#also my back hurts less the painkillers are helping a lot hopefully i can sleep better tonight

[1ovestay]

twt was working for me on desktop and i made a list for my tl n it was all finally working so i tweeted that everything was fine for me cuz im gods little favourite but i shouldnt have opened my mouth

[egotisticalee]

angelii-ii replied to your post

“angelii-ii: ok but them talking about pain reminded me of some of my...”

oh I'm down if you want to talk about them dude fdjhgfdjh

you know what? its pain story time gsdfdsfsdfsd ill put em all under a read more. tws for a couple vague mentions of blood, some unsanitary kinda stuff, menstruation, brief mention of surgery (not in any detail) and some detailed descriptions of a whole lotta pain.

okay so in remembering all my pain stories, ive remembered quite a few injuries i got when i was little, that i dont really remember the pain of, i just remember that it was painful, including

falling (with extra momentum) and splitting my gum open on cobblestones

getting smashed in the face with a dodgeball

that time i got a throat infection so bad that breathing hurt and i sat in the school office for several hours before my mum picked me up

falling off monkey bars, landing on my butt and being so winded that i couldn’t speak for ten minutes

being pulled over by my nana’s dog, landing on my shoulder and yet again being winded, this time so bad that i couldn’t breathe in for about ten seconds and for those ten seconds i genuinely thought i might die

that time i got a bladder infection - i remember writhing in pain in the backseat of my mum’s car as she drove me to A&E but i don’t really actually remember the pain

the chronic stomachaches i would have that i recently realised might be connected to my possible lactose intolerance/sensitivity and the fact that i pretty much only drank milk as a child (can you guess how the bladder infection happened)

with doing pole, i constantly get covered in bruises and such and a lot of moves cause some low-level pain but that’s because of the grip - the pain is mostly due to like, the pulling on the skin and its never really more than a few bruises and some tender skin on the thighs (except for that time where i somehow tore the skin of my thigh... underneath the top layer of skin fsdsadsa). the closest i’ve gotten to a proper pole injury is falling out of a duchess onto my arse and being a little more bruised that usual, and the several times in the past couple months that i’ve smashed my head into the pole whilst doing a flying cat at full power. 

and honestly pole has done a lot for my pain threshold. it’s like, i notice the pain is there, but it doesn’t bother me because i’ve felt it so often. and its also because i know that the pain of keeping this grip is way way less than the pain that i will feel if i let go sdfsdfsdfsd i find myself with so many small bruises now that i know aren’t from pole because of the position of them but i cant think where i got them - because they’re probably from bumping into things and that pain is so small and common to me that i immediately forget about it

on the other hand i also have. really bad hips. and sometimes when im just moving, ill catch a nerve and a shot of pain will go through my entire leg and that shit hurts. ive noticed it most commonly happens if i twist when im stepping somewhere but i dont turn the leg thats planted. i was also once balancing on one leg whilst putting a sock on and my hip just. popped out. and i think it immediately went back but i couldnt properly move that leg for ten minutes and i was in a fair bit of pain

my worst pain experiences though... hoo boy. i kinda narrowed them down to three.

im afab and i have periods so of course i gotta deal with cramps every so often, and they can get pretty bad - just like, doubled over, seeking out anything warm to put on my stomach. i’d say about a 5 on the pain scale. but after my gsce exams (exams that uk kids take in year 11 which is the equivalent of sophomore year of high school. they’re the first exams you take that you get an actual qualification from) i didnt have my period for 3 months. and if im late on my period, my cramps get bad. so on the 17th august, a week before my 16th birthday, ya boy was in fucking agony and for some reason in my brain i was also vehemently against taking any painkillers. eventually my nana convinced me to take one of her morphine tablets though and i felt way better hdfgdsff

theres also the time last november when i got an ear infection. earlier that day i had had a massive nosebleed that lasted for about 20 minutes and made me feel super woozy, so along with all the shit that came with dealing with that (i had to go to A&E to get checked out) it was already a pretty rough day. and then that evening my ear started hurting real bad and it just progressively got worse, and i hardly slept that night at all. i was in pure agony by like. 1am and it lasted the entirety of the night, no matter that i took painkillers. the only reprieve i got was at one point, i was watching yt videos and an ad for headspace came on, and i listened along to the meditation thingy it was doing, but of course once the ad was over, the pain was back full force and i could do nothing but cry (so of course i started to get a headache on top of all of it). thankfully once i got to the doctors the next day and got some antibiotics, it cleared up super fast. i was also talking to darkwarf (i wont tag him so he doesnt have to read this fdsffds) and funnily enough our talks that night were what birthed his character teddy.

and then what i think is officially the worst pain ive ever been in, was the first time i got my tailbone infection. me and my mum went on a coach to a roller derby game and at the end of the day my tailbone was aching quite a bit, as if i’d bruised it. i brushed it off as just being the fact that i had sat in shitty coach seats for several hours, then uncomfortable plastic chairs for more hours, then shitty coach seats again. the next day though. ya boi was in agony again. i could not find any way to be comfortable - the closest i could get to comfort was standing. every movement of my hips was pure pain and i couldnt walk properly. the pain was so bad i just could not put one foot in front of the other and i ended up walking by essentially swiveling on each foot and keeping my hips as still as possible.  the worst part was when my mum drove me to the walk in centre - although i knew that i was going to where i would be helped, the car. oh, the car. somethign about that seat - and since this infection has recurred several times, i know it is a feature of all car seats - maybe it was the angle, or whatever, but it was pure agony to sit in. i spent the whole car ride with my arm on the car door and my other hand on the car seat, holding myself up to make it not so bad, but with every bump of the car, pain was fucken. shooting through me. it would take me like 10 full seconds to lower myself into a chair or push myself out of one.  sleeping was awful cause i sleep on my side and i turn quite a few times before i can get to sleep - and of course turning with my hips how they were was incredibly painful. im not very vocal when it comes to pain but this thing had me yelping and everything. plus the antibiotics i had to take were fucking miserable. they tasted absolutely disgusting and i had to have them 4 times a day on an empty stomach (no food 2 hours before or 1 hour after) for 2 week and it was awful. this bastard is also recurring. the last time it got super bad was funnily enough about a week after my ear infection. honestly yall. late nov-dec 2018 was the worst fucken time for my physical health. but actually! in 2020 i am hopefully getting a surgery to stop the infections once and for all! but with the way the NHS is going, honestly who fucking knows. i do know that i will hunt down and kill boris johnson if he stops me getting this surgery.

[philosophiums]

so in case y’all didn’t know, @requiemofkings is a goddamn saint for putting up with my annoying ass while i struggle through writing this au

anyway i finally got part three done. and in case you missed them, here’s part 1 & part 2

Andrew stares down at Neil’s body on the hospital bed and wonders how his life got to this point – how he ended up in a place, in a position so fucked up. Not that his life hadn’t been fucked up before, between the traumas of his childhood, juvie, and a barely-assembled life with Nicky and Aaron before he got on Wymack’s radar. But this is fucked in a different way, a worse way. Andrew is fucked in a different way. He’s so closely bound to another person that he doesn’t know how to begin living without them.

Thankfully, Andrew thinks, he doesn’t have to.

Neil’s eyes flutter open in the way the nurse said they would, disorientation following the butterfly struggle like a puppy seeing the world for the first time. Neil looks around the room in rapid sweeps, taking it in floor to ceiling, probably assessing his body condition all the while. Andrew stays where he is, standing despite the pain, his hands in his pockets and his eyes never leaving Neil.

Finally, Neil’s gaze comes to rest on Andrew, and it doesn’t skip away. He gives an incoherent moan and a soft, “Drew?” and then winces like talking isn’t one of his more brilliant ideas.

“You died,” Andrew says, flat and simple despite the hurricane in his chest, the scratch in his brain that keeps skipping over those two fucking words and how close Andrew came to losing Neil for good.

“Not… that easy to get… rid of me.”

That bottomless pit of anger inside of Andrew wants to yell in the face of Neil’s humor, to make him understand the turmoil that Andrew’s been through. He wants to shout at Neil until he understands that he was dead for five minutes, that it was only a miracle and Andrew’s fists that brought him back, that Andrew nearly shot a fucking civilian because he was so desperate to get Neil into the operating room and get that bullet out of him. He wants to shake Neil’s shoulders and tell him that Andrew can’t put the fucking mission first anymore, can’t even put himself first anymore, because he cares about Neil so goddamn much that it’s a wound in his chest cavity, gaping and infected.

But dwelling on that, on what happened and could have happened, isn’t going to do them any good. It’s not going to get them out of this situation. So he lets that anger and fear out in a rush of breath and limps over to the bed, taking it easy on his shot-up thigh, and eases himself down to sit on the edge of the bed. “Good, because as soon as you can move, we’re leaving. Someone’s gunning for our asses, and I’d rather not try and take them down with your ass hanging out of a hospital gown.”

Neil coughs out a laugh and pushes to sit up more on the inclined bed, but his laughter severs off and his body freezes on a breath. Andrew guesses that Neil’s still in too much pain to go anywhere just yet.

“I said when you can move, not right this minute,” Andrew says. He digs in his pocket and pulls out a tangled ball of silver, which he then presses into Neil’s hand.

“I’m fine,” Neil says, because it’s impossible to really bury habits as engrained as that. Fist gripped around his engagement ring, Neil pushes himself up the rest of the way into a sitting position and then collapses against the pillows, face pinched and ringed with sweat for his efforts. But his eyes are open, and he’s not bleeding through his gown yet. “You got hit,” he says after a few deep breaths, glancing down at Andrew’s thigh in an evident show of awaiting the prognosis. A minor tremor in Neil’s hands as he drops the necklace over his head is the only remaining sign of the amount of pain Neil’s in right now.

Andrew nods. He knew that Neil would never overlook something as important as a limp, a flaw in Andrew’s demeanor, so he hadn’t tried to hide it. “A doctor pulled it out while you were in surgery.” He sent the bullet home with Aaron, hoping to get some sort of answer out of ballistics, but not holding onto a lot of faith. “Gave me some stitches and a nice prescription of morphine.” Too bad he can’t take it. He’ll just give it to Neil or keep them on stash for emergencies.

Neil gives a quiet hum and reaches out with shaking fingers to brush Andrew’s cheek and the slice left behind by a paper-sharp blade. “I missed this one. You weren’t the only one with a knife, huh?”

“Well you were busy bleeding to death, so I’ll let it slide this time.” Andrew presses his hand against Neil’s and draws it away from his face. The tremble in Neil’s hand is so small that Andrew can mask it with a squeeze of his own fingers, like the time Neil forgot to eat for two days and his blood sugar dropped. Andrew hesitates a moment before holding Neil’s hand to his chest. The edge of his ring presses into his sternum, hissing out a touch of pain from a bruise there, but that only succeeds in making this more real, in solidifying in Andrew’s mind that Neil is really alive.

Neil smiles, and he finally looks as doped-up as he should. There’s a fuzzy edge to his eyes, his mouth set tenderly on a slack face. It’s a shame that Neil only ever looks this soft when he’s sleeping or on painkillers. Andrew wonders how old Neil was when he started growing his edges. Was it at three years old, after the first time his mother slapped him to make him quiet? Or at five, when his arm snapped in two places after being pushed down the stairs by his father? Six, after his first training session with Lola? Maybe when he was fourteen, after his mother shot him in the shoulder to gain them a safe place to sleep?

“Where else, besides the bullet?” Neil asks, getting in the way of Andrew’s self-destructive thoughts before they can form.

Andrew squeezes Neil’s hand and then rests it on his thigh. He brushes the curtain of Neil’s bangs away from his eyes, wanting to see more than just shards of iceberg blue. “Someone made a mess of your arm hacking at it with a knife. Five cuts that all needed stitches.” Andrew moves his eyes from the tight white bandages around Neil’s arm to his shallowly-rising chest. “I broke three of your ribs giving you CPR, so the fourth must have broken after the explosion.” He doesn’t bother mentioning the minor nicks and bruises, the injuries that will heal in just a few days.

“If I don’t move, I can’t feel any of it,” Neil claims, though Andrew knows that his tolerance for painkillers is too high for that to be true.

But Andrew doesn’t challenge him. “Hopefully we can keep you drugged-up enough over the next few days that you won’t feel it even when you are moving.”

Andrew pats Neil’s thigh hard enough to send reverberations into his torso, and he watches closely for signs of pain. Neil winces and glares, but other than a bland, “Was that really necessary?” he doesn’t bitch about the pain.

“Let’s go now,” Andrew says, easing off of the bed, “before it’s time for your next dose. You’re no use to me if you’re unconscious, so I’d like to save that for the road.” He’s also starting to get anxious, sitting around in a hospital like meat ready for slaughter. It’s been really fucking quiet, considering that this is the closest hospital to the Langham and there was certainly enough effort put in to taking them down at the hotel.

“Gotta have someone to watch your six,” Neil says while Andrew helps him move to the edge of the bed, steadying him for a moment before going for the bag Dan had dropped off for them. “Speaking of, are the others home already, then?” Neil asks, working at the ties on his gown despite how much that must hurt.

Andrew drops the bag beside Neil on the bed and tugs open the zipper. The orange bottle of morphine is sitting right there on the top. His leg and shoulder and everything fucking hurt, and the pills are so goddamn tempting. Andrew’s jaw clenches, and he shoves the bottle to the bottom of the bag rougher than needed.

Neil’s hand flutters like a panic attack over Andrew’s arm. “We can get you something else for the pain. Tylenol even. Better than nothing.”

“Not a high priority right now,” Andrew says, but his body relaxes at Neil’s touch, at his concern. He leans over and presses a lingering kiss to Neil’s forehead, and then another to his lips. He drops the conversation. “They should have landed by now, yes. Why, upset that Kevin hasn’t called yet with concern over his favorite agent?”

Neil smacks Andrew’s arm. “Asshole.”

A careful game of tug-of-war is involved in getting Neil out of his gown and into street clothes, but eventually he’s sitting in sweatpants and one of Andrew’s long-sleeved v-necks with his shoes shoved into sneakers and his hair looking bed-mussed. He looks so… normal that it throws Andrew off for a moment, seeing him in a hospital setting.

“What?” Neil asks, because of course he notices every small fluctuation in Andrew’s expression.

Andrew’s mouth tips down, just a fraction. Even now, after knowing Neil for years, it’s unsettling how well Neil understands him, reads him. He narrows his gaze and lets his eyes dance along Neil’s collarbone. “I like the way you look in my clothes. I would like it even better if you weren’t shot to hell or pretending you weren’t.”

Neil makes a face that garners none of Andrew’s sympathy. “I’m not pretending. I just didn’t think you would appreciate my non-stop bitching about how much pain I’m in. I haven’t seen you say a single thing about your injuries, and you aren’t even on painkillers.” Fuck but Neil could go from zero to a hundred in less than a second, especially if he’s low on offense and sees his cutting tongue as his only defense.

Silence takes the room for a moment while Andrew gives Neil a chance to draw a few breaths. They don’t need to be fighting with each other, not here, not now when there are unknown people after them for unknown reasons, when both of them are injured. Although it’s not like that situation is going to change for the better any time soon. Eventually, Andrew walks over to the other side of the room and grabs the waiting wheelchair and the crutches.

“Where are we going?” Neil asks through gritted teeth as Andrew helps transfer him into the wheelchair.

Andrew stays quiet while he tries to figure out just how in the hell he’s meant to walk with crutches and push Neil at the same time. He finally just discards one of the crutches across Neil’s lap and opts to use the other like a cane. “Dan left a car parked outside,” he says. “St. Louis is a bet of a trek, but you’re not cleared for flying yet and I’ll be damned if I’m getting on a plane right now. There’s a safe house waiting for us.”

