#am I overthinking? potentially

[broken-clover]

GUYS HOLY SHIT

The thought hit me that if the Teal Mask's plotline takes inspiration from the tale of Momotaro, that the Indigo Disk and its plot might *also* end up pulling from another Japanese folktale, Urashima Taro.

The story is about a man who rescues a small turtle

who is later carried off to a palace underneath the sea

which had four different views in different directions (corresponding to different seasons)

because the turtle he had rescued was secretly a princess in disguise (daughter of ryujin, god-emperor of the sea)

who later gave Urashima a magical crystal box/container that was never supposed to be opened but would offer him protection

I've seen some people be confused as to why the deity of terastralization is a turtle, but if this is the direction they're trying to go in, it suddenly makes so much more sense!

[cockadoodlebumtits]

OK, Dimension20 have to stop going back to Calorum now before we all run out of foods we can eat without emotional consequences.

That said:

[seventh-district]

not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

[altschmerzes]

ao3 tagging conundrums they will never end

[jankwritten]

yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit

i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.

i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.

this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them

[thatvampireenthusiast]

alright so like. the hollow creatures in book 3 dragesvard are Horrifying. and it is still unclear to me if they are merely mimics or something much, much worse. kord the dragonslayer said that the fungus just makes them somewhere but like. is the fungus making them *out of the deceased*? because we know from the sirius quest line that nature necromancy is a thing that exists, and we don't know what the spores do, and sure i'll accept that it could just be mimicry but the hollow dragonslayers have actual armor and spears and not just fungal approximations of them and anyways I Am Afraid

[phantomsaboteur]

staring so intensely at diasomnia tonight. trying to figure out how to write them when we're following rollo's perspective and not my own. fuck

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

would it seem weird/sus to go up to the guy I like on a youth group hike where we're both leaders and just start talking to him out of the blue

[swaggycheese]

What did he mean by this

[tracle0]

hello I am wandering into your askbox with request for A Ramble :D I have been thinkin about He (Cain) because I am a longtime member of the Cain fanclub n wanted to know if you could talk about his schizophrenia a little? I remember bits and bobs from way back when but ye I just wanna hear more about it, n whether it's changed since you first created him :3 also what's his favourite colour?

Ahh Cain yeah! He’s a guy I can! For sure chatter about him. For sure. You have indeed been a long term member, and I? Think? You were? What inspired me to give him? Schizophrenia? Man that’s wild. Mm. Okay! 

Cain himself has changed a lot since I first made him (which was! Maybe? Five years ago now?), and his schizophrenia has changed alongside that. Originally, when I talked about him more, he was a computer hacker and a bundle of paranoia and fresh prison escapee. These days, he’s? Mostly? Just a guy? Aspiring penetration tester, current psychology student, darling and wonderful twin brother.

In terms of his schizophrenia, it’s… mmm. Less? There? In the main main storyline? It’s mentioned and relevant at times for sure. A snippet from when he gets possessed that brings it up, here:

(I'm writing on my phone and have been for the past few months, it's the only thing that works these days, shhh).

So like. It’s bought up. He’s aware of it and sceptical of things, including things that get in his head and starts to try to tell him to do something, buuuuuut the infection is also in his head and, as a result, also aware of it and works around it and/or with it to get what it wants. As you can see, distinguished itself as separate from other hallucinated voices very quickly, cements itself as something to be trusted and listened to and, in time, obeyed, using anything it has at its disposal. Which is primarily, control and influence over his mind. 

So like. Example. Cain is sometimes paranoid about food - where it comes from, what’s in it, and how it could harm him. It’s something he’s worked on for a while, but when possessed, he starts to go “um hey actually I should stop this very long mission across the country and eat or sleep maybe?” It’s like. Hahahahaha!!! No???? What??? No!!! Keep going!!!! And just. Flickers that old paranoia until he’s like oh yeah you’re totally right I’ll keep going nvm 

At other times, though, the infection finds his schizophrenia to be a problem! A deterrent from what it needs doing - he’s spending energy and resources and thought on these delusions or worries, he’s struggling to speak correctly, and he’s not entirely trusting it as much as he should. So it. Just. Removes the symptoms. It’s a. Balance between what is useful to it, and what is a problem to it. 

The? Infections' main goal is to get to various statues of gods across the country. Anything that detracts from that is a problem. Cain needing to eat is a problem, so it removes the need for that. Cain needing to rest is a problem, so it removes the need for that. Cain struggling to get the right words across to tell someone they need to let him pass is a problem, so it removes that. 

