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riseofarmy · 3 years

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04 | STOP WITH THE FINGER CLICKING PLEASE

i can do this all day 04 | stop with the finger clicking please

author : @riseofarmy

pairing : kim seokjin x original character

words : 2995

i can do this all day masterlist

previous chapter

DARLING

"You need me to what?" The genie's irritatingly perfect eyebrows fly up, and it takes all of my willpower to not smack Seokjin in the face.

I nearly started crying this morning when I woke up to find him floating over my bed and playing with something - I had convinced myself that perhaps he was something I imagined, but seeing him right there making random noises while he concentrated on whatever he was doing... it reminded me that the plan I had been working on for more than seven years totally won't work!

He was alright yesterday, bearable at the very least, minus the whole showing-up-outta-nowhere and messing up my plan. Today, though, he's really getting on my nerves - I thought he was supposed to grant wishes, but all he seems to do is ask questions incessantly.

"I'll say this one last time. I need you to make the prince fall in love with me, stat. I am a woman on a mission and the longer you make me wait, the more grouchy I'm gonna get, 'kay?" When the genie does nothing but blink at me, I roll my eyes and rub a hand over my head with a sigh. "I said, okay?"

Seokjin stares me down for a second more. "I can't actually make anyone fall in love with anyone."

"You. What." That can't be right. This isn't how it was supposed to go. If I only have four wishes and can't even make the prince fall in love with me, then... "Then what the hell can you do?" My voice comes out sharper than intended, but I don't bother apologizing to the purple-haired genie.

I think he flinches, but he smoothes his expression so fast I'm not sure. "What can I do? I can make you rich beyond measure, the most powerful creature on Earth, get rid of all your enemies with a click of my fingers, the list is almost endless. Anything but more wishes, bringing someone back from the dead or messing with love, I can do it all."

I can't hide the bitter disappointment that puts a tremble in my voice. "That's not what I need though..."

"What?"

"Huh? Ah, nothing, just... Sorry for snapping at you." I take a peek at him out of the side of my eye to find him squinting at me. There's a furrow between his eyebrows, which he wills away when he notices me looking at him.

"It's alright, I'm used to it." Maybe that was supposed to make me feel better, but instead, I feel like the biggest piece of shit.

"That's even worse, Seokjin. You're just trying to help, it's not fair for me to be so rude. Seriously, I'm sorry for snapping at you."

Seokjin scratches his neck, looking at the ground. "Oh. Uh. Apology accepted. But... what now?"

What now indeed?

The crowd had thickened around us as we got closer to Mansae, but all of a sudden, I couldn't figure why I was still going. I thought I had everything figured out, that I had a way to make my plan work, but instead, I get another blow to deal with.

I don't even know what I'm supposed to do now.

"Okay, you know what? It is waayyy too crowded and smelly in here for me to concentrate, lemme just—" Seokjin grabs my hand and clicks his fingers, and suddenly we're—

"Seokjin what the goddamn hell is wrong with you?! Where are we?" I bombard him with questions and Yoongi matches my confusion by yowling at Seokjin from his place on my shoulders. Even as I ask, though, a part of my brain recognises the trees we trekked through just an hour ago. "Why are we here again?"

Seokjin stares at me blankly without blinking. It's a little creepy.

"Hmmm, I wonder why. Oh, that's right, it might be because you want to marry the fucking prince? Did you not just spend the last four hours complaining to me about him and his dumb dad? So why? The hell? Do you want to marry him?"

"Uh. It's complicated."

"Uh, it's complicated," Seokjin repeats in a high-pitched voice that I think was supposed to mock me. "I have time."

"Oh. Right. Well." He looks unimpressed, rolling his eyes so hard I thought they would disappear into his head.

"Couch session part two, I guess." He clicks his fingers and the same seats from our first meeting show up, one of which he pushes me onto. He clicks again, and a strange-looking cup appears in his hand, clear with a shockingly bright pink drink sloshing around inside. "Start talking, Darling. Why do you want to marry the Asshole Prince?"

"I..." Judging by his face, there's no way he'll let me get away with not telling him.

"Alright, I need Jungkook to choose to marry me so I can get close to him and the king. The prince and the king hurt... someone I care about, and used his position to silence everyone who knew about it. And it's not just that, there have been so many other people who tried to stand up for themselves, but he can get away with whatever he wants because he's the king.

"The only thing keeping him where he is and giving him his power is his crown and... I want to take that away from him. I have to show him how the rest of the world has to suffer when we don't have the money or title to ignore the consequences of our actions."

I know the way I talk about the king is treasonous, that this whole plan could end with my body spiked on the palace walls. I know that no one else will be able to have my back since everyone would be trying to self-preserve, but still. I have to try and do something, or spend the rest of my life wishing I had stood up for everyone who was hurt by someone who thought he was above basic human decency.

Seokjin's mouth had dropped open little by little as I spoke, and he stares at me now with his bright pink drink paused in front of his lips.

"Darling. Lemme get this straight. You want to take down the king because he's a tyrannous autocrat who doesn't value the rights of his subjects? That's... kinda hot of you."

I splutter loudly and I can feel my face heat up as I look anywhere but at him. Does he ever think before he speaks? "It's not hot, it's just what I think. But I don't even know how I'm going to do it now."

"What do you mean?" Seokjin tilts his head to one side.

"My dad's the one who told me about the lamp, but I don't think he knew there was a djinn inside, or that you can only have four wishes." I finger the purple gem at my throat as the agitation I had been pushing down all this time starts to bubble up again. "I had planned to just make whatever wishes I needed for Jungkook to choose me, but if I only have four, then I have to do it right."

Seokjin's tongue pokes at the inside of his cheek as his furrowed gaze drifts above my head. I can almost feel his thoughts turning in his head. "Hmm. And since you only have four, your first wish shouldn't be that Jungkook chooses you."

"What? But-"

"Hear me out, Darling. Jungkook being a prince and choosing you won't mean shit if you aren't royalty, the king'll just Megan Markle your ass and this whole thing would be a waste of your time." He looks at me pointedly, but I just stare at him for a second, gobsmacked.

"What does that even mean?" I don't think he even realises that all I heard was a stream of made-up words.

"Oh damn, this ain't 2021. I mean, even if Jungkook chooses you, the king can refuse you because you aren't nobility, and wishing you were royalty after the king refuses you won't help you. On the other hand, if you were a princess, then there's a chance Jungkook could choose you even without you wishing for it. You're gonna have to be royalty to make this work anyway, but if you do it in the right order and manage to seduce Jungkook, you can save a wish."

It takes me a second to understand what he's saying, but when I do — "Oh. Oh." — I can basically feel a weight being lifted off my shoulders. For the last day, I'd been trying to put together a plan but kept running into walls.

If I hadn't talked to Seokjin about what I wanted to do, I would still be bumbling around and trying to figure it out, but now thanks to him, I finally have a plan. To think I had been refusing his help all this time...

"What do you think?" He's focussed on my face, lips pursed just the tiniest bit in anticipation.

I grin stupidly at him in response, and he almost melts as the tension eases away from him, shoulders flopping back into his seat. "I think... I think we can do this, Seokjin."

"Okay. Okay! Well, now that I understand what you're trying to do, just say you wish you were a princess and I'll take care of everything else."

"Really? Just like that?"

"Just like that, Darling."

"Uh. Okay. I wish I was a princess."

Seokjin smirks slyly and clicks his fingers. For a dizzying moment, the world is awash in every shade of purple that could ever exist - violets and lavenders and the-children-of-wine-and-periwinkle press against my vision, hard and soft - and then everything returns to the way it was.

Just like that.

Except not really, because I was currently in... Well, this time I actually don't know where. It takes a second to get myself breathing again, shocked yet again by all of the materialising and vanishing that happens around Seokjin, but when I do, I look around.

We're in a tiny room, I think. The ceiling is held up by wooden posts, but the 'walls' are made of gauzy curtains that flutter gently. There is only one plush seat and a bit of legroom in front of us, so Seokjin lounges beside me.

Yoongi yowls at Seokjin while batting at his shin, and Seokjin returns the sentiment by hissing at my cat.

Ha. He thinks he can get away with threatening Yoon like that?

I turn to hit Seokjin's shoulder, but I hadn't realised that the room was moving. Losing my balance, I throw down my hands, but the only place from them to land are his thighs. Did I ever mention that he 'covers' his chest with an open vest? Because I was currently face-to-face with that chest.

I whip my hands off him, face burning as he laughs and steadies me with an annoyingly smug smile on his face.

"Careful, Darling, we're in a palanquin. You think I would let my princess walk?"

"I am not your princess!" I raise my eyebrows at him, daring him to say the retort I just know is on the tip of his tongue, but instead, he just grins wider.

"That's where you're wrong, because you literally are a princess now. Take a look outside." He nudges the curtains on one side apart, flooding the already bright room with noon sunlight that takes a second for my eyes to adjust to.

Outside, the palace which we had only seen from the edge of the city is suddenly looming in front of us. Dark red and blue banners waving from tower tops crowned the carved white marble walls of the palace, which was surrounded by gardened courtyards and penned in by sentried, iron-wrought gates.

Although we were in the thick of the press of people, there was room left around our palanquin. It takes me a moment to realise why, but I understand when I see the awed faces of those closest to the palanquin - they think there is royalty inside, and of course they do.

It's what I wished for, isn't it?

I stick my head out a little further to find that our palanquin is being held and moved by people, rods from the palanquin hooked onto their shoulders, as well as two gold carriages in front of us and two behind. The ones directly in front and behind seemed to hold people as well, but the other two looked like they held other things.

You are absolutely right, Darling, Seokjin said. Except his voice sounded strange. Ah, that would be because I'm talking in your head.

I snap around to find Seokjin smirking. "You can read my thoughts now? Is this a new development because of the wish or having you been invading my thoughts this whole time?"

Immediately the smirk falls, worry creeping into his eyes. "It's a new thing, and even if it wasn't I would never do it without your permission. I just wanted to let you know now so you didn't get surprised by it later. You can talk to me through your thoughts too, if you need to. Is that... okay?"

