#also Big D having a grunge phase before he got discovered

[coridallasmultipass]

I threw this idea around on my Twitter, but I wanna share it here because I'm a big gay nerd.

Post-breakup Dirk sitting his room alone, blasting Three Days Grace.

Dirk stays like that for like, 3 days or something ironic like that, and Big D is sick and tired of hearing cheesey 2000s metal while he's trying to get some work done on that script he's been editing. He deeply regrets getting Dirk that preem sound system as "Pain" assaults his ears for the 20th time.

He manages to lure Dirk out with the promise of orange soda and takeout, and when Dirk finally exits his dark room, he's wearing smudged eyeliner and black nail polish. It's too late, D, the emo has already set in.

Dirk goes back to blasting music, and D is sick of it, but figures he'll get over it soon...

That is, until D hears the opening riff of a whiny grunge song, and that's the last straw. He throws his shit down and bangs on Dirk's door. "DIRK! I swear to fuck, you're a generation too late to be moping to grunge over a breakup, and so help me god, if you make me relive the music of my youth, I am going to break down this door and piss on all your gear."

Dirk doesn't reply, but changes the song.

"Thank you!" D turns to go back to work, but quickly realizes the song Dirk changed it to is "Numb" by Linkin Park. The little shit. "UGHHHH."

[jancys-blue-bayou]

prompt for “we’ll figure it out”: emily always falling asleep on top of jonathan (since she was a baby)

A/N: Thanks for the great prompt! This spun into short little vignettes of them through the years.

Also on Ao3 and FFNet!

Four days old…

Emily is a clingy but sleepy baby. They come to that conclusion quickly. Both their mothers tell them how lucky they are she’s a sleepy baby as opposed to a cryer for example. According to her mom, Nancy was the latter, and she herself recalls Holly wailing in the night too. Joyce says Jonathan and Will both were similar to Emily. ”Sweet babies, but God you were so cuddly! As long as I held you you wouldn’t cry but there was a period where you’d cry soon as I put you down!”. That’s sort of how it is with Emily at this early stage. She doesn’t cry when she’s held, but try and set her down once she’s fallen asleep and she’ll instantly wake up crying, craving bodily contact. They hope Joyce is right that it’s just a phase that will pass, because though Emily is the most amazing, snuggly, cuddly, precious, awesomest thing ever, she’s not sure she’ll be able to deal with having to hold her all the time.

Because it’s still early, only their second day home from the hospital. She’s still drained from the ordeal of giving birth, she mostly sits or lies with Emily while Jonathan is running around waiting on her hand and foot. She swears it’s like he’s in multiple places at once sometimes, like when he’s somehow cooking her food, giving her a back rub, doing laundry and changing Emily’s diaper seemingly all at the same time. She felt kind of bad about just sitting on her butt while he’s darting around at light speed fixing stuff, but when she told him this he stopped in his tracks, looked at her and then pointed to Emily.

”You gave birth to her and you keep her alive, you’ve done more than I will ever even come close to doing, ever.”

Hard to argue with that when he sounds so sure.

She holds Emily most of the day. Emily eats and sleeps. That’s basically it. Well, that and tiny life-changing moments like her eyes peering open and them for a second locking gazes before Emily nuzzles in closer and falls back asleep. At night they try again to place a sleeping Emily in the bassinet by their bed, but they soon give up on it as it makes the girl bawl her eyes out. Emily stops crying soon as she picks her up again.

”You know, this is definitely your cuddle bug genes doing this,” she notes.

”Oh yeah, because you’re so cold and aloof,” Jonathan josses her.

”Fair,” she admits. Kind of has to admit considering she’s pressed into his side as usual right now, it’s second nature to her to be that close.

”I can take her,” he then offers.

She nods and carefully hands Emily over. The baby whimpers a little at first but soon as she’s resting against Jonathan’s broad chest she stops. She then lets out a big cute yawn before nuzzling in close and soon falling back asleep.

