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bladekindeyewear · 4 years

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HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-08-23

More homestuuuuuck

I’m a little tired today so I don’t expect much intelligent analysis out of myself, but if anything classpecty happens I doubt I’ll be able to help myself regardless.

oh, always

(EDITS: added note on horn colors, link to ask on potential Blood powers reference)

> CHAPTER 12. Really Convoluted Metaphorical Horseshit

cuuute

In the bowels of a different ship, at a moment in time that is not pinpointable in either direction from the previous interaction, another Dave raps quietly to himself.

another dave raps quietly to himself. i am glad that phrase exists it brings me joy

(LATER EDIT: A friend on Discord pointed out that throughout this entire update, Karkat's horns are #FF0000 red. They were normal candy-corn colors in previous glimpses at the ship crew, though they used a dark single-color shortcut typical of old Homestuck at one point... but THIS time it stays STARK red even when we zoom in close later. Is this just artistic liberty? Did Karkat color his horns for fashion? Does this happen to red-bloods like the Sufferer after a certain age? Just how much time has actually passed, here? We might have to wait for the commentary for this one.)

KARKAT: I WAS SAYING I THOUGHT WE MIGHT GO, I DUNNO, ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE SHIP WHILE THE CLOTHES WERE WASHING. KARKAT: SEEING AS THIS DECREPIT MACHINE WE WERE SO BLESSEDLY PROVIDED WITH MAKES A WHIRRING SOUND SO PANCHAFINGLY ARHYTHMIC THAT IT THREATENS TO ERADICATE THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF TEMPO FROM THE UNIVERSE.

Karkat really has chilled out hasnt he? like this is surprisingly level for him, and that fact is hilarious.

KARKAT: AND YET SOMEHOW BASICALLY ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE WE STARTED THE LOAD IS THAT YOU’VE BEEN USING IT AS A FUCKED UP BEAT TO WHISPER TO YOURSELF ABOUT FLOWERS TO.

oh gosh that’s why he’s rapping

> ==>

DAVE: kanaya was telling me this kids story the other day about this dude who didnt cherish a flower enough until it peaced out to do flower stuff idk its not pertinent to the story DAVE: except the flower was a person DAVE: because it was a metaphor

Oh right, coming back to the Little Prince stuff I was too lazy to metaphor-deep-dive into, and literally asking the same questions we were asking about who the Little Prince’s story applies to mapped here if anyone at all, like Dirk and such, or what biases were in the retelling of it and the way Kanaya phrased it. So now we’re practically mocking it by deep diving it here, hence the last page’s “DAVE: i was just thinking through some really convoluted metaphorical horseshit”, which means we’re both about to further explore AND shit all over the existence of this story metaphor until it doesn’t mean anything and most of the meaning we drew from it earlier is made a joke~

well, not “we”, cause I was too lazy, so... y’all

DAVE: anyway what goes down in the story is that once the flower lady is out of the picture DAVE: the main character goes around making all these connections between her and everything else in the universe until every damn thing feels like a symbol for how much he fucked up and how much he will never see her again KARKAT: THIS SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING INTENSE FOR A KID'S STORY DAVE: yea thats pretty much what i said

Oh holy shit. That’s yet another way to put it. Are we doing a whole moral takedown of the Light aspect today? cause it sounds like we’re taking a dump on the Light aspect and RoboRose getting too obsessed and immersed in it, which would be excellent

DAVE: but i guess its not so much what the story was technically textually about but more like the version of it kanaya internalized and then told me when we were talkin about how she misses rose

exactly

DAVE: so like now im taking the story she told me she was projecting her feelings onto and projecting my feelings on top of that

yes absolutely, you just rephrased it a different way with that exact same bias

DAVE: this is just one big game of emotional projection telephone so feel free to go paraphrase it to roxy later and make it about whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing

perfect. i need an emoji for that Italian thing for when you pinch your thumb and forefinger together and kiss it

ah this’ll do:

its like the expression “choice” but in nonverbal form

[...] whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing KARKAT: YOUR ABILITY TO GET TO THE POINT DAVE: gotem DAVE: anyway you’re not gonna have to miss that skill of mine for long DAVE: get ready for this shit because i am about to slap you with the point so hard youll fall ass first into the washer DAVE: just scrambling around in there getting all sudsy DAVE: but your brain is gonna be so blasted from the mindfreak of a point im about to make that there wont be anything left to clean

Anytime dave is told to get to the point he is contractually obligated to spend at least 20 seconds talking about how he’ll get to the point in a way that is not getting to the point

DAVE: so its genuinely cool that kanaya can go around creating meaning that may or may not be actually present in every little thing DAVE: connecting every feeling she has to the idea of her wife existing out there DAVE: so i told her she should keep that shit up DAVE: but im having the opposite issue where im struggling to find anything to be that kind of tether because every single thing i could possibly consider about what it is were doing just reminds me of yet another thing to be afraid about

Great examples of Light being good and bad! Attaching strands of connective meaning to everything. --though, in Dave’s case AND Kanaya’s case you could argue it’s both bad in terms of effects. That it’s great for Kanaya to care, but that she should be able to divest herself and live on her own terms without idealizing Rose literally everywhere she looks, personal growth which would be useful in helping bring Rose back to her in the first place. The struggle they’re looking forward to is largely philosophical, not just physical, and until Rosebot acknowledges that she was wrong it’s not over.

DAVE: everything fuckin sucks huge cosmic donkey sack and im terrified KARKAT: OK, SO I FEEL LIKE YOU SKIPPED A COUPLE NECESSARY STEPS IN YOUR POINT CLARIFICATION PROCESS.

Pretty sure Dave was on the same page as most Epilogue and start-of-HS2 readers. This situation is pretty bleak to dump our heroes into, no matter how much we believe will be resolved in the long run.

DAVE: ok but were you going with sweet or savory please give me that much at least KARKAT: YEAH IT WAS GOING TO BE SUNDAE-BASED. DAVE: nice KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA WATCH MORE GBBO AFTER THIS? DAVE: absolutely

--ah, Great British Bake-Off, can’t say I’ve indulged

do they still have that?? did they save it from old Earth? or did they go where unflooded Britain used to be and say hey, new show reboot

KARKAT: GREAT. ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET HUMAN CHRIST, PLEASE BACK UP TO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE ACTUALLY SCARED OF. KARKAT: ALSO COME HERE, IDIOT.

That last line is like, exactly as fucking sweet and awesome as we imagined their relationship to be. :)

> ==>

OH MY GOD THAT’S ADORABLE

DAVE: ok yeah this is a better position to unleash all my inner fears n anxieties from

indisputably.

DAVE: those times its like my mouth was saying words about the situation wherein our friends are AWOL and maybe dead but my brain wasnt fully letting me experience the emotion that goes along with them DAVE: man its like i cant even start genuinely thinking about how afraid i actually am for rose and john without my brain flippin its wad and whiting out DAVE: like haha fuck i hope theyre ok DAVE: now i better make a fuckin joke before i succumb to the gaping mouth of despair waiting for me to fall in it as soon as i look down and acknowledge that its there ogling how juicy my ass looks as it trembles with terror

I really hope that the writers of HS2 know full well that this feeling? the one Dave is describing here? is what many of us who got way overinvested in the well-being of Homestuck’s surviving characters felt reading the Epilogues and Homestuck^2. So I really hope they’re working through it in a way that will result in a preponderance of GOOD THINGS happening and hope-filled situations. Cause that “can’t even think about X” feeling is too familiar, and if they understand it as well as it LOOKS like they’re getting to, I’d really like them to give us a helping hand healing.

I think that’s what they’re going for? Seems hopeful for me to think so, but they HAVE been doing better as HS2 has been going forward, from an emotional standpoint anyway; definitely better than the Epilogues. And I’ve worked through some of that stuff with the help of that, because it’s MUCH easier nowadays to think about Homestuck without my gut clenching.

DAVE: i guess im just fucked up about how to worry about dirk and be angry at him at the same time DAVE: because if i get as unholy pissed at him as i sometimes wanna be i also gotta admit to myself that maybe i coulda done something different there

Mhmm, Karkat’s potentially a pretty good person to speak with here since he’s done so much work trying not to feel responsible for everything that’s ever gone wrong.

DAVE: also like DAVE: and this by the way adds a whole other layer of guilt on there that i dont really know how to fuckin reckon with but DAVE: even with all the shit hes pulled and the fact that we are more or less heading toward having to take him down DAVE: whatever that is gonna mean and whether or not he planned it like that DAVE: i just DAVE: me and him had come so far with each other and it was really cool for a while to have him and i DAVE: ugh DAVE: i dont WANT to hate him

Yeah, Dirk and Jane’s heel-turns were really shitty for anyone who was a fan of them in the fanbase, as well.

KARKAT: WELL THEN QUIT FUCKING PICKING AT THE SEAM ON MY SHORTS AND SPIT IT OUT. THEY'RE BARELY HANGING ON TO THE DEFINITION OF "SHORTS" AS IT IS.

That is an adorably real boyfriend-laying-in-boyfriend’s-lap thing to do

DAVE: the part i mentioned before about how we really have no goddamn clue how long this trip is even gonna take DAVE: i cant help but feel like its barely getting revved up DAVE: and for me and roxy and jade and callie and kan thats normal shit at best and boring at worst but we all have our immortality to thank for that DAVE: we can just dick around in space for near-eternity waiting to catch up to our friends who may or may not be our enemies now and itll be fine DAVE: i mean no itll be categorically miserable DAVE: but well survive it KARKAT: HOLD THE FUCK ON. DAVE: but you KARKAT: DAVE. DAVE: no lemme say this

Oh god damnit. Karkat’s limited lifespan. As if we hadn’t ALREADY covered a nauseatingly extensive gamut of disheartening topics of conversation. We really have to confront every shred of misery in their past, present and future one after the other after the other in the Epilogues and HS2, don’t we? >:(

I guess it had to be discussed, though.

DAVE: we dont talk about it much and i got shit to say about it DAVE: its not like i never thought about how youre mortal before but i just thought wed be able to figure it out before it mattered DAVE: come up with some kind of plan DAVE: i was just distracted being happy with you i fucking guess and so i didnt think up a way to fix it DAVE: and now thanks to dirk we have to work it out right the fuck now DAVE: because i cant spend this trip just sitting around watching you get old and die

Jesus. I mean, WE know(?) that it’s not gonna be THAT many years, but THEY don’t know that.

Unless it really IS going to be that many years and HS2 is going to shamelessly take a fucking sledgehammer to our feelings for no goddamn good reason. Which it won’t! Right??? >:T

> ==>

Dishwasher ding

> Dave: Grapple with the clean, soggy consequences of the passage of time.

Hey, don’t make it a metaphor here. --though, fuck. I suppose we are dealing with everyones dirty laundry. God damnit. SURE, deal with it all story but then GET IT OUT OF THE WAY AND PUT SOME SERIOUS FUN AND LAUGHS IN HERE so we don’t feel like we’re wading through an entire garbage dump!!! *click*

Karkat’s eyebrows-only mouthless frown is really cute.

> ==>

okay Karkat explain the nope you’re lodging

> ==>

*put*

> ==>

*foot*

> ==>

DAVE: ok go on

I mean I at least appreciate the time investment in adorable boyfriends. That’s definitely something of SOME good value they’re giving us in exchange for this misery

> ==>

That Karkat image makes me wanna do that red-shaky-gif-thing with it

KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NEW TO THE PARTICULAR MOOBEAST WRANGLING EVENT OF SOMEONE I PREVIOUSLY LOVED BRUTALLY TURNING ON ME AND LEAVING ME TO TRY AND CRAM MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION BACK TOGETHER ALL ON MY OWN.

True

KARKAT: HE DID THAT ON HIS OWN. AND WE MADE THE CHOICE TO GO AFTER HIM ON OUR OWN.

Yes, and you’ll possibly convince him more of that over time, though not in this short conversation

KARKAT: I WAS FOLLOWING YOUR LITTLE TRAIL OF COOKIE CRUMB FEARS UNTIL IT LEAD TO THE BIG SNACK FINALE OF WORRY ABOUT MY FRAGILE MORTAL MEATSACK. KARKAT: IF I HAVE SOMEHOW NOT BEEN CLEAR ABOUT THIS WITH YOU YET, LET ME GO AHEAD AND RECTIFY THE SITUATION RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. KARKAT: HANGING OUT WITH YOU ON THIS LONG TRIP TO WHO THE SHITTING FUCK KNOWS WHERE IS QUITE LITERALLY THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE MEAGER EXISTENCE. KARKAT: I'M SO ABSOLUTELY BLISSED THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID IMMORTALLY SMOOTH HUMAN FACE SKIN EVERY DAY AND NOT HAVE A COMPLEX ABOUT IT.

D’AWWW

And with that darkly angry expression too, that’s PERFECT

I mean it’s true. What exactly would they be doing DIFFERENTLY on Earth C other than enjoying each other like this? It’s pretty fucking great.

...hm. Isn’t this journey-not-the-destination stuff pretty Breathy? Karkat’s proving more balanced by the moment.

KARKAT: AND I'LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN EXPERIENCING SOME COMPLICATED GUILT, MYSELF. KARKAT: THE FACT THAT I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE JUST FUCKING CHILLAXING AND BEING IN LOVE IN SPACE IS A CLEARLY INCONGRUOUS WITH THE REASON I'M ACTUALLY HERE CHILLAXING TO BEGIN WITH, AND I'M NOT LETTING MYSELF FORGET THAT, EITHER.

Pff. He feels guilty for ENJOYING IT so much. <3

KARKAT: BUT I RESENT THE IMPLICATION THAT MY HAPPINESS IS REGISTERING FOR YOU AS YOU HAVING TO JUST "SIT AROUND AND WATCH ME GET OLD," BECAUSE I KNOW YOU KNOW IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

I’m glad Karkat knows that DAVE knows somewhere in him that it’s more than that, because yeah, if Karkat thought he DIDN’T know that at some level that’d be a reason to take MUCH MORE SERIOUS offense.

KARKAT: LIKE, JESUS, DAVE. YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID FOR YOU, TOO, RIGHT? KARKAT: OR DID YOU FORGET THE WHOLE HEROIC DEATH THING? KARKAT: I WORRY ABOUT LOSING YOU FAIRLY FUCKING REGULARLY.

Hah!!! Point taken. Karkat must view Dave as practically more fragile than HIM.

KARKAT: ONE: WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA THAT I REFUSE TO NOT ENJOY THIS SHIT WHEN I FINALLY FUCKING GET IT, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT MAY OR MAY NOT LAST. KARKAT: TWO: IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE DOING NOTHING. WE’RE MOVING. WE’RE WORKING. WE’RE HEADED SPECIFICALLY TO A PLACE WHERE WE WILL UNDOUBTLEDLY ENDURE YET MORE FUCKING HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA. KARKAT: AND THREE: WE'RE DOING THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE FRIENDS WHO WE CARE ABOUT THAT NEED US. THAT IS OUR FOCUS, HERE. NOT OUR FEAR. IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WE HAVE TO SAVE. KARKAT: SO DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT ME, DAVE. I'M FINE.

Okay, this is great and wholesome. I am now retroactively GLAD that this topic got brought up. :)

> ==>

Dave is still afraid. There is a part of him that will always be, he thinks. He has accepted this about himself. There is another feeling coursing through him too, though. It’s something he's felt before, though never quite so intensely. He looks up at Karkat and understands, viscerally, the simple power his words have. They pump through Dave’s own body, alive and warm and true.

He wonders if Karkat realizes it, or if he’s just, as always, saying what he feels as he feels it. Dave doesn’t attempt to dissect it further. There will be time for that later.