"Yeah, I guess. Just don't go around digging in my head without me knowing." I nudge his knee lightly to let him know we're good, and he returns it with a grin on his face again.

"Sure thing, Darling. Oh, and those carriages. The one in front and behind hold your maids and guards, and the other two have presents for the kings. You can't come empty-handed, of course."

"Right. But uh... what about the people holding the palanquin. Does it hurt them?"

For some reason, his eyes soften at my question. "No, don't you worry about that. I've made sure they're fine."

"Okay. Thank you."

We sit in silence for a while, and I only notice my clothes then.

I am no longer in my dirty jacket and boots, but instead, a deep blue lehenga embroidered with a lotus pattern. I'm basically dripping in gold, heavy necklaces next to the lamp, bangles all up my arm, a stud in my nose and a piece laying through my hair part and against my forehead.

My hair part! I reach behind my head to find not my shorn head, but waves and waves of thick black hair. I had almost forgotten what it was like - shiny and heavy, slinking through my fingers.

I looked like an extravagant version of what I would see worn by the richer women in Paratham. My mother only had one outfit this lovely, and that was for her wedding; my dad had chosen to wear Daehan-Minguk's wedding hanbok.

Not particularly feeling like crying right now, I stick my head out between the curtains again, showing Yoongi the view too. I give up when he starts hissing at everyone, letting him play with the toy mouse Seokjin magics up.

We're in there for an hour, but eventually the palanquin sways to a stop and is set down. A voice calls from outside, but Seokjin shakes his head at me when I try to find out what's happening.

"I think you're going to have to get used to having other people do everything for you now that you're a princess. I'll take care of it, as your advisor and guard. And part-timer translater. And food-taster. And—"

"Alright, alright, I get it. Just go."

Seokjin does exactly that, and Yoongi follows with his tail in the air. Traitor.

It's frustrating to not know what is going on - I can make out Seokjin's low voice talking with a guard, but I can't hear what they're saying. There's a lull in their conversation before it picks up again.

A few minutes later, Seokjin sticks his head in and starts talking, words spilling so fast I can barely understand him.

"We're going to meet the king very soon. I'm gonna start my first task as your advisor: presenting the gifts we brought, then you, blah blah blah. Talk you up as the best person for Jungkook to marry, all that jazz."

I fiddle with the embroidered edge of my lehenga. "It feels like I'm being sold."

"As much as I hate to say it, Darling, the king is going to want the marriage that best benefits him. That's why everyone's bringing presents: to say 'Hey! Look at all these riches we have! You could have these too!'. The king will probably push Jungkook to choose the princess of the richest country."

He says it flippantly, but there's a tightness in his jaw that tells me he doesn't approve of this. It makes me feel like he's part of the plan because he wants to be, not just because he's my djinn.

"Oh."

I can feel Seokjin's gaze on the side of my face, but he doesn't say anything more. Instead, he half steps through the curtain so he can reach to adjust my necklace, then behind my neck to pull the lehenga's blue veil over my head. His hand lingers at my shoulder for a moment before he pulls away.

"I'll let you know when to come out and what to do, okay?"

"Okay."

And with my confirmation, he leaves again.

Just like that.

Yoongi stays with me this time, sensing my nervousness - the fury seething under my skin which he calms by curling on my lap with a soft purr. For just that tiny stretch of time, peace falls over me. Yoongi warm and heavy on my lap, sunlight seeping through the gauzy curtains, and the gentle sway of the palanquin begin picked up again...

So much is going on, but right now feels like it'll be the last piece of serenity I'll have for a while, so I savour it.

I can only hope that this all works out.

i can do this all day masterlist

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asagimeta · 6 years

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The Weirdness Of "Girl Trouble"

So I've talked probably atleast two or three times in depth about the worst episode of Hey Arnold ever- "Curly's Girl", wich is like a How To guide on rape culture- but I had sort of forgotten about "Girl Trouble" until rewatching it just now and it's... oddly almost as bad- now don't get me wrong, there are actually a couple of qualities about "Girl Trouble" that I like and it isn't quite stomach-churning like "Curly's Girl" is but it also displays some pretty hefty messages about abuse.... in the wrong way

Hey Arnold! has a very weird dichotomy in terms of toxic relationships in that it either portrays them almost FLAWLESSLY- think Helga and her parents- or just about as nightmarishly as you can imagine- think Curly and his "relationship" with Rhonda- and as much credit- as much real, TRUE credit- as I give to them for complete GEMS like the Patacki family or Ernie and his one-off model girlfreind, I also can't help but see the toxic relationships that flood the show

The good thing is that alot of them are occassionally addressed- Susie leaves Oskar at one point and is constantly calling him out on being a bum, Pheobe has several episodes where she either calls out Helga on what an abusive person she is or leaves her (be it as an intentional break in their relationship or not), and the bullies in the show are atleast usually given what's coming to them- but these things, like almost everything in HA!'s continuity, never stick around past an episode or two, Susie sticks around, Pheobe goes back, the bullies learn for the length of a half-episode but it never makes a lasting impact, and in a way I can excuse it because the issues DO atleast present themselves properly and he only reason I believe the changes don't stick for good are because HA! tries to have a very fluid continuity where you don't necessarily need to have seen episode three to see episode four, with the exception of some charectors coming (Lila, Mr. Simmons, Lorenzo) or going (Ruth, Torvald, the teacher before Mr. Simmons who's name I forget..) and HA! also typically tries to stick it's charectors to their archetypes, wich they overcome episodically (Rhonda learns not to care so much about her appearance and/or wealth/status in atleast three or four different episodes, because she's The Rich Spoiled Girl, Harold is always portrayed as The Dumb Bully no matter how many times he's shown to actually be very sensitive and- when he puts his mind to it- pretty smart, etc) So TL;DR I can forgive HA! for not keeping the changes it makes because the format of the show may not have worked as well- especially for the target audience and especially in the time period- if the charectors had had linear development, if Oskar and Susie had gotten that divorce, if Phoebe had decided to break things with Helga for good (or if Helga stopped treating her like a sidekick) if Rhonda stopped being spoiled, etc, we know from shows that DO develop their charectors episode to episode like As Told By Ginger that it's usually an older audience who gets attached, not grade schoolers, but I digress

The problem I really have is that "Girl Trouble", just like "Curly's Girl", simply sends a terrible message: If someone is abusing you it means they like you, so sit down and take it and whatever you do, DON'T fight back or you'll be the bad guy

Helga and Arnold's relationship defies stereotypical gender roles by making Helga the aggressor/abuser and Arnold the passive victim, but it's still a highly abusive relationship, and I think that fact gets really, really lost on people- especially the HA! writers- when it comes to episodes like "Girl Trouble"

Basically, Helga is acting especially cruel to Arnold and Grandpa advises him not to retaliate because "You'll have to be dealing with this girl for a very long time, it's best to make peace with it" and tells a story about how a girl in his school was just as mean to him (fondly, wile laughing) who we later learn is actually his wife Gerty, Arnold can't stand to take the advice, however, and after Helga throws paint on him, he throws paint back at her, Arnold is immediately given detention but Helga has no consequences for that /or/ for the cruel prank she had pulled the day before (covering Arnold's backside in glue and feathers) and when he gets home and explains what happened Grandpa freaks out and admonishes him about not fighting back- AGAIN, Arnold stews and Helga laments over the fact that her sweet, pure Arnold had finally been "pushed over the edge" due to her cruelty, but when Arnold calls and apologizes she's just as mean as ever and that's the "resolution"

Typically during episodes like this there's some ACTUAL resolution, a good example being "Pheobe Breaks A Leg" when Pheobe finally has a heart-to-heart about how abused she feels with Helga, Helga seems sincere in not wanting to hurt her anymore and promises to do better, even though the last shot is back to the same old dichotomy of Helga bossing Pheobe around, there was atleast a very honest realization on Helga's part that she was doing something wrong and Pheobe had the chance to confront her, but that isn't the case here

Here, we see nothing but a victim being told multiple times to learn to live with the fact that his abuser is going to be around for ages and he needs to get used to it, punished when he acts out back at her, and then tossed immediately back into the Toxic Tornado when HE apologizes to HER and is verbally put down, insulted, and screamed at again

Now, to be clear, before I go any further, I LIKE Arnold and Helga, I ship them and HAVE shipped them since the beginning.... but I ship them in a HEALTHY relationship where they're a little older and Helga has made more progress with her mental health and Arnold has started standing up to himself and not allowing her to bully him so much

There's actually an episode that I freaking ADORE about their relationship- "April Fool's Day", wich consists of a prank war between them, it isn't mean-spirited, just competitive, and at the end there are no hurt feelings or punished parties, just two kids having fun together, Arnold decides to best Helga however he can- wile, again, not being mean-spirited, just competitive- and doesn't let her bullying tactics push him around or scare him off

"Girl Trouble" is a serious problem because it perpetuates that the only abuse is male -> female, not so much in the storyline that Helga is being abusive to Arnold and he's not fighting back- that's pretty typical of HA!- but because of the actions *around* Helga and Arnold, namely: Arnold is punished for fighting back and Helga isn't, Helga having a breif moment of realization that she may have gone too far but not even coming CLOSE to admitting that (we know Helga is capable of being nice to Arnold when the circumstances are really serious, "Parents Day" being a good example) and worst of all, Grandpa repeatedly telling Arnold that he not only would have to deal with the abuse "for years to come", but that he should never, under any circumstances, defend himself, what is that saying to young boys who are suffering from something similar?