”Mm, she’s got the right idea,” she notes and adjusts herself, laying down her head in the crook of Jonathan’s neck. ”Comfiest pillow in the world.”

”Glad to be at your service,” he chuckles.

”Don’t roll over,” she mumbles into his chest before following Emily into dreamland.

Six months…

”Seriously it was awesome, their sound is amazing and he sings about like… like everything, you know? Like it just hits you so hard,” Will is beaming with excitement telling him all about a concert he went to with some friends from college last night. Some new band Jonathan’s not sure he’s heard of before, he’s been kind of out of the loop music wise recently. Other stuff kind of took the forefront.

”Yeah, totally. That’s awesome. What was their album called, again?” He asks while glancing at Emily who’s on the playmat between him and Will, currently content to just lie on her tummy clutching her dear Hopper the Bunny, that Will gave her as a newborn, in one fist while simply pounding the floor with the other while making incoherent baby noises, peering up at him. He smiles down at her.

”Nevermind,” Will tells him.

”What? No come on, I’m listening,” he insists. He really is, Will shouldn’t think he’s not interested or blowing him off just because he’s looking after the baby at the same time.

”No,” Will snorts with laughter. ”That’s the album. It’s called Nevermind. By Nirvana,” he explains.

”Oh! Gotcha. Cool, I’ll check that out.”

”I have a tape with a few of theirs on it, here,” Will fishes a mix tape out of his pocket and hands it over. ”You gotta hear Come As You Are. It’s incredible.”

”Cool,” he nods. Emily, intrigued by the new item in her line of sight reaches out for the tape in his hand.

”Awesome, she’s already into grunge. I knew you’d make a cool kid,” Will grins.

”She’s the coolest yeah,” he agrees.

”She actually almost looks like their album cover, kind of. But all babies look the same so. Well, except she doesn’t have the little wee-wee of course.”

”Er, what?”

”Oh, on the album cover there’s a baby boy swimming after a dollar bill.”

”Huh. ’Wee-wee’?” He smirks.

”Well I don’t know, felt weird to say d-i-c-k or p-e-n-i-s about a baby’s you-know-what, especially in front of a baby,” Will blushes.

”Right,” he chuckles.

Emily’s attention has turned to Will. She started crawling recently and excited with her newfound ability that she’s rapidly getting better at, she hurriedly turns around and crawls over to her uncle and tries to climb into his lap. That proves to big of a challenge though, but Emily happily babbles when Will instead picks her up and plays with her. He’s happy to watch the two of them. That Will would be the best uncle in the world was as obvious to him as the fact that Nancy would be the best mom ever.

”Hey watch her for a minute will you, I’ll get the milk,” he excuses himself and gets up to go to the kitchen.

”So how’s Nancy doing?” Will asks him while he feeds Emily.

”Good, she’s good. She’s happy to be back at work but still misses Emily for those hours. But you know, that’s how it is. She’d miss work otherwise.”

”Right, yeah. Plus work is just so many hours out of the day, she can still be with her, right?”

”Right. And she can work from home on Fridays, mostly, which is good for her. But I think she’s still adjusting, you know after being home with her for six months. You get really used to it and she’s always on your mind.”

”Sure. You guys are really nailing this whole thing, by the way. I mean, we all knew you would but it’s still cool to see.”

”Thanks. It’s pretty easy though, with Nancy on my team. She can do anything so I just try to do all I can.”

”Well, you’re not too bad either.”

”I guess. But to be fair Emily doesn’t really do much so it’s easy.”

”Mainly eating, it seems like?” Will smirks.

The girl in question just at that moment decides she’s done eating, turning her head and pushing the bottle away.

”Yeah,” he smiles as he holds Emily up to his shoulder and pats her back. ”And burping,” he continues and soon is granted with Emily doing just that.

Emily next lets out a comically large yawn, then nuzzles into his shirt and instantly falls asleep.

