#also pls don't judge me

[cielito--lindo]

“Shitshitshitshit” Bella muttered. This is just great, fucking perfect timing. She heard a soft knock on the door

“You okay?” Edward called out “Not to be weird, but you’ve been in there longer than usual.”

“Uh, it’s fine.” Bella stared at her blood stain on her panties. Brand new fuckin’ panties. She leaned over, praying to whatever God was out there and checked the bathroom drawers. Of course, they were empty. Vampires can’t have periods, idiot.

Bella was usually pretty good about keeping track of her period, keeping a box of pads in her car or one in her bag. She ran out last month and just kept forgetting to restock; it was on her to-do list and she thought she had enough time. Especially since her period app told her she wasn’t due until next week. She could hear some commotion outside the door, it sounded like the Cullen siblings hushed fighting.

“Can one of you just check Carlisle’s office or something?” Edward asked, coming back from the hallway “I don’t need Jasper’s ability to tell how embarrassed she is right now.”

“Ah yes, let me just raid our father’s office for some menstrual products that I’m definitely sure he has” Rosalie rolled her eyes “Your her partner! Not to mention her vampiric partner! You couldn’t tell she was due?”

Jasper snorted “For having the worst case of vampire blue balls, you’d think you’d notice any change in her scent. Hell, I smelled it the moment y’all pulled into the driveway. It’s hard to ignore. Old blood is still blood.”

“Maybe don’t let Bella know you could smell that, I guess it’s a sensitive topic for women.” Alice murmured. Edward looked over to her, silently asking for her help “Don’t look at me, I don’t even remember having a period!”

Emmett sighed as he stood up “Y’all are ridiculous, we could’ve already helped Bella with the amount of time we’ve spent bickering about it.” He took off upstairs towards his and Rosalie’s bedroom.

The rest of the Cullen siblings looked at each other in confusion “I didn’t think he would get that upset about this.” Rosalie commented.

Jasper cocked his head to the side. Emmett wasn’t upset, he would’ve known. There was an aura of annoyance and concern, but tinged with another emotion he couldn’t place. It felt familiar somehow, he knew he had sensed it before.

Out of all the Cullen siblings, Emmett was the one who experienced and embraced the full scale of, what was once human, emotions. Carlisle was always cool and collected, Esme radiated contentment, Edward was always slightly panicked, Rosalie was ever annoyed, and Alice...well Alice could be unpredictable sometimes.

Edward’s ears perked up as he heard Emmett come back down the stairs towards the hallway bathroom. Bella heard another soft knock on the door “Edward, I’m almost out, I swear!” She called out, not breaking her focus of creating a pad out of toilet paper. It was rudimentary, but desperate times and whatever.

“Hey, Baby B?”

“Emmett?” There was rustling and then she saw something sliding out from the door. “Oh thank fuck” Bella breathed out. She leaned over and picked up the pad from the floor, the plastic wrapper crinkling in her hands.

“I didn’t know if you used pads, but I got some tampons too if you used those instead?” Emmett asked. She felt her eyes water up slightly at the concern in his voice. “No, Em, this is great. You’re a lifesaver, thank you!”

Emmett smiled, pride swelling in his chest “I got you, sis. We’re in the living room when you’re all done. Also I know you, don’t start on that I’m an embarrassed human who gets embarrassed about normal human things” He mimicked her, putting on a high pitched voice.

He walked back to his siblings after hearing Bella laugh. He looked up to find 4 pairs of eyes staring at him. He looked around confused. “What?”

“Dude what was that?” Edward asked.

“What was what?” “Where did you get those?” Rosalie looked up at him “Wait, how long have you been keeping pads and tampons in our bathroom?”

Emmett thought back for a moment “After a month of having Bells around. Mainly after I was sure that Ed-boy wouldn’t drain her dry.” That earned him a punch in the shoulder from Edward. “I mean, why would you have them anyway?”

“Once I realized that Eddie was gonna be preoccupied on how to bone Bella without killing her” smack “OW! I got some just in case she forgot, she’s pretty good about keeping track, so I never thought she would have to use them until now, I guess.” He was still met with skepticism and confusion.

Emmett sighed and rubbed the back of his neck “I had little sisters and I always made sure they had their monthly supplies.”

Rosalie smiled softly and took his hand into hers. She knew how much it still hurt Emmett to talk about the family he had to leave behind. “Ma and Pa had them working on the farm and keeping focus on their studies, this was something I could help them with. I would even make sure to save a little extra at the end of the month to buy them a little piece of chocolate, I overheard Ma talking about how it would make them feel better once.” A fond smile tugged at the corner of Emmett’s mouth.

Fondness, Jasper realized. He was sensing fondness coming from his brother. Emmett was the only one of them that had sisters when he was turned. Well, Alice wasn’t sure if she had siblings at all. “Bella’s family now, so I wanna make sure she’s comfortable with us. And you” He jabbed a finger playfully at Edward “need to start paying attention to that shit if you really wanna keep Baby B human. Just because you’ve been alive longer doesn’t mean you aren’t still younger than me. At least my frontal lobe was more developed before I got turned.” Jasper snorted at that little dig.

Edward closed his eyes and sighed in resignation “Yeah, yeah you’re right.” Hearing the bathroom door creak open, they whipped their heads over to Bella. She wiped her hands on her jeans and looked up, startled, noticing the attention on her “You know I don’t think I’ll ever get used to you guys staring at me like that.” She grinned “Thanks again, Em.”

He matched her grin “No worries, sis.”

[lambilegs]

ruts 101: a lesson by lee harker

contains: 12.4K words, LOTSSSS of nsfw content (so minors dni!!), lee going into a rut, I found out that apparently alphas can grow a penis during ruts so I did that for lee KSJAKS, extreme breeding kink (+ mentions of the following: pregnancy, reader carrying “pups,” reader’s chest and stomach getting heavier), no knotting but lee does have a knot, reader is ovulating, slightly dubious consent at times (ex. lee continuing to be sexual w/ reader despite their protests that they need to go to work), description of bodily fluids, throat-grabbing, spitting (on genitals and in mouth), degradation (reader is called a “slut”), reader’s tit gets slapped once, reader’s body is referred to with the terms “tits,” “breasts,” “pussy,” “cunt,” and “clit,” reader wears lace panties, daddy kink

the last thing you had expected when getting home from work today, and arriving at your girlfriend’s home, was to be seated down and have her pull up a whiteboard explaining her upcoming rut.

you don’t know whether to be amused, terrified or simply befuddled. “lee, babe, I think it’s okay. it’s still two weeks away – two weeks, right?”

she crosses her arms, and you try to not ogle the way her veins and slight muscles bulge from the movement. “I know. I meant to do this a month ago.”

you snort. of course she did. “why? it’s not a big deal, we always knew you’d eventually reach this point.”

“yes, but it’s our first time reaching this point,” she sighs, glancing at the whiteboard. 

your stomach flutters at the word first, hope igniting in you that maybe this means she’d like it to be the first of many. you swallow, trying to remain focused on her task at hand. “and? you’re always horny, anyways.”

you take great satisfaction at the pink tinge that blooms on her cheeks. “that’s not the point. when I enter my… rut,” she continues, voice lowering at the word, “I get… a lot more in that mood than usual. and at a more intense rate too. and it’s not just arousal – I also get more…” she trails off, fingers thrumming against her thigh – her nervous tic. “affectionate, and, well, desirous for time together. and you.” after a pause, she rushes to add, “not that I’m not already. but, usually, I can manage. in my ruts, I can’t.”

fondness blasts through your chest at her nervous ramblings, and you giggle. “I know, baby.” you lean back on the couch. “okay, explain it to me.”

she nods, pointing to the word tucked into the left corner of the whiteboard. “first, ‘timing.’ it happens every six months, and lasts around four or five days. I’ve, um, already requested time off work.”

your eyes widen. “jesus, that bad? you can’t even go into work?”

she gives you a sidelong glance. “I could if I take supplements. but, I took those last time, since I had been put on an important case. but, it’s not good to do that long term. it could make future ruts even worse, or prevent my ability to… impregnate.” despite her clear humiliation, you can’t help but admire how upfront she is about the entire thing.

you cock your head at her. “but, you don’t even know if you want kids.”

her mouth twitches in thought. “I know. but, I still want the option, in case I ever decide to. especially since…” her eyes flick to you, and you shift as they linger on your face. “you know.”

your mouth curves into a teasing grin. “no, no, I don’t, please expand.”

she ignores you, of course. “next, ‘nesting.’ a few days before I go into it, I’ll probably be trying to make things more comfortable. with pillows and such.”

“why?” 

“just to be comfortable. not a lot of… my kind do it. but, I like to do it around the time of my ruts.”

“so, we can cuddle there?”

she hesitates. “amongst other things.”

you bite your lip at the implication.

“which leads me to my next point,” she quietly says. “you.” 

your eyes scan her warily. “okay…” 

“you, um…” her eyes are downcast, and her nostrils flare at the deep breath she takes. “you don’t have to stay, if you don’t want to. I understand this period is a lot, and if you’d prefer to keep your distance, that’s okay. I’ve managed on my own before.”

you pout. “yeah, by hooking up with other people, I’m guessing?” the mention of it leaves a stab of jealousy piercing your stomach, the idea of her being like that with anyone but you making you itch with searing annoyance.

she glances at you. “yes, but of course I wouldn’t do that now. I’ve also managed fine completely by myself before. so, I’d just do that.”

you hum, satisfied with her answer. you’re glad she’s giving you the choice, but part of you, one stirring with both curiosity and arousal, wants to see lee in this state. one of primal, raw instinct and need, one where all her restraints and barriers are cut loose, one where all she wants is to be with you, close to you, inside of you. you swallow hard. “but, what if I want to stay? what would you want of me, then?”

she gulps. “can I speak bluntly?”

“um, yes?”

she turns to you, her eyes forcing their way from the ground to your face. “I’d probably want to have sex. a lot. and I’d be really, um, clingy and attached. ideally, if you could, it’d help if you took a few days off from work, too, though I know that’s a lot to ask for. and, well, I’d ask you to…” she picks at a stray thread of her grey slacks. “well, prepare.”

her string of requests already have you squirming, the idea of locking up with lee and having her fuck you for hours on end far from a lot to ask for. but, her last demand makes you raise an inquisitive brow. “prepare?” 

her dark eyes flick to your crotch, and you feel your face warm at the look. oh.  

“like, because of how much we’d be doing it?”

