#also something else which could apply to other separated AUs but I haven’t seen any do

[shlbigbang]

FAQ

Who are the mods?

The mods are symphorine (@symph0rine on tumblr and twitter, symphorine on AO3), shards (@shards-of-divinity on tumblr and AO3), kep (@huldraism on twitter, drifloon on AO3) and vesh (@dryadfangs on twitter, decidueye on AO3)

Is this only for the show?

No! We realise the name might be misleading, but this is for people who have seen the show, read the book, or both! You don’t even have to have seen/read it all, but in that case, beware of spoilers.

Is this only for certain pairings?

No! As long as what you want to write about is within the rules, you’re good! You don’t have to write a pairing, either. Gen fics, with or without background ships, are absolutely welcome!

What is the minimum wordcount for fics?

The minimum wordcount is 8k words. There is no wordcount cap; you can write as much as you want!

What kind of art can artists participate with?

Drawings (both digital and traditional), fanvid, and gifsets/manip set are all accepted! They will have different requirements.

What are the art requirements?

For drawings: at least one finished piece, according to what you'd consider fully finished in your style, and a second piece that can be less finished (i.e. maybe you don't add a background or shading) For fanvids: a video at least 30 seconds long. For manips/gifsets: at least one 8 gifs gifset, or two manips, or a mix (for example, 4 gifs gifset and 1 manip). Of course, if you feel particularly inspired by a fic, feel free to do more if you want!

If I am a writer and already have a beta, do they have to sign up as well and claim my fic, or can they stay “exterior” to the event?

They should sign up as well, and you should both contact us to let us know you’ll work together! Your fic then will be marked as already claimed by your beta during the claiming rounds. This is mostly so we can keep track of who’s involved, and have a way of contacting your beta for check-ins and in case of problems. This also means they will get an invite to our discord if they’d like to join it!

Will this bang be allowing NSFW or dead dove content?

We will be allowing NSFW (as long as it isn’t about the minor characters, i.e. Chengling and any kids), but not dead dove content that exceeds canon typical stuff.

For example, there are torture scenes in both the show and the book, so it’s okay to include equivalents in fics or art, but if you were planning on writing 8k of only detailed torture, then that wouldn’t be allowed. If in doubt during the event, you can always ask a mod if what you’re thinking of would be allowed or not!

Do writers get to choose what kind of content they do/do not want for their fic? (Like yes to drawings and no to vids, for example?)

No, writers will not get to choose what kind of art they will get. That’s in the interest of fairness, but also so no participating artist gets left out! Of course, as a writer, you can still discuss with your artist what they’re intending to make, but they will have the final say on that.

Can we participate as an artist and writer team that is predetermined?

No, sorry, artists and writers cannot form a predetermined team. It kind of would go against the idea of the event, the forming of the team and working with new people is most of its purpose. Of course it would be easy to “cheat”, but we are trusting participants to not do that!

Can I sign up as writer and artist?

Yes, you can! We will have a separate signup form for writers, artists, betas, and pinch hitters, so you’ll just have to submit both a writer and an artist form!

I want to write an AU, a friend who is very familiar with the AU setting is already helping me brainstorm and would be up to sign up to beta it but they haven’t watched SHL. Could I still have my fic up to be claimed by someone actually familiar with the characters?

Yes! Although this is a bit of an edge case, nothing is technically preventing you from having several betas; we simply want everybody to have at least one, which is why we are providing one through the event. In this particular case, we would still like your friend to sign up so they can give us ways to contact them, and for you both to then contact the mods to let them know. If they are unfamiliar with SHL, though, they should tell us, and will not participate in claims. You will also be quite low priority if we end up lacking betas (in which case one of the mods will probably pick up your story for beta reading).

Are there options to go forth with if I am not comfortable working with my beta?

Yes! If you aren’t comfortable working with your beta (or if as a beta you are not comfortable working with one of your writers), contact the mods and we will arrange for you to get a new beta (or if you are a beta, we will arrange for somebody else to take your place).

How fully made will the fics be when artists claim them?

You will claim fics based on summary and/or outline, as well as AO3-style tags that would apply. Tags will indicate pairings, main characters and tropes, so you will have a general idea of the focus of the fics! We might also indicate the writer’s rough estimation of their final wordcount, but you will not know how far along each writer is in writing their fic.

If I already have an idea for a fic and I would like to “claim” that idea, would that be possible? Or are you guys okay with accepting multiple entries of the same premise?

We are not regulating fic premises! You don’t need to claim your idea or make sure nobody else is doing anything similar before you write it. Technically, if everybody wanted to write a fluffy coffee shop AU, then everybody would be free to write that. The “claiming” part is only for artists and betas to say which fics they’ll work with.

If we are not comfortable working with minors, is there any way for us to know in the claiming process?

We do not have a particular system for this. A safe bet, if you’re claiming fics, would be to claim NSFW works, as we did establish that people should be 18+ if they want to depict NSFW. If you’re a writer, you can always message us and say that you do not want your fic to be claimed by a minor, and we will add that as a note during claimings.

As always, though, if after claims you find that you do not work well with the people who claimed your fic/whose fic you claimed, you can always message the mods to try to arrange something.

Do you have contacts for any sensitivity readers in addition to betas who may sign up? It’s my first Chinese fandom so i want to ensure i get someone(s) to look over it from a culture perspective.

Unfortunately, no, we don’t have any particular sensitivity readers contacts. You may try to find somebody to do that by yourself (in which case, good luck!). You can also look around for resources, I have seen a few threads and links pop up recently. Finally, you can also look for a beta who would be able to do sensitivity reading as well. It’s not guaranteed that someone who can do that will sign up as a beta for the event, but we can put it as a note during claims so betas can see it and claim accordingly!

Other than that, your best bet would be, I think, to ask on the BB Discord server if anyone can do sensitivity reading/knows someone who can.

Can ongoing works in AO3 be submitted?

No, ongoing works can't be submitted. We would like writers to submit something that hasn't been published yet; a wip, or even a complete fic, started before your signup time is fine, as long it hasn't been published elsewhere.  Of course, a new fic is fine as well.

With everything going on currently, is the schedule going to remain the same for now?

It will stay the same for now, yes. However, since our next check in is next week, we will reevaluate the schedule after people have checked in, and might modify/extend it depending on people’s answers.

However, regardless of whether we make changes to the schedule or not, you can still ask for extensions or any other arrangement  or help you need! That’s what we mods are here for.

[babieyangyang10]

violent ends (chapter 10)

(chapter 10)

series masterlist

genre: hunger games!au

pairings: huang renjun x oc, na jaemin x oc

warnings: language, mentions of injuries, mentions of sex, fighting, and death (so sorry for this one)

previous | next

Jaemin's POV

"Athena, run!" I yell, before my feet start moving. Flames rip at my skin as I pass more and more trees.

However, I don't get far, before I'm colliding with something hard. I grunt falling down to the ground.

"Jisung!" That something was Mark Lee. We stare at each other with wide eyes.

"Hyung, I don't think that's Jisung." Chenle trails off. I crawl backwards, trident no where to be found.

"Athena, get-" I turn around for help, to be met with just trees behind me, "Wait, where'd she go?"

"Who?"

I explain, still breathing heavily, "Lee Athena, she was right behind me. I guess we must have gotten separated."

"We're looking for a kid named Jisung. Blond hair. Kinda skinny. This tall." Chenle gestures his height above his head.

"I haven't seen him," I realize that not only do I not have Athena, but I also don't have any weapons or supplies, "Oh fuck, what am I going to do now?”

"Well, they should be close by. Maybe we could look together!" Chenle suggests.

"Chenle, he's dangerous." Mark spits at the younger boy.

"Yeah, with no weapons or even anything on him. Real dangerous," Chenle rolls his eyes, "Besides, even if he wanted to kill us, he would've tried by now."

I hate to say it, but I am desperate. I literally have nothing. If I disagree with Chenle, Mark Lee will definitely kill me right here.

I began pleading with him. "Listen, I need to find her," I pause, "she's just really important to me. I'll even help you find the kid."

A look of pity appears on Mark's face. "Fine, but we're splitting up and Chenle," He looks to the boy, "you're going to be the one who stays with him. Always keep your weapon ready. Meet me back at camp at sunset."

"Thank you, Mark." I breath out, truly grateful.

“I’m going to be looking in the direction of our camp to see if they’re in that area. The two of you will check around here.” He heads off towards the direction of the Lake.

Meanwhile, Chenle and I begin in the opposite direction. We decided to try to retrace our steps and try to find tracks where we last saw them.

As time passes, I feel my chest sink more and more. How could I be so stupid to lose her like that? Although, I haven’t heard any cannons. That’s good, right?

“So, what’s the deal with you two? Is it really real?” Chenle asks about the girl on my mind.

I hum, “I think so. I meant what I said.” It was the truth, even if the cameras are on me now.

“Ooh, love at first sight!” He teases in a high-pitched voice.

Laughing, I respond with, “So, how did the three of you decide to team up?”

“Mark was the one who asked us. Jisung and I were really surprised,” He furrowed his brows, “Like, why would this strong guy want to team up with us, the smallest tributes? I guess it was because we’re all in the lower districts and grew up very similar.”

Before I can respond, I hear the sound of laughing. “Careers!” I point, “Let’s hide in that tree.”

Grabbing on to a high branch, I pull myself up first. Chenle goes to do the same, but the branch snaps, causing him to fall to the ground.

“Look!” The Careers have spotted us.

Leaning down, I hold out my hand. I pull him up only just before they stop at the trunk of the tree.

“Haechan, go get them.” Lee Jeno barks at the man.

Haechan tries to climb the tree, but only falls down. Since the branch snapped, there’s no way he’ll be able to grab on to anything.

“I can’t. There’s no way!” He yells, frustrated. I can hear Chenle snickering from beside me.

However, no one laughs at Huang Renjun’s next harsh words, “Use your bow then.”

Chenle turns to me with fear in his eyes. Looking above, there’s no where else for us to climb. The two of us can’t take the three of them with just Chenle’s knife.

The District 1 tribute reaches back into his pouch on his back to load his bow. We wait in silence, until his hand comes out empty, “I forgot it at the Cornocopia.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Jeno looks furious, “Go get them, before I slit your neck open while your family watches on tv.”

Haechan, looking close to tears, begins towards the Cornocopia. Meanwhile, Jeno suddenly makes an observation, “Hey lover boy, where’s your girlfriend?”

Striking a nerve in me, I spit, “That’s none of your business.” I notice that it was starting to get dark. Mark should be waiting for us at the camp.

“Did she finally decide to ditch you?” I look down to see Renjun, looking intensely up at me.

“No.” I deny. Seeing that Chenle is rummaging around the tree, I try to distract the two of them.

“Why, are you missing her too much?” I direct it towards Renjun. Jeno, intrigued by my comment, turns to observe his ally’s reaction.

“Nope. Why would make you say that?” He pretends to be unaffected. Although, for a second, I swore I could see a hint of anger in his eyes.

“Oh, come on,” I narrow my eyes, “Don’t tell me you’ve never had a soft spot for Lee Athena. You grew up together didn’t you? Always competed with the other in school.”

“Really?” Jeno says, taking in my words.

“Yep, she told me all about it.” I laugh dryly to myself.

Renjun just pauses, he looks up at me with dark eyes before simply asking, “Did she tell you what happened the night before the first day of the games as well?”

Before anyone else can speak, a cannon goes off in the distance.

Athena’s POV

"I need to find Mark and Chenle. Could you help me back to our camp?" Jisung suggests after we finish eating the crackers from my bag.

That was easier said than done. Judging by both our conditions, we wouldn't make it far. Not to mention, how do I know I wouldn't be killed on sight by Mark Lee if I returned him?

Before I can answer, however, I hear the sound of beeping. From the sky, a little crate is falling from a parachute. A sponsor!

I catch it in my hands, quickly opening it. I first spot a piece of paper. The writing says, “heal up, hero.—T.”

Taeyong.

“Thank you for the sponsorship.” I gratefully say to the camera, before pulling out the jar inside. It contains a gooey substance, which I’m presuming is for our burns.

“Okay, Jisung. This might sting a little.” I warn, before crouching down. I apply the cream over his leg. His doe-eyes open wide, while he whimpers softly in pain.

Quickly, I notice the burnt skin on my hand where the cream had touch was now completely healed. I applied more to my other hand. Now, I can actually hold a weapon again. I also put in on my leg, feeling the pain ease away.

I feel as good as new. However, while Jisung’s skin is looking extremely better on his wound, he still is unable to walk. Because of this, I add another layer of cream for now.

“Okay, so your base is across the lake, take a left at the tree stump, then go straight?” I ask, while he eagerly nods.

“Well, I’m going to bring them back to you, since you can’t come to them. I’ll leave you with a knife. I wonder if there’s a way you could warn me of danger?” I ask myself.

“Well, back in eleven, we have this little signal.” He whistles a four-note melody, which causes mockingjays to sing it back to him.

“How about every now and then you whistle to check in on me? If you don’t hear it back from the mockingjays, then somethings gone wrong.” Jisung explains.

Once giving him a spare knife, I grab my things and begin following the stream upwards. Like we agreed, I would whistle and listen as the mockingjays would echo. Whenever I would hear it return, I couldn’t help but let out a little smile.

The stream eventually leads me to the lake, where I cross. I follow the directions Jisung gave me until I am met with a small shack of sticks.

“Athena?”

I throw my knife, which lands just centimeters away from Mark Lee’s head.

“Woah, I come in peace!” He holds up his weapon-less hands.

Breathing heavily, I apologize, “Sorry, but Jisung told me to find you. He’s injured. I left him by a pond, come follow me.”

Before we went, I whistled once more to Jisung. I waited and was met with the sound of silence. Even after trying again, there was still nothing.

“Something’s wrong!” I cried.

We began running, the water from the lake and stream, soaking us. However, all we cared about was Jisung. As I neared the pond, I could hear the sounds of excessive splashing.

Turning the corner, I am met with the sight of Haechan holding a struggling Jisung under the water. Hands flailing, he is trying to free himself, while Haechan is killing him slowly.

There was no hesitation. No guilt.

When the knife went flying from my hand, straight into Haechan’s left eye.

