#also thank you dany for making me panic at this hour <3

[elektroblues]

Press shoot for "Bloodline" by Recoil © Kevin Westenberg

The Worx Studios, King's Cross, London | January 17, 1992

[schneesisterss]

Do you have any head cannons for the other Dimitrescu sisters? I loved your takes on Cassandra!

thank you! <3 and Of Course I have headcannons for the other two. (though not as extensive as the ones I have for Cassandra bc you know... brain rot) BUT HERE:

Daniela:

ADD/ADHD representation

stims include, but not limited to: jumping, hard blinking, leg bouncing, word/phrase/noise repetition, and fidgeting with her clothing

and i’m also CONVINCED she gets the zoomies at random times of the day

Alcina, hearing loud and fast footsteps up and down her hallway at 3am: *sigh* “Daniela! Take it outside!”

followed by a loud THUMP and painful groan (she definitely ran into a wall)

hates loud noises but simultaneously has no volume control

especially when she gets excited

Cassandra has to constantly remind her to lower her voice

“AND THEN I TOOK MY KNIFE AND STABBED THE LYCAN IN THE NECK AND IT WAS SO COOL—”

“Dani, i’m standing right here, why are you yelling?”

she loves play-fighting with her sisters

Cassandra is more willing to entertain her than Bela but the both of them like to see their sister happy. so whenever they recognize Daniela getting antsy they’ll wrestle with her a bit

(Cassandra gets way to into it sometimes and makes Bela be the referee lol. Cass always ends up pinning her younger sister with a proud, competitive smile on her face. Bela let’s Dani win, but we don’t tell her that)

has the keenest senses of the three which makes her the best at stalking/killing pray

and since she can hear the best out of all of them, she unintentionally eves drops on conversations

so Daniela, bless her, has all the tea

tactile learner

will just. touch things

“Life hard, Mothers gown soft”

can get trapped in her own head and doesn’t know how to express to her family what’s bothering her

this can make her very reserved at times and she’ll distance herself for days on end

her mother is really the only person who knows how to get her out of that state. Alcina walks up the long flight of stairs to the highest point of her castle. her youngest daughter likes to come here sometimes when she needs the quiet. “Daniela? Are you up here?”

“Hello, Mother.” Alcina looks up to see her daughter lounging on a banister high up on the ceiling.

“What are you doing up there, my love?” Daniela rubs the fabric of her dress between her fingers. “Cassandra and Bela were arguing again. I don’t like when Cassandra yells.”

Alcina shakes her head. Those two were always going at it. She’ll speak to Bela about it later. “I haven’t seen you in a few days.” Daniela then grabs a fist full of her dress and tugs at it, blinking hard. “Come down for a moment. Talk to me, baby.”

and Daniela simply rolls herself off the banister and into free fall. Alcina, already prepared, catches her with ease and holds her bridal style against her chest. Daniela runs her hands over the sleeve of her mother’s dress.

Alcina gave her youngest child time to gather her thoughts, knowing it sometimes takes longer for her to be able to understand them herself. Daniela finally spoke up: “It’s been very loud recently. Around the castle. Small things, like footsteps or glasses clicking, they sound so loud in my head.” She covers her ears with her hands. “Even now I can still hear Cassandras voice through the castle, it’s pushing in my ears. My head hurts, Mother.”

Alcina gave her daughter a quick squeeze before setting her down. “Follow me baby, I want to show you something.” Daniela followed her Mother through the twists and turns of the castle until they ended up at a door that was just like all the others. It blended in and maybe that’s why Daniela has never noticed it before. “In here.” her mother guided.

Inside was a small library and lounge room. A fire place tucked in the corner and, of course, a wall a wine next to it. Daniela looked at her Mother questioningly.

“Listen.” her mother said, and Daniela did. She heard... nothing. Nothing outside of the quiet cracking of the fire place. “This room is sound proofed. Come here whenever you feel overwhelmed.” She leaned down to stroke her daughters head. “Just don’t tell your sisters I showed you my secret getaway room.” and with a wink, the tall woman exited the room and shut the door behind her.

The next day Daniela was at breakfast like nothing had changed. She didn’t even mind when Cassandra yelled at a maiden for breaking a plate, it only made her laugh.

(if you get overstimulated you KNOW what i’m talking about)

personal space? never heard of her.

loves to cling to Belas arm and Bela let’s her bc she thinks it’s just. so cute.

will also sometimes just crawl into her mothers lap and fall asleep. then Alcinas like: “well.. i guess i’m not moving for three hours”

Daniela: “if I run an jump at Cassandra, she’ll most certainly catch me.” *takes off in a full blown sprint*

Cassandra: “NO IM HOLDING HOT TEA—” *drops tea to catch Daniela* *proceeds to cuss her younger sister out, all while Dani is wrapped around her like a koala*

(this happens a lot. Dani will just... climb on Cassandra. piggy back rides, getting on her shoulders, wrapping her hands around her neck from behind and letting her feet drag on the floor, etc. Cassandra complains adamantly but never once moves to get her off)

Cassandra: “hey Dani, I dare you too—”

Bela: “Mother said Daniela isn’t allowed to accept dares anymore.”

Daniela: “apparently I have ‘no regard for my personal safety.’”

it takes a lot for Daniela to get genuinely angry, but when she does, it’s.... bad.

Very Very Scary when mad

turns into a completely different person that you Do NOT want to fuck with

dangerous and violent

much more dark and sadistic as compared to her normal personality

came home one night covered in blood and laughing hysterically. it scared the shit out of her sisters bc if they would try and get close, she’d slash at them with her weapon.

(this was one of the only times Bela had seen Cassandra genuinely worried and afraid for their sister)

when Alcina came to see what was wrong, Daniela, still laughing madly, swung at her too. Cassandra quickly shot out her arm and grabbed Belas elbow to stop her from getting involved. Bela whipped around with a growl but Cassandras glare and squeezing nails told her to back down. Mother can handle it.

Insane Laugh™️

thinks it’s funny to intimidate the maidens by showing her fangs and snapping her jaw

she often likes to find Bela when she’s reading a book to convince her to read to her (Bela almost always complies)

that’s it for Daniela. just a hyperactive baby with a murder streak <3 ONTO THE FINAL SISTER

Bela:

Mama’s (and I cannot stress this enough) Girl

needs constant reassurance that’s she’s doing a good job and yes this reassurance can ONLY come from her mother

INSOMNIAC

this girl never sleeps, pls baby you need some rest

she spends the time she should be sleeping reading books or running errands for her mother (whether Alcina asked her to or not)

she has read almost every single book in their giant library

Cassandra doesn’t understand this at all

“Why are you always cooped up in here?” Bela glanced up over the pages of her book at her younger sister. “This is the library Cassandra. Take a wild guess.” her voice was completely level and had no inflection. Cassandra gritted her teeth, “You think your so much better than me.” Bela sighed and closed her book. She didn’t want to do this again. “No. I don’t.” she said seriously. Cassandra eyed her for a moment then looked away, Bela saw the guilt on her face before she turned on her heal. “You’re so boring.”

because she reads so much, she is incredibly smart and just knows facts about random things

Daniela, daydreaming: “I wonder why grass is green.”

Bela, immediately: “the pigment that most grasses produce, Chlorophyll, absorbs almost all blue and red light and reflects green light which is why we see green. so I mean, technically grass is every single color EXCEPT for green.

Dani, confused as fuck: ....

Cass: “Bitch, how do you even know that?”

Bela’s sisters just end up using her as Google

“Hey Bela, how far away is the moon?” “238,900 miles.”

“Hey Bela, how many different climates are there?” “Twelve”

“Hey Bela, what’s the worlds deadliest poison?” “Botulinum... why?” “No reason.” “Dani. WHY?”

“Hey Bela, how much can I sell a human skull on the black market for?” Bela, concerned: “Cassandra why would—” “HOW MUCH?” “Well... are all the teeth still in tact?” “...No.” “Than only about $500.” “FUCK.”

“Hey Bela, I have this weird rash on my back and—” “Daniela. Do not finish that sentence. Go ask Mother.”

she is so quiet

and not just because she doesn’t talk very loud or even much at all. she’s just So. Silent. when she moves

just pops up in random places without anyone hearing her approach

even Daniela can’t hear her coming, which is saying something

Cassandra, minding her own business, drinking blood tea: .....

Bela, suddenly right next to her: “Hey I was wondering if— stop screaming, it’s me— have you seen Mothers lipstick? It’s missing.”

refuses any type of help with anything or else she feels like she failed that task

Never asks for help, Never asks for favors, and Never Ever will burden her Mother with any of her problems. Ever.

(Alcina thinks this is ridiculous. her eldest daughter pushes herself too hard.)

Anxiety™️

sometimes when her anxiety becomes too much she shuts down and becomes very indifferent to things around her. this has caused many fights between herself and Cassandra because Cass will get really fired up when all Bela does is respond with a monotone voice and blank stare.

overthinks literally everything and is a perfectionist

this makes her prone to panic attacks :(

when this happens she shuts herself in her room, not wanting to bother her Mother or sisters

Bela closes her bedroom door behind her and stumbles to her knees. she can’t seem to get air into her lungs no matter how hard she tried. she had failed. Mother asked her to bring her the head of that stupid man-thing, but somehow he knew their weakness.

how could he know? are Cassandra and Daniela ok? where are they? where is Mother?

Belas breathing was shallow and short, her chest burns as she presses her forehead into the ground. She claws the skin of her chest raw, leaving angry, red marks behind, desperately trying to open her lungs.

she stays as quiet as she can, only gasping few and far between. she will not be a burden. she should deal with the consequences of her failure. alone.

a sudden knock on her door makes her scramble backwards on her bottom till her back hits the opposite wall. then Belas worst nightmare, her Mothers voice.

“Bela?! Bela, is that you?” Alcinas words were rushes and worried. the door handle jiggled. “Bela, baby the door is locked, please let me in.” Bela covered her mouth and cried silently while her Mother begged to be let in.

the sound of snapping wood had Belas eyes flying open, her Mother had broken down the door. Bela shrunk into herself. She’s going to be so mad. I’m a failure. the ringing in her ears became so intense she couldn’t hear anything else.

large, soft hands cup her cheeks and a muffled voice through the air: “Bela, my love, you’re alright thank god. Are you hurt anywhere? Let me see.”

Bela pushed weakly at her Mothers arms and said between sobs, “I-I’m sorry, M-Mother.”

Alcina looked at her eldest daughter with confusion, she had no physical wounds, but the look on her face was heartbreaking. “What are you sorry for, my love?” this only made Belas breathing spend up even more, her face red from the lack of oxygen. Alcina quickly pulled her in close.

“Now Bela, listen to the sound of my voice,” she said it gently but just hard enough to grab her daughters attention. “I need you to copy my breath. Do it now, love, listen to me. Do what i’m telling you to.” Alcina took exaggerated breaths and noticed that instantly after her command, Bela had tried to follow, but the smaller girls breath was still choppy and small. Alcina rubbed a thumb across Belas cheek. “You’re doing so well baby. Keep going just like that. Good girl.” a smaller hand was placed on her arm and grabbed at her sleeve. “Good baby, use me to ground yourself. Keep breathing now, you’re doing so good.” Alcina kept whispering soft encouragements and praises until her daughters breathing was back to normal and she was laying limp on her chest.

