#also. this entire season wille has only thought about simon. he didn’t seem selfish to me at all??????

[catradoraism]

when edvin said wille was selfish this season and he couldn’t defend his actions i was expecting wille to do a lot worse??? there’s literally nothing he did this season that i wouldn’t call unjustifiable or selfish

[girlobsessed21]

The 100 6x11 discussion - burning desires of change

Hey guys, as usual, here’s my breakdown of the episode. Props to Mr. Bob Morley on his directing debut - insert applause emoji here. All in all, it was great, I enjoyed it, albeit a little weird. But it’s to be expected of a conversion episode taking us into the finale.

Like I explained in my 2nd predictions post, “Ashes to Ashes’ has Biblical connotation and it’s also a British crime drama about time traveling back to the early 80′s as well as David Bowie’s 1980 hit single about addiction.

Apart from Ash being Echo’s real name, I struggled to find the link to the title until it hit me with a wrench from behind. It’s about cycles, repetition, doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results (which Einstein did not say btw). Only now, it’s breaking that rotation. Demons are overcome (apart from Madi), and it’s time to do better.

Octavia’s no longer Bellamy’s responsibility, Clarke refuses to kill innocents, the children of Gabriel learn the truth, Miller disobeyed to transcend and Echo (or Ash), well, I’ll talk about her later. To Monty! Will this also be the end of the ‘will they, won’t they’ dance for Bellamy and Clarke? See my thoughts on this.

That said, let’s fall into the recap.

A child possessed

Okay, Sheidheda was a lot creepier in this episode than the previous ones. if Madi wasn’t completely overthrown before, it seems like she is now and her driving force is pure vengeance. The bond between Madi and Clarke is harder to break than diamonds, which we saw in season 5 and here again.

For six years, all they had were each other. Since the little Natblida was only six when Clarke found her, she won’t even remember her real family all that well. To Madi, Clarke was her savior, her family, her protector, her mother and basically everything else. Having such an influence taken away from you is artery-slicing.

The demon in her head knows this, plays on it and manipulates in a way an abuser lures children in with sweets. Given her age and lack of experience, she follows blindly. I have a feeling this might continue onto season 7 but I hope Raven finds a way to eliminate him. That face freaks me out. For now, he’s gonna cause a lot more damage than we anticipate and will probably be a spoil of war for the peaceful plan.

John Murphy - court jester or hero?

Yeah, he’s been a fence-sitter the entire season, but you have to admit, Murphy provides some much needed comical relief. Granted, the writers have turned up the humor via Bellamy, Clarke, and Diyoza, yet Murphy’s sarcasm should never be taken for granted. “Houdini Miller.” He might not make it to the end of the season.

If someone threatens the life of the person you love, will you protect everyone else or only that person? Ask Bellamy, he did the exact same thing. Risked the lives of everyone else to save his girl, of course Murphy will do the same. He wants to marry Emori, he’ll face hell to ensure her safety.

Still, he warns Echo in good old Cockroach fashion. Don’t let them find out I’m on your side, there’s but one side and it’s mine - and Emori’s. As long as the primes think that, he’ll have a chance of being spared. Murphy is such a great character, sure, he has deviated from being good, but that’s what makes him interesting.

The more layers and substance a character has, the more convincing and relatable they are. All of us have flaws, Murphy’s biggest one is his selfishness, does this make him a bad person? Absolutely not. He struggles and sometimes stumbles due to it but he still cares. Only the size of his heart’s in question, not the existence and it gets them out of some serious syrupy situations.

The makes of the Blakes

So, Bellamy doesn’t care about the delusional cult followers, he merely wants to save his people, to hell with the rest. In a sense, he betrayed them to rescue his love? soulmate? person? and has to make up for it. Now, Bellamy, did Monty not teach you anything?

Being so determined, he calls his sister the queen of cannibals. Killing her own people to ensure their survival. She did what she had to do, why can’t he? I didn’t know Bellamy even knew about this, why didn’t they show his reaction to finding out? Wouldn’t it have led to him cutting her some slack? He was in the exact same situation many times before. 

Probably not. His whole life has always revolved around her, everything he did was to protect his sister to the point of borderline, unhealthy codependency. Octavia was his purpose and yet she threw him in a fighting pit to die after he once again tried to save her - from herself.

Gabriel then tells Bellamy his sister is special, she returned from the greatest mystery of Sanctum. If I remember correctly, Lincoln called her special too when she was unaffected by the biological warfare. There’s more to it though, in my opinion, I still think Diyoza will return, they were both called by the anomaly, why would only O survive? That anomaly is going to be some crazy wow-factor, I’m certain.

I believe a cult won’t be too happy to find out that its leader is the exact thing they’re rebelling against. And the children of Gabriel seemed pretty pissed, especially Xavier’s sister. That is until Bellamy gives them a plan to fulfill their cause. Unfortunately for him, it means teaming up with O to find the powerful red sun toxin. For once the cultists weren’t useless!