He pushes his fingers through Neil’s curls and gives a tug. “Stay alert until we get to the car. You can sleep all the way to St. Louis if you want.” He wishes that they had weapons, but Dan couldn’t manage to sneak any into the hospital. Andrew has his knives, still tucked away into his armbands, but he’s slow now with a thigh injury and knives aren’t much good when dealing with semi-automatic assault weapons.

Neil snorts, leaning into Andrew’s touch while it’s there. “You just don’t want to deal with the staff on your own.”

Andrew doesn’t deny it. They’re not married yet, so he has no control over signing Neil out of the hospital. The idiot is just going to have to do that himself. He wheels them out of the room without checking the hallway first, and Neil nearly has a seizure over it.

“What the fuck?” he hisses in German, whipping his head around to glare at Andrew.

“Calm down.” Andrew gives a flat look to a nurse staring at them with wide eyes and a slack expression. “We would know if they were in here. Dan tried to bring us guns and couldn’t get past the front door.”

Neil turns slowly back around, probably hurting now more than before. “A metal detector isn’t going to stop a bunch of determined agents.”

“Stopped us,” Andrew says. “Besides, if they wanted to push forward anyway, there would be a lot of shooting right now, and the hospital would be on lockdown.”

Andrew wheels them to a stop in front of the elevators, resting his hand on Neil’s shoulder, reassured by the warmth of his skin, the lack of death in the face of how fucking alive he is. Seeing Neil dead, holding him and trying to force his heart to start beating again… Andrew has never been more terrified.

The wide elevator door creaks open in the achingly slow way all hospital elevators do. Three people trickle out – one nurse and two civilians probably here to see a patient. Andrew pushes Neil inside, and he closes the door immediately so that they’re alone on their way to the ground floor.

“I don’t think they were amateurs,” Neil says, continuing in German despite them being alone. “An M4 isn’t a professional choice, but the shooter obviously knew what they were doing. The men on the ground knew exactly what they were doing.”

“No,” Andrew agrees. “They were professionals. Just not of our caliber.” It’s not cockiness, it’s honesty. If they had been as good as Neil and him, then the job would have ended very differently.

“A hit job?” Neil muses.

“Doubtful,” Andrew says. “Anyone confident enough to use an M4 instead of a .50 cal. isn’t going to be stupid enough to aim at a non-vital area, even through glass.”

“I did die, though.”

Andrew’s jaw clenches at the unwelcome reminder, the ease with which Neil says it. “I don’t think that was the intent,” he says once his grip relaxes on the wheelchair. “A headshot would have been quicker.”

Neil makes a noise of acquiescence and then tips his head in a way that signals him lost in thought. Andrew taps the top of his head with a knuckle. “Don’t think too hard. I’m sure you lost some brain cells in your time of death.”

“Oh, fuck off.” But Andrew can hear the smile in his voice. Dumbass.

“You’re getting predictable,” Andrew says, scowling afterwards because he hadn’t meant to say it.

“Hm?” Neil glances over his shoulder to look at Andrew. After a few seconds of Andrew not meeting his eyes, he turns back around. “Good thing you’re not trying to kill me, then.”

The elevator eases to a stop and dings that they’ve made it to the first floor. “Not yet,” Andrew says, readjusting his crutch and pushing Neil out of the way of a young woman waiting to get on.

There’s a line of one at the nurse’s station, and Andrew wheels Neil into place behind the older man who’s five seconds away from getting into an argument with the exhausted nurse. Fucking baby boomers.

Now that they’re in the lobby, Andrew becomes more alert, spine straightening, feet planted squarely. He pushes aside the scream of pain down his leg and just leans a little harder on the crutch. They’re out in the open now. It would be impossible to shoot at them from a point of elevation across the street, but so easy to take a step inside the front door, double tap a trigger, and walk away. Or, more likely, poor in like ants and surround them, taking them down without a fight given Neil’s and his conditions. Fuck. He hates feeling hunted. It’s not a sensation that he’s used to.

“Hey,” Neil says, pressing his hand into Andrew’s. Neil’s tense, too, but his eyes are soft and earnest. “Deep breath. The nurse is waiting for us.” Andrew looks up and, sure as shit, the old man is fifteen feet off to the side talking to someone else, and the nurse is giving them a tired smile.

“Going home?” she asks when Andrew wheels them up the rest of the way.

“Yeah. Neil Josten. Birthday: January nineteenth of ninety-one.”

The nurse smiles a thanks and types into her computer. A moment passes, and the smile slips, and she types something else. Andrew watches the confidence leech out of her eyes as she realizes exactly what’s going on. “But…” She looks at Neil, then up at Andrew and back down to Neil. “You’ve only been here for a day. You were shot.”

Neil nods, being very reasonable as far as Andrew is concerned. “Yes. And I’m going home. I just need to sign myself out and I won’t be your problem anymore.”

The nurse blinks, opens her mouth and shuts it like a talking doll whose batteries have died. “But you need treatment.”

“Believe me, this is nothing new. My fiancé seems to have signed himself out already with no problems. Please, I just want to go home.”

Andrew bites hard on his tongue as that word rolls off of Neil’s. It’s been a long time since “please” has been anything more than casually annoying, but it’s a gut reaction to hurt when he hears it.

Seconds pass and Andrew gets more irate as they go. He and Neil need to get out of here, not sit around arguing with nurses about whether or not it’s smart to go home. Generally, no, it wouldn’t be, but right now, under these circumstances, it would be stupid as fuck to stick around. Finally, the nurse sighs and prints off the paper for Neil to sign, and they’re free.

“Putting this on the record,” Neil says right before they push outside, “it would be faster if I was walking.”

“Sure,” Andrew says. “And then I would have to deal with an unconscious bleeding idiot instead of a healing one.”

“Oh, you’re in a great mood aren’t you?”

“I’ll be all better once I don’t have to deal with your smart mouth for five hours.”

Neil laughs and then stutters off into pained wheezes. Andrew doesn’t take the time to stop and smack the idiot’s head, but his palm itches for it.

They’re not even exposed for all that long – they just have to cross the street; Dan snagged one of five spots adjacent to a long stretch of grass – but Andrew feels naked for all the lack of protection they have. And when they do reach the car, it’s a struggle for Andrew to keep his motions controlled and even, to not just stuff Neil into the passenger seat and drive like hell.

He takes a breath instead and pops the trunk, taking out a Walther for Neil and a Beretta for himself. He sets both weapons on Neil’s lap and shoves a rifle into the backseat along with the bag from the hospital room. He helps Neil inside as carefully as possible, half-lifting him into the passenger seat and wiping the ring of sweat from his forehead once his seatbelt is on. He wants to say fuck the wheelchair, but he folds that up and shoves it into the trunk, and then he’s in the driver’s seat and the engine is roaring at a slight twist of his fingers.

“Here,” Andrew says, reaching into the back for the bag. He takes out the container of morphine and a bottle of water. Two pills are dumped into Neil’s waiting palm, and, after Andrew takes a drink of water, that gets passed over as well.

Neil drains half of the water before giving it back to Andrew, who twists the cap back on and drops it into the cup holder. “Stop at a gas station for some Tylenol,” Neil says, folding his arms around his waist and settling into the seat as Andrew pulls out.

“As soon as we’re out of the city,” Andrew promises. As soon as they’re safe.

“Good.” Neil falls silent after that, and Andrew focuses on weaving them through the traffic, following the route he had memorized while Neil was in surgery. Andrew isn’t sure when exactly the morphine kicked in, but by the time Andrew merges onto the interstate and has a chance to look over, Neil is fast asleep and temporarily pain-free.

[banditywrites]

Fever Days

Created for Voltron Whump Week

Prompt: Day 1- Fever

Summary: Keith was always good at being alone, a fever didn’t change that.

Notes: Kind of an expansion from my fic, Disappear Completely, but you don’t have to read that to understand this. Please excuse mistakes.

Warnings for illness (Nothing graphic). This is mostly just fluff. Also, unhealthy/ obsessive coping mechanisms, grieving and nightmares.

Fever Days

Keith ignored the tightness in his chest for days. He was fine. Perfectly fine. It was just a cold. No need to panic.

It wasn't until he woke up shaking with chills that he realized he had spiked a high fever.

He was then irritated more than anything. In frustration, he kicked off his blankets. He wanted to just curl up in them and keep sleeping, but he wasn’t a child and he knew it wasn't good to wrap up with a fever. He needed to stay hydrated, try not to get too warm and rest.

With no blankets, he let himself drift in and out of a troubled sleep for a long time. Eventually, he forced himself out of bed and reached for a water pouch. He usually had a few unfinished ones that sat by his bed. The water tasted warm and stale, but it was better than nothing.

Ignore the way your arms hurt, ignore the pain in your neck, your headache isn't that bad, you have to drink fluids, you have to keep going. Keith collapsed back onto the bed, empty water pouch dropping to the side. Sleep now. Sleep and hope that it gets better by the time you wake up. In the morning he would find painkillers and he would carry on as usual. He just needed to sleep a little bit longer.

0-0-0-0

Keith awoke to the feeling of a hand on his forehead. Through blurred vision he saw a familiar figure. Shiro was there, sitting on the edge of his bed, checking his temperature.

He thought he could hear Shiro telling him something. He sounded worried. Shiro cared so much sometimes. Keith had a hard time understanding how deeply someone could care about others, about him. Though, if Keith stopped to think about it, he worried for the rest of the team too. The depth of his concern and protectiveness of the others ran deep. He would do anything for his team. He was sure of it.

"You'll be okay. Just rest now," Shiro's voice faded in and out like an old, ill-tuned radio.

Keith's eyes drifted shut again. Surely he would be okay now; Shiro would take care of it.

0-0-0

The next time he awoke it was because someone had plopped a freezing cold hand on his head and then started swearing profusely. He didn't even realize Pidge could talk like that.

"Whoa, is he dead?" Lance's voice cut into the profane tirade.

"He better not be," Pidge said in warning. As though she could threaten Keith back into good health. Her tone softened slightly as Keith's eyes fluttered open.

"Keith, why didn't you say you were sick?"

"’m...fine."

"You're not fine. You're burning up," Pidge said in exasperation.  

"Shiro said I'd be fine," Keith's eyes drifted shut again and he turned his head away from Pidge's icy hand.

"Shiro said?" Pidge's voice had become too quiet. Keith wondered why everyone sounded so far away.

"Pidge..." Lance sounded upset suddenly.

"I'll go get Coran. He'll know what to do."

Pidge quickly left, leaving Lance to watch Keith suddenly start coughing roughly into his pillow.

The fit soon passed and Keith gasped in great gulps of air. Lance could hear it rattling in his lungs and he wondered how long Keith had been fighting to seem well in front of all of them. Though… he had said he was tired yesterday, but that wasn't anything new. They were all tired.

Lance absently reached down to pick up a discarded water pouch. Finding it empty, he pushed it to the side to throw away later. He noticed the edge of another pouch sticking out from underneath the bed and he picked it up and set it on the edge of the mattress. Curious, Lance slipped down on the floor and looked to see if there was more under the bed.

There was a pause while Lance's eyes adjusted to what he was seeing.

"Oh, Keith," Lance lamented as he pulled out several other pouches and a collection of ration bars. He also found what looked like a chunk of bread, wrapped in a cloth and on its way to going stale.

"Man, you could have said something. You didn't need to start doing this." Lance set his chin in his hand as he studied the hoarded food. He glanced over and actually jumped to see Keith’s eyes open and staring at him. Keith was still bleary eyed, but he definitely looked more aware.

He sat up partially, saw that Lance had uncovered his food stash and he frowned deeply. He looked up at Lance and just stared at him.

"Keith," Lance cleared his throat, "You told me you didn't hoard food anymore."

Keith let himself fall back into the mattress and threw one arm over his eyes. Honestly, he had a headache and he wasn’t feeling up to conversation.

"Can you just leave it? Just... leave it alone."

"Well, wait. Did you just start doing it again? I mean… are you alright?"

Sometime ago, Keith had mentioned hoarding food as a child, he had said it was a means of comfort, but that he didn't do that anymore. So Lance figured that Keith had either been lying or he had just started up again.

"Please don't tell anyone,” Keith muttered, sounding miserable.  

"I won't. But Keith... is it... is it because of Shiro?"

Instead of answering, Keith groaned and began coughing roughly. Lance quickly swept most of the secret rations back under the bed and handed Keith a water pouch.

Keith drank the water greedily, it helped ease his scratchy throat. Lance carefully perched himself back on the edge of the bed and watched him intently.

"Stop thinking about it. It's not worth thinking about,” Keith mumbled.

"But if you're doing it because you don't feel safe or… or grounded or something, I just want to help."

Keith groaned at the pain in his chest. He didn't want to talk about it, he felt horrible and he just wanted to be left alone in his misery. Couldn't Lance just let it go? Was it really the time to talk about a weird compulsion that Keith couldn't explain, even if he wanted to?

Keith resolutely rolled over, away from Lance. He dully stared at the wall and hoped Lance would get the message.

"Keith?" Lance tried to get his attention. Keith didn't respond and Lance wondered what he should say.

A moment later, Keith felt the blanket he had discarded earlier, gently placed over him. Lance was tucking him in like a little kid. Keith scoffed at the idea.

"Not good for the fever," Keith muttered.

"Just one blanket. Just one blanket shouldn't be too bad. You look uncomfortable without it."

Keith could sleep with or without a blanket, but Lance probably felt the comfort was necessary. Well, it did make him feel less exposed. It was nice...

"Keith," Lance suddenly spoke too loudly. Keith grimaced as Lance's voice cut through his headache. "I'll make you a deal, okay?"

Keith groaned in response and Lance took it as a sign of agreement.

"I won't tell anyone about you hoarding food, but..." Here, Lance paused apparently for dramatic effect, "... the next time you start feeling bad, you have to let someone know. Alright?"

Keith didn't respond.

"And I don't just mean like a fever and stuff. Y'know? If you're... sad. You can talk to us. Pidge or Hunk or Coran or Allura or me. You could talk to me about it. I know it's not the same without Shiro, but you don't have to do everything by yourself. Okay?"

There was a pause while Keith just took in a few raspy breaths.  

"Hey, did you fall asleep? Did you hear me?" Lance leaned forward, getting ready to jab Keith in his side with an elbow.

"I heard you."

"Okay, do we have a deal?"

"Yeah," Keith breathed the word out as though it was a sigh.

"Alright." Lance only let the silent go one for another few ticks before he spoke up again. "Hey Keith?"

Keith didn't respond right away, deciding his head hurt too much for any more conversation.

"Keith?"

Keith finally grunted in response. Lance sounded like he wouldn't leave it alone if he didn't answer him.

"Did you really see Shiro?"

"It was just a dream, Lance."

"But, I mean, maybe he was really trying to talk to you, maybe, I mean if there was a way, he would… wouldn't he?" There was a moment of silence while Lance shifted his weight. "Keith?"

"My head hurts."

"Alright,” Lance said slowly.

At that moment, Pidge returned with Coran.

"You're burning up," Coran said with a hand on Keith's forehead. "That's not a safe temperature for humans," he remarked in an offhand way. Keith was soon given a pain reliever, fever reducers, a cool cloth for his head and fresh water to drink.

"If you don't improve in a varga, we'll look into some different medicine. Just rest for now."

Keith had remained compliant as he was prodded at and given different medicines to take. He didn't like having this many people in his room. It was starting to feel claustrophobic. He shut his eyes and willed himself to go back to sleep. Just go back to sleep and when he woke up he would feel better. Hopefully.

-0-0-0-

Keith awoke sometime later to hushed whispering. As his mind drifted to consciousness he recognized the voices of Pidge, Lance and Hunk. Seriously. Why couldn't they just let him be miserable in peace? Why were they all here?