[enduringsea]

( rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the kind of music they listen to! put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people! no skipping! ) / tagged by @yellowcrumpet​ ╭( ･ㅂ･)و )))

Thanks for the tag! I LOVE these things-- I don’t rlly have a playlist either though, just a mess of music files on a device I haven’t updated so I’ll be checking my YouTube history too lol. There’s a uhhh.... pattern to be found, mainly relating to Code Vein or other OCs.... which isn’t surprising ._. ;; I made it a separate post bc I knew this was going to get long and rambly with lyric snippets and crying about fictional characters, sorry :D

1. Repeat Until Death - Novo Amor don’t go / you’re half of me now / but i’m hardly stood proud / i said it, almost oh i’ve been low / but damn it i bet it don’t show / it was heaven a moment ago oh i can’t seem to let myself leave you / but i can’t breathe anymore This one gives me Loubeth vibes ok, partially bad end route ;-; While Elizabeth is a very strong person, her friends are the most prominent reason she tries to do anything at all & isn’t living day-to-day in a monotonous grind to survive without a solid purpose other than ‘help random ppl bc it’s the right thing to do’. If she loses them, it’d ruin her & hammers into her head how everything she’s ever done has been a failure. She suffered a major betrayal by her boss before the Collapse, she was unable to fully participate in proj. queen despite her incredible test results, she failed to defeat Cruz and take her blood during Operation Queenslayer, and if she fails to protect the people she’s finally found meaning with? She’d break down completely & destroy herself to save them. She’s always had some level of abandonment issues, and without her family around it’s so much worse, even if it isn’t the most obvious because she’s generally seen as very well put together-- I really can’t express how much it would hurt her to lose Louis, Yakumo, and the others. She’s just not one to show just how bad it can truly get for her mentally and emotionally-- she’s resilient as hell, she’s been through hell repeatedly and survived it all, so it’s easy for others to assume she’s fine all things considered. It makes her feel weak and ashamed of herself if she shows any level of vulnerability, so she doesn’t; she swallows it down and is afraid of disappointing those who look up to her as a fighter and friend-- of course, no one at Home Base would blame her for being vulnerable, they all have their moments, Bethy just sets herself to such a high standard it’s difficult for her to talk about her own suffering in spite of how well-versed she is in getting her thoughts and feelings across otherwise. Louis is the one most keen to how deeply she’s hurting, but he doesn’t understand just how deeply until she finally does fall apart. The final swell of the song and its desperate lyrics really relays the pain they both feel-- Louis too would not fare well if something happened to Elizabeth, because he blames himself she was even involved in Operation Queenslayer for a long time, I honestly did so bad in explaining coherently, this song just has so much emotion and hurt behind it adklfjdfdff </3

2. Looking Out For You - Joy Again this is a love song for a girl who will never know it’s about her she's beaming that smile / all the while i’m all tripped up on my own throat i guess there is no hope This song reminds me of Elizabeth & my friend’s character Takashi Fujioka, who gets-- vERY...FRIENDZONED, for lack of a better word, by Elizabeth in his story, it’s really summed up best as tragic (;﹏;) Before the Collapse they were hitting it off, then the Collapse happened, they were separated, he lost his sisters, Mido happened, he was experimented on + became a revenant, etc, etc; years have passed since then & she’s gotten her life together as much as one can in a world like Vein, but for Takashi it’s like no time has passed at all. Elizabeth is subtly older in appearance, she’s been working w Lou & Co. for a long time; Loubeth blatantly have a connection, & rather than bringing up his feelings + making it awkward bc he values their friendships, he just kinda. chokes on them & does his best to help out the team. It doesn’t help he can’t even be jealous bc Louis is a really solid friend to him too, IT’S JUST A MESS OF A SITUATION & the death of what could have been if things were different.

3. Closer - Teagan And Sara ( no lengthy explanation for this one thank goodness, I’ve just been watching BoJack Horseman again and I really like some of the songs they add in, I like listening to this one on loop when mindlessly coloring something )

4. Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo  all I did was try my best / this the kind of thanks I get? they say these are the golden years / but I wish I could disappear ego crush is so severe / god, it's brutal out here I have it on a playlist for Elizabeth somewhere, not all of it applies to her but it reflects some of her struggles she has both before & after the collapse. She’s-- always kind of been a mess while under immense pressure + has serious self image issues, this song hits that side of her well. She’s been held to humanly impossible standards by both herself and her family bc frankly? She can reach them, she’s NOT exactly human. She was born into her position as a hunter & intends to keep it for as long as she lives (like revenants, her kind is very much ‘either gets killed or lives 5ever), even if some days she really feels how heavy the burden can be. She didn’t have a normal childhood and she’s fine with it for the most part, but it alienates her from most of her peers-- she never got to date anyone, never had a close group of friends, never went to parties that weren’t formals, etc., while she feels a little childish about it, she does envy ‘normal’ and understands the pressure she’s lived under her entire life has caused damage-- she has been exploited for her abilities, there’s just not much she can do about it but to keep going, rlly.

5. Freaks - Surf Curse  don't kill me / just help me run away from everyone  i need a place to stay / where i can cover up my face don't cry / i am just a freak / i am just a freak UhhhHHH this song really makes me think of Oliver Collins :D;; thank TikTok for showing it to me. It makes me think of how scared he was, of both the world and the revenants who captured him. The song’s use of the word ‘parasites’ really makes me think of Revenants and the BOR parasites XD I’m hoping when I poke my video editor again, I can record some Oliver footage to make a short video to this song. Oliver deserves so much better, I wish you could save him, but that’s what AUs are for, hahah.... The second half of the lyrics make me think of the AU I have where he lives and has to grapple with the guilt of surviving and the things he did to other revenants to get by too.

6. All Eyes On Me - Bo Burnham you say the ocean’s rising / like i give a shit you say the whole world’s ending / honey it already did you’re not gonna slow it / heaven knows you tried got it? good / now get inside I haven’t seen the Netflix special yet but I’ve had this song on repeat since my move started. The lyrics hit too hard & resonate with my existential dread, covid exhaustion, and extreme burnout in my 20s, but bc I have Damage I can also relate it to CV ._. ‘you’re not gonna slow it, heaven knows you tried. got it? good now get inside’ makes me think of--;; the bad end route again, and Elizabeth’s desperation to keep her found family together. It’s not like her to completely stop caring about an issue, but in the moment she realizes what’s being taken from her? She doesn’t want to save all of revenant-kind if it means she’s going to wind up alone all over again, her world is effectively over if she’s forced to be alone again. The MC frenzying means the only immediately identifiable hope she had of saving everyone else is gone, so why not just go home? If they’re all doomed, she wants to at least be together for a little while longer, it’s fine if they use her blood to survive & everyone else in the mist is out of luck, it’s soul-crushing bc I’ve never had her in a situation where she’s been this reckless, despondent/hopeless, and thinking irrationally where it’d impact more than herself-- especially when she’s normally goal-oriented, organized, meticulous, so on so forth: she’s not one to act without thinking something through first, but that last breath of light just got sucker-punched out of her. All she wants is home, comfort, and family, and ultimately in the bad end route she does manage to preserve their lives, maintain the mist, and supply blood beads, but her own condition leaves her on the throne-- it’s a mix of the bad, neutral, and true ending rlly ldkfjdf BUT YEAH enough rambling on that :D;; This song’s really good and touches a lot of different thoughts and ideas both in real life and my ocs, kind of embarrassing--;; thank u bo burnham for ruining me with this beautiful song

7. Yellow - Coldplay look at the stars / look how they shine for you / and everything you do your skin / oh yeah, your skin and bones / turn in to something beautiful do you know / for you I'd bleed myself dry Does this song make me think about JackEva? Yes. Yes it does. Star / night sky symbolism? Bam. Sappy lyrics about love and finding the person you’re with absolutely mesmerizing and worth dying for? BAM. If JackEva were capable of using their own blood to save each other, I can see it-- hJNGn they just care about each other so much, Jack cries for her even though they both knew that eventually one of them would succumb to their duty, and if the roles were reversed I can see Eva doing the same, I adore them beyond human language. On my CV RP blog, my Jack’s not shippable bc-- Eva, my friend even have them looking after his nephew (an oc--) at one point. I should seriously drop some headcanons down eventually....

8. Louder Than Thunder - The Devil Wears Prada  are we meant to be empty-handed? / i know i could, i could be better i don't think i deserve it / selflessness, find your way into my heart all stars could be brighter / all hearts could be warmer 

LMFAO throwback to my middle school playlist, I’m old-- I’ve applied this song to a lot of things back in the day, but I really connect it to Loubeth now, especially Louis. Lou & Bethy are both functional idiots who are too hard on themselves & have trouble recognizing their worth beyond what they can do for others. They’re trying to be better-- to make up for what they perceived wrongs they’ve done, but it’s hard, they don’t believe they’re worthy of the love and support the other gives, but they still yearn for that sense of security. After Louis’ memories are returned, he finally understands the guilt he’s felt since he became a revenant and it really skews his self-perception; he blames himself for so many things & Elizabeth, who has always been able to kill when necessary, sets it straight-- “It’s not your fault”, and it takes Louis some time to properly absorb that message. He thinks she’s just trying to comfort him, which she is tbh, but she’s not wrong: “It’s not your fault you couldn’t kill someone. It was never your job to kill anyone.” It’s up to people like her to do those sort of things-- Elizabeth may not have been present when Cruz frenzied, but if she had been? It would have been over before it started, that’s something she has regrets over, even if nothing could have been done since she was already on the field. Actually, she’s actually really quite angry that security failed to monitor Cruz properly and has a few select words for the ones there who could have actually done something before it got out of hand-- civilians and doctors are exempt from her shtlist bc they’re not meant to be killers (so don’t worry Artorias, she’s not ready to bite your head off!), but they had to have some kinda security detail rite o-q??? They’re probably hiding from her wrath-- BUT ANYWAY, she insists she’ll never blame Louis for not being able to do something as serious as killing another person. He was a normal human being who cared about his friend, not a failure, and he couldn’t have been expected to do something that shouldn’t have fallen on his shoulders in the first place. As many times as it takes, she’ll reaffirm that it wasn’t his fault, she’s not angry, he’s always done his best and her opinion of him hasn’t changed. He’s a good person and she loves him through all the hurt, though she doesn’t drop the word ‘love’ for a long time. It just-- takes Louis a while to accept she views him as someone worthy of the love and respect she has for him. It’s kind of ironic she’s so adamant on Louis not blaming himself considering she’s the one privately blaming herself for-- wow there’s too much to unpack, she feels guilty she was even born?? im so broken over these two. I love them and yet they SUFFER... 

9. What I’ve Done - Linkin Park i'll face myself / to cross out what i’ve become erase myself / and let go of what i’ve done today this ends / i'm forgiving what i’ve done

I have Louis Amamiya brainrot and I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks that this song fits him super well & it needs to become an AMV dsjfkldsfd. I’m a near life-long Linkin Park fan and this fits with Lou so well thematically. As much as I’ve gone on about Louis’ guilt, he does steel himself to keep going forward in spite of it and make things right, for everyone. Maybe it wasn’t really his fault, but at the end of the day his inability to kill Cruz in that moment left a disaster in its wake that got a countless number of people killed-- the MC included with Karen and Aurora. He doesn’t want to run away from the truth, doesn’t want to make excuses, he wants to take responsibility for it and he’ll work himself to death if it means things will be better-- it’s both admirable he’s got a strong resolve and VERY concerning with how willing he is to die for the cause, please don’t overdo it, Lou, you’ll break mine and Bethy’s hearts ._.;; It won’t always be easy, there are moments the grief gnaws at him, but in the end he does overcome it (and uh. as in the bad ending, we know he can actually do it this time). I know we can’t see everything, but I would have loved deeper character interactions, especially with Louis with an emphasis on grieving + forgiving himself properly-- but this song really is nice with the whole ‘I’m going to face my mistakes head on, forgive myself, and keep moving forward’. It’s what Louis deserves: self forgiveness and a damn break ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

10. Call of Silence - Hiroyuki Sawano you will know you're reborn tonight / must be rough but i’ll stay by your side even if my body's bleached to the bones / i don't want go through that ever again so cry no more / oh my beloved ngl idk if those are the correct lyrics, buuuuuuut....... im a weenie and am internally weeping abt loubeth after midnight, what else is new lmfao- i’ll at least try to be brief :D I also used to really like Attack on Titan when I was in high school, I dropped the anime years ago because I was waiting for s2 and never got back to it once it started airing again, I thought I’d finish it once the anime was complete since I eventually caught up with the manga, such a good series BUT ANYWAY-- I think it’s a really pretty song and Loubeth fit with the tender lyrics. IT’S LATE, idk what to say about them other than what I’ve said already dsklfjdslf im sorry I really ramble a LOT and I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had the chance to >w>;;

[shall-we-imagine]

And I'll still love you. (Klaus Goldstein x Reader *AU*)

Sequel to Mess me up.

In which Klaus gets back with his ex.

Jk I'd never 😂👌🏻

Genre: Angst/some fluff?

A/N: This is long, and I mean long, so strap yourselves in I guess? CuZ iTs A lOnG aSs RiDe (A Mark Lee tribute 👌🏻)

Also guys we have a lil Cedric (from BIR) cameo here so um idk there's that ig 😂😂

(Second Person Point of View)

"Okay, one day left till finals; you guys know what that means!" Zeus smirks, though the only one that knew what that means was apparently Luca.

"This time; we're not getting kicked out of the VIP lounge." Luca points an accusing finger at Zeus.

"It's not my fault you lied about our identities without letting me know that I was a famous producer and not just a fucking college student!" Zeus growls.

The intense argument only grew louder from the two opposite sides of the table, isolating you and Klaus from the rest of the group in a strange way. Everyone knew to ignore when Luca and Zeus started arguing, so Amelia and Guy - on the other side of the table - were already having a separate conversation, leaving you and Klaus in an awkward silence (If you ignore the two yelling dorks, of course).

As frustrating as the awkwardness is, you'd already decided to ignore the blond ever since the incident, and no amount of awkward can change that.

It'd been around five days since you even looked him in the face, and he didn't seem to be planning to fix anything. Sure, he constantly looks uncomfortable, and you're sure he knows he fucked up, but that doesn't change his lack of attempts to even apologise properly.

"Hey, what's up, you guys?" Scarlett beams, sitting next to you. Elias, Yukiya, and Augustus take seats around the table as well. "Sigurd's still busy with some work at the library, but he'll be here soon." She announces.

"Anyway, this time we're not going into the VIP lounge; you can get kicked out alone if you want to, but I'd like to keep my dignity!" Zeus crosses his arms.

"Which club are we visiting anyway?" Luca looks around the table.

"None! We're supposed to be studying!" Klaus snaps, earning confused looks from everyone. Sure, it was a logical statement, but his sudden outburst left everyone at a loss of words.

"Don't be such a killjoy." Sigurd's voice is followed by a chuckle. He places himself in the empty seat between you and Klaus; however, you could still feel Klaus stare at you for a bit after it.

"He's right though. Finals start in like two days.." Yukiya states, to which Elias nods.

"Yeah, I need to revise." The younger blond agrees.

"It starts in a week for Amelia, Guy, Augustus, and I." Scarlett shrugs.

"Yeah, we're in." Guy grins.

