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utau-bowl · 3 years

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Looking at all the Voicebanks on the Arpasing website

This is a project that took a good amount of time to write and publish, so I’m glad I’m finally here! For context, there is an unofficial Arpasing website with reclists, plugins, and USTs to use. There’s also a list of avilable Arpasing voicebanks to try out, and here’s where I had the idea to download and talk about-all of them. These will generally be pretty short, but I hope they’re at least somewhat informative. Many of these voicebanks are in beta/unfinished to a degree, so keep that in mind. Since a lot of these are old beta voices, if you don’t want your VB on here, just send me a message and I’ll delete it.

All of these voices can be downloaded at the Voicebank Directory on the Arpasing site.

A few of the links on the site didn’t work, so sorry Cherry, Daichi Hayashi, and Armani. I’m also not including the Arpasing prototype VB since it’s just recordings and has no oto. For people who don’t know much about arpasing: 0.1.0 is the original version of Arpasing with 219 samples, and 0.2.0 is an updated later version made by Kanru Hua that has 334 samples. I also bring up the alveolar tap a little bit. The alveolar tap is a consonant common in american English (it’s the “tt” sound in butter, better, and letter). Since Arpasing was optimized for American English, it’s surprising that most of the reclists for it don’t include the alveolar tap! So I might point that out when I see it added into a vb.

Aero-gen Shinsu by Wolfe Nebula

※Reclist: 0.1.0 ※Number of pitches: 3 ※Has FRQs?: Some Aero is a mild adolescent sounding voice with lots of noise. He generally sounds pretty sweet and light, I love his voice a lot! There is a decent anount of background noise, which some may be picky about. Still, it doesn’t affect the quality much and he works with most resamplers. Putting high BRE on him makes him sound pretty good. I generally had no issues with his oto, but the CC transitions aren’t otoed very well and some are off time.

Aino Erufu by Jasputing

※Reclist: 0.2.0 ※Number of pitches: 1 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Yes, also has full llsm and pmk files Aino has a very unique voice acted timbre, and it’s almost difficult to find a song to match her. But when you do, she’s a sweetie. ^^ She has a sweet, louder voice and sounds best above A3, or even higher in the soprano range. She is touchy with resamplers but works well with fresamp and world4utau.

Aki Toka/幸兔雪 by Yukito Yuki

※Reclist: 0.2.0 ※Number of pitches: 1 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Yes Aki is clear and strong and has a good tone. good tone, clear. has full frqs. got one of my favorite accents. Despite being monopitch, he has a very wide range and can go a little below his stated range of F3-C5. The mid/low range sounds best though imo. He comes with a guide for aliasing for those new to Arpasing, and a list of all the sounds which were affected by the VP’s accent. The Finnish accent does come through in the vowels and ending consonants, but the duplicates allow for more varied pronunciation so it’s not a big deal. Akihana ENG [radiance] D3_beta by Lunamageice ※Reclist: 0.1.0, uses phonetic filenames ※Number of pitches: 1 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Yes Akihana has a low, rich, full voice that’s good in bass and baritone range. I’ve used his VCCV before, but the Arpasing actually has more natural pronunciation. It has been in beta all this time, but it’s still worth it to use because of the rarity of this voicetype in UTAU. Angus by ReticentResolve

※Reclist: 0.2.0 ※Number of pitches: 1 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Yes I was blown away by how good Angus was! He’s a deep, soft masculine voice ranged F2-G4 with a nasal quality. He comes with a tripitch VCV JP bank for those who’d want that too. The mic he was recorded on picked up a lot of background noise and makes him sound muffled, but he’s still a decent vb.

AWG YukiList verKLAD by Adlez27 ※Reclist: YukiList with modifications ※Number of pitches: 1 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: No This is an example voicebank for the Yukilist arpasing recording style created by YukitoYuki. It has 800+ samples and a lot more coverage than basic Arpasing. It’s a tenor vb with a mild tone. The alveolar tap (dx) samples are in a separate folder for some reason and aren’t fully otoed, but they work fine. Some of the VC transitions aren’t configured correctly, but generally the oto is good.

Canary by SlightlyShredded

※Reclist: 0.1.0 ※Number of pitches: 1 (D3) ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Yes + llsm Canary has a really pleasant voice! He’s a sweet, fruity baritone with power in his voice. He’s very suitable for pop/edm. His oto kept spitting out errors while I used him but he sounds mostly fine despite that.

Eon_Arpasing by fmccaddy12 ※Reclist: Custom (made by fmccaddy12) ※Number of pitches: 2 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Yes + llsm Eon is a very realistic baritone voice. He sounds a little congested but is overall one of the best voicebanks on this list. He can be pushed a bit out of his range As far as I’m aware, his official site/character revamp is not done yet but his dl is still up on this website. Not even sure if I should share the link but it is still up publicly...

Hailey Denali by CatMoun

※Reclist: Custom ※Number of pitches: 1 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Yes + llsm Hailey has one of the cutest tones one of all these voicebanks. She’s very nasal and sounds almost voice acted. Her reclist is 500+ samples long and doesn’t lack anything. However, all the vowels and most of the consonants are 2-3 syllables. Hailey also comes with an automatic updater.

鳳鐘ユウリ(Houshou Yuuri) by さきた (Sakita)

※Reclist: 0.2.0 ※Number of pitches: 1 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Some Yuuri has a range of about A3-D5. She has a heavy Japanese accent but a decent range. She’s very emotional and pretty sounding, especially in the higher ranges. Though, if you want to use her, know that her oto requires a lot of fixing, as a lot of VC transitions are configured incorrectly.

Johatsun Kikuro Arpasing by Awes0meBr0/Biohazard-P

※Reclist: 0.2.0 ※Number of pitches: 1 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Yes + llsm/bak/pmk He has very quiet samples which causes lots of distortion in the program. Nevertheless, he still manages to sound realistic somehow-? He reminds me of older vocal synths like Microsoft Sam almost. I did mess around a bit with resamplers/flags for Kikuro and the best combination I’ve found so far was f2resamp and F0g1H20h0C10. Using Kikuro requires some effort but he’s sill pretty good.

