#also learned how to edit brushes properly hehe………..

[5qu1dink]

cunt dracula

[skywlker-sluvtt]

Anakin SFW Alphabet <3

A/N: Heyyy I just wanted to try writing something so enjoy whatever this is. Sorry if it's sorta shit but enjoy hehe.

Warnings: None just fluffy, a little swearing, not really edited though

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Anakin is SO clingy and affectionate. If it wasn’t for the fact your relationship had to be secret he’d always be holding your hand while you go out, pressing soft kisses to your forehead. But since the relationship is secret when you’re alone he becomes an absolute MENACE. He’ll pull you in for hugs when you’re cooking or reading. Sometimes he’ll straight up just cling to you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his cheek on your shoulder following you as you walk around the house and it’s like you're dragging him with you. “Get off me, you big oaf!” “No, I’ve missed you Y/N please” (with his whinest voice possible) and you just let him because you love his dumbass.

Anakin also adores secret affection. If you were both in some kind of meeting he’d slide his hand under the table to hold your hand brushing his thumb over your hand making you smile and look over at him, he’s smiling right back giving your hand a squeeze. His favourites are secret kisses. “General Y/L/N can I please speak to you in the hall?” “Of course” He’ll take you out there just to kiss you. “Was that all?” “One more” pressing his soft lips to yours passionately before you both reluctantly return.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

It definitely started when you were younglings, you were curious as to how he started his training at the age of nine. Pretending he didn’t fall for Padme he falls for you at a young age. You both became close and start to be rebellious teenage Padawan sneaking away from the temple when possible. Anakin had AOTC Anakin vibes all through his teen years so just imagine how awkward he’d always be around you. “Y-You look beautiful today Y/N” “I look the same as every day” “You always look beautiful” he’d look at you dreamily for years before actually admitting his feelings. This just makes both of you best friends as well so your relationship is even better.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

YES YES YES. At night he always had to be wrapped around you somehow. His favourite cuddling position is spooning (he secretly likes being the little spoon but he’ll never admit it) also I’d just like to add he is like a portable heater he’s always so warm it sometimes concerns you. If you even try to wiggle away from the heat of his bare chest against your back he’s pulling you back in his sleep. Although occasionally his hot body comes in handy when it’s winter or you’re stationed on a cold planet you’ll cling to him taking all the warmth from his body to yours. Lastly, he loves to rest his head on your chest and keep his arms around your waist lovingly while you play with his hair. He falls asleep like that often and you have to try to wiggle away from him when it gets too hot but it never works.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

This man is desperate to settle down. If you asked him to he’d take you far far away to a gorgeous planet and settle down with you. He often mentions the idea of leaving the Order to have a family with you on a gorgeous planet and raise kids with you. He likes to mention getting you pregnant and throwing away your birth control so you get pregnant and actually have to leave the order but it's always a no. “Anakin, stop it one day I promise” “Fine” He huffs about it but then kisses you with a grin.

Also, bro is atrocious at cooking, he’s used to whatever dog shit they served in the cafeteria when he was a youngling/padawan and never really bothered to learn properly when he was old enough so he adores how you cook for him. Once he tried to cook for you and forgot to season the chicken and the dude served you the blandest white chicken you’ve ever seen in your life and you felt so bad when you laughed. I feel like Anakin used to think chicken could be cooked medium rare at some point in this life. Let’s just say he leaves cooking to you.

He’s definitely not a fan of domestic chores and hates cleaning but he does it, he’s not a slob but sometimes he just gets lazy and stacks a pile of robes on the floor which you carry to the washing basket. Anakin definitely helps you if he’s home while you clean and he tries his hardest.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He wouldn’t. Anakin would only try to break up with his partner if he felt like he put them in danger. Assuming you were a Jedi he’d know you could handle yourself, you’re strong and independent but he can’t help but worry. He’d sit you down apologising profusely and holding your hands before he tells you he can’t keep putting you in danger like this and he’s not good enough for you. You’re both crying but I’d say you're able to assure him everything is fine and he’s your favourite thing in this fucked up galaxy and you’d both be fine after a while.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quickly would they want to get married?)