Every really loving moment like this is sort of undercut by the fact that it’s also, in some senses, part of alt!Calliope’s narration and, by extension, her fanfiction.

EDIT 2: There's also either a hint to potential Blood powers or even an explicit Blood power use here that I didn't recognize. I'm leaning towards it's-laying-the-groundwork-for-future-use-of-Blood-powers-but-isnt-magical-in-this-case.

> ==>

Smooooch!

That was nice. Still gonna wait on doing any commentary til next time or a Bonus update or two, cause I’m beat. See y’all next time!

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #spoiler #spoilers #Breath and Blood #Light and Void

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roswelldetails · 4 years

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RNM 2x12 - Crash Into Me

EPISODE SUMMARY:

WELCOME TO CRASHCON — As the town prepares for CrashCon, Liz (Jeanine Mason) and Max (Nathan Dean) attempt to piece together who may be behind a potentially deadly plan targeting the festival. Elsewhere, Maria (Heather Hemmens) and Isobel (Lily Cowles) take drastic measure to learn more about the night Mimi (guest star Sherri Saum) disappeared, while Michael (Michael Vlamis) is forced to do someone else’s bidding.

DETAILS:

Max is secretly practicing with his powers. Was Max's "light cardio" actually just him trying to strengthen his powers?

Max has a land line. Hee. Which Liz doesn't mind answering for him.

Liz is looking for a pen on his desk when she finds the empty vials of the antidote. Max plays them off as being leftover from when he had amnesia.

Liz mentions that the phone call was Max's bank calling to verify a deposit for him.

Max is choosing not to worry about Michael because he and Isobel can feel that he's not badly injured or in serious danger.

Liz called Dirk:

"He said before she left she was getting nonstop calls from a 575 number. The Sunset Mesa facility where Mimi DeLuca lives."

"Wait, Mimi was calling your mom before the abductions?...Mimi was always obsessed with alien movies. Maybe fiction and reality are blurring. Your mom is working with Flint Manes who spent years making an alien-killing weapon while at Caulfield. What if your mom found out Rosa was killed by an alien? She'd want revenge."

Note: Max and I apparently think alike, because this was my assumption going into the episode as well. For the sake of detailing and not making this confusing plotline any more confusing...Max and I were both wrong.

Also, I love that they mentioned cell service issues during Crash Con. That is extremely realistic and makes a ton of sense, speaking from experience at like, concerts and baseball playoff games and such.

Maria gets Liz's voicemail and immediately confronts Mimi.

"I just got a message from Liz. Mom...when you disappeared, it was Helena Ortecho that took you...You didn't have butyricol in your system when they found you. You know Liz's mom. You'd remember if you spent a month with her. Mom, are you covering for Helena?"

"Everything is going to be fine."

"I'm not fine. Alex and Michael are missing."

"Helena is a lot of things, but she won't hurt your friends. I'm sure… (Isobel walks in) You're the blonde. The one that Rosa was afraid of."

"Hi Mimi...I'm your cool Aunt Isobel. Hopefully we can get to know each other under better circumstances sometime. Sure about this DeLuca?"

"Desperate times call for desperate alien invasions."

Isobel's first trip into Mimi's mindscape:

"Show me what happened the night you disappeared, Mimi."

Mimi turns to see headlights approaching. It's the hunting van. Helena is driving it. After they greet each other they talk in the van.

"I saw her. I saw her in a vision.

"I didn't believe you. I had to see it with my own eyes."

"You saw her. You saw Rosa."

Flashback to Liz and Rosa arguing over Rosa's necklace in 2x01. Just as a note, Isobel is in Mimi's head, not Helena's, so she shouldn't really be able to see this flashback since Mimi wasn't there when Helena saw Rosa.

"This is a good thing, Helena. Your daughter is alive. She needs you."

"When Jim Valenti was dying, I came home to say goodbye. He kept saying Rosa could live again, that she was preserved."

"But you didn't believe him. No one ever believes us."

"If Rosa is alive, it means Jim was telling the truth. Which means everything else he said could be true, like aliens are real and Jesse Manes has a weapon that can kill them. It means I have to go to war, Mimi. First, you need some shoes."

Then Mimi somehow kicks Isobel out of her memories, which gives Isobel a nosebleed. But Mimi doesn't seem to know what happened. It's almost like she has a kind of subconscious protection on her own mind, somehow.

Note: the hunting van must not be Flint's, because Helena is driving it when she first considers teaming up with Flint, I assume based on the above. Maybe she was the suspicious figure in Flint's house when Max and Kyle were hiding in the closet? And what about the car that Rosa blew up? Did she have access to multiple vehicles? Am I overthinking this?? Haha.

Kyle's tip to Max:

"I found this at Flint's, but it's from a florist my dad used when he was in the doghouse with my mom. I finally guessed the password today. Rosa's birthday. The only thing on it is a note my dad wrote to Helena. It's a lot of romantic crap followed by details for a storage unit he had up near Haystack Mountain."

Haystack Mountain is an off-road vehicle recreation area about 30 miles northeast of Roswell.

Michael working on the "bomb". Charlie is working on the toxin nearby and Helena is keeping an eye on both of them.

"This entire process would be more efficient if I could attach the release chamber to the other side."

"Ay, mijo. Now is not the time to get creative. Time is running out. Follow the blueprints exactly."

"You don't look like an obedient soldier. Who'd she take to force you to do her bidding?"

"A friend. It's complicated. Why are you helping her? Jenna's free."

"Flint Manes has a sniper rifle on the roof pointed at her bedroom window. If I step out of line and something happens…"

"You'll never forgive yourself."

"I'll never forgive myself anyway. Helena has me formulating a pathogen that I invented when I was 17. It's a poison that dismantles specific DNA. If targeted your death is quick and ugly. A bleeding from every orifice kind of deal… I thought that I was saving people. Okay, imagine a weapon that you could drop into a populated city and the only people targeted would be al-Qaeda leaders and their direct descendants. Okay? In the right hands my weapon could prevent innocent civilian casualties and save our troops."

"I'm guessing these are not the right hands? Why am I building the bomb when the inventor is under Helena's thumb?"

"I do chemicals, not mechanics. And technically it's not a bomb. It's a catalytic toxin atomizer that was developed in a top secret operation involving weapons specialists from both the Army and the Air Force."

"Project Shepherd. One more question for you, Charlie. Whose DNA is that poison you're making gonna target?"

"Judging from conversations I've heard between Helena and Flint, it's alien DNA. Like, literal aliens."

This is actually the part of this story that's crystal clear to me. We've been getting tidbits on this dating back to 1x12, when Flint told Alex about his "smart bomb". Jesse told Jenna in 2x04 about Charlie's toxin that could pinpoint specific DNA, and even used a similar metaphor in explaining it as Charlie did in this episode. The part that doesn't make sense to me is, why did FLINT need Michael to build it, if he developed the blueprints?

Liz and Rosa in the lab discussing Max taking the antidote.

"He's only supposed to take a drop when he has amnesia. It's not vitamin C. In high doses it could cause surges of adrenaline that could be dangerous."

"No offense, but you sound like a mom. Like a real mom, the kind who actually give a duck. Oh I just figured out what autocorrect is. It's hilarious."

"Speaking of moms, ours hasn't reached out to any of your old dealers and she hasn't shown up at any of the churches in town, so you got any other ideas?"

"It's CrashCon. We usually find her wearing the loudest t-shirts and flirting with the richest nerds."

"Yeah, but Flint and Jesse Manes hate aliens. I mean it's literally their only hobby. If she's with them, I'm betting she's lost her affection for the simple charms of UFO novelty kitch."

"Wait, if you were going to get revenge on aliens, CrashCon is the perfect place. There's all kinds of conspiracy theorists and press. You know how mom loves attention."

"You think something's gonna happen tonight?"

"Papi is there by himself setting up. I think he should come home."

Note: my phone autocorrected duck to fuck. So I guess that tells you something about me. 😳

Also I just realized that for once ROSA and not Liz is the one who put the pieces together! Good for her. I wonder if that's purposeful since she's the daughter who is more like their mom? Like, she understands Helena's motivations better than Liz or something.

Steph and her father are going to CrashCon together. Kyle helps her with her makeup. Super sweet, but rather pointless since the scenes of Steph at CrashCon were cut. Mostly just including this here as a reminder that she's there in case it comes up in the finale.

Max and Cam, who got her job back!

"Thanks for the assist. I'm guessing that guard wouldn't let me through with bolt cutters unless I had an officer of the law present."

"Oh well, don't be jealous, Evans. Valenti has me on desk duty. So this little adventure is my lunch break."

"Valenti did the right thing, giving you your job back."

"Yeah well, you know, apparently some local bartender gave her reason to doubt the events the night of the gala were my fault. So I owe you."

"I've lost track of who owes who what at this point."

They break into the storage unit. It's empty except for an empty shelving unit, a locked chest, and a puddle of purple alien goo.

"What is that?"

"It looks like embryonic fluid. There must have been a pod in here."

Note: no, Max! Pod Goo evaporates upon contact with Earth's atmosphere/air. So it's not pod goo.

There isn't a super clear shot of inside the chest, but Max pulls out a love letter from Helena to Jim Valenti. I can transcribe it if you want me to. It's pretty easy to read and frankly, there's nothing important there. My heart is forever yours...it feels good to actually love and be loved in return...blah blah cheesy platitudes.

But seriously. Just send me an ask if you need me to transcribe it. But I'm gonna skip for now.

Isobel is chugging acetone straight from the bottle in the middle of the Pony.

Isobel's second trip into Mimi's mindscape:

"Mimi. I know you think you're doing the right thing, but Helena is holding people hostage. We have to understand her motive."

"You all think I'm losing my mind. But I just...slip out of my time and into a different one every once in a while. Sometimes Maria's. Or Mama's. Other women in our future or past. I saw you when you were a baby. The sky was red."

"What can you tell me about your time with Helena? She had you for a month."

"We were in a motel. We watched movies. We laughed and gossiped. She wanted to trigger my visions...gather information."

"What information? What did you tell her? What did you see?"

"What's important is Helena will take care of our girls. I'm not afraid. That's enough."

Mimi kicks her out again.

"I tried. She's fading."

"She's tired. It's harder when she's tired. Come on, Mom. I'm gonna take you back to Sunset Mesa."

"Maria, you just have to look for the signs in the water. You have to believe. Go on, you'd better hurry."

"Hurry where?"

"CrashCon closing night! You don't want to miss the fireworks. You always loved the fireworks."

Max and Cam going through the chest of letters back at Max's house:

"Okay, all these notes are from Helena to Jim Valenti. This is from the week Rosa died. I mean even 20 years after their affair she's still writing and he's still saving her letters."

"Pining after an Ortecho for years and years. It's so weird. Who does that. This is a receipt. It's a money transfer he made around the same time. He paid Daniel Fuller a thousand bucks."

"Fuller was the county coroner. Okay we still don't know how Noah got Rosa's body into the pod, right? But Jim had Project Shepherd connections to the morgue. So maybe if Noah knew about Jim and knew that he'd be grieving Rosa, he could have told him where to find the pod, right, and maybe he didn't even take the pod back until after Jim died."

"I mean, this is all a bunch of conjecture."

"Jim pulled me aside at high school graduation, he said I was the kind of guy the sheriff's department could use. Look, I mean maybe… I mean, he never let on, but maybe he knew I was an alien, right? Maybe he knew more than that."

"Okay, Evans? Breathe. You're looking a little clammy. What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"No. See, something's going on, and you're gonna tell me or I'm out, I swear to God."

"Okay you can't tell anyone."

"You know I won't."

"Okay, I've been taking this antidote that Liz made. No...she doesn't know. But its rebuilding some of my memories from before the 1947 crash, right? I was just a little kid, but I had a destiny. I had responsibilities."

"Right, you're the savior."

"Yes! Well, maybe. But I was starting to remember these symbols from our old language, right? I remember what they mean, but it's like the meaning is just out of reach. And I'm out of the antidote. And you know, Liz is getting suspicious. So…"

"No."

"I didn't say anything."

"Really? Can you tell that to your face? I am not using my friendship with your girlfriend to steal alien steroids for you. Okay? Our partnership has limits."

Michael and Helena:

"It's done. So now what? You inject my spine with your mind-eraser?"

"We only used the butyricol on Jenna Cameron because there was still work to be done. And Flint was afraid she'd ruin it for us. You told Flint Charlie was creating a toxin that would kill aliens. But if you wanted aliens dead, you'd be testing it on me right now. 'Cause that's what I would do if I was a criminal mastermind."

"I needed Flint for the schematics and the muscle. Our agendas didn't need to align perfectly."

"You don't have to do this. If you kill anyone tonight, Liz and Rosa will never look at you the same."

"That ship has sailed. Besides, I'm not killing anyone. If disaster never strikes, justice won't be served. Do you want to see Alex or not?"

Liz tries to get Arturo to go back to the Crashdown. She tells him that the kitchen is backed up because it's so busy. The interesting part of this exchange from a character perspective though:

"Papi, please. I have a bad vibe, all right? A gut feeling I can't shake."

Diego walks up.

"Who are you? Elizabeth Ortecho doesn't do feelings. She believes in facts and evidence."

"No, I do feelings now. I've evolved."

Alex is chained up in the house. There's a takeout box and coffee cup next to him. He's humming a song under his breath. Michael walks in and they talk.

"Guerin, you were right. They used me to get to you. My dad hit me over the head and then he swiped the piece of the console. And then Flint showed up with a gun to my head."

"Did anyone hurt you?"

"Nothing I can't handle. Helena's been weirdly motherly. She's bringing me clothes and meals."

"Your leg."

"Yeah they took the prosthetic. I tried to bludgeon my brother with it. Come on, use your powers. Get me out of this."

"Helena dosed me with something. I'm basically human until it wears off."

"Okay then find something that'll break the cuff or my wrist. I don't care."

"Alex, tonight at CrashCon, your dad plans to release a toxin that kills anyone with alien DNA...Helena made Charlie and I build an identical device, but one that targets a different DNA. She somehow got her hands on your dad's cells. She knows your dad killed Kyle's dad. She wants revenge. But she wants him to take himself out. When he pulls the trigger on us tonight your dad's gonna die because of a device I built."

"No, that is not on you, okay? Now let me out of here."

"I can't. The atomizer will kill anyone in your dad's direct line. You are safer here."

"Are you serious?"

"And I gotta go. I'm gonna come back for you."

While Michael explains to Alex, we get a flashback to Helena in her totally fake blonde wig at the hospital in 2x02.

Helena disguises herself as Jesse's maid using her totally fake blonde wig and switches out the bombs while Jesse is in the shower.

The @ladiesofrnm have their first scene all together! (With Max...and eventually Michael…) reading through Helena's letters together. Michael makes quite an entrance. Afterwards:

"You're such an idiot! You don't comply with a kidnapper's ransom demands. Without telling me."

"Alex was in trouble. He had to go."

"Mikey, where are Alex and Charley?"

"They're safe. Your mom doesn't want to hurt them."

"Look I don't get it. Does she want to kill aliens?"

"No. She's avenging her murdered lover."

Back to the house where Helena talks to Charlie:

"This atomizer contains the poison that kills anyone with alien DNA. I need you to destroy it."

"Does Flint know that you have it?"

"Flint. Jesse really broke that boy. Some people were never meant to be parents. You can go when you're done. The door's unlocked. Flint's rifle shoots blanks."

"What's to stop me from leaving now?"

"The knowledge that that deadly device only exists because of you. You decide. I'm off to CrashCon. I hear there will be quite a show."