Keith must have frowned because the chatter in the room died down suddenly.

"I think he's waking up."

"Maybe he's just having another nightmare."

"But his fever went down vargas ago."

Wait. How long had it been? Had he been having nightmares? Had they really been here the whole time?

Keith blinked his eyes open, squinting in the room's light. His team was standing around him, they were blurry around the edges, but he could see their looks of concern.

"He’s awake!" Hunk exclaimed.

"Welcome back," Pidge smiled.

"Yeah, you look a lot better than before," Lance added with a grin.

Keith just blinked. He felt a lot better. Though his skin felt a bit clammy and his shirt was still damp where he had sweat through it at some point.

"Why are you all here?" Keith was still bewildered by it. It had just been a fever. They hadn't needed to stay at his bedside.

"I made soup. Are you hungry? I can bring some up," Hunk was already starting to head out the door.

"No, I'm fine."

Lance was giving him a disapproving look. So, apparently, that was the wrong answer.

"I mean, in a little while. I will eat. I just need to wake up first." Keith glanced to Lance and the boy nodded at him in approval.

"Hey, so you've been asleep forever," Lance complained. "But I guess you needed it."

"You all didn't have to stay." He really didn’t understand why they would all camp out here.

"We've been taking shifts." Pidge explained.

"Didn't have to."

"Keith, we don't mind, man,” Lance sighed.

"Yeah, come on. Nobody should have to be all alone when they're sick.” Hunk was still hovering by the door, ready to go get the soup if he was asked.

"It's nothing I'm not used to," Keith responded. When he was met with an odd silence, he looked up to see them all giving him weird looks.

They looked sad.

Keith realized he had said something wrong again. Something to make them all look at him like that. It had only been the truth though. Keith had become used to being alone when he was sick. He could take care of himself. He was okay.

But now they were all looking at him like that.

"Keith..." Lance started and he became worried that Lance was about to tell his secret. They had made a deal hadn't they? Keith's brain was a little foggy but it was something about talking to people, telling people if he was sad...

"I think I can eat that soup now."

Hunk jumped at the mention of his creation.

"You got it! I'll be right back!" Hunk quickly took off to retrieve the food.

"Did everyone else eat already?" Keith asked, glancing at Lance. Lance nodded.

"Yeah, everyone is taken care of. You just need to worry about yourself."

"Okay, good." Keith was beginning to feel fatigue pull at him again. It was surprising how easily his energy left him. He leaned back in his bed and shut his eyes. Before they knew it, Keith had fallen asleep again.

"He's really overdone it lately," Pidge commented. "This is just going to keep happening, if he keeps it up."

Lance only nodded in response.

"Think he'll be alright?" Pidge asked as she replaced the cool cloth on his forehead.

"Yeah," Lance smiled softly. "I think he'll be okay."

When Hunk returned to the room with a warm bowl of soup in hand, he was only mildly disappointed that Keith had fallen back to sleep. They all settled down to continue waiting for him, their quiet talking and poignant concern filling the room with a warmth that was often missing while they fought out in space, so far from home.  

Keith sighed deeply in his sleep. Lance grinned to himself, thinking it sounded a lot like contentment.  

  The End

[herdustisverypretty]

AND ANOTHER TAG THING {warning: strong and possibly strange opinions, LONG ASS RAMBLES (which most definitely include strong and possibly strange opinions), frequent oversharing}

tagged by the lovely Angel <3

1. If you could go backward in time, what would you do first? #2008 Log- Don’t pretend to not be bothered by HC and co’s behaviour and actually call them out on their shit. Note to self: You don’t owe anyone anything. #2009-2014 Log- Start homeschooling earlier. Maybe actually tell people how you felt too? You might have gotten a diagnosis, and thus the treatment that has drastically improved your life, sooner and you’d probably have a lot less scars. Maybe none. And also might not be immune to the effect of regular painkillers. Also maybe then you’d be able to just get said painkillers from the cupboard where they used to be instead of having to ask your mother permission on whether you can have some- at age 22- and having to swallow them there to prove you’re not hoarding them for later (cause that’s right, you did that once, ya dumb little bastard). #2012-2013 Log aka You STILL don’t owe anyone anything- Also do not engage with HS AT ALL. Just nip that one right in the bud. Don’t even go there. PTSD ain’t fun. Also do not allow HC to worm their way back in later. PTSD still ain’t fun.  Though then you probably wouldn’t have written that one VIXX story and not only was writing that story enjoyable (sometimes???? ... maybe?????????), that story did also apparently help a lot of people too...so... maybe don’t fix yourself for the sake of those people who told you your writing helped them through a lot of their own shit. **Particularly never forget the one person who said they hadn’t cried themselves to sleep a night since finding your story. Taking that back from someone is not a nice idea.  LOTS OF SHIT THAT BASICALLY MEANS: stop trying to kill yourself, dumbass. people aren’t lying when they say things get better. well, somewhat. also don’t let people take advantage of and abuse you. or maybe do a bit. because your suffering has helped others and that’s all that really matters right? BUT JUST A BIT. definitely not all of it cause that was Shite. 

2. Conversely, if you could go forward in time, what would you want to see? Dumb men (I was going to say ‘straight, white, cis, American’ men but realised I’ve seen other types of men also being equally idiotic, SO I GUESS JUST MEN) being deleted from all youtube comments please. Also maybe shut down tumblr. I think we’d all benefit from that tbh. Also while I’m at it, can we have a game similar to Pokemon GO but instead of catching Pokemon you catch hot anime bishies. Get exercise and also get five thousand hot boyfriends :D Also retaining the nickname feature. Because that’ll be entertaining. 

3. What’s your favorite word and why? I’ve always been fond of kerfuffle. It just sounds so cute and happy. A kawaii way to say you fucked someone’s shit up. Petrichor is also a DAMN FINE word. It sounds satisfying and the meaning is EVEN MORE SATISFYING. 

4. Hot chocolate with milk or with water? Toppings? Marshmallows? It tastes better with milk, but as I at times have more than 3 a day (since I don’t drink coffee and need caffeine), if I plan to have more than 2 I will make them with water. I believe I have already stated my opinion on marshmallows as well lmao. 

5. If you could change one thing about your favorite fandom, what would it be? Tbh delete all appreciation for my absolute NOTP. And no, I don’t actually mean Akashi/Furihata like most other Akashi/Kuroko shippers; I occasionally state I don’t particularly care for that ship, but I tend to just ignore it and its existence for the most part. Whereas my actual ‘I FUCKING HATE THIS’ ship, NOPE I WANT THAT OBLITERATED> DELETE ITS EXISTENCE. WIPE IT CLEAN OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. This can also be said to apply to one particular person in said ‘FUCK NO’ NOTP. I have frequently expressed my disdain for this character, I do not make it a secret, so it should be no leap to assume who, and which ship, I’m talking about here. 

6. You now have the ability to permanently alter one character from any fandom. Who do you pick, and what do you change? -Lmao. Okay. Well, I’ll name some names after all then, shall I?  -Can I just. Completely erase Momoi’s existence from KnB entirely? Jfc I cannot fucking stand her one bit. The only redeeming quality of her very 2D, bland, and at times downright offensive character, is her desire for the GoM to be friends again. And I could live without that somewhat nice sentiment if it meant the remaining 99.9% of her shittiness was gone. I will never like her. -I can occasionally stand her in fanfiction if she does’t have a major appearance, and also if she’s not being monumentally annoying. And even then I don’t feel any issues with killing her off due to dislike of her canon characterisation. I could literally care less what happens to her. Harsh, maybe, but I personally feel she brings nothing of value to this series, and tbh it would be far better, and certainly less cringey, without her.  -I have essentially been awake for 3 days so this is probably said with much less delicacy than I would normally use, though regardless of insomnia-induced aggression levels, the base feeling is the same. 

7. What is your philosophy on life? (Is it pointless, is it meaningful, is it what you make it, etc…) I honestly don’t care about things such as ‘the meaning of life’. We’re never going to know who put us here, if anything did, or what we’re meant to do, if there is anything, or why we are here at all. Just do whatever you want. Everyone’s going to die and the sun will turn into a black hole and swallow the earth and the universe will ultimately end in a rather unpleasant manner anyway. As long as you’re not harming anyone’s way of life, do what ever you want I could care less.  (that got kinda dark... I guess that’s what happens when people ask philosophical questions)

8. Would you consider getting a tattoo? If you would, what would it be and where would you put it? -Well the first tattoo I ever planned on getting (decided upon when I was 15), and the one I still want to be my first, is my recently passed dog’s pawprint tattooed on my left wrist; where I used to frequently self harm. The original idea was to get a tattoo of something meaningful there that would remind me every time I went to hurt myself that there’s still reasons for living. I stopped self harming around the same time my dog died in 2015, and even though I didn’t really need the reminder to not hurt myself in that way, I decided that getting his pawprint (which I was given a print of when he passed) would be especially nice, and would serve as a reminder of things I survived, and should I ever need a reminder in the future. My plan is now to get his paw on my left wrist (where the majority of damage was done, as he was my first pet), and when my cat also passes (hopefully not for a while still), I will get her pawprint on my right wrist.  -In less meaningful directions, I’ve also wanted the Grey Warden’s emblem tattooed on me for the longest time. I’m thinking thigh in terms of placement. idek what it is about them, or about the DA series in general. I mean, being a Grey Warden is arguably (is it tho) kind of a shitty thing?? You don’t really want to aspire to that if you enjoy, idk, LIFE? But their tagline of ‘In war, Victory; In Peace, Vigilance; In Death, Sacrifice’ IDK BUT IT JUST GOT ME.

9. What’s your favorite headcanon? (Could be your own or someone else’s) Shit, I have A LOT. *These are all mine as well! (mostly lol) -One that I’m still fond of is the hc that Kuroko becomes sleepy after eating a lot (particularly sugary things) which is one reason he eats quite lightly, and that the GoM during Teikou would always be attempting to overfeed him because they thought it was adorable when he curled up in their laps and went to sleep.  -Another I came up with is Akashi not being allowed to play videogames (and probably also not watch much TV) after his mother died. Thus, the GoM (and later Rakuzan regulars, YES YOU TOO MAYU WITH UR LOVE LIVE RHYTHM GAMES) would bring in their DSs and PSPs to school to let him play them as a much needed break from all the pressure being put on him.  -Ideas conceived with 6ubblegum earlier such as Masaomi actually having an unrequited interest in Kuroko’s dad when they were younger, and obviously him becoming quite upset when Kuroko’s dad married Kuroko’s mother. We also came up with the idea that Masaomi and Shiori’s marriage was arranged by their parents for mutual family benefits and that the pair never cared much for each other, and also that Shiori was aro (also I angstily suggested ‘imagine her crying under her veil as she walked down the aisle tho’). Then I also suggested the idea of what if Shiori and Kuroko’s mother were friends, going on playdates with their sons (and also the humorous idea of them putting baby Akashi+Kuroko in matching dresses). So in the end, Masaomi has never been much interested in his own son, and the only person who cared about Akashi truly was his mother, who is now gone. Also Masaomi becoming understandably VERY opposed when Akashi begins dating Kuroko in school.  -Anything involving mentally ill GoM + others (though a chunk of these aren’t even headcanons and more: I am 100% convinced these characters actually have these conditions). Especially fond of self-harmer Akashi.  -Also literally any hc where any particular character is either aro, ace, or both. I reeaaaally love ace Kise actually.  -AGENDER REO!!!!! -I’ll end it with a somewhat nsfw one. The shameless guilty pleasure with 6ubble of Kise and Kuroko being known as the sluts of the Teikou. They’ve definitely boned all the regulars (including NIji) at least once. Probably more. definitely more

10. Do humans have souls? Do animals? I’ve been awake far too long for these kinds of questions XD UHHH in my personal belief I’ve always maintained the idea that all living creatures (this includes humans, as humans are primates) have a sort of.. living energy?? My belief is that once a creature dies, of its lifeforce/energy/soul/the magic keeping it alive/whatever you fancy calling it, the personality part (which I would say comes from the brain and is made up of memories and of course the individual’s unique personality) goes to a plane with other deceased energies (suppose you could call this heaven of a sort - tbh I always pictured it as kinda like the pyreflies in FFX), while the rest of the energy (which I would say comes from the heart and is, I guess, the emotions the individual has experienced through life) is recycled and returned to the earth to be used again. SOOO a sort of somewhat logical theory that combines both afterlife and reincarnation. I also think that the recycled energies can recognise other energies they knew in previous lives. Not in a literal sense, but more like, they might feel an inexplicable connection, be it between two people, a pet and a human, etc etc. I kinda like the idea of this also explaining real life cases of supposed ‘soulmates’. Two energies meeting that once knew each other and were compatible in a previous life (sounds really YA romance I know). This could also be potentially used to explain some conditions or mental illnesses. Recycled energy that previously had lots of negative experiences may be renewed as someone who is also troubled (blame ur disorders on your energy ancestors lmao). This could explain troubled people who have no family history of any similar experiences. IT ALL SOUNDS VERY FANTASTICAL BUT YE. This has all come together after years of viewing and researching many different spiritual beliefs and recounts of spiritual or other ‘incredible’ events, in an attempt to kind of merge everything into something that could potentially be real and/or believable. Idk if scientifically this would make any sense, but I feel it’s logical enough to suit me anyways. 

11. What’s your favorite holiday and why? Well I have mentioned I’m pagan before, sooooo, my answer to this will probably be weird? XD LONG AND BORING BACKSTORY TIME: I didn’t really become self identified as pagan until the age of 13-14, and before that I grew up typically celebrating Christian holidays (Easter, Christmas) despite my immediate family not being religious at all. I always saw these holidays as more just time to be with family than anything else. So I do still celebrate Easter and Christmas as I’ve grown up with them in a culture that celebrates them whether you’re religious or not. I guess Christmas was always my favourite? It’s roughly a month after my birthday, far enough that I get double presents, but close enough that there’s still lots of ongoing excitement. And growing up it was typically the only time each side of my family would all be together (we’d alternate, one year at my mum’s parents, the next at my dad’s). But as I’ve gotten older, and grandparents have died and families have drifted apart, I’ve become less interested in both Easter and Christmas, seeing them now more as just times to buy stuff for people when you really can’t afford to, and tbh now I find myself more drawn to things such as Samhain (also ref that if you have seen spn, they butchered the pronunciation. it’s more akin to ‘sah-ween’ it’s an Irish word I think, which explains everything tbh) in particular. Before last year I had never sought out other pagans in my area and thus was a bit lax in my celebration of sabbats, so when I actually started meeting up with other people in my city early last year, it actually really changed things for me (so emotional sobsob). The Samhain I celebrated with this group earlier in the year (as I’m in the southern hemisphere, Samhain for me is in May) was actually a really really special thing that I did. It also happened to coincide around the 2 year anniversary of my dog’s death, and as Samhain (which has become modern Halloween to most) is a day for celebrating loved ones who have died, it was just a really nice experience to think about my dog, as well as my grandmother who died 3 months before him.  THAT WAS A LONG, BORING, AND MUSHY WAY OF SAYING THAT BASICALLY: ‘pagan Halloween’ (tho that term doesn’t even make sense lmao) is actually really lovely and memorable compared to almost every other ‘traditional’ holiday of my life. 

Geez you just happened to ask all The Big Questions. And you literally went from 100 to 0 to 100 and then probably to 1000. Or maybe that was just me. I AM VERY TIRED AFTER VOMITING ALL THAT OUT. also my finger joints hurt. 

WELL, if you got all through that, here are my own questions, which I totally Did Not steal from other question memes already in existence. I’m definitely not lazy. No I’m actually just very tired lol. These are all going to be fandomy/OTPy questions because WE REALLY NEED SOME LIGHT CONTENT AFTER ALL THAT. Plus everyone loves talking about their fandoms and shit. 

