#and I am going to show you how to start blogging today. I have been building blogs and websites since 2002. In that time I have launched se

[dnalt-d2]

Recent Egg Developments, How I Feel About It, and What I'm Doing After

Alright I'm gonna stop being sad for like two minutes, or at least long enough to explain what exactly happened for those who missed it

So we had the Murder Mystery Event today, and a lot of people showed up. It was really fun, and we really enjoyed it

And then, after it was over, Richarlyson informed us that he was leaving QSMP. He did not give a reason as far as I know, and I don't think it's smart or fair to speculate. I have my own ideas as to why, but I know that sharing them wouldn't be productive

Not long after, over on Phil's stream, Chayanne and Lullah informed us that they were leaving as well. They did talk pretty vaguely about "The next time they wake up," but this could have likely been some flowery language and not literal. There's a strong chance they will not wake up in QSMP again

As of now, Pepito and Leo are the only Eggs confirmed to still be part of the project, but I'm not really sure what the future will hold for them

Like I said before, I am personally hoping this is a sort of indefinite hiatus. Like they're leaving and there's a strong chance they won't come back, but there could be a non-zero chance sometime in the future. I would not get my hopes up for this though, because the chances of that happening are most likely very slim

I am honestly really sad about this development, but we all knew this couldn't last forever. I wish we had a better resolution, but this is how things are for now. I don't know if this is related to the Admin Situation or not, but again, since that hasn't been confirmed, we shouldn't speculate. It's just as possible that they felt they were done with this chapter of their life, which is entirely fair. I will never hold this decision against them, and I really hope others don't either. I wish them the best, and I wish you all the best as well, QSMPblr

Because I'm honestly not sure where I'm gonna go from here. Chayanne and Lullah were a huge reason I was so invested with QSMP, and the same goes for all the other Eggs. And while I'd love to say that I'll definitely stick around 100%, I'm just not sure I'll do that. I guess we'll see, but if I start petering out after this, know that I had a hell of a time over here

I've never been part of a fandom to this capacity before, and I had a hell of a time. Theorizing, ranting, sharing my thoughts, it was all a blast. And I wanna say that I might not have interacted with others due to anxiety, but I was always so happy to see that people liked what I had to say, and seeing that some people were coming back for it, or going through my blog and liking everything. I may have never said anything, but I saw you, and I appreciate you all so much

I might start talking about more non-QSMP Stuff here too, so if anyone who followed me JUST for QSMP, sorry. But I don't want this blog to die out, because it's been such a fun chapter for me. It might be a new chapter now, but I'm still gonna be here for it

Thanks again everyone. Thanks Egg Admins, Non-Egg Admins, QSMP Creators, QSMPblr, and Everyone else in-between

And of course, Thanks Quackity, for making such an incredible experience

It's been a wild ride

[bluejutdae]

“Oh, let there be hotel complaints” | Chan x you

warnings: nsfw, D/s dynamics, face and pussy slapping, overstimulation, mention of safewords, Daddy kink.

This is just Chan brain rot and my mind gently suggested me the image of first time inexperienced Dom Chan who wants to try some BDSM but he’s too scared to hurt you so he decides he’a going to try on himself all that he’s gonna do to you…

Title from Dinner & Diatribes by Hozier

Chan has had plenty of vanilla sex, but then you introduced him to BDSM, and especially the concepts of Doms and Subs, and something switched in him. He started reading online forums and blogs. And when the topic arose again, he clearly told you he’s interested, but he won’t do it yet. Because the thing is: despite how hard even just reading stuff about it makes him, he has no experience, and he won’t risk hurting you.

So, he does what any good Dom should do in his eyes, he tries things on himself.

One day you turn home to find his face red and a bit swollen, but when you ask about it, he just distracts you with filthy kisses. What you don’t know is that he slapped and slapped and slapped himself until he deemed he had found the right strength to use.

Another day he disappears for the whole afternoon and, when you see him in the living room, he looks flushed and a little exhausted, but giddy. Just like Changbin when he maxes out at the gym and he’s incredibly tired but proud of himself. What you don’t know is that he spent the afternoon edging himself with a vibrator on his shaft and his tip and, after hours of denying himself, he came and proceeded to overstimulate himself, because it’s only logical to pair up the two experiences, right?

What you noticed though, is that there’s a change in him. He’s more assertive with you on some days, makes sure you eat and doesn’t let you go to sleep if you haven’t removed your makeup. Pushes you to sleep more when he knows you have had a bad day at work, and every time you comply and thank him for taking care of you, he kisses a little filthier, holds you a little firmer.

It’s months later when he asks if you can try something kinkier. You’re excited and happy and you start to mentally prepare yourself to be a good teacher without forgetting this is about pleasure. But then Chan shows you exactly how deep the still water runs deep.

“You’re gonna sit there” he says and he’s so commanding yet sexy you melt instantly. “And we’re gonna have a quick talk. Nothing too extreme is going to happen today, but I need to establish some rules”. You nod in response, and he looks at you with his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. “You’re gonna use your pretty words, baby girl.” That’s it. Not a suggestion, not an option, a rule. Fuck, you knew he would be good at this.

“I understand.”

He’s quick with the rules: you must verbally answer, you’re gonna use the traffic light system for now, you must use the safe word if you need to, and the moment you think something’s wrong he’s gonna stop. You also must ask for what you want, not just take it.

Not too long later you’re on the bed, shirt previously discarded and clad only in your panties. And Chan is completely dressed, hovering over you. He’s been kissing you deeply and touching you just enough to make you want so much more. You’re embarrassingly wet and you’re sure you’ll have to throw away your panties. He’s holding your crossed arms at the wrists and, in doing so, he’s holding you down. You try to buck and raise your ass to relieve some of the dull aching you’re feeling in your core. “C’mon Channie, touch me.”

“But I am touching you…” he replies with a smirk on his lips. His free hand caresses your face, and he tests the gives of your lower lip with his thumb. When you suck on it, though, he takes it away and shakes his head. “What did I say?” You are lost, what happened? Did he say something?

“You’re just a cockhungry whore, uh? You can’t even wait for me to give you something, you’re so greedy you just want to take and take.”

Oh.

The realization in your face makes Chan smile. “There it is… tell me what you did wrong, and I might consider going easy on you.”

“I didn’t ask to suck your thumb-” he knows there’s something you want to add, he knows about your Daddy kink. And it turns him so fucking on, but he’s not gonna press about it. He considers your words and considers just letting it slide, but there’s flames licking at his insides.

“Too bad you didn’t ask, uh?”

Sudden, sharp pain irradiates on your left cheek and it’s less the pain and more the surprise that makes you gasp and, less than a second later, moan. Chan wants to apologize, years of conditioning making him feel guilty and mean and abusive, but he can’t deny what he feels.

He grabs your face, fingers splayed where he slapped mere seconds ago, wet thumb digging into the opposite cheek and kisses you messy and filthy, sucking your tongue in his mouth. Chan removes the last piece of clothing you have on and sits on his knees, with his thighs slightly spread apart. He holds your legs open with firm hands, one on your calf and the other clamped around your knee. He’s just… staring at your pussy. You try to squirm away and close your legs, but his eyes are suddenly on you. There’s a warning in his face that accompanies a displeased sound. “Sorry, sorry, I’m sorry” you blurt out trying to repair something before you do too much damage. You can feel wetness dripping down your folds, and Chan can too. “You’re so wet. Fuck, you love being on display for me…” He has never felt this. There’s a power rush, a shiver starting from his spine and moving towards opposite endings: towards his brain, making him lose words and making him want to act up, want to deliciously destroy you, making a mess of you and then put you back together; and on the other ending, traveling south towards his cock and balls. He’s been ready to cum the moment he sat you down and you agreed to do this.

“Love, are you just going to stare at me?” You ask when you grow too impatient to keep sitting still, a bit embarrassed too by his too focused staring. He shakes his head, and there is a quiet chuckle that can be heard in the room. His lips raise in a slow smirk, like he’s just been made aware of a secret, and you didn’t. And maybe he did.

Chan made plans for tonight. Plural. You told him you like not knowing everything in advance, so he planned different plans based on your responses to his actions. It was harder than organizing recording sessions. But since he saw your reactions earlier, he decides to stick to a precise plan. So, he acts in it.

Quickly and hard he delivers a slap on your inner thigh, the pain is a delicious sensation, hot and cold at the same time. A moment later the skin reddens to show Chan’s handprint and if possible, his cock gets ever harder. It twitches a little from where it’s hidden, head flushed and red, slowly but constantly leaking precum, forming a wet stain on his slacks .

“Fuck Chan!” You cry to his direction, eyes closed shut and brows knit in pleasure. You can feel heat where he hit you, and you want to press your fingers into it, wanting to feel the warmth and the pain and the pleasure. The moment you are ready to ask him for something, he delivers another slap in the same place. This time, though, Chan doesn’t let you breathe it out, doesn’t let you take your time to recover from it, no. He rakes his nails on your hot skin, watches as the skin quickly goes from red to white and to an even redder red where he scratched you. Digs his digits into your skin and revels in your gasps, feeling hot and ready to lose control, if a wind would blow in the room, he would cum in an instant. He’s ready for your next moan, your next gasp, but you’re quiet and your legs are trembling, and he’s scared he’s gone too far. He’s on the verge of apologizing, carrying you to the bathroom for a warm bath and cuddles and more apologies when he realizes he read you wrong. He didn’t give you too much, he gave you exactly what you needed, because -unbelievably so, for him- you’re coming. Clit untouched and your sopping hole twitching and throbbing around nothing, but you’re clearly coming. This is a different one, though. You’ve never been quiet while having an orgasm, but watching you with more attention calms him down, you look fine. He kisses you from your thigh to your cheekbone, stopping to nibble at your nipples, tongue lapping at your skin and sucking quick marks on you. “My pretty slut” a kiss on the nose, “you’re so greedy” a kiss on the right cheek, “your little pussy came untouched” a kiss on the forehead, “now I must give it some attention” a kiss on your chin. “Tell me your color?” He adds, tone sweeter and a hand caressing your face like you’re made of the finest glass.

“Green”. A smile appears on his face and he manhandles you to straddle his slacks covered thigh. Your wetness is seeping through the fabric, you squirm and he can see you’re embarrassed. “I told you I was gonna give it some attention. I want my baby girl to feel good.” He grabs you by your hips and forces you to move and grind your pussy on the fabric of his slacks. One of his hands sneaks into your hair and he pulls, stopping you from hiding into his neck. “No hiding. And stop hiding all your pretty sounds from me.”

The pleasure mixed with the overstimulation are overwhelming, and Chan’s new role is playing a big role in the moment and your arousal. His fingers are probably going to leave bruises in your skin, and you can’t wait to stand in front of a mirror to see them. Chan hands guide you back and forth and soon you’re clenching around nothing, “m’close Channie”, too desperate to control your movements.

“It’s okay, my baby. Just ask for it.” His hard cock is begging to be touched, still in the confines of his underwear and trousers. Yet, he has never been this hard and close to coming untouched. Your moans, the redness on your cheeks, the sweat matting your hair to your forehead and your incessant moans and cries of pleasure are making him lose his mind.

“Please Channie, can I cum?” You pant. “Let me cum, Daddy.” The last word is whispered, muffled into his shoulder but he hears it anyway. And he understands why you like it, the name giving him power, giving him a specific role, giving him the chance to give you exactly what you need.

“Then cum for Daddy.”

He watches you as cum, hands guiding your movements and his muscles flexing to give you as much pleasure as he can. He loves you like this, unabashed and free, vulnerable just for him.

But having you moaning and screaming his name is not enough. He doesn’t stop when you try to take a moment to collect yourself, he fixes his hold on your hips and forces your movements again. Back and forth, back and forth, again and again and it doesn’t matter how loud you whine, it doesn't matter your overstimulation, what matters now is making you cum another time. Anytime he pushes you towards him, he also pushes you down, setting an unforgiving pace that is torture on your sensitive clit. He’s relentless, but after just a few minutes you’re both rewarded with your legs clamping down on his thigh as you cum again. Unbelievably so, watching your second orgasm triggers his own orgasm and he moans your name loudly. He kisses you, messy and hungry, lips demanding and tongue insistent, claiming even your breath.

You’re gripping his shirt so hard, your fingers hurt. He delicately lays you down onto the bed and kisses you softly. As soon as his breathing comes back to normal, his worries come back too.

“Are you okay, baby? Did I hurt you? Was it too much? What do yo-“ you interrupt him with silly, quick kisses, trying to diminish his worries.

“I am more than okay.” A kiss. “I feel perfect.” A kiss. “You were perfect.” A kiss. “You’re always perfect, love.” A kiss. “I love you.” A kiss.

You kiss some more and he insists on showering together so he can take care of you and make sure you drink water and eat some fruit and chocolate. He tells you all about trying on himself what he did to you, and you’ve never loved him more.

[sleep-0-deprived]

Step dad Toji . F x bottom male reader

Female aligned Dni 18+ only content below, all ageless blogs will be blocked and I hope you all enjoy ;}

Warning daddy kink, breeding kink, overstimulation if you squint, sub/dom dynamic,age gap the reader is over 18 but you can choose the exact age

Today was a perfectly normal day beside the fact that I am being forced to have dinner with my moms new husband, “honey come down stairs” I heard my mom yell “be right their” I responded while hurriedly putting some body spray and deodorant on “honey I want you to meet your new step dad Toji” mom said pointing to a tall muscular man in a tight black shirt “nice to meet you, I’ve heard great things about you” toji spoke with a grin looking the other male up and down “I bet” I said feeling disinterest in the whole situation. I follow mom and my new step dad into the kitchen, sitting down at the table while mom walks off into the kitchen to start dinner “so what do you like to do in your free time?” Toji ask me “nothing much mainly f/h” I said while being blunt “oh that seems fun” Toji said grinning at me “it is” just as I said that my mom walked through the dinning room doors “dinner is ready” she said smiling I just want to get this over with and get back to my room but I can’t deny that Toji looks good I thought as I ate my food while listening to my mom make small talk with me. Finally dinner was over and I go to my room and lay on my bed while scrolling through my phone for a little while or so I thought I look over at the clock seeing the time “it’s already 11:00” I say shocked at how long it’s been, well I guess it’s going to be a late night shower tonight I think while walking into my bathroom “god it’s cold in here” I whisper while turning the shower on and letting it get hot. I slowly take my clothes off and look at myself in the foggy mirror before I get into the hot shower “this feels nice” I grumble as I let the water run down my back “I bet” I heard Toji say “what are you doing in here?” I feel my heart start beating faster and faster “just enjoying the show baby” the man said while licking his scar “what aren’t you supposed to be with mom right now” I gasp out while seeing him start taking his clothes off “well she fell asleep and I thought I could use a shower” he spoke while getting in the shower with me “and just what are you planning?” I say trying to pretend I don’t like this “I’m getting a shower” the larger man spoke teasing me. Toji took his large hands and ran them over my body only stopping at my thighs “god your so fucking pretty, you have no idea how much I wanted to bend you over the table and fuck you at dinner, especially when you were being bratty” the older man groaned while lifting me up with ease and pushing me against the shower walls “ahh~” I groaned as I felt the pleasure of Toji sucking my nipples until they become red and puffy

“just like that~” I moaned wanting more “your so desperate already and for your step dad, what a sick little boy you are” Toji spoke while I tried to grind myself onto him but to no avail Toji gripped my hips tightly and held them in place while not letting me move “god your so fucking desperate like a damn whore” he degraded me while rapping one hand around my head and passionately kissing me, only leaving bite marks and bruises on my body while he takes the hand from around my waist and starts stroking my dick “hahh~” I yelp out in pleasure “your so naughty, letting your step dad give you a handjob in the shower? Oh what would your mom think of you if she knew you wanted your step dad” Toji whispered in my ear while nibbling on my neck “I know it’s wrong but it all feels so damn good” I think, feeling my thoughts cloud over with Haley bliss “I’m so close toji~” I moan out while bucking my hip into his hands “since I’m your step dad you better start calling me daddy” The much older man said with a demanding voice while speeding up his pace and stroking my dick faster than before with more pressure behind it “I’m gonna cum~” I scream out while thick white strings of my semen shoot on toji’s chest and stomach but quickly getting washed off by the now cold water “how about we continue this in your room since the water is cold now?” Toji grunted out “yes please” I spoke with a broken voice. Without hesitating Toji swiftly turned the shower off and carried me to my bed

Toji soon laid me down onto my bed and snapped me out of my trance “face down ass up baby” Toji shot me his signature grin while licking his scar, I waist no time in rolling on my stomach and I soon feel on finger coated in saliva prod into my hole “god your so tight, are yo a virgin?”he asks me “yes” I whispered, my face feeling flush with embarrassment “oh well I guess I’m lucky aren’t I?” And before I could say anything he swiftly shoved two mor fingers in “hahh~” I scream at the three large fingers fucking into my virgin hole. soon I become used to the feeling and it soon turning into pleasure “right there~” I groan feeling Toji hit my prostate “looks like I found it” toji grunted while pulling his fingers out and earning a needy whine from me “don’t worry I’ll be filling that pretty little hole of yours very soon with something better” before I could speak Toji bottomed out “ngh~” I scream in pain “don’t worry it will all turn into pleasure soon baby” Toji grunted out while starting to move his hips and slowly thrusting into me “yes please right there~” I groaned out as Toji nailed into my prostate “damn your such a fucking slut I’ve just started and your already cock drunk” Toji said in a stern voice while snapping his hips har against mine “yes please I’m your slut daddy~” I moaned in my pillows and gripping my sheets while he railed me from behind “your taking daddy’s cock so well, I just my have to turn you into my personal cock sleeve~” Toji groaned out “yes please turn me in to your cock sleeve daddy~” I moan out as Toji pounds into me, nailing my prostate head on with every thrust “ahh~” I scream out as Toji starts stroking my dick in rhythm to his thrusts almost like he is milking me dry “hahh I’m soo close daddy~” I scream “I’m close too baby boy just hold out a little longer~” Toji groans out with his thrusts becoming faster and harder, fucking me so hard all I see is stars “I’m gonna cu~” before the moans left my lips I came all over my sheets and my cum pumps onto them with a few more thrusts Toji cums inside me, letting his hot seed fill me up. Soon I collapse on my bed “what are you doing I’m no where near done yet it’s only 12:50 I’m no where near done breeding that hole of yours yet pretty boy” Toji groans as he flips me on my back and shoved his dick back into my burning hole and starts thrusting again “oh god faasterr~” I moaned out as my dick started to get hard again “such a fucking slut aren’t you baby?” Toji asks as he rams into me over and over again hitting my prostate head on every time “yes yes I’m your slut daddy please fill me with your cum~” I beg the older man as he continues to relentlessly pound my burning hole “I’m close please~” I moaned out while feeling my third orgasm approach “I’m almost there too just hold on baby~” Toji grunted out as he picked the pace up and started fucking me at an inhuman pace, gripping my hips hard enough for bruises and rearranging my guts ��I’m cumming~” I shout as my cum shot on toji’s muscular chest “I’m going to breed your hole so full of my cum that you’ll be filled for a week~” Toji groaned with a final thrust, letting his cum fill me up for the second time tonight.

[solaariia]

the self-concept

hellour! this is gonna be a long post!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

i was studying for my social psychology course today (for context i'm a psych major) and read something that might be helpful for everyone who's been having doubts about manifestation subconsciously being part of our everyday lives—as opposed to something made up by the internet.

the information i'm about to provide is from actual sociologists and psychologists, so this is rooted in studies. i promise i'm not about to pull info out of my ass! this is mainly just a very very brief summary of the self concept chapter we're reading about in class.

side note, i named all the researchers in case you wanna check out their work yourself! i made this post to provide insight about our self-concept and clear limiting beliefs. :)

what is self-concept?

so we hear the term self-concept a lot in the manifestation community. Neville, Edward, Sammy, Dr Joe Dispenza, bloggers on tumblr… all of them talk about it all the time. but what does it actually mean?

the self-concept refers to the total sum of beliefs that people have about themselves. it consists of cognitive molecules that social psychologist Hazel Markus called self-schemas. these are the beliefs about ourselves that guide the processing of self relevant information. but what does this actually mean?

well, self-schemas are to the self-concept what books are to a library. if someone asks about yourself, you will probably answer with something quick like: “i am a woman” or “i am a student.” those simple attributes are part of your self-schema; if we want to go deeper, body weight is also a self-schema. for people who regard weight as a crucial part of their beliefs, something simple like a gym trip with friends or buying stuff at the supermarket may trigger thoughts about the self. but if a person is aschematic (not concerned by a certain attribute) about body weight, no thoughts will pop up.

we already know that the self is a special object of our attention. whether its a thought or a song, our consciousness is like a spotlight. this means that it can shine on one object at one point in time, yet shift rapidly from one object to another and process information outside of awareness. in this spotlight, the self is at the forefront of our minds. its what's most important to us at that moment. keep this in mind for later!

to finish with the explanations, neurologist Oliver Sacks highlighted two important points about the self:

🩷 there is a private “inner” self, and an “outer” self we show to others. if we don’t self reflect to understand how were feeling, how will we understand our emotions and actions?

🩷 the self is heavily influenced by social factors.

now–what does that last point mean? well, what we think about ourselves is rooted from childhood. if we grow up hearing “you’ll never amount to anything” or “you’re my favorite child” (extreme examples i know), then that's what we’ll ingrain in our self-concept. this notion brings me to the fun stuff–the studies!

is self-concept scientifically proven?

psychologist Gordon Gallup performed a series of studies where he put animals in front of a mirror to test if they could recognize themselves. at first, they vocalized and greeted themselves in the mirror (my dog did this too when he was a pup, he would bark at his own reflection and play with it), but after several days, only great apes seemed capable of self recognition, using the mirror just like any other human would. grooming themselves, making faces… in short, they recognized themselves!

why do i bring this experiment up? well, this proves that the concept of “me” is necessary to define our self-concept. we must first recognize ourselves as Something to become Someone.

using that same study in humans, this process of self-recognition begins between 18-24 months. which means that from this point onwards we start to define Self (consciousness).

you might read this and–admittedly–think: “oh this blog post hasn’t said anything about manifestation!” true, but i want to present the basics or self-concept first to understand how it affects our daily thoughts!

there was another experiment we talked about in one of my lectures (i do not remember who performed this study specifically, but Dr Patrick Heck did one similar to this one and the results were the same), where participants were told to take a test. half of them were told to boast about themselves, and the rest were instructed to describe themselves modestly. naturally, participants who spoke highly of themselves scored higher on these tests than participants who didn’t. so… you all see where i’m going with this.

remember how i said to keep the “consciousness is a spotlight” paragraph in mind? i’ll finally touch on it with this next and last thing i’m gonna talk about (in this post at least!).

we already established that the first step in the evolution of our self-concept is the ability to recognize ourselves as Someone. the second step, however, involves social factors. sociologist Charles Horton Cooley introduced the term looking-glass self to suggest that other people serve as a mirror in which we see ourselves. and another sociologist by the name of George Herbert added that the only way to know ourselves is by imagining the opinions of our significant others and applying them to our self-concepts. sounds familiar?

how do i change my self-concept?

