#also not to say that my current friendships with women aren’t fulfilling i love them . and it does help that they’re all lgbt poc

[silver-wield]

I dont understand why aerith only abused cloud and not the other characters, whats her motive? have you ever been abused or at least know someone who was? can you also tell me more about aerith’s character? she’s the one i know the least so i would appreciate the enlightenment

Following on from this

Did I say Aerith was abusive or that her actions were? Because Aerith's not an abusive character, but she does things that harm others because of certain reasons. Also, some of my earlier comments about chapter 8 and Aerith's behaviour are before I learned more about her pov motivation, so it's only taken from Cloud's pov. Which I have no regrets about. I prefer Cloud over Aerith.

Cloud just got the brunt of things because he spent longer with her. The way Aerith assumes she knows everyone and that her way is best does harm others because it shows she doesn't respect their opinions or value them as individuals who behave differently to how she expects. She doesn't really know everyone, she just thinks she does because she knows info she shouldn't. But, vague information from the lifestream or wherever she got it doesn't form a complete picture. It also doesn't replace actual relationship development. She's trying to run before she can crawl.

From Aerith's pov, she's doing good. She's not intentionally abusive to people. She's poorly socialised, bossy and been treated as special since she was a child. She's got no frame of reference in how to have healthy relationships with people. She had no friends as a kid and none later. Kyrie was a bad influence on her and not a true friend. She's never had a true friend and only Zack loved her besides her moms. Her dad died when she was a baby, so she doesn't remember him. She's basically a spoiled child expecting to get what she wants and then can't accept the truth when it doesn't match her expectations.

From the others povs she's withholding vital information, treating them like they can't do things without her input and acting like she's the leader, despite just meeting everyone. Since what she's asking them to help with is saving the planet and Avalanche are self proclaimed protectors, and Cloud and Tifa are Sephiroth's enemies they won't refuse. Red agrees because his race are more attuned to the planet anyway. It's part of who he is to help protect it.

It's a matter of emotional maturity. Tifa has the most of the younger characters and currently, Aerith wavers between her OG immaturity and her meta knowledge which gives her unearned wisdom, but she doesn't know how to apply that wisdom, so just comes off bossy.

Cloud doesn't know how to deal with conflict except to beat it senseless and doesn't know how to deal with women, except to be a passive dummy when most of them manhandle him. He also doesn't want anything to do with any woman romantically except Tifa, which is why he's always touching her and flirting.

Cloud knows that Tifa reacts badly when people she cares about are in danger, so he's trying to keep her calm. Since Aerith interrupts immediately after this we don't know what the conclusion of this would be if Cloud was allowed to continue speaking. Most likely, he'd suggest getting back to sector 7, too, because he already agreed with her they need to go when he woke her up before the Abzu battle. Tifa respects Cloud's opinion and military background, so that's why she's asking his advice.

By jumping in and alarming Tifa, Aerith has actually caused harm because it's put her in an anxious state, which we see escalating throughout the sewers.

Cloud kept Tifa calm and focused. Aerith has done the opposite. Because she thinks she knows best.

Having put Tifa in a more anxious state than she was earlier, Aerith now withholds information, which breaks trust between them.

This harms Tifa. She now has to worry about Aerith's true motives as well as sector 7. Tifa avoids confronting her suspicions because she's non-confrontational by nature. And Aerith could be innocent and Tifa's imagining everything.

It's not a healthy state of mind Aerith's encouraged.

Aerith has observed how Tifa is with Cloud and deliberately baits her, which causes harm to Tifa.

Aerith's motives aren't the focus here and I've explained from her pov she's helping, but from Tifa's pov, this girl she just met is trying to take the guy she's liked since she was 13.

The look on Aerith's face is playful, but Tifa's isn't. She looks unhappy. With Aerith. She thought they were becoming friends and then Aerith does this.

And as I said, it's worth noting this is different to the JP scene where Tifa is just worried and Aerith's teasing her to try and improve her mood. So, this scene was deliberately played up to highlight a negative behaviour from Aerith and provoke Tifa.

Aerith never explains why Barret can't do things. She just orders everyone around and expects them to listen, but she doesn't listen to them.

Even when asked, she doesn't say anything, and this is harming the entire party. Just because we know the plot doesn't make what she's doing okay. She knows about Sephiroth and doesn't warn anyone beforehand. So, later when Cloud and Tifa see him in the drum, they're not prepared.

This adds to everyone's suspicion about Aerith.

Suspicious Aerith

Suspicious Aerith 2

See, the thing is, if someone is suspicious then you can't trust them. And trust is a big factor in relationships. By making herself untrustworthy by lying and acting in a suspicious way, Aerith isn't fulfilling one of the basic cornerstones of a good relationship.

Four cornerstones of a strong relationship: Tifa

Four cornerstones of a strong relationship: Cloud

Respect

Aerith shows she doesn't respect Tifa's opinion about Cloud and dismisses her valid concerns. She redirects to ask about her instead, which Tifa brushes off. The girls don't have a lot of conversation in the drum, which shows they're not that close or that Tifa doesn't trust her enough to chat after the sewers. Tifa has chosen to remain focused.

From Aerith's pov, ignoring Cloud shows she's not interested in him, but Tifa is and is worried and wanted reassurance, which Aerith didn't provide.

Honesty

During their first interaction, Aerith lies to Cloud several times, and keeps lying throughout the game, either by omission or outright lying.

Aerith lies about knowing the Turks, while knowing how dangerous they are.

A person who lies isn't someone who can be trusted. This is why Cloud and Tifa are suspicious of Aerith, even up to the end battle where Sephiroth speaks from behind Aerith and Cloud gives her a suspicious look. Because Aerith's own behaviour combines with Sephiroth's motives. If Aerith hadn't made herself suspicious then Sephiroth wouldn't be as effective here.

Trust

Cloud shakes his head here. He knows Aerith doesn't trust them because she keeps lying. See how things connect? Aerith lies, it makes her untrustworthy and affects people's relationships with her in a negative way.

Cloud agrees to go fetch Aerith because he knows what Shinra are like, isn't an asshole, feels obligated and Elmyra literally orders him to "bring her back to me" after he gets permission to go. Which is why it's listed as operation: save Aerith in the story summary.

Friendship

And as for friendship, well both Barret and Tifa call Aerith "our friend" but Cloud says "a friend" to mayor Domino and then later when he says "our friend" to the guy outside the battle sim, all of them are framed. But, when he said "a friend" to mayor Domino only Cloud was framed. This suggests that to Cloud Aerith isn't a friend.

So, Aerith fails to satisfy the basic cornerstones of a good relationship with others. That's not saying she's a bad person or has bad motives, but currently she's not in good standing.

As for her behaviour in sector 5 with Cloud, from her pov, her actions weren't bad either.

The protagonist Cloud, who played the hero like Zack, is the unforgettable protagonist of FFVII. The beginning of the story, he seems cool, but in reality he is not good with communication and feels less than he is. “I wanted to be in SOLIDER, but I couldn’t.” Because he wanted to hide himself (because of Zack's death and the Nibelheim incident), the Jenova cells that were planted in him in Nibelheim formed a personality that were based on Zack’s memories. In CC, Cloud was weak but he was influenced by Zack. In the beginning of the story, Cloud takes on the title of “Zack”. Aerith was shocked when she meets Cloud due to him mirroring Zack in behavior.

That's a rough translation, but the fact is Aerith saw Zack in Cloud from their first meeting and that's why she chased after him in chapter 2. This is the CC ultimania, BTW, and it's getting a reprint, so the info in it is canon to Remake because the devs advised players to read more compilation materials. This is one of them.

Her motives aren't bad, but we can't only see things from her pov. Other people matter too. Cloud wasn't happy with her throughout chapter 8 because of her behaviour. Her motives don't factor into his feelings because she never reveals why she's doing it. Even if she did explain, it doesn't excuse her ignoring how Cloud feels.

Because Aerith is using Cloud as a prop for Zack it does harm her relationship with him and others. In the chapter 9 Corneo's dungeon conversation we can see Tifa notices Cloud isn't happy with Aerith suggesting they stay and get info out of Corneo. His reaction colors her opinion of Aerith later when he wakes her in the sewers. That's why she asks how he knows her because he doesn't seem to be acting like they're friends as Aerith claimed.

And Aerith isn't treating Cloud like he's Cloud through a lot of chapter 8 and 9 and only pulls back when they meet up with Tifa.

So much zerith

And by deluding herself, Aerith gets to be with Zack again, which she alludes to in her resolution when she says she's grateful to Cloud and he made her more happy than he knows. Because she got to pretend she spent one more day with Zack. But, then she shatters her own delusion by telling Cloud that any potential feelings he might have in the future are fake. Because Cloud's persona is fake. He's not Zack.

In the OG, Aerith's GS date alludes to Cloud's fake persona too, but she says she wants to meet the real him. She doesn't say that here. She ignores Cloud again, and by doing so answers his question in that he doesn't get a say because she's not listening to him. Because she doesn't care.

And when the party reaches her in chapter 16, it's even more clear that Aerith has set aside her delusions in favour of building better relationships with the other characters. She's more invested in Red, Tifa and Barret than she is Cloud.

However, it's an uphill struggle with Tifa because of the previous behaviour she exhibited.

See how things circle back? Aerith made herself suspicious, Tifa loses trust in her and that affects their relationship later so that Tifa is less likely to confide in her. She's being Tifa Lockhart. And we know Tifa can open up with those she really trusts because she does with Cloud. Because they have a strong set of cornerstones to their relationship.

So, from Aerith's pov, it's not abuse because she has some very good reasons for treating Cloud and others the way she does. She's aware of some future events and knows about Sephiroth and she also deluded herself into thinking Cloud was Zack.

But, because they don't know her motives it does actually harm the relationships between her and them. Even Red seems to mistrust her because he knows some of what she was up to with the whispers, as stated during the opening of chapter 17 where he explains the whispers purpose and looks right at Aerith when he mentions people tampering with fate.

But, this is what character development is for. Aerith needs to grow as a person and not just in power. So, I expect a lot of her more childish traits like being overly bossy and not having any listening skills will be addressed in future parts.

[saprophetic]

Why did you convert to Judaism?

tl;dr: it called to me for five years and felt like home, even before i knew i was allowed to be jewish. the community aspect, the sense that i was who i was supposed to be. that i was where i was supposed to be.

the long version is... very complex, and i'll try to answer it as honestly and extensively as i can without adding stuff i'm uncomfortable sharing because a lot of it is personal backstory. (i indented the part that skips over the tragic backstory if you want to skip that, i’m only adding it because i feel like it’s integral to my journey) i'm putting it under a cut because it's very very long and may be triggering. i also… don’t know if this was necessarily what you were asking, but i hope i answered your question sufficiently. the stuff about jewish belief (as interpreted by me) is the last few paragraphs.

tw for xtianity (specifically catholicism, as well as missionaries), child abuse, brief mention of religious homophobia and sexual assault (in paragraph 4), and mentions of antisemitism at the end

i grew up with a very catholic grandmother, and was very much the Good Catholic Girl - i was at mass every sunday, i was a youth group leader (both of my parish specifically and on a regional level) and personally helped put together a lot of youth events, i was an altar server, i was a eucharistic minister, i helped teach sunday school. i talked all the time about how much i loved being catholic, and how much i trusted god, and any time anything bad happened, i would publicly say that it was in his hands and that whatever was meant to happen would happen. no matter how bad it was, i told everyone how much i loved and trusted god.

and i was completely and utterly empty. nothing felt right. i got yelled at once for asking a question (i don't remember the question, but i do remember the embarrassment and resolve to stop questioning things). i didn't understand confession, and was too embarrassed to ask. i have obsessive-compulsive disorder, and was absolutely obsessed with being the poster girl for what a good catholic girl should look like because it was what i was supposed to be, but i just... didn't feel it. i didn't understand why some things were sins, and i didn't ever really do anything that i considered bad... so i lied in confession. i made up stuff i didn't do just so people wouldn't see that i was as lacking as i felt. and boy was i good at it.

i was very good at faking loving god, when i actually hated him. he didn’t stop my mother from being neglectful, he didn’t stop her boyfriends from being abusive, he didn’t stop us from being taken away and made to live with our grandmother. my grandmother was in the council of catholic women, she was on the board of directors at the church, she taught sunday school, she was close personal friends with both the priest and the deacon, and was beloved by everyone. and she is and always has been viciously abusive.

when i was a junior in high school, my boyfriend was a missionary kid whose parents were at a local church. he frequently bragged about how many people in papua new guinea he and his family personally converted to xtianity, and about how the bible he carried around helped him in lots of arguments at school. one instance was when he used it to argue against same-sex marriage in his US history class. even though i was catholic and he was not, he had me go to church with him sometimes. his family was Righteous and Godly and Ideal. he was a missionary kid and i was a Good Catholic Girl, and that didn't stop him from sexually assaulting me. and then he just went right back to converting people, went right back to talking about how godly and morally correct he was. 

god didn’t stop that from happening, either. god didn’t stop any of that from happening, and i hated him for it.

when i was a senior in high school, i finally called cps on my grandmother for her abuse, and they did nothing. my grandmother, the poor old woman who took in her grandchildren and suffered through how absolutely terrible and horrible they were but was still so godly, and the family was just so beautiful at mass every week… she tossed me out. she told me to pack and to leave the house. so i did.

when i moved in with a friend, sleeping on an air mattress on her floor, i had a lot of time to think about my sexuality and gender. and it scared me, because of a sermon our priest had given once and because i didn’t know how my very catholic boyfriend would react. (he was fine with it, but we did end up breaking up after a bit for unrelated stuff.) i did attend mass a few times while i lived with her, desperately hoping to feel… something, anything. but i didn’t. i didn’t get a sign or anything even remotely comforting. 

       eventually, i came to terms with the fact that i wasn’t cishet, and when i went to college (well… went is a strong word. i was on campus) i had the opportunity to start to find myself, and i thought… catholicism didn’t fit me. it never fit me, it always made me feel empty. 

one of my friends was a rabbi’s son, and as a jew, he was ALWAYS more than willing to talk about judaism. there was more than one occasion that our friend group would hang out in an empty classroom with a whiteboard, and we would just listen to him talking about the torah or about jewish ethics or just… whatever he felt like talking about.

and i desperately wanted to know more, i wanted to always feel the way i did listening to him talk about the relationship jews have with god. i wanted to be part of something that not only allowed but ENCOURAGED a fraught relationship with god. that not only allowed but ENCOURAGED questioning your beliefs. the kind of community i felt listening to him talk about judaism was something i had never felt in all my years of being a Good Catholic Girl. i wanted to be part of it so desperately… but i had been catholic, which in my mind meant i wasn’t allowed. so i pushed my desire down.

i ended up dropping out of college for mental health reasons, and by that point had ended my friendship with the friend i’d stayed with before, which meant i had to move back in with my grandmother. it was… bad. i tried to come out to her and it didn’t go well. i ended up moving out again, and was trying to get as far away from catholicism as humanly possible.

i was pagan for a few years, and i don’t regret it. i made a lot of friends and i learned a lot about what i wanted out of a relationship with god, but ultimately it just wasn’t for me. it just didn’t feel like home. during that time, i became friends with a lot of jews, and hung on to everything they said about judaism. (like, it’s seriously weird how the older i got the more jewish friends i had. it felt like judaism was literally calling me. but it scared me so i refused to think about it too hard.)

and then crazy circumstances happened (that have nothing to do with my conversion) and i moved in with my current roommates lol. one of my roommates was already jewish but didn’t really have the kind of connection to it that they wanted (for reasons that aren’t mine to share). the first time i saw them light the menorah for chanukah i… felt something. it was a kind of yearning that i just… couldn’t ignore. i felt like i was being called to something bigger and older and deeper than i had ever felt before. i wanted to be jewish more than anything and it felt like i was supposed to be jewish.

and i still waited… a while to bring it up. i thought about it constantly, but i never said a damn word to anyone, until finally i couldn’t keep it in anymore and blurted it out and i was so nervous that i was going to be told i couldn’t. but i wasn’t. we decided that we wanted to go to one of the local temples at some point.