So fucking fast. I mean we all saw how fucking quick the man was to marry Padme and he’d be the exact same. After you both admitted feelings he’d maybe wait a week or two to ask if you just wanted to get married. He’d make some long (very adorable) speech about how beautiful you are and he’d end up complimenting everything about you explaining how in love he is before actually spitting it out “Will you marry me, I can’t wait any longer” his voice is soft and needy as he kisses your knuckles “Of course Ani why didn’t you just say that!” you giggle hugging him tight. I also think he didn’t expect you to say yes.

You’d get married somewhere private and it’d be like him and Padme’s wedding you’d have C-3PO and R2 as witnesses and it would be lovely. Anakin would wear his fancy robes because he doesn’t really own anything nicer and you’d buy a pretty dress to wear. Anakin would be a bridezilla because he wants it to be perfect for you and if the sun isn’t in the correct place while you’re being wed he’d be slightly annoyed before you’d assure him you’d be happy with getting married in a courthouse because you’re so in love with him which makes him feel better and gives him another thing to add onto the long list of why he loves you.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Anakin is very gentle but sometimes he can accidentally be a bit rough or harsh when he’s overwhelmed. If he’s having a shit day or frustrated at the council he might snap at you but it's just because he’s a little baby and gets emotionally overwhelmed (same) When that does happen he realises how upset he is and will apologise profusely and finally talk about his feelings. He’s mainly very gentle physically even when he’s upset/angry (only to you because if he’s upset at someone he can kill he probably will) he always makes sure not to squeeze you so tight when your hugging or to make you uncomfortable. He adores soft touches like caressing your cheek and rubbing your thigh, Anakin also loves it if you give him the same gentle loving touches randomly because let's be real his love language is touch.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

HIS HUGS ARE TO DIE FOR. Anakin’s hugs always make you feel better when you’re down. He walks over and wraps you in his arms pressing a soft kiss to your head. His fingers gently run up and down your back while you just keep your face pressed against him to smell his familiar scent. He constantly wants hugs he enjoys it when you initiate them because it makes him feel extra loved when you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him down into what he describes as your “warm embrace”. ALSO, imagine coming home to each other after being apart it’s like that scene in ROTS when they rescue Palpatine and he hugs Padme. He’ll sprint to you just to hug you so tight swinging you around. Anakin also loves to press a small kiss to your neck if he can. “I missed you dearly” honestly his hugs just make you feel like you melt into one another.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Again bros quick with it. He’s felt it for a long time and when you guys finally get together he’s scared to say it in case you think it’s too soon so he’s conscious not to say it, but after a week it just slips. You’re cuddling in bed and he starts teasing you about how adorable you are making you get all nervous and blushy. You’re both giggling and laughing he just blurts out “I love you” between laughs and then realises what he said but you're quick to respond. “I love you way more Anakin Skywalker” all his doubts are gone and he feels so happy to hear you say it back and he just kisses you lovingly.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He’s so so so so jealous it’s funny. Anakin hates seeing you with other men. He doesn’t mind you and Obi-Wan being friends or when you have a few guy friends but he feels like every man wants you and that’s just because he thinks you’re so gorgeous. When random guys flirt with you or are just too friendly he’s quick to come over and ask to speak with you about a private matter. When you go with him he just kisses you to remind you of what you already know. “Anakin you’re being ridiculous I don’t want anyone else” you’d grin knowing why he was kissing you so passionately out of nowhere. “I know, I just wish I could tell him you’re all mine” and your giggling telling him how possessive he is makes him get embarrassed.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

I think we all know his kisses are just superior. Anakin puts all his love into his kisses and you can feel that love in them. His favourite type of kisses are soft and gentle he might tug on your bottom lip and end up smiling before whispering a little ‘I love you’ but he can also do the hottest and passionate sloppy kisses when y’all make out he likes shoving his tongue down your throat to make you moan a little and tug on his hair. Anakin would also adore kissing your forehead and you love it too. He’d cup your face in his hands and press the softest kiss to your head and smile at you making you blush.