I just can't really understand- much like "Curly's Girl"- how the writers looked at the end outcome and went "Yeah, this is a reasonable message to send", in particular because Arnold broke their usual dichotomy for once, and they couldn't hide behind "Helga is aggressive and Arnold is passive, Arnold is the bigger person" like they usually can, that was the entire POINT

Wile I COMPLETELY agree that there should have been a message of "Be the better person and don't engage with a bully", there ALSO shouldn't have been such a heavy handed message of "Your abuser is going to be in your life for years and there's nothing you can do about it, and in fact, you'll probably fall in love with them!", and Helga's actions being flat-out romanticized is deeply troubling

A much better way to handle it is to keep things the same up until Arnold gets detention; give him and Helga BOTH detention (Gerald can testify that Helga tossed paint on Arnold first) and let them have detention together, maybe add a throw-away line about Helga having gotten detention for her prank the day before, and let the rest of the episode take place there, at first Arnold and Helga won't speak to eachother, but Helga makes a casual comment about Big Bob going through the roof over her having detention again- if he notices, that is, and how he'll just compare her to Olga again, Arnold says that she brought detention on herself this time and they argue until Helga says something about always bullying people because "How ELSE are you supposed to deal with them all the time?" and Arnold simmers down and makes a gentle, slightly vague comment about how you're supposed to treat people and then another apologizing for what she has to go through at home, a simple "I'm sorry they make you feel that way" or something would suffice, wich brings Helga to apologize for tormenting Arnold over the last couple of days (in her crass Helga way) and they sit in silence for a few minutes before detention is finally over and they can leave, at wich point Helga makes a very small comment concerning deciding to give Arnold something of a break from now on

The next day she's shown throwing spitballs at him or something and when he makes a face she winks and lets him borrow one of her books, or something like that

Just something like that, something that could possibly show that just because the attacker is female that doesn't give them a free pass, and to not push such abuse as a "funny love story" the way they did with Grandpa and Grandma

#kid's shows #Hey Arnold!#Girl Trouble

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marcythewerewolf · 7 years

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Some Lord of Shadows Thoughts, In No Particular Order

I think Jace’s name is in this book more than Kieran’s which is obnoxious. Also every appearance of his was prefaced by a multi-sentence description of how gorgeous he was. This did not stop even when he showed up purely to be a dick to Kit. I officially hate book Jace now. He’s drunk the Kool Aid and he’s part of the Shadowhunter establishment and he’s insufferable so thanks for that book. ‘

Shadowhunters are a cult. Full stop. Sometimes it seems like the book has started to recognize this but then it backtracks and goes back to glorifying them. They’re so rich, they’re so pretty! Like, yeah, but they’re also super racist and hugely regressive and directly responsible for the suffering of thousands. Sure, they do some good along the way but so does Salvation Army, they’re still BAD. Look past all the glitter and propaganda and they’re just magical thugs who haven’t gotten past the middle ages and at this rate never will. The Blackthorn kids are better off without them.

Kit is probably the most sympathetic person in the entire book and I do want him to run away and set up a pawn shop in Ohio? Save him from everyone but especially Jace.

At one point his face was described as angular though, which makes me wonder if CC has seen a fifteen year old ever. You do it once, it’s justifiable, but most teenagers have a bad case of the baby face and saying other wise is ridiculous. This cheekbone addiction is getting out of hand.

This book was so ridiculously heterosexual. Like, just such a pervasive case of unfortunate and tragic heterosexuality. So casual. So pointless. Magnus first gets brought up as “glittery”. One character thinks in all seriousness that you only get one dad. Gwyn is painfully straight for no apparent reason when faeries should and previously have been all sorts of flexible. It’s just... bad.

The centurions are all kind of awful and I didn’t bother to learn their names.

That being said, I did like the focus on Diana. She’s beautiful and amazing and brave and I love her.

This is just blatant apologism for what happened to Anselm Nightshade. You set up a situation like that, you deal with the consequences of it, you don’t wimp out.

The kids went to Faerie together and I am glad for that. They did just kill of Iarlath with no fanfare, but now his headcanon bf are chilling together and we got some follow up on Malcolm’s faerie ties so I’m not too mad about that.

“Her old tutor, Katerina.” God, where’s my Katerina spinoff. She has gotten no lines ever and because of that I love her.

I do like anything with faeries very much but it could afford to be a little less fantasy and a little less chaos theory. The rest is just an issue of misplaced expectation. Obviously I like some of my interpretations better (killing girls is so stupid and outdated, an actual curse dooming him to have fifty sons all the time is maybe a twist) but other than that, nice worldbuilding, solid writing.

Faeries! Gosh, I just love them so much. Faeries all the time, that what I want.

The Unseelie King is super interesting. His kids are more trite, but hey, I love them anyways.

On a related note, have I mentioned how much Gwyn just wants his big dumb teenagers to be safe and happy? Kieran and Mark aren’t even twenty and they need to take care of each other and not die. What a quality Faerie Dad.

Some times these kids act dumb but i do not begrudge them it on account of them being children.

The book got good about halfway through, which I appreciated. Kieran my sweet bratty boy, Nene the enigma, the courts, this is some good stuff I appreciate.

What I did not appreciate was the killing off of Arthur. Like, come on. You’ve already done a disservice by magicking up your mental illness, you don’t have to kill him off too. A much more straight forward solution would have used the fact that Malcolm and Annabel were technically married, have his death revive her, then have confused Annabel and her angry zombie husband coming after the Institute, then Annabel realizing what was really going on and turning on Malcolm. Less in between steps. Failing that, ancient aunt they mentioned last book.

Mark, Miach, darling, in fairness, the Seelie Queen’s lover very much did kidnap you. She was kidnap complicit. Don’t be trusting her. She absolutely had Sebastian’s baby.

Memory loss plots are rather boring, but I recognize they do something for some people, so it might just be a cup of tea situation. Enjoy your memory loss then, friends.

The Kieran/Mark/Cristina plot is juicy and I do like that but I want More Diana and Helen and Aline back and Answers first, you know?

One of the downsides of these books being about Shadowhunters is that it always comes down to the Shadowhunter heroes fighting and killing the irrational villainous Downworlder hordes which is Unfortunate. That conflict with Barnabas could have gone so much better.

People need to stop trying to brainwash Kit with this Herondale stuff. People don’t go around calling me by my great-great great grandmother’s name and expect me to sit down and take it. Sure, we’re technically related, but that’s not how convention or basic politeness works. Your name is what you are raised with and more importantly it’s what you choose. His name is Kit and he’s a Rook until he decides, on his own without the constant pressure of adults, to be something else.

As an extension of that? All these callbacks to the other book? They’re getting old and frankly more than a little annoying.

Jessamine died in 1878. Edgar Allan Poe died in 1849. I’m telling you guys, the timeline just doesn’t line up. She wasn’t even born when Malcolm was young and building his house.

Kieran is a very impulsive boy who is already too invested in his Shadowhunter bf and gf. I don’t make the rules.

I tried not to read too much into the Disaster Children literally burning down a church and having a weird intimate moment but they really are a mess. No laws, no holy lands, nothing but family, and nothing comes before family. I’m much more invested in them when they’re tearing down the establishment and making terrible toxic Wicked Powers choices.

AIRMED WAS THE DAUGHTER OF MANNAN. This is basic people. Do your research.

See, the memory loss plots always backfire unless you come clean. Lying never pays, kids.

My Diana theories are more or less confirmed which I appreciate, thank you very much.

I do very much wish they’d at least had the decency to leave bby Morgenstern a bby, that or go all the way and age him a few decades so you had a fifty something year old claiming to be Clary’s nephew. Much better than this cliche storm.

I recognize that Annabel got a short shift in life, but so did Malcolm, frankly. The fact that he gets a life of torment and a horrible death at the hands of one he loved while she gets to wander off and live happily is a little concerning to me. Why do Downworlders not get to be happy? Downworlders, and Arthur Blackthorn, apparently, aren’t allowed to live nice, non-tragic lives, but pretty young Shadowhunters can get away with anything. At this point I would have preferred a disappointing end for Annabel. Get that good tragedy going. The Blackthorn’s clearly have a bad case of the Gothics they need to fulfill.

Oh. OH. There we go. There’s the Blackthorn drama I crave.

My sweet girl, my sweet girl Livvy. She’s coming back as a ghost, isn’t she?

So that’s about five hours. My record holds. The book wasn’t bad, it was just sooooo long. I feel like it could have used a ruthless editor with a really good grasp of the classics to clean things up a bit. Didn’t make me laugh as much, but that might just be a result of my evolving sense of humour. Drama got good nearer the last half of the book. There was some nice stuff in there. Overall, not a waste of five hours, and I’m not mad. Just please, someone de-brainwash these Shadowhunter children. They’re in a cult. Someone needs to tell them that they’re in a cult. Save Kit, he’s getting pulled in as well.

#lord of shadows spoilers #lord of shadows #the dark artifices #long post

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its-love-u-asshole · 7 years

Text

hopping into puddles [Ch. 1]

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei/Kuroo Tetsurou

Summary: Tsukishima Kei has bad luck when it comes to a lot of things, mainly when it comes to love. In fact, if it were up to him, he wouldn’t be looking in the first place. But because of a curse brought upon him by his idiotic ancestors, his only hope for a normal life is to find someone who accepts him and his…particularly abnormal nose. Not that it’ll ever happen…

Or at least, that’s what he’s accepted.

Then Kuroo Tetsurou shows up.

Rating: T (will change later)

Warnings: None

Notes: FFFF Okay so I'm really excited to post this, I've been working on it for a few months *_* It's my first multichapter kurotsuki for this fandom so I'm nervous and proud lol. This fic is a Penelope AU, but you don’t need to have seen the movie to read it ^^ It’s also completely written, so it’ll update every Thursday! Please enjoy! Big thanks to @emeraldwaves for reading this over!

AO3 Version

Love wasn't a reality. Not for him anyways.

He'd learned that a long time ago.

Tsukishima Kei watched through the peephole in his room as laughing men piled into his grand home, taking seats in the spacious living room while his brother greeted them with paperwork and refreshments. Pens were passed out, and his dad gave the usual spiel about secrecy, and legal consequences, and blah, blah, blah. Kei squinted as his father finished talking, allowing the room to erupt into conversations that disrupted the familiar serenity and peace of his home. Obnoxious. Still, he looked. He always looked and listened. The edges of Kei's vision were curved and hazy due to the small opening, but it wasn't like he was nervous or unfamiliar with the sight on the other side of his door. He'd been doing this for years. He glanced down at his watch in disinterest, noting he had two minutes left.

