#also a lot of people know lestat has had a hard past and are like 'but poor baby'

[monstersinthecosmos]

okay I wanna talk about how Marius & Lestat are such similar people both in the sense of their personalities & behaviors but also the way they were turned and I keep coming back to this quote in BCtu:

So let me begin the narrative on a night when Marius, the ancient Roman Child of the Millennia, in a fit of pique became impatient with what he referred to as my “nauseating buoyancy and optimism” about the world in general.

I keep coming back to the thought that something divides them here, the big thing that they DON'T share is the optimism. Marius finds it nauseating! Part of this is like, the 1800 year age gap, so I always have to wonder like what that does to him and ask if Lestat will have calmed down even a little by the time he's that age. But it's hard to know how much is innate, and how much is locked in place by the Blood anyway, and how capable any of them are of real change. But I think it has a lot to do with the way they were each turned, and the immediate aftermath, and how Marius's life was basically instantly burdened with something enormous that caused him pain for 2,000 years. It feels more like, although they have so much in common, Marius is essentially sort of a pessimist, even though he likes to pretend he isn't.

“Lestat, you are the damnedest creature! Yes, a brat prince.” Slowly, he reinvoked every detail of Lestat’s face and form. The ice-blue eyes, darkening with laughter; the generous smile; the way the eyebrows came together in a boyish scowl; the sudden flares of high spirits and blasphemous humor. Even the catlike poise of the body he could envisage. So uncommon in a man of muscular build. Such strength, always such strength and such irrepressible optimism.

Anyway I bring it up because I was thinking a lot about how Marius ALSO has a drive for creative expression, but tends to spend his entire immortal life loathing his nature and feeling like he isn't allowed to be a part of the human world. Like this part about how he destroys all of his writing:

But then there came nights when I thought that everything I'd written was useless. After all, what was the purpose? I could not enter these descriptions, these observations, these poems, these essays, into the mortal world! They were contaminated in that they came from a blood drinker, a monster who slew humans for his own survival. There was no place for the poetry or history which had come from a greedy mind and heart. And so I began to destroy not only my fresh writings, but even the old essays which I had written in Antioch in the past. I took the scrolls out of the chests one by one and burnt them as I had burnt the records of my family. Or I merely kept them, locked up tight, and away from my eyes, so that nothing I'd written could spark in me anything new. It was a great crisis of the soul.

And this part about his paintings:

Always, there was that sense of familiarity - that I had seen this garden that I had known it long before I was allowed by Akasha to drink her blood. I had seen the stone benches in it, I had seen the fountains. I couldn't shake the sensations of being in it as I painted, so strong was the feeling. I'm not sure it aided me in my work. Perhaps it hurt. But as I gained skill as a painter, and I did indeed gain skill, other aspects of the work disturbed me. I was convinced that there was something unnatural in it, something inherently ghastly in the manner with which I drew human figures so nearly perfectly, something unnatural in the way I made the colors so unusually bright, and added so many fierce little details. I was particularly repelled by my penchant for decorative details. As much as I was driven to do this work, I hated it. I composed whole gardens of lovely mythic creatures only to rub them out. Sometimes I painted so fast that I exhausted myself, and fell down on the floor of the shrine, spending the paralytic sleep of the whole day there, helpless, rather than going to my secret resting place - my coffin - which was hidden not far from my house. We are monsters, that is what I thought whenever I painted or looked on my own painting, and that's what I think now. Never mind that I want to go on existing. We are unnatural. We are witnesses with both too much and too little feeling. And as I thought these things, I had before me the mute witnesses, Akasha and Enkil. What did it matter to them what I did?

But it's still something he feels he NEEDS to do, he has to appease his creative drive so that he can survive.

But now I took stock of them from my point of view not as Marius the rich man who can have whatever he wishes, but as Marius the monster painter who had rendered Pandora twenty-one times on the four walls of Akasha's shrine. I saw suddenly how inferior were these paintings, how rigid and pallid the goddesses and nymphs who peopled this world of my study, and quickly I woke my day slaves and told them that they must have everything covered over with fresh paint the following day. Also an entire supply of the best paints must be purchased and brought to the house. Never mind how the walls were to be redecorated. Leave that to me. Cover up all that was there. They were used to my eccentricities, and after making certain that they understood me, they went back to their sleep. I didn't know what I meant to do, except I felt driven to make pictures, and I felt if I can cling to that, if I can do that, then I can go on. My misery deepened.

This was a lot to copy & paste, apologies! But all of this stuck out to me as I've been thinking about the ways Marius and Lestat are both creative people who need to make things. With Lestat it was his music, and then his books. ((Also a sidenote but there were so many of Anne's journal entries that I saw at Tulane where she kept saying things like "I need to write stories" !)) Imagine if he'd felt Marius's shame and pessimism and had the foresight to destroy his work or to keep it private. And imagine if Marius's manic creative episodes had happened in the 1980s when it was instantly global and breaching containment to the detriment of vampire kind!

At this point in the book Marius is around 300 years old, so not that far off from Lestat. But he's still young and raw and emotionally dysregulated ! It's just fascinating that Lestat lived in a time where he couldn't just undo what he created.

[indelicateink]

There's quite a bit of abuse going on in episode 1 though? I guess we have a hard time seeing it cause no one's getting beat up but there's a reason Louis did not agree to be with Lestat until he was completely isolated from his family (not Lestat's doing but convenient for him) and his only friend (literally Lestat killed her for that reason), mentally bombarded by Lestat to the point of being suicidal and lovebombed super hard and told by Lestat that he's the only one who can save him from this.

Maybe viewers needed to see ep5 to finally understand that the abuse was present all along and it cannot be separated from the love story. Its not like it was a love story UNTIL the abuse started. It was always an abusive predatory love story.

we’re gonna have to agree to disagree. if I saw it that way i wouldn’t watch it, it would be too depressing to me. not saying your interpretation isn’t valid.

i mean, like i said—I personally can’t condemn the dude until we know more of the story. I don’t see it as Louis not agreeing to be with Lestat UNTIL he was completely isolated from his family/friends: Lestat had never offered to turn Louis until Louis was suicidal/until it was a crisis. If Paul hadn’t killed himself and Florence hadn’t blamed Louis and Louis hadn’t become suicidal…I mean, we’ll never know how eventually Lestat would’ve broached the subject of turning Louis (personally like to think he had intended there to be more sex involved in building his case but i digress). so we just see that different ways.

I don’t think Lestat killed Lily with the purpose of isolating Louis from his only friend (omg, all these L names are just looking extra dr seuss today), but idk if we’ll ever know why he did it unless he decides to get that granular with us. me, I think he didn’t care about her and he was jealous of her, he was pissed Louis ghosted him after they had sex, and then ultimately I know he’s an impulsive guy. I didn’t see it as part of a grand plan so much as him being an asshole who lashed out in a very vampiric people-are-cattle-i-feel-rejected-and-i’m-angrily-pining way. but maybe he’ll tell us someday.

“mentally bombarded by lestat to the point of being suicidal and lovebombed super hard and told by lestat that he’s the only one who can save him from this” —yeah we just have different takes on this.

I mean ultimately I come back to the point I made earlier: all of these actions of Lestat’s that you’re describing are actions as described by Louis in 2022. maybe 2022 louis would like it to be interpreted as an abusive predatory love story. 2022 louis has memories framed by the events over the past century, 2022 louis obviously has something major going on and he is depressed as hell. I need more information.

but yeah, as louis describes it I feel like lestat picked the most insensitive time possible to express his hurt feelings about being dumped (e.g., pestering louis at his brother’s funeral) (fwiw i don’t feel lestat’s pestering drove him to his suicidal feelings, I feel his guilt and Florence’s condemnation had already gotten him there just fine, but hey idk for sure). and louis in general remembers lestat as being insensitive like this: lestat being tone-deaf in his affections after louis ostentatiously kills the dick alderman, which sparks violence against his community; lestat brushing off claudia’s devastation when she accidentally kills her boyfriend. was he always just 100% a wildly insensitive dick? is memory being a monster?? i just need more info before I condemn one of the heroes of our story as an abusive predator with his partner, even if he is a vampire.

(i guess it also comes down to: are writers this intelligent really going to ask us to sit through years of this show with a main character who’s an abusive predator/founded their relationship on that, or are we going to learn more about events that reassess louis’s 2022 retelling? trust is a lot to ask, but i’m trying not to condemn any characters yet. book!lestat says iwtv is kind of a hit piece, but then louis and lestat never really get fully into where they challenge each other’s memories of events.)

[macgyvertape]

IWTV season 1 liveblog & thoughts (spoilers)

Watching the series before I’ve seen the movie, haven’t read the books at all

Ep1

Wow this is really modernized (this year), very interesting intro with reporter Daniel Molloy and it’s set after the film I guess

This is a really cool penthouse, but yeah online anonymity would be expensive

Really curious how much of the car and sets were cgi vs practical

Absolutely need subtitles I can barely hear the dialogue over background noise

The time stop scene was really cool, and you can hear Louis get more animated

I need a fashion breakdown between Lestat’s intro style and his updated fashion

this show fucks because it’s Anne rice, and it’s somehow the most tasteful I’ve seen seen any show do it (looking at you GoT

bite time! why are they floating

i only know Lestat from fandom osmosis and I keep waiting for something to go wrong during the wedding. I feel like he has something to do with Paul’s death

Oh yeah Lestat is torturing Louis with telepathy and killed Lilly here’s the Lestat I’ve heard of

Oh shit this show is great with cgi to show difference in relative speeds. I flinched at the head punch out, there’s the AMC gore I dislike

Ep2

How does the domestic staff arrangement work, it’s a lot of them and they all know about the vampire thing. No idea what the farm is but I bet it’s horrifying

Lestat really got Louis in really deep really quick

Somehow the death of the salesman isn’t as sad as the poor fox screaming

Killing the alderman, this going to go very poorly

The coffin scene just comes off as couples humor through the absurdity

“did you eat the baby” really enjoy how that question was repeated as a hardball

Also wow they’re leaning hard into Covid and other geopolitical unrest for vampire conspiracy

I’m having a hard time picturing how the original story went without one of the main characters being Black. Like racism affects the plot multiple times, and often highlights the power difference between Louis and Lestat.

Louis keeps describing so many red flags about Lestat, lots to unpack about his own “afraid to disappoint” line because he doesn’t have the same sadism disposition as Lestat

Ep 3

Louis’ reflection of the past changing in the retelling, is it more nuanced or more rehearsed. “The odyssey of recollection” loving that this is both an interplay of the previous movie and how memory of fallible and surely that is worse the longer you live as an immortal

Love the suit fashion in this show, wish I had a good fitting suit. Also love the art Nouveau

The domestic issues are so obvious, like Lestat is not happy about being poly despite proposing it. Like I’ve seen this cliche play out irl, including the other people have more success at dating than the person who proposed it

I don't fully get why Lestat keeps investing his energy into a relationship that is clearly starting to fall apart unless he doesn’t do breakups

Did it rain??? How much of my dislike of Lestat is filtered through Louis’ unreliability as a narrator vs not having a good understanding on what motivates him beyond control issues

What’s the deal with Rashid

Holy shit his family relations literally fell apart so quick

“Is your very nature that of the devil”, and it calls back to beginning of the episode where Louis wonders if they are meant for something greater.

What did Louis expect from the public killing and display other then the resulting white mob violence. It’s a decision made out of anger, but incredibly short sighted. Lestat is just so turned on by the gore and chaos

Ep 4

From fandom osmosis I didn’t expect Louis to be the one to advocate turning Claudia, then Lestat goes along with to keep Lous with him.

Wow Lestat is pissed at being left out in the next scene. There’s absolutely gonna be family secrets

Really interesting how the framing is Daniel looking at Claudia’s journals, and so its her voice overs and Lestat and Louis points of view are so shifted. The actress did a great job

I paused on Daniel’s notes, Rashid is sus

I think they were watching Nosferatu, I recognized the scene

Had to double check apparently she’s 14 physically but mentally 18, since I knew she was a child in the movie. Being forever a teen would be hell especially if its before puberty

I wasn’t sure if she meant to kill Charlie until she begged for Lestat to bring him back. Then she copes by self harm

I notice the costuming changing, the show is so detailed

Ep 5

Louis just feeding on Rashid, like they’re making out while Daniel goes through the journals

Louis doing this interview as a form of suicide, is like the one hint we get at global vampire politics

Claudia’s killing rapidly got crazy with a lot of bodies and a lot of trophies. The danger from the cops is real and they disappeared in the middle of a bar which didn’t help

The relationship is rapidly falling apart (it wasn't great before) where Lestat loses interest in parenting as soon as it isn’t fun. Wonder when Lestat started cheating; when Claudia started catching police attention or if he was cheating the whole time

Claudia’s line of “where is my Lestat” a lot to process in that rant but being alone with no companionship at all would destroy someone's mental health

Daniel's lack of sympathy for Claudia with all the murders and his framing of "once you put it out there it's open to interpretation" I'd love to see more meta on that

Why don't they just break up?! Sure they have their own reasons for not leaving the city but they could live apart

Oh shit a new vampire, Bruce. Waiting for the shoe to drop. Oh shit it dropped real quick

After I finish the series I want to check reviews, because I think when Claudia was an actual child this plot went very differently. I do have reservations about why sexual assault was added if didn't happen in the source.

Louis aggravating Daniel's Parkinson's feels like a bigger asshole move than Daniel pushing these questions

The framing on Claudia as Lestat beats her then him, it's so explicitly framed as domestic violence than a vampire fight

Lol also I forgot they can fly

Title credit music "home is where you're happy" is a good wham music to contrast with what you just saw

I've seen comments that this show is an example of the showrunners not liking the source material, I bet this episode is divisive.

