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#and I was talkign with one of them (the closer one) about maybe coming out to them and he said yeah if you want :)
sschmendrick · 4 months
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Gotta write a production report for two songs we recorded and I'm gonna have to do at least a third of it for a group of 6 after having done about half of the recording and editing work for one of these two projects...all that cause I still haven't found an internship so I can't just say : do it without me.
It's a little exhausting. I know they will work if I really push them but they'll do it super late and I'll have to revise it when I get back home from the small concert I've allowed myself to go instead of my portuguese lesson (brazilian artist so it's all good my teacher said, I still feel bad) and I'll have to run around tomorrow morning to print it and I'll assume the cost again.
It's...yeah it's exhausting. And my thesis is so far behind, and I still have no internship. I wanna keep strong but man that diploma is slipping away from me. I'm not even sure I have good enough grades at my exams now !
#yeah ok the anxiety is back#I have meds that are over the counter so like not great stuff but I'll just chug that down and hope it does something#plus I'm super stressed cause some of them are coming to a small party at my place (for once that I'm alone without my brother there)#and I was talkign with one of them (the closer one) about maybe coming out to them and he said yeah if you want :)#but now one of them is bringing his girlfriend and I am noooot doing that but also my place is a very intimate space for me#I so rarely invite people over because of that#I should stop drinking coffee it might be helping#my head is killing me#I'm so close to giving up on my studies all together and reimburse my mom#but I don't want to !! the people that inspire me the people i look up to the people i want to be like fought for it and never gave up#I'm not even sure I'm made for these studies. I have no ambition I just want to make people happy with music but the kind I love doesn't#really require me ? cause it's mostly small concerts with acoustics instruments#maybe I should have gone into idk social work but I'm pretty sure I would be way too anxious for it same reason i can't be a therapist#and the situation at home isn't much better rn#I really need to breath rn or I'm gonna be out of commission for so long that it will be even more stressful to do the reports at midnight#I'm gonna chicken out tonight as well and just stand there and listen and not talk to the artist afterwards and try to use the portuguese#I've learned nooo I'm just gonna default to english or french
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mystech-master · 5 years
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RWBY Shadows
To go with my BBTAG stuff, I wanted to think of what kinds of Shadows the RWBY characters could get. I will not be thinking of Personas though because that also depends on other factors, and also some characters might continue to reject their Shadow and thus not get Personas, like Mitsuo did.
I’m taking the characters from their Vol 2-3 timeline as shown in BBTAG
Blake Belladonna
Seems appropriate to start this off with the girl who’s theme is called “From Shadows”
There are two things I have in mind for Blake, but one of them is kind of solved by Vol 2′s ending and Vol 3′s beginning.
1. Blake being worried that her status as a traitor to the White Fang might result in her new friends being dragged into her mess and being killed. It’s what she was so stressed about during the Dance arc in Vol 2. But on one hand, in Vol 3′s beginning she was very much more chill and Oz and everyone assumed that the Breach was the big evil plan, but on the other hand even with Roman captured Adam is still out there.
2. and this is more headcanony. Blake is more like Adam than she thinks. THis comes from 3 ideas: 1. In BBTAG her Astral is VERY much like Adam’s Moonslice, 2. Her and Yang killing Adam in Volume 6′s climax, and 3. a little oneshot idea ft. Blake and Kokonoe where Kokonoe calls Blake a coward for not taking off her bow and facing the Faunus discrimination.
Like, Blake saying she wants to be judged by her actions, not her species. To which Kokonoe would reply that by that logic, she thinks that if a faunus stands up for faunus then she’s whining. But if a human stands up for faunus then it’d be true. It’s like a Black person pretending to be white and trying to tell his/her “fellow” white people that it is wrong, since they won’t listen to the discriminated minority that they are currently beiung racism towards.
Then, Kokonoe might theorize that the reason she hides her ears, why she runs, is that she’s afraid that if she’s pushed to the edge she will snap and kill and be no better than Adam, she and the Faunus just want to be left alone and are tired of being pushed around. And we all know what happened the last time someone just wouldn't back off in current canon.
Not too sure on the coward part in option 1, but the killing monster in option 2 might be a beastial cat creature as part of her Berserk form.
Yang Xiao Long
This one is kind of simple. Her Shadow would be part of her abandonment issues. Constantly wondering what is wrong with her that made Raven leave.
Is she not pretty enough? Not smart enough? Not strong enough? Not cool enough?
These subconscious questions are why A. Her semblance could be linked to her hair, and why she gets all pissed when her hair is messed with and when Neon calls her top heavy, B. Why she is a decent student (I recall a few posts where Yang is said to be a good student/pretty smart and I will link them if I find them), C. Why she tries to be the strong juggernaut of Team RWBY, although this is also out of protective insincts towards Ruby.
Before anyone says that this isn’t something she hides, 1. I don’t think telling one person about something means your open about it and ready to change, and 2. Yang said to Blake in Burning the Candle that she does want to find her mom and why she left her, she never opened up about any self-loathing or anything like that.
not really sure what kind of monster you could make out of this.
Ozpin
Of course, the guilt he feels for all the people that have died under his watch not only as a headmaster, but in his fight against Salem.
Who says that the current Ozluminati are the only people he’s had that have helped him, and like he said in V6Ch2 “Do you think Leo was the first?” Not just the betrayal, but betraying because Salem’s power is just so unimaginable. We don’t know if Raven and/or Leo learned of Salem’s immortality or are just scared of her power.