Can we get this over with?

No, he knew his mother was strict about the schedule. Can't risk starting too early and missing out on any potential matches.

Ha fucking ha.

Kei watched in boredom as people began to talk amongst themselves, catching the occasional muffled phrase every now and again, hushed so as to not attract his own family's attention no doubt.

"How bad could it be right?"

"Marrying a Tsukishima is worth anything!"

"I'm curious."

"He'll be charmed by me in no time."

Boring. Stupid. Arrogant. In the end they would all run or curse in disgust when he finally did step out. They always did. Besides, even if they did stay, it wasn't like there was a high chance he'd actually like any of them. Cocky, selfish, that's how they all were. All the men from rich families.

Why did they have to do this anymore? He was twenty-two years old, obviously this method wasn't working. As much as he'd grown used to it, it was exhausting. To get up and get ready once a week, only to be rejected, and then spend the rest of his week cooped up in his house by himself. He wanted it to stop, there was no point anymore. Men and women alike had made it quite clear.

Tsukishima Kei was hideous, a monster. Love wasn't in his cards, and he didn't much care if it wasn't.

At the thought however, he caught sight of his mother through the hole, her head nodding in excitement and her eyes alight with a hope that never seemed to diminish even after so many failed attempts. She had faith someone would stay. She thought someone would look past his appearance and love him for who he was. She believed Kei was more than his face. Oh how wrong she was.

Kei loved his mom, really he did. He wasn't the most affectionate son or brother, but his family was important to him. It was just...they were different from him. They couldn't seem to let these things go. He didn't need someone to complete him, to save him. He wasn't helpless. He'd never fantasized about someone finally giving him the time of day and sweeping him off his feet.

Such thoughts were childish, unreliable.

So instead, he went along with these meetings for his family's sake, having to watch each time as their smiles dropped in sadness and disappointment while his stayed neutral, not surprised in the slightest. Kei looked away from the gathering as he watched his mother turn on the speakers in the living room, connecting with the mic in Kei's room so he could talk to everyone. He no longer wished to see the enthusiasm his parents and brother were parading around the room, so he pressed his face against the door, closing his eyes in frustration as the seconds ticked away. Already he was tired, and he pressed in harder, as if wishing for his face to flatten and for his problems to be gone.

He hissed when the hard, chipped wood irritated his nose, another reminder of its presence as a thorn in his side, in his life. At least if it was gone, he could go outside. He could see the world, romance be damned. I just want to go outside.

Slowly, he reached up to massage his nose, feeling along the ridges he'd become oh so used to, feeling along the unnatural curves. He could count them, one, two, three...

"Kei honey! Your guests are ready!" His mother's chipper voice reached him from the other side of the door, and he heaved a heavy sigh as he picked up the microphone. Her excitement almost made him feel like something would change, that today would be his turning point. But...

As he fumbled with the mic, flipping it on reluctantly, he caught his reflection in the mirror hanging on the left wall, and knew the day would be no different than any other.

See, love really wasn't a reality for him. It hadn't been from day one, all for one singular reason.

Tsukishima Kei was cursed with a lot of things; an unpleasant attitude, a smart mouth, general apathy...but perhaps the biggest was that everyday when he woke up and looked in the mirror, he was greeted with the face of a pig.

Kei didn't know his great grandfather. The man had been long dead when Kei was born, but Kei was pretty sure he hated the man.

This was his fault after all.

The Tsukishimas were a proud, esteemed family, they always had been. With an ample fortune and generosity, they were beloved by the public and held in high regards by other prominent families. Despite his large mansion and nice things though, Kei never felt like his family fit the common mold of blue bloods. They were too kind, altruistic, and enjoyed cooking, watching dumb movies, and spending time with their children. It was more than he could ask for really, since he wasn't one for lavish parties or socializing in general. They'd encouraged Akiteru in the same fashion. Kei's older brother had made a pretty good name for himself in the field of literature, befitting someone of his class, but it was his passion since childhood, and his parents had let him pursue it no questions asked, despite chances of failure. With Kei too, they were no different. His family accepted his reclusive nature, his love for reading and botany, and didn't push him to meet any of the expectations which were usually thrust upon young men from affluent families.

However, that didn't mean it had always been that way for the Tsukishimas.

Kei's great grandfather had been a noble through and through, popular with the women from rich families and the center of attention. He was subject to societal pressures and the scrutinizing eyes of his parents, and it had ended up being his undoing.

Or no, it hadn't. It had ended up being Kei's undoing. The old man himself had died in his sleep with little worries, despite his vices, and Kei couldn't help but resent the man.

When his grandfather was in his prime, he'd been one of the most eligible bachelors in society, handsome and charismatic, with many attractive prospects in regards to marriage. However, he'd been greedy.

His grandfather had decided to fool around with one of his servants, a young, poor man with an ill mother to support. Kei's grandfather probably thought it was no big deal, sleeping around and stringing along a poor worker, but he'd forgotten somehow that revenge favored no one, not even the rich. Short sighted, a trait Kei truly detested.

In the end, the servant expressed his love for the noble only to be rejected, and soon after, Kei's grandfather married a high class woman from the neighboring city, and the servant succumbed to his heartbreak and depression. In a fit of agony, the servant's mother plead with the gods and may have even dabbled in the forbidden arts (though that was probably some stupid rumor from the newspaper), in order to lay a curse upon the house of the Tsukishimas.

Of course, it was a myth. There's no telling whether or not Kei's condition was from a spell or a simple birth defect, but well...it was strange. The story itself was pretty tragic, and he'd thought so when he'd first heard it. Though, Kei couldn't say he understood the emotions behind the servant's actions. In the end, his love wasn't returned, but why let something stupid like rejection affect him so much? Emotions were reckless, Kei reasoned, and it was why he tended to shun them.

Further proof of why emotions were the root of evil was what happened after the servant's death.

Fueled with the pain of her son's rejection and scorned love, the old woman willed that the next son of the Tsukishima family be born with the face of a pig.

Simple really, and consequently the reason for Kei's current suffering, almost four generations later. Because life was a bitch and the universe seemed to hate Kei, who'd done nothing wrong, the Tsukishima family was blessed with a long line of girls. Daughters after daughters after fucking daughters.

Well, at least until Akiteru. The issue there was that Akiteru wasn't really a Tsukishima. At the time, Kei's mother and father had been struggling with getting pregnant, and the issue was traced back to Kei's mother. Rather than adopt, they opted for a surrogate in order to keep some of the bloodline in tact, and later on, Kei himself ended up being a happy accident.

Or, it had been happy, until he was actually born. With Akiteru not having a drop of Tsukishima blood, the first boy born to the family in several generations was Kei.

Kei, who inherited the curse as soon as he'd come into the world.

And so started his life of fruitless struggle and letting down his parents. Of course, his family had never made him feel different. They loved him. But...they tried in their own way to remedy the situation, never fully accepting it as the end all. After finding out that plastic surgery was out of the question (thanks curse), his family had resorted to actually giving into the stipulations of the legend.

According to the myth, the only way to break the spell on him, to get rid of his problems, was for one of noble birth to marry Kei.

Well, the actual wording was for "one of your own kind to accept you as their own," but same thing, put less cryptically.

Either way, Kei hated it. All this life, he'd been confined to his room by his parents, given that photographers and magazines everywhere had gotten wind of his supposed abnormality, and were all fighting for a picture, their big payday.

His parents were being protective, too protective for his tastes. In all honesty, Kei didn't care if people took pictures or saw him. What was the difference in being ridiculed by the general public, and being ridiculed in his own home by fleeing men who couldn't stand the sight of him? Which was worse? Kei had spent his whole childhood playing indoors, learning new languages, playing with old dinosaur figurines...alone. Not like Kei loved people, but...

Fresh air, gardens, parks, trips to the planetarium and the movies...

They were things he'd never been able to do, and that stung more than the rejection of a thousand suitors.

The first time his mother had brought up a matchmaking session, Kei had been only sixteen, and he'd been rather perplexed with the whole thing. He was still so young after all, way too young for the marriage the curse called for, but his mother wholeheartedly believed in building connections early, weeding out unlikely individuals and getting a sense of what Kei liked. Besides, his parents weren't against him making friends, they just wanted to supervise to make sure no one would be cruel to him.

Embarrassing really.

Back then, the matchmaking sessions were only comprised of one suitor, since his mother insisted it made things more intimate, and allowed people to get to know the real Kei, whatever the hell that meant.

"You're not your nose sweetheart, you have to show them that!" His mother exclaimed happily as she pulled out the clear file on the noble young man.

"But...it's my nose, it's part of me--"

"Honey please, that's nonsense! Now come on, he'll be here soon!"

When the day had actually arrived, Kei hadn't been too concerned with his suitor running away. He was naive then, not nearly as jaded and closed off as his personality was currently. He actually had hope at that point. Sure, he anticipated that the potential lovers would be somewhat surprised but...it was just his nose, or snout really. He didn't think his face was that bad, so surely he'd have to talk to some of them who managed to look past it. He hated to admit it, but he'd actually been nervous. Kei's palms had been clammy as he'd grasped the microphone that day, ready to greet an attractive stranger and possibly his future spouse from behind a door with a peephole in it. Really, the fact the he couldn’t introduce himself directly should’ve been his first indication things wouldn’t go well.

It was dumb, he had reasoned, to put so much hope into the first person, not to mention unrealistic. But...as much as he hated to admit it, all he'd wanted was to break the curse. So, naturally, part of him (the part that wasn't overly standoffish and uncaring), hoped someone would take a shine to him, despite his unpleasant nature.

Kei learned a lot of things that day. The first, was that people weren't genuine in the slightest.