Alcina moved the hair away from Belas face. “What a good girl, you did so well.” Bela squeezed her eyes shut and pushed into her Mother until her face was hidden. “I’m sorry Mother.” came a muffled apology, though her voice was much more steadier than before. “I failed you, I couldn’t stop the man-thing. He shot at the windows! He knows our weakness, Mother. What are we going to do? Where’s Daniela and Cassandra, are they ok? I should have stopped him for you I’m so sorry I—”

“Quiet.” Bela immediately seals her lips and looks away, already extracting herself from her Mother’s arms. She probably hates her. Alcina simple tugs her back and forces Bela to look in her eyes with a quick tap to the forehead. “Bela, I need you to listen to me very carefully.” Her daughters eyes go wide and she nods. “You have nothing to apologize for. This is not you’re fault and I will not allow you to think that way. Plus, the man-thing won’t bother us any longer, I took care of it.”

“But—” Alcina raises an eyebrow and Bela gives in, nodding hesitantly. “Good girl.” Bela exhales through her nose at the phrase and squeezes her Mother’s sleeve again. They sit like that for a few more moments, calming down.

Bela suddenly shoots up. “Daniela, Cassandra, are they—” “They’re fine my dear, Daniela got a little banged up, but Cassandra was already patching her up before I could even get close. We didn’t know where you were, that’s why I was so worried.” Bela relaxed and again nuzzled her nose into her Mother’s chest, took one more deep breath, then stood. “I’m going to go check on them.”

She steps through the now empty door frame and pauses. She spoke without turning around: “I won’t fail you again, Mother.” and shifts into a cloud of flies and disappears.

(am I projecting again? idk help)

can play the piano

no like you don’t understand, she is so good at piano

this girl has mastered songs by composers like Liszt, Beethoven, and Ravel

she’ll play for hours on end, if she starts a new piece she Will Not get up until she can play it through perfectly

she pretends not to notice Cassandra secretly listening to her play, hidden behind a nearby bookshelf

while her younger sisters always jump head first into a fight, Bela takes a more calculating approach. learning her enemies movements from afar before advancing and ending it in like 3 quick moves.

“Well Bela, if Mother asked you to jump off a bridge, would you?”

Bela, already climbing over the railing: “Hm?”

and there you go for Bela! my sweet child.. please learn self-care.

*ahem* I went overboard again didn’t I? WELP. I regret nothing. Give me more headcannons.

[lepusrufus]

Double edged scalpel ch.5

Ch.1 Ch.2 Ch.3 Ch.4

Summary: someone please give Nicole a break for the love of Miranda. And there be smut y'all

---

Seeing Cassandra's softer side made something flutter within Nicole's chest. The brunette was a sadist through and through. Witness to that fact was the array of torture devices that littered the dungeons. Not to mention the prisoners she frequently killed, only to haul them on the autopsy tables in her study to be examined, chopped and sectioned by the both of them.

But there was an uncharacteristic sort of gentleness in the way their lips slid against each other, sharp teeth occasionally biting down on Nicole's lower lip but never enough to draw blood. In the way Cassandra would drag sharp nails against flushed skin, but not go beyond the pleasurable amount of pain. Even the glint in golden eyes when Nicole went over some old notes of hers on more tricky anatomy concepts. Having an exclusive look at this side of Cassandra felt beyond intimate and the thought almost made her miss when the brunette spoke from where she was leaning over a notebook.

"Okay let's just wrap this up, I have plans."

Nicole hummed, dropping the liver she was holding in a freezer bag. Most body parts were already bagged and ready to be picked up by Cynthia and her undercooks, they were just putting into practice some things the brunette was curious about. She dropped the now blood soaked leather gloves in the sink and went to sit by Cassandra, who was scribbling some final notes.

"In that case I'll go enjoy a cup of tea," she sighed. "Tea that I had to skip because someone was eager to start on this early."

Cassandra raised an eyebrow at her, accompanied by her usual smirk. "I meant plans with you."

Oh? That was new. The brunette laughed at Nicole's wide eyed expression and snapped her notebook shut. She took her sweet time putting it on the shelf with the others and checking the time, pretending not to notice the redhead's inquisitive expression. Then, she lifted Nicole’s chin with a thankfully not covered in blood finger.

"Don't get me wrong I love it here but," she grimaced, "it gets stuffy sometimes. Especially in summer."

Well, that much was true. The undergrounds of the castle were oddly warm, although not downright hot, compared to what one would expect from a castle. Pair that with the annoyingly humid atmosphere and having to wear a leather apron and gloves so as to not completely ruin your outfit and you got the perfect recipe for discomfort. She really ought to ask Cassandra about installing some kind of better ventilation down here.

"Meet me in the attic in about… an hour." She leaned down and their mouths were so close that Nicole could feel icy breath on her lips.

The attic? She's never been to the attic, it was not only off limits for most staff but also dangerous if rumors were to be believed. Not that she had the clarity of mind to voice any concerns when Cassandra finally leaned in to kiss her, complete with a nip on her lower lip that made Nicole’s breath hitch.

---

The fact that Nicole had no idea how to get to the attic could be a slight problem. She had asked Anita, but not only did she not know, she also seemed mortified by the idea. Another maid just gave her vague directions to look for a ladder on the top floor. As if that wasn't like trying to find the needle in a haystack. Or the needle in a giant castle.

She was just wandering around the top floor, praying not to stumble upon anyone who would be less than thrilled to see her there. A sigh of relief escaped past her lips when she heard familiar buzzing and steps coming towards her.

"Oh Cas-" she swallowed her words when she noticed red hair spilling from underneath a black hood.

"Nicole! What are you doing here hmm?" Her inquisitive hum was way too exaggerated the same way her fangs seemed too sharp when she grinned.

"I was just looking for Ca- lady Cassandra. She asked me to meet her in the attic."

Daniela's mouth fell open, almost forming an O shape. Then back to her characteristic giggle, almost as if laughing at a joke only she knew.

"What, you don't know how to get there?"

"...Not really," she sheepishly admitted.

And that was a mistake. Nicole would've preferred to wander the hallways until Cassandra eventually got bored enough of waiting and decided to come see where her glorified lab partner was. But her plan was ruined by Daniela wordlessly grabbing her arm and pulling her in the opposite direction she was going in. She even went the extra mile to partially turn into a swarm, which made Nicole's panic skyrocket. She didn't mind bugs. But having hundreds of them fly all around you, accompanied by manic giggling was a whole other thing.

Before she knew it though, Daniela let go of her arm, laughing a little at Nicole's stumbling. She gestured dramatically towards a ladder and said:

"There you go. Say hi to Cassie for me."

"Th- thank you my lady." And with a small bow of the head she grabbed the ladder and started ascending on shaky legs.

"And enjoy your date," she called out, once Nicole was at the top of the stairs.

Blushing, she decided to ignore the comment and start looking for the sister less likely to turn her into fly food.

The attic looked… old. It was obvious that people didn't come here often, although someone probably did clean it regularly as there were no cobwebs nor dirt on any surfaces, aside from some dust. It was full of neatly arranged boxes and crates, their contents as mysterious as the castle's inhabitants. Tentative steps took her across ancient floorboards, navigating old rooms.

"Rah!"

Nicole damn near jumped out of her skin, a string of curses spilling past her lips. "Jesus fucking christ Cassandra!"

The brunette only laughed, hands on her knees and pretending to wipe a tear from her eye.

"That's what you get for making me wait for so long."

"I didn't even know where the attic entrance was! Good thing one of your sisters came to my rescue." Nicole rolled her eyes at the last word.

Cassandra stopped laughing, eyes narrowing slightly. "Which one?"

"Uh- Danie-"

"Did she hurt you?" Cassandra grabbed her arms, golden eyes looking for any visible injuries.

Nicole just laughed softly, taken off guard by the display of concern. "No, no. Just gave me a bit of a fright, that's all."

With an eye roll, Cassandra guided her further into the attic, through more dusty rooms, until they reached a short corridor, light spilling from its other end. The room they entered was relatively small, almost half of it occupied by stacked boxes as if it used to be a storage room like the rest of the attic and nobody bothered to completely clear it out. A few pieces of furniture were also present: a couch with a coffee table in front of it and paintings leaning against a wall to collect dust. This room however had a window, left slightly ajar, that allowed you to see the mountains stretching on the horizon, crowned by the beautiful orange hues of dusk.

Nicole moved to the glass to take in the view, mouth almost hanging open, when an ungodly screech from outside made her backpedal straight into Cassandra.

"What the fuck was that?" She asked, eyes widening at the sight of flying creatures circling the towers.

"Mother's flying guard dogs."

"They sound the same way I'd imagine the souls of the damned do." Nicole didn’t take her eyes off the ghoulish creatures, almost as if keeping eye contact would dissuade them from attacking.

Cassandra just shrugged. "Wouldn't be too far off. Also here." She sat on the couch, gesturing towards a cup.

Nicole went to sit by her side, grabbing the mystery cup. She frowned slightly when the steam reached her nose, bringing with it a pleasant minty and honey aroma.

"Tea?"

"Since you were so disheartened about having to skip it earlier," Cassandra averted her eyes, seemingly finding the curtains very interesting.

After a long sip, she let out a content sigh. The warmth was more than welcomed, despite the weather. She set the cup back on the table and turned her attention on the brunette, now fidgeting with the corner of a pillow.

"Thank you," Nicole said, leaving a small kiss on her cheek.

Cassandra smiled and turned around, locking their lips in a kiss that at first mimicked her gentleness, but soon turned hungry when dainty hands made their way to the brunette's nape, pulling her closer. She shifted them both, pushing Nicole down on the pillows littering the couch, until she was laying on top of her, legs on each side of her waist. Her focus was on leaving a trail of nips and kisses down Nicole's neck when the redhead jumped and barely stifled a yelp at another screech from outside.

"Ugh what the fuck is today, scare me out of my mind day?"

"How are you scared of these but countless dead bodies don't phase you?" Cassandra laughed, sound muffled by her position with her mouth against Nicole's neck.

"I used to work on corpses, not on ugly gargoyles that could chew my face off!" She gestured wildly at the window and the few creatures visible outside.

"You what?"

"You...didn't know?" Nicole couldn't help a giggle at Cassandra's confused expression.

"How was I supposed to know?"

"I thought your mother told you already. Or your sisters," Nicole shrugged.

"They knew?!" And, after something seemed to dawn on her, "Oh I'm gonna kick both their asses."

Nicole couldn’t help letting out a small laugh, placing her hands on Cassandra's cheeks and, with a pout for dramatic effect, "Right now?"

As much as the sight was both funny and endearing, the warmth starting to pool at her core was making her beyond impatient.

The indignation in golden eyes was replaced by an all too familiar glint and black painted lips went back to their work on Nicole's neck. Sharp fangs pierced the skin there, just enough to draw a few drops of blood and a whine. After licking every last bit of it, Cassandra's lips moved to the collarbones and lower, hands slowly starting to undo the buttons of Nicole's pesky uniform that was in the way.