Neville mentioned the “mirror-self” on his conferences too. he said that one of his favorite techniques to better his Self was to imagine a loved one speaking kindly of himself. in his book Your Faith is Your Fortune, Neville wrote: “Stop trying to change the world since it is only the mirror. Man’s attempt to change the world by force is as fruitless as breaking a mirror in the hope of changing his face. Leave the mirror and change your face. Leave the world alone and change your conceptions of yourself. The reflection then will be satisfactory.”

since the self-concept is a library (our perception of Self) made out of self-schemas (books brought to us by our peers), we can see that sometimes, what we think of ourselves is just an amalgamation of beliefs implanted to us by the people in our lives. so if we were given these books we don’t like, why should we keep them in our library?

to change these negative beliefs we have about ourselves, all we have to do is replace them with positive ones. i know, i know, this is what every person who studies loa and manifestation regurgitates over and over. its nothing that hasn’t been posted to numerous blogs or twitter threads before.

however, the point about this whole post is to tell you why that is the only way to change your self-concept. if your daily thoughts are filled with phrases like: “my sp doesn’t want me” and “i’m so broke” or “what’s the point? this is all worthless anyways.” STOP. DROP. CHANGE.

journal. write your limiting beliefs in your ipad, paper, wood, stone–whatever.

use your hands to apply muscle memory. once you have them, CROSS THEM OUT!

i can’t manifest = I CAN MANIFEST EVERYTHING I WANT

i hope i shift tonight = I KNOW I SHIFT EVERY NIGHT

i wish i had money = I HAVE ALL THE MONEY I WANT AND MORE

just those small changes are enough to rewire your entire self-concept. also, exposure. the more exposure you have to something, the more insecure it will make you. if you’re having a hard time manifesting, remove all blogs, twitter accounts, and people that limit your beliefs. less exposure to negativity = less negativity reflected in your self-concept.

problems with the Self will always be there. if you remove a negative belief, another will pop up. all you can do is learn more about your “inner” self and recognize how you’re feeling. what you can do is focus on the positives, and automatically, your self-concept will change.

persist in the assumption until it becomes your reality!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

thank you all for making it this far! just in case, the book i got this information from is Social Psychology 11th Edition authored by Kassin, Fein and, H.R. Markus. there’s a lot of interesting information on this academic book that is similar to the ones Dr Joe Dispenza has written, so i could make another post like this in the future! take care!

[wildemaven]

he makes life better | joel miller

-> pairing: no outbreak!joel miller x reader

-> word count: 1335

-> content warning: 18+ blog; bad day, annoyed with work, dealing with flat tire, joel being sweet, lots of fluff

-> note: this is for my sweet friend @gnpwdrnwhiskey hoping this brings a smile to her face 💞 this isn’t beta’d either so it’s probably filled with mistakes lol.

masterlist

Joel ❤️: How’s your day going Honey?

I’m so ready for my shift to be over. I’d rather read the dictionary, front to back, than deal with the shit they have me doing today. 

RING

“That bad, huh?” Joel’s voice brings you an instant smile when you answer his call, silently stepping away from the mess that you were dealing with at work. 

“You have no idea. It already feels like it’s been the longest week, today has just added to the shit show life keeps throwin’ at me lately. Went to leave for work this morning and I had a flat tire. Ugh! I’m sorry for complaining.” You vent to him, tucking yourself in a secluded corner. You were going against policy by taking a personal call while on the clock, but you didn’t care about company policy or the outcome of you were to get caught at the moment— Joel was your only focus right now. 

“Hey, none of that. Don’t apologize for being stressed. Why didn’t ya call me ‘bout your tire?” Joel asked. 

You know he would’ve dropped everything the minute did call him, which is also why you didn’t. He had been stressing over starting at a new job site, one of the biggest ones he had been hired for. The last thing you wanted was to add to his already busy day of things he had to deal with. 

“You’d already left for work and had that new job you’ve been talkin’ about. Didn’t wanna bother you with it. I called AAA and had them put the spare on for me so I could drop it off at the tire shop. Now, I’m unexpectedly the owner of 4 new tires.” 

“I don’t care how busy I am— you need something, you call me, no matter what. Got that, Honey?” 

“Got it, Joel. Thank you.” You smile into the phone at his concern for you, always finding ways to make you fall even deeper in love with him. 

“Good. Hey, I gotta go. Tommy looks like he’s about ready to break his back. I should probably go help him before he actually does and my insurance takes a hit. I’ll see ya tonight then, sweetheart?” 

“Yeah. I should be outta here in 3 hours.” The end to your long shift, almost over. 

“That sounds great! I love you, Honey. I’ll see ya later.” You can faintly hear Tommy cursing in the background. 

“Love you too, Joel.” You tell him before the line goes dead. Giving yourself a few minutes of quiet before heading back to join your team and the never ending line of customers. 

The rest of your shift goes by fairly quickly. Joel’s phone call must have been just the moral boost you needed to sprinkle a little bit of extra positivity into your day.

The minute the clock hit 5 pm, you wasted no time clocking out and logging out of your computer for the day. Deliberately bypassing your usual exit path to avoid any chatty coworkers, Joel and home your main focus of the rest of your day, you weren’t going to waste any time stuck in drawn out conversations. 

Your purse thrown over your shoulder, work apron crumpled in one hand and the other holding your empty tumbler that once held the warm delicious coffee you had hoped would sustain you through the day, now wishing it was filled with something a little stronger to help you unwind when you got home. 

It’s a struggle trying to juggle your things as you search for your keys, lost somewhere in the depths of your purse along with the rest of your life's necessities. You pause in the middle of an empty parking space near where your jeep is parked to give the search your full attention. After some thorough digging, you locate your keys and let out an exasperated sigh, one step closer to being home. 

Taking a step forward as you press the unlock button on your key, you look up to see an unexpected sight. A familiar truck in the parking spot next to yours, and the most handsome man leaning on it. He looks like he came straight from the job sight, too. His peppered grey hair disheveled, but his soft curls were still intact even after a long day. The sleeves of your favorite green flannel are rolled up over his flexed forearms that are crossed against his chest, the fabric stretched over his broad shoulders. 

The sight of him is enough to melt away any of the bullshit you had endured over the past week, a completely welcomed surprise. 

“What are you doing here?” You ask him, letting your feet carry you the rest of the way to him. 

“Heard you were havin’ a shitty day. Couldn’t let my lady end it on a bad note.” He croons, pushing himself off the side of his truck, opening his arms to you. 

You melt into him, your face nestled into his shoulder. His rugged scent of musky vanilla and natural pheromones is permanently infused into the fibers of his shirt, it’s your favorite thing ever. His strong arms wrap around you as he presses a soft kiss to your temple, prompting you to straighten up, looking into his amber eyes. 

“Hi, Cowboy.” You beam at him. 

“Hi.” He says, leaning in to gently mold his lips over yours. “I’ve got a surprise for ya, Honey.” 

“This was enough of a surprise for me. What more could I need?” Stealing another kiss from him. 

“If I tell ya, it won’t be a surprise then, will it?” He says, tilting his head slightly as he looks at you. 

“I guess you have a point.” 

“We’ve gotta get going though, it’s time sensitive.” He grabs for your things and walks you around to the passenger door, holding it open as you climb in. “We’ll grab your jeep in the mornin’, if that’s okay with you?” 

“Whatever you say, Cowboy.” He leans back in for another kiss, before making his way around into the driver’s seat. 

*

The drive isn’t long. Down some familiar roads that lead to a dirt one off the main highway. His truck travels down the gravel road lined with a barbed wire fence. After a few minutes he’s pulling off to the side and killing the engine. 

“You brought me to my favorite place.” Looking over to his side of the truck, where he’s already looking in your direction. Your heart grows at how he thought to bring you here, knowing how much joy it brings you every time. 

“Thought you could use it. Look, here they come.” He says pointing to your window. 

Off in the distance, the small herd of cows were in pursuit of their evening meal and water break. Mamas with their little rambunctious calves trailing behind, trekking along the same path they travel each evening. 

It’s a calming sight. Their heads bobbling with each dramatic step. Tails whipping over their rear ends to swat away the annoying flies. A few stopping mid trek to look in your direction, letting out a long drawn out moo. Their friendly hello, it’s good to see you again, then back on the move. 

The sky is painted in pinks and purples as the sun dips below the horizon. Your day feeling less shitty as you sit silently in the cab of Joel’s truck. His hand resting on your thigh while his thumb draws soft circles over thick denim seam. 

“Thank you for this. Didn’t realize how much I needed it. I love you, Joel.” You tell him, rolling your head over the headrest in his direction. 

“I did it because I love you, Honey. And s’what I’m here for.” There’s a low rumble in the air as he turns the key over, shifting the truck into drive. “Now, how ‘bouts we head on home and I spend the rest of the evenin’ show you all the other ways I love you?”

“Take me home, Cowboy.” 

[maximumkillshot]

"I Can't Lose You" Part 6

Warnings: Aftermath of a miscarriage, descriptions of grief due to losing a baby, Angry Everyone, Death is mentioned, Wanting Death, Shock, Grief, PTSD Flashback, Panic, there is a parallel to a person jumping off a bridge (NOT ACTUALLY)

Pairing: Bangchan x Reader

Characters:  Stray Kids, Reader

A/N: Ok if you read the above, you'll notice that anger is in the warnings. This is the first half of a chapter that had me crying as I wrote it. This is something that you all need to take into consideration... I LOVE YOU GUYS AND I AM SORRY IN ADVANCE ONCE AGAIN. My asks are always open for you guys to vent about this one.

Also remember, this is a fanfic. All of the boys are so sweet IRL.

Stray Kids! Masterlist

Overall Masterlist

ALL WORK IS UNDER ME AND MY BLOG. DO NOT TRY TO REPUBLISH OR STEAL MY WORK, AS THAT IS COPYRIGHTED UNDER ME AND IS CONSIDERED COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT WHICH IS A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE. 

ANY WORK THAT YOU SEE ON OTHER SITES THAT ARE MY WORKS PLEASE NOTIFY ME IMMEDIATELY.

Previously:

He was mad at himself at those thoughts, Chris was so clearly into you so he used Bin’s insecurities against him… and it had worked. He thought about how all of this wouldn’t have happened and you and him would be happy together. That’s all he ever wanted for you. That was why he let you go in the first place. He wanted you to be happy.

After about half an hour of hushed talking, while Bin kept you relaxed, a set of footsteps walked down the hall. Just hearing them, Bin’s ears perked up. They had an authority to them, almost pompous in nature. Commanding… he knows those steps.

Now:

The minute Minho saw who it was entering the room his whole body went rigid, his hands in fists at his side as he got up and used his body to block whoever it was. He motioned for the boys to get closer to the bed. All of them standing, ready to jump. 

“Just let me talk to her,” Bin’s vision started getting blurry, on the verge of blacking out with rage. He looked down to you, very unbothered by the sudden voice that assaulted the tranquility of the room. The first tranquil moment you've had in months. Months of your husband hiding and sneaking. And months of you planning and working excitedly making every detail perfect. 

Bin made a split-second decision to lightly cover your ear that wasn't to his chest. Trying to prolong the inevitable. 

Next up was Han as he said in a hushed tone, “she’s finally asleep. You are not coming in this room, Chris.” His tone was dark and that one sentence rolled off of his tongue like a warning. 

“She’s my wife. I am going to see her whether you like it or not.” He sounded annoyed. Like this was an inconvenience. Bin did everything in the book to calm his heart, which was starting to spike at just hearing his voice. 

Bin went on an internal tirade, how dare he come here? Killing your child wasn't enough? Making you so stressed out that you almost bled to death wasn't enough? Ripping your heart out and trampling it… not enough for him? NOOO let's show up when it's convenient, when no one expects it, playing the 'husband' card. When Bin knew he CLEARLY gave up that title already. 

Especially when you did everything to be available for him. When he started to pull away you came to Bin and Han in tears, not knowing what to do. You love him so much that you actively went to find out what it was. Was it your weight? Did you talk too much or not enough? Did you ask for too much? Did you seem too boring? He has already been enough of a plague on your life already. 

Minho giggled darkly, “You really want to die today, huh? Did you not hear Han, she’s resting. Now go away.” 

“Not until I see her.” His voice raised slightly. The bite in his voice made Minho want to strangle him, to be honest. He doesn’t have any entitlement to you. Especially after what he’s done. As far as what Minho thinks, Chris was never your husband. No husband neglects their wife. No husband makes their wife lay awake at night, worried about if he had eaten or not, or if she’d even see him when she woke up. 

That was enough for you to stir on Bin’s chest. Bin had to think quickly as he said "It's okay, go to sleep, Angel. I'm here," in the most delicate whisper. That was enough to knock you out again, humming against his chest. 

Chris pulled back the curtain, even though Han and Minho tried their best to get him away. At that point, I.N, who was the closest to Chan, blocked him from your bedside.

“Get away from her.” He whispered, “She’s too fragile right now.”

Chris just looked at I.N. and said, “No one is keeping me from my wife, you’re lucky I even went along with it for this long. I’m not going to wake her.”

The venom in Chan's voice made the hair on Bin’s neck and arms raise. Not out of fear, no he could snap Chris in half if he was pissed off enough. His hair raised out of anger and knowing he couldn't do anything about it. The fact that Chan had the audacity to come into that room after what he did, knowing that you are fragile. That you barely made it out, and even now, you aren’t completely out. Yet there he was trying to force himself in. Like he had a right to be there, even though he was the one that caused it. 

I.N looked at Han and Han signaled him to let it go. 

Han knew that he was right, none of them had spousal rights. So technically Chris can kick them out, especially because she is still so weak, she can’t fend for herself or be able to sternly say ‘get out’ to her husband, not without consequences. They had no other choice. 

Bin looked at Chan as he took a seat next to the bed, taking in your sleeping form. His heart was breaking at seeing how weak you looked. Your cheeks were slightly sunken in and your face was completely pale. The dark circles dominated your eyes, making your face look more like a mummy as opposed to a living breathing person. He looked at your arm with a blood bag hooked to it. When he looked up at Bin he could see that it took everything in Bin’s body not to kill him.

Bin just mouthed to him, “What the fuck are you doing here, get out.” The more that he looked at Chan the more he wanted to rip him apart. He looked well rested, smelled like he showered, hell he even did his hair. That pissed Changbin off. You’d think that he would at least look more disheveled. Given, he could see that he did look worried and sad. He didn’t look guilty. 

Chris just ignored him and kept looking at you. Chris was transfixed on you. He was even more transfixed by your hold on Changbin. You looked like you were cuddling your favorite teddy bear. He remembered the last time you held him like that. Yesterday morning, when he came home to sleep for two hours, the minute the bed dipped you subconsciously reached for him, and he slightly rolled his eyes as he succumbed to his fate, smile on his face. You sighed so happily, you mumbled, ‘Mhmm missed you, love you,’ as you kissed his bare chest, and just like you’re positioned now, you were asleep. Now seeing you holding Bin like that makes jealousy more prominent in his mind. 

It makes him sick to think about all of this as he plays with his wedding ring, thinking about not feeling you again, your hugs, your breath on his skin. The moans that’d he pull out of you, soothing his soul. The looks that’d make his heart stop. The giggle that’d be forced out even if you were mad. Not having the feeling of your skin on his, these thoughts make him want to die. He’s trying to actively ignore it. He’s trying to ignore the fact that he did something so disgusting, so unforgivable that he lost you. For him, it’s easier to be angry, angry and convinced that you’ll come back. That’s why he is doing what he is doing. That’s why he walked with bravado into that room.

He went to put some hair behind your ear just to have some contact and I.N’s hand flew out and wrapped his hand around his wrist. His jaw set. Bin wanted to do the exact same but it’d jolt you.  

I.N. growled “No.. touching… get out of the room,” his brows furrowed, his usually soft eyes looking more like a piercing gaze. 

Being the maknae, he has never challenged Chan before… At all. There’s a good reason as to why he is challenging him right now. Innah has always felt like he was awkward. He didn’t really know where he belonged in the team. Yes, he has a good voice and yes he’s good with choreography but he never really hung out with people other than Seungmin and Felix. 

You being the person you are, you figured it out. He was watching one day, just seeing all of the members interacting, some of the older ones trying to bring him into the fold but it seemed ingenuine to him. Like he was the little brother that had to be included or Dad would get mad. You truly found the things that he loved interesting, really talked to him, and made him feel safe and welcomed. 

There was one particularly hard night for him. Nothing went right that day and he was tired, frustrated, and needed to feel safe. He didn’t know where to go or who to go to. So he called you without knowing why. You picked up and the minute he heard your voice he started crying. You ran to his dorm. No one else was home, and of course, Chan was nowhere in sight. So you stood with him, talked, and cooked a midnight dinner with him. Got him to laugh, you both passed out on the couch after watching some anime.

After that night that no one knows about except the boys in the Danceracha house, I.N. was just like Hyunjin, except he’d do drive-by hugs, sometimes just falling on you giggling and looking for hugs and head scratches, like the fox he is. There were other times when he would just stand behind you, put his chin on the top of your head and say, “What are we doing here Y/N/N…. I am BORED” as he’d flop on you, “Let’s get Ramyeon.” You’d laugh and say, “How about this… you get through today… and Ramyeon’s on me.” He still smiles at those memories.

So of course, I.N. would fight King Kong if he had to if it meant protecting you. 

Now, seeing Jeongin doing this, standing up to Chan, just to protect you, his Noona,  made everyone that wasn’t Chan smile. 

Chan stood up to his full height and said, “I just want to be here for her,” with a tight lip at the challenge of the maknae of his team. Chan can’t take the disrespect anymore. Even though he knows that he more than deserves to be treated like this and worse, he is still in that limbo of trying to convince himself that this didn’t actually happen or worse, that he can fix it.

Bin felt your grip tighten on him…

You said to yourself that you didn’t just hear that voice. You squeezed your eyes shut as you wiggled up a bit to bury your face into Bin's neck. You didn’t want the boys to see you cry. 

The cologne you just smelled when you were on Bin's chest, that was Chan’s cologne. The voice you just heard, that was Chan’s voice. There was a war going on in your head. Do you talk to him? Can you talk to him? What do you say? What does HE have to say?

“Y/N?” Chan said as his body snapped to you. Seeing you now burrowed into Bin’s neck and chest. 

It made the jealousy that he had before start to boil. That’s his wife, after all. Chan was your safety. He was the one you run to, not Changbin, of all people. Why does he fit so well next to you? Why does the feeling of you slipping away elicit anger at others, not himself? Why did he see you buried in Bin’s neck and not his own? It felt to him like someone was touching his favorite toy without permission. Why did she go to Bin for comfort and not him? 

“Y/N, Baby?” He asked a little louder…

“Stop calling me that,” you responded to him, muffled by Bin’s neck as you cried in your own dark cocoon, that was what you imagined when in Bin’s neck. Surrounded by him, he’d never let anyone near close. He was your safety bubble. 

Bin just moved his hand up to pet your hair back as you fought with yourself. 

The only one who knew you were crying was Bin, who felt your tears on his neck. They felt like acid on his skin, he could feel the pain through them, the fear, the rejection, the grief. He hated seeing or feeling you cry. The fact that you were comfortable enough to trust him with your fragility was the only solace in this for him. He knew that no one could protect you more than he could. That’s exactly what he’s going to do, protect you. 

“I’ve got you,” He whispered as he turned his face into you, trying to hide as much of your face as he could, to give you more shelter to cry in. He hated that you had to go through this. You would think that for even one second his bonehead bandmate would put his own ego aside for just one fucking day to give you the room you desperately needed. It’s not even like he could make the excuse of thinking that you are going through it alone. It’s clear that you aren’t, Bin always took care of you. Sometimes Chan thought that it was the perfect deal for himself. He was married to you, so obviously you wouldn’t betray him, and Bin was so in love with you that he’d move Heaven and Earth for you. So Chan being distracted was never the issue, Bin was always there. In his head Bin was like a Knight protecting the Queen in a chess game. The king doesn’t have to worry about the Queen. 

Bin’s tone with you was gentle,“You tell me to get him out and that’s exactly what we’re going to do.” His face read danger, eyes never leaving Chris.

You really didn’t know what to do. You are at a loss really. You just got about half an hour in nearly 30+ hours of being awake. One thing you do know is that you are feeling your pain uptick at the thought of leaving Bin’s neck. 

“Please, let me talk to you,” Chris pleaded with you. He tried to touch you.

Jeongin stopped him again, gripping his wrist. His grip was bruising in strength this time, “She did not say you could touch her. So you are keeping your hand to yourself. Either that or I rip it off, understand?”

Bin’s jaw was tight, if Chris made one more move, Bin was going to gently switch out with Seungmin, just to murder Chris, then switch out again so you could sleep, very simple. 

“At least let me see your face, Baby,” Chris said as he yanked his hand from I.N’s grip. 

Then you spoke again… your tone now carrying an authoritative air, “I told you not to call me that fucking name. I heard it enough when you were fucking her in our bed. Take that name and shove it, Chris.” 

“As for seeing my face, you don’t deserve to see it after what you did to me. Neither of you deserve to see my face.”

“Give us the room,” Chan ordered. He was doing his best to keep his composure and to try to gauge how much control he lost of the group. He is very much aware of the fact that the power dynamic has changed. Chan knows that they don’t even respect him, let alone trust him. Another thing that he knows is that he would feel the same way.

He’s also embarrassed, not at what he’s done but at the fact that his members found out. The fact that he was caught with his pants down, both literally and figuratively. The fact that his members watched him do something so amoral was something that he was pissed off about. Not as much at the fact that he had no moral compass, but it was the fact that they reacted the way they did. They screamed at him, Chris, Bang Chan, their elder. They challenged his authority left and right. The fact that they’re rebelling only added fuel to the fire. He wanted, needed to get control back. 

As far as he was concerned, this was all something that he could come back from. You love him, right? So obviously you’ll come back. You sunk 5 years into him, of course you’ll be back. There was far too many decent memories for you to check out now. You’re hurt, demoralized, angry, yes. However, knowing the peacekeeper you are, you’ll be back, he knows it. Why can’t they see that, why can’t they fight for him just as hard as they are fighting for you. Why can’t they get their noses out of his marriage and watch some K-Drama like they always do instead of driving a wedge further in between himself and his wife. 

The frustration alone made him want to lose his composure. Everyone has their role, that is something he is an avid believer in. To you, Chan is the protector, he’s the one to chase all the bad things away, he is your husband. Changbin is your friend, nothing more. So it drove Chan crazy to see you relax in Bin’s arms. 

He felt like Bin had no business in a bed with you. It being completely lost on him that he did the same thing, but worse with his wife’s best friend. Bin is not there to sexually gratify you, he is there to hold whatever’s left of you together. 

Bin is trying desperately to reassure you, to look at all of your broken pieces and help you, to let you know that he won’t let Chris close enough to hurt you again. 

When Chris ordered everyone to give him the room, not one person moved a muscle. All they did was look at you, waiting for an answer. 

Bin whispered to you, “Do you want us to leave?” Internally he was praying that you wouldn’t want him to go. He as well as the rest of the boys don’t trust Chris as far as they can throw him. 

You shook your head, “Can’t take it.” You knew that there would be no way that you could have this conversation alone, you’d be right back to square one. If you were honest there isn’t a way you can see this going well. You are still really weak. You can’t do much of anything at all yet, even needing help shifting in your own bed. Not to mention the person who did it to you is demanding an audience with you like you didn’t just go through a near-death experience and is barking orders at your boys. You couldn’t even scream at him for that. 

Bin looked at the boys and said, “We aren’t going anywhere, Y/N’s orders.”

With that all of the boys had a seat, smiles on their faces as if to say try us, we dare you. 