Kara Kokone by SunGuardian524

※Reclist: 0.1.0 ※Number of pitches: 5 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Some Kara is most impressive for being one of the UTAU with the highest number of pitches on this list- each of them has a different tone, with one being a falsetto and another being a shout pitch. Her range is pretty wide, reaching almost into alto and being able to hit the high soprano notes too. However, this bank really does feel like a beta that hasn’t been touched in a while. It doesn’t have a fully configured prefix.map and the oto is pretty off and requires a lot of adjusting. I also wish she used a more comprehensive form of the reclist, since there is a lot missing. At least there’s a lot of duplicate entries.

Kayaka Konagi Arpasing(English) by こむぎこ (Komugiko) ※Reclist: 0.2.0 ※Number of pitches: 1 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Yes Konagi is very good, her pronunciation is clear and she has a nice tone. She is a bit finicky with resamplers and flags, probably meant to be used with default settings. She does have a Japanese accent but it’s a little less pronounced than Yuuri’s.

Kevin Futarine STUDIO (VP2 Arpasing) by FRAloids

※Reclist: 0.2.0 ※Number of pitches: 1 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: No Kevin is another baritone voice with a youthful flavor. It has a good amount of flexibility, being sort of emotional and soft sounding but also capable of producing a bright, clear sound. He was recorded at E3 but has a flexible range and even sounds good higher. His pronunciation is pretty on point, but the t/d are a little mixed up. His dh sounds are also so short they’re hard to hear at times. The oto is generally good but might need some adjusting out of the box. He has a ton of extra samples of sighs, laughs, whispers, etc. I’ve been a Kevin fan for years and this voicebank definitely keeps the tone his Japanese vbs have.

Kii Nane by kii ※Reclist: 0.1.0 ※Number of pitches: 1 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Some Kii Nane is a sugary sweet voice that sounds best at C4 and above. Her samples have a lot of reverb, and there is some background noise which affects the output. Her pronunciation is very good, but a little slurred and off because of the engine noise. Resamplers are hit or miss, she does sound good with world4utau though.

Koyanagi Sayuki DEITY by Mango-tama

※Reclist: 0.1.0 ※Number of pitches: 4 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: No, but has full llsm Sayuki is a very realistic voice ranged F#3-G5. Her low range is soft and her mid/high range is loud and clear. Lovely to tune and use in anything, I don’t have much negative to say about her.

Koyanagi Takehiko_TSUNAMI (BETA) by Mango-tama

※Reclist: 0.1.0 ※Number of pitches: 1 (G3) ※Has fully generated FRQs?: No, but has full llsm Takehiko is very cool sounding and bassy, and the voice acting makes him distinct from his sister. His best range is from D3 to G4 and he has sorta a soft tone that can be boosted via resamplers. He sounds great with f2resamp.

KYE by WinterdrivE

※Reclist: 0.1.0 + a few Alveolar tap samples ※Number of pitches: 5 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: No, but has full llsm Kye needs no introduction-he’s the guy who got most of us interested in Arpasing in the first place! His abundance of pitches works in his favor. He’s probably the best of these voicebanks to just plug and play to learn how to use Arpasing-if you don’t mind waiting for all those 1000+ frqs to generate. He is by far the best in baritone/bass range. A lot of the D4 pitch actually has pitch/frequency issues that can’t be fixed without workarounds, so using him from B2-C4 is your best bet-or just using a different pitch for the higher ranges. He does have a sort-of lisp but overall, not many oto or pronunciation issues.

Marie Kagekine Arpasing (v1.0) by AdagioFantasque

※Reclist: 0.1.0 ※Number of pitches: 1 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Yes + some llsm, pmk, and uspec Marie is an operatic voicebank who tries to recapture the charm of Prima in an UTAU format. She has a wide range of B3-F5 and a mature, yet high and bright, sound. She has some of the best understandability out of any of these voicebanks. I really like her <3

Mikone Samu by codyboyo

※Reclist: 0.2.0 ※Number of pitches: 1 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Yes Samu/Sam is a port of Microsoft Sam done in a similar way to how Defoko was made. He’s a crisp sounding masculine low voice. Due to the samples being short, he can sound very stilted. But for a jinriki (?) like this, he is very high quality.

Resonance Harmony (Arpasing English) by Hazu/パワ

※Reclist: 0.1.0 ※Number of pitches: 6 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Yes I have a lot to say about Harmony, and no good way of wording it. Okay. Resonance is very nasally and high, she has 3 base pitches plus growl, power, and whisper appends, and some vocal fry. Conceptually, she seems like a pretty good bank but I’ve always had trouble using her...it feels like a hit or miss on whether she’ll sound good or not. She sounds decent with f2resamp and w4utau but not many flags make her sound better. If anyone else wants to download her and play around, I’d love to hear it.

Rose Mae Arpasing BETA by Monochrome Rose ※Reclist: 0.1.0 ※Number of pitches: 1 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Yes + llsm Rose has a bright, tomboyish, androgynous voice. The readme file notifies us of the non-native accent in the vb. It does have a drawl and some of the consonants aren’t recorded/otoed right, but overall the vb sounds very smooth. Honestly, I care more about recording conditions/oto/general feel than accent most of the time, and Rose does well in those ways.

Ryuunosuke Aoyama by Mattsuran

※Reclist: 0.1.0 ※Number of pitches: 1 (B3) ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Yes + llsm Ryuunosuke is a childish, boyish voice with a strong Chilean accent. I think this vb may have actually been recorded by a kid, so that’s a point for uniqueness at least. He sounds best with fresamp and f2resamp. He has a gentle tone that can work in a lot of different ranges.

Tarek by Tadashi

※Reclist: 0.1.0 ※Number of pitches: 1 (B2) ※Has fully generated FRQs?: No, has llsm Tarek has a clear, loud tone with a noticeable lisp. UTAU recommends using him as a baritone, but I found putting him into higher ranges generally worked too. His samples sound less like singing and more like talking. He was recorded on a midquality mic which causes some distortion in the output. Still, I think his voice is really cute and I’m a sucker for baritones.