When both the button up and the skirt were discarded on the floor Nicole tangled her fingers through black hair and pulled Cassandra in for a kiss. Her free hand went to the back of the dress, pulling down the zipper and guiding it off of the brunette's shoulders. Once both of them were left only in undergarments, Nicole pulled back to look up at the brunette.

"If I knew I was supposed to dress up I would've asked the chambermaid if there's anything fancy in the uniform stash," she said, taking in the beautifully intricate lace of Cassandra's matching bra and underwear, complete with a giggle at her awful joking.

The brunette only raised an eyebrow. "Mhm I can take care of that. Not like you'll need these for long though." Her hands reached under Nicole's back to unclasp her bra and in mere moments that too was on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

Then Cassandra bent down to crash their lips together, tongue slipping past Nicole's lips when a wandering hand elicited a gasp from her.

Cassandra was by no means a patient person. Quite the opposite actually. But teasingly dragging her nails across sensitive skin only to feel the girl under her squirm and whine when her hand just won't go where she needed it made waiting all the more sweet. Slender fingers started to toy with the edges of Nicole's underwear. After a groan against her lips and an impatient tug of hair, Cassandra finally gave in, slipping two fingers inside her. She felt Nicole arch into her, a broken moan escaping past her lips when she broke the kiss to let her head fall back into the cushions. Cassandra took that as an opportunity to kiss the length of her neck, occasionally stopping to suck or bite at a spot, enjoying every gasp and moan she drew out of the redhead.

With Cassandra's rough pace it didn't take long before Nicole was clenching her thighs around her hand. Cassandra kissed her, swallowing her moan as she came.

The small room in the attic, Cassandra's drawing room she would later find out, was the perfect secluded spot. They spent the rest of the evening enjoying each other. First evening of many.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Serenade (Daniela Dimitrescu/Reader) Pt. 8

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for language? Warnings: None? I think? Please let me know if I missed something Notes: Bit of fluff with some anxiety/update on primary conflict. Next chapter will be a cute date with Dani, the one after that will be maximum h*rny, and then what will likely be the finale. Music for this chapter here. PS this one is a bit on the shorter side, but I hope y'all still enjoy it. Past Chapters: Pt. 1: Nocturne, Pt. 2: Overture, Pt. 3: Accelerando, Pt. 4: Toccata, Pt. 5: Poco a Poco, Pt. 6: Elegy, Pt. 7: Harmony

Chapter 8: Obbligato

(Obbligato: An instrumental part which is essential in a piece of music)

“Okay, okay, serious this time, please? I’ll give you a kiss if you try hard enough,” you promised, grinning up at Daniela as you did. A week had passed since your talk in the library, with the two of you spending most days together, and you were progressing nicely with the musical lessons. Still, your girlfriend (you would never get tired of saying that word) was prone to getting a tad ‘distracted’. By you, usually. Not that it was intentional by any means. There was only so much you could do to keep her focused when the two of you were this close together.

“I could just kiss you anyway,” Daniela teased, leaning in with familiar intent. Right before your lips touch, however, she pulls back and smirks. “But if you insist, I can handle the challenge.” Then she’s turning back towards the piano, carefully finding the starting position. Even with her prior experience, you were impressed with how much she had already learned, and couldn’t help but be immensely proud of her. If anyone could meet Lady Dimitrescu’s expectations within a three month timeframe, it was the two of you. Except, of course, you still had to double-check just what her expectations were.

In the meantime, you were excited to hear your girlfriend play through the sheet music you had written up. Most of what you were working with had come from the family’s storage room, but you had also found some blank sheets, and figured it couldn’t hurt to create songs of your own. This particular one was relatively simple. It had been based on a song from a game you had played years ago, and only posed a moderate challenge due to its interesting rhythm. Daniela had seemed to enjoy playing it, with you even hearing her practice the song outside of your lessons, but had so far today refused to play it seriously.

Finally that was going to change. Once she found the starting notes, she nodded to herself, then started playing. For the first time today her expression is stern, focused. Seeing her like this was nice. She was always cute, you just thought that she was extra cute like this. But you tried not to let yourself get too distracted, knowing that you couldn’t give her feedback if you didn’t pay attention. In your head you “play along”, fingers miming the movements, knowing that it would help you catch any possible mistakes. Throughout the piece there are only a couple that you catch, none of them being severe enough to ruin the experience. Finishing with a little flourish, Daniela returns her gaze to you, grinning expectantly.

“Well? I seem to recall you promising me a reward,” she said, perking a brow. Laughing a little, you roll your eyes, before moving in to give her exactly what she wanted. Both of you are smiling into the kiss, enjoying every moment of it. Soon enough Daniela is running a hand through your hair, and pressing against you more, tilting her head just enough to deepen the kiss. You’re blushing hard now, thoughts going everywhere other than music. It’s not until you pull back for air that you remember what you’re supposed to be doing right now.

“As wonderful as this is… we still have a few more songs to go over,” you murmured, despite how much you wanted to keep kissing Daniela. By the way she groaned in frustration, you figured she felt the same way, more or less. “Hey, don’t fret too much. Think of this as an opportunity to earn a few more rewards,” you teased, gently patting her on the shoulder. For a moment she simply pouts, but eventually she sighs and gets ready to play another song…

------------------------------------

Rushing up the steps, practically two at a time, you desperately hoped that you wouldn’t be late. This was your third “update meeting” with Lady Dimitrescu, which by itself was enough to make you a nervous wreck. Add in the fact that this was the first time you’d be meeting alone? And in her personal study, no less? Well, it was safe to say that you were terrified. You hadn’t even been told why things were different this time. No, you were about as clueless as could be, given the circumstances.

By the time you make it your Lady’s study, you cannot tell whether your heart is racing due to stress or physical exertion. Regardless, you make it there in short time, arriving precisely at the scheduled hour. After taking a moment to settle your nerves, you briefly knock on the chamber door. There’s the sound of movement from inside before the way opens. Lady Dimitrescu has to bend a little to see out, but quickly smiles when she meets your gaze. Which was rather unexpected. The last time you had met with her she had been distanced, although still polite. Then again, Daniela had also been with you, and the focus was, as always, on her.

“Lady Dimitrescu,” you greeted, giving a short bow per customs. Then you were being waved in, brought over to a small sitting area, where you waited for permission to sit down. Once it was given, you relaxed a little. Maybe I don’t have as much reason to be nervous as I thought, you muse.

“Please, make yourself comfortable. There are no reasons for you to be unsettled, as far as I am aware,” Lady Dimitrescu said, smile disappearing for a moment at the end. But it’s back as quickly as it had vanished. Did she suspect something? Perhaps she had seen the way Daniela looked at you, or even overheard the whisperings of your roommates. Both thoughts do little other than renew your anxiety. Noticing this, Alcina frowns and shakes her head. “I was merely joking. Now, let us get to the reason for our meeting: How are Daniela’s lessons fairing? There is only so much I can glean from listening.” Glad to have something to think about other than your secret relationship with your boss’ daughter, you nodded and began explaining.

“Lady Daniela is making outstanding progress, in my opinion. Even with her occasional… lapses in attention, once she puts her mind to something, she’s quick to master it. At this point she can sight read nearly as fast and accurately as myself. However, we’re still going over vocabulary, as well as keys and their corresponding chords,” you answered, barely able to maintain eye contact with your employer. Thankfully, she seems to have accepted the inevitability of your nervousness. You were especially thankful now that you prepared to ask her a question. “My Lady, may I inquire about what specifically you expect from my teachings? If there are certain genres you wish for Daniela to be familiar with, or techniques-... I must admit I am unsure as to how to best meet your requirements.”

Slowly reclining in her chair, Alcina appears to ponder your question. In the meantime she sips at her beverage, holding the cup as if it were a fragile heirloom (which it could very well be), eyes looking into the middle distance. Then she gives a soft hum, setting her cup down and returning her attention to you.

“I suppose I can understand your concern. In some ways you have already exceeded my expectations,” she said, expression oddly plain in comparison to her positive phrasing. “My daughter has rarely invested herself in anything as much as she has in your lessons. For this, I am left wondering what she finds so captivating- the music, or the one who pulls the strings?... But that is not the answer to your inquiry, is it?” In that moment, you are incredibly still, willing yourself to keep a straight face, despite the racing of your heart. At your silence, Alcina perks a brow, expecting you to respond. You can’t, your mouth suddenly dry. “What I expect is a passion to educate, a drive to see my daughter flourish. I expect you to teach her exactly as much as she wants you to, focusing on whatever brings her the most joy. But I expect professionalism. Your duties come first, above your health, happiness, and all other desires. Am I understood?”

“Yes, my Lady. Of course, my Lady,” you replied, stuttering, eyes wide. Did she know? Or merely suspect?... There’s another thought, one you try desperately not to voice, only to hear the words fill the room before you can stop yourself. “May I ask where Lady Daniela’s desires fit into this?” Silence hangs heavy over the room for several seconds. Your employer has narrowed her eyes, lips curled downwards into a sharp scowl, watching you with thinly-veiled anger. All you can do is gulp and wait for her response. When it comes, you are surprised by the stability of her tone. It was almost as if she respected your gall.

“She is young still, with the mind of a lovesick maiden. Daniela does not know what she wants, not really, nor does she understand what she needs. If her… flirtatious nature begins to interrupt your instruction, then your response must be swift, and uninterested. Regardless of how unkindly she takes your rejection, I will ensure that she does not harm you,” Lady Dimitrescu said, giving a stern nod at the end. Though her tone was reassuring, you hardly felt better, considering you were far past the point of turning Daniela down (if anything, you had only turned her on). “Now, with that settled, I believe I should let you return to your duties. Oh, and do tell Cynthia that the tea she brewed was perfect, should you happen to see her.”

Then she looked away, practically ignoring your continued existence. So you rose to your feet, gave another bow, and left before your panic could devolve into a breakdown. Daniela is not going to be happy about this.

[marriedzukka]

tagged by @terracyte to answer 30 questions and tag 20 people (thanks terra!!<3)

1. name/nickname: Dani

2. gender: nonbinary

3. star sign: taurus sun/rising, aries moon 

4. height: i think 5′4? idk

5. time: 11:11am :) make a wish! 

6. birthday: april 30

7. favorite bands/ groups: phantogram (my #1), chloe x halle, local natives, panic at the disco

8. favorite solo artist: I cant pick one....imogen heap, hozier, beyonce, sufjan stevens

9. song stuck in my head: right now it’s avalanche by Hana

10: last movie: return of the jedi...it’s always loving luke skywalker hours in this house

11. last show: letterkenny :)  GET AFTER IT

12. when did i create this blog: this one I made late last year because my zukka obsession was getting out of control so it needed a separate blog lmao

13. what do i post: lets be real its mostly zukka here

14. last thing i googled: lyrics to imogen heap’s song “entanglement” (a VERY good zukka song, btw. I’m emo about it)

15. other blogs: my main is fitzroy-maplecourt and i also have an old ouat blog at @edgeofrealms but i dont really use it anymore.

16. do i get asks: occasionally!! 