“that, and…” she raises a shaky hand to a word on the board that reads Parts. “I, um, get a penis during this time.”

your body starts at her brutally honest phrasing, as well as the shocking sentiment contained in it. “what do you mean you get a penis?”

she shrugs. “just as I said it. is that not… common knowledge?”

you scoff. “no! I don’t exactly watch a lot of werewolf-roleplay porn, lee.”

“maybe you should. that might also help. if you decide to stay.”

you roll your eyes, confusion, excitement and shock still zapping through you and making your body feel lit up. “but – but, how? how do you just grow a penis?”

“I usually wake up on the first day of my ruts with it.”

“and well, does it feel different for you?”

“yeah. but, I eventually get used to it.” she’s quick and efficient with your questions, as per usual.

“and how does it look like?” you drawl out, your cheeks aching with the grin spreading on your face. you and lee have used the strap all too many times, and obviously, you’re not ignorant to the breeding kink she has to match yours. so, the idea of her growing a penis, one that can actually… release inside of you, has your pussy tightening on nothing, practically aching for it to spread you open. 

the question makes lee pause, and you immediately know she’s getting shy on you. “it’s… I don’t know.”

“oh, c’mon,” you teasingly say. “how many inches?”

she huffs out a sharp breath. “I’m not answering that.”

“fine, I suppose I’ll just see it for myself.”

her eyes dart to you. “wait – so, you’ll stay?”

you lift yourself from the couch, internally delighting in the way her eyes imperceptibly widen and rove over you. your answer was always a yes, it was only a matter of waiting before you declared it so. 

you stop in front of her, wrapping your arms around her neck. almost instinctively, her hands press into your back, gently pulling you closer. you press a soft kiss to her chin. “of course I’ll stay.”

finally, past the stiff rundown, and the ignoring of your teasing, she smiles, her laugh lines sinking in. “good.” 

—

lee was not exaggerating about the nesting thing. a week after her cute little presentation, she’s using chairs from her kitchen to build a little blanket fort in the corner of her bedroom, splayed with soft pillows and plush throw blankets.

you watch from the threshold of her bedroom, endlessly amused. “hey, need help there?”

she gives you a pointed look. “yes, actually I do.”

you walk over to her, sipping on your soda. she stands up slowly, rubbing her palms along her sides, eyes flicking between you and her bedroom. “tomorrow, can you, um… bring things of yours to put in here?”

“what do you mean?”

“things like clothes, or stuff you sleep with.” her eyes lock in your shoulder. “things that smell like you.”

you blink hard in surprise, the request unexpected. “why?” 

“it, um… comforts me around this time. I get sort of attached to your scent.”

you soften at her words, despite the implications probably carrying some sexual notions to it too. but, still, lee being so clingy to you, your scent, and her awkward admission of it – it makes you burst in affection. 

you set your drink down, nuzzling your nose against hers, the touch causing a hum in the back of her throat. “okay, I’ll bring them tomorrow. you want some underwear or something too?”

at your taunting words, she rolls her eyes. “the things I mentioned will suffice.” 

“mm, okay,” you mumble, pressing a sweet kiss to her lips, which move gently against yours, her strong arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you flush to her. you moan at the feeling of her chest pressed against you, her nipples poking out of her shirt in the chilled weather. your hands snake up, palming her through the fabric, a touch that has her groaning. you’d smile if your lips weren’t so eager to suck around the tongue that pushes into your mouth, fingers beginning to gently roll her nipples. you know she’s sensitive, so you keep your touches light and soft, but it’s enough to have her grunting, fingers digging hard into your ass. 

you gasp at the rough touch, and she parts from you, her lips beginning to land hot, open-mouth kisses to the length of your neck, pausing to suck hard on a spot beneath your ear. you whine at the aggressive ministrations, hips bucking embarrassingly hard. 

she squeezes your ass tighter. “you’d think out of the two of us, it’s you who’s about to enter a rut.”

“shut up,” you whisper, breath hitching as her teeth sink into your neck. 

“one day, I’m gonna mark you as mine,” she whispers hotly against your neck, kissing the marks of her teeth. 

“oh, yeah?” you laugh breathlessly, winding your fingers through her ponytail.

“yeah.” her lips latch onto a patch of skin, and she starts sucking brutally into it. “you’re mine.”

you keen at the suction, skin stinging from it. “l-lee…”

she sucks in a harsh breath at the noise, fingers clasping onto your hips and drawing you in closer. she lodges her leg between your thighs, rubbing it against you. the friction is barely there due to the layers of fabric, but still, it’s something. and that’s enough to get you biting your lip. 

“I can’t wait to fuck you,” she quietly whispers, kissing the lobe of your ear. 

her words egg you on, and you want nothing more than to get her as needy as you are. which is what motivates you to mutter, “yeah, you’re excited to put that big cock in me?”

“jesus,” she hisses, nipping at your ear. “stop that.”

you giggle, the noise melting into a moan when she strokes her tongue along the same spot. “what? does it get you turned on to think of stretching me out?” you breathe heavily, hesitating before shyly saying, “to think of me giving me your–”

her hands tighten around your skin and you gasp when you’re unceremoniously tossed onto the bed. you prop yourself onto your elbows, chest heaving, waiting for more.

but, all lee does is wipe her hands along her clothed thighs and shakes her head at you. “not now.” despite the firm words, her breaths are shaky, and you know she’s just as needy as you. “you–you need to save your energy.”

“how considerate,” you say with a simper, sitting up. your abdomen is aching with unfulfilled longing, but part of you also wants to wait until she’s in her rut. you can’t imagine how good it’ll feel for her, how needy she’ll be, after days of no sex.

she smiles faintly, reaching down to cup your face. “I do still have some sense of humanity retained, you know.”

you giggle at her quip. “awe, really? I was hoping to see you in all your mighty wolf form.” 

she rolls her eyes, walking away and opening her closet to retrieve the spare blankets folded on the top shelf. “I don’t shapeshift just because I’m in a rut.”

“oh, really?” you’ve seen lee shapeshift before, particularly in moments where she got intensely angry, which is rare and far inbetween. she gets hair all over her body, that of which also grows broader. her fangs dart out, her ears become soft and plush peaks. she still looks mostly human, but just slightly altered. it’s deeply humiliating to admit, but part of you, a very hidden part of you, had wandering thoughts about her fucking you in that state.

“yeah.” she flaps one blanket open, spreading it in her little fort. you smile at the sight, adoring how much of a busybody she’s being. the smile, however, slowly fades when she turns to you, dark eyes trained carefully onto your face. “why? did you… want to have sex with me like that?” hesitation laces her words.

“um…” 

her mouth twitches, eyes sparkling. “I didn’t know you wanted that.”

you bristle. “I never said I did.”

“you don’t need to.”

you can’t tell whether you love or hate how well she can read you. you love it, most of the time – after all, you had wanted her for so long, first from afar, and then as her friend. so, to know she can sense your thoughts so accurately without you even vocalizing them is like a surreal dream come to life. however, in moments like this, when you want to retain some of your dignity, it’s a pain in the ass.

you kiss your teeth. “I suppose I don’t if you only rely on your delusions.”

“sure, babe,” she mutters, crossing her arms and observing the blanket fort. her head tilts up to you with a small, prideful smile. “other than your stuff, I think it’s done.” 

you roll off the bed and join her. you can’t lie, it does look really cozy – plush blankets and comforters covering the ground, creating a barrier to the hard wooden floor. pillows are propped along the wall, a wide variety of them joined together. above all of this is a sheet, which is hanging off two chairs on either side of the fort. 

you chuckle, kissing her cheek. “let the rut season begin.”

she snorts. “please don’t say that ever again.”

–

so, as it turns out, your boss isn’t able to give you the full five days off. a fact which lee acknowledges with a furrowed brow, a frown pinching her lips. but, she handles it maturely, voicing her understanding. you, on the other hand? you’re practically cursing your boss inside your head at every waking moment for screwing up your plans to get fucked and fucked by your girlfriend for an entire week.

the night before her rut starts, lee clings onto you, her face buried into your neck, pressing small kisses there and twining her legs around yours. she’s impossibly attached to you, one arm laying next to your head and stroking your hair while the other is wrapped around your stomach.

at one point in the night, she wakes up due to the discomfort she’s starting to feel over the shift of her body. she nudges you awake, whining that it aches. you’re not sure what else to do other than hold her and whisper soothing words into her hair. your palm rubs along her back. you stay awake until she drifts to sleep, her drool pooling onto your chest. 

when you wake in the morning, you have to carefully unpeel lee from you in order to shower before heading into work. as you retrieve your clothes from your duffle bag and make your way to the bathroom, your eyes glance to lee to check in on her. what you see makes your breaths still.

her basketball shorts are tightly strained over an extremely evident boner.

your eyes nearly flutter completely shut. fuck. so, she really did get a dick. and she’s already hard. if you fold in your lips, and strain your ears, you can hear small whimpers coming from her. she sounds so needy.

you force yourself to ignore the sweet noises, showering, getting dressed, then leaving. all the while, lee is still fast asleep due to the hours spent awake the night before. she had insisted on setting her alarm to see you off, but with a few forehead kisses and head pats, she melted into submission and allowed you to turn it off.

you’re not even an hour into work when you get a call from lee. “babe? you okay?”

a soft moan is your first response, and you shift around, eyes darting to ensure no one is close enough to hear her voice echoing from the receiver. 

“babe?” 

“baby, ugh,” she grunts, her voice deeper than usual to her low noises. you can hear the ruffle of sheets and clothing, and different mental images of her flash past your eyes.

you swallow hard when another whimper slips past her lips. “are you in pain, baby?”

“yes,” she nearly whines, her voice hanging onto a higher pitch. “it hurts. I need you.”

your voice quiets down. there’s no one near you, but the sexual nature of the call makes you more alert. still, you don’t have it in yourself to leave her words ignored. “I know, baby, I wish I could be there.”

“can you… can you come home early?”

it’s not a request she makes often of you. lee loves her job, and her work ethic can only be described as impeccable. because of that, and her natural tendency to just care, she’s always a steady stream of support when it comes to your job. the times she has posed a question about your schedule have been far and in between, and when she does it, it means she really needs you, or misses you terribly. 

but, it’s not one you can fulfill today. you already have a work dinner that you promised to attend, and with all the people counting on you, it just doesn’t seem possible to cancel so last minute. “baby, I’m so sorry. but, I don’t think I can. I have that work dinner, remember? and a lot of stuff to get done. plus, with the days off I took, my boss won’t like me leaving early.” you soften your tone, hoping the delivery of the news doesn’t pain her too much.

she simply whimpers again, the sound so tender and broken that you nearly debate quitting your damn job. “okay.” 