He also likes kissing your hand when he’s holding it he’ll pull your hand to his mouth and place a kiss on your knuckles or in public he’ll kiss your hand when greeting you and people just think he’s very friendly he does because he’ll do it to Obi-Wan just to throw off the fact he does it to you. “Hello, Master!” He’d grin kissing Obi-Wan’s hand. “Where did I go wrong Anakin?” Obi-Wan would reply wiping his hand on his robes. “Y/N, looking beautiful as always” He smiles kissing your hand. I’d like to add that he likes being kissed on the cheek especially if you were shorter and had to pull his head down slightly or get up on your tip toes. He pretends you left a lipstick mark on his cheek for the day and touches it occasionally being reminded of your soft lips.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He kills them. Anakin does not like children. Let’s forget about the youngling incident altogether he doesn’t like kids unless they were his own. He genuinely just dislikes children, he thinks their sticky and loud, and he doesn’t know how to deal with it. Even when he was a child himself he preferred to follow Obi-Wan around or be around droids. When he had to help train younglings as a padawan he’d try to be nice but just end up irritated and feel bad. Anakin knows he’s not good with children which makes you laugh.

“Master Skywalker?” ”No 😐”

But when he finds out your pregnant he’s so excited and I just know he’d make the best dad. His attitude changes and he would read books about parenting and even volunteer to help with the younglings and work on how he interacts with them (even though he just wants his own baby to come)

“General Skywalker what’s it like going into Hyperdrive?!” Anakin: 🙄 sighs 😀 “Well…”

When you guys finally have kids he’s the most amazing dad and so patient with the children because they remind him of you and he wants to do his best to raise them well. Anakin loves telling them stories and playing with them. He’ll volunteer to calm the screaming babies at night and he’ll sing a lullaby his mother used to sing him. It makes your heart melt seeing it all.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

In the morning he’s tired and grumpy because he wants to stay in bed beside you all day. He’ll ignore every alarm he and you set if you have somewhere to be just because he wants you to wake him up with soft kisses, he’d rather the first thing he looks at in the morning is you rather than a clock. You’d get up first and start your routine giving him ten more minutes before walking over to his side of the bed and touching his cheek moving his head up and kissing his neck and face. “Ani c’mon you baby wake up” you giggle in his ear. “No sweetheart please” He groans pulling you onto the bed. Eventually, you’ll pull him up and shove him in the shower before placing a fresh set of robes on the counter for him.

You’d make him breakfast (he’ll sometimes try to make toast and burn it because he doesn’t look at the numbers) He only likes mornings because he believes you look extremely gorgeous sitting on the balcony with the sun shining on your face. You’d both leave for your duties at the same time kissing each other goodbye when you part. Anakin will hold your hand as you walk apart and he’ll whine until your hands slip from each other’s and you grin blowing him a kiss.

Mornings during a rest day when you both have nothing to do is amazing. You’ll both sleep late and he’ll usually wake up first in this case and admire you before kissing all over your shoulder and neck which wakes you up (the best way to wake up honestly) “Good morning gorgeous” he whispers. He likes to do certain activities on a morning like this 😏 The morning is slow in the best way you’ll shower together and make something yummy before actually starting your day.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights are quiet. You’re both usually exhausted and during the war, it's very rare you actually get to be together at night because you finish at different times but you make it work. Anakin come home and find you asleep on the couch with his dinner in the warmer and he’ll smile before carrying you to bed. Or you’ll come home and he’s asleep at the dining table (because man can literally sleep anywhere) and have to wake him up to go to bed. When your nights are spent together though, they’re the best. Anakin will cuddle with you for hours just relaxing in each other's arms. On these nights you just order takeout and watch a movie before having a warm bath together and getting much-needed rest.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

