#also the vivid mental animations I get listening to songs got wild so this is based off of that

[cats-thoughts]

"...what did you just say about my sister?"

[isaksbestpillow]

Hi Siiri! So I often watch stuff when I see it on your blog because you honestly have excellent taste. This time I watched Sangatsu no lion after I saw that post that had the Bump of Chicken video. I'm obsessed with that band and the show sounded perfect for me. I finished the entire anime today and I loved it so much!! I wish there was more. So anyway I just wanted to say thanks for reblogging that post lmao. Also what other anime/manga do you love and recommend?

Hello!! Omg another Bump of chicken listener in the wild!! I love them though I haven't been vibing with their last few songs as much. Fujiwara Motoo has a genuine talent for writing profound lyrics using mundane words, he's great!

I've become such a boomer regarding anime that I really don't know any of the titles currently relevant, but I can recommend some of my forever faves!

Natsume yuujinchou/Natsume's book of friends: My beloved, my dearest, my most favourite. Natsume Takashi is an ordinary, introverted high school boy who lives in rural Kumamoto prefecture with his foster family and a fat cat. Except that his cat is no cat at all and Natsume is no ordinary boy because he can see youkai (spirits). Some of those spirits are angry, some sad, some funny, some lonely. What they have in common is they've all got beef with Natsume's late grandmother who has sealed their names into a book. The episodes revolve around Natsume and his cat sidekick setting free the trapped spirits they encounter one by one. It's the best anime!!! It's so calming and melancholy and nice. With 29 manga volumes out, the story is still on-going.

Chihayafuru: The best sports anime ever!! Chihaya, Taichi and Arata are three childhood friends brought back together by competitive karuta, which is an agility and memory based sport that uses ancient Japanese poetry. There's friendship, romance, sport, poetry, what else do you need! I love it so much. The characters are great, they all have their strengths and weaknesses in karuta and outside of it, especially Chihaya who is super likable without being a Mary Sue type. With fifty manga volumes out, the story is still on-going. I just wish they'd go polyamorous because even after all these years I can't decide whether I ship Chihaya more with Taichi, Arata or her idol/nemesis Shinobu haha.

Shouwa genroku rakugo shinjuu: Freshly out of prison, a yakuza discovers the world of rakugo (traditional Japanese story telling), but his mentor is haunted by the ghosts of his difficult past in this stunning queer period piece.

Mushishi: A guy wanders around the country in search of supernatural powers known as mushi that can possess and harm people. This is what would happen if Natsume Yuujinchou took up drugs and smoking.

Heike monogatari (2021): A stunning feminist retelling of the birth of one of Japan's oldest epics.

Yojouhan shinwa taikei/The tatami galaxy: A guy tries to restart his freshman year at university over and over, each time failing to get the outcome he desires regardless of what he chooses or changes, steadily snowballing to a mental breakdown and existential crisis. This one is a classic with a very unique style in art and direction and the most amazing line you must accept that you are the person here now and you cannot become anyone else but that person.

No 6: This anime pales in comparison to the book series that's such a vivid, visceral portrayal of the indomitable will to live even when dying would be easier, but it's still nice viewing. Queer teenagers take on an oppressive government and some killer bees. The books though!!!! They are so great!!! It's a shame they aren't available internationally, but then again I'm not sure how well they'd work in English because so much of their rhythm and tension tempo is achieved in ways that disappear when you remove Japanese from the equation. Pov is an especially tricky area because Japanese doesn't have personal verbs or mandatory grammatical subject which allows for shifting pov and narrator and time.

I'm probably forgetting something, but these are some of my forever faves!! I didn't mention Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood because I think everyone knows it already, but it's my most favourite favourite.

[mikazukikannagisjourney]

Spiritual Log September 29, 2019

Subtitle: might as well be the 30th since it’s almost midnight when I started lolz also this is my entire September stuff. So this is a really, really long post

What’s in it? Well, what I did this month and how to transmute emotions. OH, and how to manage crazy energies right now.

HI everyone, I am finally back, somewhat. I guess September was a bit more manageable(?) than August, but for me, because I was also moving my stuff out from one place and moving them to another after living in there for so long, it was a mix of emotions: exhausting; scary; lotsa grief; and enlightening, to say the least. But at least I have hauled most of my stuff so I guess I am good. I just need to settle in the new place and then plan what my next move would be. Of course, as always I have to accept the fact that the universe had other plans, and fun time based on what I want right now is gonna be harder to come by.

The universe wanted me to “rest”, and by that I mean focus more on transmuting personal and family karma. So right now I have to transmute so much subtle energy garbage that I actually felt sick, exhausted, depressed, just mainly horrible 2 days after this month started. I thought it was gonna be better than August? Gahhh. Nope. 

So I ended up balancing between meditating and binge-watching anime titles that only have one season. Around the 13th, the internet got cut-off so no internet, I was AFK, and also no cable so I got basically cut off for about 4 days from the net and it felt like months, no kidding. I suddenly had so many existential dilemmas left and right, I had to face my noisy thoughts for 4 days!!! I almost lost my mind then. Not that I had much to lose in the first place lol

These are among the existential crap I had to put up and ultimately caused my depression with while I started putting my things in boxes *I had nothing to do so might as well start packing lol*

Why do I have to transmute my entire lineage’s karma?