17. why did i choose this url: married!zukka is my lifeblood. i could not believe that this url wasn’t taken already when i made it

18. following: like 300?

19. followers: around 1k  (why, i have no idea. i’m just out here vibing but thank you for following me)

20: average hours of sleep: LOL 

21: lucky number: dont have one

22. instruments: piano mostly. some ukulele. i have a kalimba too but havent learned how to play it yet

23. what am i wearing: sweatshirt and sweatpants :) maybe ive been wearing the same ones for 3 days. ill never tell

24. dream job: something in the film industry. ive always been passionate about movies and all that jazz

25. dream trip: japan

26:  favorite food: anything potato based 

27. nationality: American, unfortunately

28. favorite song: i dont think i really have a favorite song. but right now my favorite songs by my favorite band  (Phantogram) are “Ceremony” and “Answer,” so do with that information what you will

29. last book read: I reread the Hobbit last year lol. but i’ve read SO much fanfiction since then.

30. 3 fictional universes you’d like to live in: atla, lotr (yeah im with you Terra, just wanna live in the Shire and chill), and something Ghibli, idk

tagging @zukkababey @oldpotatoe @zukkacomrade @your-royal-momoness and whoever else wants to do this lol i can’t tag 20 people. no obligations though, only do it if you want!!

[alliebruns-blog]

The Namibia/Panama Crossings - Man vs Table Mountain, Day 7

Coming back to the real will after being in what was essentially semi-solitary confinement for 5 days was weird. We were all in a sort of daze at the cars and shops and people of Swapkomund. Having a proper shower was the best thing ever. We were all completely exhausted. That night we went out for dinner with the crew and then slept, before getting up and attempting to sort out our filthy, sand and mud covered kit. I would like to apologise to whoever had to clean those rooms. After stuffing it all into bags the best we could, we headed out for the tiny airport and caught a (very delayed) flight to Cape Town, where we would spend one night before attempting the big 3 - Signal Hill , Lions Head  and Table Mountain 

The idea was to see how long it would take us to get up and over all 3 on foot (spoiler - it took me over 5 hours). This time, the victims were just Darren and myself - Dani and Jim made the genius decision to take the time to recover, and handsome Pete had to head home - so apologies for all the rubbish pictures. My personal photographer had better things to do. The idea was to get up early and start the run and then head straight to the airport to catch our flight back to the UK where we would have 6 hours to wait before out flight to Panama. In that time we would have to swap out kit - we had left our Panama kit in the back of Jim’s car at Heathrow. We were going to try and dump the Namibia stuff we wouldn’t use, and pack the essential Panama kit we needed. Hectic right? 

The thing about air travel is that unless you are travelling in business it is NOT conducive to recovery after these huge runs. Every flight is painful. Trying to sleep while your legs ached and pinged, worrying you would not get enough rest to be able to attempt what was coming next. I would go as far as to say the flights were actually part of the challenge. Especially when they hadn't changed the film choices. 

At dinner the night before the run, we discussed the route. We were to head up and over Signal Hill, up and over Lions Head and then up to the top of Table Mountain and get the cable car down. It was over 6,000ft of elevation across 9 miles on very tired legs, up hills with my favourite things in the world on them - ridges. Ridges and drops. I tried to block out this thought by drinking wine. That was the sensible thing to do. 

The next morning Darren and I set off after breakfast, along roads and straight up the worlds longest steps. They weren’t  ACTUALLY the worlds longest, they just felt like it. 

And so it begins......again......

I was already NOT HAVING NICE TIME. There are no proper paths up Signal Hill - you sort of scrabble up and I didn’t like it at all. To be frank, Signal Hill is a bit of a shit show on the edge of Cape Town. There are NO tourists there, loads of littler and it feel like the sort of place I used to go and drink Strongbow when I was 13. I was tired and scared of the ledges that were up ahead of me. Once at the top, there was an amazing view of Lions Head and Table Mountain. As beautiful as it was, I was still bricking it.  I decided there and then I was not going to get too the top of Lions Head - I would be too scared and it wasn’t worth it. It’s important to know your limits, and and I know that getting up there would mean nothing to me except a possible panic attack and having to be rescued. I would go as far as I could, and then loop round and come down. I didn’t need to stand on the top of a tiny rock to prove anything to anyone. 

Signal Hill from the bottom of Lions Head 

Lions Head and table mountain in the background

It was a beautiful day with amazing visibility, and Darren was loving it - he’s a big fan of rocks and ridges - and this just made me feel even more shit. Why couldn’t I be more like him? Why did I have such an issue with drops and ledges? I felt like a total idiot. I felt, once again, like I wasn’t good enough. I let Darren run on ahead of me like a fell goat, and I plodded on feeling like Mr Blobby at a Crossfit session. I tried to take in the views, but at the back of my mind I felt like a bit of a failure. 

Camps Bay from halfway up Lions Head 

Some nice, “technical” trail.....

The trail up to Lions Head starts very friendly and lovely, but soon turns into craggy rocks on the edge of a big hill. There are people coming down towards you as you go up - I hate this - and so I focused on the floor. I imagined all the tourists laughing at me huffing my way up in running gear. Every now and again, I would look up at the view whilst leaning on the solid side of the mountain to avoid the possibility I might throw myself off. It was both mesmerising and terrifying. I probably got about 500 ft from the summit before I stopped and hid on a ledge for a bit. I waited for Darren to come back down for 10 mins, but them decided to make my own way down and head up Table Moutain. I had stupidly run out of water and it was very hot. 

Views alright though......

The trot down was a lot easier - the paths were wider and they were runable but my legs were shattered and running hurt. How the hell was I supposed to do another 300km on them? At the bottom of Lions Head, I crossed the road the saw there was a tap that was dripping water, so I filled up my flasks and started to try and find the trail up Table Mountain. At this point it all looked a bit like the New Forest, and after a few false starts I found the trail that would take me up - and joy of joys it was ALL steps. ARGH! STEPS! 

Table Mountain trails 

I was totally on my own now, and I felt better for it - I could take it at my pace and get on with what I needed to do - and that was get to the top. I could be as slow as I wanted, as long as I got there. This is a reminder that you are the one that judges yourself, and yes it is easier to do that negatively when other people are there, but ultimately you have control over your thoughts. The flora and vegetation were beautiful and I decided to try and enjoy it - and for a little while, I did. 

There were some amazing bushes and flowers and hardly anyone else on the trail. I met a good few lizard friends, some of them bright green and red, some of them blending into the rocks. The path up to Table Mountain is steep - steeper than Snowdon - but loops round, with little waterfalls everywhere and places to sit for a minute. And then the sheer drops start.

Hullo?

Spot the lizard.....

Regular readers of this blog (all 3 of you - hi mum!) will know that I have this stupid fear of heights and drops. I have tried and tried to get over it - most notably last year when I had a near meltdown on Arran. I don't know what it is about them, but I am terrified of big drops, narrow paths and cliff edges. I feel like I am going to either fall down or throw myself off. I have to use my hands to guide me, stare at the rock face and not look down. It’s ridiculous. The thing about being halfway up Table Mountain when the ridges start is you can’t do anything about it - you either get to the top or you go back. And I was NOT going back. Because that would mean looking down. The funny thing is, looking back on this as I write it, the vertical scrambles seemed like the hardest thing the world. They were, on reflection, simply a tasty warm up for what was to come in Panama. 

Some of the ascent featured vertical scrambles up rocks - I used my bands and tried to control my breathing and be nice to all the people coming down the other way. I tried to make funny jokes with them, but my voice sounded weird. I was hungry now - really hungry - and because it had been billed as 9 miles I hadn’t bought anything to eat with me. The hunger and anxiety bought on the shakes. I’m a fucking idiot sometimes. As I turned a corner I could see the cloud was coming in - sweeping the top of the mountain, and I was headed straight for it. Suddenly I heard my name being shouted from behind me - it was Darren. I could have sworn he was in front of me?? He had been doing parkour or some shit at the top of Lions Head, and so WAS actually behind me and he had FOOD! He stopped and checked to see if I was ok (I wasn’t), chucking me a few shot bloks  and a bit of cliff bar (noms) and then trotted off ahead of me - like the fell goat he is. In my head I had thought I was near the summit - turns out I was still an hour away and now I couldn’t see the summit. All I could see was cloud.

Staring up into hell.....

I dealt with the next couple of miles by counting steps, resting when I could and trying to stay calm. I wished I had bought my headphones. Eventually, the vertical scrambles stopped and I realised I was at the top. In the cloud. I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face and was convinced I was going to fall off the edge. The top of Table Moutain is of course, flat. I was not going to fall anywhere. There was no edge.

Finally at the top. 

Cloud hiding the imaginary edge 

I followed the path until suddenly the cloud completely cleared and I could see the cafe and cable car at the top. Thank fuck. I had done it - I was there. I met up with Darren and went straight to the cafe for a rehydration beer. I met some of the locals who live at the top of the mountain - the dassies - fun little animals that look like a cross between a gerbil and a beaver. They lounge around on the rocks at the top. They are funny. They are brave. 

Gah! Lassies!

View from the top.....

Cable car down......

What is also funny (or not) is the way I processed what I had just done. I didn’t congratulate myself for getting there, I beat my self up for how long it had taken me and what a total wimp I had been. I managed to take some photos from the top, and did a little ‘positive vibes’ video for the Bad Boy Running lot, but ultimately, my overall feeling was disappointment in myself for not having done it better. I was tired, physically and mentally from the previous week, and possibly (no shit) irrational at this point, but I just felt massively disappointed with myself. I still sort of do. 

We got the cable car down and met up with Jim and Dani who droves us and our sweaty, disgusting selves to the airport. We were due to fly from Cape Town back to Heathrow and I need a shower. BUT there was a water shortage in Cape Town so all the showers at the airport were switched off. The thought of sitting on plane for 10 hours in this state made me want to cry. But superhero Jim to the rescue - he managed to smuggle both me and Darren into the business class lounge for showers and food. 

So that was it - goodbye South Africa. Man Vs Table Mountain is definitely worth doing if you like that wort of thing. Believe me, I will go back and do it again. I will keep doing the things that scare me until they don't scare me anymore. That might mean I am doing them forever, but so be it. 

The plane arrives and I sleep for the full 10 hours home.  Which is good because shit is about to get really, really real. 

Pretending to have a nice time at the top of Table Mountain. 

[quality-on-a-patch-of-awesome]

Who’s ready for some more headcanoning?

Now that I’m back home, here are some of the scenes I imagined up watching season 2 of Iron Fist. They’re behind a cut because of spoilers and because they got way more epic than I thought they would.

At some point, while they’re off on their adventures, Danny gets himself a bit beat up and Ward is cleaning him up (because the scene of that actually happening in the show was one of my absolute favourites), but Danny won’t shut up and sit still so Ward just kisses him. He doesn’t even realise that he’s done it at first because it just came so naturally to him. Then he notices that Danny has just frozen and it all hits him and he’s going to panic, but he doesn’t get the chance before Danny is kissing him. He worries that this is going to mess up the best thing in his entire life, though. He still worries, even when he and Danny are in bed together and only stops (a little, anyway) when Danny wakes up the next morning from where he fell asleep with his head on Ward’s chest (while Ward spent a few more hour panicking before eventually passing out from the stress) and then Danny looks at him like everything is right with the world.