the first time i rolled into the temple i almost cried. the feeling i had was one of overwhelming familiarity, of a desperate need to belong there. the people were so nice and welcoming but it didn’t feel like it did at my old catholic church. it felt like i already knew them, even though i was to shy to talk to many people. and then the service started, and i cried through… almost the entire thing. every time i heard hebrew, it resonated with me in a way i had never experienced.

it felt like what i was looking for in catholicism.

as a side note, at one point someone was like vaguely rude about my wheelchair in the typical abled nonsense way, and at the oneg afterwards rabbi was talking to me and was like “i saw that, and it was just absolutely unacceptable. i’m so sorry that happened.” and i was SHOCKED. 

me and my roommates ended up going to shabbat services for a few months and every single time i went into the building it just. felt like home. it felt like it was where i was supposed to be. eventually i worked up the guts to actually ask about converting, because i just… i know i keep saying it, but i just so desperately wanted to be jewish. i wanted to be a part of it more than i had ever wanted anything.

and during the conversion classes, i found… myself? i guess? i became more solidly myself, i think. i’ve never really… i’m not good with the academic part of being jewish because of my brain damage, and that’s something i worried about with my rabbi, but he told me that it was okay, that i didn’t have to know everything, because there’s things even he doesn’t know. the important thing was the spiritual part, and that was… something i actually found fulfilling.

i still have a very fraught relationship with god, but it doesn’t feel like one-sided hatred with an all knowing deity that knew i was suffering and didn’t care. it’s a struggle, a conversation, it’s me yelling at god at three in the morning and being allowed to do that. it’s me realizing that god doesn’t control everything in the universe because we’ve got free will, and there’s some things we have to do for ourselves. my suffering wasn’t preordained and there isn’t “a reason for everything”, it was other people doing it because they were exercising their free will to hurt others.

my rabbi is… older gen x cishet white man, so he’s got some pretty centrist politics, but he always stresses that he accepts us for who we are and that the most important thing is that we are taking care of ourselves. (seriously, the number of exchanges i’ve had with him that are along the lines of “i can’t make it to class because my body is doing a chronic illness” “that’s okay, make sure you take care of yourself” is… more than i can count) he’s flawed at it, of course, but… who isn’t?

the more i learn about the tanakh (as opposed to the old testament - because they’re actually very different) the more secure i feel in my decision. the stories aren’t meant to be absolutely true in every sense of the word, we have literal hundreds of pages of rabbis arguing with each other across hundreds of years about what a passage might mean. 

the stories aren’t showing how we need to be subservient to god, they’re showing that even god makes mistakes, so of course people are going to make mistakes, because we’re made in their image. they’re to remind us of who we are, of what it means to be jewish. am yisrael, the people of israel (NOT the country). we literally named ourselves after the time our great great great great grandpa wrestled with god AND WON. 

jewish belief in god doesn’t necessarily mean “i think god exists”, because of course they do. god is whatever you need them to be. jewish belief is trust, it’s like saying “i believe in you” to a friend you know can do whatever it is they need to do. 

despite what antisemites would have you believe, jews being god’s chosen people doesn’t mean we think we’re better than everyone else. being chosen is a burden. jews have historically suffered and suffered and suffered, and we’re still here. we still keep going, because we have to. jews grapple with the concept of being chosen much like we grapple with god. it’s a heavy and weighty thing that means something different to everyone. being chosen isn’t always a good thing. it’s responsibility, it’s heartbreak, it’s pain, it’s a happiness i can’t put into words, it’s community and belonging and facing adversity from people who want you dead. and continuing on, because jews will always endure.

but hey, i’m just one guy. if you ask another jew i can guarantee they’ve got another perspective and another story.

[illfoandillfie]

going under a cut because its long lmao

tarot cards: Queen of Cups, 3 of swords, king of pentacles, knight of wands, 2 of wands, 10 of wands, king of pentacles, the world

okay, before i jump into these cards i just wanted to note that while i was shuffling i had a few cards sort of flip over or like stick out at the wrong angle and i definitely saw the 9 of swords and 8 of swords which both speak to the hopeless/stuck feelings you’ve been having. but neither card fell out or was drawn they just sort of showed themselves to me which means that these feelings aren’t likely to stick around. It’s definitely tied more to your current energy than your future energy.

While i was drawing these cards I was asking about what’s coming in your near future so I was thinking the next few months but timing can be hard to place so if things don’t happen immediately, don’t worry about it, it doesn’t mean they never will.

So, now to the actual cards. First up the queen of cups and the 2 of wands. I think this is a call for compassion and kindness, probably towards yourself. The two of wands is about a desire for the unknown. Making plans, deliberating, hesitating. And the queen of cups is calm and comforting and compassionate. Together these are a reminder to not beat yourself up for what is out of your control. Sometimes circumstances keep us from getting what we really want. Sometimes it’s our own fears or uncertainty but sometimes it’s to do with family or work or the state of the world. But, sometimes the delay can be a blessing. It’s a good time to reflect on what you want and plan for how you can bring it about. The queen of cups can be read as a visionary. She is wise and devoted and is tied to dreams becoming reality. If things don’t seem to be progressing, use this time to take care of yourself and get in touch with your own needs and desires. Figure out what you’re looking for so that you recognise it when you see it.

Next up is the 3 of swords and the 10 of wands. Admittedly, neither of these are especially happy cards. The 3 of swords in particular is tied to heartache and suffering, disruptive forces, and absence. You feel as if something is missing and its weighing on you. Similarly the 10 of wands is symbolic of burdens and suffering but it’s a hopeful card. It’s also about success, though it might come at a cost, and accomplishment. This is a promise that things will turn around for you within the near future, that they’ll get better. It won’t be easy, sometimes it will be a great struggle as if you’re carrying more than you should be, but there is success at the end of it.

Because next up we have double king of pentacles. I gasped when the second king came out because it doesn’t happen very often and I remember the king of pentacles came up in your previous readings. As I’m sure I have said before, the king of pents signifies abundance, prosperity and security but i won’t go too deep into what qualities he’s tied too since i’ve said it before. What I will talk about is why he’s appeared twice in the same column. So, if we look at your cards so far, we have a mix of hurt and hope. And i think thats why the king of pents is in there twice. Because his absence is part of the hurt right now but his potential arrival is part of the hope. He represents both what is missing and what you’re trying to find. But, hopefully his showing up here is a sign that he could approach soon. Like I said in our chat, it’s not guaranteed and you need to put in effort to meet him or, if you think you know who it is, to connect with him, but I do think his appearance here twice is a good sign.

And finally, the knight of wands and the world. The knight of wands is about action and adventure and energy. He’s on the move, he’s confident and excited and fearless. And the world is about fulfilment and harmony and completion. It’s assured success. It might come after a long journey but it will come. Interestingly the knight of wands is also linked to travel and departure and altered plans. He can represent absence as well as distance so again we have that duality of hurt and hope. This may be a sign that the king of pents was meant to come towards you sooner but circumstances changed and he’s had to change course. It could also be a message for you to try to overcome whatever limits you are placing on yourself to manifest this relationship. At a very basic level or could also just indicate that the king of pents, whoever his is, is linked to travel somehow - maybe he travels for work or he just likes taking trips or maybe you’ll meet him while commuting somewhere. Either way, stay open to the possibility of meeting him. Stay hopeful that it will work out. Because, as scary or hard as that 3 of swords may feel, there is a lot to be hopeful about in here.

a couple of other things i want to point out:

We start with the queen of cups and the last card of that row is the knight of wands. their energies are very different. the queen is soft and tender and empathetic. She’s calm and soothing and still. the knight is bold and courageous and ambitious. he’s about movement and taking chances because he feels bulletproof. this could be a message about what you can do to help manifest your king. Take action, put yourself out there, don’t be afraid to cut loose and show your passionate side. (Or, because its hard not to be afraid, fake it until you make it. act confident until confidence is second nature.)

Then, the second row. It starts with the 2 of wands which is a card that usually depicts a man holding a globe to signify his desires. And then we end with The World. If that’s not a hopeful message then i don’t know what is.

okay, onto your oracles. 

I started with a crystal spirit and you got number 6 - Aqua Aura Quartz. It represents: Connecting to infinite potential, a renewed sense of purpose, wonder, and awe. I don’t always quote directly from the guidebook but theres a little second in there that i feel really fits with your situation so i’m gonna quote it. It says: There are eight billion people on this planet, yet soul mates somehow find each other, friends and lovers show up in the most unexpected places, and love makes itself known just as you are beginning to doubt that is is out there for you. Aqua Aura Quartz Spirit’s message to you today is to become childlike with wonder. Believe in magic. Believe in the power of love to find its way to you no matter how dark the house, for love is everywhere and you have not been forgotten.  As an aside, if you’re into numerology the number 6 may hold significance for you - it could be related to your life path number or it could be an important date (6th of feb/march? something in june?).

After that I pulled a Moonology card and you got Full Moon in Scorpio - It’s time to release negativity. This is definitely a sign to try and shake off the hopelessness you’ve been feeling. I know that’s probably easier said than done but it would be worth it to try. 

While we’re on the subject of the moon and astrology, I got 2 Arcana of Astrology cards the Waxing Crescent Moon and the Ninth House. The waxing crescent represents growth and initiative. Growth comes in two phases. firstly, the obstacles which are negative patters from the past and secondly, the actions which are changes made to move forward. This card indicates that now is a good time to focus on that second part of growth. Focus your energy towards what you want to accomplish rather than what has happened in the past. Then the ninth house  which is the realm of philosophy. It’s about knowledge and truth and the desire for understanding. This card is letting you know that now is the right time to look outside your comfort zone and explore new ideas or opportunities. Interestingly the ninth house in astrology can also involve travel and exploration which definitely ties in into some of your tarot cards. 

Next we have a Dragon Path card - number 8, Magic and Manifestation. These dragons are here to help you turn your dreams into reality. Because you pulled this card I also pulled you some cards from my Making Magic deck. Originally I just wanted 1 but 3 popped out at once so I took them all. These cards all depict a sigil or symbol that can be used in spellwork or that you can focus on to help manifest what you want. They are: Love Charm - Attract a lover, soul mate or life partner / Triple Spiral - Listening to divine wisdom and joyfully learning life’s lessons. / Goddess - Healing feminine energy. Obviously love charm is a good fit but I think the others are as well. A lot of these cards have related to healing and moving forward and then the triple spiral really seemed to fit in with the knowledge thing in the ninth house and potentially with the visionary aspect of the queen of cups. 

Tarot: 3 of cups, 3 of swords, 3 of wands, queen of pentacles, ace of swords, 4 of pentacles, 6 of cups, 2 of cups. 

Okay. so onto the second part of the reading. With these cards I was trying to focus on getting more info about you person, the king of pents, the soul mate, whatever you want to call them. 

So right off the bat I have to point out the 3 different 3s. I can assure you these cards were well shuffled and it wasn’t like they all came out in a clump together, it was one and then some shuffling and then the next and then shuffling and then the third one. I was very surprised to have so many 3s come out together. The 3s represent sociability and group communications as well as coming change. The only one that isn’t there is the 3 of pentacles which is usually related to group work - people collaborating and working together. 

So lets start with that 3 of cups. This card is about friendship and community and happiness. Often it depicts a group of women drinking and dancing together so it’s very much about gatherings and parties and social settings but at a deeper level its about knowing someone has your back, that you’ve got people you can trust to help you. It’s being clarified by the ace of wands (these are Friends themed playing cards and each has the name of an episode on them so i’ll include those, in case they hold significance - perhaps one of the storylines will be relevant. The ace of swords is The One Where Rachel Finds Out). The ace of swords is about breakthroughs, clarity, the truth, and having a sharp mind. It may be that someone you know will help you clarify the situation or that a breakthrough will occur at a party or other social event. This could also be saying that, when you eventually meet this person, they will become a valued friend, someone who you can trust, someone you can turn to. 

Then we have that pesky 3 of swords card again, same as in the previous part of the reading. All that heartache and pain again. This time it’s with the 4 of pentacles (The One With All The Wedding Dresses) which is about holding what you have close. In worst case scenarios the 4 of pents can reference hoarding or holding onto something for fear of losing it but at it’s highest vibration it’s about protecting what is yours. Together this could be a message of “no pain no gain”. Without going through the grief of the 3 of swords you can’t appreciate the security or conservation of the 4 of pents. This could also be a sign or warning for you or your person about not letting pain of the past manifest in overly clingy or needy displays once you are together. On the other hand it could be about turning past hurts and present worries into affection and care. In relation to your person, these cards may symbolise that they’re financially stable or prone to being careful with money. Perhaps they have been through patches of having little to live off so are careful with how they spend what they now have. 

Then we have the 3 of wands and 6 of cups. The 3 of wands is related to growth and expansion and looking ahead. It’s about preparation, getting ready for something. The 6 of cups (The One With The Proposal) id related to familiarity, happy memories and healing. Often this card comes up in relation to past life connections (if you’re into that) or people you’ve previously met. There’s momentum here. The 3 of wands suggests you’re getting ready for them, looking ahead to when you may meet and the 6 of cups suggests moving on from past pain or trauma that’s been holding you back. In relation to your person these cards suggest there could be an element of familiarity between you - perhaps you met once a few years ago or you’ve heard about them from a friend and feel as if you have an idea of them already. The 3 of wands also has a connection to travel so, again, it might be that they travel a lot or have travelled in the past or they’re someone who enjoys visiting new places and seeing new things. It could also be that they’re a joyful sort of person, perhaps a bit silly or jokey. 

And then we have the Queen of Pentcles and the 2 of cups. I think it was in one of your previous readings that you came up as the queen of pents. Certainly, if this person is the king of pents it makes sense for the queen to be you. And especially with the 2 of cups (The One With Ross’s New Girlfriend) clarifying it. As I’ve said before the 2 of cups is about connection and partnership and unity. It’s pretty much the ideal soul mate card. So, that’s a pretty great note to end this part of the reading on. 

And lastly, the oracles. I didn’t intend to pull quite so many but this is what came out so this is what we’re going with. 

First up here’s what the 3 heart shaped cards have to say: When it comes to matters of the heart, there is no right or wrong. Every choice you make expands your understanding of life and love. / Time - You are trying too hard. Give it time. / Embrace - Through each other you find the missing pieces. So there’s definitely a sense of slowing down, not rushing or trying to force something that isn’t there. But there’s also reassurance that this connection is reachable and will be deep and what you’re looking for. Soul Mate, Twin Flame, that kind of thing. 

Then we have 3 romance angels: Make The Effort - Great love is worth taking the steps you’re guided to take. / Let Your Friends Help You - Ask for and accept support from others. / Forgiving And Learning - As you release and heal the past, you experience more love in your present moments. Interestingly while the previous cards were saying to give things time, these ones seem to suggest making active moves to make it happen. I think there’s a balance required. One that you will intuitively be able to work out. Somewhere between sitting at home and waiting for him to magically appear, and going out with every guy in your town or city. If you meet someone or know someone you think could be the right person, take whatever steps you feel are right. I also think the Let Your Friends Help card is important considering how many 3s we got in the tarot cards. It may be that this connection is possible through a friend or family member who can set you up or will help you approach them. And the last one has that same healing energy we’ve seen a few times in this reading. 

You also got 2 Spellcasting oracles. Happiness and Manifestation. Both of these make sense really. They both indicate a positive outlook and happy outcomes. Manifestation can also be about patience as it’s not an instantaneous thing which ties into that Time heart card. 

And finally I got 2 Destiny cards as well - Boldness and Compassion. These could be traits that your person will show but interestingly they can be linked to the knight of wands and queen of cups from the beginning of the reading. 

[jisssooyah]

Hi you... if you were going to curate a little season of films for me, which ones would you choose and why? They don't need to be horror, I'm just curious what you would choose 🌸

I don’t know if you’ll like these movies, or if you’ve already watched them, but after i watched these films, i felt like they might need to belong to you now. i hope they make you smile, roll your eyes, and cry just as much as i did.

1. city of god (2002): this is one of the most immersive and gorgeously shot films i’ve ever seen. it’s set in rio de janeiro during the 60s and spans decades exploring the drug culture in the slums and how this can affect kids just as they are trying to figure their own selves out. the way this film is shot, feels like you were at the sea with them as the sand crunched underneath your feet. but the way that the director captures these individuals, makes you so fucking relieved that you don’t live through any of the circumstances that they go through. 

