#also rude of Emily to be like you CHOOSE to hang out with her to Leah about me

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

Every single day I make poor choices with my life.

[perfectly-imperfect82]

ROTC part 2- Emily Sonnett

Emily POV

I was sitting in the conference watching (Y/N) Snapchat story of her hanging out with her teammate. I thought back to when I knew I lost her.

I was looking for (Y/N) at the hotel since no one has seen her since she left the locker room and her things were no longer in her room.

I need to find her fix this, I can't lose her. I don't know why I froze. I love her no matter what her career is. I was just scared of what would come with her being a soldier.

"Did you find her?" Alex asked, appearing around the corner. She was freaking out at this point.

"No"

"How could I lose my baby sisters?"  She asked panickly as she paced the lobby, where all the team had gathered.

We had all felt bad about how the situation went down.

That when we saw Dawn walk into the lobby and had a sober look on her face

"Dawn!" Kelley yelled catching her attention "have you seen (Y/N)?"  As we saw dawn debt what do say causing Alex to rush to her

"Tell me where my sister is! I need to know she is okay!" Alex pretty much was in tears at this point as Ash came over and wrapped an around her

I just stared at Dawn, desperately waiting to here were (Y/n) was.

"She left, I just dropped her off at the airport" Dawn said looking disappointed at everyone and stopping at me before she left.

We all stood there and watched before I felt Allie's glare land on me

"What did you do?" She said as I looked guilty at my feet

I felt someone shove me and I looked up to see Alex.

She was glaring at me "what did you do? She wouldn't have just left over the team being mad at her" she seethed at me

"I fucked up and she broke up with me" I mumbled as I felt the guilty and heartbreak hit me again, now that I known I can't fix it. Tears started full my eyes just thinking about that

"Emily" I heard Kelley said as I looked up and they saw me. I saw Kelley pull Alex away as Alex just looked shocked

"She broke up with you?" Lindsey said to confirm what I said and I could just nod as tears fell and Kelley pulled me into a hug

"How'd you fuck up?" Kelley asked "we need to figure out how to fix it"

"She asked if would still be with her if she joined the military. I don't know why but I hesitate and before I could answer. She took that as a no and left" I said as more tears fell and I felt Alex look at me before she just left and pulled her phone. I'm guessing to try to contact (Y/N).

"You know staring sadly at your phone isn't going to do anything, right?" Lindsey said taking a seat next to me causing to turn my glare to her.

"Think she is going to come to this came? I mean she didn't come to the November one and hasn't spoken to anyone from the team" Mal said taking a seat next to Lindsey

"I wonder if Alex and her made up? Alex was so upset when (Y/n) only showed up for thanksgiving day and barely talked to her" lindsey said as I just listen

That when I heard Mal gasp as the door opened causing me to turn and look.

It was Alex and (Y/n) and they were laughing over something. I felt my mood drop even more. She was happy with out me.

(Y/N) POV

I walked into the conference room with Alex and felt everyone's eyes on me as I took a seat next to Alex who gave me a small smile before turning to talk to Kelley.

I could tell everyone was debating talking to me or leaving me be. I mean I don't blame them, they all were rude and I kinda just left. Ignoring all of there message probably did help, but I had a lot to think over and I didn't want anyone else to influence me. I however felt a pair of eyes on me and I knew who it was but I did everything in my power not to look that way

I ended up making eye contact with Ash who looked unsure how to respond so I gave her a smile which she gave back a big smile before rushing over and pulling me into a an Ash hug, which made me laugh.

Once she pulled away, I saw a lot of them looking at me.

"Okay, I feel like we should clear the air or this is going to be a long week" I started and look around the room as everyone nodded

"We are so sorry" Megan started but I stopped her

"I know you guys are, I've received all your messages and voice mails" I said with a small laugh

"However, the way you guys handled the situation was uncalled for. That being said, I still have not made a decision of if I will be playing after this World Cup or joining the military. I know most you do not want me joining the military, so we just aren't going to talk about it until I share my decision. When that time comes, I expect all of you accept it and be supportive. Whether it's soccer or the military. Understand?" I asked looking around the room to see everyone nodding there head.

I made eye contact with Emily and I quickly adverted my eyes after seeing the sadness in them, making me feel guilty and hurt.

That's when I felt myself fall to the ground as two bodies made contact with me.

I looked to see Megan and Kelley hugging me.

"We've missed you little Morgan" megan said as Kelley nodded her head vigorously to agree

"Okay, let's not kill her" Alex said helping me up and wrapping an arm around me and pulling me closer.

I felt my phone vibrate

"I'll be back" I said making my way the hallway to answer the call

As I was talking , I felt someone's eyes on me and I had an idea of who it was so I continued to face away as I talked.

Once my called ended, I turned around to see Emily standing there. I could tell she was nervous and shifting awkwardly as she looked at me

"What could you possibly want?" I asked irritated as I looked at the blonde

"Look, I know fucked up and should have flown to come see you to fix this sooner" Emily say desperately trying to to get my eye contact as I had started avoiding contact.

"Please look at me" Emily begged and I caved and looked at her and saw the tears in eyes

"I was scared okay? If you played professional I knew the worst injury you can get is like ACL tear or something. Being a solider could mean you getting deployed, shot, or even killed. It hurt me to even think of any of those things happen to you" she spoke as tear fell freely down hers and for tears to start to fall down mine at her fear

"No matter what you chose, soccer player or soldier. I want to be by your side, if would let me" she continue and the only thing I could think to do was pull her into a kiss.

It was filled with love, but also a need to feel connected. When air became an issue, we pulled apart.

"I'm going to take that as a yes?" She with a smile on her face causing one to appear on my face as I just nodded.

"I guess now would be a good time to tell you that I'm choosing to play professional once I graduate" I said with a smirk as she look confused

"Did you really think that I would let everyone off the hook that easy after they all acted that way?" I continued as she just pulled me into another kiss

"You better keep my secret Sonnett" I said once we separated as she just  laughed and nodded

"I love you" she said as she leaned her forehead against mine

"I love you too" I replied with a wide smile

[szchaql]

Total Opposite (part 6)

Paul Lahote x Swan Reader

Masterlist

It's already summer in Forks. The warm weather make it perfect to have a picnic on the beach. With a calm wave after the fight with the new born, the pack and the imprintees going to have a short break on the beach.

As the boys and Leah play soccer, (y/n) and Emily are laying down on the blanket, eating snacks that Emily had prepared. "How i wish everyday will be like this. The pack are not on the edge and can have some normal life too. Going to school and doing things." Emily looks at the pack with motherly smile.

(Y/n) hum in response. She looks at how happy they are, their face is full of joy and happiness. No pressure. "I feel so sorry about Seth. He could have a normal life as a 15 years old boy. Not going into a deadly war. And how much Leah have to gone through.."

Emily look at (y/n), knowing very well that (y/n) and the Clearwater are really close and can't be separated. "They are going to be okay. They are strong."

"Yeah..."

After the pack got satisfied playing soccer, all of them gathered on the blanket, joining Emily and (y/n). Paul lay down beside (y/n), slightly hugging her from behind. The warmth from his body can be feel. But with summer, his warmth isn't need and it only make this hotter. "Go away, Paul. It's hot." (Y/n) get away from Paul, it's to hot for her. Paul pout, feeling slightly sad that (y/n) don't want to be near him since it's summer. But give up is not Paul style. He keep trying to hug (y/n). "What happened to you?" (Y/n) asked her boyfriend, finally give up and let Paul hug her.

"I just want to hug you. No reason." (Y/n) roll her eyes, try getting comfortable in his hug. But his warmth from his body didn't help at all. Soon, she start to sweat. "Want to play in the water? To cool down." Without thinking twice, (y/n) get away from Paul embrace and run into the water. She sigh in relief as the cold water soak her body. Soon, Paul join her and they play in the water, while the rest of the pack hanging out in the blanket, eating.

"Not hungry?" The girl look confused as why her boyfriend who have a non-ending stomach choose not to eat.

Paul laugh softly. "Not at all. I decided to just enjoying time with you rather than eat with the others. Spending time with you way more important than eating." (Y/n) couldn't believe what she just heard.

"I didn't heard it wrong, right?"

"No. You heard it right. After the fight with those new born, I really want to be with you. I don't know what happened to me, but I know that I need to he near you." He said, walking closer to his imprint. "And after what happened to you with the red hair woman, the feeling of protectiveness start to boost. I want to make sure you are okay, safe and sound."

The young Swan can't believe that the hot-headed Paul Lahote is this softie and caring man. It's a total opposite from what she always heard about him before he imprinted on her.

People always try to warn her about him, expecially Seth and Leah. When they are having a date, people always look at her like she's a crazy woman to date Paul. She always get whispered at school, after the town knew that she's dating the infamous crazy hot-head Paul Lahote.

But Paul isn't just known as the hot-head crazy man, he also famous around girls. Paul is the hottest on the pack, besides Jacob. Girls at Forks and on the Reservation are always trying to flirt with him and get on his pants.

There's always a feeling of worried coming from (y/n). Will he stay loyal to her? Will she be okay? Paul try to assure her that he won't leave her. A shape-shifter can't leave their imprint.

"What are you thinking about? You look dead serious in there." The voice of Paul make (y/n) looks up at him, breaking the train of thought.

"Oh.. i was thinking about our life right now. How people always looks at me, thinking that i was crazy and a bad girl for dating you.. and how so many girls want to snatch you from me. They still look at you as the hot-head, crazy man, and the hotest man in Forks. They didn't look at the real you. It's sometimes so annoying." (Y/n) pour out what her feeling is. She want people to look not just from the outside. She hates it when people do that. She feels like it's not fair.

"You don't have to worry about it.. i'm fine. And I always say this that i won't ever leave you. I can't even leave you. Do you understand? You are everything that i need. You make me calm and be a better man. Okay?" The girl nod her head and both of them get out of the water and head back to where the pack is.

Paul help (y/n) drying her body with the towel, before he dry himself and join his imprint eating snacks. "What were you two talking about? It looks deadly serious." Embry ask, munching a sandwhich.

"Nothing. Don't worry, Em." (Y/n) smile at him and eat her sandwhich.