I finish this episode still "eh" on Lestat, I don't like him I don't hate him, I just don't get his motivation other than control issues

Ep 6:

I think the interplay between Louis and Daniel is interesting, Daniel pushes that the doctor who attends the leaders of Dubai is in the apartment and Louis pushes about Daniel dreaming of their first meeting with all the implications that had last time it was brought up

So Louis didnt remember Lestat flying when they fucked?! Yeah someone you’ve lived with for decades suddenly flying and dropping you from such a height gains a new level of horror

I’m really enjoying the 40s or 50s? Fashion.(lmao it was 30s fashion but I don’t know enough to differentiate)

Claudia and Louis seem to be getting along so well

Lestat is really trying to buy his way back in, theres like 10 seconds where I thought maybe he did some self reflection and changing but keeping it up for multiple attempts is a bad sign

Really impressed with the visual framing where Daniel is the only one sitting in sunlight

“I hate you” “as you should” then vampire teeth and he takes Lestat back. Ok this is interesting toxic codependency where Louis had an opportunity to walk away but didn’t take it, and Lestat had an opportunity to move on with Antoinette and didn’t take it.

Louis asking Lestat if he had anything to do with Paul’s death since he always wondered. No wonder their relationship was a mess all these years, i was on the fence on believing Lestat when he said no right up until Antoinette was revealed to be alive

Damn Lestat’s story with the lookalike corpses and his maker killing himself explains so much

Claudia seems to have reached a place of acceptance with her issues, her sense of dress has really changed and you can see how she matured

Holy shit like you think for a moment she got away then the horror of her sobbing as Lestat psychologically tortures her and I think it’s one of the most chilling Lestat scenes in the whole show.

The dreaming then its back to their first meeting. Also lots to unpack about Daniel turning down vampirism. Maybe he would hate to be stuck as he is for eternity.

THATS RASHID HES A VAMPIRE I KNEW IT (good reveal). Him and Louis are definitely together

Ep7:

Sound editing is off, where you can barely hear the dialogue over the music

Surprised it took this long for them and the house to be under a lot of scrutiny especially how they were not subtle

Rashid is in the sun?? I assume its a special vampire power, but Louis totally notices Daniel noticing Rashid

The jaw getting ripped off was a bit too much AMC style gore

Why didn’t Lestat turn Antoinette earlier and just leave Louis other than he can’t handle not possessing Louis. I wasn’t expecting her to have been turned so long ago

Damn that’s an emotionally powerful throat cutting scene

Leaving Lestat as garbage but couldn’t burn him, so I guess that’s how he comes back in Queen of the Damned. Lol Daniel explicitly calls this out

Oh shit the bouncer passing out but Rashid not, that was a big clue I missed but Daniel caught

“Was it raining Louis” great callback to Louis’ editorializing or omissions and what the fuck happened with Claudia where is she now

Rashid literally takes the gloves off when he floats and starts with the threats. Makes sense now why the bookshelves are high enough to be unreachable without a ladder. Love how many good costuming/set details there are that I just missed

“Armand the love of my life” uhhhh lots to unpack about Louis lovelife. How much of this relationship is unhealthy like the relationship with Lestat

Also dammit I don’t think Daniel gets out of this alive. Rashid pivoted so hard to very threating so quick. Like Daniel’s whole interview methodology is push at people to make them uncomfortable and that’s dangerous even without vampires.

Glad tvtropes is filling me in that Armand is a big deal. Ok so does Lestat fight Armand over Louis or does he accept Louis left and move on

TLDR: it’s interesting how much of the relationship storyline would hold up if you removed vampirism, especially since the racial issues would become even more of a focus. I think a lot of my thoughts of “why don’t they break up” come from most of the time both Louis and Lestat are turning away and not towards when the other makes an emotional bid. I’ve read and enjoyed other relationships that are super toxic and codependent like RvB Locus/Felix and enjoyed them. This one just feels like outside forces are keeping them together more than the push and pull of their personal feelings.

[sofipitch]

Has the show affected the way you view Loustat? I’d hate to think it’s taken the joy away from people who enjoyed the pairing before the mess of episode 5

For the show yes unfortunately, it's hard to see past the events of Ep 5 and 6. I loved Eps 1-4 and mostly Ep 7 despite it feeling a little tainted. I had a ficlet I started based on Ep 2, just something super fluffy, and I still would like to finish it but like, after Ep 5 came out, it does cast doubts as to whether Lestat loved Louis like I thought, you know? I think I need some time, the cast interviews now that the whole show is out helps, the cast seems to have a better handle on the characters than the writers imo, so it makes me feel better bc I don't want to write fluff for an abusive relationship, you get me? I also would like to write a fix it fic, originally it would be for the whole rest of the show following Ep 4 but now I'm thinking since I liked Ep 7, just like something to replace Eps 5 and 6. Like obviously no physical abuse or sexual assault but I'm still like percolating through ideas and how to do that, bc I tend to write Lestat in a sympathetic way, he's an asshole, but he's just mostly mentally ill and dumb. But the show was much worse so I'm still thinking of how to write Lestat, like just straight book version that I'm used to or something more in between show and book.

I see the show and books as different universes of the same characters/storyline. (I don't see a lot of fic only for the movie but if I do and it's obv from the writing, like mentions of Louis dead wife I think the same) VC multiverse 😂 So show only fans might wonder why book fans were so upset but these are my blorbos and these things happening to Louis and Claudia are just things I straight up don't want to exist. And I don't think the show is gonna walk anything back, not the DV or SA. So in classic VC fan fashion, where there are some truly horrendous books and we pretend it didn't happen (anything past book 3 is Lestat's fanfic, Lestat was experiencing psychosis, if things did happen Lestat just lies a lot because he is very insecure about how he comes off, or just ignore books you dislike, they just don't exist, etc etc) we have had to come up many with CopeTM. The best version of VC exists in each fan's mind, so I'm still figuring out how to do my version of this for the show.

[actually-louis-de-pointe-du-lac]

I know that a lot of people are asking you why you’re sad, but that’s not why I’m here. As a person who has depression, I think you’re really strong for putting up with all that sadness for so long! But I want to tell you something. I’m a trans boy who has transphobes for parents. I’ve been abused both physically and mentally by both my parents and a stranger who I never even knew his name. I have body image issues. I have depression and anxiety, and I’m overcoming a sh addiction. I’m sad a lot. But one day, I came across “Interview With The Vampire.” I began reading it, and all of a sudden my whole world flipped around. I was transported to the universe of your tales and suddenly I felt at peace. Suddenly everything I had been worrying about before had disappeared. I won’t talk for too long, but when I read your stories or Lestat’s stories or whatever, I feel like it’s ok to be me. That it’s ok to be depressed. That it’s ok to be a trans boy and be feminine. Today whenever I’m upset I just pick up my book and suddenly I’m almost happy. So all I can say is... thank you. Thank you so much for you and your vampire friends’ tales because they have saved my life. And I hope that one day you find happiness, and that I will too. ♥️

It’s always ok to be who you are, remember that. I know leaving people, especially family and, more than horrible memories/experiences in the past is hard to do, trust me, I know. In my opinion, you should learn to skillfully meditate. There’s always time to meditate, you can even do it while your working, or doing chores. You’ll become mentally stronger, feel more at piece, and the outside world will have much less affect on you. But it’s also your willingness to let go. With this, you will find your tribe, but until then, you have us, your friendly neighborhood hell-site. I’m genuinely sorry for the trauma you’ve experienced, and I’m more than happy to know our stories have aided you, I hope they continue to. I really hope I’ve been of some help to you. I wish you luck.

[joopiterjoon]

Wishing on a Star | KSJ

Pairing: Seokjin x reader

Genre: NC-17, Romance, Fluff?

Warnings/Tags: Vampire!Jin, Biting, Blood, Kissing, swearing, couch grinding, bad Twilight Series references

Wordcount: 3k

Part of ficswithluv’s #FWLBingo! 

“They probably got that idea from me,” Seokjin murmurs. He’s glaring at the screen, feet tucked up and arms crossed next to you, as he watches Edward Cullen step into the sunlight and sparkle.

“You don’t sparkle,” you snort. Seokjin’s jaw drops as he turns to you. “Wait… do you?”

Seokjin closes his mouth and takes a deep breath through his nose. “No, but how else are they going to try and demonstrate that someone is inhumanly handsome? And who is truly inhumanly handsome? Me!”

“That’s not saying much, since you are, in fact, inhuman,” you tease.

“I’m the most handsome inhuman there is, though!” Seokjin shouts, tossing his hands up. You’re glad to have a distraction from the very cringe scene happening in a movie that crushed your favorite book series. “I am worldwide handsome, human or not!”

You laugh at how he thinks he needs to convince you, his girlfriend. “Of course, of course, my vampire from the stars.”

“That’s right!” Seokji bellows, though his ears tinge pink. He starts waving his arms around to recite a speech you’ve heard many, many times. “I’m more attractive than any angel up there! Any demon down there! Any creature right here!”

Contrary to the fanged creatures on your TV screen, Jin was just an average but incredibly hot vampire. Well, what you now knew to be an average vampire. Fangs and a severe vitamin deficiency that could only be cured with blood.

(“Stop asking me to explain it, it’s too complicated.”

“Mhm, yeah, you definitely just didn’t forget.”

“Just for that, I won’t tell you.”)

At first, you’d been a tad disappointed. Sure, you would have been freaked out if Jin was even a Stefan Salvatore or a Lestat. But after a while, it lost its edge. Unlike Jin’s fangs.

He’d come to you in such an unusual way. At first glance, it fits the mysterious, ominous nature of vampires. Last year, you’d had enough. Life sucked, as it often does for people in their early twenties. You’d been leaning out your window with a bottle of wine, asking the heavens to send you someone. Sure, you’d stolen the idea from Lilo and Stitch, but why the fuck not. You just needed someone. You were willing to try wishing on a star for someone to come save you.

Little did you know, your rescuer was below, just strolling home late from work one night.

(“Hey,” a stranger called from the street. “That angel you’re looking for has already fallen.”

You startled. You can’t believe such a handsome stranger heard you, much less called out to a grown woman wishing on a star. Your shock caused the bottle of wine to slip from your grip and splatter three floors down. You almost follow after when you startle.

“Damn, people fall for me, but never from that high up,” Jin laughs, clapping his hands. You frown at the stranger.)

Jin likes to pretend it’s fate, and maybe it is a little bit, but it’s also his personality. Even if he’s not involved, seeing people in distress bothers him. He needs to lighten situations. And that lightheartedness and just how desperate you were had convinced you to allow the stranger into your home. Jin had waited to be invited in, but he insists that’s just manners.

Plus, Jin loves how you met. It’s his favorite thing to tell whenever you go out together. You just roll your eyes, letting him prattle on and on. Because when it comes down to it, he really was the angel you’d wished for (who is devilishly handsome, you might add).

“You’re doing it again,” Jin says, drawing you from your thoughts. He’s right. You’ve been watching him and his pursed lips while you’ve been reminiscing.

“Can you blame me?” You shrug.

“Fluffing my ego?” Jin teases, tossing the pillow from his lap to face you. “You’re asking for trouble.”

“Oh please, I’m more trouble than you’ll ever be,” you scoff. Jin frowns, but he knows it’s true. He scoots closer though, caging you into your side of the couch with a playful smile.

Leaning in to kiss you, Jin doesn’t say anything. He has two modes: all words and no game or just game and no words. Honestly, you couldn’t be made to choose between the two. Especially as his hands gently reach for you, plush lips closing in on yours.

Your body gravitates towards him. It’s no vampire curse. You’d asked him when you’d been immediately smitten all those months ago. You’d even wondered if there was a delayed onset, like something Jin “chose” to activate. It’s simply that Jin really was given to you by the stars. His dumb sense of humor balances your stressed mind, and by god is he gorgeous. You’re reminded each time your hands cup his jaw and your chest presses to his.

Jin deepens the kiss as he tugs on your thigh, dragging your leg to his waist as he lowers you to lie on the couch.

“But the movie,” you whine, trying to catch a glimpse of Bella and Edward running through Italy. Jin snarls, and his fangs are on full display. You can’t help but gasp, unable to hold back the wonder each time you see them. Lame vampire or not, that’s still what he is.

“You want that sparkle bitch over this?” Jin sounds offended, waving to his own form. You contemplate it, taking your time. You trace your fingers over the veins in his arms, up to the broad shoulders that block out the streetlight behind you. You giggle at the frustrated furrow of Jin’s brow over dark yet soft black eyes. Finally, you're pulling him on top of you, wrapping your legs around his waist.

It’s easy, a position you frequently find yourself in. Even though you both share a bed now, you find it hard to take the extra time to make it there. Jin’s hands know their way around your body, how to hold you, tease you, appreciate you. And you’re no different, humming as you splay your palms over his broad chest and roll your hips into his. The place doesn’t matter as long as you have Jin like this with you.

As your tongues meet, you shiver. Jin’s careful, but your tongue still slides past his incisors. They aren’t deadly sharp, but there’s an implication. One that Jin never acts on.

“Jin,” you whisper as he mouths at your jawline. Once he glances up, you fix him with a serious stare, biting your lip and running your hands through your hair like Bella Swan. “I know what you are.”

Jin’s body shakes with a laugh as his head drops to your shoulder. “You are the worst.”

You both giggle, trading the mirth between hushed lips as Jin fumbles for the remote to turn off the cringe-movie.

In the dark, your hands tighten in his hair as the moment becomes more heated. His hips shift forward, letting you know his intentions. You whimper as he nips at your neck, back arching off the couch.

“Do you want to?” You ask.