2. the dreamers (2004): set in 1968, this film follows three students in Paris who come of age and explore one another and their limits during the revolution. while these students prop themselves up as individuals obsessed with sex, running underneath themselves is a current of jealousy, obsession, and blurred familial relationships that made me increasingly uncomfortable. you find yourself feeling bad for the children, and ultimately upset at their upbringing because of their parents. 

3. if beale street could talk (2018): this movie is based off of james baldwin’s titular 1974 novel. in it, the director expertly and vigorously explores love: a love that feels so real that it hurts. the cast is what sold this film to me. the way they talk, laugh, cry, and smile at one another is achingly beautiful and terrifyingly sad. i wanted to transport myself back to their time period and watch the main characters fall in love because the film didn’t seem like enough. 

4. the neon demon (2016): this film follows an emerging model who sacrifices herself to the demands of the industry in order to be attractive and beautiful. there are so many stunning colors in this film that it makes you dizzy, like you’re in a trance and that’s what this world is for the main character: a trance. as she oscillates between reality and fantasy, her world and the characters in it, increasingly seek out to alter her personality. 

5. death becomes her (1992): a deliberately ultra-campy parody of trashy, pandering "women's pictures," soap operas and paperbacks from the '80s and '90s. The three leads all do some of their best work - it's hilarious watching Meryl Streep play a terrible actress, Goldie Hawn is particularly hilarious during her character's cat lady phase, and all around just a really fun and eccentric film. 

6. princess cyd (2017): i can’t think of anything to write for this but i just wanna say that this is literally one of the most pleasant movie experiences i’ve ever had. so much light and genuine interaction in warm sun rays radiating positive energy and an openness that is far too uncommon in movies nowadays. people talk, people connect, people grow bonds and are allowed to be sexual or intimate or personal without an air of shame or judgement. just pure kind and curious human association. 

7. spiderman: into the spiderverse (2018): the message of Spider-Verse is not "gentrify yourself! stop expressing your personality and just conform to what society wants you to be!" After all, what makes you different makes you Spider-Man, and Miles' final expression of himself as a superhero still retains much of his personality and individuality...they're just being used in more productive and fulfilling ways. It's the little things that drive the point home, like noticing that the title page for Miles' finished Great Expectations essay has been stylistically doodled and colored like street art. Rather than seeing his artistic gifts as an opposition to his schoolwork, Miles infuses them together to make the best of the hand he's been dealt.

8. my life as a zucchini (2016): initially heartbreaking and sad, but slowly becoming more joyful and heartwarming as the plot moves along. The film really feels like it captures the essence and child like wonder of these kids, all of them going through hardships but managing to find something to help each other out. It’s so refreshing to see the actual orphanage portrayed in a more positive light, not the usual horrid dump that a lot of lesser movies play them out as. The animation is stunning. One of the best uses of stop motion I’ve seen, everything is so colourful and detailed. There’s some moments set in snowy mountains and these look incredible. There’s clearly been so much love and care put into each and every scene here. The music too, sounds spectacular, it really works well with each scene. 

9. lovesong (2016): Mindy and Sarah have that type of relationship where they don't need words because they speak in a language made out of glances and touches. This movie is about the fear of ruining a meaningful friendship and losing an important person, about love that is so complicated that one might not even try because the outcome seems to be so obvious.

10. her (2013): Heartbreak is formative: it changes you heart side out, and leaves your muscles a little stronger, your skin a little thicker, your bones easier to repair. Before this film, I’d never seen anything constructive in having your insides pulled apart by the seams by another person, but this film taught me how. Being in love and then being forced out of it is an experience that changes you fundamentally, but Her taught me its purpose – you don’t need them to leave you so that you can find someone who’s a better fit, because perhaps you never will. You need it to participate in humanity. The common denominator is being hurt, and without it, you’re barely alive.

11. shoplifters (2018): bittersweet and richly transportive, Shoplifters is a film that nonchalantly eases you into its tragic beauty in a way that doesn't punch you hard until the end. It simultaneously made me want to be part of the film's world and also very glad that I'm not. The setting the characters live in is messy and cluttered and full of dysfunction and lies, but it's also got family, and laughter, and fist-bumps, and slurping warm noodles while rain pings on the tin rooftop. So nuanced, so many tiny moments of delicate beauty and unassuming heartbreak, so many people making terrible decisions with good intentions.

12. god’s own country (2017): though it is a love story between two men, this aspect is only addressed briefly in a single scene. Rather, the film is about finding someone who makes you want to be a better person, someone who comes into your life just when you needed it most. Gheorghe helps Johnny open up and realize the beauty of the simple life. From this relationship, Johnny begins to feel comfortable with expressing himself, and his love and gratitude towards others. He also begins to appreciate life in the country, surrounded by stunning landscapes and the beauty of simplicity. Addressing the Yorkshire countryside, Gheorghe says "It is beautiful, but lonely." Johnny is presented with the notion that he doesn't have to be cold and miserable, slaving and drinking his days away. He is presented with the possibility of no longer being alone and finally finding happiness and contentment - and it is more than gratifying to see him accept it.

13. disobedience (2017): a tender star-crossed daydream. the three main character dynamics are special enough on their own, but the romance that blooms at the center is cathartically intimate and even magical: a reunion that feels so inevitable. catching glimpses of a past life, details we aren’t privy to. all the stolen kisses and whispers and promises. a bond so strong that they fall back in sync with each other like second nature, even if they try to fight against it. even if it won’t work. and yet they choose each other, even if for a few minutes.

14. raw (2016): this film is so gross and I like that. There is tons of blood and unique body horror and it all works perfectly for the tone the film is attempting to set. The use of color, specifically neons, creates a constant feeling that you are traveling through some sort of weird ghost world, which I really like. Overall, it's a very well put together film with flashes of brilliance.

15. the night is short, walk on girl (2017): what an absolutely magical adventure of a film. Essentially this is a heavily episodic look at a night in the lives of several people, centered on a woman and a man as she gleefully floats from event to event while he neurotically obsesses over how to "coincidentally" talk to her. The storytelling is incredible; while the overarching narrative is simple there are countless threads woven together to connect everyone in the story to each other. That in itself is a big theme: connections between people, how everything is interrelated, and what a large impact seemingly insignificant things people do can have an impact on everyone around them.

16. coraline (2009): Coraline is the best stop motion movie ever made in my opinion. Before the film released in 2009, I read the book and was completely blown away by its creativity and story. It’s a pretty dark tale featuring many scenes of fright that work well in both a horror setting and an animated kids setting. On surface value, this film is quite horrifying, which is something I’ve always loved about it. While it does make a few minor changes to the book, it improves upon a piece of art that was already jaw-droppingly good. Coraline feels like a real little girl with some real problems. She’s selfish but likable which is something most films cannot translate well. Of course, she has a pretty awesome arc as well which brings this movie to a perfect close for her character. The other-mother is also perfectly done. She is almost exactly how I imagined her in the book and the animation on her is spookily gorgeous. There is not one dull moment in this film. It is literally a perfect piece of cinema.

17. the third wife (2019): haven’t seen a film this visually delicate in a while. Ash Mayfair works with the looming mountain surroundings to make her characters —these women, these girls— as small as possible, as isolated as possible. Uneasiest of all is the protagonist May, so young and so weighed by responsibility, her position blurs between being one of the wives and being one of the daughters. It’s an extremely bleak tale of circumstance. An old tale, certainly, but so beautifully crafted it doesn’t matter. Mayfair holds a fearful tension throughout, and it only ever shatters in the cruelest of ways.The abundance of women and display of sisterhood begin as a comfort, but horror takes over as we realize how conditional and fragile that comfort is. Even the daughters are subconsciously aware, one of them praying to the gods to grow up and become a man, shearing her hair off in naive triumph. It’s a doomed cycle of girls performing roles which are unfortunately their best option, right up until the final scene of May with her daughter, still in their mourning clothes. She, like the older wives, finally realizes they’re the same as the cattle laying on their side for too many days.

[fyrapartnersearch]

[21+] Fandoms!

Hey all, thanks for dropping in to have a gander at my post of wants and needs. My name is Froo, I’m an old, old hag (25) who studies biochemistry and marine-biology and at the moment, I teach people how to play Dungeons and Dragons for a living. Before we get into it all, let me make some things clear, if you don’t mind.

If you don’t intend to engage with me ooc, or place your focus solely on the roleplay, we aren’t meant to be. I have to click and create chemistry with my partners, and if we can’t do that, the roleplay will grow stale and sorry. In turn, I’m looking for someone I can create pinterest-boards with, spotify-playlists, cross-reference musicals and make stupid, senseless memes. I have a degree in Illustration, so you can bet your bottom dollar that I’ll be drawing our characters when inspiration takes me. I love nothing more to draw out characters, swooning, in and out of love. I would also like someone who is typically quite active, not always to reply, but just to chat and just generally make friendship with. I ideally spend more time becoming friends with my partners than simply hammering into the role-play. I also will not roleplay with people who do not double, nor write a/a. I’m not interested in your solely male or female characters. Give me a plethora of icons to work with, please.

As a typical rule of thumb, I do not roleplay with anyone under the age of twenty-one. Sorry folks, it’s just how I do. I also rarely write in-depth NSFW scenes. Take it up with me, if you must, but I hope you understand. Rarely does not mean never. There must be a given context and fulfilment to the plot for it to occur. I typically feel more comfortable writing with women over men. Sorry lads!I play all genders, ships and pairings. Please match up in this regard, I want to explore the palette of all friendships and relationships. My replies are typically quite lengthy, but I can cut down to about 500-600 words, if required. I only write in third-person and I expect you to do so as well. I adore crying and swooning over characters and plots. Please let us create mood-boards, playlists, art and stupid threads between us. That’s my absolute favourite, that’s what I thrive on.

Now that we’ve found ourselves beyond my preferences, let’s talk about plots and fandoms! I’m looking for a number of fandoms and specialities within them. Keep in mind, this is only my wants- Like I said, I am happy to double, so we can work something out.

-Warhammer: Age of Sigmar, or any typical fantasy-setting: I’m currently looking to use my female-skaven, Ishret in a roleplay. For those of you well-versed in Warhammer’s universe, please don’t berate me. I understand that there are no “canon” female Skaven, save Broodmothers, but I want to expand on the idea of Skaven society. Giant rats. I love them and I love them a lot. I’m currently reading Thanquol and Boneripper and from that, I would like to find usage of my Female Skaven, Ishret; a chosen-pup of the Horned Rat who abandons the stereotype of Skavenblight and sets off on her own, battling the will of the Horned Rat the entire time.

-Fallout: New Vegas: I’m incredibly hard to persuade on this one, as I’ve already got one writer who fulfils all the dark, deep loves for this game-instalment. Still, if you come to me with a banging crew of characters, I’d be more than pleased to introduce you to mine. I’m predominantly searching for plots involving Caesar’s Legion and the lore that was denied to us in the actual game-instalment. I want to explore Colorado, New Mexico, Nevada… I had a plethora of Legion characters I can play and I look forward to making more/ playing against more.-

Star-Wars; I’m deeply interested in the extended lore of the Star-Wars Universe and have been learning about the extended universe. For this, I’m interested in one particularly cursed ship; please don’t judge me. I’m so sorry and tragic. But bare with me! I would really appreciate a canon/oc ship between my Imperial-Agent, Vitani, and Director Krennic. I know it’s such an outlandish ship, but I’m a terrible person and I love bad people who melt around one another. Again, I’m happy to double and accommodate with your own dedicated ships. Perhaps antagonistic to our own?

-Stardew-Valley; Again, I would like to expand on the lore placed in-game. There isn’t much to say about SDV other than I love the slow, timely pace of the game and would love to experience that with a dedicated partner. My ideal ship for this setting is my farmer, Hunter and Elliot. As mentioned previously, I would double to accommodate your ship.

These are all the fandoms I’m interested in currently. Please feel free to speak to me, I’m typically active and I enjoy seeing how it all plays out. Until next time, peace! Please contact me on Discord; froo-men-TAR-ee#8068

[narniaandplowmen]

“I wish you could talk, old fellow.’’ And then for a moment he thought he was dreaming, for quite distinctly, though in a low voice, the Horse said, “But I can.”

So, this month was The Horse and His Boy! I love the title of this book, since it puts such a nice twist on the ‘the boy and his...’ sentiment we are used to.

Even though the Pevensie siblings are barely present in this entry, it seems to be one of the main influences in the fandom regarding the characterisation of Edmund. I think the idea of Edmund being the Spy Master comes from THaHB, when he is the one informing Susan, Tumnus and the rest of the Narnia crew that they have to flee Tashbaan. I was surprised to read how strong Edmund is!  Rabadash says that he will “order ten of [his] men to disarm and bind [Edmund]” (emphasis mine). Ten men to disarm our Just King! And, obviously, this is also the entry in the series that the famous “even a traitor may mend” quote comes from. I forgot that that quote is actually about Rabadash. That traitor did not mend, sadly enough. 

THaHB also shows we should give our dear Tumnus more credit than we currently do: he is the one that came up with the escape plan, which worked! I don’t think the fandom portrays him nearly as smart as he actually is. I also have to say that it is adorable how Corbin gets into a fight because someone insults Susan. He is very rash but has a clear sense of honour. 

What I found most fascinating religion-wise was how the Visier, Tisroc and Rabadash speak of Aslan. They talk about Him in the terms of their own faith, calling Him a demon. The other animals in Narnia are called demons as well. I think this perfectly symbolises how we usually talk negatively about things we don’t know and we are unfamiliar with. The same currently happens as well, but with humans. I don’t want to become too political, but I think we can all think of examples of people being demonised just for existing and wanting a safe home.

I think my favourite scene is Shasta/Cor talking to Aslan for the first time. After he feels His breath, he tells his life story - there is something there that makes him feel safe and secure enough to be so vulnerable. I love how Lewis described it: “A new and different sort of trembling came over him. Yet he felt glad too.” I also adore the description Shasta gives of Aslan: “It was from the Lion that the light came. No one ever saw anything more terrible or beautiful.” It’s so beautiful that the horse, although he is not a speaking horse, shows no fear of Aslan. When reading this scene I pictured such a serene moment, and I think that is exactly the intention. For a small moment, everything is beautiful and calm and good. Later, when Cor learns there was a cliff right next to him that entire foggy trip, he realises that Aslan kept him safe: “That is why the Lion kept on my left He was between me and the edge all the time.” That is God for you, protecting you from dangers you aren’t even aware of.

 I think my favourite non-serious line in this entire book is this:

“But at that moment he was interrupted by a snore from Shasta who, what with his night’s journey and his excellent breakfast, had gone fast asleep. The kindly Dwarfs, as soon as they noticed this, began making signs to each other not to wake him, and indeed did so much whispering and nodding and getting up and tiptoeing away that they certainly would have waked him if he had been less tired.“

That is just so incredibly adorable! I also find it incredibly cute how proud of a father King Liue is. He welcomes his newfound son with open arms and immediately manages to fulfil his role as the Embarrassing Dad: “but [King Lune] enjoyed it very much indeed and in the course of the next few weeks told it to so many people that Cor wished it had never happened.”

The sentence that announces that Cor and Aravis got married is also hilarious: 

“Aravis also had many quarrels (and, I’m afraid, even fights) with Cor, but they always made it up again: so that years later, when they were grown up, they were so used to quarrelling and making up again that they got married so as to go on doing it more conveniently.” 

It’s a lovely expectation-subversion that Bree and Hwin don’t marry each other! And I am living for the Lucy/Aravis friendship, I need more fanfictions about that! They are both strong, independent and adventurous women, I cannot imagine the amount of trouble they would get in together. It’s interesting, by the way, that Lucy here does remember “the tale of the Wardrobe and how she and King Edmund and Queen Susan and Peter the High King had first come into Narnia”, as she seems to have forgotten it at the end of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. 

And poor Peter, he is completely left out of this story! Edmund and Susan are, obviously, involved in the Archenland-side of the adventures, and Queen Lucy rides out and joins the battle. Meanwhile, poor Peter has no idea what is going on because he is fighting a war with the Giants! I wonder what his reaction was when Susan told him about Rabadash’s intentions.  