”And sleeping,” Will chuckles at the speed of which she went between the two modes.

”Yes. And pooping, don’t forget about pooping,” he adds and carefully adjusts Emily so he can take a quick sniff. ”Not yet, so there’s something to look forward to.”

”Exciting times,” Will rolls his eyes and smiles.

Four years old…

Okay. Dishes — done. Cleanup in the kitchen — done. Cleanup in the living room — done. Cleanup in the hall — done. Cleanup in their bedroom — not tonight. Cleanup in Emily’s room — await status report. Now entering prone position.

Emily turned four years old today. A monumental occasion of course, just like when she turned one, two and three. As per usual they invited Emily’s aunts and uncles and grandparents, and her best friend Luis, who all showed up of course, El in advance with the cake she insisted on making just like previous birthdays. But this year the guest list expanded outside the usual suspects. The big happening in Emily’s life between her third and fourth birthday was her starting preschool. She’s loved it from the start, being a bit apprehensive at first but once Nancy convinced her it was the start of a big exciting adventure she’d go on with Luis at her side, she was game. Headstrong, creative and energetic she soon discovered the perks of going to a place which had fun new toys she didn’t have at home and a bunch of new playmates. Emily invited them all to her party. Twenty kids who received nice handmade invitation cards Emily made with Nancy’s help. It’s all gone well, Emily’s had a big smile on her face all day playing with her friends and family. But dear God, somehow hosting twenty sugar-high kids at their place and the cleanup has been almost more exhausting than all their run-ins with another dimension. The aftermath of the party slightly reminded him of the states of destruction his old home in Hawkins was put in through the years.

He and Nancy cleaned the living room and hall together after saying goodbye to their last guests — his mother, stepfather and brother, whose offer to stay and help clean up they politely declined — while Emily played with the new toys she was gifted today. While he took care of the kitchen Nancy went to get Emily ready for bed.

And having finished up in there he’s now allowed himself to fall back on the living room couch, lying from end to end stretching out and grabbing some rest. He smiles to himself as he can hear Emily and Nancy talking in about the day while brushing their teeth. Then their soft footsteps pattering out from the bathroom and towards the living room.

”Turning four is exhausting! I’m all tuckered out.”

”Aw, you’ll sleep well then Peanut, we’ll just say goodnight to- well well looks like it tuckered daddy out too!”

He opens his eyes to find his wife smirking at him and his daughter with a smile on her lips and tired eyes. She clutches Hopper the bunny in her hand.

”Mm, well I certainly am all tuckered out. You and your friends really know how to party, Emi.”

”Did you have fun daddy?”

”I did, did you?”

”Super fun!”

”That’s good. Sometimes you have so much fun you get so tired. So we should go to sleep so we can wake up and have more fun tomorrow.”

”Good idea!”

He gives Emily a goodnight kiss and hug. But then the girl doesn’t turn away to go into her bedroom with Nancy like he expected, instead she climbs up the couch, plopping herself down on top of him, laying down with her head on his chest. His arms immediately go around her to keep her steady of course. Nancy snickers.

”Sweetie, what are you doing?” He asks.

Emily’s answer comes in the form of a large yawn. Says it all, really.

”Okay sweetie but we should sleep in beds not on top of daddy,” Nancy tries, barely containing the chuckle in her voice.

Emily’s already fallen asleep though.

”Wow she really goes lights out when she’s comfy on you doesn’t she,” Nancy continues to snicker.

”Yeah,” he whispers. It’s not the first time she’s fallen asleep on him or snuggled into him.

Sleeping on the couch the whole night doesn’t sound appealing though so with Nancy’s help he manages to get up without disturbing Emily and they head into their bedroom, all three of them. Nancy’s as beat as he is and they end end up in a big tangled heap, him sleeping on his back with  Emily on his chest and Nancy on his arm.

Six years old…

”I’m going to stay up until midnight!”

”Well, you’re welcome to try, Peanut.”