"Is everything okay? Maybe we can help." This time Sam asked with worried tone. Both Paul and (y/n) shake their head.

"It's totally fine, Sam. We didn't fight or anything. Just have this little talk about our relationship. How people looks at us. That's it. Nothing to worry about." Paul said, try to assure Sam that everything is totally fine and under control.

"I thought you got into a fight or something. It'll be hard if you do." Quil said, before he got punch by Jacob on his arm. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Don't say something stupid like that. Those two won't fight over something like that." Jacob scold him. All of them laugh loudly and continue to enjoy the picnic.

~~~

People could never understand how the quite, calm Swan girl can date someone the total opposite of her, the infamous hot head Paul Lahote.

Some of them think that the girl doesn't deserve someone like Paul or she's out of league for Paul. Some think that Paul doesn't deserve the youngest Swan.

Almost all the girls on Forks are going crazy about Paul. When they heard that he are having a relationship with (y/n) Swan, they snickered. They make the girl's everyday life full of pain, to make her leave Paul alone for them. She's lucky enough to have Jacob, Embry, Quil and Seth at school, to protect her from the bullies. But she's tired of having picked on by those girls just because she's dating Paul. She wants to fight them, but being a shy and quite girl, she can't. She doesn't has the energy to fight them all. She always depend on Seth for protection. "Stay away from her!" Seth yelled to the girls who bullies his best friend.

"I'm sorry... i'm so sorry, Seth.. i want to fight them, but i.. i can't..." Seth hug (y/n) tightly, whispering that it's okay, that he and the pack will always be there for her.

This continue for few months now, make (y/n) more and more seclude and quite. Tiffany always make sure she's eating lunch and doing good at school, along with Seth. The change of (y/n) makes the pack wondered what exactly happened to her. Paul try to ask his girlfriend, but she always shrug it off and tell him that she's fine. Even Seth won't tell him or the pack anything.

Until one day, when Paul picked up (y/n) at school did he know the problem.

Paul is waiting outside, at the parking lot, leaning into his truck, waiting for his dear imprint to come out. Only a few minutes later that (y/n) comes out with Seth and Tiffany. As Paul want to call her name, a group of bunch girls are stopping them. Paul can't really heard what they said but the face of hurt from (y/n), the yelling of Seth and Tiffany, did he know that they must said something rude to his imprint, that made Seth this angry.

So, Paul decided to give them lesson for hurting his imprint by walking to them. Seth, noticing Paul are approaching them, nudge (y/n) to tell her.

"What the hell are you doing to my girlfriend, bitches."

The girls, who don't have no shame, squealling when seeing Paul. Seth and Tiffany rolled their eyes. Paul give the girls a deadly glance before stand in front of (y/n), make the petite girl has to look up to meet his eyes.

"What are you doing in here, Paul?" She asked, getting confused as why Paul is at school. Isn't he has patrol?

"To pick you up, of course. I can pick you up, since you are my girlfriend. And i wondered what happened to you this past few weeks, and now i realized that this are the bunches of girls doing." He said as he give a glare at the girls.

"Paul, honey! Why are you dating this nerd? She's out of your league! Leave her, so we can have fun. Bet she can't please you in bed." Jean, the leader said while playing her hair with her fingers, acting all feminime, making both Paul and Seth want to punch her so bad.

"You are crazy!" Seth yelled, ready to punch her before he is stopped by (y/n) who grab his forehead, shaking her head. But even if she can easily stop Seth, she's too late to stop her raging boyfriend, who already stand tall in front of Jean and her group of friends.

"Oh, really? Do you think you are far more better than her? Ha! How confidence are you?" Paul snickered lowly at Jean.

"Of course! I'm far more better than this nerd! I can totally please you and make you happy. We can be the most perfect couple!" She exclaim happily, with TOTALLY no shame.

The next thing make (y/n) squealed loudly. Paul punched Jean, really... really punched her, square in her face. "Paul! Stop!" (Y/n) stand infront of Paul. Eventhough he isn't shaking, she knows that he totally pissed.

"Hey. Calm down. Please.. i'm okay." Paul take a glance at his imprint, bringing her to his embrace by her waist, before look back at Jean who is lying on the ground, surrounded by her friends, pass out.

"You dare to touch her or talk to her again, i'll kill you." He gives them a final warning before take (y/n) hand, turn around and walk into his car with (y/n) and Seth. Seth told Tiffany to go home, make some space for him and the couple.

Paul has been quite since they left the school. Seth look down, didn't dare to look at him or even talk to him. To scared because he didn't tell the truth to Paul. He deserved to know since (y/n) is his imprint. But, (y/n) already told Seth not to tell Paul, fearing that it'll make things worst.

As they arrive at Emily's driveway, Paul tell Seth to walk inside first. "I'll talk to you later." Seth feels goosebump, knowing that Paul won't let this slip off.

"Why.. you didn't tell me, (y/n)?" His voice is broken and sad.

"I'm sorry... I.. I didn't want to make you worried.. and.. make things worst than before.. i have Seth and Tiffany with me.. and i.. i'm okay..." (y/n) felt guilty, but also scared, knowing that Paul really dare to punch a girl.

Paul sigh as he look at his imprint, head down, shaking. "Hey, look at me. Look at me, (y/n).. i won't hurt you." He hug his imprint, whispering sweet things to her to help her calm down.

Small hands of (y/n) hug him back, inhaling his wood and nature scents, calming her down in instant. She looks up at him, her black eyes meet with Paul's brown eyes.

"You need to tell me, (y/n). I want to help you. And always remember that i won't hurt you. Okay?" The girl nod, hugging him tightly.

After calm down, they walk inside Emily's. Seth already finish his lunch, is talking with Sam. Emily immediately take (y/n)'s hand and lead her to the dining room. Paul join Sam and Seth, knowing what they are talking about.

"I'm sorry, Paul... (y/n) told me not to tell you about this.." Seth look down, feeling guilty. Paul put his hand on Seth's shoulder, squeezing it softly.

"It's okay, kid. Thank you for protecting her.. i couldn't ask for more.."

"For how long already?" Sam asked quitely.

"Around 3 to 4 months. Actually they already knew when you guys first dating few months ago. But they started to bullied her around 4 months ago. And since (y/n) never fight back, they kept doing it." Paul sigh. So that's why (y/n) was in a deep thought when they were at the beach.

"I need to make sure they won't bother (y/n) anymore." Sam look at Paul, worry all over his face.

"What did you do, Paul?"

Paul take a glance at him and shrug. "I punched her." He said lightly, make Sam facepalm.

"I mean, made her passed out." Seth mumble, make Sam sigh heavily.

"You know, that's a bad idea..."

"I mean, she insulted (y/n). And you have to look at his over confidence annoying face. I bet you also want to punch her. Even Seth ready to kill her." Paul lightly said, as if there's nothing wrong with it.

"Still... you never punch a girl before..." But Paul being Paul, didn't listen to Sam a single bit about this matter. "Whatever.. you do whatever you want then.. i can't tell you about this. I need to talk to (y/n) and make sure you are still on control. You only listen to her now." Paul smile wdiely hearing it. He feels proud of himself.

"I'll keep protecting her at school. Don't worry, Paul.." Seth said as they walk to the dining room, joining Emily and (y/n). Paul smile and thanking him.

"You good, (y/n)?" Sam ask the youngest Swan as he sit beside Emily. (Y/n) nod her head, while munching down her food.

"Don't worry, Sam.. i'm totally okay. Just a little hurt, but i can get through it."

"You are to kind and soft, (y/n)..." Emily sigh, as (y/n) just chuckle softly. "Can't help it, Em.."

"No wonder why Paul imprinted on you." Seth commented, stealing some muffins. Paul just rolled his eyes and take a muffin for himself, munching it down with his left hand, as his right hand is behind my back, resting at the chair.

"Seth is right. You make Paul soft. I always worried that he will snap and shift when he's angry. You know that Paul has this anger management issue." Sam chuckle.

"Yeah yeah.."

All of them laughing, Sam, Emily and Seth make fun of Paul being a softie with the smiling (y/n), while waiting for the rest of the pack to return from patrol.

Tags : @tbhprobablydontcare | @ivettt | @calling-dips-on-j-hope

Open tags for Paul Lahote series 'Total Opposite'

[angstysebfan]

Always The Friend

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Summary: You and Bucky are good friends. You consider him one of your bests! Unfortunately for you, you have developed a crush on him. You are too scared to tell him, because you don’t want to ruin your friendship.

A/N: I wrote this because this is basically the story of my life. I was always the friend. I know I am not alone in this case either. It’s hard to talk yourself into telling the truth, when the reality of what might happen is so scary.

You lay on your bed staring at the ceiling. Once again stuck in another daydream fantasy of you and your crush. You imagine you tell him your feelings, he smiles at you, grabs your face and kisses you stupid. Then tells you that he has flt that way for so long. You sigh, as you close your eyes trying to build up the guts to tell him.

Suddenly there is a knock on your door. You know who it is, and the butterflies go out of control in your stomach. “Come in”, you yell. The door opens suddenly and there stands the man of your dreams, Bucky Barnes. You don’t move from your spot, and try to force yourself not to look at him. 

Bucky shuts the door behind him, before he walks over to the other side of the bed, and lays down next to you. He is so close that your arms are touching, causing a burning sensation in your arm. Your heart rate quickens as you smell is cologne. Still you force yourself to continue staring at the ceiling. 

“Since when has the ceiling become to interesting, doll?” He asks softly. The nickname causes those butterflies to go even harder, making you nauseous. You know he is looking at you, and you peek at him from your peripheral. He turns onto his side and faces you. 

“Y/N, is everything okay?” He asks? You need to snap out of it. If you don’t he will use his jedi mind tricks to get you to spill your secret and then your friendship will be over, and that is the last thing you want. You sigh and turn your head to look at him. He is absolutely beautiful. His blue eyes are so clear, you swear you can swim in them. His lips are so plump and pink, you just want to attach yourself to them and never let go.

“Yeah, I’m good. Just a little lost in my thoughts. What’s up Buck?” Bucky furrows his brows at you. “You want to talk about it?” He asks. You shake your head. “Nope. I’m good. Promise. Now what do I owe this pleasure?” You say with a smirk.

You can tell he still wants to press you, but decides against it. He gives you a soft smile. “Just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out for a bit. I feel like we haven’t hung out in awhile, and I missed you.”

You look down toward your feet for a moment. The butterflies were seriously out of control at this point. You had been avoiding him slightly. Only because he recently got a new girlfriend that you didn’t have the heart to watch him interact with. You look back at him and give him a fake smile. 

“Yea, I’ve been busy. Sorry, but um... sure. We can hang out for a bit. What did you want to do?” As he was about to open his mouth, his phone rang. You saw his expression brighten, which told you who it was. He has a quick conversation with Emily, his girlfriend. After he hangs up he looks at you apologetically. 

