#although she is braver than me. that’s why i gotta do this i gotta signal ‘hey i wanna talk i’m just a scaredy cat’

[number-1-crush]

feeling so incredibly sapphic tonight

[andrewmoocow]

Gravity Soul chapter 7: The Excalibur Filler, Are We All Fools? (originally posted on April 21, 2018)

AN: Last time on Gravity Soul, our heroes begin their search for Pacifica but suddenly an old enemy of Maka and company makes her dastardly debut! After a hard-fought battle, Medusa splits the team apart and sends them tumbling towards different parts of the forest. The team consisting of the Stan twins, Wendy, Death the Kid and his Demon Weapons the Thompsons find themselves upon a particular cave where they meet a certain annoying Holy Sword. Hilarity ensues. 6-15-15-12-19!

"Ugh my head, where are we?" Stan groaned rubbing his head as he got up from his fall. "Anyone okay here? Use the hand signal if yes!" Suddenly Ford rose up shaking his head as well. "Now what was that signal again?" the scientist wondered. "Oh, I know!" Patty cried getting up. Rather than making an OK symbol, she clapped her hands, formed her hand into a peace symbol, then into an OK symbol before putting it over her eyes. "I think that was the "I can see your underwear" one." "Dammit, be serious everyone!" Ford exclaimed in frustration. "No egghead, she's right. Your underwear is showing!" Liz stated pointing to his pants, in which they began to drop down a bit. "Oh my goodness, thanks for the heads up!" Ford hastily pulled them up and secured them with his belt. "Now where are we?" "I think we're somewhere near a cave." Wendy guessed pointing at one hidden behind a waterfall and a few bushes here and there. Although it did look gorgeous, there was still the task at hand. "Do you think it might lead us to something useful?" Death the Kid asked examining the cave entrance. "I dunno, let's get in there!" Stan began marching into the cave with the others following close behind, except for Kid who was clinging onto a nearby tree branch. "Hey, this is no time to climb up trees!" "No, I simply refuse to walk into that cave. I'll get wet." Kid stated continuing to grab onto the branch. "Okay then, climb onto my back." Wendy offered. The young shinigami complied leaping down and jumping onto the redhead's back before they finally proceeded. "I have a bad feeling about this." he said.

Traversing further into the cave, the team felt an air of mystery surround them as if something fantastic would await them. But Kid on the other hand felt a heavy amount of deja vu smack him in the face as he watched the fairies fly about. "Something seems awfully familiar about this cave." he mused trying his hardest not to fall off of Wendy. "Almost like we are in for a world of pure obnoxiousness." "Oh please Stripes, I got enough of that from Gideon last summer." Stan sneered smacking a fairy onto his back. "But we seem to be close, these winged things seem to be spreading." Suddenly one fairy flew before them with a benign expression on her face. "Greetings travelers, what happens to bring you here?" "Yeah Crysta, you know where we can find something that can help us kill a merged monstrosity?" Wendy asked. The fairy's face then contorted before them, her eyes darting to one side, gritted teeth showing, her nose completely vanishing only leaving behind the nostrils and wrinkles appearing all over before she flew away in a hurry. "Wait a minute Kid, didn't you and Black Star make that face before?" Ford asked Kid, who was now frozen in fear. "Oh no, not him! Anyone but him again!" he began panicking before making his decision. "That is it, we are leaving right now!" He then leaped off of Wendy not even caring about getting wet and stomped back towards the cave entrance before Stan grabbed him by the shirt collar. "Oh no you don't squirt, you're coming with us whether you like it or not!" he yelled dragging him through the water while Liz and Patty led the way. "I already told you I'd get wet!" the symmetry-obsessed boy cried. "Who cares, we are finding this whatsit and getting outta here!" Finally making it to a domed chamber with a small stone platform in the middle and a sword implanted in it, Stan immediately got excited. "Neato, a sword! We could definitely use one of these!" he cried walking onto the platform and pulling on the weapon. "Good grief this is tough! Someone give me a lift here!" he called before Ford stepped up and grabbed the handle of the sword as well. "Now what could a sword be doing here?" "Yo when you get that out, can I have it as a souvenir?" Wendy asked. "No Wendy, no one's taking it as a souvenir unless you value your sanity!" Kid shouted pointing at her before trying to make a mad dash for the brothers. "DOOOO-OOOON'T PUUUU-UUULL IIIII-IIITTTT!" But he was too late. Stan and Ford finally pulled the sword free and it shone heavenly upon them. "CONGRATULATIONS TRAVELERS! I AM EXCALIBUR, THE GREATEST AND MOST STRONGEST WEAPON OF ALL!" a voice boomed for everyone to hear. "AS A REWARD FOR PULLING ME FROM THE STONE, I SHALL NAME ONE OF YOU MY NEW MEISTER!" The light descended upon the twins and gave way to reveal a small white creature standing before them. The creature had no mouth to speak of, his only facial features being a rather long nose and a pair of eyes staring blankly at the Pines. He wore a white top hat on his head with a matching frilled ruff & jacket and held a cane in his non-existent hand. "That's it, this is Excalibur?! Kinda expected him to be taller!" Stan commented trying to hold back laughter while his brother gazed in awe. "I cannot believe it, the sword of King Arthur himself, and we pulled it out of the stone!" "FOOL!" Excalibur shouted spooking the twins. "Why yes, I am indeed Excalibur, the strongest weapon in the world formerly wielded by King Arthur. And I see you've brought an old friend too." He then turned his gaze to Kid, already cringing at the sight of him. "Please Excalibur, I insist that I interview you!" Ford exclaimed dropping to his knees in excitement. "I want all the details, like Merlin, the Knights of the Round Table, the Holy Grail-" "FOOL! You're asking too much sir." the sword stated smacking Ford with his cane, making his nose jiggle. "So what makes you so afraid of him Kid? Other than actually being pretty rude." Wendy asked. "He must have some kind of latent power to incite anger in those he comes across!" Kid deduced pounding his fist into his palm. "Plus, he is of course disgustingly obnoxious. But I don't know what he is doing here, he's supposed to be in the Eternal Cave." "Why this is my summer home, it is very nice this time of year." Excalibur stated spinning around in a circle. "Now then my six-fingered muchacho, you said you wanted to hear my story?" he asked pointing his cane at Ford. "Why yes! Please tell us sir." Ford sat down on the platform and began listening intently to the sword's tale while the others did their own thing. "My legend dates back to the 12th century. It began on an intensely hot midsummer's day. Wait, it was a chilly autumn's day..."