”I will! Just you watch!”

There’s five hours left of 1997 and their six year old is determined to stay awake for the fireworks going off at midnight. He has no problem with Emily taking on that challenge. She’ll never make it. She’s never made it past nine the previous years. He exchanges a knowing glance with Nancy who smirks at him. They’re celebrating in the new year at home with his mom, Hopper, El and Mike, and Will and his boyfriend Adam. It’s become a tradition for them all, since they first moved to New York really. In time for the clock to strike twelve they’ll go up to the roof of their apartment building from where they’ll have a good view of the fireworks. Until then they’re happy to be inside with each other’s company, food and the moderate amount of booze they’re comfortable having at a party with a six year old as well as El and Mike’s baby girl Anne.

Emily makes it until almost 10 PM before she slumps against Nancy on the couch and starts snoozing away. Nancy smiles and presses a kiss to their daughter’s hair before carefully adjusting her so she’s laying down under a blanket.

”We’ll wake her up for the fireworks,” she tells him as they together with the others subtly moves the party into the kitchen and keeping it going at a lower volume.

1997, the year Emily started first grade. And the year he and Nancy both turned 30 and ”officially got old” as Mike put it. He doesn’t really feel old though, it’s hard to feel that way when he’s with Nancy and they’re having just as much fun as they did a decade ago. It feels crazy how the years have passed. It feels like just yesterday they were skittering around each other until they finally just said fuck it and shared the damn bed in Murray’s bunker. But it also feels like just yesterday they moved to New York, just yesterday Emily was born, just yesterday a lot of things. Time is weird in that way.

”Honey, wake up.”

”Huh… what…” Emily mumbles in response as he rouses her from her sleep.

”It’s almost midnight. 1998 is just around the corner.”

”Nooo did I fall asleep?!”

”You did, honey.”

”Rats.”

”But you lasted longer than last year!”

”I’m tired…” Emily rubs her eyes.

”Come on, I’ll carry you.”

”Next year I’m going to be awake the whole time,” Emily says with conviction as they’re on the rooftop.

”I believe in you sweetie,” Nancy smiles.

”I’m gonna stay up all night now at least!”

”I’m sure you will…”

”Ten!” Mike calls out, and they all join in counting down the last ten seconds of the year, none more loud than Emily.

”Happy new year!”

He’s still holding Emily and on the stroke of midnight he and Nancy kisses either of their daughter’s cheeks. She squeals with laughter while fireworks erupt above their heads. Emily is transfixed by them while he shares a quick kiss with Nancy.

By the time the last fireworks ebb out, Emily’s already fallen back asleep against his chest.

Fifteen years old…

”America’s Most Wanted?”

”Next.”

”Law & Order SVU?”

”I’ve seen this one three times already.”

”News?”

”I write the news, next.”

”Some Disney cartoon… oh it’s Lady and the Tramp.”

”Hold it!”

”You want to watch Lady and the Tramp?”

”Hell yeah, considering the options.”

”Fair.”

Jonathan puts down the remote. She picks up both their wine glasses and hands his to him before nestling into his side, getting comfortable right in the spot that’s been her favorite one to be in on earth for decades now. It’s Saturday night and Emily is out, giving them privacy and time to cuddle up on the couch. Jonathan remembered to pick up wine but forgot to pick up a movie and having gone through all their dvd’s they opted to flick through channels until finding something suitable enough. Which they found in ABC’s Saturday Night Movie.

”Remember first time we watched this together?”

”Yes, there was a snowstorm so we couldn’t go to the movies so we had to make due with what me and Will and mom had on tape.”

”And we found this and you got inspired to make spaghetti later.”

”Right.”

”One of my favorite dates ever I think.”

”I’m sure-”

He’s interrupted by the front door suddenly swinging open and Emily coming in, alone.

”You’re home early?” She calls out to the hall. Emily really is, it’s not even 9:30, way too early for a teenager to return home from a date.

