#feeling frustrated tonight

[zjofierose]

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[jackwolfes]

imposter syndrome is a completely normal thing to feel and learning a new skill is hard and self compassion is important and i can't expect to be immediately good at something i've never done before and and writing is something to practice and a badly finished novel is better than never finishing anything and i know i'm learning and i know i'll get better and i know i should be patient and i know i should be kind to myself AND YET

[mlobsters]

supernatural s11e20 don't call me shurley (w. robbie thompson) be still my beating heart part 3 of ∞

[3416]

Mitch Marner Media Availability | 01.20.24

[allastoredeer]

I dunno why when it's radiostatic then I'm either indifferent or sometimes, rarely as it is, even like top!Alastor but when it's radioapple then even a thought about top!Alastor and bottom!Lucifer makes me wanna to gouge my eyes out haha

Samsies, Anon XD When it comes to radiostatic, I don't mind top!Alastor. I've actually like it on a few occasions of Alastor domming Vox. It's delicious. It's exquisite. Very yummy.

I think its the fandom-wide depiction of top!Alastor and bottom!Lucifer that turns me off from that dynamic. With Vox, Alastor gets to be more himself. He's not turned into this super suave alpha male dude (probs because Vox already fits that bill LMAO). Alastor gets to keep his fun and silly characteristics. I've seen more fan art of Alastor in a dress in radiostatic than radioapple, and I would like to thank the radiostatic community for contributing to my health. Thank you for putting my pookie in a dress, he looks amazing and beautiful just like he should.

And Vox gets to be his silly self too. He's still a boyfail. He's a mess. He's suave and charming, but obsessive and goofy at the same time. They match each other's freak.

From what I've seen, radiostatic typically feels closer to their canon counterparts than a lot of radioapple, which might be why I've been so drawn to radiostatic lately.

Their dynamic is so much more complicated and interesting than a lot of radioapple too, which is INSANE because Lucifer is literally the King of Hell, a prideful son of bitch, and an insecure, depressed mess who's been shown to despise Sinners. Alastor is a silly, girlpop, murderous Overlord who's rise to power is a mystery to EVERYONE (that should've been also impossible considering the assumption that he killed the other Overlords), he had an immediate dislike towards Lucifer that was never explained or expanded on, AND he's slowly been driven to (more) insanity because someone owns his soul, and that someone could very well be Lilith, Lucifer's ex-wife. THESE TWO ARE SUCH TASTY, COMPLICATED CHARACTERS AND RADIOAPPLE SHOULD BE THE TASTIEST OF SHIPS.

And yet, they're starting to feel like the oatmeal of ships. Bland and boring.

Don't get me wrong, I DO like radioapple. I do. I promise. I wouldn't be writing radioapple fanfic if I didn't. But it is hard to find enjoyment in the ship when most of what I see turns the characters into tropes and caricatures that strip them of all their tastiest qualities.

[unorcadox]

i love making text-heavy stuff tbh. i think i've realistically "outgrown" weirdcore at least with regard to the more heavily edited stuff, but i still deeply love the idea of making my writing pieces look like they're fucked up pieces of old web lost media, so i think i've found a way to keep going despite that

[fictionadventurer]

Imagine what it must have been like for Mark Twain to see Ulysses S. Grant write his memoirs. Twain's a successful career author, who, like all writers, knows firsthand the struggle of getting words on a page, knows how painstakingly slow and frustrating the writing process can be. And here's Grant, with no literary training whatsoever, dying of cancer, barely sleeping or eating because of the excruciating pain, regularly writing 10,000 words a day. And it's good.

I'd be tempted to give up writing right there. How do you compete with that? You can't be jealous of the guy, because of the whole "dying of cancer" thing, and yet...it's gotta just about drive you nuts. It just about drives me nuts. In good health, I can work for hours to get a few sentences on a page. And then this guy's showing us all up. It's maddening.

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

me: sits down to write feeling full of inspiration

chronic pain: no 🙃

[elliscousland]

good news: i am feeling way better overall, the antibiotics are doing their job & i am way thankful for it. i've also got some appointments to keep up on the og issue & dealing with this has put me on the fast track to getting / keeping insurance!

bad news: i do think i got sick from sitting next to a little girl in the er & that is kicking my ass so everything in my life is way behind right now. i want to write, but i have to clean house before i clean drafts lmao

[alluralater]

i’ve been killing it in the gym + fucking a hot girl + working harder than usual lately but i’m BACK after a hiatus of five days. can’t wait to fill up your dashes with random hot silly things ;)

[wayfinderships]

The power has done out multiple times today😔 not the most ideal when it's been so hot lately-

[dimsilver]

❔

[losersimonriley]

writing 1k of ghoap verbally destroying each other is destroying me

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

why is everything (showing other people respect. being patient and kind. not flying off the handle about stupid things. emotional regulation and self-control. et cetera.) so easy when I'm not around my parents and so so so so hard when I AM around them?

