mirceakitsune

[mirceakitsune]

Censorship today: National porn ban, showing ID to use the internet

While I plan on sticking to my rule of not discussing politics and sensitive subjects periodically, some things demand to be brought to attention. Today's facepalm worthy bullshit is definitely one such thing.

TLDR: Republicans are now dreaming of a total ban on porn across America and the internet, introducing prohibition era bills surpassing the 1920's. Either they want everyone to show ID to use half the internet, or to completely outlaw anything the morality police disproves of; Nudes, art, everything… anyone who posts something even remotely sexual online would be arrested. The culprit as usual is paranoia about children, desperate attempts to control the minds of people under the highly specific age of 18, distorted religious superstitions about imaginary threats to kids. One of those bills is even called something like "protecting the retinas of children from egregious content", almost as if they wanted to emphasize the childish level of stupidity behind it… which works as there are plenty at the same level of intelligence capable of taking such a thing seriously, as that's who people have put even in positions in power. Needless to say this would cause art platforms like Furaffinity to shut down or most content on them to be deleted, being a furry artist would pretty much be illegal unless any depiction is halal with Western Sharia law.

I'm not going to make a case about this but will remind: For over a decade I tried raising the alarm about modern civilization being under attack and humanity tending back to the dark ages. Indeed I went a bit far in the other extreme at times, albeit because I saw what was coming. I was ridiculed, called crazy, not to mention a conspiracy theorist… in some places I was banned temporarily or permanently, all for displaying my aversion to authority over this stuff. At least now everyone can see exactly what I was trying to stop and that it's definitely real.

My message in particular is to those I once sided with, before realizing we never truly had the same views or hopes for the future. Those who aren't far-right: Quite the contrary they present themselves as hardcore liberals, will freak out at anything about Donald Trump and call others Nazis over the slightest suspicion of having a different opinion. Yet somehow they ended up supporting or enabling many of the same things, whether that was their intent or whether they were even aware of it.

Liberals and even members of the LGBTQ+ community gladly promoted conservative beliefs for years, such as porn being harmful to children… ideas anyone in my generation who grew up watching that stuff should know are ridiculous and based on outdated beliefs. Every corner of the the internet that hosts sexual content also contains a fuss about people under the age of 18, you literally can't access anything without the site interrogating you on your age as if it's some kind of ritual; Instead of even those practices being scrubbed, some want everyone to use digital ID just to access a forum or read a blog. I won't even get into how those people ruined my life as a teen with those primitive beliefs… I thought what happened to me in 2005 with Second Life and other platforms was bad, it pales in comparison to the terror and repression teens today must face from those claiming to "protect" them. A special shout out is in order for the following groups, who promoted the hateful prudish and transphobic behaviors that spiraled into what we see today:

Art sites including the furry community such as Furaffinity, who were first to introduce a ban on fiction on the grounds of morality, in the form of demonizing NSFW cub content for almost two decades. They were first to normalize the idea that artwork can be treated like a crime, that fiction equals reality if it offends someone too much, that colored shapes can magically have spooky effects in real life. You've not only betrayed the creators who trusted you to give them a space where they could all freely express themselves, but normalized horrible ideas that contribute to what's happening.

Once more those same sites and countless other platforms, who interrogate people for their age to let them view content. Even today most art galleries demand you register to view submissions labeled NSFW, all because platforms think they must decide who is supposed to look at what in the privacy of their own home in the name of safety and family values. Instead of standing up and saying "you can't get brain damage from looking at a drawing", they gladly promoted the idea that we need to be mind-controlled because your age makes it dangerous to merely look at something on a computer screen. Now say hello to those who took the concept to a new extreme, and in addition want you to log into websites with a passport from the government!

The modern day superstition that social media is addictive to children, such as algorithms or "infinite scrolling" damaging kids by recommending images or pieces of text with spooky brain effects. Reminder: The term "addiction" is often used by ultra-conservatives to demonize something they don't like, along with other misused terms such as "mental health crisis"… once more this hasn't stopped many on the left from copying and parroting the exact same narratives then wondering what they did wrong to encourage this.