Emily doesn’t answer at first but they can hear her breathing heavily.

”Emi? Are you okay?” She asks as they both stand up. They’re on their way to the hall when Emily steps into the living room, wiping at her cheeks where tears fall freely.

”Brian broke up with me.”

Oh. The first boyfriend. Since about a month back. And now the first heartbreak. It pains her so to see her daughter like this, all she wants to do is wrap her up in a big hug and shield her from everything bad in the world. So that’s what she does. And Jonathan the same.

”Oh sweetheart, come here. I’m so sorry.”

Emily just cries in their arms for awhile and they simply let her. Eventually she feels it appropriate to ask.

”What happened?”

”I-I d-don’t know he just said he wasn’t ’feeling it’ anymore… w-what am I supposed to make out of that?”

”Ugh, I don’t know sweetie that’s such a shitty explanation… it’s not even an explanation.”

”I-I j-just don’t get what… what changed? I d-didn’t feel like anything changed I thought it was like before, I liked that… m-maybe I’m too slow… too boring…”

”Honey, no,” Jonathan immediately protests.

”But it must be me… I d-don’t know what to do with… stuff like this… what’s expected… I thought we were having fun I didn’t want to do… more. Than we were doing…” Emily mumbles, then hastily adds. ”Just kissing! Is what I meant. Just kissing I don’t want…”

”Peanut, relax. You didn’t do anything wrong. Come here, let’s sit down.”

They lead Emily to the couch and sit down with Emily in the middle. They let Emily collect herself, anticipating that she has more to get off her chest first. As much as it pains her to see her daughter hurting, she’s happy Emily feels comfortable coming to them to talk about it. Like they’ve told her all her life, she should always come to them with whatever problem she has and they will listen to her and try to help her. She thinks back to her own upbringing. It wasn’t quite like that. She loves her mom but they were never… that close, or at least not as close as she feels to Emily. Growing up she didn’t always feel like she could go to her mom. She vividly remembers the last time she did, go to her with a big problem. Confiding in her about Barb’s disappearance and all her worries about that. Her mom had tried to be supportive in her own way at first but then… the betrayal she felt when, after she told her mom all about her worries for Barb and what could’ve happened to her, her mom instead focused on the fact that she had gone to a party and hooked up with a guy, that that was what was important to her, that her princess had slept with some guy not that Barb was missing. She’s never really gotten over that betrayal, after that it felt useless to go to her mom with her troubles. She’d handle it herself instead. With a lot of help from the guy who’s right now got his arm protectively around both her and their daughter on the couch. And she promised herself she’d never do to Emily what her own mom did to her.

”I’m just… I don’t know what people, what he… expects. Or wants. I thought we were just having fun going to the movies and hanging out and stuff and just uh… kissing. I didn’t… don’t… want to do more than that… kissing. Right now. But I know that… I mean Cindy told us in the locker room that she let Greg Morris feel her up like uh… a lot and people talk about going to second base or third or whatever and like some have been having sex since like 8th grade, ew, but I’m just… not ready… for that stuff… I thought Brian got that but I mean I know he wanted more because I kind of had to slow him down last week what if that’s what… I mean everyone else is up for it I don’t know why I’m such a-”

”Hey hey hey. You shouldn’t do stuff you don’t want to do. Never. Don’t ever do stuff just because other people are doing them if you don’t really want to. That’s never the solution. We’re so proud of you. You’re so strong.”

”No…”

”Yes you are, you have the strength to say something when you’re uncomfortable and don’t let people just have their way with you. That’s really strong. You know… a lot of that stuff you mentioned it’s just… okay all that stuff can for sure be fun, but only if both are ready for it and really want to do it. Sadly I think a lot of times people start doing stuff like that when they’re too young because… well because boys… a lot of… most, boys take stuff for granted and maybe are pushy in a way that it’s hard to say no. When someone is being pushy, to say no like you did that takes strength and not everyone has that strength always, which no one can be blamed for, it’s just bad that people are pushy… I’m not gonna be the type of mother who tells you to not do… stuff but I am glad you haven’t done that stuff yet if you’re not comfortable with it. Because it really is only fun if you really want to do it not when you just give in because someone nags you about it.”