"Sorry, guys, I don't think Yukiya and I will be joining; we still have stuff to study." Elias gives one of those polite frowns, where you know he's not disappointed about missing out on any of that. Knowing Elias, you can tell he's probably pleased to spend his day in a library instead of a club, and normally, you'd agree; you enjoy peace, and it's never too fun to be in crowded places.

However, you need to do something fun to get your mind off of Klaus. If he's gonna be a dick then so be it; you have to move on.

"I'm coming." You shrug. Part of you wanted to turn to check Klaus's reaction, but you stayed composed.

"What?!" He semi-shouts, but immediately clasps his hand over his mouth, clearly embarrassed by his accidentally loud reaction. He clears his throat, "I mean, you're in the same uni as these dumbasses and I; you start finals the day after tomorrow! What do you mean you'll go clubbing today? You should be studying!"

"What makes you think I have any studying left? I'm already done." You weren't gonna bring it up. You really weren't. Not in front of everyone too, but before you could think it through, you found yourself quoting him from that night. And it wasn't a lie either, you spent your days binge studying to keep your mind busy, so at this point, you really needed something else to keep you occupied.

Something flashes in his eyes, recognition maybe: you weren't sure, but either way, he stays silent. And perhaps you should've left it at that, but the built up anger inside you is now clawing its way out.

"Plus, even if I haven't finished studying; what is it to you?! Who even are you to object and involve yourself in my life?! Mind your own business!" He, once again, doesn't respond, but this time it wasn't because he was caught off guard. He just seemed slightly broken, but in the midst of the fury and anguish you felt, you couldn't care that much.

"Um, what's up with the weird tension between you guys?" Zeus lets out a nervous laugh. If Zeus was giving nervous laughs then it was definitely obvious to everyone how serious whatever is between you and Klaus.

"Haven't you two been ignoring each other a bit too? Like you guys used to be super close." Augustus points out.

Amelia's eyes meet yours, and she immediately gets the memo. "You guys are crazy; they're fine! They've always argued a lot; it's how they are! Can we focus on who's coming and who's not?" You give her a small smile, as to say thank you.

Scarlett catches on to the silent conversation between you and Amelia, immediately joining in. "Yeah, don't worry too much; we've seen it happen a lot! So, yeah, let's just focus on what's important here."

"Uh, sure." Zeus lets it go. Luca, Guy, and Augustus were smarter than that, unfortunately; they remained skeptic. Regardless, none of them make any further comments.

"I've also done my studying, so I'm good to go, as well." Sigurd shoots you a wink, earning a giggle in return. A genuine one, which you were thankful for. It made you relax a little after that rage you let loose on the blond jerk.

Klaus slams his fist on the table, "Fine. I'm coming too."

"Man, could you fucking chill; you're starting to sound scary. More so than normal." Luca complains but moves on to deciding the time and place to meet.

Your eyes drift to Klaus, who was already looking. You quickly look away, unsure why your heart suddenly leaped into your throat.

You avoided looking in his direction for the rest of the gathering.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

"You're not gonna tell me what's up with you and Klaus?" Scarlett glances at you before looking back at her own reflection and applying highlighter.

Amelia sticks her head out the bathroom door, one eye lined perfectly till the wing while the other was left with a random stray streak as if she rushed to the door at hearing Scarlett's statement, and in the process fucked over her left eye. Of course you know that's exactly what she did.

"Um, excuse you? I think you mean us??"

Scarlett sighs, "You're not gonna tell us what's up with you and Klaus?"

"Nothing." You apply your favourite lipstick, absolutely pleased it goes perfectly with your dress. At least one thing is going right here.

Scarlett frowns slightly, but doesn't push it.

"You're so full of shit." Amelia chuckles before pulling herself back inside.

You roll your eyes at her, but a small smile tugs at your lips.

"Who's picking us up?" You wonder.

Scarlett clears her throat. "Well, we initially asked Sigurd, I swear, but...well, um, Klaus insisted..."

"That's fine." You put on your best nonchalant expression.

As if he calculated exactly when to arrive, Klaus calls Amelia's phone the second you're done fixing your hair, aka the last step to getting ready. Excluding shoes, of course.

"Can someone pick up? My hands are busy!" Amelia yells from the bathroom.

You glance at Scarlett. Also still busy.

Not wanting to sound even more suspicious, you force yourself to pick up. "Hello?"

"He-..(Y/N)?"

You swallow awkwardly, "um, yeah, they're not done yet. Are you here? Like, um, to pick us up?"

"No, I'm here to hand you your mail, (Y/N)." You don't need to see him to know he's rolling his eyes.

"I meant are you here already?"

"Yeah."

Amelia sticks her head outside the bathroom again, this time with both eyes looking perfect. "Invite him up here." She smirks, wiggling her eyebrows. "Unless, of course, you have a problem with Klaus being in your apartment."

You throw a pillow, and it barely misses her face.

"Hey! That could've ruined my make up!" She yells but doesn't come back out again.

You considered inviting him like she said, but just the thought of it brought back too many unwelcomed memories. You blushed and immediately decided against it.

"Hello?"

"Oh, sorry, um, I'll just come down and keep your company till they're done, okay? Bye!" You hang up, leaving him no chance to reply. It was already awkward enough.

You slip your feet into your high heels, grab your purse, and head outside- not forgetting to remind the girls to lock the door before leaving.

If it were for you to decide, you'd let the jerk rot in his car as he waits for the three of you, but for the sake of letting things go smoothly, you decide it's for the best to try to make it seem like you don't wanna punch Klaus in the face.

Quickly enough, you spot his car. Also quickly enough, you notice the familiar fluffy, blonde curls you were so used to running your hands through. He looks as handsome as usual, but that hurt you in a different way this time. Sure, everytime you noticed how attracted to him you are, you'd be upset, solely because he's not yours to admire this way. However, today, it hurts you because everytime you look at these perfectly drawn features, a few written words come to mind.

He notices your presence but says nothing. He just stares at you with an unreadable expression.

Not wanting to look odd just standing in front of your building's door, you stiffly walk to his car as fast as you can without face planting into cement.

You take a back seat and say nothing.

Klaus lets out a slight, humourless laugh. "What's that? A back seat? You always call shotgun."

"Wasn't feeling it." You shrug and pull out your phone, using it as your own personal don't talk to me sign.

Unfortunately, Klaus doesn't care about any signs you're giving if it doesn't match his desires. "You look pretty, but with a dress like that, people will mistake you for a prostitute. Couldn't you wear something more revealing??" His voice dripped with irritation, an irritation you couldn't understand.

"Excuse me? My dress is fine; not everyone is a pervert, but you wouldn't know, would you?!" You clap back, not in the mood to let him take out his anger on you.

"Are you trying to call me a pervert?" He laughs in disbelief.

"I didn't say that, but, hey, if the shoe fits, feel free to wear it."

"That's what I get for trying to make sure no one hurts you?" He complains.

"Well, too bad you already did." You spat, tears blinding you momentarily. You hated yourself for letting this escape your lips, but it ended up silencing both of you for a few moments, allowing you to regain composure before the girls hop into the car.

"Uh, what's up with the weird vibe?" Amelia raises an eyebrow.

Scarlett sighs from the front seat, "I don't even know anymore."

Neither Klaus or you respond, so, naturally, the conversation died, leading to a rather quiet ride, excluding Scarlett and Amelia's countless attempts at making it less awkward.

"Finally! I felt like I'd suffocate inside from the tension!" Amelia stretches her arms happily once she leaves the car. It's safe to say...she wasn't the only one happy to exit the metal cage of awkward.

You meet up with the rest of the group before going inside, which wasn't all that helpful, since you lost each other fairly quickly.

Thankfully, Amelia and Scarlett were still with you, and finally, you were ready to block all thoughts of a certain blond and enjoy your life for the time being.

As planned, the three of you were already singing and dancing your hearts out after a few drinks, not a care in the world. You didn't have time to think about what Klaus is doing or how much of a dick he was to you.

Well, until a familiar guy approaches you. And perhaps Klaus shouldn't have been the one your mind drifted to, but that didn't stop you from letting the blond you'd ignored all year try to flirt with you for the billionth time.

"(Y/N)! Didn't think I'd see you here!" Cedric yells over the music.

You tried your best not to roll your eyes, "Yeah, me neither."

"Wanna dance?"

"I'm sure you can see I'm already danc-" both girls nudge you. "Sure. I'd love to dance." You force a smile, not skipping glaring at the girls before following Cedric a little further away from them. You weren't sure why he dragged you away, but you also couldn't care less; being near him was already annoying enough, so it really didn't matter.

The only reason you found yourself agreeing to this nonsense is that you know how much Klaus dislikes it when Cedric flirts with you. He always claimed that Cedric only cares about looks and that you should stay away from him, which normally you do. Mostly because you don't enjoy his personality, or the lack thereof.

However, something about being with the guy Klaus would most hate for you to be with just made you feel pleasure. It was like you wanted to piss him off, even though he really couldn't see you anyway, but you so desperately wish he would.

The dancing got really awkward really quickly. Cedric was already getting touchy, and he didn't seem to catch on to how uncomfortable you felt.

"Could you not fucking do that?!" You aggressively push his hand away from you.

He frowns, "Do what? We're just dancing together. You agreed to that."

"I didn't agree to you groping me though, did I?"

Before he could respond, your eyes drifted to Klaus, who was sitting at the bar. He'd just spotted you.

And maybe common sense would say to just ignore him.

But no.

You look Cedric in the eye, pull his face closer to you, and smash your lips together. You can tell he was confused but quickly recovered, using both hands to pull you closer to him by the waist.

This could've went on for longer if you weren't harshly yanked away from the blond.

"What's wrong with you?!" You try to pull your arm away from Klaus's grasp, but the furious male didn't budge. He didn't even respond; he just pulled you away.

"Klaus! Let go!" You try to wriggle your arm out of his grip. As annoyed as you acted, a huge part of you was extremely giddy. You can tell he's furious, and as sadistic as it sounds, it makes you happy. Your mind didn't seem to catch on to how awkward it would be next time you see Cedric; all it could focus on was that Klaus is jealous.

He only lets go of you outside the club; the sudden change of temperature causes your skin to tingle with goosebumps. You rub your arms to keep yourself warm.

"Bloody hell. I told you that dress wasn't a good idea." Aggressively, he marches to his car and opens the trunk. He pulls out a jacket and wraps it around you.

Blushing lightly, you clear your throat. "Um, thanks."

"I'm not done. What the fuck were you doing with Cedric, (Y/N)?!"

You roll your eyes. "Exactly what you saw."

He nods, letting out a humorless laugh. "Okay. Let me rephrase that: why the fuck were you kissing Cedric?"

Smirking, you poke his chest and whisper, "Because I wanted to."

He grips your hand, "No, (Y/N), you didn't. You hate that guy."

"Well, why does it matter? Why do you care?" You pull away.

He stares at you in silence for a few seconds. "Get in the car."

Not even waiting for a reply, Klaus walks over to the driver's seat.

"What?!"

"I said get in the car. Passenger's seat this time." He shuts the car door.

You snap out of your confusion when his engine roars, pestering you to get moving. You rush and follow his instructions of not sitting in the back seat.

"Where are we going?" You ask.

"You'll see." And with that, neither one of you spoke a word to the other.

***

"I'm not going for a swim with you, Klaus." The moment your gaze met the familiar lake, you were ready to bawl your eyes out, but you kept it together.

Leaving his seat, Klaus sighs. "Calm down. We're here to talk. Like we always do."

Leaving his jacket in the car, you take a deep breath and try to hold yourself together. You can't just break down now. You block away the memories of every other time you and Klaus came to this place.

You sit down on the grass but make sure to keep a distance between you and the male.

"Because it wasn't obvious enough that you're mad." He sighs.

"What do you want, Klaus?"

He looks away, "It's more about what I don't want...I don't want to lose you."

The butterflies went wild in your stomach, leaving you with a clear shade of pink on your cheeks. However, this isn't enough for you to move on and forgive him, so you do your best to keep a stern look.

"Why did you lie to me, Klaus? You don't have feelings for me, and...and I already knew, but part of me wanted to believe you, and you weren't making it very easy to reject you. You could tell I had a crush on you, and you decide to manipulate me into having sex with you?! And you have the guts to criticize Cedric? You're even worse!" Well, there goes your perfect make up. Perhaps raccoon eyes could be the new trend; you can totally pull that off.

His eyes glisten, and you almost want to take back everything, but you have to stand up for yourself. He can't just walk all over you like you're the old weelcome doormat some unknown person placed in front of your apartment door. Who the fuck misspells Welcome? Why the fuck would anyone buy that? Why place it in front of your apartment? Why haven't you thrown it away? All unimportant thoughts you'd rather talk about right now than have to deal with Klaus and this emotional mess.

"I didn't lie to you. And you went out of your way to kiss that douche bag, didn't you? You wanted me to see."

"Are you fucking kidding me, Klaus?! You're trying to make it sound like I'm wrong now?!" You push yourself off the ground, the blond immediately following.

"Listen, okay? This isn't what I meant! I just- I'm still being petty about it, alright? I wanted to punch him square in the face."

"Well, you have no right to be even mildly annoyed. Leave me alone." You start walking away, but he gets a hold of your arm.

"(Y/N), could you just let me explain myself, please?!" He snaps.

"No, Klaus, all you do is blame me; fuck off." You push him away. What you didn't prepare for is stumbling backwards towards the lake. High heels deciding to join The Klaus Movement of Being a Dick to (Y/N), you quickly find yourself falling off the edge.

Panic-filled eyes follow your movements. Klaus's reaction came late, and by the time he grabbed you, he was already falling into the freezing cold water with you.

Surrounded by fear of drowning, you involuntarily call out for Klaus.

"(Y/N)?! (Y/N)!" Klaus's nervous voice echoes around you, but in the middle of trying to stay afloat, you couldn't decide where he was.

So, naturally, he had to be the one to find you. His arms wrap around you, trying to pull you closer to him, but the way you kept flailing your arms wasn't helping him. "Hey, hey, (Y/N), it's fine."

Eventually he was able to snap you out of it and hold you close to his chest. "There, it's okay. You're safe with me. You know I'll always make sure nothing hurts you."

You'd begun to calm down, you'd begun to forget about the dumb note, about him manipulating you; you'd started relaxing in his embrace, but his last statement brought you back to real life. "Let me go, Klaus." You try to pry yourself away from him.

"(Y/N), you can't swim! What are you doing?!"

"Just let me go, Klaus! I'm fine!"

"Didn't seem like it when you started calling for me!"

"It was a mistake! Just let me be!" You begin pushing him away again.

"(Y/N), fucking stop! You'll hurt yourself!" He grips your wrist tightly.

"Fine!" You stop struggling. "Just take me to the edge."

He remains silent. "You're not gonna leave the second I put you back up on land, are you?"