“baby,” you drawl, your eyebrows scrunched in deep concern. “I’m sorry, baby. what’s happening, though? are you in pain?”

she groans, her words low with what you suspect is embarrassment. “I’m so horny. it hurts how much I need it.”

you gulp, nearly shivering at knowing the prospect of sex with you is partially what’s making her so needy. yeah, duh, her rut mostly has to do with it, but still, she wants to spend it with you. “honey, why don’t you…” your voice lowers. “... get off?”

“I did. it’s–it’s not enough, I need you. I need your scent, I need to… come in you.” the last words are whispered, and you can sense her discomfort in being so blunt.

“lee,” you breathe out shakily. “I know, sweet girl. you will, okay?”

“I will? I was just gonna wear, you know… protecti–”

“don’t,” you immediately cut in. “I’m on birth control, babe, it’ll be okay.”

she lets out a soft sigh. “but,” she protests weakly, still somehow managing her self-restraint, “it’s still not guaranteed.”

“we’ll deal with that, then, baby. but, I really want you to.” your eyes flutter at the words. you can already picture how she’d pin your body down, coming and coming in you until your hole is spilling with warm come, and the image alone makes you tense up.

“you’re sure?”

“very sure.”

–

when you return home, you’re greeted with the sight of lee curled up on the couch, wearing your t-shirt, fingers rolled into the material and watching some crime show. when you make your way through the alcove, she says without even looking at you, “hi, babe.”

“how’d you know…?”

“I could smell you since you pulled up in the driveway.”

you snort. “of course you did.”

she glances at you with a small simper. “comes with the territory, I suppose.”

“‘territory’? oh, you really have been impacted by this rut.”

her smile broadens, lovely little laugh lines dipping. “it took you this long to realize?”

your tone takes on a teasing lilt. “no, no, your needy call was indicative enough.”

she looks away, mouth twitching. “yeah, sorry about that.”

you sit on the edge of the couch, and she tucks her legs further into the cushions to give you room. you reach down, rubbing a palm on her shirt for a few moments before snaking it under the fabric. with the fireplace alit, she’s warm to the touch. and, well, frankly, you nearly jump her bones when her muscles shift and flex under your touch. 

you shake your head. “don’t apologize. it was hot.”

her throat bobs. “mm.” 

“baby,” you whine, nails digging into her skin. “look at me. I missed you so much today.”

her head whips to you at your disgruntled tone and she immediately reaches her arms out, a frown piercing her skin. “sorry, sorry. I was just embarrassed. come here.” 

you practically crawl on top of her, face burying into the crook of her neck, cheeks warmed from the spot. “what happened? you’re so collected now.”

she lightly laughs, fingers stroking between your shoulder blades. “I just… um, took care of myself. minutes ago. it gave me some temporary relief.” 

you hum, kissing her neck, trying to ignore the wave of disappointment that rolls in at this news. part of you had been excited to see her all desperate and needy for you upon your arrival home. but, you know it’s not the fairest thing, considering how bothersome her endless arousal is for her. in addition to that is the early morning you have tomorrow. an entire night of fucking doesn’t seem the best recipe for your upcoming long day at work. maybe some peace would do you both good.

though, that notion shatters as soon as she sniffs your hair, then stills. “you weren’t dropped off by your usual friend, right?”

“no, no, one of the other girls did.”

you immediately feel her stiffen. “why did she give you a ride?”

“I don’t know – probably to be polite? why?” 

her jaw clenches. “are you sure about that?”

“lee,” you chide with a surprised laugh. “yes, I’m sure! I barely know her.”

“all the more evidence as to why she has no reason to be giving you a ride.”

you snicker at her words, eyes flicking up and widening at the sight of her cheeks sucked in in clear tension. “‘evidence,’ really? this isn’t a case, lee, there’s nothing to inspect here. do you not trust me?”

at the hard edge your voice takes on, lee flinches, her grip on your back tightening. “I do trust you. I’m just saying it’s… odd.”

“it’s not!” you exclaim, lifting your head from her shoulder to stare sharply at her. “she was just being nice because jess was feeling sick. what is up with you?”

it’s not like lee isn’t possessive. she absolutely has been since the start of your guys’ relationship, often wrapping a protective arm around your waist to ward off leering gazes and fucking you hard and fast in the privacy of her home when someone hits on you in public, leaving dark marks all over your skin. she’s confessed that even before, when you guys were just friends, she always felt jealous when you flirted jokingly with your other companions. so, this streak of hers is not unfamiliar, but it usually doesn’t rear its head in such petty, small matters.

“I just don’t like the idea of some girl dropping you home and thinking she has a chance with you.”

“I mentioned you to her, lee! she knows I’m seeing someone.”

“still.” her lips fold in and tighten, eyes casted onto the television. “she might still be thinking of it in… that way.”

“and?” you snap, voice biting, the long day and this attitude from her causing frustration to bubble and boil over the edge. “that’s not my problem, lee–”

she grips your jaw hard, pulling your face up to hers so fast it strains your neck. “well, it’s definitely mine.”

despite the remaining embers of frustration in the pit of your stomach, her words send a flood of heat through you. “lee…” 

her nimble fingers tease at your hair, weaving in with a tight grip. your eyes latch onto her dark ones, which rove over your face with intense focus. and with one tug, your face is shoved up to hers, and she’s kissing you hard, mouths pressed tightly together. her tongue slides into your mouth, toying languidly with yours as her pace slows down, the kiss becoming wet and slippery. you hate your body for succumbing so easily to her, but you can’t help it. not when she’s being so sloppy, swirling the muscle around yours, pulling back to suck it into her mouth, the resulting sting of the act causing you to keen softly. she grunts at the noise, palm pressing into your head to push you in deeper. she releases your tongue with a gentle pop, and begins lapping at it with quick flicks of her tongue. 

she mumbles against your lips, “you’re mine.”

“I am, but there’s no need to be so posse–” the words melt into a soft moan as she starts pressing wet kisses along your jaw.

“there is,” she mutters against your skin, pausing to suck on a certain spot, drawing it into the crevice of her soft mouth and laving her tongue over it afterwards. “why would I want anyone to think they can possibly have what’s mine?”

you sigh heavily at the words. as irrational as her jealousy is, you can’t control the stirring of arousal her words are starting to ignite. “they won’t, babe.”

“I know. because I’ll make sure of it.” her whisper is laced with determination. she presses another long, hard kiss to your pulse point.

you pull back, staring down at her. she looks so good in this angle, hair splayed out on the pillow, skin glowing from the fire, dark eyes unflinching in their gaze. “is this a heat thing? do you get more possessive or something?”

her eyes stray from you, as though she’s wondering. after a few moments of staring at the fire, she mutters, “I think so.” then, she adds, “and it’s a rut.”

you roll your eyes with a laugh. “oh, yes, sorry, missus alpha.”

her face twists into a slight cringe. “please, do not call me that.”

“oh, yeah?” you grasp her wrists, pressing them into the cushions beneath her. “does it get you hot and bothered?”

“no,” she scoffs softly. “it gets me uncomfortable.”

at this angle, you’re painfully aware that you’re tantalizingly close to her dick, the one she just got this morning and that you haven’t even seen yet. but, god, do you want to. ever since you saw that tent in her pants, thoughts of it have been dripping into your mind – what it’d look like, taste like, feel like along the tender spots of your body.

you just can’t resist, and you grind down, your mound rubbing right against her crotch. she hisses at the impact, lip catching behind her teeth. her reaction only eggs you on further, and you start swiveling your hips around, grinding down. she’s not hard just yet, so there’s not much contact, but watching her facial expressions is enough to get you off. her eyes are half-lidded, pretty and pink lips shiny with spit and parted, nostrils flaring.

her hands, still clasped with yours, raise up, propped on her elbows, giving you the leverage needed to continue humping her. you keep going, practically bouncing in her lap, an excited thrill bursting through you when you start to feel a stiff lump under you.

“hard, baby?” you drawl out teasingly, your nerves thrumming with eager delight. you want to see it, touch it, do fucking anything with it, so bad.

she only moans in response, her neck arching up and revealing all those pulsing muscles you love. she keeps her arms up, sweet thing she is, and you continue riding the stiff shape trapped behind her sweats.

“ah!” you cry out when you move back during one of your thrusts and feel how swollen she’s gotten from the base. she feels rock-hard under you, and so deliciously big. “lee, god…”

“baby, I need you,” she rasps out, her hips beginning to buck up, pressing her cock hard against you. the feeling of it, so stiff and curved, and pressed just right against your sensitive folds and growing clit, has you tossing your head back. she lets go of one of your hands, fingers threading through your hair as she tilts your head back down. “look at me.”

“it’s embarrassing,” you mumble, but listen, anyways, locking eyes with her, trying to not to think too hard about how you must look to her right now – eyes teary and hazy, tongue nearly hanging out. the latter of which lee seems to relish in, her thumb slipping into your mouth. you start at the touch, hips jerking harder, but then encircle your lips around the digit, shutting your eyes as your tongue rubs against the pad.

“I know. I like seeing you embarrassed.” 

the words make you buck especially hard, an act that has her tensing under, her other hand suddenly clenching onto your hip with an iron grip. “wait, wait…”

in the midst of your dizzying pleasure, it takes a few moments to process her words, but when you do, you immediately freeze up. “all okay?”

she winces. “my… it hurts down there.”

“because you’re turned on?”

“I mean, it does also hurt in that way. but, I can manage sex with it. I meant it hurts literally. because I, um, did too much today.”

your giggles at her admission break into a small groan when you realize this means you won’t be doing anymore tonight.

her fingertips soothingly trace the skin of your hips. “I can still take care of you.”

the prospect is tempting, but you’re mostly in the mood for one specific thing. you bite your lip. “no, no, it’s okay. I’m mostly craving, you know…” you give a pointed look down.

she whimpers at the words, then nods tightly. “yeah, okay.” after a pause, she adds, “you know, I will still enjoy it even if I don’t get touched.” her thumb presses to your inner thigh and strokes the fabric there. “I can smell your slick. and I really do wanna taste it.”

it’s so tempting, knowing you could just shuffle up a bit and easily ride her face right here, right now. but, the conversation breaks you out of your lustful haze a bit, and you know with the early hour you’re waking at tomorrow, it’d probably be best if you don’t fuck her face into oblivion.

“tomorrow,” you quietly promise, leaning down to press a kiss to her head.

–

tomorrow turns out to be taken in all seriousness by your girlfriend, for you wake up in the early hours of the morning to her kissing your neck, stiff dick poking against your thigh.