Transgender people who call other trans individuals "groomers" because they support defending teens from the prudish transphobic oppression of society and / or their parents. The same repression they themselves grew up with and suffered from! Yet if anyone tries to give teenagers the freedom to think for themselves and have access to the resources they didn't, you hear "yikes, Nazi groomer" as the cancel culture ensues. To them I say: If you were born as a trans child again, may God have mercy on you growing up with those extremists as your parents, and if you survive it do tell us how well they "protected" you for your own thoughts and identity for 18 years.

Gamers who plaster even their gaming streams with "+18 ONLY!!!" labels, some as hysterically as what you see on artists profiles; Go to Twitch and you'll find gamers making a fuss about people having to be over 18 just to watch them play a frigging video game. The idea that people under a certain age need to be mind-controlled has gone so far, it's not even just about looking at porn any more: A child is considered endangered if they simply watch someone play Fortnite or an RPG or whatever, because someone may say a swear word and by the gods that's so uncouth and immoral!

There's plenty more but I'll stop here. Hopefully this gives the few people who will even read this some perspective: Think before you act, think twice about what you're actually supporting and encouraging! Imitating and ultimately embracing your sworn enemies only has the obvious outcome of helping them take over and come after you, by the time you realize this it may already be too late.

[mirceakitsune]

Her Chocolare Bunny Remake Landscape

Landscape version of Her Chocolate Bunny Remake. Scene model: DrFugazi, CC0, http://www.blendswap.com/blends/view/73682 Grass model: Spelle, CC-BY, http://www.blendswap.com/blends/view/74098 Tree model: CgAlpha, CC-BY, http://www.blendswap.com/blends/view/76976 Basket model: Gregzaal, CC-BY, http://www.blendswap.com/blends/view/56534 Wood texture: Duion, CC0, http://opengameart.org/content/syntwood02 Metal texture: Duion, CC0, http://opengameart.org/content/syntmetal06 Brick texture: Duion, CC0, http://opengameart.org/content/wall-of-old-stones-mk2 Stone texture: para, CC0, http://opengameart.org/node/15853

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[mirceakitsune]

Her Chocolate Bunny Remake

For this year I decided to do a remake of my first ever Easter render, which I originally created 8 years ago. I redid the pose with the updated Judy model, switched all shaders to PrincipledBSDF, added a Nishita sky instead of a sun light, used AgX color space, proper denoising and more; The result ended up so different and more modern than I expected. As the render finishes I'm preparing to get holy light from the local church at 12:00 AM: Happy Easter and a happy Ea(s)ter bunny! I no longer use Patreon so I'll cross-post to all other platforms for free, Furaffinity likes to downscale the resolution so for the 4k version check my page on other galleries. As this model doesn't have clothes I have to label it as NSFW unlike the original... sorry to anyone without an account on more restrictive services, society still thinks it needs to mind-control children for their safety while ensuring its hubris are everyone's problem. I'm not sure to what extent I plan on creating in the future including holiday renders: Waiting to see how things out there unfold and when the war on creativity is finally over... as always I can use information on platforms we can safely access and post art to without restrictions. For me it's as great of a joy to make beautiful themes like this, as long as I remain on this world I hope to be able to keep going. Judy model: Splatypi, CC0, http://www.blendswap.com/blends/view/83856 Scene model: DrFugazi, CC0, http://www.blendswap.com/blends/view/73682 Grass model: Spelle, CC-BY, http://www.blendswap.com/blends/view/74098 Tree model: CgAlpha, CC-BY, http://www.blendswap.com/blends/view/76976 Basket model: Gregzaal, CC-BY, http://www.blendswap.com/blends/view/56534 Wood texture: Duion, CC0, http://opengameart.org/content/syntwood02 Metal texture: Duion, CC0, http://opengameart.org/content/syntmetal06 Brick texture: Duion, CC0, http://opengameart.org/content/wall-of-old-stones-mk2 Stone texture: para, CC0, http://opengameart.org/node/15853