"Grunkle Stan, Ford, Wendy, Kid! Where are you?" Dipper called for the aforementioned people as he, Mabel, Waddles, Maka, Soul and Crona scoured the forest for them. "They couldn't have gone far. We gotta get them back before we can continue on to Kishin Cipher." Maka declared. "Yeah but at this rate, what chance do we have? I mean, we've seen how strong Medusa's gotten thanks to him!" Soul replied. "Chances are whatever else he's gonna throw at us is gonna waste our asses!" "Don't say that Soul," Crona said. "even if the odds are against us, I know we can win in the end." he said before Ragnarok interjected. "Now that's my boy! You've grown much braver!" he shouted harshly rubbing his head. "Hey, stop it Ragnarok!" "But how can we contact anyone else now? She destroyed our flashlight and now we're separated from the others." Mabel wondered before she suddenly got an idea. "Wait, I think I have a sweater for that!" She took off her current shooting star sweater before swapping it with a lightbulb design that actually functioned as a light source when she pressed it. "Wow, that's really efficient!" Maka exclaimed. "Though don't you think it might become a fire hazard?" "No, it's a fun hazard." Mabel boldly declared. "Now let's get the band back together!" She raced off deeper into the woods before the others followed in hot pursuit. "We're coming guys!"

In another dark part of the forest, Soos, Melody, McGucket and Stein were trying to find a way out while Spirit panicked for his daughter. "Oh what am I going to do?! What if my little Maka is hurt or even dead?! This forest is just so dangerous, there could be predators or criminals out here!" Suddenly his worrying was silenced by Blair. "Oh don't worry big guy, I'm sure Maka's group is fine!" the sexy Monster Cat assured him. "Besides, she's still super strong!" "Oh thanks Blair." Spirit gratefully thanked her. "By the way, why were you so quiet lately?" he asked. "I dunno, I just couldn't find the right thing to say." Meanwhile Soos and Stein were trying to contact the others. "So what do you suppose we do doc?" the former handyman asked. "Why don't we just use the flashlight?" Melody suggested. "That is a great idea Ms. Melody. In fact, I'll try it right now." Stein pulled out the tool and turned it on for about a few seconds before it suddenly flickered out and died. "What the?!" "Sorry 'bout that dude, but if it makes you feel any better I packed spare batteries!" Soos tried to cheer him up by sifting through his backpack but finding no spares. "Oh right, I used up most of them for my radio." He pulled out a radio and turned on some music. "Am I blanchin'? Girl we blanchin'! I live up in a mansion!" "That actually is quite catchy, but let us not distract ourselves." Stein stated. "I suggest we sit here and wait until someone finds us." Just as he spoke, they spotted a faint light in the distance, which upon further inspection turned out to come from a sweater Mabel was wearing as Dipper, Maka, Soul, Crona and Waddles followed her. "Soos, Dr. Stein!" "Dudes! You're safe!" Soos cried scooping the twins in his arms. "Thought we lost you there." he said before Melody joined in on the hug and Blair glomped Soul. "I've missed you too Soul! I was worried you were hurt something fierce or-" "MAKA CHOP!" Maka screamed slapping Soul silly. "Okay, enough stalling. Now we need to find the others and proceed on our mission." Dipper stated. "Let's move out everyone!" With that, the nearly reassembled crew set off to find the other members.