It’s a question you never dared ask when you first started dating. You assumed it was something that had to be addressed, but not then. In the throes of love, you feared Jin would sink his teeth in and… you don’t know, claim you, sire you, turn you, something. But when you finally had months later, the answer, like everything else, had been less than wowing. Nothing about Jin’s need for blood was arousing. If anything, it was annoying. Like having a craving for something and the business was closed.

That didn’t stop the idea that Hollywood had planted in your head. You’d finally chalked up the courage to ask months ago: Do you want to bite me?

Jin had played it off, saying he only wanted to when you refused to split a meal. He caved soon enough, not actually doing it, but explaining that he found it incredibly intimate. It was a kind of trust. It hurt, he said. Like a farmer raising chickens, he’d become immune to the cries in a way, but he still knew the pain. There was no magic serum from his fangs that numbed the pain. For the victim, it was simply teeth sinking into flesh.

Because of that, he saw it as a vulnerability from both partners. Jin joked and talked shit a lot, but he was a deeply thoughtful person under it all. He believed biting a human was something to be wary of yet cherished. He cherished you, but the wariness had still outweighed his affections. You could only think there was an assurance he didn’t see yet. Whenever you asked, you didn’t push the response.

Jin’s movements still, and he sighs. It’s a sigh that says this again? You prepare to shrug it off, content to be dick-downed by the inhumanly handsome.

But he surprises you.

“Are you really sure?”

The words cut through the stillness of the living room. Not even the breath in your lungs moves.

“Yes,” you whisper.

Jin’s large, black eyes sparkle with the dim light pouring in from the window. Seeing the insecurity there, you follow up with a nod.

“It’s…” Jin winces a bit. “I promise you, it doesn’t feel good. It’s a bite. Like two tears in your skin.”

“Jin,” you start, and you know you believe what you’re saying. “I could give two fucks about vampires before I met you, and now I only give one fuck. And that fuck is that I want to be close to you. This just happens to be another level that you have for being close. I want to be on that level. You are as close to me as possible. I want you that close. And I want to show you that I want to be that close to you. And I only want you to do it if you want me there, too.”

“Of course I want you close,” Jin says, voice losing that lilt he usually has to demonstrate how serious he is. But it’s back a second later when he rolls his hips. “Is that really the only fuck you have for me?”

You roll your eyes even if he can’t see. “You know what I mean.”

There’s a pause. Just silence, just the sound of your hearts pounding. Then, Jin’s soft lips press to yours. You slot your lips with his and brush your thumb over his cheekbone comfortingly. He moves to your cheek, your eyes, your jaw, your neck. He stays there, nuzzling at your pressure point. You close your eyes.

“You don’t feel nervous,” he whispers. You shake your head. You aren’t. You know it might hurt. But you want Jin.

He holds your neck, laying his weight on top of you. You hum at the warmth surrounding you, the familiar firmness pressed to your inner thigh. A wet tongue laps at your neck and you gasp at the sensation, but turn your neck for more. Jin presses a few more wet kisses there, sucking gently as you squirm from the pleasure.

Then, he hoists himself up. “If I do it here, we might ruin the couch.”

“Oh,” you breathe. Good point. Blood. You sit up. “Um, what if we use my sweater?”

“But you love this sweater,” Jin pouts. Your heart floods with warmth at the fact that Jin’s worried about your favorite sweater.

“I have club soda. The blood will come out,” you say. You sit comfortably in front of him. Jin chews his cheek, but then he gets on his knees, straddling your lap. You place your hands on his thighs as he places his on your shoulders.

“Are you sure?” Jin whispers, brushing his nose to yours. He sounds breathless, more scared than you. You’re not scared at all. You want this. You want to show Jin he can’t hurt you and you want all of him.

“Mhm,” you whisper. 

“I think,” Jin whispers back, “I think I’m more nervous than you.”

You pout, but keep your eyes closed, just feeling him close. “Don’t do it if you don’t want to.”

“No, I,” Jin swallows. He doesn’t keep talking.

He kisses you again. This one is different. It’s not chaste. It’s not heated. It’s slow. His mouth works against yours, gauging your reception, letting his tongue slide along your bottom lip but not pushing in. You open for him, fingers tightening on his pants. He keeps edging in, giving you chances for an out, willing to let you turn this into a normal night on the couch instead of what he’s about to do.

Then, his mouth drifts. He keeps you close, a hand on the back of your neck, hips sinking into your lap. It kind of feels silly, having your massive boyfriend straddling you, but you’re too lost in the feeling of his tongue gently probing. He’s searching for a good spot, you realize. You try to relax, not squeeze your eyes or feel tense, to let him know you are okay. You move your hands to his waist, holding him gently.

Until your arms constrict around him with a small squeak in pain. His teeth sink in. At first, it’s nothing but a bite. Kinky, not scary. But then you feel it. The pressure, the pricking, the tearing. The searing heat that comes from an exposed wound. And then you feel the pull. It’s foreign, the way you feel the blood rush from your veins faster than intended. Your mouth hangs open, a silent scream caught there. You tug Seokjin closer and he gladly obliges, one arm hugging you, rubbing your back gently while the other thumbs under your jaw. He holds you secure, makes you feel safe swaddled in his arms and the cushions.

You squeeze your eyes shut as tears roll down. Their meaning is mixed. Both relief, fear, joy, pain, trailing down your cheeks. Jin grunts, shifting a bit, and you bury your face in his chest. Each muscle of your shoulder and neck are hyperaware, and you feel as though you have to clearly think about each as you hide inside Jin. 

Jin, who sucks your very being into his mouth and down his throat. Who keeps rubbing soothing circles wherever he touches. He’s not overwhelmed or consumed by bloodlust. Even as he feeds, his attention is on you. He’s always focused on you.

You cry out as he pulls off, the fangs slipping from your skin like a rock lodged in a wound that had to be removed. But then he’s back. You’re impressed that you don’t flinch as he descends. The same suction feeling is gone, just the lap of his tongue.

“Too much,” you breathe. It feels like you can feel each tastebud of his tongue pulling the flesh open.

“Sorry,” he muffles, tongue trading to soft taps. He waits out your blood coagulating. Your shoulders ache, but you realize it’s the vice like grip you have on him. As you slowly loosen, Jin moves to rub your arms, trying to ease the tension.

“Not as tough as you look, huh?” he says, the words murmured just above the wound. The words are too soft, filled with insecurity.

You shake your head, body ashiver. “It’s just new.”

“Bad?” Jin asks, even quieter.

You shove on his shoulders at that. He whines something incoherent in protest, eyes locked on the wound as you pull him into focus. “Nothing’s bad with you.”

Jin pouts, bottom lip on full display. Even in the dark room, you can tell it’s a shade darker with your blood. “It hurts.”

“It did. You bit me, so duh,” you admit. Jin’s strong eyebrows crease on his forehead, not appreciating your joke when he’s so concerned. You give a small smile, bringing your hands to his chest. “I’m glad you think we’re in a place where you can do that.”

You nudge him, and he concedes. He kisses your lips, and you gasp at the metallic taste in his mouth. His kiss is more earnest, eager to have you responding. He groans when your tongue twists with his and you wrap your arms around his neck.

“Fuck,” Jin groans. “Fuck, it’s just. You. All of you. Feel good, taste good.”

Your heart races at that. Jin’s kisses are frenzied, tongue quickly following your own. His breathing is faster, grip tighter, pulling you into him. He’d said that blood didn’t mean much. It wasn’t an overwhelming desire or blurred with ecstasy, but the real reason got you more. Jin had your blood in his veins, your taste in his mouth. And he seemed impossibly turned on by it. By you. He cared so much for you, it was hard to believe there was ever a time you questioned if anyone, even yourself, cared about you.

“I love you,” you whisper.

Jin kisses you harder, fingers twisting in your hair, breathing in deep through his nose. “God, I love you.”

He starts to lean you back, and you willingly go, but then he yanks you both back up. “The blood! The couch!”

“Oops?” You blink, already so lost in Jin that you forgot. You’re not really sure if you are gushing out of your neck or what.

Before you can reach to check, Jin gently thumbs at the mark. He brings a smear of blood to his lips. You see his expression twitch in contentment, but there’s a flicker of worry in his eyes that won’t move from the throbbing mark on your neck. Whatever moment had been there was now broken by the reality of what happened. You may have been convinced you’re fine, but Jin still seems cautious.

“The floor?” You suggest, then point to the blanket on Jin’s side. “That’s an old afghan.”

“Ah, okay, yeah,” Jin breathes in relief, like he still isn’t sure if you’ll take the chance to get up and run out. Just to prove his worries wrong, you grab the blanket and toss it to the floor. You slide down, patting the space next to you.

Jin smiles down at you, something of a dazzle in his warm eyes. You smile back, and let him stare a little bit longer, then teasingly suggest with a crooked finger, “Come on, ravage me.”

Jin chuckles at that, shaking his head as he lowers himself down with a playful growl. You laugh as your boyfriend, who moments before was concerned over every touch, wrangles you to the floor to ravage you not with bites but kisses.

Check out my other FWLBingo pieces here!

[bemused-writer]

Fanfiction questions: 6, 22, 28, 38!

Thanks for sending this in!

6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

Oh, so many fandoms.... This won’t include everything by default of there probably being too much but I will list what I can think of! I’ll start with my more current fandoms:

Wei Wuxian/Lan Wanji (The Untamed) - There’s so much I like about these two in the live action. Their loyalty to one another, their growth over the course of the series, and they way they learn to understand one another so well. Other things I really liked was how pleasantly romantic things were between them. The music, the longing, and how they can work together in unison.

Noé/Vanitas (Vanitas no Carte) - I... almost don’t need to say why I like this ship. It’s taken over all my writing. 8D Still, they are such a great balancing act and Mochizuki is writing their adventures so well.... I’m just very impressed. I also really like Jeanne/Dominique but they haven’t gotten much attention in the series yet. :0

Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens) - I just love how they’re nontraditional entities, uniquely eccentric, and that while their friendship has spanned centuries they still have new things to learn about one another.

Oz/Echo (Pandora Hearts) - They didn’t get much time together but they were both in a unique position to understand each other’s suffering in a unique way. I really like these two. The one “date” they went on left quite an impression on me; I think if they’d been given the chance they could have really improved one another and brought a special light to each other’s lives. 

Sherlock/Wato (Miss Sherlock) - It’s hard not to ship every version of Holmes and Watson and these two were no exception! I really hope we get a second season but I loved seeing the progression of their relationship in this show and loved how unusual the cases were. Thought they handled things very well.

Eleanor/Tahani (The Good Place) - Honestly, I like all the ships on this show but these two and their kind of background flirting is just great. Love them. 

And now some fandoms I’m a little less active in (at least at the moment):

Dean/Cas (Supernatural) - I don’t know if I’m really holding out for this to happen in canon in any overt kind of way. It’s been long enough since I’ve watched the show that I’ve created a little distance there. Probably for the best. XD Even so, I always thought these two had something special! 

Korra/Asami (Legend of Korra) - I remember watching season 1 and thinking “These two would be cute together but that’s unlikely to happen.” I’m very glad I was proven wrong. They’re just as epic together as I’d hoped!

Ned/Chuck (Pushing Daisies) - Such an ideal couple. They talk things out, they love each other dearly, and they’re both pretty unusual in all kinds of ways.

Yuuko/Watanuki (xxxHolic) - Pretty sure I’m one of the only people shipping this. XD But it is my opinion that Watanuki had feelings for Yuuko that surpassed his feelings for everyone else. Were they reciprocated? I don’t think they were returned romantically, but I ship it all the same.

Kamui/Subaru (X/1999) - I remember, at some point, this ship had a lot of people disliking it. More recent people will use their familial relationship in Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle as a reason but back in the day it was just because it got in the way of all the Subaru/Seishirou and Kamui/Fuuma shippers. At any rate, in X/1999 Kamui and Subaru are not related and they are pointedly portrayed as a healthier version of the Seishirou/Subaru relationship. Anyway, I think they would have been really nice with each other and I still need the ending of this series in case CLAMP ever wants to, you know, do that....

Willow/Tara (BTVS) - Before certain events, they were just adorable and also a power couple.

Cain/Riff (Cain Saga/Godchild) - Tragic, loyal, and bizarre. This sums up their relationship and the series pretty well. I’m always moved by these two.

Data/Deanna (Star Trek: TNG) - Probably also the only person shipping this, but you know? It would have been cool. Also, I think I’m probably only supposed to pick one ship per show but Q/Picard is just also incredibly good. 

Miharu/Yoite (Nabari no Ou) - Just everything about these two is great and tragic and awesome.

Cosima/Delphine (Orphan Black) - They had a lot of troubled points in their relationships but they pulled through and that was nice to see.

Louis/Armand (The Vampire Chronicles) - It’s been quite some time since I’ve read this (I’m due for a reread) but I distinctly recall rooting for these two because I was (and am) convinced Lestat isn’t good enough for Louis. I’m not exactly caught up on the series, so maybe I would change my mind but... I don’t know...

I’m forgetting so many....

22. Is there anything you regret writing?

At the moment, no! I had a phase when I was a teen where I regretted writing all of my fanfiction, though. It was a difficult time in general and I just felt like none of it was that good and I shouldn’t have spent so much time on it--it seemed like I should be doing other things and there was just a sense of shame. It’s weird thinking back to that time because I’ve definitely moved past it. Unfortunately, I deleted my fanfic from that era. Now I’m trying to recover it so I can see the progress I’ve made, but there’s been so-so luck in that regard. Anyway, this is why I encourage people to at least keep a copy of whatever it is they do. You might want it in the future even if you don’t at this point in time!

28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of?

Hmmm, I’ve actually been fortunate enough that someone did draw some fanfic for one of my stories! But, this is talking about something that hasn’t been created yet. Honestly, I would love to see art of Jeanne taking down VotBM in The Descent. I feel like that is the best action scene I’ve done to date and there was something just... really awesome about her throwing a sword across a room with pin point accuracy. 8D I’d also like to see art of the characters in The Dark Wanderer (the sequel to that), especially Dominique dressed as the necromancer.