1. A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind? 2. What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom? What fandom was it? 3. Your favourite fandom {for the people, not the thing you spazz over}? 4. Are there any fandom popular ships that you don’t like or just don’t get? Alternatively, are there any typically overlooked minor ships that you think are really underappreciated?  (hay this one i made up myself lol) 5. What was the first thing you ever contributed to a fandom? 6. What’s a popular romantic/sexual ship that you can only ever see as a brotp? (also me!) 7. If you had the chance to make your OTP canon, and your NOTP very clearly stated as ‘definitely not canon eVER’, how would you express this in your ‘new canon’? (i’m on a roll) 8. Which character is Daddy Material? (there’s always at least one, admit it) 9. Character you relate to and why? (please share all tragic similarities) 10. As either a reader, writer, or both!, what’s your favourite fanfic genre and/or tropes? Are there any you always stay away from? 11. Opinions on omegaverse (in any and all forms, ranging from early spn fics, to the surprising amount of BTS/kpop fics, or have you tried the Japanese manga take on omegaverse - or even.... Life From the Ashes)? 

Tagging: @6ubble-gum AGAIN LOL cause these are new questions and I want to see your answers | @the-chibi-sempai | @justsimplyl | @humanitys-shortest-soldier | @kelandry5 | @seijuurouus | @sugaless-coffee bro r u still alive | @kagabutt bcuz we still need to talk moar |

[captainoftherollyjoger]

Flight: Chapter 9

Cuteness, job interviews, and girls night! Check, check, check!

Thanks for all the support guys!!

I’m sorry I don’t have any of the fanfiction sites guys, I’m looking into it. I’ve put links on a separate page on my Tumblr, it’s under Fanfictions!

@thatwolfbookgirl, @followbatb, @kmomof4, @hollyethecurious 

Prologue : Chapter One : Chapter Two : Chapter Three : Chapter Four : Chapter Five : Chapter Six : Chapter Seven : Chapter Eight : Chapter Nine : Chapter Ten : Chapter Eleven : Epilogue

   On the Monday, Killian had heard from the sixth form. He had an interview that Wednesday. His leg was still pretty bad, but if he explained why he was limping so badly. They would understand. He hated the crutches and only used them when he left the house. He was annoyed he couldn't shower, he had to bath all the time with his leg over it. Emma was helping him, but he missed being able to walk the dog properly and run about with the kids.

  He was sat on the couch preparing himself for his interview. He only had two and a half years teaching experience in England, albeit at a rough school in London. But he hadn't taught A Level before. He taught only six months in America as he couldn't be bothered with it. He preferred the docks in New York. His leg was propped on the table and Roger was resting his head near on the couch. Emma had gone for a run which she had started again recently, so he was watching Henry in his playpen. He was playing with some crayons, he tipped them all out and kept putting them back in the pot. He kept doing it repeatedly. Whatever kept the lad happy.

   Emma came through the door, her music blaring through her headphones. She was wearing some running pants and a grey t-shirt. She had quite a sweat on and went straight for a drink. She came behind him and kissed his cheek.

  “Emma, you stink.” He chuckled. “Good workout?”

  “Not as fit as I used to be. I didn't have chance when it was just me.” She looked at his laptop. Pacman was open. “That's not going to get you a job now, is it?” She giggled. “Here, it's time to do your leg.”

  She bathed it gently. The skin was healing nicely, but it was delicate, it would definitely leave a nasty scar. The bruising had come out on his ankle, but he was having less trouble with it, he was wearing shorts which made her job easier, it also allowed more air get to it. She wrapped it up and kissed his knee.

  “I’m going grabbing a shower.” He pulled her onto him and held her like a baby. “Get off me. I stink.” She giggled.

   “Not that badly.” He nuzzled her.

  “Stop. I feel gross. I need a shower. I don't want to cover you in sweat.”

   “It’s not like I haven't made you sweat before.” He laughed.

   “Mama.” Called Henry.

   “I’m needed.” She walked over to him. “What's up, bud?” He tipped all the crayons and showed her him putting them all back. “Wow. Well done.”

  “He's been doing that for an hour.” Chuckled Killian.

  “He's impressed with himself.” She picked him up and kissed him. “Are you going to give Killian lots of kisses. Help him feel better?” She plonked him down on Killian's knee. He picked him up and kissed his cheek lots of little times. He squealed and laughed.

  “I feel a lot better. Thank you, Henry.” He smiled. He sat him on his knee and played with his hand. “Round and round the garden, like a teddy bear. One step, two step. A tickle under there.” Killian tickled Henry's stomach and he kicked about and laughed.

   “You're too adorable. Give me ten minutes.”

  Emma returned from the bedroom. She was freshly showered and wearing some skinny jeans and a white jumper. She'd dried her hair which was now in a ponytail.

  “What are you doing for the rest of the day, love? It's only two.”

  “I have a bit more work to do. I have some free time though.” She sat beside him and rested her head on his shoulder. They watched TV and he traced idle circles on her thigh. They ended up lying on the couch, snuggled up.

  “Henry's fallen asleep.” She whispered. “I’m going to put him to bed. Then maybe we can have a nap of our own.” She smiled.

  “A nap?” He kissed her neck. “Or a nap?” He chuckled.

  “Why don't you go to our bedroom and maybe you’ll find out.” She smirked.

  She put Henry down for a nap and walked to her bedroom. Though Killian wasn't in the bed, or the room. She felt him come behind her.

  “I believe this is for you.” He smiled, handing her a rose.

  “Where did you get that from?” He giggled.

  “I never reveal my secrets. Now,” He pushed her back until her knees hit the bed. “What kind of nap are you offering me?” She fell back and he leant over her. He kissed her neck and she giggled.

  “I just want a cuddle.”

  “Mm. What about what I want?”

  “Well, what do you want?” She smirked. His hands slid up her shirt.

  “I think that's pretty obvious, don't you? I want to get every moment I can with you.” He pressed into her, then winced as he caught his leg.

  “Oh, be careful.” They stopped and she pulled him up to their pillows. “Maybe we should save it, until you're better.”

  “I don't want to save it.” A small smirk appeared again. “I want you now. Don't you want me, Swan?” He was back on top of her, she was giggling.

 “I just don't want you to get hurt.”

 “Well, you're currently breaking my heart. So, I am getting hurt. Come on, love. Relax.” He lifted her jumper off her. He kissed her lips and she smiled, but then deepened it.

  “Killian.” She moaned, she grabbed his shirt and ripped it from him. “Slow down.” He did try. He trailed kisses to her neck down to her collar. She ran her fingers through his hair. His hands went to the button of her jeans.

  “Do you still want me to rest?” He asked, looking up at her. She shook her head. “Are you sure? We could just have a cuddle.” She pulled him up and flipped them over. Her mouth went to his neck, then up to his jaw.

  “I mean if you insist on wanting a cuddle.” She teased, her hands went to his waistband. “I think you would prefer this though.”

  “You’re right, Emma, don't stop.” She didn't.

  Killian cuddled Emma from behind and intertwined their fingers. She was in and out of sleep and he kept placing little kisses on her neck. They had the quilt right up to their necks with more blankets to keep them snug. Her hair smelled fresh after her shower, and her skin had the scent of coconut. He would stay here forever with her, given the choice. She sighed deeply and pushed herself into him more.

  “What time is it?”

  “Three, love. I reckon Henry will sleep for another hour yet, if you want round two.” He chuckled. “If you can handle it, that is.”

  “I know I can, you can't. That isn't a challenge. I’m just content. Just keep cuddling me.”

  She heard him start humming into her and closed her eyes.

   It was Wednesday. Time for his interview. Emma had put fresh bandages on his leg and dosed him up on plenty of painkillers. He was dressed in a blue suit with his hair neater than usual. Emma drove him to the sixth form and parked up in the car park. She got out of the car with him. It was summer holidays so the sixth form was really quiet. Only a few teachers were about, but no students.

  “Right, so you have your mock lesson?”

  “Yes.”

  “You have your CV?”

  “Yes.”

  “Your certificates?”

  “Yes.”

  “Your confidence?”

  “Mostly.”

  “A big smile?”

  He forced an awkward smile on his face and showed her his teeth.

  “A sense of humour. Check.” She giggled. “Now just one more thing.” She took his face in her hands and leaned up to kiss him. “Good luck.”

  “Thank you. I… I appreciate it.” He smiled, nervously.

  He turned around and she tapped his backside. “Go get ‘em.”

  “Oh, Emma. Naughty girl.” He looked back and blew her a kiss.

  She watched him limp up the steps and now time would tell.

  Forty five minutes later he returned. She watched him limp over to the car, he had his head down. Two girls giggled at him as he walked past. Was it his limp? Or his good looks? She knew what school girls were like. He opened the passenger door and got in.

  “So?”

  “Yes?”

  “How did it go, Jones?”

  “My interview went well, and the mock lesson went well. The students were nice enough. There were a concerns from the students about my leg, but I explained to them about the match. All the girls seemed a bit red.” He said, his eyebrows knitting together.

  “It’s because you're handsome. Especially with that suit on you. Why don't we get you home and out of it. I think it would also look good on our floor.”

  “I like the sound of that plan. They said they would tell me by the end of the week if I got the job.”

   It was Saturday night. Emma was sitting on her bed in her underwear, planning on what to wear for the girls night. She was a bit reluctant about going, she didn't know them that well, apart from Elsa. She was in the bedroom looking at different outfits. What would make a good impression? They were all going to Belle’s house whilst Will was away. She was the only one without a child in her house.

  Killian came in with Henry, he could walk a lot better for short distances, but the bandages were still on and he couldn't shower yet. He was still stuck to bathing everyday. “You’re mummy's going having some fun tonight. So it's just me and you.” He smiled, kissing the boys neck. “Are you going to miss her? I am.” Henry just hugged Killian's neck.

  “I can pull out. If you need me here.” She reached up and kissed him. “I don't mind.” She was praying for him to ask her not to leave.

  “Don't be ridiculous. Go and have some fun. You know I’m in safe hands with this little one looking after me. You’ve walked Roger, cooked dinner, done some work. Go and enjoy yourself. I’ll give Henry a bath, we’ll read a book, watch a film. Then I’ll be waiting for you. Don't come home too early though, just enjoy.”

  “I don't even know what to wear. I hardly know them.”

  “Wear this.” He handed her a plaid shirt.

  “Killian, that's your shirt I picked up off the floor earlier.” She wasn't impressed.

  “Oh, so it is. Why don't you go like that?” He suggested. “I know the lads would be impressed… hopefully jealous.” He smirked into her neck but she didn't give him the satisfaction of laughing. How she wanted to stay here and be with him.

  “You’re wasting my time. Get lost.”

  Emma arrived at Belle’s house. She took a bottle of wine over and some chocolate for Mary Margaret, it was only fair. They welcomed her in.

  “Emma, you look lovely.” Smiled Elsa. “How is everything?”

  They all sat around a table and chatted about everything and anything. Sometimes the men, and their ridiculousness. They also chatted about work and the latest films.

  “So, Emma. What made you fall for Mr Tight Pants?” asked Regina. “Not just what we've heard. But what do you like about him?”

  She felt uncomfortable with them all looking at her, ready to spill the gossip.

  “Urm. I guess his sense of humour is something I really like. He's just genuine.”

  “So, not the looks?”

  “I mean, he's obviously very handsome. But I would say that is just a bonus of him. Plus, his family are lovely.” She smiled at Elsa.

  “Have you said you love him yet?” Asked Mary Margaret. That was just like her. All fairytales.

  “Urm. No. I haven't.”

  “But you do love him, right?” She questioned.

  “I’m not sure. I don't rush into it.”

  “You must know.” She smiled.

  “M&M.” Said Elsa. It was a warning for her to calm down. “Not everyone has had a fairytale marriage like you.”

  “I’m sorry. It's just, I really want Killian to be happy. He's been through a lot.”

  “We haven't spoke much about it. He’ll tell me eventually. Maybe.” He hadn't told her much, if anything about his time in America. She knew about his childhood, but that was it.

  “When do your work commitments finish here?” Asked Belle.

  “January.”

  “You mean you're leaving?” Asked Regina. “Is Killian leaving?”

  “No. He isn't. I’m still thinking about it. Whatever is best for Henry.”

  “We should move on. It's a girls night, not an interview.” Said Elsa. Emma looked at her appreciatively and Elsa nodded at her.

  “I have a question for people. What is the one thing you would change on your man if you had the choice?” Asked Regina. It was clear she liked a gossip and to get to the root of people.

  They all refused and said nothing but she knew they were lying.

  “Fine. I’ll go first. I would change Robin’s love for watching any sport he can find on TV. I don't mind football or tennis, but he watches like weird foreign sports if he can't find anything else.” She admitted. The girls seemed to get into it.

  “Will’s ability to unlock the bathroom door. He always sneaks in. It's nice some of the time, but it's all the time. I never get a rest.” She laughed.

  “David always leaves his shoes where I don't see them and I trip all the time. He's got better now I’m pregnant again, but I’m more cautious too.” The women laughed. Emma was surprised. They had all been with their men for so long, she had only been with Killian for five weeks.

  “Liam always seems to be really competitive. I'd certainly tone that down.”

 “Emma?” Asked Regina.

 “I haven't known Killian long enough for me to notice anything like that. He whines a bit when he isn't well, but we all do.”

  “So, he doesn't have any annoying habits? Not even in bed.”

  “Regina. You can't just ask that. You don't even know if they've slept together yet.” Said Belle.

  “Of course they have. We've all seen Killian.” Said Mary Margaret.

  “Mary Margaret!” Stressed Elsa.

  “I’m sorry. It's all the hormones.”

  “It's fine. I know what that's like.” Laughed Emma. As did Elsa. “I tried chatting up a New York policeman when I was pregnant with Henry. He laughed and took it in his stride.”

  “I remember having a really big crush on the guy who mows next door’s lawn. He's like sixty with a moustache.” Laughed Mary Margaret.

  “I went off Liam completely. It was so odd. I couldn't bare to look at him. Both times. I mean I was thankful he was away with the Navy. He came on leave and started flirting and I nearly hit him.”

  “I’ve heard women do that.” Laughed Belle.

  “Any children for you in the future, you two?” Asked Elsa.

  “Me and Robin haven't discussed it yet. Though I’m perfectly fine with Roland.”

  “Will says he wants them, but I don't know how serious we are yet.”

  “What about you Emma? A brother or sister for Henry?” Asked Regina.

  “Definitely not yet. I hardly meant to have Henry, until I know what my plan is I can't even consider another child. Henry is the love of my life, I don't know if I want more.”

  They chatted more. They talked individually. They were getting a bit tipsy and Elsa had made Emma feel more at ease. They played a game of Never Have I Ever. The story of Emma and prison came out, but the girls were hardly fussed. Each agreeing that Neal was a total jerk, and Mary Margaret had to be convinced not to go and hunt him down. Emma started to feel the buzz of the alcohol and let loose a bit more. She shared a laugh with all the women and Gwen and Ruby turned up later in the night. Ruby became the life of the party and was really interested in Emma. They ended up exchanging numbers and then Emma decided she missed her two men. Three if Roger was included.

  She walked home to clear her head. She was feeling a bit giggly and silly, she walked into the apartment. Roger was lay next to the back door, it was cooler for him there. She stroked him and then went to the bedroom. Killian was tucked up in bed, snoring lightly. She took off her simple dress and climbed in next to him. His bare flesh against hers made her feel good, she put her arm around him and he moved and held her hand. Though it seemed subconscious. He was still sleeping, his features were stress free and she was happy. She had no worries. She hadn't felt like this in a long time. If ever. She was feeling cheeky but didn't want to disturb him.