“Sorry doll, Emily just told me she got us tickets to a movie. I know it’s kinda rude to cancel when I just asked you to hang out.” You shake your head. “No, its cool. Go hang with your girl.” 

Bucky looks at you, concerned. “Why don’t you come with us. You can bring someone so you don’t feel like the 3rd wheel.” You can’t help but feel slightly hurt. You also know there is no way you can hang out with him and Emily. “No thanks. Not really in the mood to leave the tower today. You go have fun.”

You know you sounded pathetic, but you honestly felt pathetic. Bucky kisses your forehead and promises you that you both will hang out tomorrow, before leaving your room.

--

The next day Bucky ditches you again. Turns out Emily made spontaneous plans again and he couldn’t break them. So out of the tower he goes. You are sitting in the common room, watching TV, when Sam and Nat walk in. They look at you confusingly.

“I thought you and Bucky had plans?” Nat asks ans she comes to sit on the couch with you. You can’t help but roll your eyes. “Yea, so did I. But Emily made plans and he couldn’t break them.” Sam scoffs and sits on the other side. “What an idiot.”

You look at your hands, as tears start to form in your eyes. Nat sees this and wraps her arm around you. “Ya know, maybe you should tell him how you feel.” You look up at her surprised. How did she know? Who are you kidding, she is Black Widow. But then Sam puts a hand on your shoulder. “What’s the worst that can happen with being honest?”

Now the tears were really flowing. “Does everyone know how I feel?” You ask, looking at both, as they nod. “I think he is too oblivious though, dumb ass.” Sam added. You sigh and look at Sam. “The worst thing is that I ruin a friendship that means the world to me. Even if he doesn’t feel the same, I still have some part of him, even if he is choosing Emily over me.”

“I still think you need to be honest. Look at you! You are miserable Y/N. If he is really your friend, he will continue to be no matter is feelings. I think you need to just get it off your chest. You will feel so much better!” You shake your head. “What am I supposed to say? ‘Bucky, you are my best friend, but I am so madly in love with you it hurts!?’“ 

“What?!” You hear from the hallway leading to the elevator. You see Bucky and Emily standing there. Bucky with a stunned face and Emily looking pretty pissed. You panic. You quickly get up and run toward your room. You slam your door and lock it. 

What the fuck were you going to do now. You knew your friendship is over. There is no coming back from this. You were scared he was going to come to your door, but you were also scared he wasn’t. You decided to wait, trying to control your breathing.

After 30 minutes, you realize he wasn’t coming. You knew what your answer was. He didn’t feel the same, and your friendship was over. You decided to climb into your bed and cry yourself to sleep.

Maybe you should just leave. You will never be able to face him again anyway.

--

So I am thinking of doing a part 2, but I am not sure. What do you guys think?

Part 2

[wondershawns]

Who You Are (Chapter 2) [R.M.]

A/N: The response I’ve been getting from you guys on the prologue and first chapter has been incredible, I just want to say thank you to everyone because your reblogs and comments are so encouraging! Here is another chapter so that I don’t leave you guys hanging for too long.

Word count: 1876

.

Seeing you comfortable in his family’s house was strange to Raul. You fit with all of them except him, which made no sense to him. He held his comments on your presence back when he saw how cheerful you were compared to when you were home, you seemed much more relaxed and he figured he could just ignore you for a while.

His brothers were familiar with you, enough for them to tease you and try to steal food in your own plate during the meal. It made you feel at ease, your relationship with Raul had changed but not every part of your life was upside down, and the rest of the Mendes family was there to remind you of that.

Raul considered you as an awkward roommate at best, but somehow his parents treated you like their own child. Ever since the accident he had gotten the habit to observe everything like an outsider. He had missed out on a lot, so he was taking in every detail to figure out what had changed and what hadn’t.

His mum’s cooking hadn’t changed. That was a positive, it was familiar and he loved it. His brothers were the same, with more experience in life but still the same, unlike their sister. She was far too tall now, she looked like an adult and she was even allowed to drive. Apparently Shawn and Peter were cool with it, meaning it wasn’t the time for him to become over protective, maybe he had been and he didn’t remember it.

“Are you doing alright love?” Karen asked you while you stayed in the kitchen with her to leave Raul alone with the others.

“I’m just taking it day by day for now,” You offered her a weak smile. “He’s not always making it easy, but then again he doesn’t remember so it’s hard to blame him,”

“Is he giving you a hard time? Just because he doesn’t know you anymore doesn’t mean he can be rude, we all remember how Raul was before he met you,”

“He’s not doing it on purpose,” You shook your head, you remembered the Raul you first became friends with too, and you remembered how he softened around you until he learned how to open up to you and the people close to him. “I don’t think he understands, he always said he was never in love before we met, so he doesn’t know how much it hurts to have someone take their love back,”

“Oh Emily,” Karen dried her hands to wrap her arms around you. “It’ll be alright,” She rubbed your back, trying to comfort you as you broke into tears for what seemed to be the millionth time since the accident.

“It’s just so hard,”

“I know, and I also know he doesn’t mean to make you feel like that,” She rocked you in her arms. “He’ll come around, no matter what happens no one can forget a love like that, he’ll come back to you,”

“I hope so,” You sniffled quietly. “I don’t know how long I can take him being so cold,” You hid your face in her shoulder. “I haven’t even hugged him since he got back,”

Raul noticed the exchange but he didn’t listen to anything, he could just see you were crying in his mother’s arms and she seemed to be as sad as you were. He felt a tug in his heart, some feeling of wrong he couldn’t identify washing over his chest, but he shook it off as some leftover guilt for making his mother worry about him.

He didn’t feel anything for you. The idea on its own was ridiculous, he barely knew you, sure his heart squeezed when you cried but that was just empathy. Being around you was weird, being in that house made him uneasy somehow but at least he liked the place he was in. He couldn’t remember choosing anything but the house was decorated to his taste so there was that, and Taz was the one thing that felt right there.

You were discreet around the house when he was there, except when you were playing with Taz. In those moments you talked and laughed while the pup growled playfully as you chased him around or tried to take a stuffed toy from him. He found himself smiling too in those moments, and he almost wanted to join in to run around the garden with both of you.

He held back every single time. He could play with Taz at any other time, the aussie was always eager to run around. He also spent an awful lot of time cuddling with the dog, especially in the morning.

Raul tended to wake up earlier than you, he made himself coffee, let Taz outside for a while and did a quick easy workout to get some strength back. When he was done he showered and read on the couch, but more often than not Taz came to rest his head on his knee to get his attention.

You found Taz on his back over Raul’s lap every morning, he got his daily dose of belly rubs before you were even up, and as soon as he saw you he ran to you for his food. You let him eat and got ready to go outside, the eager aussie running in circles until you let him out and took him on a real run so that he’d be tired and calm for the rest of the morning.

.

“Emily?” Raul asked you as you walked past him for a book that was on a shelf in the living room.

“Yeah?” You tried not to let something as simple as your name hurt you. When you first became friends with him he decided your name was too long, you reminded him your friends called you Millie all the time but he settled for Em instead. It was his thing, no one else got to use the nickname, and from then he had almost never called you by your full name again, opting for Em and things like honey or baby once you got together.

“Uh, what’s the Netflix password?” He asked because the account was logged out on the TV.

“Um Taz98, capital T,” You replied, finding what you were looking for and pulling it from between other books. “It’s also your Spotify password in case you find yourself logged out of that,”

“I feel stupid asking this, but do you know my apple ID password too?”

“It’s not stupid, I’m not too sure but it might be the same as your email?” You offered, knowing he reused the same ones everywhere.

“I tried it,”

“Then you should probably reset it, I don’t think I know that one. Somehow I’ve got all your bank account info but I don’t know that, it’s weird when I think about all of it,” You remembered having to unlock his phone for him in the hospital because no one else knew the password, it was an awkward moment to say the least.

“Don’t tell me about weird,” He shook his head, putting the Netflix password in. “Thanks for the help,”

“Sure,”

“Oh, and did we go to Japan?” He brought up out of the blue, turning his head to properly look at you.

“Um, yes, why?” Your heart skipped a beat at the thought that he might remember.

“I went through pictures on my phone,”

“Right,” You swallowed back the lump in your throat. “If you want me to tell you about any of them I don’t mind,”

“Yeah, sure, we could do that,”

He let you get your laptop, you were obviously glad for a moment with him, and as much as he didn’t remember he felt bad when he made you sad. You sorted through your albums to find what to start with, and Raul tried not to think about everything he found on his phone, including some nudes that turned him on as much as they made him uncomfortable.

You could tell pictures of the two of you made him uneasy, so you tried to avoid rubbing your relationship in his face as you went through trips you went on or big events with friends and family. Raul didn’t ask many questions, but he looked at the images curiously and listened to you without interrupting. He cooed at a few pictures of Taz when he was tiny, but apart from that he only tried to piece a timeline of your trips together in his head.

“Is that us?” Raul asked when the first  picture after your trip to New York showed up. So far everything had been group pictures with Shawn’s team and their friends for the triplets’ birthday two years ago.

The picture in question was black and white, and one of your favorites. It showed you hugging him from the side, both of you topless with his hands on your hips and yours on his shoulders. The picture was smooth, all curves and intimacy. Your face was resting on his shoulder but his profile was mostly visible. It was artistic and sexy without being innapropriate, in your opinion it was simply gorgeous.

“Yes, Peter took them,” You admitted, going back to skip that album, but Raul could still see how many there were. “I’ll just skip those,”

If Raul wanted to see them he could do that on his own. You were pretty sure he didn’t anyway, especially with you next to him, and since the album was shared with him he had them if he wanted them. You couldn’t stand looking at them anymore, the complicity you shared back then hurt to think about, he had to work on convincing you for so long to get you to get in Peter’s studio with him.