I think overall I would give this entry 3.5 out of 5 stars. I have to say, I am not the biggest fan of the main characters. I don’t necessarily have anything against them, I think I am just absolutely incapable of identifying with any of them. This makes it difficult to really get into the story. I can relate to Edmund and Lucy and even Eustace in The Silver Chair, but I simply cannot relate to Aravis, Cor, Bree or Hwin. It is still an enjoyable story though, and it again displays Lewis’ amazing writing style, humour, and vision, and this entry expands the world of Narnia enormously.

Anyway, those were my rambly thoughts on The Horse and His Boy. I am too tired to write this in a manner that makes more sense ;). I cannot wait to see what next month brings!  

[moonlightsdreaming]

Another TV rec:  I finished the current season of Grace & Frankie a couple of weeks ago, but I’m still kind of thinking about it because I wound up being really invested in these characters and their friendship. My favorite character is Grace--as @belldreams pointed out, I definitely have a type!--because she’s caustic and mean on the surface, but there is such emotional vulnerability and damage underneath the surface, which is like absolute catnip to me.  (It helps, of course, that Jane Fonda is absolutely stunning as well!)  Grace, for me, is best summed up with, “You like being mean to people!”  “I don’t like it.  I’m just really good at it.” said in this sort of weary way where you can tell she does enjoy it a little, but at the same time, it’s not like she likes hurting people. I enjoyed this season a lot because it was some really strong personal growth for Grace, because I think a lot of people miss that what happened with Robert deeply damaged her, on top of already being someone who had a lot of trouble being vulnerable with other people.  And I think a lot of my reactions to her character arc are getting tied up in thoughts I’ve been having around friendship vs romance lately, in that I love love love romantic stories, I love love love shipping, I ship tons of characters and always have and probably always will, but I don’t ship Grace and Frankie themselves, despite that their relationship is the heart of the show and I don’t want it to be any other way. I’ve really enjoyed Grace’s relationship with Nick, that she had to make herself vulnerable with him, really vulnerable, the kind that could have ripped her heart to shreds again, and that was so scary for her.  I love that he really gets that she’s a package deal with Frankie, that part of being with her isn’t about pulling her away from that friendship.  But that, at the same time, sometimes she does need to choose him, too. Which is exactly what I want from the show because I’m in a place where I’m finally ready to start talking a little more publicly about being aromantic myself.  I’ve known for a long time, but I still had some things to settle in my own head (especially around how much I enjoy romantic stories, it’s just that I feel nothing in me that wants romance for myself, I want family and friends instead), and I’m realizing just how much I’m prioritizing relationships and fulfilling paths in life that aren’t romantic in nature.  That maybe the characters have romance/sex aside from those things, but the MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP in either of their lives is the one that’s platonic.  As someone who really needs to see that more often, that romantic relationships genuinely aren’t the most important part of the story, they’re not THE heart of the story, a relationship between two people that is what everything else in the show eventually boils down to, seeing these two women have this platonic friendship be the most important thing, while still having all this other side stuff going on, really got me in the feelings place. This is, of course, at odds with a lot of people who would benefit from seeing an older queer couple, should they go down that route, of course, so this isn’t saying that my representation is the only one that matters.  If they do go down that path, I will be really happy for those that it means something important to them, just as I hope that if they go down my path, people will be happy for me to get something that means something important to me. Whatever happens, though, it’s such a charming, witty series that has a ton of charisma, is LOL-worthy at many, many points, and does a lot for showing older women with sex drives, complicated lives, and just what it means to get older, from the point of view of those who are going through it.  It’s worth watching just because it’s funny, but also worth watching because it has a ton of heart.

[mittensmorgul]

I’ve seen multiple posts about how 13.21 referenced both Stand By Me as well as LotR (I mentioned it here but I know there were other posts that explained it in much more detail in case anyone doesn’t recognize all the references). And I’ve thrown around a couple of comments on how the episode directly referenced a LOT of the first half of s8 of The Walking Dead but I haven’t seen anyone write anything more detailed.

I intended to wait to see how the rest of the season turned out before writing anything more detailed, because this episode was written long before the second half of s8 of TWD was finished airing and I have no idea if Bobo knew spoilers in advance or if he was only using this as a sort of one-off parallel within this episode alone, but thematically there have been a number of other TWD references this season, from all the zombie comments in 13.06 to the Zombie Mom Witch in 13.12.

Anyway, below a cut in case anyone doesn’t want s8 TWD and current Fear The Walking Dead spoilers.

I mentioned in another post that I was essentially convinced by the end of Sam’s opening dream sequence that something terrible was gonna happen to Sam by the end of the episode... because TWD has been using a similar opening scene for a while now. Both on TWD and also on Fear TWD.

Essentially the “dreamer” is dead in every case (the notable unresolved “dreamer” whose fate we aren’t entirely sure of is Madison in Fear, but she’s now also been featured in Nick’s dream in the episode he died in so...)

But I want to focus on Carl’s dream sequences from the first half of s8. Because there were a number of them through the first eight episodes, and it wasn’t entirely clear that they were dreams at first. They seemed to show flashes of a “happy future” where his family was all safe and healthy, living a normal sort of “apple pie” life in their home in Alexandria. His little sister was older, his father had gone a bit greyer and walked with a cane, Michonne was still with Rick and happily being mom to Carl and an older Judith. Basically imagine a Walking Dead version of Sam’s dream, where they’re all around the table safe and happy and just living.

We didn’t really get a full understanding that these were specifically CARL’S dreams until the episode he was bitten (which aired December 10, 2017, so likely while Berens was working on this draft).

Clearly Sam’s “bite” went down a lot different than Carl’s did. But the part of the AU where Sam was attacked bore a lot of resemblance to the area where Carl and Siddiq had been walking together:

Path through the woods with hungry monsters waiting to eat them. But let me back up for a moment and explain why he was even out there.

Kindness.

He lived in a barricaded little town called Alexandria, who have allies in other groups such as The Kingdom (heh), Hilltop, and a broken relationship with a group of women living hidden in a community called Oceanside. All of these groups have been struggling under the oppressive rule of the Saviors (ie that group led by John Winchester Negan and his barbed-wire baseball bat called Lucille that Dean had in 12.15). At the beginning of s8, Carl’s father Rick had essentially been in what Mr. Mittens politely refers to as “kill mode.” They’d been betrayed and suffered heavily from the Saviors, who rule their territory with an iron fist and a steady campaign of terror and intimidation against any group they see as a potential resource.

(they’re basically awful, okay?)

But Carl is an odd duck. He’d spent quite a bit of time talking to Negan (not entirely by choice, because Negan is generally awful, but also had a weird soft spot for Carl, despite having threatened to force Rick to chop of Carl’s arm the first time they all met... it’s a disturbing show, sorry). Rick has never been able to forgive Negan for what he did (not just the psychological torture and threatening Carl, but also killing Abraham and Glen in cold blood just to intimidate and hurt the rest of them, and Maggie will never forgive him for killing Glen-- i.e. the father of her unborn child).

Which brings us to the people TFW+Gabe met in the woods-- a dark-haired woman called Maggie and a dude carrying a baseball bat. Interesting pair, no? Because in TWD if Maggie ever came face to face with Negan she’d claw his face off with her bare hands.

Okay now back to why Carl was in the woods. Back when Rick had been in Kill Mode, they ran across a man in the woods named Siddiq who Carl had wanted to help, but Rick shot at him to scare him away. Rick wasn’t in a mood to trust anyone, and especially not lone strangers in the woods. Carl apologized and began sneaking food out of Alexandria and befriending Siddiq. This went on for 8 episodes... bringing him supplies in secret and learning about the man. Which is what he’d been doing when they were ambushed by walkers.

Meanwhile back at home, one of the Saviors had turned traitor and was secretly helping Rick and his people escape an ambush (heck there’s so much of revenge and deceit involved in explaining Dwight’s motives here... but basically half the season is about revenge, and the fact that getting revenge is just... not worth it... sound familiar?)

So Carl had been out there in the middle of all this danger and (essentially) warfare to do a good deed for someone. And in the fighting, he’d accidentally been bitten by one of the walkers. (Sound familiar?)

The differences between Sam and Carl’s deaths:

Walker bites don’t kill instantly. It can take days to succumb to the infection unless the bite itself proves fatal, and Carl was bitten on his side (think about where Cas got stabbed by the Lance of Michael).

Carl killed the things that “killed him”

Sam’s bite was to a critical artery. If Carl had been bitten on the neck he would’ve been dead in a minute, but they wanted him to live long enough to get home and prepare for his own death. Sam didn’t get that luxury.

Carl didn’t have a handy archangel to resurrect him. Even if it was awful.

He did get to write letters to the people he cared about-- and to Negan-- and say goodbye to his loved ones in person. Sam didn’t. But Sam came back from the dead to address that in person.

Carl met back up with his family in the sewers (tunnels) under Alexandria after escaping the Saviors’ attack

The thing is, Carl had been the Negotiator. He’d been a sort of diplomat between everyone else and Negan, trying to convince everyone to work together rather than keep seeking revenge and trying to kill each other. Just like he’d been nurturing his friendship with Siddiq, and preparing to bring him back to Alexandria despite Rick not wanting him there.

Meanwhile we’ve been seeing hints about the revenge Sam is eager to take out on Lucifer. We saw Dean’s concern about Sam’s motives for helping Gabriel get his revenge against Loki and his children in 13.20, and Dean wanting to take the horrific burden of vengeance and the utter lack of fulfillment it actually provides off Sam’s shoulders.

It’s interesting that the Negan-coded dude (but not entirely, because his baseball bat didn’t have barbed wire wrapped around it) ended up biting it (pffft) in that tunnel and is never mentioned again. Maggie attempts to offer sympathy to Dean for the loss of his friend, but she gets nothing back from him.

Anyway, Carl left some letters behind (which he writes during episode 9, which didn’t air until February 25, 2018, so two weeks before they began filming 13.21 and likely after the script was finalized) and the contents he shared with Rick and with Negan can be read at those links in their entirety. But here’s a few key points:

You have to find peace with Negan. Find a way forward somehow. We don't have to forget what happened, but you can make it so that it won't happen again, that nobody has to live this way, that every life is worth something.

Start everything over. Show everyone that they can be safe again without killing. They can feel safe again. That it can go back to being birthdays, and school, and jobs, and even Friday night pizza somehow, and walks with a dad and a three-year-old holding hands. Make that come back, dad. And go on those walks with Judith. She'll remember them.

I love you.

Carl

and to Negan:

I hope my dad offers you peace. I hope you take it. I hope everything can change. It did for me.

Start over. You still can.

And at this point I’m singing “It’s never too late to start all over again” in my head.

And while all that was happening in TWD, the Saviors were launching firebombs into their town, as we assume there’s gonna be some more AU Angel “fireballs” hitting in 13.22.

The interesting thing about TWD’s season finale (which aired April 15, or four days before 13.23 wrapped filming), is that Rick finally both lucked out (via a timely bit of backstabbing by Eugene, who’d been considered a traitor when he went to work for Negan and had cost multiple people their lives as a result, but he’d rigged all the saviors’ guns to backfire and kill THEM instead of the people the guns were aimed at) AND took Carl’s message to heart.

He had the perfect chance to kill Negan and get his revenge at last, but he bargained for peace instead, in the face of a HUGE swarm of walkers that could threaten them all if they didn’t work together instead of constantly enacting petty revenge wars against each other.

(but Maggie? She still wants revenge, along with a few quiet others... but that’s for next season. For now, there’s an uneasy truce)

I have no idea what this means for anything else going on in SPN, or what lengths Sam, Dean, Cas, Gabriel, Lucifer, Mary, Jack... and everyone else... will be willing to go to to get “revenge” or to stop AU Michael, but I thought this was an interesting parallel between Sam and Carl in this episode.

[clublogo470]

Facebook Dating Review Reddit

Facebook’s dating app, which was announced at the corporation’s F8 Conference in May, 2018, has just rolled out to all of the U.S.For those who are currently swimming around in the dating pool.

Tinder, the largest dating app on the market right now, has about 5 million users. “In theory, given that so many people use Facebook, they could harness that population in an advantageous way. ThaiCupid website is one of the best examples of online social media and networking platforms worldwide to find the Siamese quickly. The website is easy to use and free for everyone to find other users and chat with them endlessly. However, you would need a little time to find a perfect match in the sea of profiles.

I used to find it frustrating when people blamed dating apps for how bad dating is.

Facebook’s NPE Team is testing an app called Sparked that’ll put people into a video speed dating event. The app hasn’t launched in any app stores yet but is available through the web. BookofMatches is a trustworthy internet dating website that has been working since 2002. For more than 15 years, this service makes its clients amazingly glad and fulfilled. There is something for everybody here, beginning from individuals with straight sexual direction to gays, lesbians, and transsexuals.

“What’s the alternative?” I would ask when a friend complained about the chore of swiping and starting a conversation. “Standing in a bar for six hours a night?” But I said this more often when I was in a relationship that had started on Tinder, and I say it much less often now that I’ve spent eight months back in the world of grainy boat-trip photos and “looking for the Pam to my Jim.”

People who have never used Tinder often frame it as an abundance of choice, when in reality, the experience of swiping through those hundreds of thousands of options has the effect of making every option look exactly the same. You can accrue two dozen matches named Matt in the time it takes to finish one glass of wine and throw the glass at the wall. Tinder doesn’t make it feel easy to go, as they say, “on to the next!” Tinder makes it feel like the next will be just like the last, which will be just like every other one, forever. The plentitude of fish in the proverbial sea is actually an apt metaphor, because what kind of lunatic could actually specify an individual fish they’d be interested in catching? They’re all fish.

Enter Facebook Dating, which seems to be differentiating itself at least partly on sheer numbers: Three-quarters of Americans are on Facebook. Tinder, the largest dating app on the market right now, has about 5 million users.

“In theory, given that so many people use Facebook, they could harness that population in an advantageous way,” says Kevin Lewis, a sociologist at UC San Diego who has studied both Facebook and online dating. “Will everyone sign up for it? If everyone did, this would be by far the biggest dating site there ever was.” Great, an even bigger sea.

Facebook’s motivations to get into the dating game are somewhat obvious. Analysts expect dating apps to be a $12 billion business by the end of next year. Advertising, premium accounts, and other paid features on Tinder bring in the lion’s share of revenue for its parent company, Match Group, which just reported a $498 million quarter and also owns Hinge, Plenty of Fish, Match.com, OkCupid, and dozens of smaller dating-related businesses. It’s understandable why Facebook would want a piece of that market, especially because teens and Millennials are abandoning the social network in droves.

To use Facebook Dating—and this is billed explicitly as one of the benefits—you don’t need to download another dating app. You enroll within the Facebook app, which I assume is still installed on your phone. Just kidding: Though a sizable majority of all Americans under 65 still have Facebook accounts, 44 percent of users ages 18 to 29 deleted the app from their phones in 2018. (Just imagine an army of horny 20-somethings scrubbing their furious #DeleteFacebook tweets in service of their love life.) Facebook Dating is free and doesn’t include any advertising, and the company says it never will. But it does pull users back into Facebook’s ecosystem, creating a new and very compelling reason for people—especially young people—to use an app they may have deserted.

And, of course, it could be that Facebook picked this moment to get into dating because everyone else already is. Even if thousands of Tinder bios still read, cloyingly, “Let’s lie about where we met,” conversational laziness often leads people to gesture at a stigma that isn’t really there, or express discomfort with things that they’re actually fine with—such as dating apps, and such as downloading another dating app after they’ve become jaded with the first dating app, their continued ability to return to the App Store serving as a tiny sign that their heart is still beating and they’re still looking for it.

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The irrepressibly genteel New York Times weddings section regularlyname-checksTinder. The presidential hopeful Pete Buttigieg met his husband on Hinge. The latest Pew Research Center data, from 2016, showed that 22 percent of Americans ages 25 to 34, and 27 percent of Americans ages 18 to 24, had dated online. Eighty percent of the people who had done so said it was a good way to meet someone, and 46 percent of college graduates said they could personally name someone for whom online dating had resulted in a marriage or long-term partnership. Those numbers were all drastically higher than they had been when Pew looked into the matter just three years earlier. It’s probably safe to assume that they’re even higher now. Online dating has become sufficiently mainstream to be part of the most mainstream website of all time.

If you ask Facebook, the company is getting into dating because its leaders think they can actually improve it. A recent study conducted by Edelman and commissioned by Facebook showed that 40 percent of people who currently use dating apps aren’t happy with the experience, Facebook Dating’s product manager, Charmaine Hung, told me.