If you’ve known each other for years you know the majority of his problems and personal issues. He slowly reveals things mentioning his mother and his worries randomly. He sometimes struggles to talk about things that have happened when he’s on a mission or nightmares he’s had. He rambles trying to pretend everything’s okay but you can always tell it's not by his watery eyes and his odd behaviour. It’s confirmed when he closes himself off completely and starts tinkering with the droids or making a new arm for himself. You approach him slowly reassuring him “You know I’m always here Ani, talk to me about anything yeah?” you smile. He nods before hugging you a sobbing a little into your shoulder because he feels weak in these moments and hates feeling like that.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

His patience is usually good. When you’re in an argument he’ll take deep breaths so he doesn’t snap at you because he knows you don’t deserve it. If you raise your voice he’ll start losing patience and maybe yell at you which frustrates you more. When he shouts he finally realises it’s time to stop and will apologise which calms you both down. Overall he’s usually a very patient man because he thinks cocky remarks are more hurtful than shouting.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing or do they kind of forget everything?)

Anakin remembers most things. Occasionally he’ll forget something small which you’ll correct him on and he’ll apologise making you laugh. He definitely remembers all your favourites though. I also think he’s the kind of guy to listen carefully when you talk about things you want so he can secretly buy them for your birthday. One day he’ll find your favourite type of gem on a mission and make a piece of jewellery out of it to give to you (then you wear it every single day and will never take it off cause it’s so sweet) He also corrects people if they say something about you that is incorrect if someone gets your birthday wrong or your favourite food place he’ll correct them smugly as if he’ll get an award for knowing you best which you think it cute that he wants to make sure he knows and remembers everything about you.

R = Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

When you first confessed your feelings toward each other though he has many other favourites. He remembers being on Naboo for a small mission and you were both admiring the amazing structures all over Naboo. The way you looked that day is something he’ll never forget. You were wearing casual clothes and the way you smiled pointing at different buildings and structures and how excited you got. Then you both sat down by a river and you were skipping rocks and talking. You were especially close to him smiling and admiring his perfect face. “You’re so ethereal, beyond beautiful” He whispered tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. You smile leaning into his touch.

The tension was thick and you leaned in first pressing what was both of your first kisses to his lips. Then he pulls you closer for a more passionate kiss “Anakin I-we shouldn’t” You stutter looking around. “Y/N I’ve always wanted to tell you how much you mean to me, I’ve been in love with you for years” He’d confess making your heart swell. He remembers the blush that covered your cheeks before you giggled. “I’ve felt the same Ani” You’d reply hugging him and kissing his neck happily. He will never forget the happiness he felt knowing he could have the girl of his dreams.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Protective as fuckkkk. If someone made you uncomfortable or touched you in a way he didn’t like he was always close to pulling out his lightsaber. He’d come to your side asking if you were feeling uncomfortable because he could just tell you were. Anakin would tell the person to fuck right off and if they pushed harder he’d shove them back getting aggressive wanting to just beat the shit out of them. You’d grab his arm telling him it was okay before he’d make some rude comment toward them before leaving with you. “Are you okay my love? Are you sure? I can do more than that” He’d assure you. “Anakin, I’m alright. Thank you”

He also wants to feel protected by you Anakin thoroughly enjoyed it when a fellow General made a rude comment about how dumb he was which pissed you off. “Excuse you? Watch your mouth dick head!” You’d snap Anakin was grinning before he placed his hand on the small of your back assuring you it was okay. He also wants emotional protection he likes how safe you make him feel about his thoughts and feelings. You stroke his hair and assure him he’s safe and you’re here to keep him safe and he knows that you’re his safe place, his home.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He puts lots of effort in effort means a lot to both of you. Since you two can’t go on public dates often he comes up with creative ways to make dates at home. Once he’d set up a picnic in the living room for when you came home by buying a bunch of snack foods and successfully making your favourite pasta dish by very carefully following the recipe and triple-checking everything he did. He lit your favourite candles and put your favourite movie on and smiled wide as you walked through the door. You were shocked smelling the amazing food and your gorgeous husband waiting for you. “Welcome home baby” He’d smile. “You’re amazing” You’d mumble kissing him gently.