”And if he couldn’t handle you saying you didn’t want to do that stuff then he’s an idiot.”

”Dad…”

”He is. If he can’t wait and doesn’t like it when a girl says what she wants, he sucks.”

”It’s true Peanut, he really sucks if that’s the reason.”

”Okay but still it’s… I don’t know if it was that I just think maybe that was… but also just like… compared to other girls I mean I… if I don’t put out like other girls… and then I look like this and I’m not cool I don’t get how… what would people see in me… what did he even see-”

”People see a super cute beautiful girl! With a cute face and great hair and piercingly blue eyes-”

”Mom, you’re my mom of course you’re gonna say-”

”That you’re the most beautiful girl in the world, because you are. Okay remember, family rule: No bullshit.”

”But ugh I’m too short and I’m flat as a plank and my acne is…”

”Isn’t noticeable. And you’re not flat as a plank, nor too short. You’re perfect.”

”Yes. And what do you mean you’re not cool? You’re easily the coolest girl in your school.”

”Dad, you don’t know cool. Pretty sure my dad saying I’m the coolest just made me even less cool…”

”Hey now I know cool! Your mom was the coolest girl in town no doubt and you’re so much like her!”

”Yeah right… I just… feel so stupid.”

”You’re not stupid. He’s stupid. Boys are stupid.”

”Well I’m just… I thought he liked me… I liked him… I think I liked him… it’s… I hate this. I was so nervous I’d screw it up and I wasn’t sure how I felt but then I started feeling better about it and then he just goes ’not feeling it’… I don’t… I don’t know…”

”Sweetie, were you having fun? With him.”

”Yes… mostly, I mean. When I wasn’t nervous or unsure of… stuff, it was fun.”

”Well then… I know it hurts, it ending like this. Without him giving a good reason even. That really sucks. And I’m not gonna lie, it’s gonna continue to suck for a bit… I wish I could say something that would just make it all better but I don’t have those magic words sweetie. But I do know it’s going to be okay.”

”Right…”

”And I don’t think you should have any regrets. Seriously, it’s his loss not yours. It’s not you who did anything wrong. You did what you wanted to do and didn’t do what you didn’t want to do. Hold onto that attitude sweetie, please, I’m begging you. Don’t do stuff you don’t want to do. If he can’t handle that it’s his loss.”

”Yeah he’ll be kicking himself soon enough. He’ll go ’oh my god how could I let Emily Byers go? I’m such an idiot’,” Jonathan fills in.

”Yeah right dad,” Emily scoffs with the slightest hint of laughter in her tone. ”And thanks mom I know I’m just… trying to be strong like you but-”

”You’re already way stronger than me.”

”No I’m not-”

”Yes you are. God you should’ve seen me at your age. So desperate to fit in, so unsure of who I was, what I wanted to do…”

”I don’t know what I want to do or who I am or anything either!”

”Yeah but who does? My point is, you at least don’t change who you are to fit in. You’re just unapologetically you, which makes you the coolest. You got that from your dad, by the way. I love that about you and that’s why your friends like you and that’s why even the dork I married is right when he says you’re the coolest girl in school.”

Emily releases a soft chuckle at her calling Jonathan a dork.

”Why are you drinking wine and watching Lady and the Tramp?” Emily then asks as she readjusts herself further back into the cushions and for the first time really glancing up at the TV.

”Because adulthood is fun. And because your father forgot to go to Blockbuster.”

”And because your mom got nostalgic.”

”We watched this in the winter of ’84 when we got snowed in and then he got inspired to make me spaghetti,” she explains to Emily’s questioning look. ”It was sweet.”

”Ugh, you’re both dorks,” Emily shakes her head.