"The one thousand provisions of the Holy Sword Excalibur. #618. When ordering food at a restaurant, always ask for many plates of breadsticks." Team Stan and Excalibur were now sitting at a fancy restaurant calmly waiting for their waiter to arrive. "So you brought us here to this place just so you can get some breadsticks?" Stan asked before the stereotypically French waiter arrived at their table. "Allo allo allo, vat can I get you?" "Okay, I'll have some linguini with a side of tea, Earl Grey, hot." Ford stated. "My scoundrel of a brother here will take some ratatouille. Our dark-haired companion and his fair maidens shall have the escargot, symmetrical of course and finally Ms. Corduroy will have the beef bourguignon." "Anything else mousier?" the waiter asked jotting down their order. "No, I think that's it." Wendy said before Excalibur hit her with his cane. "FOOL! You forgot one thing." he declared. "All right fine. The little guy here will take some breadsticks." "Make that 20 plates of breadsticks garcon." the Holy Sword added. "Mon dieu, that many?!" the waiter gasped. "Oh well, I shall make a note of it." He walked away leaving the patrons at their table. "Seriously, twenty breadsticks? Isn't that a little excessive?" Liz asked before she got a cane to the face. "FOOL! Nothing is too excessive." "I don't want to know what the bill will be like." Kid deadpanned. "Once they come with it, I suggest we say thanks for the food then run for it." Stan suggested. "#202. I can only accept the grandest of toilets." "Are you done yet Excalibur?! Other people need to go too!" Stan cried pounding on the door of a large duck where the sword did his business. "In fact, how can a guy like him go to the john when he doesn't have a hoo-ha or uh-oh?" "I can't take it anymore Grunkle Stan! I have to go now!" Dipper cried behind him doing a potty dance. "Just go behind a tree kid, simple as that!" "I get he wants his privacy," Ford stated standing before the duck. "but isn't this a bit much?" As it turned out, the duck had taken up a small part of Gravity Falls. "#75, Excalibur's birthday, which is everyday by the way, shall be celebrated in grand style." "Wait, everyday?! You must be like really old then!" Wendy exclaimed. "So what kind of cake do you prefer?" Stan asked looking over a catalogue of confectionary treats. "Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, banana, carrot, coconut, devil's food-" Suddenly Excalibur cut him off. "All of the above! It is my birthday after all."

"Black Star? Tsubaki?" Dipper called out for the ninja and his weapon. "Gideon?! Where are you guys?!" "Should we search for Stan and Kid first?" McGucket inquired crawling behind them. "You know, you've got a good point McG. Why don't we find them first?" Mabel responded. "We'll save them for last. Right now we need to get Team #4 back." Dipper stated. "Yeah but aren't we going out of order? Three comes before four y'know." Soos added. "Ditto." Soul replied. "Okay, change of plans. We'll find Stan, Ford and Kid first then Black Star and Gideon." the boy changed his mind and looked onward. "But where could they be?" Suddenly they heard a faint voice singing. "Excalibur, Excalibur! From the United King, I'm looking for heaven, I'm going to California!" the voice crooned. "What is that?" Maka wondered. "I think I know that voice from anywhere." Stein announced before his face distorted in disgust. "It's Excalibur." "Wait, the Excalibur?! As in King Arthur's sword?!" Dipper exclaimed cheerfully. "Please, I have got to see it in person, I just have to!" Just then, Stein simply commanded him to stop talking. "I admire your enthusiasm Dipper, but just so you know Excalibur can be very abrasive which explains why he doesn't have too many Meisters." "Yeah I have to agree dude, that face he made really gives me a bad feeling about this." Soos agreed with the strongest Meister before attempting to imitate the Excalibur face. "Y'know for some reason I can't make it myself." he stated. "Well we got no time to waste, let's find the others and get back on track!" Melody declared walking away from the group before the others followed her.

"#452, attendance of my five-hour story telling party is absolutely mandatory." Every character that has and will eventually appear in this story were now gathered around Excalibur while he told a story that went on for quite a while. As he continued narrating, the audience grew smaller over time until only Ford and Dipper were left. "That is all!" the sword declared to his two-man audience applauding his tale.