With gifts, he definitely likes making you things which you prefer to just a regular gift. You’d rather have a hand-crafted necklace made of a gorgeous gem he found than a store-bought one. Anakin is honestly just the king of putting in effort for you because he wants you to know how much you deserve.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Not taking care of himself. Sometimes when everything piles up on him Anakin will start by not sleeping properly. It happens when he puts too much pressure on himself and feels stressed. He’ll distract himself and not come to bed till the early hours of the morning and he’ll slowly become sleep deprived. Then his lack of eating comes he’ll prioritise other things over, eating because he just forgets and you have to remind him to eat. He’ll realise what's happening when he starts getting lightheaded just walking upstairs and you’ll feed him well and take him to bed early and he’ll go back into his healthy habits.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Very concerned, but he knows he’s fucking beautiful so there is nothing to be concerned about. He works hard on his body and knows how much it’s paid off. He’s humble about it but he has very few physical insecurities. One of them was his scar when he first got it he felt sick over the fact that it was going to be there forever. Anakin feels like it makes him look weak. After you assured him it was okay and made him look brave, he was a Jedi after all a General and a Warrior. You kissed it every day and told him it would be okay, he’ll get used to it. It’s pretty. He doesn’t feel insecure over it anymore but it’s definitely not his favourite thing.

Anakin does occasionally check himself out in the mirror and maybe flex a little before walking away pleased with himself. He is also particular about what colours he wears which is why he wears black instead of the normal beige, brown or white most Jedi sport. He thinks black is his colour and wants to look good when he’s in uniform. He also puts effort into his appearance because he enjoys how you swoon over him and tell others how perfect he is.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He’s not his full self when you're not around. You bring out his sweetness and his kinder side. If you ever left him he’d feel as though a part of him is broken and he’ll never get it back. You’re his other half forever and always nothing can change that. He misses you dearly when he’s on missions or you're not stationed together, you both make time to secretly talk when no one else is around. He describes missing you as heartache and says his chest hurts when he’s without you which is pretty darn cute.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He’s super ticklish. You only found out when you jabbed him in the ribs jokingly and he giggled having a big reaction so you tried tickling him and he lost his shit. His laugh changes when he’s tickled its louder and he chokes on his own breath. “NO Y/N NO” He laughs. After that, you find every ticklish spot on his body his stomach, armpits, neck and his thighs. Anakin is the most ticklish person you’ve met and you use it to your advantage often. If he’s being a cocky dick you just grab him and start tickling him. “Shut your mouth Skywalker!” You exclaim with a grin as he squirms around trying to get you off. You love the way his laughs sound when he’s like this. He tries to tickle you as well but you’re too quick for him and will end up getting him first.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Sand For real though he’s not that picky with his partners so in general he hates certain textures of food. He hates grainy food, slimy food or anything that’s gritty. Once he threw up when he had to eat yogurt for breakfast as a youngling. He despises yogurt and finds it foul when you eat it but sucks it up when you’re eating it around him. In saying that he has to eat lots of food he hates the feel of and it feels comforting for him when he’s home and you’re cooking making sure not to make anything with those textures that’s another reason he adores your food.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Sleep talking. Bro sleep talks almost every night and I’m not even just talking about nightmares its always small whispers that you usually can’t make out but sometimes you can. He’ll move around before muttering “Y/N stop” You’d think he was awake the first few times “Huh?” “I love” He continues. You turn around and look at him to see him in a peaceful sleep. “No love you” He sighs. You grin and touch his arm to see if he woke up but he doesn’t so you just kiss his cheek and go back to sleep. Every morning after it happens you tease him about it. “Shut up! I-I don’t even remember that” He laughs. “It was so cute!!!”

[mirceakitsune]

Artificial Intelligence: The baddest hoax in modern history

Over the years I've dealt with a good amount of crazy. I've seen more shit in nearly 3 decades than I imagined I could in 10 lifetimes, as far as sheer human madness is concerned. In the last few years it has rapidly gotten worse, and recently it seems to have reached new unprecedented heights.