You were too insecure to agree at first, but on the day he made you comfortable and guided you so that you would only focus on him. Peter did his job quietly, capturing the most beautiful moments of laughter and trust you had with each other. Seeing that and knowing it was lost hurt too much, so you quickly moved on to some Christmas pictures and decided to call it a day after that.

Raul was glad for the break too, he didn’t want to be rude by asking you to stop but the pictures made no sense to him and it was messing with his mind. He wasn’t hurt by the loss of your relationship, but he was hurt and angry by the loss of his memory. A lot had happened to him, and that was only with you. His family, his friends, everyone had made memories with him that he couldn’t remember.

It was unfair but there was nothing he could do to fix it, he just felt weird, out of place and angry all the time with no way to fix it. He would have been tearing his hair off if it wasn’t for Taz keeping him company and always being there to make him feel better.

“You really are the best buddy,” Raul kissed his head and scratched the spot behind his ear. “I’d be going insane if it wasn’t for you.”

.

Is it just me crying or are you all feeling this too?

Please reblog!

Tags: @itrocksmysocks @everythinghappening16 @alilovesshawn @5-seconds-of-mendes @sleepybesson @ifiwasshawnmendesidslapmyself @chrizzy95 @lovewithanattitude @justanotherfangurl272 @turtoix @mariamuses @tastebaldwin @queenmxndes @imaginashawnns @heart-struck @thotmendes @luvluvxx @brokeninsidebutnobodyknows @babieforshawn @breakingblondiee @zaahidahhh @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @adelaidestreets @palhacomendes @muffin-saucex @lanallaa @goldenmndes @fanficshawn @lostinmendess @connordavidscamera​ @shawnsthighs​ @havethetimeeofyourlifee​ @mendesficsxbombay​ @haute-shawn​ @wildflower-cth​ @shawnsblue​ @vinylmendes​ @hstyles-imagines​ @og-baby-ob14​ @stardustom​ @shadowsndaisies​ @shawnftjacob​ @shawn-youth​ @readinthegarden12​ @donutsandpalmtrees​ @daisyangei​ @fanficscuziranout​ @lunna-star-8​ @shawnsnovel​ @wannabewolf​

[beybladeimagines]

Loved the headcanon post for the Bladebreakers in their 20s. Any headcanons for my fave team the All Starz in their 20s? Like if they choose a different career or so on? Keep up the great work!! ✌

MAX: You can find Max’s details right here.

MICHAEL: I think Michael would hang on to blading for a hot minute, even if he wasn’t as into it as he initially was. When you think about it, Judy had a pretty strong grasp over all of the All Starz - so much so, that many of them began to question their own self worth and became emotional when Judy, in her own way, didn’t think they were good enough. When people are exposed to this kind of manipulation, they set out to please their manipulator as much as possible in order to avoid negative repercussions - in this case, potentially missing out on a promising future, not meeting their personal goals, or being seen as weak. However, as Michael grows older and sees how the team is distancing themselves to follow their own path, he’ll slowly follow suit.

I can see Michael doing a lot of things. He might try to pursue baseball professionally, but because he’s spent a majority of his time blading, he might lack the extensive amount of experience and skill necessary to really make it big. Michael is also extremely charismatic and gives off some skater vibes. I can picture him getting into a COMPLETELY different hobby, like skating, because there isn’t any negative association attached to it. When he skates, he doesn’t have to think about being seen as the best, he doesn’t have to try to impress anyone, and he certainly doesn’t have to be exposed to any more manipulation. Yeah, he loves baseball, but it reminds him too much of what he had to undergo for so long. I can see Michael getting so into skating, that he creates his own custom boards and eventually works in a skate shop where he helps set people up with their own parts and bases. I think the reason he’s so into that is because he gets to do something productive and he gets to expose people to the very hobby that is slowly making him whole again.

RICK: Rick has always been Judy’s favorite and her constant praise motivated him to be quite the ruthless and successful blader. Even though his team didn’t win the championships, it still didn’t stop him from being celebrated back in his city or scouted by other managers looking for talented bladers. I imagine that Rick still sticks to the blading scene for quite some time. After all, it was through blading that he went from a nobody to a somebody. Additionally, it was through blading that he got to meet Max - someone who essentially made him more comfortable working with others. He owes a lot to blading, as it made him change his perspective, it inspired personal growth, it allowed him to represent his community so that he could bring their identities to light, and it’s making him mad money. 

However, if Rick wasn’t pursuing blading, I can see him working at a recording studio. Rick loves music. He loves being in fast paced and loud environments. Sounds seem to soothe him, even if the music is metal. But let’s think about this too: In the anime, we always see Rick giving some kind of advice, even if it’s slightly backhanded and rude. Rick doesn’t mind giving feedback and he has a good ear for sounds that just feel…right. He knows exactly what pitch someone’s voice should transition into, he knows what instruments to add or remove, and he knows how to modify lyrics so that the message is far more clear. Granted, his feedback is straightforward, brash, and a little intense, but once he hears that new solid sound, everyone in the room will begin to praise him for his insight. He does have a gift and it really comes out in the recording studio. I don’t see Rick having his own band or making his own music, per say. But I do see him helping others out and mixing beats.

EMILY: I think Emily has always admired Judy. To her, Judy was this iconic, cut-throat woman who wasn’t afraid to go after what she wanted. Judy reflected this unashamed confidence that Emily strove to mimic and to find within herself. We often see Emily by Judy’s side. She’s either siding with her ideas or immersing herself in the same kind of work that her heroine is doing. Although Emily blades, much of her time is placed into research. Honestly, had she not shown such an interest and skillful ability to attain and analyze player data, Judy might not have paid her much mind. I think Emily knows this, which is why she strives to be so proficient in the research world, because she wants to be recognized by the very woman who really put her on such a promising path. With that said, I don’t see Emily blading anymore as she’s grown older. I see her transitioning strictly to research.

Would she still be with the All Starz? That’s a tough one to answer. Part of me feels like Emily would want to stay, but because her team is essentially disbanded, her current information isn’t exactly needed. I can see Judy recommending her to other facilities - not because she doesn’t value Emily, but I think she’d want her to get more recognition and experience outside the nest. Emily needs to hone her observational skills. She needs to know how to analyze people who she HASN’T basically grown up with. I imagine this line of work makes her feel incredibly lonely. Emily already feels like she needs to isolate herself, because of how hard she works. She likes to tell herself that she’s fine and “never liked being around people anyway,” but she misses the dynamic between her and her team. Would she reach out to them? Probably not. But if she ever saw them again, I think she’d linger around a little longer than usual.

EDDY: Eddy has always found some kind of support from his fellow team members. He chimes in with them on roasting sessions, he hangs out with them during down time, and he’s used to seeing them every day because they all practically live in that research/training facility. He always told himself they’d be together forever, because they’ve endured so much and went through so many lengths to become superior bladers. And yet… He realizes that many of his teammates became disenchanted and even traumatized from their excessive exposure to training and self imposed ideas of worthlessness. Over time, Eddy too begins to fall out of love with blading. It just didn’t feel like the initial sport he fell in love with. If anything, he only ever enjoyed himself when he went against Michael or Steven, because they never made him feel inferior.

I can see Eddy going back to school, since he has more time with it. I can see him getting a scholarship for basketball. He appreciates every second of college, because he finally gets a breather and finally gets to live a normal life where he isn’t being groomed to be perfect. Eddy feels like he’s missed out on a large chunk of living normally… So, he enjoys the little things, like not having curfew, or being able to indulge in junk food and not having to appease a diet, and even doing something as dreadful as homework. At least with homework, he knows what he’s doing wrong and can actually strive to make himself better without getting mixed signals. Eddy takes pride in being able to represent his school, because he knows his school has given him something that makes him feel fulfilled, validated, and passionate about. 

STEVEN: Steven has gone on a JOURNEY when it comes to blading. He started off strong and as a normal part of the team, until he received his injury. As I always say, I imagine that injury gave him some perspective and completely changed his mentality on blading. While sitting on the sidelines, he saw how easily he was replaced. He tried to tell himself that he’d be welcomed back with open arms, but he always knew that Rick would be a more permanent addition to the team. Yes, his TEAM welcomed him back, but Judy and the facility were a bit more hesitant. It destroyed him to see how quickly his career crumbled. When he healed again, he didn’t have much of an interest to return to blading or football. However, I do imagine he continues to have a high interest in both sports, but is aware of how devastating an injury can be to one’s prosperous future. I think he’d strive to get into sports medicine to make sure no one else endures the same fate.

Sports medicine usually requires a degree. I can see him going back to school. Not only that, but he’d actually take the experience seriously. Every day, he thinks about how his own life had changed. It’s hard for him to forget just how frightened, anxious, and frustrated he felt. He never wants anyone to have to experience that same level of uncertainty and confusion, and that serves as his motivation to get his education. Steven is actually amazing at the healing process. He remembers every detail of what worked for him when he was recovering and he passes that knowledge onto those he encounters. Steven still has physical trauma, so that interferes with his ability to stay active for long periods of time. But this doesn’t stop him from working out. Steven goes hard in the gym in order to maintain his physique (and to release that pent up rage that still has yet to be shaken).

[stardew-imagines-me]

Can you tell us more about the highschool au? I ADORE your work btw

Thank you and of course!

Introduction

Due to rough circumstances, you were unable to keep living with your mother in the city, and had to move onto one of the many properties your late grandfather had owned. Luckily, your grandfather was a smart man and before passing, left you a large amount of savings you could live on for a few years. So that’s how you started your life in Stardew Valley.

Stardew Valley was quite a beautiful town. It wasn’t too big, with only a 100,000 residents, but big enough that it reminded you of certain parts of the city you had come from. Before leaving back to the city, your mother had helped transfer you in Stardew High school, or SDHC where you’d have to call home for the next 3 years.

Stardew high had roughly 2,000 or so students so you hadn’t expected to be noticed transferring in the middle of the year. How wrong were you.

