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tippedarrows · 1 day

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Don't know if you've already said this before but I'm surprised people aren't talking about the idea of Admin!Jesse that much. I've always imagined that an interesting twist on the S2 ending would be that when taking away Romeo's powers, the server or whatever world they live in must have at least one admin (to keep running) and Jesse chooses to take on that burden in the end, heavy is the head that wears the crown. I think this could also add some depth to Romeo's character apart from his villainy, in some way he has been driven mad by this 'curse'.

Bonus thought, potential angst regarding Jesse's chosen LI (Petra or Lukas) and how Jesse being basically immortal would outlive them in this scenario.

THIS IS WHAT IM SAYING YOU GET IT!!!!

I fully believe romeo went power hungry and the longer you're an admin, the less you're connected with your humanity. cuz you're not human

and jesse, who was forcefully dumped with these powers, who NEVER WANTED THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE, having to stay like that? on god. forced administration

bonus bonus angst: jesse, trying to keep his humanity as much as he can, slowly getting disconnected from it over the years and hus friends looking at him and going " dude what happened to you. you used to be so happy " and him snapping because simply existing is overwhelming like " I *am* happy! " and they're like. you're kinda making me uncomfortable and he looks at his hands in horror

also him disguising himself as his old human form, but he cant look at himself anymore.

#mcsm #lukas rambles #minecraft story mode #signing open!#ask me anything #lukas mcsm #petra mcsm #jesse mcsm #mcsm jesse #admin jesse mcsm

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year

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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.

#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz #ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and #then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific #cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or #etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as #you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on #accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have #as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence #of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate #versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a #neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest #ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling #and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for #documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like #sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I #can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If #I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my #ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be #accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor #focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it #were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan #that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is #some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my #kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means #i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m #in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in #one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability #& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER

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purpurussy · 2 months

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#tw suicide #idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT #i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone #and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess #but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm #but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing #hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse #to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house #and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like #to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age #but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me #also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently #tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me #i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship #but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation #i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself #and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons #most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks #idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear #this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly #sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point #and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have #the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona #so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem #anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope

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the-voice-of-night-vale · 2 months

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u know what i've been thinking about. how the economy expects you to be, right now, at a job you've been at and consistently getting raises in for like, ten years. it's almost like the implication is "well yeah, you'll be able to live off this job in three, five, ten years if you stick with it and grow in the company" which is all fine and dandy, but i kind of need to live right now

#the queen of trash has spoken #rewrote this post six times and it turned into an essay both times and i don't really need it to lol #also thinking about the graphic i saw this morning that said the average spending power of $100 here is $41 compared to the national averag #which i guess? min wage is just over $16 here. but uhhhhhhhh i think my city is one of the most expensive in the state as far as cost of #living goes (not hard since we're the second largest city in a state of three decent sized cities and mostly large towns)#and its just crazy bc i look at my coworkers some of whom haven't been there much longer than me #who have kids and a house and stuff #and i realize oh. their husbands are engineers or lawyers. plus they're probably making more than me because they're team leads or managers #or have been there longer. meanwhile my 25 year old ass is making $20 an hour and my boyfriend is making $18 an hour #both doing highly-specialized work #and like. the idea that in ten years if i last that long both in the company and in this mortal coil #THEN i'll be making a living wage (in today's money)#is like. so wack! considering the fact that people really aren't staying in jobs for very long for various reasons #and for some positions the only way to get a raise is to move to a whole new company #it's just crazy! the fact that a 25 year old with a bachelor's degree can't even afford a fucking APARTMENT.#like everyone should be able to have housing obvs and the obvious solution to this is a universal basic income #but the fact that my experiencce in the economy is so different from my brothers (who is seven years older than me) and COMPLETELY #unrecognizable to that of my parents when they were my age. like i know billionaires are totally disconnected from reality #but in what universe is this a successful economy? /rq i know the answer i promise

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nexus-nebulae · 14 days

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another childhood bucket list item obtained: i finally have a snuggie

