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#also i guess one thing that frustrates me the most in this is that the person heading this up is like.
absolutebl · 17 hours
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This Week in BL - So Many GREAT Kisses!
Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.
(Please notice I am now using 6 dots in all ellipses because according to Taiwanese BL that's how we queers roll. Who am I to argue?)
Sept 2024 Week 3
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Ongoing Series - Thai
Jack & Joker (Thai Mon IQIYI) ep 2 of 12 - A most excellent glow up. And it’s still a great show. And I cannot wait to see the many different faces of War. Bring on the Leverage of One action-packed mess. I'm waiting.  
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Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) ep 9 of 12 - I’m gonna say this because it drives me crazy. Why are boys in BL, when out and about the countryside, always dressed inappropriately for Thailand? If it’s hot, takeoff your damn jacket. I don’t mean to be crass or crazy or whatever. But don’t wear a jacket when it’s 90° with 90% humidity. In Thailand, jackets are for malls. Meanwhile, I’m an extrovert and that still seemed like an exhausting trip. Although, I suppose they didn’t show all the drive time in the van, when everyone is asleep.
Meanwhile, why are the sides so frustrating in this show? Authentic friends-to-lovers is always a slog. Finally a kiss! And a decent one.
New character? Aw! Hi Yu!!!! Gosh Putter is so cute.
Where were we? Oh yes, Beer is now heartbroken. Always the great fear in F2L that the friendship will be destroyed as a result. And it’s a decent fear. 
On a completely different note, I cannot help but wonder when somebody’s chue len is Beer, if that is because beer was involved in their conception. Like, it’s the name you give your "oops baby" from that drunken night at the club. Don’t mind me. I’m just over here in the corner being crass.
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Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 8 of 12 - That was one of the cutest wake up sequences ever depicted. Utterly adorable. And now he’s blind again? Oh my God this is such a soap opera, I can’t even. Meanwhile, wicked ice prince finally made his move. Gah! Why aren’t we getting more of this couple? I always love the sides best with this production house.
I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 10 of 12 - I love a hard fraught game of badminton. Even though we actually didn’t see play. YoIng claiming was so cute!!! And their shower kiss was v hot. Yay little show! Also cute use of the punishment trope!
Kidnap (Fri YT) ep 3 of 12 - The weight upon the shoulders of our idiot good guy kidnapper continues to pile up. So does the affection. The dude playing Q has sanpaku eyes. Cool. He’s not a particularly good actor though. Rough because everyone around him is giving their very best.
The problem is. I'm noticing. I shouldn't be noticing all the talent trying so hard. That usually means there is something wrong with the story, or there was something wrong on the set.
I don't know what to say at this juncture except I have the sinking suspicion this might not actually be a good show. (Covers head and cowers. Don't hate me.) I'd loved to be proved wrong, but my faith is GMMTV is only about 50% these days. And it probably should be lower.
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Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues WeTV) ep 6 of 10 - I was so confused by how we suddenly got on a trip together, that I went back and re-watched the previous installment. And it still isn’t explained. So I have no idea why our leads are on a trip but apparently that’s the next trope to hit. I also have no idea how they're suddenly boyfriends. I’m just generally confused by this episode. It’s like an alt reality. We skipped over all of the stuff where they actually got into a relationship. In general I wasn’t wild about this episode.
The Trainee (Sun YT) ep 12fin - The most realistic thing about this show is that everybody is everybody else’s ex on any given set. I feel that in my bones. Or do I mean boner?
Frankly, both actors look better after a glow up and I guess pretending to be more their actual ages suits them? Considering what was actually done to invoke youth (a lot of the shine and gloss) aging them was an anti-glow up. A great mattification? Well...... this was a somewhat lackluster finale. (Thank you, thank you, the pun was unplanned. It's a gift.)
I don’t know. I guess I wanted to see Jane suffer? Work HARD to get the kid he abandoned back? I would’ve liked to have seen Ryan a little bit more competent and capable and his job. Maybe dating someone else. But I also do not want any more episodes. This was more than enough. So instead no separation, just boyfriends and a montage of their lives together, getting new and better jobs, moving in together, being supportive and sweet, etc... LOOK: It’s never a good sign when I immediately want to rewrite the show that I just saw.