12 special students had taken an interest in you since arriving, and your name became a hot topic around school when you were officially deemed the president of the gardening club the moment you entered. It wouldn’t have been that scary if those 12 students weren’t the most skilled, and popular kids in the school.

Many of them were top in the state, if not the country, for their skills while the others were basically school mascots with overwhelming amounts of school pride. There were only two modest and skilled students who hadn’t a huge part in spreading their name out there like the others and yet, they were still part of the special 12.

These two students were named Penny and Harvey; instead of taking part in clubs, they decided that doing more conventional things like studying medicine or tutoring stuggling students was way more important.

Penny is a very quiet girl; she’s got strong opinions but no voice, which is why she had denied presidency to the debate club her freshman year. Instead, she opted in tutoring students who are a little slower in other subjects — the kids she tutored often excelled after her sessions and wouldn’t need assistance any longer. She would’ve been valedictorian too but again, her voice wasn’t loud enough to earn her the position.

• Penny is a junior

• Penny is often found in the library reading, tutoring or helping the librarians organize shelves

Harvey is a very smart boy; deciding since a very young age that he would become a doctor and help the injured and dying. When Harvey wasn’t studying medicine, he would be in the nurses clinic learning world experiences and medicine measuring. The nurses don’t mind him being in the clinic during classes because he had already learned the material months ahead.

• Harvey is a junior

• He is known around school for skipping a grade and having the brightest future out of the special 12

Then there’s the skilled. The 5 students that had earned that named were naturally gifted kids that often used those to an advantage — they awed everyone when in action.

Shane of the cooking club. Shane is by far, one of the most aggressive and rude people you’ve ever met. But he has a gentle side to him as well. When faced in both cooking and baking competitions, he rises upon all his competitors with dishes that only highest of chefs could succeed in pulling off in such a short amount of time. He’s rude but his peers still adore him nonetheless.

• Shane is a junior

• He raises hundreds for the school when bake sales come around — everyone waits all year just to taste his molasses cookies or triple layer fudge brownies

Alex, star quarterback of the football team. Although Alex isn’t intellectually the most gifted, he is very skilled on the football field when he’s tasked with dodging, swirling and throwing the ball at all costs. He’s very handsome, and a little arrogant, but otherwise, a genuinely kind boy.

• Alex is a junior

• Alex is the high school sweetheart. He wins many games for his school, has been scouted by many different colleges already and has dyslexia

• He gets tutored by Penny when he has the time, Penny always scorns him for being late

Sebastian, the valedictorian. Now, when you think ‘valedictorian’, you see some scrawny nerd that studies constantly and stresses about everything. Well, Sebastian is a little special when it comes to that stereotype. The Stardew valedictorian comes to school in ripped skinny jeans and half combed bed head. He’s got piercings of all kinds, scars and looks that could kill. But he’s very gifted too. Sebastian has never gotten anything below 100%, hasn’t even missed a second of school and actively participates in school events even though he couldn’t give less of a shit about them.

• Sebastian is a junior

• Many kids know that Sebastian and Maru are siblings, but find it quite shocking when they are told that their parents also work at school

Maru, the president of the robotics club. Maru is a very gifted student, a common trait in her family. She’s actually the top student in the country for her engineering projects and robotics creations. She isn’t too fond of going out after school since most of her time is spent making blueprints or organizing competitions for her club, but can’t bare to see Sebastian mope at another pep rally by himself.

• Maru is a junior

• Her and Sebastian had actually created half of the computers in the computer lab. She put them together while he coded them

Leah, the art prodigy. You had actually heard about Leah before coming to a Stardew; her art being displayed in one of the most famous galleries in the world, but were surprised when you found out she had attended a generic high school. Her art is displayed across the banters of the second floor and one of her sculptures is the main piece of the school’s entrance.

* Leah is a junior

* Leah is quite modest about her art, and doesn’t like to talk about it if she isn’t currently working on another piece or really if a conversation doesn’t involve art at all

Then there’s the school pride mascots. The other 5 either deal with special causes, contribute to local communities a lot or are basically just popular.

Haley, the head cheerleader. Haley is quite popular not only in school, but worldwide too. At a young age, she had been scouted for a modeling agency that sky rocketed her reputation and displayed her beauty on many different products and billboards. It only made sense that she would also become head cheerleader for her winning smile and overbearing personality on the field.

* Haley is a junior

* Haley’s personality isn’t really a surprise once she’s done putting up an act. She’s kind when she feels like she can trust you, but otherwise, she bites harder than Shane at times.

Emily, the president of fashion club. Much like her sister, Emily had been scouted out by the same modeling agency, but quit a year or two into the gig to pursue her own clothes line she had been working on since the start. Often, her club is filled with envious kids who adore her modern works and fancy tailoring. She owns her own company, but chooses to graduate school before working on her career right away.

* Emily is a junior

* Emily and her club often make the costumes for Elliot’s drama club when play season comes around. Her clothes are put on display after being worn

Elliot, president of the drama club. Elliot had always had a passion for writing plays and directing them. He was also quite a phenomenal actor, and often attracted people who weren’t even attending the school to his plays. He was adored by the English teacher, no surprise, and had many people swoon over his looks.

* Elliot is a junior

* He’s a famous modern poet, but uses a pen name because he prefers to stay anonymous until he graduates

Abigail, founder one of the human rights club. Abigail is a strong willed girl who is often found preaching about human rights and leading many of the parades in Stardew Valley. She’s a huge supporter of the LGBTQ+ community and runs a women’s shelter during the summer. Her peers adore her and Sam as one of the most well known duos in the school for running courses about abusive relationships and drug abuse as an elective.

* Abigail is a junior

* When Abigail has free time, she usually makes positivity  bracelets that students flash around outside of school for the cool aesthetic4

Sam, founder two of the human rights club. Sam is loud and has such an infectious laugther that it’s hard not to want to be around him 24/7. He participates in quite a bit of funder raisers for certain organizations he’s passionate about and volunteers at a few different preschools to play with the kids and teach basic life skills like stranger danger and saying no. He’s a loud cutie who gets asked out about 6 times a day.

* Sam is a junior

* Sam loves hanging out with Abigail and often helps around school when she’s busy

Farmer:

* You are president of the gardening club because the club had actually been falling apart and only a hand full of students were left since the president had graduated a year prior of you transferring

* What had brought all the attention on you was saving the school’s dying garden in only a week or two. The wilting petals had looked as if they were replaced with luscious, healthy flowers that everyone had stopped to look at at least once a day

* “It was the new kid,” You had heard your garden mates say proudly as they pointed over to you, “The new president, isn’t that neat?”

[yourimaginarycupcake]

Name; Mele. (MEH-leh)

Nobody really knows where she moved from, and honestly? She’s not about to tell you herself.  (but heh.. She moved from Zuzu city.)

She’s pretty rude to the player at first. She’s spoiled, used to getting what she wants and got her nose in the air. 

So the fact that she is friends with Penny? Shocking. Some of the towns people seem to think she’s playing a prank on poor Penny, but just don’t have the heart to tell her. That’s what her first heart event is about. Her and Penny hanging out, and the nearby people whispering about her. She’ll catch them staring, get annoyed and say goodbye to Penny. The player will be confused, ask the nearest person what that was about, but will get nowhere in their quest for answers. If the player talks to her afterwards she’ll be annoyed, tell the player not to believe them but not explaining what she means by that. 

She’s also friends with Emily, and the player will run into the two of them discussing fabrics at her second heart event. Emily is the first one to notice the player and excitedly urge them forward to check out this design they’re working on. Mele will be surprised - not having noticed the player -, then get annoyed and storm off with the design. Emily will sigh, apologize to the player and mention that Mele is a little strange when it comes to her designs. She doesn’t really get it, but is really glad that Mele shares them with her. She then mentions having to find Mele and talk.

Mele will be less rude to the player at this point, but still not the friendliest. She’ll sometimes call Emily weird ‘But a good kind of weird!’ and refer to her as a dear friend. The player can also visit her house - which is filled with fabrics, curled-up papers and a single mannequin. The player will often find her with a little sketching board, but she won’t say anything to them. Sometimes she’ll ask the player if they ever talk to Penny and if Penny has mentioned her before. 

Her next heart event takes place at her place. She’ll be pacing back and forth, notice the player and stop. She’ll grumble something about the player being everywhere, sigh and sit down on her bed. She’ll admit to having trouble with her design, and after some silence add that she used to be a pretty big deal in the city. The player will be surprised, but before they can say anything Mele interrupts saying that ‘they might have worn her down but she won’t say anything else about that.’ she’ll apologize for snapping like that, and the player can choose to ask to see the design, or just saying that they believe in her. (no effect in either cases) Mele will huff a no or sigh and thank them.  

After that heart event, she’ll tell the player about the rumours about her and Penny, and furthermore; deny them. There is also a small chance of her admitting that she can relate to Penny’s situation. Visiting her late, there’s a chance of her mentioning her uncle. Visiting her early might trigger her offering the player a complete make-over, but she’ll then deny it saying ‘it would be too much work’. 

She also seems to frenemies with Lucas.

[mediaeval-muse]

Book Review... Laurel O’Donnell, “A Knight With Grace”

Rating: 1/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes, #1 of 2 (so far)

Summary: Lady Grace Willoughby defies her father’s orders to marry Sir William de Tracy and escapes with a friend. She has no intention of wedding a cursed man, a man ostracized from the church, a man who would only doom any future children they might have to the fires of Hell. She prays for a knight to rescue her. Excommunicated and outcast for a horrible crime in his past, Sir William de Tracy searches for forgiveness. Marriage has never crossed his mind until Lord Willoughby commissions him to retrieve his fleeing daughter and honor the dying wish of his father by marrying Grace. But things are not as they seem. And when an assassin tries to kill Grace, William must choose between his soul and the woman he has come to love. Can William and Grace overcome their past and find the redemption and love both are so desperately seeking?