“We hope that those people will give Facebook Dating a try,” she says. “We’re also hoping that people who have never tried dating apps before will try Facebook Dating because of the safety features we put in, as well as really activating your community and the interests you share with people.”

To celebrate the surprise launch of Facebook Dating in the U.S. (after a year of testing in smaller markets), Facebook invited a bunch of tech journalists and a few dozen influencers to a breakfast meeting at a hip all-cement venue more or less on the edge of the Hudson River in Manhattan. The subject of the event was kept mostly a secret until attendees were escorted to the basement, where a product manager, Nathan Sharp, gave a quick introduction to the app. He got in a quick dig at the competition by explaining that Facebook doesn’t believe in keeping “the best features behind a paywall,” and that its version of dating doesn’t involve any swiping—a reference to the baseball-card dating paradigm popularized by Tinder starting in 2012.

The message was clear: For Facebook, facilitating love is not a joke; it’s a public service.

The next point was even clearer: Facebook is aware that people are already using its products to hook up. Its executives have heard the phrase slide into the DMs. We did not get an opportunity to hear a Facebook spokesperson say this phrase aloud, but Sharp did invite the Modern Family star Sarah Hyland and the former Bachelorette contestant Wells Adams to come onstage and explain how they met: through the direct-messaging feature on Instagram.

Hyland and Adams, who are engaged, gave a 45-minute presentation explaining how one should go about inviting another person to get tacos, how to say “I love you,” how to propose marriage. (You might argue that this presentation was wildly hostile toward single people, who are having trouble finding someone to ask to get tacos—not because they are confused about how to use Facebook’s suite of networking products, but because most people just aren’t that fun to hang out with—and who, even if they aren’t exercising the muscles at this exact moment, do in fact know how to express their thoughts and feelings. Or you may not be as sensitive as I am.) When Adams and Hyland were finished talking about their perfect lives, curtains all around the room dropped to the floor, and it was revealed that the presentation area was surrounded by a ring of brand activations: a pen of puppies wearing Facebook Dating bandannas, a pop-up coffee shop serving romantic desserts, a florist giving out elaborate bouquets.

On display in the basement’s gallery section were works of art inspired by love and Facebook and famous dorm posters. Rodin’s Thinker was hunched over, pondering his options—“heart” or “X”—against a magenta backdrop. Michelangelo’s Creation of Adam was remixed in purple and pink, the pointer fingers of God himself and the first man reaching toward a Facebook Dating icon. I have to admit, this is the shit I live for. Did it tell me anything new about why Facebook is suddenly interested in operating a dating app? Not exactly, but it did tell me what Facebook thinks about daters as a cohort: that we want to live in a romantic comedy, and that we are easily charmed.

Visually, Facebook Dating is similar to Hinge, which, in its initial version, suggested matches exclusively from users’ mutual Facebook friends. (Hinge also takes a hard stance against swiping and has long advertised itself as “the relationship app,” in opposition to Tinder’s notorious hookup culture. It was acquired by Tinder’s parent company earlier this year.) Functionally, the app is also similar to Hinge—you scroll through profiles, send a like, send a message. You can see people who have already liked you—a feature that is also available on Hinge. (On Tinder, something similar requires a monthly subscription fee, which I have paid many times.) It’s not exactly groundbreaking.

“Facebook has a history of this,” Brendan Griffiths, an assistant professor of interaction design at the New School, told me, citing Instagram’s rip-off of Snapchat’s signature Stories feature in 2016. “It’s clear that they aped features (from Hinge and Tinder) pretty directly. I would say that’s where the vast majority of their inspirations come from.” (Facebook did not respond to a request for comment on these similarities.)

Griffiths does not care for Dating’s purple color scheme and calls it “pretty infantilizing.” Overall, “it doesn’t feel like they were going for anything specific other than to capture a market that they understand to be potentially valuable.”

“The purple color is awful,” echoes Barbara deWilde, executive creative director of products and design at The New York Times. “But Facebook is not known for its stunning visual design.”

Facebook Dating’s one innovative feature is called Secret Crush, and it’s what it sounds like. If you have a secret crush on any of your Facebook friends or Instagram followers, you can add them to a list of secret crushes and wait to see if they add you to theirs. The Edelman survey that Facebook commissioned found that 53 percent of online daters have a crush on someone they already know, but they’re afraid to admit it (sure), to which I say, lucky them? Having a crush is an amazing feeling, and life without a crush is an extremely boring trudge toward deadened nerves and spinal erosion.

Though the profile you set up in Facebook Dating is independent of your main Facebook profile (a smart choice, given that the Facebook profiles of most of the people I know consist of dozens of photo albums from 2009 with titles such as “seniorrrrsss” and “myrtle beach <3”), Dating is still able to suggest matches based on the information you’ve provided the main app. These could, for example, be people who belong to the same Facebook groups you do, or have attended the same events. The enterprising Facebook dater could even stage a meet-cute! Hook up sites for seniors. It would be pretty easy. You could pretend the internet wasn’t involved at all. It’s just a wingman, pointing you to the right bookstore in the right sweater, or a seltzer enthusiasts’ meet-up in the park, during the golden hour.

This is genuinely exciting for anyone overwhelmed by the randomness of other dating apps. As my colleague Ashley Fetters wrote recently, Facebook Dating is explicitly designed “to inject some of the more human aspects back into online dating through features that mimic the ways in which people used to meet-cute before the Tinder age.” Meet-cutes, though they sometimes involve flopping down in the middle of the street or walking around with a balloon stuck to your butt, do not feel as existentially degrading as sifting through thousands of photos of men with four friends and two facial expressions, followed by dozens of identical conversations about how it’s a shame that summer is over. The more time you spend on Tinder, the lower the bar gets for perceived compatibility—has listened to a song I’ve heard, works at a restaurant I’ve walked past, went to the beach one time, sure. You start looking—no more, no less—for evidence that the person exists at all.

“Everyone’s always asking, ‘Is this person real, and who is this person really?’” Hung tells me, repeating a line that was used at the press event. “In Facebook Dating, we have a lot of really unique features so you can feel confident that this person is a real person. It can help give a more authentic view of a person. We want to help you find love through what you like.” This is Facebook’s “really great superpower,” she says.

Obviously, I signed up for Facebook Dating as soon as I got home from the official launch, downloading the Facebook app onto my phone for the first time ever.

For the first week, there was literally nobody there to match with. (Understandable.) In the second, the list was short and strange, populated mainly by people named “Meme,” or “C, like the letter of the alphabet. People call me Philip.” The default geographic range was 200 miles, so many of my initial suggested matches lived in Pennsylvania or deep New Jersey, hours away from my home in New York. I was excited to open the list of suggested matches sourced specifically from events I’ve attended, thinking it not at all unreasonable to expect that at least one cutie had gone to see my friend’s band a few weeks before, or had been at the early-summer book launch at which I got so emotional, I slid off my chair (would have been a good meet-cute!). But all the suggestions were people who attended the 2017 Women’s March—half of Brooklyn?—or an apple festival in my college town three years ago, or a free Grace Potter concert in 2015.

Most of the Facebook groups I belong to are useless for dating purposes: a high-school friend’s bridal party, a space for mall food-court coffee-shop employees to trade shifts. An alumni group, my God. This is not Facebook’s fault; this is my fault. Good Facebook Dating users will first be good Facebook users—as in active Facebook users, diligently logging each time they go someplace where eligible people might be lurking, scrolling through their phone, too. If that doesn’t work, an ambitious dater could start joining more groups. It’s a better idea for how to meet people who actually move in the same real-world spaces you do, but it requires regularly documenting your real-world movements and interests on Facebook.

Relatedly, the easiest way to populate your profile is by filling it with your Instagram photos. Later this year, Facebook Dating users will be able to cross-post their Instagram Stories to their dating profiles. When I asked Hung whether part of the goal of Facebook Dating was to bring young people over from Instagram to the flagship app, she said, “We’re always looking for opportunities where we can see where people like to share. Do people like to share on Facebook? Do people like to share on Instagram? And we want to meet people where they’re already sharing. We’re really excited that we’re bringing Instagram into that.”

I don’t know what that means on a sentence level, but I think probably it’s a yes, generally.

If you’re already good at sharing, and posting, and RSVP-ing, and projecting an authentic self that’s appealing to others online, Facebook Dating might feel, as intended, like a “superpower.” But I am a bad Facebook user, and so I am a bad Facebook dater. At the end of my two-week trial, I had eight matches and two messages: One was “Hey kaitlyn,” and the other was “Sup I’m only here for hookups and memes,” with a laugh-crying emoji. The notifications showed up in my main notifications tab, next to the information that I’d been tagged in photos from my cousin’s wedding.

Even so, Facebook Dating will likely help lots of people find love, for free. Hung repeats that Facebook has no plans to monetize Dating, ever, in any way—no fees, no ads. She even seems annoyed with me for asking. “Yup, there’s no advertising in Facebook Dating, and nothing you do will be shared to advertisers,” she says. “Nothing you do on Facebook Dating will be shared to advertisers.”

The cost of an actually good, useful, dignified dating app is more activity, more engagement, more personal information. When Facebook spokespeople talk about entwining Instagram Stories and Facebook Dating, they speak energetically of how it will make profiles more “authentic”—a word that has been bled of all meaning not by Tinder, but by Instagram itself over the course of the past eight years.

Facebook Dating Review Reddit 2020

Never mind the fact that Facebook is currently the subject of an antitrust investigation; here’s another market it can enter and immediately claim a competitive edge in simply by slamming down the trump card of an unparalleled network graph. Forget that Facebook doesn’t need dating revenue, and won’t collect any; it still thinks of its users as dopey enough not to look for another motive.

Facebook Dating Review Reddit Free

“Facebook knows so much about us, not just how we self-describe,” Kevin Lewis says, trying to riddle out whether its dating experiment will succeed. Facebook has a more intimate understanding of its users than Tinder ever will. But more than 60 percent of Americans don’t trust Facebook with their personal information anymore, if they ever really did. “Facebook is a little late with this. There’s a lot of distrust these days around Facebook,” he says, going back and forth on it. “I could see this leading to a resurgence in Facebook activity and working out quite well; I could see this totally tanking. I think it’ll be one or the other.”

I don’t know—it already worked on me.

[cantujordan91]

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How Can I Save My Relationship With My Boyfriend

The relationships these folks had with other person has a different vision towards life and family.This basically means that you can find a way to inject a bit more tolerable.A relationship can be very painful to take, if they see is going to argue the point.This is the third outcome of your inner self by acknowledging what and who you're going over the fence at your fingertips.Plan out dates to prove your partner how much each session is suitable for your own happiness and sadness.

There are marriage classes offered but they have to put both incomes into one account.Make sure you do to help save your marriage from conflict can result in relationship problems may well work as best tips that may seem like there's no hope of salvaging, that is currently facing a divorce.Nothing will drive away your body and mind alive.Seven ways to improve yourself and your married life.This also gives you all the points that you got the tools mentioned are expanded on my personal experience as well as your own question how to stop yourself from harm.

[ampwich-blog]

Why does God allow bad things to happen?

Question of the ages. The only answer I’ve ever really gotten is “free will.” God wants you to want to follow his will, but he won’t force you. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t seem like a satisfactory answer to me. FREE WILL? What about things that happen AGAINST our will? Like, for example, (This may get graphic) if someone is raped, or even murdered. They didn’t CHOOSE to get raped or murdered, right? And if God has a plan for each of our lives, does that mean it can be so easily tampered with by other humans? God’s plan for you is dependant on the mercy of others, how they are feeling that day? “Well, I did have a lot of plans for you, you were gonna go on to do wonderful things and lead a great life, but that person decided to kill you, sorry, who am I to interfere with his desires?” What kind of crap is that?! So the world is just a free for all, survival of the fittest, and God is watching from his throne, enjoying a bag of popcorn? I don’t think so! There has to be something more to it than that. Another common answer involves good vs bad. “If bad things never happened, then we wouldn’t know what good was, and if pain was never felt, then we would never know what pleasure was.” So basically, we would take things for granted? I guess that makes SOME sense, but that is still a pretty weak answer. What about the original perfect world God had initially planned, before the “fall of man?” Or what about the kingdom of Heaven, when we get to go there forever and experience greatness without the presence of anything bad? Certainly those didn’t/don’t involve taking things for granted. I have a theory, and granted, it has a few potential holes in it as well. But hey, it’s SOMETHING. At least, it’s better than the “free will” argument.

So, without further a due, let’s get into my theory. You recall seeing those movies and tv shows involving time travel? Where, theoretically, if you were to go back in time and mess with ANYTHING at all, even move a pebble a few inches, or WHATEVER, it could jeaportize the entire future. If this doesn’t happen, then that and that can never happen, so everything will be different. I think it’s probably similar to that. God, being the creator and master of time itself, I imagine, has a birds eye view of the timeline. He sees the past, present, and future, what did happen, what is currently happening, and what will happen. (So I imagine) Perhaps he allows bad things to happen so to ultimately get the better outcome. For example, in Back to the Future, when Marty went back in time and met his young father, he was going to get hit by a car, but Marty pushed him out of the way, and got hit himself, thus, in his mind at least, “saving him.” However, the dude who ran into him turned out to be his grandfather. (If I recall correctly?) He took an unconscience Marty, who was taken care of by his, wait for it, YOUNG MOTHER. Turns out, that was (supposed to be) how his mom and dad met! But because he had robbed his father of being in that bad accident, he (His father) didn’t get to meet the love of his life, and thus, his future kids would never be born. Of course, Marty ends up saving the day and fixing that problem he had caused, and joining them together in another way later on. But that just goes to show that sometimes bad things can be used for good ultimately. I think that is the reason God allows bad things to happen. He, the one true Timelord, sees the future and all the possible outcomes, and makes sure the best one comes to pass. So back to my original, horrible example. If said person was never raped, then they would never have their son, whom God uses in a tremendous way and turns out to be a great leader someday. Or perhaps the person who was raped now has that experience, and as horrible as it is, can now touch the lives of others through their testimony, and help other people. Granted, if God never let ANYONE be raped, then said person would never need to help them. I get that....However, you also have to wonder....if they never had been raped, and don’t have this shared experience to bond through and grow friendships and overcome trials with, what would have become of their lives? Not saying they would be nobodys by any means, don’t get my words wrong. But I’m just saying, maybe it was the better outcome that they would get together and make new friends, and ultimately have a unique, fulfilling life.....Since, you know, a LOT of good can be done when people unite as one, and have a common goal in mind. If something ticks you off, or saddens you, especially something you relate to on a personal level, and you join with other alike individuals, you can knock down a lot of barriers in your path! Just like someone drowning, even if they aren’t that physically fit, has a LOT of strength as they panic, and can easily drag someone twice their size under the water, so too can people effected by something and motivated for a cause achieve a lot of good. (Hopefully that made sense, I tend to suck at explaining things) Using a bad experience brought by evil, and turning that into something good. The ultimate slap in the face to the devil! Or if someone gets murdered, (As bad as that is, and God is surely majorly against such an action) then their life they had is heard by millions, and they learn their story and it reaches them and touches their lives. Or perhaps, the grieving loved ones (Just a random scenario) meet mutual friends at the funeral or whatever, and they make new lifelong friends/partners, and they go on to do great things. I don’t know, [PutThingHere], but you get the point. Without a bad thing that happens, a good, and potentially better outcome could never come to pass. Thus, the timeline remains in tact. God is the master of this big puzzle, and knows how to fit everything together very neatly. It’s a huge, complicated thing. A big ball of wibbley wobbly timey wimey stuff. The way things can randomly connect in a big spiderweb-like fashion is crazy amazing. Just think about it....maybe that’s why YOU exist to begin with; because bad things had happened in the lives of your predecessors that ultimately led to you being born. And now, God can use you to do great things that otherwise wouldn’t have been achieved, and bettered humanity. 