They may or may not make it out of bed that day.

Alternatively, while Ward is patching up Danny, instead of kissing him, he’s just hit by the revelation that he’s stupid in love with Danny and probably has been for a while. He doesn’t take it too well (because this is Ward and feelings are notoriously hard for him) and shuts down.

Danny doesn’t take this well because he thought they were finally getting somewhere and how can that just go away? So he doesn’t stop bothering Ward about what’s going on until Ward has enough of the badgering and everything just spills out.

When Ward eventually stops talking (he has a lot to say and when he starts, he can’t stop), he stares at Danny, waiting for some kind of response, probably planning how quickly he can get out of there (he’s definitely expecting it to go badly).

“Thank god it’s not just me.” Danny steps in and presses his and Ward’s mouths together.

Ward will give Danny shit about that later, when he’s done finding out what every part of Danny tastes like.

Eventually, they have to go home.

The plane lands, but Ward doesn’t want to get off because how can everything be the same now? Things were good, while they were away, but things were so much less complicated when it was just them.

Danny calls Ward an idiot and proceeds to love him just as fiercely at home, in front of the whole world, as he did while they were away, when half the time it was just them.

Or, season 1 ended with Danny and Coleen going off on an adventure together and season 2 started with them living together. Maybe season 3 starts with Danny and Ward living together

No one knows what’s really going on. Maybe people think they’re already together. Maybe people think Ward invited Danny to stay with him, while he readjusted and found his own place, after his break up with Coleen. Maybe people think Danny is staying to keep an eye on Ward, in case he falls off the wagon again. They can’t be sure because Danny and Ward are the same around each other as they have been for months.

They don’t figure it out until Danny and Ward talk about going home and they leave holding hands or they talk about going to bed and disappear behind the same door.

Even then, people still aren’t convinced about what’s really going on.

Option 1 for Danny and Ward coming home.

They come back of their own accord and find everything has gone to shit while they were away.

They think about leaving again to escape it all, but Danny has a pathological need to fix things and they throw themselves into making everything better (Ward still can’t believe he’s doing that kind of good).

Option 2

Danny gets a call from Luke and/or Jess to get his dumbass back home as soon as possible because the world is about to end. Also, Matt’s not dead, but he won’t explain how or why until you get here, too, and we really want to find out what the fuck is happening.

They’re on the plane and in the air within an hour.

Danny isn’t mad that Matt is alive and has conveniently forgotten to mention it until now- he just pulls him into the biggest hug he can manage and asks so many questions that Matt barely has time to get a word in to explain.

Ward gets angry enough for both of them (and then some) because not only is he not a fan of people coming back from the dead (finding out that Matt was never technically dead is of little comfort), but he’s still pissed at Matt for how many times Danny went out into Hell’s Kitchen and nearly got himself killed trying to honour the promise he made to Matt.

They save the world and when they’re all exhausted and almost passed out afterwards is when all their feelings about what happened really come out (maybe before it was just Matt explaining what happened).

Option 3

Matt is the one who calls Danny to come home. (You have to imagine that this is a video call).

“But aren’t...” Danny frowns at the screen, like he’s not believing what he’s seeing. “How?”

“It’s a long story, Danny, and one I will gladly tell you as soon as you get home. We need you.”

“I...” Danny looks down. “I don’t know if I can. I have a lot of...”

“Were you not listening, asshole?” Frank’s face appears on the screen. He looks as if he’s ready for the fight (if he hasn’t already been in one). He does not have time for this shit. “Home. Now.”

Ward, who had been hanging around in the background, appears at Danny’s shoulder and glares at the screen.

“You’re supposed to be dead, too. I am done with people crawling out of the goddamn ground we put them in.” Ward had gone with Danny to Matt’s funeral and who hadn’t heard about Punisher? He didn’t think he would ever be ready to trust another person who came back from the dead, no matter the circumstances.

“Hey, asshole,” Frank scowled at Ward, “you don’t get a vote.”

“What the fuck...”

“Ward.” Danny puts a hand on Ward’s arm, which is enough to calm him down.

Ward glares at the screen one last time before wandering off into the corner of the room and pulling his phone out to start making arrangements for flying home (if there was a problem, Danny wouldn’t take much convincing before he was jumping at the chance to make it right).

“Danny, I know this is a lot to ask- I know you have your answers to get out there, but I need you to come home, Danny. It’s.... It’s Luke.”

“Is he okay?”

“No! He’s batshit insane.” The rest of Frank’s rant is cut off when Matt mutters something to him before he wanders out of frame.

“Danny, Luke is lost and I can’t bring him home by myself.”

“You’re not by yourself.”

“Frank is... Yeah, he’s a help and he might make choices that none of us could, but he doesn’t know Luke like we do.”

“Then call Jess.”

“She won’t get involved and she won’t tell me why. Danny, please. I need you.”

-

It all goes to shit, of course, and whatever Luke has been doing ends with them kidnapped or trapped or something. Ward might not be there with them, but it’s important that Frank is because Matt is bleeding, pretty heavily, and Frank has got to be there to cradle Matt and beg him not to die for real this time.

Danny thinks that this is it. There’s no way out. Matt is barely hanging on to consciousness and Frank is busy trying to keep him alive (he’s also probably injured). He’s the only fighter they have left and he’s only just hanging on. He squares his shoulder when the door crashes open again and almost throws a punch before he realises that it’s Jess standing in the doorway.

“Don’t just stand there.” Jess steps back and waves through the open door. “Get Murdock to the hospital before he bleeds out- Danny and I have got business to take care of.”

-

Whatever Danny and Jess do, stops whatever Luke is up to (I don’t know any of the details, it’s just important that it works) and they all wind up at the hospital, waiting for news on Matt (Frank won’t leave his side, even when Foggy and Karen show up).

Luke turns up, looking and sounding more like himself than he has in months, but no one is happy to see him.

Danny almost throws a punch.

Jess actually does.

Luke is sorry for it ending up like this because it was never what he wanted, but he can’t take it back now. He’s especially sorry that he made Jess choose Danny and Matt over him.

“It wasn’t a choice, Luke- you lost your damn mind. I don’t care who or what you are to me, if you do that again, I will not hesitate to put you down.”

-

The world nearly ends again.

Luke thinks sacrificing himself is the way to make it up to his friends.

Danny calls him an idiot, when he shows up, Matt and Jess trailing just behind him.

Luke doesn’t have words.

“You’re sorry.” Matt shrugs. “That’s enough for me. Not so much for Frank, though, so you should probably stay out of his way- I think he might actually kill you.”

“Not if Ward gets there first.” Danny grins and claps a hand on Luke’s shoulder before running ahead of the group. “Come on, guys- we’ve got a world to save.”

Luke looks at Jess, who stares back for a second before looking away.

“Can’t let you die- I’m not raising this kid alone.”

Danny is the only one surprised by that (Matt has been hearing the baby’s heartbeat for weeks).

-

They save the world. Everything is not fine, but they work on it. Danielle Cage’s middle name is now Matilda for her Uncle Matty. I just really wanted to have baby Dani in there, for some reason.

Frank hears Matt in the confessional and, as soon as Matt steps out the door, he has a whole lot of reasons of why Matt Murdock needs to be alive way more than Daredevil. He yells them all at Matt.

Matt doesn’t imagine that this will end with them falling into bed together, but he’s not exactly disappointed when it goes that way (he’d be lying if he said he’s never thought about that before).

Or Frank mutters his reasons for wanting Matt alive between kisses.

Or, my personal favourite reunion scenario, is that Frank and Matt have known that the other wasn’t dead the whole time. They’ve been keeping in touch- letters, e-mails, texts, notes around the city or whatever else- but when Matt steps back out of that confessional door and Frank is sat in the first pew, it’s the first time they’ve seen each other in whatever exact number of days they’ve both got memorised. There’s probably yelling (I always imagine there’s yelling at a reunion between Punisher and Daredevil) and clinging and the realisation that, somewhere along the way, they accidentally fell in love.

Maybe that’s how Matt finds out what’s going on with Luke- Frank has seen Luke go downhill and if this isn’t going to destroy the city, he should probably reach out to the people who might be able to talk some damn sense into Luke Cage. Also, he finally got too desperate to see Matt again.

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

Rec This Thing: Interactive Introverts

Interactive Introverts in Amsterdam RAI, evening show on June 2nd

Story: Dan and Phil decided to give the people what they want.

My Story: Okay, fun fact, I bought my ticket on June 1st. When they first announced their tour, my friend Sammy immediately bought tickets for her and her sister and she asked me to come along.

I declined.

After all, I wasn’t that big of a fan of Dan and Phil and I decided that people who are actual fans of them could have my possible ticket. Fast forward a couple of weeks and I became fan of them and both shows were sold out. Yup. Bummer. Instant regret. Total sadness. So Sammy promised to tell me everything yada yada since I couldn’t go. Then just over 24 hours before the show, Sammy sent me a message that there were five seats left for €55.

Crap.

Okay, I decided to do it. Fuck work the day after. Let’s go. And boy, am I glad I did.

Rating (1 to 10): 9

Why?: QUITE DETAILED SHOW SUMMARY UNDER CUT, SPOILERS!

Alright, yup, I’m just going to write down everything, including the entire show. Or at least what I remember cause holla, this is done from memory.

Basically, we arrived in Amsterdam after a lot of panic because my bus didn’t drive so we were about to miss our train. I ran back home and yelled to mum to grab the car (called Snuit) cause HOLY FUCK MY BUS IS 6 MINUTES LATE AND WITH THE NEXT BUS I WILL MISS MY TRAIN FOR SURE.

But okay, Amsterdam. We got there around four? First we checked out the venue, which wasn’t hard to find because their matinee show had just ended, so we just had to follow the stream of fans who were leaving, and then we had dinner at this Japanese place. Then around 18:30 we were back at the venue. Only VIP was allowed to go in already, so we decided to buy merch. The place was packed, so they decided to already open the merch stand. Good thing we got merch (I got a poster) before the show, because other merch was sold during intermission and after the show. Almost no one got merch during intermission, because it was only 20 minutes long, and after the show the line was insane. Probably 2,5+ hours wait time.

We found our seats. We got split up. Sammy and her sister had a great seat (row 9) and I sat on the other side of the theatre in a balcony seat which was fucking great as well. They put on Dan’s playlist and that playlist was banging. Sometimes, Dan’s Siri interrupted. I mean, they were playing Hard Times when I entered the theatre- great start. 

And of course they came on stage after Welcome To The Black Parade.

First we had a video kinda introducing danis not on fire and AmazingPhil and then they came in on a moving plaform. Like, their set was so minimalistic but also so great?

After the “Hello! Hi!” stuff they talked about being in Amsterdam (”Amsterdamn” - Phil) and how Phil is feeling a bit sick because he decided to eat tons of stroopwafels (strupwaffles, they called it). Dan called him out, because when you buy a pack of stroopwafels, they are obviously not supposed to be eaten at the same time.