Chan’s face turned hard at that. It was worse than he thought… Not only did he lose control, he handed all of it over to you on a silver platter. Chan is an A personality type. He is very particular, one of those places he’s particular about is that he is the Alpha. He is the leader, the spearhead. So for everyone to do this, made him not only mad, but scared. He isn’t used to not being in control. That made his tone harsh as he barked,“Look, I know that you are in pain and I know that you don’t even want to see me right now, but we need to talk in private.”

Immediately I.N. bristled and took a step to him, Minho getting up and claiming the bottom half of the bed, looming on the post of it, glaring at Chan.

Felix growled, “Watch your tone, you aren’t the one calling the shots, Chris.” as he bore daggers into Chris’ forehead, standing at the ready. 

You didn’t respond and Chan said something that made your blood boil,something he knew you couldn’t ignore, “It was mine too.”

It..IT?! Your heart cracked again as you left your cocoon, “IT?!” You raised your voice. You winced at the pain the movement caused. “MY child was not an IT… THEY WERE HERE CHRIS.” You grabbed your stomach, feeling your diaphragm scream at you to be quiet, your abdominals agreeing full-heartedly. “YOU gave up ANY parentage by fucking someone else when we were trying to have a baby for TWO FUCKING YEARS!”

“WHAT?!” Han exclaimed. Han started to see red, yet again… Han thought to himself, They were trying to have a baby for 2 years?!. Han looked briefly at everyone else, their faces set in the same murderous stare that resided on Han. 

Meanwhile, Bin didn’t let that sink in, he was too busy noticing you started looking slightly confused and woozy. Whatever little color you had was turning more grey by the second.

“Y/N you need to breathe,” Bin tried to remind you. He tried his best to guide you back down but you weren't having it. Your anger taking control. He had a sinking feeling as his own heartrate picked up.

You thought for a few minutes and said, “I still can’t believe it, you know? It’s like last night was a horrible nightmare but, the pain, the blood… It really happened. My baby is really gone.” A stray tear ran down your face, “I don’t want to believe it. It hurts too much. But my body knows. It feels different. I don’t know what to do with that. I don’t… I can’t…”

Bin was watching your heart rate, the last time you tried to revisit this, you had to be sedated and apparently, Han is thinking the same thing. He looked at the monitors and got a bad feeling. 

“I just wanted to surprise you, to show you how much I love you! To let you know that I am there for you and you repay me by emotionally cheating on me with my BEST FRIEND for a YEAR and physically cheating for two whole months?! NOW YOU WANT A PRIVATE CONVERSATION?! How is this for a private conversation.” You felt your body starting to fail again. The rage coursing through you is the only thing keeping you aware of your surroundings. 

Chan went to look away, he couldn’t see you hurting this much. He couldn’t come to the realization that he did this to you. You screamed with what little energy you had , “LOOK AT ME YOU FUCKING COWARD!” as you held your stomach, trying to control the new waves of pain.

When he looked at you, you said, “Here’s a little private conversation for you. I’m granting your wish. You said to her ‘I can’t wait to leave her’... Guess what?” You gritted out, “I’m leaving you!” you started spiraling back into what happened not even a full 24 hours ago at repeating his sentence back to him. Hearing those same words in your head, seeing the blood, the reality of it once again slamming into you like it did before. 

The minute that last sentence left your lips, the world slowed down for Chris. He saw everything, the wedding, the laughs you both had. Even the simple things like how whenever he got up, which was always well before you woke up; he’d stare at you, brushing your cheekbones with his knuckles. Watching your peaceful form and marveling at how effortlessly gorgeous you are. Now as he watches you, seeing the shreds of you that were left, he had a realization. He realized all at once that the person he loves and has always loved is dead. She’s dead, along with his child, because of him.

You started staring off tears freely falling, “I just want my baby… Bin, I want my baby.” 

Your heart rate started climbing fast as you stared at your lap, seeing blood that wasn’t there anymore, then blinking and it disappearing, your face began to show distress, as tears started falling, and your mouth opened letting out rapid puffs of air. Bin looked at Han and yelled at him, "Get the nurses, go!" The next second Han ran out the door as the alarms went off on the monitors. 

Bin looked at you and said, “Hey look at me, stay here with me, Angel.” Then he looked at Minho and said, “Clear the room. Get Chan out of her NOW!” Minho immediately started getting everyone up and out of the room as fast as possible. 

Chris slowly backed up until he hit the wall,everything moving in slow motion. He looked at the monitor, seeing your ungodly fast heart rate. The fact that you could die right now from a heart attack made him want to collapse to his knees and start praying. Chris was watching how Bin handled you, tears were starting to sting in his eyes. He was shaking, feeling the gold of his wedding band as he watched a man who was so much more than he could be. How delicate he was with you. Why did I do this? 

He was staring at your face, he could see it, the heartbreak. He wanted to help, to take all of it back. Flashes of memories flickered in his mind. All of the opportunities he had to be with you but chose not to. All of the times that you would try to save him from himself, even if it was as simple as reminding him to eat. He’d yell at you and tell you that he was a grown up. I’m not grown. You’d remind him to get up and stretch, to be present in the now.  You always tried to connect to him, always tried to soothe him, always tried to bridge the gap he put in between the both of you. His heart felt like lead, sinking further. His voice, his legs, his body didn’t move. It was Innah who dragged him out of the room by the collar.

Bin looked back at you, “Y/N…” He could see, you were completely dissociated. 

You weren’t responding to him at all, eyes glazed over as your heart rate kept climbing, you were glancing around, clearly confused. What he didn’t know is that you felt everything at once. You could hear him like he was underwater. Your vision was blurry, and you really couldn’t feel anything aside from the pain in your chest at the thought of anything, because you felt guilty.

“Angel, look at me, try to breathe for me. Come back to me.” 

“They should be here, not me. My baby didn’t deserve that Binnie. I want to hold my baby!” You screamed, “I want to take them a bath, feed them, I want my Baby.”

Bin realized then that it’s the reality that’s so painful. Everything that was around you reminded you of the fact that you were living and your child wasn’t. He could see the pain on your face as he gently held your face, trying to get through to you. “I know you want to hold your baby, I want that too. I want that so badly but I can’t give you your baby, that can’t happen. No one can bring your baby back, Angel.” Tears were rolling down his face at seeing you like this. Your eyes were constantly searching as more tears fell from them, he tried to wipe the tears away as fast as they rolled down your cheeks.

 Bin got behind you, caging you with his arms and chest. He pulled you flush to his chest and ran his hands up and down your arms as he slowly rocked you. He was trying to provide enough stimulation to get you back to being able to self-regulate. You were only getting worse as he watched helplessly. He tilted your head back to see you spiraling further down, “Binnie help me. I want my baby please.” You just wanted to let it consume you already. 

You quaked as you wished out loud, screaming without even knowing it, “Please, just let me die, let me go, I want my Baby.” You knew it was the pain, but at this point, not having your child was worse than death. You screamed without fighting anymore. Sometimes the seconds would stretch as you screamed till no air was left to make a noise. Those sobs made you feel like your chest was in a car crusher. You couldn’t stop them no matter how hard you tried, but in your mind, there was no point in stopping them. 

Changbin’s blood ran cold hearing you say that, feeling as if he got dunked in an ice bath. He choked on his own breath as he did his best to try to get his own voice to work. You may not want to be here right now, but he’s going to make sure that you make it. He looked into your eyes and they were completely dilated, you just lay on Bin’s chest as you made the decision. You were done fighting, the pain was too much. Bin felt it, he could feel the fight leave you as you went limp, crying. 

He knows this feeling… this was the same feeling that he felt when you were losing consciousness. His gaze snapped to your eyes, no fight, no struggle. You looked like you were calling out to Death. You wanted it so badly. What was worse was that Death was answering, he could feel it in the room. Cold, dark, and looming. 

His body went into overdrive, the shock melting into panic. He wasn’t going to let Death take you, “Han hurry up, she's slipping!” He screamed at the door. His scream didn’t sound like him. The sound akin to a bystander watching a loved one jump from a bridge. Watching the body disappear all because of one step. He couldn’t wouldn’t let you fall. He screamed as if he dove for your hand, the same hand that fits so perfectly in his, as you threatened to disappear over the ledge of that bridge.

Bin got closer to your ear, so you could hear him better, “Please don’t say that. I know it hurts, just stay with me, hold on. I’m here. Stay with me. You can’t leave me here, please.” Changbin tilted your head, so you could hear his heartbeat. Subconsciously thinking, If you go I go. He gently wrapped his arm across your breastbone, trying to provide some soothing pressure to your chest. His hand resting on your opposite arm, rubbing the meat of it in a soothing pattern. His other hand was petting your hair. The hold he had you in gave you someone to hold on to. As soon as his forearm rested you wrapped your hands around it, grabbing his hand as you dangled on the ledge.

“Binnie it hurts, pleaseee. Help me, it hurtss.” You sobbed, your voice cracking and breaking, a mirror of your soul. Bin continued to slowly rock you, “I know Angel, I know I want to take it away. Just hold on for me. Hold on to me.” He had no idea how he was able to be calm for you. A part of him knew that he needed to. He was not going to collapse so you could face all of this on your own. He refused. He needed to fight for you, and he would, for eternity if he had to.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[unheavenlyvision]

NEW JOB

pairing: gojo satoru/reader

wc: 7.1k

summary: starting a new job is always hard, especially when you're tasked with a glorified babysitting role for the most powerful sorcerer and his antics, but what happens when you somehow find yourself growing oddly attached to his weird behaviours and teasing nature

a/n; i am obsessing over this 2d man and i cannot be stopped, come near me and i'm infecting you with thoughts of him. anyways! new blog so i can write for jjk hehehhohoh (i wrote this in a single sitting because i'm mentally unwell)

warnings: 18+ only, smut, making out, dry humping, hickeys, dirty talk, fingering, cunnilingus, p in v sex, big dick gojo (duh), creampie, afab!reader, she/her pronouns used, no use of y/n, nicknames

MDNI | SMUT UNDER CUT

Why you were here, you had no clue… well you did, you just wish you didn’t have to be here but being forced to do this was putting it lightly. It’s frustrating because they act like you don’t have your own jobs to handle but now you’re being forced to be Gojo Satoru’s handler as well. This is going to be a much more taxing job than exorcising any curse, why he insisted on pissing off the higher ups is beyond you. Not that you’re completely innocent in those regards, mind you.

You’re sat waiting in Yaga’s office, waiting for a certain someone who treats showing up on time as optional. Looking at the clock behind Yaga, you see it’s bordering on 15 minutes since he was supposed to be here.

You deflate slightly with your quiet sigh, “Do I really need to be h–”

“–Yes,” is the only reply you get out of the man in front of you, eyes unreadable but based on the aura of the room, he’s beyond pissed.

Sinking further into your seat, you murmur about how annoying all of this is, it’s meant for Yaga to hear but he ignores you. Seeing Gojo is going to take years off your life, you’ve crossed paths with him many times in the past few years, he has a bad habit of interrupting your exorcisms, finishing them, and then getting on your nerves.

The door behind you slides open and shut loudly, making your heart lurch inside your chest, while you outwardly fight the urge to flinch. Gojo moves in behind you and leans down, “Didn’t scare you, did I?” There’s an annoying mirth in his tone as he carelessly rounds the seat and sits far too close to you.  

You don’t spare him a glance, “No.”

He smiles at you knowingly but says nothing more, finally addressing Yaga, “What’s up?”

“You’re late,” Yaga takes in a deep breath, fighting the urge to yell at him.

Gojo’s smile grows, his words picked carefully to piss the pair of you off more, “Well, I know that part, I meant why am I being summoned here.”

You close your eyes and pinch the bridge of your nose, “Why is he only being informed of this now?” You ask, irritated with not only Gojo but the whole damn system. You were told nearly two weeks ago that this was happening, how hadn’t he been told until now.

Yaga looks at you like it should be fairly obvious why they waited and you guess it is, he’s blind-sided this way, he doesn’t have a chance to wriggle out of it when today is the official first day of your new job babysitting Gojo Satoru and his first-year students. Oh, this is just perfect for you and not foreboding at all.

Before you have a chance to speak again, Yaga says, almost like he’s delighting in how inconveniencing this will be for Gojo, that, “You now have a teaching assistant, Gojo. You will be monitored as well as your students and everything will be reported back to me.”

“Ah, a glorified babysitter, how lovely,” Gojo’s smile doesn’t drop but it does look more strained.

Yaga doesn’t take kindly to his tone, “Watch it, this is fully deserved and you know it.”

“I’ve done nothing,” he defends himself.

You scoff slightly at that and Gojo side eyes you, you make an active effort to avoid his gaze though and instead focus on what Yaga is saying, “After that stunt you pulled with faking Itadori’s death recently, you’re lucky to be getting off so easy.”

Gojo jabs his thumb in your direction, “So what’s her punishment for then?”

You finally look at him, “Excuse me?”

“Well, I don’t imagine this is something one signs up for, so what did you do to piss off the higher ups,” his smile is teasing and so is his tone.

You squint at his stupid blindfold before looking back at Yaga, “I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Yaga coughs at your statement but doesn’t let Gojo’s endless amusement at your suffering continue, “What may or may not have happened is none of your business Gojo–”

“–Ah, so something did happen then,” he elbows at your shoulder and you grumble at him.

Yaga completely ignores Gojo’s antics, “Your only concern is to be accommodating and keep her in the loop.”

He waves a hand easily, “Yeah, yeah, whatever you say,” he brushes off the conversation with a sceptical nonchalance. His palms hit his knees as he pulls himself off the seat, “Is that all?”

Yaga pauses, watching him carefully for a moment before acquiescing, “Yes, that’s all, get out.”

“Come on, troublemaker, you have three adorable first years to meet!” his tone is too chipper and you don’t take kindly to his nickname for you but you stand from the seat and bow at Yaga before following behind him.

⸝⸝⸝

You are… uncomfortable, to say the least. The three first years sit in front of you, confused and waiting for some kind of explanation but Gojo just leans against the lectern, amused smile plastered on his face. You’re nervous, children can be so… scary, they were scary when you were their age and now you’re getting stage fright, in front of three people.

Gojo giggles behind you, granting some mercy… his version of mercy anyways, “We have a new addition to the class!”

“She’s… a student?” The one you recognise as Itadori tilts his head in question.

You can hear the glee drip from Gojo’s voice, “Well in some ways–”

“–No.” You cut him off abruptly, “I am… uhm, a teaching assistant… of sorts…”

The girl, very clearly unamused, questions further, “And what are you gonna be doing?”

You freeze up, you do know what you’re meant to be doing but you’re getting shy, you’ve never been good at being put on the spot.

Gojo finally moves from behind the lectern and places a hand on your shoulder, “She’s basically… my babysitter!” He announces, large smile on his face.

The students look… completely not shocked, like they expected something like this to happen at some point.

“I am here to help though! So, if you have questions or want someone to spar against or if Gojo is unavailable and you need help on a mission, I am here to be of service,” you smile lightly, trying to be kind. If you’re going to be here, you want to be of some use.

Itadori nods in thought, “So, are you strong?”

You feel warm in the face at the question, it’s not something you’ve ever been asked really. You think you are, you’re definitely capable but you’re nowhere near Gojo.

While deep in thought, Gojo replies for you, “Yes.” His reply is simple and leaves them all with more questions.

You throw a glance at Gojo before answering for yourself, “I am capable and willing to help.”

⸝⸝⸝

Your first introductions went better than you expected, you quite like them all, even the quiet one who’s always in a bad mood. Things would’ve gone better if Gojo didn’t delight in teasing you in front of them all, it’s embarrassing to be poked and prodded at for some kind of a reaction, you mean, isn’t he meant to be an adult for crying out loud.

It’s only been about a week and a bit into you ‘babysitting’ Gojo and you think he might be attempting to annoying you into quitting but that isn’t an option for you. The kids are sparring on the open field and Gojo is at your side, poking the side of your face with a mischievous smirk plastered on his. He’s been trying and failing to get a reaction out of you for the past 10 minutes.

“Gojo, is there something you want from me, or are you just waiting for me to try and smack you,” Turning your body, you face him completely, your hands on your hips.

He shoves his hand behind his back quickly, trying to play it off like he wasn’t just poking your cheek, “I don’t know what you mean.”

Sighing you continue, “If you’re trying to annoy me into quitting, you’re going to find that awful difficult, I have to be here.”

“Quite the contrary, I like having you here, troublemaker,” he smiles, leaning against the tree behind him.

“It doesn’t feel like it,” you grit out.

He hums lightly, “That’s just cause you’re not used to my love language.”

Raising a brow at him, you ask, “Your love language is being absurdly annoying?”

“Now you’re getting it,” he pokes you directly on your nose and you exhale sharply, twisting your lips to hide any hint of amusement. Turning back to the students you resume ignoring him, which he huffs dejectedly at, “If you’re gonna be watching over me for a while, you may as well get used to talking to me, I think I’m quite enjoyable.”

“Of course you would think that,” you retort.

“Ouch,” he grabs his chest, pretending to be wounded, he pushes off the tree and hangs an arm over both your shoulders, his weight pressing into you, “So… seriously, what did you do?” His head is turned to the side of yours, watching for your reactions.

You’re starting to feel uncomfortable at his proximity but apparently so are the others because Kugisaki turns and points at Gojo, yelling, “Don’t hang off her like that, perv!”

You stifle a laugh at her accusation, as Fushiguro rolls his eyes and grimaces.

Gojo calls out, “Why? Does it make you uncomfortable?” He wraps both his arms around you and pokes his tongue out at them all.

You’re squished against him and it’s making you hot, “Gojo, if you don’t peel yourself off of me in the next few seconds I’m going to rip out your tongue.”

“I don’t think you would be able to, is the thing though,” he snickers down at you, he does release you though, taking a step back.

You feel beyond annoyed and as much as you know your fist won’t connect, you go to throw a powerful punch at him anyways. It predictably gets stopped by his infinity, never even making it close to his face.

“Oh wow, you tried to punch me!” He exclaims in faux hurt, his hand reaches up to yours and unfurls your fist, instead interlacing your fingers, “I was wondering how long it would take for you to crack and try and hit me.”

You sigh in defeat, “Gojo, please let go of my hand.”

“Tell me what you did and I just might,” he propositions.

The kids are yelling at Gojo from the field, cursing him out for being weird, which of course, he only finds hilarious.

“Gojo,” he hums at you in acknowledgement, “Do you think if I tried really hard, and willed it to happen, that me kicking you in the balls would connect?”

He pouts at your words, apparently holding out for a different response, “Oh, how you wound me.” He drops your hand with a sigh, “Can’t be that bad, tell meeeee,” he whinges slightly, attempting a new way of annoying you, clearly.

“You’re right, it’s not that bad, but it’s way more fun not to tell you at this point,” you smile brightly at him and his eyes widen in slight shock at the display.

He continues pouting, “Cruel…”

You just shrug at him in response.

⸝⸝⸝

Every time Gojo is around, he is trying to get you to tell him why you were assigned to be his handler. You don’t tell him, you just shrug or smile like you have no idea why, you understand why he likes to tease a bit now, seeing him so upset over something so small does brighten your day just a little bit.

As much as you hate to admit it, you’ve grown fond of his company, as well as the three kids. You thought this would be more hellish, and while on some occasions it is, you quite enjoy your day to days now. Filled with his teasing tone and stupid smile, you’re feeling comfortable with them all.

Your only complaint is that, while this is what you’re expected to be doing most of the time, the fact that sorcerers are hard to come by hangs true and you are still sent on solo missions on a whim. It’s only annoying because you’re expected to come and go easily, like fighting off first-grade or high-grade curses isn’t completely taxing.

Today you enter the classroom slightly later than usual, having been absent since the middle of yesterday, you didn’t even have time to sleep, you showered and came straight here. You mumble an offhanded good morning before collapsing into a chair in the corner of the front of the class.

“Look who decided to show back up,” Gojo chirps.

“Mmm, too loud… too much… so early,” you grumble back.

Itadori asks what no one else does, “Where did you go?”

You sigh into the air, “Ah, I had a job, it’s fine though, here now,” you smile lazily.

Gojo scrutinises you from behind his blindfold, he can tell you’re tired, hell, everyone could tell you’re tired. Your head is barely staying up, almost lolling to the side, looking for somewhere to rest so you can sleep.

“Maybe you should go home,” he comments, uncharacteristically serious.

You peek an eye open at him, they had fallen closed, when did they close? “Can’t.” you mutter out, “I’m needed here, so you don’t do anything stupid.”

“You aren’t going to be able to stop me if you’re asleep,” he retorts.

“No but it won’t look as bad if I am at least here,” you cover your mouth as you yawn.

He moves over to your corner and bends down, “If I promise to behave will you go home?”

“Probably not,” you smirk up at him, “I don’t think I’d believe you.”

Kugisaki groans, “Flirt on your own time!”

You bark a laugh at that, the back and forth you have with Gojo is not how you flirt and you imagine it’s not how he does either, “Yeah, Gojo. Go away.” You say, playing into it.

His smile is light as he turns away from you, “Fine but if you complain about a backache later from sleeping in that chair it’s not my fault.”

“I’m not gonna fall asleep,” you counter.

⸝⸝⸝

You fell asleep.

You don’t know when exactly it happened, you just know it did… and that you’re embarrassed. When you startle awake in your seat, you can hear the distant noises of the students sparring and the breeze flowing through the – previously – closed windows.

“Hey, you’re up,” Gojo notices from his spot, lazing in the students desks.

You sit up a bit more, “How long–”

“–How long were you asleep?” He finishes for you, “A couple hours.”

“Why are you in here?” You ask, “Why aren’t you with the first-years?”

“The first-years are sparring with the second-years, they’re fine,” he too, sits up more, “I stayed cause I didn’t wanna leave you alone in here.”

You raise a brow at him, “That or you just didn’t wanna actually do your job today.”

“Ah, you caught me,” he laughs easily.

“Mhm, thought so,” standing up completely, you stretch out your limbs, joints aching from sleeping in the chair.

“I didn’t think you would also be doing solo missions while being here,” he comments from behind you.

“Well… you know how shorthanded we are,” you walk over to where he’s sitting, “Plus, me being here is almost as much as a punishment for me as it is for you,” you remind.

“That’s funny, I wouldn’t say I feel punished,” he says it like it means nothing, like his feelings aren’t lingering right under the surface.

Thinking on it, you agree, “I don’t much either, I’ve been having quite a bit of fun actually,” you laugh lightly.

Gojo’s world stands still for a moment, he’s been growing addicted to how you smile, the sound of your laugh. He’s lucky for the blindfold because nearly every time he looks at you he has hearts in his eyes.

Noticing his silent staring, you grow shy, rubbing the back of your neck, “Sorry for falling asleep, it won’t happen again.”

He recovers quickly, “No it won’t… because next time, you’re going to go home to sleep properly before showing back up here.”

“Whatever you say, Gojo,” you play it off, not taking him seriously.

“Call me Satoru.”

You’re a little shocked, feeling like you misheard him, you clarify, “I’m sorry, what?”

He gets up from where he’s sitting, “We’ve known each other for years now, call me Satoru.”

You don’t know if you should, it feels weird, like letting him into your life more than he already is and that’s a little much for post nap you, “Maybe…”

He chuckles, “Don’t force yourself, just know, you can if you want to…”

You nod at him, suddenly feeling incredibly bashful.

⸝⸝⸝

You’re cleaning… why are you cleaning? Because you somehow got conned into having Gojo over. Its honestly impressive of him, you have no idea how he convinced you to let him into your home. You barely can even recall the conversation, something about movies, he’s somehow got your favourite movie before the DVD or streaming release.

