#and I still haven't gotten a job... and not bc a lack of trying! I don't know where else to send the cv...

[taniushka12]

My t levels are dropping and w/ it my energy and all the energy I did have today was to freak the fuck out

[smileymoth]

Like. Okay. Um. Um. I feel like something in my brain got stunted when I started uni. I know its 100% my dads death. Like that's so evident. Thats what made me really fucking depressed again, i feel like I haven't aged past 19. Which is funny bc my dad died when I was 19.

Its been 4 years. Im scared im still mentally stuck in high school. I barely remember anything from uni beside me being depressed and not being able to get out of bed, starting self harming during third year (hiii 1 year anniversary hiii), becoming really suicidal from the stress. Like I feel like all my memories from uni are just. Gone? Like. Was uni really that traumatic to me?? I mean probably considering all I just said. My self esteem got destroyed from kind of all my academic integrity bring proven useless and now I guess I'm still trying to find who I am....? Bc I'm clearly not a graphic designer, I lack the fundemental skills and personality for that job that, I'm barely an artist. I always was like oh I'll figure it out later. I still have time . But the time is now. I know i have a job and i do quite like it and its all starting to fall into place now but the past 3 years just feel so. Pointless? Like why did i do all that.... what was the point in this if its gotten me kind of nowhere. Idk what i expected from uni. It wasnt this? I knew it would be hard and that id lowkey fail but. .mmh

and then i also kind . Like ive known this for ages now but i kind of just feel like im. Like ive never allowed myself to be a child? Ive always tried to be as mature and indipendent as possible bc i didnt want to come off as cringe irl? Master at masking i guess. Thats what the maaaasks forrr- sorry . Erm. I just . I just soemtimes want to be a child again and idj if its bc i miss enjoying things, if its that i miss my dad, i miss the comfort of not having to have an outlook on the future?? . I dont knkw. I am emotional

[girlwithnomemory1563]

r u serious

pardon my lack of posts; i actually haven't had much time to make poor decisions! just smoke too much, sleep too little and work all of my days away! :,} so actually, a pat on my back is needed since i've been good these past weeks. despite my lack of activity, i have lots of yapping to partake in. i'll try to include a TL;DR at the end to sum it all up.

so we went out thursday! i slept most of the day and then met up with my friend, jane to get ready together. we smoked with her family (hello) and i ended up leaving with a cool ass ashtray! its a pyramid and it opens up to hold all of my roaches :3

ok ok then we head off to her boyfriends dorm and we pregammed with some sort of peachy alcohol... i forgot. but we drank almost the whole damn handle between the three of us before going so i came into the bar just looking for some funsies. immediately, omg, i spot this tall ass hunk of guy (so cringe but if y'all saw him, heeyunk is all you'd think) so ofc im like, ok mental note made. idk if the universe wanted us to meet or if we're just both tall so we saw each other over the crowd LMAO. anywho, we get in there and start dancing after chatting with all of our friends. i got to see an old coworker from my first job! then got scolded by her for being underaged! she actually unleashed a whole bunch of lore onto me abt this other girl we worked with who i actually had such a huge crush on. blah blah basically the girl cheated on the coworker i ran into with her ex and her now current bf. and then ran off to texas! huh!

ANYWAYS OMG we get back onto the dance floor and i see the large man in my radius again. he was like blonde and had the serial killer glasses and a good ass pedo stache. and he was just sooo beefy you have no idea oh my god. and he was 6'5. 6'5!! i'm a 5'10 girl so he's already won me. so we've like seen each other at this point but i keep dancing obviously. the music was so good that night actually, wasn't the normal overplayed playlist. and while im dancing, he somehow ends up in front of me with my group of friends between us and shoves into my friend! and my friend yells at him so obviously i watch with intent and then im like "guys WAIT hes literally a cadet PLS show some respect" so we all saluted him. and he rolled his eyes and i came. lmao jk but it was stupidly attractive and made me reflect abt myself.

we keep going in and out of the bar to smoke and finally, and i've forgotten how we started talking, but he ends up beside me and my friend so i talked to his hunky ass! he was wearing one of those baja (? i googled the style) hoodie in the bar so im like "are you not hot?" and blah blah blah. and we start dancing. and his strong ass beefy arms stayed around me and he was so big grrr. and this bitch bumped into jane so obv jane apologizes. and then the bitch's little goonie ass friend is like "yeah sorry you were in the way.." pardon? so jane comes and tells me and i whip around real quick to find this munchkin bc hey, i have my snake belly ring in so like obv i can do so damage..../not serious at all. and this man...this hunk man...like moved me to be beside him and was like looking for her too! he was down for the gang!