Oh, and those poor foreigners aren’t used to shit ton of bikes in Amsterdam (or in the entire Netherlands tbh) so they were talking about how they almost got killed by bikers while crossing the road. 

They were obviously telling us what to expect and all of that.

Then first, What are we not going to do. They acted out everything they were not going to do. I only remember the erotic roleplay, because they did cop roleplay and it was fucking hilarious (”Please be gentle with those handcuffs, I have sensitive skin” - Dan), and the part where they dressed up as their cute pastel versions.

Truth Bombs came next. Phil got asked something among the lines of: “What Olympic sport would Phil excel in?”

Keeping houseplants alive

I forgot.

SPORTS??? LMFAO!

(If anyone’s reading this… if you happen to know the missing parts cause you were at the same show, hit me up.)

Phil said something about how avoiding bikes in Amsterdam is a sport and then he procceeded to jump over the small hexagon on stage. He chose the houseplants.

Dan’s question was: “What is in Dan’s browser history?” 

Fursuits (I think???)

I also forgot.

Something with Shrek 

Which was ironic, because Shrek the Musical played at the RAI. I don’t remember what Dan chose.

Then, “How will they die?” 

Demonetization

They fall off stage in a few minutes

I forgot….

Honestly, they kept talking about demonetization during the entire show. Every time they said something too raunchy, they’d say something like “We’re getting demonetized.”

I think the Simulator came next? Anyway Phil started out with ordering a unicorn frappuchino and he ended up being killed by Satan cause he tried make a deal with him to restore his twitter account after accidentally posting a sexy photo of himself in his pants. We cheered for Satan, and they kept reminding us of that during the entire show. 

Dan was outside for once and got approached by a furry, did body shots of an otter, and ended up dying in an underground furry rave after he decided to use the ladies’ restroom.

After that, Phil synced us all as Linda, so hooray, we were all Linda. Now as Linda, we could continue to the magic trick and the audience participation. What is hidden in the mysterious box that Dan hid under his bed? Our three answers were: cereal, a panda, a fursuit. 

I still don’t know how they did this trick. The box was unopened on stage all the time. Sammy and I first came up with this special electronic paper, but then we realised Phil gave it to audience members to rip it up and fight about it.

I only remember three questions asked during the Survey. There was apart about their favourite content and Dan was very happy to present it as a pie chart. Also “Do you think you know Dan and Phil?”

Yes

No

Who is Dan and Phil?

After joking about how all the parents answered the last answer, they noticed a small percent still answered no, and they talked about authenticity on YouTube and sure, they put themselves out there because they want to entertain people, but that they are still genuinely themselves and that they’re not faking it. But if you wanted to see the non-entertaining version of them, you’d be bored. (”On my sofa, with an overheated laptop on my crotch and a bag of crisps under my chin and me trying to eat them with my tongue cause I’m lazy” - Dan).

Then, of course the “Dan or Phil?” question and they presented the wheel and they made the most dramatic act one exit I’ve ever seen, and I am a Broadway fan.

During intermission, the two women next to me were talking about merch and I told them where to find it. Then I exited the theatre. Sammy’s sister bought Pringles and I bought M&Ms and the three of us were kinda shocked to see the queue for the merch stand. Those poor fuckers.

We went back to the theatre and I talked about the merch again, because I happened to know the whole merch stand and its prices by heart after looking at it for 45 minutes (hoodie €40, sweater €30, wristband €5, poster €10, Dan and Phil plushies €25, denim jacket €65, two t-shirts €20 and €25, keycord or whatever it is called €10, cap €15, woops I still know it).

Back to the show! Phil was on the wheel and Dan used a slingshot, a bow and arrow, and a bazooka. And afterwards Phil was showing off his ass while taking off that white body suit. He said he was dizzy and Dan dared him to jump over the hexagon again, but Phil refused.

Okay anyway the next thing I remember is the wholesome Daniel and X-Rated Lester part (”I’m already feeling naughty” - Phil). In the beginning they had this whole talk about authenticity and how they are still humans bla which was really cool. Since I am a recent fan, I completely missed the actual wholesome Daniel craze, but yeah, they talked about how they are actual people and sometimes, they don’t meet certain expectations of fans.

Also, at one point in the show, Dan was talking about God and he yelled “Spite me, daddy!” and I think it was around this moment. The entire crowd yelled.

Alright Dan had to sweet talk disturbing fan fiction, Hello Internet, and another thing uuuuhm. I don’t remember. Anyway, he kept saying “Oh for God’s sake!”, especially at the Hello Internet one.

Phil had to bad mouth cute animals, endless kittens (he failed), and ugh I have also forgotten his last one. The person who sent in cute animals sat in front of me and it was just absolutely amazing to see how happy she was to see her submission on screen.

Then the Dan vs. Phil friendship game. There was a lot of stuff, but I remember some. I can’t believe they shocked each other, but maybe that is because I’d read the Milgram Experminent earlier that week.

First, psychic connection. They both had to name the same number between 1 to 20 and they failed. 

Then a dilemma. Dan got the dilemma: “Guest star in Infinity War 4 or Phil gets thrown in a pool of cheese?”

Phil had to choose between: “A billion dollars or Dan will never be able to see dogs again?” According to Phil, he’d buy two big airplanes and then merge them together for an ever bigger airplane.

Then the Dan or Phil or Rat. They both got it right. Phil just got a photo of something white, but he guessed that it was his own pale skin and Dan got some hairs and he guessed that it was a rat.

Trivia. Dan needed to name 3 pre-2008 Phil videos and succeeded. Dan thanked Phil for uploading his newest video about his his old deleted stuff. Phil needed to recall the kind of cake that Colin ruined and failed.

There was probably more to Dan vs. Phil but I am blanking. Phil got the big shock (”I’m Phil trash no. 1!″ - Dan).

Then the intimate moment. Or personal. Phil called it intimate and Dan just went “PERSONAL? DON’T CALL IT INTIMATE, IT’S PERSONAL” and then proceeded to point out that Phil has a degree in English language.

It was just so down to earth. There were three questions, and I remember two. The first person asked for an appropriate name for their zoo animal YouTube channel. I forgot the name they recommended, but they said it was great that this person had a clear theme.

I remember one person saying that she wants to be a singer but her parents want her to go into medicine and well first they were like “hey singing doctor!”. But they talked about how passion is important and how they both didn’t do what was expected and how they are much happier now (“Lawyer Dan is as awful as a singing doctor!” - Dan) but I unfortunately forgot the other two questions. It was just a really nice moment where both Dan and Phil just sat down to have a chat. Oh and they also talked about Phil’s apparent awful handwriting.

Then the power came back on and I think that is when the Awards happened? Glitter jackets af and a self-made statue (”Two naked men in bondage really represents Dan and Phil” - Phil, or something like that.)

The first category was: Best dressed pet as Dan and Phil.

A lizard wearing a flower crown while watching the video of Black Parade won.

A cat wearing Dan’s merch.

I don’t even know but it looked like Dan was riding Phil so that was that. I suppose it was a dog.

And then Most inaccurate expectation of the show

I fucking forgot first place.

Two hour long Hamilton reenaction with Chris Evans.

Them giving birth on stage.

Also the most annoyed parent was just incredibly funny. I remember the winners but hey I don’t feel comfortable just sharing their names cause… privacy. I know the winner sat on the second row and all kids were pointing at her and I guess Dan and Phil saw her and said: “This was probably the worst day of your life, thank you for sharing it with us!” “You probably thought you were seeing Shrek the Musical.”

And then back to the scripted part, aka the Big Finale. A dog video that has nothing to do with the show, PHIL’S DISS TRACK, Dan at the piano, and them singing a duet. This ain’t Broadway, but it was still kinda nice and just sweet.

And well, that is it. They runned around on stage, waving at everyone, saying goodbye. Then they stepped on their moving platform and they disappeared.

Some random things:

Phil kept calling a part of the set a “flap” which annoyed Dan.

Dan… just… couldn’t… stop… dabbing…

They hinted at a new gaming video that involves a lot of Dan’s screaming - coming next week.

So many pride flags in the crowd.

Phil and Dan sounds wrong.

There was one moment where a picture of Dan’s had pasted on a horse from My Horse Prince appeared with a text bulb saying “Ride me, senpai” but I don’t remember when that happened. I think before the Simulator?

Interactive Introverts kind of reminded me of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. There’s clearly a format and a script, but thanks to audience participation, no shows are the same.

But in all seriousness, as my friend Rowan @rothetree pointed out, the entire message of this show was about how Dan and Phil are just human. As Ro put it: “On a serious note, there’s a whole underlying theme to this show, which was them basically going “Hey, we’re real people, stop objectifying us"”. This felt so in line with what the three of us were talking about. Me, Sammy and Sammy’s sister had to endure a two hour train ride and we talked a lot about fandom’s perception on real life people they stan and how they sometimes reduce those people to the image they have in their minds.

Cause we were talking about stuff like real life shipping, and about how celebrities are being seen, and how the moment they do something the fans don’t like, you get all those moments of “X is not real anymore!”

Newsflash asshole, they are people with feelings, and just because you don’t want to see those feelings, doesn’t mean they don’t have them. For example, Sammy was talking about how one K-POP star basically got stalked at an airport and when he clearly showed his dislike of it, people were all “OH MY GOD HE DOESN’T LIKE HIS FANS HE IS SO RUDE HE’S NOT WHO WE THOUGHT HE WAS” and I gave the example of people saying Darren is “no longer himself” after he called out the people who are seriously threatening his fiancée and all that stuff.

Before the show started, we overheard two other fans talking about how they should come out bla bla bla, and just… no? That is so personal and we are not entitled to that at all? 

To quote Ghostly, they are not our dolls. We can’t dress them up in whatever way we want.

I recently read I Was Born For This by Alice Oseman, which follows a band from the fans’ POV and through the band’s POV and how sometimes those things clash, and I feel like with Interactive Introverts, Dan and Phil wanted to show people who they are to avoid a clash like that. That’s why they kept talking about how they value authenticity, while they are aware of the fact that they are also putting on a show. Or how, when people have certain images of them, how unrealistic those images can be and that they cannot live up to the expectations, and therefore it is important for fans to realise that. The tagline is: “Giving the people what they want!” and they did that without having to change for the fans’ sake.

As Rowan (rothetree, not Rowan from the book I Was Born For This) said: "we don’t own their image or expect too much from them. Something about their interactions with us is changing in a really good way."

Because that exactly.

Since I am a recent fan and I got my ticket one day before the show, I wasn’t aware of the questions, but in the “Do you think you know Dan or Phil?” (as they said: or do you think we’re people putting up a whole show) I would’ve answered a solid “no”, because I always think it’s dangerous to say that you know a celebrity, but after this show, I’d vote “yes”, because the way they acted on stage and the way they conveyed their message of “yes, we’re putting on a show right now because we want to entertain you guys, but we still care about authenticity” was well done.

And that is what made this show so great and enjoyable. Yes, it was a show and there were scripted parts, but it was still very genuine.

Recommend?: Yes, please, just like TATINOF, put it online for sale!