The man was handsome, but he was quite boring in Kei's opinion. Kei wasn't the most socially gifted, he tended to snark, and his jibes often put people off, but he couldn't help his demeanor. He liked to be playful, to argue, to talk about science and music and weird movies, and be presented with a verbal challenge. Finding someone he could hold a decent conversation with was hard, especially with his standards and awkwardness, but this guy wasn't even trying.

It was like he was reading from a script, ignoring any attempt Kei gave him to engage in ways which made the blond actually happy.

"So, are you always this proper?" Kei snorted.

"What? Of course, as I was saying..."

Honestly, he should've known it would be a flop right then and there, but his mother was undoubtedly in the kitchen listening, smiling hopefully. He just had to try a little more.

"I saw that new horror movie online last night and--"

"You have time for that sort of thing? How...quaint, anyways..."

And he did try.

"I like gardening I guess, I have books on--"

"Gardening is usually done by the grounds workers, it's filthy work in my opinion, certainly not suitable for your hands, which I'm sure are lovely."

And tried.

"Have you ever been to an amusement park?"

"What? With all those common people?"

And tried some more, until he wanted nothing but to go back to bed and curl up with a book, because surely that would be better company.

It seemed hopeless, but something churned in Kei's stomach regardless, an emotion he wasn't used to feeling at all and that kept him going throughout the one sided conversation. He was a disappointment, surely he was. He was unable to pull in anyone with his cutting humor and quirks. Logically, Kei knew it wasn't his fault that he was incompatible with the other boy, but he still couldn't help but feel the telltale stings of rejection, and he was the one who was holding the matchmaking session. He held the cards, and yet he felt like garbage. Pathetic, as if this guy mattered at all. God, he should've given up after his fifth attempt to make a connection. But Kei was foolish at sixteen, still had false hopes and vestiges of romantic ideas. So of course, he reasoned and reasoned that things could work out. The guy could break the curse, could maybe learn to like Kei if they talked more, so...

"Have you ever felt trapped?" Kei hated the way his voice cracked, but really, his mother always did say he needed to be more relatable...maybe if he opened up in the slightest...

It was uncomfortable, oversharing, Kei rarely had the strength to be personal with his own family, and this was some random guy.

The other boy's blue eyes lit up at the question, and Kei thought he saw a brief trace of annoyance at having been interrupted again, but he quickly masked his face into a rehearsed, sympathetic expression. "Why Tsukishima," he began, voice soft and touched, "of course I have. I understand you completely, we're quite similar."

"Oh?" It was doubtful, it had to be bullshit, everything in Kei was screaming that it was. This was like one big joke, but he persisted, because he was a fool. Kei, despite his uneasiness, grabbed the thread offered. Maybe the guy wasn't lying after all, maybe he felt bad for Kei, being trapped in the big house, imprisoned by the curse. The prospect of having someone who understood him was so attractive to him and his naive heart. For someone to accept him as one of their own..."How so?"

The guy laughed at that, putting a hand on his neck as he searched for an answer. Another indication of a liar, but Kei ignored it. Idiot. "Well, obviously by my good name and standing."

Oh you've got to be kidding me. "Um..."

"No one can ever seem to look past the rich noble stereotypes, I'm much more than my name and face." The man smiled softly, peering through the peephole as if it would communicate his sincerity better. It was a good answer, Kei would give him that. Hesitantly, Kei looked over to his vanity mirror, catching a glimpse of his reflection. More than my face...

"And surely, you are more than your face. I'm sure there's beauty lying underneath, and I'd be honored to bring it out." The other continued, and Kei's breath caught at his next words. "Let me see the real you, Tsukishima."

Maybe it was his immaturity, his desire for the curse to be broken, or some deep down desire to be wanted, but either way, Kei found himself reaching for the doorknob. The other boy stepped back, seemingly pleased with himself, and Kei felt right then and there that something wrong was bound to happen. But, if he could break the curse, if there was just a chance...

And there was. So, Kei wiped his sweaty palms on his shorts, and opened the door.

The second thing he learned that day, was that people were shallower than he thought. That or, he looked worse than he'd originally thought.

It took all but two seconds for the suitor to gag at the sight of him, and run, taking any last inklings of hope for freedom and romance along with him.

Now of course, he had the routine down, knew what to expect. Nothing would change, and he had learned how to let the insults and cries of disgust bounce off of him with every new matchmaking session.

Some things had changed though, as he now also had a one way mirror built into the wall so he could look out into the meeting room and interact with the suitors without having any of them see him. He rarely used it though, it was a bit overwhelming, feeling like he was the center of a large crowd, with everyone staring, even though they really weren't. So, he stuck to the peephole. In addition, all the suitors had to sign forms now, swearing them to secrecy so they couldn't run and tell people about the terrifying pig-faced boy.

Stupid.

Tsukishima clicked his tongue, resigning himself to yet another wasted weekend, and greeted his guests.

The day ended as it always did, with him holding his mother as she cried at another unsuccessful meeting, and himself wishing he hadn't been born.

Kuroo Tetsurou had hit a new low.

The suit he was wearing was itchy and a tad too fitting on his broad frame, and he fidgeted awkwardly, unsure of how he was supposed to look. He never wore suits, or at least, he hadn't in a very long time.

The thought reminded him of his current predicament.

He watched as a crew of journalists, many of whom looked like they hadn't showered in some time, fiddled with his coat lining, sloppily sewing in a hidden camera. Next to them sat a stained, yet crisp envelope, with Kuroo's name scribbled on it. It was all that was keeping Kuroo from hightailing it out of there.

Definitely a new low.

"Alright, raise your arm," the main journalist advised him, stepping back and sparing Kuroo's nostrils of his foul cologne. Kuroo did what he was told, and he heard a faint click, the telltale sign of the camera going off.

Ah, clever.

"Alright, its works!" The journalist exclaimed, handing Kuroo a brush and some mouthwash. "Now, you remember the plan right?"

Kuroo nodded, not bothering to grin or make unnecessary conversation. Usually he was a very friendly guy, but these guys just rubbed him the wrong way, and the fact that he was associating himself with them didn't make his conscience happy. He grabbed the brush and mouthwash in confusion. Did he look that much like a bum?

"Good, now would it kill you to look presentable? What's with that hair? You're supposed to be playing the part of a noble..." The crew gave him the once over, clearly not pleased.

Huh, guess I look worse than I thought.

Don't get him wrong, Kuroo thought he was a pretty good looking guy. He was fit, had clear skin and good height, not to mention he could really lay on the charm when he wanted. But...well, he also knew his hair looked like a bird's nest on the best of days, and his strong smirks and general demeanor could make him come off as a delinquent. Not to mention his wardrobe wasn't in the most tip top shape lately.

Which coincidentally, was what got him in this situation in the first place.

"I am a noble, and I even wore my best pants today!" They were the ones without holes in them. His joking tone went ignored by the other men, who reluctantly took back the brush upon seeing how Kuroo's hair was a legitimate lost cause.

"A down on his luck noble, unless you've forgotten," the journalist shot back, waving Kuroo's agency file in front of him. Kuroo winced. "You might be from a prominent family, but you're no richer than a McDonald’s worker, so don't test our patience. We can find someone else."

"N-no!" Kuroo laughed nervously, waving his hands in a flurry. "I'll do it, no worries."

"Good, you seem like a smart guy," one of the other man said while flicking through his phone. "Smart enough to not pass up 50,000 yen at least."

Right. The money. That was why he was here. Kuroo felt gross and pathetic all over again, but damn he really did need that money. The rent on his apartment was covered by his job, but if he wanted to be able to put a down payment on his new place, he needed a boost, just for the month. When he'd been a teenager, he'd had all the money in the world, but when his parents had found out about certain...preferences of his, he was deemed unworthy of the Kuroo family fortune, and was on his own.

It wasn't that bad of course. He had his friends, he had a job he loved, even though it didn't pay super well. But, getting back on his feet continued to be difficult from time to time.

Which was why he was currently standing next to a shifty van across the street from the Tsukishima mansion, getting ready to go in with a large group of nobles way more desirable than him, in order to get a picture of the youngest son of the Tsukishima household.

The youngest son, who apparently was cursed with a hideous appearance, to the point where his parents had to hold these matchmaking parties just to set him up. It seemed almost ridiculous, Kuroo thought as he watched more smartly dressed men enter the house, stopping at the front door to receive some sort of paperwork and have their IDs checked.

It just didn't seem real, but oh well, Kuroo had a job to do. Part of him sort of hoped the young Tsukishima would be snobby or rude, then Kuroo wouldn't have to feel so bad about what he was about to do.

You're going to feel bad anyways, you loser.

Kuroo cringed at himself. Yeah, probably.

Damn his niceness, was it too late to back out?

"Alright, it's time to go in." The journalist's voice shattered his hopes of that, as did the weight of the camera in the secondhand suit jacket. "Now, when he reveals himself, no matter how ugly he is, you need to stay and get that picture. Got it?"

Make me sound worse why don't you.

But well, Kuroo had been the one to respond to their ad. He had no one to blame but himself. He sighed one last time, buttoning the suit as best he could, before turning towards the mansion in front of him. Let's get this over with.

"Got it."

It was easy for him to avoid signing the secrecy agreement when no one in the Tsukishima family seemed to be paying him much mind. They had his file, naturally, so they probably knew he wasn't the most upstanding noble these days. Certainly not a good fit for their son, they were much more focused on buttering up the other rich pretty boys in the room.

It didn't much matter to him, in fact, it made his job easier. Of course, it didn't make him feel any less shitty about what he was doing.

"Alright everyone! I'm Tsukishima Akiteru, and I'd like to thank you all for coming." The tall, dirty blonde seemed easy going for a noble, his smile kind and bright, and his dress less fancy than that of his parents. Just having him stand there made Kuroo feel at ease. "It means a lot to have so many people willing to help my brother, he's very important to me."

Aaaand there's the guilt again.

God, Kuroo would've been better off at a McDonald’s honestly.

"He'll be out shortly!" And with that, Akiteru exited the room, which made Kuroo confused more than anything. The family didn't stay to see how things went? He wondered how long they'd been doing these things...

Long enough, if journalists knew about it.