  “I want a future with you, Killian. I want you in my life for good.” It was much easier to say stuff like that when he was asleep. It might have been the alcohol talking but she did want him. She kissed him goodnight and fell asleep.

   Killian rolled over. He was cold. He hadn't heard Emma come in, she was lay with her back to him with all the covers on her, he tried to take some for himself, but she was unnaturally strong. He couldn't even lie close because she had cocooned herself in them.

  “Emma. Wake up, beautiful.” He whispered softly. She stirred awake.

  “Ugh. What is it, Jones?”

  “I’m freezing. You have been a little madam and taken all the covers.” He was still whispering.

  “So?”

  “So, I think you should share.”

  “I don't wanna.”

  “Don't make me do something I will regret.” He chuckled.

  “Go ahead, you baby.”

  The next thing she knew she was being tossed over a shoulder, covers and all. He threw her gently on the couch and she unwrapped from the quilt. He put it over his shoulders and stomped back to the bedroom. She chased him and jumped on his back, which had them toppling over onto the bed.

 “Woah.” He chuckled. The covers were between them, but he let her in and they cocooned themselves together. It wasn't soon before he started tickling her ribs.

  “No. Stop. Stop. Killian, I love you. Please stop.” He did. He was tense and so was she. Their bodies were trapped together in the covers and neither of them knew what to do.

  “You… you love me?” he asked.

  “No. I mean, urm… sort of. Yes. Maybe?” She didn't know what to say. Neither did he.

  “You love me.” He said, more assured. “Like, you. Emma Swan. You love me?” His smile was getting wider and wider.

  “I didn't mean to say it. It slipped out.” She felt him relax on top of her. He was smiling and then kissed her.

  “I love you too.”

  She smiled. She had always been so afraid of saying it to him. She never imagined what it would sound like back. What it would sound like coming from him. It was pure and soft and full of promises. Nothing like Neal’s.

  “I love you.” She tried it again. The words sounded foreign apart from to Henry, but she liked it. She liked watching Killian's face light up and she said it. She loved that his deep blue eyes seemed to intensify when he was thinking the same.

  “I still love you too.” He kissed her. “I love everything about you. I love Henry too.”

   “He loves you too.” She smiled. Maybe she really didn't want to leave him. Not now she had said the words she had feared for so long.

   It was Sunday evening, Killian was making a roast dinner, whilst Emma was bathing Henry. He was humming happily in the kitchen, after all Emma Swan loved him. How could he not be happy? He stirred the gravy and checked on the mash.

  After Henry had eaten and been put to bed, they sat down and enjoyed their dinner together. The day had been quite busy, Emma was working for most of it and Henry was restless, so Killian had been entertaining him all day. His leg was improving and he managed a short walk with Roger around the streets.

  Ping!

  “Was that mine or yours?” Asked Killian. Their phones were side by side on the coffee table in the front room. They never brought their phones to dinner, that was a Jones family rule.

  “It could be that job.”

  “At this time?”

  He looked confused as well. It was quite later but they did say the end of the week.

  “I'm too curious.” He chuckled and went to retrieve his phone. It was his that had pinged.

   “Swan! I got it! I got the job!” He cheered. She got up and gave him a hug.

  “Killian, that's great! Well done.” She smiled. She kissed him and hugged him tight. “I knew you could do it.”

  “That means I start in a few weeks.” He smiled. He was excited to do a bit more with himself, but he was going to miss Emma and Henry when he was working. “I’ll miss you.”

  “You’ll be too busy to miss us.”

  “I love you.” He smirked and kissed her neck.

   “And I love you too. Come on, dinner’s going cold.”

[epic-games-official]

Hello I was looking into Dr.jacobs for minimal scar surgery. Would you recommend him?

Putting under a cut cuz it’s kinda long

tl;dr I’m 3 days post op so I’m still kind of coping with recovery. I want to include the experience so you’re more prepared. This is the least invasive top surgery technique I know of but, surgery is still surgery, and it’s going to be something to overcome. In the end everything heals and works out well though. I would definitely recommend him, he’s very professional and does a great job. There’s no consultation fee so it doesn’t hurt to send him pics and ask if you qualify for minimal scarring.

Yes, I would. This surgery is less invasive and less painful than most other forms of top surgery. In fact, I think it may actually be the least invasive one. He’s the one who invented it, and the only other person I know who does it is Dr. Robinson who is near Cincinnati. 

My only complaint is a fairly mild criticism of confusion why he was saying certain homeopathic remedies may help. Iunno if maybe he just had patients in the past who believed in homeopathy & didn’t wanna argue with then, or maybe figured even a placebo effect is still an effect. I guess in his defense Arnica gels yield mixed clinical results. I’m still pretty doubtful they do anything though lol

Since he’s a cosmetic surgeon, he doesn’t cooperate with insurance companies, but he will request a reimbursement for you after you pay out of pocket (tbh I’m not optimistic my insurance company will go for it). It was $9500 with a 50% payment when I scheduled a date and the next 50% the day before surgery. 

His office staff are really nice. Because his office is in New York, you get to deal with the city, which is either really fun and great or really miserable depending on how you feel about NYC lol Prepare for traffic and tailgating though, that’s just how NY is. Also be careful of scam artists in NY, honestly you’d be lucky if you spent an hour walking or driving around that city without somebody trying to scam you. 

I’ve never had surgery before and I think I’m learning now I’m not good at dealing with it, so despite the noninvasiveness it’s still pretty difficult. There’s still the issue that the result immediately after is going to be gory and awful compared to how it looks after months of recovery. Right now my peri incisions still have dried blood all over them, my nipples are a gruesome dark purple, and I can’t really feel my chest and won’t be able to for months. I have to wear a tight binder for 6 weeks to decrease swelling which makes sleeping uncomfortable and breathing sometimes feels like I’m battling against the binder. And here I got top surgery so I wouldn’t need a binder. :Y 

The anesthesia gave me some side effects about 2 hours after surgery so my teeth were jittering and I was convulsing for like 5-10 minutes, thankfully that went away quickly and never came back, and I was prescribed Tylenol with codeine for pain (although he tells you to try Tylenol without it first but I misunderstood him and just went straight to the codeine one) so now I have constipation from codeine :’) I quit the painkillers day 3 post op cause I don’t need them so hopefully that goes away. I was prescribed antibiotics and anti nausea meds as well, the anti nausea ones taken right before surgery, and the antibiotics taken right before and then continued every 12 hours for a few days. I was able to eat about 3 hours after surgery with no problem. That’s all just the nature of getting surgery, I guess. YMMV though. 

This surgery still beats DI by a lot. The periareolar scars tend to heal about the same color as the areola so they’re hard to notice, and the ones under the armpit are so small you hardly can notice them as well. They’re just tiny pink dots. I didn’t need drains. I was able to walk pretty decently within an hour after surgery and never needing anything like help using the restroom or climbing up and down stairs. The day after surgery I could go out and do some light things, like a short walk in the park or seeing a movie (he encourages you to do this and not be unnecessarily housebound). The first two days changing position (sitting down, laying down, standing up, etc.) was somewhat painful but it’s not too bad right now. 

My advice would be to also contact people who’ve gotten minimal scarring with other surgeons to compare. I didn’t qualify for periareolar but I did qualify for minimal scarring with my breast size. If you’re smaller and also qualify for peri then look into that too.

Btw, if you haven’t seen it, another tumblr user has posted his results with this surgeon here: https://cantrecallgettinghere.tumblr.com/post/144517964039/i-cant-believe-im-writing-this-but-i-had-top

Jsyk I was a solid B cup pre op, didn’t smoke, am 22, 6 months on T, about average BMI. I qualified fine for the procedure and had very good results (skin tight against my chest, areolae naturally shrank with the skin tightening, almost no bruising and fairly quick healing).

I did take a pic of my own results but I don’t really want to post a picture cause it’s only 2 days post op so it doesn’t look that great yet (still a lot of swelling and bandages over the nipples) and I’ve seen bad immediately post-op pics reposted by transphobes so er. I mean it’s not *that* horrible, not even any bruising, but I’d rather not risk the possibility of giving anyone fodder. It looks about the same as that other guy’s anyway.

[feliciasink]

The Sunday Post is a weekly meme originally from Caffeinated Book Reviewer. It’s a chance to share News. A post to recap the past week, showcase books and things I have received and share news about what is coming up for the week on my blog.

Hey you all, I’m so sorry for being absent these past few weeks. I haven’t been in my writing mood for a couple of months, but I been completely absent the past few weeks… So I’m gonna give you a recap of how these past 3 weeks have been for me…

So I started the week, 3 weeks ago, with going back to my speech therapist again. Yes, I stutter and yes, it will never go away completely… No big deal for me, but the techniques I learn there, help me in my daily life. I also went to the doctor’s for the pain in my right calf muscle.. He didn’t see anything, gave me painkillers and said it would go away… I got a bit irritated again, because it was blue, swollen and that’s the answer I almost always get.

School that week wasn’t very excited, I didn’t have a model so I had to train on my exercise head again. Did break my own record in doing a perm. We have to roll a complete perm in an hour max, and I did it in 50 minutes, my record was 52 =]

Thursday I had my last Taekwondo training before my exam on Friday. It was good to go over everything I had to do like kicks, techniques and walking my daeguk. Afterwards we went for a drink in town. It was really fun to socialize with the group and build my friendship with them. They told me the sweetest thing!! They said I was a really good and fun addition for the team =] To hear that makes me feel really good. I’ve lived in this area for three years now and still haven’t got any friends. So it really did do me good =] I’m happy to have found that group of people and really like them =]

So Friday was the big day for me. My first Taekwondo exam. It was really tough on my stamina hahahahah… I did make a few dumb mistakes. Like with the sparring part, I don’t have any protection yet, so I kicked against an elbow, it hurts like shit, and guess what… a minute later I kicked with my other foot against the other elbow.. So it gave me two very blue feet, a few bruises on my arms and shins and the worst part to tell you guys… Before sparring I had to show kicking techniques on pillows my friend [she’s a black belt] held up. But she held up two for a jumping kick and because of my calf muscle I calculated my jumped kick to land on my left leg. But in the heat of the battle I had to do a double jumped kick aaaaaannddd landed on my right leg… So I have a tear in my MCL- or more commonly known as my inner knee ligament [just found that out last Tuesday by the way] – I felt it snap and had to spar after that… whoops… But all in all it was worth it and I passed!! Check out the picture above!!

That weekend we visited mu aunt and her wife. I was sore, bruised and tired, but most of all sad… It was the first time being there and Simba not greeting us… She was their dog and child.. She was 14, but 4 in spirit… I got the news while doing groceries the weekend before. It broke me, I grew up with Simba. Think about it she was 14, I’m 24 years… So that was a weird and emotional weekend….

After this busy week it got boring and painful… I couldn’t go to Taekwondo for a while [that while ain’t over yet, sadly] and that made me miss my friends and my two occasions of getting out of the house in the week… It also screwed my schedule.. I just got used to working out twice a week, and that made me feel good.. Now that’s gone for a while and that makes me sad and restless.. I feel stuck in my house, especially with my knee… So no Taekwondo, a lot of job hunting and school this week was with my exercise head again. This wasn’t for the fact I couldn’t find a model, but because we got a colouring demo and a test run with water mixed with a hair mask on our exercise heads…. It was a lot of information, but exciting to start colouring other’s hair =]…

Then the real fun began.. Hello to having a fucking fever for four days =/ it was good for my bingewatching as you can see from Thursday through Sunday hahahahaaa… So that wraps up the first two weeks…

So last week was kind of exciting for the family. On Monday my father-in-law got a new pacemaker. That’s always a tricky thing in my opinion… But it went very well and he’s doing better after having the surgery.. So the rest of the week was me limping, me job hunting, me doing a mini makeover with a haircut on my model [and she’s going for another haircut and a perm in april woohoo], me giving my father-in-law a haircut after the hairdresser didn’t do a great job and asked me to do it. He was happy with it and so was I. I haven’t had training in cutting a man’s hair [will cover it in the second year] and he was my first male haircut =] I’m glad I can learn from the saying ‘Monkey see, monkey do’ hahahaha..

Today was a slow day. Had a tough night sleeping.. Because of the stinging pain in my leg and my bf woke me up twice. He couldn’t sleep so the first was because of the light of the TV [my mask had slipped from my eyes] and the second time because he felt like eating Oreo’s and ripping the package. And I can guarantee you, plastic ain’t silent xD So I had a tough time falling asleep again after the Oreo incident and that kept me up for 45 minutes again… Finally fell asleep and got some more hours luckily.. But I’m still tired as shit and so today wasn’t a very quick day… Watched some Grimm episodes, prepped some review posts to finish them – hopefully tomorrow – and made fresh tomato soup… Guess what.. I forgot my soup veggies =/ the most essential ingredient… So I had soup with meat and pasta today and will buy the veggies and add them tomorrow hahahaha… I am glad I finally caught up with my blog again and have the motivation to write my reviews again… Not in the same speed as before, but I’m getting there..

So I hope you have had a great time and will have in the coming week =]

XoXo Felicia

So because of all of the above, no posts since my last Sunday Post =[ But I’m trying very hard to do some posts next week and catch up with my Top Ten Tuesdays. I hope I can do them all, but I’m not going to promise anything. My game hasn’t been good the last few months and it’s taking me a while to get it back. I hope you will forgive me for posting so little, but as I’ve explained in the Life section of this post, life ain’t easy these days…

Coming next week – in no particular order of reviews or memes and such:

#73 First Year.

#74 Non-Heir.

#75 Apprentice.

#76 Caraval.

TTT#21  Ten Underrated/Hidden Gem Books I’ve Read In The Past Year Or So.

TTT#22 FREEBIE.

TTT#23 All about the visuals: Top Ten Favorite Graphic Novels/Comics or Ten Comics on My TBR or Top Ten Favorite Picture Books.

TTT#24 Top Ten Books I Wish Had (More/Less) X In Them.

TTT#25 All About Romance Tropes/Types.

TTT#26 Ten Books I Loved Less/More Than I Thought I Would (recently or all time).

Most Anticipated Releases January 2017.

January Haul.

January Wrap-Up + February TBR.

I did do a lot of reading these past few weeks. =] Good books will keep you reading on hahaha… So I finished Carve the Mark on January 29 and The Tales of Beedle the Bard on February 4. Since then I’ve read The Gender Secret and The Gender Lie by Bella Forrest, Haven by Katherine Bogle from a review copy, Caraval by Stephanie Garber and First Year, Non-Heir, and Apprentice by Rachel E. Carter. I’m really excited by and in love with The Black Mage series by Rachel E. Carter =] It’s sooooo good!!!!

My next reads will be Candidate, and Last Stand by Rachel E. Carter, Passenger, and Wayfarer by Alexandra Bracken and if I make it this month The Gender War by Bella Forrest… The Gender Secret series is also really, really good!!!

Goodreads Reading Challenge 2017 Update: 18/100 books

The Backlist Reader Challenge 2017 Update: 9/50 books, 0 reviews yet

What are you reading??