[marsreds]

Get to Know Me Tag Meme

Tagged by both (lovely, exceptionally skilled) @colourwhirled and @te-al-latte

Rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you would like to know better

nicknames: Mars works just fine, some people go with M, and one of my irl ones would be Red.

gender: Female.

star sign: Depends on the horoscope I’m reading.

height: 176 cm

time: 23:14

birthday: June 21st.

favourite bands: Uhh, of the top of my head, in no particular order: Fall Out Boy, Azra, Ekv, Ničim Izazvan, Bjelo Dugme, Hey Violet, The Pretty Reckless, Florence + The Machine, Paramore, Catch Pop String Strong... this is just stuff I listened to in recent memory, I don’t actually care enough about music to have any real strong favourites.

favourite solo artists: Darko Rundek, Đole Balašević, Kesha, Carly Rae Jepsen, Lady Jelena, probably some more people I can’t think of right now.

song stuck in my head: Kesha’s “Praying” is playing right now, so that counts. (I never actually had an ear-worm? If you can believe it. Music just isn’t relevant to my existence.)

last movie I watched: “Loving Vincent”. Twice. It was everything I hoped it would be, but nothing more.

last TV show I watched: I honestly can’t remember? Really.

when did I create my blog: Archive says 24.9.2012.

what do I post: Art. Meta. But mostly I reblog stuff. Right now I’m on a IDW Transformers kick and hoh boy. I did not see this coming. (But seriously, highly recommend, it’s great. But not the pre-”Death of Optimus Prime” stuff. That’s mostly skip-able. Except “The Last Stand Of The Wreckers.” that was amazing. I haven’t read all of it yet, but the main point is “More than Meets the Eye” is beautiful and wonderful and sad and romantic and Romantic and it will make you feel deeply for giant alien robots in space. Full marks.)

last thing I googled: “Paramore”. Because I couldn’t remember if I spelled it right.

do I have other blogs: Yes.

do I get asks?: Yes. And I love getting them! But I’m just so bad at answering. (I have like ~40 asks in my inbox, some of them from April of last year. And I will get to them! It’s just... it requires from me to sit down and write out actual essays and I’m kind of burned out on that front at the moment.)

why did I choose my URL: My hair’s red, I like Mars, it’s a pun on my name and it’s just so neat and compact? Mars-reds. It can fit into a square if you write it one under another and it rolls off the tongue.

following: 562 I have no idea who among these is still active, I think I’ve unfollowed two? Three? Blogs since I got here.

followers: 400 round.

favourite colours: Hmmm. Green? Yeah, let’s go with green.

average hours of sleep: 5-6. I am so tired all the time. 

lucky numbers: I like prime numbers. 23 in particular, but all primes are good.

instruments: Pfft. No.

what am i wearing: flip-flops, fuzzy socks with a panda face on them, pajama bottoms, a t-shirt, and an old jersey with ripped sleeves and ink stains. Home edition me, basically. 

how many blankets do i sleep with: One.

dream job: I don’t know, I like where I am currently, but I also don’t want to do it for more than a few years.

dream trip: At the moment I’ve my sights on Cuba, while it still exists.

favourite food: Potatoes.

nationality: Serbian.

favourite song right now: “Brand New Moves” by Hey Violet. (Emphasis on the right now.)

Tagging @undaunt because I saw you post something, Olja, I know you’re still in this blue hell, @phydia63 because I don’t know when your birthday is, @inescreature because you should either make a personal blog or start screaming into the void like the rest of us, you coward. Also tagging @raisindeatre, because we’ve been talking about getting to know people, and this seems like a neat opportunity. Aaand tagging @katedanielss, @socksandbuttons and @kateeehv because we’ven’t spoken in forever and I wanna know how are you?

[definitely44]

Strike 3 (Neymar Fic) - Part 2

Part 1

"Mademoiselle, you're results have come back. It's positive" The doctor had told her two weeks ago. She had continued to talk then, continuing on to provide her more information and options. But Alia had drowned her out, focusing on eight letters which had spun her world on its axis, positive. She apologised to the doctor, grabbed her bag and ran out the hospital - hiding her face from anyone who may recognise her. She wasn't ready to explain herself yet.

That evening she watched Neymar get ready, "I have something to tell you," she blurted out.

"Sorry babe, can it wait? I'm late to Thiago's party. He's invited the Brazilian boys to a barbeque," came the response.

Alia felt her heart crack a little - but she felt her head nod and her mouth churn out the words "yeah...of course".

She bottled it for another two days and tried again after he came back from training. "Babe, can i talk to you?"

"Not now, I'm exhausted...I need a nap before going to the Nike promo shoot,"

And again, 5 days ago. "Can we talk?"

"tomorrow, I promise - I need to catch up on my sleep. I'm so tired." But by then she had lost all her nerve to bring the conversation up and her loving fiance never asked. Alia, had now become afraid to be let down again and terrified of the words which would escape her mouth. She dealt with the early symptons alone...along with nursing a breaking heart.

She was brought out her thoughts by the Uber which stopped outside the familiar home. And she forced a smile on her face as the driver helped her take the suitcases out the boot. As the taxi left, she faced the house and before walking towards the front door, she took a deep breathe, taking in the smell of the hot Barcelona air. She rang the doorbell and waited for a response, a smile painted on her face, knees shaking. After what felt like an eternity, the door swung open to reveal the handsome footballer.

"Alia!" He all but shouted, shocked at the figure in front of him.

"Rafa!" She responded.

At that moment, her plan to pretend everything was fine, atleast for half an hour, shattered as she broke down on his porch and fell in to her older brothers comfortable embrace.

Neymar

He had decided, he would give her all the attention she deserved from now on.

He didn't know why he had behaved the way he had. It wasn't until Dani had spoken to him after their win against Celtic he had fully thought about the possible consequences of his actions if he continued. Neymar had never felt so disgusted with himself before. He was also ashamed that somebody external had to point his behaviour out. To help him fix the rift he was causing. Driving home, he thought about the conversation he had with Dani, his seat buddy on the plane.

"I want to be serious with you brother, I don't want you to get offended. I don't want to cross a line, but I believe in what I think and its because I love you, I need to tell you." Dani stated out of nowhere, he had been so uncharacteristically quiet the past 10 minutes, Neymar thought he had fallen asleep. His seriousness made Neymar all the more wary and curious.

"Umm...what's up bro?"

"Its about yours and Alia's relationship."

"What about it?" he had snapped defensively.

"I'm worried man, you're always out doing your own thing. I know this is a new thing you got going on, but you should be doing it together. Have you even taken her out on a date? Have you even taken her out to get familiar with this city? You know her issues man, you know what it does to her. We saw it in Brazil, that shits scary...and I'm afraid you've been so swept up you've forgotten to look after your number one. You've left her to deal with it alone. You talk in training about the previous night but not once do you mention your girl. Ney, I'm your brother so I'm telling you this now, and I'm sorry if I cross a line, so I'll only say it once. You have an amazing girl, one with the kindest heart and the most beautiful soul. Don't let her get away cos you were stupid enough to let her go, cause she won't come back." With that Dani had looked back to the clouds, closed his eyes once more and as promised didn't speak of it again.

But Neymar couldn't get the words out of his head and was thinking about his behaviour as he got out the elevator to his penthouse suite apartment. He shifted his suitcase and the sunflowers he had picked up to allow him to unlock the door.

"Honey, I'm home," he shouted in to the apartment, to get his finances attention. He smiled - he hadn't said that phrase for months and didn't realise how much he missed it. He entered the kitchen, a little frown appearing as he took in the clean worktops and the lack of pots. It was unusual for there to be nothing cooking when he arrived home. Alia loved to have home cooked food ready after he came home from an away match. She loved his stories from the road over a meal, the twinkle in her eye as she laughed at a funny moment or a soft kick to the shin as he let her in on a prank he played - no matter what time he came home.

He felt like kicking himself, he hadn't done that in weeks. Always sitting down to eat and making himself busy with an important phonecall he can't even recall or checking social media instead of focusing on her. He hadn't even thanked her, and now she had stopped doing something they once both loved because of his lack of appreciation and focus.

He continued through to the sitting room, maybe she was curled up reading or looking for jobs. He recalled her crushed face when he told her he was already learning French. He hadn't even thought to invite her to the lessons. He knew how much teaching was important to her and his decision to move had stopped her doing even that. It was the least he could have done and his new boss wouldn't have even minded - he couldn't upset his star player. He would suggest it now, Neymar was already picturing her bright smile, her brown eyes gleaming with joy and her big smile showing off her beautiful dimples. He walked further in to the apartment with a spring in his step. He stopped again, she wasn't there. But she had been, the tissues which littered the couch was proof. His eyes widened in panic. Is she having an attack? He raced through the apartment checking the bathrooms and all the bedrooms - shouting her name. No response.

He stood in their bedroom, panting from the panic and adrenaline. He was reaching in to his pocket for his phone when he noticed the envelope on his pillow. His heart stopped before restarting and thumping wildly against his ribs with nerves. Neymar recognised her cursive writing. The one he enjoyed teasing her about. Hands trembling he reached for the envelope, and immediately knew what the heavy item that slid inside the paper prison was. The sunflowers he still held fell to the floor as his body went slack. He felt exhausted, as if he had just played two back to back 90 minute matches. He joined the too bright flowers on the floor as he dropped to his knees. A gut wrenching cry escaped his mouth as he tipped the envelope and the ring fell out confirming his fears. With a sudden burst of energy he ripped the letter out the envelope.

Dear Mar,

If you're reading this I'm assuming you've finally noticed i'm not around. With the way you've been acting i'm a little worried i've become invisible to your eyes.

Neymar - I'm not sure what I've done or if you've found some beautiful exotic french girl to keep you better company, but I strongly believe in myself. I believe that nobody should be treated the way I have been treated by you.

You moved us to Paris, in an attempt to become known as number 1, in an attempt to win more trophies. And in the same manner, I have now moved back to Barcelona. I deserve to be number 1, for as long as I live however long or short.

I really wanted to try Paris with you. I knew if there was anybody on this planet who would help me move on from my issues it would be you because Mar you became my home. I would travel the ends of the Earth with you. But you left me alone, stranded in an ocean drowning, as you carried on to make a mark on this world. And you broke my heart. Strike 1.

I had some news, you may recall I had been trying to speak to you for the past few weeks. You kept ignoring me. Telling me we'll talk later. But you never cared for it. So if I still have your attention, I'll put it in this letter. This isn't the way I wanted to tell you...but after all these years together i'm sure you still care a little bit about me, even if that exotic french girl exists.

I fainted a few times over the past month, I vomited way to many times too count. I felt nauseas. So like you're thinking now...I took a test. It was negative. Not pregnant. I took another, again negative. I then fainted in the local superstore and was taken to the hospital. I woke up in the ambulance and told them not to worry you, so they didn't ring. They did a few tests on me and said they'll let me know the results in a few days. I went back a day later.

Pregnant: Negative

Brain Tumour: Positive

You weren't there for me Neymar, you weren't there for me when I needed you. You brushed me off like I was dirt. And you broke my heart. Strike 2.

I'm sorry, I can't stick around for strike 3...i'm not that strong.

Alia.

Hope you enjoyed it!

[your-kaleidoscope-girl]

Do ALL OF THEM

😳 oh yikes all of them??