Note, when Helena says Flint's name she says a word in Spanish that I can't make out and isn't in the closed captions.

Max and Liz's conversation about racism and privilege:

"I want to help. Your mom's not the villain here. All right? She's going about this all wrong, yes. But Manes is already a murderer. I mean, if he'd succeeded today…"

"I know...I could have lost almost everyone I care about in a moment. I remember every day what it was like to lose you and Rosa. I don't think I could survive that again. She could've built a decoy bomb that wouldn't have hurt anyone."

"He'd just get angry and do it again."

"Yeah, but he's not the only one that this would hurt. I mean, the headlines if she gets caught? Illegal Mexican Immigrant Slaughters Decorated American Vet via Bioweapon. People will line up to lay bricks at the border wall. But hey, maybe the president will talk about my family at his rallies. That's gonna be fun."

"That's not gonna happen. This will get covered up like every other strange death in this town."

"In case you haven't noticed those cover-ups don't tend to protect the Mexicans. Even when…"

"Even when Rosa died. You can say it, Liz. It's okay. It's fair. Rosa got blamed. White people didn't. Okay? I get it."

"I know you're on my side, but you don't get this. And that's not your fault, that's just the reality of our experiences. If I mess up. If I so much as roll through a stop sign, it reflects badly on any Mexican who came before me. And it hurts any Mexican who comes after me. I used to think that nothing would ever change that, but lately I think...maybe if something extraordinary happened it could."

"Extraordinary? Like what you're doing in your lab?"

"I've discovered something that could be the key to curing people who have no hope otherwise. I can't walk away."

"So you're gonna turn my family's stem cells into the hottest commodity?"

"No, I won't. I...we'll find a way to synthesize it or replicate it."

"Is this about the people you're trying to save or about becoming the poster girl for immigrants everywhere? You want the president to talk about your family because of you. Because you saved the world."

"If those in power see what happens when people are given opportunity…"

"You want the glory."

"I want recognition. I want to be the example I never had. And people who want glory, they're just in it for selfish reasons. People like Jesse Manes want the glory. He wants to be a big American hero. He wants the parades, he wants the medals. If he sets off his alien atomizer at CrashCon, a handful of twenty-something's will die of some mysterious ailment and it's barely gonna make the news. That's not what he wants. We're missing part of his plan."

"First, something violent. Large-scale that'll draw media attention. And then, once all eyes are in Roswell…"

"He'll blame the violence on the aliens. He only gets his parade if he makes people afraid and then he destroys the thing that they fear. If he makes people think that you're terrorists before he kills you."

Graham Green's reveal at CrashCon. Graham is announced and takes the stage as Max, Liz, and Rosa arrive to find Michael, Isobel, and Maria nearby.

"Hey, you guys shouldn't be here."

"I was held hostage, Max. I deserve to ride the Sizzler until I barf cotton candy, and maybe watch a bad man die."

"You guys, we think that…"

Graham Green starts his presentation.

"Hello loyal fans and devoted supporters! You patience is about to be rewarded. Today I am thrilled, nay, honored to show you the result of years or painstaking work. The moment we've all been waiting for. Irrefutable extraterrestrial proof! A bona fide alien artifact!"

Graham pulls the curtain and reveals what appears to be something similar to Michael's console, only it is complete and intact.

Flint brings Alex food and they discuss Flint's motives:

"If you're doing this to impress dad, it is never gonna work."

"I'm not trying to impress dad. His shutdown of Project Shepherd was an inform decision, but he's trained me my entire life to take it on.

Flint goes to leave but Alex stops him.

"Do you remember when mom used to drive us to the res, and you would sit at the loom with Granddad? Weaving stories. When was the last time you made something, Flint? Anything that wasn't built to destroy?"

"Around the time that mom decided that to leave dad, she had to leave us."

"She didn't know what he would do to us."

"He didn't do anything to us. Me and Clay are fine. He'll, even Gregory is coming to see dad today."

"...You are wrong. We are all dad's victims. Sure, he beat me up, but what he put the rest of you through was abuse too. He made you watch while he kicked my ass… He scared you into thinking that there was only one type of man that you could become."

Alex manages to knock Flint out, steal the key to his handcuffs, and free himself.

"You're so pathetic. You don't know me at all. This has nothing to do with dad and everything to do with our history. Aliens are a foreign threat. They're invaders."

Back to CrashCon, where the gang discuss the alien object:

"Alex's piece must have been the last one that Manes needed to finish building it. Where's he been keeping the rest of this?"

Sanders appears out of nowhere.

"Kid, I seen that thing before. Your mother built that back in the old barn. I don't know what it is, but it is definitely explosive. I always wondered what'd happened to the pieces."

"Maybe Harlan or Tripp Manes gathered them up. Rebuilt it."

"Yeah but if Manes is gonna use that to blow up CrashCon, it's gonna make Graham Green look like the bad guy. No one's gonna think an alien planted it."

"Unless they follow the money. I got an alert from my bank this morning. A $10,000 deposit had cleared."

"You think Manes set it up so that the investigation would lead to you?"

"If I become the world's first alien terrorist and he takes me out, the world cheers."

"Guys, you need to do whatever you can to get as many people out of here as possible, okay? Get help."

"Hey, where are you going?"

"Michael and I have studied this material before. It's part tech, but it's also part organic. And if it's part organic, that means it can be killed. I gotta get back to my lab."

Diego sees Max toss Liz his keys.

Max and Michael sneak backstage and convince Graham Green to let them have a moment with the alien ship thingie. Max takes photos of it with his phone.

"Do you think we can destroy it?"

"No. The pieces want to be together and now that it's complete if we break the bonds with brute force we risk a violent reaction."

Max hears voices whispering and reaches out to touch the alien tech. The alien symbol forms under his hand and he pressed it. There's a surge from the tech and it almost appears like Max is absorbing something from it. The voices get a little louder. When he breaks the connection it almost seems like it takes effort and he seems stunned.

"What the hell just happened to you?"

"Nothing. I think this is a remote. I think this controls a ship."

"It's a what?"

Gif by @maxortecho

Note, the way Max laughs when he says nothing is oddly similar to how he responded to Cam when she called him out on his weird behavior from the antidote. Like he's hiding something or brushing off the worry or something.

Sanders interrupts before Max can respond. Points out that the top of the stage is varnished which is highly flammable.

"Wait, if this is fresh varnish, this whole platform is set up like a tinderbox."

"There's gonna be fireworks tonight."

"One spark'll light a fire. I mean, this whole thing, the whole platform will go up."

"If this giant remote goes kaboom aliens will be framed as terrorists. You have to get out of here."

"What? No. I'm not going anywhere."

"Max you are all sorts of worked up right now. What happens when you're worked up?"

"Sparks fly. Right, okay. Yeah. I'll go."

Before Max leaves he spots something on one of the display boards that makes him pause. He grabs it before leaving.

Charlie is working on her chemicals in the makeshift lab when Flint sneaks up on her and puts a gun to her head, demanding that she gives him the atomizer.

Maria and Rosa hurry through CrashCon discussing each other's alien biology and Mimi's vision. They spot Gregory Manes and decide to try to get him to leave since the Manes bomb would kill him. He has 12 kids with them so they suggest that he take them to the Crashdown for free milkshakes. He recognizes Rosa, but they tell him she's Rosa's cousin.

Liz works in the lab while blasting Alanis Morissettte - great call back to last year when she told Michael that Alanis helped her channel Rosa's creativity. She says to herself:

"Destroy the organic cell membrane. Disable the nanotech."

She mixes some chemicals which react and explode her flask and start a fire. Really don't know if that's supposed to represent success or not.

Flint and Helena talk at CrashCon. She is surprised to see him. He tells her that he cleaned up the mess at the house.

We flash back to the house which is on fire. Charlie is chained up and trapped.

Liz hurries from the lab and doesn't realize that Diego followed her there. He sneaks his way into the building while Liz rushes for the car.

Speaking of cars...they're in the middle of nowhere. Where's Diego's car? I had the same thought last week when Max and Kyle were searching Flint's house and they almost got caught. Whoever pulled up in the hunting van should have seen their car!

Maria and Rosa are helping get the kids loaded onto a bus when Rosa points out Pisces to Maria. Call back to 1x03 when Maria tells Liz that she and Rosa used to compete to see which one of them could spot the constellation first. It gives Maria an epiphany. Pisces is "the water sign" which was one of Mimi's clues from her vision. Maria goes to follow the sign. She runs into Max who tries to get her to safety. They spot Flint Manes carrying the atomizer. Max tells Maria to get out of there and hurries after Flint. He tries to sneak up on Flint, but Flint is able to disarm him and beat him up. Flint sets the atomizer to go off in two minutes and then throws it like a Hail Mary into the crowd. Max chases after Flint while Maria goes after the atomizer. She pushes through the crowd and spots another clue from Mimi's vision - a poster of aliens asking "Do you believe?" The atomizer is sitting below it. Maria grabs the atomizer and takes off running with it. Cam spots Maria and follows.

Flint beats Max up again and then pulls a gun and threatens to shoot Max. Max disarms him and is holding the gun to Flint now. He laughs and asks Max if he's really going to shoot a soldier. Tells him that he already pulled the trigger to kill Max by setting off the atomizer. Max tosses the gun aside, and uses his powers instead to kill Flint,

Michael and Isobel are trying to keep the stage from catching fire, but then the fireworks start going off into the wind (which blows the embers towards the fair). The hay bales easily catch on fire. Isobel used her powers to hold back the flames. She can feel that something is wrong with Max and send Michael to find him.

Instead Michael finds Jesse and Alex. Their exchange:

"You know, I actually started to believe that you had changed."

"You never could tell friend from foe. I actually counted on it."

"Hey I know exactly who you are. You were gonna let all of these people die and you were gonna let the aliens take the blame."

"It's high time they got blamed for something, I think. I'm gonna drag them from the shadows."

"Yeah and then what? You're gonna use the atomizer to kill them all? Then you become some hero by destroying the enemy that you created?"

"American children are gonna read about the events of tonight in their history books... And don't worry about collateral damage, son. That's just an unfortunate aspect of war. You know that better than anyone, Alex."

"You're gonna become your own collateral damage if that thing goes off. Helena Ortecho switched the devices. That's not gonna kill aliens. That is set to destroy your DNA. If it goes off, you are going to die in a puddle of your own blood."

"What are you doing? Are you bluffing to protect the aliens?"

"What I'm doing is I'm trying to protect our family. Dad, if that goes off it kills all of your direct descendants. Flint and Greg are somewhere in here. And I don't care how much I disgust you, I am still your son!"

Greg runs up looking for help responding to the fire. He spots the atomizer and immediately recognizes it as a weapon. Alex tries to get him to leave. Michael runs up and Jesse pulls his gun on him. Greg steps between Michael and the gun to protect Michael for Alex.

Maria throws the atomizer off into the desert and immediately begins bleeding. Thankfully Cam is there to try to help.

Max kills Flint which in turn gives him another heart attack. Liz arrives as he's collapsing and starts CPR. Rosa runs up and tries to get Liz to let her step in to help Max so that Liz can stop the alien device from exploding… And cliffhanger.

MUSIC:

1. Valley Queen "Chasing The Muse"

2. The HawtThorns "Give Me A Sign"

3. Everclear "Everything To Everyone"

4. Alanis Morissette "All I Really Want"

5. Gary Numan "I Am Dust"

#roswell new mexico #rnm season 2 #episode details #long post #rnm 212 #crash into me

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abundantchewtoys · 4 years

Text

HS^2 re: Chapter 16 “Welcome to my Secret Lair”

"Welcome to my Secret Lair"

I highly doubt Calliope is going to invite Karkat into a lair she built into the air vents. So perspective switch it is!

> Page 394

I thought it was going to turn out to be Candy Karkat that said the quote, but apparently not.

John is frozen in place, unable to move forward, in a more literal sense than before.

So, then, who would contact him? Vriska's still captured, right? So, Jane then? I kind of wish for it to be Sollux, just for the hilarious combination, but I sincerely doubt it. That guy probably never ventured off the meteor.

And what will his eventual role in this timeline be? He's reduced to a minor participant in the rebellion, his childhood in literal ruins...

> Page 395

Oooh, it's gonna be Roxy? Uhm, what, did she have a secret lab underneath her house this whole time? XD

> Page 396

Pfffff, it's amazing how much adult Roxy is unchanged, purely referring to how she speaks.

Hah, Harry is hard at work on John's new outfit, and not a moment too soon. I feel John's pain re: fishing phones outside of too tiny pockets (if only because I tend to stuff mine with personal items).

> Page 397

Does she have a transportalizer in her room? That would be a sweet callback to Mom's bedroom not being where she actually slept.

Heheh, and the remnants from Vriska's tantrum (tantrants? remntrums?) are still not cleaned up!

> Page 398

I feel for John and can imagine that, as the absentee parent, coming back into the familiar yet different like this, especially in the context of a once-shared bed room... It's gotta feel real bewildering.

Love the fact that Roxy cares zero shit and made/bought a wine glass/coffee mug combination.

> Page 399

Of course John is now acknowledging what is for him the elephant in the room. But I have a gut feeling Roxy's going to do a spit take and explain herself, that this isn't what it might look like for John.

> Page 400

Hah, who knows, lying down on the bed, maybe John will just crash and fall asleep right away.

I do like to see John's inner struggle. In fact, in this moment, he's got an awful lot of Jake's mannerisms in play. Abstract, impersonal gloryless warfaring? No problem. Intimate physical or emotional connections? Heroic BSOD.

> Page 401

I think Roxy was saying right around the middle: if you want we can revisit the gender topic But that's still something John can't broach.

I liked hearing about what he had to say re: his feelings about his house. And I get it, I really do. It's easy to retreat into what used to feel good, even if it doesn't anymore. I guess this could turn into arguments about the comfort zone and leaving it, but really... It's more about: people change, so their habits may too, and what was good for you in one part of your life might not remain that way.

Also, love the discussion of John using his Sburb powers / mangrit and just cutting loose. That's not something he, OR Dad, are really want to do, if the situation doesn't require it.

> Page 402

Hah, Roxy lied, it's not even that the bed changed, she just wanted to show this to John + he was "sent for"? By who?

"as they told me in the hospital [...] just push" "lil h a"

> Page 403

*disappears* like a wizard.

Love how the symbolic rendition of the portal is that much smaller.

> Page 404

Oooh, Calliope's kind of dressed like a monk. Or a muze, I guess?

Pffff, big conspicuous object beneath a curtain? What is this, Hiveswap? And Terezi saw a similar object on Dirk's ship!

So, really, does that mean their timelines are going to connect through a similar portal as in Hiveswap? Or is that a red herring?

> Page 405

Oooh, if they're in the old meteor, than... Actually Sollux COULD be around, hahah.

Glad to see this version of Calliope is still the same. Even if the relationship between her and Roxy sometimes gives me the idea Calliope could be clingy (not maliciously though, just because she lacked affection until she had her human friends). Still, better for Calliope to imprint on Roxy than Jane, right?

> Page 406

...

Wow.

Jegus.

Hah, okay, now this is the stuff I didn't even really hope for anymore from this timeline. The "point" to the Candy timeline.

Is to escape it.

And for cosmical bullshit reasons, it'll all happen on the meteor again, hahah.

Love that Calliope and Roxy are here as John gets an explanation behind the true extent of his choice, which he made during the picnic all those years ago!

"Plotpoint" I love that name.

Hah, Calliope realized she was being a third wheel, but her apology basically amounted to: it was an experience, so thank you for it! She's an ascended fan, and she's loving every minute of it! Nice outfit, too.