In this episode, it's my displeasure to present to you the sentient computer... A.K.A. machine learning, A.K.A. artificial intelligence. No folks we aren't talking about a physical electronic brain... which may actually be possible one day, once scientists figure out how to reconstruct all neurons in the human brain and map them to a circuit of quantum bits. We're talking classic binary code running on your average 64 bit processor (C++ / Java / Whatever) which is supposedly capable of sentient processes... most notably recognizing the meanings and circumstances of objects in photos, up to facial recognition within complex images. Said functionality is supposedly achieved, I fucking kid you not, by training your computer like an animal or a human baby. This delusion seems to be embraced not only by ordinary people, but even programmers who are expected to know the matter at hand, and horrifyingly by government officials who believe this bullshit will give them some magical powers like in the movies. A few cases of this fairytale include, but are tragically not limited to:

Facebook supposedly recognizes who you are and automatically tags you whenever you upload a photo. Obviously this isn't because FB has money to throw at an army of moderators who stalk people in realtime to tag their shit, and because that's controversial and stupid they're hiding it behind an AI story, that would be crazy... it's the midget trapped in the body of a computer doing it!

The human-computer chimera may soon be "hired" by the airport, where it would scan the faces of travelers as they walk through the gate. Dozens of them... in a few seconds... in the same image.

British police are teaching an AI what child porn looks like. You can be sure it's not because they're looking for an excuse to play around with that material, hehe... it's just so the little man in the Windows system tray can learn how to "detect abused kids". Unfortunately for them the program is doing a bad job at singling out them kiddo butts, because it's confusing them with photos of sand dunes in the desert. But not to worry: The police is sure that the dead God is on their side, and their program will one day spot those sexy children without error! Hmmm... I wonder if mister computer man can develop a pedophilia fetish...

An old news article suggested an AI which, hold on to your horses everyone, was capable of detecting gay faces. Yep: If it sees any picture of you, it's able to tell whether you are homosexual or not.

Another AI can supposedly analyze the way you walk, determining if you have criminal intent based on how a camera sees you moving down the street. You better not be dancing back there dawg, the computer people will think you're gettin' ready to mug some homeboy!

An elaborate hoax known as Facerig has done an impressive job at convincing people that a program is capable of understanding not just your face, but your facial expressions... without even needing some super high-resolution video, just a shitty blurry webcam. Their hoaxed demos even show animated 3D characters imitating the facial expressions of someone in a camera... which I assume is either edited manually into the video, or the character is controlled in realtime by someone watching your face on camera (horrifying to think it might be without some users even knowing it).

At least a few of those articles managed to convince me that I couldn't possibly be a member of the human race, even if I look human when I see myself in the mirror (otherkin aspects aside). Nope; There's just no way I'm part of the same species as those creatures: My brain wouldn't be capable of coming up with this bullshit even as I'm dreaming at night, I must have been designed by aliens using a properly debugged brain structure! Jesus fucking Christ on a flying carpet... what in the ever loving fuck?

Now there are multiple reasons why this whole thing has become infuriating for me: One is the fact that whenever I try shedding a ray of reasoning on this trainwreck, I'm immediately attacked by virtually everyone who refuses to accept this is realm of fantasy. At the same time I worry about what is actually going on, seeing that a lot of effort and money were put into this hoax so it's obviously happening for a reason (likely a smoke screen for extreme mass surveillance plans). Further more it makes an unique mockery out of both biological life and programming alike, via the demented insinuation that a CPU is capable of emulating sentience which is a requirement for any content recognition of this degree. There was once a time when I was fascinated with the idea of AI and machine learning, and was planning to learn more about it and possibly play around with such code... today I'm disgusted to even hear about the subject, after those fuckers disfigured and diseased it too with their madness and refusal to understand basic logical limitations.