"What? Of course I will! I can't stand looking at your face." You turn your face to the side.

"That so?"

You roll your eyes and begin facing him. "Ye-"

He forces his lips onto yours, leading you to push him away with all your force, this time allowing you to break free from his grasp and latching onto the edge.

Furious, you find extra energy to easily pull yourself up and onto the grass. Unfortunately, your strength was immediately gone after, and this is when you couldn't take any of it anymore. You lost it all.

"Why do you keep ruining my life? I never asked for this." You sob. "Tonight, all I wanted was to have fun and forget about you, but no, you had to ruin things for me again! Look at me! My hair, my make up, my dress, my whole fucking night is a mess! And it's because of you!" You point an accusing finger at him.

His head drops in shame, and he slowly climbs to the edge near you. You start to get up but stop when you hear his shaky voice.

"Wait! Please..." His voice cracks, "I won't touch you anymore. I will drive you home. Just please...please let me explain first; hear me out."

"Get it over with, Goldstein." You cross your arms. You were starting to feel cold again, but you made sure to not make it obvious this time.

"Listen; I didn't lie. I genuinely felt attracted to you; in fact, I have been for the longest time. It's just that I'd already accepted we were merely friends, and I had to move on, and I figured the only way to truly stop viewing you romantically is to commit to someone, so when I found someone I was remotely interested in, I took it as a chance, but then suddenly, everything was gone. I didn't have her; I didn't have you. I didn't have anything." He takes a shaky breath. "And...and I came to you for comfort, but before I knew it, I was trying to get you to do what you clearly didn't want to do. It was selfish; I know. And by morning, I felt disgusting. I knew you wouldn't wanna look me in the face, so I left. I wanted to apologize, but you continued to ignore me, and if I'm being honest, I was also scared to confront you."

"Klaus-"

"Just let me finish." He sighs. "I'm not trying to say I'm not wrong. I am. I just want you to know I would never intentionally hurt you; I was just confused. I was heartbroken; I still had feelings for you; you let me have my way with you. I never knew you were actually into me as well. And when you ignored me, I just wanted to do anything to get your attention. Even if it meant to piss you off...which I suppose you got back at me by getting with Cedric, but that's not the point. You're right I don't have the right to be mad over it. It's just- everything just ended terribly, and I know everything is a mess, but I promise you I never meant to hurt you."

"I don't want to lose you." He starts sobbing, but Klaus being his prideful self, he quickly does his best to hold back.

You shouldn't brush everything off. He was wrong, and he hurt you. But seeing him trembling like that, you couldn't stop yourself from taking him into your arms. "I forgive you." You mumble.

"You do?" He perks up, looking at you with wide eyes.

"Yeah...I understand. Feelings can be confusing at times." You shrug. "Also...you never forced me into something I didn't want to do...I thought you knew I liked you?"

"Me?" He furrows his eyebrows.

"Yeah? You literally said it?" You let out a confused laugh.

Klaus pulls away from you. "When did I ever say that?"

"You were drunk; you said you knew I like you."

"Oh...that's just something I say...to everyone...when I'm drunk..." He rubs his temples in embarrassment.

You laugh. "Well, it's not like you're any less narcissistic when not drunk anyway."

"Hey! Watch it! I could still push you back into the water!"

"Shut up. You literally freaked the hell out when I fell the first time." You get off the grass.

He follows. "Not true."

"Yes true."

"Nope."

"Yup."

Well, maybe two stubborn people shouldn't be friends because this went on for a while. You were glad, however, that the tension between you guys was gone, and you two were back to normal again.

"Wanna go back to my apartment this time?" Klaus smirks before quickly adding, "Promise you won't be waking up to any notes this time...?"

Your face heats up. He was still recovering from a break up. This was still a bad idea. You should just decline and take things slow.

"Sure."

[woosey-woo-shitposts]

Guns and Roses

(Obey Me! Mafia!AU)

This au's concept originated from this user

Parts of this storyline are loosely inspired by Mafiatell (An Undertale Mafia AU) written by Staringback, adapted into a comic by Cutthroat-Jutsu which was later voice-dubbed by Vade.

------------

This narrative was written in first person to minimize the use of MC's pronouns for your enjoyment, however I ask you pardon any errors because I am inexperienced in this writing style.

As a matter of fact, I loathe it. But I wanted to make this a fun read. I did this for you.

------------

"You have got to be kidding me!" I snarled as I observed the wrinkled notice in my hands. Of course, the one time I get a good night's sleep, my landlord gives me a demand to pay extra for this month's rent! That was my biggest pet peeve: when they demanded money but never chose to specify WHY. As far as I knew, this wasn't a matter of protection fees, this was him taking advantage in the cruel world we all lived in.

I can't wait to get out of this town. Every cop, politician, or anyone else in some position of power was corrupted by selfish desire. As for me? I'm just someone living on my lonesome in a piece-of-crap apartment on a singer's wage. Oh-- yeah. I sing and dance if the price is right. If you dress nice and pile on enough make-up, you might make it out here. Unfortunately, I never made it past the low-life bars that paid a somewhat survivable wage. Now I had to lose all my leftover money on this in order to not get kicked out by my greedy landlord. My friends taught me to never respect someone who wears sunglasses indoors! What a mess...

I know what you might be thinking: "why not find another place to stay?" And my answer is-- this is the cheapest place around--even with that "living fee" my landlord was forcing me to pay IN ADDITION to this month's rent! Yeah, I still haven't forgotten about it! Thanks to a certain gang that controlled the area, it was hard to find a living space that didn't put you in debt because of the additional "protection fee" that all tenants were charged. All this city cared about were money and power and control. Sometimes they went hand-in-hand.

After a few moments of pacing, I finally went to my room to pick out some clothes for tonight's gig. That was the best I could do for now.

------------

Heavy on the eyeshadow, bright red on the lipstick. That's what the club owner asked for before I retreated into the bathroom to apply it all. If I had a say, I'd be going without the skimpy flapper girl dress, but that's what they wanted. For whatever reason, though, the club owner seemed more... tense than usual. I've seen low-life thugs and lesser members of the local gang in this club during my past performances, so it couldn't be that. What if it was someone more important...?

"Showtime in 10, darling~!" The owner hollered from the changing room door, snapping me from my thoughts as abruptly as they arrived in my head. He was attractive to say the least, although I could go without them opening the door and leering in. It was almost like they were trying to sneak a peek at me every time. Even if that wasn't bothering me, I felt this knot twisting in my gut, telling me that something big was going to happen tonight as I fixed up my hair to the best of my ability.

I could hear my shoes clicking against the wood flooring as I approached the stage. To my right was a small jazz crew: a trumpet, and a saxophone player... although one looked to be a kid in height, especially with how his blonde hair was styled. He looked far too short for the clarinet he was playing. The other gentleman was tall and muscular with darker skin. He also had a calming air about him, like a long lost friend of mine. To my left was someone on the piano, cracking his knuckles and poising his hands over the ivory keys. I've never seen him before. He was slender with white hair, but I couldn't see his face from where I stood as I adjusted the height of the microphone. However, my attention was drawn to the the pianist that stood from his post to investigate who was standing in the crowd.

------------

"Would you look at that?" A gentle, yet playful voice uttered before he turned to face me. He was tall, probably 5'11, with steely gray eyes and pale skin that was almost as white as his hair. Of course, I wanted to introduce myself, but my attention was drawn to the slightly parted curtains he was peeking through.

I squinted out at the dimly lit bar, scanning the tables. As I suspected: there were mostly low-life criminals drinking their worries away, however I noticed a menacing aura wafting from a far corner of the room.

Draped in shadow, there looked to be three men whose eyes seemed to glow with an inhuman glint. The first man seemed to be the tallest out of the three: dressed in a jarring red suit with a black tie and a golden chain linking his collar and his suit. His hair surprisingly looked even redder than the clothes on his back. Then there were his eyes, glowing like yellow-hot coals that matched the shimmering gold chains he wore.

On the far end of the table was a slender looking gentleman wearing a mint green jacket over a black vest. His eyes were shimmering emeralds, although I was more focused on how he patiently was sitting by, more focused on their surroundings than the men he was sitting with.

To his left--sitting between him and the man in red--was another man, sitting barely as tall as the first, yet sharing the same if not a more menacing aura than the figure in red. He had a more standard looking suit with a red vest and tie with a black suit jacket resting on his shoulders. His hair was black, swooped partially to one side more than the other with a hint of silver fading from the tips. I also took notice of his black gloves. He must've gotten his hands dirty in the past. Then there were his eyes. Those eyes were a shade of red that almost blended into the lighting of the room from what I could see from the curtain. Even so, I could feel a sudden piercing sensation when I felt like I was being watched. Before I could figure it out, I hastily closed the curtains and returned my attention to the pianist.

"That... that was Diavolo, wasn't it?" I questioned with a quiver of my lip. I heard that the gang leader of this area was a man who dressed in red as to hide how much blood covered his hands.

"Wow, even small town singers know him?" The man questioned in a teasing tone.

I narrowed my gaze at him in a cold glare. "Know /of/ him. I've never seen him in person, let alone pictures of him."

The pale man shrugged off my glare, keeping an almost foxlike arrogance about his demeanor. "Well, consider yourself lucky if you survive the night. Rumor has it his gaze can curse the weak of mind."

Right when I parted my lips to snap back at him with something- that club owner called from behind us.

"Get in position, you four!" He said in a hushed shout, signaling for the performers to get ready to start their number.

I bit my lip with growing anxiety before the club owner waved at me from back stage before offering a quick thumbs up and mouthing what seemed to be "break a leg". All I could do was nod curtly to acknowledge it until the curtains swung apart, temporarily blinding me with the stage lights.

------------

I had to admit, these musicians had talent. It was easy to keep in pace with them through the first number. As I removed the microphone from its stand, I danced about, letting my clothes sway about until the crowd cheered and called out to me. Even so, I felt that knot in my stomach. As my motions slowed, I noticed Diavolo and the other two men looking my way... whispering. It left me unsettled.

My dancing slowed to a stop as I returned to my spot by the microphone stand, but I kept with the upbeat tempo until the song ended. Those catcalls and whistles erupted into proud cheering where I stood. Still, my gaze fixated on those three figures, my gaze briefly locking with Diavolo's as a quiet gulp swallowed back my anxieties.

With a forced smile, I waved to the crowd. "I see a few unfamiliar faces tonight. I hope you enjoyed the music." I chuckled lightly to myself. "This next one is dedicated to a special guest tonight." Even though my body was fighting against a terrified tremor, my eyes met with those monsters again before winking in their direction.

------------

The crowd fell silent in appreciation of the next song, although, to a mixture of relief and fear, I saw Diavolo leave with his entourage of two. A few thoughts came to mind as the second and final song ended before the cheering became muffled behind a closed curtain.

"Bravo, darling~!" The owner rushed in to hug me, catching me off-guard. "Beautiful singing as always." He chimed as he twirled me about.

"Easy, Asmo." The saxophone player interjected, quickly separating me from the overexcited club owner. "A lot just happened. Give them some space."

The rosy-haired man blinked, taken aback by that remark. "If you insist. Darling, you're free to go. I left your pay in the changing room." He smiled in fake innocence as I walked past him and off the stage. In the corner of my eye, I saw Asmo glancing over his shoulder in... concern?... as I went backstage and back into that changing room.

------------

The room was pitch black when I stepped into it. Odd, I don't remember turning off the lights when I left to perform. I took a few steps into the room in order to find the light switch, using what little light that came in from the hall until--

Click...

My heart suddenly sank into my stomach the moment the door shut behind. Immediately afterwards, the light was switched on and a hand brought itself on my shoulder the moment I thought about running for the door I came through.

"I don't think so." A gentle voice mused. A side glance revealed a white silk glove gripping my shoulder. Even if it didn't look strong, my body refused to budge against it. Then, however, my attention was brought to a towering man in in a red and black suit. That tall, dark, and mysterious guy Diavolo was talking with. My heart was racing a mile a second as he stood up and approached me. Is this it? Is this how I die?! My eyes went wide as they locked with his.

The moment he brought his hand up to my chin, I let out a sharp gasp-- I couldn't help myself... I was scared for my life! I found myself tensing up as he forced me to look him in the eyes. Those dark red eyes were much more intimidating up close.

"Tell me, human." He began, voice deep and low. It wasn't even a whisper, but it was quiet enough to have the same effect on me. He tilted his head, glaring angrily down at me before he spoke. "Why were you looking at Lord Diavolo?"

TO BE CONTINUED

[taexual]

HOLIC - 3 | jb x reader

Strangers, united by their big dreams, try to learn to live together and lift each other up to reach their goals without losing themselves or their relationship on the way to the top.

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: strong language, some suggestive themes

words: 3.8k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

          prev / next

You had been looking forward to the next day because your dream of going furniture shopping was finally going to come true. But now that the day was here, you found yourself racking your brain for a plausible excuse that would get you out of this. Looking for a bed to buy was exciting if you did it with a family member, a long-time boyfriend, or even just a friend. Jaebum was none of the three to you, hence your apprehension.

But maybe he forgot? Or maybe he changed his mind about going furniture shopping with you now that you turned out to be you, and not a guy like he’d expected?

However, when you walked out of your bedroom that morning, you saw Jaebum walking out of his own room, pulling a black shirt over his head. You forgot all about the excuses you’ve come up with as soon as you caught a glimpse of his torso – you’ve seen it once before, of course, but not while sober – and immediately turned away before your mind registered just how toned his stomach looked or how enticing you found his happy trail.

“Morning,” Jaebum suddenly greeted you, not asking why you were standing halfway out of your room with your back turned to him. He was smirking when you turned around, though. “Ikea opened thirty minutes ago, we can go when you’re ready.”

So the plans haven’t changed even though the two of you nearly slit each other’s throats last night, one trying to blame the other for the simple fact that you had accidentally moved in together, even though you both knew very well that if you’d been more open with each other, this wouldn’t have happened.

“Right,” you said, turning towards the bathroom but not really moving yet. “Do we know what furniture we actually need?”

“How about we just start with beds today?” he suggested. “We’ll, uh, see how this goes and then decide what else we need.”

Jaebum seemed nonchalant about this, but he had clearly given this some thought. He had expertly left some space for the possibility that the two of you might clash so bad, one of you will have to move out eventually, so there was no point to fully furnish this place.

“Cool,” you agreed, nodding and opening the bathroom door so you could finally inhale.

You had no idea why you stopped breathing when he talked to you – and you couldn’t remember if that also happened when you saw him for the first time that night at the bar – but you needed to get a grip on yourself. Jaebum was still someone you barely knew and no late night thoughts about how well you clicked as strangers on the internet could have changed that. You might be trying to live together now but that didn’t make you any less foreign to each other.