***Full review under the cut.***

Overview: I bought this book solely because the back made me go, “Wait, if he’s an assassin, and he got excommunicated, I wonder if he murdered Thomas Becket.” AND LO AND BEHOLD, TO MY SURPRISE, I WAS RIGHT. That’s not really a spoiler, since we find out on page 10. As a medievalist, I’m not expecting my fiction to be historically accurate, much less historical romance, so my main reason for giving this book a low rating isn’t the history. It’s the prose. This book was only 176 pages, but the prose made it near impossible to get through. Otherwise, I would have loved a medieval romance set in a time period close to the one I study. But alas, this book failed to even meet my expectations for a fun, escapist fantasy.

Trigger Warnings: violence, blood

Evaluation

Writing: I don’t mean to be rude, but the writing in this book was atrocious. I understand that romance books are supposed to be light and fun, not literary, but the amount of telling instead of showing in this book made it impossible for me to get invested in the story or its characters. We are told that Grace has affection for characters rather than shown, we are told backstory rather than letting it unfold gradually, and we are told what characters are feeling rather than seeing it manifest through their actions. There isn’t much variety in how we’re told something either. Blood is referred to as “dark red liquid” multiple times, William's hair hangs in dark brown waves at least three times, etc. I know that not everyone will write poetic prose, but something more interesting would have gone a long way. The prose also lacks flow. O’Donnell likes to use a lot of sentences that are roughly the same length, interspersed with a couple of short fragments or a list of questions to create impact. But the effect was that the rhythm felt robotic. For example: “Th room behind her was silent. Strangely quiet. And then a large clatter came from inside the room followed by a roar of rage that so scared Grace she back pedaled into a shadowed corner and pulled her knees to her chest. What had happened? Was her mother dead? Was that what was making her father so angry? Was he so angry because he was losing her?” (p. 3). The prose feels heavy and overwritten, not letting the reader make connections for themselves. The dialogue is similar, which makes conversations feel wooden. For example: “‘You look pale. Are you feeling all right?’ Curtis asked. Grace looked at him in disbelief. ‘I’m worried. I’m frightened. I’m tired.’ ‘Do you want to go back?’ ‘Never!’ she hissed. She shook her head and waved away her worry. ‘It’s too late. I can’t go back. And I don’t want to.’“ It didn’t feel like real people were speaking to each other. The characters also speak inconsistently - sometimes, a “ye” or “shant” would be thrown in at odd moments, so the dialogue was half “old fashioned” and half updated.

Plot: I’ll admit, as soon as I found out the hero had murdered Thomas Becket, I screamed with joy. It’s silly, but I enjoyed it immensely. But right away, the pace of the story seemed be off. We spend one chapter in the present, then skip ahead 3 months for the next chapter, then skip ahead another month again - and all 3 chapters are only 16 pages! With all that time skipping around, it felt like O’Donnell didn’t quite know how to make meaningful events happen in a timely manner. Aside from that, there wasn’t anything about the plot that stood out. William and Grace mostly travel and don’t really do much. The events that do take place don’t do a lot to bring them together in a meaningful way, in my opinion. At one point, the assassin shows up and makes plot happen, but he’s mostly lurking in the background, so he isn’t very intimidating. When we get a big reveal towards the end about Grace’s father’s plot, I just wasn’t into it. It seemed cartoonish and not at all exciting, so rooted in raging misogyny that I couldn’t find it enjoyable.

Characters: It’s hard for me to evaluate the characters because I didn’t really feel connected to them. Grace and William didn’t have much personality - Grace wanted to escape her father and an arranged marriage, William was a self-hating man of honor. That’s mostly it. Grace doesn’t seem to be all that smart or feisty, as she doesn’t have a clue how to operate outside a sheltered castle life and doesn’t fight tooth and nail once William captures her. The plans she does have are simple and not at all well thought-out. It’s probably why her escape attempt only lasts a week. William falls for her because she’s nice to him. Side characters weren’t even that compelling. Curtis, Grace’s supposed close friend who risks his life and position to take her away from her father, apparently just wanted money. It was disappointing, since it meant that Grace had no positive relationships in her life AT ALL. When she finally does get one, after meeting William’s cousin Emily, it’s quickly taken away because we can’t have nice things in the Middle Ages. Grace’s father was perhaps the most annoying to me, personally. We start off the novel with Grace’s mother dying, and Grace is subsequently mistreated by her father. His disdain for her lasts throughout the book, and his reason is eyeroll-worthy. Maybe it’s a personal preference but I’m so sick of medieval heroines having fathers that treat them like dirt - it’s overdone, and it’s not an interesting way to achieve “realism” is historical fiction.

Other Historicism: I know I said I don’t expect my fiction to be historically accurate, but there were so many things that could have been adjusted so that the setting felt less generic. Like the fact that anyone only seems to eat bread and rabbit. Or that Grace wears one gown that rips easily and her hair is uncovered. Or that William goes to mass despite being excommunicated. Small things that would have been a nice gesture towards enthusiasm for the time period.

Moving on to Book 2? No.

Recommendations: I honestly wouldn’t even recommend this book to romance readers. There’s much better romance out there.

[elizabethsaige]

Bemily one shot idea: Beca and Emily go to get ice cream every Monday after class

your wish is my command :)

It started out as a one-time thing.

At least that’s what Beca told herself.

One Monday after each of their classes were done for the day, Beca and Emily were walking past a small ice cream place on campus.

“Beca, we should go get ice cream!” Exclaimed Emily. She had a look of excitement on her face. Ice cream was something Emily loved with a passion.

“Em, it’s like 20 degrees outside and you want to get ice cream?” Emily nodded her head eagerly and ran up to the little shop. Beca sighed, causing her to see her own breath on the cold November day. Emily waited for Beca to catch up before opening the door and rushing inside.

As soon as the two girls stepped in, they were overwhelmed with a smell of cinnamon. In the front of the store, tons of pastries were displayed, occupying much of the counter. To the right of it was a case full of different ice cream flavors.

“Look Beca! They have so many things!”

“You’re like a kid in a candy store,” said Beca. And she really was. Emily got excited about the most simple things in life, like ice cream, or going to the grocery store. Usually, people like that would annoy Beca, being the raincloud that she is. But Emily, well she brought out a side in her that not even Beca had seen before.

Beca kind of liked it.

Scratch that. She kind of loved it.

Emily walked over to the ice cream section, eyeing all of the different options.

“What are you going to get?” Asked Beca, looking at the menu mounted on the wall above the register. This shop had many caffeinated drinks to choose from as well.

“Oh geez, I don’t know. There are too many options!”

“Well, I guess we’ll just have to come back so you can try every flavor,” Beca said with a small smile. Emily looked up at Beca and flashed that perfect smile of hers that made the senior’s legs feel like jello.

Emily continued looking at all of the flavors but eventually decided on cookie dough in a waffle cone, her favorite. Beca ordered an almond milk latte and proceeded to pay for both orders, although Emily insisted she could pay for her own.

“Don’t worry about it, I want to,” said Beca as she slid her card back into her wallet.

“Well, thank you,” Emily said, shyly. The two walked and took a seat in a small booth in the back corner.

As the two girls sat, each enjoying their treats, Emily looked all around the shop, noticing all of the different pictures hanging on the walls.

“How’s your ice cream?”

“Amazing, do you want to try?” Emily pointed her cone at Beca.

“Nah, I’m not really an ice cream kind of person,” Beca said, which made Emily gasp.

“I’m sorry, what? How can you not be an ice cream person?!” Beca chuckled and sipped her latte. “I don’t know, it’s just too cold and too sweet.”

“Okay, well I guess it makes sense that you’re so grumpy all the time. You haven’t fully appreciated ice cream for what it is,” explained Emily. All Beca could do was shake her head and smile at the girl. “I mean, your life would just be so much better if you tried to like it.”

Emily couldn’t get any cuter. Just the way she talks about ice cream makes Beca’s heart melt. She could listen to Emily talk for forever.

“You’re such a dork,” gushed Beca. The young girl rolled her eyes and continued eating her ice cream, enjoying every second of it.

//

The following week, right after their Monday classes, Beca and Emily found themselves in the same ice cream shop.

This time, Emily chose to get strawberry cheesecake, after debating whether to get that or pistachio.

“Does anyone even like the flavor pistachio?”

“Ew, probably not. It’s probably just a filer flavor. You know how in Neopolitan ice cream, they have vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry? No one actually likes strawberry, it’s just there to fill up space. That’s how it is with pistachio,” explained Beca. Emily let out a small giggle, then sighed.

“I think I could eat ice cream for every meal,” she declared.

“That’s so bad for you dude.”

“Says the girl who once ate pizza for 2 weeks straight. Talk about unhealthy.”

“Okay, it’s not that bad! You have all of the food groups in there, wheat from the crust, fruit from the pizza sauce because tomato is a fruit. Then you have dairy from the cheese, protein from the pepperoni, and then tons of veggies,” Beca explained, trying to convince Emily that pizza really is a healthy meal.

“Yeah and main food group: oil.” Clearly, the freshman was not buying it.

“Whatever.” The two girls quietly enjoyed their treats, Beca with her usual almond milk latte.

Life was pretty great. Mondays easily became Beca’s favorite day, mainly because she got to spend every Monday night with Emily. 

//

Weeks had passed and each week on Monday night, the same time, you could find Beca and Emily at the ice cream shop. It had become a tradition for the two, neither daring to break it. Until this week. Emily was out of town for her grandmother’s birthday.

Beca wanted to skip going to the ice cream shop. It wouldn’t be the same without the girl she had spent every Monday night with. Like at all.

But, to keep the tradition alive, she decided to go. She walked through the door and, like every Monday night was overwhelmed by the smell of cinnamon.

She stood in line and debated on whether or not she should get ice cream just so it would be like Emily was still here.

“One almond milk latte, please,” she told the cashier once she reached the front of the line.

“Where’s your friend?”

Beca looked at the guy ringing her out. She and Emily saw him there a few times, he must have recognized Beca.

“Um, she’s out of town today,” Beca said, quietly. “You know what, can I also get a small vanilla ice cream in a cup, please?”

He nodded, typing her order into the computer. She paid and waited patiently for her drink and ice cream to be finished.