“baby, I need to get ready soon,” you groggily mumble, hips shuffling as she scrapes her teeth against your skin, nibbling lightly. 

“I know,” she whispers, snaking a hand up and grabbing your tit over your shirt.

you gasp at the touch, torso curving as you arch up. she doesn’t give you a break, thumb stroking along your nipple until the bud is hard and aching. when it is, she adds her index finger to the mix, rolling it easily between her calloused pads. the fabric dims the sensation a bit, giving you enough to make you writhe, but still withholding peak pleasure. all the while, she’s mouthing incessantly on your neck, lips opening up to suck sloppily on it, her drool slipping past the length of your neck.

“baby,” you whimper into your still dark bedroom, the early morning coating you both in the faintest purple light. “I–I need to–”

“I can be quick,” she mumbles, hand leaving your chest to pull your top up. when your tits are revealed to her, she ducks down, taking a perked nipple into her mouth, eyes shutting as she sucks generously on it. moans drip from her lips as she does, especially when you begin stroking her smooth hair. she shuts her eyes, focusing entirely on showering attention on your little bud, lips closing around to give it small, soft kisses, before her tongue begins lapping at it. the soft, wet, fast flicks send a bolt of arousal through you and you start whining, hips bucking. 

she pops her mouth from your nipple, swirling her tongue around it. “these are gonna look so pretty with milk,” she whispers, her tone filled with soft admiration.

your hips flinch at the filthy thought, squirming even more. “you mean when I get pregnant?”

“yes.” she licks the underside of your tit, pausing to suck a burning mark there. “when I give you my come.”

you know it’s just roleplay – neither of you are in any position for starting a family, and you’re diligently on birth control. but, the words still ignite a deep pit of arousal in you. and despite your earlier protests, your voice rises in anticipation. “now?” 

she sharply inhales. “no. I need to take my time for that.”

“then?” 

ten minutes later, she has you pinned to the bed on your stomach, her clothed dick rubbing against your pussy, the only thing separating you being her underwear and yours. one hand is shoved past the fabric, rubbing her fingers along your throbbing clit, while the other is thrusting two fingers into your open mouth. her hips move fast and hard, and you nearly want to sob at just how good her cock feels even with the thin layers of fabric separating you guys from skin-on-skin contact. it’s so stiff, and seems to fit so well along the length of your pussy, digging to the outside of your hole with each thrust and having your mind whirl with thoughts of her sliding it inside. the pressure hits every spot along your folds and lips, and between that and her finger rubbing attentively at your clit, you’re a mess.

“doing so good,” she says quietly against your ear, dotting a kiss to the lobe as her hips begin to jerk hard, your thighs slapping together as her cock continues to press and rub. you’re absolutely drenched, which only makes her ministrations even more slippery, your sticky underwear gliding along your cunt with each thrust. “I’m gonna fuck you tonight, okay?”

“okay,” you whine, feeling boneless and pliant as her strong body keeps you pinned to the bed. 

she slips her hand from your mouth, using it to grip your hair back, mouth hot against your cheek. “god, you feel good even like this. I wanna be inside you so bad.”

“yeah?” you moan out, voice slightly muffled from how your face is laid upon the pillow. “wanna fill me with come?”

“yeah.” she grits her teeth, thrusts becoming faster, her cock rubbing so tightly against you. “wanna get you so full your hole is weeping with it.”

you cry out. “then, you better make sure to do it again and again.”

“I will. gonna make sure we get you pregnant.”

your voice shatters into a broken whine. “fuck, lee.”

your reaction causes a soft huff of laughter from her, and she mumbles, “you like that, don’t you? thinking of being knocked up with my pups, showing everyone who claimed you.”

“y–yes, I love it.” it’s so dirty, so humiliating, but so true. you love the idea of being marked at hers, at having your body physically change due to something she left inside of you. the entire idea gets you drenched.

“good. I’ll give you however many you want.” her long fingers grip your jaw, turning your head to the side, where her waiting, wanting lips are ready to meet yours. the kiss is messy, accompanied with heavy gasps against each other, your cries only intensifying as she speeds up her hips.

after a few moments, she grunts loudly, panting out, “baby, I-I’m close. gonna give you my load.”

you rub your ass back up against her, pussy fucking aching to be stretched out on her dick right now and having her come shoved deep into you. but, you know it’ll all come in good time, as well as that right now, she clearly wishes the same. you use that to your  advantage, whining out, “please fill me up, give me a baby.”

she gasps loudly against your ear, slamming her hips down a few more times before her body begins to buck messily, her breaths shallow as she trembles from above you. 

you close your eyes, delighting in the noises of her soft, whispering moans and her heavy breaths, trying to picture her coming inside of you as she makes them. with that mental image in mind, and her finger continuing to rub incessantly at your clit, you toss your head back, mouth opening in silence as your walls clench and tighten on nothing, begging to be sucking on her cock.

her body sags upon you, keeping you pressed into the mattress. you laugh into the pillow. “get off me, you loser.”

she groans. “no. it’s comfortable.”

when you gently turn your body over, sending lee plopping into the bed, she whines, arms reaching out. “no, no, please.”

“baby!” you admonish, tossing your legs over the bed. “I’m already running late.”

she frowns. “but, um, was it worth it?” the question is forced out in a firm, neutral tone, but you know your girlfriend better than that.

and so, you pause at the insecurity quieting her voice. when you catch her looking away, you rush to crawl back onto the bed, cupping her face and turning to you. “it was so good, baby. like, so fucking hot.” an earnest kiss touches her lips. “I loved every second, truly. I promise, it wasn’t an inconvenience at all, I’m sorry if I made it sound like that.”

she mumbles, “no, I’m sorry for being clingy.”

“shut up.” you kiss her again. “you’re not ever clingy just for being affectionate, or–or, for having feelings. besides, I like you all clingy.” her face warms under your palms and you try not to grin hard. “I’m so sorry I can’t cuddle now, baby, I just can’t afford to be late with me already taking off tomorrow and the day after.”

she hums contentedly. “I know.”

you kiss her forehead, then move to retrieve your clothes from your duffel bag. 

“how about we… shower together?” when you whirl around in surprise, her mouth twitches, head ducking down. “I just want to be close before you go.”

you bite your lip. if you two shower together, you’ll see… it. you resolve that you have better self-control than that, though, and will be able to handle it without getting sexual. at least you hope so. “sure.” 

in the soft, orange light of her bathroom, you gulp down at the sight of her grey boxers soaked through, a dark path covering nearly the entire length of it. her eyes flick to where yours linger, and she clears her throat. “yeah, I got a bit carried away.”

the bait is right there. you can’t resist it. you sit on the counter and spread your legs, showing her your soaked underwear. “so did I.”

her nose makes a whistle-like sound as she tightly draws in a breath. “don’t. I’m gonna get hard again.”

you close your legs with a guilty smile, and hop off the counter, beginning to undress. when you glance to lee, she’s topless, clad in nothing but her boxers, but clearly hesitating.

you reach out to touch her collarbone, skimming your fingers along it. “it’s okay if you’re not comfortable.”

she nods. “I am, though. it’s just new to you.”

with that, she drags her boxers down her legs. your eyes zero in on the spot between her legs, nearly whining when you finally see her dick. it’s so pretty, all flushed and creamy from her orgasm, leaking at the tip and softened up. it’s like some sort of treat, one that you want rolling between your tongue and lips for hours, until your throat is coated in her seed. it’s new and abrupt, to say the least, to see her in this state, but your mind is too clouded by desire to really let any shock linger. 

her eyes are hooked onto your shoulder, clearly avoiding your gaze.

as embarrassing as it is to admit it out loud, you push through, knowing your assurance is what'll relax her most. “you look so good, baby. you look so hot.”

she taps at her thigh, eyes hesitantly raising to you. “really?” 

you nod, resisting the urge to fucking purr at her. “uh huh.”

“okay. okay, good.”

the shower is equal parts pleasure and torture. you love seeing your girlfriend’s lean body get soaked through, faint muscles shining as they ripple and move with her movements. her hair out of the usual ponytail, pretty and falling past her shoulders. drops hanging off her long lashes, lips slippery wet. it’s all such a sight to take in. but, every brush of her cock against your thigh, your ass, your hand, has you nearly keening, wanting nothing more than to have your front shoved against the tile walls as she pounds you out until you see stars.

you can tell lee feels it too, hissing and heavily breathing whenever such a slight touch happens. 

by the time you’re ready to leave work, you’re almost thankful to be gone, for being near your girlfriend and having to resist fucking proves to be one of the hardest tasks you’ve dealt with. 

lee was right. you’re practically in your own rut, too.

–

“did you complete the order?” a soft voice asks from behind you.

you immediately smile at the sight of your girlfriend, bliss flooding through you after the long hours of working and missing her immensely. you wrap your arms around her neck, drawing her in close. “mhm.” 

she loosely wraps her arms around your waist, lips tilting up shyly. you know she’s still not fully used to affection in public, and it’s not something she herself usually initiates, apart from hand-holding. but, she seems to be relishing in your attention right now, fingers tight around your back. she leans in closer. “you smell nice.”

you snort, voice lowering. “you’re in a rut – I’m always smelling nice to you.”

“yeah, but right now, it’s stronger.” her lips fold in. “it’s really nice.”

“oh?” you giggle, siddling closer to her. “is ‘really nice’ code for ‘arousing’?”

her nostrils flare. “be quiet. someone might hear.”

“lee, there’s no one near us!” you softly exclaim, eyes circling around your surroundings to emphasize your point. 

“it’s half for my own sake, too.”

you press the front of your body to her, relishing in the power you clearly hold over her. “oh? why? what will happen?”

she sucks in a sharp breath at your contact. “you know what’ll happen.”

“no, no, I don’t.”

she scoffs, slightly smiling. “don’t play naive. we both know that’s not you.”

she’s right. that isn’t you. you had to practically spend a half hour convincing yourself at work today to not sneak off to the bathroom and fuck yourself to a phone call with her. to say you’ve been needy, and more than aware of the sexual dynamic you two have slid into, is an understatement. 

“but, I am,” you whine, anyways. you know how much this gets to her – the little innocent act, encouraging her into the position of corrupting you. “I’m such a good girl. I’m just lucky no big, bad wolves have gotten ahold of me yet.”

lee’s hand braces against your back, pulling you in closer. “yet,” she mutters against your ear, and you can hear the deep inhale she takes. “jesus, you smell good.”

you giggle. “why are you so obsessed?”