Washing your body with cold water, you tried to think about furniture shopping rationally. You were just going to the store to look for a few bed frames. A stranger you lived with was going to accompany you. The two of you would buy furniture for yourselves and then leave for your shared apartment where you lived in separate bedrooms. Weirder things have happened.

And yet, even with this convincing, your reflection in the mirror still looked concerned after the shower. You couldn’t do anything about it. Your whole life, people have told you that you showed every emotion you felt on your face. You couldn’t go for a mysterious look even if you tried.

Drying your face so you could apply your make-up, you gave yourself another pep-talk and, twenty minutes later, walked out of the bathroom truly feeling a little better. The ability people had to convince themselves of anything always amazed you. If you tried hard enough, you could probably calm yourself down in any sort of stressful situation.

Sadly, your calm exterior almost vanished when you were greeted by Jaebum’s back after you rounded the corner into the kitchen, and saw him reach for a bowl on the highest shelf in the wall cabinet. The tight, black shirt he was wearing accentuated the clenched muscles of his back and arms, and you ended up having to convince yourself that flashing back to the sex you had with your roommate one night ago in your apartment was a normal reaction and there was not a single reason why you should have been blushing.

“Cereal?” Jaebum asked, somehow feeling your presence without turning to look at you.

“What?” you blinked, too lost in your own thoughts. “Oh, yeah. Please.”

He got you a bowl and then placed the carton of milk on the kitchen island between you, before reaching for the cereal in the same cabinet again. Why did he have to store everything so high up?! Now you were forced to watch his back again.

“You okay?” he asked after turning around and catching you staring at the floor.

“Yeah, I’m—” you stopped yourself after noticing the smirk on his face. The same one he had on when you walked in on him putting a shirt on in the hallway just earlier this morning. He must have realized how much of an effect he had on you. “Stop looking at me like that.”

He snickered. “I’m not looking at you like anything. I’m giving you cereal.”

You took the box from him, not looking him in the eyes. “Thank you.”

After pouring the cereal and the milk into your bowls, the two of you proceeded to have a very quiet breakfast, not even bothering to discuss today’s weather – it was raining – or the dreams you’ve had tonight. You weren’t really curious about what Jaebum dreamed about until you thought of it and realized that you did want to know about it.

He’s told you about some of his dreams before, but only if you happened to be discussing a topic that was similar to what he had dreamt about. Other than that, Jaebum almost never randomly opened up to you so you didn’t expect him to do so now. And yet, you couldn’t help but analyze him as he ate, his eyes watching the stormy clouds outside of the kitchen window.

You didn’t do it in a prying way – you weren’t trying to find out all of his secrets or anything – you were just used to trying to find the best side of everyone through the lens of your camera. Jaebum had his left side turned to you and, if you had to choose which side of his to photograph, you’d choose this one simply because this was the side where two tiny moles decorated his upper eyelid. There was nothing special about them and yet everything was.

“Is there something on my face?” Jaebum asked suddenly, audibly acknowledging – for the first time today – that he had caught you staring.

“Actually, yeah,” you said, unphased. “Bits of chocolate on the corner of your lip. From the cereal.”

“Well, you could have just told me,” he said, wiping both corners of his mouth with his fingers. “No need to stare at me like that.”

“I was just enjoying the view of you looking all stupid with chocolate on your mouth,” you retorted, clearly trying to crawl out of this hole that your staring throughout the morning had gotten you in.

Jaebum chuckled at this but didn’t say anything else.

His reaction wasn’t that bad. You could take this light-hearted – or so you thought – banter as long as it didn’t escalate into an argument similar to the one you had last night.

If there came a time when the entirety of the Ikea shopping center was filled with people, you were sure the apocalypse would begin. Right now, it felt as though you and Jaebum were the only ones strolling through the unbelievably large store, browsing for bed frames. You passed a few people who were also interested in buying bedroom furniture but those were primarily couples, so you and Jaebum purposefully pretended not to see them.

“Maybe we should get a bunk bed,” Jaebum suggested abruptly as the two of you walked past a kids section of the store.

“Oh, I’d never sleep on the top bunk,” you said. “When I come home from work, I just want a nap. There’s no time to climb anything.”

“Fine with me,” Jaebum replied. “I always like to top anyway.”

You turned to look at him to check if it was just you or if he had intended to make it sound so suggestive. The grin on his face revealed that Jaebum knew what he said and he had no shame about it whatsoever.

You groaned. “Right. Now back to what’s really important. Based on the mattresses we have right now, we should be getting full-sized beds. They fit a person and a half according to what I’ve read online, so that’s more than enough space for—”

“You read about bed sizes online?” he asked, his voice teasing.

“I did,” you admitted, not really seeing what was he attempting to make fun of here. He noted your unphased expression and nodded to himself, looking away from you.

“I had a king-sized one in my last apartment,” Jaebum said then, leaning down to bring his hand across the wood of the bed the two of you had walked past. “It was fifty years old, though, so I had to lie still and basically pretend I was dead or it’d break.”

“So, no topping happened on that bed, huh?” you teased him back, attempting to puncture his inflated ego.

“Well, no,” Jaebum replied. “That’s why I like to spend nights elsewhere. As, I’m sure, you know.”

You clenched your jaw, not having expected him to mention the night you had shared just like that. And in an Ikea, – while surrounded by beds, – no less. Not that there was a place specifically fit for this type of conversations.

“Oh, I do,” you decided to play along, knowing just the way to bite him back. “The note you left by my bed was very explicit.”

This time, it was Jaebum who wasn’t expecting you to bring that up. You found yourself grinning shamelessly and suddenly, you understood why he smirked so much around you. It really did feel nice to catch someone off-guard by something you said or did.

“I like this one,” he said then, nodding his head in the direction of a queen-sized bed, which you probably wouldn’t even fit through the door of your apartment.

“The mattress will be too small,” you said. “Look for something a little more—oh, wow—something a little more in your price range.”

Jaebum hadn’t noticed how expensive this bed frame was but once you pointed it out, he hissed, frowning, too. You could tease each other about everything but, at least, you could have quick moments of bonding over the lack of decently priced furniture, too.

“Full-sized beds are too small,” Jaebum complained once you entered a section for teen bedrooms and then stopped in front of one of the beds.

“It’s just the right size,” you countered. “You’d have just enough space not to hit yourself in the face if you toss around in your sleep a lot.”

“You know I don’t toss around in my sleep,” he shot back, once again, reminding you that you weren’t really just strangers shopping for beds together.

“Well, then why is it too small?” you asked but before he could reply, you reached the conclusion yourself. “Oh, God, you’re gross. We’re shopping for beds to sleep in, not for beds to have sex in.”

Jaebum laughed at your dramatically disgusted expression. “It’s the same bed! Are you suggesting I should get two – one for sleeping, one for—”

“No, get one bed and stop—” you inhaled, not wanting to give him the pleasure of seeing you repulsed by the thought of him having sex with someone in a bed just behind your wall. “Stop whining so much about wanting a big one. Go, look at that one. It seems cheap enough. And it’s the right size.”

Laughing again, Jaebum headed in the direction you had pointed to check the beds there. Immediately, a sales assistant approached him – something that was rare in Ikea – and proceeded to point out the best-selling bed frames.

“What about the ones who aren’t as popular?” you asked. “This guy right here loves to stand out.”

You patted Jaebum’s shoulder – he rolled his eyes but didn’t object – and the employee laughed awkwardly.

“Ah, I see,” he said, giving Jaebum a smile. “How about this frame right here, then? It didn’t sell out as quickly but only because it’s mahogany which is, I guess, an unusual choice for the bedroom nowadays. I’m sure you and your wife could make it work, though.”

“Me and my wi—no,” Jaebum said, almost choking as the label slipped from the sales assistant’s mouth. “We aren’t—we’re not actually—”

“We’re not married,” you said, noticing Jaebum’s struggle to get a sentence out. “We’re looking for two beds, actually. For two separate rooms. Because we don’t even live together. I-I mean we do, but—”

“We’re not together,” it was Jaebum helping you this time while the employee watched you both with blatant curiosity in his eyes. He’s never met a pair who was so adamant to prove that they weren’t dating. “We just share an apartment but, actually, we barely know each other.”

“Yeah,” you agreed. “So, we just need two beds. Separate beds. Two different beds.”

“Alright, sorry about that,” the employee cut in quickly before either of you could keep on explaining what your relationship status with each other was. He pointed at a few frames nearby. “Give these a look then. They’re just different enough from other beds to stand out and we also have two of them. Just like you need.”

Knowing very well that you were blushing, you kept your head down as you followed the sales assistant. Jaebum was by your side – and if you had raised your head, you would have noticed how flustered he was, too – but this time, he was keeping a bit of a distance from you as if he was scared that if he stood too close to you, someone else would assume that you were together. Why you even cared about this was beyond you. But the fact that this particular employee had assumed you were dating made you and Jaebum choose the first beds he pointed at. They looked good enough.

Even though you wanted to get out of here as quickly as possible, you still got distracted by the arrangements next to the cash register. There were picture frames displayed there and you excused yourself to give them a look while Jaebum signed the information on the form to get the furniture delivered.

“Do I just write my own name?” you heard him ask the cashier. “Or do I write both of your names, since we live together?”

“Just one name is enough,” the cashier replied politely. “As long as the name is from a person who lives in the place of delivery, it doesn’t matter whose it is.”

“Alright,” Jaebum said, glancing at you over his shoulder. You were too busy admiring the frames to catch his look, though. “I guess I’ll just put mine in.”

“Great,” the cashier encouraged. “I’m sure your partner won’t mind.”

“My—Jesus,” he groaned, dropping the pen so he could take a moment to cover his face in utter despair. It happened again before you even left the store. “She’s not my partner.”

“Oh. I’m sorry,” the cashier apologized quickly. She was just trying to be sweet and understanding but Jaebum’s desperation caused her to regret even trying. “Usually, people who buy furniture together are, well, involved. My apologies if I have offended you.”

“She could be my sister,” Jaebum mumbled under his breath, certain that the employees here have conspired against you and him, purposefully trying to make this experience unpleasant by assuming how the two of you were related.

“You done?” you appeared by his side, then. “I’m getting a few picture frames, too, so you can go ahead. I’ll catch up.”

“Great,” he replied, passing the form back to the cashier who offered him another apologetic smile. Then, he gave you a look. “We’re shopping online next time.”

The boxes from Ikea ended up arriving three hours later – which was much faster then either of you had expected and yet the delivery guys kept apologizing (one of your neighbors even opened her door to check what was going on, but she was probably just curious about who you were) because, apparently, it took them “so long” because of the rain – and you and Jaebum found yourselves stuck with the task of actually assembling the beds.

Jaebum truly looked like he was reading Egyptian hieroglyphs when he found the instructions inside of the cardboard box.

“You’ve never built furniture before?” you asked him.

“No,” he admitted. “All my apartments came pre-furnished.”

“So did mine but I still managed to get some experience in this,” you replied, remembering all of the nights you’d spent reassembling your closet because the previous owners had done something to it, so now whenever you placed something on any of the shelves, they kept falling down.

“I’m sure I’m a natural,” Jaebum said, sounding much more confident than he looked. He still hadn’t found what the first step was.

“Sure,” you scoffed. “It’ll probably only take you the whole night.”

“It will not,” Jaebum scoffed back childishly. “I’ll build mine faster than you.”

You raised your eyebrows, truly impressed by his overflowing confidence. “Want to bet?”

“Alright,” he agreed immediately, never being one to back down from a good challenge. “What are we betting on?”

“The one who finishes last is forever the loser of this household.”

Jaebum raised his eyebrows at this. “Very mature.”

You shrugged your shoulders. “Go ahead if you have anything better.”

“Fifty bucks,” he offered.

This made you squint your eyes at him, thinking that he might have a gambling problem but, eventually, you let it go because you thought this was easy money. There was no way Jaebum, who’s never built any kind of furniture his whole life, was going to win.

“Deal,” you said, extending a hand.

Eagerly, he shook it – not lingering because he already almost flinched at the feeling of your soft skin against his – and then immediately grabbed the box with pieces of his bed, dragging it to his bedroom.

Doing the same, you unpacked the box in your room and gave yourself a moment to think of a plan. At first, you considered challenging yourself and building the bed with no instructions but then you realized that winning this bet – and ensuring that the bed was built securely, of course – was more important than whatever you wanted to prove to yourself so, after getting every little screw out of the box, you carefully analyzed the instructions.

You could hear dull battering sounds coming from Jaebum’s room so you assumed he had already started to assemble the piece of furniture and, even if he was inexperienced, you realized you still needed to hurry up. You were only betting which one of you would finish first, not which one of you would build it better.

About forty minutes later, you had built the entire outer frame. You would have done it faster, too, but somehow, you’d lost a couple of screws – they had managed to roll under one of the crooked boxes that still stood unpacked in your room – so, you spent a good ten minutes panicking as you looked for them.

All that was left to do now was connecting the headboard and the baseboard, as well as attaching the center boards. You knew it’d only take you another ten minutes at most, so, deciding that you deserved it, you walked out of your bedroom for a glass of water before you got back to work.

Curiously, you peeked into Jaebum’s bedroom to check on his progress – even though you could hear him swear every five minutes through the wall – and noticed that he didn’t even have the outer frame finished yet. As you tried to assess how much he’s actually done, he caught you staring.

“What?” he snapped at you.

“Nothing,” you replied, unable to hide your smile. “Not in a hurry, are you?”

“I’m working on the quality. I don’t want the bed to fall apart under my weight,” he shot back.

“Sure, sure. Well, good luck—”

“How much have you done?” he asked right as you were about to walk away.

“Well, I didn’t come here to gloat or anything but now that you asked…” you started to say and Jaebum rolled his eyes. “I’m actually almost finished. Get that wallet ready, yeah? And maybe hurry up, too, unless you want to sleep on the floor again.”

He groaned as you walked into the kitchen. You didn’t hear him curse at you, though. He was probably too busy actually working now that he knew how much further along you were.

It took you quite a few moments to locate the cabinet with the glasses in the kitchen. They turned out to be on the top shelf of one of the cabinets, so you could barely even see them. You groaned, realizing that somehow, you managed to place everything important on the top shelves – the bowls and the cereal included.

Carefully getting a glass out, you rinsed it absentmindedly and then headed for the fridge to get a bottle of water out. Just as you took the cap off, ready to pour the contents into the glass, you heard a loud cracking noise. It came from your bedroom, so you immediately winced, hoping that the bed frame you worked so hard to assemble didn’t just fall apart when left unattended. If that happened when you were sleeping on it, it would have certainly given you a broken hip.

Closing the fridge and putting the water bottle down, you headed to your room to check what had happened, only to run into Jaebum who was, surprisingly, on his way out of it. You gave him a weird look, not really reaching the conclusion until you entered your room and saw what caused the crack you’ve heard before.