Poor Gabriel, all he wants is peace. I thought Jordan would be a Monty reincarnator but apparently, that’s Gabriel. Or he’s more of Lincoln II? Either way, I hope he doesn’t die. Speaking of Jordan, I miss him in his recovery bed. 

Anyway, “what do you say when sorry isn’t good enough?” Despite Bellamy’s countless efforts to keep O occupied, she won’t stop breaking down the walls around his heart. Those mushrooms were strong, Bell, we saw it. Octavia’s speech was so deep, honest and touching that Bellamy’s stray tears hardly seem enough.

The way it was resolved though, is more than satisfactory. After everything that’s happened, it wouldn’t be enough development for him to simply accept what she’s done and move on. But, he’s willing to give her a chance to prove herself while no longer being the core of his world. “You’re my sister, but you’re not my responsibility, not anymore” is probably the best metamorphosis I’ve witnessed on this show. It clips the umbilical cord for both of them to emerge as individuals.

Echoes of a cold-hearted spy

So, I assume Echo protected Ryker thinking she could bank on his morality to spare her. And of course, she keeps scraping at the flesh wound. But Ryker believes saving his family keeps the peace, killing Echo saves everyone else. One life instead of thousands - it’s for the greater good, right? Wrong. The acting here was great, I was totally convinced of Ryker’s bouncing morals.

Off-topic, I completely forgot Miller used to be a thief and I’m glad we got to see his pick-pocketing skills in action. He deserves some credit and screentime, since being a part of this show for six seasons. Oh, and the transcending moment between him and Gaia was super sweet.

For a second I thought Echo would become Simone and then I remembered that she also took ALIE’s chip and they wouldn’t rehash the neural mesh storyline. Meaning my fears were quickly soothed.

Onto the important part, what was that back story supposed to mean? All I got out of it, is that Echo’s cycle isn’t broken. That leopard hasn’t changed its spots. Don’t get me wrong, it broke my heart that she had to kill her friend and resume her identity in order to survive. But, it felt like a turning point in Echo’s character that plunged her into heartlessness. Will she become that person again?

I know Echo might not be a fan favourite, but she’s really grown on me this season. She’s smart, loyal and fierce, I like her. Not Bellamy and Echo together though, I can’t see a semblance of a connection between them. And their relationship is only hurting their characters.

Why would they build her up as a great character just to show that she cares about no-one, not even her friends? I mean I get why she killed Ryker, leaving him alive was too much of a risk - he would tell Russel about her, Miller and Gaia being at large. Though that murderous glint in her eyes tells me that was purely for revenge and completely against their newfound lifestyle. Maybe I’m wrong.

I’m curious to know what being a nightblood will mean for her now and how her character might change after being held at gunpoint.

Meanwhile, Monty’s mantra rings through Clarke 

Oy, Bellamy risked everything and everyone to save Clarke and if she can’t play the part of Josephine convincingly, that was all for nothing. And our boy’s not happy about it - at all. Only, Clarke refuses a Mount Weather do-over.

I just need to mention Bellamy’s face when Murphy come’s through the tent - priceless. Then Jade finally gets a chance to knock someone out too. Yay for her!

The moment Clarke’s safe, she goes straight to Bellamy for reassurance and goodbye. Backtracking to the start of the episode, the way he flung to her side when she woke, touched and comforted her was toothachingly soft and way too intimate to be non-romantic. 

Bellamy gets this shy, ‘aw it’s nothing’ expression when Clarke thanks him for saving her life. Because to him, it really is nothing, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for her. And while he’s making heart-eyes at his friend, his girlfriend is being prepped for a blood transplant and murder. I cannot see how there won’t be any followthrough on this. 

If there’s not, it’s altogether bad writing, showcasing and wasted potential. Right now, there’s too much going on for a decent conversation that’s years overdue and I’m hopeful they’ll get it. In the synopsis of the finale, there’s a hint at romance and I truly believe it’s theirs.

Well done Eliza! For playing Clarke and Josephine, Clarke as Josephine and vice versa. She’s an amazing actress and has come a long way from, “Stop, the air could be toxic!.” 

The woman must have been devastated when she walked in on Madi strapped to a chair, being drained for her blood. Yet, in the scheme of greater good, she acts oblivious. She plays the part of a nonchalant sociopath so well, while sparing Madi via a sedative and shifting the focus to her mind drive. 

Those newlyweds sure know how to act and direct!! Like always, I’d love to hear your thoughts, did I read the Echo backstory correctly? Till next week, bye!

[chemochronicles]

New GVHD Blood Treatment Update. 12.31.17

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11

Is tonight already New Year’s Eve? Time keeps passing so fast. Tomorrow is the start of 2018, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’m disappointed that I’m not where I hoped I’d be by now with my health. And along with continued GVHD being unpredictable, there have been so many new changes recently! A new place to live, new GVHD blood treatments, and also a new hospital and team for some of those treatments. (I still love all my UCLA doctors, but city of hope has a Graft vs Host Disease clinic that UCLA doesn’t have, their campus is more convenient to get to, and parking there is free!)