”Thanks, you’ve said that before.”

The classic scene where Lady and the Tramp share a string of spaghetti comes on.

”Please tell me you guys didn’t do that,” Emily sighs.

”Well…”

”It was your mother’s idea.”

”God please tell me I’m adopted.”

”Sorry honey.”

Her daughter’s usual dry sarcasm is like music to her ears. Emily will be okay. They remain cuddled up together all three on the couch for the rest of the evening, lazily watching the rest of the movie and then other late-night programming. Eventually Emily falls asleep against Jonathan just like she always did when she was little. She gently brushes a hand through Emily’s hair and thinks that through it all they somehow must’ve managed to do something right because they’ve raised this girl who’s turned into the best person in the history of the world as far as she’s concerned.

[anxietyfarm]

Spotify rolled out personalized Time Capsule playslists this week. Through algorithmic alchemy it attempts to gather tracks from your teens and early twenties in an attempt to either make you grin ear-to-ear, recoil in horror, or just wonder how they know so much. For reasons only clear to me I will now attempt to analyze the songs Spotify plucked from the musical ether to send me whistling down my personal nostalgic path.

1. Southenplayalisticadilacmuzik – OutKast – First off of all thank you, Spotify for thinking I was this cool as a 16 year old. I did not know about OutKast when this song came out. I heard about them the next year after the Source awards and didn’t buy my first OutKast album until Aquemini came out in 1998 (nineteen years ago this week). Great start though. You already know me, Spotify. 2. They Want EFX – Das EFX – Yes! I love this song so much. I’m still mad at my washing machine for fucking up my Das EFX shirt. Also, one of the only tweets I’ve ever written that got any traction is when I said that I failed my Anatomy test because I thought my knee bone was connected to my hardy-har-har-har. Thanks, Das EFX. 3. Flagpole Sitta – Harvey Danger – I posit that this is the most 90s song ever. It came out in a gray area between grunge and raprock. Lyrically it is very self-aware but can come off as self-important when you take it in with regards to everything else around it in 1997. It’s super white guy complain-y, which is the exact link between the flannel of the early 90s and the backwards red hat of the late 90s. It reads like a parody of Green Day’s Basket Case. All of this can be backed up in my doctoral thesis, which you can read on my blog. Thanks, Sean Nelson. 4. Poison – Bell Biv DeVoe – Yes. Twelve year old me did love this song. No. Twelve year old me did not understand the sage advice of “never trust a big but and a smile.” Thanks, Bell. Thanks, Bivins. Thanks, DeVoe. 5. Mind Playing Tricks on Me – Geto Boys – “This year Halloween fell on a weekend / me and Geto Boys are trick-or-treating.” I say it every year whether it applies or not. Btw, am I the only one who got the news of every rapper being shot from Kurt Loder? He told me in that condescending tone like it was my fault. I did not shoot Bushwick Bill, Kurt Loder! Stop talking to me like that. Put Tabitha Soren on. Thanks, Scarface. Thanks, Willie D. Thanks, Bushwick Bill. 6. Peaches – The Presidents of the United States of America – Okay. A rare miss from Spotify. I do know this song very well but that’s because you can hear it once and never shake it. I don’t dislike the Presidents. Chris Ballew has worked with the Minus 5 since so that’s cool. No thanks, Spotify. 7. Can I Kick It? – A Tribe Called Quest – If I wasn’t cool enough for OutKast at 16 then I certainly wasn’t cool enough for Tribe at age 12. At that age I was still begging for Hammer to not hurt ‘em. Pleeeeeease, Hammer, don’t hurt em. I implore you! I have since gotten on board with Tribe. Thanks, Q-Tip. R.I.P. Phife Dawg. 8. Cannonball – The Breeders – This is pure goodness, just instant good mood music. I never saw the Breeders live but I did see Courtney Barnett cover this song in concert. Thanks, Deal Sisters. 