#and it's the real thing not even a knockoff #kinda surprised they still exist #but also not surprised bc Blanket. blanket is universal #i just remember a lot of those As Seen On Tv ads like. imploding within 5 years #they still do As Seen On Tv products like there are still boxes marked with that logo it almost feels wrong like an ancient relic #bc most like. ubiquitous 2000s brands from my childhood are just Gone or at least so fundamentally changed it's not the same thing #heard about like 50 more companies going bankrupt probably in the last year alone #anyway ive always wanted a snuggie it's one of those Always Wanted things that never go away #others include: staples easy button (obtained!); mini fridge (not); pillow pet (i had a knockoff once); power drill (not)#i spent a surprising amount of my childhood actually going out of my way to buy stuff i could use in my own apartment in the future #i grew up lower middle class and then just lower class #so like. i always Knew i couldn't just furnish the whole apartment at once i Knew I'd have to build stuff up over time #also bc when my sister got kicked out she had like. nothing. in her trailer. and i did not want to have nothing #i knew if dad was willing to just toss out my sister like that i would absolutely follow suit #and i did! two years younger than my sister when she was!#it just happened that my mom didn't want me homeless at FOURTEEN when i legally could not work for two more years #so she went with me and we lived with my grandma #so take that dad. turns out throwing family members out willy nilly makes the rest of your family not trust you or like you!#and now i get to rub it in his face that HE can't function in a house by himself and still needs to beg my mom to clean up after him #bc i spent so much of my childhood getting berated and called lazy for not doing chores #getting told stuff like 'you have to function by yourself your parents can't always pick up after you'#and then he's literally useless without his wife #he's not disabled and he's not neurodivergent he's never even had a serious health scare he just doesn't bother to learn how to clean #his excuse is that he doesn't know how to use the washer and dryer (it has been almost ten years fucker. learn)#or he doesn't know which cleaning products to use (you have google and a library card. LOOK IT UP)#he's the only person i get mad at for this behaviour bc he's a fucking hypocrite and a child abuser about it too #he is the exception to my rule of everyone needs to be given the space to get things done where they're able and deserve help when needed #and I'll bend over backwards to make excuses for other people so i DONT exclude them from my rule i will try to find every good reason first #he has no fucking excuse though he made two teenagers nearly homeless bc he thought we were too lazy and then he's even worse

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romaritimeharbor · 4 months

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started rewriting the first chapter of one of my old demon slayer fics and guys....... it started at 3k words. its 6.2k now HELP MEEE i'm not even done...

#✧— aphe's musings.#it is a canon-divergent (some characters who die canonically end up living!) reader insert fic about muichiro's older sibling #they're like 7 years apart in age. initially reader was his aunt but i was like no. SIBLINGIFICATION BEAM ❗️❗️❗️🔥🔥🔥#“there are other kinds of platonic rela--” I KNOW SHUT THE HELL UP 🗣🗣🗣#this fic is also a lot about reader's friendships i promise it doesn't just focus on the sibling relationships i swear #i dont think ill post it ON tumblr when im done but i think ill post the link to it (going to post it on ao3)

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tardis--dreams · 5 months

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There's silverfish in this apartment so the only chance for my body to get some rest would be collapsing from exhaustion otherwise i will not sleep for a While

#how long does it take to get rid of them?#ages probably #and i have only one room (+ a tiny bathroom) so i cannot avoid them #they're in my bedroom therefore the bed isn't safe #god i hate it here #i had them in my first apartment too for a short time and i hoped to never experience this again #well #also the guy living here before me apparently has never cleaned the shower or the toilet in his lifetime #the shower is filthy and I've been cleaning it for 3 hours in total already #I'll have to scrub it everyday in order to get a chance to get rid of these years of dirt and limescale #(like scrub it for 30 minutes using cleaning supplies and all. not just clean it after showering like usually #which would have prevented this from happening in the first place if that guy had done this even just once a week)#also cannot fathom how my landlord accepted this bathroom to be left like this #there was literally still toilet paper in the toilet and there is dirt so bad i haven't gotten rid of it after scrubbing for hours #but yeah #the insects are the worst #i mean in korea i had actual bugs but there weren't as many and i think they couldn't climb the walls so i felt less #disgusted by my bed and everything i touch #(there was one in my bag and in the kitchen sink and in my blanket once and #I'm not exactly scared by them but actually disgusted #i guess this is what some people mean when they say they aren't scared of spiders but don't like them anyway #it's just gross and i don't want to see them)#and i will tell my landlord about it and ask if he can at least fix the bathroom silicom so maybe some of their hiding spots are gone #I'm just very tired of everything rn lol #still not using that extra time i have during the night to work for university so that's great #not getting anywhere #void screams