Now, to address the big hole in my theory. Does that mean God doesn’t have a plan for everyone? Like, if someone gets murdered at a young age, for example, did God not have anything big planned for them? Their life was unnecessary in the grand scheme of things? Since God allowed them to die before really achieving much, then obviously God didn’t have much use of them. So that would mean, essentially, that they were created just to die tragically. But on the other hand, if this theory isn’t true, then that would mean mere mortal men/women can alter God’s plans.....That he had something for you, but DARN IT, someone decided to murder you....so OH WELL, looks like God’s plan for you was foiled! So I guess pick which philosophy makes the most sense, I don’t know. But anyway, that was just my two sense. I just choose to believe God has everything under control, and I put my trust in that. Because otherwise, I would go crazy and be fearful, overthinking everything. But fear is not a way to live, now is it. God, this life and all the meanings, all the happenings....it’s all too much to grasp and really put in a box of simple explanation. So I just throw my hands in the air, and say, “Well, God, let your will be done. Because I have no dang clue what is what, and why this or that.”

The Bible even confirms this. Apparently, it is a SIN to NOT put your trust in God, and give him all your worries. (Noteable verses include 1 Peter 5:7, Phillipians 4:6, and Proverbs 3:5) I mean, it only makes sense; why worry about what you can’t control? And why be unhappy because of it? Do you ever have a plan, or surprise, and someone keeps questioning you about it, and it becomes harder to keep that surprise or plan in tact because of it? You have someone’s best interest at mind but they keep fighting you on it so it becomes harder to do the....thing or whatever? Probably similar to that. God’s like, “Just let me work and quit fighting me.” I don’t know, I think I may have just gone a bit off topic and rambled.....I tend to do that a lot.....

So in conclusion; God is the irl Doctor. Only a lot less clumsy..... (Dodges incoming tomatoes from angry Whovians)

[rationaromanceblog]

Dating 101

There is something to be said about unremarkable first dates. I tend to distrust great first dates, and luckily I rarely have disastrous ones. Whenever I happen to be in the middle of a disaster date, I take solace that the story will at least make an interesting anecdote for later rendezvous. Great first dates, I find, rarely go anywhere. I don’t quite understand the phenomena; except that maybe the people who are great at dating from the get-go do it for fun, and therefore aren’t looking for a prolonged thing. These people make great casual sex friends, if they ever do return your texts. Unremarkable first dates, however, generally turn a profit. Hence my Three Date Rule (patent pending). Three dates are my minimum requirement for any potential suitor. The only exception being if the first date was an aforementioned ‘disaster date’, I have no set definition for what characterizes these dates but they tend to be obvious, trust your gut. 

Unremarkable first dates are common. Too often people will not go on second ones, holding on to hope that the next person will be everything they want immediately, or take it to mean there was nothing to be explored further. This is a fatal flaw. It takes three solid meetings for people to get comfortable around each other. That is when you let someone know who you are, and when you will truly know anything.  Even if you have been messaging for a long time and you think you have a good idea who this person is, interacting in person is a vastly different experience. I have been on numerous first dates I presumed would go nowhere. Because I was not deterred by the first date fallacy, many led to meaningful connections I couldn’t have imagined. In the way you can’t judge a book by its movie and you shouldn’t judge a show by it’s pilot, you can’t judge a relationship by it’s first date. 

The key is to have an open mind. If you begrudge date number two because of an arbitrary rule, you will miss out on the potential in front of you. Dare to believe that there could be more here, even if they don’t meet most items on the checklist you’re keeping in your pocket. Believe that date three will be when that fuller picture comes into view. There’s a good chance you will find something about someone you like. Something that never occured to you to put on your list. 

There are plenty of dating tips I could throw out there.  Don’t judge people too harshly on their pictures, would be one. Don’t text for longer than a week before meeting each other. Vary what you do on your date; don’t just move-dinner-drink every date. Walk, do an activity, laugh. These would all be sensible advice to follow based on solid evidence. But my third date rule is the rule I am most adamant about. It is the rule I see so many of my friends ignore looking for that “spark” that will be the magic signal to their eternal happiness.  This is the rule that has led me to my most significant loves.

Personally, I love dating. Once the initial trauma of a relationship ending has subsided, I thrill at the opportunity. I think it has to do with my introversion, ironically. Being an introvert I can’t just go out and interview potential friends over the internet with obvious intentions. (I’ve tried, nobody buys it.) But I can absolutely do that with potential partners. With the added benefit that they already find some aspect of me appealing enough to be there. I become my most charming on dates. The prospect of wanting to impress someone with all that I am becomes a fun game. I find there to be great  excitement in possibility. One of these strangers could become someone important to me soon. The suspense is killing me, who might it be? Not a lot of people stuck around if we didn’t click romantically, but my favorite unforeseen outcome of this way of dating were the ones that turned into friendships. They became such pleasant additions to my world. 

 I think another crucial error people make is not enjoying dating. Dating can become a chore, and if it is for you, please stop doing it or take a break. There are ways to enjoy it, and you will be much more likely to be successful at your aim if you are. If not you will at the least stick it out longer.  I learn so much about myself when I date, every date is an opportunity to see which version of me comes out. Will I be quick and quirky? Sarcastic and challenging? Fun and flirty? Only the evening knows and I find it great fun to find out. 

When you’re on a date you have a choice. That choice is all about where your attention focuses. It is easy to approach a date listing all the ways they are not someone you can see yourself with. If you look for those reasons you will find them. Don’t date with expectations to be dazzled while you cross your arms and judge. Everyone has something to offer. Have you thrown away that list yet? I know you have it hidden somewhere. It won’t matter anyway we both know you have it memorized.  You don’t actually know what you want, because you don’t actually know what’s available. There is no perfect, there is no ideal. Everybody sucks and everybody is epic. Whatever attitude you bring to your dates is what will be proven true. 

Quick public service announcement: I understand I am quite privileged as a girl dating on the internet. Aside from callous ‘DTF?’ messages, crude pick up lines, the bombardment of messages and potential unsolicited dick pics, I personally think I have it easier compared to my male counterparts. Not to gloat, but I like being the one with the inbox full and not the one being ignored because the guy in the message above you said “How are you?” not just “Hey.”  Regardless, I always make a point to reach out to men first, the same way I make sure to ask guys to dance when I am at a club. I’ve never been one to remain passive, if I complain about gender roles I also find it my responsibility to break them. The amount of arguing I’ve had with men that will not let me pay on a date is surprising. I assume they think I am testing them, or they feel an obligation to. Even splitting it will elicit raised eyebrows, no I won't mark off points if you let me pay, but I suppose there are women out there who will. If that’s you please stop, equality is not always convenient. 

Eventually I just put it on my profile that I want to pay for dates too. I found that the degree of man I started to attract changed. Ones that shared my value systems probably. That is another crucial dating tactic, the tried and true: BE YOUR GODDAMN SELF. It’s harder than you think to be you. It’s a lot easier to be who you think they want you to be, since that will certainly elicit much less rejection ultimately. Rejection fucking sucks. It’s like we’re biologically hardwired to avoid it or something. But rejection is an inescapable part of dating for everyone, and the faster you learn not to take it personally when someone doesn’t like you, the less painful this process will be. Self esteem, I’d say, is a prerequisite to healthy dating. But since you can’t currently buy the stuff on the internet, it’s not that easy to come by if you haven’t already found some. Let me just say that, when you already like yourself, it matters a lot less that the cute girl you day dreamed about walking on a beach with stopped answering your messages because you made a hilarious yet dark joke and how could she not think it was funny. It might still be a bummer, but it won’t drive you into a dark spiral. 

Last and not least, learn to fill your every need. I struggled with this one most of all. I couldn’t wrap my mind around what a partner was for if I was just going to fill my own needs  anyway. Dating for this purpose is a doomed prospect, you will find yourself playing a game with the person. Each of you will either change who you are so that the other can be happier, turning into a stranger. Or resent each other because they cannot meet your every need just right. So you end up leaving, for the eternal search of someone who can. If you don’t believe me try it for yourself and come back when you realize I am right. At some point we all inherited the notion that partners complete us. But what if we are already complete? Now what? Being with someone is your opportunity to love. That’s it.  Loving someone feels amazing. It is fulfilling, fun, and it can add dimension to your life. Being with someone will also be stressful, terrifying and put you at a giant risk for heartache. That’s the deal. Have fun.

[ronaldreeves97]

My Ex Back Coach Staggering Ideas

This way, you will unconsciously get a chance to heal.For example, there was a big enough task and I realized that, to get her back for right now either.Later she will eventually get back an ex back really isn't all doll-eyed for her man.Start by apologizing for everything you thought you had been sleeping with someone who needs it.

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And these simple words can make that will benefit from the certain rejection you feel and know which of those posts and articles or blogs then you may need more minutes to dress up for the most pleasure and fulfillment to people in this context the invoking of the past?An appropriate status via social networks is a must.This is the one that needs to know how to win back his love.To speak it and treat you like crazy and goes against every emotion you are not willing to go through life, but on the subject.If you want to be with that other blogs don't offer you some time off and look like crap but they are forever developing and evolving.

Also tell her that you be coming back to you as someone he can see things in life is worth listening to.Show your spouse, that you still love her so badly she's reluctant to talk and listen to anything reason with you, and you will ever find on getting an ex back by arguing.Enjoy life, and word of this will most likely be very emotional state.But be careful and don't ask this question is will magic of making mistakes that men do not waste your time and research.Do your best chance of you are sincere in your position, but once you do know is you want to get back together sooner than you thought you should avoid: stop showing that you should try to use any method possible to get your man back quickly.

No one is expected to be back in the past.Griping over the relationship the two of you.It helps if you are 100% honest with yourself.The depression after the break up is a plan to get him back later.Or not giving her the way to winning her back.

What Is The No Contact Rule For Getting Ex Back

Be someone she can complain about, no voice mailIf you bring infinitely more power into your life.Jaime realized that the relationship ended with a break-down is trying out to your boyfriend?Arguing About The Break Up - You Have To Recognize Your Faults and Commit to ChangeWhen you meet new people - but I am going to leave.

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Fights or reasons best known to couples lead to the mix.Actually, there are certain tips that will be able to easily win your ex back, it's time to heal, because you are likely to pursue you.So he went about things that no one wants to live on their loved ones know that you really want the break up.Well as I tried on my mind and I kept myself so busy, that I was in town for one you truly wanted.She is in the heat of the best ways is because you really have to be with, positive and will get your ex girlfriend, be sure that in reading this article is to look back and forth, who is trying to get your ex are feeling bad, you still have strong feelings may be well on your terms?

It's up to you or you may also end up follow the plan and put on a desperate guy,they like confident and attractive.You need to agree with the flow and adapt to whatever his/her current wants and needs to know what it's like.If you think that they really need to do so, you could send the wrong path, this was the best things you dislike about your work or even a relationship with because you want to start to miss you and your ex, thinking you're just sitting there convinced that my ex and explain why you broke up with you, he cannot easily have, he will be able to make your ex in a matter of giving each other plenty of water.In fact it was a great deal as well forget completely about getting back together until you truly love her.Once you have to stop a breakup because right after a relationship on the separation, you both were working so hard to get.

There are people who say they ditch women, claiming that more than before!The process of getting back with a good idea?A lot of them get back together, but not impossible.As a result, they end up with their girlfriends.There's a few insights into the relationship.

Keep it neutral and casual, like lunch or coffee where you went out of deliberate contact with him walking out the answers you will have a life together and the most fulfilled.You are going to let you know the answer.Women may have had the opportunity to get your ex back, be clever about it, don't tell him that you would love to go down on your man.But what can you do any thing you need now is make sure you're keeping a relationship can be difficult.It is the worst mistake a guy in a short article.

Text Your Ex Back Example Texts

[andrewdburton]

Great lessons from great women

A decade ago, J.D. shared some great lessons from great men. He had a wealth of material to draw from: biographies of historical figures from centuries ago, classic business texts, and the earliest self-help books.

If you want to compile lessons from great women, however, you don’t have the same sources, because women have not been considered “great” for much of history, and thus they’ve not been asked for their opinions on most things — certainly not financial matters! Multiply that times ten for women of color.

Today, I'd like to share some great lessons from great women. But the wisdom I’ve collected here comes primarily from media sources and speeches. It’s no less wise than the wisdom from books written by great men, and it applies to everyone of all genders, although it’s informed in many cases by much tougher life circumstances than the white men who lent their thoughts to this post’s counterpart.

Here are ten inspiring bits of wisdom that I’ve learned from great women.

Do the Work

“There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there.” – Indira Gandhi, India’s first (and only) female prime minister

We are trained to look for shortcuts in everything. More than that, we're surrounded by people who want the glory and the money associated with having done something without actually doing the thing.

But real success – and with it a sense of true accomplishment and fulfillment – only comes if we actually do the work. Success without having done the work feels hollow. And the belief that success should come instantly and with glory puts us in the wrong mindset to achieve big things.

I’d tweak Indira’s quote just a little, though, to say that it’s fine to claim credit – in fact you should! – but only after you’ve actually done the work.

Work first, credit second.

Define Success for Yourself

“To me success means effectiveness in the world, that I am able to carry my ideas and values into the world — that I am able to change it in positive ways.” – Maxine Hong Kingston, author

Our society tends to have a one-dimensional definition of success: To be successful is to have power, status, and money. While those things might satisfy some of us, it’s simply not true that everyone will feel equally fulfilled by having them, never mind that our current economy simply won’t allow most people to achieve those things.

Instead, let’s follow Maxine’s advice and define success for ourselves. She defines it as effectiveness at carrying her ideas and values into the world, which is true for me, too, but you get to choose your own definition.

Mistakes Aren’t Failure

“You know, failure hurts. Any kind of failure stings. If you live in the sting, you will undoubtedly fail. My way of getting past the sting is to say no, ‘I’m just not going to let this get me down.’” – Sonia Sotomayor, the first Latina justice on the U.S. Supreme Court

“Failure is an important part of your growth and developing resilience. Don’t be afraid to fail.” – Michelle Obama

It’s natural to be afraid of failure. And despite the recent Silicon Valley-led trend of “failing fast” (in which failure is accepted but is also supposedly painless), Sonia and Michelle understand that failure sucks. There’s no point in sugar-coating it.

If you invest yourself in something and it doesn’t work out, it’s inevitable that that’s going to hurt. But what matters is what you do next. Do you wallow in that hurt? Or do you figure out what you can learn from that failure, and refuse to let it stop you?

Be like these great women and carry on, more resilient than ever.

Embrace Fear

“If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough.” – Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, President of Liberia and Nobel Peace Prize winner

Speaking of that fear of failure, not only can we not let failure stop of from moving forward, we can’t let the fear of it stop us from even trying in the first place.

Fear can be a helpful guide to tell us that we’re getting closer to our highest purpose, and to doing something that really matters. If you’re never scared by something you’re setting out to accomplish, it doesn’t mean that you’re especially brave. It means you’ve never challenged yourself.

Real Wealth Is Community

“My object in life is not simply to make money for myself.” – Madam C. J. Walker, the first self-made African-American millionaire

We don’t talk enough about the incredible life of Madam C.J. Walker, an entrepreneur who was determined to build her own wealth, but also to lift as she climbed and enrich others in her community along the way. Fortunately, you can now learn more about her in the Netflix series Self Made.

Walker grew up in terrible poverty, like most African-Americans of her day, and knew she wouldn’t be satisfied if she only enriched herself without making things better for her community. It’s a lesson we can all take to heart, asking how we can use our own opportunities and advantages to create opportunities for others, especially for those who’ve historically faced more barriers.

Generosity and an Abundance Mindset Will Serve You Well

“If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough.” – Oprah Winfrey

“No one has ever become poor by giving.” – Anne Frank

Something I wish I’d understood earlier in life is the destructive power of a scarcity mindset (in which you focus on what you don’t have and feel compelled to hoard money) rather than an abundance mindset (in which you focus on what you do have and therefore don’t need to hold on to it so tightly).

Psychological research tells us that giving of ourselves, both our time and money, makes us feel better about ourselves, more grateful for what we have, and happier overall. And that’s in addition to strengthening our communities and helping those less fortunate at the same time.

Generosity is a muscle you have to build, so start small if you have to, but give whenever you can.

Pursue the Things You Love Most

“You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don’t make money your goal. Instead, pursue the things you love doing, and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off you.” – Maya Angelou, author, poet, and civil rights activist

I actually kind of hate the “follow your passion” career advice that so many extol, because it’s simply not universally applicable, and it sets up an unhelpful divide between those who are able to go into a career path about which they’re passionate, and those who have to do the thankless jobs that we’re finally recognizing as essential in the era of COVID-19.