38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs?

Generally speaking, I try to keep with pre-established characters since I figure we’re all reading fanfic to see more of them! However, most stories can’t make it on their own with just those characters. Many plots will be too big to only have that limited number, so I create OCs as well to better serve the story. For example, there are a lot of OCs in my interpretation of Vanitas’s background (Dealing with Monsters) because we haven’t yet seen his backstory. If I didn’t create any OCs, there wouldn’t have been much of a story. XD

[sgtduckybucky]

The Pianist

There are many things that you loved about your university. It’s located in a small town that’s surrounded by mountains and forests which meant it had a very beautiful scenery. 

You loved walking around the town and just stopping and looking at all the beautiful plants around you. After the long and gloomy April showers, you get to see the colorful may flowers. There a lot of magnolias around your apartment, cherry blossom trees lined the rivers and roses in so many different colors that it was hard to just stare at one. 

During the fall semester, you loved watching the leaves turn from green to yellow then to orange until they finally turned brown and fall to the ground. You and your friends loved making a big pile of leaves and jumping into them, rolling around for a bit and then stepping on them to hear that sweet crunch.

Your favorite season has to be the winter season. The town ends up being blanketed in white snow. If you could look at the snow carefully, you would notice that they sparkled a bit. Your apartment was atop a small mountain so when it’s nighttime, you get to sit outside and see the town lights and the snow falling, it was truly a breathtaking view. 

Another reason you liked the winter season is because of the atmosphere around campus. Everything was calm and quiet. Everyone is dressed in comfy sweaters and hoodies holding a warm beverage.

The best thing you liked to do is going to one of the cafe’s with your friends at night and enjoying open mic night. The cafe was never crowded, most people would either be out of town or enjoying the night life at parties or at some other place.

You liked open mic night because the participants were mostly student and didn’t necessarily have to play professionally. Some people would sing, some would sing and play the guitar and others would just play the guitar. A very few would play the piano.

And that’s what happened tonight. Some of the participants had their friends in the audience cheering for them. A few had their families with them.

At around 10 pm, you got up and got yourself some hot chocolate while the next act prepared himself. When you returned, your heart skipped a beat at the person on the stage. 

It was this man with dark brown hair who loved coming to the cafe, day or night, it didn’t matter, and play the piano. He played beautifully. You didn’t know anything about, not his name nor his age. But you always assumed that he’s either in band 2010 or is a professional pianist because he could play anything on the piano.

The dimly lit room and the bright white light pointing at the stage accented his features. His greyish blue eyes popped and his black shirt made him look slightly paler under the bright light.

As always, he didn’t bother introducing himself or the song he’s playing. Just pressing his fingers on the black and white keys and began playing.

It took you a couple of seconds to realize that he was playing Victor’s Piano Solo from the movie The Corpse Bride. His fingers moved delicately, his eyes closing to feel the melodies.

You swayed along, marveled at his talent.

Have way through the song, he stopped playing Victor’s Solo and switched to Beethoven’s Moonlight Sontana. Again, he didn’t play the whole song. Stopping just somewhere around the two minute mark and switched to another song. This time, he chose Lestat’s Piano Sontana from the movie Interview With The Vampire. He played the whole song since it was pretty short.

After playing similar sounding songs for half an hour, he took a short break where he flexed his fingers and took large gulps of water.

When he began playing again, he played some pop songs like The Hills by the Weeknd, From Eden by Hozier and Niall Horan’s This Town. 

After that he just played some random tunes. Some you knew pretty well and other’s you’ve never heard before.

Once the pianist finished playing, he stood up and walked of the stage as everyone cheered for him.

He always did that. Go on stage without introducing himself, play a couple of songs and then walking of stage without saying anything for the past two years. Of course, during those two years, you ended up having a crush on him but didn’t act on it because you were a) too shy to do anything and because b) he always left very quickly.

But this time, this time it was going to be different. This time you will go up and talk to him. 

You took a couple of deep breaths before get up and walking towards where he was ordering coffee.

He turned to face you when he sensed you were standing next to him.

“Hi.” he greeted.

Your cheeks flushed because of how his voiced sounded. It sounded like an angel talking. 

“H-hi.” You stuttered back awkwardly.

He raised your eyebrows at you with a small smile on his lips he asked, “can I help you?”

“Oh, right!” You completely forgot why you’re even talking to him. 

“I just wanted to say that you play beautifully and I’ve been a fan of you for two years now and I think you’re amazing and I’ve never once missed you play in here - and oh my god you probably think I’m creepy.”

The pianist chuckled at your small rant, also pretending to not notice the small blush forming on your cheeks.

“No, I don’t. Thank you, though. It’s actually pretty sweet that you’re a fan, I appreciate it.” he smiled at you.

“I’m Y/N.” You introduced yourself with your hands stretched out of him to shake.

“Sebastian.” 

You smiled as he held your hand. His hand was soft with thin fingers.

He let go once the barista called his name to pick up his order. You exhaled deeply when he walked away.

“Guess I’ll see you around?” Sebastian said as a way of goodbye.

“Yeah,” You nodded your head, ignoring the sadness you felt because you knew that you probably won’t and you’ll just be a fan who sees him only when he plays the piano at the cafe, “See ya.”

Little did both of you know, you end up being friends and by the end up the semester you end up dating. And when you both graduate a year later, he proposed to right here in this cafe playing one of the songs he played that night when you first talked to each other, This Town. 

[thenightling]

My Fictional Character obsessions as depicted in gifs

My obsessions from age ten onward as depicted in gifs.  Some of these characters have alternated in cycles over the years.  The ones with the * next to them are ones that have stood the test of time or are particularly strong obsessions. I am not posting them in a particular order, that would take too long to sort out and may change depending on my mood, however the current strongest obsession is at the bottom.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my fictional character obsessions through the years...  Or as Tumblr calls them... My “Garbage children.”

Note: I know only some of them count as “garbage children.”   So please don’t be offended that I may have called your favorite character a garbage child.

Rumplestiltskin as depicted in the show Once Upon a Time, particularly seasons 1 through 3.  

*Loki from Norse mythology and Marvel comics.  Tom Hiddleston is a great actor but I felt I should note that the MCU version is slightly disappointing, I wish they wouldn’t downplay the magick and try to pass them off as “alien.”

*Dracula.  There are many depictions of Dracula that I am fond of / obsessed with.   Fred Saberhagen’s Dracula books for example, The Frank Wildhorn Dracula musical, and a few movie and TV versions.  

I love the 90s Dracula TV series even though he’s blond in that (not to be confused with the awful NBC show version from the twenty teens) but I have no Gifs of the 90s one.  Nor do I have any gifs of Rudolf Martin as Dracula in Buffy or Dark Prince: The True Story of Dracula though I love that one.  But here’s the most recent version to feed my obsession.  Dracula of Castlevania (The Netflix series).   Look at that Adorkable vampire!

*Jack Skellington of Nightmare before Christmas was one of my first truly all-consuming obsessions.  I played the cassette of the soundtrack to death.  I had a shelf of the toys (which were actually rare in the early 90s).  I became fixated on Danny Elfman’s singing voice as well as the gorgeous and haunting visuals.  

Sally, who helped kindle my first Frankenstein obsession because until then I had never seen an intelligent Frankenstein monster.  I hadn’t yet learned that in the original novel he was articulate (once he learned how to speak) and intelligent, and did not have a flat head or neck bolts. Sally and later The Bride (1985 movie) eventually got me to read the novel and pointed me in the right direction.

The ORIGINAL Peter Vincent from Fright Night, as played by Roddy McDowell.   I loved his character growth.  I loved watching him go from cowardly pretender to being the hero he always pretended to be and still having that B movie cheese to him.   Peter Vincent is my favorite vampire hunter.  Named after two of my favorite horror movie actors.  Peter Cushing and Vincent Price. 

Lestat.  Yes, I went through an Anne Rice obsession in my teens.  What 90s teenager didn’t?

The Dresden Files TV series, particularly Bob The Ghost AKA Hrothbert of Bainbridge as played by Broadway great, Terrence Mann.  Though short lived I loved that snarky ghost and this introduced me to the book series.  It was also the first TV series I enjoyed after my mother passed away so it has a special bittersweet place in my heart.

Another ghost character I love but I have no picture for him is Captain Gregg from the novel, movie, and TV show The Ghost and Mrs. Muir.   And Patrick Stewart as The Canterville Ghost from 1995 (as well as the original Oscar Wilde Story).  

Jareth from Labyrinth (and David Bowie).  Does he need an explanation?

Morbius from Marvel comics.  Because I just loved that emo SOB.

Nick on Forever Knight.  I went through an emo vampire phase in the 90s, okay...

The Doctor on Doctor Who

Methos from Highlander the series.  Highlander the series was a LOT better than people give it credit for.  And Methos was the first fictional character with a truly dark past I had ever seen, who mostly became a decent person after years of penance and self analysis.  It was through Highlander that I finally saw fiction and characters with shades of grey and realized things aren’t always black and white.   When they revealed Methos’ dark past I was so worried it was an excuse to kill him off and show that he was secretly evil all along but no. They didn’t do that.   Highlander taught me just how much people CAN change.   And it also taught me a lot about history and inspired me to be curious about our world and its past.   (It also often helped me with Social Studies tests.)  

Frank Langella as Dracula.

Faust from Goethe’s Faust.  (The 1926 silent film is the most faithful adaptation and actually covers Faust and Faust Part 2.  Most adaptations leave out Part 2).

Thomas Jerome Newton from The Man who fell to Earth.  Movie and novel by Walter Tevis.  Yes, depicted in the movie by David Bowie...  You’re lucky Bowie doesn’t turn up more in this list than he already does. 

Maleficent.  This one is kind of a guilty pleasure...  

As a long time book lover (One the first books I remember reading and loving was In a Dark Dark Room by Alvin Shwartz at age four...)  Belle from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast was the first Disney Princess I truly related to.  

Elisa and “Charlie” from The Shape of Water.

The Beast / Prince and Belle in Le Belle et la Bete original 1740 novel and the 2014 French film (even though that film isn’t all that faithful and Belle is a little cold, I love the visuals).

*Luke Goss as the Frankenstein Monster from the 2004 Hallmark mini-series of Frankenstein.  The most faithful adaptation of the novel to date.  Woefully under-rated.  Note, this spot is for the literary character too.

*Puck from Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream AND Disney’s Gargoyles.  I love that little bastard.

Mina and Dracula in Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992 film)   

Emily The Corpse Bride. Also pretty much anything scored by Danny Elfman gets a slight nod here.  I love that man’s music.   It just catches me.   And I always can tell when it’s one of his scores (And no, I don’t think they all sound the same).   They’re just so beautiful and haunting.  

The Frankenstein Monster in Penny Dreadful.  The second most accurate to the novel. They even go the eyes right.

The Real Ghostbusters animated series.  Egon is what inspired me to want to study parapsychology.  I loved the nerd characters in shows like this.

Barnabas Collins in the original Dark Shadows. And 1990s version.   And Doctor Julia Hoffman, a surprisingly empowered character for a 1960s TV show, which is why it annoys me that more “modern” versions always make her sexually obsessed with Barnabas or a villain or both whereas in the original show she was Barnabas’ closest confidant and even the one Barnabas cried out for whenever he was in trouble.  (Admittedly it took hundreds of episodes for them to develop that dynamic but they got there).

Lucifer.  TV show incarnation and Sandman comics incarnation.

Cain and The House of Mystery (The House of Mystery counts as a character)

*Morpheus from Neil Gaiman’s Sandman.  My current biggest obsession.  I’m making up for lost time.  This is something I SHOULD have been obsessed with in my teens.  I’m thirty-six-years-old and was thirty-five-years-old when I read it for the first time.  Why the Hell did no one describe this thing well to me back in the 90s!? Yes, Sandman started when I was only seven-years-old but it was most popular in the mid-90s and I would have probably loved it if I only really knew what it was all about.  Instead it was always “He’s like a Goth Jareth” (which almost worked) and “You’ll love Death!  She’s so cute!” (which totally didn’t work at all...)   Don’t protect me from spoilers, damn it!  Tell me about his character growth, the gorgeous artwork, the horror hosts residing in The Dreaming, tell me about the mythology and Shakespeare references, the lore, tell me about the ambiance, the atmosphere, the humor and pathos.  For God’s sake, I SHOULD have loved this thing a LONG time ago!     

You’d be amazed how hard it is to find a gif of Morpheus- he’s never had a film or TV adaptation but there are fan films! (The gif is from The Sandman fan film, 24 Hour Diner).

________________________________  

Honorable mentions:

Lydia from the Beetlejuice animated series (My mother’s best friend often compared me to her but I think I had a crush on the character...) 

Xena: Warrior Princess (when I figured out I’m not entirely straight).  Though I think I liked Gabrielle a little more than Xena, herself. 

The mermaid in She-Creature (2001 film, not the black and white film of the same name)

The Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt. 

Carmilla (vampire novella and Hammer horror film The Vampire Lovers)

Duncan Macleod from Highlander the series.

Various characters from Buffy The Vampire Slayer (TV series) including Buffy herself, Giles and Spike.

Doctor Strange (And in relation to that, Doctor Craven from the Vincent Price movie The Raven from 1963.)

Bruce “David” Banner in The Incredible Hulk, particularly as depicted by Bill Bixby.  Though that was more of a role model personality type that I saw as a truly good man in a bad situation.  

Dorian Gray from the Picture of Dorian Gray 

Elisa in Disney’s Gargoyles but I idolized her more than obsessed about her. There is a difference.    