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infizero · 1 year

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light and misa's "relationship" is rlly tragic and fucked but also in an isolated state its really fucking funny. ESPECIALLY if you consider them both to be arospec like i do

#misa is like ''oh light my wonderful boyfriend~!! we need to go on a date we haven't been on one in so long!''#(i know that when you're dating you're supposed to go on dates. so we have to go on a date every so often to assure me that i'm getting a #good grade in Having a Boyfriend something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve)#and then light is like (internally) 'i would literally rather kill myself than spend time with her but i need her for my purposes so i have #to appease her' (externally) ''ok sure i guess misa''#and then they go to a restaurant and misa waits for him to kiss her the whole night (she does not attempt to herself)#meanwhile light just sits there and goes nonverbal for long extended periods of time while he monologues in his head about how to appear #like a normal (straight) human being (spoiler: he's really bad at this)#and every so often he'll be like ''you look nice. this food is good. other boring pleasantries'' while glaring as if he's poisoned her food #THEY LIVED LIKE THIS FOR 4 YEARS.#again. awful. but also kind of fucking funny. gay aroace guy and aroace girl going through the motions of a heterosexual relationship for 4 #whole years. they hate each other for sure dawg ToT obvs misa to a lesser extent but i think she definitely had a lot subconscious hate for #light. that only got stronger the longer things went on #also during this time they definitely had sex a Single Time because they got to a point where misa was like we've been dating for like #2 years normal couples usually sleep together way before then...... and light was like. LOUD SIGH. ok #it was terrible. neither of them enjoyed it and they never spoke of it again #gee wonder why that was (holding the ace spectrum behind my back)#anyways they're so awful im obsessed w them. awful apart and even WORSE together. it's beautiful #then you throw L in this mix and it gets even funnier and MORE awful #(he's bi aroace to me btw. for the record)#serena.txt #death note posting

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simptasia · 6 months

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mum and i were almost not able to buy our house because a real estate lawyer heard us casually say i'm autistic and alarm bells went off in her head, because she believed that meant i wasn't mentally capable of understanding what i was signing up for

#and she demanded a doctors note. which not how any of this works #theres no policy that works like that AND gps are not the people who are like #''yup this person sure is a person alright''#she just had heaps of prejudice and she let it affect her job #so a lady from one of those places that advocates for ND and disabled people tore her apart #she lost the 4000 dollars she was gonna be paid. and she got fired #and everybody else from that company that we spoke to was either appalled or pretending to be appalled about this #either way it worked out #i was so upset at the time because it was literally a week before it was time to move???#and i was so afraid of us losing all our progress #plus. yeah i was hurt by the insinuations and the attempted disrespect to my agency #also even if i was cognitively disabled... i think cognitively disabled people deserve to own houses too #i was a fucking adult and i managed to get to every gosh forsaken appointment to sign forms #and then do it all again because what i was signing didn't match what was on my birth certificate!#...not my fault - turns out the nurse wrote my fucking name wrong #anyways. i was exhausted but i did it damn it. so that bitch trying to rob us of our home??? fuck her #6 years later and the house is now 100% mine instead of 50%#and im gonna assume that bitch never got a job in real estate again #she was totally cool with me until she heard the word ''autistic''#and clearly pictured somebody... how do i put this... somebody with vacant eyes who smacks the side of their head when they're upset #not a bad thing by the way! hell i've been that flavour of autistic plenty of times. we contain multitudes!!!!#don't mean we don't deserve to own property. we live in a society!!! let us be a part of it #but yeah that was the most serious case of me being dehumanized due to what i am

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visdiefje · 1 year

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it is VERY hard to figure out how I feel about apartments I visit when my initial thoughts after doing any visit are oughhhhhough I feel Bad (because it's a new thing) (has only ever lived in two houses) (and never away from my family)

#Is This Apartment A Bad Fit For Me Or Am I Just A Baby About It #put my name and contact info down yesterday after a viewing and it was even scarier #what if they don't call and I regret not getting the place. what if they DO call and set it all in motion.#also I used to be good with studios but ever since seeing one in person and it was like No Space #I've been wary about contacting others for visits. but maybe they're Fine #I just look at the picture and go hm is that where I want to be living #for several years #can I. a social hermit who gets lonely. be mentally stable here #and the answer is I do not know #I have one maybe two friends in belgium who would potentially sometimes visit. MAYBE #I hope to god living near the city makes that easier but we'll have to see!!#sometimes an apartment is in a relatively quiet place but it is Tiny. sometimes it is near a highway but it actually has space #which one of those is better for me? fuck if I know!!!!#bien rambles