Of course Vriska is the one that can get them out! :D

And the event of unignorable cosmic significance... Yeah, this is still a Hussieverse. It can go anywhere. Vriska riding a pony. Vriska making out with Jane. Fanny, Jane and Vriska in x3 standoff.

What I find hilarious is that Calliope was present when her alternate consumed her brother, and she's like low-key wow'd, that's all. :D

Wonder what the sound is all about. Something from behind the curtain? Is it a fourth wall? Something from inside the meteor? Sollux? Or is it sounds being patched from inside Roxy's house? Is there a raid taking place?

> Page 407

Awww. I can really settle for Roxy and John as amicable exes. It's like they went through all stages of a relationship already and can now pick and choose what works. :D

#homestuck #homestuck^2 #upd8 #spoiler alert #john egbert #roxy lalonde #calliope #homestuck candy

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abnerkrill · 4 years

Text

the sweet sweet tea: aka why archaeologists hate steve green

in response to @chillnaturalistvibes, who asked me to “spill the sweet sweet tea” about Hobby Lobby... I live to serve. here’s my “brief,” salty summary of the mess. (i reread A Biblical Mystery at Oxford by Ariel Sabar for this post and encourage you to read it too, if you want more info and some KILLER investigative reporting!!!)

circa 2009, Steve Green, Hobby Lobby’s CEO, is intent on making his Museum of the Bible ~THE PLACE TO GO~ for evangelicals in Washington DC, a kind of... anti-intellectual Smithsonian if you will

Steve’s problem: he has nothing to display at his museum : (

Steve’s solution: black market antiquities lmao... just go and buy anything that could be useful to point at and say “see??? Bible real & Good”

enter highly respected Oxford academic Dirk Obbink (henceforth referred to as Dirk.)

Steve probably LOVED having Dirk involved because, according to the article, “He was so towering a scholar that the Greens could counter accusations of religious bias simply by citing his involvement”

note on Dirk: his “Philodemus on Piety: Part 1 [1996] vaulted him to the highest echelon of classical scholarship ... Part 2 was due out in 2003. Seventeen years later, it remains unpublished.”

what can you say? writing is hard! stealing from Oxford is... comparatively easy i guess??

you heard me right... Dirk Obbink stole Oxyrhynchus Papyri (owned by the Egypt Exploration Society, housed at Oxford) and sold the papyri to the Museum of the Bible

Dirk “sold the [Green] family more than 150 papyrus fragments—for a total of between $4 million and $8 million“

Dirk also bought a faux medieval castle in Texas (on an academic salary, I THINK NOT) to be close to Baylor, where he thought he’d work after getting kicked out of Oxford... again, lmao

literally there has never been as scandalous a scandal as highly respected professor STEALS papyri FROM OXFORD !! can you imagine the movie this will make someday

Dirk also lied about papyri containing fragments from the Gospels: he claimed to the Greens that he could date them to circa 100 AD, which would be a BREAKTHROUGH in Biblical studies.

they’re actually late second or early third century, which makes them... a normal and not at all groundbreaking discovery.

there is a LARGE and hilarious subplot about the Museum’s acquisitions director Scott Carroll. Carroll saw himself as a “modern Indiana Jones” type and desperately wanted to be someone who Discovered Something Cool

don’t go into ancient studies to be Indiana Jones, kids. just don’t

please enjoy/weep with me over this excerpt from the article about Carroll, on his super duper special technique to discover lost bits of papyri from mummy masks (I should also note that archaeologists used to utilize this technique to find papyrus scraps, but no longer consider it ethical because it actually destroys the mummy mask:)

“He filled a sink in the classics lounge with warm water and Palmolive dish soap, plunged a mummy mask into the suds, and began swishing it around. Then he withdrew a wet fragment and presented it to awestruck students ... The fragment turned out to be a piece of Paul’s Letter to the Romans. “The kids were bamboozled: ‘Wow! Wow!’ ” ... Before his demonstration, Carroll had discreetly set a piece of papyrus beside the sink, and Jeffrey [David Lyle Jeffrey, a medieval-Bible scholar] had glanced at it. When Carroll withdrew the wet Romans fragment ... Jeffrey recognized it as the piece he’d seen beside the sink. Carroll, he realized, had only pretended to pull it from the mask.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway time for ME to dump a mummy mask in Palmolive dish soap water and withdraw a FRAGMENT OF ROMANS so that the students will adore me and that i’ll finally feel like a REAL HERO / REAL MAN

anyway all these fraudsters came to light when, in 2015, Scott Carroll, pardon my French, fucked up.

he spoke at a church in North Carolina about his work, and mentioned “a Gospel of Mark from the first century … in the possession of an outstanding, well-known, eminent classicist … Dirk Obbink.”

naturally this was Big News for Biblical studies people, and the Egypt Exploration Society realized that these fragments could only be the ones they owned. they gave Dirk the ultimatum to hurry up and finish publishing his papyrus findings — but publishing the findings would only reveal that Dirk was illegally selling some of them!!!!!

the Egypt Exploration Society realizes this; Dirk got his comeuppance by getting removed from Oxford and his Museum of the Bible position, but still protests that he was “framed” (??) and it wasn’t his fault. the police are still technically investigating him

Steve Green returned a bunch of papyri & antiquities of “questionable provenance” to Egypt & Iraq and apologized profusely/pathetically over how he was the victim/poor wittle baby antiquities dealer who couldn’t have possibly known that he was purchasing not only Dirk’s stolen antiquities but also other black market antiquities

on the note of other black market items, the US government notes on their press release about making Hobby Lobby return stolen goods and fining them $3 million: “an expert on cultural property law warned Hobby Lobby that cuneiform tablets and cylinder seals were particularly likely to have been looted from Iraqi archaeological sites. Hobby Lobby proceeded to purchase a set of 5,548 artifacts in late 2010“ again, all i can say is, lol

anyway, given the chance, i would fist fight steve, dirk, and all involved parties in any given parking lot over the sheer, incomprehensible stupidity, lack of care, etc. that they demonstrated in stealing, lying, and generally mucking everything up for everyone

also white men who go into archaeology wanting money and fame and Great Discoveries................. we invented the guillotine for a reason right ?

to make you truly happy, @chillnaturalistvibes, Steve Green came to Wh*aton in 2019 to give a talk for some club (business club?? idk) about how to be a Good Christian Businessman, and I was Incensed, and the archaeology club did consider protesting it, but we’re only like 7 people so we just stewed in our anger instead :)

tl;dr Steve Green sucks ass, didn’t care at all about black market looting and shady antiquities dealings, paid Dirk Obbink 4-8 mil to steal papyri from Oxford (questionable whether Steve knew they were stolen or not, but either way, he did NOT do his due diligence,) got fined $3 mil and thinks he’s the victim here

thanks for coming to my TED talk !! happy to yell about hobby lobby and steve green whenever you want!

#archaeology #u can reblog if u want #correct me if u find anything wrong in here i'm just spitballing & quoting the atlantic article!!#long post

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absolute-lithops-emotion · 5 years

Text

because my brain works the way it works, whenever I get into something I immediately shift into crossover mode, so I was thinking, tma and dghda

Dirk Gently characters in the Magnus Archives universe is just way too sad to think about, but tma characters in the Dirk Gently universe on the other hand!

Imagine:

When Jon is a kid, he encounters something dangerous and supernatural, like in canon, and like in canon he can only stand there and watch. But then it keeps happening. He keeps running into these terrible things happening to other people, and there’s never anything he can do to help, and he remembers all these things perfectly.

Then one day, a man comes to his grandmother’s house. Says he’s from the Magnus Institute, and he knows about this kind of thing. Says he can teach Jon about it, if he comes back to the Institute with him. So of course Jon goes, and when they get there Elias (because that’s the man’s name, of course) leaves Jon with a tape recorder while he “takes care of some paperwork” and suggests that Jon might feel better if he puts his stories to tape. So Jon does, and almost immediately, the awfully present memories begin to fade into something more… ordinary.

Jon lives at the institute, and Elias tells him about his powers, about the Universe and being connected to something bigger, and at first Jon finds it comforting. But as he gets older he begins to realize… that Elias isn’t going to teach him control, isn’t going to tell him that he can do more than just observe. That maybe he can’t do anything more than observe. Maybe that just isn’t what he’s for. Well, that’s fine.

So when Jon’s an adult, Elias sends him out of the Institute to record specific weird stuff, although he usually ends up getting sidetracked and kidnapped a lot before he’s able to get back. And he does go back, every time, because, you know, emotional manipulation. BUT THEN he meets Martin. Martin’s connected with something weird somehow, maybe as it turns out A Lot of weird things, but he doesn’t seem to be actually Involved with any of them. And Jon… keeps running into him??? So Jon is like, obviously this is a Suspicious Figure, in need of Further Investigation. And completely fails to realize that he just has a crush on the guy.

This story is called “New Children of the Old God” of course

More disjointed thoughts about this AU under the cut!

I haven’t figured out exactly what what Jon’s deal is as an Agent of the Universe but he’s probably something like a memory backup system? The stuff he gets drawn to involves other people like him and sticky causal situations, and a lot of the time (increasingly often??) situations where Holistics/the Universe aren’t working the way they’re supposed to and things are going wrong. So Jon observes these events and their fallout and records them in a tangible form that can be referred back to later by other people in case something like this happens again.

And he is ONLY supposed to observe, NOT help or interfere. That would corrupt the data! So as long as he stays out of it, he is very very hard to injure, since he does have to be in close proximity to dangerous situations. But there are times when he can’t help but try to help instead of just observe and he usually ends up horribly injured. Elias berates him for doing this, under the guise of being worried for Jon’s safety, but really he just doesn’t want The Mission to be compromised and he wants Jon to do what he says. Because he’s horrible.

In that vein, Elias has set himself up as this kind of Father Figure Mentor and he absolutely ruffles Jon’s hair a lot.

I also haven’t figured out Jon’s exact attitude towards the whole situation at the start of the story but, much like in canon, I think he’s in heavy Denial Mode. He can’t deny that he has powers or that supernatural stuff exists, but he absolutely is framing it as a power that he has, that comes from him, because he doesn’t want to believe that he’s just being pulled around by the Universe and if he doesn’t acknowledge it it’s not real right??? This is just his Job, and he’s going to be a Professional and Do His Job. Which, does require him to act like an insensitive jerk about other people being in danger, But Hey. (Also this attitude probably interferes with him doing his job effectively BUT HEY)

Oh and he does have the whole “compel people to tell the truth” thing. As well as the “sometimes you just Know Stuff” thing, not that it’s very helpful in actually piecing things together. Jon has the general background awareness of the fundamental interconnectedness of all things, but not much more in that vein

There are two options for the Institute that I have to decide between. One, every Holistic went through there, like with Blackwing, and just some of them have “graduated” and live somewhere else now or just aren’t affiliated with them anymore. Two, the Institute has only ever had a few Holistics because… they don’t have a military budget lol. I’m leaning towards the second one, because of that and also some other stuff that I’ll get to.

So, the people who I know are at the Institute (in a similar position that the Holistics were at Blackwing): Jon, Gerry, Annabel, formerly Michael Shelley but not anymore. Might be more? I sure don’t know.

Annabel’s deal is the easiest to talk about so I’ll do that first. She’s actually pretty similar to Dirk, minus the detective thing -- she makes sure people and things are where they’re Supposed To Be, doing what they’re Supposed To Do.

She doesn’t do anything as unsubtle as command or compel people, instead she usually has a very good hunch for just what to casually mention or suggest in order to make them have the idea themselves. But she might also be able to control people by whispering to them while they’re asleep, mostly because I think it would be hilarious if she used this power to make Jon do dumb stuff and walk into things when they were kids. I mean, all of this is really subject to change given that we know jack shit about Annabel in canon.

Annabel is also the one who really Gets, like, what they are and what they do and what that means. She is just the kind of person who can fundamentally vibe with the idea that they are really just being pulled around by the Universe for its own designs and they don’t get a say in the matter.

So Michael is hard to figure out because fractals mean something totally different in these two canons. So do I give him a connection to the Backstage of Reality Mandelbrot dealie? Because here’s the thing I’m gonna go on like, a million tangents here but hey everything’s connected right

(Also something I have to figure out is which parts do I take from Michael Shelley and which parts do I take from Michael Spiralentity because we know the latter AN LOT better than the former so like, but on the other hand.... You see what I mean?)

Whatever Michael’s deal is, at some point he gets betrayed or finds out something and completely breaks from the institute and also starts trying to fuck up the Universe. At some point he meets Helen and I guess it’s sort of like a Bart and Ken situation?? Anyway and then at some point the Universe gets Fed Up with Michael’s shenanigans and forcibly rips his powers out of him and gives them to Helen.

But then I was thinking, maybe give the Mandelbrot Powers to Gerry, because I could not for the life of me figure out anything else, and also he has the biggest Hero Of Another Story energy, and also like I said fractals mean something different in the Dirk Gently universe.

But then, like, multiple people can have pararibulitis at once in canon so maybe it’s a moot point! Maybe they can both have Mandelbrot Powers who knows

Anyway

So they all live at the Institute together but they are fairly isolated and don’t see each other much until they’re like, older teens

Also I have to mention at this point: this fic is Jonmartin but! it might also!! be Jongerry!!! Because I’m nothing if not a sucker for “Gerry was Jon’s celebrity crush” and in this case they are actually living in the same building and Jon has absolutely run into Gerry doing inexplicable and slightly concerning Mission-related things in odd corners in the middle of the night, and also keeps hearing all these stories about him, AND THEN, he finally is old enough that Elias lets him go on Missions with the other Holistics his age and he gets to go on one with Gerry and he’s like okay be cool be cool be cool and he psyches himself out so much that he ends up saying something really insensitive and he’s like I Can Never Talk To Him Again, cause he’s a teenager. But, you know, they end up working together often and by the time the story starts they’re actually on pretty good terms. But then Jon’s in denial and Gerry has some complicated feelings about the Institute and he doesn’t really like what they’re doing, and those attitudes clash Bad sometimes.

Martin is also very jealous of the Holistics that Jon grew up with cause like, they grew up together, they probably understand Jon better than he ever will, right? And he’s jealous of Gerry especially but then he deals with his issues and gets over it and then polyamory can happen.

(It goes without saying that Jon is oblivious to ALL of this for a Very Long Time)

I don’t know who came up with “Holistic” but it probably wasn’t Jon, that being said this will not stop him from using it when people point out that he doesn’t actually know what an archivist does. It’s an instant Get Out Of Jail Free card. He can just answer anything with “Well, that’s because I’m a Holistic Archivist”

Jon is Elias’s Favorite but literally no one except him actually cares about that because Gertrude Robinson is also there and she’s just objectively so much cooler.

I’m not sure if Gertrude is Holistic or not? She might be, given her very “for the greater good” attitude that seems to be shared with the Universe (could she be… a Holistic Arsonist). But unlike Jon and his gang she is on pretty much the same level as Elias or at least he wants her to think that.

Dekker might be there too? But he’s definitely not Holistic, he’s a regular guy who just happens to be really badass.

(Much like the Holistic Gang, there might also be other adults there but I haven’t figured that out yet (I mean they’re all adults but some of them weren’t always if that makes sense))

The Deal With Elias: Obviously some kind of body-swapping happened there, there’s body-swapping in Dirk Gently already I have to take advantage of this precedent. Here’s the basic idea that I have currently: Elias Bouchard is kind of a loser. Okay, a big loser. But then one day he encounters something. Something weird. Something that makes him latch on to the idea that there might be Something Bigger. And the Bouchard family is a bit like the Spring family -- they aren’t Holistic or anything like that, but they have seen/done some weird shit, and they do have Resources. Resources Elias can use to, eventually (or maybe not eventually? perhaps even accidentally? definitely accidentally), look into the very Backstage of Reality itself. Resources that would be very useful to Jonah Magnus, who’s been waiting back there for a Very Long Time. Here’s the thing -- Elias Bouchard wanted to play a part in something bigger than himself. To be Important, in a cosmic sense. And Now He Is.