Why the fudge am I the karma bearer?

Why is my birth chart set on “extremely happy with suffering-hard core edition” mode (after seeing the birth charts of other people)

Nothing makes sense now and ever, why must I be like this?

Binge-singing songs about loneliness - and then crying with no tears

I hate being lonely but what the fudge can I do, I am not a people person (based on my human-design chart I’m an effing hermit)

Bouts of being catatonic for hours, mostly due to overwhelming feelings of anxiety due to packing and discarding stuff, and just getting too tired and lacking sleep and junk food

A whole bunch of thoughts centered on my victim mentality  (I tried to kick it out by doing Kundalini yoga, it actually worked.. I had a good cry after denying it for so long)

I really, really want out, I am basically a walking blockage that has a soul

But around the middle of last week, maybe sometime after the 20th and after trying to remove blockages through the various methods I had been using, I finally felt a bit of relief. I started removing more trapped emotions from my heart wall and my body in general. I was even holding onto one of my biological mother’s trapped emotions, which she had when she was still in school. So I basically released an inherited emotion, which caused a sty in my eye. I released it and the sty went away, like what the fudge was that.

Of course, because my body likes suffering so much, I had to get one thing wrong again while I was doing Kundalini Yoga. So.. I was releasing anger and hatred because I was gonna attend a birthday party where I was expecting that many of the people who have hurt me one way or another would be present. I honestly didn’t want to get attached to the hate anymore, and just wanted to have a great time at the place, for my friends’ sake. Somehow, I did not expect that I would be maxing out my body’s spinal flexibility limits. I thought I was already over that, but I guess I pushed myself too hard again, and during that time was enjoying the fact that I was a but limber than before, so I thought I was healed somewhat. Also, I just felt so great and had no trace of anger or hate after the almost hour-long meditation (which felt like a workout, really). I thought I was gonna make it to the party without harboring hate.

Again, nope.

The next day, my chronic back pain went back. It wasn’t exactly as strong so I thought it was just a muscle spasm and massaged it out. Then I started hauling more stuff out. I must have carried so much heavy stuff but I was still able to move so I didn’t think much of it. When I woke up the next day, the shooting pains and getting zero power in my legs came back, so I ended up staying in bed the whole day. It was really a drag, I didn’t get to clean or pack things up, but honestly what made me ok with it was that at least I could use it as an excuse not to go to the party. WHich is pretty lame, yes I know, but I am also at my weakest since I was scared as shit of the old perv that might appear around me again, or I might lash out at the other two people who pretty much dented me because I had to be so stupid to let them in my life (extreme regret but can’t do anything about that now other than cut them all out). I honestly just kept thinking of excuses not to see them or be forced to interact with them but that would be awkward when you’re in a confined space. Also nobody knows what I had to go though with this bunch of people, and though I confided some of it to a good Soul Sister, the rest of the bunch won’t know, and they probably still see these three people ni high regard. Especially the old perv. Urrgh.

So... Despite the fact that I was actually looking forward to the birthday party because I could finally get out of the house and drive a long while and see some of the people I care about, especially my “adopted son” and “great-grand-daughter”, I just gave up and told the party organizer that I can’t make it due to chronic illness flare-up. Which is legit. I still thanked them for inviting me because seriously, I haven’t been back to that workplace since may and I never really went back after what, 5 months? I just used the extra time to try getting some really good rest and getting as much of my stuff transported to the new place as I could bodily can so I won’t have to do more trips. I did succeed, but by then my back pain was quite irking and I couldn’t stand up without pain or sit up so I just layed down and started thinking all that existential shit again.

Seriously it was very, very depressing at that point, but then I got guided to go check some energy readings, and lo and behold it was actually a major energetic shift due to the equinox. A whole bunch of the collective were also feeling the same shit. Lethargy. Depression. Reappearing issues. Pains and what not,. MOre dramas.

I WASN’T EFFING ALONE!!!

I guess that lifted my mood, and because I needed some even more morale boost, I went back to studing Japanese. Which, of course means listening to raw uncaptioned ASMR videos on Youtube. Them smexy voices just make me go ahhhh, ah ahh ahh--. (insert Kamisama Hajimemashita 1st Ending here lolol that song got stuck in my head but it was definitely fun) But no, seriously, I had been away from keyboard for so long (like 2 more weeks) so I decided to celebrate by watching so much junk videos on the web. I actually felt great and thankful afterwards. ZERO REGRETS.

So after all the carpload that happened for me in this month of September, what the heck did I learn after all that existential stuff?

I had to transmute the karma because I am AWAKE.

I was the karma bearer so to heal my ancestral line because I actually can (through Reiki)

My birthchart was very oppressive and shitty because again, see first 2 points. Also I must heal the collective too, as a Starseed-Earthseed mix. Seriously, being a Starseed/Earthseed or Angel whatever isn’t a bragging right, it’s a freaking responsibility, like being a garbage disposal person. BAsically trash lolol not..