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year

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everyday I miss miitomo .. aaa

#these screenshots are not even good or the most interesting/funny/cool ones from back then #they just so happen to be ones I found in a folder so am thinking about them solely for the memory of it all #WORST thing is I never even had friends (still don't have friends really that have many similar interests to me lol..epic hermit moment) who #played or were willing to do I didn't really use the social aspects much. if there were any?? maybe I'm just making up a better game in my #head lol.. I thought maybe you could visit your friends apartments at some point or something? I know you could have multiple mii characters #and put them in their own apartments too.#I could also be mixing it in my mind with tomodachi life. which is a superior game. but also I think mostly I just loved the dress up and #photo creation aspects of this. That you could spend like 30 minutes putting your little avatar person in different lttle poses with differe #nt backgrounds and import your own custom background and etc. etc. And the community questions & answers section was always ridiculous #WHY is it that all actually good and cool things end up shutting down and nobody cares about them but then some tv shows/games/etc. can keep #going for like 808989598590 years when they are actually very bad and stinky and pointless #I know probably something somehting profit motive. if something sucks but is hyped blindly and sells then that's all that matters.#things that are cool and innocative but have a small audience get poo poo pee pee Not Good Enough For Shareholders whatever #>:(#This is why I don't play apps or online games /anything live service or that is dependent on external things to function #Like every once in a while I do but for the most part if something is not it's own self contained experience then I dont care to even get #invested in the first place because it could just randomly be taken away from you at any time without warning or etc.#Also just charmed by anything that incorporates personality tests into part of the structure of an app even in a minor.comepletely trivial w #ay due to my preexisting obsession with anything in the realm of that topic (enneagram. mbti. etc. even astrology. just any way humans categ #orzie and analyze themselves. NOT because I think they're all scientifically valid methods and swear by them in practuce but like. the theor #y of it. I love personaliy testing from like.. a cultural perspective? like the fact that humans make this stuff up at all. and how they use #it and conceptualize it and apply it to their lives. the different frameworks within which the same traits can be categorized in different w #ays. one person looks at X trait and says its bc theyre a virgo. another explains the same exact trait by saying it's bc theyre an infj. etc #I mean some of them I do find actually personally fun to get into themselves (enneagram mostly) but mostly I just like the.. analysis #tfw you're such an analytical person you like to spend time analyzing analysis. Thinking abt the ways people think about thinking abt things #Actually Ive talked before about how I don't relate to/care about/get emotionally attached to media/dont exhibit Fan Behviors or join fandom #s or etc. BUT that is actually the one vaguely media related thing I WILL do. after watching something I like going to places like that #'personality database' site which is the public voting on character's personality types. and I do enjoy going to read the comments. not bec #ause I care about the character themselves. but I love seeing the paragraph long debates about like.. why Whoever is actually an intp NOT an #intj . or like 'OBVIOUSLY theyre 3w4 so/sp ILI are you FUCKING BLIND??!'. essays breaking down every cognitive function they ehibit and why

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sedgwickpdf · 11 months

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my apartment is a torture chamber i will never sleep through the night again etc etc etc

#after four years of living in this beautiful apartment that i love the pipes have just begun to make fucking crazy ass noises #that happen mostly when my upstairs neighbor showers before 7 AM every day #and also seemingly occasionally when my next door neighbor showers #around 5 AM.#which is not their fault they should be allowed to shower whenever they want.#HOWEVER. what perhaps IS my upstairs neighbor's fault #is how they stomp around and drag furniture around and do fucking jumping jacks at 9 pm or fucking whatever it is they're doing #and wake up and just leave their alarm on for like ten minutes. and also stomp around at that time.#anyway if the shower noise wasn't happening i could tolerate any of this but the shower noise genuinely makes me feel like i'm being tortur #d #and at first the apartment management tried to fix it but now they've become hostile and mean about it #because 'no one else in the complex is complaining about the noise'#YEAH. FINE. WHATEVER. I DON'T CARE. MAYBE I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN HEAR IT #OR THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES. FUCK WHATEVER. I JUST NEED TO SLEEP THROUGH THE FUCKING NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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vitiateoriginator · 1 year