1. Is a kiss considered cheating?depends on the relationship i guess. i suppose not if it’s poly. but in a monogamous relationship it also depends on the people. some think anything physical is considered cheating. personally, i think cheating can happen way before things get physical, so yeah to me a kiss would be cheating unless it was obviously completely platonic and something silly

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?i guess you could say i faked an orgasm when i lost my virginity

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?i’d wanna be like an animorph, able to change into any animal i touch. but like not have to touch them, so i could be any animal in the world. i could turn into a fishy and swim the entire ocean. or a hawk and soar through the sky. or a cat and just be a lazy asshole

4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?wow that would be nice! at this rate, it’s only happen if i hit the lotto and i’ve never bought a ticket so that’s not likely

5. Tell us some funny drunk story.oh gosh. well there was this one time i went and visited my best friend at college. and we went to this party and i had jungle juice for the first time, which i didn’t realize is just a shit ton of alcohol poured together and fruit punch or something. so at one point i laughed so hard that i ended up crouching, but then i couldn’t stand up so i said to this random guy next to me “i’m going to use your shorts to pull myself up, i’m not getting frisky, i promise” suffice to say me and Kelsey were toasted af by the time we left. and at this point she lived in these off campus apartments that were a very long walk. we had to pee really bad and weren’t even halfway back to her place, so i drunkenly decided to do a sloppy wall squat against a chainlink fence with my pants pulled down and proceed to urinate on the path. not my brightest moment. we laughed about it all the way back to her apartment though

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?we broke up on a mutual agreement that neither of us were in good places and needed to work on ourselves, that this wasn’t a forever solution and that if it was meant to be we’d come back to one another sometime down the line when we were both on our right paths

7. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? peacefully in my sleep due to old age. but honestly i’ll probably die trying to save someone from something dangerous

8. What are your current goals?just to name a few; get back to school, start my own business, move out

9. Do you like someone?i don’t just like her, i love her

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?James. he acted like a twat tonight at work and i’m severely disappointed in the way he’s been holding himself at work lately. he’s better than he’s been acting

11. Do you like your body?not really. i’m far too skinny. i’d like to get to the gym and build some muscle

12. Can you keep a diet?maybe a diet of junk food, cheese, pasta, bread, butter and steak AND BAGELs

13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?treat everyone as you would like to be treated and maybe this world would might get a little brighter

14. Do you work?five days a week, 40+ hours

15. If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be?fuck. uhm. BAGELS bc bagels can be turned into just about anything 😉

16. Would you get a tattoo?i have three already! and so many more planned

17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?LUSH cosmetic bathbombs 😳

18. Can you drive?yessir

19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?Chef George tells me every day i work with him, today included 😋

20. What was the last thing you cried for?i was watching the titanic 😂

21. Do you keep a journal?yeah i’ve got a couple that i’ve written in. tumblr mostly though haha

22. Is life fun?most of the time yeah!

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?i only fart in front of people when i don’t feel well and can’t really control it. i usually manage to fart in private

24. What’s your dream car?soft blue convertible VW bug

25. Are grades in school important?personally i feel like shit when i fail, so to me yeah

26. Describe your crush.oh goodness. she’s remarkable. one of the strongest women i know, she fights every day. she gives the best hugs bc she’s not afraid to squeeze me like everyone else, and she does that almost let go but wait i need more time kinda squeezes too, and she does this thing where when we drop our arms she grabs at my waist with one hand in a half-hearted tickle kinda gesture. she has wicked beautifully expressive eyes. she doesn’t need to wear makeup bc she’s got natural beauty but when she does it’s just wow. her laugh is contagious and i can’t stop smiling when i spend time with her. she knows me better than i known myself sometimes. she makes time for me and is always there when i really need her. i can’t lie to her, she hears it in my voice, knows it by my eyes, but doesn’t force me to talk if i’m not ready. i’ve cried on her shoulder more times than i can count, she’s held me in the middle of panic attacks, reigned in my anger and told me exactly when i’m in the wrong. she’s incredible

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?codependent no more. i’m not even done, only a couple chapters in actually and it’s written with this raw truth and it’s eye opening

28. What was your last lie?i try not to lie so i can’t really remember 🤔

29. Dumbest lie you ever told? every time someone asked if i was okay and i lied and said i was fine

30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing?i fucking hate crying in front of people. i am not okay with that level of vulnerability in front of just anyone. but i also angry cry, which is annoying

31. Something you did and you are proud of?I’ve cut toxic friends out. I’m an assistant supervisor after working there for only two years, chosen above everyone else who’s worked there longer

32. What’s your favourite cocktail?i enjoy a good mai tai

33. Something you are good at?i’m a decent writer

34. Do you like small kids?in small doses they’re fun and adorable

35. How are you feeling right now?quite content, thank you

36. What would you name your daughter/son?Josephine for a little lady and Michael for my son. i’m open minded though

37. What do you need to be happy?general feeling of acceptance and love

38. Is there some you want to punch in the face right now?Karen 😤

39. What was the last gift you received?like formal gift? probably my birthday presents. but i enjoy minimal gifts, like someone paying for my coffee or grabbing the bill for a lunch we had together (but i always fight and usually win bc i hate people paying for my food). i’m thinking hard about the last gift someone got me specifically though.. hmm… i think the last gift i got was the necklace Erin got me for my birthday, engraved with the latitude/longitude of where we first met 😊

40. What was the last gift you gave?i paid for dinner when i went out with my friends thursday night?

41. What was the last concert you went to?oh boy i haven’t been to a concert since…. three years ago when i saw Scotty McCreery with Dani?

42. Favourite place to shop at?Fabletics.com !!!

43. Who inspires you?honestly all the residents at work, hearing about what they’ve done or wish they’d done and how supportive they all are when i talk about any new lavish idea i have

44. How old were you when you first got drunk?probably eighteen or nineteen

45. How old were you when you first got high?again 18 or 19 i didn’t do these things until my college years when visiting Kelsey

46. How old were you when you first had sex?i was 23 believe it or not 😲

47. When was your first kiss?i was kissing by the time i was 12 i think lol

48. Something you want to do until the end of this year? get it done by the end of the year? ah well i’d like to be able to move out. or i’d like to be with the love of my life. or both and possibly living somewhere with her?

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?i have so many regrets. but i wouldn’t change anything. every moment and choice i’ve made in the last has made me who i am today

50. Post a selfie.i’ll post one soon

51. Who are you most comfortable around?Erin, Kelsey, Ashley and Ryan

52. Name one thing that terrifies you.dying too young

53. What kind of books do you read?raunchy adult books, supernatural themes, murder mysteries, self help books

54. What would you tell your 12 year old self?people come and go, love them while they’re with you. you’re gay as fuck, embrace it sooner rather than later. don’t let your parents dictate your choices.

55. What is your favourite flower?white carnations partially dyed blue

56. Any bad habits you have?i scratch/pick my scabs

57. What kind of people are you attracted to?strong personalities with pretty faces and nice butts 🤷🏼‍♀️

58. What was the last thing you cried for?i said this before, Titanic

59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you?calves liver, lamb, purée. working in an old folks home i see a lot of food that’s disgusting to me

60. Are you in love?i’m absolutely head over heels

61. Something you find romantic?intimate moments with candle light, deep talks, massages and food

62. How long was your longest relationship? 6 months

63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?don’t get me started. petty, manipulative, emotional

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? fragile masculinity, arrogance, “friend zone”

65. What are you saving money for?everything! i’ve been saving money since i started working and it’s the smartest thing i’ve ever done. i have a safety cushion if my Jeep decides to die (which it very well might), or to use for school or whatever

66. How would you describe your bad side?insecure, selfish, self doubting and gullible

67. Are you actually a good person? Why?i’ve been told that my inner essence is so white and pure that it brought someone to tears when she saw it. she nicknamed me Angel from that moment. i’m a do-gooder, trying to save everyone i meet. i think i’m a good person

68. What are you living for?i’m still trying to figure that one out

69. Have you ever done anything illegal?what?! noo neverrrr

70. Do you like your body?didn’t i answer this earlier?

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?not that i can think of

72. Ever sent nudes?come to think of it, i don’t think i’ve sent full on nude photos before. there’s usually something covered and they’re more like “coming attractions” or teasers. but yeah, if those are considered nudes then fuck yeah man i love sending nudes to my person

73. Have you ever cheated on someone?i haven’t

74. Favourite candy?ooh that’s no fair i don’t like choosing. probably a toss up between butterfingers and milk duds though. but there’s also milky ways and ugh i just really like candy okay??

75. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!i kinda stalk @kenzicocapontas blog on the regular but she doesn’t know that so shh

76. Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game?L4D is my most favorite PC game! but also Diablo II and all of the Sims

77. Favourite TV series?Charmed 😍

78. Are you religious? Does God exist?i believe in a higher power and submit to the truth that i may never know exactly who/what it is or why things happens the way they do if there’s someone watching over us

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?didn’t i just answer this too?

80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?props to y'all but i love me some filet mignon

81. How long have you been on Tumblr?hm my original account jmagerr i believe started in 2009 or 10

82. Do you like Chineese food?LOVE IT

83. McDonalds or Subway?both?!

84. Vodka or whiskey?vodka cranberry and jack/ginger are my go to’s

85. Alcohol or drugs?honestly not a huge fan of either

86. Ever been out of your province/state/country?only out of the state so far, haven’t left the country just yet

87. Meaning behind your blog name?just that i’m always changing

88. What are you scared of?too many things. i’m very scared of failure, it’s kind of debilitating at times

89. Last time you were insulted?bleh my period makes me a cranky baby so everything’s hurt my feelings this last week

90. Most traumatic experience ?i’ve gone through some pretty emotionally traumatic relationships; verbal abuse, manipulation, cheating. my first girlfriend really did a number on me, left me with so many self esteem issues. it’s hard to get over internalized damage

91. Perfect date idea?coming home to a house softly lit, sitting down for a small dinner together among pillows and blankets in a fort we built together giggling like kids. laying together in the cramped space, feeding each other bites of food. and then we can push away the plates of food and start up a movie, or go upstairs to take a hot bath togetheri just really like intimate domesticity. another great date could literally be shopping all day and grabbing food, doing more shopping and going home to go through all the bags together

92. Favourite app on your phone?tumblr 😋

93. What colour are the walls in your room?we painted them a light grey then sponged a darker grey over it

94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?actually i just use youtube for songs still

95. Share your favourite quote.“Be the change you wish to see in the world” gandhi

96. What is the meaning of life?also still trying to figure that one out

97. Do you like horror movies?yessss

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?i told her i wanted to go to therapy, that i’ve felt depressed for years and didn’t want to go to her and dad about it bc i didn’t wanna disappoint them

99. Do you feel lucky or special in a way?i feel blessed to have such a loving and understanding family. they accepted my sexuality when i went from straight to bi to lesbian and supported me even when i was considering dating a guy even though i said i was a lesbian. once i told them about my anxiety and depression they’ve been nothing but understanding, and helpful

100. Can you keep a secret?indeed i can 😊

oh boy that was a lot of work 😪 might just have to go to sleep now 😴