills next week. Two, have your resume ready to go at all times. Have a well-formatted one you can send out, as well as at least one or two online where they can be found. Keep those resumes updated all the time. Three, know who you can immediately talk to in your professional network. If you lose your job, who might be able to help you quickly find more work? If you dont have those kinds of relationships, start building them. You should have those things in hand at all times. Final Thoughts Your professional life is a vital source of income that youll use to support the rest of your life. Your financial life is mostly about processing the income earned by your professional life. Thus, if you want to get ahead financially, you should focus on getting the most value possible out of your career. If you want to get ahead and build your income, you cant just go to work, clock in, and go home. That will help you keep your job, but it wont help you get ahead in your career and make more money. Hard work is a key ingredient, but so is smart work building relationships, working toward the skills you need for the next step, and making sure that a setback isnt devastating. Good luck! https://www.thesimpledollar.com/exploring-the-connections-between-your-professional-life-and-your-financial-life/

[tbhstudying1]

from for the dreams i want to catch https://ift.tt/2zZqbzC See More

How to Deal with Study Burnout

As students in this day and age, it’s quite common for us to juggle rigorous academic responsibilities and overwhelming extracurricular activities. As a result, we might feel burnt out. But what exactly is burnout? 

Burnout is when you feel physically and mentally exhausted as a result of constantly lacking the energy required to fulfill the demands of your studying.

Burnout can be broken down into three parts:

Exhaustion is what causes you to feel tired all the time and unable to concentrate. You could also get sick or have trouble sleeping.

Cynicism or depersonalization is when you feel disconnected from those around you, e.g. your friends and family.

Inefficacy is a decrease in productivity, efficiency, or quality of your work.

How do you know if you have burnout?

Symptoms may vary, but they include:

Being unable to absorb new information

Intellectual exhaustion

Decreasing academic performance and productivity

Feeling like you need to prove yourself

Making yourself work even more, even though you’re exhausted or being unwilling to study further

Neglecting your needs

Long term fatigue

Showing disinterest in things you normally enjoy, e.g. hobbies or friends

Denying that something’s wrong with you (may manifest in the form of aggression)

Avoiding social interaction

Feeling empty and depressed

What can I do to fix it?

Here are some short term solutions for dealing with burnout.

1. Take a power nap Power naps are life changing. They help you recharge your energy and get you ready to start working again. They also improve learning, memory, creativity, alertness, and mood. I would recommend napping for 30 minutes at most, because anything more will lead to a longer sleep session.

Optional: drink coffee before your nap - something that takes a short while to consume like a shot of espresso - so that you’ll feel alert and revitalized afterwards!

2. Take a shower A cold one will wake you up, but a warm one will calm you down. I suggest starting with warm water, then ending with cold water.

3. Exercise Whether it’s playing soccer or doing yoga, the important thing is to get moving! Exercise releases endorphins or happy hormones that help you combat stress.

4. Run a quick errand This will help take your mind off things while also getting something done! You’ll also end up walking, which is technically a form of exercise.

5. Call or visit a friend Sometimes what we’re lacking is social interaction, and hanging out with a friend definitely helps. Whether it’s providing you with a distraction or giving emotional support, your friends are always there to help you. Plus, science has shown that being with friends reduces your cortisol (stress hormone) levels.

6. Eat a snack Preferably a healthy one. Eat something with proteins, vitamins, and fibers to boost your mood. Here’s a list of mood boosting foods.

7. Surf the web This requires A TON of discipline, but it’s definitely a game changer. Surfing the web is one of the most relaxing things you could do. I personally look for a good laugh during my study breaks, so I’d watch a comedy or scroll through memes to get those happy hormones up and running.

8. Do an activity you find interesting, e.g. a hobby We all need happiness in our lives, and our hobbies are perhaps the best way to find that joy. You could sit down with a page turning adventure, or go outside and shoot hoops, or listen to a podcast, or even bullet journal, as long as you’re having a good time.