oh god im yapping and i havent even gotten to the GOOD PARTTT. ok so we all go outside and i sit in the chair next to him and we're just chatting. and then he just seamlessly pulls me into his lap??? didn't even struggle? came once again. so im sitting in his lap chatting with him and we go to get up and leave and this man...picks me up and does curls with me still in his arms....never wanted to ride a man's face more than right then and there. so in this moment i have decided im not leaving without this man. and it wasnt even that hard! i mentioned i was going to sleep in jane's boyfriend's floor and he was like "pls i have a bed for you to sleep in" and i was like "say less". i do need more survival instincts BUT you dont get it. if u were feeling the liquor like i was while feeling his huge buff arm around my neck in the bar then you'd understand that i had no other choice. actually lmao as we left, my other friend stella grabbed me and was like "ma he looks like jeffrey dahmer, think abt it" and did! i did think! with my dick!

so we drive to this dingy frat house in the woods (once again, survival is not my middle name hey) and we get in this room that's not even his btw, and there's a bed with a futon next to it. this jackass tells me im sleeping on that futon! and as we were leaving, he was like "no funny business tho, im going to bed" like ok! right! ok ok! but he was just pranking me after i had already started cleaning it up. so we get in bed and start watching tv and im like, abt to explode from horny since i now have this beef cake down to his underwear next to me in bed, so i say "fr no funny business?" and he's all like "i guess some wouldn't hurt" so we start kissing. ok kisser! not a lot of tongue but i get it! and then i move to give him head eventually and he's like instantly "how tf are u so good at blowjobs" and it really stroked my ego so bad. and he came really quick and it didnt throw me off bc for some reason, every man ive been with has ejaculated prematurely in everything. and then we try to go to bed and we're spooning and his boner is pushing into me so im like "you don't want to have sex?" and he says "nope!" and im like "ok! can i ask why!" and he's like

"i'm waiting until marriage!"

ok! ok...! ...ok... i respect that completely bc he went on abt how its like the highest form of discipline to be able to resist sex. so i'm like "ok just put me in the queue when u start sexing people" and we talk a little bit more and then off to sleep we go. so ive made him cum once so far and ive came zero times. which is ok! no its not. but whatever.

we wake up and like, he seemed sorta into me the previous night but i think he saw what i looked like in normal daylight and with no makeup so it turned him off. but we talk some more and i find out my friends killed my vape the night before so obv i bitch abt it. and hes like "i have another vape for you" and he meant his penis! so i give him head again and then he goes to pee. and this man farts so manly and loudly that i could hear it from the room and i cant even say anything. like i knew his tummy felt so much better after that. but then he gets a cup of coffee, doesn't offer me a cup minus 5 points, and then we talk some more. and he checked himself out in the tv reflection as he talked to me. minus like 2 points bc once again, hes beefy so i get it. then he drives me back to my rink dink ass 2005 honda accord and hes like "ah..it says a lot abt you" Hello? Get tf out of my face??

but yeah i left and we haven't talked since! i doubt i'll ever see him again bc hes currently a student at an out of state college. he went to the college in my town for the previous three years and studied biochem...splooged again. but yeah he was just down here for his birthday weekend. so i'll most likely never see him again but if i do, im coming with a wedding certificate so we can bone.

tl;dr: met an amazingly hunky guy, hyped him up so hard in my head, got to his crib and drops the abstinence bomb. i made him cum twice, i came zero. a lose for me but hey...he was so fucking fine i'd do it again any day of the week.

[princess-of-the-corner]

A thing I feel should be pointed out I haven't seen mentioned yet is how it wasn't Maribugs idea to only give the temp heroes their Miraculous when they were needed on the field, it was Fu's rules and system.

Like, she's still doing it, but she's following the lead of the only other Guardian who actually tried to teach her how to do a job she never really wanted. It's not Maribug treating her friends as pawns bc she feels it's the best thing to do, but bc she's copying a lost mentor bc she has no idea what to do otherwise.

Which, to be fair to the guy who yeeted the two (supposedly) most powerful Miraculous at two (now canonically!) 13 year olds and then only gave them mentoring when he couldn't hide from them anymore, Fu was doing the exact same thing; he lost anyone who could fully teach him what he was doing as a Guardian, so he did the best he could with the training he'd gotten.

Fu treated all of the Miraculous Weilders like fairly disposable pawns, even CN and LN, and accidentally taught that to Maribug.

Of course, from what we've seen of the Guardians and Su Han, Fu's actual mentor, that might actually be the Guardian way; the Miraculous are what's important, the people who you trust them with aren't.

Okay so like yes! She is following Fu's nonsense. And she definitely isn't /trying/ to use them as just pawns in her game.

But also.

She's broken a chunk of his other rules and had her big speeches to Su-han about 'oh well maybe your rules need to change'. And just in general making up shit as she goes when it comes to the Identity Rules.

PLUS!!

She hasn't explained any of this to anyone else. We're going more by the others' perspectives, which does include a lack of context.

Alya is the only person who, as of now, has all of the same information and context that Marinette does. Adrien has bits and pieces that is sometimes enough for him to understand why he doesn't know more, but then other times he gets frustrated as fuck (he wasn't told things until he begged to be treated with respect. He was upset that Ladybug told someone her identity but refused to tell him(understandably). He wants to step up and has even offered to do so where he can, in handing out or collecting the Miraculous of the Heroes he does know, but Ladybug refused to let him even touch the things.)