In conclusion:
A story about a group of interns at a commercial video production company. While I genuinely love OffGun, I’m not convinced this was a good vehicle for them. Is it terrible for me to say, I miss their PickRome days? I don’t think they’ve ever had rolls that suited them better. Still, theirs was the best storyline in this ensemble piece masquerading as a BL, although they still fumbled the ending. Thus, I enjoyed about a 1/3 of it as much as possible, and 2/3 of it less than conceivable. 7/10 and I seriously considered dropping it to a 6/10 so don't push me.
Love Sick 2024 (Thai Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 15 - Not gonna lie I was very skeptical. But I like it fine. Better than I expected because it’s been changed just enough. But it does need to stay changed. I don’t know what I’m trying to articulate here but…... I guess we’ll see.
Live in Love (Sun Gaga) ep 3 of 5 - It’s cute in a weird disjointed way. I’m enjoying it enough, I guess. I do like how forthright and direct Kla is. 
Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Ah. Bully romance. My old frenemy. Of course making this office based means +10 for workplace harassment. Well well well. This will be red flag party town I see. How VERY old school yaoi. It’s all very Cdrama CEO = dudes in suits walking on parquet (minus all the gay sex of course.) The jumping around between times and unfinished scenes is very strange. Is this Starhunter chaos only applied to a timeline?
Imma say this so they hear it at the back. YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THE HAIR. If you do time jumps: change. the. hair. It's the easiest and best clue if you aren't going to apply a filter or other cinematography tricks. JUST CHANGE THE DAMN HAIR STYLE.
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Ongoing Series - Not Thai
The On1y One (Taiwan Thurs Gaga) eps 9-10 of 12 - And now we all start using six dots in our……? A new coded way to indicate that one is into BL? I did think we were in a slight mire with ep 9, too much teacher filler. Not enough time spent with our boys. Meanwhile, sports day. Pouty Baby utilizing the power of Ge, in front of all of the classmates who do not realize how hard he is flirting and activating babygirl = one of the greatest things ever to happen on my screen. Essentially this was a version of the claiming trope, only nobody knew it but the two of them. Fucking genius. Yes, I watched it multiple times. Then babygirl is injured, the carrying and the flirting!!!! Gah!
I don’t mean to trivialize the show, but this is me and I can trivialize everything even something as brilliant as this. But that conversation about history at the beginning of ep 10...... Was that about topping and bottoming? Because it sure seemed that way.
And then...... Possibly the best only one bed trope twist ever?
This show is so fucking amazing.
And I am so worried about the end.
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Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun grey) ep 7 of 10 - I love the kinkyness of our baby boy’s fantasy. Where he is the gift and his boyfriend is in uniform. Very nice. Thank you Japan. Never one to let kinky dogs lie. Also, the premise continues: one half thinks that they are already boyfriends and acts like it, and the other half is still trying to become a boyfriend. It’s absurd in that way that only Japanese miscommunication extraordinaire can be absurd. Also could Kyosuke be any more under his boy’s thumb? 
Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues Netflix?) 1-2 of 10 eps - Shiba is a top lawyer, angular aggressive bespectacled workaholic cat-type (Kitten? Babygirl? Tsundere? Some unholy combination of all 3?) I am reminded I should be more considerate of my potted plants. OMG the teasing and the little tongue sticking out. Haruto is such a flirt. I love this dynamic. What fun! Manic pixie dream boy but MAKE HIM EVIL! Or very high? Or a grifter? I have absolutely no idea what’s going on. But I’m enjoying it. It’s very...... very
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First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) ep 7 of 12 - Oh! Good kiss. Smart to have the younger character initiate. I also like that he put a stop to it and then went and had a long conversation with a friend about it. Cautious boy. Also shows how in control of the situation Sea is becoming. It works for this BL since he has the stronger personality. I don't care what the characters say, this is about Sea becoming a rock for Neil.
But the secondary couple is actually winning this show. I want so much more of them. 
Seoul Blues (Korea Fri? YouTube) ep 8fin - I’m not sure that blackmailing and entrapment, especially of your ex, necessarily justifies cheating. Plus I never like it when it’s gays against gays. But what did I expect from this show? This whole series was basically Korea’s version of messy gay. If you liked Only Friends you’ll probably enjoy this bullshit. And they were quite pretty. I, however, am monumentally displeased. 4/10 FATALLY FLAWED but still, basically, BL, however…... do we want to support this kind of behavior?
KOREA PLEASE GIVE US A NEW PROPER BL!! WHERE ARE YOU? WE ARE SAD AND LOST WITHOUT YOU.
It's like now they discovered boys can kiss they can't be happy.