Also, og!Elias absolutely ran into/maybe worked with Gertrude Robinson before The Thing happened, solely because I n e e d to give them Riggins’ and Friedkin’s conversations. Can you imagine

So here’s the thing. I have no clue what Jonah Magnus’s intentions or motivations are in this AU! A possibility: he, like Michael, is Against the Universe, except he’s pretending not to be and in fact might have slightly manipulated Michael into trying to break the Universe? And maybe, when Michael is Replaced By Helen, he also gets taken to the Backstage of Reality (or maybe he was there when it happened and now he has no way to get out) where he meets! none other than og!Elias. I just think that would be fun. But on the other hand why was Jonah Magnus there in the first place? I don’t know, we didn’t get the chance to learn anything about the place before the show was cancelled, so

Another possible plot point: What The Fuck Is Up With Hill Top Road??? Seriously that house is the most Dirk Gently shit in the whole podcast. I mean, I really wouldn’t want to write about it until we learn what the canonical deal with it is but then I definitely for sure will not be finished with this fic by the time we do learn that so

#the magnus archives #dghda #this has a potential audience of like... two

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wakraya · 5 years

Text

Epilogue Content Warnings

So as I said! Let me just. Pull these up real quick and talk about what each of them may mean for the Epilogue as a whole.

SPOILER WARNING FOR THE EPILOGUE BENEATH!

And let’s start with the characters actually!

John Egbert, Rose Lalonde, Dave Strider, Jade Harley, Jane Crocker, Roxy Lalonde, Jake English, Dirk Strider, Karkat Vantas, Kanaya Maryam, Terezi Pyrope, Calliope, Caliborn, Lord English: Obviously they would be here.

Aradia Megido, Tavros Nitram, Sollux Captor, Vriska Serket, Gamzee Makara, Eridan Ampora, Feferi Peixes: Also likely to be either mentioned or to have Ghost Shenanigans. It’s quite the Troll the Meowrails aren’t around though- Equius is not around I guess because he IS a Heir of Void after all. Nepeta not being there though, come on Hussie. that is just you Trolling us with another Dead Nepeta joke.

Aranea Serket, Meenah Peixes: Makes me think we’re not going to see the Dancestors at all. They’re the two more prominent ones, and part of the whole plan to defeat LE, so they would easily be mentioned.

Davepetasprite^2: Please come back, Birbcat.

Barack Obama: This is almost DEFINITELY Dave rapping.

Male Character(s), Original Female Character(s): Likely to be any new resident of Earth C. Honestly, just the Salamanders and Carapaces already fill this.

So now let’s go for the warnings! It should be noted, while all of these do appear, a lot of them are juxtaposed to be humorous with the more heavy-seeming ones, so let’s get into it.

Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, Alternate Universe, Death, Incestuous Undertones, Meta, Manipulation, Rapping, Furry, Anthropomorphic Characters, Power Imbalances, Blood, Trickster Mode, Interspecies Relationships, Guns, Murder, Black Romance, Existential Crisis, Xenophilia, Daddy Issues, Robots, Gore, Aliens, Assassination, Theft, Ghosts, Mind Control, Teenagers, Possession, Kidnapping: This is just Homestuck 101.

Eating, Food, Clown Dynamics, Fridging, Feet, Early 20th Century Dance Movements, Clown, Honk, Faygo: These seem largely peppered in for the fun factor, and to break the... Concerning nature of some of the other ones.

The Economy, World War, Political Intrigue, Genocide, Political Rebellion, Fascism, Religion, Capitalism, Reality Television, Propaganda, Super PACs, Prison Camps, Gerrymandering, Revolutionary Rhetoric: This in general seems like it’s gonna be societal commentary talking about either Alternian or Earth Society, and perhaps some talk of stuff that’s happened in the past of Earth-C. With how messed up Alternia is and the stuff Condy did... Yeah it all checks in.

Xenophobia, Speciesism: The Snapchat Updates hinted at the possibility of anti-Human Trolls, and likely of anti-Troll Humans in the same vein, for literal Xenophobia and Speciesism, or grouped with the prior category for... You know. Sadly truthful commentary on social issues.

Misogyny, Sexism, Transphobia, Misgendering, Gender Transition, Nonbinary Character(s), Identity Questioning, Detransitioning: These are likely some of the ones that people are the most worried about- Specially regarding the one about ‘Detransitioning’. However... Honestly my two bets here are that, John is going to bump into Davepeta and have a brief moment of misgendering them before being corrected and some talk about gender identity, and that Dave may give John a big talk regarding identity and fucked up societal stuff.

Sexual Abuse, Rape, Non-Con, Dubious Consent, Slut Shaming: These may easily tie in with the previous one too, as V mentioned, these aren’t things we’re going to see at all, but they are going to get briefly discussed. So no one’s going to get coerced into anything. Bad themes but, stuff to talk about.

Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Abuse, Unhealthy Relationships, Domestic Abuse, Bad Parenting, Toxic Masculinity: I’m going to be honest. This. This just sounds like Dave’s gonna talk about Bro again.

Body Horror: This could be MANY things. Some awful wound described in full detail, it is gonna tie in with ‘Gore’ for certain. Maybe talking about Gamzee being split in half.

Alcohol Use, Drugging, Drug Use, Chronic Illness, Vomit, Addiction: The drug mentions already happened with Rose, and she’s medicating herself. Thankfully I trust she’s not falling in any sort of addiction, but the ‘Vomit’ tag could imply it’s gonna get worse before it gets better. Or maybe it’s entirely unrelated and Gamzee just barfs blood again.

Mental Illness, Depression: Someone get all of these Kids to a Therapist. Honestly.

Starvation, Suicide, Funerals: These are the ones I’m the most... Worried about. Suicide there could be talk of their Immortality, hell maybe it’s even a morbid but still joking thing that’s not serious, but I’m kind of concerned it may be more. Starvation though, I can’t... Think of anyone who could Starve, except perhaps Terezi having been outside searching for Vriska for so long, and I worry... And Funerals, please just talk about Mutie’s and Rose’s Funerals, please no one die. :I I mean except John, which I’m assuming may die, but I’ll talk about that later.

Poisoning, Pica: Another possible alternative for the ‘Vomit’ warning? It may also tie into some assassination attempt. There’s no ‘overdose’ tag, so I am ruling out the idea that Rose IS gonna start going too far. Like straight up. Pica is also a disorder in which someone eats non-edible stuffs, which could cause poisoning and vomit? But. Honestly? I think... Pica is just going to be Terezi eating chalk.

Friends to Lovers, Polyamory, Infidelity, Marriage, Cuckolding: Now BEFORE any of you crucify me for putting Polyamory and Infidelity together. I know. I’m not implying anything. BUT while it’s possible that like. Rose or Kanaya had some talk about their marriage. I think it could be quite hilarious if John saw Jade, Dave and Karkat like. Making out amongst themselves at different points and assume that they’re cheating on each other, or worse, that they tease him for having that come to mind immediately. ‘wow karkat i cant believe youre cucking me with jade im hurt’ ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP STRIDER, OH MY GOD-’

Pregnancy, Breastfeeding, Breastmilk, Diapers, Children, Babies, Milking: I know everyone’s IMMEDIATE thoughts is that someone’s gonna get pregnant. But honestly it could just be pregnancy talk and... Breastfeeding and Milking that’s just. That’s just gonna be ARquius isn’t it.

Eggs, Alien Biology, Ovipositioning: No! Stop! There’s not going to be any weird Troll Stuff! Shame on all of us. This is most likely regarding the Mother Grub, although I wouldn’t mind hearing more about Canon Troll Anatomy.

Cannibalism, Vore: I am. I am going to go ahead and think this is because of the drawing of Roxy eating a baby??? Honestly who even KNOWS at this point. Is Caliborn going to try to VORE anyone like a god damn snake? Good lord.

Mind Break, Rough Sex, Light BDSM: Remember that there’s NO sexual content in the Epilogue. Confirmed. So uh... Yeah. Okay I added ‘Mind Break’ here for humorous effect but honestly it may be better suited for some of the messed up warnings above, maybe alongside Mind Control? Oof. Rough Sex... I can imagine someone joking about it? Maybe someone gets really shameless with the innuendos. And Light BDSM I’m just going to say we’re going to see Clover. Or... Gamzee DID get tied up. Does that count?

Bimboification: This fucking one. This one is the one that throws me out for a limb the most. It may be relating to the Trickster Mode? It may also be related to Caliborn and him like. Objectifying the characters or something, but that isn’t as ‘ification’. Another thing that’s got me wondering is ‘Bimboification’. As FAR as I understand this term to go, the correct way of saying it is ‘Bimbofication’? So either it’s a typo, OR ‘Bomboification can apparently be used some times for specifically males? What I’m saying is, I can’t believe Lord English really is a Himbo.

Redemption: V... Vriska? Maybe. But also I kinda hope not. I’m really wishing ‘Redemption’ comes from everyone working their shit out together and being a big bunch of friends again.

Canon Compliant, Canon Divergent, Self-Sacrifice: Finally! The last ones! This is both Canon Compliant and Canon Divergent, which should be easy enough to parse through the Meat-Candy choice (And what I believe will be a split-path with the next update). Self-Sacrifice... Yeah that is what’s going to happen with John isn’t it? At least in the ‘Meat’ path. But I’ve talked already too much and gotten too Spoilery, ssssh!

So hey! These warnings don’t look so intimidating when you realize 90% were already things that happen in Homestuck proper, and the rest can be discussed in an adult manner without having awful things happen to people.

I’m mostly worried about people dying and getting hurt.

#Homestuck #Upd8 #Epilogue #Homestuck Spoilers #Spoilers

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coridallasmultipass · 9 months

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Has Dirk ever actually eaten steak?

(TW casual animal death I guess, sorry)

Okay, so this is a total shitpost idea I had last night on Tweeter and I said I'd make it a post here, so I'm following through. Bear with me, because if I jump past my thought process, I'll probably sound like a total maniac for even imagining this.

Let me back up.

I was thinking about Dirk (a normal occurrence). Then I start thinking about Nepeta, since they have the same Aspect. And then I start thinking about Tavros' cat allergies. So then I circle back to Dirk, since Dirk has obviously never seen a cat in person before, and therefore has no built-up immunity to cat dander, and would definitely be hella allergic. (Also, it's been my headcanon since, like, the dawn of time, that Dirk would have a shit immune system when it comes to humans, on account of never being around another person in his life, and he probably gets super sick upon meeting up with people in person for the first time.)

Back to the steak quote. Dirk has obviously never eaten like, actual steak from a cow before. Cows probably don't even exist anymore, outside of maybe a scant few super high elevation places on the other side of the globe. He probably wouldn't be able to digest it well regardless, since he's never had red meat. Dirk says he fishes, and he's obviously got seagulls around, so that's probably also on the menu (besides the super expired canned and dry ration shit left behind), and it's as natural as eating chicken is for everyone else (cough chicken of the sea joke cough), and he assumes that's what chicken is supposed to taste like, which leads to a hilarious spit-take for his first time trying actual chicken.

Moving forward to post-game. We're gonna set this scenario inside a neat little anime beach episode setting where everyone is happy and alive, because that makes it hilarious. Everyone's having a chill day at the beach. The seagulls presumably pester everyone who has a shiny bag of chips in their hands. People are playing volleyball. It's lunch time.

Dirk is looking at the seagulls eyeballing his bag of chips like, "Man, these guys are so dumb, watch this." And he calls a seagull over because he knows how to call them in a way they immediately trust him, and just... kills it quickly, and goes, "Alright, that was easy, let's start the barbecue, guys."

But there's a pall that's fallen over everyone. The beach ball blows past like a tumbleweed. Everyone's* mouth is agape in pure horror.

Dirk looks at the seagull in his hands. And back at the group. And he's like, "This is another one of those things I needed to deprogram, isn't it."

Everyone is whispering like, "What the fuck..." But to make things worse, Jade declares that there needs to be a funeral for the seagull, because literally no one else there is okay with eating it (and no one told Dirk beforehand, but someone already brought store-bought and pre-seasoned chicken for the barbecue, which doesn't make sense to him because it's not even fresh, aren't you supposed to have like a 'catch of the day' type of thing? Someone has to tell him that that only applies to fish, however arbitrary that seems). And Dirk has to stand there, living the most embarrassing moment of his life, keeping his cool, while perfectly good seagull meat is being lowered into the ground. People build a fucking sand castle memorial.

Jade like, gives him a hug like, "It's okay, Dirk, you didn't mean to do it." And Dirk has to bite back a 'Yeah, I kinda did mean it. This is stupid, and if anything, even worse to waste its life for nothing.' But he has enough self-awareness to know when to at least keep his mouth shut to prevent further damage.

He never could get over how weird chicken actually tastes, it's like fluffy and weird and doesn't even fit the theme of a beach party.

*everyone, except Jake and Nepeta/Davepeta, is completely scandalized at the image of Dirk just snapping a seagull's neck like it's nothing. They still wouldn't eat it, but they at least don't think he's a murderer for doing it.

#im sorry okay i just thought of it and laughed and had to share it #rest in peace gullie #wait also include feferi and eridan in dirk sympathizers but it feels weird to think of them having an interaction with him #homestuck #dirk #dirk strider #dirk homestuck #homestuck headcanon #homestuck headcanons #headcanon #ShitPost.exe #Cori.exe #Post.exe #*obligatory 'pls dont talk to me about anything that happens after Homestuck bc i didnt read it and dont plan to'*#animal death #watch this post gets blacklisted after tagging that and ill never be able to find it on my blog again #i have never tried seagull its illegal here bc theyre protected but i did look up what they taste like for this post and #apparently they taste fishy which is fucking wild like... does that mean that chicken tastes bug-gy?#is that why people always go 'hm it tastes like chicken' when eating something weird?#bc thats the taste of the bugs they spend their life eating?#idk its just weird to think that seagulls taste fishy for eating fish thats so fucking wild but i guess makes sense #also i know fish produce 'steaks' too but i kind of doubt that dirk is out there catching full size tunas #im at the point of typing where im having second thoughts like is this an okay thing to post or are ppl gonna think im a nutcase #i cant do that to animals i promise lol i was a vegetarian for a long fuckin time bc i felt bad about it like i still rarely eat meat

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theorynexus · 5 years

Text

59: The Continuing Adventures of Dave and Roxy, as well as the concerns assailing them.

Yay, the Charleston! (Boo the fact that if Jake’s targeted by a sniper, Dave can’t so easily react by slowing down time and tackling him out of the way, or whatever!)

***sagenods, despite never having had anything like his own experience, myself***

It’s good to see that in quantifiable terms, there. Also good to see Dave’s awkward insecurity on the matter never faded away during those recognition stages. It makes it at least 1000% funnier. Ask Colonel Sassacre.