“I don’t know.” her tone is slightly frustrated, and you can’t help but feel endeared over the fact that even now, in the middle of a rut, lee has it in her to be confounded over something. she sighs, eyes lowered in clear, focused thought. finally, they widen imperceptibly. “are you ovulating?”

“lee, shh!” you squeak, eyes darting around to make sure no one heard.

finally, your order number is called out. you dash over, pick up the paper bag, and with a petulant glare to lee, start walking out of the door.

she lightly jogs over to you in the parking lot. you had taken the bus to work this morning, and the sight of lee’s car in this cold autumn evening makes your body loosen in relief. she wraps an arm around your waist. “are you?”

you roll your eyes. “yes. why?” 

lee’s steps slow to an eventual halt. “oh.” 

your eyebrows knit in concern. “what’s wrong?”

“well, if you are, then it might be risky to, you know…” her eyes drift into a sidelong gaze, clearly shying away from saying the word out loud.

“but, lee, I’m on birth control.”

“still,” she mutters, gripping tightly onto the sleeve of her oversized jacket, “it’s risky. you’re more prone to, you know–”

“I know, but that doesn’t change my mind. we can deal with anything that happens when it does, okay?”

she picks at her lip. “baby, still. I can just…” her eyes flick about, and she leans closer. “... pull out.”

your hole practically clenches down in protest. “no. please. I want it so bad.” your tone becomes a mixture of actual words and whimpering softness. you know you sound so desperate, so needy, but your mind has been nothing but mental images of lee pumping her seed into you. you wonder if when the person you love is in a rut, it impacts you too, for you feel like you’ve been wanting this just as much, if not more, than her. 

the ghost of a smile appears on her face. “I can see that.”

your eye twitches. “as if you don’t. are we forgetting this morning?”

her nostrils flare and she stares hard at the ground. “I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”

“and why would you?” you continue, delighting in the hook you seem to have latched into her, and wanting to pull, pull and pull her closer. “you clearly wanna give in and give it to me. especially when I’m, you know… more fertile.” you mentally cringe at those last two words, the taste of them foreign on your tongue.

but, it’s worth it, because lee’s jaw clenches, her gaze stabbing. she opens the passenger door. “get in.”

as you shuffle into the seat, you laugh and say, “funny, I was going to say the same thi–”

she shuts the door, and you snort.

lee climbs into the driver’s seat, pushing the key in and warming the car. as it rumbles to a start, you’re suddenly yanked by your jacket to her. you softly gasp, her lips hovering just over yours. 

“too much,” she mutters, before pressing a harsh kiss to your mouth. her lips push and suck at yours, tongue shoving in and lapping. her cold hand moves to your neck, fingers gently grabbing it, putting the faintest amount of pressure into her hold. her rough, pink muscle swirls around yours, rubbing hard along the roof of your mouth. you’re panting against her mouth, saliva trickling from the corner of your mouth. she parts from you, her tongue slowly massaging along the corner and licking up the drool. “just be quiet now,” she whispers. 

you snort. “or else?”

you receive your answer to that as soon as you’re inside her cottage. food discarded on her coffee table, you're dragged to her bedroom and thrown onto the bed. half an hour later, she has two fingers deep inside you, her mouth latched onto your clit. your panties are pushed to the side, pants still hanging off your leg. she’s hooking her lips around your bud, drawing it in with slow, languid sucks that have you throbbing deep down into your core. her long, firm fingers push scrape against your sensitive walls so good, rough and calloused from her job.

“oh,” you moan softly, torso arching off the bed. her mouth is making filthy noises against your pussy, sucking and kissing sloppily. it sounds so raspy, especially accompanied with her long groans.

“yeah, good, you’re doing good,” she murmurs, the words moist with the way her lips remain pressed to your pussy.

you squirm from her praise, and whine louder when she flattens her forearm on your tummy, forcing you to remain still. 

“so needy,” she murmurs, sounding all too teasing for someone who’s face-deep in your pussy, moaning and licking at it without wavering. “have you been… opening yourself for me?”

voice shaky, you respond. “yes.” you’ve taken to fucking yourself with your dildo almost everyday the past week. it’s been harder since you started staying at lee’s two days ago, what with her raging horniness inevitably going to get triggered by you doing any form of masturbation near her. but, before you left work today, you had fucked yourself in the bathroom, pushing the dildo in and out of your sopping cunt, until it slid in with ease.

“I can tell.” she adds a third finger in, and you nearly squeal from excitement, the addition giving you an aching, hot stretch. “you’re looser than usual.”

her blunt words have you shivering. “just for you.”

“yeah.” she gives you a sharp suck on your little, swollen nub, leaning back momentarily to spit directly on it. her warm, thick saliva smacking into your clit has your hips bucking, and her arm presses down harder. “gonna stretch you out even more.”

she slips her fingers out and before you can cry out in protest, she rolls you onto your stomach. without hesitation, her fingers hook into your pant’s waistband, sliding them the rest of the way down your legs. your body immediately wracks with chills as she tugs the pants past your ankles and feet. 

her long fingers dig into your lace-clad ass before skimming along the trim. “wore these just for me?” the wisp of a smile graces her face. “that excited?”

you bite your lip. of course it was for her. but, you don’t want to give in so easily and admit to it just yet. “no, I always wear– mmph,” you whimper, pressing your face down into the blanket.

because in the middle of your sentence, lee grabs your hips, pushing you against her so that your legs hang off the edge of her bed, and her hard-on is pressed right against you through the layers of your panties and her sweats.

you gasp at feeling how hard it is, fisting the sheets. the curved length of it rubs just right along your pussy, and lee lowers her hips so that it presses against your clit. her hands tightly clutch your hips and she rocks her cock against you, the rough material of her sweats combined with the firmness of her cock making your eyes roll back.

she gently lifts the edge of your panties before letting it snap into your skin. the sting of it makes you flinch, jerking back onto her cock. she moans softly. “feels good.”

“baby, please, I can’t take it.” you need her cock, you need to wrap your lips around it, swallow it down, have it deep in your guts.

“yeah?” she grunts, beginning to thrust against you harder, the fabric of her sweats rubbing roughly at your thighs as she keeps stroking the bump of her boner into you. “wanna feel it in you?”

“want it so bad, daddy,” you whine, gripping the sheets so hard your knuckles strain.

she hums quietly. “you must be really needy if you’re calling me that.”

“as if you aren’t,” you manage to scoff through your moans. “you’ve been practically on me every moment of every day.”

she snaps your panties again, and you whimper. it’s a warning. “I don’t remember you complaining.” her thumb slides between where her clothed dick is shoved against you, thumbing at your soaked panties. as she does, you can feel the pooling wetness moving around, sinking deeper into your folds. “nor do you seem to be right now.” her fingers slide under your panties, rubbing against your pussy.

the skin-on-skin contact, her fingertips still cold from the weather, have you bucking up. it’s good, so good, to feel her hands on you like this, but you need more. you need her inside.

“lee, god, please…”

“please what?”

you groan in frustration. “you know what.” you wonder how she manages to have so much self-control at this moment. is teasing you really more of a priority than getting some release of her rut?

when you ask her it, albeit between moans and whines when she starts circling your clit, she bites her lip tentatively. “just want to make it good for you too.”

“ugh,” you groan at her sweetness. “it will, bozo, but I just want it in me and– fuck.” you moan loudly when she rips your panties from you, the sheer, flimsy pieces of fabric discarded to the floor. “lee, what the fuck, I liked those.” despite your words, you’re squirming, her casual display of strength doing wonders to wetten your pussy even more.

“I’ll get you more.” you hear the sounds of her shrugging off her jacket and tossing it to the cushioned chair in her bedroom. “take the rest of your clothes off.”

still faced away from her, you suck in a breath at the gentle order, and do as she says, removing your shirt and bra. when you turn on your back shyly, fully naked and exposed, you hiss at the sight of lee’s cock gently bobbing in the air, her lower half completely nude, clad in nothing but her fbi academy sweater. your mouth waters at the sight of her cock, milky precum dripping from the tip, her entire shape swollen and hard, a bit more thick and firm this morning, as well as more flushed.

your thighs rub together, aching to have any touch on your pussy. “daddy, please, I…” you shuffle to the edge of her bed, and she slowly follows you, eyes almost predatory in how carefully they’re watching you. when she’s in front of you, cock hanging just centimetres from your chin, you feel your tongue dart out to lick your lips. 

she inhales a shaky breath. you can feel the seams of her self-control beginning to unravel now that you’re both so close to what you want. “please what?”

“can I please suck on it?”

she grits her teeth, voice sounding raspier when she speaks, as though she needs to force the words out. “okay. but, just for a bit, baby, I can’t–” another sharp breath cuts her off, and it melts into a husky, long moan. 

because the permission was all you needed. as soon as she gives it, you wrap your fingers around the part. it’s velvety smooth under your skin, lest for the small, brown, coarse hairs coiling at the base. you raise it up, admiring the heaviness of it, pussy squeezing at the idea of it stretching you out and filling you to the brim. but, your curiosity is too strong – you want to know what it tastes like.

you duck your head down, planting a soft kiss to the tip. lee fucking whines, she’s so sensitive, her hips immediately jerking towards you. the reaction feels like a reward of sorts, and so, you continue pressing soft, wet little kisses along the tip. her precum coats your lips, leaking into the inner part of them. it’s a bit salty and sticky, but it’s lee, and that makes you ravenous for more.

you wrap your mouth around the entire tip, sucking it in with slow little motions of tightening your mouth on it. even the tip has a weight that rests so comfortably in your mouth, and you shut your eyes, lost in the motion of sucking her, your mouth beginning to produce low soaking sounds in the empty room. those, paired with lee’s heavy breathing, have you even more determined to continue. 

with a pop, you release her, and lee immediately whispers, her tone desperate and annoyed, “why’d you– ah, shit.”

the long licks you start delivering to her tip must be doing something really nice to make your careful baby curse like that, you think as you return to your ministrations with more pressure. you relish in the effect you seem to be having on her, flattening your tongue and stroking it against swollen head, specifically her tip. you start curling small, tiny licks with the rough, pink point of your tongue and that seems to do it for her, her entire body racking with shivers. 