This acts as a red flag for Theo nd Raya, our lovely main characters, in realising something is deeply wrong with Cain after being possessed - he’s usually apathetic, very blank face a lot of the time. With this infection (it’s, uh, name is the Blight I’m just gonna say that haha), he starts to express more, which very much concerns them, because he doesn’t. He doesn’t do that???? If he’s comfortable with you he’ll just :| or >:| and be happy with that? Why is he smiling? Why is he snarling? That’s? Not? Right?????? 

I will also say that his schizophrenia is quite important to the. Backstory? Context? … Lore???? The background of Theo nd Cains's relationship. Theo, obviously, is a prophet, the last voice of the gods, seer of the past and future. All these fun things that he hates. He reports these as voices and visions he sees in his dreams and trudges through life, irked that he has to manage them. At first, Cain is. Indifferent about them. Just a thing Theo does, who cares. When he starts to hear voices, he starts to care a little more, though. Asks questions about it. Gets the details. And slowly, a delusion starts to form that - hey, your brother is a prophet. So are you. Listen to these voices, hear what the universe tells you, it’s important. 

It is made about a million times worse by the fact that, upon hearing this thought, Theo encourages it. 

He’s got this Thing that he’s been alone with for so long, to have someone - his brother, even! - Share in it? A dream come true! (Not that kind of dream). So Cain spirals a fair bit, struggles a fair bit, is finally caught for what the problem is and, to a degree, shuns his brother. Doesn’t… actively blame him, because he can recognise that he didn’t do it maliciously, but the damage was still done and he was absolutely a catalyst in it. Theo is asked to leave home. Theo leaves home. Comes back for a visit, is a day late, and - ah, Cain is mistaken for his brother, kidnapped, and possessed by the Blight in his place. And then we kick off our plot.

So like? The story is very much about the final echoes of a dead religion, the prophet sent to try and preserve it, and the inhumanity he faces as a result of what he was born as. It's very much a story of this divine infection, created for a specific purpose and then hated for fulfilling it, discarded and left to rot, and its next attempt to be noticed, to be loved. And it's very much a story about the incredible damage someone close to you can do with all good intentions, and a process of forgiveness for? Both? Brothers? Sorry I sent you away. Sorry I hurt you like that. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

That got. Long. My bad. Uh! Colour! Cain is actually fully colour-blind, so? He? Doesn't have one. During his possession, the Blight sloooooowly gives him the ability to see golds and yellows, because that's the colour it claims, so? Gold? I suppose? Is his default favourite :)?

[hospice-worker]

help

[quarantineddreamer]

So last night through some anxiety googling I learned I’m not supposed to have anything with grapefruit while on this medicine because it can lead to like an intestinal tear or somethin based on how it interacts with the drug.

But literally NO ONE told me this and I think I’ve been on this med for 6 something months now??

Do you know how many times husband is like “try this cocktail I made, I added grapefruit bitters etc etc” like I married someone who is a mad scientist in the kitchen I need to know this info sooner 💀

[spockulative]

why??? are men??? so excellent??? unfair

[saltysatellite804]

Idk if I'm being offputting on this blog or if tumblr is just getting less busy lately, but I apologize again for my depression. I don't really know how to like, balance it. I dont know how to not be offputting as a person. I'm trying my best. It feels weird to just, exist on here normally after a breakdown. Its humiliating too. I know I should stop but when I'm down I guess some part of me hopes for some relief here? I dont really know if this post is worth making but I just. Guess I feel obligated to try to explain myself.

[kelsonius]

I don't really have any followers, go look at my page! Perceive how good of a person I am! Wait, does that mean I'm virtue signalling? This still needs to be shared for traction of the original post though. Then come look at how funny I am! To some people at least, probably. But who am I to ask for their attention, we already get information overload with content and ads every time we look at any device. Maybe just take a look at a post of mine then? We could be potential friends! But can an online friendship ever reach the same depth as a real one? And I need to be careful I don't share too many personal details in case they have bad intentions. I'm already oversharing in my tags anyway though, and I'm sure the major tech companies already have all my data. Well, hope this post adds value to the day of whoever sees it! Such hubris, I'm going to get smote? smitten? smited? with karmic justice...

[scarletcomet]

i've just been trying to pass the time until my appointment with a new therapist on Monday, but what happens after that? one appointment isn't going to fix anything. i can go in and ask how do i keep getting through each day, but that's not actually going to make anything easier or make me want to kill myself less. this appointment is probably a mistake anyway. i want to tell someone about how i've been feeling, but I'm not sure i want help. i don't want to get better. i just want to die, but the problem is that i can't, so i need help because i don't know how much longer i can keep getting through each day. the only thing i can think of that might help me stay alive is if i were to go to the hospital. i don't want that though. i don't think im suicidal enough to even get admitted to a psych ward though because i don't really have any intent (i wish I did)