“You broke my bed?!” you thundered, unable to imagine how much strength it had to take Jaebum to actually break one of the boards off its hinges. You couldn’t even fix the damage right away!

When you stormed into his bedroom the next second, Jaebum was very clearly trying to refrain from smiling but you still noticed the mischievous glint in his eyes.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” you yelled.

“I didn’t do anything,” he told you calmly. “But since your bedframe broke – how sad – now you can help me build mine. We can split the money. Now, where do I put this bracket-thing?”

              chapter directory

[wingletblackbird]

The Fabric of Life

Prompt: Destiny

Note: This is for @klorophile who read Follow One Thread, and wanted the sequel which was the, in her words, “the YES after the No.” This is for you! Also, this may technically be AU. Oh well...

The tension between the not-couple could have been cut with a sneeze, let alone a butter knife. Padmé is acutely aware that this is the first time in two weeks that she and Anakin have been alone together. It doesn’t help that this awareness is found as he’s escorting her to her chambers at the palace down an isolated corridor with low-lighting that somehow just seems to enhance the ambience, the ambience they definitely aren’t speaking of. They aren’t speaking of anything, in fact, but Padmé feels certain she can not be the only one to feel this…tension. Nor does she think she is the only one to feel the sense of anticipation, dread, and coming finality: The approaching of a decision of significance. This tension stems from the fact that this is the first time they’ve been alone since Geonosis, the first time since Padmé told Anakin what had been her most guarded secret: She loves him.

She had thought they were going to die. That is why she had told him. They were going to die, it had seemed inevitable that they would die, which had placed a burden upon her insisting she must tell him, because he simply could not die, his beautiful light could not be extinguished from this galaxy, without him knowing how greatly he was cherished, how sacred his existence was, if only to her. It had seemed wrong in the deepest sense to not tell him he was beloved. He was her beloved. Who could say if it had been logical? It hadn’t mattered really. They were going to die, but while Padmé feels that the logic of her actions might be debatable, she knows that the desire had sprung from something vital inside of her that had felt as ancient, and indomitable as creation: That was a realm which defied the rational or the irrational; it was existence. She had had to tell him. They hadn’t died though. It had seemed crazy that they could survive. She hadn’t known there was a clone army, hadn’t believed that the Jedi would get there in time anyway, but now they had survived, and she couldn’t take her words back. Padmé isn’t sure if she wants to or not. They had not died, but Anakin is going off to war after this assignment anyway. It can't hurt for him to know. He could still die. Hadn’t that been the point? Surely the same logic applied, but somehow it felt different, probably because his demise is not guaranteed which left the words just hanging between them, drawing taut, creating tension, a thread to bind them.

The Naboo have long known the power of words. They have the power to destroy and to save. All that is known is known through words, is explained through words. What is said can even distort the action taken. There is a Basic expression that goes “Actions speak louder than words,” but there is no such phrase on Naboo. The Naboo know that even the most powerful actions can be distorted with time, and the right wordsmith. Words are powerful and very, very dangerous, not to be thrown around lightly. Despite how innocuous, even common, they might seem, “I love you” are powerful words indeed. They are words she can not take back, and words make things real. You speak, and you create. There is an analogy which is that a cat could be locked in a box with poison until the moment of death, but it would be dead and alive simultaneously until the box is opened, and one or the other is observed. The state of being only exists when observed. It is used as a means to show the futility of quantum mechanics past a certain point, (the cat is dead whether you see it or not), but it is entirely applicable to words. When Padmé keeps her feelings to herself, they remain present, and non-existent, dead and alive. Now that she has spoken them, she brings forth their existence. It is a truly living creature now. It cannot be dead. There is no undoing it, no hiding it. It is done. It is now real. It is real, because she said it. Words create. The process is not reversible, and she has torn through her own armour. Words are dangerous tools. She should know. She’s been in politics long enough.

The problem is that nothing has really changed for the better. They are at war now, but she is still a senator, a well-known, high profile, and royal one at that; he is still a Jedi. It isn’t so much the end of her career that bothers her too much anymore, as terrifying as that admittedly is, she’d have to leave the Senate anyway if she wanted a family. The Military Creation Act is certainly something of a moot point now too, but Anakin could be expelled. That is the greatest fear on the horizon. It’s the reason they haven’t been alone in weeks, because the Jedi know. They suspect how they feel for each other. Obi-Wan had been sent to her by Yoda to tell her in no uncertain terms that any romantic relationship must be terminated. She’d told him he needn’t worry. The subject had come up while on Naboo, and she’d turned him down flat. It had already been taken care of. It had been the truth. The best lies are always careful truths, and Obi-Wan had agreed that Anakin would escort her back to Naboo where her security team, with her new handmaidens, and new ship, were waiting. Prudently, Obi-Wan’d requested a diplomatic ship, complete with a pilot, and co-pilot, making it clear Obi-Wan didn’t trust the two alone, but hoped they’d clear things up between them once and for all. In other words, terminate the relationship, (which didn’t exist), but neither she nor Anakin had felt comfortable bringing the subject up with others around. Neither one of them had wanted to ruin what might be their last moments together. The only thing she had done was hug Anakin, and tell him she didn’t care about his right arm, as long as he was alive and well. That was what mattered. She had told him quietly about the Jedi; he’d known anyway. He’d quietly told her that he was sorry she’d been put in that situation, but that he still wasn’t too worried about expulsion; she’d said that it was her fault for acting so obvious when he’d been injured…and they’d talked about nothing else of true importance afterward. Now, they were here, stuck.

Padmé finds herself walking slower, and slower as the destination approaches. She feels like she is walking through custard. It’s hard for her to move, but she is also moving too quickly. She wants to preserve this moment she has with Anakin; it might well be her last. She is aware of every echoing footstep, of every breath she takes, of every breath he takes, and of how very, very close they are, but never close enough.

“Here, Ani.”

They have reached her private rooms. He nods, and walks her over to the door. Turning to look up at him, she finds him looking down at her with an expression she has never before seen on his face. It is awe, and admiration, and pain, and raw, wrenching grief, all focused on her as he seems to be trying to memorise her, to take her all in before he turns his back, before he never sees her again. Padmé recognises it; she is looking at him the same way, watching the contours of light and shadow on his face, the dark blonde of his hair, the piercing blue eyes…

Anakin sucks in a deep breath, steps back, and nods again.

“Senator, I’ll take my leave.”

She nods vaguely, words catching in her throat, although she does not know what words they are, as he turns stiffly on one heel to head down the hallway where he will be lost from sight in the darkness, to war. As he walks, she feels her heart swell with the pain of love. It is almost as if she can feel the connection, the tension of the thread that ties her heart to his being pulled taut, as her heart strains after him. She can feel that thread like a visceral, physical thing. It pulls her heart more and more with every step Anakin takes away from her, causing it to swell larger with the rage of separated love. If it keeps tugging, it will pop the balloon in her chest, and the connection will snap. It will be torn, and then where will she be?

“Anakin,” she gasps. The sound comes unbidden. It had never been a word trapped in her throat, but a name, the name, his name, the most important name in this universe: Anakin. In the hallway she sees him pause. His back stiff. He looks almost like he anticipates a blow. “I can’t watch you walk away twice. It’ll destroy me.” 

She would have laughed at the irony were the moment not so grounded in intensity. Once she had claimed that to be with him would be the destruction. Who knows? Maybe it will be. It almost certainly will have consequences, but she had told him on Geonosis she felt that their lives were “about to be destroyed anyway.” She doubted she was wrong. War won or lost brought devastation. May she not choose her on demise? She laughs internally as she remembers Ithané, the goddess of war and of love. Padmé had been wary of the dangers of passion, and the dangers of being ruled by it. She had never considered that losing love might be just as destructive. She knows one truth now: That either option, to have Anakin or to not, will come at a high price. She would rather be destroyed by her fire than by her ice. War is here now, and she wants the equal strength of her love to see her through it. They will burn together. Anakin has not turned. He’s still, like a predator, or prey. Is there a difference now? So, she adds, 

“If you’re suffering as much as I am, please tell me.” 

She has the greatest admiration for him. How courageous to have made himself so vulnerable to her that night! She has an idea of how much she must have hurt him now, and he has never once held it against her. She doesn't deserve such devotion, but she craves him. He turns around, and looks at her. There is dim hope in his eyes.

“Do you mean that?” he whispers. “I mean, yes, I do feel the same. I always have. I just...Do you really mean that?”

She smiles at him. He hesitantly walks over to her.

“Yes, Ani, I mean it. We can keep it a secret for now. You haven’t even been knighted yet--” She was not going to take his career from him. She was not going to chain someone who was meant to fly. She’d sacrifice her reputation, and career first, if it must come to that  “--and we’re both needed at the moment, you especially, but, yes, Ani, yes.”

The light in his eyes goes from dim blue to blazing azure, and he moves so quickly she couldn’t have seen it, but he was kissing her so she didn’t care. They’ve never kissed like his before. Well, they have only ever kissed twice. She buries her hands in the hair at the nape of his neck, and grips so hard she must hurt him. It doesn’t matter though, because he is gripping tight too, and the pain is its own pleasure, because nothing could draw them close enough-

-which brings a thought to her mind that has her moving one hand to open the bedroom door behind her as she pulls him through.

She isn’t sure where this falls in the spectrum of “follow one thread,” as her grandmother had been so fond of saying, but she feels she has tied hers to Anakin’s. If she is following any thread, it is his, because they are tied together now. It might be that much harder to follow two threads, even if they are joined into one, but they will also be that much stronger. There will be that much more impact, and meaning, and they will need each other’s strength in the time to come. The timing of these events is so uncanny, that Padmé can't help but feel the guiding hand of destiny. This connection has always been there between them. She had felt it even as a teen on Tatooine, when he had taken her hand to guide her through the storm. Certainly, Anakin had known it, had always known it, and been far more honest with it than she, but their lives had always been meant to be weaved together. This knowledge is an enduring truth. That is why it had felt agonizing to cut the thread. Whether it is the will of the Force, as Ani believes, or the Mornae like she's been taught, to deny Anakin is to oppose the fabric of life.

[sirandking]

i love the hs au u wrote and if u feel like following up on it can i just say that i would Appreciate it?

I’m so glad you enjoyed it!! bless xx

I’m pretty sure “following up on it” was supposed to mean “hey write a cute date/kiss scene”, not “hey, write a 4000-word backstory where Andrew has selective mutism and a crush on Neil and Neil has an intense hatred of Andrew and they’re both forced to work together on a school project,” so I’m sure you’ll be thrilled to learn that I went with the latter. Enjoy!!

(If you still want the cute date/kiss scene, feel free to ask! From this au)

Andrew hadn’t spoken a wordall day. When Cass had said goodbye to him on her way to work, he’d managed ashrug in her direction, but his usual goodbyegot stuck in his throat. He’d ignored Richard and Drake completely. Hisclasses, which were occasionally interesting enough to bother paying attentionto, were background noise as he stared at the cracks in his desk and the waterdroplets running down the window.

It wasn’t that the wordsweren’t there – despite him being a naturally non-talkative person – but thatthey couldn’t seem to make it out of his mouth. There was a dam at the pointwhere his lips met, or maybe at the back of his throat, and when it was shutthere was no way for the words to flow out.

It was frustrating. He hatedfeeling so out of control in his own body. He hated that he didn’t care.

He hated that it got himpartnered up with Neil Josten for his history summative.

“I can work just fine on myown,” Neil told the teacher, shifting his backpack over to a chair besideAndrew’s nonetheless. “Andrew can work with the demon possessing him.”

Andrew decided it was inaccurateto blame all of his problems on his uncooperative vocal cords. He was partneredup with Neil Josten because the two of them both had a habit of pissing off theirclassmates, and because Andrew was too intimidating for the teacher to feelcomfortable partnering him with anyone else.

It didn’t matter; the end resultwas the same. For the first time in two years, Andrew was forced to interactwith Neil Josten. In any other circumstance, if he were any other person, hemight see it as an opportunity. For Andrew, it would only be a curse. NeilJosten was a good thing, and Andrew rarely got to have good things without somesort of consequence.

The last words Neil hadspoken to him still rattled around his head from time to time, mocking himabout what happened when he stepped too far out of his lane.

Don’t ever come near me again.

It’s not my fault, Andrew thought, like thosewords had ever saved him before.

“…get this over with,” Neilwas saying. Andrew tuned back in out of instinct, because his body had neverlistened when his brain said something was a bad idea. It didn’t help thatNeil’s voice was the exact right mix of soft and rough to set Andrew’s bones onfire. “I know you’re a fucked-up asshole, but the least you could do is try topull your weight.”

What happened to working just fine on your own,Andrew almost said, but the words stayed trapped.

“What? You’re not even goingto bother with a ‘fuck off’?” Neil said. “I’m offended.”

Don’t think you’re special, Andrew thought. MaybeNeil would be telepathic. It would be typical of something like Neil, to beable to see into Andrew’s head and pick out all his secrets. He almost hatedNeil for it already.

Almost.

“Whatever. I’m not going topull your weight. As long as I can scrape by with a 50, I’m happy.” Neil kickedthe leg of his desk and slumped down in his chair, fiddling with a strap on hisbackpack. It was the same worn-out backpack he’d been using when Andrew hadseen him for the first time two years ago.

They passed the rest of theperiod in silence. Neil was gone the second the bell rang.

He felt prepared, the nextday, as he walked from his third-floor psychology classroom to history, to facethe maelstrom of Neil Josten. He had gone to visit Bee after school the daybefore and she’d given him a cup of hot chocolate and a collection of businesscards that he had systematically burned as soon as he’d gotten home. The fog inhis head had thinned – possibly from Bee, possibly from the extra two hours ofsleep he’d gotten, possibly for an entirely different reason, but thinnednonetheless.

He sat down at his desk,dropped his backpack on the floor without taking anything out, and traced thecrack in his desk, ready to ignore everything that Neil did.

Neil walked into history andAndrew’s stomach turned itself inside out.

Andrew did his best to forcethe feeling down as Neil slumped down in the chair beside him. It was a gutresponse to a pretty face – nothing that meant anything. He wasn’t let downthat Neil was resolutely ignoring him; he had never expected anything from Neilin the first place.

He busied himself with kickingthe metal leg of his desk. Neil was tugging at the fraying hem of his hoodiesleeve.

The teacher walked by andtold them that if they didn’t at least try to work together, they would bothget zeros.

“It’s good to know you atleast care about not failing,” Neil said, watching Andrew heave a textbook outof his backpack.

“I don’t care,” Andrew said,shivering against the word. He didn’t, but he also didn’t care to stay in highschool any longer than he had to. It was all cost and benefit.

Neil frowned at him and he wonderedif it was the first time Neil had heard him speak in two years.