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It's airing but...
The Hidden Moon (Sat WeTV) ep 1 of 10 - This is a supernatural romance (my ghost boyfriend trope) by Violet Rain (I Feel You Linger). A man is hired to write an article about an old mansion in Chiang Mai being converted into a café. He sees the ghosts of people who died at the mansion, falls in love with one of them. Was substantially recast. I loved IFYLITA except the ending so I think I'll let this one run it's course you can tell me if it's work tracking down... if they managed to land it. I have my doubts.
Happy of the End (Japan Tues Gaga) - A boy is disowned for being gay, dumped by his boyfriend, and ends up in a dysfunctional co-dependant relationship with his would-be kidnapper. We were due for another messy JBL and it's exactly as expected. I do not like it at all. And ya know what? There is plenty airing. DNF 
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In case you missed it
I FINISHED Meet You at the Blossom (China). I ate crow, binged the fucker, and live blogged the experience. I enjoyed it a lot and got quite witty (I think) there are also puns (warning). But if you don't wanna slog though it, here are my final thoughts:
This was undeniably a wuxia and most definitely a BL. Evil stunning princely Cheekbones meets and falls in love with the bisexual disaster Dimples of his dreams. There’s a lot of floaty fighting, tangled plot, and overworked emotions. From start to finish it is exactly as it claims to be, including more than the expected amount of sexual claiming (dubious conscent to the point of rape). I’m not wild about the wuxia genre, but I will tell you what I do like: Very pretty men in flowing robes + eye makeup + hair ribbons wafting about stabbing and kissing each other plus ridiculous soap opera machinations. I also like cheekbones and dimples. AND I love a stupid gay sleeve, okay? There was also truly epic levels of stink-eye, and that too is to be lauded. This show left me grinning like crazy. Was it great? Not really, but it was a great experience and I enjoyed it immensely. 8/10
4 Minutes (Gaga) Ended - Spies reported in to say the ending was not-exactly-unhappy and mostly lackluster. I'm torn over whether to watch. My natural disinclination to binge, meets my dissatisfaction with wishy-washy, is going up against my love of high heat and pretty men. Oh the age old struggle between art and lust.
Mitsuya-sensei no keimakutekina ezuke finished and it’s reported to be solid. Age gap treated with respect. I'm curious, so I'll check it out if I can get hold of non-G-drive subs.
Next Week Looks Like This:
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Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.
Still Coming Sept 2024:
9/28 Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YouTube) ?? eps - oh I don't know just Ba Vinh doing his thing with pretty boys again.
THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS
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I love love love this execution of the punishment trope. What's Ai going to do to you, Yu? Ride you to death?
I Saw You in My Dream indeed.
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Sigh. This show. (Addicted Heroin)
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All praise one of BL's best-in-show glow-ups. Nicely done, Jack.
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James, on the other hand. Never needs a glow-up. Still the prettiest. Has been since Oxygen. (Battle of the Writers)
He's playing the role of Saint in this show, thank you very much. Speaking of which, wouldn’t that be just the most gorgeous pairing in the entire universe? Saint and James? I’ll be in my bunk. 
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Taiwan giving us a boop! Reminds me of Be Loved In House I Do, right up there with TharnType as chronic boopers.
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Why is he SO GOOD in this show?
All Frist Note.
(Last week)
Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.
The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs
Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many at-ings.
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gideonisms · 8 months
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I become 300% more of both a lover and a hater when I'm on my period. just a time of the month when I have strong opinions I would say
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moe-broey · 20 days
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Quick and rough Plumeria redesign, mostly just cause...... I gotta do what comes naturally to me, man. Give me some Shapes. Simplify that design or so help me.
I don't have a lot of complex thoughts about it, actually! Just the idea of having a "sexy" outfit that draws the eyes to certain parts of the body -- while simultaneously being modest and Sharp. Having an edge to it. Also!!!! The luna moth inspired wings!!! I wanted to stay within her og color palette, but I've also always thought luna moth wings would suit her... the top wing is vaguely heart shaped, too!