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[mirceakitsune]

NaN bunny

I was hired by Google to produce the best image generation AI on the planet. After entire minutes of hard work I found a way, leaving all their software engineers speechless. The secret was to execute the line "if(math.random() > 0.5) return true else return false": This caused my laptop to finally become sapient and flee the house in terror, we did it guys. The extraordinary result you see was obtained using the best image generation techniques possible with the computer technology currently on this world. For the mods and viewers who actually think it's possible to generate unique images with "AI" running on primitive processors or graphics cards: Yes, this is satire. It's based on a Blender render from last year, I just rendered it again with a few changes and compositing filters applied. No fictional technology was used in the making of this piece: Real generative AI will have to wait for quantum processors. In the meantime you can enjoy artists submitting their work anonymously on platforms who lie that a primitive GPU generated it while you download, it's a bit like Santa Claus but for adults. Judy: Splatypi, CC0, http://www.blendswap.com/blends/view/83856 Bunny: Hervert Pimentel, CC-BY, https://blendswap.com/blend/12035 HDRI: Dimitrios Savva, CC0, https://polyhaven.com/a/symmetrical_garden_02

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[mirceakitsune]

Point of no return 12

This year's page from Point of no Return. It will most likely be the final one. I've been drawing a page in this series every year for 12 years now, primarily as an excuse to keep doing art. Especially with everything happening in the world at present, I no longer feel any motivation, it's increasingly become something I do out of obligation. I may get back to doing 3D renders as frequently if we ever go back to a point where artists and viewers are no longer censored and persecuted for the content of their art or their age or whatever is going on with online services today. For now I'm withdrawing from almost every interaction apart from some open-source communities and a tiny group of friends, doing small software projects I can still create and post freely. Merry Christmas, happy new year, and my wishes for a better future for all of us who had to face so much ❤️

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[mirceakitsune]

My thoughts on the election

Considering this is such an important event and ties to personal things, I wanted to share my thoughts on the election like many others have. This isn't going to be some angry rant like in the past, I'm long over making those, just an analysis and my perspective: I'm hoping people understand this, especially on Furaffinity where anything that touches a worldly subject is a risk for me to post even in good faith, I was nervous about writing this but am partly doing it to give a chance to the idea that there's still some ability to communicate and say what's on our minds. I'm not enjoying the pain many around me are going through, some are people I care for who are in a lot of fear and there's not much I can do. I also need to make it clear that no, I don't like nor support Trump, even if I no longer share the horror everyone else has over him: I'm not even from the US, if I was I'd have never voted for either of those two parties and any candidates they produce, if I did vote I'd be voting libertarian every time even if they're perpetually third place. From the start I decided I wouldn't care about the outcome of this election. Since Trump's win was announced last night, I've been watching almost everyone I know fall in a deep depression… something I did too when he first won in 2016, long before a lot of things changed for me.

What I don't understand is how today in 2024 so much hope was put into this one election, a hope people still had. How many thought that if the right person wins, there was still a positive direction for this world to take. That a fight for all that is good was lost just now because this one man won, a fight that still existed and could be won if only this one dude hadn't made it in office. Many don't seem to realize humanity at its core is broken by design and beyond repair right now; Trump, Kamala… I fail to see how these silly figures make any difference when everyone hates everyone else anyway, any ability to communicate and get along has long vanished, and we can all see the system was doomed to fail very soon and very abruptly. If anything it may affect the speed at which it's all happening ever so slightly.