9. Killing Me Softly with His Song – Fugees – It was rough being a broke music fan before streaming because not only was I buying a Fugees album but I was also curious enough to buy Roberta Flack’s greatest hits. This situation happened over and over again. Thank God there was BMG and mail fraud. Thanks, BMG. Thanks Lauryn Hill. Thanks, Roberta Flack. 10. Fat Cats, Bigga Fish – the Coup – Okay, let’s get real. I didn’t know about this group or this song until a few years ago but I love it and I’ve listened to it a lot since then. When I was in that new relationship phase with this song I wrote about it online and Boots Riley of the Coup sent me a very nice message thanking me for the kind words. Thanks, Boots Riley. Thanks, Internet. 11. I Got 5 On It – Luniz – If you don’t like this song you don’t like music. Thanks, Luniz. Thanks, dime bags. 12. Blister in the Sun – Violent Femmes – Here we have our first timeline anomaly. This song was released a full decade before my “formative years” but then again young James did buy a Violent Femmes album during his formative years and wore it out. Spotify algorithms are something else. Not my favorite VF song but it’s an undeniable classic. Thanks, Violent Femmes. Thanks, Sean and Bren. Thanks, big hands. 13. She Don’t Use Jelly – the Flaming Lips – Here we have the first instance of a song I first heard on Beavis & Butthead. I bought the album after being assured in Spin magazine that it was much better than just this novelty song. I have since seen the Flaming Lips in concert four or five times. At one show Sean Lennon kicked a huge red balloon off the stage and straight at my face. Thanks, Sean Lennon. Thanks, confetti. Thanks, Flaming Lips. 14. Elevators (Me & You) – OutKast – Again, it came out before I listened to Outkast but it’s probably my favorite. No. Second favorite. We will get to number one later in the playlist. I have a glow-in-the-dark 12’’ of this song. It is gorgeous. This song was also BJ Upton’s walkup music when he played for the Braves and because of that I loved BJ Upton no matter how low his batting average dropped. Thanks, baseball. Thanks, Record Store Day. Thanks, OutKast. 15. Laid – James – I have never had any problem with being made fun of because of my name. I guess kids in middle school were too dumb to think of Lame James because the only thing they could manage to call me was faggot. There was a very brief time when this song was popular that, upon meeting me, many people would ask if I knew there was a band called James. Yes. I knew and I loved them. This is such a great song. Life experience has taught me that the therapist mentioned in this song is very bad at their job. Thanks, therapy. Thanks, James. 16. Gimme the Car – Violent Femmes – See number 12. Thanks, Gordon Gano. Thanks, referring to a previous entry. 17. You Don’t Know How It Feels – Tom Petty – Man, I love Tom Petty. This album is good from start to finish. One day I will see Tom Petty. Maybe. He has to stop performing amphitheaters first. I do not do music outside nor with that many people. Thanks, Tom Petty. Thanks, solo albums. 18. Careless Whisper – George Michael – Another timeline disruption. I did not start loving this song until I heard Rufus Wainwright and Ben Folds cover it but it is perfect. Cheesy saxophone and all. Thanks, cover songs. Thanks, duets. 19. Polka Your Eyes Out – “Weird Al” Yankovic – Yeah. Give me all the Weird Al polkas you got. Thanks, medleys.

There are 36 more songs. I got some Neutral Milk Hotel, which I did not discover until the early 2000s, but In the Aeroplane Over the Sea is probably the album I’ve listened to the most since. There’s the best Violent Femmes song, American Music. There’s a few R.E.M. songs, Regulate from Warren G and Nate Dogg, Nirvana, They Might Be Giants, Digable Planets, Biggie, James Brown, Bill Withers, Old 97s, Talking Heads, Paul Simon, etc. The biggest mystery is a Black Flag song that I cannot figure out but it is balanced out by the best song of all time: B.O.B. from OutKast. Thanks, Dungeon Family. Thanks, power music. Thanks, electric revival.