#fire emblem#feh#i don't feel like taking a better pic sorry 😭#also. the most fucked up thing i'm learning doing this. is that (at least for the main four base forms)#yoshiku's color palettes Actually Work. fucked up. insane. i ALMOST added my own colors#just a hint of purple. and it fucked everything up?????? ALSO THE WINGS. THE WINGS#ARE ESP FUCKED UP. BC. IT WORKS. the red yellow orange blue. it fucking works. what the fuck.#LIKE one of my biggest frustrations w the fairy designs is they feel Samey color pallette wise.#that if it were up to Me. i would pick four distinct palettes to work with and try not to overlap too much.#literally just the fucking. tinkerbell pixie hallow treatment. everyone gets a signature color and we go from there.#but like... I GUESS TECHNICALLY EVERYONE DOES???? IT'S JUST. the Overlap.#like mira's pink/greens feel samey w plum's reds/greens. and esp from memory plum and tri pallets just blend together for me.#and peony and mira have the same purple eyes. a lot of green overlap in general. and i love green#BUT... SOMEHOW....... the color pallets. Work. fucked up and evil#also i'm not immune to the toothed pussy motif. that's what that little detail on the dress slit is supposed to invoke LMFAOO#AGAIN. IT'S ABOUT THE SHARPNESS. of drawing the eye and refusing to reward you for it if that makes sense#idk idk. i also just feel like plum should have an elegant look.#design not final though i'm just parsing it out. ALSO THE. THE SHARP ALMOST CLAWED NAILS. HUGE FAN#i was def worn out from my current project though. sometimes. you just gotta design a fairy about it.#fe plumeria#my art
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monster-noises · 20 days
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Anyone out there got a solution for when you're feeling really stuck with your art and everyone and their mother tells you the solution is to do studies and figure drawings and other such things but even just thinking about doing those things makes you Spiral and want to Kill Yourself?
#monster noises#it's 1am no one will see this it's fine#it's a genuine problem though i Wish i could be aotherfucker who found it engaging and satisfying to do figure drawing#but i both A) had some bad experiences with this type of learning in highschool that i guess kinda make them triggering for me i guess?#and B) my brain doesn't seem to be able to like.. Learn Things.... That Way.... or at least not Obviously#i mean obviously i've improved as an artist over time in general#and i won't lie and say i've Never done figure drawing or studies or anything#but i never leave those situations feeling like i've Learned anything#mostly i've just sat for several hours growing increasinglyore frustrated#at my limitations and inability to achieve what i feel should come to me intuatively#and even if i Did feel like i've learned something i can seemingly never turn around and then apply it to something else#my brain does not make those lateral connections#it's why i can't do word problems in math.#and plus i also find stuff like figure drawing especially Rarely helps me make progress on the parts of my work i Actually want to improve#fluidity/mobility/stylization and surrealism#and only reinforces practices i want to pull away from#realism/'correctness'#all this combined leaves me just kinda stuck because i really can't power through my fear of these practicing methods#because i also don't find them useful#but i have no alternatives because it's like.. the only thing anyone suggests because theoretically is Does Work#but just not when you're Specifically Busted like I'm Busted#and so I just continue to stagnate until idk.. i find something else that can abruptly and suddenly launch me forward again?.#augh.. being an artist is The Most Enjoyable (_=<=)_
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blackmesa-researcher · 6 months
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I kinda hate how dead Half Life/HLVRAI tumblr rp is. :(
Then again I may just not have found those people yet. Wanted to rp Half Life on here, but yeah, couldn't find any active accounts.
Anyway, if you come across this and you'd like to rp Half Life or HLVRAI on discord, you can send me a message, and I'll check you out. :> As long as you're a pretty decent person who won't ask anything illegal of me, I wouldn't be opposed. I'm also A-Okay with OC's.
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werebutch · 7 months
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Why does my sister crush all hope of having a good time with her when we’re out. Like she does it on purpose. And I keep believing that the next time will be better 😭
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loumauve · 10 days
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I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.