Man, Kuroo was a sleaze ball.

Part of him couldn't help but be curious though. He'd heard the rumors of the Tsukishima bloodline, naturally, how a witch had cursed them and now the only way to break it was for the youngest son to marry rich. Kuroo wasn't sure he believed all of that, not that he didn't believe in the supernatural at all, this just seemed sort of out there.

Well, you'll have proof by the end of the day won't you? The whole world would.

Yup, Kuroo thought as he frowned at the floor, total sleaze.

"Kei? They're ready." Akiteru's voice carried into Kei's room, obviously excited with a hint of anxiety mixed in. His brother never stopped worrying about him. Kei always complained about how obnoxious it was, but really his brother was all that kept him grounded sometimes. He was the only one who made him feel better on days like this, even if it was obvious how much his brother was on his parents' side.

"Mm, give me a minute," Kei said, watering the orchids sitting on his shelf and making sure they had enough soil.

Usually, his brother would leave after he said this, but he felt Akiteru's presence hovering by the door, hesitating, and Kei clicked his tongue. "What is it Akiteru? Did mom say something?"

Kei swore, if his mom wanted him to change his outfit again...

"No, she didn't, I just..." Akiteru sighed, and that got Kei's attention. It wasn't like his brother to doubt himself when talking to Kei, they didn't have that kind of relationship. Kei turned to face him, setting down his watering can carefully and pulling his coat around himself.

"Spit it out," Kei said, very aware of the muffled sounds of conversation on the other side of the wall. Maybe he'd made a mistake, requesting for so many suitors come at once this time...

"Kei, are you sure you wouldn't rather meet them one at a time? Like you used to?" Akiteru approached him, putting his hands on Kei's shoulders in a show of support. "I mean, what's the point of this? They can't possibly get to know you when they're in a group."

Kei resisted the urge to sneer.

Getting to know me, don't make me laugh. It's obvious what they're after, and it's not that.

There were so many responses to his brother's questions, all equally cutting and unfair. It wasn't as if this was his brother's fault. He didn't understand, he wasn't the one with the goddamn pig snout.

These wretched nobles were only after one thing: the money. They didn't care about Kei, and they'd all run. That's why Kei had started holding group sessions, it was why he made today's group extra large. He wanted so desperately to prove a point, to stop this. They always leave. There's no one who will stay, so let's give up. Give up, and let me go outside.

Kei didn't care anymore about the suitors. No matter how much his eyes began to sting, he pushed those traitorous emotions down, walking away from Akiteru's worried gaze.

He had been doing this for years, he could handle it.

Kei walked towards the door, taking a deep breath as he pushed up his glasses with shaking hands. "This way, it wastes less time."

His brother made a noise of protest, but Kei wouldn't look at him, wouldn't let the other see the emotions he himself didn't want to acknowledge. When the door finally shut behind him, Kei released the breath he'd been holding.

Kuroo was an idiot. He couldn't even be a successful sleazeball. Just my luck.

He ducked under the couch, luckily unnoticed by the other nobles as they waited for the young Tsukishima to introduce himself. Meanwhile, the camera in his pocket was going haywire, taking twenty pictures a minute, and Kuroo tugged at the cords unintelligibly, willing them to fix themselves. Holy shit why are there so many wires, we’re in the age of technology!

As he was about ready to give up and kiss the money goodbye, the camera seemed to stop taking its flurry of pics, but Kuroo didn't get to feel relieved or get up from the floor. It was too late.

Kuroo heard the whoosh of a door behind him, and the whole room went quiet, only interrupted by the softest voice Kuroo had ever heard. "Hello, I'm Tsukishima Kei and--"

There was a cacophony of screams and a crash as a book table was knocked over, and before Kuroo knew it, people were jumping over the couch and past him like their life depended on it. He had the good sense to tuck his feet in as the stampede raced by him and out the door, leaving him sitting there alone like an idiot, surrounded by papers and coasters.

The loud footsteps faded in the distance as he heard the suitors flee the house, bringing back an unnatural silence to the room. For some reason, Kuroo's heart clenched, and he cursed his own empathy.

He blinked a few times, hearing a distinct and shaky breath from behind him, before a door slammed shut.

#kurotsuki #hq fanfic #haikyuu writers

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indigobxbe · 7 years

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Answer me all 200 of those asks me boi

200: My crush’s name is: jake :)199: I was born in: michigan198: I am really: dumb197: My cellphone company is: virgin mobile196: My eye color is: poo brown195: My shoe size is: 7.5194: My ring size is: no ideA193: My height is: 5'5 now192: I am allergic to: gay shit191: My 1st car was: lol190: My 1st job was: i was like a busboy but girl then i was a hostess lmao yikes189: Last book you read: tkam188: My bed is: full of trash187: My pet: is a dog186: My best friend: doesnt know it185: My favorite shampoo is: really good184: Xbox or ps3: xbox?183: Piggy banks are: cute182: In my pockets: i have no pockets181: On my calendar: this month on the eight i have a thing says when my last nail broke :"(( i am thAt hoe(tm)180: Marriage is: gay179: Spongebob can: stop with the memes178: My mom: is short177: The last three songs I bought were? LOL176: Last YouTube video watched: moana film theory thing175: How many cousins do you have? like 7?? i dont know all of the ones in mexico so its probably more174: Do you have any siblings? 6173: Are your parents divorced? yea lol172: Are you taller than your mom? yES171: Do you play an instrument? clarinetty170: What did you do yesterday? went to the park &dyed eggs[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: not really lol168: Luck: no167: Fate: hhhhhyeah??166: Yourself:n o165: Aliens: yes164: Heaven: no163: Hell: nno162: God: no161: Horoscopes: no but i still read mine160: Soul mates: hhhhlogically no159: Ghosts: unsure158: Gay Marriage: oh not at all 157: War: idkdude156: Orbs: whathefuckisanorb155: Magic: not really[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs153: Drunk or High: drunk152: Phone or Online: phone lol151: Red heads or Black haired: black150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes149: Hot or cold: hot148: Summer or winter: summer147: Autumn or Spring: spring146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: apples143: Curly or Straight hair: i think curly hair is so prettydsklnffn142: McDonalds or Burger King: bk141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: no preference139: Flip flops or high heals: neither?138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: fuckidk137: Coke or Pepsi: pepsi136: Hillary or Obama: obama135: Burried or cremated: cremated and then buried :)134: Singing or Dancing: both?why not133: Coach or Chanel: i d ont really care132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who131: Small town or Big city: big city pls130: Wal-Mart or Target: target129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: idk who the first is but i hate adam sandler128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure, ,feet r gross127: East Coast or West Coast: east126: Your Birthday or Christmas: christmas125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers124: Disney or Six Flags: disney123: Yankees or Red Sox: ewsports[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: its unnecessary most of the time lol121: George Bush: who120: Gay Marriage: hehgay119: The presidential election: heck trump my dude118: Abortion: sometimes u need that ykno117: MySpace: yeet116: Reality TV: guilty pleasure115: Parents: they try? questionably?114: Back stabbers:can heck off113: Ebay: useful112: Facebook: i h a te it111: Work:i want a job :(110: My Neighbors: white trash109: Gas Prices: idkdude108: Designer Clothes: why spend $300 when u can spend $20107: College: i want to go 106: Sports: succ105: My family:succs104: The future: scary[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: i think last night102: Last time you ate: few hours ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: today100: Cried in front of someone: tuesday lmao sry mrs jarrad99: Went to a movie theater: like a monht ago98: Took a vacation: like four years ago97: Swam in a pool: last year96: Changed a diaper: two(??) years ago95: Got my nails done: few months ago94: Went to a wedding: like a year ago93: Broke a bone: never have92: Got a peircing: last april91: Broke the law: thursday90: Texted: currently[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: myself dfkkjdn88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my sister87: The last movie I saw: doctor strange86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: 4/2085: The thing im not looking forward to: facing consequences 84: People call me: bel , bella , belly , isabel ew83: The most difficult thing to do is:wake up every morning 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: false81: My zodiac sign is: capricorn80: The first person i talked to today was: my mom79: First time you had a crush: like third grade shdifjno78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: no one?77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: no idea 76: Right now I am talking to: friends75: What are you going to do when you grow up: suffer74: I have/will get a job: eventually 73: Tomorrow: i go to school72: Today: i suffer 71: Next Summer: hopefully wont be horrible70: Next Weekend: get to hang out w chill brother?69: I have these pets: 3 dog68: The worst sound in the world: me talking67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself kwjqd66: People that make you happy: anyone that pays attention to me ojpwefo65: Last time I cried: tuesday64: My friends are: gay63: My computer is: suffering62: My School: is fucking gross61: My Car: doesnt exist60: I lose all respect for people who: are condescending 59: The movie I cried at was: perksofbeingawallflower lol58: Your hair color is: brown57: TV shows you watch: the office , voltron , stranger things , bobs burgers 56: Favorite web site: tumbler (dot)com55: Your dream vacation:farfar away54: The worst pain I was ever in was: in my head lol53: How do you like your steak cooked:i cant eat it lol52: My room is: dirty51: My favorite celebrity is: brian sella counts?50: Where would you like to be: a better place49: Do you want children: meh not really?48: Ever been in love: ye 47: Who’s your best friend: probably teara lol46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl45: One thing that makes you feel great is: personal lol44: One person that you wish you could see right now: hotass43: Do you have a 5 year plan: i dont even have a plan 4 tomorrow42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no41: Have you pre-named your children: 40: Last person I got mad at: my brother39: I would like to move to: penn?38: I wish I was a professional: anything tbh[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: starbursts36: Vehicle: idkdude35: President: obama34: State visited: prbly texas bc we went thru it to mexico & we saw a big ol light up ferris wheel33: Cellphone provider: i dont know dude 32: Athlete: lol31: Actor: dwaynetherockjohnson30: Actress: ?whoknows29: Singer: does joji count?28: Band: car seat headrest atm27: Clothing store: heck if i knew 26: Grocery store: ?25: TV show: the office24: Movie: moana23: Website: already answered this?22: Animal: me21: Theme park: C E Dar point20: Holiday: halloween19: Sport to watch: soccer actually18: Sport to play: none lol17: Magazine: no16: Book: no15: Day of the week: saturdays14: Beach: idk dude any on lake michigan is lit13: Concert attended: havent been to any :"(12: Thing to cook: idk dude11: Food: french Fry10: Restaurant: whoknnows9: Radio station: i dont /really/ like any ive heard8: Yankee candle scent: idkdude7: Perfume: b&bw tahitian island dream? smthn like that 6: Flower: i actually like regular red roses tbh5: Color: purple4: Talk show host: hhidk 3: Comedian: me2: Dog breed: call me a weaboo but i love the shibe1: Did you answer all these truthfully? no loli am so sorry to anyone who has this on their dash omgty for the ask mommy :)