Thoma by Nythoma

※Reclist: 0.2.0 + vocal fry/alveolar tap ※Number of pitches: 1 (F#3) ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Yes Thoma is an androgynous alto/mezo soprano. They have a soft, plasticy sort of feeling to their voice. They sound best from C3-F5. I feel a little..weird linking to/talking about Thoma since they were redesigned and are supposed to be a private voicebank, but the download is still linked on this site. Also please check out Nythoma when you get a chance, they make the best Arpasing USTs which helped me a lot while making this post. I feel like I haven’t checked in on anyone here in a while. How are you doing? I’ve written most of this post within the span of a few days and I think my brain is not capable of producing any thoughts other than “monopitch.”

Tsubasa Arugo Arpasing (BETA) by WinterStar

※Reclist: 0.2.0 ※Number of pitches: 1 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: Yes Tsubasa has a soft, androgynous voice that sounds best from E3-A4. The samples are full of static, which causes some distortion. The ending vowel sounds also cut off too much at the beginning, making them too breathy. Still, it’s always nice to see another soft vb.

Xiao Meihua by 実偽Migi

※Reclist: 0.2.0 ※Number of pitches: 2 ※Has fully generated FRQs?: No Meihua has a realistic mature voice that’s also sweet and friendly sounding. She has a sort of low voice, and sounds the best from G3-C5. The download comes with a natural vb and a Sweet append, both monopitch. I listed them as being different pitches because they aren’t recorded at the same note. The Sweet voicebank is nasal and stronger too-it sounds more solid than sweet. She’s one of the vbs on this list that sounds the best with little to no edits. Her oto is smooth as butter :0

And that’s all of them done! Thank you SO much for reading if you got this far, seriously. You are what makes writing this blog worth it <3

Also I wanted to list my favorites of the bunch! This isn’t meant to pit any vb against each other or anything, just the ones I’m likely to go back to. -Canary -Eon -Xiao Meihua -Marie Kagekine -Kii Nane -Aki Toka -Thoma -Kevin Futarine Studio

Who are your favorites?

#utau #utauloid #long post #utau spotlight #english #arpasing #review #kinda #writing this sapped so much energy from me idc how late this is posted

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twopoppies · 5 years

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Hello... you literally saved me. I was having a hard week, work was going crazy, I was sick and i was really tired all week. But yesterday I was going through your fic recommendations and I saw “Victorian Boy” and oh my... that was the sweetest thing I have ever read. Ever. My native language is spanish and I learned English through fics and novels.. I’ve read a lot of fics, a lot but that did something to me. Maybe I was tired and emo idk... thank you. Do you have any fics like that one?please?

Hi darling. First of all, I’m sorry this took me a little while. Second, I’m so, so happy you loved that fic so much! It’s such a treat to connect to something so deeply. And how amazing that you taught yourself English by reading! That’s so impressive. So, I wasn’t quite sure what aspects of Victorian Boy you loved, so it made this a little more difficult….but here goes

Victorian Boy by audreyheart (E, 101K) For anyone that hasn’t read this yet, it’s delightfully unique and layered with a little of everything – hate to love, romance, intrigue, action, betrayal, sex, and more. It’s well written, sexy – in a wonderfully Victorian way, and keeps you guessing.

And down the long and silent street by whimsicule (M, 86K) Similar time period, although this one focuses much more on the class structure of Victorian England. The romance here is not only between two men, but between men of very different classes – which only adds to the tension of the already intense subplot. This author always writes with great depth and the detail of the setting feels spot on. Perhaps darker than Victorian Boy, but very much worth a read.

Howls Like a Beast (You Flower You Feast) by @indiaalphawhiskey (E, 17K) The setting is 18th century Versailles and this author sets the scene beautifully for heartache and passion and an unexpected twist. I adore this author’s writing in general and here they manage to be poetic without too flowery, while somehow writing characters who speak and behave in a way that feels appropriate for the period, yet not so stilted that a modern reader can’t enjoy. Oh, and as often happens, I cried. A lot.

Constant Debauchery by Blake (E, 19K) Yes, yes, I know. I’ve probably recommended this 10 times. But have you read it yet? Anyway…Edwardian setting, uni ABO (Alpha/Alpha) fic. Gorgeous mood setting, I’ve said before that it reads like an Merchant Ivory film looks…just gorgeous. There’s a similar sense of repression and uncertainty about flouting societal expectations, and a character who appears one way on the surface, but underneath is quite different. I love this one, I’ve read it a number of times.

won’t you wear my watermark by @bottomlinsons (E, 90K) I’ve somehow managed to not yet read this one, which is surprising since I really like this author’s writing and recommend them often. However, @cuethetommo (who has very similar taste to me) just finished Victorian Boy and suggested this one for this list. The summary sounds like it might be just right:

The new Earl of Harrisson is a young man, an impulsive romantic, forced to shoulder too much responsibility far too soon. He is also Louis’ soulmate, but there’s nothing to be done about that. At least, as far as Louis is concerned.

The Earl, it seems, will take some convincing.

(A slow burn Regency AU featuring secrets, seduction and, our favourite, soulmarks.)

I think, my friend, this might be all I have right now. I hope there’s some here you haven’t read. If there’s something specific about VB that touched you that these don’t match, come back and let me know! Enjoy!

#Anonymous #historical fics #victorian boy #my fic rec #larry fic rec

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sumeshi-t · 4 years

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the idea of making hc’s of children is sosososo cute. i’ll follow ur steps chloe @akaashit-baeji lolol this is gonna be really self-indulgent buuut my excuse is that it’s my birthday so here it goes... i'm writing the last half of this with a hangover and a bad case of dysmenorrhea... sucks 2 be me

Oikawa Teru (及川輝)

his name “輝“ means “bright”, and this boi lives up to it because, let’s face it, he’s gonna be like his dad. he embodies this “brightness”, in a way that he’s smart, and he makes sure he and his team’s (or whichever team he’s going to be in) will shine on the court

wavy/curly hair and a victim of my and his dad’s astigmatism. always has this cheeky smile, and he gets my brimming energy so he’s really approachable and charming

very good with words; it’s like he always knows what to say

when he plays he also wears contact lenses

but don’t be fooled. in their generation, it’s him who has to put iwaizumi’s son in check. he knows everything about his teammates too, he knows more than what he lets on (which sometimes, they find creepy, but they all know he means well)

anyway, unlike his dad, he doesn’t really mind having geniuses around. instead, he watches them very closely; something like “mutualism”. he knows what he lacks and he knows he can learn from them too, vice versa.