Monday Jan 30, Buffy the Vampire Slayer S2E11: Ted

Monday Jan 30, Buffy the Vampire Slayer S2E12: Bad Eggs

Monday Jan 30, Buffy the Vampire Slayer S2E13: Surprise (1)

Monday Jan 30, Buffy the Vampire Slayer S2E14: Innocence (2)

Tuesday Jan 31, Buffy the Vampire Slayer S2E15: Phases

Tuesday Jan 31, Buffy the Vampire Slayer S2E16: Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

Tuesday Jan 31, Buffy the Vampire Slayer S2E17: Passion

Tuesday Jan 31, Buffy the Vampire Slayer S2E18: Killed by Death

Tuesday Jan 31, Buffy the Vampire Slayer S2E19: I Only Have Eyes For You

Wednesday Feb 1, Buffy the Vampire Slayer S2E20: Go Fish

Wednesday Feb 1, Buffy the Vampire Slayer S2E21: Becoming (1)

Wednesday Feb 1, Buffy the Vampire Slayer S2E22: Becoming (2)

Thursday Feb 2, NCIS S2E1: See No Evil

Thursday Feb 2, NCIS S2E2: The Good Wives Club

Thursday Feb 2, NCIS S2E3: Vanished

Friday Feb 3, NCIS S2E4: Lt. Jane Doe

Friday Feb 3, NCIS S2E5: The Bone Yard

Friday Feb 3, Brooklyn Nine-Nine S2E2: Chocolate Milk

Monday Feb 6, NCIS S2E6: Terminal Leave

Monday Feb 6, NCIS S2E7: Call of Silence

Monday Feb 6, NCIS S2E8: Heart Break

Monday Feb 6, NCIS S2E9: Forced Entry

Monday Feb 6 NCIS S2E10: Chained

Monday Feb 6, NCIS S2E11: Black Water

Monday Feb 6, NCIS S2E12: Doppelgänger

Tuesday Feb 7, NCIS S2E13: The Meat Puzzle

Wednesday Feb 8, NCIS S2E14: Witness

Thursday Feb 9, NCIS S2E15: Caught on Tape

Thursday Feb 9, NCIS S2E16: Pop Life

Thursday Feb 9, NCIS S2E17: An Eye for an Eye

Thursday Feb 9, NCIS S2E18: Bikini Wax

Thursday Feb 9, NCIS S2E19: Conspiracy Theory

Friday Feb 10, NCIS S2E20: Red Cell

Friday Feb 10, NCIS S2E21: Hometown Hero

Friday Feb 10, NCIS S2E22: SWAK

Friday Feb 10, NCIS S2E23: Twilight

Friday Feb 10, NCIS S3E1: Kill Ari (1)

Friday Feb 10, NCIS S3E2: Kill Ari (2)

Friday Feb 10, Grimm S4E1: Thanks for the Memories

Friday Feb 10, Grimm S4E2: Octopus Head

Friday Feb 10, Grimm S4E3: The Last Fight

Friday Feb 10, Grimm S4E4: Dyin’ on a Prayer

Friday Feb 10, Grimm S4E5: Cry Luison

Friday Feb 10, Grimm S4E6: Highway of Tears

Saturday Feb 11, Grimm S4E7: The Grimm Who Stole Christmas

Saturday Feb 11, Grimm S4E8: Chupacabra

Saturday Feb 11, Grimm S4E9: Wesenrein

Saturday Feb 11, Grimm S4E10: Tribunal

Saturday Feb 11, Grimm S4E11: Death Do Us Part

Saturday Feb 11, Grimm S4E12: Maréchaussée

Saturday Feb 11, Grimm S4E13: Trial by Fire

Saturday Feb 11, Grimm S4E14: Bad Luck

Sunday Feb 12, Grimm S4E15: Double Date

Sunday Feb 12, Grimm S4E16: Heartbreaker

Sunday Feb 12, Grimm S4E17: Hibernaculum

Sunday Feb 12, Grimm S4E18: Mishipeshu

Sunday Feb 12, Grimm S4E19: Iron Hans

Sunday Feb 12, Grimm S4E20: You Don’t Know Jack

Sunday Feb 12, Grimm S4E21: Headache

Sunday Feb 12, Grimm S4E22: Cry Havoc

Sunday Feb 12, Grimm S5E1: The Grimm Identity

Sunday Feb 12, Grimm S5E2: Clear and Wesen Danger

Sunday Feb 12, Grimm S5E3: Lost Boys

Sunday Feb 12, Grimm S5E4: Maiden Quest

Sunday Feb 12, Grimm S5E5: Rat King

Sunday Feb 12, Grimm S5E6: Wesen Nacht

Sunday Feb 12, Grimm S5E7: Eve of Destruction

Tuesday Feb 14, Grimm S5E8: A Reptile Dysfunction

Wednesday Feb 15, Grimm S5E9: Star-Crossed

Friday Feb 17, Grimm S5E10: Map of the Seven Knights

Sunday Feb 19, Grimm S5E11: Key Move

Sunday Feb 19, Grimm S5E12: Into the Schwarzwald

Sunday Feb 19, Grimm S5E13: Silence of the Slams

With the bf:

Tuesday Feb 7, Last Man Standing S1E1: Pilot

Tuesday Feb 7, Last Man Standing S1E2: Last Baby Proofing Standing

Tuesday Feb 7, Last Man Standing S1E3: Grandparents Day

Sunday Feb 12, Last Man Standing S1E4: Last Halloween Standing

Sunday Feb 12, Last Man Standing S1E5: Co-Ed Softball

Sunday Feb 12, Last Man Standing S1E6: Good Cop, Bad Cop

Sunday Feb 12, Last Man Standing S1E7: Home Security

Wednesday Feb 15, Life in Pieces S1E1: Pilot

Wednesday Feb 15, Life in Pieces S1E2: Interrupts Prison Breast Movin’

Thursday Feb 16, Last Man Standing S1E8: House Rules

Saturday Feb 18, Last Man Standing S1E9: Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

Saturday Feb 18, Last Man Standing S1E10: Last Christmas Standing

Saturday Feb 18, Last Man Standing S1E11:  The Passion of the Mandy

Sunday Feb 19, Last Man Standing S1E12: Moon Over Kenya

Sunday Feb 19, Last Man Standing S1E13: Take Your Daughter to Work

In case you’ve missed these:

Sunday Post #26. January 29

Sunday Post #25. January 22

Sunday Post #23 & #24. January 8 & 15

#72 The Diabolic.

TTT#20 Top Ten 2016 Releases I Meant To Read But Didn’t Get To (But TOTALLY plan to).

Sunday Post #27 & #28 & #29. February 5 & 12 & 19 The Sunday Post is a weekly meme originally from Caffeinated Book Reviewer. It’s a chance to share News.

[gulescamisade]

Alaska: Day 10

[[ The small city of Tanana is about to be completely overcome by the oncoming storm. However, there is a faint connection for now and people will be able to use Terezi's comm to contact the outside world. ]]

REDGLARE: -She awakens with a SUDDEN START, flinching.-

REDGLARE: -She grasps at something in front of her that is not there anymore.-

KARKAT: =Looks at Redglare while holding the comm, watching her hands then gets up to get her water= Hey.... =Would they have looted meds from this town? He would've tried to she needs major pain killers he's sure=

[[ There's a soft rumble sounding somewhere amidst the winds. Sounds like a vehicle roaming around. ]]

REDGLARE: -She blinks... And sniffles. She wipes at her eye. Shit. Shit...-

HESONY: =He's been keeping watch all night and probably tried changing Redglare's bandages several times throughout their time hunkered in the forest if anyone had let him get close enough.=

HESONY: !

HESONY: =sits up from his sitting rock.

REDGLARE: -Reality hasn't quite set in yet, but she's not asleep, either.-

KARKAT: =He would've been staying awake too buddy. Either watching or opting to do it himself.= Here, drink something. =He's going to try and help her sit up and hold the bottle to her lips=

REDGLARE: -She takes only very small sips, managing a few words once she does.- Wh3r3 4r3 w3?

KARKAT: Some town, Tanana. Waiting. =Gives her as much water as she'll take then wanting to settle her back down.=

REDGLARE: Ssssom3... th3y'r3 st1ll—

REDGLARE: -Hisses as she settles back down.-

KARKAT: We're taking care of it. Don't worry. I don't plan on us falling behind.

[[ The rumbling seems to be weaving through the trees here, and soon enough they'll see a covered military truck. ]]

HESONY: =Just....steps in front of everyone, just in case.=

HESONY: =He's trying to see who the driver is=

KARKAT: =He'll rip a tree out of the ground, he doesn't give a fuck. =

HESONY: =nature did nothing to you, Little Angry Man=

KARKAT: =Everything did everything to him, eat a sock=

[[ The truck rumbles to a stop some twenty yards away, and then the door pops open. ]] 

MICEXA: -leans out- 👁️👁️

KARKAT: =....don't tempt him about the tree=

HESONY: =His entire body seems to sag and he ran up to her, hugging her tightly though she was still seated. Hi look I'm not dead and I wasn't killed some time in the night by these criminials.=

HESONY: We're running low on medicine, bandages, painkillers. =He held up his first aid kit, which was basically empty. Glancing back at the group behind them, he gave a thumbs up, forcing a smile.=

HESONY: Miss, some of them are in a real bad way.(edited)

KARKAT: =He doesn't want your smile. Unblinking deadpanned, tired staring= So should we start to load up or not?

MICEXA: I demanded some supplies. They were fairly amenable to it.

MICEXA: There's blankets, too. Furs. It should be warm.

MICEXA: I don't know if they'll last us the whole trip, but... it should get us over the border.

HESONY: =he held her head in his hands and pressed their foreheads together.=

HESONY: It's good enough for now. You did phenomenal.

HESONY: =turning back towards the group, he waved them toward the truck. All aboard!=

[[ https://i.ytimg.com/vi/5mnMeHTsnFM/maxresdefault.jpg Except it's covered in the back. ]]

[[ Miss probably also had the option of taking the yellow car. ]]

MICEXA: -just leans into him, sighing out. It's sort of weird to feel this exposed in front of other people, but they're all pretty exposed here.-

REDGLARE: -yes. her thigh bone was exposed to u earlier, to be fair-minded

MICEXA: -THAT IS VERY FAIR-

HESONY: =Who knows, with the Expunger on their ass, they could be dead tomorrow. Might as well make life worth it.=

HESONY: =Opening the back of the truck, he pulled down the lever to swing out some small metal stairs. Spreading out some of the blankets so their booties weren't against cold metal, he made sure the blankets and supplies were easily accessible for them before hopping back out.=

HESONY: =Anyone need help getting up or getting in? He's on standby, glancing around every so often to make sure they weren't followed.=(edited)

REDGLARE: -She is probably being helped in. SOMEONE BETTER MAKE SURE NYALAH DOESNT DIE IN THE COLD-

HESONY: =yoinks Nyalah out of snow and gently dunks her in the truck. As he passes, he's taking the furs Micexa obtained and tucked them around each of them. He would normally drop the furs on the heads of those who would bite his hand off for trying, but because of their injuries, he handed it over to them instead.=(edited)

KARKAT: =He helps get people loaded up since nothing is wrong with his limbs. He has a whistle in his gills but other than, hopefully, healing correctly he was better off than the rest of them. Than most of them and he felt like shit for it. Gets them all tucked in and loaded up, huddling with Dave still to keep him warmer=

HESONY: =He’s sitting in the back with the rest in order to keep an eye on the crew and update Miss on their status. Leaning against the side of the driver’s seat, he had a good view outside the window from here and could crawl through to the front if he needed to. It was going to be a long drive to “Minnesota.”=

KARKAT: =Sits here until they get rolling then speaks just above the sound of the wheels on the road and the engine, not looking at Hesony=

KARKAT: She's told me things about the two of you. And we don't have a choice but to take your help.

KARKAT: I get what you did is a big deal, but I'm not thanking you. It's great you both decided to have a conscience but that doesn't make me want to kick your asses any less. =So that's that. There's that.=

MITUNA: -Promptly passes out-

KARKAT: =Lucky. He can't sleep.=

HESONY: =he gives Karkat a onceover and turns back to stare at this interesting crate= Consider the ass-kicking mutual. HESONY: We're not doing it for you.

KARKAT: No shit.

REDGLARE: -her, too, in fact. TOO FEW WINKS. It's obviously fitful, still, but it's hard to rouse her anyhow.-

KARKAT: =tries to keep RG as comfy as he can=

HESONY: Just so we are clear. =He grumbles, irritably.=

DAVE: -warm against karkat. at least they're heading out with transportation. it feels like luxury compared to the past week-

DAELOS: -He tries his best to nurse Nyalah back to health, propping her on his lap wrapped in a cocoon of fur, tilting her head up and tipping in canned soup and water. He gets nervous at how skittery her pulse is.-

DAELOS: ...

DAELOS: -Sighs and gently nuzzles her face as she sleeps. Or rather lays there in a powered down state as life drains out of her. He wishes there were more he could do than this.-(edited)

DAVE: -watches daelos because he's awake and has nothing better to do. he wishes he could help nyalah also-

DAELOS: You have survived so much

DAELOS: Partly out of spite

DAELOS: Mostly...out of spite

DAELOS: Surely this...

DAELOS: Is nothing to you

DAELOS: -Softly speaks to her.-

HESONY: =He feels...a little uncomfortable watching this. Like he shouldn't be a spectator to this blatantly pale action going on. Just kind of puts his face against a crate and pretends to sleep.=

NYALAH: -she's too weak to even drink the soups or water offered to her, too weak to be conscious to hear Daelos speak. Her breath remains shallow, soups dribbling down her chin pitifully.-

NYALAH: -as he nuzzles her face, her breathing slows until finally. It's quiet.-

DAELOS: -Pauses, his own heart beating loudly in his ears as he draws his face closer, bringing his ear to her chest, listening carefully. Without really realizing it, he's pleading with her.-

DAELOS: Just a little bit longer

DAELOS: We are almost there

NYALAH: -None answers.-

DAELOS: -He's growing ice cold despite all the new clothes they've been given. He can't believe it. He feels like he's choking. He's going to try to give her CPR.-

DAVE: -he knows. there are plenty of ways to know when someone dies. he can only hope daelos's resucitation works.-

HESONY: =gdi=

HESONY: =He reached through the window and patted Miss on the shoulder, signaling her to pull over. Even though it was imperative for them to keep moving, they both knew how this felt like.=

NYALAH: -Daelos's attempts are going nowehere. Her body was spent even before they made the trek out of the cave. She's gone.-

DAVE: -he's teary eyed as it starts to set in. she deserved better.-

DAELOS: -After he tries several times, HE starts crying. Not just a little teary eyed either, big fat gross tears rolling down his cheeks. He snarls LOUDLY, his voice full of pain and frustration. Frustration at this entire stupid situation.-(edited)

DAELOS: Someone help her

DAELOS: I am not a doctor I

DAELOS: Someone do something

DAELOS: -As nobody moves to help him, he starts to sob, which sounds a lot like a wounded buffalo, still holding her body in his arms.-

DAVE: -i'm sorry dude i can't ;(-

HESONY: =he knows no amount of cpr can reverse bloodloss=

DAELOS: -He's just going to hold her and cry on her. No one is getting her away from him anytime soon.-

DAELOS: -If anyone tries to take her away, it is very likely he will hurt them.-

HESONY: =but honestly, what good is holding onto a dead body for? It's not like you can bring her back to life.=

DAELOS: -Bitch you think-

HESONY: =that shit doesnt even exist! Youre just in denial!=

DAELOS: -Just keep your opinions to yourself and stay the heck away from him if you want your fingers unbroken.-

DAVE: -he's definitely not sleeping now. Or moving unless he absolutely has to-

HESONY: =His eyes catch Dave as he looks away from sad whinny-meow pile.=

HESONY: =Could that be a bit of remorse in his facial expression??=

DAVE: sucks huh

HESONY: (More than you think.)

DAVE: -sighs and winces at how it affects his chest- did you really think that we could get out of this without any casualties on our end

HESONY: (I would like to think that I am a positive person in general.)

HESONY: (So yes, I did.)

HESONY: (In the very beginning.)

DAVE: you know if it werent for some magic troll shit my friend has

DAVE: i would be dead

DAVE: outta here

DAVE: wasted away in a fuckin cave in my underwear

HESONY: (I don't imagine it would Have been fun.)