Once she had her treats, she made her way to her and Emily’s spot all the way in the back. As soon as she settled down, she took a picture of the empty booth seat across from her and sent it to Emily, letting the other girl know where she was.

Beca: It’s lonely here without you :(

Emily: You went without me??? That’s rude…. :(

Beca: What’s rude is you leaving me here all by myself, dork.

Beca: I had to get ice cream to fill your place, thanks a lot ;)

The older girl snapped a picture of her ice cream and sent it to Emily.

Emily: You got vanilla? That’s the most boring flavor!

Beca: Well maybe I’m a boring person…

Emily: Highly doubtful, you are the most interesting person I’ve ever met :)

Emily: But I’m proud of you for branching out and FINALLY getting ice cream.

Beca smiled to herself. Emily was proud of her, even if she was just joking.

//

The week after Emily got back from her trip, the two girls, once again, found themselves at the ice cream shop.

This time, Emily picked black raspberry chip, and Beca decided to get vanilla again, as she enjoyed it so much last week.

“I can’t believe you got ice cream again. Who are you and what have you done with Beca?” Beca stuck her tongue out at Emily, as the younger girl giggled.

“You know, we’ve been coming here every Monday, It’s kind of like our own tradition,” Emily said, looking at Beca, who had a little bit of ice cream on her chin. “Oh, you have a little something-,” Emily gestured to her chin. Beca brought her hand to her face, trying to get the mess off her face, but failed to do so.

“Here, let me.” Emily reached out to Beca’s chin and wiped the ice cream off, glancing at her lips every few seconds. “There, all better.”

Beca looked into Emily’s eyes, noticing that the girl still had her hand on her chin. Emily’s hand felt warm against her skin.

Emily quickly took back her hand, looking away from Beca.

“Thanks, Em,” Beca smiled. Emily nodded slightly, taking a bite of her ice cream.

The two sat in comfortable silence, enjoying their ice cream and listening to the soft music playing in the background.

“As fun as this little tradition is, would you maybe, I don’t know, want to hang out some other time? Like as a date?” Beca shifted nervously in her seat. She would usually never ask anyone out, especially someone like Emily, in fear of being rejected. But something in this moment was telling her to shoot her shot and just go for it. She fully expected Emily to laugh in her face and say no. “I mean it’s cool if you don’t want to, I ge-“

“-I’d love to go on a date with you Beca.”

“Really?” Beca couldn’t believe it. The girl she likes, potentially loves, agreed to go on a date with her.

“Yes, really,” Emily smiled at Beca. Man, this girl really makes Beca feel all of the feelings, and strangely, it doesn’t make Beca want to run and hide. She likes it. She likes Emily and all of the feelings she’s giving her.

“Great, then it’s a date.”

“It’s a date.”

[rktiffxny]

                                                     ❝  IF I CURSED YOU OUT  —                                                        I WOULD’VE FELT BETTER  

everything is slower these days. she reacts slow, speaks slow, moves slow — she’s feelingoff and has no answer to when a trainer asks her if she’s sick. because the type of condition she has isn’t one simple medicine can fix. because what she has would make her mad to even think it, let alone say it. she’s heartsick. 

but fall is beginning and it’s easy to call it a cold — it’s not a complete lie. she does feel cold, just not in the conventional way. she’s stuffing her towel in her gym bag, languidly packing up when she notices her phone light up. her hopes don’t peak, she doesn’t expect a certain someone to call. not now, not anymore. but there is a certain someone else who occupies her apartment more than he had and it’s exactly that person who called.

cassie’s words have the tendency to sound more like a decree than a suggestion, but tiffany’s not feeling open to it either way when her sister says, “don’t come home tonight.”

“ryan’s not in korea right now, is he? because if he is and that’s why you’re kicking me out of my apartment, first of all gross and second of all, like i said it’s my apartment!”

“why does your mind have to go there?”

“i don’t know. why are you kicking me out of my apartment for the night?”

“can’t you let me finish talking? why do you like the sound of your voice so much?”

“because my sister is the same way and i learned from her.”

“brat.”

“you didn’t flood my apartment and you’re trying to fix everything before i come back, right?”

“if i flooded your apartment, do you think i would stay here with emily?”

“i would hope not.”

tiffany could practically hear her sister’s eyes rolling and there’s a faint smile on her lips. things almost feel normal. she almost feels more than just fine. “there’s a car waiting outside for you.”

“you’re creeping me out.”

“i texted you the license plate number, do you feel better?”

“no … ”

“just go get in the car!”

“oh my god, i still have to go downstairs!”

“oh … why didn’t you say so?” speaking of too alike, tiffany knows a hwang scheme when she sees one. her sister might be a luo now but she knows that cassie is still a hwang at heart. “okay, be a good girl and go downstairs! hurry, the driver’s been waiting for you!”

“i— oh, okay. well, bye to you too,” she grumbles, slipping the phone from her shoulder as she gives her bag one last zip with a loud sigh. there’s no end to her mumbling about how rude her own sister is to hang up on her like that after making casual demands as if she didn’t have a long day of training — not that tiffany was the most energetic today — and she only pauses when she opens the text. the license number is familiar … as soon as she sees a car outside of kt, she knows.

“hyunshik?”

closing the door behind her, bag slipped into the backseat, she clicks her seatbelt in place while asking, “you’re not working tonight?” he hums in response and she also knows better than to expect much more when it seems he’s been dragged into whatever plans her sister has. at least this means it can’t be the first option and she’s more than thankful for that as much as she loves her brother-in-law.

“you’re not going to tell me a single damn thing, are you?” this time, he actually laughs and her brows lift. “wow, someone’s in a good mood. did my sister promise to set you up with one of her friends? i’ve got some bad news for you ~ most of them are married too.”

tiffany only receives a scoff and she manages a small smile as she leans forward, fiddling with the ac and radio controls only to have her hand smacked away. her sister’s a stickler for detail and it hadn’t slipped tiffany’s notice the kind of songs playing as he drives on. girl power songs, strong, independent woman songs — break-up songs about moving on and moving up and tiffany thinks she’d appreciate it if she was at that point already. but, for once, she’s allowing herself a small dose of sadness each day. a small dose, as if it’ll help her withstand it and build up immunity when it’s bound to become her weakness if she doesn’t do something soon.  

fingertips tap idly against the car door as she leans back, making herself comfortable but it’s not long before the car stops. a halt so gentle that tiffany doesn’t realize at first until he undoes her seatbelt for her, “go inside. you’ll know when you see.”

“hm?” but she doesn’t have to go inside to know what the place he’s brought her to is: a karaoke place. her eyes glaze over and she thinks that the last thing she wants to do issing after practice all day. “can’t you just take me home?”

“a deal’s a deal.”

“i didn’t make a deal.”

“why’d you get in the car?”

a part of her wants to childishly point out that she was told to by her older sister and she very well can’t say no too often to her sister given her condition, but there’s a part of her that calls out more, that practically screams that she needs whatever is going to happen. because even if she doesn’t know what cassie’s plans are, she knows that her sister only wants the best for her, only wants to help her. it’s just a matter of accepting said help and, for once, tiffany doesn’t want to fight it. that’s what cassie was hoping for: that tiffany had grown this much and hwang miyoung doesn’t disappoint in the end.

all while huffing, she still grabs her bag and gets out of the car with a salute, “yes, sir!” she could blame jongdae for that later, smugly grinning at how hyunshik grimaces. everyone who knew him knows that he hated serving his time. however it showed his dedication to his country, it didn’t suit him.

adjusting the strap over her shoulder, she sighs again, foot kicking at the gravel along the side of the road just before she takes a step closer and finally another and another right into the shop. the last person she expected to be there waiting for her was her sister herself. “hey! where’s emily?”

“with her uncle cheolwoo. he volunteered.” they both struggle to ignore the cruel joke to be made about how cheolwoo is more willing than emily’s actual uncle but they all had their reasons at the time. “let’s go!”

“can you … ” tiffany’s gaze drops and she points at the growing bump of her sister’s stomach, to which cassie smacks her hand. “ouch!”

“i’m pregnant, steph. that doesn’t mean i can’t go out!”

“but it’s late … ”

cassie shrugs it off as if it’s nothing, as if it’s nothing that her sister is destined for a life of late nights from now on if she continues down this road; living a life where even if they’re finally in the same country for a while, tiffany can’t be around nearly as much as either of them would want.

“it’s never too late.”

for once, tiffany truly doesn’t know what her sister means.

the next two hours go by in a flash for cassie but, to tiffany, everything feels as if it’s in slow-motion. the poison is settling in and she’s pretending not to feel a thing. it’s just that cassie is terrified of; when tiffany is numb, cassie can’t stand it.

“you choose a song this time.” “i’ve chosen some of the songs!” “mm hm,” the skepticism drips from her voice and tiffany stifles yet another sigh. “i love this s— oh—”

cassie rests a hand over her lower stomach and there’s a flicker of panic in tiffany’s eyes. her sister is the perfect picture of serenity once whatever it is subsides and tiffany is baffled.

“is that normal?”

“i’m just feeling a little gassy.”

“oh my god.” the abbreviation tmi might as well be written on her forehead, only making cassie laugh hard as she gets up. “you sing this song for me, i’m going to be a while.”

“oh, gross.”

“it’s only human ~ ”

“stop, stop, stop!” cassie’s laughter trickles out the door and follows her into the hallway and tiffany’s grip loosens around the mic. as empowering as thank you very much by bestie can be, she knows she can’t do the song justice in her mood and it’s what cassie was referring to, as much as tiffany would prefer to deny it.

she thumbs through the singing list although she knows it well. cassie’d chosen one of the noraebangs that tiffany went to the most a few years ago. now, it felt like she rarely went. how often does a trainee get to? how often does a trainee want to? it’s a ploy, it must be and, while she doesn’t want to willingly fall for it, there’s a song that she’s drawn to.

a song she has to sing.

that’s what she thought, until the music starts and she’s barely able to open her mouth.

(     ♫, as i forgot about you who doesn’t love me           i live doing everything that i wanted to do.           i can’t erase you from my mind,       why        )  

she wants to, she wants to erase him from her mind. the idea alone is such a lie she can’t fathom it. so much for more honesty. there’s no way she could, there’s no way she’d really want to, so why, why does she have to feel like this? if she could hate him, it’d be easier.

(      ♫, who are you to make me pitiful       if i cursed you out, i would’ve at least felt better       why, why did you leave me without saying anything?     )  