“fuck, let me fuck your face, baby,” she rasps out.

she does this kind of thing with her strap all the time. some sadistic streak in her loves seeing you struggle to swallow down her cock, gurgling and choking down on it, tears leaking. you love it just as much – seeing your reserved, self-contained girlfriend lose control and do something she held back on for the longest time out of wanting to be careful with you.

your mouth immediately hangs open and without a moment’s hesitation, she lifts her cock to your lips. she smacks the head of it against the opening, and tiny drops of her precum mixed with your spit fall onto your lips. you stick your tongue out, and she faintly smiles, continuing to slap her cock against it. she lets it drag along your tongue once, twice, before slowly inching it in. 

you’re not able to take in the entirety of it, maybe only half. but, it seems to be enough for lee, whose head hangs back, eyebrows furrowed in something that looks split between anguished pleasure and focused desire. 

you keep it locked in your mouth for a few moments, lips straining and aching with the thickness of her. she’s not so big that it feels impossible to take her in, but she definitely has a thicker girth than the dildo you two use. 

when she tilts her head in a silent question, and you nod, you barely have a moment to process the decision before she starts pumping her cock in, shoving it in and out of your mouth with a ruthless pace. it hits the back of your throat, and you gag all over it, mouth tumbling with soft whines and noises of struggle. drool pools and spills from your mouth, bursting along your chin, and the moments where your reflexes fail to serve you lead to tears streaming down your face.

her thumb brushes against them, and even through her gasps and hard, deep grunts, her eyes seem to soften. “so pretty,” she mumbles.

these words cause a slowing in pace, her slippery, wet-soaked cock dipping in and out of your mouth in gradual, steady motions. you blink through the blurs of your tears, your clit aching when you see the sheen of sweat on her forehead, her eyes wide and latched onto you, bottom lip hooked behind her line of teeth. her cheeks are flushed, her breathing is more laboured than when she’s working out, and you know how into this she must be. 

she slips out, muting your whine of protest with a rough, tight grip on your jaw, coaxing your mouth open. she leans down and spits a wad of saliva onto your tongue. the wet burst in your mouth makes your breaths shudder, wishing it could’ve been her sticky load. but, more than your want for that is the need for her to shove that load deep in your hole.

which is why your stomach flutters in excitement when she pushes you onto your back, easily climbing over you. your legs spread wide for her, a choked gasp exiting your mouth when her dripping cock brushes over your folds. a loud hiss is heard from above, and you look up to find lee, blinking hard, clearly trying to reign herself in. 

“it might hurt a little,” she whispers, her breaths puffing softly near your mouth. 

you press a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth. part of you is a little nervous, but it’s dimmed from the anticipation, sheer want and burning curiosity. “I know. it’s okay.”

she grabs something from the nightstand and you turn your head, snorting at the bottle of lube. “prepared, aren’t we?”

she shoots you an exasperated look, pinched lips still curling up in spite of it. “I want to keep you comfortable.”

your stomach flips from the words. you have the sweetest girlfriend to ever grace this earth. the tender sentiment smoulders into hot lust when she squirts from the bottle some of the transparent, thick lube onto her palm, wrapping her hand around her dick to stroke it on. it covers the part in a dripping, wet coat of slippery wetness, and makes it look even more tempting. 

when you give her your okay, she moves forward with a soft moan and the head of her pushes into your hole. you moan at the way it stretches into you, the sensation full satisfaction with just the ghost of stinging pain. as her cock digs in further, you feel your walls expand to accommodate her, burning and aching with the thickness of her. it’s not too painful, per say, but rather just a strain to adapt and settle into. 

the entire time, lee, wrapped in your arms, face pressed against your cheek, is moaning and whimpering. she’s never sounded so vocal before, and it makes your pussy tighten to hear the way she’s quietly crying out just from your pussy gripping around her. when she’s fully sheathed in you, she buries her face in your neck, gasping against the skin, her warm breaths of air making you feel even hotter, already surrounded by her body and with her thick sweater pressed against your chest. 

lee’s breaths are ragged when her hips press flush into yours. you can feel her struggle in staying still, her body tense and stiff against you. you take a few moments, eyes fluttering shut as you adjust to her size. her cock pushes against your walls with its velvety skin, hairs at the base tickling along your pussy. your hole feels tight with the length of her inside, burning with the ache of having her press in, widening you out for herself. 

when the slight pain begins to simmer, you moan loudly. she’s stuffing you so full, her thick cock all you can think about at this moment with how it feels like it’s filling up every single inch within. it’s warm, and smooth and perfectly thick, and you need her to move. 

“go, go,” you whine, hands snaking under her sweatshirt and digging into the soft skin of her back. her breath hitches, though you can’t tell if it’s from your words or the contact. “move, daddy, please.”

“fuck,” she mutters against your ear, slowly pulling back, her cock slipping out. you whine at the loss, the noise shattering into a soft yelp when she dips it back in, your walls clinging onto her. “you feel so good around me.”

“mm, I hope breedable,” you giggle, feeling light-headed with the amount of pleasure rooted in your pussy.

her eyes squeeze shut. “stop that. I wanna make this last.”

“awe, does daddy get all riled up at the idea of breeding me full?”

lee’s nostrils flare, narrowing her eyes at you in clear frustration. 

usually, you might be too shy to say such unabashed, filthy sentiments, but the clear impact you’re having on her – feeling the pillow underneath you stretch with her tight grip on it, seeing how her eyes widen, the tensing of her jaw – motivate you to go further, tease her more, feel and relish in just how much she needs you. “gonna get me all loaded with–”

she tugs you by the hair, holding your head still as her mouth presses to yours. her tongue worms in, lips curving against yours with months of expertise on her sleeve. as she does, the speed of her thrusts quicken, her cock beginning to pump in and out in a steady motion, letting your hole empty out and then plunging back into you. 

your noises are muffled against her lips, quiet and squeaky as her teeth clash against yours, the kiss turning brutal. you can feel the frustration in it – the way she licks at your teeth and sucks carnally on your lips, as though her goal is to devour you rather than make love. 

“I will get you fucking loaded.” her hips smack brutally into yours now, cock piercing in and out so sharply, with such hard, pointed thrusts that your head lolls back. “you’re gonna stay here till I have my fill.”

you writhe from the harsh words, your pussy tightening on her like a glove. she kisses your forehead, laughing softly. “liked that?”

“no,” you splutter, wanting to push her even further. “I–”

her fingers wrap around your throat loosely, no pressure in the touch, but holding you in place. “do you want me to come in you or not?”

“please, you wouldn’t be able to resist.”

“and you would?” the noise of skin slapping rings through the room as she begins to drill her cock into you faster. “do you think I missed your reaction this morning? practically panting for my dick.”

a strangled noise wrings out of your throat. “it looked pretty!”

a twinge of adoration blooms in you when you feel her falter inside you, cheeks darkening to pink. her eyes tentatively raise to you, before lowering to press another kiss to your lips, infinitely more tender than before.

when you two part, she starts slamming her hips down again, pounding into you with the exact same pace as before. the tip tickles at the sweet spot tucked deep into your hole and your entire body arches up, spine curving from the sheer delight it sends through you. 

lee pushes her face into your chest, mindlessly sucking and biting at your tit as she keeps going. one hand slides from beside your head, gripping tightly onto it and hooking her soft lips around your perked nipple. her tongue skims along it before pressing harder, focused licks. the sensitivity of your nipples, and her mouth’s hot touches on them, cause pleasure to sharply pierce through your chest. 

she pulls away and gently smacks your tit, watching it move before getting her mouth back on it. “gonna get these so heavy.”

she gently hooks her teeth into them, and the scrape of it is like a deep, hard itch. you slide your fingers into her hair, keeping her against your chest. “you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

lee delivers one last kiss to your chest before lathering her tongue along the length of your jaw. the coolness of it makes you shiver, and you clutch onto her tightly, needing the warmth of her body, her sweater, and her rock hard cock sliding into you. she whispers, hand stroking along your stomach, “the only thing I’d like more is to get this heavy too.”

you wrap your legs around her waist, pulling her tight and flush into you as she thrusts fast and hard. your words are nearly incoherent through all the moans and whines. “do it, daddy. wanna feel your come squeeze in me.”

“fuck.” her cock slams into you, continuously hitting that spot, sending your eyes rolling back. “gonna make sure you get it so deep. your pussy’s gonna be a mess when I’m done with it.”

“w-want it so bad. you can do it however many times.”

her hand snakes down your body and you keen at the blissful jolt that shoots through your core when her thumb begins flicking at your clit. “I know. but, I want you to come first.” she kisses your ear, gasping against it, “wanna feel you milk me.”

you suddenly feel something bulging at the base of her cock, smacking against the stretched ring of your hole. “lee,” you gasp, “is that–?”

you know what it is before she even answers. it’s her knot. but, you know you shouldn’t get too overeager. part of lee’s little whiteboard lesson had included a disclaimer that she absolutely wouldn’t be putting her knot in you during your first time having sex – that it was too big, too much for your first time taking her in in this state.

“yeah,” she grunts into your ear. “is it too much?”

“no, no, keep going,” you beg, hands continuing to stroke and grab at her strong back. her knot doesn’t feel painful in its gentle smacks against you, and the sensation only adds to your already increasing pleasure, giving the exterior of your pussy as much stimulation as the inside. everytime she slides fully in, it bumps against your clit along with her thumb, and the feel of it has you squirming uncontrollably, the ache within you growing and tightening, pulling at you for release. “baby, I think I’m close.” your legs’ grip on her torso tighten, thighs tensing. 

“me too.” she nips at your ear, her thumb beginning to rapidly press hard, up-and-down strokes on your clit. “want you to do it first.” her voice is husky, swimming in the honeyed command. 

“yes, daddy,” you groan, one hand latched tightly into her back and the other wound into her hair and tugging, all attempts to brat melted away completely. “gonna be your perfect breeding slut.”

“yeah, you sound like a slut, begging for it,” she mumbles.

all you can do is claw at her back, your neck exposed for her to bite and suck, tits shaking, as she bucks and bucks into you. her thumb pushes incessantly at your clit, making it throb and build into an all-consuming wave of arousal. she keeps going, ruthlessly pounding and digging her cock deep into you, hitting that sweet spot, her knot rubbing and sliding against your crinkled, slippery folds, your walls hugging and tightly wrapped her. her face, right above yours, is tight in concentration, eyebrows drawn in, mouth clamped shut and face flushed. 

the sight of that face, her quiet, filthy words, just lee, are what push you over the edge. your body bucks and twists as the ache bursts and sends streams of hot, blooming pleasure in your stomach. you can’t get over it – the satisfaction of your walls clenching so hard while she fills you up, keeping you plugged full. you grip onto her shoulders tightly, her body continuing to move against you as she plunges into your hole. you know she usually struggles, at least a bit, to keep pushing in as you come, and the thought flashes through your mind if her rut changes her physical strength. a thought that, despite the genuine curiosity it contains, only turns you on even more.

lee cries out quietly as you clamp down on her, her body shaking as though your orgasm is hers. her pants are heavy and loud against your ear, hips beginning to grow messy in their pace and measure.

as your flutters around her dick slow down, she groans loudly. “that felt so good. I’m close.” there’s a near whine to the words, as though her impending orgasm is equal parts euphoric and agonizing.