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I'm finally taking a fucking vacation from my job next week

#I've never gotten the chance to use my vacation time at work before quitting #but Im not currently able to leave where I work and I'll lose my PTO on my anniversary date (sept 13th)#so I decided to say fuck it an use ut the first week of September #wish I could have saved it for the second week since my birthday is September 15th but again my PTO gets reset the 13th #so this will have to do #I'm not going on an actual vacation this year. just planning various enjoyable activities and day trips throughout the week #Im hoping on the first day to attend a local flea market #and the next day or two to go swimming before the pool in my apartment complex closes for the year #I also plan to visit a historical town thats about a half hour away from where I live #and I'm definitely going to sleep in a lot of these days cause I need to catch up on some sleep finally #I'll probably draw on my less busy days #and maybe I can knock out a chapter or 2 of the story I've been writing #tbh luck is never with me so the chances of me actually getting to do half of this stuff is slim #but at least I can say I have plans #I'm gonna try n do this stuff even if I have to go alone #I hate waiting around for others so I can go out and have a good time #like yeah some of these activities are better with other people #but people often find excuses to get out of hanging out or going places. or they're busy with work #and I don't want to waste the 7 days Im gonna have off so Im gonna try n do something meaningful during them #the weather also will effect how my plans turn out. I bet it'll rain the entire week lol. that'd be my luck #but Im still gonna try and have a decent time off #at the absolute least I am going to relax and unwind. thats the bare minimum I can doo #sam's rants about life

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skrunksthatwunk · 1 year

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world's thinnest walls versus parents' stupidest argument

#hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby #no one should be this angry about star wars #it's like theyre in the same room as me and theyre a floor below me #theyre not good roommates :|#like. they're literally echoing #this house is gonna fall apart and it's gonna be george lucas' fault #if im like hey you guys are loud there's like a 70% chance theyll be like Ok What Is Your Problem We're Not Being That Loud #god the other day my mom was eating something while i was at a computer and she leaned over my shoulder and i was like hey #could you please not chew in my ear #because it's been established for YEARS that i have a really big problem with the ol mastication #and she's like 🙄🙄🙄 honey. dont. i wasnt chewing in your ear and my mouth was closed #maybe she was like 8 inches away from my ear. i still fucking felt that viscerally!! leave me alone i dont want my tics to act up #i will convulse. fuckign get away from me i have to scrub my eardrums now #child's politest request vs mother's complete inability to accommodate needs she doesnt personally relate to/understand #(my dad's not much better i just dont try with him bc he's like. a debate bro. and he's gone half the time anyway)#they also share a complete inability to see any symptoms in me or my brothers which is Not Good for literally all of us #my mom's just a little more frustrating bc she's a psych major so she thinks she knows everything. like. mom #you CANNOT be arguing with me about whether or not the r slur was always ableist and then be like psh. that kid's not autistic theyre just #self dxing to account for their other problems. i know this bc ive been around them their whole lives (infrequently and with little depth)#so imagine if i did that. i would be killed on sight i would never be able to speak to her again im not kidding it would be so so awful #thing is I'd probably believe her too. hell on earth #you dont act like my professor told me autistic ppl act in the 90s. gonna have to zap you with my death ray (forcing you to argue in #defense of your experiences which we didnt notice or invalidated at the time)#im not even 100% sure im autistic. but the fact that i cant talk to her means idk if i can talk to an actual doctor about it bc im still a #dependent and she'd probably be there with me.#I'd have to get a doctor on board or she'd NEVER believe me. how the hell am i supposed to do that #god. whatever #idek if i wanna get diagnosed but i want her to believe me. i want to be able to talk about what i need bc if i dont have a good enough #reason (my comfort is not reason enough) then she never will. and it'll get worse. it sucks basically #she's fucking doctor autism apparently and can sniff em out. christ almighty she's unbearable sometimes

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roaringroa · 2 years

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everyday i feel the want to be an aunt grow stronger and stronger