Anyways, now you’re scrabbling around your meagre apartment, attempting to clean it up to a high standard before you have a guest over. You have time, you have enough time to clean the main areas, yourself, your bedroom… wait, your bedroom (?). Brushing off the thought, you continue your tirade, it ends with just enough time for you to make yourself look presentable.

Knocks in the form of a carefree tune are thumped into your door and you know who it is instantly, even his knocking is distinctly him. Tugging your shirt on, you call out, “Just a sec!”

Pausing in front of the door, you smooth yourself out, like you weren’t just running around like an insane person a few minutes ago, and then you open the door. The sight of Gojo is shocking, it wasn’t what you were expecting… you’ve seen him in casual clothes before, but you think you’ve gotten too used to seeing him at the school.

You mumble out, “You look nice.”

His eyes light up behind his glasses, “Why thank you, you look nice as well.” He speaks lowly on his way past you.

You stand stunned for a little, not expecting his compliment to affect you so much. He’s already walked down the hall while you stood staring at where he once was. Closing the door, you start after him, meeting him in the lounge room.

“You ready?” He asks.

You nod your head, waiting for him to show how he accrued the movie.

“Ta da!” He shows the usb stick, presumedly holding the movie.

You sigh at his jovial display of piracy and grab the thumb drive off him. Gojo makes himself comfortable on the couch while you plug it into the tv.

“You have a cute apartment,” he hums, looking around from where he’s sitting.

Grabbing the remote, you switch through the tv’s sources and search for the content on the stick, “Thank you… I think.”

“It’s a compliment,” he affirms.

You flop down next to him on the couch, “We good to start? Or do you have more to say?”

“I always have more to say,” he grins.

“I’ve noticed,” you snark back, beginning the movie anyways.

It starts off good, the movie’s quality isn’t great but it’s good enough to enjoy the content of the film. That is… until the halfway mark and then the quality drops significantly and you can’t even tell what’s happening on screen anymore, everything fuzzy and words mumbled, almost robotic.

You suppress a smile, “Gojo… where did you get the movie?”

“…Online somewhere… I watched the first few minutes and it looked fiiine,” he’s whinging slightly, disappointed in the sudden quality drop.

You can’t help but laugh at his complete dismay, “It’s fine, Gojo, at least I got to see some of it?” You try looking on the bright side, “You’ll just have to buy me a real copy when it comes out.”

“Is that another invitation?” He teases.

You look over to him, “Another? I barely remember giving out this one.”

“That hurts, you know?” He pouts at you.

You can’t help the way your face breaks out in a smile, “It is.” He looks at you confused, “An invitation,” you finish.

His pout breaks into a large smile, “If I didn’t know any better I’d think you liked me.”

“Ah, you’re beginning to grow on me,” you torment lightly.

He nods his head solemnly, “Knew I would.”

You scoff at him, only now realising how close he’s gotten to you, your knees touching, his face so close to your own. You go to look away from him, feeling self-conscious, but his hand reaches up and pulls your face back to continue the intense eye contact.

“If I kiss you right now, will you try and punch me again?” He jokes, trying to relieve the tension.

You find a place inside you that outweighs your anxiety, “Only one way for you to find out.”

He leans in that tiny bit more and captures your lips in his, the kiss tender and gentle, he’s searching, learning. He doesn’t want to scare you away, wanting to kiss you for so long and not willing to ruin it by spooking you now. It took him so long just to work up the courage to get inside your apartment, he doesn’t want you to pull back when you’ve finally stepped towards him.

He parts first, hesitant, if he keeps kissing you, it won’t stay innocent because he really wants to kiss you until you cry.

You repress a whine at the loss of him, “Wait…” You trail off, embarrassed by how badly you want him to keep kissing you.

“Yeah?” He presses, wanting to hear you ask him for it.

“Can… you kiss me again,” you ask, before adding, “please?”

It’s too good to be true, he’s dreaming… but even if that’s the case, he’s sure as hell not wasting this moment, “Anything for you~”

Leaning back in, he kisses you with more fervour, his lips more insistent, desperate. His one hand stays on your face, angling you so he can kiss you deeper, he wants more, more. The other hand reaches for your hip, tugging and pulling at the fat there, groping your skin greedily.

Your moans and whimpers muffle into his mouth, he swallows them down, licking into your mouth, silently asking for more. Which, you give, you think you’d give him the world right now if you could. His kisses are dizzying and full. You’ve not been kissed like this… ever and it’s overwhelming you in an embarrassing way.

Pulling back, you rush out, “Wait wait…”

Gojo freaks a little, “Shit– sorry, was it too much?”

You shake your head, “No, well…maybe, I’ve just… never been kissed like that before, I was feeling dizzy.”

He breathes a sigh of relief before targeting you with a teasing smile, an evil glint in his eyes, “I’m kissing you dumb, huh?”

You feel hot, everywhere, “I–”

Your defence is cut off with this lips back on yours, he’s drunk on your kisses and he’s not going to stop. Knowing that he’s overwhelming you with them only spurs him on, he wants you to be so stupid because of his lips, he thinks he couldn’t want anything more than that right now.

Your arms wrap around his neck and pull him closer; he lets it happen and falls into you, pressing your back into the couch. On instinct, your legs wrap around his waist, tugging him down into you more, desiring the proximity. His front presses into yours and you both moan into each other.

He trails kisses from your lips to the side of your face, down to your neck, his teeth nipping lightly, sucking into your skin, leaving marks behind, not really caring about how you’ll struggle to cover them tomorrow. You gasp into him and raise your hips, grinding into him without meaning to. The friction has him groaning into the skin of your neck.

His large hand grabs at the thickest part of your thigh, grabbing and pulling your covered cunt closer to his clothed dick. His hips dig down into yours, humping into you and trying to fight off the urge to cum in his pants at the minimal amount of stimulation.

He huffs against your sensitive skin, “Bet you’re so fucking wet, fuck–”

“Gojo–”

He cuts you off, “­–Lemme… lemme touch you more, please.”

You nod at him, eyes glassy from how he kissed you, “Uh huh, do– do whatever you want~”

His hand is immediately leaving your thigh and reaching into the front of your pants, under your panties and through your dripping folds, a shiver running down his back as he groans deeply. He had a feeling you were wet but fuck– he wasn’t expecting this.

You sob a moan into the collar of his shirt where you’ve tucked your head, his fingers glide through your slick, teasing you, lightly grazing your clit.

His tone is light, “So eager~”

“Don’t t–tease, it’s unkind,” you try to chastise him.

He smiles at you, it’s dark but full, as a single finger probes at your entrance, slipping in carefully, aided fully by the amount of slick that gushes from your pussy, “So messy,” he hums, nosing the side of your face, giggling at the whimper you let out.

“Gojo–”

“–I think…” his finger slips to the hilt, pulling back before fucking back in, wet squelching sounding through your small apartment, “…I’ve earned Satoru, when I’m knuckles deep in your pretty, little cunt.”

If you thought you were hot before, you definitely were now, “Satoru, please.”

“Mmm, I like the sound of that,” his cock jerks in his pants at the sound of you finally calling him by his name.

Your small gasps and sighs are setting his skin on fire, a light flush dusting his features, he still wants more from you, he wants to hear it all, he wants to feel it all, he wants to see it all. Deciding he’s had enough of your clothes, he slips his finger from deep in your cunt, which results in the prettiest, wrecked sound coming from you.

“Just a sec, need these off…” he tugs your pants down and off, leaving you in your panties, he hums in thought at you, “…These are cute,” he points out, looking at to the lacy garment decorating your lower half, “Expecting something to happen?”

You shake your head no, not loving the accusation that you planned this, “No, I just… didn’t have anything else…”

“Convenient,” he comments, taking notice of how completely ruined they are, wet from your arousal pooling in them. He pulls the side of them away from your skin, only to let it slap back against you, enjoying the way you squirm under him, “I think I’ll leave these on.”

He continues undressing you though, tugging off your shirt, your bra following along soon after. You feel so exposed compared to his fully dressed form. His cock strains against his pants though, sitting heavy against the zipper of his jeans. The sight makes you salivate but he takes no notice.

“I gotta get my mouth on you, pretty thing,” he murmurs more to himself than you, since you’re not really thinking at this point, only squirming under him and trying to rub your thighs together.

He shuffles down between your legs, spreading them apart further and tossing them over his shoulder. Drawing your panties to the side, he presses his face into your cunt, inhaling deeply, the act makes you jump and whinge out his name, shocked by the completely debauched display.

“Satoru~”

He doesn’t reply, not with words, he mumbles into your pussy and licks a long stipe from your hole to your clit before licking back down. His tongue pushing into your cunt with the desperation of a starved man. His nose presses against your clit and he moves his head side to side slightly, stimulating it.

You moan and whimper into the air, fingers finding purchase in his hair, needing something to tug onto while he eats you out in the messiest way possible. There is no finesse, he’s sloppily making out with your cunt, drinking down all the arousal that leaks from you eagerly.

Your thighs begin shaking beside his head and he holds you tighter, his head moving back and forth quickly, shaking it, trying to force your orgasm from you. The feeling of his blunt nails digging into your soft skin and the way he groans so unrestrained into your pussy has you cumming on his face very suddenly.

Your stomach twists as your cunt clenches around Gojo’s tongue, your mind lost in how good you feel. Not registering the sound of your moans or the sounds of his mouth lapping at you in the most lewd manner, it should be embarrassing how wet you are for him but you can’t seem to care when it feels this good.

He’s unrelenting, licking and mouthing at your sensitive pussy until you start twitching away from him and pulling on his hair harshly, wordlessly tell him it’s too much.

“Perfect,” he turns his face to the side and mumbles into your thigh, nipping at the skin, delighting in the way your body jerks, “Got an absolutely perfect cunt.” He says shamelessly.

“Gojo!”

He looks up at you through his lashes, “Ah, back to Gojo now?” he leans up and back onto his knees, tugging his shirt over his head and discarding it with the rest of your clothes, “No worries, I’ll fix that real soon.”

The sound of his belt clinking and zipper undoing brings you out of your thoughts, temporarily disarmed by the sudden exposure of his skin. He doesn’t bother taking them off completely, just shirking them down enough to free his painfully erect cock.

Your gaze gets lost in the sight of his dick, leaking thick globs of precum from the tip down his shaft. His hand tugging lazily at it, spreading his own mess everywhere, slicking it up for you. Wet sounds of his hand languidly fucking his cock makes your skin prick. How he’s going to fit you aren’t sure, the size of him is daunting.

He smiles when you look back in his eyes, “There she is.” He leans down over you, “I know I have a really nice dick but let’s try and stay focused, pretty, hmm?”

It’s condescending and egotistical of him to say but you can’t fight the shiver that runs down your spine at his words, “Gojo, you have a massive–”

“–Dick? Yeah I know,” he smiles cheekily at you.

You finish your previous interrupted statement, “I was gonna say ego.”

“Two things can be true at once,” he presses a kiss to your forehead, “You ready for this?”

“I don’t think I could ever be ready for this,” you retort.

“Way to boost a guys ego,” he chuckles at your comment.

You grab the side of his face, “Not that you need it.” You murmur before pulling him down for another kiss, missing the feel of his lips on yours.

He licks into your mouth straight away; you can taste yourself on his tongue. You feel like you could float away, not knowing how you’ve gone your whole life without being kissed like this. Your thighs are back on either side of his hips again, your need to be filled growing by the second.

Pulling back, he sits up so he can watch himself enter your tight pussy. He’s not denying himself this view, not when he’s imagined it so many times before. He rubs his cock through your folds a few times, relishing in your small jumps and moans. He needs it wet; it needs to be so fucking wet if he even dreams of fucking his cock all the way inside you.

“I’m gonna need you to relax for me and remember to breathe if you wanna take it all,” he says it so seriously, and if you hadn’t seen his dick you would’ve assumed he was just stroking his own ego for the sake of it.

You nod at him, “Got it, now please,” your hips wiggle slightly, enticing him.

“I got ya,” he smirks, pushing forward slightly.

The tip of him is a lot, your cunt stretching to take it, the ache dulled by the absolute messy state of your pussy and the thumb Gojo is pressing into your clit. He intakes a sharp breath at the snug fit of your cunt, his hips jerking forward mindlessly, a groan pulled from deep in him, while you whimper pathetically.

Your breath stutters and you’re struggling, grip on his cock impossibly tight, through gritted teeth, he reminds, “Hey, hey… breathe yeah? You gotta –fuck– you gotta breathe for me, pretty.”

Collecting yourself, you attempt to take deep breaths, they come out stuttered but the punishing grip you had on him eases, “Almost had me fucking cumming, geez…” he laughs lightly at it but he would’ve been beyond embarrassed if he came with only his tip inside of you, he’d never live it down.

“You can –hah– you can move,” you stammer out.

He double checks, “You sure?”

Your eyes are so wet and your voice is wrecked when you add, “Please.”

An evil smile takes its place on his face, “Why were you assigned to work with me?”

“Gojo, not now,” your words break off into a whine, you sound so pathetic, you do not have the upper hand here.

“Mmm? You want me to stuff you full? Tell me the reason,” he leans down slightly, cock slipping just that tiny bit more into you.

Ignoring him, your wrap your legs tighter around his waist and try fucking up onto him, it works for the one second that he lets it and then one of his large hands is reaching down and slamming your hips back into the couch cushions.

“Come on, pretty,” his breath wafts against the side of your face, his lips tickling your ear, “You really gonna waste time being stubborn?”

“You’re the stubborn one,” you argue.

He hums noncommittally, almost like you proved his point for him, “Come on, I can feel you fucking pulsing around me, just tell me what you did~”

“I– I… I didn’t listen to an order on a mission and almost got myself killed,” you pout out, breathing laboured.

He tsks at you, disapproving of your actions, “You really should be more careful,” he kisses beside your ear, “And listen to your seniors more.” It goes without saying that, that includes him. You suspect he’s mostly talking about himself; he has no respect for the current hierarchy.

“Gojo, you said you would–”

He tilts his head at you, “–I did but now knowing how reckless you were, I can’t help but want to punish you a bit more…”

Your waterline fills with tears at the frustration, your pussy fluttering on the barely two inches he has sat inside you, how he’s holding out so well you have no idea because you’re about to fucking cry.

Your voice is embarrassing to even your own ears, “Satoru, please, more.”

“Ah, well when you ask like that, how can I say no?” He’s acting as if he’s taking mercy on you and not like his dick didn’t twitch violently at you using his name again.

Slowly, he pushes into you, stopping every now and again to let you adjust and reminding you to just breathe through it. Something Gojo has realised is, your cunt is so reactive to him, the words he speaks, the hand he has on your hip, the kisses he presses into the side of your head, all of it has you spasming around him and every time you do, it feels like a gut punch to him.

It’s addictive and also world shattering, he doesn’t know how long he’ll be able to last when he actually starts fucking into you. The little noises you make don’t help either, how on earth is he meant to last more than a minute inside you?

Eventually, he bottoms out, the both of you moaning at the relief, your legs nearly kick at the sensation of how deep inside you he is, “Satoru, move?”

He bites out, “Give me a second.” He’s fighting the primal urge to cum inside you right now.

You whine under him, hips twitching, using the minimal amount of space to grind your pelvis into his. Your pussy stutters around him at the stimulation on your clit and he groans loudly at it, his orgasm on the tip of his tongue.

He forces your hips down and still again, pinning you to the couch with his own, “You’re so impatient. Do you want this to be over now? You want me to cum after only being fully inside you for a minute?”

You shake your head at him, the feral look in his eyes making your stomach do flips, your pussy gushing around him.

He laughs dryly, “Fuck, I can’t do a single thing without turning you on more, huh?”

You look away from him, embarrassment reaching a new pique with that comment, “Not nice, Satoru.”

“Not a bad thing, pretty,” he noses your cheek, realising how he said it harshly without meaning it that way, “Huge compliment, knowing you react this way to me is fucking perfect but it also has me on the edge of finishing prematurely.”

Turning your head back to him, you look him in the eyes and he swears he sees heaven because you have tears trailing down your cheeks and your eyes are blown and wet and he’s gonna finish if he keeps looking at you. So, instead, he leans in and kisses you deep, getting lost in the taste and feel of your mouth.

The small reprieve helps and he begins thrusting his hips back and forth, his cock leaving and entering you with the most obscene noises he’s ever heard. It’s such a fucking mess, leaking out of you, down your thighs and onto your nice couch. And even if he really tried, he couldn’t give a fuck, not when your cunt is so slick and warm and wrapping around him like it was made for him.

The sounds you let out are cute but muffled against his mouth, he settles for swallowing them down but he’d really rather hear them loud and clear. You flutter around him so beautifully, everything you do is perfect to him and you laying here while he shoves you full of his fat cock is no different.

He pulls away from your lips to hear the noises you make for him, “Cute,” he comments offhandedly, not even sure if you hear the contents of his words. He only knows you hear his voice because your cunt clenches down on him at the sound.

You cry out to him, “S’toru~”

“Ah, you’re so fucking close aren’t you,” the smile on his face is huge and wolfish, excited to feel you cum all over him, looking forward to literally nothing else.

You try to verbalise it, “I– mm –mmph–”

“Go on, let yourself gush all over me, wanna fucking feel it, pretty,” his words are sharp against your ear.

His hips increase their pace, slamming down into you more forcefully, his pelvis grinding into your clit harshly. Your eyes cross into the back of your head, neck lolling back bonelessly, choppy, whimpered sounds leave you. Your fingers claw at his biceps, leaving behind angry marks. Gojo’s hands have a death grip on your hips, bruised marks will definitely be left behind in their wake.

A particularly sharp thrust and loud whine from Gojo has you cumming under him, your pussy gripping him tight as your cum leaks from you sloppily, his cock coated in it. Creamy ring left at the base of his cock as he continues thrusting mercilessly.

His abs pull taut, his resolve finally breaking now that he’d finally felt you finish on him, “Where you want it?”

“Inside, please Satoru,” your words are mumbled and breathy.

“Fuuuuuck.”

He’s lucky you said that because your words have him cumming on the spot, thick ropes of his cum being forced deep inside your little cunt. It leaks out around the base of him, even as he presses deep into you, his pelvis tight against yours, riding out his high by grinding into you slightly. The stimulation making your cunt jump around him as he hisses at the slight overstimulation he’s forcing himself into.

You both huff, gasping greedily for air after your intense highs, the room filled with nothing but silence and your haste breaths. Eventually, you both even out and lay there quietly, Gojo pressed against you with his cock still snug inside your pussy.

“Gojo, you’re heavy,” you tell him.

He laughs, “Right, sorry.”

Leaning back, he slowly pulls his dick from you, both hissing at it. His eyes are fixated on the way his cum slips from your hole, his heart hammering in his chest at the sight, obsessing over how hot it is that you took so much of him. He slips your panties back into place, letting them keep his cum inside you.

“You did so good,” he praises you suddenly.

It makes you feel bashful, “So did you…” you mumble out.

A loud laugh results from him, “Thank you,” he says, his eyes crinkled in a large smile.

Gojo cleans the pair of you up, tucking you carefully into your bed and holding you close as you fight to keep your eyes open, “Will you still be here when I wake up?”

“Do you want me to be?” He questions lightly, trying not to expect anything from you.

“…Yes, I’d like it a lot if you stayed, I think.” You admit shyly.

“Then I’ll be here,” he presses himself into you closer, enjoying the warmth radiating off of you.

You don’t think this was in your job description…

PLAGIARISM NOT CONDONED | REPOSTS NOT AUTHORISED

[brilium]

❥ K I N K T O B E R 2 0 2 3

Masterlist

➽──────────❥

❥ DAY 12. Caught Sex! with Suguru Geto

Summary. One of Suguru's co-workers keeps trying to flirt with him even though she knows that he's dating you and you sneak out on the changing rooms to show her how to strike back properly.

Content Warning. Fem! reader, no use of Y/N, all characters are adults, smut, vaginal sex, rough sex, oral sex (f. receiving), breeding, semi-public sex.

Word count. 2,203.

MINORS OR AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT !!

Your nails drum on the table, even if the sound is thin and soft, for Suguru’s coworker feels like the footsteps of a serial killer approaching her, even though she is the one walking towards you.

“D–Do you need something else?” She asks, with a weak voice as she avoids your gaze.

She’s been flirting with your boyfriend, you know it.

She chose to ignore the fact that he was already dating someone, just as she’s fighting to ignore the rage in your eyes as you look at her.

In her position, she's supposed to look down at you with superiority, but she feels like a tiny bug in a spider web.

“Yeah, I would like to see a face that won’t make me want to throw up my macchiato” You smile cynically as she sighs shyly and nods. Walking away with her hands on the bags of her apron.

You take a long sip of your drink, still smiling, the girn on your face increases as you see Suguru walking towards you in a hurry. God, his angry face looks so hot.

“How long have you been there?” He groans, pulling the chair harshly and sitting in front of you. You put your elbows on the table to hold your face with your hands, looking at him like you have hearts popping in your eyes.

"You look handsome when you tie up your hair like that." You extend your hand to play with his bangs.

He gives you a hard look and you sigh, still playing with his hair.

“Like three hours. I have work to do and I decided to work on it in advance as I drink one of your delicious coffees.” Suguru scoffs at your answer, throwing his head back as he pinches the bridge of his nose before sighing and leaning closer on the table.

“I know why you’re here” Suguru sighs, caressing your arm softly with his fingers, he bites his lip to hide his smile as he looks up at you. “Thank you. She’s been over me all week, today is the only day that she has left me alone and I was wondering why until I heard of a grumpy client.”

You shrug, snorting softly.

“I’m not that grumpy” He laughs back, relaxing a little. “I’m just worried, usually we are the relaxed and smart boyfriend with the girl who’s inappropriate and…”

“Grumpy” He responds, chuckling.

You laugh softly, looking down to hide your blush.

“Yeah, and the grumpy girlfriend.”

You both relaxed, but the echo of his coworker taking an order some tables away tenses you both again. You feel the borders of your lips go down, running the cute atmosphere as you both remember all the insistence of the girl.

“I can ask my boss to let me go earlier today, ‘kay?” He says, leaning closer to kiss your cheek lovingly before standing up again. “Even they know about how tired I am from all her begging me to cheat on you with her.”

Your eyes widen at his words, and he nods with pursed lips before kissing your forehead and saying a soft ‘I’ll be right back’.

As Suguru enters through the door with the small sign of “Staff only” you can’t help but worry again of all the stress he’s going through with this girl. If even the staff knows about all the problems and she keeps insisting, maybe you’ll have to be as crazy as her to stop it.

When your boyfriend has finished taking off his apron, he starts to unbutton his shirt; once all the buttons has been let off, he startles at the sensation of someone pulls back his shirt and revealing his back and shoulders.

Suguru turns back in cold sweat, just to find you smirking and bringing up your hand to his chest.

"Wow, it's been a while since I got this view" You giggle, passing the tip of your nails across his chest, receiving a stained moan from him.

He grabs your waist firmly, pulling you closer to whisper.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He scolds you, but you still can feel the warmth of his hard breathing against your face. "You'll get me in trouble if someone finds you in here."

You purr, hugging his neck to bring him closer and rub your lips against his. Suguru shivers at your actions and his hands can't avoid the reflect of holding your waist.

"Do you really need to stay on this job? That girl just keeps bothering you" You whine, biting softly his lip as Suguru closes his eyes to hold himself from falling in your threat. "C'mon, I'll get jealous."