is into horror games. in his free time, he and his sister take turns playing. and they decide it by seeing who can last the longest without flinching/screaming. he’s annoyed because his sister’s better at it

has fans, ngl. i mean look at him. however, the female fans especially, are pretty on guard. he’s approachable, but anytime they see him with his sister... they back out. he doesn’t mind, he loves his sister and it actually amuses him. he’s the same when it comes to the boys who hang around her too!

basically protective siblings who are always there for eo

is very neat. can’t concentrate when something is out of place. he keeps his nails short, has a somewhat flowery scent. yes, he uses female perfumes because he despises strong smells.

bug-catching was his childhood hobby just like mine’s was. used to sneak beetles in iwaizumi’s son’s backpack back then

he will never admit it but he actually asks his sister for fashion tips because his taste sucks ass so bad

basically his major problem or issue in life is getting compared to his father (he’s also a setter). he hates that so much, being hidden in the shadow of his dad, and when people just recognize him for being oikawa tooru’s son.

something he and ushijima’s child relate to so strongly. they’re friendly rivals; might end up being teammates in their career hmm

so when he’s the one stressed, he skips practice for a day just so he could recollect his thoughts. usually stays in the library to read books he picked up based on the titles; might either open up to iwa or his sister later on, it depends. then when he’s okay, he doubles the amount of training

Oikawa Rie (及川麗恵) it’s /ri-ye/ oki

so the kanjis are: "麗" meaning, beautiful and "恵" is blessed. tooru thought of this name obviously

also has curly hair like mine. has that tiny mole below her eye just like i do. actually has lots of moles over her body; one time she fell asleep on the couch her brother drew connecting lines between the moles on her arm and called them constellations. it was nice she thought but still, the next day, teru had to wear a band-aid over his nose bridge.

she’s just a year younger. is less “vibrant” than her brother, a bit more serious. has a resting bitch face and she’s not even sorry about it and i love her for that

she’s actually relieved she looks like that, or else she knows the girls in her class would flock to her just to get in her brother’s pants. usually brushes them off with “ask him, not me” or “do you think that’s any of my concern?”

her tongue her words damn never get to this baby girl’s bad side she’s gonna burn you alive. like fr when she’s angry, oh she’s gonna show you that she’s angry. but tbh she's very sweet, leaves little notes or little gifts to her friends every now and then

she just doesn’t want her brother’s heart to be broken (she’s heard stories from her mom about her dad’s many hs exes), and she knows teru’s struggles

therefore

doesn’t really like volleyball that much. it’s because she didn’t get to grow up with her dad around, she felt like it separated her from him. she’s not mad at him though. she’s very supportive of him and her brother.

used to play vb though when they were kids. but that’s all it was for her

she’s the team’s honorary manager lol the occasional “i brought you guys sumn” or “something-kun, a girl from my class says she likes you so do your best” etc

the team’s lil sister how bout that

despite being tolerant of horror games, this girl is vvvv squeamish. she cries at the sight of internal organs or blood. biology lab was the worst time of her life

when she dug up my hs videos she was shook to discover i once did theater. and thus begins her interest in theater too

and??? baby girl is actually???? really really good????

the girls she used to shut down nicknamed her “prima”, short for “prima donna” she hates it. hates it more when her closest theater buddy was the one who spread that around

immediately went to the gym to spike some balls from her brother. baby girl was crying because she was just so pissed.

she was given ice cream and sweets afterwards. ugh it’s so cute idk she’s baby to the team skksksk they protecc

in that upcoming play, her first ever performance, the whole team got front row seats and howled when she came on during curtain call; it was vvv sweet and memorable even if the guys were kinda reprimanded afterwards lmao

which is why, in return, boiis also have a hard time approaching her because damn??? the vb team as your knights???? excuse me???

oh have i mentioned she has a sweet tooth? mygod. she has a stash of sweets in her room. teru has had to sneak some away because she might get tooth aches or diabetes

her pastel nail polish is arranged by shade, her body clock is fucked up lmao she hates the mornings; has succulents by her window which she names after various characters from books/plays etc she’s for sure gonna be a theater actress tho

asks help from iwa’s son for math. even her brother’s 0% help. teru is smart but a terrible teacher. she’s an above-average student and that’s all that matters for her. she can leave the spotlight to her brother because she only craves one type of spotlight

Miya Seiichi (宮聖一) and Miya Seiji (宮聖二)

their names literally mean “聖” sacred then “一” is one, and “二” is two

atsumu thought it was funny. when they were kids, seiichi’s nickname was “juan” and seiji’s was “tutu” (i gave them the nicknames)

when the twins discovered the meaning behind the nicknames, they hated it. especially seiji, he despises it vvv much

so when they were hs, seiichi = chi, seiji = ji for the people they're close with

as we can see here, the twins unfortunately got my curls. seiichi likes his hair as is. he doesn’t like the thought of dyeing his hair just to be differentiated from his twin. in fact he enjoys twin jokes, enjoys tripping people up about it. seiji on the other hand, grew tired of his brother’s jokes and by the time hs started, he sacrifices his soft hair.

between the two, seiji is the one who has my ugly eyesight. add to the fact that he reads a lot (once he starts he can’t put it down. so he reads in the dark, in a moving car etc)

the piercings was a thing that happened between them, and their cousins (which were also twins wtf)–it was a 2v2 vb thing and they lost

surprisingly, the cousins weren't pleased bc atsumu didn't scold them for getting piercings (but for playing half-heartedly). seiichi wanted the piercings tho tbh it was the perfect excuse. ngl, seiji also wanted them.

first let's talk abt seiichi, aside from the fact he also got my mole (he feels it makes him look cuter tho)

seiichi's into vb, but not a setter. he's the ace. may or may not push through with it as a career. he hasn't decided yet. is actually a bit sad that seiji didn't join the vb club in hs, he wanted them to be like his dad and uncle.