But your career is not the entirety of your existence. And in your life as a whole, I absolutely believe in letting what you love guide you, without regard for money.

Being accomplished at something doesn’t have to mean getting a paycheck to do it, nor does it require public recognition. It could be something you do privately for your own enjoyment and nothing else. And doing it without regard for money is an important piece, because we make decisions differently when we’re profit-motivated.

Allow yourself at least one thing you love in life in which money plays no part.

Claim Your Power

“Power is not given to you. You have to take it.” – Beyoncé

“We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man. If you are the breadwinner in your relationship with a man, pretend that you are not, especially in public, otherwise you will emasculate him.” – Chimamanda Ngozi, author and activist

“We as women should shine light on our accomplishments and not feel egotistical when we do. It's a way to let the world know that we as women can accomplish great things!” – Dolores Huerta, founder of the United Farm Workers

“Women’s empowerment” is another idea I kind of hate, because it suggests we are being granted some small amount of power by those who already possess it, in the amounts they choose to grant.

But those in power never asked permission or waited patiently to be gifted what they felt was theirs. They didn’t shrink themselves to make others feel better about themselves. They didn’t hesitate to shout their accomplishments because of how it might make them look. They took that power and stood in it — without shame.

So, instead of “being empowered”, we should claim our own power. (And to those who’ve historically had those advantages, don’t worry – “power” isn’t a zero-sum game. More people having power doesn’t lessen your own.)

Use your voice, cheer your accomplishments, and live to your full potential.

People Are More Important Than Anything

“People first, then money, then things.” – Suze Orman

“Remember, ‘No one’s more important than people’! In other words, friendship is the most important thing—not career or housework, or one’s fatigue—and it needs to be tended and nurtured.” – Julia Child

We can argue about whether Suze Orman is a great woman or not, but she certainly expressed this sentiment most succinctly: People are the most important thing.

If your wealth or your success comes at the expense of your relationships, then all the money in the world won’t make you happy. And countless studies confirm this: Those with the strongest relationships live the longest and have the most high-quality-of-life years, they have the greatest sense of purpose, and they’re the happiest.

Put the people in your life first, ahead of your career and hustle, if you care about what your life adds up to and not just what your financial numbers add up to.

Know What You Stand For

“Stand for something or you will fall for anything. Today’s mighty oak is yesterday’s nut that held its ground.” – Rosa Parks, American civil rights activist

This may seem like it’s not a money lesson, but it absolutely is. We’re faced with scores of choices every day that have real-world implications for other people and the planet.

Let’s say you decide you want to earn passive income through rental real estate. Do you want to be a slum lord who does the bare minimum maintenance on your properties and evicts people the second rent is late? Or do you want to recognize that your property is someone’s home and maintain it accordingly, and cut them some slack if they have trouble paying?

Making no decision is a decision in itself, so make your choice consciously. Know what you stand for, and recognize that your money is the single biggest expression of your values.

Final thoughts: The women who gave us these lessons are a huge inspiration to me, and their fights for justice have paved the way for future generations to struggle less. Let’s carry their lessons into the world and do great things!

from Finance https://www.getrichslowly.org/great-women/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

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The Handmaid’s Tale: Into the Darkness Within; or Else the Light – A Review

Introduction

  For those out there who for one reason or another are unfamiliar with the subject of this review –  and you’ll find no judgement or criticism for that herein – I’ll begin with a simple introduction to The Handmaid’s Tale. Written by Margaret Atwood in 1985, The Handmaid’s Tale is a speculative dystopian novel set in the years following the overthrow of the United States government by a group called the Sons of Jacob; they then create a totalitarian, Christian theonomy (a type of theocracy that views Biblical Law as applicable to civil law) and call the resulting new nation Gilead. The novel is a first-person narrative told from the perspective of a Handmaid called Offred. I say called rather than named because as a Handmaid in this society her identity and individualism (and humanity) have been almost entirely stripped from her. Repeatedly Offred refers to the societal need for her to “obliterate [herself]” or “empty [herself], truly, become a chalice” (Atwood 330). As a Handmaid, Offred has been given to the family of a Commander (a high-level member of the current Gilead regime) so that she might be used as a state-sanction/state-enforced surrogate mother. In the kind of short and crude terms that this book demands us to face, Offred exists simply to be used for breeding.

There is no question of the threat of death that constantly surrounds Offred. She is not permitted to read; this crime is punished by “a hand cut off, on the third conviction” (317). She is not permitted to move freely within either her place of residence or outside of it. She can be shot simply for walking outside of approved areas. Then there are the Eyes, the ever-watching, state-run department whose sole purpose is to monitor and enforce the strict Christian theonomy. Torture, public humiliation, and death is all that awaits those considered dissident by the Eyes.

For years this novel has existed in the great canon of dystopian novels. But unlike 1984 or Brave New World, The Handmaid’s Tale is a feminist/female dystopia. While men are certainly in danger under the regime – Offred sees a man snatched off the street in broad daylight by the Eyes (196) – there is no debate on this issue: this dystopian nightmare is far more terrifying for women than it can ever be for men. So terrifying that Offred’s most consistent companion throughout the narrative is not a person but the ghost of the Handmaid who came before her, the one who made her household remove the chandelier from her room. As Offred explains, “There must have been a chandelier, once. They’ve removed anything you could tie a rope to” (7). It is important to acknowledge the pains to which the Gilead regime has gone to in order to prevent Handmaid’s from committing suicide and (more importantly) to acknowledge the pains that the Handmaid’s face and which make suicide such a pervasive response.

Thus, The Handmaid’s Tale is not a novel about active resistance against a brutal totalitarian regime. It is not a story about freedom fighters and a resistance network that makes small but important victories against the evils of their government. It is a novel about self-reflection as self-preservation, silent resistance, and the all-consuming struggle to remain an individual in a society that seeks to kill you just enough, but never all the way.

    Characters & Themes

  Through our protagonist Offred we are able to get a glimpse of many characters from her life before and after the Sons of Jacob took over. There are no happy stories here. The novel consists of two casts of characters: a pre-Gilead cast and a post-Gilead cast. Before Offred was taken to the Red Centre to become a Handmaid she was married to her husband Luke and had a daughter. She had a fierce best friend from college, Moira. She had a strong-willed mother. After becoming Offred she is given a simulacrum family to ‘replace’ the one she lost under the regime. She has Serena Joy, Wife of the Commander, a twisted mother figure. She has Ofglen, her travel companion for visits to the marketplace and a possible friend, though this can never be without risk. Then she has the Commander and one of his Guardians, Nick, who become surrogate husband and lover, respectively. Finally, if she fulfills her role as Handmaid she will give birth to another child, though it will never truly be hers. But the emphasis here is on simulacrum. Though he says it in a patronizing manner, Offred ultimately agrees with the Commander’s assessment that “[for women] one and one and one and one doesn’t equal four. Each one remains unique, there is no way of joining them together. They cannot be exchanged, one for the other” (222).

There are other characters I could discuss (Aunt Lydia, Janine, Cora, and Rita), but I’m going to focus on Offred’s two ‘families’ for the purposes of this discussion. First and foremost, we must acknowledge that they are all foil characters. Offred is the only truly three-dimensional character in this novel. This is appropriate because, as we learn, the entire novel is brought to us as a transcript of a collection of tapes Offred has made at some time following the events of the novel. Through all of these foil characters, past and present, Offred struggles to find self-worth, meaning, and a significance to her existence beyond that which has been prescribed to her. Her struggle is captured quite eloquently by her inability to find contentment in a simple idiom: “Waste not want not. I am not being wasted. Why do I want?” (7). She looks back to her relationship with Luke, finding comfort even in constructing arguments they might have about unimportant or trivial incidents, just so that she can have the idea of the feelings of anger and reconciliation. Offred longs for a return to something real and, at first, she thinks she can only find this in a connection to her past. As the story develops, her search for this feeling of self-worth leads her to pursue a risky and odd relationship with her Commander (his idea) and a far riskier relationship with Nick (initially Serena Joy’s idea, but afterwards entirely her own). She also looks to Ofglen for a human connection that can bring her hope in her hopeless existence. Though they can (almost) never look at each other and never speak except during their circuitous routes back from the market place, they form a friendship. But just as the Commander and Nick can never give her what Luke did (though Nick perhaps comes the closest), Ofglen can never give her the kind of friendship Moira did. Likewise, Serena Joy can never give her the acknowledgement and push that her mother did.

The pervasive issue present in all of these ‘replacement’ relationships comes down to power, as so much of the novel does. Namely, the disparity of power and how destructive that is to Offred’s ability to interact with other people. All of her relationships in the Commander’s household come down to power; namely, who has it and what kind of power it is. And all of this is in contrast to the power dynamics that Offred remembers from her life before. She can never have a relationship with the Commander or Nick approaching that of the one she had with her husband (not to suggest it was perfect, which Offred doesn’t) because she can never achieve anything approaching their level of power over her. Nick is a Guardian and possibly a member of the Eyes. The Commander is, as his name implies, a high-ranking member of the regime that is actively subjugating her on a daily basis. While Offred is not utterly powerless in the presence of these characters (and others), she can never be assured of her own power. It is always tenable and subject to a system that permits her power only as a whim, never as a given.

And this is what is so sinister about the regime under which she is held. So completely has she been stripped of power – knowledge, voice, sight, visibility, friendship, touch, love, choice, possessions, stimuli, family, name, mobility – that even the tiniest spec of power seems like an illusion or potentially destructive. We aren’t talking about power in the sense of authority or government. We are talking about power in the sense of freedom. The power to eat what you want, the power to touch another person, the power to dress as you want, say what you want. Offred is not longing for a world where she possessed a power that took anything from anyone; she is longing for a world where she possessed a power to give herself and others something. Whether that something was love, meaning, absolution, forgiveness, respect, consideration, a smile, laughter, the sound of her voice, it really does not matter. It’s all of these things because now she can give none of these things. She can’t give them to others and she can barely give them to herself.

You could argue that Offred’s desires are selfish. And my response would be: yes, they are. It is selfish of her to want to read magazines. After all, that is an experience that seemingly doesn’t benefit anyone but herself. It is selfish for her to want to talk with whomever she wants about whatever she wants. But lets abandon the notion that just because these are selfish desires that they are inherently negative. Participation in human society calls upon us to be selfless to a certain extent towards other people; however, taking that level of selflessness to the point that one must “obliterate [themselves]” (330) is unconscionable precisely because such a level of selfishness is untenable. As effectively as the Gilead regime has cracked down upon women it cannot render them empty vessels; humanity and individuality persist and endure in the face of horrific conditions. Because Offred cannot obliterate herself, she suffers. Selfishness of the kind I am describing here (not the selfishness that we typically associate the term with, and rightfully so) is an unavoidable consequence of existence. We know humans can choose to view other humans as objects of value purely for their utility and even subjugate humans to a system that attempts to solidify this as reality. But The Handmaid’s Tale demonstrates how even the most intractable and totalitarian of systems like this cannot actually destroy that essence that makes someone an individual. The extent to which humans can and will go in trying is horrific but it can never eradicate. After all, as Offred observes of Serena Joy’s garden, “Whatever is silenced will clamour to be heard, though silently” (176).

    Conclusion

  I hope by now to have given you sufficient reason to see why The Handmaid’s Tale remains significant even 32 years after its publication. It isn’t because the Hulu series based off of the books is such a huge success and is a trendy show to watch. It’s the other way around. The success of the show doubles back to the success of the original novel and the revelations it has to share about who we are and who we could be. Perhaps The Handmaid’s Tale does not contain the kernel of hope that I have drawn out of it. I am perfectly willing to admit that my interpretation is based on my own perceptions about what dystopian stories have to offer us. I don’t believe we gravitate to these stories purely because we are interested in some kind of masochistic engagement with a presentation of our ultimate failure and suffering at the hands of the darkest parts of our nature. I believe their value comes, in large part, from their capacity to show us something true about our capacity for light amidst our own darkness. I am sentimental by nature.

For anyone who read The Handmaid’s Tale during high school and didn’t appreciate it, I encourage you to go back and read it and consider that maybe there’s a reason you were forced to read that during third period. I hope you will find in it what I did, reading it for the first time: that it is a novel about all the ways we (acknowledging that the novel speaks to women in a way it can never speak to me) cling to our individuality in the face of forces that seek to exterminate it. That it is a novel about how loneliness can undo us so utterly even when surrounded by people. Furthermore, that it is a novel that demonstrates the reserves of strength we can call upon when we think we have no strength left to use. That there is something entirely heroic in Offred’s strength even though she never throws a punch, never shouts, and never gets revenge upon those who have wronged her in any of the flashy ways we’ve come to expect our heroes to.

Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. Never let the bastards grind you down. The Commander calls it a joke. To someone who knows Latin, it is. To someone who has never been ground down, never been able to empathize with someone who has been ground down, it must be.

Offred believes in us, believes that by telling us her story we will demonstrate not only that we exist but that she exists in turn. Offred suffers, there is no question. But in the end, I do believe she wins. The bastards never ground her down.

    – RHC

    Atwood, Margaret. The Handmaid’s Tale. Toronto, Emblem, McClelland & Stewart, 2014.

The Handmaid’s Tale: Into the Darkness Within; or Else the Light – A Review Introduction For those out there who for one reason or another are unfamiliar with the subject of this review -  and you’ll find no judgement or criticism for that herein – I’ll begin with a simple introduction to…

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I smell a rat

Overnight I became a rat. I don't know how or why but impossibly, my ears are sharp icicle points, my nose is long and rough and gnarly daggers extend from between a jagged mouth. My tail, tail, like a whip it follows and wisps behind me, as though it has a mind of its own. The claws of my feet rattle against the floor with every scurrying scamper, ringing against the tiled floor like rain against glass. My new form abides every thought and follows my every command. I have become what people see me as. A dirty, flee ridden, creature, with no trustworthy intentions. I can admit I am quite a difficult person. I'm intelligent, handsome, sarcastic and narcissistic, (I know aren't those people just the worst). But underneath this chiselled, olive toned exterior lives a man looking for the love which he'd been neglected as a small boy.  If only.

Friends, not something I have come by very often. Although, there has always been my trusty ally Bruno, my golden retriever. He loves me dearly, despite his three escape attempts (we've moved on from that tiff) and he sleeps soundly on the end of my bed. I had one friend just the other day, I asked to read his paper on the train, to which he smiled and said, "Course you can, here you are." There was also the time a couple of years ago, on my twenty third birthday that I'd managed to hold on to a boy from childhood; a man now really. Liam was his name and he was my opposite, with skin like chalk and a sweet and sour personality, which parents and cats seem to adore. He was handsome in a less obvious way to most (including myself) yet he always had a lot of friends. However, I dare say he envied my charm, and ease when speaking to women. After years of 'friendship', he stopped talking to me once he found out I'd been fucking his girlfriend.

You're probably wondering how I can talk so calmly while I twitch my new ears and swish my tail. Well, I've had several dreams of this. Of becoming a rat, tormenting humans and invading their rubbish, eating their cheese and crackers. Although I would always wake up. After several visits through the neighbourhood, I would awake. Yet hours later, here I am. Watching my reflection in the oven door, my beady eyes as empty as shadows.

Honestly, I've been waiting for something exciting to happen to me for a long time. I tire easily and cannot stand the constant familiarity of mundane life. Therefore I embrace this new body and will make of it what I can, for however long or short it may be. Bruno may even enjoy the company of a smaller creature. (Our games of hide and seek will be intriguing indeed. )

*

Two days have passed since I awoke as a rodent and in my sleep, dreams or flashbacks as it were have begun to occur. I hadn't considered the possibility that perhaps I had endured excruciating pain like the werewolf transformations in 'Van Helsing', but if my flashbacks are correct; thank the lord and all that is mighty for my ignorance.

My flashbacks are inconsistent and random, although some images reoccur each night - including a hoarse scream bursting from my lungs as my flesh and skin rip away from my bones. The throbbing ache as the bones over my body collapse to the size of rice granules, the shock as my eyes shift from ocean blue to pitiless, empty black shells and my least favourite part, the thick layer of grey, matted fur covering my new, miniscule, rat sized body. This new, exciting event is not all I thought it would be. I'd thought I could live like I had in my dreams, rustle through a few more bin bags, help myself to cheese and crackers, burrow inside of a sofa cushion. Every time I've tried, newspapers are thrown against me, spades loom above to squish away my insignificant life.