Everyone else? It's nothing. She just shows up, gives them powers for a few minutes, and then fucks off. Someitmes leaving them in danger given that Hawkmoth knows their identites anyway.

[mingjue]

Why do you have such a problem with cishet people? It's not like people can choose their gender identity or sexuality. I fully support trans positivity but it shouldn't come hand in hand with spreading more hate. Some of your posts are downright offensive and I'm amazed you haven't been banned for hate speech yet, ngl. I get not wanting people to follow/interact if they have opinions you disagree with, but when it's about something they have no control over? That's just childish. Sorry.

Anyways so in genshin impact I’ve managed to reach AR 54 in about 150 days iirc? I’m a more “casual” player as in I don’t play 8 hrs a day like some mfs but I still have a p decent acc

I have Aether, Kaeya (obviously), & Zhongli ascended to 90 (but I still need to. Level aether and zhongli). This screenshot is a bit outdated bc chongyun (lvl 71 in this) is almost 80. Noelle and Lisa have been ascended to 80 too, just waiting for Chongyun to be done. After those three are 80 im gonna be bringing up Diona, Xingqiu, Bennett, and Sucrose for my next 4 (sucrose is ascended to 60 just been focusing on my 80s rn)

Basically I’m planning on bringing all characters I have and get to lvl 80, then I’ll 90 characters I really like Or they’re 5*s. So like. 5*s 90, then for rn all four of the free characters you get in the beginning will be lvl 90. + Barbara bc I love her so fucking much. Razor will also end up 90 bc he was my main DPS before kaeya!

As for artifact building, I’ve only recently started worrying about it bc for the longest time my barbara-kaeya combo did it’s job as a freeze team, BUT, I’ve gotten a semi decent artifact set on Kaeya. Rn I’m trying to get him a new feather and goblet on him bc they’re a little scuffed 😭 the feather is only there bc it provides the last bit of crit rate + atk he needs to get 50% rate and 2k atk. Barbara is also getting new artifacts bc my melt team with diluc is able to clear lvl 90 maiden/viridescent— I’m also mildly building sucrose and xiao through it too when I manage to get a viridescent to drop. Zhongli has 32k health and provides decent shields, but I’m working on getting an Actual set on him after I’m satisfied with Kaeya and Diluc

As for diluc, freeze team can clear crimson witch, but literally NO DECENT WITCHES DROP so I’m running him on lavawalker/crimson and. 😭. It’s fine tho he has my best crit rate tho I want to get him a bit more atk and cdmg— he has 1.7k and he gets just above 2k w barbies ring, BUT his cdmg is still lacking (like 114?? Iirc?). After those four tho I intend to build xiao finally (who was . . . . . . My first 5* . . . . .), then on to Amber, Razor, & Lisa.

Weapons wise I have a half decent amount? R2 Lvl 90 proto rancour on kaeya, R5 Lvl 80 thrilling tales on Barbara, R5 60 black tassel on Zhongli, and R2 lvl 60 Proto archaic on diluc. I have a 5* catalyst book sitting on Lisa rn, BUT, I’m saving it for when Baizhu has banner if he turns out to be a catalyst user!!

Speaking of Baizhu, I currently have guaranteed pity waiting for him (thank you diluc) + 31 wishes saved atm (5000+~ primos) and I’m hoping to get 90 wishes saved for him + another 90 for his signature weapon Just in Case considering we still have a lot of time before he comes— he’s not even confirmed yet. BUT. He’s supposed to come with the chasm which should be after inazuma, that’s next update in July

As for world exploration I actually only have. One fucking section at 100% despite my AR LMFAO. Mondstadt is all around 70-80, with one 90, but Liyue is 50-60 bc I don’t like. Climbing that much 😭😭. That’s one thing w open worlds that messes me up bc I need something specific to do like Gather this item or Do this Quest and 😐 yknow. I am starting to actually pay attention to seelies/chests I walk by but it’s pretty rare bc I do commissions, grind domains/leylines, do teapot shit for like 2 hrs, gather ascension materials then log off. But it’s fine it’s whatever.

Following that with the teapot, I don’t have many screenshots on hand but I’ve been spending. A lot of time on it

Kaeya isn’t on the bed he’s next to it. BUT. I have rooms made up for all of my current mains. Kaeyas room, Barbaras (incomplete) room, Zhonglis room, then Razor and Bennett share a room! I’m waiting on them to add more bedroom items for barbie. I’m using Emerald Peaks too so the waterfall one— my house is sitting on the highest island in the little small section next to the tallest waterfall and it’s just. Covered in bamboo/birch/amber

I’m going for a red/gold palette for the outside, tho I only rlly have one island decorated and it’s incomplete due to load 🥲, HOPING mihoyo addresses the load issue bc it didn’t improve for shit despite me having a lot of space left on my computer but it’s whatever.

Anyways I think that’s a bit it for what I’m doing on genshin, thanks for sending this stupid ass ask and letting me talk about it 🥰