All the people who gladly died for Oz’s cause in their fight against Salem most likely died thinking that their death would be a stepping stone for the next generation to win. But since Oz i just interested in playing defensive and not trying to actually win, all those deaths and sacrifices meant nothing. True, they allowed humanity to survive and live another day, but they died believing that it was one step closer to stopping Salem. And now it isn’t.
Maybe the Shadow is o.g. Ozma wracked with guilt, along with all the other lives he’s lived.
Penny Polendina
Also simple, the fact that she isn’t real. Just a weapon to be used by Ironwood and the fake face she wears is just meant to not be scary to the people.
Kind of simple and almost a resash of Labrys’ shadow but it’s all I got for now.
Shadow is obviously some robotic mosntrocity.
James Ironwood
This I got the idea for from a long post talkign about Ironwood beign close to a dictator.
One must remember, a Shadow is one’s represed thoughts that they don’t want to show others or admit they have.
Ironwood’s Shadow would be a sort of Warrior King, beleiving Ozpin’s peaceful defensive apporach isn’t right and expecting evil to fall before the Might of Atlas’ military and technological power is the way to go.
Him bringing his fleet to the Vytal Festival is part of this, as is his idea to send in a full assault to Mountain Glenn before Ozpin suggests to send “the Scouts”. Of course this all bites him in the ass once Cinder’s plot is in motion, but his systems then get messed with by Watts in Vol 7, where he also plans to use military might to defeat Salem once he unites the world.
The monster form could be a reference to the Greek Titan Atlas, a giant robotic figure holding a globe on it’s shoulders, either struggling (referencing the weight on his shoulders that he thinks justified this behavior) or only needing one hand to hold it (showing how easily he thinks his military might and power will defeat Salem). Remember this is all before he learns of Salem’s immortality.
Raven Branwen
Let’s look at Raven’s life shall we:
She and Qrow were a part of the Branwen bandit tribe, they lived by the “Strong ones Live, Weak ones Die” rule.
They were sent to Beacon with hopes to get the skill to kill Huntsmen rather than just Grimm. But during that time Qrow, who was most likely not popular with the tribe due to his bad luck semblance, was accepted by and made friends wth Taiyang Xiao Long and Summer Rose, which led to him being good friends with them.
We don’t know what Raven was like during her days at Beacon, if she was emo edgelord or if she actually did have fun back then. Either way she did end up married to Taiyang and eventually became pregnant with Yang. But sometime before or during this she and Qrow, after they had been given their bird powers by Ozpin to be his info gatherers, learn of how powerful Salem is and Raven considers how much she may be in over her head.
Qrow, wanting to repay the people who accepted him and gave his a purpose, continues to fight. But for Raven, whatever love or hope she may have had for anyone in her heart, became muffled or eclipsed by the fear in her heart. And once she got rid of the “baggage” that was a child, as she couldn't just run away while pregnant and raise Yang with the tribe because that would be even more problems down the line, decided to bolt back to the tribe where things were simpler, none of this Salem garbage, and unlike Qrow she didn’t have any problem with the tribe because she wasn’t the living jinx.
She does love those three (Qrow, Yang and Tai), but it is all beign eclipsed by her fear. She tries to call herself strong and that what she did was the “smart” choice, because hey, not runnig towards the thing that’ll kill you is usually the SMART thing to do. Since her tribe is all about the strong surviving over the weak, this may mean that both versions of “Stength”, both the good “endure and fight for love and hope even when things are bad” strength and the bad Darwinistic Might makes Right strength that her tribe works under, are both traits that Raven doesn’t have.
To which, the Shadow would claim that “Chicken Branwen” is much more appropriate for her. And come on, a giant black chicken as Ravens Shadow would be kind of funny right?
Some minor Shadow things:
Since I wanted to make Adam how he was before Volume 3 started to slowly turn him into a yandere ex-boyfriend, he’s going to be more focused on his mission in my idea. BUT, maybe the Blake obsession can just be something on the back of his mind, and his Shadow would be the Volume 3-6 Adam. SO we can have Old Adam vs new Adam, with old Adam being disgusted at this, or maybe acknolwdhing this but then cutting out those feelings because they get in the way of his true mission.
Jaune’s self-doubt might be a thing, but I feel like he’s aprtially over it after improving with Pyrrha. If Pyrrha were to die should I choose to go as far as the Vytal Festival and Fall of Beacon in my idea and he gets that “It doesn’t matter if I die so long as the important ones live” thing he says in Volume 5′s climax gets in his head then maybe he’d have this. Or maybe some self-entitlement on beign a hero, but after Pyrrha gave him a talking to and the Bully Arc in Vol 1 he should be over this, or maybe not if him getting in Weiss’ face for the dance is anything to go by, but just like in Vol 1 , he seemes to have gotten over that.
Emerald’s loyalty to Cinder isn’t really a thing she hides, so I guess her desperation for a mother figure would be it, but that might also be shown in her lotalty to Cinder. Same with Mercury, his shit with his dad isn’t really a part of himself he ignores, it’s a personal part of his past. He’s pretty open about his assholeness.
Qrow also doesn’t seem to be hiding any issues except for all the stress on his life. Unless we want to go the easy road and just make it his general self loathign and angst over his sister leaving, one of his teammmates dying, and his brother-in-law being a single father and Qrow is unable to help due to his Jinx.
It’s most likely he was just a teacher at Signal just ot teach Ruby, like how Gran Torino was to All Might in MHA.
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