9. Listen to music Music is one of the ways we gain energy, so I always make time for it during the day. However, you should choose the right music, because not all the music you love is going to make you feel energized. For me, it’s pop punk with hard hitting beats, thundering guitars, and really upbeat, enthusiastic vocals. Some of you might be energized by mellow music with dreamy vocals that make you feel like you’re floating in the clouds. If you choose the wrong music, you might just end up feeling sluggish and drained.

10. Get some fresh air Your brain needs 20% of the oxygen in your body. Fresh air brings more oxygen to your brain so that you can think more clearly, feel less tired, and concentrate more easily.

How do I make sure I don’t get it in the future?

Avoiding study burnout in the long term has a lot to do with our study habits - as well as our daily habits. We need to make sure that our bodies and minds receive the things they need, and that we aren’t overworking them.

1. Study a little at a time Break up your notes into smaller, more easily digestible pieces and learn a little at a time. This way, you’re not overwhelming your brain, and you have time to let that new knowledge settle in.

2. Time management Having a good study schedule is crucial in preventing burnout. You don’t want to force yourself to work at your slow hours. Aside from that, you definitely shouldn’t leave things until the last minute, and sticking to a schdule will help you pace yourself. Here’s a post I wrote on How to Make an Efficient Revision Schedule and How to Beat Procrastination.

3. Get enough rest I cannot stress enough that sleep is so important for you. It improves your cognitive functioning and also enhances your mood, making it less likely that you’ll get burnt out. Make sure to take power naps, too, if you feel like you need them. 

You also really shouldn’t pull all-nighters. Sleep is also involved in cementing memories in your brain, so if you study a little before you sleep, you’re bound to remember more than if you studied a chapter during an all nighter.

Having trouble sleeping? Here’s a post I made about my night routine and how to get better sleep.

4. Cycle your study environments Your body and mind are bound to get tired from being in the same location for prolonged periods of time. The best way to fix that is to study in different places: at your desk, your backyard, the dining table, a cafe, a friend’s house, the library, etc.You should find a frequency that works for you. I like to switch it up every 2-3 days; some people change locations every week.

5. Eat well As I’ve mentioned before, healthy foods with protein, vitamins, and fiber greatly improve your mood and your physical health. Proper nutrition will give your brain the power it needs to push through. Also make sure not to skip meals; honestly you’ll just end up feeling terrible afterwards.

6. Take frequent breaks Let’s face it, we’re human, we’re bound to get tired from studying for a long time. Taking breaks enables our brains to digest the information we just learned in a pace that works for it. Breaks also help us focus on something other than studying, so that when we do get back to it, we’ll be ready to digest even more information.

7. Set realistic study goals You’re gonna memorize all 500 pages of your biology textbook in one day? Good luck with that. Some of you might be compulsive studiers, but this kind of habit isn’t very good for your brain or your physical health. Studies have shown that excess studying can lead to lower productivity, fatigue, and - you guessed it - burnout. In the end, this will result in lower academic performance, perhaps even in the long run. So instead of trying to study so much in one sitting or one day, break up your material into chunks.

8. Maintain your social life Wherever you lie on the introvert-extrovert spectrum, everyone needs social interaction once in a while. It keeps you sane and healthy. Go out with your friends, have a sleepover, or maybe even a study date.

9. Start the day right What we do in the morning can significantly affect our mood for the rest of the day. Sometimes we don’t even feel like getting up in the morning, or doing anything that day. One thing you should do is create a morning routine you enjoy to jumpstart your day. Here are 8 Morning Habits for Productivity.

10. Think positive When we’re feeling burnt out, it’s hard to not think negatively about everything. In reality, that just makes our condition worse. So think positively! Start small, like congratulating yourself for getting out of bed today, and then work your way up to bigger accomplishments, like finishing 2 chapters of your textbook.

11. Keep a stress diary This is kind of a new concept for me, but it’s really great. How it works is that each day, you would write down all the things that made you stressed and how they made you stressed. This will help you identify the things you’re doing that’s causing your burnout, e.g.