#my oldest bro has always said that he and his gf don't want children #and i respect that obviously i don't say anything to him in regards to that #but... i do selfishly want him to change his mind dlsuagdlasd #they bought an apartment together at the end of last year and were talking about doing rennovations or not and my dad advised him not to do #one in a specific way cause he knows they don't want children but if they change their mind later down the line that rennovation would make #it difficult for the child to have their own room #and they listened and not only did not do the rennovation but also didn't deny the possibility of wanting a child like they've done before #soooo... i'm trying not to hold on that sliver of hope #they're 28 now so i think they're on the age where they're beginning to really seriously think about whether they want to be parents or not #instead of just shutting it down and thinking well that's a decision for later like i do #no matter what they decide they'll have my support and love #but that being said i would absolutely adore to spoil a nephew or niece like i really want to dhasopda #i think that want partially comes from my absolutely awesome uncle that takes so much care of everyone of his nieces and nephews #like he's always played with us a lot but also taught us so many things and still does #like a few years ago he took me and my brothers on a trip and this year he's doing the same for another set of cousins #i have so many memories of going biking with him in the park or even in the city streets or watching him and my little cousins doing plays #in the living room or making ploys with him to scare my older brother or him helping me with my homework #like i really do admire him a lot and i would love to be that person for my own nieces and/or nephews #i think also that i love my brothers so much and i'm so thankful for having them in my life that i want to demonstrate that love #and one way would be to do so by helping take care of their kids #anyway... i've only mentioned my oldest brother cause he is the one who is close in age and life experience to be a dad anytime soon-ish #but i do think my middle brother wants kids someday it's just that he's 23 now in med school and not dating anyone #so it prob will take a long time if he does have kids someday #(also i think i want to be a mom too... of course will have to think it seriously when the time comes especially considering i'm a lesbian #so i will have to do it through ivf and there's a lot to consider but i do feel that instinct within me)#but all of that is still faraway in the future dsadhas #and the conclusion is please give me a baby to show love to @ my brother and his girlfriend that i adore #like seriously i love that woman she and my brother are so similar and fit so well and she's funny and gave me her old kpop albums lol #we're literally going to a paramore concert together just us two next month i'm so excited doapds #my post

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sufficientlylargen · 3 months

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It always gets me that the name "Gandalf" literally just means "Wand-Elf" or "Stick-Elf". I'm imagining old Gondorians just being like:

Librarian: I saw that weird guy at the library again today.

Guard 1: What weird guy?

Librarian: The old guy with the beard? Kinda elfy-looking, apart from the beard?

Guard 1: Oh, with the big-ass stick?

Librarian: Yeah, looked like he was carrying an entire tree branch.

Guard 2: Yeah, that's the Stick Elf.

Guard 1: Hell yeah, I fuckin' love the Stick Elf.

Librarian: The "Stick Elf"?

Guard 2: He comes by every few years, usually after some weird book or other.

Librarian: Oh. Yeah, he wanted a treatise on goblin breeding habits.

Guard 2: Like, how they have sex? We have books on that?

Librarian: Yeah, turns out we do. I was as surprised as you are.

Guard 1: What'd the Stick Elf need a fuckin' goblin-fuckin' book for?

Librarian: I didn't ask. So you just call him "Stick Elf"?

Guard 2: I mean, he looks kinda elfy and he always has that stick, so, like, yeah.

Guard 1: Dude also has some fuckin' dope pipeweed.

Guard 2: Oh yeah, his pipeweed is awesome.

Librarian: How long has he been coming here?

Guard 2: Oh, for decades. He's, like, super old.

Guard 1: More like fuckin' centuries. Dude's old as balls.

Guard 2: Wait, really?

Guard 1: Yeah, my gran-gran used to talk about him. She loved his pipeweed too.

Librarian: So he's… an immortal pipeweed dealer?

Guard 2: I think he's just, like, a connoisseur. He doesn't sell it or anything. He just always has some really top-notch pipeweed on him.

Archivist: Oh, are we talking about Stick Elf?

Guard 1: Hell yeah we are!

Librarian: You know about the Stick Elf, too?

Archivist: Oh, totally. Stick-Elf's a super chill dude. Gave me some awesome pipeweed when I was maybe 12, and tee-bee-aitch I think I'm still a little buzzed from it.

Guard 1: What'd I tell ya, fuckin' dope pipeweed!

Archivist: Also he's really old.

Guard 1: Old as balls.

Librarian: Yeah, so Éodan and Jenniforomir were telling me.

Archivist: My grandpa used to tell me stories - he said one time he saw Stick Elf enter a smoke-ring contest.

Guard 1: Ooh, I'll bet he kicked fuckin' ass.