seiichi doesn't have any uh, quirks like shutting the whole cheer squad up like his dad does. but he usually dribbles the ball five times before any serve (this is something i did before) and he likes the 'ooooh hey' thing the crowd does when he goes for a serve

his side of the room doesn't have much stuff going on except workout equipment. he follows what exercise plan i give him as da PT mom that i am, and he is very strict with his diet and with what he eats–he's close to not needing a calorie counter anymore; but not a picky eater. he loves his uncle's cooking very much and he is jealous he can't cook even if he tries

he can do beatboxing, he learned it through youtube lmao his spotify playlists are da bombest; he learns a lot in youtube tho in his free time. his current interest is magic tricks and french (he thinks he can use it to woo that girl from class 4)

he hates insects, and hates mess. he has had to scold his twin about it that it escalated to them having this imaginary line in the middle of the room

anyway, he's straightforward. but not rude. he just doesn't like any pretenses so he says what he thinks or feels is right. may or may not have led to some misunderstandings, but he owns up to his mistakes if he crossed a line

next, seiji

even if he looks like a nerd with his glasses tbh he is not he actually hates studying. you can love reading without having to love studying right? he's that dude

the only time that he regrets dyeing his hair was when he realizes couldn't change identities so his brother could take his exam for him

his side of the room is littered with his sketches, notes from books, pencils everywhere – he drew a bunch of ants one time on a paper and made it look like they're real ass ants and placed it on seiichi's pillow

to solve this problem, atsumu has planned to give him a tablet for his next birthday

quits vb in hs because he kinda lost interest? he still finds it fun but he doesn't wanna be put under the pressure that his dad and uncle left for them lmao

he's in art clubs tho

he designs banners/posters for the team anyway. they use his strategic mind from the shit he's read for any plays and stuff so when he's not drawing, he's thinking

he might look like he has no emotions, but tbh he is more emotional and empathetic than his brother. he cries easily over the simplest things, like those grandparents vids, or rescuing animals and stuff

and thats why he doesn't let people in too much bc he knows he'll be hurt (dw seiichi knows this vvv well, and even if they do have arguments, he loves his lil bro and helps him about this)

has once begged to have a cat at home–seiichi didn't want bc he knows his twin is gonna leave him for clean up lmao

he can cook period.

he's gonna either be an architect or an animator, still hasn't decided.

his music taste sucks lmao. his youtube recents are filled with cooking stuff; in constant conversation with his uncle abt cooking lol it be cute sometimes atsumu is jealous bc he feels his son is closer to his brother than with him

he is forgetful that's why his stuff is messy lol he keeps misplacing stuff, sometimes it's literally in front of him and he's just 'where????'

but remembers dates well, remembers plays well. he's good at nitpicking tiny nearly insignificant details. just anything outside studying? he's good. dw he passes his classes but he hates giving effort for that shit lololol

#haikyuu #haikyuu headcanons #saleeta

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deliriumbubbles · 6 years

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Not as big a fan of some of the changes to The Vile Village, but the episodes had some benefits as well.

The fleshing out and extension of Jacques and Olivia’s involvement is a benefit, especially since we’re able to get more interaction between Olaf and the volunteer side. It makes the murder of Jacques even more heinous. Jacques is the most brainwashed VFD member, I stg, but he was reaching out to Olaf, and Olaf takes the opportunity to kill him. Their connection, Jacques’s gentleness, wow. It amps up Olaf’s villain a LOT.

I know it’s contentious what they did with Olivia... but I actually like her character more than Jacqueline’s because I have no clue about anything with regard to Jacqueline, but with Olivia, I know she’s an orphan herself, that she’s a librarian, that she’s bookish, that she didn’t get along with Nero, that SHE IS LIKE ESME in that she’ll risk the bigger plan for her goals (Esme’s is the sugar bowl, Olivia’s is Jacques and the children).

I feel like (some) people like her more because she has mad chemistry with Esme and Jacqueline, but I think I love her because she’s the one who set Esme on the sugar bowl and because of this concept of a librarian being a particularly good FINDER!!!

Sorry. Just that idea that she’s got these skills that are best put to use in espionage. It’s so Oracle. I’ll decide whether I feel like her position in the books was interesting enough to keep when I get to TCC. I’m told she’s a lot more morally gray, but Oliva’s... a little gray. She lies her face off, for starters. But she’s also a reoccurring character for us to get attached to, since the Baudelaires won’t have really lost anyone they cared about since Josephine, and I get why they would want to have more investment in this character before she dies.

Klaus’s continued frustration with everyone is hilarious, as is his sudden outburst off MURDER and AWESOME. And the outfits. Goals.

But parts of the story are weaker because they have the Baudelaires recognize Esme right away, and Olaf appears too early. Some of the mystery is cut out of their efforts, and they figure out that the crows are carrying the messages instantaneously. Pacing is off, and I think the mystery got cut to facilitated the expanded plot.

Cutting out the burning of any rule-breaker at the stake removes some of the danger/tension, but it facilitates the themes of mob mentality. Olaf’s character here is so annoying... but it’s equally as annoying in the book, and at least in the show, we get to see Olaf enjoying himself playing this stupid character and using it to annoy the shit out of Jacques.

I also approve of their jailbreak plan in the show better because I couldn’t envision the “dissolve the mortar” plan at all. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU~ HEY!!”

Not really on board with Jacqueline and Larry’s inclusion in this because it was kind of useless and meant less time with the Baudelaires and Quagmires during their escape. No matter how funny it is for that old lady to say what she really wanted was to burn children.

“One who writes poetry and one who cries all the time.” -- Made me laugh. Poor Duncan.

“DQ + VB” -- Give me a break. They’ve been kidnapped for two or more weeks at this point. He’s going to pause his crying to scratch shit into his prison. Also, they should’ve been filthy, dirty, bedraggled little moppets when the Baudelaires got them out of the fountain. Their hair is just a little mussed.

“I heard that cat was outta sight handsome!” Detective Dupin has the horn for Olaf.

“Scram, police! Wait, that’s us.” Snort.

ESME: “You try loading a harpoon gun without ruining your manicure!” Olaf: “I HAVE.”

Poor Klaus and his birthday. I liked his rando knowledge about fire trucks, though. He’s getting better at lying.

I like Esme better in the series, too. She’s so fucking intense.

I like Hector in both. He’s so cute. Finally an adult who feeds them good-tasting and filling food and believes them. If only his anxiety didn’t keep him from helping more. :(

Wanting to fly away from the world and never have to talk to anyone again: Mood.