He cracked open his textbookbefore he could delve any deeper into that thought and picked up where he’dleft off, at the advantages of the American air force in the First World War.

Neil scowled and moved toopen his book to the same page, but Andrew shook his head.

“Don’t bother,” he said. “I’mtelling Rutherford at the end of the period that we’ll be working on our own.”

Neil froze halfway throughflipping a page. “You – why?” he asked.

“You told me in explicitterms that I was not welcome anywhere near you. I assume that applies to groupprojects as well.”

“It – it does,” Neil said,frustration and disbelief written in every line of his face. “I didn’t thinkyou’d bother.”

Andrew felt a dark wave crashover him, and reminded himself Neil had no reason to believe any different. “Idon’t break my word,” he said.

“Right,” Neil said, notsounding right at all, and pulled his own textbook out of his bag.

Andrew turned back to his owntextbook, flipping the page at regular intervals and trying to avoid the feelingof Neil’s eyes on him. He didn’t take in any of the words – history was aboutas interesting to him right then as sandpaper. He could feel Neil start to saysomething, heard the intake of breath, but Neil only closed his mouth andshifted away.

Ten minutes later, he turnedabruptly towards Andrew. “You didn’t promise anything, though.”

Andrew took a second tobreathe before he looked up at Neil.

“I told you to leave mealone. You never promised you’d actually do it.”

Andrew blinked at Neil. “Doyou want to stop working together or not?”

“Of course,” Neil saidimmediately. “You’re a creep.”

“Clearly,” Andrew said, andthat was the last that either of them spoke.

In the end, it only took fiveminutes to convince the teacher to let Andrew and Neil work separately. Andrewhad a reputation that Neil didn’t, for all his sharp words and piercing glares,and it seemed that even teachers didn’t want to get on his bad side.

Despite that, he didn’t evenget a day of peace and quiet. Neil marched up to Andrew Friday morning beforeclass and slammed his hand against the wall.

“I don’t get you.”

Andrew shoved his coat intohis locker before turning to meet Neil’s frustrated glare.

“At first I thought you were hereto spy on me, but you’re not,” Neil continued. He was still holding onto thestrap of his backpack with one hand. Andrew wondered whether he ever let go ofit; in over two years, he’d never seen Neil without it.

“Have you never consideredboring old curiosity about the new kid?”

“Curiosity about the new kiddoesn’t have you breaking into the office and stealing files,” Neil retorted.“You haven’t done that for anyone else.”

Deep breaths, Andrew thought. “Maybe Iwanted to see what kind of new kid would jump to a conclusion like spying whenhe heard someone was looking into him.”

Neil clenched his jaw. Hiseyes darted over Andrew’s face; Andrew had the impression of being interrogatedby a colony of ants.

“They say you’ve gotten inover a hundred fights,” Neil said. His face was unreadable. “I don’t buy it.”

“You don’t think I’ve pissedoff that many people?”

“You don’t seem like the typeto beat people up for no reason. You don’t care, right?”

Andrew couldn’t stopsomething from flickering across his face; he could only hope it was too fastfor Neil to catch it. “I hate you,” he said, coming out just shy of the truth.

“But you haven’t beaten meup.”

“Do you want me to?” He wasalready imagining a thousand different ways he could put Neil on the ground.Disconcertingly few of them involved punching.

Neil ran a hand through hishair in frustration. “I want you to make sense,” he said. “I can’t figure youout. I hate it.”

“Now you know how I feel,”Andrew said, shutting his locker. He moved to leave for class, but Neil grabbedhim arm. Andrew couldn’t hide his flinch, and Neil let go like he was on fire.

For a minute they just stood,Andrew staring at Neil and Neil staring at Andrew’s arm. Andrew had no ideawhat Neil was thinking, except that it was something Andrew wanted nothing todo with. He did not have the time or the energy to play mind games with Neil.Not when he knew how it would end.

Because Neil was a goodthing, and Andrew was not the kind of person who got to keep good things.

“I’ll figure you out,” Neilfinally said. “Myself, if you won’t help me. And I’ll let you know when I do.”

“I look forward to it,”Andrew said, and wondered how self-destructive he would have to be to betelling the truth.

Neil didn’t speak to Andrewat all the next week. He was silent during history, he avoided all the placesAndrew usually frequented, and he pointedly turned away every time Andrewlooked in his direction.

It would be perfect, exceptthat Neil still wouldn’t leave him alone.

When Andrew caught his eyesin history on Monday, Neil turned away, but Andrew felt his eyes at the side ofhis head the second he looked back out the window. He didn’t see Neil at all ashe ate lunch in the library on Tuesday, but he could feel the shivers down hisspine that meant someone was watching him. He thought he caught Neil hidingbehind a tree as he walked home on Wednesday, but by the time he’d crossed thestreet to investigate, no one was there.

It was frustrating, it wasinfuriating, and Andrew wanted it to stop.

Drake had left on Tuesday forbasic training in Oklahoma, and would be gone for at least four months. Andrewhad spent Monday night camped out beside a public library, and snuck back intothe house at 4 am so that he would be ready in the morning to say goodbye. Withone furious look behind Cass’s back, Drake had driven away.

Where euphoria might havebeen, Andrew only felt apathy. He had too many doubts circling his head to feelany kind of freedom. Andrew had never been the kind of person who could be freeof people like Drake; it was only a matter of time. He could feel the knowledgecreeping through his skin, digging at his heart, draining his energy.

He spoke four words onWednesday: good morning and good night. The fog in his headthickened, coating everything in dull grey. On Thursday, he could barely lifthis arms to get out of bed.

On Friday, he got up in themiddle of English and walked out the door.

Bee was standing at her deskwhen Andrew walked in, shuffling through some papers. She looked up when heapproached and smiled. Andrew didn’t know how something so genuine could lookso out-of-place.

“Andrew!” she said. “Iseverything okay?”

Andrew stared at her for amoment and then shook his head.

Bee scrunched her eyebrows inconcern. “Would you like to join me for a cup of hot chocolate?”

Andrew’s gaze dropped to theempty chairs. He’d come to Bee on instinct, knowing that if he thought about itat all he would talk himself out of it. Imagining a formal session with Beeturned his stomach.

He must have been silent fortoo long, because Bee added, “I was just about to deliver some posters aroundto some of the other teachers. Would you care to join me?”

Andrew shrugged at the chairs.

“Thank you. Would you like meto make you some hot chocolate before we go?”

Andrew nodded, so Bee pulledout a tin of hot chocolate mix and the good milk and handed them to Andrew. Shepicked up the pile of posters and they walked out of the office, past a doorreading guidance, and into theteacher’s lounge, where there was a scattering of mismatched mugs and a dirtymicrowave.

Bee pulled out one of thecleaner mugs and spooned some hot chocolate mix into it, and then poured themilk in and stirred it all together. She stuck it in the microwave for twominutes and then picked up the milk and held it up.

“I’ll just return this to myoffice,” she said. “I’ll be back in one minute.”

When Bee returned andAndrew’s hot chocolate was done, they set off in the direction of the scienceclassrooms.

“This first posters are goingto Mr. Rodriguez,” Bee explained. “He’ll distribute them to the rest of thescience department. Would you like to look at one?”

Andrew moved his hotchocolate to his right hand and held out his left. Bee deposited one of theposters into his palm.

STOP CYBER BULLYING, theposter read, over a list of suggestions for what to do if you were beingcyber-bullied. Andrew handed it back to Bee, and she took it without comment andtucked it neatly back into her pile.

Bee continued to chatter onwhile they walked, about her new poster initiative and a new cookbook she hadgotten from her sister and a chocolate bar she thought Andrew should try.Andrew didn’t respond to any of it, just let the gentle lilt of her voice washover him and focused on breathing in and out in time with their footsteps.

As they left the math officeand headed down the hallway, the hurried sound of footsteps caught up to them.Andrew recognized their pattern and tensed.

“Andrew!” a voice called.

Andrew moved to keep walking,but Bee’s voice prevented him.

“Andrew, aren’t you going tostop?” she asked. Andrew hated the concern in her voice.

He clenched his jaw andturned around.

Neil stood a few yards downthe hallway, his face twisted in indecision. He was panting slightly, stillclutching the strap of his backpack, apparently having run from his calculusclass. Andrew scowled at him, but it had the opposite effect as what he wanted;Neil straightened up under his glare and held his chin up defiantly.

“Can I talk to you?” heasked.

Andrew didn’t respond, so Beeturned towards him.

“Andrew?” she asked. “Wouldyou like me to leave so you can talk to your friend?”

Andrew tried to findsomething in Neil’s expression to suggest why he was choosing now to confrontAndrew, but there was nothing. If anything, Neil was as unsure about what hewas doing here as Andrew was.

Andrew handed his half-fullmug over to Bee, but she waved him off.

“Bring it to me afterschool,” she said. “You should finish it. We used the good milk, after all.”

She gave a parting wave and leftfor the arts office. Andrew watched her go so he wouldn’t have to look at Neil.

“So,” Neil said, aiming forconversational. “You’ve been in thirteen foster homes?”

Somehow the knowledge thatNeil had read his file surprised him less than he had expected. Andrew’s lifewas full of hypocrites; what was one more?

But Neil seemed to be waitingfor an answer, so Andrew did his best to translate what do you want now into a facial expression.

Neil had the decency to look away.“I don’t know why I did it,” he said, as if Andrew cared about excuses. As ifAndrew cared about him. “It’s not like I learned anything important. You get alot of suspensions, you moved here from two towns over, you make appointmentswith the guidance counselor nearly every week. It wasn’t anything I hadn’talready guessed.”

He paused, and Andrew watcheddoubt and revulsion and exhaustion war across his face. Whatever Neil wanted tosay, it was going to cost him a lot. Andrew wondered what it meant that Neil wasgoing to trust this with him, of all people.

“I just got frustrated with knowingnothing,” he said. The tortured look in his eyes was one Andrew was toofamiliar with. “I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being—”

There was something in theway he cut himself off that dug straight through Andrew’s chest. He smoothedout his face as much as possible, but the way Neil’s expression went dark toldhim he hadn’t succeeded.

Don’t project your own problems onto me, healmost said, or don’t you dare startthinking we have something in common, or maybe just don’t.

He grabbed Neil’s chin andforced it to the side so that he wouldn’t have to think about it anymore, sothat he wouldn’t have to hear the word hanging unspoken in the air between them.Neil accepted it, but it didn’t deter him from talking.

“I’m not making excuses,” hesaid, and Andrew nearly laughed, because ofcourse. “I don’t regret it. And I’m not going to stop figuring you out. Ijust want to know if we’re even.”

It was such an unexpectedrequest that Andrew instinctively moved to deny it. His pettiness agreed,arguing that there was a lot more to it than just going through each other’sfiles. Neil had hated Andrew for two years even after Andrew had bothered toexplain himself; that shouldn’t be swept under the rug.

But Andrew had done worse toNeil than Neil had to Andrew. Neil shouldn’t have needed to ask Andrew if theywere even: Neil was the one who decided. Andrew hated that Neil had evenbothered to consider Andrew’s side of the equation.

He nodded.

He nodded and Neil relaxed,as if he’d been afraid of Andrew’s answer.

Andrew couldn’t stand him.

“Are we partners again,then?” Neil asked. At Andrew’s frown, he explained, “For history. That was theonly reason we weren’t working together, right?”

It felt like anoversimplification, like a test, but Andrew had no room to argue. Something wasbugging at him, something he knew was still wrong, but he was so out-of-sortsfrom the whole conversation that he couldn’t figure out what it was.

He shrugged.

“Okay,” Neil said. “Then I’llsee you tomorrow.”

As Neil left, the naggingsensation in Andrew’s stomach intensified. He examined his mug of hotchocolate, now cold, as if that would help, and reviewed the conversation fromevery angle he could think of.

It took him a few minutes,but then he froze, glaring at his mug as if it was the one that had screwed up.He looked down the hallway where Neil had disappeared and then at the open doorto the math office. He made a choice.

Neil was just past the edgeof school property when Andrew caught up with him. He whirled at Andrew’sapproach and then relaxed, tensed, and forcibly relaxed again.

“Did you forget something?”he asked, aiming for nonchalant, but Andrew could hear the defensiveness.

Andrew placed Bee’s mug onthe ground and held out a piece of paper, folded messily in half. Neil glancedat it and then at Andrew in confusion. When he reached out a hand to take it,Andrew grabbed his hand and shoved the paper into his palm. He forced Neil’sfingers closed and pushed his hand away.

Neil dropped his gaze to unfurlthe paper and read the words that Andrew had written, and his frown deepened. Hesearched Andrew’s face like he could pry Andrew’s secrets out of the cracks inhis skin, but Andrew had plastered over them long before Neil had gotten there.

Neil slung his backpack tothe ground and dropped to his knees, rifling through it. He pulled out a redmarker and scribbled something on the paper.

While Neil was writing, Andrew’sattention caught on something in his backpack. It wasn’t much, just a bulge inthe seam, but it reminded Andrew of the same shape in Drake’s bag where foryears he had hidden a handgun. Andrew slotted that information next to all therest of the tidbits about Neil Josten – his worn-out clothes, his dyed hair,his constant flightiness – and wondered if he was wrong in classifying Neil asa good thing. Wondered if the universe counted Neil on the same level asAndrew: broken, forgotten, left at the mercy of the shadows and the dark.

He refused to think about it.He took the paper back from Neil, barely took the time to read it, and thencrumpled it into a ball and shoved it into his pocket to shred when he gothome.

Neil accepted that at facevalue and left with a two-finger salute. Andrew forced himself to turn aroundand head back towards Bee’s office.

As he walked, he set hiswhole mind on fire trying to burn away the memory of the words on the page,trying to burn away the twisted, strangled emotion that came with it. Not hope,never hope, but maybe its neglected, malnourished cousin.

His hand clenched around the crumplededges on the note. He didn’t realize he had even reached into his pocket.

Truth for a truth, the note read, in spikeyblack ink. People like us will always benothing.

The first part was circled.Underneath, in dark red marker, was a single word:

Deal

[emptypokedex-blog]

hi so i'm trash and i was scrolling down your blog and i saw the homestuck au and i want to draw art of it so do you have any like, references or ideas as to how everyone looks? like, horn shapes, symbols, outfits, etc? or are they just like the same from the manga? sorry for bothering you btw

2: hi, specialstuck anon again. any ideas for like their online handles and ancestors? sorry about bothering you about this bc i just realized that your posts about that au was from like months ago and idk if you care about it anymore i’m so sorry

Hello! I’m sorry for not responding. I’ve just been a shitty blog-runner, and haven’t been here. This ask makes me really happy because I honestly still like Homestuck and genuinely think its well written. I was really into classpect assignments back in the day, so this was a fun little project.

