#also this is NOT about ace people OR about devaluing nonsexual relationships

[c-is-for-circinate]

Look, I love me a good platonic marriage/partnership story. You know I do.

But. My friends. My babes. My guys.

Two people being in a lifelong, literally or effectively married platonic partnership are not obligated to forever forgo sex and dating with all other partners until death amen. POLYAMORY EXISTS. It exists for a reason! You can be married to the 100% nonsexual love of your life and still want sex to be in your life, and it still can be! Without feeling gross or empty or like a traitor, even!

(and yeah, this also goes for marriages/partnerships that DO already involve sex, but y'all are not ready for THAT conversation.)

[scriptlgbt]

Hi! I’m trying to write two ace characters in the 1930’s - 40’s and I’m not sure how to say that they’re ace. I’m not sure if the term Asexuality was used in this period (I have my doubts) but I have one of them stating that she’s not interested in any kind of a relationship unless it’s purely friendship. Any help is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

The term asexuality is generally accepted to have been coined and recognized more widely incredibly recently, largely popularized by AVEN (problematic site disclaimer). But realistically, even in the absence of commonly understood terms, people still found their own words to use in the meantime. I really don’t think just one person coined “asexual” - I think several people have coined it, and other terms, totally isolated from each other and were using this terminology independently. It’s just that only more recently did “asexual” get off the ground as the most common one.

Other terminology people used:

naturally celibate*

nonsexual

spinster

This word has also been used to describe any queer/trans/nonconforming women historically. a source to check out

confirmed bachelor

monosexual

These word was coined by Karl-Maria Kertbeny, who also coined homosexual and heterosexual

anaphrodite

Used by Jennie June to describe people with “impaired or absent sexual desire”

Terms for relationships asexual folks have had (historically):

domestic partnership

mariage blanc

romantic friendship

“smashes” “crushes” and “spoons” (setting of women’s colleges when they first emerged)

Boston marriage

Wellesley marriage (after the college, usually referring to academic women in relationships with each other)

This is by no means an extensive list, but those are some options for you to use. It’s also important to note that many of these things applied more widely. In history, and even nowadays, it’s been pretty normal that the spectrum of different relationships and identities sometimes has terminology that applies in situations where ace and aro folks have relationships with each other just as much as when wlw or mlm have had relationships with each other. This isn’t to knock or devalue any type of relationship. There’s many people who have had romantic friendships lead into romance or friendship, and the starting framework has been important to have in order to more safely figure out what kind of relationship one might feel best in. 

If the followers have any other terminology to add, please do!

*NOTE: Asexuality and celibacy are not the same thing. Asexuality is about sexual attraction and celibacy is about whether someone decides to have sex or not.

A really neat source

- Mod Al and mod nat