NOthing makes sense because again, see previous points. Especially the one before this.

I was basically wounded with loneliness and separation/isolation, and it was something I had to face and be ok with. I am stil not ok with it, but I am doing  my best to be at peace in being lonely and isolated. Not the alone part though, I love that.

I had so much stuff so I had to remove so many energies connected to those stuff, so I could discard what no longer serves. Like cord-cutting but with your hoard stash.

I just needed to sleep more, because whenever I do, I feel a bit better afterwards. PLus all my dreams get too vivid and wild.

My brain is still filled with so much subconscious garbage, so I guess I still have a long way to go in terms of flushing them all out. Now I use a lot of subliminal boosters apart from the usual subliminals.

When all else fails, just do the following Kriyas or Kundalini moves: Sat Kriya (to ease and calm down anxieties, and also to strengthen your abs lol no really), Removing Inner Anger (warning, this is the set that made my back pain come back, proceed with caution. Effective at the inner peace part. Also an effing heck of a workout. If I had a stronger back I’d do this everyday, I’ll grow abs lol), Emotional Balance Moveset (This is actually fun, and it helps me calm the fudge down. Very effective, easy to do, I highly recommend), Subagh Kriya (to invoke wealth, yeah I know right? But if all else gunks out, it can strengthen your arms and back so it’s still a good thing. I actually like this one, because you strengthen your body AND invoke the wealth of YOUR universe. Win-win!), Guru Gaitri Mantra (to be in your true power), Blockage Removal (this uses a lot of breath of fire, so if you want abs and getting high at the same time, this is the one for you lolol), Gutka Kriya (it’s really good to do when you’re really feeling low and crummy, plus you also HAVE to keep your vibes up or else lolol), Motivational Moveset (it can make you do what you think you can’t, so yeah, motivational lol), Meditation for Gratitude and receiving blessings (really easy to do, but making your brain work is another thing lol), Removing Cold Depression (I just do this whenever I feel depressed, it kinda clears my heart and head), Healing a Broken Heart (if you can bear the pain of keeping your arms up after 11 mins I doubt you could ever keep your heart broken lolol I did this for over a month way back and it was super effective. Just remember the pain of holding your arms lol), Remove Subconscious Garbage silent version (beacuse seriously it’s a problem), Last Resort Meditation (literally when you’re down on your luck and everything, it’s very grounding and keeps your wits with you), If you need to manage anxiety (seriously, this can also help,  and you can build abs lolol trust me the breathing patterns are insanely challenging), Improve Frontal Lobe and Hypothalamus (yeah, I know right? but seriously, just try it)   and the easiest so far, Kirtan Kriya (it’s just like you stretch your fingers to play guitar, it’s that easy). The others here are in YT, videos and stuff: Self-love and acceptance, Sat Narayan Mantra (I placed the really catchy version lol), Subconscious Garbage Removal aka Subconscious Blockage Remover (it can get quite catchy lolol), Relieve Anger Shorter version (if your back isn’t that strong. still effective though, I cry a lot whenever I do this), External Blockage Remover (even if it just brings you inner peace, I still think that’s quite effective), and of course, the very important Karma Cleansing (if you happen to be the bearer of your family and ancestral karma. This dude has a longer version on his site, I recommend buying it, that one’s wayyy longer and you’ll cry more. Also it helps lighten the load)

But that’s not all folks lolol if you’re just here for the “How to Transmute Emotions” PArt, don’t worry buddy, this bitch has got you covered. =D This is my own way of transmuting emotions because the internet doesn’t satisfy my need for more details. Seriously.

Just remember the following acronym: RAIREPEAT

R - Recognize -  recognize the recurring patterns that have been causing you problems. It will help greatly if you can trace back its origins, or the first time it happened, or the most painful session it occurred. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride, peeps.

A - Accept - accept that this thing actually happened to you, and be at peace with its existence. 

I - Integrate - Integrate this event that happened to you  and has been the root of your recurring problems. Be at peace with the fact that this event has been and will probably always be a part of you, because it changed you and made you who you are, for better or worse. Just embrace it, cry into it, surrender (to the feeling of crying because this shit happened to you). BAsically this is the part where so much crying and release of other negative moions are needed.

RE - RElease - Release any attachments to this old event, any feelings, emotions, people, just cut them out or cord-cut any remaining energies. 

PEAT - rePEAT - yeah, these shitty things will come back every now and then, but the more you strongly intend to release these things, the lesser you will need to rinse and repeat,. if anything, the feelings associated will only get weaker and weaker each time you feel them  until they’re basically undetectable or doesn’t trigger anything anymore. By that time, you’re well in your way to more peace.

Well, I hope this mega-post helped you in any way, or will help you in the months and years to come, because seriously, the energies will only get even crazier from here. But hey, any chance to stay level-headed and grounded is better than being anxious all the time, so might as well just do stuff to ease and heal than remain in all that drama.

I wish you well on your path of awakening. and may you find the healing you seek.

In love and hugs from Source above,

三日月

Mikazuki