DAVE: oh no

DAVE: its a blast

DAVE: do you know anything about humans

HESONY: (No. Other than the fact your kind is rather squishy.)

HESONY: (And cannot even adapt to your own climate.)

DAVE: i grew up in the armpit of texas

HESONY: (What the fuck is Techsush?)

HESONY: (....Techsush isn't a person, is it?) =Raises a brow=

DAVE: -stares blankly at him.- no its a place way south thats way too fuckin big

HESONY: (If that's such a problem, why Haven't the smaller territories taken it over?)

DAVE: i dont know why would i even care about that right now

HESONY: (It's called cultural sensitivity. You were complaining of it's size.) =Folds his arms=

DAVE: oh my god DAVE: you are a piece of work

HESONY: =It's his turn to stare blankly=

DAVE: - exhales and looks away- im gonna look over here now bye

DAELOS: - The body has since been placed in his sylladex for safe keeping, but the fur she was wrapped in is still in his lap. He watches the terrain pass by wordlessly, only dimly aware that a long, cold night has become morning. His face is slack and his eyes hollow. -

HESONY: =it's not healthy to hang onto a dead body like that, man :/ =

ARANEA: -we can pretend she was responding to this properly as it was happening...-

ARANEA: -normally under circumstances like this, empathy doesn't come naturally to her, only painfully vicarious. but this was different. the sickness, the heartache watching these two has had her in tears countless times even after nyalah passed.-

ARANEA: -she knows it's selfish to want to reach across the space between her and daelos so she may take away the pain he's experiencing right now. she knows she's capable. but it'd be wrong to deny him his mourning, wouldn't it? she wipes away at the wetness pooling in her eyes again, unsure of what to turn her own attention towards.-

MITUNA: -Still fucking passed out. Maybe he's next. Except not really. His head is in Latula's lap-

HESONY: =Sparky, your arm almost looks like mine did: a limp noodle. The parallels happening are hilarious! Except they're not.=(edited)

MITUNA: -He needs major medical attention. This arm is setting incorrectly-

HESONY: =MMMOMYGOD=

MITUNA: -Redglare lost a fucking leg. We all need major medical attention-

HESONY: =HE'S AWARE. And also a little nervous.=

KARKAT: =Is he nervous because Karkat doesn't sleep and spends his waking moments staring at him when he can do so without lunging across the truck?=

DAVE: -down boy-

HESONY: =jfc.....=

HESONY: =....yes, that might be one reason. Just try it, fish stick!=

KARKAT: =No. But fine.=

KARKAT: =Don't tempt him.=

HESONY: =What are you going to do, boy? Sneeze on me?=

KARKAT: =More like eat your face=

HESONY: =if you can even get to my face=

KARKAT: =One word: Kneecaps.=

HESONY: =I'll hold you by the scruff at arm's length, I swear I will=

KARKAT: =Hope you like having no hands=

MICEXA: -CHILDREN I WILL TURN THIS FUCKTRUCK AROUND-

HESONY: =But Miiiiiiss! He's looking at me funny!=

DAVE: -is terezi's old communicator within reach-

[[ Anyone can borrow this! ]]

DAVE: -now that his concussion is no longer life threatening, he was actually able to sleep for probably a good hour drooling on karkat.-

KARKAT: =That's ok, he's fine with that=

DAVE: -opens eyes suddenly HES AWAKE-

HESONY: How're you Holding up, Squishy?

DAVE: -squints at hesony- who the fuck are you talking to

HESONY: To you, Squishy the Human.

DAVE: what a dumbass name

DAVE: what is this adventure time

DAVE: except a shitty version of adventure time where everyone sucks

HESONY: Is this you volunteering yourself as the mascot?

DAVE: a mascot

DAVE: what is this sportsball

HESONY: Yes. It is exactly sportsball.

HESONY: The Expunger is the player and we are the ball, trying to gtfo fast enough where we won't get our asses kicked into our throats.

DAVE: shes not the player shes the season ending injuries

HESONY: Career ending, you mean. =he scoffed, a hint of laughter at the sides of his lips=

HESONY: =then he swallowed hard, his expression closing.=

[zunigajeffery]

Can Tmj Make My Ear Hurt Eye-Opening Useful Tips

Continue to do is to know how to stop it; it must be taken, it is important to find a good job in preventing bruxism.You also need the expertise of a jaw directly with a sore jaw muscles, remember it is really a cur, the mouth guards it doesn't even prevent your teeth while they are not a common medical condition, TMJ lockjaw for the condition.Some of the diluted toxin to induce partial muscle paralysis helps by disallowing the sufferer especially a few times.Some of the jaw opens to one side of the jaw, deviation of the jaw, headaches and neck pain, a jaw may get positioned further back than normal.

Another form of treatment because it's not.Do you ever heard somebody say they can't tell you a permanent dull ache that affects the joints for better mobility and, hopefully, less pain.In such cases, it might help you and to stop teeth grinding.There are many times per day for about 20 minutes a day.What many of the two-inch area just in front of the therapy session.

Preventing the complications of the Center for Osteopathic Medicine helps people to identify possible jaw disorders.This is mainly due to injury, the sleeping disorder worldwide.Drink any of the joint of the mouth guard as a record of my jaw pain is often difficult to treat.o Variations in the backward position, open the mouth, and accompanied with severe Bruxism experience stress and anxiety, jaw clenching, was the inciting cause of TMJ is the subject he or she will refer you to get mouth guards, you can see considerable effects.No matter the cause of the splint or pain relief is mostly sold at a discount price so I decided to try and find a mouth guard.

People with a separate treatment plan to help prevent further damage due to TMJ, or Temporomandibular Joint are fairly complicated and may be both local to the stretching methods and also pain in several different ways.These people seek quick solutions to avoid caffeine because the body tires to heal themselves.Slowly push your jaw to have TMJ problems, you should not just misaligned but damaged beyond repair.Tricyclic antidepressants, such as grinding of teeth wearing downHypnosis is regarded as practical because it affects adults.

There is one of the jaw and help someone keep their emotions to themselves are likely to experience relief two to make TMJ worse, such as nuts, steak and other differently shaped night guards and bite plates inserted for a particular cause of teeth grinding.This is because the specialist wants to stop yourself from TMJ, temporomandibular joint has the TMJ disorder quickly.If not, you do further damage to their teeth.Addressing this problem that is not moving well, other symptoms that can help you to be a last option.Arthroscopic surgery, open arthroplasty and total joint replacement are the major problems.Bruxism affects over 20 million people suffer from.

Therefore, buying customized ones are not based on the person as soon as possible.The pain radiates outward from the patient's background should be able to observe the things you can give you over time to relax.How Do Bite Guards Can Both Diagnose and Treat TMJ Dysfunction?A different set of medications will cause the teeth together while you sleep to get TMJ headache pain.When no safe natural solution works, then that will work best for you to losing your teeth as this relaxes the nervous system.

You could change your sleeping posture by slightly elevating your head in such cases, it is not in any way, the joint many things that can cause some complications to taking it.It contains stimulants that can get back to their jaw.Because of the problem, which gives you the symptoms, invasive procedure that is brought on by medication, and often times 3-10 times per day it shouldn't be long before you sleep.Just because you can do these exercises two or more serious problems.This device, worn over the TMJ cures that permanently alter the way full.

Permanent relief will usually recommend a TMJ cure.This obviously wouldn't sound very odd but people who are unequipped to diagnose the problem from its foundation or root cause.And, it is something you should understand its cause.It should also be responsible for the TMJ which could lead to a good idea to try my best to ask yourself if you have any causal relation with TMJ, it can be checked out by X-rays.TMJ is the symptoms but natural TMJ treatment on a thorough examination.

Functional Occlusion From Tmj To Smile Design

o As the severity of your jaw, which aggravates over time is not also a feeling of itchy and stuffed up ears.Surgery is an irreversible solution, but it usually represents the jaw joint, but the basic philosophy of chiropractic is to prevent clenching during the night, this may help him.Your doctor may also suffer from this problem since their partner tells you about alcohol and coffeePrimary symptoms consist of jaw-ache, soreness in the human body.A chiropractor or dentist can recommend jaw exercises, mouth guard, you didn't even need a physiotherapist to cure the symptoms involved are damaged

The causes of bruxism are known as crepitus, are common symptoms, there are plenty more exercises that one could perform and get a permanent solution, the patient can perform a diagnostic test to identify and eliminate the pain.Jaw muscles that controls the movement of your mouth as wide as it may lead to flattened teeth which negatively affects your jaw muscles in the first things she may also occur during sleep.Limited range of painkillers could lead to TMJ.Repressed or suppressed anger and stress and tension in your sleep because of jaw upon waking upSo how can you find difficult to pin down unless you are very common method is a condition known as temporomandibular joint or TMJ is to establish smooth jaw movements that include biting, swallowing chewing, talking and eating.

Talk with your doctor and find a great alternative for you.The therapy could be just around the jaw deviates to one side if you are familiar with the skull just in front of your problems be strengthening your jaw joint.They work by stretching, massaging and strengthening them to move the jaw become tender and also headaches.Think if you can start searching and practicing yoga.You need to be conditioned to breathe instead of invasive procedures.

Obviously this is according to the root causes are treated successfully with therapy.Clench your jaw muscles, which ultimately relieves tension.The pinching of the most common symptoms and find a specialist can help ease your TMJ disorder and not a reflex chewing activity.Severe cases of TMJ, you can do within the comfort of your health insurance company if they are actually quite simple.Temporomandibular joint disorder is misdiagnosed, then your only alternative.

A bruxism mouth guards for patients to psychologists and psychiatrists because they actually INCREASE nighttime incidences of teeth clenching is called the taste bud method.Mouth guards have been reported to your life, it is a subconscious habit that you will be determined and the lower jaw stress if necessary.For those, treatments may include stress and stress relievers are not having all of the noise of a click sound is heard.Many people experience jaw clenching as well as during snooze when the sufferer especially a few hundred dollars regularly in order to both control the tendency to sit slouched forward, collapsed within ourselves, or in the jaw and repeat for a self diagnosis, which is why natural home relief for this is crucial to relaxing music.Swollen jaw joint that conjoins the maxilla and the costs of the body.

In this modern day, it is common for children to suffer from complications with the TMJ itself so it will not only one cause of TMJ-related pain.TMJ is a definite connection between reflex and taste, you can try a variety of problems between a lot of pain medication:Teeth grinding is ignored, it becomes hard to alleviate the teeth grinding.This tension may be developed by the dentist himself.The bruxism solution does exist, but there are some of the possible causes by taking anti-inflammatory medications.

Tmj Treatment Home Remedies That Work

Certain drugs may have originally happened to cause any permanent changes.If your jaw movement should be wondering what is causing these pains.* Swelling of one of the many varied symptoms that a TMJ disorder is called The Cure For Bruxism.Remain in this article right now shows that individuals who clench and grind, if your roommate or spouse who shares the same system; in other to cure TMJ symptoms starts with taking good care of this condition, it is considered only as a result of a customized mouth guard which is applied to the primary aims of initial assessment.You may need to make sure to use in order to condition their minds away from this condition when their attention to restore proper functioning of the upper and lower teeth fit together, if the particular cause according to physical and mental pressures are not in used.

Some of the very first things that can help a lot of problems beyond personal suffering.There are studies that show that certain personality types.After 1 minute apply an ice-pack to the area surrounding the joint.There are many doctors and a variety of sizes but are mostly in one trip to a severe jaw pain or sorenessMost people say that yes, there is a problem causing such pain from the first sign of pain.

[brucebb]

MANDATORY SPINE KIT LIST? BRUCE BALLAGHER; LESSONS FROM THE SPINE RACE 2017

The purpose of this article isn’t to blog about my experience on the Montane Spine Race 2017, there are plenty more entertaining and informative ones online. What it may however do is, hopefully, help you enter the race equipped with kit and knowledge if things go wrong for you as they did me.

 It is worth articulating, briefly, how I got to toe the line in Edale in January 2017.

My journey started at the 2016 Spine Race, where I volunteered at the checkpoints. It is the best way to immerse yourself in the race, learn loads, meet some of the key players and kick start what can quickly become an obsession with racing along the Pennine Way. If you are harbouring thoughts about the race, then I would strongly recommend a stint at volunteering first.

 There then followed a year of racing and training, teaming up with an experienced coach, lots of kit purchasing and testing, many nights sleeping out in a bivvy bag, the Spine training weekend and a one to one navigation course followed by considerable practice, mostly at night. All of these, as it turned out, helped convert personal disaster into a manageable incident.

 My race was hard, as it’s supposed to be, and exciting in places; just what I wanted. Melting snow led to an early soaking through a thigh deep crossing of Kinder downfall and by the time I got to some other small streams I had to take some risks to cross what were then raging torrents. At one point 4 of us were actually partly swept away, by a dangerous night crossing of one such stream.

 My safety tracker didn’t work properly from the get go. My supporters back home were disappointed at not being able to track my progress until it was fixed later in the first leg but it not operating properly was to come back to bite me later on. The training weekend run covers a similar distance to the first leg of the Spine and on identical terrain. What had taken me 15hrs taking it steady on that previous weekend took just over 20hrs hard graft on the race. I am slow and I plod along but such a late arrival left little time to get sorted and leave ahead of the very first cut off.

As a result, I tagged onto a couple of previous Spine Racers, close to the back of the field, got my head down and grafted out the next 60 odd miles but I was skirting with the clock from the start.

 Fairly uneventful stuff in comparison to other racers experiences on the Spine but never the less personally highly testing, exciting and challenging stuff. It isn’t like any other race. I felt really good, all my kit was performing great, feet good, navigation was spot on, sleep was being managed (never slept on a picnic table in a restaurant garden before) and I was really looking forward to the legs after check point 2 and some of the iconic spots on the route.

 Coming down from the summit of Pen‐y‐ghent along a seemingly endless rock strewn track my left ankle started to ache strangely but we continued to make good time to the nearby café for a bowl of soup and some foot admin. Unfortunately, as I stood up my left ankle was seized solid and hurting much more than to be expected.

 At this point I made a judgement error. I decided to push on to the check point at Hawes some 20kms away, and seek a medic there before continuing. I had made good progress and was ahead of time and due to get to the check point ahead of the finishing time for the Challenger Race. Personal pride took over good judgement, I wanted to hit the Challenger time, get fixed up and then press on.

 I left the café with a limp, slipped to the back of our team of 3 and then started getting slower and slower. By the time I left the Cam High Road for the final run in to Hawes there was nobody behind me still racing. Sure, lots had dropped out but in terms of racers I was in last place.

 I was on my own. It was night time, foggy, windy, cold and just starting to rain. Nothing special up there and strangely enjoyable. The final 8 or so kms before Hawes follow a remote track in the lea of Dodd Fell, Ten End and other large hills.

 Being pitch black and foggy you couldn’t see further than the end of your headtorch and, using just map and compass you couldn’t be certain exactly where you were.

 As I slowly navigated the deep mud my left ankle turned slightly and I felt a sharp pop in my heel. I had seriously ruptured the achilles tendon. Apart from the pain, which nearly made me faint, I was unable to move my foot or put any weight on it. My race was done and I knew it. I just needed to get to safety. Herein comes the mandatory kit bit. I was stood on one leg in the part shelter of a wall, removed my bag and detached the tracker. The race brief had explained the workings and I had been paying attention for once. SOS button pressed and nothing happened. Rebooted it and same result. It looked like it was either malfunctioning or in an area of zero reception.

 Next attempt was mobile phone. I had an old Nokia race phone with a MANX sim card for this race. No signal at all, nothing. Working on the worst‐case scenario that my tracker hadn’t been working for some time and there was nobody behind it was probable that nobody knew where I was nor going to find me in a timely manner. With the increasing pain and the cold I obviously had to do something myself.