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whereoblivionreigns · 7 years

Text

i am very bored

A – Accidents 01. Have you ever been in a car accident?: No 02. Do you have a lot of scars?: A few on my arms, one on my right knee cap and one under my right eyebrow 03. Have you ever been in a fist fight with someone?: Yes 04. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake?: Sort of.. My sister and I were fake boxing once and I accidentally knocked her out cold 05. Have you ever had stitches? Where?: Yes, knee and eyebrow

B – Beauty 06. Do you consider yourself beautiful?: Still working on that 07. Are you self conscious of how you look?: I learned to not care about that shit long ago. 08. Do you put on a lot of makeup?: Not usually 09. Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery?: How rich do I look 10. What do you think makes a person beautiful?: Their aura, and the way they talk about their passions

C – Consequences 11. What was the longest amount of time you’ve been grounded for?: A week probably 12. What would you do if you got pregnant, keep it or have an abortion?: Abort 13. Do you ever think about how your actions affect other people?: Always 14. What do you think is the worst punishment someone could give you?: Putting me in a cage 15. What is one thing you wish you didn’t do, just because it wasn’t worth it in the end?: Chase after a boy

D – Dealing 16. When you are mad at someone, how do you show them?: By either ignoring them or taking the bitch up a few notches 17. Name a time when you had to be strong: An ex passed away a few months ago. It’s been tough but I have a great support system. 18. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting? Any kind of abuse at home?: Divorce, fighting, physical abuse, emotional abuse. 19. When people at school don’t accept you, or have problems with you, how do you react?: Keep doing my thing 20. Have you ever lost someone to death? Explain how you got through it: My aunt when I was 11 and my ex recently. Lots of positive reflection, friends and drinking.

E – Experience 21. Have you ever had a job? Any volunteer jobs?: I’ve had several kitchen jobs and I had a co-op in an elementary school last semester. 22. Do you think that you are sexually experienced, or not at all?: I’d say I am pretty experienced. 23. Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far?: I have been through a hell of a lot. 24. Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)?: I am on my own, focusing on getting through school. 25. How old do you act?: Sometimes 12, sometimes 20, sometimes 60.

F – Family 26. Is there anyone in your family you don’t talk to? Why?: Not for any negative reason, only because we are all busy living our own lives 27. If you had to choose, family or friends?: My friends are my family 28. Can you tell your parents or one of your parents anything?: I can tell both of my parents anything 29. Do you have any siblings? One younger sister, 2 step sisters 30. How often do you spend ‘quality time’ with family members?: Not often

G – Growing 31. How tall are you? How tall do you wish you were?: I’m 5'3. Wish I were a few inches taller so I could reach the steel bowls at work. 32. Do you think that you have grown more in the past year than any year before that?: I’d agree yes. 33. As a person, do you think you are mature for your age or still act childish?: A good mix of both for sure, but mature for the most part. 34. Are you scared to think that one day you will turn 30, then 40, then 50?: Trying not to think about it. 35. Do you believe you still have a lot to learn?: Of course

H – Hope 36. Love – real or not?: I suppose it can be real 37. Are you a pessimist of an optimist?: More so an optimist 38. Do you believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason, or do you think that our actions lead the way?: The things we do bring us to where we want to be, but some things are certainly beyond our control 39. Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive?: I don’t think I believe in an afterlife. 40. What gives you hope when you just feel like dying?: Music.

41. Do you suffer from depression or constant sadness/loneliness?: I have a colourful history with depression, it comes in waves these days. 42. Do you have any type of disease or disability?: I have a thyroid disorder, as well as a disease called chronic autoimmune urticaria, which causes me to break out in uncontrollable, painful hives and there’s nothing I can do about it. The two are likely linked but my doctor has no clue how to deal with it. 43. Are you currently in a hard relationship or have bad luck with the opposite sex?: Can’t seem to find the right one. 44. Do you think that you are alone in this world?: Not at all, though sometimes I’d prefer to be. 45. How often do you think about death, suicide or running away?: Not often, though the prospect of running away is a delightful one.

J – Jokes 46. Say a word or phrase that would not be funny to anyone but you & one of your friends (an inside joke): “Rock me like a fuckin’ train” 47. Are you usually the one who makes people laugh, or the other way around?: A good mix of both. 48. Do you cry when you laugh hard?: Always 49. Write down a hilarious moment you had with someone that makes you laugh to this day!: My best friend and I had a bucket list we wrote a few years back, and one of the things on it was to “punch some faces if Orange Goblin doesn’t come back in the next 3 years.” It’s been 3 years. 50. Do you ever get in trouble for laughing or talking a lot during class?: No

K – Knowledge 51. The purpose of school: to learn, to cause trouble or to hang out with friends?: Highschool is about hanging with buds, college is about learning. 52. Do people refer to you as smart, dumb, or average?: Smart. 53. What was the highest grade you have received (full course mark) ever?: I got an A+ in my elective last semester 54. What was your last average? This year would you like to maintain it or aim higher?: It’s definitely not happening this year aha 55. What do you find the most interesting subject to be (to study or to talk about)?: Psychology & History.

L – Love 56. Are you currently in love? If not, have you been before?: Not currently. I have been once, with someone who is no longer alive 57. Do people around you show you a lot of love (tell you they love you, hug you, kiss you, etc.)?: Yes, my friends and I are huggers for sure 58. Is love worth it?: This is yet to be determined for me. As of now, no. 59. Do you hate it when girls in their young teenage years say they ‘love’ someone that they’ve been dating for a few months?: Love is a very individualized concept. If it feels right to them, who am I to challenge it? 60. Does it take a lot for you to say you love someone, or is it just a word?: It takes everything in me.

M – Money 61. Do you believe that money makes the world go round?: Unfortunately 62. Is your family on the poor side, average, or above average when it comes to money?: On the poor-average side.

College or University, or planning to?: I’m in my second year of college

64. Would you rather win millions of dollars & be set for life, or find the perfect person to marry & start a family with?: The first one. The second part is easily achievable afterwards 65. On a scale of 1-10, how important is money to you?: Would be a 1 if I didn’t need it to live

N – Naught 66. Are you a virgin?: No 67. What do you think about doing sexual things with someone you’re not going out with?: Previously I would have been cool with it. These days casual sex is off the table for me, I just end up feeling horrible about myself. 68. Do you know anybody you consider a ’slut’? What makes you say that?: People should be allowed to fuck whoever they want without being razzed for it. 69. If you could, would you erase some things you did in the past or make it so you did more?: There was a guy I dated for about a month a couple years ago. It was a mistake on my part of get into it, and I ended up breaking it off before I moved out of town for school. He went crazy on me over the next couple months - called like 50x per day screaming stuff like that. I’d erase it if I could, we could have been good friends. 70. Do you consider yourself more nice or more naughty? You can’t say both!: Nice.

O – Openness 71. How long does it take for you to open up to someone?: Very long 72. What does it take for you to fully trust someone?: Years of not fucking me over. 73. Are you generally untrusting towards people because of past experiences, or any other reason?: Past experiences and a general distaste for the human race. 74. When are you comfortable with someone sexually?: Frightfully quickly

Family and close friends, what’s the limit of what you can tell them?: I tell them everything, except my mom who doesn’t know that I am fond of illicit drugs

P – Positive 76. Have you ever had an experience with someone that didn’t necessarily end positively? If so, would you rather erase the memory of that person because of the sad times or keep the memory of thatperson because of the good times?: The thing I mentioned previously. I’d rather erase it. 77. Do you agree with the saying:better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all?: Nope 78. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? What do you try to be?: Mostly optimistic, I strive more for realism 79. Do you agree that something good can come out of everything?: I have a strange tendency to pick out the good in everything. 80. Have you ever had a time where something really bad happened, but something really good happened because of it? If so, please explain what it was: Every year when roll up the rim comes around I develop a Canadian gambling addiction. Sometimes I win so that’s good I guess.