“do it, baby,” you gently encourage, desperate for her seed, her marking of you, for her to make you hers. “come in me, baby, get me bred.”

she hisses sharply against your ear, rutting into you without a moment of relent. her cock shoves into you in three more thrusts, and then, you feel her body suddenly freeze before breaking into convulsions, a broken cry shooting from her pretty lips. she buries her face in your neck, continuing to ride into you, and you gasp when you feel the burst of her come inside your hole. it feels so thick, heavy spurts of it splashing against your walls and getting coaxed deeper into you with every thrust, the milky consistency of it sloshing between lee’s cock and your walls. 

high off the feeling of her filling you, you whine, “are you sure you can’t put the knot in?” she’s still inside you, your walls hugging around her. it’d be so easy for her to.

a shudder sends her body trembling in your arms. “baby, no, it’s too much for your first time.” her voice is firm, though you can’t tell if it’s with determination or an attempt to restrain herself. 

you moan in protest, a noise she quiets with a gentle kiss, whispering, “another time, baby.” 

the soft gesture after such a brutal round of lovemaking has you nearly cooing in pleasure, pressing your own kiss to her cheek. “yeah, but does ‘another time’ mean ‘this week before my rut ends’?”

she huffs out a silent laugh. “depends.” 

“on?” 

a soft snicker leaves her lips. after her eyes skim over your face, your stomach flipping at the sheer adoration there, her mouth begins travelling down your neck again. “how well we open you tonight.”

[dividers by: @cafekitsune]

[nimudae]

Summer of Lawlu Week 1: Dawn | Caught in the rain | "I never meant to fall in love with you, I just did."

💖 HAPPY LAWLU DAY 💖

[Ko-fi]

[ps-cactus]

HO 🎄HO ☃️ HO 🎁 it's your Secret Santa in town🎅🤶🔔🎶 coming down your chimney with questions about your MC ⬇️⬇️⬇️

I'm so excited to learn more about Alyn! I just got started on one of your fics but I'm dying to know what the dynamics are between Alyn and Ominis?? What do they do when they spend time together? Who's the more affectionate one? Do they argue a lot? Who apologizes first? I would love to know if you don't mind sharing ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Hellooo! Thank you for reading 🥹💖 and for the questions, Santa! 💖✨ HERE COMES THE BIG POST! ~800 words👇🏻

To not make it extremely big I marked with * places where there are some extra headcanons behind the statement and I can elaborate additionally if needed.

Amberlyn x Ominis

⋆˚⋆⌜ Dynamics ⌟⋆˚⋆

The only one who'd understand. Recognition of each other's complexities. Mutual respect. Quiet support. Nevertheless, push and pull of varying intensity. Something from their Pinterest board:

Their bond unfolds slowly, built on trust (since Scriptorium, Alyn always sided with Ominis*) and, much later, subtle expressions of affection. They find common ground in shared struggles (family issues among them*) and the guilt and grief lingering after the events of the fifth year.

Alyn has a knack for finding the right words to soften Ominis' sharp edges and gently coax him into vulnerability. Though both are reserved in their own ways, they provide each other a sense of safety and understanding. (exceptions in Conflicts below)

Alyn is more open with affection—small, casual touches like brushing her hand against his (or her knee against his, because yes, she would; she’s, lost, traumatised and overcaffeinated teen). She completes his notes sometimes, drawing schemes from the board for him, describes things that catch her attention in and out of the class—all this happens naturally and easily.

Ominis is more reserved but deeply enjoys her presence and is grateful for her small gestures of help and appreciation. At first, he starts to subconsciously lean just a little closer than necessary during conversations. Over months time, he becomes braver about returning her gestures—a hand brushing hers deliberately, his voice softens noticeably when he speaks to her.

⋆˚⋆⌜ Time together ⌟⋆˚⋆

✨Studying: Since around the end of the fifth year, they often sit together at classes, at the library, or meet in common areas of the castle. Ominis becomes attuned to Alyn's steps, her scent, her presence. He’s startled to realise one day the sound of her voice reading aloud calms him.

✨Spells and Dueling Practice: Ominis’ magic is powerful, and his wand never misses. Alyn learns new spells quickly, and is excellent in explaining. Their training sessions are focused yet competitive and somewhat playful, filled with mutual encouragement and a bit of teasing. Alyn would brush the dust from a shattered dummy off his shoulder, and Ominis, whether he admitted it or not, would think that if the entire castle crumbled into dust around him, he wouldn’t mind—as long as it meant she’d be this close again, brushing it away with her hand.

✨Walks: Both enjoy long walks through the castle or by Black Lake. In the sixth year, they always visit Hogsmeade together. Sometimes they are just walking or sitting in silence. They don't normally talk in big emotional outbursts but instead share small, meaningful pieces of themselves over time.

⋆˚⋆⌜ Conflicts ⌟⋆˚⋆

They feel connection because they understand each other’s pain and offer emotional safety, but that very depth makes them vulnerable to fear, mistakes, and misunderstandings.

⚡️Curiosity vs protectiveness: Alyn is still new to the magical world. It makes her eager to learn everything—seemingly dangerous or not—out of wonder, fascination, and a desire to understand and catch up. Ominis, however, sees such curiosity as naivety and feels an urge to protect her, especially from anything risky. Alyn grows frustrated when she feels he’s infantilising her.

✨ Resolution: Alyn may prove her curiosity is tempered by caution, reassuring Ominis that she won’t put herself recklessly in harm’s way. Ominis, in turn, may learn to trust her judgment while remaining a protective figure she can rely on.

⚡️Miscommunication: Both Ominis and Alyn struggle with communication. Ominis often needs time alone to process his thoughts, but Alyn interprets his silence as distance or blame and tries to pull him out of it. If she doesn't succeed, she can rapidly go to 'Oh, it's now me not talking to you.'

✨ Resolution: They need to compromise—Alyn has to learns to give Ominis the time he needs, trusting that he will come back to her. Ominis, in turn, has to learn to communicate when he needs space instead of leaving her guessing.

⚡️SeBaStIaN isn’t even at school during their sixth year. But, whenever he’s brought up, Ominis subtly redirects or shuts the topic down, even though he's not as mad at him as he used to be and still considers him a friend. Among other feelings, Ominis is unsettled by the thought of Alyn reconnecting with Sebastian and leaving him behind. Again. His worry isn’t just jealousy (though it is that too). He fears Sebastian might pull her into something dark and dangerous. Again.

Ominis might: a) Withdraw—not to punish Alyn, but to protect himself emotionally. b) Overcompensate—offer her small gestures of affection, lingering touches, or closeness during homework sessions as a subconscious reassurance of their bond. c) Act stupid and say something he'll regret.

Alyn, in turn, gets irritated by his lack of trust, and such an attack on her judgment.

✨ Resolution: Alyn may reassure Ominis that she was never anything more than friends with Sebastian, and that she’s not under anyone’s influence. Ominis needs to learn to differentiate between jealousy and genuine worry and to communicate his fears in a healthier way.

⋆˚⋆⌜ Apologies ⌟⋆˚⋆

Ominis apologises after angry outbursts, guilt-ridden over losing control—something he fears makes him like his family. His apologies are slow and a bit awkward but deeply sincere. Alyn, on the other hand, apologises gently when she feels she’s misunderstood his intentions or pushed too hard.

Some of these 👆🏻bring them to this 👇🏻

⋆ Christmas 1891 ⋆

...and the aftermath. The second half of the sixth year.

Extra overcompensating for his insecurities while being not entirely sober, Ominis actually kissed Alyn. It happened after an argument following the Christmas party, but as Christmas magic would have it, that time both sides felt heard and satisfied. Eventually, they found themselves sitting together on the windowsill, sharing a quiet conversation. Aaand the first kiss happened.

Afterwards, Ominis apologised so many times they almost had another argument. Alyn reassured him that he didn’t need to apologise—that she didn’t mind them trying this new relationship. But of course, they have to make sure no one finds out.

And here the 'Shades' story begins

[ Thank you for reading all this! Now the little side note and rambling (sobbing on the floor) I don't think I actually succeeded at writing their friends to lovers trope in 'Darkness' I wasn't ever even going to post it and it shows. Well, anyway, I figured I'm rather more interested in writing adventure/action and seasoning it with romance than the other way around. That's what I'm trying to do better in 'Shades'. At the same time, now I have clearer understanding of how to deepen and write their relationship and again, it will all be covered in 'Shades' . You are very welcome to read 🤍]

[inchidentally]

okay prefacing that this is only referring to a small but loud part of the community... to follow up on the thing of supposed Lily Z fangirls turning around saying how she's "better than other wags" (????) bc she's "silent and has no public communications and doesn't take up space apart from looking beautiful" (???) (bc apparently we're not even internalizing the misogyny anymore it's just right out there saying a woman should be seen not heard, publicly beautiful but only serve her man and not want attention for herself) but then after praising that she clearly does not want a load of public attention, proceed to freak the fuck out IN. ALL. CAPS. in comments sections everywhere that she appears even in the background and draw attention to a woman who's clearly does not want be in the limelight....

so yea speaking in that vein can the other incredibly obvious fake fangirls of wags please stop using AI beauty filters on these women's pictures and posting them where they can see ?? that is not Lily Z's real jaw or mouth shape, that is not Alex's real nose and that is not Lily H's cheekbones or eye shape. guess what you aren't selling the whole I'm only here for the girls claim when you make it blatantly clear you don't think they're naturally pretty enough and have to run them through digital plastic surgery and yes we can all see how blurred and weirdly smooth it all looks when you do it so I guarantee the women themselves will go 'yikes that's me but... not me'

and reminder that a woman's college degree is not a Barbie accessory nor is it a "selling point" for her boyfriend that's rly disgusting to talk about it that way !!! pls just leave a like on the original photos of wags posted by official accounts if you're unable to inadvertently demean women whenever you post about them (and yes I know a lot of ppl aren't being weird but it's getting way too comfortable in very public spaces !) and also no she doesn't believe you when you claim you hate Oscar and think he's ugly and stupid and wish she'd just... randomly walk where he is but somehow not have him present when how would that work when you never even see her if she's not with Oscar like wtffff are ppl even doing anymore can we calm down and be normal and actually respect women and not treat them like commodities wow

[welovetesvkaidan]

OPINIONS ON KAIDAN EE/IF???