"You'll get jealous even if I work at a damn geriatric." Suguru snorts, finally giving up to look out for your lips, kissing you deeply and drawing circles with his thumbs on your waist.

You hit his shoulder softly, unable to answer anything from the way he kisses you like it's been a year since the last time. Sucking on your lower lip and chasing out for your tongue, you whimper pleased against his lips.

The sound of your lips touching and pulling back covers the small changing room until the soft whines in your voice start to join.

"S–Suguru…" You lean back but he brings you again against his lips as his hand gets inside your jeans to rub your clit in circles above the underwear. "Fuck— Yes… That feels good."

Suguru laughs against your lips, bringing the other hand behind your neck to keep you on there for him. You clumsily unbutton your jeans to let him move his hand more freely and he licks your lip slowly like a candy.

When he pulls back, you breathe finally as you pull down your jeans and kick them aside with your foot. He harshly turns your body and presses you against the lockers, you feel you cheek against the cold metal as he pushes your hips back to let you feel his hard crotch.

"You know you shouldn't be here, love" He whispers, caressing your hips with your hands and crawling slowly to reach your clothed breasts while his hips softly thrust against your ass. "You never pay attention to me."

His hands squeeze your breasts, grabbing the border of your bra and pulling it down to let them be free before slamming your upper body against the surface and keeping your butt closer to him.

You moan loud and clear at the action, the cold feeling immediately turning you nipples hard as he pushes you against the metal with the increase of the strength on his hits.

"P–Please, just fuck me, Suguru" You plead, feeling his finger rubbing up and down right in your —still— clothed cunt. 

"Nah" Suguru scoffs, soaking softly his finger with the wet fluids trespassing the fabric and making you roll your eyes at the slight touch. "You're being so fucking loud, I don't wanna get fired because of your whines."

You open your mouth to complain, being stopped by his hands wagging your ass and squeezing it as his crotch sends another thrust. You tried to moan but your teeths quickly grabbing your lip covers it.

Suguru laughs, pulling down your panties as he kneels behind you as he caresses your legs.

"Now you understand it." 

You nod painfully as his head travels between your ass to start licking your folds from behind. His tongue already knows where to rub softly and have you in such a whiny state, but his demands of being silent are giving you a headache.

Suguru loves to do it this way; your soft ass in his face as his tongue and lips kiss you like he wants to clean every drop of fluid inside your cunt. You can't help but roll your eyes as you moan the lowest that you can as he starts sucking and drinking every drop that leaks on your thighs.

You start trying to grab something to hold the pleasure but the damn lockers are so loud every time you try to support on them and they rumble with metallic echoes.

"S–Shit! Suguru!" You whine, squeezing your breasts between your hands as his tongue gets a quicker peace and teases the tip of your clit.

His hair is tangled between your fists as you bring a hand back to hold him on there but he pulls back again, making you moan a little bit louder in your complaint.

"Hold on, don't turn." He says with a firm tone that startles you and you obey with a little trembling of the interrupted pleasure that almost drove you to the orgasm. 

You glance back slightly, seeing him tossing aside his jeans near to yours as he strokes on his erection a few times before putting his tip near to your folds.

He pushes your head against the lockers again with a strong hold as his dick slides fully inside in one thrust. You moan with a mix of pain of pleasure not bothering about your volume as he keeps slamming without caring of the sound of the skins or the echo of the rumble of the lockers.

"Y–You're a damn pain in the ass, you know it, right?" Suguru groans, moaning between his teeths at the feeling of your walls sucking him inside. "You never listen to me."

You can't help but nod against the metal with struggle because of his hold as you hold the locker's doors to keep you standing. 

"Suguru! Fuck— You’re so rough with me!" You moan, loving his peace and thrusts kicking in and out so perfectly as you smile like a dumb. 

"Yes— God, this is the only pussy that I'd love to feel all my life" His hand lets go of your head to keep them both on your tits, squeezing them and arching your back slightly in his direction to keep holding you as his thrusts become more harder and messier. "I'm gonna cum, I'll cum inside and show it to everyone, princess."

You moan harder, breathing with struggle as he pounds like a beast on you as you feel electric shivers covering all your body as the orgasm starts to build on you with every hit.

Suguru growls at the feeling of you tightening around him as you cry his name. He feels close— so fucking close, so he moves his hands from your tits to your wrists to keep you on there as he slams feeling the previous feeling of his orgasm reaching him too.

Is then, when the door suddenly opens and a familiar annoying voice comes inside. 

But this time it doesn't annoy you. It actually sounds like your favorite song as she gets inside.

"Suguru, what's all that nois—"

"Fuuuck—!" Suguru groans as he sends a few thrusts that are the high of his orgasm as his seed fills you with a bigger load of cum than other times. 

Between your half opened eyes and fucked out gaze, you're still able to smile at the sight of her shocked face as he pulls out from you and you have to hold the lockers with the sweat on your forearms and hands to keep standing as you feel the hot liquid starting to drip down along your thighs.

"Yeah…" He asks, breathless as he strokes his cock to throw the last drops of cum on your ass before grabbing his boxers from the floor and putting them on. "It was my girlfriend, sorry."

His smirk says everything but regret as she gets red and avoids your eyes before slamming the door and leaving.

"Is she stopping now?" You ask, trying to recover as you put on your panties again and look for your jeans.

"Yeah. Anyways, everyone definitely heard it all so I might get fired." You snort, buttoning your jeans and grabbing his hand.

You roll your eyes, kissing his lips softly as he returns the kiss with tenderness as he caresses your cheeks. 

"Come on," you say against his lips, playing with his loose hair. "Let's leave before she starts screaming about what she saw."

[tip-top-cloud-surfer]

Never Have I Ever (Part 4) - Hangman

Pairing: Hangman / Civilian Contractor! Reader (Callsign: Dove)

Length: 3.9k

This work, all my works, and my entire blog are 18+ Only

Warnings: Female Reader with a Callsign and Family, but no Physical Description or Name; Not Necessarily Healthy Decisions/Coping Mechanisms; Slow Burn; Coworkers to Friends to Lovers; Oblivious Idiots; Excessive Pining; Jealousy; Adult Situations

Summary: Phoenix takes Dove out for a girls' day. Jake proceeds to lose his shit.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Master List

“You’re not doing anything with Dove today?” Coyote asked Jake as they jogged their normal route. 

“No, she said that Phoenix was taking her out.” 

“What’re they doing?” 

“I don’t know. Dove didn’t say,” Jake stated, shrugging his shoulders. 

~~~~~

# 44 - Gotten a Pedicure

“So, what are we doing next?” Dove asked Phoenix.

They sat side by side at a nail salon, getting a pedicure together. And Dove, even though salons usually gave her anxiety, was enjoying herself. It helped to have Phoenix with her. 

“I thought we’d start small and work our way up,” Phoenix replied, turning to Dove. 

“Like what?”

“We’ll just have a girls day. Do stuff that you wouldn’t do if Hangman was with you,” Phoenix stated, causing Dove to nod. “Maybe stuff that you’ve wanted to do for a while, but just never got around to doing.” 

“I can think of a few things.” 

~~~~~

# 45 - Bought Fishnet Stockings

“I don’t know what I’ll wear these with,” Dove admitted as she picked out a pair of fishnet stockings from the rack. “But I’ve always wanted a pair.” 

“And that’s why we’re doing this,” Phoenix stated, steering Dove towards the cashier. 

~~~~~

# 46 - Gone Wedding Dress Shopping 

“Nat, I feel bad,” Dove whispered to Phoenix as they looked through the racks of dresses. “There’s actual brides here.” 

“So what? Just pick some dresses. You’re not hurting anyone.”

As Dove continued to browse through the dresses, a consultant approached them. She greeted them kindly and Dove tried to not sweat when she was confronted with the fact that she was not engaged and she was here with a fake engagement ring and a made up fiance. 

“So, you’re the bride to be?” the consultant asked Dove, who smiled sheepishly.

“Yes, I am.” 

“When’s your wedding?”

“Next summer,” Dove stated noncommittally. 

“Oh, so you have time. Tell me what you’re looking for.” 

Dove listed off some details that she had considered for her actual wedding dress. With those details in mind, the consultant led Dove and Phoenix around the store, picking out some dresses and asking Dove about her fake wedding. Phoenix was calm beside her but Dove was not similarly relaxed. 

“So, tell me about your groom,” the consultant stated, causing Dove to sweat some more. “Do you have any pictures of the two of you?” 

“Uh, yeah, of course, I do,” Dove laughed nervously. 

Shooting Phoenix a look, Dove pulled out her phone. The photo of her and Jake from when they were stuck up on the ferris wheel together the night before popped up first and Dove showed it to the consultant to get it over with. 

“Oh, you two are adorable together.” 

“Thank you.” 

“What’s his name?”

“Jake,” Dove answered honestly. Because it was Jake in the photo.

“And how’d you two meet?” 

“We work together.” 

“And how long have you been together for?” 

“Eight months,” Dove lied easily. 

Dove had been at her position at NAS North Island for eight months. It had been eight months since she had been assigned to the Dagger Squad. 

“I know it seems rushed, but—” Dove started to over-explain. 

“—When you know, you know,” the consultant assured Dove, smiling kindly. She lifted up the wedding dresses that they had already picked out. “I’ll go put these in a dressing room. Come back after you’ve done your last look through.” 

“Thank you.” 

The consultant walked away, leaving Dove and Phoenix alone for a moment. Dove could feel Phoenix’s gaze on her, but didn’t meet her stare. 

“Freudian slip?” Phoenix suggested to Dove. 

“Shut up.” 

~~~~~

# 47 - Gone into a Lingerie Store

“I already hate this and we’re only in the parking lot,” Dove sighed, staring up at the store.

“Why?”

“Because the women who work in these stores are the most judgmental, aggressive, and condescending salespeople on the planet,” Dove huffed, turning to Phoenix with an annoyed expression. “Why do you think I stay away from these places?”

“If they act that way, we’re going to tell them to mind their business. Now, come on.” 

Dove sighed, but got out of the car anyway. She followed Phoenix into the store and was relieved to find that it was not overrun with judgy salespeople. Then again it was midday on a weekday and there appeared to only be two salespeople in the entire store. 

“You’ll be fine,” Phoenix repeated, before dragging Dove deeper into the store.

~~~~~

Jake sat around with the other Daggers—minus Phoenix—for a lazy afternoon, floating around ideas for that night. Jake, bored with the conversation already, pulled out his phone and looked at Dove’s list for any updates. 

Pedicure . . . fishnets . . . wedding dress . . . lingerie?

Quickly setting his phone back down, Jake turned back to the conversation, trying and failing at looking casual. And to not let his mind wander too far. 

~~~~~

# 48 - Bought Lingerie

“Buy for yourself, not for anyone else. Buy something that makes you feel good.” 

“I’m just looking for something that I can actually get into at this point,” Dove replied, grimacing as she picked up another set. “I mean, what is the point of all of these ribbons? I feel like I’m going to trip and slam my head into the wall trying to get into this thing.” 

“Just find something that works for you. Don’t worry about all of this extra crap.”

Dove looked through what felt like half a store’s worth of options before she settled on a simpler set. Nothing too crazy, but the lace pattern was appealing and it was surprisingly soft. And the look of the bra alone made her feel confident about herself. 

If only she had something or someone to wear it for.

~~~~~

# 49  - Gone to an Adult Shop

“Come on, it’s no big deal,” Phoenix stated, pulling Dove into the store. “You already bought lingerie. This is just another step in that process.” 

Dove winced when she saw some of the items that were up on the wall. She turned back to Phoenix, practically clutching her metaphorical pearls.

“Where the hell is that supposed to go?” Dove glanced down at her pelvis before turning back to Phoenix with a slightly terrified expression. “I don’t have space for that! No one has space for that. Where the hell are your organs supposed to go?” 

“We’re not going for anything crazy,” Phoenix stated reassuringly. “Just trying to introduce you to some stuff to, uh, help you out a little.” 

~~~~~

# 50 - Bought an Adult Toy

“This one has plenty of different settings, so you can play around with it and see what works for you and what doesn’t,” the attendant explained, causing Dove to nod. “Everyone is different, so there’s no shame in finding what works for you.” 

“Thank you.” 

“See that wasn’t so bad,” Phoenix stated, walking with Dove after she picked up a box.  

“No, it actually wasn’t.” 

Dove was about to turn for the register when she caught sight of some handcuffs. The dainty, fluffy pink fur didn’t spark any interest in her. But when she found a more industrial pair, Dove couldn’t help but pick up a pair to inspect. She completely missed the look on Phoenix’s face at her choice. 

“Well, I guess it’s on sale,” Dove reasoned to herself. 

After a few more moments of quiet deliberation, Dove shrugged her shoulders and walked towards the counter with the handcuffs in hand. Phoenix stood there for a moment, still shocked at Dove’s choice. 

“It’s always the quiet ones.” 

After Dove paid for her items, they made their way back out to the car. Looking down at what she had already purchased that day, Dove quietly had a discussion with herself before turning back to Phoenix. 

“I have an idea. For what to do next.” 

“Of course. What is it?”

~~~~~

# 51 - Gotten a Tattoo

Phoenix pulled her phone out as Dove laid on her side, talking casually with the tattoo artist. When she saw that Jake was calling her, Phoenix excused herself from Dove’s side. Walking out to the parking lot, Phoenix answered the call.

“Yes?” 

“What the hell are you doing, Trace!?” 

“Start over, Bagman,” Phoenix warned him. 

“You’re making her get a tattoo?” Jake rephrased, though the tension was clear in his tone.

“I didn’t make her get a tattoo. This was her idea.” 

“You think that I believe you?” 

“I don’t care what you believe. It’s the truth. She said that she’s floated the idea of getting one for a while and she decided to finally do it.” 

“And you let her?” 

“She is an adult. She can make her own choices about her own body. And no one has the right to tell her that she can’t,” Phoenix warned him. “Including you, Bagman.” 

“What if she regrets it?” 

“She can get it lasered off. And we all know that Dove doesn’t do anything without going through the consequences a thousand times.” Glancing back at the tattoo parlor, Phoenix added, “And when she tells you about it—and this goes for all of you idiots—you’re going to tell her that it’s great. Got it?” 

Dove stepped out into the light as Phoenix wrapped up her phone call. Phoenix spotted her and hung up the phone without so much as a goodbye.

“How do you feel?” 

“It stings,” Dove admitted honestly, pulling her shorts down a little to show Phoenix the bandage, “but I feel . . . I don’t know how to describe it. Just . . . free.” 

“You are,” Phoenix stated, smiling proudly. “You’re in charge of your life. No one else.” 

“Yeah, I am,” Dove agreed, nodding with a wide smile. 

~~~~~

# 52 - Sang Karaoke in Front of Strangers

“And girls! They wanna have fu-un! Oh, girls just wanna have—that’s all the really wa-ah-an-ah-an-ah-ant! Some fu-uh-uh-uh-un! When the working day is done, oh girls, they wanna have fun!” 

Phoenix and Dove shared a laugh as the song finished up. The bar where they were standing was pretty much empty, but the one bartender on duty clapped for them. Dove laughed and waved to them as she hopped off the small stage.

~~~~~

# 53 - Sunbathed Topless

“I need to get softer beach towels,” Dove commented, causing Phoenix to pick her head up and look over at her. 

“Are you planning on doing this more often?” 

The two of them were out in Penny’s backyard to sunbathe in the afternoon. Dove shrugged her shoulders as she laid on her stomach, calm and relaxed. 

“Maybe. If I find safe spots to do it.” 

~~~~~

# 54 - Dyed Your Hair

Putting a trash bag over Dove’s torso just in case, Phoenix started lightly spraying the dye onto her hair. Dove closed her eyes and just let Phoenix work, and missed Phoenix’s concerned look as she finished up the spray. 

“Alright, how does that look? I think I’ll open the window.” 

Dove stood up from the tub and walked over to the mirror to stare at her new reflection and instantly grimaced. The red hair color was fairly bright. It wasn’t quite a fire engine red, nor was it orange, it was some other odd reddish color that Dove was going to immediately wash out of her hair. 

“Well, that’s off the list. Forever.” 

~~~~~

# 55 - Drank Pickle Juice

“Do you normally do this?” Dove asked Phoenix, sitting at her kitchen table with an old towel wrapped around her freshly washed hair. 

The spray on hair dye had come out easily, but she was going to have to scrub her shower later. Phoenix placed a glass in front of her and Dove picked it up to inspect it. Taking a small sip, Dove wrinkled her nose and slowly set it back down. 

“I think I’ve had enough of the food challenges,” Dove admitted, slowly opening her eyes. 

“You’ll have to tell everyone else that. They want to go to a new bar tonight,” Phoenix stated, showing Dove her texts with Bob. 

“A cowboy bar?” Dove read, looking up at Phoenix. “They finally let Jake have his way?” 

“Apparently.” 

~~~~~

# 56 - Ridden a Mechanical Bull

Jake and Coyote walked into the cowboy bar together and started their search for the other Daggers, who had all apparently arrived before them. 

“Found ‘em,” Coyote stated, nudging Jake in the side. 

Jake turned his head and recognized the woman climbing up on the back of the mechanical bull. And even if he didn’t, the fact that Phoenix, Bob, and Rooster were standing around the area and cheering her on would have cleared it up.

Dove focused on the task at hand, locking her legs around the bull and prepared to move her body in time with the bull. Jake and Javy made their way over to the area as the mechanical bull started to move. 

“Yeah, Dove!” Phoenix cheered for her.

“She can really move her hips well,” Rooster commented, staring down Jake as he spoke. “Don’t you agree, Hangman?” 

Jake glared straight into Bradley’s soul before turning back to Dove. She managed to hold on for longer than anyone expected, but with a quiet giggle, Dove dropped onto the mat. Rolling onto her knees, Dove crawled to get off the mat. 

Jake offered her a hand and she took it without hesitation. Hopping down from the mat, she moved to pull her boots on again as Bob climbed up onto the mat to go next. Dove stood up slowly, offering him a smile that seemed to make time slow around them.

“Long time no see,” Dove stated teasingly. “Did you miss me?” 

“Well, my day was a lot less entertaining without you in it,” Jake commented, causing Dove to raise an eyebrow. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You make life . . . interesting,” Jake replied, missing the side eye that Coyote and Rooster shared behind him. 

“Interesting?” Dove repeated, causing Jake to wince. Laughing, she nudged him again. “I’m just teasing, Jake. Lighten up. Relax. Have a drink.” 

She walked past him, practically serene, and over to where Phoenix was standing, cheering on Bob, who was still hanging on. Coyote wrapped an arm around Jake’s shoulder and Jake promptly ignored his shit-eating grin.

“You know, of all the words you could have used to describe her, you chose ‘interesting’?” 

“Shut up, Javy.” 

“To think I took advice from you. No wonder I don’t have a girlfriend.” 

~~~~~

# 57 - Given a Fake Name

Dove stood at the bar with Phoenix, waiting to order another drink. The other Daggers were waiting at their table, which they could see from the bar. Folding her arms on the bar, Dove glanced to her right as a man took the spot next to her.

“Have you been waiting a while?” he asked, causing Dove and Phoenix to turn to him. 

“Yeah, but they’re clearly understaffed, so we don’t mind,” Dove returned politely. 

“Have you been here before?” the man continued. 

“No, it was recommended by one of our friends,” Dove explained calmly. She shared a look with Phoenix, who subtly shrugged her shoulders. 

“And what do you think about it so far?” 

“The mechanical bull is a unique touch.”  

“Have you been on it yet?” the man asked, leaning on the bar with a smile. 

“Yeah, earlier.” 

“How’d you do?” 

“I think they said nine seconds.” 

“That’s amazing for your first time up on one.” 

“Thank you.” 

“I’m Jared,” he introduced, offering his hand for her to shake. 

Dove quickly came up with a fake name and introduced herself back to him. Shaking his hand in return, she turned back to the bartender. She and Phoenix shared a side glance before Jared asked her another question. 

~~~~~

# 58 - Been Bought a Drink

Jake glared at the back of Jared’s head, watching the interaction between Dove and the stranger intently. It was a bar and Jared was a random man who walked up to Dove and Phoenix. Jake had every right to be concerned, he reasoned to himself. 

“I’m going up there,” Jake stated gruffly.

“Did he do something?” Payback asked, turning around to look at the bar. 

“He’s loitering.” 

“It looks like they’re just talking. Dove doesn’t even look anxious.” 

“No, he’s bad news,” Jake insisted. 

“Because he’s doing something wrong or because he’s flirting with Dove?” Coyote questioned, turning to his best friend. “Would you react the same way if he was showing more of an interest in Phoenix?” 

“I’m going up there,” Jake insisted, ignoring Javy’s question. 

Meanwhile, at the bar, Dove and Jared had finally waved over the bartender. Dove ordered her drink, but before she could hand over her card, Jared offered to put it on his tab. And even though Dove insisted that she could pay for her own drinks, Jared insisted. 

“My treat. And besides, it’s your first time here. I have to make sure that you have a good time, so you’ll come back again.” 

“Thank you,” Dove replied quietly, quickly moving into unfamiliar territory. 

While they waited for their drinks to be made, Jared continued to ask Dove perfectly normal surface level questions. Dove was analytical by nature and Jared didn’t seem to ask her anything that was a blatant red flag. But she was still cautious. The bartender handed over their drinks before Dove turned back to Jared. 

“Thank you for the drink, but we really should get back to our friends,” Dove stated politely, offering Jared a small smile. 

“Before you go,” Jared stated, causing Dove to pause, “do you think that I could get your number? Or maybe, at least, a dance?”

“Um,” Dove began, trying to find the right words. 

“She has a boyfriend,” Phoenix interjected, causing Jared’s face to fall. 

“Oh.” 

“Sorry, I was trying to tell you before you bought the drink,” Dove replied, half-lying, half-telling the truth. She did tell him that she wanted to pay for her own drink. 

“Do you guys need help?” Jake asked, appearing from the crowd. 

Phoenix rolled her eyes at the subtle territorial display—or not so subtle, depending on who you asked—that Jake put on. Jared, quickly assessing the fact that Jake was built enough to kick his ass if he really wanted to—and Jake looked like he wanted to—slipped away, leaving Dove and Phoenix at the bar with Jake. 

“Are you alright?” Jake asked Dove, who nodded in return.

“Yeah, he seemed harmless. We’re fine.” 

“You’re sure?” 

“I’m fine, Jake.” 