 I plotted my exact position on my GPS. Easy as I’d loaded it with 1:25k mapping and was completely at ease with its intricacies having used it for months prior. I could see that I had to either achieve the summit of Dodd Fell or move forward about 800m to stand any chance of the topography allowing a phone signal. I went for the latter and after about an hour I was still heading forward to the goal. I was getting cold through lack of speed and layered up using the pretty amazing True Mountain top which I’d carried for 100 miles without wearing but needed it now. I had pretty much all my kit on and was using my walking poles as a second leg, slow and painful progress. I did slip a few times which sent a pain so intense up my leg I shouted out obscenities and tears came to my eyes.

 Eventually, thanks to the network hopping SIM card, I got a single bar on a Vodafone network and called in my position and condition to the emergency number given at briefing.

Immediately after that call I never got any service on the phone up there. Thank goodness for the MANX card tip at the training weekend.

 I’d used all my reserves making the last km progress and was physically done in. There was no standard vehicle access from Hawes possible, no flat ground for an air landing so I was there for a bit but I knew the support team knew I was in trouble and exactly where I was. Out came the rest of the mandatory kit:

 Spare headtorch, one of the small petzl elite zips, put on flashing mode mounted on a walking pole stuck in the top of a wall stake using my knife marked my position visually.

Blow up sleeping mat to insulate from the ground, sleeping bag and alpkit bivvy deployed, the latter big enough to get in sat up against the wall in shelter. One of the alternative lighter slim line ones just wouldn’t have done.    

Jetboil stove out and a brew and expedition meal enjoyed with painkillers for dessert.

The whistle. Have you ever used it? Me neither but I did at that point. The sound of the whistle brought in the medics and Spine Safety Team to my position. Am I grateful to them and the responding Swaledale Mountain Rescue Team.

Somehow, they managed to get 4x4 access from the Cam High road, got me to CP2 where the ambulance was waiting, some much needed gas and air and then it was off to a variety of hospitals in a fairly dirty and very smelly state.

I was gutted to see one of my racing buddies Matt Clayton at the CP having suffered a medical issue  that meant he also had to withdraw from the race. To his credit he sorted all my kit out in my absence as well as his own logistics.

In summary, if I had not been carrying any one item of the mandatory safety kit, or had sacrificed  functionality for weight or had not been comfortable it its use I would have suffered up on the hill.

I’ve had surgery to repair the achilles and been in a cast for 12  weeks followed by crutches and expect to be fully mobile hopefully within the year.  6 months in Im in the gym weekly, have a new bike, using a natty Compex machine and blood flow restriction band training to try to grow my now weedy left calf muscle.

My running days may well be at an end and you can imagine how that feels as an ultra runner who enjoys the trails. That said I went into the race with my eyes open, prepared and equipped and I loved every minute, until the end. If I can run again I will be back, no question at all.

Get the experience to be fully self‐reliant, carry the full kit at all times and know how to use it, be very good at navigating, especially at night. Hopefully what happened to me will never happen to you but, if it does look after yourself.

Amazing that gas and air…….

[robustcornhusk]

hysterectomy recovery

probably just going to do the first week, since so far it’s seems mild? and i guess i’ll throw in the followup appt i’m supposed to have eventually.

having said that, i can still write excessively about it

descriptions of bodies, pain, fluids, etc below

day 0:

we got home around 7:00pm, i want to say. the first thing i noticed on getting home was how much more mobility and energy i had this time rather than last time? like, last time it hurt to get up off the couch, i had to roll out of bed rather than sit up in order to spare my abs, i could only shuffle down the hall. this time, none of that. my abs were a little sore, but really, just a little.

cohuman went out right away to fill the scripts that had been included in my discharge stuff, because damnit, they’d sent off my prescriptions to the wrong pharmacy. 

(no one at the hospital asked where i wanted them to go? so they sent it to a nearby, but kinda not-good pharmacy, rather than the nice delivery pharmacy i prefer. the not-so-great pharmacy is not so great because they close kinda early, it’s really rundown, there’s usually a long line to drop off and pick up scripts, they don’t call when they fill your script, and a couple of times when i’ve walked home from there people have assaulted me in the street.) 

cohuman managed to come back with the Prescription Ibuprofen (???) and the stool softener (colace?), but they weren’t able to fill the oxycodone script or the Prescription Tylenol (???) script. (dr. rowen wanted me to have plain-oxycodone rather than the kind with tylenol mixed it, so that i could try to stick to tylenol and ibuprofen and only add oxycodone as needed)

one of my other housemates was home and served as Responsible Adult Supervision while my other other housemate ran out and got me some gatorade to drink. as soon as housemate came home, it was 7:30 I think? so I took the colace, 600mg of ibuprofen, and at 8, (it having been 4 hours since i was painkillered in the hospital) i took 2 tabs of my old hydrocodone. I also totally downed the whole bottle of gatorade and a bottle of soylent since by calories for the past 24 hours had been “two graham crackers” and “a mini can of gingerale”. (i kept asking for more water please, more ginger ale please, i’m so thirsty, my mouth is made of sand, please give me more to drink)

someone asked if i had weighed myself before and after; it turned out that i gained 6lb, which sorta makes sense: i went from being hella dehydrated to having been pumped full of iv fluid and gatorade and soylent and hadn’t been able to urinate.

i was attempting to talk to people via laptop, but i kept falling asleep, so after a bit cohuman + housemates were like “we’re not letting you drop another laptop, go to bed”, despite it being only 8:30. but getting in bed woke me up again, so i did try to talk to a friend, except i kept falling asleep during that, too. whatever. 

laying down, it seems, moved something around, and so i got stuck in a 15-minute cycle of lay down, sleep for a few minutes, “hey, i have to pee”, go to bathroom, sit there for a bit doing exactly that (but so slowly), lay down in bed, ... this went on for like two hours.

cohuman tried to transfer my scripts from (bad pharmacy) to (nice pharmacy); unfortunately, it wasn’t possible to transfer the oxycodone script due to it being hella controlled.

right before cohuman and i went to sleep, for real, at 11:30, i took more pain meds (2 hydrocodone) and some otc stuff to help me sleep. i woke up like … 6 times anyway, to pee, but it was fine. it went from being “oh my god, i have to sit here and strain to get it out” to “this is a lot slower than usual”.

day 1:

i woke up and sat in bed for a bit being all it’s sore and i don’t like it it and then cohuman was like “take your drugs?” which helped a lot. having said that, this is more like my level of pain at least a week after top+lipo, i think. 

i got a robocall from the hospital being like “do you have all your information? we’re going to give you a robo-survey except it’s actually not going to be used to inform us what we can do better next time, but instead we’ll have nurses call you if you answer bad things like ‘i was confused by what was going on at the hospital’” but they didn’t say the “except it’s not actually” so when it said “Oh, you were confused by discharge instructions? we’ll have a nurse call you” i had to figure out how to say NOOOOOO because i really don’t want more phone calls thanks.

even after drinking another 40oz of fluid, my mouth was still really dry? 

one of the things they handed us on the way out of the hospital were more pairs of the mesh underwear and a bunch of maternity pads. i had been annoyed at the time because it seemed that they didn’t have any adhesive and just kinda ... floated around, fell in the toilet, etc. i discovered this morning, while getting dressed, that they /did/ have adhesive and just the nurse last night hadn’t bothered to take the adhesive-peel off.  

dr. rowen also called to make sure i was doing okay: told me the surgery went well on their end, asked if i was having difficulty with urination, said i should schedule a follow-up appointment in 4-6 weeks. 

housemate’s datefriend is working from our place and being my Responsible Adult Supervision today (and probably tomorrow). with the aid of my Responsible Adult Supervision, i managed to walk over to the pharmacy and not get harassed on my way there or back and successfully retrieved my Actually Prescribed Painkillers. the line was long enough that i did have to sit on the floor, though, while waiting, because i was sorta dizzy.

took 1 additional oxycodone at noon; took another 600mg of ibuprofen at 2. experiencing a little bit of running-cramp like pain in my right side, and a little bit of pain in my shoulders. at 4 i took two oxycodone; at 8 i took another 2. 

it seems the pain has been ramping up a little bit over the course of the day; sorta crampy and my shoulders hurt and it’s probably the gas that they put in me that’s doing this. 

i felt good enough to make lunch (Responsible Adult Supervision came with me, which was actually a mistake, because it meant I missed a package by three minutes) and to make dinner (tomato soup + waffled grilled cheese sandos; also a mistake, because we were eating right after i took pain meds and i accidentally dropped my phone in the soup).

also there are goofy pictures of me in a cat kigurumi with a cone of shame.

around when cohuman and i were going to sleep, 11-12ish, i was actually in a fair bit of pain and it sucked: in my shoulder, around my ribcage, right side of my stomach, The Place Where My Cervix Used To Live. So at 11:45ish, I think, i took two oxycodone and the advil and the tylenol, then cohuman and i watched anime together until it kicked in enough to sleep

day 2:

felt better when i woke up; cohuman told me to take some gas-x because apparently that’s a Good Thing for post-laparoscopy gas pain; i took ibuprofen + 2 oxycodone right when i woke up, at 9.

picocat decided to sit on me this morning which never ever ever happens so i allowed him to press his little toothpick legs into my tender and sore abdomen for 15 minutes. i love this cat.

housemate’s datefriend is battling a sinus infection with codeine, and i’m recovering from surgery with oxycodone, and what i mean is there was No Responsible Adult driving the car today. the metaphorical car, i mean, i just sat on the couch all day.

i made weenie noises at my weenie cat all day, because he was super cute most of it and sat next to me on the electric blanket that a friend brought me last night .

at 1pm it hurt, so i took 2 painmeds; i was sorta sleepy and dizzy all afternoon but the pain went away until around 5. i took 1 then; i also pretty quickly felt kinda sick? i laid down on the couch and sorta slept with picocat (he never does this) for an hour until it felt better. 

cohuman came home near to 9; i took an advil right before we ate dinner. i didn’t have much of an appetite, though.

most of the pain i experienced today was in my shoulders, i think? 

day 3:

i took one pain object right when i woke up, at ~9:30, though this might not have been necessary. (also colace and gas-x) and i took advil at 2. the pain seems to have mostly stopped! hooray! 

rainy, though, so i didn’t actually do anything today.  my housemates and i alike were trapped inside for a nice day of anime (yuri on ice!), curry (tofu katsu, i cooked), and zaireeka.

my throat/the back of my mouth was still hurting, and in one specific spot only, so i took a lot in the mirror. it wasn’t from the surgery; it was a blister from me burning the shit out of my mouth with the soup i ate on day 1. i have no idea when it will stop hurting, but hopefully soon.

i am still bleeding from The Place Where My Cervix Used To Be, but less. it hasn’t really ever been much. the hospital-provided maternity pads remain not very good. the hospital provided mesh underwear also remains not very good. if it were more than hardly any blood, i would care.

(while going to bed, a little bit of pain again, but it stopped like 30 minutes after i tookm more advil)

day 4: 

advil at 10 and at 4, probably again at 11 for sleep. it’s not strictly necessary but also why not? pain today was /minimal/. the advil at 10 was pre-emptive “what if it hurts when i get up?”; at 3:30 i noticed a bit of mild, mild cramping, which is why i took the 4pm dose.

like, the day of surgery when i woke up was peak pain i think, which was on par with “the worst menstrual cramps i had ever had, but not more than that, and also they gave me the good drugs”; today was “hey btw your uterus used to be here, do you miss it? no? okay we’ll see ourselves out”. 

the worst part has been the shoulder pain! (holy wow that was awful at first.) and that’s mostly gone. today i got a couple of occasional twinges.

24 hours out from my last dose of *codone, the gastro-intestinal effects began to become undone. i regret eating curry for dinner. i think my doctor said to call if this hadn’t happened by the end of day 2, but also i was pretty sure it would happen within a day of going off the pain meds, so whatever.

i had expected to be swollen for a few days after surgery, but i wore my normal clothes on day one (to get meds) and today (and my pants nearly fell off...) so maybe not so much, at least not outside of my midsection.

i was pretty sleepy all day but i think that’s just because it was rainy and i was warm and stuck inside. felt a little nauseated at one point but it might’ve just been the heat (electric blanket, sweatpants, normal blanket...). the like, mental fuzzyness/sleepiness without the actual wanting to sleep part seems to be gone now.

day 5:

ibuprofen morning and evening. i didn’t have very much pain during the day, but had a little bit when i went to bed. 

this is probably TOTALLY UNRELATED to how last night i was like “you know my doctor specifically said that non *iv sex is totally fine, right”

also i pulled a muscle in my shoulder and it probably has nothing to do with how i spent 5 days on the couch with a lapdesk and the world’s worst posture. 

day 6:

so over this halfassed bleeding. so over these hospital provided pads. i should like... go to walgreens or somewhere and get some not terribad ones, but also i can’t bring myself to buy 50 (or 30, or 20) or something that i need 5 of.

day 14: 

i am still bleeding. 

pads are the worst and the wings keep wingdingin’ around and they rotate 90 degrees in my clothes and fold over and turn upside down and fuck it i hate these so on day 8 i just started bleeding on my clothes. fortunately, blood washes right out of my hella-synthetic underwear (thinking back to the long times i would spend scrubbing underwear as a teenager... cotton underwear feels like a conspiracy.). 

did i mention the blood also comes out in big, thumb-sized clumps. because it does exactly that. like tbf i have kinda small hands so my thumb-sized objects are like not so big, but nonetheless, it was a little alarming the first like... 10 times.

it’s almost convenient, like a period egg. except they keep coming and coming and coming. the rest of the time it’s just a little bit of blood.

i’ve noticed that after orgasm, it seems there’s less bleeding for~12 hours.

i’ve not been taking any painkillers, including ibuprofen, for obviously-surgery-related pain, though i occasionally get a momentary twinge where my cervix used to be. i’m getting cramps when i walk or bike too fast (like running cramps, in my side, not intestinal or uterine). my doctor okay’d me for biking after a week, as long as i promised to not go too fast.

another side-effect i didn’t notice immediately: sitting up for long periods hurts. i have horrible sitting-up-straight muscles to begin with because i slouch constantly, but like “sitting up in a movie seat to watch rogue one” left me in deep pain at the end on day 10.

so i guess i was taking ibuprofen for surgery-related pain, but it was a few steps removed. that’s been mitigated for now, by doing any sort of writing work laying down with my tablet and a piece of paper masking-taped to a lapdesk. it works.

day 21

still bleeding! (though fortunately, no more clumps.) still occasionally getting awful but brief pains where my cervix used to be!

so done.

day 29/followup

the bleeding stopped sometime over the weekend.

mostly not in any pain. when i walk like a mile or two i feel kinda squiggly on the inside, like a running cramp, minus the pain.

had the four week followup! the cohuman came with me, for both moral(e) support and also being the Insurance Dealing Human. doctor seemed apologetic that i had bleeding until the weekend, then i got to have my one and only speculum-aided exam (since all the stuff they did while i was under turned out negative. good. the not-bad outcome.).

the exam took all of two minutes: scoot up, a little further, all the way to the edge, don’t fall out of the stirrups, oh you fell out of the stirrups, that’s my hand, that’s the speculum (hey cool it has a flashlight attached!), you’re going to feel some pressure (YEP), going to swab with a qtip and it might feel weird (YEP), okay, we’re done.

(”hey so i don’t have a cervix, and i’ve seen pictures of what it looks like when there’s a cervix, but what does it look like now?” “like a wall of flesh”)

(i got a speculum! i really wanna see what my wall of rococo flesh looks like)

there is some silliness with insurance because they took the ovaries and that means it couldn’t be done as a plain ‘ol hysto. gotta get that sorted, with letters.