My honest reaction:

in all seriousness, if you wanna hear me yap about it, more under the cut

warning like, genuinely a ginormous yap, like a HUMUNGOUS, sleep-deprived yap,,, im cursed to be obsessed with skyrim + modded followers instead of touching grass

I think a lot of this is probably gonna be the same thing other people have said, so im sorry

if you feel i'm gonna be bringing up redundant points and get mad at me😓dont read

I haven't experienced and thus won't talk about the versions of EE and IF that are now separate mods from each other. I don't know anything about that.

if they're better now yayyy but this is about pre-separation

I should preface this with the fact that I've played through Skyrim 3 times with different stages of Kaidan EE/IF:

The initial Dawnguard + fixes/miscs mod

Kaidan EE/IF versions before extensive faction/NPC dialogue for Kaidan

EE/IF w/ NPC Dialogue (AKA Fratpack)

I was also part of the two different discords that were purged and created during these intervals. i don't even know if there is a discord currently?

anyway, that is to say that I have experienced the mod and it's behind-the-scenes progress, extensively so I have a pretty good idea of what I liked and didn't like

That being said, I will introduce probably my biggest problems with it: Tonal whiplash

Okay, well the most common complaint is ofc that a lot of the writing is out of character - and I agree. But it's not just ooc on paper, it's his voice too. I swear, it is very jarring hearing hushed, mild og Kaidan 2 voicelines, and then being deafened by EE Kaidan SCREAMING in my ear ALL.THE.TIME. (like... why are you yelling at me rn jeez)

Seriously. I'm not sure why they didn't just re-record everything from the original mod instead of adding more and more contradicting lines on top of the originals. It definitely could have been a standalone mod, and sometimes it almost feels like it is - because he is just so different.

My most infamous moment in my last playthrough with him happened after we defeated the dragon at Kynesgrove. His og Kaidan 2 dialogue played first, in it he shows interest and is cordial about Delphine ("I wouldn't mind prodding her mind" or whatver dialogue), THEN immediately after his Kaidan EE/IF dialogue will play, in which he walks up to Delphine and STARTS YELLING AT HER AND INSULTING HER - like they argue for quite a bit wtf. And it's like, listen, I have my thoughts about Delphine, but whether or not it was okay to yell at her isn't the problem. It would be fine - IF he hadn't just calmly told me he thought she was okay.

It is sooo confusing how he contradicts himself :(

I mean, yeah, fragments of who he is are still there, I can tell it's Kaidan, but he's warped to fit a different character. Like a con-artist Kaidan.

Anyway, besides the contradictions, it also feels out of character because of his established backstory.

Let's go over it: He's an orphan, lost his only connection to his family(his guardian) to drugs, fell into substances himself, joined a violent cult, had to escape said cult, came clean from his addictions, has been traveling Tamriel bounty-hunting, got brutally attacked by the Thalmor, rescued by mere chance. Do you honestly mean to tell me this man would be yelling, pissing, drinking, lewding, and joking his ass off?? After all that???? NO - or maybe not these levels of extreme. (maybe some other dude might, but Kaidan's characterization insists he is a brooding, keeps-to-himself man, even though he never acts like it anymore)

That man should be tired, and he did feel like he was tired in the original. He was more brooding then than he is now, usually silent, but could still have an edge of comedy/wittiness, he was smart, he had been through a lot!

In that regard, EE/IF Kaidan felt like... we are experiencing Kaidan 10 years in the past - like a Kaidan in his early 20s when he was still a drunkard low-key terrible person. He is just so energetic, always yapping - GOD he talks a lot now. ugh but most of the time it wasn't about anything, it was either inside-jokes, meta jokes, and only occasionally did we get things that added to the experience.

For example, I think most of us who have played Kaidan 2 remember at least one specific line he has said while exploring. What comes to mind for me is either "Can you smell the magicka in the air too? Smells like a rainless thunderstorm." or "Watch for the mammoth with the carvings on their tusks, that's how the giants mark their herd." Alright, both pretty nice small talk for characterization (he IS smart) and worldbuilding.

Tbh i can't really remember any iconic lines from the additions of EE/IF Kaidan... the only two lines that stood out for me were: the "elevenses" line from the clip above (started bumping into him every time he was about to say this so he would stfu... total tonal dissonance), and one he said while I looted Lucky Lorenz ("poor sod wasn't as lucky as his namesake would have you believe!") kai HOW do you know this man, and his nickname, who told you that??? (idc about it that much but its like the only other added line i remember)

I thought that maybe his ooc-iness might have been caused due to the collaborative approach of the mod, I think the mod authors created their own perfect Kaidan - and that's good for them! It takes a shit ton of work (Ik cuz i was there!!) But I think the original essence was lost with each addition. It might have been lack of direction for the voice acting too, a lot of the lines might have hit better if they weren't borderline screamed.

Okay, at some point while playing I got so tired of his constant himbo chit-chatter that I tried tuning him out and bringing other npcs from vanilla skyrim as followers. Problem: even without kaidan on your party, everything starts being about kaidan. Because the extension made it so that Kaidan either has history with/character interactions and development with different NPCs from the base game.

The main poor sods that traveled with me:

Erik the Slayer: Apparently was Kaidan's childhood friend, got inspired by Kaidan to become an adventurer. Least egregious in my opinion, they say sweet things to each other. I swear, Kaidan yells more at me than he ever did at Erik.

The Companions: dumb, dumber, and dumbest basically.. This part of EE/IF was also known as "The Fratpack" and y e a h they pretty much had Vilkas, Kaidan, and Farkas acting like immature frat boys all the time. Just,, absulutely taking away all the maturity out of these GROWN ASS MEN. im sorry, i guess i dont get the appeal. I liked it when they didn't behave like teens (Aela im so sorry, you deserved better than being part of this)

Lydia: All she does is simp for him, ALL.THE.TIME. You think she's about to have a meaningful thing to say? nope, she's checking out Kaidan's ass. Think she'll have a deep convo with another npc about one another? nope! she wants them to tell her all about Kaidan. Both the Companions and Erik will either talk down to her or have to deal with her thirst for Kaidan. i had to start leaving her home.

They also suffered from the same tonal whiplash as Kaidan, unfortunately

additionally, the mod added an "early flirt switch" - you could basically toggle Kaidan to start showing romantic affection for the Dragonborn before the amulet of mara., the interactions were good on paper, but everytime he stammered and stumbled over his words it was written in such an unnatural way... pls people don't talk like fanfics lol !!!

I did like that he gave me flowers, my inventory got full of them - but then he noticed how many flowers I had in my inventory and judged me for "picking everything i see" ugh dude you gave them to me, but also even if you hadnt... mind your business lol

Another addition was a feature that basically made it so NPCs could potentially throw flirtatious comments at Kaidan and the Dragonborn (Bishop flashbacks😨)

You can't do anything to defend Kaidan from those comments, but he WILL take it upon himself to defend your honor infront of any men, women, jarls, or criminals that even so much as find you attractive (THIS INCLUDES FARKAS AND VILKAS BTW :( ) by being rude, forthcoming, AND violent. so yea, you can guess the target audience

speaking of which, he definitely comes on too strong on you once you start the romance, and it left a bad taste in my mouth. I specifically picked the "go slow" option for the romance, and the next day or two it was him constantly complaining about having to go slow under his breath, how he wanted to do anything but slow rn... and like just, wow. :/ yikeees lmao

Maybe this is the result of "i can fix him" romance ideals? im sorry but I liked him when he was down to earth

Bonus? He comes with a campsite now, which has to be magic because its ginormous and he somehow lugs it around despite it also coming with a whole ass furnace (fine fine i'll hold my disbelief)

anyway I do like it, its basically a player house you can take anywhere (so long as kai is with you ig) also you can have a cat in there

I like that there is an MCM, I like that the MCM lets you get through the quest stages in case you get stuck

I like that he can guide you places, usually he gets stuck in a tree or rock but its the thought that counts

I think if the mod had continued in the vein as its original iteration when it was just audio/bug fixes and included these qol features it would have been better than it is now.

But it seems maybe i'm just not the target audience, and as a young woman I'm really confused as who the target audience is 😓

okay im srry rant over

if anyone else wants me to yap about other kaidan skyrim things also ask or join in cuz i like yapping about skyrim and kaidan to people!!!

[vii-doodles]

Soft Jere and Bojan smooches to heal my heart

[fairysylveon]

=^_^=

soul patch version:

[abyssal-ali]

Ok I did it... I made my own list of movies/TV shows

[vole-mon-amour]

honestly, how are you supposed to grieve something that wasn't even yours to grieve in the first place? I'd be doing my own thing, living my life, then boom. Liam is dead. like, really, really dead.

there's some part of me that understands it with my head (I understand what dead means, after all. I understand all those words and how one thing lead to another), but all the other parts of me are still ???

the idea of Liam not being alive, and for some days at that, is still so wild to me. I think it would sink in better if I saw more on the case (that would make it more real), but even the idea of it and feeding the media makes me sick. plus, I don't want to get more nightmares than I already have.

I don't... I don't really know. still way too fresh. I think we need to wait until his funeral at least? which is also a bizarre thing to write. what do you mean funeral? for Liam?

so wild.

p.s.: i suspect that won't happen, but I really do hope we won't get any pics from his funeral and it's a closed event for the closest members of his family and friends. I really hope they get their privacy.

[dragonsasastronauts]

Side note, if you have read only one of the books, just select the "has read" option. It's honestly not a big deal, though. I just included reading/not reading the books because I thought it would be interesting to see if that impacts anything at all.

Also also, for those of you who have Alistair marry Anora, but also have your Warden become his mistress, please just pick the mistress Warden choice. I only get to put 12 answers here, I am so sorry 😞

[face-breaker]

sighs...opens league of legends.exe

[sailorsally]

One good thing that my crush on Jared Leto did a decade ago was to introduce me to Fleetwood Mac. One thing my crush on Adam Scott is doing atm is making me listen to U2 & REM. I mean I knew these bands of course but I have never listened to them extensively outside the 2-3 songs everyone knows and honestly I'm having the time of my life.

[laterlavender]

Jubilee seems the type to get the weavemothers armor and immediately put it on and ask Wyll how she's looks

The way you just sniped Jubilee with that assessment LMAO (you are absolutely right)

Nobody asked for this but I couldn't not draw something

Wyll is a supportive king 🩵

Silly Bonus:

[jerevision]