(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)
#been feeling anxious af ever since bc it's the first time I've been this firm in a reply and idk how they'll take it#there's underlying issues in inter-departmental communication that need fixing that cause these issues to happen again and again#but my boss is on parental leave and his substitute is sick not that she cares or is up for doing her job where communication is concerned#so there's no real sense in addressing that rn esp by me who's only been there since June. but it does frustrate me a lot#anyway. I'm sure I'll get over this too. but yeah.. ppl not thinking things through for the two mins it takes to create an account#or the twenty seconds it takes to check if one already exists before creating a new one#or the minute it takes to check if folks still have an active contract past their time working in your department before deleting an accoun#just jfc. put in a smidge of effort and five mins total and save the rest of us from spending half a day to fix your mistake#oh well. if I get a pissy response I'll just blame it on being new as an intern and being too motivated and idealistic I guess#god forbid I expect people to do their jobs thoroughly or with at least a singular thought..#anyway. I feel like I'm allowed to be grumpy abt this since we are the folks who end up having to fix this shit#and by we I mean pretty much mostly me at this point bc one colleague is sick atm. my boss barely has time for this and is on leave#and my other colleague only works half time so I'm the one who's been handling most of these over the past month or so#which.. is still insane considering how I'm a goddamn intern who shouldn't even have admin rights tbh#but without them I couldn't do anything at all lol so here I am. nice that they trust and believe in me I suppose#that's why I try to do my best. (who am I kidding that's always the case anyway)#but yeah. definitely a 50% staff support job and only 50% of the other important things that need doing rn it's more like 90/10#and it's funny how I still dread my two hours of hotline. but every time the line is too busy I still jump in#we are also only 6 people atm out of 10 and three of us are still in training. and one of the trained folks had to come back in mid time of#next week we'll likely be 4#depending on if our substitute boss lady is back.. not that I'd look forward to it. she's a mess and she's been horrible to deal with latel#sure. she's stressed. but she's either snapping at me when I ask abt shit I can't know yet or she's ignoring me. great basis for team work.#so honestly I'd rather she not return on Monday. esp not if she's gonna spread her germs everywhere#but now sleep. sorry for the rant. it's certainly been quite the month since I returned from my own wisdom tooth rated sick leave..#gotta be up again in 6.5 hrs so I can be at work at 6 to let the electrician in. I'm gonna sleep so hard over the weekend I stg#a day in the life of..
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coridallasmultipass · 1 month
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I am once again begging online shop payment processing companies to allow me to enter a separate name for shipping and separate name for billing!!
It's the same address, I'm just trans and have not legally changed my personal name, but I still prefer to receive mail as my preferred name! Like it's literally my professional name, I do business as my preferred name.
Annoying as fuck, and I don't want to chance my bank rejecting the payment (though I'm sure someone at my bank has put a note to allow it on my account by now, since I've contacted them a couple times before when I realized too late that the billing section didn't let me input another "address/name" section, and they said the payment was fine in those cases.)
Anyway, legal name changes should be free and non-advertised for everyone. Tbh, you should get a free name change every time you file your taxes on time as an incentive for good citizen behaviour. Once I am elected pres-
#i think the one i just used didnt even have a separate billing address option which makes no sense#guess they dont want anyone giving any gifts making the buyer pay twice for shipping like that#maybe it was a fault of the mobile browser but i highly doubt it since many desktop sites look like mobile browsers these days#just so fucking frustrating. what if i lived somewhere where my legal name would out me? (im in the closet rn so doesnt matter)#i dont want to fucking see my legal name. im already forced to see it everywhere else.#i dont wanna ruin my mood on a day when im supposed to be getting a package which should be a happy thing yknow#vent#transphobia#speaking of like i would change my name but i dont want to and cant afford the fucking ridiculous price for it#and i dont wanna advertise it in a newspaper either! shits expensive as fuck on top of the hundreds to file the court paperwork!#i already tried to do it once with money in hand and the receptionist told me that even tho it was for gender identity i could not...#...avoid the newspaper thing unless i also changed my legal gender marker. and i had to back out bc i have reproductive health problems#i dont want a gender marker change to fuck with my getting healthcare#(i did change the gender letter on my ID card later tho which only took a signature on a paper no hassle with anything)#it really really fucking sucks how all these little things add up all the time#especially when im closeted while living w family who wont even use my preferred name#the real kicker is that. both my dad and his dad used preferred names. my dad used his middle name#and i use part of my middle name. yet my dad even in death still gets the dignity of being called his preferred name and i dont#sexism at its finest#reasons why i dont even hint at being trans around my moms side bc i already got bullied by them for wanting to use my middle name#ive literally been asking them to call me my mid name since i was 12. and theyve been acting like im trying to be someone else#its the same middle name on my birth certificate they gave me. i dont understand why they wouldnt want me to use it#but yeah i stay closeted bc i dont wanna deal with the name drama amplified exponentially for gender#prob get kicked out too cuz theyre queerphobic as fuck and i cant work rn and dont have a car#id have to just go full feral and live in the woods with the lizards where i belong#Cori.exe#Post.exe#fuck lol just looked it up and u cant change ur first name if u get married. i cant avoid the fucking fee man. let me be cori#literally why is it cheaper to get married than change ur first name! bullshit! marriage has so much more legal implications#transphobic queerphobic aromanticphobic privacyphobic poorphobic shit ass fucking state ive literally been cori most of my life ffs cmon