The reason those aren’t properly on the list is because those aren’t precisely obsessions but just characters I happened to really like a lot.

[monstersinthecosmos]

🔥 + Marius and Santino in TVA

[ ���� asks! ] LORD HELP ME

(tldr it’s the saddest thing ever and I’m obsessed with it)

first of all lets take stock of these two important moments they share in between Santino nearly having Marius killed and Marius having Santino killed:

Santino arrives with Pandora to rescue Marius from the Shrine in QOTD

Santino helps Marius clean up the Vampire DNA after Armand's attempted suicide, before they know he's alive.

I find this tension VERY VERY GOOD, it’s horny, it’s heartbreaking, it’s devastating in that trademark VC way where it’s so so so so fucking dark and just throbbing. I’m obsessed!!!

It’s interesting to me bc I have many many times yelled about how vampires have all the time in the world to grow past grudges and how they aren’t as constrained by human emotion and YET. There are are a few characters we meet in the series who are petty bitches until the end and can’t ever get past the grudge. (Marius, Rhosh, perhaps Eudoxia or the twins). So it makes me think back to this quote from TVL

“None of us really changes over time. We only become more fully what we are.”

So I wonder how much of this quality is innate; maybe if you aren’t capable of growing past a grudge, you simply won’t.

At the same time I don’t think it’s ever fair to talk about people in absolutes; certainly not real humans but also characters in a universe with so much emotional texture. Because this isn’t a condemnation of Marius to never grow or be better; I don’t think that’s the case with him at all. But I think he’s an incredibly injured person who has a lot of healing to do, and it feels like every time he almost gets there in the books, something catastrophic happens to retraumatize him and set him back.

And I think because he tries SO HARD to be an old Roman stoic that he never really gets time to be honest with himself about his own emotions. Even in B&G he talks about this often, like the “I have lived lies” quote—he KNOWS he’s got unhinged emotions on the inside that he can’t process. And he’s never quite ready to process them.

Like, maybe he was almost there but he lost Pandora. Or maybe he was almost there when Rome fell and he had to have a depression sleep. Maybe he was almost there in Venice and Santino raided the palazzo. Then he healed with Bianca and fucked it up. Then he was ready to invite Lestat into his home and Lestat woke up Akasha. THEN AKASHA ROSE UP AND BETRAYED HIM. THEN ARMAND KILLED HIMSELF. THEN HE FUCKED UP WITH SYBELLE & BENJI. THEN HE KILLED ARJUN IN A FIT.

But like. There’s this violence and anger inside where he’s not processing his emotions, and how much of it is like the human half of him and how much is vampire nature? I think it’s really powerful that Blood Communion ends with him painting a mural and finally accepting vampires as their own people and their own subculture. It makes me think he’s ready to be kind to himself and honest about what he needs to do and who he needs to be.

Anyway I say all that because like. It’s just so fucking sad dude.

We don’t get a lot of information about Santino so a lot of this is like backward engineered and blanks I try to fill in but like, we know he was religious, and within the framework of VC there’s so much Catholicism just baked into the universe anyway. So like, him working with Pandora to save Marius, and him being with Marius as they try to grieve Armand together feel so much like an attempt at atonement that just doesn’t sink in for Marius. He just can’t get there.

And like. I JUST THINK OFTEN ABOUT HOW FUCKED UP ARMAND’S INDOCTRINATION INTO THE CULT WAS, but Armand STAYED and he was a LEADER. So it makes me wonder if a similar level of depravity is what brought SANTINO into the cult, as well, like if this is a cycle of abuse. And I feel that Santino is trying hard to break that, to be someone else now, to apologize to Marius through these actions. And I think he knows he fucked up and I think he’s willing to be patient and do the penance for everything, but he’s up against such a seriously injured, hurt person who is not ready to accept.

But gosh like. Santino is so gentle and comforting even in those scenes when he first takes Armand, and it’s so much like Marius. THEY ARE HIS TWO DADS OKAY. And they both are such calm energies and it’s so disarming!

And like I wonder too if Marius sees that. I FEEL LIKE I’LL GO INTO A SIDE ESSAY DON’T LET ME GET CARRIED AWAY ON THIS TOPIC so put a pin in this but: Does Marius realize how similar they are? Does he lash out because of self loathing? I often wonder if he chose Lestat to share the secrets with because Lestat reminded him of himself, as well, so I wonder how often he’s compartmentalized parts of himself and lashed out at others who embody these things???? But he and Santino truly have so much in common, almost like funhouse mirror versions of each other. And I think about like, in family units how the ones who are most alike are always the ones at each other’s throats. (See also: Lestat & Claudia.)

So anyway I think like, BACK TO UR QUESTION. The scene in TVA is like one of the most absolutely devastating moments in VC for me. Santino trying to do his penance, be supportive, trying so hard in these few decades to apologize to Marius for everything that happened. Marius playing the role he’s supposed to play, trying to be chill about it, trying to cooperate. And if we never went on to B&G it could be happily ever after and maybe we’d never know that his progress collapsed afterwards, or that it wasn't progress at all and he was just going through motions that he felt he was supposed to.

And it’s just so heartbreaking and ironic that like these two are maybe the only two in the world who know Armand in a certain way, and maybe Santino would have been someone who could help Marius grieve if they could just share it and help each other, but it’s not how it went.

(also I hope this isn't tacky and arrogant but I wrote a fic about this one time that I think sums my feelings up 😭😭😭)

[5thinvictus]

The Strain 4x05: A Write Up

Disclaimer:  The point of this is not to belittle or undermine anyone else’s interpretation or headcanon of the episode.  The point of this is simply to get it off my chest.  This is in no way an attack or a troll.  It’s simply what I do after episodes, I just normally attach it with GIFs.

As MANY people in this fandom already know ... I’ve never been a Tasa shipper, but I accepted the relationship as a part of Quinlan’s life which allowed him to grow and feel.

I admit, full-heartedly, that The Strain is no longer a good TV show, but until now it was a HELL of a guilty pleasure. I watched it despite some part of myself understanding that it was bad, because I dug some of the characters and actors. I spent a LOT OF TIME pushing the show and creating content for it. I even spent nearly all of my time at SDCC doing so, knowing it wasn’t critically acclaimed or anything. However, this past episode wasn’t a guilty pleasure. This past episode, the creators actually insulted my intelligence a bit.

From the truck action (there were a few cool bits, but i.e. Quinlan falling to the truck for SEVERAL seconds, as the strigoi looks CONFUSED at him before getting cut in half. The wire was REALLY high up. It would have been so much cooler if Q had ducked under it at the perfect time) to the flashbacks to the unnecessary meandering dialogue/romance with Eph and his new lady friend (did we need that scene at all? There are only 5 episodes left and … what was the point of it all?), to Eph just letting that woman go to become the Master and know his location ... the writing and direction in this episode was scattered all over the place.  ಠ_ಠ

I could likely go on for pages about the rest of the episode, but I’m not going to rant about anything in this post except the flashbacks and their personal impact on me.

Quinlan: out of Character? Perhaps ... Perhaps not.

The Strain is a bit notorious for not being able to keep any of their own characters straight. I think this might be because of the wide range of writers and I know this happens on TV shows because of that fact, but they flip-flop back in forth for everyone, with the only exceptions being Abraham and possibly Mr. Quinlan. Until now.

The flashbacks.

Very simply put, I would have accepted this all better if he was younger. That’s the crux of my problem with it. Not Louisa. Not that Louisa isn’t Tasa. Not that they’ve, once again, changed canon. I’ve read some arguments for this behavior that conjecture he was just "curious" and he had talked about being “curious” in Rome two thousand years prior. But that was when he was very young. If you follow the canon timeline, he was in his late teens or early 20s in that scene.

That was when he was STILL trying to figure out humans. In this scene, he is 1848 years old (1888 A.D. - 40 A.D.). Take a moment to fathom that number. 1848 years old. If human’s average lifespan is around 70 … that is a little more than 26 lifetimes. At this point in the story, he has lived 26 lifetimes. He has traveled the world, leading the life of a demigod undead hunter, integrating with societies all over. He was a gladiator, which meant he was likely used for sexual purposes. He would not be as curious as a schoolboy, or confused by a woman painting his face. Makeup is not a new invention. Over 1848 years, it’s ludicrous to think that he hasn’t TRIED to paint the strigoi out of himself before.

What I find the most hard to swallow about this scene is not that they replaced Tasa with Louisa or that they gave him a woman at all. I don’t care either way. It is that he acted like a child for most of the flashback. When the little girl ran in and met him, he acted like he’d never met a child before … Wait what?

So, if they had done this "love story" in Rome or sometime around that part of his past, I would have actually bought into it, because he was still on his first lifetime and he was still trusting, and curious, and childish, and … naive.

This leads me back to my headcanon about it. Louisa and her daughter remind him of Tasa and Sura, so he bought into the "romance," or the “idea” of it. He’s been alone for a long time and he’s grown tired and this woman pops out of nowhere and offers him a chance to revisit what he had lost so long ago, then maybe he would be more open to … moving in with her after a couple of days / weeks? (I agree with @theforgottensheikah on this. I fully understand they are rushed, but some kind of montage would have made it seem like more time had passed? The quickness was terribly OoC).

Expectation vs. Execution: The scene itself

Intimacy + Bonding vs. Strange Stinger Kink + Porno Moans

IMHO, this was weird. He’s feeding on her. There’s no kiss, there’s no intimacy, there’s no bonding.

They could have made that scene very sexy and made the audience feel the emotion that was supposedly there (even with the unbelievable Quinlan makeup) by having something like:

Forehead or nose touches (I fucking love these, sorry).

Quinlan refusing at first, telling her he didn’t want to hurt her, expressing concern for her.

Kissing … good lord, some kind of kissing.

Twitching and rattling with excitement over just the possibility of touching her.

I’m not daft or a fool. I get what they were trying to convey, but it fell flat. I’m not a crazy fangirl because I was more than open to see this. I DIDN’T MISS THE POINT AT ALL. But I wanted to see some intimacy. I wanted to see how Rupert would convey that intimacy. I was excited to possibly see Quinlan kissing someone.

IT … FELL … FLAT and then they made it weird.

He drinks her. Hmmm. To him, humans are food. To him, humans have always been food. 1848 years of food food food. I get that she’s got the kink and he conforms to it, but that’s not his kink He does what she asks but I’ve never been a huge vampire/blood play fan because … You like a good steak, but that doesn’t mean you want to fuck the cow, and if you are fucking the cow, doesn’t mean you are eating them at the same time. This disappointed me because it’s an incredibly clichéd vampire trope and I would hope that someone like Quinlan would be beyond it, especially at his age.

Also, I want to point out something particularly poignant here. Given how he reacted to the Master reminding him of Ancharia in 2x07, her death is still very much an open wound. So, I would think that being encouraged to drink from Louisa would be uncomfortable for him, to say the least. Since the Master forced him to drink the last known human that he cared for to survive, this scenario should actually be quite traumatic to him.

And, why would he want to drink someone he loves, especially after she just told him he was more beautiful as a human than a strigoi?  Isn’t that confusing?  She just painted him up like a human and then told him to drink her like a strigoi.  I digress ...

When I watched this part of the episode, I wasn’t crying, I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t even cringing. When I watched this part of the episode, I started laughing. This is no exaggeration. Even my husband asked me what I was ‘cackling’ about because these flashbacks played as if I was watching them re-enact a bad fanfiction. After it was over, I was more embarrassed and a bit creeped out about being a fan than angry or even disappointed.

What ran through my head was:

Oh good god. Is this what the show runners think of us?

Someone who accepts him in all of his unique beauty vs. Someone who tells him he needs to be human to be beautiful

I don’t need to touch on this subject as many already have. Instead, I’ll let Guillermo del Toro speak for all of us:

Well, I have said this in the past, so I hope i don’t bore you by repeating it, but I think that we live or die under the tyranny of perfection. Socially, we are pushed towards being perfect. Physically, beautiful to conform to standards that are cruel and uncommon, to behave and lead our lives in a certain way, to demonstrate to the world that we are happy and healthy and all full of sunshine. We are told to always smile and never sweat, by multiple commercials of shampoo or beer.

And I feel that the most achievable goal of our lives is to have the freedom that imperfection gives us.

And there is no better patron saint of imperfection than a monster.

We will try really hard to be angels, but I think that a balanced, sane life is to accept the monstrosity in ourselves and others as part of what being human is. Imperfection, the acceptance of imperfection, leads to tolerance and liberates us from social models that I find horrible and oppressive.

— Guillermo del Toro, on why he has always been intrigued by monsters

Passive vs. Submissive vs. Dominant

Quinlan was uncharacteristically passive in this episode. HE WAS THE SEXY LAMP THIS TIME. From Ancharia to Rome to modern day, he’s never been this passive. Even when he was working with Abe, he was still contributing and arguing.

This breaks the continuity of his characterization.

Aside

For those comparing him to Dracula AND/OR Lestat and using that as a basis for belittling others into loving what they saw: I didn’t pick Mr. Quinlan because he reminded me of other critically acclaimed vampires.  I picked Mr. Quinlan as my favorite fictional character because he was uniquely interesting and beautiful.

I chose him because of how intriguing and new he looked, how he acted and how Mr. Penry-Jones portrayed him.  I picked him because he was different than any other vampire/dhampir/nephilim I had ever seen.  Comparing what they did to him with other vampires, regardless of how I feel about those other character, actually cheapens his uniqueness for me.

Also, Gary Oldman was a shapeshifter in that movie and thus, it was well within my suspension of disbelief that he could change the contours of his face to look entirely human.

Now ... Understanding Your Fanbase

Part of the reason I, and many more fans, like the character of Quinlan is because he doesn’t conform to modern beauty standards. I loved that he wasn’t your average handsome, makeup-laden (cough - Twilight) vampire hunk. I loved that he was unique and complex. They took one of the most important aspects of his character and they wanted us to buy into a rushed and botched romance with a woman who wanted to fundamentally change him. Tasa fan or not, it’s very clear why this bothered people.