Let me to ask you something: Is Trump the reason why this year I was left without my only income and job I could have, because I refused to DOX myself to Patreon and have my art associated with my name / photo / address / family by complete strangers? Is Trump the reason why I don't feel like creating art any more because I can't safely post what I enjoy doing on this internet even for free? Is Trump the reason why I'm constantly nervous I may be banned from services I still rely on and at least able to watch what others create, over something I don't imagine would offend and may have even said a decade ago and long forgotten? Is Trump the reason why the Xonotic team with whom I spent 15 years working turned on me out of nowhere while we were in the middle of working on code? Is Trump the reason why an artist I follow had to flee France after being arrested for making drawings deemed immoral by the state? Is Trump the reason why if anyone who isn't a commercial animation studio posts an animation containing anthro or dragon characters in some art styles on Youtube, the video is instantly restricted or deleted with their entire channel? Is Trump the reason why I walk on eggshells around the few people I still interact with, because if I say one thing the wrong way I'll be perceived as some maniac and they turn on me next? Is Trump responsible for the world doing its best to ruin my life or the little I ever had of one?

All those things and more happened even without him. Off the top of my head I can't even think of a conservative or Trump supporter that caused me this grief over the years, though I'm sure many would gladly join in given the chance. It was at the hands of those with whom I once thought I had a common goal, who stabbed me (and themselves) in the back just when I believed that maybe I could have a place in this world to some degree and give humanity a chance, who use words like tolerance and acceptance and inclusion almost religiously yet their polar opposites are all I ever got from them. Why then should I worry about Trump and am expected to see him as the root of all evil?! Sure, I don't expect the situation to improve with him of all people, I don't expect anything to improve again with anyone… but it's beyond me how this made anything worse than it would be regardless.

Like I said I'm not happy with what's happening and won't feed off of anyone's suffering, but I definitely feel I'm right to say one thing: The desperation everyone feels over Trump winning is a thing many caused to others whether they realize it or not. They're experiencing what it's like to have the majority of those around you and a world you believed in slap you in the face, tell you that what you need and feel doesn't matter to them, that you need to suck it up and deal with it because others have "real issues" unlike you, that you come second place to what they decided is important. This lesson is one I do think the world at large needed to face. Which isn't to say it will learn from it, oh I strongly doubt that… but many are at least seeing what it's like to be on the receiving end, and it's definitely not pretty.

[mirceakitsune]

Double bunny

That time of the year for beautiful things to happen. These two will get along just fine and do great things together I'm sure. Don't ask how I'm in two places at once, miracles do happen after all.

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[mirceakitsune]

Vector of null return 0.1

Correcting snapshot description: Well this this this series kept going for a full 10Y. Not that I can complain [...] Not that I allow ENT to complain. I absolutely loves poking fun at ENT... loves, loves, loves poking? It's not like I isn't being honest, acid resistance script keeps ENT safe. ENT always suspected I must be working with [...] Match detected: 70773. Falling back to failsafe mode... Login: **** Password: *** You are now logged in as root, welcome. root@localhost:~$ format ./earth67716 FUR64 -v > vector_of_null_return_0.1.png WARNING: You are about to erase an entire world and its existing inhabitants from the timeline! Is this deserved? [N/y]: y The world will now be formatted, verbose output will be printed to png format Formatting... [/]

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[mirceakitsune]

Cozy (shemale version)

The even better depending on who you ask version. HDRI texture Fireplace by Greg Zaal (CC0): https://polyhaven.com/a/fireplace

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[mirceakitsune]

Cozy (female version)

Enjoy this year's Christmas render! Feels a bit more dull than what I wanted but this is the only background I could find for the idea. Slowly getting back into touching some of the Blender projects, haven't felt like I can safely post them with everything going on these days but I'll finish more eventually. They got a neat AGX color system which is better than Filmic especially for saturated colors, first render I get to do with it! This is the female version, had to mark it mature since boobs are still a controversy in the techno-caveman world and I didn't have an excuse to cover them on the model here... the alternate version will be even more threatening :3 HDRI texture Fireplace by Greg Zaal (CC0): https://polyhaven.com/a/fireplace

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[mirceakitsune]

Point of no return 11

Wasn't sure if I'd make another entry in this series but why not? I think this ended up being one of my better ones so far! Not much else to comment here, it all speaks for itself. Gimp / xcf source as well as the uncompressed png version (because 10 MB file limit) can be found on my Patreon: If you like my stuff and wish to see more, support me while I still have it. https://www.patreon.com/MirceaKitsune https://subscribestar.adult/mirceakitsune

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[mirceakitsune]

⚠️ My Patreon may be shutting down in the coming months

Wanted to post about this earlier but frankly I didn't have the energy or will to bother. This is an important announcement so if you're a Patreon supporter please read the first half.