#asoue #book/series musings #because i'm doing this now

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jess-oh · 6 years

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Reflection

hey journal!

i had an off day today. i woke up early, showered, cut and prepared my lunch for the day, packed grapes to snack on, and was overall in a pretty good mood. i even stayed awake for the entire train ride up north and while i did run into the homeless guy again, he didnt recognize me this time. phew. but i started it off well! i did! but then i preceeded to feel very overwhelmed and I can’t tell if im just being lazy or if today was honestly an off day or what. i think it’s bc i do have a tendency to work fast in general but bc of that, i usually have a lot of free time and a lot of time for a break but today, i didnt feel like i had a break. it was just one thing after the other and all so fast! And I’ve been getting more “fire drill” requests recently where clients need something ASAP. Which haven’t been too hard. It’s just a lot to take care of I guess. And it could just be that it’s a busy season right now. But it was just today and I do feel like tomorrow will be better. I just need to come up with a few different drafts for the one pager and the company map. I’m thinking of looking into flow charts? Or an organizational map? Or maybe it’s a chart? Anyway, I did one for ITM that came out pretty nice so maybe I’ll mimic the style. I think I’m just having such a hard time bc I don’t exactly know what they want whereas my work for the clients have been pretty straightforward.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m too “perfect” and because of that, I lack a personality.

I didn’t actually tell anyone the above thought bc I thought it’d just come off as cocky but it was an actual concern! but I don’t think it’s true, haha. I’m passionate, loyal, determined, and hardworking. I’m not as goal-oriented as I used to be and I’m a lot more open to mistakes bc I know it’s not the end of the world. I’ve been able to overcome my fear of failure and it’s been immensely helpful. Although sometimes, I do still wonder if I’m not putting my best foot forward because I’m not a perfectionist anymore and worry if I should revert to those old habits. But I was so unhappy then and I’ve been able to do a lot more now without making every draft a “perfect” draft.

I didn’t realize the people in my class from Sa-Rang went on their road trip recently and it looks like they had a good time and I was actually not at all worried about missing out. In fact, I think if I went, it would’ve just been awkward. I’m glad theyre having a good time. I just don’t think my personality fits in with them. Everyone is so competitive and I’ve tried to play those games before and I feel like if I called them out on it, they’d just chalk it off to me overreacting and they just dont trust me bc of the game and not bc of the past. But I feel like it would be bc of the past. I just wish they’d give me a chance. I actually feel like a real, decent, valid human being with my D&D friends and co-workers and peers out here. And with them. I always felt like I tried to speak up but they would ignore me. I was a voice always unheard and it made me feel invisible and like less of a person. And it felt like a norm so whenever people did acknowledge my existence, I was so touched. So touched to know that at least someone could see me. But how sad is that? I know who I am and I know the good that I have done and I know my place in God’s Kingdom. But whenever I’m with them, everything just falls apart and I question my identity and I just really don’t want to go back and face that again. I only have a month left before I have to. I want to make the most of my time here so that I’m not so afraid when I go back there. I do need to stand my ground with them and I know that I shouldn’t be this afraid to go back to my home church but I am just so afraid of how they’d react and judge me bc they’re the people I call “home.” And if that falls apart, then what. I do have Lakeview here and I’m glad but it’s still a work in progress for sure. I also want to make sure I’m doing things to help and invest into others because I genuinely care for them and not so that they’ll be grateful and thankful towards me later. I do want to genuinely serve them. I do. And I know that I can get into my own head a lot but I do want to really care for them on a deeper level. I also worry that whenever I reach out to guys, they think I’m asking them out on a date but I’m not. I actually just perceive them as I perceive girls—as hurting people and I want to be there to help them through it.

I have “Jessie’s Girl” stuck in my head and as catchy as it is, it’s distracting my writings.

I’m really excited to sing karaoke with my friends on Friday and I just belt out my horrible horrible voice. I am totally prepared to lose my voice, HAHA.

I’m just really conflicted, I guess.

On the one hand, I do really want to go home and just be home and not have to worry about anything but to just be in the presence of my parents and sister and to have the opportunity to go out on more late night adventures with Andrew, Aurora, and David. Those are always fun! And admittedly, forcing hangouts with Jeanne, Grace An, Tina and David Kang were always kind of awkward and I shouldn’t force these things. If people want to hangout with me then they can hit me up. But I’m only in town for so long and I would much rather spend time with people who actually genuinely care about me.

I’ve also been so busy with my internship and havent had time to work on my coding skills :( And I want to start designing my D&D character too! Maybe I’ll start sketching on the train tomorrow or something.

I need to do my dishes and practice my VBS dance moves too! Hopefully Saturday? :/ I want to be prepared and ready to teach 2 more dances that I’m confident in on Sunday! And then...I’m not sure what we’ll do for the rest of the time. Maybe we can all work together on the fifth dance and just keep practicing every Sunday. I do need to make sure they can confidently dance on their own without watching me. I’m worried about one of the bigger girls because she is me. She’s not bad at dancing. She’s just not confident in her skills and I want to make sure she knows that she is seen. She is real. And valid. And so important and perfect in God’s eyes. I know I was pretty nervous last Sunday but I do want to really pray for them and be a sort of mentor figure for them. We just started training and I already love all of them so much. It was also pretty disheartening when I asked for fun facts about them and they just resorted to being a PK, as if that’s all they’re good for when in reality, they are so much more than that. I can understand why and how I got and get left out a lot more now. I’m that bigger girl bc she wasnt as enthusiastic or excited. She was just shy and quiet. And I feel like there have been moments when I’ve been really enthusiastic but no one else agreed with me and I ended up just being the odd one out and felt like such an outsider and like I didn’t belong. :/ I want to really do my best and try my hardest. I do.