I didn’t post about it because I didn’t think anyone liked it, but here you are, proving me wrong-ish!

AND OH MY GOD YES, I LOVE WHEN ASK TO DRAW ART OF MY IDEA!Don’t worry nonster, you’re not bothering me at all! I’ve literally done nothing over the summer.

I’ll post the pictures separately too just so you can zoom in.

I’m putting a cut because this got longer than expected.

Okay, so I had a guide with all of their horns and symbols, buuuuuut…I lost it. So, special for you, I made a new, updated one! My hand was cramping so bad after this. I would scan it, but I don’t trust my printer/scanner right now, because last time I used it, it completely crumpled my drawing (its the kind that eats the paper and scans it)

BTW I changed some stuff.

In terms of online handles, I dunno. Those are haaard. Ancestors, ignoring the sexes of the characters, would be the character’s parent of the same gender, unless there is only one parent, or if the character has no known parents or no living parents, they would be a sibling. If there are no siblings belonging to that character (Emerald, Red, probably someone else I’m forgetting), they would be a fictional character or OC or someone else from the canon that has some sort of familial or social relationship to the character. So for Silver it’d be Giovanni, Sapphire has Birch, Ruby has Norman, Crystal and her Mother, Green could either have Oak or Daisy. Yellow’s could be her Uncle. And so on.

Clothes would probably be the same, except for the trolls, all their shirts would be black instead of the color they normally are and for the humans all their shirts would be white.

In terms of Lusi (Lususes?) for the trolls, their starts fully evolved forms would be them. So, like, Swampert would be Ruby’s Mudbeast Lusus or Meganium would be Crystal’s Neckbeast Lusus. The same for the humans’ consorts, except in that case, they be the unevolved versions.

Gonna get my caveats out of the way now, I wanted to stick to the ‘one-of-each’ format Homestuck has going on while adhering to the gender-roles, so, at the end, some characters were left with God Tiers that didn’t really fit them *coughsilvercough* So, for those characters, I’ll provide what they were left with and the alternate I would have preferred. The hardest was finding a Breath player. Only the humans had repeats of the trolls.

(Top: Gold, Silver, Crystal Bottom: Pearl, Diamond, Platinum)

Gold: Knight of Blood, Land of Sap and Bells, CueKind, Non-Psionic Yellow-Blood, Prospit.

I forgot why I designed Gold’s horns the way I did. I think it had something to do with resembling his hair. His symbol is the logo for HeartGold.

Gold is a character who’s arc is about feeling inferior to his friends and overcompensating. When he finds out that he didn’t have a title, it broke his heart. The Knight class experiences change and growth throughout the game, and the Blood aspect is about platonic relationships and bonds. Come to think of it, I think Gold could also pass for a Page.

I can see Gold being on the characters who starts one of the teams and competitively tries to get the people he wants to join his team.

Silver: Rogue of Breath*, Land of Dust and Masks, IcePickKind, Non-Psychic Rust-Blood, Derse.

*Not only could I not figure out what Silver would be, but he was also the one to get the most out of character God Tier. I can see him as a destructive class, like Prince of Blood, but both that class and aspect have been taken. I am very unhappy with the result.

I had so much trouble drawing Silver’s hair, that I ended up putting it in a ponytail, but, let’s admit it, we all need for more of that. His horns are supposed to look like an ‘R’ when put together, so one is curved and the other has a hook on the end. They’re asymmetrical. I know its hard to see, but they are. His symbol is supposed to be the logo for SoulSilver. 

I refuse to explain Rogue of Breath because there is nothing to explain. Rufioh, in canon, is a Rogue of Breath and these characters have nothing in common. A Rogue of Breath would steal Breath – or Direction – for the benefit of others and I genuinely cannot make this work. So, instead, I’ll explain Prince of Blood. Prince is a destructive class that destroys with the aspect, in this case Blood, or bonds. Prince can also be one who destroys the aspect. So, Silver destroying past bonds he no longer wants. 

Silver would befriend Blue over the chat, become fascinated by the concept of siblings and request to be Blue’s sister (cause she was explaining it in terms of being his unrelated sister), to which she’d agree for him to be considered her brother.

Crystal: Thief of Doom, Land of Wheels and Flood, FootKind/ShoeKind, Non-Psychic Teal-Blood, Prospit.

One of Crystal’s horns is supposed to be straight, only curving at the end, and the other one has a star on the tip. Her symbol is, surprise surprise, a Star.

I know what you’re thinking. Thief of Doom? Crystal? No Way! Well, I’m gonna explain. Thieves take the aspect to benefit themselves, and the concept of Doom ranges from just a simple burden to death itself to complete planetary destruction. In the Pokespe canon, Crystal was hired to complete a job Green and Red failed to finish, and she was happy to do it. This makes me think that Crystal is willing to take on certain burdens that coincide with her interest, something a Thief of Doom would certainly do.

Potentially the other team leader, maybe the only one who thinks this is an awful idea. Begrudgingly agrees.

Pearl: Seer of Space*, Land of Peaks and Frogs, FanKind, Slightly-Psychic Brown-Blood, Derse.

*Could have been either a Seer of Space or a Mage of Space, but Seer fit his behavior more.

Pearl’s horns are supposed to look like the antenna and tail of a Chatot, so the one behind his hair resembles a music note (see Chatot for reference) while the other one just has a ball on it. I think I’ve seen his horns drawn like this before by other artists, so I don’t think this is the most original decision, but I still really like it. His symbol is a Circle/Pearl.

One of the most important parts of a Seer is their ability to observe. This is why it was so hard to me to pick between Black and Pearl when it came to choosing a Seer. However, because I wanted Diamond, Pearl, and Platinum to be Time, Space, and Void no matter what, Pearl got the honor. A Seer of Space observes Space and exists in the present moment. They may also oversee or take charge and are creative types.

Pearl’s weapon is FanKind because he picked it when he was young and practiced in the art of fan-to-fan compensate.

Diamond: Heir of Time*, Land of Fruit and Geysers, LadleKind, Non-Psychic Cobalt-Blood, Prospit.

*I originally listed him as a Page of Time, but changed it after giving Wally the role of Page. Either works for him.

Dia’s horns are supposed to look non-threatening, so they are wide and not very sharp. They’re kinda Munchlax-esque. His symbol is a Diamond.

When picking between Heir and Page, I went with Heir because Wally took Page Diamond has a sense of time from the beginning. Heirs become their aspect in one way or another, hence why they’re called ‘Heirs,’ and Diamond has such a grasp on his flow of time (not to mention his major-legendary equivalent being Diamond), that I see this working. If he were a Page, which would also have been good, it’d mirror his rise against Pearl is the DP chapter.

Diamond makes food puns constantly in chat and there is no way of stopping him.

Platinum: Sylph of Void*, Land of Snow and Tomes, UmbrellaKind, Non-Psychic Violet-Blood, Derse.

*To be honest, a lot of the female-based classes in the Void aspect fit her character, except Witch.

Platz horns should look like the faceplate of an Empoleon. Same situation as Pearl, I think I’ve seen this done elsewhere my multiple artists. Her symbol is the Berlitz family sigil.

Void is nothingness. Pretty much any class enacting Void is lacking something, since Void is the lack of anything. As a Sylph of Void, one could create Void because Sylph is a creative class, and Platinum does this in a social sense by ignoring the claims of other people and acting as though they never happened. In terms of her behavior in early chapters of the DP chapter, she also acts as though she isn��t supposed to emote.

She will never admit she is friends with a lowblood.

(Top: Ruby, Sapphire, Emerald Bottom: Black, White, Wally) 

Ruby: Prince of Light, Land of Mirrors and Silk, NeedleKind, Non-Psychic Rust-Blood, Derse.

I exaggerated Ruby’s scar a bit for this. The horn on the side of his face with the scar is broken, but both of his horns used to be symmetrical. They’re supposed to look like the antennae of a Milotic. His symbol is the pattern on Groudon’s arm.

A Prince of Light would destroy knowledge, which, at first, sounds very out of a character for Ruby. But knowledge doesn’t only apply to books and science. Instead, is refers to anything known. Considering how Ruby acts at the end of the RS chapter, throughout the Emerald chapter, and again in the ORAS chapter, where is constantly pretends as though the confession never happened and lies about a variety of things, actively destroying what people know, I think this is the most fitting God Tier I’ve provided. Ruby is also a character I can definitely imagine playing the role of minor-villain at some point.

He’s super salty about not only being the lowest of bloods, but not having any psychic powers to compensate.

Sapphire: Witch of Rage*, Land of Thorns and Thunderstorms, ClawKind, Non-Psychic Indigo-Blood, Prospit.

*Would rather have Maid of Rage, but White fit the Maid role better for multiple other aspects. Witch was all that was left.

Sapph’s horns resemble Gamzee’s, but are thicker and less curvy. They’re just supposed to look wild and are not based on anything. Her symbol is the pattern on Kyogre’s flipper.

As much as Maid of Rage fit, I had to give her Witch of Rage, which, in actuality, would probably belong to an incredibly unstable person. Witch’s have completely control to manipulate their aspect while also fully embodying that aspect, and when that aspect is Rage, chances are that person isn’t to in a safe psychological place. Maids, on the other hand, start by relying on other people for their aspect and where to enact it before learning on their own to use it as they please. Sapphire would have gone through this change twice: once when she was younger and changed when Ruby was hurt and she realize she couldn’t that girly anymore, directing her Rage towards her younger self and/or people like that, and again when she changes in the RS chapter and compromises.

Sapphire leaves animal pelts at Ruby’s doorstep to make stuff out of. She brings most of the meat to Dia and feeds the rest of it to her eggbeast lusus.

Emerald: Bard of Mind*, Land of Dunes and Towers, PistolKind, Non-Psychic Olive-Blood, Derse.

*Couldn’t for the life of me figure out what this kid was. Rald

I used his current design because I couldn’t draw his croissant-hair. You’ve probably already guessed it, but his horns are based on his eyebrows. His symbol is the pattern on the head of Rayquaza.

Again, same as Silver, I’m not going to explain it. But for Rald, I just don’t have anything else to say. I’ll put it simply: I don’t think Rald is a destructive player (in fact, he might be a manipulative player), but I’m out of stuff and I’m stumped.

Immediately joined Crystal’s team without a second thought and before knowing what the heck they were doing.

Black: Mage of Hope*, Land of Kaleidoscopes and Skyscrapers, RockKind, Powerful-Psychic Brown-Blood, Prospit.

*Seer of Hope was also an option, but it is taken by Pearl. They both make great Seers.

Hexagon. Everything about Black is based on hexagons here. Horns and Symbol. Put his horns together and you get a hexagon.

Mages fully experience their aspect at some point. Admittedly, a Mage of Hope would be naive and maybe a bit too hopeful, but Hope is definitely something Black has a lot of, even up until the end (y’knoow, up until he became a rock). A Mage of Hope would be dedicated to making it to their goal because they would genuinely believe that they’d get there, a la Black when he wants to become a pokemon master.

Sees the world in hexagons a lot like he does with Musha on his head.

White: Maid of Heart*, Land of Roots and Carnivals, WhipKind, Non-Psychic Cobalt-Blood, Derse.

*I also really liked Maid of Hope for her.

Y’know White’s hair-antennae? They’re her horns now. They’re close together and bend back over hear head, not outward. I didn’t know what Symbol to give her, so I just made it a box.

Heart and Blood are very similar in that they’re both about relationships, but Heart is more about the impact of those relationships. A Maid of Heart starts by relying on someone else for their relationships and enjoyment, but would eventually come to do it on their own. If anything, regardless of aspect, White is definitely a Maid.

Had Black sign a contract that ensured he would join the same team that she was on.

Wally: Page of Life, Land of Pumps and Corridors, PumpKind, Non-Psychic Teal-Blood, Prospit.

Wally’s horns are tiny because I felt someone like wally wouldn’t have especially large or threatening horns. His Symbol is the pattern on the face of a Kecleon.

Wally was hard, but I eventually settled on Page of Life. Pages and Maids are very similar in my eyes, because they are both classes based around personal growth. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that Pages were the male equivalent to the female Maid. A Page of Life would lack Life in the beginning, which would manifest itself in physical or emotional health. As a Page, he’d grow in health, perhaps to the point of overdoing it. I think this God Tier mirrors his subplot pretty well.

Blindly follows Ruby around where ever he goes.

(Red, Yellow, Blue, Green)

Red: Heir of Blood, Land of Rivers and Lightning, BallKind, Prospit, Consort: Bulbasaur.

I FORGOT HOW TO DRAW RED’S HAIR! His Icon is a Pokeball.

Heirs have a need for their aspect, and one thing Red really enjoys is his pokemon and having a group friends, and even protecting people/showing off to neighborhood kids. As an Heir of Blood, Red would need to embody the Blood aspect and pretty much be the connecting force between the other characters. I picked this because he essentially started the series and, as the first character, I interpret him as the driving for keeping older characters together. Heirs also have a natural talent for their aspect, and I think the term ‘natural talent‘ in general is a decent description of Red. Plus, he’s really good at making friends.

Yellow: Sylph of Life, Land of Keys and Ink, RodKind, Prospit, Consort: Can a Snake be a Consort? ‘Cause I’m thinking Ekans.

Her Icon is a Lightning Bold (Also could have done a feather.)

I mean, come on. Like I said before, Sylphs are a creative class and Life is synonymous with health, and, therefore, a Sylph of Life creates health. Naturally, Yellow would be the teams healer. She could probably bring things back to life or give like to inanimate things by creating Life itself.

Blue: Thief of Space, Land of Coins and Frogs, CrowbarKind, Derse, Consort: Squirtle.

(Oops, she looks like an axolotl) Her Icon is a Mask.

A Thief of Space would steal Space for their own benefit. Blue would probably use this by stealing size from one object and applying it to herself or transferring size between things, switching the location of herself and something else or the locations of two items. It’s be great for stealing from other people.

Green: Prince of Time, Land of Fog and Beats, FistKind, Derse, Consort: Charmander.

His Icon isn’t a pomegranate seed, it’s supposed to look like his pendant, but I can understand the confusion.

Prince is a destructive class, so Green would be destroying with Time. As a result, a Prince of Time would be impatient and easily annoyed and unable to cope with the passage of time. Some of these aspects match Green at an early age. As we known, baby Green had a lot of trouble with patience. They’d be stubborn and have trouble listening to others. This pairs well with early-Green. Current-Green is a lot calmer and smarter that he used to be.

If I didn’t feel the need to have one of each, the cast would look like this (In the same order as all of the above):

Knight of Blood, Prince of Blood, Thief of Doom, Seer of Space, Page/Heir of Space, Sylph of Void, Prince of Light, Maid of Rage, (Whatever Emerald would be), Seer/Mage of Hope, Maid of Hope, Page of Life. (Minus the Humans)