HA! Also: I love to see that paranoia in action, ramping up the comedy value even more and legitimizing my previous statement that this was funny, which some people would consider incredibly rude, probably! It is also interesting to think of the fact that the 30-70% enumeration suggests he goes back and forth as far as which of the two sexes he is apparently considering legitimate “targets” of his interest (troll biology/sexuality didn’t cease to be probably quite different from human reproductive systems, or anything, and Calliope/cherubs in general may very well be hermaphroditic either in a simultaneous or sequential manner, so I obviously have to recognize them here). Obviously, there’s also the possibility he’s just not thinking of such other sexes due to is human upbringing on earth, were intersex members of society are relatively rare, and thus the idea that there are only two sexes tends to widely be embraced by (most, but increasingly not all) members of the Western society/civilization he dwelt in. I don’t blame him for his upbringing: everyone brings their own baggage into their later life.

Yeah... the Stralondes bring some interesting genetic factors to the table. I am not sure how much that actually directly influences things. Part of the issue is probably Bro’s impact on his life, which exposed Dave to a great deal of sexual material and almost undeniably stunted his growth in weird ways. (Note: I do not suggest that his apparent self-labeled bisexuality is a result of his growth being stunted, regardless of the fact that one’s early life does indeed have an impact on one’s later identity; rather, I am merely suggesting that Bro’s influences, while dramatically increasing his capacity for survival in SBURB, and thus technically being instrumental to everything that followed, gave him psychological issues which everyone must admit made him struggle quite a bit over the years. It may be likely that he would have developed the same sexual dispositions regardless of the scars Bro inflicted on him [both emotional and physical], but we can never truly know, for Time is weird: issues are entangled.)

Dirk, you named yourself after a Platonic work! How can you not understand how great and important relationships which reach to the point of bonds between souls and transcend the physicality of sexual relations can be?!?!?!

GAH, I just... sometimes, you really can’t expect reasonable thoughts from this guy, can you?

On the other hand, let’s just all take a moment to celebrate the irony of “... even my harshest critics would never accuse me of such cruelty” from Dirk Strider. Best. Fricking. bundle of words that ever emerged from his mouth, probably.

I would argue that even without the opposition, displays of gender are by no means culturally vestigial in the same way that fashion generally is not. It’s a direct reflection of the soul, projected outward. (Like a person’s hat, or shirt. [Dirk having a hat on his shirt was not just a reflection of the fact that he was “kid bro,” or whatever, but was actually an early suggestion of his Heart aspect.]) Obviously, this is limited by the resources, imagination, and environment/occupation of the individual involved, and there are in fact numerous things which are more important for a person in reality, but that doesn’t mean that it’s something to be dismissed like that altogether.

***cough projected future dramatic irony, cough*** Also ironic insofar as I am not 100% sure he actually cares about Roxy’s identity/gender issues so much as he might find them annoying and boring to be dragged through. Somewhat ironic+hilarious for a fellow Heart player to find this kind of thing unbearable, if so. Maybe it’s just the Prince in him.

It is good of you to be concerned for her well-being, I suppose. Considering it is your own identity that is at issue, here, I would suggest you hold a little more weight, but regardless, this is good. As for the matter of your transformation and dissatisfaction with your hair as it is now: I suppose Dave’s step by step relation of his own journey as made quite an impression on you. Hopefully, you do not feel jealous, but rather, patiently continue to contemplate your own path and, as Alt!Calliope suggests you might think, head toward a more potent and firm+real understanding of your own identity+self. It is okay to be uncertain and questioning, for now. I’m sure the shakiness of first steps will give way to confidence naturally in due time. These things are not easy, obviously, but reaching out to someone who’s had similar struggles is a good choice: it will likely make things easier, especially since he’s someone you can dependably put your trust in, despite his flippant, awkward attitude in general. (Also: on a more abstract note, it is interesting to see Roxy ascribing meaninglessness to her hair choice, and expressing lack of understanding on her identity issues. Very tight writing, on Hussie’s part, making the kids reflect their aspects and struggle so keenly with things relating to them.)

Given the fact that Cherubs naturally have very violent sex and spend eons before their first (and only?) sexual encounter, that’s not really much of an insult, if “virgin” should ever be considered one to begin with. Pompous is definitely more accurate and applicable, though. Also: Hooray, actually saying things, and getting the size of his text back again! (I am not actually really cheering for Dirk so much as I am finding it interesting for the sake of the ongoing conflict acting as an undercurrent to the storytelling, right now. It’s truly fascinating to see two narrators fighting amongst themselves like this! )

Everything about this (especially Alt!Calliope’s confidence and her “’human tanties’” line) is incredibly amusing. I love it.

Lil Cal might beg to differ. But that is a complicated tangent which does not deal with this version of Dirk directly. (Preemptive Edit: Also funny because of the fact that Doc Scratch is literally a walking, talking puppet with a Dirk inside.)

Yes, justifying toying with your friends because you know them and have investment in their lives therefore is indeed very logical, reasonable, and highly rational of you to do. Thank you for this brilliant insight into the human condition.

Oh, so this is now a reference to the Charles Whitman shootings at the University of Texas? That is a very interesting and curious choice to portray Dirk’s derangement with, especially considering the earlier statement about Dirk knowing solitude in a similar manner to Alt!Calliope’s own knowledge of it. (Almost appropriate, considering she basically destroyed the fabric of Paradox Space to kill her brother in cold blood [the way revenge and Eternity are best served], but I guess this is a digression~)

I wonder if he really intends this, or if it is in fact a ruse in order to time things perfectly such that he can in fact shoot Alt!Calliope in Jade’s body without her initially expecting it. Particularly since, if I am thinking of the correct gun, it actually shoots portals that allow for ridiculously long range shots that would normally be impossible.

Wow, that is cold, Alt!Calliope, throwing Rose under the bus like that. Also: I suddenly have “ Do the impossible, see the invisible. Row! Row! Fight the power! Touch the untouchable, break the unbreakable. Row! Row! Fight the power!” playing in my head, as if this were a flash animation. That thought process really puts things in perspective, if this is supposed to be (at least to him) a tale of Dirk fighting against causality and the will of Paradox Space to make things become irrelevant and to fade out of perception.

Guaranteed to blow [somebody’s] mind.

She warned you about---

History repeating itself.

Such anime. Such wonders. Man, this is really fricking interesting, seeing Dirk and Calliope actually going at it on a twinned physical and metaphysical battlefield! It’s like we’re finally being shown a cherub predomination contest in action! (I wonder if Alt!Calliope will eventually fall into caliginous attraction for him. This would be quite amusing.)

Wow, that was probably a bad move taken at an inopportune time. The question is: Is she forced to make that by laws of narrative relevance, or is it a purposeful decision on her part to spitefully turn away from him, despite the likely imminent consequences. On the other hand: This could be a very powerful and shrewd tactic on her part to recruit Dave to serve her purposes. Given his presence at the event, he could either intercept Dirk (I almost called him Bro-- gah!) or save Jake, if led properly. If she is particularly spiteful, she could use him as a sacrificial piece and have him take the bullet instead of Jake, which could be very, very painful to Dirk.

Huh. Despite Terezi’s comment about onions not making people cry, Trolls are inherently averse to them in the same way that dogs are to chocolate, huh? Also, people are Ogres, and Homestuck is Shrek. This is definitely the unadulterated truth. Additionally: Pffft. It seems that the idea that the Green Sun Black Hole’s presence making Roxy’s own void less effective for everyone might be true! Or, alternatively, Dave just knows enough to make the guess. Or both, possibly.

Pffft. She’s oblivious to her own inscrutability! Perfect. XD That said: YES! HECK YES! HECK FRICKING YES, ROXY SHADES!!! :’D (Oh, and shades are a symbol of the Void [not just because they keep out light, but because they block the eyes, which are symbolic of Light and Heart, but more importantly for this, Light], the same way that alcohol and oceans are. Somewhat surprising that she didn’t have a pair of them already, at this point, if we’re being totally honest.)

Yeah, if it was not obvious that the method of Alt!Calliope informing Dave of this threat would be subtle like that rather than a direct statement/command, then I don’t know what is obvious to you guys.

This, psychologically+sociologically, makes a great deal of sense, considering humans seem to have a natural propensity for feeling distasteful towards some sort of “other,” regardless of what it is. Thus, there’s a double-edged sword involved, quite logically, and somewhat saddeningly, to the otherwise open and accepting mentality that humans seem to have socially adopted in their new environment. At the same time, the way that this is delivered is horribly hilarious (tragi-comically so), and I’m barely sorry that I find that to be the case.

Yes. Yes, it was cute, indeed. Sad to see it go, somewhat. But his question is incredibly silly and very awkward, just as is natural for Dave. Thus, I find it acceptable and in-character, not insulting or narrow-minded, as some might.

***laughs alongside them, for indeed, this has all become quite funny, despite the fact that it is a “distaction [sic.]” from the seriousness at hand***

FRICKING... DANGIT, ALT!CALLIOPE, IF THIS TURNS OUT THE WAY YOUR WORDING IMPLIES IT WILL, I SWEAR...!!!

Okay, so you seem to have just used it as a convenient threat, and worded things such that he had time that he didn’t necessarily clearly have in order to basically take two actions instead of one. (His jump to save Karkat could have cost Jake his life, or Dave his.)

As I was going to say, but was prevented from doing due to a belief that it would be better to include these lines too: His statement about her being right about many things clearly, while initially making it seem that he was indeed going to take the shot, heroic death chance or no, almost certainly ensures that this is actually a subterfuge on his part (similar to but a reversal of Caliborn replacing the hats on the king and queen: in this case, he is switching his OPPONENT’s chess pieces’ appearances, making her think he’s targeting one, but is actually going for the other, more crucial target [as should be obvious, given the thematic similarities between Dirk and Caliborn, and the tendency of events in Paradox Space to rhyme with one another]).

Check.

Indeed, indeed. Alt!Calliope senses a similar pattern, quite sensibly, which is fitting with her role as Muse, and her understanding of it. Unfortunately, while she picked up correctly one one such similarity/resonance, it seems she’s missed some others. I do appreciate this comment on immortality, though. I had not actually thought about that, and this makes his potential actions somewhat more benign. (Not that it would render his later actions as such.)

I really fricking appreciate the “no guts no glory” comment coming right before this extremely gutsy reveal on his part. By saying as such, he could easily be ruining his plan, but he just goes ahead and says it anyway. XD BEAUTIFUL writing, right there.

It was less intelligent of him to narrate his own action so long-windedly, but completely in-character. It gave her the time required to interject like that. That said: I bet he’s going to fire via voice command or something like that.

And THAT, my friends, is why you don’t underestimate your opponents, and you should not announce your belief in the futility of their actions to their faces like a stereotypical villain would! Also: WILLPOWER!!!

... Yet this does not end the page, and despite the fact that it would be a magnificent point to end the post, I will not do so. I will first say that I was almost certain Dirk was actually in fact successfully hiding something from her when he was messing with his equipment/tech there [and great foresight on his part, to think this far ahead, by the way], and secondly, shall end the post with the actual page’s ending:

I appreciate his continued devotion to realism in sound effects and whatnot.

To be fair, he could be using that term technically and literally, here, but I also very much do believe that he was not, which is unfortunate. v.v Thus, Alt!Calliope’s question is quite valid. Though my guess is that Dirk’s response will be something along the lines of, “She chose death and you over life with me.” This might make her a “bitch” in the same way that men in prison who are raped are reported to be one, rather than the typical insulting-particularly-to-women version of the phrase. Regardless, this is uncalled for. ~~~ It is nice to see the fact that Alt!Calliope’s text is getting smaller, now, by the way.

I don’t appreciate this mockery/show boating. It’s quite abrasive and distasteful. I do see it as being rather in-line with what I’d imagine his character would do, given the frustrating situation he was previously put in, though. Also: This very much resembles what happened when he was first suppressed. There is much hilarity to be found in that, all things considered. Alt!Calliope was definitely a bit more benign in some ways and objective (most of the time), but that doesn’t mean that there weren’t some major similarities between narrators. Additionally: I do quite love this example of narrative vs. physical action. I only remember Caliborn/LE and Hussie ever engaging in that sort of contest before. Well... you could say that there were a few examples of it with the Exiles and Kids/Trolls (like what Bec did to PM’s station, or Sollux’s defense against CD), but they don’t really feel like they were quiiitee substantive enough to count. Regardless!: Very refreshing and interesting, this style of conflict is! Thanks, AH! ... Buuuut there is just a liiitttle tiny bit left over on the page to comment on, so I’ll get to that. (Oh, also, I totally imagine Jade falling asleep in the classic manner she used to before entering the session, just slumping over with her hands splayed out under her~)

Okaaayyy... if you say so. The fact that tranquilizers can be lethal in doses that are too high does not jive well with your uncertainty, though. Oh, and also: WHAAAAT?! You’re going to leave?! This is a completely unexpected--- Okay, I can’t and won’t keep up that charade when admittedly the couple of pages I read of Homestuck^2 before freaking out and stopping showed a weird-shaped ship that looked vaguely like a flying fish. I had tried to forget about that, but the memory suddenly rushed back to me as I read that bit of narration.

Ehh? Is this suggesting that the Candy epilogue is chiefly narrated by Alt!Calliope? I mean... it would sortof work out logically, given her very pro-Free Will stance, and the association of Calliope with preferring Candy as food... .

Hmm. This further supports that notion. Iiiif that is the case, Dirk stands as the proxy for LE/Caliborn even moreso than otherwise was clearly the case. In retrospect, this makes it pretty gosh darned funny that his head got chopped off along with Jack English and Jack Noir (who, holding English’s “lordly sceptre,” and holding reign over the Felt, was OBVIOUSLY an English stand-in, as well [I still giggle at his sudden use of it like a horse {hitcher} in the middle of the fight]). Very, veeeeerrry interesting. ~~~ I wonder if Dirk was testing the idea of interjecting himself back into the narrative when he said, “Jake’s ass is mine,” twice, earlier. Oh, and credit to Forgotten Homestuck Facts for the pic compilation, earlier.

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hootpoop12 · 5 years

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Candy route thoughts! Obviously spoilers:

Lets start with candy cause I read that first and damn gonna be real. I did NOT like it.

-I didn’t like the narrative pushing callie aside for John romancing Roxy. At least without an explanation. I’m not a callieroxy shipper but they have more chemistry and history. I am glad even John acknowledged how fast things were moving and poor callie being left behind.

-I really am not a fan of “Harry potter” epilogue style of everyone gets married in mostly het ways and has a bunch of kids. I did not give a rats ass about child Vriska, Tavros, and Harry. Like. Why were we given scenes of just Harry and Vriska flirting. Bizarre. That said this was obviously because Candy was meant to represent this sort of sickly sweet style of writing so no criticism there. Just not what I personally like.

-DAVEKAT.....JESUS.......Not to fucking sound like Dirk but. Ten years. Ten goddamn years and they STILL have not broached the subject of their feelings for each other? There’s slow burn......and then there’s bad writing. Like.......This has slightly warped my view of Dave which my view of him is sacred cause he’s literally my favorite character of all time PFFT .............like was Dave...............really that much of a wuss to just...........not try? Dave has canonly been in a relationship with Jade and Terezi at this point......did he flip out at those two too or like did they do all the work in starting a relationship? I know that you might think “wow hoot doesn’t care Dave a grown to be a softer dude” but.....come on there’s being soft/emotionally intelligent and then there’s a guy who is in love with his best friend for a decade and says NOTHING despite tons of evidence saying it’s mutual. I know Karkat is equally responsible but Dave is my favorite so shut up lmao

-Davejadekat: wow. That was some hot garbage, huh? Jade intersecting herself into that makes sense when they said her social skills were lacking but wow. She LITERALLY is the reason they both get married to someone else. Even when John lost it at her and dropped some fat steaming truth on her. She still married Dave leading him to just fucking settle. So dumb.