“I’ll take a tequila shot,” Phoenix told the bartender, who nodded and moved to pour one for her. 

~~~~~

# 59 - Danced with Someone at a Bar

“I love this song!” Phoenix yelled, getting to her feet. 

The Dagger Squad had settled around their table, enjoying their drinks and catching up, but Phoenix was itching to move. Phoenix reached over and grabbed Bob’s arm, practically pulling him straight out of his seat. 

“Let’s go dance!”

Jake watched Phoenix drag Bob off her before turning to look at Dove, who was already staring back at him. Turning so that his whole body was facing her, Jake leaned in closer to her so that he didn’t need to scream over the music.

“Do you want to dance too?” 

“Do you want me to make your night more interesting?” Dove quipped back, though she looked unsure of herself. “You know that I have two left feet, Jake.” 

“I’ll lead.” 

“If I fall on my face—” 

“—I won’t let you fall,” Jake promised, causing Dove to pause as her cheeks warmed.

“Alright.” 

Jake and Dove left the Dagger table and walked out onto the crowded dance floor. Dove reached out and kept a tight hold on Jake’s hand, worried about losing him in the swarm. Jake managed to find a space for them before turning back to Dove. She released his hand and smiled anxiously.

“Just follow me,” Jake called over the music. 

Dove nodded and just sort of swayed to the music. The crowd shifted around them and pushed them closer together. Jake put his hands on Dove’s waist to keep her steady on her feet. And Dove, either subconsciously or consciously leaned against him too, letting Jake wrap an arm around her. 

They swayed together to the music as Jake reached for Dove’s hand. Twirling her around gently, Jake wasn’t aware that he was giving her the most genuinely joyful smile and that his eyes never once deviated from her. 

From the way that her nose crinkled as she laughed to the soft look in her eye as she turned back around, he was entirely and completely captivated by her. 

Dove spun around again and laughed as she leaned against Jake, still a bit clumsy. Jake wrapped an arm around her waist, not just to steady her this time. But to unabashedly keep her close to him. And Dove didn’t push away from him.

From across the room, Coyote, Rooster, and Payback sat together, all quietly watching the interaction between Jake and Dove. Coyote appeared tired, not from the night or the alcohol. But from watching Hangman and Dove continue to tiptoe around each other. 

“Have we tried just pushing their heads together yet?” Payback asked, taking a sip of his beer.

“I’m really considering it,” Coyote replied, shaking his head.

“I can flirt with Dove some more,” Rooster offered, causing Payback and Coyote to turn to him. 

“I’m honestly worried he’ll rip your head off at this point,” Coyote stated, turning to Rooster. “He turns almost feral.” 

“I know. But I’m really enjoying pissing him off.”

~~~~~

# 60 - Shown Someone Else Your Tattoo

Standing outside the bar beside Jake’s truck, Dove turned around. She had to unbutton her jean shorts to do it, but she pulled the waistband of her shorts and her underwear down a little to show Jake her tattoo. She had placed a protective clear patch over it for her shower and just decided to wear it to the bar as well. 

“It’s not very large, but I’ve wanted it for a while,” she explained, causing Jake to nod. 

“What made you pick that one?” 

“I was always drawing stars when I was anxious when I was in college,” Dove admitted, glancing back at her tattoo. “And this was just a group of them.”  

“It looks good,” Jake complimented Dove, causing her to smile. 

“Thank you. I’m really glad that I got it, actually.” 

“It suits you.” 

Pulling her shorts up and buttoning them once again, Dove turned around to face Jake. She leaned back against his truck, folding her hands behind her back.

“Are you excited for the team trip?” 

“I guess.” 

“You’re the one who voted for the lake house,” Dove reminded him.

“I just didn’t want to go to Vegas.” Shifting his weight on his feet, Jake met Dove’s gaze once again. “But I was thinking . . .” 

“Yeah?” Dove asked softly.

“Did you want to leave maybe two days before everyone else? There’s a few more things I think that we can knock off the list if we do.” 

“Just the two of us?” 

“I mean . . . yeah.” 

“I’m just teasing you, Jake,” Dove mused, pushing off of his truck. “Just tell me when I need to be ready to leave, and I’ll be ready.” Offering him a soft smile and letting her touch on his arm linger, Dove added, “Goodnight, Jake.” 

“Night, Dove.” 

Jake turned and watched Dove walk over to her car. He stood there until Dove got into her car and drove home, trying to keep his mind focused. But that was becoming more and more difficult around Dove these days.

[thesensteawitch]

Insights About Your Destiny!💌🍃

Pick A Pile Reading

(Left to Right- Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)

Hey, Senstea Souls!🤍

This collective reading is divided into three parts:

-Your destiny when you were born

-How it changed due to your karma

-Where it's leading you now (Paid)

Parts 1 & 2 are available in this blog but to know Part 3 you'll need to pay $10 and get a personalised reading about where your destiny is taking you.

Choose your pile intuitively. Take what resonates and leave what doesn't as it's a general reading.

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Pile 1

Your destiny when you were born

Tarot Cards- The Devil, King of Cups, 7 of Swords, The Lovers, The Moon

Okay, my dear pile 1. The first thing that I heard was 'twins'. It's very specific but some of you have twins. I also sense that your mother may have faced difficulty during delivery. Probably a lot of pain. You have been emotional since birth. Cancer, Pisces, and Scorpio are coming up (sun, moon, or rising). I also hear, “When you're young they assume you know nothing.” When you were born your destiny was all about dealing with relationships. You were a child who could easily absorb people's energy. A lot of karma you carried in this lifetime. When you were born some of it started settling in your subconscious. Your destiny was all about choosing because I also sense Gemini energy here which shows confusion and difficulty in finding balance. It was written that you'll find it difficult to say no. I am sorry to say but I also sense that some of you have even dealt with sexual abuse of some kind. That too at a very early age. My heart is with you pile 1. I send you so much healing and love. It was written in your destiny that you will face many betrayals and will see the devil behind sweet faces. But no one would believe you. So you'll keep a lot of truths to yourself. Not to avoid conflict but because you had conflicting thoughts. You questioned yourself when others were the ones to be questioned! Up until now, you may have faced a good number of heartbreaks. All the relationships in your life were/are meant to make you realize your true potential. Because you are so different from the crowd pile 1. You couldn't see that since childhood. You felt like an outcast or maybe unimportant. But that's not true. You were born to be different and realize how unique you are! I also sense that you developed your intelligence. It wasn't like you were born intelligent. Since the day you were born, you are only shedding skin and becoming new now and then. Your destiny was all about finding true connections right through the false and painful ones. Many of you were born to be artists or do something different/out of the league. I also sense that your decisions have always been governed by the trauma you went through and the good thing is that you are aware of it.

How has your destiny changed based on your karma?

Tarot Cards- 7 of Wands, 6 of Swords, The Fool, 4 of Pentacles, 7 of Pentacles

I am so proud of you pile 1. You worked hard to be who you are today. You've changed so much. You were practically pushed towards your purpose. Your soul couldn't take it anymore is exactly when rage intervened and you found your strength. You always did your best. You changed your destiny. Where it was written that you're continuously going to face relationship trauma you found your way out of those patterns. You made yourself aware. Despite opposing forces and disempowering words, you stood your ground. I must say your initial years of stubbornness made you walk to the other side. Your rage and stubbornness were the beginning. You suddenly became the warrior. You have finally unlocked new chapters and have shifted the vibrational frequency of your destiny. Otherworldly concepts influenced you a lot to change your perspective towards life. You left the fear-based reality far behind. You became a risk taker. You have developed some very special gifts and are holding onto them. You're also hoping to grow yourself further. You have got a lot to learn and you know that. You want to learn more. You are continuing to be on this transforming journey. No matter how painful it is, you're still moving ahead. You have a thirst for truth, hence you have the patience to wait for it. Currently, you are letting go of the control. Slowly but steadily.

To know where your destiny is taking you book a reading with me only at $10.

Pile 2

Your destiny when you were born

Tarot Cards- 10 of Pentacles, Ace of Pentacles, 5 of Cups, Page of Pentacles, 4 of Cups

Hello, my beautiful pile 2. The first thing I saw was that either you were born into a well-to-do family or a family that was financially facing a tough time. For some of you, I also see a big family. But when you were born something major happened. Someone with whom you were close to when you were born or someone who loved you dearly when you were born is no more. I say this with utmost sincerity and love for you. I sense that your destiny was about dealing with a family where everyone and everything was perfect except you. You were ridiculed a lot for how you looked or your overall personality. I also sense that you were given everything but still, there was something that you were looking for. Your destiny was about coming out of the cocoon of the perfect world and truly experiencing life with its imperfections. I also sense that you have lived among perfectionist people. Deep in your heart and destiny's chart, you were meant to give something to the world. Everyone around you was focused on taking but you wanted to know how you can make others lives better. You were destined to be dependent on yourself and create a life of your own. A life that is not defined by your background. You are someone who was destined to see the darkness behind the gold and glitters. You have been somebody who always questioned the ways of the world. I hear, “You're on your own kid. You always have been. You were destined to bring a powerful change in your family. Any direction you have chosen was only meant to take you to a better place, closer to your purpose. Some of you may even have gone through some health crises as it was written because you function differently compared to other members of your family. You were meant to be the trailblazer.

How has your destiny changed based on your karma?

Tarot Cards- Knight of Wands, King of Pentacles, 3 of Wands, The Emperor, King of Cups

I hear you had to break your own heart to free yourself and move towards your purpose. You weren't understood and that created a deep wound, a longing to move away, especially from your family dynamics. I strongly sense that you lost someone very dear to you. For a very few of you, it might be literal death. Based on your karma you created a certain reality in your mind and it still gives you pain. You're asked to change your thought patterns and question yourself. To want what you want you had to learn what you don't want. And what you don't want is what you got since the beginning. But I see that you've made yourself firm about certain aspects of life. You have your guard up but deep down you are a very emotional and caring human being. You somewhat have your emotions locked up but you do feel them in silence. You are now moving towards making yourself a better human being and growing yourself so that you can genuinely contribute to the world. I also see that some of you have been traveling for quite a while now but still some days you feel restless. You are still being asked to look within and look closer. You're somewhat distracted and still aren't following your purpose. Making money is not the end goal and you know that. Your soul knows that. Always staying on your guard is stressful and you feel that. You're still living in a survival mode. Though you have made slight progress you still need to see the truth. You're missing the details. You're afraid of expressing yourself. I hear your destiny saying, “I just wanna keep calling your name till you come back home.” Now, go deep into the meaning. Don't read it on the surface level. Stop feeding your mind with negative thoughts. Your destiny is still calling you to look in the right direction and release the pain. You deserve love and you'll find love. For some of you, I also sense that love will heal you. Finding someone who loves you dearly will heal you. All you need is love. You're passionate but you stop yourself as you think you need to present yourself in a certain way. You are looking for something and I am telling you all you need is someone who can provide a safe space for what resides deep within your heart.

To know where your destiny is taking you book a reading with me only at $10.

Pile 3

Your destiny when you were born

Tarot Cards- Knight of Cups, Judgement, King of Swords, 3 of Cups, The Devil

Hello, my beautiful pile 3. The first thing that I observed was that your cards were very eager to come out. There was a desire that you couldn't fulfill in your past life and your soul wanted to have that fulfilled in this lifetime. I sense that you have been an active kid in your childhood. Someone who loved making friends. But there was also something saintly about you. You seem to be a bit flirtatious too. I sense that your purpose was to reconnect with your soul tribe. Some of you are walking on the spiritual path. Your purpose was to find romantic connections that could liberate you from your patterns and make you reborn into a different being every time. You were destined to go through all the unwanted situations and meet unwanted people to finally find what you want. You were meant to heal your wounds around friendship and romantic bonds. I also hear your shadow side saying, “You broke me first.” As you may have been aware of this destiny for a very long time so you lived in pain and stayed in this cycle where you kept hating those who broke your heart or who played with your heart. Some of you may even like to dance. Move your body often and release stuck energy. Dancing can have something to do with your purpose too. Your destiny was to go through emotional ups and downs to finally think logically and see the truth of your life. To see why things happened the way they did. You were meant to reflect years after a situation happened. You may have found many answers to your trauma years after it happened. This is for your inner child, “I keep every hour of every day keeping you safe.” You won't be able to escape your destiny. BECAUSE IT IS THE PATH LEADING YOU TO YOUR SPIRITUAL GROWTH. I also hear, “I am just protecting my innocence. I am just protecting my soul.” Protect your inner child. It's a part of the destiny you were born with.

How has your destiny changed based on your karma?

Tarot Cards- 3 of Swords, Ace of Pentacles, 4 of Wands, 8 of Pentacles, Strength

Wow, pile 3. Well done! You're healing your heart chakra. You're appreciating and seeing the lesson in situations you came across. You're no longer blaming people but trying to see the divine reason behind things. You're not stuck on one polarity. You see all the perspectives and can make peace with them. You've gained a lot of strength right through this desire to find the right people that match your mindset. Though you haven't found them yet you soon will. I see some of you are even working so hard to make yourself financially stable. The painful cycle that you have been in for years is now approaching its end because you were willing to learn the lesson. You're so brave, pile 3. You've developed this spark and light around you that others can't help but notice. You've mastered the art of self-transformation pile 3. You didn't let yourself stay stuck in the energy of looking for your worth in the other people. Some of you may still be realizing it and are working on it. You've finally found your balance. You're keeping your calm and continuously learning the lessons. Some of you may have strong Sagittarius placement (it's not necessary). You are no more afraid of the predators that are out there in the wild. You have trust in your intuition. Consider reading pile 1 too if you were drawn to it. I am finding some similarities. You're currently on the verge of balancing your private and personal life.

To know where your destiny is taking you book a reading with me only at $10.

🐦Bookings Are Open!!!!!!🐦

[kayuripax]

Valve news and the AI

So. I assume people saw some posts going around on how valve has new AI rules, and things getting axed. And because we live in a society, I went down the rabbit hole to learn my information for myself. Here's what I found, under a cut to keep it easier. To start off, I am not a proponent of AI. I just don't like misinformation. So. Onwards.

VALVE AND THE AI

First off, no, AI will not take things over. Let me show you, supplemented by the official valve news post from here. (because if hbomberguy taught us anything it is to cite your sources)

[Image id: a screenshot from the official valve blog. It says the following:

First, we are updating the Content Survey that developers fill out when submitting to Steam. The survey now includes a new AI disclosure section, where you'll need to describe how you are using AI in the development and execution of your game. It separates AI usage in games into two broad categories:

Pre-Generated: Any kind of content (art/code/sound/etc) created with the help of AI tools during development. Under the Steam Distribution Agreement, you promise Valve that your game will not include illegal or infringing content, and that your game will be consistent with your marketing materials. In our pre-release review, we will evaluate the output of AI generated content in your game the same way we evaluate all non-AI content - including a check that your game meets those promises.

Live-Generated: Any kind of content created with the help of AI tools while the game is running. In addition to following the same rules as Pre-Generated AI content, this comes with an additional requirement: in the Content Survey, you'll need to tell us what kind of guardrails you're putting on your AI to ensure it's not generating illegal content. End image ID]

So. Let us break that down a bit, shall we? Valve has been workshopping these new AI rules since last June, and had adopted a wait and see approach beforehand. This had cost them a bit of revenue, which is not ideal if you are a company. Now they have settled on a set of rules. Rules that are relatively easy to understand. - Rule one: Game devs have to disclose when their game has AI - Rule two: If your game uses AI, you have to say what kind it uses. Did you generate the assets ahead of time, and they stay like that? Or are they actively generated as the consumer plays? - Rule three: You need to tell Valve the guardrails you have to make sure your live-generating AI doesn't do things that are going against the law. - Rule four: If you use pre-generated assets, then your assets cannot violate copyright. Valve will check to make sure that you aren't actually lying.

That doesn't sound too bad now, does it? This is a way Valve can keep going. Because they will need to. And ignoring AI is, as much as we all hate it, not going to work. They need to face it. And they did. So. Onto part two, shall we?

[Image ID: a screenshot from the official Valve blog. It says the following: Valve will use this disclosure in our review of your game prior to release. We will also include much of your disclosure on the Steam store page for your game, so customers can also understand how the game uses AI. End image ID]

Let's break that down. - Valve will show you if games use AI. Because they want you to know that. Because that is transparency.

Part three.

[Image ID: A screenshot from the official Valve blog. It says the following:

Second, we're releasing a new system on Steam that allows players to report illegal content inside games that contain Live-Generated AI content. Using the in-game overlay, players can easily submit a report when they encounter content that they believe should have been caught by appropriate guardrails on AI generation.

Today's changes are the result of us improving our understanding of the landscape and risks in this space, as well as talking to game developers using AI, and those building AI tools. This will allow us to be much more open to releasing games using AI technology on Steam. The only exception to this will be Adult Only Sexual Content that is created with Live-Generated AI - we are unable to release that type of content right now. End Image ID]

Now onto the chunks.

Valve is releasing a new system that makes it easier to report questionable AI content. Specifically live-generated AI content. You can easily access it by steam overlay, and it will be an easier way to report than it has been so far.

Valve is prohibiting NSFW content with live-generating AI. Meaning there won't be AI generated porn, and AI companions for NSWF content are not allowed.

That doesn't sound bad, does it? They made some rules so they can get revenue so they can keep their service going, while also making it obvious for people when AI is used. Alright? Alright. Now calm down. Get yourself a drink.

---

Team Fortress Source 2

My used source here is this.

There was in fact a DCMA takedown notice. But it is not the only thing that led to the takedown. To sum things up: There were issues with the engine, and large parts of the code became unusable. The dev team decided that the notice was merely the final nail in the coffin, and decided to take it down. So that is that. I don't know more on this, so I will not say more, because I don't want to spread misinformation and speculation. I want to keep some credibility, please and thanks.

---

Portal Demake axed

Sources used are from here, here and here.

Portal 64 got axed. Why? Because it has to do with Nintendo. The remake uses a Nintendo library. And one that got extensively pirated at that. And we all know how trigger-happy Nintendo is with it's intellectual property. And Nintendo is not exactly happy with Valve and Steam, and sent them a letter in 2023.

[Image ID: a screenshot from a PC-Gamer article. It says the following: It's possible that Valve's preemptive strike against Portal 64 was prompted at least in part by an encounter with Nintendo in 2023 over the planned release of the Dolphin emulator for the Wii and Gamecube consoles on Steam. Nintendo sent a letter to Valve ahead of that launch that attorney Kellen Voyer of Voyer Law said was a "warning shot" against releasing it. End Image ID.]

So. Yeah. Nintendo doesn't like people doing things with their IP. Valve is most likely avoiding potential lawsuits, both for themselves and Lambert, the dev behind Portal 64. Nintendo is an enemy one doesn't want to have. Valve is walking the "better safe than sorry" path here.

---

There we go. This is my "let's try and clear up some misinformation" post. I am now going to play a game, because this took the better part of an hour. I cited my sources. Auf Wiedersehen.

[xiaoriae]

“SO TODAY I TRIED TO KISS MY BEST FRIEND...”

— PAIRINGS ; albedo, childe, diluc & kaeya x gn!reader (separate)

— NOTES ; hello world! i am currently trying to repost all of my old works to this brand new blog, and maybe rewrite some of them along the way. thank you for a beautiful small community of 50 followers atm <3

with all these tiktok trends going around, you figured that it wouldn’t hurt to try this old trend on your best friend. with the camera set in position, an oblivious best friend by your side, and the nervousness creeping up in you after so hard masking the little (huge) crush you had for them, what would be their reaction?

“ALBEDO.”

he hummed, face still looked down onto his papers instead of actually properly responding to you with how you wanted him to.

you scoffed defeatedly. of course your best friend wouldn’t even look at you when he started to indulge himself in his favourite subject of all-time, alchemy.

for the millionth times, you called him out once again.

so when he mouthed a, “what?” to you, finally concentrating on your face, putting down the pen in his hand, you mentally thought, did you really want to do this?

the camera had been adjusted nicely behind you, perfectly knew that albedo wouldn’t notice the trend you were about to dive in. he was always oblivious with these kind of things anyway.

“what is it?” his right hand tugged some strands of his beautiful hair back to actually see you standing like a statue in front of him. chills and sparks were running through your whole body, you were about to kiss your best friend, how couldn’t you be so nervous about it?

a perfect metaphor of you were going to confess indirectly at him.

so your mind thought it was better to end this quick, as albedo was about to continue his question regarding why you were just standing there when suddenly your lips were pressed against him.

it felt like a fleeting moment, too fast for him to register your quick actions of pulling and crashing your lips onto his, it was too short.

too short for him, and he wanted more when he saw you flushed before quickly hiding yourself behind your palms.

you didn’t know what exactly had gotten into you, all emotions hit you like a truck when CHILDE literally pushed you away the moment you tried to chase his lips and ultimately failing the trend.

“what are you doing?” you couldn’t keep up with his gaze, facing everywhere but his face short after. he was taken aback, sure, but why did he give you his lopsided smirk at this very moment?

you felt like crawling under the bed, this was super embarrassing. you should have thought the numerous possible consequences that came from it before doing this trend with much confidence, but now that the trend backfired, all you could do was simply taking your phone back and standing up from the side of his bed.

tonight was supposedly be a movie night, cuddling while watching cringe-worthy shows that your best friend had terrible taste in.

now with the tensions in the air, the silence was too loud, you knew that your friendship had went downhill and all the playful mood had been thrown out of the window.

stupid of you to do the trend on him in the first place. stupid of you to feel hurt by how quick he avoided you. stupid of you to have the audacity to think that he liked you back.

you felt like crying, and before the tears could slip out from the corner of your eyes, childe pulled you back into him, kissing your forehead softly. “hey, do not cry,” and then, his lips were on you, pecking you gently, as if he would break you if he actually kissed you deeper.

your brain malfunctioned before he pulled away. you wanted to capture the moment again. there was no way he just kissed you, so tender and so soft that made your heart dropped.

“i won the trend before you,” he smiled, as your jaw dropped. he could only giggle when a hard smack was felt on his shoulder before he drowned you with his cuddles.

forcefully pulling DILUC to your side, it was safe to assume that he was pretty confused seeing you setting up your phone in front the both of you. “let’s do a tiktok video,” you said.

he almost visibly tilting his head when he heard you. “i do not think i am the most suitable person to accompany you.”

“wait, wait, hold up. you are complaining way too much, sir,” you brought a finger to shush him on his lips. 

the little action coming from you was bold, and diluc silently adored you for that. you did it solely to avoid him acting like a grumpy, old man. “for the sake of me, your most wholesome friend, let us do this cute dance,” you showed a video, a tutorial video to be more specific, for him to see, undoubtedly the trendiest dance on the application as his stoic face remained unfazed.

“what is the purpose behind this?”

“nothing, i just want to promote my best friend dancing.”

he turned towards you, eyes slightly becoming wider at the thoughts of future him humiliating himself for the internet to see.

“good lord, diluc, of course no. it only serves for entertainment purposes because you are so boring!” you almost cracked a laugh but diluc actually decided to try, which surprised you to no end.

you didn’t expect him to agree but you could at least try.

after many twists and turns of learning the whole tutorial, diluc somehow excelled in those steps than you. even his mind processed things faster.

bringing your index to press the record button, you and diluc moved naturally according to the sound. he looked so comical with his stoic face that was the total opposite of his body.

when your back faced him in one of the steps, you pivoted yourself, ultimately clinging onto his shoulders and kissed him.

it was an instinctual move to be honest, his arms automatically wrapped themselves around your waist and you swore your heart exploded. the taste of his soft lips made you smiled against him.

“angel, what are you up to, hm?” KAEYA could be the death of you one day. did he really not notice how weak your heart was when he casually flirting like you weren’t his best friend in the first place?

with the fact that you might have actual feelings for him. yes, kaeya was unreal.

“uh.. i just, you know, scrolling tiktok,” you murmured, it didn’t help with how the old trend that was resurfacing coincidentally came across your page when kaeya suddenly decided to check up on you.

it didn’t help with how the trend involved a best friend. fate was something else, truly.

“and why are you stuttering?” if you could shut kaeya’s playful and flirty attitude, you would have done it sooner. how you did end up with kaeya as your best friend was still a lingering question for you and for everyone else around you.

feeling slightly shy all of sudden, you shut down your phone and threw it on the coffee table before you. “n-nothing, it’s just a video.”

“yes, but why do you look so red?” kaeya got suddenly too close, the room also felt a raise in the temperature and you panicked. “if you could be honest, maybe i’ll be honest too.”

“what do you mean by that?” you finally had the courage to voice out.

“want a straightforward answer or not?”