I’m also worried that by the time I come back during August, I won’t have grown that much and nothing will feel like it’s changed. I’m just trying to prepare and think as much as I can until then. I almost don’t want to go home at all. I’m so scared that what awaits me is just me feeling like I don’t belong. At first I was sad that I’ll only be home for a few weeks but now I’m thinking that’s all I can handle. I am so afraid that I won’t have grown or learned enough. So much happened this past year that it feels like nothing happened at all. I struggled with alcoholism, depression, anxiety, I lost Marlena and Jakob, I made new friends like Sara and Evelyn too. I had trouble coming to terms with my dad’s mom’s death, my mom’s dad’s death, my whole family dying and everything we own being burned to a crisp. All of my family members and friends getting seriously injured and everything they know and love being destroyed in a great blaze. And hardest of all, I had to come to terms with the very real reality of Robbin passing away and honestly, I still can’t fully believe it. I think once I see his grave again, I’ll actually begin to fully accept it. I really still can’t believe that happened and that’s definitely been the most impactful part of this past year. I knew that this year would be tough but I thought in terms of persecution and that’s something I overcame. I didn’t care about how others would judge me at church or on the streets anymore because I know who I am in God’s eyes. Or at least I’m trying to learn my worth in them. But this? This was on a whole different level. I went home in February for the weekend to attend Robbin’s funeral. I know it was so expensive but it was so worth it be there. It was much needed closure. I remember seeing my dad cry on our way from the airport to his mom’s place. We were both so upset, knowing what a great person Robbin was and how short his life was. He was ten years older than me when he passed away. It’s been over five months, nearly six, since he had a heart attack and I just. Sigh. I really miss you Robbin and I am so sorry that I didn’t do more for you while you were still here. I know it wasn’t my fault but I still can’t help but feel partly responsible and wonder if anything would have changed had I said something. I know what depression feels like and it sucks and I could’ve been there for him but I wasn’t.

But anyways,

I’m here now and I am doing good. I know I am. I am happy that I can. I need to stop procrastinating and be more pro-active and get everything done sooner so that I have more time to relax and not have to worry about things to do the next day. I don’t even feel like typing anymore but I’m not tired either. I might just watch videos because might as well. I’m really not in the mood to shower or was dishes. At least tomorrow is my last day for the week! Woo! I could just take care of those things tomorrow, I suppose. Sigh. I know I shouldn’t be lazy and I definitely have the means and ability to get up and do these things and just get it over with my but I’m really not in the mood. I just want to lay on the floor and cry and wallow in my sorrow. Sigh.

On a brighter note, I saw the Incredible 2 yesterday with Tykira and Jordan and it was so good! I predicted the plot pretty early on so I was worried that that would be the whole movie so I was pleasantly surprised when it wasn’t! C:

I read some old posts in the Guat Squad group the other day while looking for old VBS dance moves and I told Judy that I missed everyone. But honestly, I don’t know if I do. I posted so many times and was so excited to post about reminders and I honestly did trust them and have a good time but not everyone, I guess. Even on the mission field, I was a lot more comfortable talking to Judy, Grace, and Gladys than anyone else on the team. There were moments during training where they did acknowledge me and I felt accepted and like I belonged but for the majority of the time, I don’t think I actually really got along with them. I need to stop trying so hard to fit in and just saying what everyone else is saying and speak the truth instead. It might be “not the right move” but it’s much better to be me and honest than to spend so long trying so hard to fit into a group that will never accept me anyway. I think this is a new goal that I should be working towards. Using my observations to just be blunt and straightforward and honest. I think I’ve been doing a pretty good job doing that with my family and P. Josh so far. I just can’t be afraid to be honest to those around my age either.

I also need to stop judging people for being wealthy and well off. And also for complaining or being greedy or doing a better job at fitting in than I do. I’ve been really frustrated towards Jane recently bc I feel like she just complains all the time and tries so hard to fit in and it annoys me so much bc I try to fit in too. So why does it work for her but not for me? And maybe it’s because I’m fat or not as pretty. Maybe it’s because of what happened in the past. But regardless, I am here. And I want to be unapologetically me.

#reflection

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deeeknows · 7 years

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While I might hurt a feeling or two God is still working with me and as a huge disclaimer I suck and everything I try to do on my own sucks so if there are any parts of what I will go into saying that you disagree with give it about 3 honest minutes of chewing before you have my permission to never read my blog again. Unless you enjoy spitting up all over yourself XD. All good parts of this Blog will be God inspired so the credit goes to him.

I don't wanna leave anything out so skip to the good parts if you ever get bored. I promise I wont tell anyone.

June 14

Came and went but what I do remember the most is the drive up. not because i missed my mommy which i might have but because it would be setting the tone for everything that this next 6 weeks was going to be. I rode with my neighbor up and it was a cool little trip until we got off exit 51. The usual city stuff I was used to and could deal with easily especially sitting in the back seat lol. but as we trecked closer and closer to 318 S Gilmore St ya boy started to get a little more and more worried about where I was going and what I was going to be doing because of who I was riding with. then came the dreaded question, "uhhh do you know where you are, you sure you're gonna be ok?" important part. I was so comfortable with being a christian when the relationship was just me and God. But, as soon as I was expected to communicate my decision I made with God with anyone I didn't wanna do it anymore because just saying i want to do anything solely in Gods name turned me I became the crazy which no one could relate. but thats just telling you the mindset i came into this program with. hopefully i didn't lose too many of you people yet.

June 15

today was my first full day in baltimore city and i have many emotions it started with daily prayer and that was chill but early. we started with downloading about the passage on bonding as missionary and what stood out to us. Important part serving a place is about serving the people there. and there is no way i can serve people I haven't created a bond with. I'm not here to be bonding with the people i came with. thats gonna happen regardless. I'm here to make sure that the south west baltimore can see God and how he is working in the city.

We began to talk about what were some of the community questions some other people might have about the new city we were coming into and seeing what we could learn from the people who were engaged. that was fun we were talking to folks who worked around here in the shops that weren't abandoned as well as 2 police officers. Important part the people were so quick to distance themselves from the violence that was "over there". I want to find out more about this and see what others think about why this community struggles so much to grow together in unity. then was dinner at primos which was chill the best thing there was the pineapple soda which was a change in pace from the tap water. I also went to the prayer which was cool to see these strange white people out here on FIRE for God. It was refreshing. I was told there I have eyes of fire and im going to heal and peace will travel with me so im writing it down for memory sake. my favorite thing was the NA meeting today. Lee spoke and it was scary how well he knew himself and Important part the steps he took to get better all remind me of how in my walk the only way I get to take any steps on the road to recovery is with someone walking along side of me, well second day down.