Because common sense doesn't seem to be obvious to everyone, I'm going to clarify why this is impossible, by explaining the impassible obstacles a computer would have to overcome in order to do something as unthinkably complex as facial recognition. For the proposed functionality, a mindless piece of code would have to do the following things, all on its own using only pixels of different colors from an image:

First of all it must determine what in the photo is a face, from numerous objects and complex structures that each represent all sorts of things. This is barely doable itself but okay.

Next it must work around the face being shot from any possible angle. The head may be rotated in any position relative to the camera, resulting in a radically different structure being visible in the image.

The person's face may be partly covered. Perhaps there's an obstacle between the face and the camera, like a structure or another person. Maybe they're wearing a scarf or glasses, which they weren't in other images. Maybe their hair is brushed differently and they have an emo haircut covering half of the face. Maybe they're wearing lipstick and the color of their lips is different.

People have different facial expressions in each photo. In one you may be smiling, in one you may be frowning... in one your mouth might be open, in the other it's closed. Faces are always shaped differently.

The lighting conditions are guaranteed to not be identical, both brightness and colors differ. Maybe it's day maybe it's night, maybe the environmental light is reddish maybe the atmosphere is blue, maybe different cameras that shot you used different color adjustment filters.

The average camera (even good ones) is still much more blurry than anything we see with the naked eye. Motion blur is also involved if either you or the camera are moving, if the environment is dark it gets worse. Noise is further introduced by a bit of jpeg compression, as no sane camera wrecks your drive space by saving in lossless png.

Many people still upload low resolution pictures of themselves on the internet. When your picture is 1024 x 768 and you're standing at a distance, there is nearly no usable detail to even attempt to work with on a PC.

Suppose it miraculously managed to single out a face throughout all those obstacles: It needs to measure something and use it as an identifying trait! What, how, why? The apparent distance between your eyes in pixels? How wide your mouth appears to be? How bulgy is your forehead? It doesn't even know what those things represent, not to mention anything can look like a head or eyes or a mouth!

Even if by total defiance of all logic, there was something that could be mathematically measured and the program did manage to calculate it on its own: The computer would also need to compare the data to what is probably trillions of photos in the database! Not only do people look similar so there would be millions of false positives, but doing so many pixel comparisons would require 100 times more memory and processing power than all computers on the planet combined today have!

Are you fucking kidding me? Someone is actually trying to tell me that in actual real life, a shitty piece of x64 code would be capable of doing ALL THAT? What the fuck are people smoking these days? No, really... just go take a walk in the park or meditate on the top off a cliff, then ask yourself the question: "How could I possibly be led to believe this crap"? It's 1000 times easier to board a space shuttle and go to Mars TOMORROW, compared to achieving something that gets even close to this. Even if Jesus himself was still alive and had his superpowers to heal the blind and spawn fish from a basket, even if Moses could make the waters split with his mighty staff... not even they could create something like this, even if they called God himself for reinforcements. If you open your bedroom window and leap right through it, you can be more confident that you'll fly like Peter Pan compared to this shit happening. THIS - IS - NOT - POSSIBLE!

And before people tell me "but the CIA has had facial recognition for decades": Yes they do and that's a totally different matter. Criminologists use one or two photos per suspect (frontal and side shot) which are taken in carefully controlled conditions: It's always from the same angle and distance, the suspect is told not to smile or open their mouth, the lighting is the same, etc. There are also only a few million photos of criminals in the database, rather than trillions of pictures from billions of people... if you have a 10 GHz processor you may be able to do a pixel-to-pixel comparison of one photo against all others in less than a day.

I'm sorry, but some harsh shit had needed to be said about this: Every time this pops up on EFF or other rights groups, I find myself compelled to speak out against a big fat lie seeing how everyone else refuses to. There is seriously no excuse for allowing fairytales and mass hysteria to spread all over the media, without one voice of reasoning exposing this obvious lunacy for many months! Also fuck humanity hard for ruining what could have been a beautiful domain of research if it was kept rational and serious and not turned into a distorted fantasy... especially since I'm a programmer, do not expect me to forgive this mockery, as they've put yet another cherry on the cake the way only this disgusting species is capable of doing.