Would you and SHOULD YOU be with someone who convinced you that you needed to get plastic surgery?  I guess, since this is made by ‘Hollywood’, then this is an acceptable thing in that space?

In Conclusion: 4x05

No, we did not miss the point. No, we aren’t being stupid fangirls who don’t want to share Quinlan. The fact is, we just aren’t that gullible. Many of the people in this fandom have written their own fics, whether it be explicit or not, whether it be with an original character or Tasa or another canon character.

An impressive amount of us have actually sat down and put pen to paper in an attempt to characterize Quinlan. This is a difficult thing to do, because we like to think that he’s incredibly complex and mysterious. But, everyone is free to have their own interpretation of him.

Mini rant: Why does The Strain always make their female characters so sexually aggressive?  From Nora ripping Eph’s clothes off in the middle of an episode, to Anya being the one to invite Gus into her warm bosom, to Dutch VERY AGGRESSIVELY seducing both Fet and Eph, to Louisa begging for it?  Is this really the only type of woman that exist in this world?

In Further Conclusion: Quinlan and The Strain Fandom

I’ve never been a superfan of anything in my life and, while it has been a phenomenally creative outlet, the toxicity and ugliness of the current fandom makes me realize that I’ve got to get back to being an adult now. At the end of the day, it’s just any old terrible TV show and they’ve decided to remove the one thing that was inspiring me to continue watching and the bragging that it’s only going to get worse only tires me more.

It’s absolutely no secret that if the Strain didn’t have Quinlan in it, I would have stopped watching it halfway through season 3. It was all over the place, from the plot holes, strange character direction, and … of course … the treatment of women.

On that note, allow me a tiny tangent.  Something has seemed significantly off about the Strain since it came back together to film Season 4. Speculation on the cause of this tepidness shown from the creators, crew, and actors has driven mad speculation throughout the remaining members of the dwindling fandom.

What was going on that no one wanted to say anything? Was it that good that they didn’t want to spoil anything or … was it that bad that people are actually embarrassed about their contractual involvement? Why wasn’t the cast promoting it very much anymore? Why wasn’t the social media team themselves promoting it very much? Why weren’t there any teasers or anything to drive anticipation. And … most importantly … where the fuck did Guillermo del Toro go?!?

While we’re desperate to know why everything seemingly fizzled out, as just ‘simple fans’ who’s opinions don’t matter, we will never be privy to such information. If anyone has any insight into this and they’d like to share with me as a parting gift, please do so. It would be a private conversation.

I’ve been putting far too much passion into promoting and generating content for this show and after the atrocity that was the last episode (and the manner in which people reacted to criticism of the episode), I’ll be taking an indefinite hiatus from further involvement in this fandom. (Indefinite: lasting for an unknown or unstated length of time.) After all, I’m just a ‘simple fan’, and the only way that I can really show my disdain for the misdirection is by boycotting further direct involvement in the fandom.

WAIT! WAIT! WHAT ABOUT THE GODDAMN FIC!?!

。゜゜(´Ｏ｀)°゜。

I do not regret the time I’ve put into this as it gave me the confidence to reach beyond what I thought I was capable of and it drove me to start writing finally. I don’t even regret that the Strain was terrible in Season 3, because the best fanfic actually comes out of terrible shows (for obvious reasons). And regardless of what happens next in the show (which I am politely declining to watch further), no one can EVER take away the headcanon that I’ve created for myself and my version of Quinlan. Overall, I am incredibly proud of the characters that I built and the fandom that I have for my own interpretation.

With that being said, the latest episode was amazingly uninspiring and it kinda murdered my muse a bit. I will see what I can do about that. I promise. And if there is enough interest in me continuing it, I will.

Now, my fierce and lovely fandom … prepare yourselves for one final and epic commission for Straining for Originality. I’d wanted to wait until the chapter, but fuck it all …

Gif by @quintustheinvictus

[emptymasks]

tagged by @ohpotter thank you :)

rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

tagging: sorry if some of you were already tagged @alyseofwonderland @clonetracers @lingering-snow @gemfyre @skip-mucky @ruinsrebuilt @gendryw4ters @alexpenkala @emono-omae @roecompany I know that’s not 20 but...

THE LAST

1. drink: water 2. phone call: my bank 3. text message: idk, I barely text any, I mainly just use messanger apps... probably my Dad 4. song you listened to: The Abduction - Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 5. time you cried: I don’t know, since my anxiety calmed down I haven’t cried as much 6. dated someone twice: nope, never even dated someone once 7. kissed someone and regretted it: still no 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: yes 10. been depressed: my mental health wasn’t the best when I was a teenager, definitely an anxiety disorder, and hating myself for a while, but I don’t know whether I got as far as depression, I don’t want to offend anyone who actually had depression... 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no, I don’t drink

3 FAVOURITE COLOURS 12. blue 13. black 14. purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU 15. made new friends: yeah, started University this time last year, met some awesome people 16. fallen out of love: nope, never fallen in love 17. laughed until you cried: probably 18. found out someone was talking about you: I don’t think so. I mean my Mum talks crap about me all the time but 19. met someone who changed you: uh, yeah, I guess 20. found out who your friends are: not quite sure what that means 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: nope, never kissed anyone

GENERAL 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them bar one, I only add people who I actually know, but there was one girl who I was friends with on deviantart back when I was about 13, but now I only add people that I know and talk too. I don’t even add people who I went to school with if I never talked to them. I don’t know, it just feels weird to do that on FB to me, 23. do you have any pets: our family has a chocolate labrador  24. do you want to change your name: um...no? It’s weird. I don’t really like my name, but not as in I don’t like it as a name, I just don’t like it for me. But I also couldn’t imagine having any other name. 25. what did you do for your last birthday: nothin 26. what time did you wake up: 8am-ish 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping 28. name something you can’t wait for: I don’t know... uh I’m being a vendor at the artist alley in Linc-Con (Lincoln, Comic Con) and it’s my first time being a vendor or doing anything like this and I’m nervous but excited but nervous. So I guess that. And Thor Ragnarok. 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: Like, an hour ago. I’m still staying at home for the summer, I move back to University next Monday. 31. what are you listening to right now: Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 (what a surprise) 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes 33. something that is getting on your nerves: uh, a lot of stuff, I’m very anxious all the time. in terms of something that’s annoying me... not much.  34. most visited website: Probably tumblr or youtube. 35. hair colour: brown 36. long or short hair: Long-ish. I’d like it to be a bit longer, but it hasn’t grown in like years. Seriously, I’ve never had a proper hair-cut, I just trim slip ends off and it hasn’t grown in so long no one ever believes that I’ve never had my hair cut. 37. do you have a crush on someone: not really, there’s clebs I’m attracted too, but there not crushes  38. what do you like about yourself: uh... I hate saying stuff like this, I always worry that I’ll come across big-headed. If I have to say something... I’m creative? 39. want any piercings: nope 40. blood type: no idea, I really should know, but I’ve never known and I’m not sure how to find out 41. nickname: None. I’m the only person with my name I’ve known that likes to be called Rebecca over being called Becky. I hate being called Becky. I had a teacher that called my Becks and I didn’t mind that too much. I do like pet-name / terms of endearment though. 42. relationship status: single 43. zodiac: taurus 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: band of brothers, legion, house of cards, halt and catch fire, brooklyn nine nine, hannibal, flight of the conchords, peaky blinders, star trek, the tudors, torchwood, the thick of it 46. tattoos: no, I like tattoos, but don’t want any myself 47. right or left handed: right handed 48. surgery: nope 49. piercing: no, don’t want any 50. sport: I did swimming for a long time, I don’t do it often now, but still enjoy it. I also have a thing for learning K-Pop choreography and then doing K-Pop random dance plays. It’s a decent workout when you’re too shy to exercise with anyone around and you don’t have the money for the gym anyway. 51. vacation: Haven’t gone in years, can’t afford it. The last time I went out for the day was with our Uni’s Harry Potter society and we spent the day at the Harry Potter studios. There’s another Buckbeak now and you can bow to him and he bows back and honestly I just love him so much and didn’t want to leave him. 52. pair of trainers: I actually don’t have any anymore. The closest the trainers I have is probably my converse.

MORE GENERAL 53. eating: um, I may snacking on tic-tacs 54. drinking: water 55. i’m about to: after finishing typing this, I need to test out how the Transformers print I just finished will look once it’s printed out, and then it’s back to making charms 56. waiting for: nothing for today, but I am kidna getting nervous about moving back to Uni 57. want: I got a 2.1 last year and I’d really like to get a 1st this year at Uni. Also to keep my Etsy shop up and running and to do well at comic con. 58. get married: eh. I honestly couldn’t care less. I’d be very happy to be in a committed relationship without being married. 59. career: want to be a concept artist for film, but will probably still freelance on the side

WHICH IS BETTER 60. hugs or kisses: what about both?  at the same time?? 61. lips or eyes: as in what I’m more attracted too? idk 62. shorter or taller: I’d want a partner to be taller than me, which isn’t hard as I’m 5′4″ 63. older or younger: ...I’m not going to lie. I have a pretty big thing for older guys, but realistically it would be better and probably healthier to date someone around my own age. Although now I am starting to be attracted to some guys around my own age, and I’ve never had a preference for older or younger women. 64. nice arms or nice stomach: ... 65. hook up or relationship: relationship. I could never do a hook-up or casual sex or a casual relationship. 66. troublemaker or hesitant: I guess hesitant?

HAVE YOU EVER 67. kissed a stranger: still no 68. drank hard liquor: nope, don’t drink  69. lost glasses/contact lenses: I like the only person in my family that doesn’t need glasses 70. turned someone down: actually yes, once, but he said he’d liked me for the past 7 years and I hadn’t even had a conversation with him (saying hello to each other when he saw each around school doesn’t count) in the last 5 years and I hadn’t seen him at all in the last 2 years so it just felt kinds creepy to me. 71. sex on the first date: no, haven’t had sex, haven’t been on a date. I don’t think I’d ever feel comfortable doing that. Not unless it was a date with someone who was a super close friend so you already know and trust them, but even then probably would never want to do that. 72. broken someone’s heart: not as far as I’m aware off 73. had your heart broken: no 74. been arrested: no 75. cried when someone died: yes 76. fallen for a friend: nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN 77. yourself: eh 78. miracles: no 79. love at first sight: no, it’s really impossible, you can feel attraction at first sight, but you can’t love someone you don’t know 80. santa claus: no 81. kiss on the first date: I mean, that kinda feels like the odd one out in this category. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. 82. angels: idk, I’m agnostic. I don’t really know if there’s any higher power of anything. Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t. Either way I’m not going to worry about it, I’m just going to make the most of my life either way and try to be a good person regardless cos that’s just the decent thing to do.

OTHER 83. current best friend’s name: idk if I really have  a ‘best friend’. I have friends, some of them I talk to more than others, but I don’t really rank friends. 84. eye colour: blue 85. favorite movie: ...this would be a really long list, are you sure you want that, I’ll try and put a few: Lord of the Rings, Baby Driver, Cap: Winter Soldier, Rise of the Guardians, The Princess Bride, The Breakfast Club, Inception, The Prince of Egypt, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Kingsman, The Martian, Mad Max Fury Road, The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (I know it’s not a great film but I love the characters), Mission Impossible 4 (didn’t expect to like MI but there you go), Iron Man, The Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy 1 + 2, Deadpool, Interview with the Vampire (I love Lestat and Louis but you can probably guess my feelings about Anne Rice), Fight Club.. I should stop typing now.

[dingoes8myrp]

A Word on Buffyverse Ships

I've been thinking a lot about the romantic relationships of Buffy, the canon ones and the fandom ones. I've never really committed fully to one ship or another, nor have I condemned one or another. I've watched them, I've analyzed them, sure. But I've never picked one or voted one off the island. I suppose it wasn't the reason I watched the show, so I never saw the point.

Recently, I rewatched both shows as an adult (rather than a teen/collegiate). It's amazing how a few years can bring new perspective to things. Writing my own fanfiction and reading that of others as well as engaging in many wonderful discussions here with other fans has really made me think about which ships I'm really ride or die for, and which I could do without. So, here's my take for those interested (since I've given my two cents here and there in many of your discussions, I'm sure). Please feel free to reply, discuss, or what have you.

I'm going to talk about these basically chronologically (to the best of my memory). I haven't scoured the Internet for every single ship, so these are just the ones I've thought extensively about recently. If there's one I don't mention and you're curious about my thoughts, drop me a line.

Xander/Buffy – A Nice Thought I enjoy the idea of this one in a post-show timeline. As a teenager I think Xander is way too immature and judgmental to be a good fit for Buffy. During the rest of the show's run they're on different pages romantically and don't seem to want the same things, so I don't think there was ever really a right time for them to be a couple during the show storyline. Although when I read the rumor that Sarah Michelle Gellar and Nicholas Brendan pitched the pairing for season six I gushed a little. I do think by the end of the series Xander has displayed a remarkable amount of growth to become a humble, supportive man. He's loyal to Buffy in the way that he's by her side no matter what. Even if he disagrees with her or if he's angry at her, when push comes to shove he's in the fray right with her. However, he's not a yes man. He's not so enamored with Buffy that he doesn't see her flaws, and he's not afraid to call her out (albeit a bit brutally) when he thinks she's making a mistake. He also accepts her for who she is, even the parts he doesn't understand. I don't think these two would work as a lifelong pair, but they'd be an interesting match if the timing was right for them. Ultimately, I think it was a good move that this one remained unrequited.