June 16

Here we go. The 3rd day was just as good as the last couple. Nah that was a lie but thats besides the point. It started with bible study on what “is” from our ought is little thingy. We studied the fall of man this morning and how it was centered around our idea for self sufficiency. Important part we wanted to be able to provide for ourselves and live without God but that was just impossible. And I fell in love again with what God did instead of doing what he promised the man and the women. Important part God loved the men and women more than animals he sacrificed to make them skins and stay in community with them. Afterwards we went on a walk around the block and I saw bruce street. what a sight. I wanted to take a picture of the streets. boarded homes and the almost Prison yard of a block and the people who were protecting it. I see the people there and they are on my heart daily. the one way street does it justice. then we played ball with Ty and Justin and Juwan. Afterwards I rewatched 13. the documentary was hard to watch and be a spokesperson for all black men in america but that happens. i didnt like it at all actually, but thats alright its not about me 🙄 I am helping people see the the black experience. thankful for doing that hard things that i still dont wanna do but have to.

June 17

Today started with the same old I even ate breakfast today which I guess changes things up a little bit. I guess I was feeling freeky. But we studied with Uesin today the book of Ruth. not Ester, Ruth. and it was a story about the redeeming of both and how boaz was THE MAN. Important part But what I couldn't think more about was how Ruth would not let go of Naomi and how I want to develop relationships like that with people who are are not even “my people” but yeah that was the highlight of my day. Then we went to buy food and then from there went to the refugee dinner. Never mind I change what I was going to say. This was the highlight of my day dont know why im keeping this in here but comic relief is good for the soul.

Regardless of how amazing the food was and how sorry the situation of the process to become a refugee in america was we had two muslim families here who cooked US dinner. This blows my mind. This whole time I was thinking we were going to be just Talking to them but when we got there I was greeted with a new reality. These people weren’t eating and some described their time in the US as worse than the camps in Jordan. Important part So my prayer for these folk will be for the “language” barrier we have here in the US. Not to make it easier because english sucks but to make the people in these communities see the need and start to work with the folk. the communication is frustrating and can be a roadblock to people trying to get an education and even lead to them dropping out of school because of the culture shock and all that nice stuff. yeah in the end baltimore school not going easy on the Syrian families and they need our help to come along side and meet them halfway.

June 18

and then it was sunday. My day started with Megan and the farmers market. what I remember from watching the people was how the blacks lined up outside of the market and were all there just in a huge crowd. It was hard to see. the city making its attempt to grow. As i got to walk through I was most struck by how not black the market was. and i knew that because of who was selling and what people were buying. almost every stand was a white family and that wasn’t bad it just is another example of people coming into the city to address the needs here and the city losing its money to “outsiders” the folks who were living there dont get pay taxes on the food they were buying and everything is cash there. but i saw some characters XD and spent much of my time praying for and observing the people who were out and about on the sunday morning. ill be there next week again because of my love for people watching and fresh food tho lol.

my next stretch point came when praying over the sermon and doing it the way i do it at home. with the holy spirit guiding me and im glad my fake shell deteriorating. but the sermon was about for me seeing the city the way God does and if i do how will my actions change accordingly. Important part I want to see a redeemed baltimore and pastor Hopkins made it me see that there is no way it happens without the church people living and building communities in the gutter. we are here now, lets set up camp and use the rest of Jeremiah 29. my trip to baltimore inner harbor was cool the east side is completely different than the west and i definitely wanna see more of what thats about. lastly my highlight of the day was at the latino service. not only did it make me miss home T-T but i learned about phillip and how to address people in the community by the direction of the holy spirit and that his timing will do all the hard work. Important part man that Spanish service also helped me to see that the communities here all want the same thing and are using the similar methods so maybe we try something new or try something together. the churches are here to address the needs of the community i like how city minded these communities are here in the inner city. yeah the murder rate through the roof but the children here are so intelligent and valuable to me that i cant let it go. this was my first time practicing the sabbath i like this way of thinking.

June 19

Juneteenth. Today I learned what 10:12 sports is and got to see into the heart of Brother Jeff Thompson. He is a man with the zeal for God and wants to do so much for these kids in his neighborhoods near and far across the baltimore city. He has almost adopted these two kids picking them up for a bite to eat and just spending time goal setting with them. lil Wayne and Teon were there names since I was looking for who to pray for. but i learned much from the youth just their little goal setting session showed me the heart of many of the children I believe are in this area. of course its not the same when other people are around so these 1 on1 sessions are going to go really well. Important part they have goals. pull them out of the kids because they know where they wanna go and if they dont start them dreaming and ask how you can help them get there. after we went to silver spring and back and then i cooked dinner and popped my hand real bad on the oil. but thats regular. the evenings we started VBS and i know my love for the kids is starting to seep out but they just want some attention and all at once is impossible but Im not sure how to do that and educate them all yet. partner grouping might be too soon for these young ones but maybe personalized lessons with 2-3 would prove beneficial. time will tell

June 20

today was another good day started off like they all do. prayer and community. we went and picked up all the kids and went to see pastor Andrew? i be forgetting names. but what was so striking about this encounter was how passionate brother Jeff was pursuing these kids. Like he wouldn't not take no for an answer. And it looked like he wanted them to go more than they wanted to go. And not that it was bad but they just wanted to do what they were used to and what they were comfortable with. Beach trips to ocean city which arent bad but they arent going to change your life every week. What i see in addition is how to guide the child to what you know will be good for them. Plus teaching them about life through weeds and pouring into them with the resources with what you have. expect much and give more was what I learned from today. driving all around the city picking and waiting on kids brother Jeff is officially brother Jeff to me as well after today. The respect is there. What else I did was the VBS and I love those kids man they gotta keep growing to meet my expectations Important part the trick is keeping them high and moving them higher steadily even if they dont meet them not to forget that they are still worth my time and i GLADLY give it when I have it. much love.

yeah so based on how I feel about this later on after its posted and time to proofread XD i might do something like this next week. hope you got lost somewhere in there and you needed to think twice about something because other wise ill make this more complicated. jkjk but sorry about the capitalization stuff and grammar thats more effort than im willing to give. I hope it doesnt ruin it for you. Important part my last impression would be to find a good book and drink more tea. My challenge for you this week would be to leave your phone on your bed when you leave in the morning. My question for you would be how can i get these children outta there homes before 3pm ?

#bup #deeeknows #me #week1

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