-Dirk: Yeah that made me nauseous and when I went to work in the middle of reading I was pathetically in like. A panic/grief state. Don’t worry past me it gets so much worse LMAO

-Jane......like............did the crown imbue her with condesce fascist ideals??? Where were the two nannas that could have easily shown a more sympathetic SANE side to Jane?? I’m at a complete loss over what happened to her and as I was reading I was like. Pouring one out for all the Jane fans thinking “I cant imagine your favorite character acting like that all of a sudden!” once again past me: You’ll fucking know in a few hours

-They did a good job of making Earth C just......feel wrong. All the subtle things of like how the characters reacted added up to make it seem super fucking ominous. Especially Roxy and Rose, like.....When they were all talking about baby names they seemed so out of it it was kinda creepy. One big complaint was how fucking repetitive John’s angst was? John would be hella depressed then Rose would be like hey this world is fake but that’s fine and he’s be like Huh! then back to the depression and then Jake would be like talk to your family and he’d be like Huh! and then he would talk to Roxy who would be like accept this fake bullshit world like the rest of us and he’d be like Huh! I mainly didn’t like Rose giving that speech though. Rose is one of the most contrary people who shouldnt like any fake reality but here is like welp I’m happy who cares.

-Johnrezi......WOOF. Ok it hurt but this is the one thing I enjoyed from the candy route. I know ya’ll are like Of course you enjoyed it you biased piece of shit but no listen. Amongst this fake garbage candyland.......they were fucking real. John keeping a selfie of her in his wallet was just..........peak angsty romance lmao All their conversation shows...........goddamn they care so much about each other? Even when Terezi ghosted everyone else.............she would respond to john and listen to his issues. I never thought Johnrezi would get this much validation but I am so glad I had one thing out of this route to look forward to. (Him tearing up that photo and finding the car....shit hurted yo.............)

-Finally my main issue which most might find to be my worst argument pfft how fucking STUPID shit god like? In Homestuck there were a lot of strange hi-jinks going on but it was like......Dave makes a bunch of funny weird items or Karkat makes a bunch of terrible time traveling memos.............The only time in the comic shit got like absurdist weird was when Dirk was telling Jake about the betas in their timeline. And that was funny! Just having one bizarre moment in a narration can be fucking hilarious and it was! Having like 50k of that bullshit was EXHAUSTING. Every time Gamzee was mentioned I genuinely recoiled, whenever Jane was being fucking. INSANE I would read a little faster, and the Obama thing with Dave near the end was just too much. I’m sorry but 95% of BOTH routes humor fell fucking short. Homestuck isn’t really funny anymore, sadly. All the economic and xenophobic jokes were ran a mile into the ground. This was kinda shown in that skianet arg that got dropped in January. I was a little annoyed by all the dumb stuff in it but like was willing to accept it cause it wasn’t in the actual webcomic. That shit was still sacred lmao

#Homestuck #Homestuck epilogue #upd8 #personal #Homestuck spoilers

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hyliotasong · 5 years

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HS: shadow boxing {sfw, 1.5k words}

i always though dave strider deserved better

---

CW: past abuse

---

His breath was slight against the cool breeze of the afternoon, hardly making a sound. It was so strange, being as relaxed as he was. He almost needed to try to keep himself tense. The last time- or, at least, the most significant time- that he found himself with his sword in in his hand, tense was the only thing he could be! That day was so fast and so chaotic, even when time slowed down and he saw that minuscule nod of desperation before he sprang into action and allowed heads to roll.

Hah! Heads, rolling. He was hilarious!

He still remembered that moment, even five years and some change later. The impassive shades were familiar, just as the shiver down his spine whenever he met them (and the sword swinging in his hands and the pleasure when he stared at Dirk and remembered just what he’d done).

Dave swore that he’d never pick up a sword again after that. It was funny how things worked out in the end.

After all, at the end of the day, he still found himself stranded on his island of a rooftop. Despite all common logic, something inexplicable forced his sword off of its hanger and into his hand. It was the same pseudo-divine power that kept him on the roof after all of this time, and the one that kept his heartbeat slow and his breath even when the image of his brother painted itself in his mind.

The terror of the situation and the routine in it all melded into a tense tranquility, yet an unobservant onlooker may definitively call him relaxed. This was purposeful, a skill crafted after years of doing this. After all, why would he be tense? Tenseness meant that Dave was concerned, and one couldn’t be concerned when it came to his brother. Concern lead to weakness and fear, which would quickly be exploited in the upcoming fight and land his ass at the bottom of the stairs. He wouldn’t tolerate either in any household of his.

Sure, Dave wasn’t in that household anymore, but old habits died hard. This bullshit was no exception, no matter how counterintuitive it was. God, why was he like this? Healthy recovery his ass. Nobody tried to ease their fear of violence by using more violence! This was the same shit as back home, just a difference place.

Rose probably would have said differently. If he listened closely enough, he could hear her in the back of his head, surrounded by a loving wife and more baby grubs than she knew what to do with. “Dave,” she would say in that sympathetic voice that told him that he was so stupid it hurt, with that head tilt and the sad smile. “Have you thought about why you are doing it? It’s incredibly likely that you are simply trying to take control of your trauma and cope with-”

That was usually where Dave interrupted her and insisted that nothing was wrong. Because nothing WAS wrong. What did Brain Ghost Rose take him for, a teenager on the internet that wanted to set himself apart or excuse shitty behavior? This was legitimate! Fuck using violence to cope! If he had any say in the matter, he would be anywhere but where he ended up, without the sword and the wind and the feeling like he was being watched by an uncaring god.

It was like an addiction. He told himself, after they had won the world (and the first time he found himself here) that he wouldn’t need to do this regularly. It was just his way of paying respects to the old bastard. Three encounters in as many weeks later, Dave told himself that he would be able to stop this whenever he wanted. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t a problem!

Five years.

Maybe it was a problem.

The more that he thought about it, the more it made sense. That could be the reason why he could come here without panic gripping his chest, even though opening the silverware drawer made his heart skip a beat. This could be why he could fight and genuinely breathe, even though his last fight with some version of his brother (Dirk, just before they won) overrode usage of his lungs for nearly a year. It was a situation where nobody won. The more that he fought himself on the roof, the easier it would be. By that logic, the easier it got to fight himself on the roof, the more that he would do it. Dave Strider had assured his destruction before it ever truly began.

This wasn’t the time to harp on Past Dave. A noise before him grabbed his attention, throwing him into his routine. He blinked. He was thirteen again, staring down his brother’s impassive shades and light smirk. The cool breeze on his cheek reminded him that he wasn’t really on his Houston rooftop, but it didn’t tear him from his singular focus. That had to have been hammered into him by his brother. Fuck, by now Dave probably had that fight or flight instinct harnessed to a fucking T.

Dave flew against his imaginary opponent, grabbing his sword in both hands. By now, the swing was nearly second nature- but once he had stopped and stumbled onto his ass, his brother was nowhere near. This wasn’t new. How fucking typical. He couldn’t land a hit on his brother even when he imagined him into existence!

“God, can’t cut me a break,” he muttered, using one arm to push himself off of the ground in a pretty sick spin. The movement was expert- Bro might have been proud, if he’d actually seen it. It was one of the few things that Dave could do right, after all. There had to be some pride, realizing that the squirt was turning into some semblance of a man.

Dave looked up over his shades and watched his brother disappear. This, too, was something that he was familiar with. It had fucked his shit up so often (in his head and in real life) that he had gotten pretty good at dodging it. Dave grabbed his sword with both hands again and turned, defending against the imaginary weapon pushing against him. If he focused hard enough, he could see steely gold eyes glaring at him through tinted shades, grabbing his heart and making anxiety run through every fiber of his being. He needed to get out of here.

Dave took a breath and everything stopped. The air hung still, the poltergeist before him remained frozen, and Dave took the time to step away and redid his pants.

Was it ironic that he was using the technique that caused him so much harm as a method of his own defense? It could have been. Between you and him, he never had a brilliant grasp on the concept of irony. Sure, he talked a big game, but it was mostly bullshit meant to defend himself. There was no better way to exit a situation than to declare it ironic to people who didn’t know what irony meant.

When Dave stepped out from between the seconds, he watched his brother look around with confusion. Bro’s head snapped up at Dave’s minute smirk, though, and the cycle began anew. Dodge, and duck, and dip, and dive, and lunge, and parry, and slash, and spar, and cut, and Dave was on his own roof for two hours, seventeen minutes, and forty-six seconds when his exhaustion began to hit him. He was getting a little lethargic, he could admit it. That didn’t help him when he began to hear his brother jeering at him in that stupid dead person echo that flashbacks inevitably had and it did terrors on his psyche. Talking to the guy was worse than fighting him. His brother was so good at dissecting people's’ weaknesses and picking at insecurity until they were willing to follow him into the darkness (or worse) while he tore you apart.

Dave was shaky and paranoid and every attack was met with a laugh and a swipe at his head and there was someone behind him.

There. Was someone. Behind him.

The lines between imagination and reality blurred, adrenaline pumping into overdrive. Of course Bro would try and distract him like that. Sneak attacks were the name of his game, and Dave was intimately aware of that. he whirled around and held his sword in one hand, defensively, while the other extended almost like he was trying to keep his attacker at bay. His nerves were on such overdrive that he didn’t perceive who was trying to communicate with him. All that he knew was that there was a person and that he was jumpy and waiting for a sword to his throat and he would do what he did best- Scramble away and defend himself with hoarse breath.

“Don’t- Don’t get any closer.”

#homestuck #dave strider #abuse #swords #thanks for reading

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clonerightsagenda · 6 years

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Gill and I may not live together anymore but we can still Do Damage

Kat: me, working on the alpha kid portion of my AU and also watching she-ra: Dirk.... Entrapta.... (does he still have prehensile hair? You Decide) Gill: Anime spikes are now real spikes I'm also happy to give him Doctor Octagonapus arms Hedgehog man Kat: someone: so it's the princess alliance right actually we had to change the name because we THOUGHT it was the princess alliance but uh Gill: Junior Royalty Alliance Princex Alliance? The Gay Agenda Kat: lmao addendum: Jake is sea hawk Gill: Who's Glimmer, telling him to set his boat on fire Also: Dirk stop experimenting on the planet Kat: Jane Jane is glimmer trying to be responsible and controlling people Gill: That is perfect and I love her Kat: Is Roxy bow? I'm not sure Gill: Also she'd be adorable as a blue sparkly glitter fairy Who's Adora and Catra Also autocorrect I understand correcting Adora to Adorable but Why did you change Catra to "Avatar" Kat: I mean Adora and Catra do have some pretty strong Vrisrezi vibes Also that way if Adora is Terezi you can have Janerezi if you want it Gill: I am resistant to Vriskerly Actions and yet I cannot deny that it works Also Glimmerdora is a rly cute ship... Kat: Catra is like Vriska done well Gill: And now Vriska has a friend who is a scorpion lady It's fitting Kat: god who's scorpia omg NEPETA cat scorpion switch Gill: And DIRK WHY ARE YOU HANGING OUT WITH VRISKA TO HACK THE PLANET, I DONT APPROVE OF HER SHES A BAD INFLUENCE Mr Strider go to your room Kat: I was going to say how long could dirk possibly tolerate Vriska Doc Scratch is prob shadoweaver Gill: Instead of getting a mask knocked off it's just His whole head Kat: ok I fixed it Dirk makes Hal and Hal gets left behind and Hal is much more bitter about shit and so more willing to join up plus Hal would take Vriska-Catra in stride just like lmao check this DSMIV entry out Gill: Have both, Dirk is acting like an Actual Captive while Hal is having a good time with the girls Kat: Hal: I know why you're in the Horde. You've got a complicated relationship with your pseudo parental figure and feel abandoned or treated as less than by your former friend. Vriska: And why are YOU here smart guy Hal: Absolutely none of those reasons. Gill: Hal: you know I can ask them to let you out Dirk: I will not stoop to the level of a traitor Hal: w/e Nepeta and I are gonna go watch anime Kat: Hal: Hey Dirk if you hadn't cut your hair you could use it to pick the locks on those shackles. Dirk, who chopped his hair off years ago bc #dysphoria: Eat shit Gill: Dirk: I replaced it with robot arms for a reason Hal: yeah thanks for the extra arms by the way Is Dirk's hair bubblegum pink naturally, does he dye it Kat: oh god Dirk has anime hair Gill: I feel like he'd either Constantly be trying to act like the main character he thinks he is, bc he knows what pink hair means Gill Or trying to AVOID his calling as a Main Character bc he will not be pigeonholed into your limiting archetypes He is a main character of his own narrative conventions Kat: Can Entrapta's hair feel pain?Would cutting or bleaching it hurt it the real questions Gill: He dyes it red and It comes out orange and it's a fair enough compromise because bleaching it doesn't feel Pleasant Most AUs: Nepeta, tiny fluffy cat girl She-Ra AU: Nepeta, enormous buff scorpion cat girl who is the tallest character in the cast Some day if and when I need background Nepetas for the Dreambubbles I'm adding Scorpeta to the Nepeta Squad Kat: I always imagine Terezi as shortish so Terezi suddenly becoming 8 feet tall is hilarious to me Gill: Giant... dragon woman... Oh no it's everything I ever really wanted Kat: so Jade's probably perfuma Rose is Frosta. She's still 12 years old and angry Gill: Can Jade's Kingdom be full of furries I politely but firmly request furries Kat: god i guess???? so is this trolls = horde humans = alliance where are john and dave Gill: Terezi: I have a sword. It's sharp. Dirk, probably: ...I want a sword Oh man we're out of male characters already Kat: i mean there's dudes in the horde Gill: Unless John is Bow... but Bow is the Power Of Heart dude... Yeah that was my other thought Kat: John and Dave WERE the patronees of Terezi and Vriska Gill: They're Background Horde Dudes, the one guy who immediately latches onto Bow when he's taken prisoner is Very Dave What was his name Steve Kat: get wrecked I thought it was Kyle? Gill: KYLE Kat: it's funnier if Bow is Roxy latches onto his mom Gill: It was very much an Inherently Funny Plain Dude Name If and when I draw this I'm giving Jake (Sea Jake... Jake Hawk...) a terrible pubescent mustache A pubestache, one might call it Kat: ew Gill: Jake Hawk sounds like a Generic Action Dude name, like what you'd call Solid Snake if you were writing a novelization of Metal Gear and knew nothing about Metal Gear Kat: i'm formatting this for an initial tumblr post Gill: Excellent We Have Done It Again, My Dudes Kat: our trail of devastation knows no bounds Gill: The Crossover Gremlin's reign of terror has yet to be stopped

#holy crossover batman #homestuck//#she-ra//#AU

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bladekindeyewear · 5 years

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Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 12 - Candy Page 18

==>

Time to see what all the fuss was about Page 18. We’re with Jane... that might not be good. Especially given Lollipop proximity.

Jane scoffing at troll genocide again. :(

Gamzee seems more woke than Jane here.

GAMZEE: sO yOu SaYiN yOu NeEd DiFfErEnT sHoEs FoR yOuR hUmAn DiCkS aNd WhAt NoT?

Pfffff

Jane narrows her eyes at the disingenuous buffoon.

I dunno, he sounds like he’s being pretty goddamn ingenuous right now.

It’s not the first time they’ve had this conversation? Are they black with each other or something??

What’s more likely is he’s attempting to get a rise from her. To get her a little hotter under the collar. To put her in a certain mood.

Oh my gosh she’s genuinely black for him, hahahahah

GAMZEE: AnD AlL I EvEr bEeN TrYiN To dO Is gEt yOu rIgHt tOo, WiTh mOrAlS AnD GoOdNeSs, AlL fIlLeD uP iNsIdE yOu As TiGhT aS yOuR tAsTy HoE bAlLoOnS aRe WiTh HuMaN mOo JuIcE.