if he’d been more of an asshole, it’d be easier. if he’d actually done something, it’d be easier. but it’s the way they grew distant, the way they faded to nothing that hurts more.

(      ♫, i’m not ready to break up,           wait a minute, waiting is too long, has no limit           i keep calling for you, but you don’t answer           only      —       echoes       —      come back to me      )  

the words barely make it past her tongue. the only thing that flows as freely as the melody are her tears and cassie leans her head against the door, eyes clenched shut as she listens to her baby sister stifle her sobs.

cassie did know best: tiffany didn’t need to curse bobby out, she needed to cry.

what she didn’t expect is for the song to start up again and this time tiffany sang through the end. this time, cassie couldn’t stay outside the room, not when tiffany’s tell me what is love sounds more like a desperate question than a lyric. her voice cracks, it’s unstable,shaky — she breaks, a crack in her armor, but at least her sister is there to hold the pieces together.

                                                             tell me, this is love.

[standbyjk]

BEST OF ME/JungkookxBTS

CHAPTER 3: Caught In A Lie

"Emily wake up!"

"What the...?"

"Where do they live?"

"What? In Seoul of course. Why do you even ask?"

"Fuck! "

"What is going on? Tell me!"

"I thought they live somewhere in America!"

"Natty, they are Korean. Since when do korean people live in America?"

"I don't know. Oh god. I didn't even think about that. What am I supposed to do Emily? I can't live in Korea. I can't even speak korean."

"You can learn. It's not that difficult. I learn korean since last year. The hardest part of it is learning their alphabet. I will learn you. Just some foundations"

"How am I supposed to finish the video and learn korean in 7 days?! Sorry, 6 days to be exact."

Emily pulled out a piece of paper from her drawer and started writing lines.

I knew it was korean symbol but I couldn't exactly tell what it meant. As soon as Emily finished writing she handed me a textbook. I took a quick look through it.

"This word means Army. It is official name of BTS's fandom." she said.

"I would never expect me to learn korean. My life has changed in just two days more than it did in 17 years."

"Me neither. I believe in you Natty and I will always support you."

I hugged her as soon as she stopped talking.

"You mean so much to me Emily, I am so lucky to have you."

"I am the lucky one. Boys will love you. I am sure about that."

"We will see. First, I have to win that competition."

"Let's get back to work then."

6 days later...

MONDAY 1pm

I trained really hard for the past 7 days. My whole body hurts and I can't even feel my legs. Emily helped me learn korean every day. It is impossible to learn much in a 6 days but at least I know how to write and read their letters and symbols in blocks. Actually, Emily was right (as usual). Learning korean is not hard at all.

I was really happy for these past days but it felt weird to be doing something different than laying on my bed and watching netflix.

"Deep thoughts, I see."

"Just realizing how many things has changed in these past days."

"You also changed. I see completely different person in front of me. I am so proud."

"Thank you. It means a lot. I feel so happy right now but I ma still a bit nervous." I couldn't hold it any longer and Emily has already realized something is wrong anyways.

"We have to go Natty. You will know the results in 2 hours. Stay calm."

"Let's go. I hope Melissa did her job."

"She did, don't worry about it. We are back in a few hours."

We got dressed because we had to do our presentation about dance group we uset to dance in. But the problem was that we had to be there at 2pm and the results of BTS's contest were supposed to be released at 3pm so it was impossible to send my video on time. We needed someone who will send video with my personal information to BTS's choreographer and check the results. Emily told me that our childhood friend Melissa could help us. We explained our situation and unaccountably she was really happy about helping us. I don't know why but I didn't really believe her. She always acted so rude towards me but she was the only option we had so I agreed.

2 HOURS LATER...

I came home at 3:30pm. I couldn't wait any longer. I was so impatient, I wanted to know had who won. I got up from my bed as soon as I heard doorbell, knowing it was Emily. She knew the results already.

I opened the door and saw Emily standing in front of me. She looked really stressed out.

"So? Tell me!" I shouted at her.

"Let's go to your room." she said calmly while holding my hand and leading the way to my room.

I let go of her hand and looked deeply into her deep green eyes. I didn't understand anything. I was the one to break scary silence between us.

"So do you know the results?"

"I do."

"Tell me, Emily! I am really stressed out."

"I don't know how is it possible..."

"What? Emily if you won't start talking right now..."

"It is not you. We didn't make it."

"What? What are you saying? They didn't choose me? I knew I am not good enough."

"I am really sorry Natty. I just -"

"I want to be alone."

"Natty please -"

"No, Emily. Don't. Just go." I started crying as soon as she closed the door of my room.

I felt so broken. How I am I supposed to live with myself? At that moment I lost every bit of confidence I had inside of me. I am such a miserable dancer. Forget BTS, you are not good enough and you will never be good enough.

I cried and cried until I fell asleep.

TUESDAY MORNING

I woke up early. I got out of my bed but I fell back immediately. I felt so useless. I got up again but  without falling back this time. I walked down the stairs to the living room.

"Does mum even know about what happend yesterday?" I thought. Lonely tear fell on the floor as I remembered what happened yesterday. This is real. And it hurts like hell.

"She knows. Emily told her for sure."

I opened the fridge and took out some food.I wasn't hungry, not at all. After eating breakfast I went back to my room. My mind blocked out so I can't remember what exactly happened next.

A FEW DAYS LATER...

„Come one Natty, it had been 3 days. You can't be like this forever."

„Like what?"

„Is that even a question? You don't eat. Only thing you do is laying on my bed. You barely talked in past days."

„I just really thought I can make it."

„Maybe it was supposed to happened. You know, like destiny."

„I guess you are right. Maybe a car would hit me in Korea. You never know."

„Just let it go. I know it is really hard for you but there is nothing we can do."

„Let's go out."

„Finally. I was scared that you would never say that."

I laughed. Not because I felt like I had to, but because I wanted to fr the first time in past 4 days. Emily was right, it was really hard for me to accept my failure. But there was nothing I could do to make my dreams come true now.

I slept at Emily's house for past 2 weeks. We did everything together without getting on each other's nerves. We went to the park together. It was 1am already. I was holding Emily's hand since we left her house. I couldn't let her go. I needed to feel someone next to me. Emily was my only friend and that is why I appreciate her so much. We know each other for 9 years now and we got through a lot together. Maybe that's why is our friendship so special to both of us.

We sat on grass still holding each other's hand. Moments like this are really meaningful to us. We have so many memories together, similar to the one we have right now. We remained quiet for almost 10 minutes. We feel truly happy and comfortable around each other even if we are not talking at all. It's so unique. I love spending time with her. Especially moments like this one. We don't even have to talk to find out what goes on our minds. At that moment I felt like I will remember this evening forever.

It was 3 am when we finally realized that we should probably head home. We stood up and walked through empty dark street never letting go of each other's hand. We went to bed and fell asleep immediately.

NEXT MORNING...

„YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME! THAT BITCH!"

„Emily shut the fuck up! It's 7 am. Someone is still trying to sleep you know."

„No, you don't understand. This is so fucking important. Read this."

„How am I supposed to read when I can't even see anything?!"

„It's about the competition. You better read it. No, no, no don't stand up. Just sit. You are gonna explode."

I sat and started reading something from Emily's computer screen. I almost fainted when I saw the title.

Daily news:

Scandal! BTS's Competition didn't end up as well as you may thought. Winner tricked all of us.

BTS had released their competition on Monday 15th. They were looking for new assistant of main choreographer (Son Sung Deuk) so they decided to make a competition for this position. Only thing you had to do was to film a video of you dancing to any BTS's choreography and send it with your personal information on intended time. Very simple, right?

BTS had chosen a winner and send announcement email to her. It's been 4 days since they made their choice and there is a big problem already. Ostensible winner – Melissa Mikeos send her personal information with her (not really) video to BTS. They contacted her and found out that a girl who was dancing in selected video wasn't her but someone esle. BTS felt really ashamed thanks to this girl's appearance so they cancelled whole competition today.

We don't have any closer information from members or their manager so we can't tell what their next step will be.

"You have to be fucking kidding me! How could she do that to me? I knew we can't believe her."

"She tricked us all. But it also means that your video won! You are the one they had chosen."

"Oh my god, they saw me dancing and they liked it, can you believe it? But...their article is saying that they cancelled whole competition. So it's still useless anyway."

"They had to be really confused. They liked your video but they are scared now since that happened. You have to understand their situation as well."

"Believe me I do. I just want answers. What are we supposed to do now?"

"Wait, I guess?"

"We did everything together without getting on each other's nerves.

"I don't like it, but there's nothing else we can do."

I had thrown myself on the bed right after realizing my current situation. My whole world changed in few minutes. It's weird. Since when do I even want to work with them? One week ago, I wasn't very happy about my mums opinion and now? I would do anything to get there. Literally, anything.

2 LONG HOURS LATER...

"I can't wait anymore! There has to be something."

I stood up quickly, trying to balance my body and took Emily's notebook. I started searching for new articles about BTS's updates. I had been opening and closing links one after another still not being able to find anything. I found a link to their twitter account and saw newest tweet.

"Emily, look! What does it mean?"

"I am not sure. It looks like they are looking for someone."

Emily grabbed her notebook and started typing. She opened BTS's main website and found an update. She started reading out loud:

"Good morning everyone. As you may already know pretended winner of our competition was caught in a lie. On Monday we released results and contacted winner. We had to make sure that video isn't fake so we wanted the person to start a video call with us and dance. Girl confessed to us about her not being a girl we thought she is.

We didn't know what to do at first but after long discussion and sharing our thoughts with our manager and choreographer we agreed on our final decision: We cancelled whole competition because we felt betrayed. Our priority is to find real girl from the video. Pretended winner doesn't want us to know girl's name so only thing we can do is to find her and we need help from our army to make that happened. Please use #WeNeedUGirl to help us find our real winner. Thank you so much!

BTS (Kim Nam Joon,Jung Ho Seok, Kim Seok Jin, Kim Tae Hyung, Park Ji Min, Min Yon Gi, Jeon JungKook)...

They are looking for you Natty! We have to contact them!"