"Now if I were a wrinkly old man in a dark forest, where would I be?" Gideon pondered as he, Ghost Eyes, Black Star and Tsubaki searched the woods for the rest of the Mystery Meisters. "Probably taking a whiz, what else?" Black Star answered. "Or perhaps he just gave up and went back to the Shack." Ghost Eyes added. "I don't really think so guys. Mr. Pines may be old, but he most certainly isn't a quitter." Tsubaki disagreed with them. "Besides, did you see how he fought Medusa?! And he's only like fifty-something years old!" "Yep, a fifty-something year old man who found a way to ruin my reputation last summer." Gideon snarked before he pulled out their flashlight and flickered it twice to signal help. Suddenly it began to give out and finally died. "Uh, did we pack any batteries?" "Actually, I think Soos used up most of them." Black Star guessed before he randomly bumped straight into Soul, who was already with the twins, Maka and Crona. "Wait, Soul?!" he exclaimed staring at his friend. "Black Star?" "SOUL!" Black Star cried as the two ran towards each other with tears in their eyes and cherry blossom petals flying around before hugging tightly, still crying. "I thought you were a goner bro!" the last of the Star Clan sobbed. "Me too buddy!" Suddenly, the two of them were shot in the head by none other than Death the Kid. "Oops, finger slipped again. My mistake." "Kid? Then that must mean..." Mabel gasped before her great uncles and Wendy came into view behind him. "Hey kids, sorry it took so long." Stan nervously apologized before Dipper and Mabel rushed into their arms. "We were worried sick, where were you two?" the alpha twin asked. "Well we found this cave that had all these little fairies and this little annoying thing in a hat." Stan replied. "Oh look, here he comes now!" "Wait, little annoying thing in a hat? Oh no!" Black Star panicked before he found none other than Excalibur stepping out of the night shadows of the forest. "Long time no see!" the sword benignly greeted the party. "OH HELL NOOOOO!" Black Star screamed at the top of his lungs, echoing throughout the forest before Tsubaki stuck her hand over her partner's mouth. "Be quiet Black Star, Kishin Cipher could still be watching us." "So why did you bring him with you?!" Black Star demanded incredulously removing his weapon's hand and glaring at Black Star. "FOOL!" Excalibur shouted as usual. "Why it's actually the other way around. In exchange for learning my 1000 provisions, I would help your companions find you guys and here we are." "I can't believe it, the very Excalibur wielded by King Arthur! I have like a jillion questions for you!" Dipper exclaimed getting incredibly excited before he finally collapsed. "Hey Dipper, you all right?" Wendy asked waking him up. "Oh I'm fine Wendy. So how was meeting Excalibur." And that was when she, Stan, Ford and Kid all made the Excalibur face. "Painful." they answered. "And I guess we're pretty much stuck with him." Liz added transforming back into her human form. "And trust me, I've dealt with Patty's childishness and Kid's disorders to know how to survive this." "No time to waste everyone, let's find Pacifica!" Patty shouted transforming as well and pointing onward. "Yes, follow me everyone!" Excalibur exclaimed letting his cane lead the way. "For your information Excalibur, Dipper and I are supposed to be the leaders." Maka stated before she got a whack to the head from the Holy Sword. "FOOL! I actually know this town from top to bottom for some reason, so let me be the leader." As the Mystery Meisters dreadfully followed the Holy Sword onward to the former Northwest Mansion, a wolflike creature with a frog perched on its head watched them from behind a tree, its left eye glowing a hellish red and fangs showing as it snarled.

"Master Kishin Cipher, the enemy has now been led astray. There is no doubt your master plan will go uninterrupted." Medusa reported back to a large sack hanging under the hole in the roof before a crystal ball appeared from out of nowhere and showed the Mystery Meisters now reunited and on their way. "I greatly apologize for failing you oh great God of Weirdness and Madness, please tell me what I should do to redeem myself." There was dead silence until Kishin Cipher telepathically installed a new order within the witch's mind. "Understood." she accepted and walked over to the now lowered cage containing Pacifica Northwest. "Wake up little one." The former rich girl awoken and rubbed her eyes to find the witch towering over her with a cold frown on her face. "W-what are you going to do with me?" she whimpered curling up into a ball and trying to scoot away from her. "Why it's simple Llama," Medusa answered, her stoic expression turning into a manic grin. "we're going to prepare you.”

And that was Chapter 7, the aptly named Excalibur chapter! Just what is Medusa going to prepare Pacifica for and will our brave band of heroes save her in time while surviving Excalibur?! Find out on the next chapter of Gravity Soul! Review or I'll take your soul.