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longagoitwastuesday · 2 months
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*reading a thesis about the evolution of the concept of infinity in China with a large amount of tabs open with diverse articles or word combinations to further look for information, all the while seething, blood boiling* I wish Satoru Gojo would fucking cease to exist
#He's damn lab made I swear. I want to strangle him into inexistence. Brush him away from the realm of reality even in the subset of fiction#Only thing I'm not into are his looks. Like yes. He's handsome. But not my type at all. THANKFULLY#My friend keeps asking if I've kept watching. I'm still halfway through episode eight#But you see this is me enjoying this actually#I'm having a blast#A terrible one because I *am* getting attached to this character well beyond Cantor#And I vehemently don't want that#I can foresee this will be a problem as if I were both in the mess itself and moved on from it#Past and future converge in the present and I'm already there and I'm back there again all the while I'm here#Everything is at the same time and I can see what will be in what is because of the echo of what was#As if reading a reverberation of a sound into the future#I am so mad. So mad#He's lab made. I could eat him like a lollipop. I could strangle him to death.#I can't stop thinking about potentials implications and potential readings that most likely have no meaning nor place in the manga#I can't stop thinking about infinity. Again. Like years ago. And enjoying it. Again. Like years ago#Tipsy on exhilaration. Hazy because of nostalgia. Deeply frustrated by this mix. By all this#The past becoming present again and anticipating an unwanted emotiveness that could only break my ribs and leave me nothing again#Yet I can't stop thinking. I can't stop thinking about infinity and I can't stop thinking about Satoru in specific#but also the potential in the previous Gojos and the potential in Sukuna and it makes me wonder about Gojo's friend‚#wondering about the Continuum‚ wondering about the School of Names and the play on contradictions. And then Cusa#But of course. That's why I'm here. And it's so frustrating I want it all to burn#And I could sing but my blood is boiling and at the same time I want to go back in time#Every criticism I try to make to dismantle the princeling and my fondness for him I end up making work again#Perhaps if I read or watch more I'll be able to make it fail. Perhaps I won't like it as much as I could like it in my mind#Perhaps it will be worse‚ and so safe. I'm still halfway through episode eight. I keep watching on loop. I keep looking for books and papers#I could drink him like fresh water. I can foresee my drowning#Anyway...#I talk too much#Jujutsu Kaisen#I guess I should make a tag for my thoughts while watching/seeing this instead of just using the general tag
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blujayonthewing · 3 months
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had an unexpectedly visceral response to a haha funnie video of sam reich telling brennan about how he thinks nat1s are better than nat20s because failure is so much more interesting, and brennan, obviously, being like 'OH you like failure? sam likes failure?? I wouldn't have guessed?? do you like it so much you'd rig a whole gameshow to make winning impossible???? HUH. WHO KNEW'
and like man I dunno, just, something about the specific intersection of having spent my entire life trying as hard as I know how and it still never being good enough and failing everything I touch no matter how important it is or how much I care about it, but also what it's like feeling like you're getting singled out and then punished for being good at something, how frustrating it is in dnd when the DM manufactures a failure out of what should have been a clear success because, well, you're just too good at perception but I thought it'd be more interesting if that ambush happened anyway haha, how it makes me feel like a whingeing spoiled child if I point out that doing a good job and being rewarded with success just fucking feels good, how at a certain point if you're too smart or too good at something people will start getting lowkey mad at you for it
and like maybe it'd be one thing if it was just 'oh yeah I love it when trying your best is frustrating and unfulfilling and never good enough' OR 'hey if you know too many bird facts too many times then everyone's gonna be gunning for you to get taken down a peg about it you smug clown bitch' but man it had to be both
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arsenicflame · 4 months
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one of the things that really pisses me off about fandom (in general but it seems 10x worse in the ofmd fandom in specific) is some peoples determination to jump to the worst possible interpretation of any scene with a character they dont like in it. its suddenly not reasonable to read the silly jokey scene as it was indended, we have to assume X character is acting in bad faith because why would he not. if you substituted it with any other person you would not see these readings, but because its someone they dont like we can't possibly read it any other way. im all for reading into the text of the show and analysing and extrapolating from it, but some of the takes i have seen seem so out of left field from the actual show that it feels hard to assume the people writing them are doing it for any reason other than blind hatred of a character.