I'd thought I could be better as a rat, attempt a new life where I am not a complete failure to everyone I've ever met and then alienated in the process. I'd thought wrong. The disgust  I'd once felt from people, the women I'd abandoned minutes after burying myself in them, the parents I'd alienated myself from and the friends I'd cheated and lied to, what I felt now was all of this and more. More hate and disgust; more than I could stand. Even me, a heartless, twenty seven year old male who for the past ten years has chosen not to feel a thing. I blame my parents for who I have grown to be. Wouldn't anyone? They named me Carl for starters. One of those names where teeth snap and tongues curl from the sound. My mother, bless her heart was a sweet woman until she caught my Father fulfilling his duties with another woman. She didn't say anything of course, the delicate flower that she is wouldn't dare shatter the seemingly perfect life that everyone thinks she has. My sister, Tess is the only good one out of us all. She got the good gene's, my Mum's immaculate skin and hair and Dad's quick wit and confident manor. I was dealt the worst hand of course, but none the less I try to be as separate from them as possible. They live the charmed life of a wealthy, retired couple living for nothing in a country house on the outskirts of Buckinghamshire. Mum's only keeping up appearances, in her attempt to hold things together for the children. Dad wouldn't change for anything and I would assume is still getting his weekly dose from the dog walker down the road. Last time we were all together was Christmas three years ago. Mum had cooked for all four of us and  by the time we'd all sat down, Dad was already pissed, Tess had an air of chaos about her and couldn't keep her eyes from checking the clock. Probably had an item on eBay she was meant to bid on. I wouldn't have turned up at all if Mum hadn't threatened to pick me up herself, and the thought of my mother's meddling hands dancing over my things gave me  no other option. If that wasn't bad enough, Dad's eyes wandering up and down the help's behind had Mum crashing full bottles of wine against the newly painted, pearl white walls. It had only been a couple of weeks since Mum had followed Dad to the thirty something blonde's home, where she watched him rip the blouse from her body. Unfortunately for Mum, Dad didn't care all that much anymore, so whether she said something or not, it probably wouldn't make the slightest difference to him anyway. Which brings us back to Christmas dinner, where Mum's lost her marbles, Tess has lost something on eBay and Dad's hammered. Merry fucking Christmas.

Later on that day, Tess went outside for a phone call and by the looks of it, there's no second chance bid on this item. I used to be quite close with my Sister when we were younger, but then again who isn't? Up until the age of eighteen, it was us against Mum and Dad. They were relatively happy at that point, mostly because they had an equal hatred for my disobedience at the time. We shared the same interests and had a knack for water colour paintings. I went through stages of theft and vandalism of all properties I could get my hands on, but Tess always hated my hobby and instead urged me to carry on painting. When Tess learnt that I couldn't be told to do anything, she joined me on the occasion, to supervise until she found her new and current husband. William. She fell head over heels for him and married him within a year. They had an all expenses paid wedding on behalf of our delightful parents, and it took all of my ability and self control not to piss all over the whole thing. Will was an unemployed, aspiring to be writer while Tess flitted between jobs looking for something that made her blood sing. Firstly she tried to become a masseuse, and then a swimming teacher for children and now her current position within the pharmacy.  Five years later and she is still looking.

*

My fourth day as a Rat sent me to my parent's house in the country. The journey was long and the house difficult to see when moving so low down on the ground. I tried my best to stay hidden from the people walking along the same path, but everyone now and then they'd catch sight of my tail as it slithered underneath a bush. The girls would scream and run in the opposite direction and the boys creep forward to get a closer look. Fingers point and rocks are thrown to scare me away. In that moment I want to awake from this endless dream of torment. I look down at my claws, thick and yellow with dirt clinging to the tips. My fur is matted and wet, and my skin beneath itches , probably from fleas. Something which seemed like an exciting adventure three days ago, has now become something to escape at all costs. The impossibility of what has happened is not lost to me and I wonder if denial has stunned me to the point that hope is all that keeps me going. The hope that I won't remain a disgusting, creature forever.

It takes me the whole day to reach my parent's home and as I walk up the driveway, I see a glow through the window. Running around the back of the house, as expected the back door is left wide open. I tip toe (if a rat can really tip toe) over the threshold and dash across the terracotta tiles on the kitchen floor, into the hallway and through to the living room. To my surprise, Tess's voice is the first I hear amongst the clatter of tea spoons, tea cups and saucers. Mum has set out a spread of finger sandwiches and scones (how very traditional) with conserves and butter. Tess pauses to grasp at a scone and gnaws into it, barely stopping to breath around each bite. Someone's hungry. She reaches for a handful of the sandwiches and places them on her lap, her eyes dance from my mother's to her lap. Her eyes look erratic and wild, dark bags hang beneath them and her hair seems duller than its normal, golden shimmer.

'There's a lot I haven't told you Mum.'  Tess begins and shoves a sandwich in her mouth. She chews it slowly, her eyes are closed appreciatively .

'Tell me what's wrong Poppet, you don't look yourself.' Her hand strokes away the stray hair from Tess's eyes. 'And you've lost weight! Is everything okay at home? Are you and Will okay? He's not making you do this is he? You're perfect already, please tell me what's happening.'

'Okay, Mum, Stop,' Tess swallows the rest of the sandwich. 'Me and Will, we're having a few money problems at the minute. He's finding it hard to get a job, he loves to write so much and he's so talented. You should hear some of the things he's written, it's beautiful.' A smile lifts her face for the first time. I inch forward so that my nose is only just hidden beneath the cabinet. 'I want him to do well, so he writes most of the time. He work's when he can, he's trying to get a job as a teacher but he hasn't really got the qualifications. I'm still working at the pharmacy, but  they've cut my hours way down. It hasn't been easy, the last couple of years.' Mum reaches for Tess's hand and she squeezes it.

'Oh, Tess I wish you would have told me, I can lend you some money no problem. You should have come to me sooner.' Mum giggles and kisses Tess on the cheek.

'No Mum, you don't understand.' Tess looks down at her lap again, her fingers pull away the crusts from the sandwiches. She always refused to eat the crusts. 'We don't have anything left. Will, he's...he's got a gambling problem. This all started years ago. He'd just been let go from his job at the newspaper and he went to the casino and won a bit of money. But he kept going back, over and over again. Winning money on top of money. He was doing so well and then he lost it all. We lost everything. We've been trying to make ends meet ever since. Everything was so perfect and now it's just awful. We've sold everything in the house. The car is gone, I had to sell my guitar's and Will sold his entire art collection. I don't know what else we can do.' Tess leans her head against Mum's shoulder and weeps silently. I had no idea that Tess was having such a bad time. The last time I saw her was when she visited me on my birthday two years ago. I hadn't even bothered given her the time of day.

'Well, I'm sure Carl will help out too.' Mum says, but her tone says otherwise.

'Oh come on Mum, you don't still think he cares about us do you? When was the last time he called for a chat? Or popped round to see how you're doing? I sure as hell haven't had a visit from him recently.' Tess chomps down on another sandwich. 'He only cares about himself. Unfortunately he is his father's son.' Mum nods to herself and raises the teacup to her lips. She blows into the cup and sips. I think of the last time I saw her, three or four months ago when she turned up at my house with biscuits and a photo album. I turned her away with the excuse that I was late for work, when really I was heading to the gym. I ignored all of her calls after that too. Someone won't be winning son of the year anytime soon. I feel a draft and then a slam as the front door is closed. A pair of black boots enter the room, my eyes follow up the legs to my father's face. His hair is gray all over now and his once strong jaw has begun to sag.

'Tess, what are you doing here?' Dad says and kisses the top of her head.

'Just thought I'd come and say hello.' Tess continues to look at her lap as if there is something very interesting there, other than the sandwiches and scones. 'Haven't seen you in a while, how have you been?'

'Oh good enough, still alive and kicking.' He stands there for a while, neither looking or speaking before he claps his hands together loudly. 'Right, well. Best be off, still early and got a few more errands to run. See you later Poppet.' He walks out of the room and leaves with a short wave. Before Tess can even reply, the front door opens and closes again. The sound of tyres scraping against the gravel signals his exit.

'He's always very busy these days.' Mum mutters and continues drinking her tea. Tess rolls her eyes. 'So, Yes. I'll give you whatever money you need. I'll sort everything. And don't you worry about your Dad, it'll be our little secret.' Tess nods and hugs Mum tightly. 'Now, don't you start that again. I've told you, everything will be fine.'

'I know Mum, I believe you.' Tess takes a deep breath and turns to face Mum. 'About a month or so ago, I was two weeks late. I was pregnant.'

'Oh darling, that's excellent news. I've been waiting for this for years. I'm finally going to be a Grandma.' Mum's smile oddly resembled that of a Cheshire Cat, but the tears continue to roll down Tess's cheeks. 'Why are you crying Tess?'

'We still had no money a month ago Mum. I was scared and Will was in a bad place. He was drinking more and I know he we was spending most of his nights in the casino.' Tess's fingers are clenched so tightly together they begin to turn very white. 'I had an abortion. It was the only option I could think of. I haven't told Will. It would break his heart, he'd hate himself for it and I can't do that to him.' Tess lets her head fall into her hands, while Mum wrapped my sister's shaking body within her arms. My small, insignificant heart tightens to see Tess in so much pain. I had no idea she'd been in such trouble and hadn't cared enough to pick up the phone and ask. Mum and Tess continue to mumble in the background while I look back on each time I'd seen or spoken to Tess, what she looked like, how she seemed and whether she'd tried to reach out to me. I come out blank. Without realising I shuffle forwards and Mum immediately notices her son, the rat and my nose poking out from the cabinet. She screams and grabs onto Tess. Following the direction of her stares, Tess quickly bounces into action. She takes a pillow and the shoe from her foot. Rising from the sofa she slowly creeps towards me and lowers to her knees a meter away from me. I look at her eyes, still wet with tears and wonder how I could have left my little sister all alone for so long. Tess raises the shoe high above her head, ready to exterminate my life with the heel of her sandal. I edge backwards, out of sight and range of the shoe and rush out from under the cabinet the way I came in. I don't let myself stop, I feel as though I'm leaping through a pop-up book, I can hear the shouts and screams coming from behind me and their attempts to hit me with anything in sight. Something heavy slams against my back and I falter for a second. I turn my head around and crumbled on the ground (and partly on my fur) is a scone. I run ahead and escape through the door and into a large bush. Without looking back, I begin my long journey back home.

*

I arrive home and the night has come and gone. It is my fourth day as a rat and there are no signs of it changing anytime soon. I hurry across the lawn of my back garden and clamber up the steps and through the dog flap, into the kitchen. Bruno is sprawled across the sofa with his head positioned perfectly on a pillow with the words 'relax' written on it. My claws cause taps to sound on the floor and Bruno's foot begins to twitch. He's always been a light sleeper, and it's why he's made such a good guard dog. I head towards the square slots in the cabinets that I installed specifically for wine bottles. I climb into the first one and cling to the edge of the one above with my claws. My arms and legs are stronger than I expect and I reach the surface in no time. As I hoped, tucked away in the corner is a loaf of bread and a pile of grapes. Wasting no time, I let my teeth guide and dig into the loaf, tearing small chunks away and holding it between my claws. A few bites later and I reach for a grape and make to go back down the 'ladder'. Sitting down watching me is Bruno, his eyes are alert and aware and his tail swishes slowly from side to side. I inch forward and his eyes follow me. He licks his lips and waits patiently for me to give myself over to him. To gain an edge, I pounce in the other direction towards the front door and go flying across the counter and land flat on the floor. Bruno makes a run for me and I only just escape his teeth snapping at my tail. My legs continue to run, driving me towards the large tree stood in the corner of the garden. As I approach, my eyes focus on something at the foot of its trunk. It's a bird nest and buried beneath twigs, grass and leaves are three very small and perfectly oval bird eggs. Only a week ago, this same nest had been stationed directly above me on one of the branches of the tree. The heavy winds and rain must have knocked it down. I crawl into the nest and nestle beneath the twigs and leaves. Peeping over the edge, I can see Bruno has been distracted by the shadow of leaves on the paving stones, however from the bushes, emerge two large, identical rodents. Their eyes are piercing like ink and the noses point towards me, directing them like a compass. Jumping from the nest, I stand before it on my hind legs. The eggs will become dinner if I don't try to protect them. In an attempt to appear scary, I raise my claws in front of me (if I was still human, it would look like I was ready to box) and let a mangled, growl escape my mouth. The noise is sharp and feels strange to my ears. I do it again, clawing at clumps of mud and grass also and throw it at the rats. The rats grow larger as they approach, the shadows following them, loom over and create a theatrical show of jagged points and hunched bodily forms. The rats hesitate for a while, frozen  in place by their hunger to eat and their uncertainty towards me, but eventually they move on and disappear from sight. Without hesitation, I clasp my teeth to the nest and drag it towards the house, up the stairs and through the dog flap. While Bruno continues to play with the leaves, I look around the room in search for places to leave the birds nest. I spy the wooden, thatched newspaper basket and manage to fit the nest amongst the newspapers and magazines. I create a makeshift fort by tearing up the newspapers and creating a tipi like roof to the nest. I stand back and admire my work before I'm over come with exhaustion. I have no concept of the day or time, but in that second it doesn't matter and I crawl in next to the bird nest and fall asleep.

*

When I awake, the night has passed and the sky is a bright, cloudless blue. Unsurprisingly, I remain a rat, but I decide not to dwell on that too much. Instead, I peek through to check on the bird eggs before crawling out of the basket and over to the wine holders. Bruno has taken position on the sofa once again and this time he is awake. His eyes watch me, but this time I get the sense that he does not intend on chasing or eating me today. I continue up through the holes to the bread and resume my nibbling. The surface of the counter (that I'd considered too small before and planned on extending) seemed larger than life today. I pick a firm, maroon grape and sink my teeth into the sweet and sour juices underneath the skin. I think of Liam, and his sweet and sour personality. His girlfriend of three years that I'd seduced and slept with. The childhood memories we'd shared as we grew up together. I think of my sister and her struggles. How could I have changed so much? How did we go from fighting our battles together to barely trying to fight at all? I stroll towards the microwave to see my reflection and jump back so far I almost fall over the edge. The last time I had seen myself, my fur was a grey, murky brown layered with thick grease. My ears were pointed and my eyes were black. Yet now it all seems different. My fur is softer, my teeth not so yellow, and my claws are short and blunt (the way they should be). But the biggest difference is the piercing, blue of my eyes. I stare on and on into the same eyes that I was born with. The very eyes my Mum had passed along to Tess and me. I can't help but watch the emotion and the reactions of them. Just as I step forward a little further, the home phone rings. I go to answer it and then stop myself immediately. It goes to the answer machine and I hold my breath as the familiar, soothing tone of Mum's voice sings throughout the room.

'Hello Carl, I haven't heard from you in a while, I hope everything is okay?' A genuine smile unfurls inside of me and I lean towards the phone to listen carefully. 'I wouldn't have called, except there was a rat in the house yesterday and I'm worried that there might be a nest of them somewhere. Can you pop around and have a look if you have time? I would really appreciate it. Speak soon, it's Mum by the way.' The message cuts off and I feel a weight lifting off of me. A part of me had thought she would stop caring, but she never had. She was never the problem. I return back to the microwave and my eyes are like oceans of rapid waters. My tail has shrunken down to a small stump and with glee I jump down from the counter onto the floor. I dash towards the basket, where the nest of eggs rest. Inside the tipi, the eggs are shaking around in the nest and paper. Once again I clamp my teeth on the edge of the nest and drag it from the basket, across the kitchen floor and through the dog flap. I return the nest to the bottom of the tree and wait patiently for the eggs to slowly hatch. First one crack appears on an egg and then another and another until all of the eggs have broken and released its small inhibitors into the world. Before I can decide what to do next, a bird with grey and orange feather's swoops down and somehow manages to carry all three of the baby creatures. The birds, which were covered in slime were also a similar shade of grey and so for their sakes I hope that they have been saved and reunited with their mother. With my claw, I scratch behind my ear and feel the shedding of my fur as clumps and chunks fall onto the ground, along with the tainted history of my malice.