“w-what? kaeya, i swear if you keep on acting like this—

"then what? answer me first,” now that the video repeated itself in the back of your mind, you gulped down harshly, eyes trailing down to his lips.

kaeya seemed intrigued with you and everything that was going on. “i will take that as a yes,” he got too close. “yes i saw what video you were watching and let me do the honour, hm?”

“huh?”

“here,” a kiss, a tender kiss landed on your lips. it was so light, and you already felt dizzy.

“cute,” he pecked your nose before you hid your face in his chest.

the thought of doing the trend on him did come across your mind, but you were too shy and it seemed that there was no need for it anymore.

all rights reserved © berrywoo 2023 strictly on tumblr only. any form of wrongdoings under the copyright law is strictly prohibited.

[machiten]

thats my seat!

academic rival scaramouche x gn!reader headcanons

warnings: scaramouche(bro is a whole warning), foul language(it's scaramouche we're talking about here so), reader is mentioned to have bad eyesight, fights, angst, academic validation, bad parenting

barely proofread lmao im tired, it's 3:15 am and im starving. there will be a chapter 2 ofc i just wanted to post something goddamn my blog has been empty for so long (4 days) didn't have a way to keep track of the word count but it's kinda long. anyways hope u enjoy!!

oh god

when i say rival, i mean full on brawls on the school hallway

so let's say you've been top of your school since day one. your name has always been at the top of the score board every exam, always class representative, and well known as a smart kid ever since you steped on school premises.

you work hard to keep your grades up, your parents pay enough attention to your succesful brother and none for you

having a successful brother plants high expectations on you. i mean, he did very well, so why cant you? you both have the same blood running through your veins. your parent's praise, that is all you've ever wanted. and yet you're not even informed if there's a family outing, leaving you in your house alone

it has been like that for years

not until one day, you enter into the classroom and someone else is sitting in your chair. someone unfamiliar is sitting on your chair.

"hey, excuse me. i sit there." you pointed at what is supposed to be, your chair. "what, i dont see any names on it." Ok, what. when you finally look up to the culprit, my goodness. Fierce purple eyes that looks like it holds the entire universe, his skin as fair as a maiden, lips plum as a springs fruit, a beauty mark at the underside of his right eye, and his hair a unique color of indigo that is cut in a weird jellyfish-ish hairstyle. while yes, he looks ethereal, not gonna lie (if he had longer hair you might've mistaken him as a girl) his personality certainly does not match his elegance. an annoyed look currently adorned his face, as if you disturbed his peace.

"done checking me out? i know im hot, i get that look everyday so dont ever think you're special." and now it changed into a cocky smirk. the nerve! not only is he sitting on someone else's chair but it seems like his head is getting bigger too. "well excuse me, i havent seen your around school until today so im guessing that you're the transfer student our teacher talked about last week. but do you mind finding a new spot, i sit there." you glared at him.

"no i like it here. here's a better idea, why don't you find a new spot. im the new student here, show some courtesy."

"no- what, go away thats my seat!"

"alright everyone, settle down- oh, i see that the new student is here already," the teacher finally came in the classroom, cup of steaming hot coffee in his hand. Everyone sat down on their seats while you are still standing up waiting for this person to look for another seat. Lmao guess what, he didnt move.

"(name), c'mon sit down. i know getting a new friend is exiting but we have to greet the new student properly. now go find your seat."

"wait but sir--"

"sit down, (name)"

"yeah that's right (name), sit down" a voice beside you spoke. you looked over to the new student adorning a triumphant grin at your loss. and so you are now forced to sit at the back, barely seeing what's in front because of your poor eyesight, and wearing a vengeful spirit.

epic first meeting

the seats in the back are okay, its breezy and you now sit next to xiao (his music taste is so good) but yeah, you cant really see the board clearly so you get notes from mona at the front

at first, it was a one sided rivalry. how hated how rude and bratty he was and at that time, he didnt seem too care (like he get those everyday). but then he started fighting back and oh boy he hasn't had this much fun in years!

the way you retort back to his harsh words is so amusing to him. usually, no one would dare talk to him in a degrading manner but then you came into his life, claiming that he's sitting on your chair, and it was never the same ever again.

now, he looks forward to everyday. he rises up earlier so that he can sit at your chair first, he keeps looking at the classroom door everytime someone enters (in case it's you so that he can give that shit eating grin), he loves how your face gets messed up when he wins an argument, he loves how small your hands are compared to his when you have a brawl in the hallways, and most of all, he loves it when you give him the shit eating grin when you win something (he says he let's you win sometimes because he pitied you, but is it really?)

to him, this is fun, amusing, entertaining. but to you? you've never felt this much hate in a human being, ever.

scaramouche is smart as fuck and he demonstrated that loud and clear

he aced the math test that the teacher gave that wasn't even taught to him

in presentations, he speaks loud and clear and you can really understand the point he's making

he doesn't really like group works (you noticed) but if he was put in a group, he does most of the job flawlessly

sports? oh of course. he's really good at baseball (pitcher). he's also good at other sports but not as good as baseball

oh and pray that you don't get him as your opponent in debates, you will be grilled like a brisket

did i mention he sleeps in like 70% of his classes? it's not like the teachers can do anything about it. he excels in everything, at least let him sleep as a gift

the only times he would be awake is when he pulls on your strings

but of course, you're also good in all of these, that's why you both are rivals

you fight almost everyday for the top spot (and for your original seat) to the point where its a daily routine to everyone else to see you both pinching and arguing in the classroom

He doesn't have any close friends (ahem childeahem) and it's either bc ppl are intimidated by him or he just doesnt give a fuck about friends

maintaining grades is one thing, winning against him is another

you are very intellegent, yes, but you work very hard for your grades every night. losing sleep studying for upcoming quizes and making sure your projects are perfect. unlike him who doesnt even try

you havent seen him study once

and it makes you see yourself lower. you're both equally in par with your grades but thats when he doesn't even try. what happens when he takes everything seriously? what if he studies as hard as you do? where will you stand then?

but when you got 2nd place for the 3rd time this year, he took it too far

"what the hell?! this is the third time!" you looked at the results in the bulletin board expecting to see your name in first place. you studied hard, right? so then why,,,

"oh oops, looks like i did a little too well again this time. aw and i didn't even answer some of the questions because i felt bad for beating you the last two times." a snicker is heard behind you and sure enough, piercing indigo eyes is looking at yours in pure pity. "thanks i guess. are you happy now? that's three times in a row!" aether beside you is now having a deadpan expression, expecting the worst. 'alright here we go again'.

"oh yes very, you know what makes me even happier? your declaration that you're inferior to me. why do you even try anyways, it's clear to everyone that im better. you're just wasting your time burying your head in your books and notes when we both already know who's coming at the top. imagine not meeting your parent's expectations." he's now looking down on you, beating you up with words that you know damn well are true. but that doesn't mean you're not gonna fight back.

"what."

"oh you know, maybe if you tried harder, the cost of your education might be worth it for your parents. honestly, if i we're them id--"

before he could finish his sentence, a loud echoing smack is heard all across the hallway, making everyone's attention turn to the commotion. scaramouche head is now turned the other way, his cheeks beginning to flare from the hit as he glared at the culprit, you. "you motherfucking bitc-!" you tackled him and due to surprise, he fell back. aether is now alert, shouting your name trying to get you to your senses.

you gripped scramouche's collar, rasing his head from the floor and slamming it back down. "you're an asshole, you know that?! i try my best everyday and this is what i get?!!" he fights back, hand on your arm that's trying to get a hold of his hair and another on your neck, holding back your weight.

"you don't know what it's like!! you will never know what it's like being compared to your brother everytime they get a chance!! you dont know what it's like going home to nothing but words of disappointment when you did everything you can to get their approval!! you will never know what it's like for your efforts to go to waste!! you will never know the feeling of being kicked out of your own home and live in a run down apartment!! i work day and night, i lose sleep everyday, i barely have anything for myself to live, and now i have to deal with your ass every single day too?!!"

"(name)! calm down, hey-!"

"fuck off aether!"

every word you spat pricked scaramouche's heart and made him struggle from your assaults. this isn't fun anymore. he knew a bit of your situation, kazuha told him. but he never knew it was this bad. all he knew is about your parent's expectations. he didn't even attempt to fight back this time and just defends himself from your blows. 'shit, i took it too far.'

"you dont have to remind me of my incompetence! i already know, i know damn well i will never be enough!! you're right, why do i even try, right?! you're so fucking annoying, doing everything so effortlessly, like school is a nuisance!! can't i take a fucking break?!!" at this point, you cannot control your tears from falling into his cheeks, rolling down his porcelain skin.

"what are you--?!"

"why can't i be a genius like you?! why dont i have everything that you have?!! i did everything i can, what am i doing wrong?!" you are now saying intangible words that no one can decipher because of the mess of emotions you are feeling at that moment. you're about to deliver another blow when someone held you back.

"(name)! you're doing too much! thats enough!!" goddamn she is stronger than i thought, scaramouche deals with this everyday?? aether pulled you away from the tangled mess that you and scaramouche managed to create. you're struggling his hold but after a bit, you slumped down having no more strength to keep going, sobbing quietly. "...(name)?" aether said.

"...i am so tired of everything, why do i even keep trying. i.. i just want to make my parents proud..." sniffles could be heard from where you are being held my aether's arms. aether supported you from the groud and led you away from the scene and the prying eyes of other students. before you both can disappear completely, aether turned around and gave scaramouche a threatening glare. "i know you both bicker a lot but you took it too far. you are an asshole and you better change that attitude of yours or i will send you home even worse than your condition right now." and you both are gone.

scaramouche is still sitting on the floor, his arm supporting his weight, bruises are forming in his skin while he's craddling his cheek that is now very noticeably red and flaring from the slap you served him earlier. he doesn't know how to act, really. should he apologize? should he just walk away and like nothing happened? should he report you for physical abuse? he didn't know anything.

what he does know though is that he fucked up, big time. he knows that you'll never want to see his face ever again, he knows that nothing will be the same again, and he knows thag the feelings he has will never be reciprocated, after what he's done.

he actually just found out recently, when someone from the other class was making fun of you and he didn't like it one bit, he's the only one allowed to make fun of you, everyone back off. scaramouche can see the crowd dissipating, no longer interested since the main action is gone. he sat there on the floor the whole time, rethinking his life choices, wondering if he said things differently instead of those. would he be seeing you tomorrow? will you still argue with him about nonsensical bullshit? can he still hold your hand whenever you pinch him?

he heard footsteps and before he can look up, someone had smacked him in the head.

"what the fuck-!!"

"i want to say 'are you okay', but to be honest you kinda deserved that." a mop of ginger can bee seen hanging from someone's head.

"fuck off childe, and why did you smack me?!"

"because you deserve it. but y'know, it's nice having front row seats seeing you ruin your life because of that toungue of yours. aether's right you're an ass." he helped scaramouche from the floor, dusting his uniform from the filth. "ill take you to the infirmary." scaramouche can only nod, feeling lethargic after all that energy spent.

he hopes to see you the next day, acting like nothing ever happened.

part 2

[back2bluesidex]

Where Do Broken Hearts Go - Chapter 2 (18+)

Pairing: Model, ex-boyfriend!Jungkook X Child psychologist, Fem!Reader X Lawyer, Single Dad!Hoseok. 

Summary: Jungkook stripped your emotions naked, left you bare in the chilly wind of despair and self-doubt with an unending heartache. You tried your hardest to move on from him, to live for yourself but failed miserably. Each night you had to come back to your empty home where memories and broken dreams were scattered all around the floor, until one day a little angel and her unbelievably beautiful father came into your life. Finally, when you find yourself healing, maybe falling too, Jungkook had to show up! Again!

Theme: Angst, pining, heartbreak, break-up, SMUT (MDNI) (not in this chapter)

Warnings: Mentions of school bullying, Hoseok is so attractive (this chapter is basically me simping over Hoseok), Reader is insecure.

Word count: 4.4k

Taglist requests are closed.

Minors and karens are not allowed in this blog

A/N: The chapter starts with JK's pov and changes into the reader's but it's nothing too tough to understand. I hope you guys like it. Please hit me up on askbox and let me know how is it.

Main Masterlist

Chapters:- 

Prologue/Masterpost || Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 || Chapter 7 - Finale

His eyes drift towards the window. 

What time should it be now? 10 am? 11 am? He doesn’t know. Not that he is in a rush for anything. There is absolutely no haste to disappear before prying cameras sneak into his private space. 

He should be at peace, a weird tranquility that is supposed to be easy. But deep down Jungkook is very much unsettled. 

As he eyes the wide blue sky out of Jiwon’s bedroom window, his mind reels back to you. The last day he saw you, the way you were standing with a ring in your hands, the way he broke your heart and the way you marched out of his life with merely a goodbye. You didn’t ask him why he fell out of love with you, nor were you curious enough about what made him fall in love with another woman. 

“What does she have that I don’t? Why can’t I be enough for you? How can you be so cruel?” These are the words Jungkook expected to hear from you when he dropped the bomb. But instead he heard you wishing him a good life and walking away from him without a single complaint. 

Were you always ready for the blow? Were you preparing yourself to let him go? He can’t tell. But no matter how much he tries he can’t stop wondering what you are upto now. How have you been spending your nights or how are you coping up with the pain he has provided you with?

Jiwon scoots her body closer to Jungkook’s. Her nose brushes on his forearm. Jungkook freezes. Is he really thinking of you lying awake in his new girlfriend’s bed after breaking up with you for the same woman?

He is being unfair to both of you and Jiwon. 

His eyes close on their own accord. 

When he opens those again, Jiwon is already smiling up at him. 

“Good Morning, handsome.” she says sweetly. 

“It’s almost noon, I believe.” Jungkook chuckles, turning on his side, facing Jiwon fully. 

“Really? Then we better leave the bed now. You can wash up while I make coffee for you.” Jiwon kisses on his cheek as she sits up. 

“No. It’s fine. I have to leave.” Jungkook sits up too. 

“Why? You don’t have any schedule today. Do you?” Jiwon pouts. 

“Not really. Actually.. my house is a mess and I wanted to clean up before I get busy.” Jungkook reasons. 

“We can eliminate these problems, you know?” Jiwon holds his hand, looking a little shy and sheepish. 

“Umm? I didn’t get you?”  Jungkook is confused. He has no idea what his new girlfriend has to suggest for his house chore. 

“I mean… Why don’t we move in together? It will be easy for both of us. We can take turns on the chore and spend more time together when both of us are free? What do you say?” Jiwon’s eyes are full of hope. But Jungkook doesn’t know what to say. 

“I- Jiwon, I think it’s too early. We will have to talk to the agency as well.” Jungkook runs a hand through his already disheveled hair. 

“Why will we have to talk to the agency? They already know about us. All we need to do is to inform them once we are ready.” Jiwon holds his hand tighter. 

That’s the thing. Jungkook is not ready yet. Your words ring in the back of his head.  

“Home? You mean the apartment you left because your agency said it’s risky to share a space with your girlfriend of three years? The same place you refused to meet at because paparazzi are keeping tabs on you as you are rumored to be dating someone else?”

He sighs. 

Yes, he loves Jiwon but he doesn’t know if he is ready to share a space with her yet. Especially when he left you behind in the excuse of his career and prying paparazzies. 

Jungkook concludes that it’s his guilt that is resisting him from going too far with Jiwon just yet. So he decides to wait, to take a little time to think more deeply about what he actually wants, not what he wants to want for the sake of his girlfriend. 

“Jiwon, I don’t want to rush anything. We can take it slow and understand each other better before moving in. Let’s give each other a little more time, okay?” He says with a tight lipped smile. 

Jiwon’s face falls a bit but she nods in understanding. 

“You must admit, the guardian of your new counselee is too hot.” Miseon mumbles as she chews down a spoonful of bibimbap, “he seems quite young too. Must have gotten married to his high school sweetheart or something?” 

You narrow your eyes at her, “If you are trying to dig down his personal information then let me remind you that-”

“Yeah. Yeah I know. Confidential information and all. I was just curious. I mean usually both of the parents or mothers visit with their children. It’s probably the first time I saw only the dad coming in, that too, looking like a snack.” Your friend looks up at you with a quizzical gaze as if she wants you to validate what she just commented. 

Yes. Hoseok is certainly hot and attractive. But what gripped you more is the way he is determined to be a good father to Sua, despite the complicated fatherhood he faced. The concerned look on his handsome face flashes in your mind.  

“Y/N?” Hoseok calls your name as he stands up from his seat, getting ready to leave your cabin. 

“Yes?” you respond. 

“Sua.. she will be fine, right?” If you are not wrong then you hear Hoseok’s voice trembling a bit.

“I will be able to answer that after two more sessions I suppose.” you smile apologetically. 

“Yeah. Yeah of course. I am sorry. I- I am just very worried.” His eyes drop to stare at the floor. 

“Which is only natural. There is no need to apologize.” You voice. Pausing a little bit, you continue, “Sua seems to be more mature than the kids of her age. She is quite closed up as well. So, it is possible for her to hide some sort of things she is going through. I need to win her trust first to let her open up to me but-” 

“But?” Hoseok grows impatient.

“But that is going to take some time. Especially because I don’t think she liked me. She might refuse to come back for the next session.”  You place carefully. 

“Then? What do you suggest doing in that case?” Hoseok questions. 

“I suggest outdoor therapy. Spending time with the counselee and their guardians in a place they like to visit together occasionally or frequently. And I also suggest Friday afternoons for counseling. Kids tend to be in a better mood and far more approachable when they are in their pre-weekend glory.” Your suggestion seems to put Hoseok at ease. “You already have my number. You can text me the place and time once you decide. Although I prefer the slot after lunch.” 

He nods, “Great then. I will see you on Friday… after lunch.” 

Hoseok’s dark eyes bores into yours once again as he steps towards you.

“It was nice to meet you, Y/N.” he extends one of his veiny hands. 

You slip your hand into his, intertwining the muscles in a shake, “Likewise, Hoseok.”  

Miseon claps her hands in front of your face, shaking you out of the thoughts of Mr. Jung, “Hey mate! Where are you so lost?” 

“What? Yeah? Sorry, I was… thinking something.” you reply, jabbing your spoon in your bowl of bibimbap. 

“No. Don’t tell me you were lost in the thoughts of your douchebag ex-boyfriend.” Your friend regards you with fake anger in her eyes. 

“Ugh no! It was completely different.” you groan. Now that you realize, it’s probably the first time since your breakup that you have gone so long without having to let Jungkook’s thoughts seep inside your head. Meeting the Jungs was one thing but to keep on thinking of them even after they left your work place hours ago, is a completely different matter.  

And it’s a very welcoming change.

You sigh, “Don’t call him douchebag. He is not that bad.” 

Miseon’s eyes go wide at your response, “What is wrong with you? He left you for another girl, Y/N! How can you defend him like this?” 

You sigh, closing your eyes, “I am not defending him, Miseon. Some things are not just meant to be, you know? No matter how much time you invest, some relationships are not meant to last. Just like you can’t help falling in love with someone, you can’t help falling out as well. And he fell out of love with me, he found someone more suitable for him. What’s wrong with that? I should appreciate him that he at least didn’t go behind my back and cheat on me. Yeah, whatever Jungkook did, did not hurt me any less but that does not make him a bad person. Everyone deserves to be happy, be loved, be in love… so does he. I just- I just need to accept it.” Saying these words out loud really lightens your heart. Maybe today can be the first step towards your healing, just as you thought at the beginning of the day. 

“But what about your happiness? What about you being loved, being in love?” Miseon places her question. 

“I don’t really know. At this point I don’t even know if I deserve to be loved or not. Maybe there is something wrong with me, isn’t that the reason none of my relationships were successful?” You smile at her with eyes full of tears. 

“Cut the crap. You- I will strangle you to death if you say stuff like this ever again.”  Miseon jerks a fork in your direction making you laugh a little.

“Calm down, you angry woman.” you joke but your heart still feels heavy beyond measure.

Everything about weekdays is fine.. Apart from the fact that you have to come back to a huge and lonely home. 

It’s Wednesday and you sigh at the thought of entering your condo with absolutely nothing waiting for you. The thought burdens you, saddens you and you almost feel jealous of the newly married couple who just moved in last week. 

You punch the key-code in, which is, by the way, your and Jungkook’s birthdates combined. 

Placing the bag of groceries, you take a seat on the couch. The soft material soothes your aching back right away. You lean your head on the headrest, stare down at the cream-colored cloth of the couch, and caress it lightly as if caressing fragile memories. 

“Jungkook! What is wrong with you?” you sigh in resignation, throwing your purse on the couch.  

“Nothing.” He replies heading straight to the kitchen. 

“Don’t avoid it. You have been sulking all the way home. Did I offend you somehow?” you head towards your boyfriend. 

Jungkook chugs down water, crushes the plastic bottle and disposes of it in the trashcan so ferociously that you can’t help but be more and more amused with each passing moment. 

The moment he is about to exit the kitchen, you come and stand in front of him, “Jungkook, what is it?” 

Jungkook takes in a sharp inhale, avoiding his eyes from yours. 

“Who was that guy?” His voice is low, decorated with a buzz that suggests his annoyance.  

“Which guy?” There were a lot of guys at your reunion party and you don’t know which one Jungkook saw. Especially because he was waiting at the exit inside the car. 

“The one that saw you off with a hug.” He grits these words through his teeth. 

“O-Oh.. that’s Taeho, one of my batch mates. We used to be really close.” you gulp at the face Jungkook is making at your response.

“Really close huh? Is that why he hugged you so intimately? Wrapping up your waist, burying his entire fucking face on your neck? Just like a lover would? Just like I would?” 

Jungkook is jealous. And jealous Jungkook is not a good news. So you clear your voice as you choose your words carefully. 

“I admit that he was a little touchy. But he has always been like this with everyone. I promise, Jungkook, he didn’t have any other intention.” you reply calmly. 

“Really? Are you sure?” your boyfriend starts backing you up on the kitchen counter and soon you feel the cold countertop through the material of your dress. 

“Yes. hundred percent.” Jungkook’s tattooed arm comes to rest on one of your cheeks. 

“Good.” his body presses onto yours. “You know I love you, right? I am sorry for my behavior earlier. I just can’t see you with anyone else. What if they steal you from me?” Jungkook’s expression softens and an adorable pout takes over his lips. 

You giggle a little, “I know. And you, too, should know that nobody can take me away from you unless you give up on me.” 

“I am never gonna give up on you.” whispering these words, Jungkook brings his lips to yours. Locking two pairs of the soft pillowy muscles as if to seal the deal. 

A lone tear rolls down your cheek as you stare at the kitchen counter at present. Jungkook gave up on you and your love so easily, so fast and so readily that you didn’t even get the chance to ask him why and how. He looked so dejected the moment you pulled out the ring, that you had to take a step back out of embarrassment. You felt like you were throwing yourself at him when he was not at all willing to look at you properly. 

You are about to reach for the tissue box kept on the coffee table but you feel your work phone buzzing inside your coat pocket. It’s a text from an unknown number, probably from one of your new patients. 

“Hi.” “Seodaemun Children Park, Friday, 3:30 pm.”  “- Jung Hoseok.” 

If you are excited for an outdoor therapy, then you are not showing it on your face and absolutely not with your dress. 

You decided to keep it casual with a pair of denim boyfriend jeans and a lavender-colored knitted top. You check your face a little before getting out of your car. You look fine. Not that you want to look extra pretty or something, it’s just that you don’t want to convey your internal troubles through your face. 