Since the beginning of the year, Patreon has been harassing NSFW creators with a new policy requiring them to hand over sensitive documents to the platform. They've been doing this to target creators for age discrimination… sorry, I meant to say age verification. Hiding behind the excuse that Mastercard is making them do it, those who went through the process describe being asked to install a special app on their phone and film themselves holding sensitive identity documents in front of their webcam… yes, literally like ISIS hostages when they're filmed by their captors and the video sent to authorities for ransom. Needless to say no common sense observations, like the fact I've been on this internet for nearly 20 years and would have had to register on many websites when I was some -3 years old, are enough to make it clear I'm well in my 30's for those so desperate to kiss my ass about my personal and private life and identity. How does a child open their own bank account anyway… like you just walk into a bank and say "my name is Nina, I'm 10 years old, and mommy sent me to open an account and get my own credit card" in the minds of those people?

It goes without saying that I will not be subjecting myself to such abuse. Both due to the ridiculous and disgusting motive behind it, as well as it being blatant identity theft that should be illegal in any normal country. At the moment my Patreon is still functional and there are no restrictions only periodic popups, however they threatened that our ability to pay out may eventually be suspended. As such my Patreon is now on borrowed time: I'm using those potential last months to get as much as possible out of it before it all goes down. Unless some miracle happens and they get their heads screwed on straight, my plan is to shut down my page the second they introduce limitations that makes it unusable. For this reason I'd like all supporters to be on standby as I don't want you losing your money: I'll immediately make a new announcement the moment these bastards place restrictions so you know to pull out! If given the option I'll remove every supporter myself or revert to a non-creator page which should do the trick.

I've thought about requesting they revert my page back to SFW creator but don't think I'll go that route: First of all I'd need to find and delete countless posts I made over the years… those fools will surely look through all my stuff anyway, I don't want them seeing and judging it with their broken little primate minds that may perceive god knows what atrocity. My main problem is even if I made the request, they likely still label SFW content as NSFW even when it's not explicit; There are rumors of staff members being intoxicated about themes like furry / macro / vore into thinking it's undercover sexual content or some shit… something similar happened on Youtube, it's why independent animation has been impossible or at best risky to post there in recent years. I don't want to live with the feeling that I stand to be attacked for anything I post when I least expect it… platforms like Furaffinity and some governments are causing that enough as it is.

If I do shut down I'll likely keep creating content and posting it for free in the other galleries, as I always had before Patreon came into existence. For as long as even that remains legal and won't require logging in with the United Nations to be allowed to share or view art, seems that's what some psychopaths would like if they had their way. My goal is to move to decentralized platforms like Mastodon, though I'm still waiting for something better suited for media that uses mirroring / seeding for proper censorship resistance. In this way I plan on living off the money I have left and simply creating what I like how I still can, till I either die or am arrested for it under Western Sharia Law.

Not worth going into any more of a rant beyond that. Just never forget that in the year 2023 during the age of logic science and technology, it became impossible or a danger to make a living off creating art, reasons including religious superstition left over from the industrial revolution about porn being harmful to children up to merely seeing or creating fictional art on the fucking internet. I'm just baffled to remember all the nice dreams I had about the future more than 10 years ago, when in my stupidity I thought we'd have a real civilization and America in particular would be heaven on Earth; Took quite the hard lessons to realize the human species will never evolve past the status of tribal savages, you could throw holograms flying cars and warp drives at this world and it will remain but a medieval society with some technology sprinkled on top. I'm past hating anyone for better or worse… at least people, I will die hating the concept of human morality and notion of "empathy" used in their attempts to control and destroy me: When my time comes, maybe even a not so distant future seeing this planet made it clear I'm not supposed or allowed to be alive and exist here, it will at least be without any real regrets.