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sgkjd · 7 months
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ppl sometimes say to me "u think you're always right" and i sit there confused because yes? i usually AM right. because i have researched the topic more than you, and i have thought through both arguments and counterarguments before speaking up. moreover, my anxiety and fear of being misunderstood simply doesn't let me speak anything out loud which i haven't thought 150% through. so technically yes, i am more right? i don't understand what's the problem? i'm not talking about my personal opinion though? i'm just stating the facts? and the facts tend to be something that's "right"? don't they?
#like please#just engage in a proper discussion w me if u want to share what u know and what u have researched#i also don't understand how i talk about history facts or political ideas and ppl are like 'these are just your beliefs'#and i have to explain how there actually exists a sort of objective reality#and that political views and moral values are not really equal to 'personal beliefs' that are the sort of 'oh i think pineapple on pizza#is the most delicious food'#how are these the same#ppl who don't like pineapple on pizza aren't oppressed#and it makes me so genuinely frustrated#i realize each person sees the world differently but that's why we have science and the sort – bc humanity is trying to reach some more#objective pov#that's why we have 'big words' that mean some specific thing and we define those words via dictionaries#while our explanations of 'objective reality' are still flawed (bc everything is mostly just plausible guesses) i still think it's better t#try and define it#and try and come to agreements on things of what certain things mean#idk even if the 'objective reality' can't exist isn't it still better to pretend to have one? bc if u only think how#'everyone has their own reality' and that's the answer/explanation u say to anything happening in society that u don't understand#or that u think is wrong#i feel like such skepticism makes ppl prone to not having hope in a better world#and i think that hope is soso important to have bc it's what drives the activism#just a big rant....i have many feelings ...#i don't understand how some ppl don't have such sense of justice like it's literally a separate feeling#; words generated by me#actually autistic
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ectoplasmer · 10 months
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rgrhrgrhgr going insane thinking about how I have felt so much love and affection for a character from a card game anime of all things!! for over two years!!! one of the most frustrating guys ever nonetheless!!!!
#bakura i love you HOWEVER i also simultaneously want to shake you vigorously because!!! what! is!! your!!! PROBLEM!!!!#god i love him so much. have for over two years. isn’t that insane??#what happened to the days i would excitedly text my friend about every time he showed up in the manga#or how i’d get so hyped when he got screen time or attention in the anime or games#how shy i’d get about f/oing him because such and such#trying to downplay how much i actually liked him#it’s so funny i don’t even remember when he started getting most of my attention lol it just. kinda happened#so funny how that works it was mostly like that for the other boys too#not to say i don’t still get hyped about him getting attention and his scenes etc#because i do. but it’s just different now i guess#deeper affinity for him or something i don’t know#just insane that i can love someone this much. someone who is SOOOO FRUSTRATING!!!!!#ghfhfbf i love my sharp edgy boyfriend though even if he drives me insane with everything he does </3#he’s everything to me though. all of his wrongs and all of the bad parts of him and all of the angst and whatever else#he’s been with me for over two years i don’t know how i couldn’t adore every bit of him <3#been thinking of doing a dm rewatch for the longest time… i just barely have any free space to do things between school and stuff >_<#i keep reminding myself that if i live through the rest of this school year and the next then i can mentally marry my boyfriends#and it’s unironically the one thing that gets me to finish and out effort into assignments sometimes AGSJDHJSS#not even ashamed to admit that. i will kiss those boys on the altar one day just you wait#anyway. rgrhrgh biting bakura over and over and over again I LOVE YOU!! STUPID!!! i also simultaneously Despise you#jk i could never. sometimes he pushes me to it though </3 KIDDING anyway i need to go stare at pictures of him for the next 30 mins#four of spades
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arolesbianism · 2 months
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I've been digging up some one of my most neglected stories recently and I'm finally actually developing the rest of the cast after like what? 7 or 8 years or smth? I genuinely don't know when I first thought up Lace but she's been floating at the edge of my mind since then as my token true timeloop guy as opposed to Butters who doesn't rly count because the quote unquote timeloop was entirely within their control and only was a continuous loop because they kept consciously trying again and again. Lace on the other hand. Legitimately 100% powerless in her timeloop situation, as in there was quite literally Nothing she could do to end the loops herself. Some gods just threw her in a 50 year timeloop without even doing the bare minimum of telling her first and she just sorta had to live with that until it from her perspective abruptly stopped leaving her to deal with the fallout of everything she went through now that she's suddenly being forced to live a real life again. And as fun as all of that is it has been very stagnated for years because there is in fact a story and world that exists outside of and around this one plot that matter quite a bit and that I have been refusing to properly work on until now lol.