Buffy/Angel – Meant to Be I have conflicted feelings about this one. I do not think it was a healthy example of a relationship, nor do I think it was intended to be a romanticized thing for people to aspire to. To me, the Buffy/Angel relationship always came off as a cautionary tale. Buffy was young and naïve at the start of their courtship, and the guy had a checkered past. "Oh, but he's different. He's changed." Her mother didn't approve, stating Angel was too old for Buffy (rightfully so). All the iffy red flags were there. I think Buffy was good for Angel, motivating him and helping him grow. But, I think he might have been a hindrance to her, as he always became priority over anything else (like oh, say, an apocalypse). One of my favorite Buffy moments is when she sacrifices Angel to prevent the Acathla apocalypse at the end of season two because she overcame that very issue. As an aside, I think Angel was a bit shady in his relationship with Buffy, knowing it wasn't the best thing for her, that realistically a life with him would mean a lot of sacrifice on Buffy's end. But, he pursued it anyway. The part where he had sex with Buffy and lost his soul is a bit suspect for me. The show seemed to steer us toward the direction that he didn't know exactly what "a moment of true happiness" meant, so that he couldn't really know sex with Buffy would make him lose his soul. But I have to think he knew it was at least a risk or a possibility. In my opinion, he was a bit reckless with that relationship, always going against his better judgment. So, I have my beef with this relationship for sure, and it's not my personal favorite. However, I think Angel is the person Buffy always measures everyone else she dates up to. He's the one for her, and I think Buffy is the same for Angel. Therefore, these two are my OTP, much to my chagrin.

Giles/Jenny – We Hardly Knew Ye This is a tough one. I wish we'd gotten a bit more time with Giles and Jenny because they barely got to be a relationship. Because of that, it's hard for me to land on it. They have kind of a nice bickering Pride and Prejudice thing happening, which is amusing. And it was nice to see Giles have his own life outside of being a watcher and a librarian. I also love Jenny as a character. She was portrayed in a way that I could imagine running into her teaching at my high school. She was a character I could see actually existing as a part of my world. Sadly, I don't see this as a long-lasting relationship. Mostly because they didn't know each other very well and never struck me as madly in love. Had they gotten the chance, I'm not sure it would have worked out, particularly with that slight deception on Jenny's end that put her at odds with Buffy.

Oz/Willow – The One I Want to Want This ship is particularly close to my heart for many reasons. Willow is probably the character high school me could relate most to, and Oz is my all-time favorite Buffyverse character. I can't explain why. He just is. I think for much the same reason I like Jenny. Because he's someone I could have gone to high school with (you know, aside from the werewolf part). This was the relationship I lived vicariously through when I was single or feeling bummed about a break-up. Oz was kind, considerate, quietly charismatic, drily witty, intelligent, and endlessly patient. He wasn't some knight in shining armor, or a smoldering heartthrob. He was just a guy, like any other guy I could have known. The fact that Willow caught the eye of a nice guy gave me personal hope for my own situation. Some days it still does. Oz is the dude I would date, marry, and have little werewolf babies with. Willow is my spirit animal. So, even though these two aren't an OTP for me as a fic writer/reader or a fan, they are my favorite ship. I could go on and on about them, so I’ll keep it short and sweet.

Spike/Drusilla – Eyeballs to Entrails These two are one of my favorite ships on the show. They're dark and twisted and they're both formidable villains when they want to be. But Spike, despite his undeniable edge, is so gentle with Drusilla and so devoted to her, it was one of the first hints of depth we saw in a vampire other than Angel. And Drusilla, despite her timid personality, had so much power in that dynamic. She was a strong woman, a force all on her own. These two are an OTP for me. I think if Drusilla had never left Spike he would have stayed with her forever. If Drusilla managed to get a soul she and soul-having Spike would probably reconnect with interesting results.

Spike/Angel – I'm Sure That's a Thing I don't really see a window for this in the run of the shows, but I totally believed these two were a Louis/Lestat type of thing back in the days of the Whirlwind. I definitely see a lot of subtext there, intended or not.

Cordelia/Xander – Well, There's Something You Don't See Every Day I… don't know where this one came from. When Cordelia and Xander shared their first dramatic kiss I think I laughed. "Oh, what a funny reaction for these two to have in that moment." And then that moment continued into a pretty substantial relationship. I never quite understood why these two were ever a thing. Realistically, yes. I get it. We've all watched two people get together and started taking bets on the date of their inevitable break-up. And on some levels I get the appeal. It's The Shop Around the Corner effect: these two can't stand each other, so naturally they need to be together. I did like the depth this relationship uncovered in Cordelia, but it's not one of my favorites.

Willow/Xander – Ugh. Really? Okay, I'm admittedly biased on this one because I've told you how I feel about Willow/Oz. I also have a general pet peeve when it comes to stories taking two characters who are good friends and deciding they have to pair them. It bugs the crap out of me that a man and a woman aren't allowed to just be friends in anything ever (except for Lucas and Haley in One Tree Hill and I love that about that show). I also can't stand love triangles. In conclusion, I hated this. Blasphemy. Never should have happened. Oz is a saint for forgiving Willow. Cordelia has every right to be pissed off about it. Xander's a dick for having the nerve to pull that Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered crap.

Buffy/Faith – Now That You Mention It… A relationship between Buffy and Faith never occurred to me when I watched the show. Then I read some fanfiction and some discussions about some subtext between these two. So, when I rewatched the show recently it was like "Wow, how did I never see that before?" One of my favorite moments in the show is the shared dream between Buffy and Faith at the end of season three. There is so much going on between these two women. I'm not sure the timing for a pairing was ever right for them in the show. Buffy was kind of closed off to Faith in the beginning, threatened by her and distant. Then once Faith went rogue I think she did some pretty unforgivable stuff as far as Buffy's concerned. Faith could say the same. Buffy did try to kill her. I don't think Buffy would ever forgive Faith for poisoning Angel, or for the body swap, but I don't think Faith would fault her for that. And I think Faith could forgive Buffy for stabbing her. I wish there was a window somewhere in the story where I could see this ship happening. Maybe post season seven. I'd have to think on it. However, I think these two women have a unique bond and, under the right circumstances and in the right plot, I could see this happening.

Giles/Joyce – Awkward I'm glad this was just kind of a fun one-time thing because how awkward would that have been? I feel like Joyce is always a bit competitive with Giles when it comes to Buffy. On the one hand, she respects Giles and appreciates how much he cares for Buffy. On the other hand, she resents him at times for endangering Buffy or for taking her away on some level. I think these two would always have a difference in opinion on what's best for Buffy, and that would kill any chance at a relationship they might have. How funny was that Band Candy episode, though?

Xander/Faith – Wait, What Just Happened? Again, I'm glad this was a one-time thing because – wait, what? This struck me as a plot device, a way to show us Faith was more dangerous than we thought. Tough break for Xander.

Xander/Anya – Haha! Oh, Wait… You're Serious? The issue I have with this ship is that it became a running gag on the show that Xander always fell for the monsters or the weirdos. Even when their relationship started, Anya was so awkward and out of place it was comedic. So when they made Xander and Anya a long-term couple I could never really take it seriously. I was always waiting for the punchline. It didn't help that as the show progressed they sort of gave Anya the Eric Matthews treatment and she went from trying to get used to being a mortal to "Who dropped her on her head?" Although they kind of grew on me, I never really considered this a realistic or long-lasting pairing. I did like Anya's arc after Xander bailed on their wedding. We got to see her trying to return to her demon ways and feeling conflicted. We got to see Xander struggle with the idea of a healthy marriage. That was all well and good. I just don't see this as an OTP kind of thing.

Riley/Buffy – A Breath of Fresh Air This is another ship that I personally really enjoy. Riley is a good, solid guy who's a badass in his own right and doesn't mind dating a woman who's independent and badass. I think Riley and Buffy had a healthy relationship, for the most part, until that clunkily executed break-up at the end (I think the show could have written that better). This wasn't quite a relationship I related to or lived vicariously through because Riley's not really my type and I couldn't really relate to Buffy much during this point in her arc. But, I enjoyed watching this ship and I really wanted it to work. It was healthy and safe, and Buffy never has enough of that in her life. However, I think the issues in the relationship were realistic. Buffy got kind of closed off and neglectful, and Riley got insecure and needy. Had that fortuitous and conveniently timed job offer not come along, I think these two could have eventually worked through those issues with some effort and commitment. But, I don't think Riley could ever hold a candle to Angel, so as long as Angel was in the picture I think he was always SOL.

Tara/Willow – You Make Me Complete This ship took me some time to warm up to, mainly because I felt like they wrote Oz out a bit unceremoniously so I didn't quite buy the quick progression to Tillow. However, I think these two had one of the most functional, realistic relationships in either of the shows. I would consider it THE most functional relationship if the whole addiction to magic arc with Willow hadn't happened (but that was a bit manipulative and unhealthy). I think Willow truly became whole as she grew over the course of her relationship with Tara, and I think Tara could breathe with Willow and feel comfortable with herself. I can't picture these two ever being as fulfilled with other people as they are with each other. I would have liked to see more of Willow coming to terms with her sexuality and dealing with that, and I would have liked to see a bit more development with the relationship. But these two are an OTP for me.

Spike/Anya – I Almost Forgot About That I didn't like this either. They just shoved these two together, got them drunk, and had them sleep together. It felt very contrived to me and I wasn't a fan.

Angel/Cordelia – I Guess You'll Do I never quite bought into this. It's very similar to Jenny and Giles for me in the way that it was hinted at that these two might have warm fuzzies for each other, but nothing was ever significantly done with it. For me, I don't know if I see this as a viable relationship. A lot of that is due to Angel being hung up on Buffy.

Cordelia/Doyle – A Face You Could Learn to Love These two had so much potential and I wanted so badly for them to be a couple. Another Jenny Calendar effect here where there was barely anything to suggest a possible relationship. But I think the chemistry between the two characters was spot on from the start. From the second he sees her Doyle's head over heels with the idea of her and she's rolling her eyes all "as if." But then they get to know each other and he genuinely appreciates the person she is. Unfortunately she never really gets to know him at all, so I don't really know how that relationship would have panned out. But I would have loved to see what would have happened.

Fred/Angel – Handsome Man Saved Me from the Monsters I'm glad this never became a full relationship in the show. I like the fact that these two were genuine friends and there weren't any romantic strings attached. Fred had a bit of a crush in the beginning, but I think that was a confusing mix-up on her part more than actual feelings. He saved her, so she automatically developed an appreciation for him. Overall these two had a sweet friendship and, while I think it could have developed into something under the right circumstances, I'm really glad it didn't.

Fred/Gunn – What Could They Possibly Have in Common? I'm not sure how these two ended up together. Opposites attract, I suppose. It just didn't feel like a real relationship to me. I tried to picture these two sitting around bored and talking and I had no idea what they'd possibly talk about. I feel like they'd be having a strike out conversation. "Do you like movies?" "Oh, I haven't really seen too many. I do like some of those old black-and-white romantic movies." "Oh. I'm not much for romance. More of an action kind of guy." "Oh… Have you read any good books lately?" "Uh… Not really. Been a little busy sharpening my knives and stakes." "Oh, right…" *cricket, cricket* It's not quite that I don't like this ship. It's more that I would have liked to have seen more of it, how it developed and how they worked. I didn't really have enough evidence to buy into it.

Fred/Wesley – Too Much Alike I understand the appeal of this ship, but in my opinion these two are too similar for a relationship to work well. I think they're much better as friends.

Buffy/Spike – Love Me, Hate Me I have a lot of personal bias with this one and it brings up some unpleasant feelings for me, so I don't think I could ever fully get on board with it even if I tried. That being said, I could see why this made sense at the time. This was always a relationship I could see happening under the right circumstances. Well, the stars aligned in season six and there you have it. The thing I don't like about this ship is how very unhealthy it is on both sides. It's very manipulative and abusive, and while that would be just fine if the two of them were soulless villains, it felt pretty out of character some of the time, particularly for Buffy. There was always a forced nature to it for me, which maybe was the point. Anyway, overall while I can see how it makes sense and I get the appeal, this isn't one I can rally behind because it makes me feel too icky.

Angel/Faith – Huh. Well, That's Interesting There's a lot of potential here. I think Faith and Angel understand things about one another no one else really could. They've both done terrible things (and enjoyed it), and they're both on sort of an impossible road to redemption. After a certain point, these two quietly became pretty ride or die for one another. And believably so. I didn't really see a place in the show's storyline where their pairing could have realistically fit, but I could see these two being a pair under the right circumstances. I think problems would arise because Angel's OTP is Buffy, and I think Faith would be very troubled by the idea of being compared to Buffy. But, it would be an interesting run while it lasted.

Wesley/Lilah – A Sharp Turn This was unexpected, but very cool. I liked that we saw a darker edge to Wesley and a softer side of Lilah. I also believed this relationship from the start. It made total sense to me at the time even though I didn't see it coming. These two had a mutual respect for each other, and they challenged each other. I also think they were very much in love, but neither of them really wanted to voice it (and I think they understood that about each other). While this relationship wasn't good for the rest of the characters involved because it sort of took Wesley away from the group, I like this ship a lot and it has the potential to be an OTP in my book. I would have needed to see a bit more of it.

Angel/Darla – It's Complicated I have mixed feelings about this one. While I think Darla and Angel totally miss the mark, Darla and Angelus are a perfect match, much like Spike and Drusilla. I think Angelus and Darla have a mutual appreciation for torturing and ruining others, and I think Darla understands exactly who Angelus is and is content to let him be that. He may not be devoted to her or even in love with her, but she's okay with that. As long as she's a part of the fun and she's in on the plans. It's not like she's entirely loyal to him either. She has her own agenda and likes her independence. However even human Darla and soul-toting Angel didn't really click for me. I think these two only work when they're both soulless monsters.