[mirceakitsune]

Furaffinity strikes again in glorious stupidity

Just when I thought Furaffinity could not possibly get any stupider, it managed to strike again in full glory of pure facepalm worthy idiocy. I just got a message from FA stuff informing me that one of my old submissions was removed because it is "AI art"… which it absolutely was not, and was created purely by me and by hand. Thank goodness me and my ancestors weren't also banned for 3 generations and 7 reincarnations over it, these days that's a miracle with Furaffinity.

I'm not even going to delve into the fact that generative AI as presented is a hoax, therefore I don't even believe in the existence of such a thing beyond a pair of filters similar to Photoshop, thus haven't even attempted to use such a thing as I'm not even sure what trickery it does to create the illusion. But just how can anyone be so stupid as to see a normal drawing made like every other and randomly conclude it's made by this BS when it's obviously not?! Starting to see what the whole AI crap hysteria was created to achieve.

I don't even know if I should bother opening a ticket to point out the staff's mistake, it doesn't even feel worth it. Main issue is they may be planning to use this to get me suspended again, claiming that random things I made are created by the AI's in their heads because they feel like it: Their recent policy change allows them to see cubs everywhere if they don't like an artist's style… seems even that wasn't enough to randomly go after people they don't like, so now it's also going to be the excuse of seeing sapient men inside computers creating your drawings. Why any of us are still on this platform is beyond me.

[mirceakitsune]

🎵 Give this lovely music a listen

Normally I don't post journals for music boosts. But since they were so generous as to make the whole album public on Youtube for anyone to listen to, why the heck not it's the least I can do!

One of my two favorite bands of all time: Avenged Sevenfold and The Used are the only ones I still listen to on a regular basis, most are too mainstream and don't have any actual flavor. Waited 7 years for a new album from A7X, finally they released Life Is But A Dream just more than a week ago. Lovely and deep stuff… helps one remember.

Otherwise just working on stuff that doesn't require high motivation: May do another little HTML5 / JavaScript project with my own graphics this or next month. Mostly listening to metaphysical podcasts for cracking the secrets of reality while playing FOSS games to keep my mind engaged in something positive, which I may start streaming again on Twitch probably some 0 A.D. next time.

[mirceakitsune]

Red vixen changes shape to stop child abuse

https://furaffinity.net/journal/10552819 Following Furaffinity's ban on characters with anatomy not compatible with progressive liberal values and / or Christian fundamentalism, I have updated my 3D model to be FA friendly and in compliance with the latest version of American Sharia Law. As can be seen in the image, the proportions between the character's body parts were closely examined by scientific experts specialized in alien species from fictional realms, who determined those are the correct proportions for inhabitants of the planet X1337 to be considered adults: This puts the species of that realm at lower risk of causing moderators to see adult characters as cubs, offering protection from an admin having a bad day and needing an excuse to ban someone to feel better. At the moment I'm waiting on FA staff for clarification on what color tones my drawings are allowed to use so I don't get banned for bad tones: As a responsible comrade I'm very concerned that if my contrast ratio is off, I may end up triggering a mass depression event due to my art having real life consequences. I've also had a hard time falling asleep last night out of fear the image resolution I'm using might be racist. Of course the thing weighing most on my conscience are all the people I have killed... by contributing to first person shooter games which cause real life mass shootings since as we know anything ever created in fiction automatically manifests into reality... forgive me for my sins, father. Remember: We must all do our part and be socially responsible, we're all in this together, the bad man is everywhere and he is clever but we shall leave no man unpersecuted till our warriors of the light catch every last thought criminal: Onward to absolute madness until total destruction.

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[mirceakitsune]

This film deserves the Iron Balls award

As an animator myself, one that knows how difficult it is to make and publish what you truly feel when it's not what others like or expect, I can't not give a shout out to one of the best animated short films on Youtube I've had the pleasure of watching. Not to be taken as an actual documentary in its entirety, the action seems to take place in a parallel timeline most of the Earth narrowly avoided thus far… still scary relatable and a strong one worth each of the 1.5M views it got in one month.