Too long study hours? take regular breaks

Too much time in the same place? cycle your study environment

Not eating properly? set aside time to eat healthy meals at least 2 times a day

Not doing the things you love? schedule in time for that, e.g. during your long breaks

Not getting enough human interaction? make a study group

Too much negative thinking? adopt a positive mindset (you can always start small)

Not getting enough sleep? fix your sleep schedule

And that’s all I have for you guys this time. Hope these tips will help you manage your stress and study burnout whenever you have them. And if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to drop an ask!

P.S. if any of you want to see the images in this post in better quality, click here (link to google drive)

[tbhstudying1]

from for the dreams i want to catch https://ift.tt/2zZqbzC via See More

How to Deal with Study Burnout

As students in this day and age, it’s quite common for us to juggle rigorous academic responsibilities and overwhelming extracurricular activities. As a result, we might feel burnt out. But what exactly is burnout? 

Burnout is when you feel physically and mentally exhausted as a result of constantly lacking the energy required to fulfill the demands of your studying.

Burnout can be broken down into three parts:

Exhaustion is what causes you to feel tired all the time and unable to concentrate. You could also get sick or have trouble sleeping.

Cynicism or depersonalization is when you feel disconnected from those around you, e.g. your friends and family.

Inefficacy is a decrease in productivity, efficiency, or quality of your work.

How do you know if you have burnout?

Symptoms may vary, but they include:

Being unable to absorb new information

Intellectual exhaustion

Decreasing academic performance and productivity

Feeling like you need to prove yourself

Making yourself work even more, even though you’re exhausted or being unwilling to study further

Neglecting your needs

Long term fatigue

Showing disinterest in things you normally enjoy, e.g. hobbies or friends

Denying that something’s wrong with you (may manifest in the form of aggression)

Avoiding social interaction

Feeling empty and depressed

What can I do to fix it?

Here are some short term solutions for dealing with burnout.

1. Take a power nap Power naps are life changing. They help you recharge your energy and get you ready to start working again. They also improve learning, memory, creativity, alertness, and mood. I would recommend napping for 30 minutes at most, because anything more will lead to a longer sleep session.

Optional: drink coffee before your nap - something that takes a short while to consume like a shot of espresso - so that you’ll feel alert and revitalized afterwards!

2. Take a shower A cold one will wake you up, but a warm one will calm you down. I suggest starting with warm water, then ending with cold water.

3. Exercise Whether it’s playing soccer or doing yoga, the important thing is to get moving! Exercise releases endorphins or happy hormones that help you combat stress.

4. Run a quick errand This will help take your mind off things while also getting something done! You’ll also end up walking, which is technically a form of exercise.

5. Call or visit a friend Sometimes what we’re lacking is social interaction, and hanging out with a friend definitely helps. Whether it’s providing you with a distraction or giving emotional support, your friends are always there to help you. Plus, science has shown that being with friends reduces your cortisol (stress hormone) levels.

6. Eat a snack Preferably a healthy one. Eat something with proteins, vitamins, and fibers to boost your mood. Here’s a list of mood boosting foods.

7. Surf the web This requires A TON of discipline, but it’s definitely a game changer. Surfing the web is one of the most relaxing things you could do. I personally look for a good laugh during my study breaks, so I’d watch a comedy or scroll through memes to get those happy hormones up and running.

8. Do an activity you find interesting, e.g. a hobby We all need happiness in our lives, and our hobbies are perhaps the best way to find that joy. You could sit down with a page turning adventure, or go outside and shoot hoops, or listen to a podcast, or even bullet journal, as long as you’re having a good time.

9. Listen to music Music is one of the ways we gain energy, so I always make time for it during the day. However, you should choose the right music, because not all the music you love is going to make you feel energized. For me, it’s pop punk with hard hitting beats, thundering guitars, and really upbeat, enthusiastic vocals. Some of you might be energized by mellow music with dreamy vocals that make you feel like you’re floating in the clouds. If you choose the wrong music, you might just end up feeling sluggish and drained.

10. Get some fresh air Your brain needs 20% of the oxygen in your body. Fresh air brings more oxygen to your brain so that you can think more clearly, feel less tired, and concentrate more easily.