Connor/Cordelia – Eww, Why is This Happening? This was just gross. Wrong on so many levels. Cordelia was a mother figure to Connor, so her having a romantic thing with him was just icky, amnesia or no. Don't even get me started on the "It wasn't really Cordelia" thing. However, on Connor's end I totally understood it. He never knew Cordelia as a mother figure. She was someone who was in a similar position he was in. They were both sort of lost and out of place, and neither of them trusted the group of people claiming to be their allies. I also think Connor sort of needs something to do or he goes a little sideways. He needs a thing to kill, a task to complete, or someone to protect. Cordelia was a purpose he could cling to, and cling he sure as shit did. However, this is another one I think was blasphemy and never should have happened. It was outright character assassination for both of them.

That's about all the steam I have. If I think of anymore ships I'll do another entry. In the meantime, please comment, discuss, or message if you feel the need.

[metroidspeedrun]

I'm just - so proud

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? I don’t know why the person I like wants to hang out with me2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? Nope, but middle of the day yeah3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? No, but I stopped and I always feel like I gotta when people ask so I’d probs prefer they didn’t around me a lot4: Do you find it easy to trust others? No not at all5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? Sleeping I think or on twitter6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? That dog that followed me home once7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? Cry but get over it and joke about it for the next 500 years8: Are you close with your dad? Not at all lol9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? I wish10: What are you listening to? Santeria by Sublime11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? Grapefruit juice12: Do you like hickeys? I think it’s a gross appropriation of vampire culture13: What time do you go to bed? Between 8 and1114: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? My dad15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? Nope lol16: Do you always answer your texts? No17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? No because I guess I appreciate the experience18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? Just now 7:32 p.m.19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? You know who20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? I like sharing a bed21: Is anyone else in the room with you? Yup22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? Not all the time 23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? Yes, I think so24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? No25: In the past week, have you cried? Yes26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? White27: Do people ever call you by your last name? No but it’d be cool28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? No29: Do you have a best friend? Yes30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? It’s been happening for the past year now so I’m really kind of over it31: Who was your last call/text message from? My boss32: Are you mad at anyone? Not atm no33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? 2135: How many more days until your birthday? 78 I think idk I suck at math36: Do you have any summer plans yet? Work and school and maybe a date??? Who knows37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? Yes38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? Nope not at all 39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? No I am the queen of dramatic oversharing40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? No41: Do you think age matters in relationships? Kind of, but like I really can’t speak bc my first 3 serious significant others could have possibly gotten into a ton of trouble for being with me42: Are you available? Yes 43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? 344: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? My lip probably45: Do you believe exes can be friends? Yes46: Do you regret anything? Everything47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? How gay I am48: Did you ever lose a best friend? So many49: Was your last kiss a mistake? No50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? Because I am scared51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? Yes52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? Yup all the time53: What was the last thing you ate? Lasagna54: Did you get any compliments today? That I was cute and that I was silly55: Where are you going on your next vacation? I don’t go on vacation 56: Do you own anything from other countries? Um yes 57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? Girls58: Where have you lived most of your life? Elk Grove59: When was the last time you took a long drive? Today, my mom got lost and I got to take a nap ^-^60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? No61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? No (that is a shitty thing to do)62: Who do you text the most? My boss63: What was the last movie you saw? IWTV64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? I don’t have one65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? I was thirteen so I was dating 1 guy but not seriously. We just held hands, he was nice and his name was Jeremy66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? No67: Do you curse around your parents? I don’t want to die young that bad68: Are you happy with where you live? No69: Picture of yourself? 70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? I have been monogamous in most of my past relationships but when I was dating Jason (this is actually my best experience w him) he introduced me to this girl named Sam who we called Kitty from our RP group and we ended up all being a thing and I think it was much easier on me because she was willing to do things that I wasn’t and she was definitely our mediator, so I have to say I prefer open &/or poly relationships because when there are problems there is usually one person there to act as a conflict mediator 71: Have you ever been dumped? Yup in all of my relationships technically (I would hate to dump someone)72: What do you most like about making out? The fact that I haven’t had an opportunity to fuck it up because I’ve never made out73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? No74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? The other75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? Belly buttons tbh I had no idea how to answer this76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? Probs you77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? No78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? No79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? When anyone is nice to me or teases me out of love80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? FUCK YES I definitely have a weird thing for single moms81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? Yes and it was terrible because he pursued me for 3 years even after I said no82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? No just you83: Do you miss your last sweetie? Lol my what and no84: Last time you slow danced with someone? I was slow dancing with my friend but we were both really awkward because I wanted to lead and he wanted to lead and it was really strange85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? 98% of the people I’ve dated so yup86: How can I win your heart? Just be nice to me and also have a really weird sense of humor87: What is your astrological sign? Leo sun88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Sleeping for sure89: Do you cook? Yes90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? Yes91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? Yes92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? I don’t really like how this question is phrased. I will answer though, I prefer to be friends and then if we both like each other I’d like to skip all of the ‘talking’ and just be in an actual relationship that we both agree on93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? Eyes, smile (like if they smile with their whole face)94: Name four things that you wish you had! 1) A relationship 2) A second job 3) At least 2 grand in my savings 4) A passport95: Are you a player? No96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? No97: Are you a tease? Not so much anymore but when I was younger yeah. I prided myself on kind of leading guys to think I was promiscuous j to get attention and affection from them and then once I got them to like me I would change all of that and j be myself until I grew bored of their expectations98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? Not yet99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? Deeply, probs not, but I have been in love100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? Not atm no101: Hugs or Kisses? Kisses102: Are you too shy to ask someone out? Yes103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? How shitty their conversation topics are104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? No I prefer anything that sounds like it could be either an insult or an inside joke between people who have known each other a very long time105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? No, because that is fucked up106: Do you flirt a lot? No107: Your last kiss? Almost two years ago108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? No109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? No110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be? The person that is coming over 111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? No112: Does someone like you currently? Yes113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? Yes114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? Serious ftw115: Ever made out with just a friend? Kissed, we didn’t make out and we only kissed twice116: Are you happier single or in a relationship? Relationship117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it. Um you had one job Lestat

[monstersinthecosmos]

I think what makes this whole situation even worse for Armand is that he only has one (1) fledging. There is literally no point of reference about anything when it comes to him and Daniel except for Armand’s past experiences with Marius which in SOME ways are similar to what Armand and Daniel went through but in other ways they’re completely different experiences. Lestat, Marius and pretty much all of the other main vampires in the series (even Louis even though RIP to both those cuties) have a whole roaster of fledglings to develop different types of relationships with and over the series, they allow them to grow and change and feed off each other, but Armand *only* has Daniel, so it must be legitimately maddening because all the good and the bad and the crazy is just… one relationship for Armand. And it’s obviously a position he put himself in by obsessing over and falling in love with Daniel so hopelessly to the point where he couldn’t even consider continuing existing without him. And then he cursed them both. But I think that in finding himself and regaining his will to live and to have meaningful connections in late canon, he was also able to accept Daniel’s love again, and maybe to start having important conversations about the trauma they both went through when Daniel was turned and after they separated. I’d like to think they didn’t just reunite in PL and immediately jumped right back into a relationship like two stupid teenagers but actually had Important Conversations about what they’d gone through before Daniel moved into Trinity Gate and they decided to give it another go. NYC has great therapists and they’re rich so, please? 🙏

[ dgajksdg I waited too long to answer this bc I was too sad but just for reference icymi I got this ask after posting this devastating shit ]

fuck man!!!!!!

yes! YES.

(I feel like I don’t have a lot to add except that I’m bawling my fuckin eyes out so hear me out for a sec)

It’s just like, man Armand is so fuckin tragic you know? There’s so much nature/nurture to think about when you look at the others but it’s like, he was SO deeply traumatized for his early years I’m not surprised he couldn’t even try. I bring this up from time to time but it’s like, his time with Marius was so brief in the scheme of things, and even if his turning itself or the small amount of time he had with Marius wasn’t traumatic, the fallout was ENOUGH. And like, to relapse back into a cult after being with Marius makes me wonder if he convinced himself that those years were like, an abomination or a mistake, even if his actual turning itself wasn’t awful.

Then you look at someone like Lestat, who was also super traumatized by the way he was turned, and simply will not fucking stop making fledglings because he’s so lonely and has no impulse control and can’t cope with the concept of losing people. I think the two of them are both so desperate for companionship and still approach it so differently because of their personalities. And even without turning people I just think like, Armand has dealt with so much rejection? It's hard enough to get people to stick around when they're already vampires, like, why would he invest in a human at this point.

So yeah it’s just, it fucks me up every day of my life that Daniel is the only one for him.

I think a lot about the “Remember then that it was love” convo with Marius and how like, Armand seems to have made steady progress in his relationships over the years. Like, acting like less of an animal, being more present with people, etc. And it finally settles on Daniel and repeats some of the Venice stuff.

The irony too of how he GOT Daniel there by being a fucking predator at first; same with how Marius chose Armand because he had no innate value anymore as a person, no one would miss him, every day Marius gave him was a bonus and he was living on borrowed time. Daniel’s life sort of ends the night he meets Louis and Armand harasses him to the point of completely isolating him and fucking up his whole life. In that way he’s at rock bottom with nothing else to lose, also on borrowed time, nowhere to go but up.

Anyway sdhgkjlasg boy yeah they have so much to talk about and like. I think there’s enough anecdotes about vampires who go mad and don’t recover, and it’s promising to me that Daniel DOES recover. And I want them to speak and heal and I hope they both respect how fucking special it is that Daniel is The One.

[monstersinthecosmos]

(i swear i’m still retired but one more thing)

VAMPIRE THERAPY THOUGHTS: 

Marius's ego & rigid belief systems read as survival mechanisms to me in a super poignant way, perhaps because I had to rely on similar survival mechanisms as a young person with no support system. (ie: super edgelord teenager shit that I thankfully grew out of but that he is stuck in perhaps as a hyperbolic & evergreen VC theme or because he’s like, yknow, not real and a perpetual exaggeration of human behavior.) I see myself in that part of him a lot and it's strange to interact with because I've tried so hard to forgive my past self for times that I was cold and arrogant to people around me because I couldn't afford to be vulnerable. It means that I empathize deeply even as I laugh at him and recognize his bad behavior, but I don't demonize him because as a reader I am cheering for him and want to see him grow and learn, the way I try to grow and learn.  Unmarried men in Ancient Rome were super ostracized so I feel that this might have been a skill he developed when he was alive, which gave him the courage to travel and study and do what he wanted despite the social stigma. He creates an identity around his independence and believes in himself because he has to. Even speaking towards his privilege as a man in a patriarchal society, he didn't quite fit in and have a place there.

So then he gets abducted by religious zealots, murdered & sacrificed, and forced into vampirism, and not only have they taken all of his autonomy from him but he's suddenly being confronted with mysticism that he STAUNCHLY disbelieved his whole life, and he's shoved into this drama with the Parents that he didn’t give a fuck about. His entire worldview is shattered during a moment where he has no control over anything in his life.

To take control the way he did, obsessively, and to lean back into an old habit of fortifying himself with ego & self assurance, is the way he survives and the way he copes with this horrific life change that he didn't ask for.

And hundreds of years go by where his methods continue to be affirmed. Like no, he can't share the secrets because zealots will raid his home. No, I cannot trust anyone else with this burden. It's mine and mine alone.

Later when he loses Pandora I think it reinforces this as well--she leaves and it puts him in a position to comfort himself by acting like he's choosing the Parents over her, and whether or not that's true it's one thing he can keep control over. So that this behavior repeats and repeats doesn't surprise me. It's worked for him and it's how he operates. His need to control everything & everyone and his need to tell himself he's doing the right thing are born from the same place.

I do think Marius tries to do the right thing and be a good person, but he's operating with a super limited tool set. He doesn't leave enough room to entertain that other people don't share his feelings. But I think it would be unwise to assume that every wrong thing he has done was calculated to be harmful, insofar as we must say at some point "bro you're 2000 years old please do some self work"

There's also a world of growth between the way he treats Armand's emotional needs and the way he treats Lestat's--with Lestat he's a much better listener, takes his misery seriously and offers him really sincere advice. He even admits he fucked up with Armand.

(Off screen we also know that Bianca has told him to fuck himself by this point so he is learning.) He is certainly one of the most polarizing characters and his trauma does not excuse him but I think it does offer a lens to understand why he does the things he does. Even in real life when people behave poorly you should hold them accountable, but it's worth asking "What happened to you?" because really it is so rare that anyone just behaves this way for no reason. In fiction it’s even easier to have these conversations, because these people do not exist, no one has been harmed, and what is humanizing the boogeyman if not an exercise in empathy and forgiveness? Monsters exist in fiction as placeholders for all the terrible things we’ve all done, and yet a character like Marius has the depth to be more than the things he’s done wrong, just like all of us. We are not our worst deeds. In a horror novel we use vampiring as a symbol, IRL maybe it’s about a time we were rude to a friend. This is a good space to practice. 

I've seen a few reads on Marius as like an old white mansplainer LMAO and I do see that, I get it, but I don't think it's a completely appropriate comparison. There's a context to that person when we talk about him IRL, a stereotype that it's just peak male privilege that creates adults who have never been challenged in their lives, and that's not what Marius is.  (I have a whole side-essay inside me about Marius’s position of power over people and whether or not it was gained at the expense of others but whew enough tumbling for now.) 

Marius's ego is not a product of "My life is easy so I don't understand the struggles of others", it's "My life has been horrifically traumatizing and I've fortified my own ego as a means to survive it."

He doesn't particularly have peak privilege in this context, and not just speaking to his human life but so much of his character as a vampire revolves around loneliness and desire to be involved in the world, even when he knows he can't and often doesn't even feel worthy of it.