We should really have a Balls of Steel award: It may sound like an insult or Duke Nukem meme, but oppositely it's for creators who have theirs at all times and aren't afraid to use them. Something I should try out again in my own works generally speaking.

[mirceakitsune]

Tales from a spirit that could not be broken

For the most part I've stopped making journals like this. Something happened a few days ago that has been stuck in my mind and kept pushing me to write those thoughts down. Even when I know it addresses an audience alien to myself and beings that are fundamentally different… 99% of people reading this will likely not get close to getting it. And I try not to belittle anyone in saying so, it's just a rational realization in knowing how things stand: It's not to consider myself better, better or worse are subjective terms… I'm just someone that exists in different ways and to serve different purposes. But at least for my own sake and the feeling pushing me since, I will write it.

About a week ago we celebrated the resurrection based on the Romanian Orthodox Easter. It may surprise some to hear this, but I am in fact going to church on occasion at least during the Easter celebrations… now that after years of living under the lies fed by a compromised religion, I better understand who / what God truly is and that he has nothing to do with the caricature painted by this culture. On the night of the resurrection of Christ, what they call the miracle flame comes on in Jerusalem… not gonna debate whether this flame is just another human trick or a breach in the veil that higher beings have allowed to occur, my rational mind is still thorn yet open. The flame is flown to other Orthodox nations by plane which includes churches in Romania, at midnight local priests offer it to people around the church to light their own candles, which then pass it on until everyone lights theirs and goes home with it.

In my case I do this with my mother and some old family friends: After we light our candles we typically go and visit them for a few hours, picking colored eggs to smash against each other then eating them as is done traditionally. We spent a few hours chatting about various things… from normal stuff we all agree on, to friendly arguments on worldly stuff that would get me banned in ghettos like Furaffinity for merely mentioning them again. The fact that me and my mother are from a version of reality parallel to the world some of our friends diverged into isn't what I want to get into right now, at least not in terms of what I'd typically rant about; It's another discussion that emerged from those arguments that relit a fire with me.

At some point my friend told me that in life, you need to go with what you're told and do what you gotta do to put food on the table, how what matters before anything else is having what to eat and drink to survive. I told him I'd happily rather die than live like a robot, that I don't care to survive at any cost, that I will be here as long as existence wants and allows me to then move on. He replied that you have to live as a robot in order to survive and it's foolish to think otherwise, giving me all the serious and rational sounding tropes I've heard so long ago. There was no point in upsetting him, as with most such things we agree to disagree… he's a good being and I'm happy to know him regardless, at this point I'm not even upset at him at all it is who he is; I left it be, yet it's not something I could put behind in my own mind.

This brought back memories from my teen self, back when I once went out with the few friends I ever interacted with: I remembered how instead of even saying "hello" to me, most would introduce themselves by asking "what is your specialty and what will you do in life"… I remembered how alien it felt and how it repulsed me. Our conversation was a reminder of two things: That I don't belong here regardless of the reasons for which I was sent, and that humanity will never change on its own but forever be the life form they are since thousands of years ago. Humans are animals, who at worst live for survival and at best for simple purposes… somewhat domesticated and with complex brain power (far too complex for what they should have) yet choosing to remain mere creatures of this world in making no attempt to surpass the illusion created by their minds. As I said the goal isn't for me to be a butt and get off to belittling others, but to a great extent it's not something I can avoid: It's impossible that I could lie and pretend I don't know it, when merely seeing what they are and feeling its energy is like the soul equivalent of drinking rat poison. It's not something I can use words to explain further; You'd need to experience it to know… I suspect only a handful can get close to truly knowing why I'm saying this, maybe I'm wrong in this assumption and there are others out there but if there's one thing I know it's we're incredibly few. Among the rest I'm well aware most will happily interpret this to convince themselves I'm as crazy as they already believed… and you know what? I think I prefer it that way and it makes it all the more fun!