#rat rambles#oc posting#take a wild guess as to why Im thinking abt this story again#anyways longggg story short this is a world filled with various gods that run various kingdoms and such#and some of them have been at war for a long time leaving things for the common folk very unstable and chaotic#due to this adventuring parties started helping ppl out and some of them would gain the blessing of their local god(s)#nowadays its very uncommon for there to be prevelant parties without at least one blessed member and theres some gods who even have set up#schools of sorts for aspiring heros that tend to be very competitive and hard to get into#in the original version of the timeline of this story most of the cast except one met at this school and graduated as a party together#they proceeded to travel around doing their work and picking up their last party member and bonding and all that#until eventually they found out that the god they work under was planning some apocalypse level shit in order to establish control over the#entire planet and the crew turned on her and tried to stop her and got close enough that she took desperate mesures to stop them#she contacted the god of time and commissioned them to rewind and edit the timeline#and while the timeline editing meant that they couldnt rewind enough to go before two of the party were attending the school#they were able to rewrite lace out of the timeline and was able to help sentence them to a timeloop sentence#lace was specifically targeted for being the one who figured most of this stuff out in the first place#now this is where the timeline get a bit wonky because her timeloop actually takes place later on then when time was reset to#it mostly just took a while to get the loop set up but its still a mostly undetermined amount of time later atm as it rly depends on whats#most convenient for me as I develop the rest of her old party more#since they still end up forming a party together anyways despite the best efforts of two powerful gods#Im also planning on adding another member to their party who wasnt in the original party so lace can get upset abt it#but yeah currently the rest of the party includes lace's unnamed older sister and three other losers whos designs have been sitting on my#toyhouse for a while lol#theres raiden who's the sort of adopted child of the god they used to serve#and the theres hill who was the one in the original party who they picked up after graduating and she and lace used to be gay together#and lastly theres choice who was supposed to attend the school but in the current version of reality had their wagon shot down and#wasnt able to make it and has been rly upset and frustrated abt that#the last one is probably going to be a potion guy or smth#Ive also been having a fun time thinkng abt how both versions of the party managed combat since both parties distinctly lack a healer#anyways Im going to bed now gn
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loumauve · 1 year
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#running face first straight into every single rejection sensitive wall atm and it's so frustrating#like. can we just not do this rn brain? I'm too tired to deal with this on top of everything else#all it does is make me alienate myself from people I care about and make me feel like shit afterwards#and it doesn't fix any of the underlying issues either. (like. I've been upset about ppl not doing what I do)#(as in read all of my fic like I try to read all my friends' fic usually. but like.. not everyone can and not everyone wants to)#(but it's one of those irrational things of 'if they cared about me wouldn't they also try' even tho that's not a fair ask)#(and like.. most people don't read random fic for fandoms they're not even in so this is entirely stupid to be upset about)#(but here we are anyway)#just.. me. raw to the very nerve and too tired to fix anything that might help alleviate it#I just want to feel normal again. and like I have control over my emotional state#but between 'dude fucked up bc of his borderline being triggered by grief and letting out all his frustrations on me for weeks'#and 'other dude grieving but not processing and not even taking a break to figure out where he's at emotionally..#..therefore dropping all of his unprocessed baggage and his part of the group work right on top of me' I'm just having a heck of a month#and idk. it would have been nice to talk to sb about my fic even if it's older now and not the best perhaps#(doesn't help when everybody you know writes really great fic and you're just outside the door scribbling some ideas into the sand)#idk. usually I do better in disconnecting self-worth and accomplishments and stop myself before the comparisons with others start#but rn it's all too much and I'm drained and exhausted and nothing feels good or helps much at all.#anyway.#it is what is I guess. and what it is is fucked and I doubt it's gonna change anytime soon.#that's not me being unrealistic or depression talking. it's based on how things have progressed thus far#there's another year and a half of this kind of stress which will likely get worse when our group grows from 18 to 31 in October#and then I'd have to start working proper again which I haven't in over two years bc of all the rehabilitation I've been going through#and it's terrifying and I'm already exhausted and worn down and worn out and I just don't know how normal is ever gonna be my life again
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ayakashibackstreet · 1 year
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Yes, I'm a MILH (Man I Love Hasunosora)
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