Q – Questions 81. When faced with a problem, do you ask for help or try to figure it out yourself?: I usually try to figure it out myself at first 82. Do you often question the world and how we came about? What are some things you would like to know about creation?: I don’t really care to be honest. 83. Do you think the government is truthful? If you could ask the president one question, what would it be?: The government is sickening. I’d have nothing to say to them. 84. When someone does something wrong to you, do you confront them and ask them why they did it or just let it go?: Depends on the severity of the issue and who it is I’m dealing with. 85. What is one unsolved mystery about the world that you want answers to?: Where the fuck they got Loki chained up

R – Respect 86. How do you show respect?: I listen. 87. What can someone do for you to lose all respect for them?: Act as if they are in any way superior to another human. 88. Do you respect your teachers, parents, and other authority figures?: Parents and Teachers, yes 89. When you are disrespectful to your parents, what is the punishment?: Usually just a sick verbal smackdown 90. If someone is mean to you, are you mean back or do you kill them with kindness?: I am either mean back or ignore them

S – School 91. If you are still in school, what grade will you be going into?: I’m in 2nd year of college 92. When will you graduate high school/college?: 2014 93. After high school, what did you do/are you planning to do?: I took a year off to work and party my ass off. It was great but still trying to shake some of the habits. 94. Do you like or hate school? What do you like/hate about it?: I love to learn, but the school environment and structure sucks. It’s oppressive 95. Have you ever been suspended, expelled, or dropped out of school?: No

T – Temptation 96. Have you ever done something wrong, knowing it was wrong, because something inside of you said it was okay?: Yeah, I’m sure I’ve said some nasty things to my parents that I knew I shouldn’t have. 97. Has anyone ever pressured you to smoke or drink? Did you do it?: Beer pressure is a common theme among my friends. I don’t need to be pressured haha 98. Did you ever cheat on someone? Why did you do it?: Once. I was obscenely drunk and I’ve never forgiven myself for it. 99. Did you ever want to do something sexual with someone you didn’t really know or love? What did you end up doing?: Many many times. I followed the liquor. 100. Do you give in to temptation easily, or are you more independent and strong willed?: I have a pretty low impulse control to be honest

U – Unique (where’s the question 101?) 102. Do you do a lot of things because your friends are doing it?: No, unless its drugs or drinking. But even still I do it because I want to. 103. Do you follow trends, wear whatever you want, or wear really unique pieces?: I wear what I want 104. Do you give in easily to peer pressure? Do you do things such as smoke, drink, or have casual sex?: Peer pressure, not exactly. Everything I do is of my own account. Smoking and drinking occasionally, not casual sex these days. 105. What makes you different from people your age?: I know the actual meaning of St. Patrick’s Day and choose not to celebrate it.

V – Value 106. What’s the most expensive thing in your room?: My vest

107. What’s more valuable: your life or the lives of your loved ones? Would you sacrifice your life for other people?: Their lives.

108. What is something you value not because it cost a lot, but because it means a lot to you?: The stupid little things my ex used to bring me that I still have laying around

109. If there was a fire in your house/apartment, what is the first thing you would grab?: My laptop because I need it to pass school

110. Do you think past memories and experiences are more valuable than what could possibly happen in the future?: I have a tendency to romanticize the past, but I think the future will have more to offer

W – Wishes 111. If you had three wishes, what would they be?: Nice cabin on a Norwegian fjord, a pound of magic mushrooms and about 9 dogs 112. Would you rather wish yourself to be happy, or your loved ones?: If they’re happy, I am happy 113. Do you believe that wishes come true if you really believe in them?: No. 114. Have you ever had a wish come true? If so, what was that wish?: I wished I’d win on a roll up the win a few weeks ago - I did. It was a coffee 115. Do you find wishing for things a waste of time because everything that’s meant to happen, will happen?: Yes.

Y – You 121. Are you more independent or social?: Independent 122. What is something that makes you very mad when you see it?: Ignorance 123. Do you think that you have potential to do great things?: Yes. 124. Do you think people are born a certain way, or develop their personalities based on what they go through in life?: I believe experience shapes who we are 125. Do you think people are generally good?: No.

Z – Zest 126. Are you currently happy with your life? Why or why not?: So/so. I’m mostly just bored and tired. 127. Do you go on FacebookCraze.com to get facebook surveys and quizzes like this one?: I wonder how old this thing is 128. When change occurs, do you get scared or are you excited for it?: I generally embrace change 129. Do you like to try new things, meet new people?: Yes and yes 130. What is the most motivational thing in the world? Folk metal.

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celticnoise · 7 years

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Until 2013, the highest professional football body in the country was not the SFA but the SPL.

Now with the amalgamation of SPL and SFL into one body the Scottish Professional Football League rules that particular roost, although you wouldn’t know it to see the way the SFA disdained their request for an independent review last month.

The formation of the SPL was all about money.

It was formed in the aftermath of the first big EPL TV deal, as Scottish clubs in the top flight started dreaming of similar riches. It didn’t take long for that particular dream to die and in subsequent negotiations those involved in securing those deals overplayed poor hands and set us back years.

During the so-called glory years, when Scotland had two teams in the Champions League and there was a first splurge of the good TV cash, there were concerns raised about what it would all mean for the development side of the game.

Clubs weren’t particularly interested in rearing their own players if they could afford to go out and buy players from abroad, and that’s exactly what most of them did. Clubs which have traditionally turned out quality footballers, as if from a conveyor belt, started buying foreigners instead and so it began.

The one concession to development the league put in place – the Under 21 rule – was unpopular from the start.

The list of managers who condemned it is depressing; they include Martin O’Neill, Tony Mowbray and Gordon Strachan at Celtic. Walter Smith, at Ibrox, of course was dead set against it. Gus McPherson criticised it whilst at St Mirren and Jim Jeffries ranted about it whilst he was at Kilmarnock. Three of those men, of course, went on to be national coaches, two of them with Scotland. Looking at it today, you can see how we got here.

As club managers these guys could not have cared less about the future of the international team; this is particularly egregious in Smith’s case. When at Ibrox the first time he was especially vocal in resisting UEFA’s “three foreigners rule”, he saw the youth system there as nothing but a cash-cow and in his second spell had walked out of Scotland to take over and once there never once showed the slightest interest in developing home grown players.

At the same time, the reserve league system was tweaked it seemed every single year, until you might as well have mothballed it, as many wanted to do. It was allegedly for Under 21 players, but the rules allowed as many as five players over that age to take part in it; a sop to clubs who had accumulating too many crap foreigners as some said at the time.

That competition was won by three different clubs in three seasons; St Johnstone, Hearts and then Rangers, before Celtic basically came to dominate it completely, winning eight titles on the bounce until the league authorities ended that run before it became too humiliating for everyone else.

Since then, clubs have been allowed to drop out of the national youth system all together, mostly as a money saving measure.

I laugh when I hear the SFA talk about youth development now, with a plan that changes every year and seems to be as much about money spinning “glamour” friendlies as it is about anything else. Managers who were never interested in youth development have been allowed to have their way, and the results are clear.

Consider for a moment Gordon Strachan’s comments in the aftermath of going out of the World Cup, when he said that our players were too small to succeed in the modern game; these are the words of a guy not so much behind the times as rooted in ideas which need to be drummed out of the game altogether. He lobbied for years to have the Under 21 rule quashed. Smith’s tenure at Ibrox was a disaster for youth development at that club.

Yet it’s easy to understand those guys, and O’Neill, coming as it from the position they did. They wanted to be able to stuff their teams with as much talent as they could get and when they had the money they wanted to spend it as they saw fit.

It was selfishness, but of a sort we all kind of understood.

This has forever been the problem; short time thinking, with no eye whatsoever on the future. The EPL has the same problem, but they at least have realised it’s an issue and tried to deal with it by insisting that at least eight members of the club’s 25-man squad are “home grown.”

Scotland has never adopted any such rule, nor would many clubs support it.

It’s been that way since the SPL was founded, and no-one has ever been in a big hurry to change it. As teams filled up with foreign dreck the whole idea of clubs rearing their own players ended up in the bin. The financial consequences of this strategy finally forced some of them back to the youth academies, but the problem was that they’d already cut those way back in part because of the cash situation but also because in the crazy days they no longer saw any need for them.

It was a rare club who bucked this trend.

The SPL was founded in 1998; that, and not coincidentally, was the last time Scotland qualified for major finals. The downward slide in the quality of the national team can be tracked right back to it, as if it was a clear signpost in the road.

I won’t blame individual clubs, but to give you a hint of what was going on at the time, Rangers signed fourteen players in the league’s inaugural season. Only two of them – Neil McCann and Colin Hendry – were Scot’s.

One of the other clear problems was that the league system was one of the few in Europe whose promotion and relegation was not decided on merit but because of a ridiculous insistence on having a certain number of seats in a stadium. This disenfranchised a number of clubs and spared the blushes of a few others; Aberdeen were an early beneficiary, and Falkirk the notable victim. A rule like that should have been challenged by the Court of Arbitration.

We are not the first European nation to ache like this; England, Italy, Germany and France all suffered to one degree or another during the 90’s and the 2000’s due to television money enriching clubs who then went out and bought foreigners. They all took a hit. All had to regroup, most notably Germany in the aftermath of England beating them 5-1. France is just the latest of them to emerge on the other side of it, better for the experience.

Scotland seems to have learned less than almost all of them except England, who, in spite of rules which seek to protect home based players has seen its national team go backwards. Those rule changes actually mean that the huge clubs each buy a handful of the best domestic talent and the clubs beneath them have to compete in a bloated market to sign second-rate footballers at huge prices. That’s a policy that’s going exactly nowhere.

Am I drawing a direct line between the SPL’s greed and short-sightedness and Scotland’s failure to qualify for tournament finals?

The link might not be concrete, but it’s there.

We love naval gazing in this country, and more than that we love the blame game and it’s already going in earnest. Strachan deserves some of the flak, of course, and his backroom team with him, most of whom were at clubs during this period when youth was routinely ignored.

Any examination of where our national game is has to start in 1998, when the SPL was formed in a blaze of publicity, the novelty of squad numbers and names on the back of jerseys. We were seduced by EPL bling and tailored our national sport to suit it, and the results have been haunting us ever since.

In the aftermath we couldn’t stop tinkering around the edges, and we’re still doing it.

One person proposed taking a long term approach, and outlined a vision for how to do it.

Ironically, football’s governing bodies asked him to do this and then basically blanked the document he produced. When Henry McLeish published his quite superb report into football in Scotland people nodded their heads, expressed their admiration, and then ignored it.

We are where we are, and even looking back seems ridiculous when we should all be looking forward.

But Strachan’s statements after our side crashed out are worrying because they are indicative of an attitude in our game which I know, having talked to people, percolates all the way down through the youth systems of certain clubs. The modern game in Scotland, and in England, is still all about size and pace … which is why those inferior, dumb foreigners who’s clubs and training regimens still put their faith in skills and ball control constantly run rings around us.

There is something wrong in Scottish football, but it’s in the minds of managers and coaches, not the bodies of players.

Scottish football is failing at every level, and to fix it we have to understand where the slide began and how we got here. The value in looking back is to learn lessons.

But that’s something else we’ve never been particularly good at.

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