Jesus christ that’s not the kind of metaphor i want to be hearing from canon

or anyone for that matter

JANE: No! I’d rather die than touch your disgusting clown baton ever again.

....yyyeah, context is showing she’s PROBABLY super Black into this. Still, pretty jarring to see a clear consensual “NO” right in the middle of things.

Quit calling her a dairy queen!!! D: D: D:

Oh god they named the baby Tavros.

Alright, there’s some grade A discomfort in this scene, which I’m enjoying, really. I can see why they singled out page 18. I could traumatize some people with some of these paragraphs out of context.

HOO HOO HOO, THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO THE DARK CARNIVAL!!!

Eeeeuugh

JAKE: Anyway whats up with you? Hows life with davekat going? JADE: oh its great! im really glad i just went for it JADE: all of us together... it really is the best of every world

God damnit Jade why are you obliviously torturing them????????

You could’ve been REALLY GOOD for them both if you just FUCKING LISTENED TO THEM AND RESPECTED THEM INSTEAD OF SITTING ON THEM.

JADE: theres no way me and dave could have a regular baby together because im... JAKE: Whats wrong? JADE: well lets just say that after all the sburb stuff its done some things to my body JADE: like merging with bec mostly

Oh my FUCKING GOD please don’t canonize this. This didn’t need to be spelled out so-- D:

jesus

D: D: D:

This... is actually making my stomach roil again????

not because id object to-- i mean, it’s one thing to deal with

FAN SCENARIOS

ISOLATED divergences from canon where she has to deal with that and its kind of hilarious, but can be safely ignored when it comes to her character arc as a whole

but once its CANON???????? D: D: D:

suddenly you can’t IGNORE the full import when you’re done with, like, an RP or something, of the psychological struggle she would be forced to deal with given an abnormal biological situation. Instead of thinking “Oh, that could be pretty painful to deal with! Let’s explore it temporarily for fun” it becomes “Oh, that would be painful to deal with and you have to think about her having to deal with all the complications of that whenever you hear about her LITERALLY FOREVER.” D:

andrew i know you couldnt resist because of how funny and practically-xenoprogressive it was but whyyyyyyyyy did you have to canonize that WHYYYY

Now instead of a fun joke thought it also has to be SAD FOREVER

AAAAAAAA D’:

i dont know why this would be the line thats crossed to upset me

Rose surrogate?

JADE: no jake, dave wouldnt be the father in this scenario!

Pffffff. Andrew’s just diving RIGHT into the, er, doggy fanfics here. I should... TRY to lighten up about this. Try. D:

(...wait, shit. Knowing my friend, THIS whole bit is why they alluded to this page. God damnit.)

[[ EDIT: askshenhibiki said:

Now that you read Candy 18, flash back to Meat when Roxy is talking about gender... and look at Jade's reaction looking at "where her hands rest on her lap". Yes, Meat hinted at that "mix" too.

Ah, let’s see...

ROXY: and so i got to thinking ROXY: what even is gender ROXY: amirite lol? JADE: oh yeah JADE: that makes sense i guess........

Jade looks at where her hands are folded in her lap. Bites her lip. She has her own concerns about this, her own thoughts. Reasonable thoughts, I’d say. But I’ll refrain from any further comment. I’m staying away from this subject, from now on.

...yeah, guess Dirk at least had the decency not to spring all that on us before Jade got the opportunity to do it honestly. ]]

Guh, back to Jake suffering in his sad, trapped scenario. I hope THAT gets at least resolved by the end of this. Someone save Jake from this, because it looks like he’s not really that capable of saving himself?

==>

Dammit, Jade, I’m cringing at these descriptions of your intrusion.

Oh wow, John went for the mustache. Guess we knew that from, like, his stuffed statue oldself?

Jade doesn’t pick up on the obvious subtext in the conversation, however, because she’s been willfully undermining the subtext in her own personal life for nearly a year now.

D: D: D:

Seriously, Jade, how is what YOU’RE doing any better than what you were frustrated at seeing THEM doing, avoiding the real feelings and truth of anything even if it was conspicuously on body-language display?

KARKAT: THE NEW ADMINISTRATION IS CRACKING DOWN ON CERTAIN KINDS OF INTERSPECIES ADOPTION LAWS.

It’s like Andrew wants us deprived of even a happy imagined future for Earth C on top of everything else!!! What the hell! >:(

Is this about politics? Is Andrew just venting his anger that the Orange Guy is going to get away with ruining everything forever?? Because as understandable as that is, he could at least give us some imaginary happyfutures to look forward to.

Reading on... Hm, yet another intentionally-misused fridging reference.

KARKAT: HIS RELATIONSHIP IS A FLAMING WRECK OF AN INTERSTELLAR WARSHIP HURTLING TOWARDS THE PLANET AT TERMINAL VELOCITY WITH THE ENTIRE CREW BRUTALLY SLAUGHTERED UPON REENTRY, SHOVED STRAIGHT DOWN THE CHAGRIN TUNNEL AND THEN IMMEDIATELY SHAT OUT THE OTHER SIDE, THUS FLOODING THE ENTIRE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD WHEN IT CLOGS UP THE LOAD GAPER.

Yep, that triangle’s fucked. Wonder if the conversation’s going to transition to the CURRENT triangle’s problems...

...yeah, John using the R word there isn’t far from the fucking truth from the looks of things.

JADE: maybe that would work for a few days, but one thing i learned from dating around a lot in my youth is that no ones going to leave a bad relationship until its THEIR idea to leave

She takes in a shaky breath and shuts her eyes. Her hair spills around her face when she leans forward to put her chin on her knees. Dave and Karkat exchange a look that is equal parts confused, miserable, and desperate.

Oh SHIT. Is JADE going to be the one to finally vocalize about the problems here???

Something else comes hurtling out of the hole in the sky, too fast for Jade to catch. It hits the ground with a clap of green lightning. The collision sends a geyser of dirt, rock, and vapor into the air. Dave flash-steps to shield Karkat. Jade doesn’t move, taking the brunt of the explosion face on, using her abilities to warp the energy around her so that she’s a mote at the center of the storm. When the dust clears, she’s the first to jump in the crater, trailing smoke behind her.

There’s a body at the center of it. The torso is bloody, tangled, and curled into a fetal position. Its shoes are missing, but otherwise the outfit is quite familiar to her: it’s a dead ringer for her old Witch of Space uniform. Jade touches the body with the toe of her shoe, and then gasps when it rolls over to reveal its face.

JADE: its... JADE: ME???

Okay what the FUCK. It sounds like there’s going to be some context for that postscript after all. Something to bridge the gap between when that 16-yo Jade falls into the singularity and when Aradia goes off with her through a wormhole

I’m going to guess up front that this happens BEFORE the postscript... this younger version of Jade fell into the black hole and came out in THIS alternate timeline, possibly rather changed by the experience. But then again, the way the sky opened up... actually, couldn’t that be just a “natural” manifestation of the black hole abilities encouraged by Calliope or done by the singularity alone, followed by later in the Postscript this Jade actually getting control of it??

And... reading on, from the sound of it, her eyes aren’t black yet, either. Sounds like that’s to come, before the postscript. Question being, is it alt!Callie black eyes, or some black-hole-powers visual manifestation? Wait, never mind, I misread; this teenage Jade-corpse has NOT opened their eyes yet, so they couldn’t possibly tell, and the stuff about them “shaking” was about the adult Jade standing over her. Never mind. Let’s see which timeframe this Jade came from.

Also STOP TRAUMATIZING ADULT JADE ON SCREEN ITS NOT OKAY IM SICK OF IT ANDREW

==>

Page 20...

Stop letting babby not!Vriska bully babby not!Tavros.

Hm... same stupid tooth poison? No, Jade didn’t get hit with a tooth... so it’s more getting hit with shards of spacetime and spiraling down a black hole. Also whatever alt!Callie did to just barely keep her alive.

Hm, so the Heart stuff falls apart if you’re too separated from the mass-whole at Light’s center? That’s certainly a hypothesis at least.

ROXY: sounds like its time for another funeral lmao

ROXY WAKE THE FUCK UP AND STOP BEING A VAGUELY ROXY-LOOKING LMAO-ZOMBIE. WHERE THE FUCK DID REAL ROXY GO.

And where the fuck is Calliope anyway, she’s just being left in the dust and nobody’s even talked to her from the looks of it.

Hm, cut apart by political differences, this group...?

ROXY: woah ok karkat i get ur all fired up about politics and stuff but lay off gamz ok

ROXY WHO REPLACED YOUR FUCKING BRAIN WITH A BLOCK OF CHEESE

ROXY YOU’RE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER PLEASE GIVE US AN EXPLANATION FOR WHY YOU’RE ACTING NOTHING LIKE THE COOL SMART PERSON WE READ ABOUT.

JADE: dave what the FUCK did you say to him downstairs?

Oh my god you asshole don’t blame DAVE for this >:(

ROXY: this time next week well corpse party like its the end of the world!

I don’t want to think this has anything to do with Aradia, but we DID see her in that postscript bit... And, I mean, what the hell could she even do?? It’s not like this Roxy is just Aradia in really convincing cosplay or something.

==>

She leads John and Jake into the building and down the center of the nave, humming happily to herself the entire time. An equally effusive Calliope trails behind her, carrying a bouquet of purple flowers.

Well there’s Callie. What is WITH these hypnotized motherfuckers. I need a revelation on these shenanigans STAT.

What is with people being bathed in light here?

each time we witness death, we fall in love in with the important people in oUr lives all over again.

Calliope is gazing at Roxy with glassy eyes. She sniffs as she plucks the last petal from her rose. A breeze washes through the cathedral from the crack in the door at the end of the room, brushing the petal off-course and causing it to get stuck in Roxy’s over-sprayed hair. Calliope reaches out with a visibly shaking hand to remove the plant offal, but she does not draw back. Instead, she lets her hand graze down the side of Roxy’s face and cup her cheek. Roxy puts her own hand over Callie’s and holds it.

Uhhh.... huh.

So.

If Roxy was just lying to herself, then............ WHY??????

John tilts his head and squints at the image in front of him. Hmm.

Is John realizing he’s in some sort of fanfic drawn by another character, hence all the people in serene lightbeams at tender but unjustified moments?

Everyone whips their heads around to see, of all people, Aradia hovering in the foyer

Pff

(...I hope Aradia didn’t come here, like, from the postscript. Where the “action” she talked about might have just been this corpse party. Because that would be pretty fucking lame.)

KARKAT: MAYBE FUCKING NEPETA IS ABOUT TO POUNCE FROM BEHIND THAT GROTESQUE STATUE OF THE HUMAN SUFFERER T-POSING OVER THERE.

Pfffffffffff

The description of Human Jesus we all had in our hearts, but were too afraid to voice.

Alright, now we see the body we took our eyes off of. Is it going to get back up, or did it escape earlier?

since nobody was willing to dislodge the huge, otherworldly shard from her chest

My damn god, people.

...alright finally, everyone’s talking.

JANE: Agreed. I’ve always felt that Kanaya has done an exemplary job of providing a model for compassionate, empathetic behavior, which others of her kind would do well to follow.

JANE STOP BEING A XENOPHOBIC BASTARD

CALLIOPE: please. roxy gathered yoU all here for a reason. CALLIOPE: at least listen Until the end. CALLIOPE: after that yoU can argUe all you want.

...Huh. Huuuuhh. What the fuck is all this for. Are you saying ROXY caused this? Or...?

Okay I like this reinforcement she’s making in her speech about how different changes can influence how all of this unfolds, gives me hope that maybe these two cliffhangers aren’t all we’re going to be left with and we’ll be able to at least think of an IMPLIED future different from them if we wanted to like we thought about the seemingly-infinite-possibility original ending of Homestuck that I’d rather have been stuck with than this oh god breathe boots

okay there’s the labor going into good distraction

alright corpse get back up

JADE: i am not jade.

Right, so like the black eyes in the postscript suggested this is more just a... vessel for alt!Calliope now? To give HER a future beyond the one she sacrificed for that black hole business? And between alt!Callie’s became-the-black-hole nature and Jade’s Spacey Green Sun connection that’s been singularified, she has access to cool Black Hole powers? And is gonna do cool shit with them in implied future adventures we won’t see while Aradia gleefully watches the carnage? Huh.

The congregation watches her go, but no one moves to help her, or even looks in her direction. In her wake, she leaves a primal, echoing wail.

Oh my god why wouldn’t they have just a brief discussion or something IT’S NOT THAT BAD D:

JADE: and while i cannot say the same thing for the rest of you, JADE: i, at least, am exactly where i am meant to be.

Well fuck. So she just disconfirmed this timeline as... something. Relevant, possible, I dunno.

JADE: and i have entered this body to protect your world.

Okay that’s good. So thanks to alt!Calliope these side timelines where things unfolded differently MAY be preserved. Pretty fitting given alt!Callie’s origins.

.......unless there’s some other stupid interspecies civil war threat that she’s going to be fighting too, here, when the political situation falls apart. Dammit.

==>

Terezi talk Terezi talk

-- JOHN EGBERT sent TEREZI PYROPE the photo “ghostrain.jpg” --

TEREZI: WH4T TH3 4CTU4L FUCK JOHN: it started a few days ago. the sky above the capital of the troll kingdom just cracked open and ghosts began raining down everywhere.

Oh my GOD. So alt!Callie kind of “saved” all the doomed ghosts that got swallowed up in the black hole by redirecting them all to THIS UNIVERSE and timeline???????

That’s pretty interesting! Heck my stomach’s even calming down!

they can’t even be judges! TEREZI: G4SP

Yeah that’s pretty terrible!

...yep, the resistance WOULD put him in charge. I had a feeling it may have ended up in that direction in Candy since it wasn’t in Meat.

--oh FUCK YOU Jade for splitting up what he had with Karkat before they could sort it out!!! You did the OPPOSITE OF HELP and neither of them are going to end up happy thanks to you! D:<

PFFF wow, John’s so concerned about babby not!Tavros’s living situation that he’s considering legit kidnapping. That means things must be pretty fucking bad.

--okay Calliope’s still out and about with Roxy instead of being cooped up in her room like in the other timeline, that’s good.

Pff, trying to redeem Ghost Eridan in front of Ghost Feferi. Yep, that’s Gamzee.

GAMZEE: fIrSt, A LiTtLe RiGhTeOuS sPlAsH oF tHe NaNnA nEcTaR tO cLeAnSe ThAt DaNkNeSs FrOm YoUr SoUlS...

Gamzee takes out a baby bottle and flicks it, covering them both with little drops of milk, as clergy does with holy water. He then takes a swig from the bottle himself before returning it to his codpiece.

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

I don’t want to believe that what’s in that bottle is what he’s making it sound like it is, but OF COURSE it is. Why would it be anything else. I bet there’s not even any Lifey hypnosis going on, it’s just the literal stuff.

The crowd falls silent as they raise their heads to watch a drone ship pass by overhead.

Jegus fuck stop going whole hog condesce janey

ROXY: lmao you worry too much ROXY: janeys got her head on straight shell show you yet

ROXY. WHERE DID YOUR BRAIN GO. I MISS IT. YOUR BRAIN WAS THE BEST FUCKING PART OF YOU.

Touching photo.

Alright lemme post split. I haven’t gotten as far as the last post plowed through since I’ve been typing so much... ah well.

#Homestuck #Homestuck Epilogue #Upd8 #Homestuck Liveblog #bladekindeyewear #BlastYoBoots

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