How do I make sure I don’t get it in the future?

Avoiding study burnout in the long term has a lot to do with our study habits - as well as our daily habits. We need to make sure that our bodies and minds receive the things they need, and that we aren’t overworking them.

1. Study a little at a time Break up your notes into smaller, more easily digestible pieces and learn a little at a time. This way, you’re not overwhelming your brain, and you have time to let that new knowledge settle in.

2. Time management Having a good study schedule is crucial in preventing burnout. You don’t want to force yourself to work at your slow hours. Aside from that, you definitely shouldn’t leave things until the last minute, and sticking to a schdule will help you pace yourself. Here’s a post I wrote on How to Make an Efficient Revision Schedule and How to Beat Procrastination.

3. Get enough rest I cannot stress enough that sleep is so important for you. It improves your cognitive functioning and also enhances your mood, making it less likely that you’ll get burnt out. Make sure to take power naps, too, if you feel like you need them. 

You also really shouldn’t pull all-nighters. Sleep is also involved in cementing memories in your brain, so if you study a little before you sleep, you’re bound to remember more than if you studied a chapter during an all nighter.

Having trouble sleeping? Here’s a post I made about my night routine and how to get better sleep.

4. Cycle your study environments Your body and mind are bound to get tired from being in the same location for prolonged periods of time. The best way to fix that is to study in different places: at your desk, your backyard, the dining table, a cafe, a friend’s house, the library, etc.You should find a frequency that works for you. I like to switch it up every 2-3 days; some people change locations every week.

5. Eat well As I’ve mentioned before, healthy foods with protein, vitamins, and fiber greatly improve your mood and your physical health. Proper nutrition will give your brain the power it needs to push through. Also make sure not to skip meals; honestly you’ll just end up feeling terrible afterwards.

6. Take frequent breaks Let’s face it, we’re human, we’re bound to get tired from studying for a long time. Taking breaks enables our brains to digest the information we just learned in a pace that works for it. Breaks also help us focus on something other than studying, so that when we do get back to it, we’ll be ready to digest even more information.

7. Set realistic study goals You’re gonna memorize all 500 pages of your biology textbook in one day? Good luck with that. Some of you might be compulsive studiers, but this kind of habit isn’t very good for your brain or your physical health. Studies have shown that excess studying can lead to lower productivity, fatigue, and - you guessed it - burnout. In the end, this will result in lower academic performance, perhaps even in the long run. So instead of trying to study so much in one sitting or one day, break up your material into chunks.

8. Maintain your social life Wherever you lie on the introvert-extrovert spectrum, everyone needs social interaction once in a while. It keeps you sane and healthy. Go out with your friends, have a sleepover, or maybe even a study date.

9. Start the day right What we do in the morning can significantly affect our mood for the rest of the day. Sometimes we don’t even feel like getting up in the morning, or doing anything that day. One thing you should do is create a morning routine you enjoy to jumpstart your day. Here are 8 Morning Habits for Productivity.

10. Think positive When we’re feeling burnt out, it’s hard to not think negatively about everything. In reality, that just makes our condition worse. So think positively! Start small, like congratulating yourself for getting out of bed today, and then work your way up to bigger accomplishments, like finishing 2 chapters of your textbook.

11. Keep a stress diary This is kind of a new concept for me, but it’s really great. How it works is that each day, you would write down all the things that made you stressed and how they made you stressed. This will help you identify the things you’re doing that’s causing your burnout, e.g.

Too long study hours? take regular breaks

Too much time in the same place? cycle your study environment

Not eating properly? set aside time to eat healthy meals at least 2 times a day

Not doing the things you love? schedule in time for that, e.g. during your long breaks

Not getting enough human interaction? make a study group

Too much negative thinking? adopt a positive mindset (you can always start small)

Not getting enough sleep? fix your sleep schedule

And that’s all I have for you guys this time. Hope these tips will help you manage your stress and study burnout whenever you have them. And if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to drop an ask!

P.S. if any of you want to see the images in this post in better quality, click here (link to google drive)