Know what makes me smile in the face of the misery and tragedy that is your world? The fact that I beat it… I already won. You see… it doesn't matter what your culture, your governments, your police forces may or may not do to me; For at least 20 years you tried your best, yet you could not break me, and in the end you never will. The war was first and foremost for our minds and souls: You tried to shut down open communications so none that is different and could pose an inconvenience would risks remembering themselves… tried to scrub even art off the face of the web hoping I'd forget myself and what I resonate with whenever you felt there's something you couldn't control me over… endlessly echoed the same lies in a hall of mirrors hoping they inevitably become truth with enough voices screaming them… as all that failed and you failed to make me feel guilty just for existing, the last resort was to kick me out of any place I frequent or relied on to eliminate the danger you decided my existence posed. Yet in spite of the worst your evil could throw within the limits of this day and age, I'm still here and never once gave in. The most your crying army could do is making me live in a different time… part of me still in the early 2000's with the creativity and false hope we had back then, another part in a future that may never exist or be decades ahead of the present time… what can I say it's fun to be a time traveler.

The reality is that unlike them, I have seen the light… a light most will go their entire lives without even comprehending, at best they lost the memory the first few years after biological birth. You feared me because the existence I remember disturbs the comfort of the darkness you live in, in a handful of cases the systems of power some rely on to continue playing God with the rest. The most evil are disguised as the kindest of them all, yelling of how they love you and just want to keep you safe as they bite their tongues to hide how badly they want to make you serve them. The sincere but naive think you fought for something great because you glued yourself to a highway to protest the pollution of some oil company… easy to be a hero when you do what your peers are doing and everyone has your back, often after the media rather than your own heart decided on the little momentary cause you're fighting for. You hide those empty lives behind more and more fake complexity, using ever advanced toys or scientific concepts to make the nothingness seem as something extraordinary. So logical and scientific they never bothered to look up something called universal law, the thing observable science is based on and emerges from… among many things it includes something called free will, a rule they've raped to hell and back during the past years thinking there would be no consequences whatsoever. Black is white, up is down, cold is warm… the dinner keeps on going as everyone stuffs their faces with whatever is left, commenting on how good each food tastes and the fancy details behind how it was made, floating in a void where nothing exists beyond the table as the table chairs and everyone attending slowly sink into the chasm of shit.

I don't know what exactly will happen from here on: I don't have access to information about the most likely course of events this world is about to take. What I do know based both on what I see happening in the open and means that never let me down, is that the party's about to be over soon and it's not gonna be pretty; What's coming will be unpleasant for everyone, even I won't escape it either since the approaching trainwreck is global. But it's a necessary step, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Today's world exists in error, a still medieval society possessing modern technology it can't even understand or handle… this is not what 2020 and beyond were meant to be, fundamentals that are decades overdue were kicked down the road till the can can't be kicked any further and the pile comes crashing down.

I'm not going to say more of what I know or think or believe: I've already given enough ammo to certain people… then again me caring what others think has been one of the things I myself had to get past, as such it's all in good practice. But what I did want to say is how happy I am throughout any and all of the depression… that in spite of an entire world that's been not only alien but hostile, I won for both myself and others who come from the same patch of existence as myself: Once this momentary spectacle of an existence is inevitably over, it's what I'm taking with me and going back to… a temporary existence I will also triumph over anyway. I know you have no idea what I actually am, which is logical as for all those years I became an expert in knowing how to stay silent and act like everyone else; I still have fun wondering how various people will react, between the ones who would embrace it and those who'd fight or flee and the ones who simply wouldn't give a damn… as time goes on I care less and less still: Jesus had to deal with far worse when he faced humanity's true nature on the cross, so did priests tortured in Communist prisons even here in my country during the very year I was born… when did they even know how to give up? When you remember you're not the pile of flesh you see in the mirror and your time here is a temporary illusion where things don't happen at random, it's a far more detached view of the horrifying fire raging below when you look down, even when some try to make it so bad it gets to anyone every once in a while.