We’re still in survival mode, and we’re still pressing on. It just occurred to me that I’ve been living with chronic Graft vs Host Disease for over a year now. I’m not sure if I’m any better or worst, or the same again, from how I was doing in September when things got scary bad. Is this just the way life goes? I’m learning to accept it and fight the temptation towards bitterness… Because Romans 8 and James 1 and Philippians 4 and intimately knowing who God is, are some powerful motivators. 

The last time I shared, my breathing wasn’t doing well. I went in to three different specialists who did several types of tests that all came back normal. I haven’t noticed as many breathing issues as frequently as they were last month… but then many other symptoms have become more severe, and each day and each week are all pretty unpredictable. Symptoms come and go and the severity of each symptom varies from mild to extreme depending on the day, but I haven’t been able to find the patterns and triggers yet. I’m having trouble functioning most of the time and Caleb is constantly on overdrive for me, handling it all like a champ of coarse. Showing me the literal tangible picture of Jesus’s sacrificial, selfless love, daily. I’m so thankful that despite all these hard things, I have a husband who is committed to humility. Now that’s a leader I will gladly follow, and a gift that I hope I never take for granted!

When your entire world is turned upside down with no end in sight, and no assurance of physical relief, you have to change your expectations and look for the little glimmers of light in each moment. Or else the darkness of selfishness and pride will consume you (and there are times when it still creeps in and gets too cozy).

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. 1 John 1:5-10

This season is really forcing me to slow down, and pay attention to each small thing in front of me because that’s all my tired mind can handle focusing on right now. But, like all trials for a true Christian, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. (James 1) How much was I missing before, when I was distracted by things that are all physical and superficial?

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Maybe I was supposed to learn that… and maybe I was supposed to share it with anyone who’s willing to listen..

Imbruvica isn’t working as well as they hoped, so the next thing they’re trying for treatment seems low risk and promising, but it will be a big long term commitment. I’ll start extracorporeal photophoresis (AKA ecp, or photopheresis) which is photobiomodulation (or light therapy) of the blood; with city of hope next week. I had my Hickman central line placed last week, which will be my new accessory for a while. It’s a blood treatment where I’ll get transfusions twice a week until they see the results they’re hoping for, and then eventually taper down. The closest common thing I can think of to compare it to would be dialysis, because they’re taking blood out of my body, using this machine to filter/clean the blood with a special form of UV light, and then putting it back in my body. Most people with GVHD in forums that I’ve read do this for a few years, but of coarse I’m hoping it’s less. A year ago I would have been upset about this treatment, but now I’m just so thankful for an option, desperate for relief and ready to start!

I took a break from social media a little under two months ago and it’s been so good for me… I’m not sure how / to what extent I’ll go back, we’ll see. But if you’ve been considering deleting your social media apps for a season, I highly recommend it. My well-being and contentment have improved so much, by removing temptation to envy, to over share and the selfishness that it can breed. And I’m no longer dragged down by negativity every time I instinctively check facebook. It’s wonderful! Thanks to Tony Reinke (12 ways your Phone is changing you) & Simon Sinek! 

We also moved a few weeks ago, and I can’t be more thankful that it all came together - yet in the most chaotic and stressful way. Between Caleb traveling on a few different business trips out of state, my symptoms and breathing trouble all flaring up limiting my ability to function or pack. Caleb was planning on packing everything for us the weekend before, in the short window that he was home in two weeks - but he got the worst stomach flu he’s ever had. He recovered right before he left for his next trip, and got back the day before our “moving day” to pack. It felt like everything that could go wrong, did. BUT. With the help of our family and friends that weekend it all worked out, and now we can laugh about it with dropped jaws! Even though there are plenty of things going “wrong” in life, there are plenty of things going right too. In our other apartment I had to calculate how much energy it’d take me to walk up and down the stairs and find my parking spot (which was another source of stress: parking!) if I wanted to leave the house. Now we have an attached garage on the first floor and I am able to use more of my scarce energy on things that actually matter! Thank you, Lord for these little blessings!

So that’s the latest! Please pray that these new treatments work… I’m really praying that God would allow me to heal so I can function, we can live our lives and move past this long season of survival mode. But if that’s not in God’s Sovereign and ultimately greater plan, please pray that my heart would change. That Caleb and I would continue to fight for the beloved joy that is only found in Jesus’s saving grace.

Until next time, Elisabeth

PS. I put together a little youtube playlist that I keep on in the background at home. It’s peaceful and beautiful and sincere and uplifting. I thought I’d share in case anyone else would like it too. You can click here to listen. :) 

 ❤️

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. 2 Peter 3:9

Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. Psalm 51:8-15