#also i’ve had this shitty low-grade headache for several days now
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#feeling frustrated tonight#i was supposed to go do a new thing#but it’s Fucking Storming in a way that i didn’t really feel safe going out and driving around to a place i’ve never been before#so after gearing myself up for it all day i flaked#and didn’t go#which i HATE doing#i used to do it a lot in my early twenties because depression and social anxiety#and i have mostly trained myself out of it#so i feel Real Bad about it when i do give in#also i’ve had this shitty low-grade headache for several days now#pretty sure it’s weather related (see aforementioned Fucking Storm)#and i am also super not feeling the Beginner Mind space i am stuck in w/ piano rn#like i have only been doing this for… six-ish months? i am not supposed to be Good yet#but i really committed to practicing every day in the new year#and so it FEELS like i should just be able to sit down and *play* now#which spoiler: i cannot#and rationally i get it#but emotionally i am having a temper tantrum#and i’m tired and there’s always too much too do#and no one has commented on my new fic which of course feels like no one likes it#so then it’s just like well why the fuck did i even bother writing it and should i even bother writing anything else#or will no one care about that either#and yeah i’m just whining and yes i know i need some ibuprofen and some dinner probably#but like ugh#and it’s only fuckin tuesday
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