[savagebisand]

I'm gonna say this and make my peace with it but I am frequently reminded as someone watching from week to week when it comes to Only Friends, that it is so easy in a series like this to find yourself accidentally having bias toward some characters, pairings etc. It's very important that we always remain open to alternate perspective and that we remain able to pick out nuances in our favourites. Critique them when they cause trouble or make a bad choice and cheer for them when they find moments of happiness. For today, I am going to speak primarily about Sand because I've already seen a lot of a sentiment on YouTube mostly that he is justified in his scheming to reveal BostonTop and drag Ray into it and yet Ray is vilified for lashing out and pushing Sand off him in the same episode.

We have really got to stop woobifying characters like Nick and Sand and even Ray or Mew because we see them as the most traumatised or the ones with the uncaring lovers. None of them were meant to be the "innocent" character amongst the darkness. JoJo has always said all these characters are flawed and live in shades of grey.

I'm getting real tired of seeing Sand constantly elevated above Ray because one has to be worse than the other for some reason? Or seeing TopMew and SandRay pitted against each other when both have tormented romances. We can note the difference in how the relationships are developing without attacking one or the other. Sand can be the kindest and most sensible character in this series and he can still be morally reprehensible and wrong in other ways. Mew can be caring and hesitant and only want what's best for his friends and still get it wrong sometimes not out of spite but simply because he just doesn't know better.

We do not have to pretend that Sand is in the right when he isn't because we don't want to lose the Sand as a good person label. He IS a good person..he's also wrong for the mess he indirectly caused this ep. Y'all I'm a Sand stan, this blog is sandified all over. The man is me coded. He's a mirror to my soul for me. And I will still sit here and hold him accountable just as much as I would do for Ray when Ray fucks up. He made some Choices this episode and they were Bad. He prioritised his vengeance against Top over Rays emotions regarding Mew and that is Unkind.

Ray was Unkind to lash out at him and push him as well but to act like Ray was unjustified and deserves to be vilified for it is just... it don't sit right with me. He stooped as low as Sand did, he hit right where he knew it would hurt. It was tit for tat. The second Ray went into that meet up where Sand showed him the audio, you could sense Ray knew he was being used as a middle man. That shit hurts. This is the person he's been vulnerable with finally and he just got treated once again, by him, as someone easily influenced and gullible.

Sand used clever words to make it sound like he was doing this for Ray but it was heat of the moment. He was thinking purely of making Top taste his own medicine and eat his words. He wanted Top to lose Mew to prove the point that Top doesn't always get what he wants. Bonus if it meant Sand got Ray and could prove Top even more wrong because "who have you got?" Well now he has him. But honestly Ray was just a prize at the end of a long game Sand wanted to play there for a second.

It can be equally true that when he saw Ray was going to rain hell upon the group, he became more concerned as in his moment of Seeing Red he thought only Top would get hurt. He under estimated the fall out a truth like this would cause for everyone in that clique. Tell one harsh truth and a million more come pouring out. Ray got hurt because of this little ploy and he got a nasty awakening that oh yeah Ray is more important than some contest with Top, it can be equally true that he cares about Ray when Top isn't clouding his judgement and actions. That he didn't want Ray to endanger himself. That he would follow Ray and get him to a hospital safe after Ray angrily tries to take himself home under the influence because he feels betrayed, a black sheep to his friends.

But like it or not some of Sands actions this episode were still laced with calculation and manipulation and involved using others like chess pieces such as Ray and Nick, two people he normally cares about more than anyone. That moment when he smashed up his phone intentionally to get his hands on Nick's? Batshit insane behaviour. He was high tempered and irrational and he made a very big mistake because as I've said before these characters are portrayed as human young adults and it's what we do. No one is perfect 100% of the time. We all have a capacity for bad inside of us that most of the time we tamper. Sand was not able to in this instance. He caused mass destruction in a butterfly effect of one choice he made way before Ray caused more fallout with the truths he spilled.

Sands actions. Sands choices. Not just Rays or Mews. And don't get me wrong Ray was wrong too, he shouldn't have brought April and Cheum into it just to further a point. He should have just let Mew handle Top alone at home. But to be fair he'd spent all day and night being ignored by his friends for not being as blind in love as them, biting his tongue when Ton played along to insinuations over Nick and still got treated kindly after outright saying he had an ice cold heart when Ray knew just how true that was. Dealing with Ton making his emotions for Mew the butt of a joke again, belittling him. Sand using him to get back at Top and lying to Rays face or stonewalling him after they'd spent a week connecting more.

So it's no surprise he went since we're being honest tonight anyway maybe you all need to see you aren't perfect either. Sand set the spark that started this fire this time around. It's alright. All of them went too far and crossed lines. None are worse than the others. This show is not a competition between which partner in this couple is worse or more fucked up than the other. It is showing its audience what it looks like when two fucked up, flawed, morally grey, young adult and queer people fall into relationships and friendships. All of the couples are equally as wrong as each other for behaviours they exhibit when together.

It's subjective of course, everyone's personal level of what's wrong and what's acceptable is different and that's what makes this interesting. Something a character does may not be going too far for one viewer whilst for another it's absolutely appalling. The beauty of media. But let's not get so caught in picking teams that we lose our critical lens when we consume media. You can be rooting for Nick or Boston or Top or Sand or Ray or Mew! A combination! Have favourites! By all means pick people you'd love to see overcome these messy dramas and challenges they face. Just don't throw rocks at glass houses.

[koheletgirl]

one thing about not sharing your parents' political views is that they will just keep provoking you