A gush of fresh wind hits you as soon as you step out of the stuffy interior of your car. And you are smiling, without even noticing. 

You decide to take a moment to admire the beauty of fall, the light chill in the wind and the dimmed sun heading in the west. Maybe Miseon was right. You should have taken a walk around your neighborhood instead of drowning yourself in bottles of Soju back in the days of your pity party. 

Sighing to yourself, you pull out your phone from your purse to call Mr. Jung. 

He receives it just after the first ring. 

"Hello, Mr. Jung. This is Dr. Y/N. I have arrived at the park." You speak into the device. 

"Hey, Y/N. Just walk straight from the entrance and you will see a huge fountain. We are sitting at a bench right beside that." His voice comes out thicker through the speaker of your phone but you can feel the cherriness in it regardless. 

"Okay." You reply briefly as you cut the call.

Unlike you, Mr. Jung has chosen to dress formally. A dark blue three piece suit paired with equally majestic dark Chelsea boots signify an aura of authority in him. The attorney badge, sitting right on his suit, makes him look even sexier all together. He sits cross-legged, a sight that could take anyone's breath away. 

You stare at him from a distance, unable to keep your eyes off of the man for some mysterious reasons. However, you compose yourself before it's too late and look around for Sua. 

She's on the seesaw. She has her signature pigtails with adorable pink bows matching her pink dress perfectly. But the best thing is, she's smiling widely, which makes her look so damn cute. This father-daughter duo could kill people with their looks alone. 

You start walking towards Mr. Jung but Sua sees you before him. Her expressions turn somber as she registers you walking towards her dad. 

"Mr. Jung." You breathe out, standing beside the bench.

"Y/N." He stands up and greets you with the most beautiful smile you have ever had the opportunity to witness. And suddenly you find it hard to breathe.  

"I thought you agreed to call me by my name, which is Hoseok, in case you don't remember." He teases you with a playful grin.

Your cheeks hit up with embarrassment "Ah, yeah. I'm sorry. I tend to be forgetful. But I didn't forget your name, Hoseok." 

"That's good. I would have been seriously offended if you did." He teases you again, gesturing you to sit beside him.

“How is her mood today?” you question, sitting down beside him while keeping a respectable distance between your bodies. 

“Gloomy as always. But she brightened up as soon as I told her we were going to grab some ice-cream here in the park.” Hoseok replies, staring at Sua. 

“Did you see her face turning grey again as I walked in?”  You continue staring at Sua as she climbs off the seesaw and starts walking towards the bench.

“Umm.. yeah. She is usually very friendly but then again she is not quite herself these days.” Hoseok sighs. 

“Hmm noted.” you mumble. 

“Hey my little girl.” Hoseok coos as Sua runs into his embrace. She pulls his collar with her little hands lowering him down to her level to whisper something in his ear. 

“What is she doing here?” you hear her say. It’s impossible to resist your laugh at this cutely angry baby who is very displeased at your presence. 

“Sua. Where are your manners?” Hoseok scolds her. 

“Hey. it’s alright.” you stop him, without realizing that you have reached for his arm in the process and placed your right hand there. 

Hoseok’s eyes shift towards your hold and you remove your hand as swiftly as possible, mumbling a quick apology.   

“I didn’t mind a bit.” Hoseok whispers. There is an undertone in his voice and again you don’t know what it is. 

You have never been as clueless as you are about Hoseok.

Reading people has always been one of your greatest abilities, even far before you got into psychotherapy. Understanding what’s going inside someone’s head is nothing too hard for you. But with Hoseok it’s different. You feel exposed under his dark gaze when you should be the one to make him feel intimidated with you.  

The way he looks at you, makes you feel like he knows exactly how troubled you are, how lonely you feel and how broken you have become. 

Realizing you have been lost in Hoseok’s eyes for far too long, you avert your gaze to Sua. 

“Hey Sua. Annyeong.” you give her a big smile but she remains unfazed. 

“Annoyeng.” her small voices is sounds whiny. 

You sigh. She is harder to approach than you assumed. 

“You know my friends just ditched me. They went shopping without telling me that they had changed their plans. I was feeling so down, so I called daddy and asked him if I could see you.” you can feel Hoseok’s eyes still trained on your profile. 

“Really? Your friends went without you?” from her voice you know she relates. And that is the main reason why you chose this lie. 

“Yup. But it’s alright if you don’t want me to be here. I will-” You start standing up faking to leave the park. 

Sua cuts you off, “No. You can be here.” 

Great. That’s what you wanted all along, “Really? I can?” 

She nods. 

Your eyes divert to Hoseok again, who is staring at you with amusement in his eyes. 

“Then do you want to go swinging with me?” You ask the little girl pointing towards the pair of swings a little far away. 

She looks at Hoseok for permission and when he gives her an affirmative sign, she mumbles a little yes. So you extend your hand towards her, hold her and walk her towards the swing. 

“You know, I used to be so afraid of swings when I was little.” you are staring at the ground but you can feel Sua’s eyes at you. 

“Why?” she asks. You feel a sense of accomplishment as she is finally interacting with you. 

“One of my classmates pushed me so hard that I flew off the swing and ended up hurting both of my knees.” You laugh a little, “I didn’t go near swings for a long time after that.”

“And now? You are not afraid of swings anymore?” She stops her swing rendering it out of motion. Her full concentration is on you. 

“No. I grew up so tall. See.” You show yourself off by expanding your legs.

“So.. when I grow up tall I won’t be afraid of Jaemin anymore?” she looks up at you, her expression is filled with fear. You know you need to be more careful from here. 

“Umm.. that depends on why you are afraid of Jaemin. Is he… your classmate?” you speak softly. 

Sua diverts her attention to her shoes, kicking dirt and avoiding looking into your eyes. She stays silent for a moment and you don’t push her to talk. 

“Yes. He- he is a bad boy.” her soft voice quivers. 

Another case of school bullying. Most of the teenagers you counsel are either a victim of school bullying or an unhealthy domestic atmosphere. But this is the first time you are counseling a kid so small troubled with bullying. Usually kids of Sua’s age are more likely to tease each other over small things but bullying is a complex concept. Hence, counselling Sua may not be an easy task. 

“Does he annoy you a lot?” you place carefully enough so that you don’t trigger her unintentionally. 

“Yes.” her eyes are still trained on her shoes. 

Nodding to yourself, you decide not to push the conversation any further. Sua already looks down enough and you don’t want to ruin her Friday afternoon any more.  

“Sua, what do you like more, chocolate or vanilla? I like chocolate more.”  You say, trying to brighten up her mood. 

Her expression changes within a heartbeat, “Me too. Me too. I like chocolate a lot.”    

“Then should we have some ice-cream?”  you extend your hand towards her. 

This time Sua doesn’t wait for her father’s confirmation, she grabs your hand as you two hop off the swings and walk towards Hoseok, who is currently busy on the phone. 

He smiles up at both of you as he speaks into his phone, “No. not tonight. I am busy. I’ll call you later.” and he cuts the call. 

That sounded pretty much like the cancellation of a booty-call but whatever it is, it’s not your business. 

“Hey you girls. Did you guys have fun?” he asks, taking Sua into his embrace again. 

“Yes. We did. Right sua?” you giggle. 

Sua nods giggling back. 

“But daddy, you promised to buy me ice-cream, why haven’t you bought it yet?”  she pouts adorably and you giggle again. 

“Pabo! It would have melted.” Hoseok laughs at her daughter. 

“Oh. That’s right.” Sua exclaims, wondering hard. Even before you know it, you are laughing out loud. A fit of laughter escapes your throat at the cuteness of this father-daughters duo. The frequency of your laughter increases when two of them join you. Suddenly you realize it’s been an embarrassingly long time since you have laughed this loud, this freely, this genuinely. Suddenly, you feel good, you feel free. 

“Do you think there’s something to be seriously worried about?” Hoseok asks, walking you towards your car. Sua fell asleep right after having a bowl full of ice-cream. Hoseok tugged her into a blanket and put her into the car seat before walking you to yours. 

“It will be too early for me to say anything but I will get there soon. She is a kid after all, I can’t rush with her. I can’t dig into her fears unless she is comfortable enough. That will do more harm.” You come to stand in front of your car. 

Hoseok nods. 

“Yes. You’re right.” he murmurs. 

You swear to all the gods above there, they really took time to craft this man. His sharp jawline is a perfect contrast to his soft features. His dark brown eyes glint under the setting sun. And in this dimming light, he looks like a dream. 

And maybe you are dreaming because there is no way he is stepping close to you now, raising his hand, bringing it closer to your face and touching you. But then his fingers brushes on the skin of your neck, gently picking something off from it. You feel goosebumps all across your skin and at the same time your face feels like it’s on fire, bazing red and hot. 

Fuck. You are deprived of touches for so long. 

“Loose thread.” Hoseok whispers. 

“O-oh. Thanks. This top keeps losing threads.” an useless TMI. 

“It does the job though. You look really pretty.” he whispers again and with that heart-breakingly beautiful smile of his. 

That’s it. You need to run away as soon as possible. 

“Ah, thanks. You are kind. Bye. See you next Friday.” you bow a little. 

He takes a step back without dimming his smile, “Bye. I will be waiting. Drive safe, Y/N.”

You finally find your breath when he turns his back and walks away from you. This is unexplainable, this is not ethically right, you should be heartbroken, and you should stay miles away from stupid feelings but you just can’t stop admiring Hoseok. Currently you are more confused and clueless than you have ever been. And you absolutely don’t know what to do with it.  

Taglist:-

@phenomenalgirl9 @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @soraviie @sukunabitch @chimchimmarie @coffeedepressionsoup @meowstake @vonvi-blog @nochuel @xjoonchildx @justmewondering-recs @cuteipat @miakey98 @purpleanchorcrown @chimmisbae @ane102 @junniesoleilkth @terjeonbebas @kookssecret @appleh4ad @kayleeshinee @whoa-jo @definetlythinkimanalien @lovelgirl22 @agrika

[wegc]

hi pretty!! hru and happy new year <3 school starts next week which means i have to start prepping from this week (really i should’ve been revising all break but wtv🫣) which means u will probably be seeing less of me for now BUT!!! i will do my best to check in and torment u with my filthy thoughts as often as i can LOL.

current brainrot is changbin absolutely manhandling you with his big strong ass, cause you just had to be a brat today for some reason. sneaking off to the bathroom to fuck yourself open with fingers that are nowhere near as good as his and send him recordings of your pretty, whiny moans. running your brand new nails (that he paid for bc i am a firm believer that bin would spoil his girl like mad) over his cock through his jeans while you’re both out with the members. there’s really only so much a man can take—which is why the second you get home, he’s throwing you over the arm of the couch and dragging your panties down. “bunny wanted to act like a slut all day, she’s gonna get fucked like one, yeah? look at this cunt, all messy and dripping f’ me. this is what you’ve wanted, huh? needy girl.” shoves your legs open and fingers you until you’re grinding on his hand and damn near sobbing. “bet this feels better than whatever you were doing to yourself earlier. dumb little bunny, trying to be a brat. all you gotta do is ask nicely and i’ll give you whatever you want, you know that.” doesn’t even bother to tell you when he wants you to move, just throws you around like a doll or grabs you with one arm and moves you around himself.

at one point he pulls you up from your hands and knees and wraps an arm around your throat to pin you to his broad chest. his thick cock has been practically splitting you open for god knows how long now—you’re so fucked out that you’ve stopped keeping track—and the couch cushions underneath you are soaked with your release. when bin reaches down to your clit again with his other hand, you whimper and feebly try to buck away from him. he just laughs and tightens his grip on you, cooing, “be a good little slut and take what i’m giving you, bunny” in your ear in a soft voice that’s a total contrast to the way he’s fucking ruining you. and how could you ever say no?

(this may or may not be motivated purely by changbin’s aaa performance outfit because good GOD why did he look even bigger and beefier than usual i want him so bad)

-🍒 anon

OHFMY GODF. . . do i even say anything at this point . . . what is there left to say holy fucking shit i am going insane this was so good ARE U SURE U DONT HAVE UR OWN BLOG BECAUSE IF NOT!!! GET ON IT!!!

omg omg omg i forgot who in skz said this but someone said that changbin becomes increasingly attractive while he’s eating AND HDHEHFDEDFFFD someone on twitter posted a video of him chowing down on some food and holy fuck the angle that video was taken from made his arms look so big and beefy, i replayed it for what felt like an hour.

BUT ! back on topic ! you would have to annoy changbin a lot for him to snap at you and fuck you this roughly because you’re his baby :( it’s okay if you’re a little spoiled :( he’ll always take care of you :(

but holy fuck, was his week horrible. he and chan got into a petty argument, their choreographer was up his ass about their upcoming award show performances, and all he wanted to do was fuck you slowly and sweetly like you deserved. but no! he was stuck in the practice room for another three hours and like a little minx, you sent him videos of you spreading your cunt open. if he wasn’t so pent up and tortured, he would scoff at how small the stretch of your fingers must have been compared to his thick cock.

you are IN FOR IT as soon as he reaches home. he couldn't care less about what you were doing. if you were on the phone—the call ended; if you were texting someone—power off; if you were cooking —no problem! he’s turning the stove off and shoving your hips aggressively against the counter, sliding your soaked, lace panties to the side after he’s bunched up your dress to your waist, and fucking his cock right into your greedy little cunt.

his hands would leave bruises on your hips with how firmly he would be gripping them and your ass would be so sore from his continuous smacks because changbin really couldn't control his temper after his shit show of a week.

and if fucking you in the kitchen wasn’t enough, he’ll fuck you in the living room, office, against your balcony window, in the laundry room, in the bedroom, and finally—the shower. your poor hole would be gaping by the end of his abuse, all spent and dribbling with his loads of cum :(

i can just imagine you’re all fucked out by the end of it and still, binnie grips your face and squeezes it harshly, forcing your lips to form a pathetic little pout :(

“see what happens? wanna try that again? sluts like you can’t go a second without being stuffed, huh?”

“do i need to do this every time, honey? do i have to teach you a lesson every day?”

“fussy girl. you knew i’d take care of you—still had to annoy me though, hm?”

[forever-rogue]

I’m new to your blog and am LOVING your fics, and of course I’ve been rewatching narcos so I’m daydreaming about Javier Peña constantly

I like to imagine a scenario where Peña is at the bar again after a shitty, stressful day at work, and you (stranger) inquire about why he’s so gloomy, and soon you have him laughing and genuinely having a good time. Total fluff. Hardass Peña blushing and full belly laughing? My heart.

I just wanted to share but of course feel free to use it if you want! I just am obsessed 😂

AN | Just some softness with our fave DEA agent! Enjoy ❤️

Pairing | Javier x Fem!Reader 

Warnings | Language

Word Count | 2.1k

Masterlist | Main, Javier

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You’d seen him walk into the bar many times now. He’d come in all sorts of moods, easily evident by how he carried himself. It was also easy to tell how his day went from the amount of drinks he ordered. You always made them, passing them along to him silently, never engaging in much conversation of any sort besides taking his order and payment. You wondered if he even really remembered you or if you were just another part of his evening routine. 

Whatever he thought of you didn’t change the fact that you were curious about him. But you weren’t about to impose yourself upon him. If he ever wanted to talk to you, you’d indulge him but that would have to be on his terms. You didn’t want to scare away one of your best and most regular customers after all. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It had been a slow day with few patrons throughout the evening. You were half tempted to close up shop, but decided you weren’t that pressed to go home and opted to keep the place open. The worst that would happen was that you had no more people come through and you’d be left to your own devices. If that happened, you figured you’d get a head start on some deep cleaning. It really wasn’t too bad, plus you liked the bar you managed. Unlike so many others, it had a warm and inviting ambiance and most of the people that came through weren’t too bad. 

Just when you were about to give up that any one else would come in, you heard the front door open, accompanied by a soft sigh that had become very familiar. You looked up from the book you were reading - cleaning could wait, you had decided - and smiled when you saw that it was him. He was the last person you had expected to see tonight.

He came up and sat at the bar, at his usual spot, not even bothering to wave you down today. There was no reason to after all, it wasn’t like your attention was occupied by anyone else. You tried to squash your nerves as you walked over to him, wondering what type of mood he was in today. It had been hard to read from his walk for once so you quietly padded over to him. 

“Hi,” you cringed slightly when you realized how high pitched and squeaky your voice sounded, “hey. What can I get you?”

He hesitated for a moment before turning his eyes towards and looking you over. If it had been any other man, you might have felt worried or awkward, but no with him. His gaze was not unkind; and you liked his eyes. Warm brown with crinkles in the corner that you were almost positive showed up whenever he smiled, “you’re not from here.”

You blinked at him a few times before slowly nodding in response. A small smile tugged up the corners of your mouth, “no, I’m not. Have you just noticed or is it just a guess?”

He hesitated before sitting back and stifling his laugh, “it might be the fact that you just started speaking in English to me.”

“Oh,” you mentally slapped yourself; you normally didn’t make that mistake anymore but apparently your mind had gotten the better of you. Plus, you knew that while he was fluent in Spanish, he was American. It was easy to tell when you were in the same boat, “oh. Well, yeah, yes, you’re right. I’m not from here. And neither of you.”

“Nope,” he agreed as you grabbed a glass and started to pour him a drink, “Texas.”

“Texas,” you repeated, passing him the drink, “I’d ask what brings you here, but somehow I have a feeling you’re either not allowed to tell me or you’re not going to.”

“A bit of both,” he took a long drink as he studied you intently. He was fairly certain that you were friend and not foe, but he wasn’t quite ready to take the full plunge into trust just yet, “mostly the latter. What brings someone such as yourself to working in a bar in the middle of Cali?”

“Came to Columbia for school and then just…didn’t end up leaving. And I don’t just work here - I manage this fine establishment,” you gestured around, feeling proud of the space you’d turned into a friendly and cozy space, “you’re around a lot, so it can’t be too terrible.”

“Not at all,” he agreed, setting his glass down and tapping his fingers along the counter of the bar, “company’s not too bad either. Can you have a drink or is that…a big no?”

“Normally I don’t drink on the job,” you admittedly as you reached for another glass, “and I’m not a big drinker to begin with but I’m willing to make an exception every once in a while. Like you said - company’s not too bad.”

And then he laughed. A lovely sound that went straight to your heart and made your bones feel like jelly. You really liked him so far, so all you could do was hope he wouldn’t turn out to be one of the bad ones, but something in your guy told you that he wasn’t.

“What’s your poison?” he watched as you combined a few things to make your drink.

“It depends,” you decided to take a chance and make him one as well, “but tonight it feels like an old fashioned kind of night.”

"Classy," he raised his glass to you in a small salute as you snorted in amusement, "so you're making a special exception to drink with me, huh?"

"Mhmm," you took a long sip and leaned against the counter, "like I said, it's not what I normally do, but I feel like I can trust you."

"Trust me?" He asked. You nodded, "how so?"

"You've never hit on me, you've never been rude to me or anyone else, and you tip well," you swore you could see a slight blush well up in his cheeks, even in the low lighting, "which makes practically a dream man."

"Now you're just flattering me," but he was laughing - a deep, warm sound that seemed so genuine, "I'm sure there's plenty of men out there just like that but better."

"You've clearly never been a young woman out by herself late at night…or anytime really," you sighed lightly, "it doesn't matter if it's here in Columbia or anywhere else in the world. A lot of men are just…terrible."

"Yeah," he let out a long sigh and shook his head, "unfortunately I know what you're talking about."

"And you haven't done anything like that," you grabbed the bottle from under the counter, "which is why tonight's tab is on the house."

"What's the catch?" Oh yeah. This man could read your mind. You poured his refill before smiling coquettishly, "you're trouble, I can already tell."

"The catch is," you leaned on your arms on the counter so you were as close to him as possible without jumping over the counter, "you gotta tell me more about yourself. Deal?"

He studied you - intensely - before offering you a crooked grin, "deal."

"But?"

"You have to answer my questions too."

"Deal," you held out your hand which he eagerly shook, "deal."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Your deal turned into a lot more than you bargained for. In only the best ways, which you hadn't really seen coming.

When you struck up that first conversation with him, you'd ended up talking for hours, well into the early hours of the morning. And it had all felt so natural and easy, like you'd known each for so long and so deeply.

It became a regular thing after that, with Javier coming in regularly - not to drink necessary but to spend time with you. It was easy and made him less nervous when it was under the guise of getting a drink. 

He came and found you at least a few nights a week, and you'd come to know so many sides to him. You could easily tell when Javier had a stressful day, when he'd had a good one, or was just tired to his bones. You still weren't positive exactly what he did for work, but you knew it wasn't anything to take lightly.

He'd even become what you considered a friend. You hoped he thought of you as a friend too.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You could sense that he was in a fantastic mood as soon as he came into the bar, a visible spring in his step. It made you feel better too - lighter, happier. 

"Hi Javi," you turned your attention to him immediately as he sat down in his usual spot. You leaned against the counter and gave him a smile that always made his heart skip a few beats, "how's it going?"

"Better now," and oh. His answer made you positively weak. You felt your entire face warm up as you took a second to look away so you wouldn't completely lose it, "how was your day, trouble?"

"Same old, same old," you shrugged, "uneventful but much better now."

"Dime," he mirrored your position and you were suddenly overwhelmed by how close he was. The idea that you could lean in and kiss him was dizzying. 

You could play coy, could pretend you had no idea what he was talking about…but you felt bold. You were well aware of the fact that you'd both been beating around the bush, playing a little catch and mouse game. But something had to come to a head, right? You cocked your head to the side and gave him a coquettish smile, "you."

"Me?" You swore you could see a little flush of pink coloring his cheeks, "you sure about that?"

"I am," there was no going back now but somehow you didn't mind that, "you make my day better, Javi. Even if you're only there for a little bit at a time."

You watched his jaw tense as he seemed to be mulling something over deeply. Part of you was already panicking and worrying about having said the wrong thing. But then - he smiled and tapped his fingers along the countertop, "yeah?"

"Yeah."

"You make my day a lot better too," he let out a long weary sigh and you couldn't help the lovesick little expression you gave him, "you're going to be the death of me, you know? You're just trouble."

"But the good kind, I hope?" you were sure there were other people around there needed to be helped for once but you were more than happy to let your coworkers step in and help for once. At least tonight. Javier made a small sound before playfully shrugging, "Javier!"

"Yes," he promised after a few beats of playful silence passed between the two of you, "the best kind, sweetheart."

"Consider your drinks on the house tonight," you went to go and grab a glass but he caught your wrist and stopped you, "Javi?"

"This is probably stupid of me to ask," he sighed for just a moment, more at the situation than anything else and you raised an eyebrow, "but do you want to go out sometime? Maybe not for a drink but…something?"

"Are you asking me on a date?" you blinked at him with wide eyes, almost unsure if you'd heard him correctly.

"Umm…yes?" His first thought was that he had fucked something up, "but only if you want to of course. No pressure-"

"Yes," you cut him off as soon as the realization of what he had said hit you, "yes. I'd love you to."

"Really?" You were surprised that he seemed so surprised. Had he not gotten the very strong signals you'd been putting out? You thought you were being so obvious this whole time.

"Really," you promised, "I was wondering if you were going to ask."

"You-" he paused for a moment before laughing softly, "you are something else."

"I am," you gave him a cheeky wink, "you'll find out. But Javi - I really like you too."

"When are you free?"

You looked around the bar and decided it was empty enough, "now?"

"Now?" He repeated and the two of you grinned at each other like fools, but you nodded, "now is perfect."

"Let's go!"