Archivist: Apparently the guy made an entire warship out of smoke and it flew around shooting down the other rings.

Librarian: And how much of this "fuckin' dope" pipeweed had your grandfather had by this point?

Guard 1: No no, that's totally plausible. Dude's got weird elf powers and shit for sure.

Archivist: He brought fireworks for the king's birthday one year, too.

Guard 1: Oh fuck, I forgot about those! Fuckin' incredible fireworks! Dragons and knights and glowy trees and shit! I was fuckin' 6 years old or something, they totally blew my mind. Hey Éodan, did you see that shit?

Guard 2: No, I think that's before I lived in Gondor.

Guard 1: Wait, you're not from here?

Guard 2: Oh, no, I grew up in Rohan. We moved here when I was, like, thirteen because my uncle Éojeff said he could get my dad a sweet job. And also that there were houses that didn't smell like horseshit.

Guard 1: Oh shit, are you related to Éojeff and Éosteve who run that æbleskiver stand on Norndîl St?

Guard 2: Yeah, they're my uncles!

Guard 1: Shit, they cook a fuckin' great æbleskiver!

Librarian: Ok, hold up a sec, "Stick Elf" can't possibly be his real name.

Guard 1: Why not?

Librarian: What? You think his parents named him in the hopes that he would carry around a fucking tree when he got older?

Guard 2: Maybe they gave him the tree when he was born!

Archivist: I don't think a baby could carry that stick.

Guard 1: You ever seen a baby hanging onto something? They're hella strong.

Archivist: It's not a strength thing, their hands are tiny. That staff is enormous!

Guard 1: My halberd's bigger 'n I am, I can hold it just fine.

Archivist: You're not a baby.

Librarian: Also why would elf parents name their kid "stick ELF"?! Presumably they know that their kid's going to be an elf!

Archivist: Is he actually an elf? I didn't think they grew beards.

Guard 1: How'd he get old as balls if he's not an elf?

Guard 2: His ears aren't that pointy. Maybe he's just a really old guy? Like, a Numémoriam or something?

Guard 1: Did you just say "Numémoriam"?

Guard 2: Nûnenorman? Munimõrbitan? Y'know, those guys like the king that can get super old.

Guard 1: You mean the fuckin' Númenóreans?

Guard 2: Yeah, the Númenóreums.

Archivist: Even the Númenóreans don't live THAT long.

Guard 1: Plus he carries that fuckin' stick around.

Guard 2: Wait, what does the stick have to do with it?

Guard 1: That's an elf thing. Y'know, trees and shit? Very elfy.

Librarian: Ok, look, but his parents naming him "Stick Elf" would be weird whether or not he's an elf. In fact, it's even weirder if he's not - what human names their kid "elf"?

Archivist: Huh. Yeah, you're right, he probably does have another name.

Guard 2: Yeah, I guess so.

Librarian: He's been coming here for decades and nobody's ever asked his real name?

Archivist: I dunno what to tell you, he's Stick Elf. Even his library card just says 'Stick Elf'.

Guard 1: Fuck yeah, the Stick Elf!

Guard 2: Maybe we could, like, ask him his name sometime?

Guard 1: Hey, look, Elrond's over there. He's old as balls too, maybe he knows?

Guard 2: Oh, we shouldn't interru-

Guard 1: HEY ELROND, YOU'RE OLD AS BALLS, RIGHT? WHAT'S THAT OLD ELF WITH THE STICK'S NAME?

Elrond (coming over): Do you mean an old man cloaked all in grey and blue, leaning on a rough-cut staff, who came to the great library this day?

Guard 1: Yeah, the Stick-Elf!

Guard 2: (Sorry to bother you, sir...)

Librarian: He's got to have a real name besides 'the Stick Elf', right?

Elrond: Indeed, for no elf is he. You speak of the wizard Olórin, wisest of the Maiar, older even than Eä itself. Many are his names in many countries: Tharkûn among the Dwarves; Incánus to the south; Mithrandir he is called among my people, the Grey Pilgrim.

Librarian: Oh.

Elrond: And here in the North he is called Stick-Elf.

Librarian: Oh.

Guard 1: Fuck yeah!

#fun fact: the Khuzdul name Tharkûn means 'staff-man'#so the Dwarves also call him 'the stick guy'#on the naming of things #sufficiently verbose prose #that's what I'm Tolkien about

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